#and im just tired pre-emptively of how many years of being broken and damaged there are ahead of me you know?

[teamfreehoodies]

a friend once called me broken from the passenger seat of my jeep on a full moon night and i have been haunted by that moment ever since

#because its true and also it hurt like a sucker punch to the gut because up to that point i hadnt felt broken #just like ur generic form of fucked up #but now everyonce in a while the memory just like pops up and us like hey hi hello youre fundamentally flawed! #but in a very cheery voice like bubblegum pop if it were a person #and everytime its like fuck you were right #anyways just thinking about that tonight because i am not coping with this school year well #and im not coping with my loneliness well #and im not coping with the fact that im going to limp through life holdimg out for the days in between needing to cope to survive #all while im #actively terrible at coping to survive actually #and im just tired pre-emptively of how many years of being broken and damaged there are ahead of me you know? #and look lord knows we’ve all got trauma i see that and i respect it but i also feel like not everyone gets told from day dot #that somethung is fundamentally and specifically wrong with you personally and having to live with that is.. idek annoying i guess mostly #ahhhh jusr ignore this im having weird thoughts and being unnecessarily stupid as per the uzh #u can like but dont try to talk to me about this by the way lol im just putting the thoughts out there cause they need to go somewhere #i dont wanna start a conversation about this