#and im not ready

[animentality]

My mom has cancer.

And I'm scared.

And I'm angry.

And I'm sad.

But I can't be any of those things because she needs someone to support her right now and it's not about how I feel, at all.

So I'm going to keep my crying to myself.

I'm going to get my shit together so she has nothing to worry about from me.

And she knows she's the one who's allowed to not be ok right now.

God.

I hate how people just...don't live forever and ever.

If anyone deserved to, it's her.

#ill probably delete this #a lot of you are psychopaths #i shouldnt be sharing this kind of personal info on the internet but im really #really #scared #and upset #and i feel like crying or screaming or throwing things #but im on tumblr #feeling like i too might die any day now #and im not ready #for her to die #or for me

[raksh-writes]

I have an exam in like half an hour and I am Stressed. Everyone that already had an exam with that professor is fear mongering and fueling my anxiety and frankly I just want it to be over with. And then we have a second exam on monday ;_;

This is gonna be so bad but I Need to pass this and I have no idea how In gonna do that ;_; Y'all wish me luck this is gonna be a mess, oof

#personal #vent #its gonna be a frantic ctrl+f in my notes doc while trying to formulate a cohesive answer #the fact its online is the one saving grace #but at the same time Everyone is aware we'll be looking into our notes #so I have no idea how the prof is gonna grade it and how harsh she's gonna be #she's adamantly repeating she's looking forward to our Individual outlook on the exam questions but #how tf do I know she wont decide my opinion is wrong and fails me for that? #this is gonna be a mess #and Im Not ready #I got out of bed earlier thinking maybe I will get some more notes and study a bit #but yeah nah that didn’t happen #I mean I did a little but that's like one topic #and now Im just sitting at my desk anxiously waiting for the exam to start #this is a nightmare ;_; ooof #ehhh I mean #it is what it is #and its gonna be whats it gonna be #so hopefully I'll manage enough to pass and I don’t need anything more

[anachronisticbones]

what the FUCK Yakuza 0's the first game that made me fucking cry holy SHIT

#yakuza 0 #WHAT IN THE FUCK MAN #THE SOUNDTRACK #NISHIKI #THAT FUCKING NISHIKI AND KIRYU SCENE #YOU KNOW THE ONE #OH FUCK #HOLY SHIT #AUGH #i have a feeling there's more coming #and im not ready #oh hey another majima chapter

[panncakes]

khun yai dangerously close to worming his way into my heart as one of those characters i will never be able to fully shake

#i feel you linger in the air #hes been breaking my heart quietly for a bit now #but i think it's going to be loud very soon #and im not ready

[movietimegirl]

I'm trying not to get attached to these new characters, but I am already love Nemik. He deserves the Galaxy. 😢

#karis nemik #nemik #andor #star wars andor #star wars #disney plus #disney+ #im already attached #but I have a bad feeling he's not going to make it #death day is coming for him #and im not ready

[dunmer-pussy]

hey guys not to get serious on main but I'm really scared abt my mom she's supposed to be getting into surgery soon and she has a brain bleed and I'm really fucking sc ared

#caydeposting #ask to tag #surgery tw #i dont want to lose her because then I'll be stuck w/ my manchild father #and im not ready #my sister said she would come down to take care of me #and make sure nothing happens #but i'm scared.

[tinyevelyn]

have been busy the past few days and will be for the next few weeks due to end of year exams. ill try to post a few doodles every once in a while so yep anyways

human emiko? human emiko.

#rottmnt oc #rottmnt cat oc #rottmnt emiko #emiko #tiny art #tiny doodles #tiny rambles #do i like it? #no #so i got my end of year exams coming up #and im not ready #i think 9 subjects #wish me luck

[feral-peacock]

Just so everyone knows: I'm not ready for fashion icon Henrietta Wilson to be dressed in her best for her vow renewal ceremony. I'm not ready for literal goddess Karen Wilson to be dressed in her best for her vow renewal ceremony.

#911 fox #911 spoilers #Karen wilson #hen wilson #henreitta Wilson #in this house we worship karen wilson #in this house we worship hen Wilson #in this house we worship henren #also like the whole firefam will bw dressed to the nines?? #help im just a simple bisexual #and then the kiddos will be all dressed up and adorable #its gonna be a lot #and im not ready #just so everyone knows.

[kkyaka]

Y'all please pray for me, I need to pass this orgo exam 😭🙏🏽

#im so scared #and im not ready #also its either in 30 mins or an hour #idk which so hopefully i dont miss it #🥝.rambles

[a-wisp]

.

#personal #currently in a kind of limbo #where nobody knows I relapsed #but i know itll come up soon #and im not ready

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[clawsomebeats]

its time

#happy new year #im ready for the juggalo renaissance #homestuck #icp #dirk strider #jake english

[haethyre]

Pets are part of the family and people need to stop acting like losing them is any less devastating

#one of my kitties is unwell #I will lose her soon #and im not ready #ill never be ready #its never 'just a pet' #they're my babies

[an--artistic--autistic]

i am unreasonably proud and excited about this

#disability #chronic pain #mobility aid #i am officially running a thing to make my university accessible #i am so ready to fight people over it and I've recruited a bunch of people #we may or may not end up in our local news too #im done with this shit #literally on Friday had to walk around the building bc the elevator broke again and i couldn't do stairs #should take 30 seconds instead took like 10 minutes

[little-eye-guy]

"this is too raw of a line to come from—" shut up. beauty and meaning is everywhere

#eye guy speaks #i need that phrase to be removed from everyone's vocabulary Please #why are you so convinced that such things cannot be discovered by or found in the mundane #1/1/23 edit: hope you all have enjoyed yourselves bc im ready for some peace and quiet *turns off reblogs* #1/4/23 edit: please don't comment about wanting to reblog. the experience itself may be fleeting but you will have your memory of it #(aka i turned them off for my health and you will be ok. it's just a post)

[fagbfcore]

when he holds you tighter as he fucks into you and his thrusts are getting faster and desperate snd erratic and his face is buried in ur neck and he's got a fistful of your hair and he can't stop telling you your tight, warm pussy is his and only his in needy growls

#my bf is visiting i just got fucked real fucking good im getting needy thinking abt it when i should be getting ready for our date 🥴 #ftm nsft #trans nsft #queer nsft #very nsft