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britneyshakespeare · 2 years

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three thoughts

1) drawing myself in the mirror, i expected, would be very hard w my body image issues. they are deeply ingrained from childhood and though i cope w them better nowadays they are not gone, and they have taken me to very dark places before. i’ve mainly coped w it by not looking at myself for too long since fixating on my appearance can make me spiral. but once i sat down and actually started drawing, it wasn’t that bad at all. i didn’t have the fear of whether or not my arms were too big or my belly too folded since i was only thinking about how my shoulder was aligned with my collar bones and at what angle those are in relation to my elbow, etc. looking at the plain contours of my body in relation to each other, objectively, that wasn’t so bad at all since i wasn’t worried about whether the product was “beautiful” as much as if it was accurate. and, i wasn’t looking at my body as a whole until i finished the drawing. i was looking at parts of them, though not the parts i normally fixate negatively on. i was just trying to navigate the landmarks. it was kind of healing to realize i could do this. normally when i feel detached from my body, it makes me resentful of the fact that i live in one. today i was not resenting my body but just looking at it for what it was. a thing that exists. like anything else.

2) wow, i mean. i always know i’m flat-chested. but i’m flat-chested.

3) my back hurts.

#body image cw #tales from diana #the flat-chested thing is not an insecurity of mine btw i don't need anyone commenting on it.#i didn't think about it while i was drawing since i was just focusing on the form #perhaps because it was only contour lines and didn't really have any shading to give any more dimensions #idk #and i did two drawings. but the first one was waaaaay better than the second.#we were supposed to take an hour to an hour and a half on each #the first one i took almost two hours on but i think it looked pretty good #it didn't end up looking like what i thought it was going to but im satisfied w the result. not proud but satisfied #the second one... i don't acknowledge that bastard #my back was hurting and the adderall was wearing off and my pose was way less comfortable. a lotta factors at once #that resulted in it being a worse drawing. inferior. you can still tell there's effort but i was compromised #and i clocked out at about 40 minutes bc i felt stuck #i had done all the major body parts and it was also not turning out how i thought it would #but whatever.#maybe i should ask someone to model for me bc modelling one's WHOLE BODY for oneself is rather difficult and compromising #like you can only do so many poses and i only have so much space and so many mirrors #my mirror was on the ground which was another thing that made it hard #and i was cold from being in the attic in my undies for so long. whaddaya gonna do

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abluescarfonwaston · 2 years

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I would like to be sad a little more.

#Hey im not looking for advice right now and its very much rubbing me the wrong way #i just. i worked on that fic for months. and i get that you cant write for others and i like it so whats it matter #but 23k. 23k and the only person who thought it was worth a comment was my friend #and i get that im being a whiner and and ass and snapping at someone who's offering advice in good faith is rude #but i just want to be saf about it #thats probably more than 40 hours of my life #if you spent fourty hours on a cake and you and a friend were the only one who enjoyed it you'd probably think you should have been doing #literally anything else with your time #and i dont want advice on what i should have done or what i should do next or how i need to not write for others-#I KNOW OKAY #i just want to be sad about it #ive had plenty of posts and fics flop and it sucks. we regroup and move on #but God Damnit cant i be upset and mourn the time spent (spent not wasted) when its more than six months of work #thats not even worth a fucking <3 #yada you dont owe writers your comments or time Look i get it.#... its not even porn. at least then you know why no one says a word. it just sucked.#i just wanted to commiserate with my friends for a few minutes and now i cant even do that because i snapped at well meaning advice #instead of just saying right off the bat #*big inhale* okay. times up time to go do something productive #because i cant change it and laying here wont change where im at #back to it.#i got my clothes ironed ill make my bed and lie in it i think

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yanqings · 2 years

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Nah man this is beyond parody

#oh my GOOOD #i walked all the way to the university to use the wifi to upload my part of the homework #thinking i was the last one to do so only to find out that the girl saying ‘her part is done’#hasnt posted it. THEN IT ISNT DONE BESTIE!!#mind you this is supposed to be turned in in 40 minutes #i haven’t turned in a SINGLE assignment on time with my group #like ik they have their circumstances and they also work but people cmon #im mentally ill i can barely keep myself in check and now i had to do it for others #if the next course is like this ill kms #im not exaggerating btw. of the 12 or so assignments we’ve had across 4 weeks we’ve turned in maybe 4

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gib-mir-gift · 24 hours

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tags

#my grandmother just basically blamed my dad n i for making her depressed by 'never cleaning'#and like. theres days where we forget certain tasks cuz theyre not done very often. and we both work 40 hour weeks #we only have a limited amount of time to do all of these tasks shes assigned for us #like i only have one day every week to deep clean my entire room and the rest of the upstairs. granted i could do some tasks after work #which im gonna start doing #but she went on and on and on about how shes too depressed to do anything anymore. but when my dad n i were at those points it was #'thats not an excuse to not do it' and 'thats really unfair to the rest of us' and 'youre selfish for feeling that way'#but its like. now that its something she has to cope with its a big thing #aND THEN SHE SAID SHES GONNA MAKE MY DAD N I PAY FOR A CLEANING SERVICE. BECAUSE SHE CONVINCES HERSELF THAT WE NEVER CLEAN #like girl. my dad n i are both poor. we cannot affort that. we can clean fine. not perfectly but well enough to mantain a nice home #but since she never sees or hears us to anything its apparently 'never done' like i am so fucking tired #i cant keep doing this shit i cant keep living here #and as bad as i feel for taking a part in causing her to feel this way i feel like theres better ways to work through it than this #kurlys rants

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a-sleepy-ginger · 2 months

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15/4/24

✿❈✿❈✿

Saw the moon

Did well with studying

Gave my cat a fright by cracking my wrist and he meowed at me and came and lay on my lap

Loosemble comeback!

#happiness diary #happiness diary: april 2024 #so i did a practice run for my exam #well for one of the essays for the exam cus we haven't been taught everything yet and theres 3 essays #but for this essay i have like 1 hour to write it #i got it done in 40 mins...#but also ive only studied for like 3 hours max over 4 days and i didn't even study for the past 2 days #not even reading #and somehow i managed to write the essay with only 4 minor corrections needed #...#is this what studying is like?#ive never studied before this so i dont know #in my life ive only studied like 3 hours and yet its been really effective?#is it always this effective?#should i have been studying all my life?#i mean ye but would i have passed higher english with a better grade if i did more than listen to the quotes on the way to the exam?#it looks like i would have! and i dont know how to feel about that!#i feel like i played myself out of getting good grades #but i also feel like im cheating cus is studying supposed to be this easy that you just remember everything after a couple hours?#dunno!#anyway im gonna knock out cus i took an antihistamine and the shop bought ones always knock me out #night

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sensitivegoblin · 6 months

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Vent

#if there's anyone I vent to about emotional sex problems pls hmu #I keep trying to work on it with my therapist #but it's hard to say stuff #I just need to talk to someone pls #I feel like such a loser but I feel like I'm never actually gonna be touched and it's scaring and depressing me #whenever I try to get into a lee headspace my body gets a literal cold chill feeling of 'thatll never be you'#and it hurts my chest #I know it's so lame I hate how it sounds and I hate me #but ever since I can remember all I've ever wanted was to be touched n tickled by safe people who love me #and the deep rooted reason why I'm sucidial is because I feel like it's never gonna happen and its painful living this way #I can't be 40 and untouched I just can't do it #but I don't have the body or personality or spirit that people wanna touch #I dunno this is so stupid but im so sad #I had a great night with my friend but the moment im done I just get this #this cold sickening feeling that im never gonna get tickled #I know that's so fucking stupid but it's all I want it's the only thing that's gonna make me happy #my therapist keeps asking me what I want and all I want is that and I feel pathetic saying it #but fuck I wanna be IN somebody's arms #I hope my friend still had a good time I did too #my brain is just stupid n ruins everything #I saw this super cute video of this girl getting tickled and I was imagining myself #but- I dunno how to explain it- this cold sick scared sucidial feeling hits me in the chest and stomach #telling me that it's extremely unlikely that anyone would wanna touch me like that #it's this unmovable thing that won't go away no matter how much hope people try to give me #I hate how simple and shallow this is but all I want is to be tickled #God I'm crying so hard why do I suck so much as a human being I don't wanna be this way

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scarletcomet · 7 months

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on my way home from school because I am taking a medical leave of absence. feeling pretty sad about leaving my friends (most of whom will graduate before I return). feeling like such a failure because I wasn't able to make it through this semester even though I was taking a reduced course load.

#i actually liked my courses and was doing really well in them #nervous that being back home will be like this summer when i was back home stuck in the suburbs with no friends nearby #feeling like a failure for needing to return to a higher level of care #feeling a bit hopeless because i've done so much treatment and have tried so hard to feel better but i still am not better #i feel so guilty for wasting my parents money (i think im only getting 40% tuition refund)#sad that things will never go back to the way they were

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hellothepixel · 2 years

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New worst gaming experience adquired: the war simulator mission in fallout 3

#ugh that was horrible #like this was my introduction to the brotherhood of steel which apparently are a popular thing from the franchise idk #and so far i dont trust these guys but im following along to see what's their deal #and they're like 'hey enter in this pod for a wartime simulation' and i go in it to advance the quest #turns out the wartime simulation has the player playing as US soldiers fighting... chinese communists #the dialogue sounds very 'cold war' with terms like Reds and Commies #and like wow. what a way to completly deflate my interest #i already dont like war sims. I specially dont like war sims where i have to play as US soldiers.#specially not when the enemies i have to kill are faceless soldiers only described by the terms 'communist' and 'chinese'#super fucking uncomfortable #specially when your companion npc shouts 'dont mess with the US' every ten seconds #rinse and repeat for like. 30-40 minutes #but oh well. i finished the mission objective. So now I return to my wasteland adventure right? WRONG #in the simulation my commander is like 'well done! now do this' and starts talking to me about assembling a strike force or something #without even giving me an option to quit the simulation #and i was just. completly tuned out. I didn't even hear what the mission was I was just so dissapointed #luckily i then discovered i had a save just before the quest began #so i went to that save and then just. bolted out.#ugh it still tastes sour. what a disgusting experience.#fallout 3 #hellothepixel plays

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burningthegallows · 2 years

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i just feel like jk* wasted my generation sometimes. like, had the morals lived up to the story, it would have been great. but they didn't. instead, we got some watered down pap** that abandoned it’s morals for the supposed complications of adult life***

***cough, growing up is code for abandoning your principles to commit to the capitalistic system that demands only one thing: more money

#snerk sounds like bs apologizing to me #somebody lived that mizquoted churchill quote #and thought that they weren't the only one #spoiler alert #conforming to the expected does not make you special and you should not feel that way #for supporting a hatful status quo #that was supposed to say harmful but im bad at typing hateful also works #**pap refers to the milk/feces substance that koalas feed their newborns #that is just one of the many MANY useless facts in my brain that is slightly less unpleasant now that I've shared it #you're welcome #i think my generation could have been better #could have done better #if our leaders hadn't been shaped by steven spielberg's 1980s #and hadn't fallen back on 'return to the status quo' as the default story #when the status quo sucks #that's no longer a good idea #the status quo has sucked btw #since the 1980s #the last time we dreamed big #no progress in the last 40 years #just newt gingritch's hissy fit that began a two and half decade long republican tantrum #obama didn't come from nowhere people were pissed at the congressional leadership #and then obama didn't get anything done #were you surprised i was surprised so surprised why i #our system is designed for one thing: making money; we are very good at making money #it's literally everything else that we suck at #because we've spent 40 years churning out more money #sideeyeing that inflation pretty hard #can't even fucking write a tumblr post without footnotes #kmn

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kimsmuse · 10 months

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yandere dilf !!

this was written in gaps, so im not that confident about it?? but here goes nothing. also i fucking love dilfs god. get me a dilf please.

also this was inspired by this one man i saw on my way to my uni admissions and he was there for his daughter 💀 put me in jail fr

the dilf here is in 40s something and the reader in early 20s n i think she switched universities to do her master’s (if you do not like this type of thing please look away <3)

gender neutral!reader (it might be implied femal but the pronouns are they/them) 1.7k words. warnings for age gap yandere behavior, kidnapping, manipulation, obsessive behaviour? dilf is a delusional yandere fr.

yandere!dilf who is (clichè i know, please look away but this is the best thing i can think of) your father’s friend, but not best friend or anything because he lives in another city, but oh you’re moving there for uni and your parents can’t think of anybody else to contact so they call him up !!

but he’s busy when you’re moving so he can’t help :(( oh but did i tell you he was the one who chose that apartment for you to move into?? it was so close to him and his friend said to keep an eye on you so he chose the one which wasn’t even like 5 minutes away. and he wants to be of help to his friend so bad but these board meetings and stuff ://

best believe that when he’s free he’s at your apartment with a bunch of new home essentials, a few groceries that you might need, and this man is ringing up your door. now neither of you had seen each other, heard about the other from the common point that was your father, yes. but to open the door and be in the presence of a man that is that gorgeous?? and he’s just wearing sweatpants and a tshirt?? god.

not to mention a thin chain around his neck that leads to inside his shirt…. kill me really.

anyway, but he’s equally taken back because um, this was his friend’s kid. literal kid. he shouldn’t be thinking about how alluring your appearance was, get your head straight, he tells himself, as you invite him. aren’t the shorts too short….

if sexual tension could have been visible, man would your apartment be full of it.

but he’s nothing but resisting, it’s how he has been single for so long, it’s not that he doesn’t like commitment, but… he likes to tell everyone that he just hasn’t found his The One yet.

“the apartment has come together nicely,” he says as he looks around and it is, you’ve done a great job at it and it reflects the type of person that he assumes you are.

you ask him if he wants something to drink? and he politely rejects your offer, he does not want this thing to escalate because knowing his track record, he can’t stand a minute more near the kitchen island and not think about bending you over, and that was normal for him but god, snap out of it, this is half your own age, he thinks to himself.

and you want him to stay, but again, it is quite fucked up to think about being fucked by your father’s friend and someone your father’s age.

“here,” he gives you all the stuff he brought with and kept it. “that’s all, i have some work i need to do so i’ll take your leave now,” he starts to leave when he looks back again “and, um, my number,”

to which you blush, but remind yourself, it’s only like an authority figure, nothing else. and he tells you his own address, in case there’s ever an emergency.

that is how it begins, and your father leaves a message for him, “please take care of them,” and he acts like it’s a burden but he’s overjoyed inside, he has an excuse…

anyway, fast forward to you starting university, getting a social circle, and he visits you weekly, awkward and short visits but you’re just glad he can grace your apartment like that, you even light up your special candles around for him to notice, and he does, but you don’t know how hard he’s just trying so hard to not snap.

when it’s been almost an year or something, he finally thinks he should sit down or you’ll catch on to him or something (little does he know that all you though of it was the fact that men like him are always busy.)

“so you’ve settled in okay?” he asks, as if the cctv installed outside your door doesn’t already tell him that you bring a steady flow of people home, friends.. un-friends and people he was genuinely jealous of. he was jealous of your friends too, because he desperately wanted to stay platonic with you and he didn’t know how they did that.

the conversation flows from one point to other and suddenly you ask him, “are you married?” and he looks startled at the question so quickly begin to apologise, you did not mean to overstep any boundaries.

“uh, i don’t know, i just haven’t found someone who i would like that much, i guess,” if the tension before was a lot, this was the worst it could get.

he leaves abruptly again, and you watch from your balcony as he pulls his car out of the parking and out, wishing he stayed sometime.

what you did not know though was the fact that the yandere was fully invested in your life, your friends, your daily errands. but this was what taking care of you meant, right?

the last straw came to him when you were at a party, frustrated by the lack of response that older man was giving you, you were desperate to get laid today even if you would end up being upset over the fact that it wasn’t him. but unknown to the fact that the yandere just had this.. odd feeling today? that he has to follow you and when he got to know it was a party? parties are never good news.

and he’s almost dozing off 2 hours later in his car, parked safely at a distance when he think he hears your voice. and sure enough when he takes a peek out, across the street is you, and wait, is that a guy following you.

“i was just kidding i really don’t want to go home with anybody tonight.”

he gets out of the car silently, and the guy who is insistent on getting his dick wet by specifically you, a statement which makes his blood boil, is too busy persuading you to notice the punch that the dilf throws at him from behind. the yandere doesn’t think about what you’ll ask about how he got there and stuff, this was serious and it only reaffirms his ideals that yes, he had to make sure you were safe and he had to follow you, god knows what would have happened if he wasn’t there.

as soon as the guy is knocked out, he looks at you and you look up at him surprised, your mouth forming an ‘o’ but noticing the haze in your eyes, he can feel relief inside.

“you’re here!” you exclaim and you are drunk, he concludes as you hug him. he might actually burst but he feels euphoric right now, as if he could cry, it was like he had this actual fear, what would he do if something happened to you? it was no longer the responsibility or the feeling of being answerable to your dad.

don’t worry after that, he drives you home, but his home. he has to make sure you’re safe at all times, right? what if someone decided to rob your place? or… the guy from earlier? what if he got your address from one of your friends? he couldn’t imagine it.

so there might be a change in plans, you don’t need to tell your dad yet though, or anybody. in fact, you might not need to go out at all. he made more than enough to sustain, and keep you safe, take care of you, like your dad asked, and he is nothing but a loyal friend, isn’t he?

now let's dive into little specifics, shall we?

yandere dilf is completely smitten, he was the first moment he saw you but right now you're at his mercy, and it gave me a hysterical kind of high.

and he is so so convinced that he's doing what he can to protect you and this is allthat can be done, there's no other way!

he brings you bits and pieces of news that are the most terrible of them all - murders, rapes, all of the worst stuff, so you realize how much of a favour the yandere is doing you by protecting you.

and your dad? as far as he's concerned, you're still going about your daily routine, there’s nothing wrong with it. he makes you call him because he doesn't want to deal with his friend, not yet.

yandere dilf is caring but he's also really short tempered, if he brings you food and you eat it silently without saying anything, he'll snap :(( because you should have said the food was good or you were happy that he brough you that, right?

but he realizes his fault quite soon, he was mature, he shouldn’t act this way with you. and he apologises, someone tell this man an apology means you would try not to do it again. because he does, he keeps on repeating the cycle.

at first you were completely opposed to whatever this weird idea was, but slowly you gave in, when you realized the heights he had thought all of this through to, all you could hope was someone to notice that this wasn't normal and help you. well, someone to notice and try to help you and not be bought off by the money that the yandere dilf gave them.

yandere dilf coddles you; at first this is how he got to break your shell, he patted your head when you did something good, something like eating, drinking water. and you loved it, as much as you hated to admit it, sometimes it felt like you put in so much efforts in your daily life to get people to love you, that it felt like a relief that here he was praising you for doing the smallest of tasks.

yandere dilf does not fuck you. he keeps himself in control, he does not even touch you if you're angry or upset at him, but he knows a few ways and he's bringing you around slowly to the idea of a you and him together creating an us.. he's getting there slowly and surely.

just… please.. don't try to escape or anything, that would really set the process back… or would it accelerate it…?

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kombuuuu · 11 months

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ONGOMG I saw a Tiktok and it has Miles webbing up your hand while hand holding bc he’s so clingy and I can def imagine it 🥺

Also particularly weak for Pavitr doing the “pinky finger hook” thingy instead of hand holding bc he’s too much of a cutie

OWHHHH MYYYY GOD ANON IM INSANE FOR THESE MEN!!!!

1610 would SOOO web you together omg that’s such a cute headcanon. He’d be the type to grab the straps of your bag, or the bottom of your shirt just so he doesn’t get lost in crowds — or vise versa.

if he couldn’t web you, like you guys were in a civilian setting — hed sooo get you guys those bracelets that like connect to one another,, not the magnet ones, but the ones that clip. so there’s actually no way you could leave his grasp

he’s so clingy it’s unbelievable, you makes jokes with him about getting those leash backpacks at this point

he gets one — spiderman themed.

“Miles Morales, what the hell is that.”

“It’s… a gift?”

“I’m not putting that on.”

“Conejita, please!”

“That’s humiliating!”

“I think it’s romantic.”

“You’re insane!”

“Miles! How long does this last?!”

“Oh about two hours., why?”

“I have class in 40!”

“Oh… Skip?”

“I swear on my momma—“

“Okay— okay, i’ll find the dissolvant >:(“

—

42 is more obvious with his attachment. not only holding your hand, but is a huuuuge fan of you linking your arm with his,, he gets so flattered when you hold his arm, subtly flexing under your hands while you hug his bicep to your chest

when it’s not that — a hand around your waist is a given. or maybe he’d be the type to do the cliche ‘hand in your back pocket’ just to be cheesy

we all know he’s a goofy bitch he’s just in denial

“Ma, C’mere.”

“Wh— Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“Pay attention to me.”

“Miles I’m talking to—“

“I don’t care >:|.”

“You’re being so subtle.”

“Shush, I like showin’ you off.”

“Pff.. Whatever.”

“Pout all you want mamas, I know you love it.”

—

Pavitr, my boy my love

god he would SO link pinkies with you

he’d see you getting all nervous around his family and just hook his pinky around yours. sending you a cute reassuring smile

he’d give you goofy grins when you walked like that in public, and if you walked in front of him, he’d grab your belt loop, trying to match his feet with yours so he didn’t bump into anyone

ALSO ALSO !!!! he’d be the type to not want to let go at all for anything, so he’d just try and do tasks with one hand

and if your holding his dominant, he’ll fumble around trying to do things and watch you giggle

you’ll kiss the tip of his nose and tell him to finish up while letting go of him, and he’ll pout and grumble but eventually get things done quicker — so he can get back to you

“Baby, just let go for a second.”

“No, I’m doing fine, Thithli!”

“Pav.”

“Mmm, fine fine. Whatever It’s not like i’m sad about it or anything.”

“Your pouting.”

“You’re laughing!”

“I’m sorry!!”

“My heart is shattered.” :C

“Oh— I’m done. Yippee!” C:

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