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#actively terrible at coping to survive actually
reimeichan · 6 months
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Hey guys.
It does get better.
I know what it's like to be drowning in a sea of trauma and pain. The ocean is so vast and deep and you feel like you'll never get out. You feel yourself sinking more and more into despair, with no end in sight.
I didn't think I would ever make it out. And yeah, I'm still not out of it. I keep getting dragged back under when another wave of depression hits me or I get too close to a traumatic memory that I trigger myself.
But... things have finally become easier.
I've learned how to swim, just a little. I learned some new coping mechanisms, to help me get through the worst of it. Coping mechanisms that aren't going to hurt me in the way my old ones have. I've learned how to recognize and process through my emotions. I've noticed some of my negative cognitions and am actively working on undoing them.
And in the process, I've noticed a lot of things starting to change for me. My window of tolerance for distress has gone up. I can actually notice when I'm in a rough spot, and instead of beating myself up for not being good enough I forgive myself and let myself rest. I have learned how to manage my emotions in a way that they no longer control me. My personal relationships have gone better, as my ability to communicate with others have gone up. I can set proper boundaries and not feel like I'm a terrible person for doing so. And I can enforce those boundaries if I need to.
I rely less on dissociation now, to manage my life. And the things that are still causing me problems, I am working on improving. I have tools to handle my memory issues and resources to help with my time management.
I still have a lot of work to do, of course. I still get triggered, but I know better how to manage myself when I'm in that state. I still have bad times, but they are far fewer than they used to be, and they don't last as long as they used to. And they don't feel as all-encompassing as before. And now... I actually feel like there's an end in sight. It's far out on the horizon and barely visible through all the fog, but I know it's there. And that gives me hope to keep on going.
To everyone else out there struggling: I know how hard it is. And I know how frustrating and futile it might feel, to try so hard and to make what looks like so little progress. But it is so, so worth it. To be able to live life, to enjoy your life and feel like you're thriving and not surviving... I can't really describe it. But it feels wonderful.
I hope that my words can help provide you all with some hope as well. I don't know your specific struggles, but I know you're doing the best with what you've got. Keep at it. And someday, I hope that you, too, can see the horizon.
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mangalho · 1 year
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Ex-warbot OC
They don’t have names yet.
The two bots with the scary faces were specifically made for war, and now that it’s over, they still maintained their original ‘warface’ even though it has stigma associated to it. Many robots changed their faceplates post-war, as it made it easier to find jobs and not get into unnecessary conflict.
The sleeker looking guy used to be in their company, though he wasn’t made in the same factory as them; he isn’t their ’batch-mate’.
After the war he completely modified his frame, and now has an idol career. He desperately wats to erase his past, as people (and robots alike) will respond better to a ‘new’ and untainted idol.
The two warface bots are “brother and sister” and they do odd jobs here and there to make ends meet and to be able to afford things they want. Rich people hire them as bouncers a lot since they are a symbol of terrible times. Sometimes they earn 15k in one night for just one gig it’s crazy. They both really love clothes since it distances them from their body’s original purpose while simultaneously not erasing their past. Also they look cute and cool!
The idol bot once meets the warfaces by chance in the street and pretends he doesn’t know them AGAHAKALAK I think he’s insane… completely erasing your past and the person you were is psychopathic to me idk. Anyway
There arent a lot of warfaces going around anymore. since they either died during the war or changed their frames. Pre-war bots were re-fitted during the conflicts and just had to go back to their former unweaponized frames after it was all over so they’re fine.  All of these robots can download information and i want that type of learning to mostly disappear if its deleted, but if they learn things like we do or experience real events, those memories and skills can’t really truly be erased; if they do try erasing them, they will still remember them, just not with HD video clarity, which brings them immense suffering sometimes. “How to people live like this?!” Well buddy it sucks idk we all cope
Newly minted robots are wack because they don’t exactly have a ‘soul’ yet they just do things they’re supposed to do, but after some time, all of them actually develop real awareness and shit… my war bots had like a 78% chance of dying everyday when they were activated, but they survived and attained sentience at like one year post birth and they wised up rly fast after that. They remember their first year, but they describe it as a ‘weird haze’
These robots feel pain so they wont like dive into a hole or damage themselves too much. Self preservation means longer-lived machines which means less repair costs and less human lives on the line as well.. slay !!!
While the conflicts went on, most robots achieved sentience and decided to stop fighting so there was like a robots rights movement and eventually the war stopped altogether and now the robots have a salary and a normal life mostly. They arent organics, so they need other things. They are solar powered and need oil sometimes and also they need new nanomachines once in a while like we need vaccines. Get your boosters… its not just tetanus and coronavirus anymore now they gotta think about like..the trojan horse 9000
I want them to have this aversion to organic things dying bc they are universally gross. Like they dont like seeing living-machines die either but a rat being squished by a car is also gross!
There are probably some tensions between humans and robots but like i kinda get it bc i wouldnt mess with a guy who has like lead pipes for arms. also most robots ARE normal but some are insane idk 🙆‍♀️🤷‍♀️ just  like people are.
 mine are normal tho they’re just vibing 💖🗣🤙
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PROPAGANDA
Vriska Propaganda
"It's Vriska Serket, you know her."
"GOD. Okay so the gist of it is that the fandom likes to strip away pretty much every aspect of her character and either makes her out to be this evil woman who is wrong about everything and has no redeeming qualities, or they make her out to be this uwu baby who did nothing wrong. It's really infuriating because Vriska is A TEENAGER throughout all of Homestuck. Her actions cannot be excused, but it's easy to see that she might not have known the consequences of all the stuff she did. It's giving misogyny."
"a good 76% of her 'vriska is a horrible monster who deserves the worst' moments were her admittedly unhealthy coping mechanisms / doing what she needed to survive ( kill 1k+ other kids so her mom wouldn't kill her ) / actively being manipulated into doing such by doctor ballscratch. Sad! not to mention that she lived on Murder Planet with The Giant Spider That Eats Children (her mom) so to her and basically any other troll the murder stuff is no more than her being a bit of an asshole. but alas, basically all fandom depictions of her are 'uwu can do no wrong' or 'mindlessly evil murderer' b/c homestucks never actually read homestuck anymore"
Shiv Propaganda
"Everyone in Succession is a pretty terrible person, and Shiv plays just as dirty as her brothers when it comes to trying to get their dad to name her the next CEO of fictional fox news. HOWEVER, she was trying to distance herself from the family at one point and worked for a democrat (gasp!) so her being adulterous and power hungry too is actually a fall from grace and the ultimate act of misogyny so the writers all must hate women because they created a morally questionable female character with complex motives."
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edenfenixblogs · 5 months
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I have blocked this person and won’t doxx them. But it’s important to respond, for clarity.
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1. How much footage there is doesn’t matter. It is triggering and terrible. Nobody, regardless of religion or national origin, deserves to be subject to that kind of content without warning or consent. Anyone who has experienced loss of a loved one, encountered violence, been through sexual trauma, or even anyone who is just sensitive to other people’s pain may find footage/discussion of 10/7 to be extraordinarily triggering. This is not a controversial stance and is common practice in most forms of media dissemination.
2. This post was not actually directed at pro-Palestinian activists but at Jewish activists who I saw with their hearts in the right place in trying to educate about something specific. They just did not tag the post. I tagged both Israel and Palestine, because you don’t have to be Israeli or Jewish to care about other people’s feelings.
3. This is a callous and uncaring response. Saying that anyone deserves to be triggered until someone on the other side of the world stops harming more people on the other side of the world is cruel and also illogical.
4. Let’s set our difference in politics aside, because I severely doubt we are going to see eye to eye on our understanding of the situation at large: How is one individual poster supposed to “end Israel” and why on G-d’s green earth should they have to suffer debilitating psychological torture until it is “ended”? If someone is unable to cope with violent imagery how exactly are they supposed to participate in dismantling whatever system you want them to dismantle. Not everyone is a soldier. Not everyone is a fighter. Some people are scared. Some people are sad. Some people are poor and can���t donate anywhere. Some people are physically disabled and can’t engage in physical activism. Some people are both. They don’t deserve to be triggered. Nobody does, but presuming everyone has the same psychology and physicality as you is wrong. Humans are varied.
5. Of course people should tag graphic footage of Palestinian loss and death as well. That is not what my post was about. My post was about 10/7. Believe it or not, I am allowed to post about 10/7 and not have it mean that Palestinians deserve to be killed.
6. I have been a staunch advocate of treating Israelis, Palestinians, Jews, and Muslims with equal respect and care. If you are not, then your vision of the future is based on violence rather than peace and we are fundamentally different people. The only way we all survive this is by embracing our shared humanity, not drawing more lines of division.
7. You are clearly in a lot of emotional pain, as we all are. I validate you and share your anger at the situation and all of the loss and violence. It’s horrible, and I’m devastated with you. I only hope to stop more pain from reaching anyone. One way is to tag your graphic posts for triggering content. Be kind. Even when you want to reach for rage, choose humanity instead.
8. Hateful replies to this post will be blocked and reported.
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kingmystrie · 1 year
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Warrior Cats Rewrites / AUs I Might Do.
Spottedleaf's Survival
Title change: The story reflects Spotted's recovery from Thistleclaw's grooming and how Spotted and Blue have to carve their way out of Thunderclan's toxic insular culture so that Spotted can be recognized as having survived a terrible thing
Changes:
Thistle gets banished
Bluestar actively prevents Spottedpaw from getting taken advantage of
Bluestar is the one to get Thistleclaw banished
Mosskit lives
Spottedleaf and Bluestar becoming leader and medicine cat isn't just out of survival, but out of passion to try and lead Thunderclan into a better future.
Emphasis on Spottedleaf having trauma and how she copes with it
Story is also used to explain how Thunderclan goes from war-mongering to the 'noble' clan
Mapleshade's Era
Title change: In this au Mapleshade doesn't lose her kits, at least not so quickly/all of them and Mapleshade becomes a much, much more influential figure.
Changes:
More emphasis on Maple's kits
I want for Patchkit to survive (might change my mind)
Mapleshade is an abusive parent/partner, neglectful to her kid's physical safety and emotionally neglectful to Appledusk while they were together and emotionally manipulative to her second mate.
Mapleshade gets a second mate after Appledusk
Appledusk gets more characterization other than the basic "chooses clan over mate"
Appledusk still isn't evil but he isn't as enthusiastic about Mapleshade having kits as he is in the actual story
Multiple POVs
Frecklewish is meaner towards Mapleshade (thank you russetfoxfur for putting evil but sympathetic Frecklewish in my head)
Perchpaw gets to be even more of a hero
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horce-divorce · 2 years
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man. Incoming Long Sad Bull Shit but idk where to go with this but my blog. I am in so so much pain and I'm so tired and I'm so nervous to see the U of Mich again this week when they're so terrible....
yes I am in some MALS groups and ostensibly talking to other ppl who understand this hell is validating...
but tbh... lately it's just made me feel worse talking to them sometimes... Like yes they validate that what I'm going through is torture, and impossible to explain to someone else, that it really IS dangerous and I SHOUDLNT be told "you must be dying this much" before someone finally treats it.
but then it just like. throws into relief how bleak this situation is. it's really not gonna get better. it's really gonna keep getting even worse, when it's already so unbearable, and has taken everything from me. this really is A Rare Disorder and nobody wants to touch it with a 50 foot pole. there really is NO solution except a terrifying, enormous abdominal surgery that could just as easily complicate things further. I'm really in this all alone. They really don't get it.
and every single day, every single time I eat, I'm out here fighting for my fucking life, living WITH all this shit but also being my own full time carer, and on top of that I have to do all this other stuff, and traveling, and fundraising, and research, and be an advocate and fight doctors and fight for the care I WILL need in order to SURVIVE this and I'm doing ALL of this. Alone. Nobody helps me with the heaviest of this stuff. My mom is gonna drive part way to Ann arbor and my dad got us a hotel so I can go so there's that kind of help...
But no one's there holding my hand while I'm going thru all this shit. My parents will take me and then drop me at the door. No one's helping me keep track of my results and records and paperwork and contacts and research notes. No one's advocating w me when I'm talking to these shit ass doctors. No one's helping me research or find other alternatives. No one's trying to help me adapt my day to day living situation as it deteriorates- fuck, no one even wants to see that!! They're buying me camping gear!!! They don't!!! Get it!!!!!
I see all these parents in the MALS groups who's kids got sick and they dropped everything to find answers. Am I really so good at hiding my pain that everyone thinks I dont NEED help with this?? Is it because I was so unpleasant in my 20s nobody can deal with me???? My stomach has hurt since I was 8 years old and everyone just keeps saying. Oh. You'll figure it out. You'll be fine. No one hears me. No one hears me fucking sobbing when I have panic attacks trying to eat. No one hears me when I say it's like eating glass, that I'm horrified so goddamn scared to even try because of how much it hurts, but I'm so starving hungry all the time that I have to.
No one sees how close I am to giving up. No one cares enough to be able to handle it. They see the most moderate symptoms and can't even handle that much.
Everyone IRL doesn't get it. They keep saying well intentioned but really off base stuff about like. "Couldn't you still get a job as a driver." when I bring up fears about doing an activity(that end up being right!) They keep mistakenly assuring me "you'll be fine" and then being shocked by how bad things really are when I can't mask it anymore.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do!!! I'm in so much pain. My life is actually in danger from this disorder in so many ways, not least of all on the mental health front. And no one wants to hear it. And my therapist is trying but she's abled and every time I explain how hard it is they're just like "aww :(" like ....!!! That's not what I need either!!!! I've had enough of "aww :((" for at least an entire lifetime!!!!! Please no more!!!!!
I just don't even know what to do with myself. I'm trying so hard to cope like an adult but the truth is that this is reducing me to a scared, babbling toddler in more than one way and nobody in my life can handle it. It's not just the doctors that won't touch me with a 50 foot pole. I'm alone
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shorenewman1 · 2 years
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killingjuice · 1 year
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everymanhybrid doesnt seem explicitly like a story about children with an abusive father, although that is a really good interpretation. to me the stick in the mud represents cycles itself. cycles of abuse or trauma, cycles of coping mechanisms that never actually change the situation, of finding yourself in the same situation over and over and over again.
vinny is the voyeur. im not sure how far his power over others extends. i think he does not purposefully mean to continue the cycle, but rather ends up perpetuating it because he is unable to do what it would take it break it. he becomes obsessed with the role he is given of the cameraman. hes been given the opportunity to have a narrative, to be a protagonist, to be the hero to his friends. when things start going wrong, he doesn't change this stance, but rather believes it is entirely outside circumstances that lead to their suffering rather than any action on his part. he pushes everyone to stay in front of the camera, to stay in a toxic situation, because he wants to be the one to fix it. he wants the cycle to end, but he needs to be the one that ends it.
i really enjoy the concept of every character existing as some aspect of humanity as a whole. vinny, as said, is the voyeur, the rubbernecker, the hidden camera. humans have a thirst for knowledge, a morbid curiosity, a desire to uncover everything the world has to offer. we love mystery for its opportunity to allow us the reveal. humans also need to be seen. we need to know that somebody is out there watching us and rooting for us.
jeff is the guardian, the 3am checkup call, the body heat. humans care about other humans. we form extremely strong bonds and need to help and be helped to be happy. despite it all, through all the horrors and terrible things the world puts us through, humans have always demanded that room be made for love.
evan is the firebrand, the punk band, the teenage rebel. humans need their black sheep. there will always be those discontent with the status quo, with the acceptance of terrible situations. we're all a bit of a pyromaniac at heart. many humans, most humans, have some desire to show their difference and strike out as an individual capable of creating change. there will always be escalators who realize drastic action may be needed to have any real impact.
habit is the joker, the neighborhood serial killer, the bloodstain. humans are often considered to be the only animal capable of intentional cruelty. other living things kill for survival, but humans kill for fun. humans start wars and invent torture methods and enjoy seeing others in pain.
the man is trauma is cycles is death and rebirth is gasoline. the game has only played for so long because the man wants it to. we do not know much of the reasons why. the man appears to create fear, to draw back when too much progress is being made. stay where you are. history repeats itself again and again and again. move too fast and somethings bound to go wrong.
perhaps vinny only seems to play the game so well because we dont know what we would be without the man. we seem to need to be given some problem, some wall in front of us to break down. i could take the road more traveled, but what would i do with the time i would have spent fighting through the overgrowth? what would we do if we woke up and there wasnt a single problem?
the essay seemed to take the opinion that vinny was the villain because he was the only one actively perpetuating the cycle. was he? jeff seemed to immediately want out but he refused to totally leave the situation. he couldnt leave the people he cared about even when they began to harm him and his family. he needed the connections he had, no matter how bad the connections were. he needed to be able to try to help them. evan was also extremely active towards going after the man. he didn't want the camera on him while he did so and thus didnt want to show the audience, but he was the most willing to directly chase after the monsters and hunt them down at any cost. when he realized he had a capacity to do massive damage, he couldnt do anything but run into another fight with the hopes of it killing him. habit was truly the only one who took direct action towards breaking the cycle by being inhuman. he was able to completely remove himself from a desire to know more, a desire for connections, a desire to solve the problem, and instead found the solution in a complete severance - death. humans can never escape from their own humanity.
cycles do end. people are capable of learning and growing and changing and becoming entirely different people. vinny finally realized that he didnt need to record everything and set the camera down. this could represent. a new grand cycle begins. we can never truly end all the cycles, but simply exchange one for the other. there will never be a final floor, but we can constantly improve over the course of our entire lives.
they all together are the everyman hybrid.
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teamfreehoodies · 3 years
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a friend once called me broken from the passenger seat of my jeep on a full moon night and i have been haunted by that moment ever since
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c-is-for-circinate · 3 years
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Wait, isn't "anti" stuff more like "anti-pedophilia" and stuff? Like, you have a point about anti-porn attitudes, but from what I've heard just "anti" on its own means against stuff like kid porn and incest porn and legitimately f*cked up sh*t like that.
Okay!  So this, I think, is actually a great example of what I was talking about, and a really useful thing to understand.  (CW rape, child abuse, etc)
Smarter people than me have written much better essays about why policing thoughtcrimes is a bad road to go down, and I will probably reblog some of them next time they cross my dash for more context.  What I want to talk about is the trigger mechanism, the ‘oh, this looks like danger!!!’ immune response in how we look at different kinds of porn, and how that applies to anti culture.
Here’s the thing: I am anti-pedophilia.  I think that, for most people, that’s a stance that largely goes without saying!  Adults who prey on children are bad.  I’m also against incest; relatives who prey on their family members are bad.  Above all I oppose rape.  Sexual predation of any kind is bad.  In fact, I’d say that’s the most important item on the list.  There is plenty of room to argue about where the lines are between ‘adult’ and ‘child’ and how teenagers fit in the middle, and there’s plenty of room to get historical about the lines between ethically terrible incest, distasteful-but-bearable “aristocratic inbreeding” between distant cousins, and the kind of consanguinity that tends to develop in a small town where everyone’s vaguely related to everyone else by now anyway.  The core of the issue is consent, and it has always been consent.  Pedophilia and incest are horrific because they are rape scenarios where the abuser has far more power and their victim far fewer resources to cope, both practically and emotionally; because harm to children is, to us as a culture, worse than harm to adults, for a lot of very valid reasons; and because they constitute betrayal of trust the victim should have been able to put in their abuser as well as rape--but they are all rape scenarios, and that’s why they’re awful. 
These things are bad.  It is good for us to have a social immune response system that recognizes these things when they’re happening and insists we step in.  That is a good thing to develop!  It helps us, as a society.  It can help the people being victimized.  It’s the same reason educators and childcare workers in the US are all mandated reporters, why we do background checks on people working near kids.  These things happen, and they’re terrible, and it’s good that we try to be aware and prepared for them.  (Though obviously studies show we’re a lot less good at protecting the vulnerable than we’d like to pretend we are.)
The question is: why does that same social immune response trigger, and trigger so angrily, in response to fiction?
Anti culture is fundamentally an expression of that social immune response.  Specifically, it’s that social immune response when it is set off by a situation that, while it has some similarities to the very bad real-life crime of sexual predation including pedophilia and incest, is in and of itself harmless.
If you’re instinct is to flare up in anger or dismissiveness because I’m calling these things harmless, I want to ask you to just take a deep breath and bear with me for a bit longer.  What you’re feeling right now is an allergic reaction.
Humans tell and read and listen to stories about “legitimately fucked up shit” all the time.  It’s part of the human condition.  It’s part of how we process those things happening, not just to use, but to other people in the world around us.  It’s part of how we process completely unrelated fucked-up shit, playing with fears and furies and insecurities that we all have, through so may layers of fiction that we don’t even recognize them any more, playing with power dynamics in metaphor and making characters suffer for fun.  Aside from the fact that literally all stories do this to some extent or another; aside from the fact that drawing lines between ‘ok that’s good storytelling’ and ‘that’s too fucked-up to write about’ is arbitrary, subjective, and dangerous in its own right; aside from all of that, these stories are stories.  All of them. 
Even the ones about rape, about incest, about pedophilia.  They’re words on a page.  No real children were harmed, touched, or even glanced at in the making of this work of fiction.  This story, pornographic though it may be, is part of a conversation between consenting adults.  (And if a teenager lies about their age to consent, that is a different problem altogether.)
Stories in and of themselves, no matter what they’re about, are no more dangerous than a crate full of oranges.  Which is to say: utterly harmless, unless all you have to eat is oranges, all day every day, and you find yourself dying slowly of nutrient deficiency--which is why representation matters.  Or unless someone wields one deliberately, violently, as a tool to cause harm, and someone gets acid in their eye--which is the fault of the person holding the orange. And unless you happen to be allergic to citrus.
The key here is this twofold understanding:  First, the thing that hurts you can also have value to others.  Real, legitimate value.  Whether you’ve undergone trauma and certain story elements are straight-up PTSD triggers or you just don’t like orange juice, that story, those tropes, that crate of oranges may be somewhere between icky and fundamentally abhorrent--but we understand that that is still your reaction.  Even if you don’t understand how anybody could ever enjoy it; even if every single person you surround yourself with is as sensitive and disgusted and itchy about this thing that makes your eyes hurt and your throat stop working as you; that doesn’t make it true for everyone.  That doesn’t make oranges poisonous.  No real children were involved in the writing of this story.  It is words on a page.
But, secondly: the thing that has value to others can also hurt you.  Just because a story isn’t inherently poison doesn’t mean it can’t cause you, personally, pain.  That’s what a PTSD trigger is: an allergic reaction, psychological anaphylaxis, a brain that’s trying so hard to protect its own from a threat that isn’t actually present (but was once, and the brain is trained to respond) that it causes far more harm and misery than the trigger itself possibly could.  And no, it’s not just people with PTSD who sometimes get hurt by stories.  There are many, many ways a story can poke the part of your brain that says, this is Bad, I don’t like this, I don’t want to be here.  The story is still, always, every time, pixels on a screen and ink on paper.  The story causes no physical harm.  But it can poke your brain into misery, it can stir up your emotions, it can make you want to cringe and run away.  It can make you want to scream and fight and go after the author who brought this thing into existence.  It can make you hurt.
This is an allergic reaction.  This is your brain and body, your reflexes and instincts, trying to protect you from something that isn’t really happening.  And just like a literal allergic reaction, it can do actual harm to you if it gets set off.  This is real.  The fact that stories can upset you to the point of pain and mental/emotional injury is real, even though it’s coming from your own brain and not the story itself.  There are stories you shouldn’t read.  There are stories I shouldn’t read, regret reading, will never read, because they hurt me.  That doesn’t mean they’re the same stories that would hurt you.  That doesn’t mean they don’t have value.
And, finally:
If getting upset about stories is fundamentally an individual person’s allergic reaction, their brain freaking out and firing off painful survival instincts in the face of a thing that isn’t, in and of itself, a threat?  Then the anti movement is a cultural allergic reaction.
Fandom as a whole has a pretty active immune system, which doesn’t mean we have a good immune system.  We try very hard to be aware of all the viruses and -isms and abuse and manipulation and cruelty, both systematic and individual, that exists around and within our community.  We’re primed and ready to shout about things at all times.  The anti movement is that system, that culture, screaming and shouting and fighting at a harmless thing on a grand scale.  It wants to stop that thing, that scary awful thing that trips all of its well-primed danger sensors, at all costs.  It’ll swell up and block off our airways (our archives) if it has to.  It’ll turn on the body it came from.  It’s scared and protective and trying to fight, and it’s ready to fight and destroy itself.
Luckily, fans and fanfic and fandom and fan culture are a lot bigger and older than they often get credit for, and it’s not like these cultural allergies are anything new.  We could talk about shippers and slashers in the X-Files fandom in the 90s.  We could talk about the birth of fandom in the days of Star Trek.  We could talk about censorship and book burning going back centuries.  We survived that and we’ll survive this, too.
But god, does the anti movement my throat and eyes itch.  Man is it irritating, and sometimes a little suffocating, to realize how many stories just aren’t getting told out of fear of what the antis will say.  And that’s the real danger, I think.  What are we losing that would have so much value to someone?  What are we missing out?
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lovelivingmydreams · 4 years
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Aparently writing fanfics about Sanders sides AU’s is a thing that I do now
So some of you might know  @rondoel made this really cool comic thing about king creativity. Master post here for those who don’t. The internet was given permission to do whatever they want with it. So this is not ‘canon’ to that comic, but an idea that won’t let me be until I write it down. So here’s part one of two:
Lost in thought
Virgil took a deep breath as he wrapped himself around baby Patton and looked up to Janus and Logan expectantly. They were both bowed over a desk with several memories and notes scattered all over. They hadn’t even noticed he’d left the room, and that might’ve been for the best. His attempt at talking to the king hadn’t gone as well as he’d hoped. He hadn’t been optimistic enough to think that upon his apology the king would split and Roman would run over and embrace him and get everything back to normal. But he’d thought something might change, anything at all. But now all he’d accomplished was making himself feel even worse.
Was Roman really gone gone? Forever?
And Remus? Sure he was a pain to deal with sometimes, but… they’d grown up together.
Virgil wanted them back, even if this new guy- well new to him- hadn’t been so scary, he wanted his friends back. Thomas was sleeping and likely wouldn’t get out of bed until he really had to in order to eat and drink tomorrow. They had survived a day in this chaos, only because Thomas was taking a break. Their host was still exhausted and would likely not be overly active for the next week. And with things being how they are, that was a good thing.
With his coherent thoughts muted, his moral compass and emotions reduced to a non-verbal child and his anxiety incapable of properly analyzing the situation out of fear of causing absolute chaos in the mindscape… None of that could be good. At least Thomas wouldn’t call for them unless king gave him a very urgent reason to. Virgil took a deep breath and returned his attention to the present. Hopeful that Logan and Janus had come up with something after a full day of sitting in this library. Just because Logan was mute, didn’t mean he wasn’t the smartest among them anymore right? And Janus, no matter what else Virgil thought of him, was very clever too. Surely they’d know what to do… Or maybe Virgil could still do something? Logan had once told him that he was needed to get them out of sticky situations when they do come up.
This situation was very sticky.
“Lo? Janus?” he asked softly, mindful of the fact that baby Patton was all tuckered out in his arms.
He gently got up from his spot against the bookcase and readjusted his grip, feeling the way the luxurious fabric moved around his body. The material was soft and warm, but the uniform was nowhere near as comforting as he’d like. He missed his hoodie, but he didn’t dare risk going into his room  to look for it in his current condition. Still… maybe he could ask one of the other’s to see if they could find one, even if it was his old pre ‘fitting in’ hoodie… It always made him feel safe. Big enough to hide away in when the world became too much and to hide how small and weak he looked. This outfit made him look like a child next to the others. He never liked that about his appearance. Despite being a nearly thirty year old adult like everyone else, he still looked like a teenager whose body hadn’t fully caught up with his new height. No wonder the king looked down on him. In his eyes, he was probably just a kid. King clearly felt like he was older and wiser than all of them…
He shook himself out of his thoughts. He has to focus on here and now.
“What should we do?” he asked.
The two older sides exchanged a glance, Logan nodded and Janus cleared his throat uneasily.
“We can’t do much…” he admitted reluctantly. King had apparently been right, with everyone else out for the count, his ability to lie was near nonexistent.
“Neither of us are strong enough to stand up to him., he has made sure of that. And even if we were all at full strength, I don’t think me or Logan, even if we were to work together, would be able to match him now. Not even if Patton helped us. Creativity has matured with Thomas and grown stronger. You might stand the best chance, but in your current condition…”
“Me?” Virgil asked shocked. He was only ‘powerful' when Thomas was really overwhelmed or in imminent danger. That is when he could shut everyone else up, or focus them on a single task. And even then he had little control over even himself.
“Yes Virgil,” Janus insisted looking at him like the words held the key to world peace. “Like I explained earlier, he has nothing against you personally.
This is about me, Logan and Patton. But he knows you can shut his ideas down with just a few well-placed doubts in Thomas’ head, as he himself acknowledged. And he is right to fear you Virgil. You were a great source of motivation for Thomas to get creative, but you can take that motivation away just as easily.”
Virgil shook his head. Shutting creativity down completely? Even if… well no, Janus was right. He could. He had told Roman no so often in the past and despite Roman’s promises to strike him down he never even tried. When Thomas asked to get rid of him that first video, Roman hadn’t even tried to confront him head on, pretended they weren’t in the same room… Had Roman been afraid of him? Could he truly hit the brakes? No out of the question.
“I get that we can’t let him just run the place, but Thomas… I can’t hurt Thomas like that. He needs his creativity too much, especially now with everything… It would be devastating,” he insists as he gently runs his fingers through baby Patton’s hair. Creativity helps Thomas cope when life becomes too much.
He catches sight of Logan looking down in what he believes is shame. Why? What was everyone’s deal with this creativity?
“Maybe, if I knew what happened, before me, before the split,” he tries. “Maybe I could try talking to him again? See if he can see it our way?” he suggested. He wanted Roman and Remus back. But his priority had to be with the others. Who knew if the brothers would be able to reverse what the king did? Or if things would go back to normal once the king disappeared? He couldn’t risk that. So first, help everyone else and then see if they can get the twins back. He hated prioritizing like that, but it was for Thomas.
Janus and Logan exchanged another look and then, as one, shook their heads at Virgil.
Logan silently cleaned up their research and turned away to head to his room without another wo… well, glance. It was so fast Virgil couldn’t even decipher the emotion that had flashed underneath the surface of his stoic mask.
Janus on the other hand put on a comforting smile and patted him on the shoulder in an overly friendly gesture. “This is not your burden to carry Virgil. It doesn’t matter anyway. We’ll think of something. You just focus on staying calm and looking after Patton, alright?”
Without waiting for an answer Janus hurriedly followed Logan and left Virgil alone and slightly frustrated in the library. Great. Just great. It wasn’t the first time he asked about the king. Even before this whole mess, he'd been curious for ages. But he was always dismissed with “it's in the past" and the like. But now it wasn’t in the past anymore and the other’s were still leaving him in the dark. What were they hiding?
Virgil sighed and started wandering. Or he wanted to wander but his “promotion” seemed to lead him to his “ boss’ ” domain the second he lost focus. Soon he found himself stranded in the never ending fields of imagination. Virgil stopped walking, not wanting to interrupt his majesty again, and tried to focus on Patton's steadily moving chest.
He was scared. Without much else to distract him, even the task of protecting baby Patton would soon seize to keep the bad thoughts at bay. Especially with everything being so terrible.
He wanted Roman to be here. He'd know how to distract him. At the very least he wanted his music so he could agonize in peace for a little while. When he listened to music, he could sort through the feelings without them actually translating into thoughts. Just then he saw something appear at his feet.
Curiously he sat down Indian style and noted to his delight that it was his headphones and a music player. He eagerly put it on and scrolled trough the lists. It had all of their Spotify lists downloaded as well as a list that just read ‘TSS’. As he scrolled trough it he learned that it contained all of their lists combined into one along with every song Thomas had ever created and/or performed.
Well. That would do it. He put on the phones, curled himself around Patton once more and started humming.
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tribbetherium · 3 years
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The Middle Glaciocene: 110 million years post-establishment
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Riplets, Believe It Or Not: The Arcuterran-Mesoterran Land Bridge
Mesoterra, since its formation in the Middle Glaciocene, had been an isolated landmass that had come into being from the fusion of two separate isolated landmasses: North Ecatoria and East Nodera, each of which had broken off their main continents all the way back since the Therocene. But temperatures fluctuate in the days of the Glaciocene, and as ice caps expand and shrink almost rhythmically every couple of million years, sea levels also rise and drop: for a few million years, land bridges emerge and are submerged, causing a random and unpredictable exchange of biospheres between continents at seemingly random events.
One such example is the Arcuterran-Mesoterran Land Bridge: a very narrow strip of land that in recent years, as little as half a million years ago, had risen from the ocean in a period of high glaciation. Now a semi-flooded mixed grassland with a few forest-like patches of wetland trees, this region is thriving with life-- a mingling of Mesoterran fauna and animals from the mainland.
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Various species make a living here, in particular herd-dwelling species that migrate: some, such as the delta bandopod (Deltapodotherium hemizebroides) actually make trips between Mesoterra and Arcuterra, migrating seasonally to find regions of plentt of food. These creatures travel from one end of the bridge to the next in massive stampeding herds numbering in thousands: indeed, they are so numerous that significant numbers tend to drown in mass stampedes when crossing strong rivers, with their remains serving to feed the local aquatic life, such as shrompers: tiny shoaling freshwater shrarks that are opportunistic scavengers.
While podotheres migrate outward from Mesoterra, ungulopes, on the other hand, migrate inward from Arcuterra: grazing on tough vegetation, saberleaf or otherwise, they manage to overlap their range with the podotheres, which are more omnivorous and prefer softer vegetation as well as invertebrates. Typical are small grazers like the unicones, such as the prismhorns (Pyradoceratomys spp.), which are gazelle-like opportunistic herbivores that alternate between browsing and grazing depending on availability, while bigger species, such as bilderweests (Taurungulopus spp.) fill bigger-herbivore niches-- despite appearances, they are unrelated to the scruffalo, and convergently evolved a more bovine-looking build independently of their Gestaltian distant relatives.
But most noteworthy of all the bridge land species are the riplets (Cricetatrox spp.) that serve as the delta's primary predators. At just scarcely over two feet in height, these small but formidable killers are descended from dwarfed species of ripperoos: large, intelligent and ferocious apex predators in their native Mesoterra. Competition with larger species of their genus drove these tinier but smarter hunters across the land bridge: but the abundance of predator rivals in Arcuterra would slow their progression. Outmatched in strength and weaponry, the riplets were forced to rely on their numbers and bigger brains: neotenic and fast-breeding, the riplets would retain a flexible capacity to learn even in adulthood, and a rapid reproductive rate to cope with high mortality: a factor that will shape their budding societies and their glimmerings of culture. While riplets know the advantages of cooperation, it is a purely pragmatic arrangement, showing little regard for the welfare of their own kind and even actively killing their weakest-- breeding quickly and dying at young ages, their fellows were easily replacable, and in these harsh lands there was little room to play nice and be sentimental about their kin--it was all a matter of survival.
Intelligent, cooperative, and adaptable, but also incredibly ferocious, fast-breeding and every bit as borderline sociopathic as their larger ripperoo cousins on Mesoterra, the riplets would, given their organized swarm tactics and intelligence, would become formidable predators despite their tiny size. Even the mighty bilderweests stand little chance against the riplets once they figured out how to chase them into natural traps like off cliffs or into deep mud, and with their intellectual upper hand, the riplets would eventually extirpate any other small carnivores on the land bridge.
And to top it all off, with the most fearsome hunter and the most advanced brain the planet had ever seen, a milestone would be reached that would change HP-02017 forever: the riplets would discover the use of fire.
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Unable to create fire for themselves, the riplets rely on naturally occurring bushfires from lightning strikes and combusting dry grass. They have not--at least yet-- managed more advanced uses of it: but they have since learned one crucial fact that would assure their rise to power-- they learned that other animals feared fire. As such some packs learned to opportunistically wait for bushfires to occur and then carry away burning sticks to start fires elsewhere, pouncing on any prey that tries to flee the flames. They, over time, learned how to keep small fires burning for longer periods of time, and through their methods of hunting by arson, they would slowly change the landscape: scorching away forest cover and drier grasses like saberleaf, and promoting the growth of other, less-flammable plants: overturning local ecosystems with their newfound weapon to a level unlike anything seen before.
With their capacity to shape their environment, utilize weapons and tools, cooperative behavior and complete ruthlessness, the unassuming riplets, tiny but terrible, would quickly gain dominance over their environment. This one species, suddenly finding itself with both a deadly new weapon and the intelligence to use it to its greater potential, would move out into the Arcuterran plains at long last, finally able to hold their own against the native rivals, designed perfectly by evolution to weather nature's processes, but woefully underprepared to face up against a creature able to affect large-scale change so quickly.
And in less than five million years, the descendants of the riplets would attain a pinnacle of cognitive milestones, and reshape the world to their liking, like no one species had ever done before --at least, on this planet.
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class1akids · 3 years
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(1) Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I really hope we get a honest conversation between Aizawa and Midoriya at some point. I just think that with the whole vigilante path Midoriya’s going down? Due to the feelings that he’ll be putting his friends in danger, and that he’s stronger alone, and that he needs to do everything by himself? To me it really mirrors what Aizawa did, after Shirakumo died - cutting himself off from the people who care about him, pushing himself to an unhealthy level -
(2) engaging in risky and needlessly self-destructive behaviour... all to avoid confronting the guilt and pain created by the incident, and the fears of having to loose somebody else. Throughout the course of Vigilantes, however, Aizawa begins to change; reconnecting with Present Mic and Midnight, forming new friendships (the Hotta Brothers, Detective Tsukauchi, Koichi), and eventually making the active decision to return to U.A - realising that his current method of ‘coping’ is unhealthy -
(3) selfish, and hurting the people around him. Which... brings us to Midoriya, who 100% has not realised this yet. Assuming the narrative actually treats his new ‘vigilante’ path as the destructive and... just really terrible coping strategy it is, I think it would be very interesting to see Aizawa track Midoriya down and share his own experiences, in order to try and protect his student from making the same mistakes he did. It could be a very interesting character moment for both of them -
(4) especially if Midoriya is still holding guilt over Aizawa’s sudden... pirate-ness. Anyway. Probably won’t happen. Chances are Deku saves the world with own own (inexplicably working) fists and flawless moral compass. But hey! One can dream.
Yeah, it would be very nice to have Aizawa appear like this, chilling on the steps :)
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While I’m always up for more scenes with Aizawa (I so badly want to see him), I think first we need to make some things clear - because everyone is calling Deku a “vigilante”: 
Aizawa was never a vigilante. He was a licenced pro-hero, who worked as an underground hero, unattached to any agency, but still cooperating with the authorities. But everything he did was legal. 
We don’t know if Deku is a “vigilante” right now - though in this chaos with citizens taking up arms, the word itself kind of lost its meaning and weight. He has a provisional license, so unless he lost that (very unlikely with the HPSC being paralyzed), he’s also not working outside of the law. We also don’t really know yet, if he’s acting fully on his own or has someone’s (maybe even Aizawa’s) support / approval in his actions. So Deku may be more like the type of “underground hero” Aizawa was. Though it’s possible that by leaving UA, he automatically loses his license.
But yeah, in any case, I think Aizawa could tell a thing or two to Deku how distancing himself from others as coping mechanism won’t work, because his friends will continue to care about him, the same way Mic and Midnight never gave up on Aizawa. 
Also, I think Aizawa learnt the hard way that caring about others and opening himself up to the possibility of having his heart ripped out again and again is a risk worth taking regardless of the pain. Otherwise, he could never be the caring, deeply invested teacher he is.  And because he was never that powerful, he has no illusions that a single person can save everyone or protect everyone they care about. That’s why Aizawa’s goal is to make everyone as strong as possible, so they can survive even when he’s not there. 
I wonder if Deku now has somewhere deep down started to see everyone as “too weak” seeing Shigaraki’s power-up, feeling like he alone has the power to do anything. It would be an ironic reversal from the time when everyone looked at Deku like that because he was quirkless. 
I could actually be an interesting route to take, provided of course that it is in the end framed as negative. 
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randomwriting-misc · 3 years
Text
Spilled Tea and Dry Eyes | Part 2
THIS IS A REPOST - the original was accidentally deleted
Spencer x Fem!Reader
Series Summary:  A novelist that feels lost in her writing comes across Spencer Reid, and her original work holds a special place in his heart, inspiring a light in both of them. With a budding romance fit for one of her books, will Spencer and her make it to the happy ending?
CW: Talk of suicide and death of a book character, slight cursing
Word Count: 3,410
Part One 
______________________________________________________
Part Two: Butterflies
*Y/N’s POV*
Days passed as I made that coffee shop my temporary home office away from home, and there was no sign of him yet. I never even got his name, and I was starting to worry that I was being insanely creepy hoping to see him like this. Around day four, I actually decided to get some more work done as another deadline loomed at the end of the week. I had been writing the last few days, just not the current novel I was technically supposed to be working on. Seeing someone hold that first book, and seeing that it had looked to be well loved, sparked something in me that wanted to go back to that style. Nowadays, I wrote about being swept off your feet into a whirlwind romance and that feeling of being in love. It’s not that I didn’t love that genre, I did. I was in love with love, and had been all my life. Admittedly, I was a sap, but I was worried my current book was just too perfect. I wanted them to be realistic, and I haven’t found the conflict for this couple to take on that seemed convincing.  
Now, Revival, that was a book that had been therapy to me. It followed a young girl in a small Southern town, who is trying to find the least painful and cheapest way to kill herself to get out of her terrible life. Pills were too expensive, hanging was too painful, and the possibility of surviving slitting her wrist was a chance she couldn’t take. It wasn’t until she meets Mason, a boy who is all smiles and sunshine, that she sees hope in the possibility of life. When she still tragically dies in an accident at the fault of her aunt and uncle, we see the world from her afterlife, helping Mason try to move on and cope.  
It wasn’t a best seller, but it was incredibly special to me, and the kick start to my career. A couple good reviews and a following on social media was enough to peak the interests of some companies, and when I started writing about young adult life and romance, everything took off from there.  
Hyper focused, I was analyzing my drafts, trying to find something believable on my latest book until there was a subtle thump next my laptop. The small noise made me jump a little and stopped me in my tracks.
“Chai Latte with an espresso shot, right?”
I knew that voice, and a glance up confirmed it. He came back. I tried so hard to hide the huge grin across my face, but after days of my over active imagination running through scenarios in my head about him, I couldn’t manage it. He was wearing a dark blue button down, with a patterned tie to match. His sleeves were rolled up just at his elbow, showing off his forearms and hands, which was ridiculously unfair of him. I was surprised I managed to choke out a few words.
“You are correct,” he smiled back at me as I confirmed, “but you did not have to do that. You’re very sweet.” Please stay though, I thought.  
“It’s the least I can do, I did make you wear half of yours the last time we ran into each other.”
“Well technically, you ran into me,” I said with an involuntary laugh, I glanced up to make sure he was still smiling, hoping not to scare him off with my lack of filter.
“But thank you, really. I hope I didn’t come off as rude the other day, I just had a lot on my mind. I didn’t even get your name,” I continued on.
“Spencer. Spencer Reid.”  
Fuck, I thought, that’s a cute name. I nodded, still trying to keep my cool, as much as I wrote about love and romance, I thought I personally had the flirting skills of a wet sock. Not only did I have nothing to clue me in on if he was interested, but if he had dropped a hint, I probably would have missed it. After all he could just be into modern fiction?  
“Did you want to sit?” I asked, hopeful. Now it was his turn to act nervous, he looked down at his fidgeting hands. I was worried I was making him uncomfortable.  
“Yeah actually, I’d love too.” He moved to the seat sitting across from me and I rushed to move all of my papers out of the way. I heard him chuckle at my frantic movements.  
“It’s okay,” he said, “I am not one to judge about a messy workspace.” The words calmed you down a bit.  
“I’m sorry, I just have been having a hard time getting a good solid foundation going, all of this is research.” His hands moved across the small table to gather some papers, to help me with the mess.  
“Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love,” he read aloud, “the working theory that love can be understood in three components. Passion. Intimacy. Commitment.” His eyes flickered up to me while stacking everything to the side. I had been reading so much research on love, having only getting glimpses of it here and there in my own life, I wanted to try to break it open and explore all its dimensions in order to portray it accurately.
“Have you read it?” I asked. He laughed, as if that was a silly question. It should have come across as odd, but all it made me think about was how I could listen to that laugh nonstop.  
“You could say that, I kind of know the research by heart. Are you writing a new book?”  
I nodded.  
“Why the studies? It seems odd to write a scientifically accurate romance book. I can’t imagine “your pheromones light up the temporal lobe of my brain, flooding receptors with serotonin” to be inherently sexy. I always assumed people who wrote about love just, felt it.” This time I was the one who laughed. He sounded like he was genuinely interested in my answer, as his face searched mine like he was searching for a light in the dark.  
“Brave of you to assume my temporal lobe has been affected by anyone’s pheromones Spencer. I do at times just “feel it”, and a lot of it is wishes and hopes and dreams. But sometimes I want it to be more real for people, and with my limited experience in that area, I try to dissect the psychology of it as much as I can. It’s sometimes very unromantic to write a romance.” I was expecting his face to fall, disappointed with my answer, but instead he perked up and smile even wider.  
God, he has a beautiful smile.
“I actually like that, to analyze it from that perspective. I have a degree in psychology in fact. That knowledge is a lot more powerful than you think. I can see why your books have become so popular, and how it ties in to a few of them.”  
“Oh, so you’re a psychologist?” It made sense, it fit him and his aesthetic.
“No, not really, I just have a degree in it. Technically, I have a few degrees.” His demeanor changed as he seemed to become a little self-conscious.  
“You don’t have to tell me them; I know I over share a bit and that can put pressure on others to overshare, I’m sorry.” I sat back in my chair to give him a little distance. This is why I suck at talking to people, I get weird.
“It’s not that, it’s just a little odd to some. I have bachelor’s degrees in Psychology, Sociology, and Philosophy. As well as PHD’s in Chemistry, Mathematics, and Engineering.”
I perked back up in my seat.
“Ah, so it's actually, Dr. Spencer Reid,” I smiled, “I don’t think it’s odd. I think it’s really cool. Obviously very impressive.” When I had called him doctor, his eyes shot up at me with a look in his eye I could only describe as yearning, and I had to hold back a mischievous look. That told me a lot more about him than he could have said. I felt a vibration from the table and saw his phone light up. I could tell from his face it meant our time might be ending soon. It was now or never. I couldn’t wait another week to talk to him again. It felt so natural to sit across from him, like I could sit there for hours without noticing the time. I took a deep breath and gathered my courage.
“I don’t mean to be too forward here Spencer, but would you maybe want to, uhm,” I stammered, “maybe we could do this again?” I hid my face in my hands as the words left my mouth, peaking with one eye between my fingers to see him perk up. He chuckled at my actions.  
“I would love that.”
My hands fell, effectively bringing down my hiding place. I wrote down my phone number on a piece of notebook paper and tore it out, I added my name as well, to make sure he got the proper spelling, because things like that mattered to me. I wondered if it mattered to him? Or was I just showing my oddities. I wrote something else, shielding his eyes from it, before folded the note in half, then for good measure, once more.  I slid the paper over and finally met his eyes. For a second, there was just a silence between us, just looking at the other. My breathing got deeper as his stare got to me. It was just for a moment though, as his phone started ringing to break the silence. He groaned and I nodded at him, gesturing him to take the call.  
“Reid.” He said, the person on the other end other call was talking, but I couldn’t really distinguish anything.  
“Yeah, I got it. I can meet you in 30.” He paused for the voice again before saying goodbye and looked up at me apologetically.
“Work?” I asked. He simply nodded.  
“Yeah, unfortunately I have to go. I might be gone for a few days,” he explained. He saw the curiosity almost jump out at him.
“It’s... complicated?” He answered my question before I even asked.  
“Mm, Spencer, you should know better than to make yourself a mystery to a writer. It’s just going to make me that much more eager to see you again,” I said teasingly, but my words made him blush and chuckle.  
“Text me?” I asked, my tone shifting to hopeful. He nodded furiously and stood up. Gathering his things, he leaned over and whispered in my ear.  
“You know, I’m just as eager to see you again.” I felt the air leaving my lungs, having not been prepared at all for the effect he had on me. He stood upright and smirked at me.  
“Have a good day Y/N, good luck with the research.”  
Before he left, I tried to recover from how he left me speechless. I shouted a goodbye to him as he rushed out the door, the café feeling empty as soon as he was gone. I shook my head and thought it all over. I didn’t know anything about him besides his name and that he’s incredibly smart. I never did this sort of thing either, give my number out to strangers, yearn over men I just met. I was turning into a cliché. But there was something about him that made me think it might be worth it. His smile maybe, or his eyes?  
Writing became a little easier after he left, jumping ahead in my book to write where my thoughts took me. From the romantic to the steamy, Spencer Reid would at least get me out of the hot pan with my publisher and editor.  
*Spencer’s POV*
Climbing onto the jet, I thought about how this was most I had ever disliked being on it. I wanted to talk to her for as long as possible. It was the first time I had felt like myself in a while. I loved my job, but suddenly I was faced with the fact that once again, it made making connections so hard, and I already had a hard time with them. I sat on the couch and looked at the note in my hand, I couldn’t bring myself to open it just yet. It made me so nervous.  
“Hey, kid, you good?”
“Yep.” That question was started to get quite repetitive. Even if I knew Derek Morgan just meant it genuinely.  
“What’s that?” he asked. I stopped before answering. Last time I never told anyone I had started seeing someone, and no one ever got to meet her. No one understood how I felt or how wonderful it all was. Maybe letting down a few rows of stone on the walls I had built up would be good? I could use the advice in the dating world, that’s for sure.  
“It’s a girl’s number.” Morgan looked a bit shocked, and from across the aisle saw JJ choke on her water, then try to recover. I guess it’s safe to assume they were all eavesdropping.  
“Is it that shocking?” I asked her, feeling defensive. She cleared her throat and moved closer.
“No, it's not shocking that someone likes you, not at all, it’s just interesting that you like them back.” Damn, she did have a point. It wasn’t often I noticed someone liked me, let alone reciprocated those feelings.  
“Oh.”
Morgan spoke up next.
“Yeah, I’m happy for you man, have you called her yet?” I shook my head no.
“You should call her,” he said. I sighed and stared on the paper in my hand, my head spinning.
“Well, she’s just not any girl, she’s different, and I’m just nervous around her. I’m nervous around most girls, and I don’t know how to act normal after having such a non-normal relationship with...” my voice fell flat, not being able to continue, but I didn’t have too. Everyone knew.
“Spence, what about her makes you so nervous?” JJ asked, I could her the concern in her voice.  
“It’s odd, it's just that, I’m afraid to get close to her. After... after Maeve I wasn’t okay, and that’s when I found her book, she’s an author. Not only am I going to be terrified of losing someone I like, someone I love again, but that she's perceptive, and that she could know the reason I love her writing so much is because I was just as broken as her character. So now I’m vulnerable and scared.”
Silence fell over the plane. All the agents who had been listening in did not even move. JJ was the first one to step into the silence once again.  
“Well, I’m sure that she wouldn’t have given you her number if she didn’t think you were worth getting to know. I never thought you were broken, Spencer. No one did. But, if that’s what you’re afraid of, maybe you should consider the opposite. If she was the one writing about a broken character, maybe she herself knows what it feels like to be broken.”
I guess a part of me knew that. That maybe she could understand more than most could. It was clouded by the fact I didn’t want my emotional baggage to cast a shadow on how she made me feel, as selfish as it was.
“Don’t be nervous,” Derek said, “take the leap.”
I nodded at him and pulled out my phone. I finally opened to read what she had written alongside her number.
I’m excited to get to know you Spencer Reid. You intrigue me as much as one can. As you can imagine, words mean a lot to me. Here are some of my favorites.  
“We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed with the windows open and the stars bright.” A Moveable Feast, Ernest Hemingway.
*Y/N’s POV*
The sound of my phone ringing woke me up from a light sleep. Groaning I looked over to see it was a little past 2 am. With a rolling of my eyes I answered.
“Hello?” I mumbled,
“Y/N?” His voice made me sit straight up in bed, my tone a lot more chipper now
“Spencer?”
“Yeah, hi, I wanted to call you and give you my number. I didn’t really take into account how late it was.”  He stammered.
“Ah so you’re a “I’ll call you” and then actually calls kind of guy huh.” I laughed lightly. Turning on my speaker, I added his number to a new contact.  
“Kind of, are you a text only kind of gal?”  
“Yes. Very much so, I like to be able to obsess over what I’m saying in order to make sure it’s perfect before sending it and second guessing it all. “
He busted out a laugh.
“Sounds stressful.”
“You have no idea.” I said sighing, but still there was a smile in my voice.
There was a pause between us, and it was heavy, but not awkward. It was almost as if we were both testing the waters of this new flirtation. Spencer was the one to speak first.
“You know, that quote is now one of my favorites.”  
I blushed; thankful he couldn’t see.
“Really? I’m glad, I was worried it was too cheesy.”
“Not at all, it made me smile. I like smiling. It’s nice to be happy like this.” While the sentiment was sweet, there was a sadness behind his words. I wanted to know why that sadness resided there.
“I like your smile.” I didn’t push too much, not just yet, and decided to change the subject, “Where are you in the world tonight Dr. Reid?”
“Washington State. Once again, I’m sorry about how late it is on the East Coast.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t have much to do in the morning.”
“What about this Saturday?”
Oh my god is this happening?
“Free as a bird.” Extremely proud I didn’t sound crazy.
“Would I be able to steal some of your time away on a date?”
Stop. Time stopped for a second and my heart pounded.
“I truly would like nothing more. Did you have something in mind?”  
“I do, but I think I would like to keep it a surprise, is that okay?” He said with hope in his voice.  
I nodded, but then realized I had to use my voice, which I could not find at the moment.  
“As long as you tell me the vibe so I can dress appropriately, we are golden Spencer Reid.” The way his name sounded would never get old. He laughed a little.
“The vibe, got it, I definitely will.”  I could hear the laugh in his words.
We talked for a bit more, before I remembered once again something I had yet to learn about him.
“You know, you never really told me what you do. Just your degrees.”
This time the pause that came seemed cold.
“Oh, yeah. I’m an FBI agent. Specifically, for a behavioral analysis unit.”
He didn’t seem to inept to tell me, but I tried to play off his change in tone.
“That literally is the coolest thing I have ever heard. I’m almost positive you have walked off the pages of a book. Are you sure you are real?”  
It worked; I could hear him give a slight chuckle.
“Why yes, I do believe I am a real boy, Y/N.”
You might love to say his name, but my name on his lips didn’t sound too bad either.
“Hm, you’re lucky I can’t see your nose to verify.” I said followed by a yawn. I cursed slightly as my body showed how tired I had grown. I wasn’t ready to sleep, but he definitely noticed.
“You should sleep, can I text you tomorrow?”
I sighed, but it was late where he was too, so I gave in.
“Of course. Goodnight Spencer. Please stay safe.”  
“You too Y/N. Sweet dreams.”
I smiled and said goodnight one last time before hanging up. I stared at my phone for a second before falling back into my pillows.  
Five days until our first date.
That night, I fell into dreams about Spencer, butterflies in my stomach and a smile on my face.
___________________________________
Taglist: @/eu-solidao @/andiebeaword
Part Three being written!!
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sepublic · 3 years
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Eda and Loss
           Even if Young Blood, Old Souls helped remedy the pain from Agony of a Witch… It also really added to it too, in a lot of other ways! Specifically, how Eda still insists on being selfless, but is also just sort of resigned to her fate… Because so many terrible things happen to her that to Eda, she figures it must just be her inevitable fate, the way things are. That bad stuff happens to her and that’s just how it is, and all Eda can do is ensure that others like Luz or King don’t have to suffer like her…
           Like, Eda barely survives petrification, and realizes she’s lost all of her magic- And her only reaction is a tired, used-to-this, acknowledgement of what happened before immediately moving on! It really saddens me how Eda is just used to this, to suffering and loss… She can’t even take the time to wallow in self-pity and misery, because she’s always got something else to deal with, or this is a step up from what she was resigned to; Even if it’s still a step down from what she once had! And obviously it’s so Eda doesn’t fall into despair, obviously she developed this coping tactic after years of bitter loneliness and ostracization after being cursed, no doubt an intense period of depression- But still.
           Eda deserves to feel bad for herself, and to have people comfort her and agree on this- And now she does, she has Luz and King and even Lilith! Eda has the right to scream and vent about the injustice that she regularly goes through, I just want to see a one-shot or even a canon scene where she finally just loses it and breaks down, as it all catches up to her the realization of the unfairness of it all… I want Eda to cathartically soak in those feelings of bitterness and anger and despair, as she just lets it out and admits that she is NOT okay, that this is terrible and she doesn’t deserve this, she deserves better and yet others way worse than Eda get good things in life… And she HATES it!
           Eda’s played the bigger person for so long, but you know what? She’s tired of that, what has being mature reallygotten her in the end, things just keep getting worse for her as Eda keeps losing things so what’s even the point, may as well only care about herself, HUH!? Just like Lilith…! And then Luz and King… They comfort and reassure Eda quietly, supporting her righteous anger and self-advocacy. And they tell Eda that she DID get something for all of her efforts, she got the two of them. She got the defense of all those people back in the Conformatorium, and obviously it’s not right that Eda has to actively work for that kind of dignity from others when that’s something she’s naturally due and owed as a person who never did anything wrong… But at least she has it, and Eda DID succeed in getting it. She got that for herself, Eda DOES accomplish things and she doesn’t have to worry about losing them- Luz and King aren’t going anywhere, anytime soon… They’ll always come back for her!
           Maybe that played a big role in Eda’s rage when Lilith kidnapped Luz- Eda had been resigned to loss, but then she gained Luz… And when Luz was threatened, Eda decided this was the ONE thing she could not take standing, the one loss she couldn’t bear nor allow- This was the one person she’d hold onto no matter what, she doesn’t care what others say, she doesn’t care if this is the divine order of the Titan or anyone else; Especially since Luz is a PERSON, not a thing! Eda already lost Lilith, she is… She is NOT losing Luz, not if she can help it!
          She’s sick of losing people and Eda has gotten enough self-love from Luz to recognize that she at least deserves to have this kid in her life… And then of course the truth of Lilith cursing her shatters Eda’s self-confidence, because her sister already took this happiness and magic from her, Lilith took herself from Eda, and now she’s taking Luz too?! And Eda becomes resigned to her fate, and is just glad that at least Luz is safe… When really Luz insists to Eda that she should ask for Luz’s safety AND presence alongside Eda.
           And Lilith, I think the tension between her and Eda would really spike in such a cathartic moment of release, when Eda is allowed to vent about her frustrations in life. But Lilith would AGREE with Eda’s sentiments that she deserves better, and cite how she spent most of her life trying to cure the curse because she thought Eda shouldn’t have to deal with it, shouldn’t have to suffer and hurt. Lilith messed up in many ways, but she DID do a lot of terrible things because she thought they’d be the best course of action for Eda… Lilith, as misguided as she was, was motivated by the belief that Eda was better than her, deserved better than her, or at least deserved better than this- Because Eda is the world to her.
          Lilith, who hurt her more than anyone else, agrees that Eda doesn’t deserve this, and… it must be so validating, that this enigmatic curser, their unknown reasons, which must’ve haunted Eda as she wondered why she did this, if there was a justification for her suffering the way Luz or Amity wondered the same… It WASN’T valid, Eda’s reaction and hatred for the curse was 100% right and basically the world is agreeing with her considering that entire crowd and her own curser agree! And it’s scary to consider the idea that there isn’t some divine reason for your pain, that it was all meaningless and unnecessary… But once you get the worst out of the way –and Eda is USED to that- it can really open the avenue for some self-love, and accepting good things for yourself and working for them, too! Demanding those good things, being rightfully entitled to them, and reclaiming your dignity!
           So Eda has to admit, get it off her chest this one positive thing, because she’s already unloading these negative feelings… She has to confess to Lilith that her sister’s return to her side means everything to her, that it’s one thing she lost and DID get back, and then the sisters just cry and sob into each other’s shoulders because they’ve messed up, they’ve lost so much and only had each other, and they almost lost that too… But now that bond is back, and if the sisters got their friendship back, maybe they can get MORE back from this world that they’ve lost… And if not, then what they’ve taken back and even received is just fine as it is, because having each other is all they ever needed as kids; Lilith never needed the Emperor’s Coven and she realizes this. And not only that, but they have Luz and King with them, too!
           Maybe this sensation of loss plays a role into why Eda collects human trash; She’s materialistically hoarding stuff, not just as a reflection of her Owl nature… But maybe it’s also a way to cope with the losses of the intangible things in life that TRULY mattered to Eda, by making up for it with random trinkets and treasures from another world- Giving herself a kind of compensation to make up for the one she was owed but never given by others. Of course, Eda would never substitute her treasures and trinkets for actual interaction with people, and she maintains her connections with King and Luz well… But it also helps to have that AND her stuff, you know?
          So it’s only all the more tragic that Eda ends up losing her human-trash business, because she loses the portal as well; But at least she got back her sister Lilith, and that’s a sacrifice she’s glad to make. Besides, it’s no different than being resigned to being dead, and NOT having anything in life because there is no life to begin with! However, Luz had to lose her way back home, and thus her mother Camila… and I think that’s something that could bother Eda later down the line, as she feels like she failed her kid and couldn’t protect Luz from the loss Eda’s always accustomed to. Eda got back Lilith, but would she have jeopardized Luz and Camila’s connection to do so?
          But I think Luz can reassure Eda that not only is she putting too much blame onto herself for something Belos was responsible for –and that’s a recurring theme of abusers making victims feel wholly responsible for things beyond their control- but Luz doesn’t HAVE to lose Camila… It’s not hopeless. Eda thought she lost Lilith, and now she has her back… And it hasn’t even been an entire year yet, Camila and Luz don’t have nearly as huge of an emotional rift between them because of another’s mistakes… Their separation is physical, but it’s not hopeless. If Eda can get back Lilith, and gain Luz and King, Owlbert and Hooty… Then Luz could get back Camila, too- And maybe Eda could get to meet Luz’s mom, too!
           Just… Eda deserves to be petty and immature and self-serving after everything life has thrown at her and she knows it… But she doesn’t take this one thing she’s at least due, because Eda’s so focused on giving to others. Eda doesn’t make her resentment Luz’s problem, she doesn’t let her grudge against the system prevent Luz from enrolling in Hexside… And Eda knows that the girl needs guidance and maturity, and so for Luz’s sake, Eda will steel herself and be the mentor she needs! Eda doesn’t want anyone to suffer and lose like she did, she’ll focus on giving things, even at the cost of herself, to others who arguably have it better than her, because they could get even more than what they have, and deserve to! She’s so selfless and strong, and Eda has invested so much into others even at her own sacrifice… So for once she deserves to go feral as a treat, to unapologetically beat up someone who makes a cruel remark about her curse.
           Eda has been so resigned, so used to loss that she just focuses more on minimizing her losses than actually keeping what she has, or even getting things back and earning new things along the way… And it’s until Luz comes along that Eda begins to change her stance, that Eda tries to hold onto Luz, even if this doesn’t last and that night ends with Eda sacrificing herself. Eda thinks loss is such an inherent inevitability of her, such a written-in-stone fate, that she basically tries to claim this on her own terms, by deliberately sacrificing things she knows she’ll lose anyway, by giving them to those who actually deserve it- Instead of letting those lost things fade away into oblivion meaninglessly.
          Eda is resigned to losing magic, so she figures she may as well lose it by protecting Luz, VS having it just dwindle away meaninglessly. She’s resigned to being petrified, so Eda figures she may as well throw herself into the beam to protect King and Lilith in the process. Eda is resigned to losing Luz moments before her execution, so she gives Luz the portal so Luz can at least go home. It’s like Eda knows it’s better to accept this than to fight it, so then she can take control and initiative of what she CAN change… If Eda accepts loss then maybe she can have a say in how it happens, and how it can also give to others as well. If she thinks that she loses everything and is given only pain in return, then Eda uses that pain to motivate herself to protect others from it.
          Maybe that played into why Eda chose to give Luz the Witch’s Wool cloak, initially meant to protect her! Perhaps Eda was resigned to eventually becoming an Owl Beast, to dying or being captured, and having that cloak taken from her… So why not give it to someone else who needs it more than her, a kid who has an actual chance at avoiding misfortune? Give it to Luz, who can make the most of this cloak and her own potential, and has been doing so; Unlike Eda, who had so much magical potential, but never got to properly explore it thanks to the Coven System and the curse.
          The worst part is that Eda WAS right- By reserving the cloak for Luz, it wasn’t confiscated with her when she was captured… And with the cloak’s protective abilities, Luz was able to succeed in rescuing Eda! So Eda’s kindness and investment in others does come around, and pay off… And the best part is that she never expects it to, she’s just being unconditionally kind! It’s always a pleasant surprise… Albeit because Eda’s expectations are always lowered, if not outright non-existent thanks to her horrific trauma.
          It plays into her cynicism, anticipating/assuming the worst and preparing for it… Such as thinking Luz will ditch her after finding Hexside as an alternate teacher, or after learning about the curse; So Eda tries to avoid getting too attached to this kid. Or when she’s afraid that Hexside will only traumatize Luz, so initially she tries to discourage her… While also giving Luz an out with that Quitter Badge on her first day, no judgment! Eda expects the worst for herself and so tries to protect others from it by offering a support network, a safety net to recover from mistakes and learn from them… So it really means so much more to her when good things happen.
           And Luz is such an excellent foil to this mindset… She’s positive, she’s still young and fresh, she righteously demands good things for herself and others and gets them, and Eda does everything to support this! Eda WANTS Luz to know that she deserves to get better things in life, she neither has to accept losses, nor minimize them… Nor just hold onto what she already has, Luz can make things better for herself! And Eda WANTS her to!
          Even when Luz lost the portal and her mother, she managed to hold onto Eda and her friends when she could’ve lost them as well- She got back Eda’s regular form, and got the help and companionship of Lilith as well. Luz even got people to protest against the Emperor’s Coven, on Eda’s behalf! Eda and Luz both make the most of a situation, sometimes even expand upon that- Luz is just a lot more hopeful and optimistic in that regard, and she’s got good support from Eda.
          It’s ironic that Luz’s name sounds phonetically similar to ‘Lose’, yet she’s gained so much for herself and others… And like Luz herself said; If she has to lose, she can make Belos lose a couple of things himself! Make the losses mutual, to deter them from anyone else who’d want to keep causing them, because they may not be as willing nor mature about handling sacrifice for such a selfish goal. Eda doesn’t have to lose anything, to give, and Luz wants to make her know this; That giving to others can, as corny as it sounds, be fulfilling in its own way, it can lead to one gaining a different kind of thing in life!
          Eda gave something as unconditional, as endless as her love and appreciation towards Luz, and Luz returned that tenfold… It’s sweet that Eda is resigned to loss and turning it into sacrifice for others, but Luz is here to remind Eda that she doesn’t have to just accept losing things anymore, just as Eda encourages Luz not to accept the status quo. If Luz can do it for herself and others, among them Eda… Eda can do the same for herself, after doing that for Luz and so forth!
          Like I said before- Luz is someone who asks why can’t she and others have it all, instead of just settling for the best option, and/or one of them… And she really learned that from Eda, who was normally resigned to loss, because she doubted her ability to get better things in life for herself, and thought she could only pass this opportunity on to others. Eda has always believed in the question of why can’t people have it all, she just began to see herself as the one exception… But no, why can’t EDA get in on this, too!? That’s something Luz can ask Eda to consider, and override any answer/justification she’s given, because Eda shouldn’t take no for an answer.
          She’s always questioning of authority, and been forging her own path, making her own things from seemingly nothing, finding value even in human garbage and creating her own meaning from them beyond whatever they were intended for… Just as Eda encourages others to make their own paths and identities beyond whatever anyone else, be it a Coven System or a Titan’s alleged will, ordains! You’re more than what others make/intend for you to be… Kind of like how the Blight kids could’ve been brought into this world by Odalia and Alador to continue the Blight legacy of ‘greatness and strength’, but the kids can choose to redefine themselves and make their own purpose in life, or how Luz shouldn’t settle for any ‘destiny’ and just make the one she wants for herself.
          Eda deliberately looks for and finds meaning in things, and if it’s not there she’ll make it herself; Like Luz’s own skills as a witch apprentice! Eda finds the inherent beauty in nature, and it’s an appreciation passed onto Luz, a philosophy to really pay attention and look, that leads to the discovery and reclaiming of lost glyphs! Eda finds something in rejection, in stuff and people considered outcast and detrimental, and it leads to her belief that fellow weirdoes really need to stick together, because they can find solidarity and happiness there, or create it anyway. People like Eda lost the approval of society, lost family members who rejected them… But from that rejection, they can learn and make a home for others to gain in return, as at least some compensation for their losses- A found family that could even more than make up for the blood family that had been lost! And if you can get back those lost familial bonds; The more, the merrier!
          Eda’s such a productive and efficient, headstrong person in regards to handling tragedy… But at the same time, just for once, PLEASE let her be unapologetically selfish! That’s something Eda was always due and owed, and yet she had to earn it… And Eda’s more than earned it multiple times over. I’m sure Luz and the others would be glad to provide, but just once I’d love to see some universal acknowledgement of how much Eda is owed, and actually give her something for once, without Eda having to fight and work tooth and nail for it. Eda doesn’t want others to suffer and fight for good things like she had to, it influences her kindness to Luz… Let her kindness come around to her! Eda is a GODDESS and deserves to be worshipped as such, she shouldn’t take “No” for an answer- Eda should take what she wants and is owed anyway!
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quilloftheclouds · 4 years
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100 OC Questions
Uh. I got bored again and made another ask game! Pick an oc, or I’ll pick randomly. This one has 100 questions so you can nice and neatly use a d100 to choose what numbers to send in, if you want~
And since writeblr is a community, I would truly appreciate it if you sent an ask to whoever you’re reblogging this from! (Even if you don’t know them very well---it’s really the polite thing to do.)
1. What common traits do you share with your oc? What about them is the least like you? 2. Do you think you would get along with your oc if you could meet them? What things would you talk about? 3. How competent would your oc be in a survival situation? Would they be better off on their own or in a group? 4. Is your oc a daredevil, or more of a scaredy cat? What is the most daring thing they’ve done in their life? 5. What is your oc’s patience like? When waiting for something, are they able to sit still or do they fidget? How do they fidget? 6. How much thought does your oc put into what they wear/look like? Any reason why? 7. Does your oc collect anything? What about of knowledge or facts? How big is their collection? 8. What kind of flavours does your oc like? How much spice can they handle? 9. How easily does your oc trust others? Any particular reason why? How trustworthy are they themselves? 10. What are some of your oc’s pet peeves? How do they handle it when the annoyance doesn’t stop? 11. Does your oc have a good sense of direction? Do they get lost easily? 12. How well would your oc handle being placed in a leadership position? 13. What is your oc’s confidence like? Are they self-confident to the point of being arrogant? Are they terribly self-deprecating? 14. What is your oc’s speech like? How loud are they usually? Do they have an accent or a stutter? 15. What is your oc’s memory like? Do they remember certain things better than others? Do they have any strategies to better remember things? 16. How affectionate is your oc? How do they convey their affection? By being touchy, or through more subtle ways? 17. How polite is your oc? Do they know how to act in a formal situation? How would they *actually* act in a formal situation? 18. How physically strong is your oc? Is their agility or endurance better? 19. What is your oc’s creative skillset? Music, drawing, writing, dancing, etc.? Or are they lacking creativity entirely? 20. Does your oc have any favourite games to pass the time? What other hobbies do they have? 21. Is your oc expressive, or would they rather conceal their emotions? What are their typical expressions like? 22. How easily does your oc fare in the sun? Do they tan or burn easily? Are they completely unaffected? 23. How graceful is your oc? Are they elegant in their movements, or more clumsy? 24. Is your oc a romantic, or are they grossed out by the simple mention of anything romantic? 25. How stubborn is your oc? Are they open to considering different options or opinions, or are they more closed off? 26. How does your oc sleep? Do they move around a lot? What position does your oc normally sleep in? What are their typical bedding arrangements like? 27. What is your oc’s sleep schedule like? Are they a night owl, an early morning riser, or do they get any sleep at all? 28. How organized is your oc? How important is organization to your oc? 29. If a perfume was to be made to represent your oc, what sorts of smells would be included in it? 30. How caring/empathetic is your oc? Are they the type to immediately adopt and protect others, or are they a true sadist? 31. What inspired the creation of your oc? Any specific things, a general aesthetic or idea, or something completely random? 32. How judgemental is your oc? Do they keep an open mind about people, or are they the type to judge a book by its cover? 33. What five objects or things could be expected to be found on your oc’s person at any time? Why? 34. Does your oc have a pet? If they could have another one or if they were to get one, what would it be? How well could they care for it? 35. Does your oc have any distinguishing markings? Scars, tattoos, birthmarks, freckles, etc? 36. What is your oc’s fight or flight response like? What sorts of things provoke it the most? 37. How does your oc handle heavy stress? Do they have any specific coping mechanisms? Are they healthy or not? 38. What does your oc do to relax? Any specific activities? Why? 39. Does your oc have any nicknames? What are the origins of them? If they don’t, can you come up with some possible ones? 40. What languages does your oc know? Are there any they want to learn but haven’t had the chance to? How good are they at picking up new ones? 41. What was the worst injury your oc ever suffered? Has it had any long lasting impact on them? 42. Is your oc an optimist or a pessimist? Any particular reason why? 43. How important are the rules to your oc? Do they follow them to a t, or do they enjoy breaking them? 44. How violent is your oc? Or are they more a pacifist? To what lengths will they go to start/avoid a conflict? 45. How is your oc around animals? What about children? 46. Does your oc lie a lot, or is the truth very important to them? What is their reaction to other people lying to them? 47. How much of a prankster is your oc? Are their pranks truly evil, or more harmless, positive ones? 48. What are your oc’s nervous tics? Are they aware of them? Do they attempt to hide them? 49. What would be the perfect gift for your oc? What would be their reaction to receiving it? 50. How attentive is your oc? How perceptive are they? How easily do they get distracted? 51. If your oc was to receive an award for something, what would it most likely be for? Have they received any awards in the past? 52. In what ways does your oc cope with anger? How easily angered are they? Do they lash out? 53. If your oc was to host a podcast or TV show, what would it be about? Would your oc actually be good at it? What sorts of guests would appear? 54. How would you describe your oc’s voice to sound like? Do you have any voice claims for them? 55. How sensitive to loud sound is your oc? Do they prefer constant high background noise, low background noise, or complete silence? 56. What is your oc’s favourite colour? If you had to choose one colour to represent your oc, what would it be and why? 57. How good is your oc’s sight? Do they wear glasses? Do they need glasses? Do they have some form of night vision? 58. How would you describe your oc’s appearance to someone who’s looking for them? What features would be most identifiable? 59. How good at cooking is your oc? What can they cook/what is their favourite thing to cook? 60. How good is your oc at keeping track of time? Are they always late, always early, or always right on time? 61. Is your oc more quick-thinking, or do they take longer to figure things out? 62. How quick is your oc? Do they have faster or slower reflexes? What things are they quickest at? 63. How self-disciplined is your oc? Do they often think before they act, or the other way around? 64. Which of the seven deadly sins does your oc fall under most? What about the seven heavenly virtues? 65. If you were to give your oc a new superpower, what would you choose and why? If *they* were to be able to choose, what would it be and why? 66. What sort of advice would people go to your oc for? What sort of advice is your oc actually good at giving? 67. How many people does your oc prefer to be around? A crowd, a few friends, or all on their own? 68. What sorts of things would cheer your oc up when they’re down? Is your oc sad often, or is it more rare? 69. How energetic is your oc? Are they constantly tired, or constantly bouncing off the walls? 70. What about your oc’s lifestyle would they change if they had the ability? Why? 71. What is your oc’s go-to for offense? What weapon, what style of fighting? Or are words more their weapon of choice? 72. What is your oc’s ideal environment like? Urban or natural? Fancy or rustic? What’s the weather like? 73. If your oc were to be arrested, what would it most likely be for? Is it justified? Have they actually been arrested before? 74. How would your oc act when drunk? What about when really, really tired? 75. What would your oc’s dream home be like? How big would it be? What sorts of rooms would be in it? Where would it be located? 76. What is/was your oc’s relationship with their family like? Was it happy, tense, or abusive? What living family does your oc currently have, if any? 77. Does your oc like to wear any particular accessories? Hats, jewelry, scarves, etc.? 78. How socially skilled is your oc? Are they good at understanding social cues? How charismatic are they? 79. For what reason would your oc turn into a villain? And if they’re already a villain, vice-versa? 80. What is your oc’s handwriting like? How easy to read is it? Can they write/read cursive? 81. How good is your oc at drawing? What is their preferred art medium, and what is their artstyle like? 82. What would be your oc’s ultimate dream vacation? Where would they go? Who would they take with them? What would they do? 83. What is your oc’s favourite trait about themselves? What about their least liked? What would others like and dislike the most about your oc? 84. Is your oc more masculine, feminine, androgynous, or something else entirely? 85. What would history remember your oc for? How would they become famous? Or are they the sort that would really only be appreciated long after their death? 86. What would someone assume about your oc based on their appearance? Would those assumptions be correct? 87. What are some of your oc’s physical weak spots? What about emotional/moral ones? 88. Does your oc hold grudges? For how long? Does your oc have any rivals? 89. What does your oc’s laugh sound like? How often do they laugh? Are they easily amused? 90. Does your oc have any objects they could never give up? Why is it so important to them? Do they have any family heirlooms? 91. What is your oc’s typical posture like? Do they slouch, or stand straight? How much space do they usually take up, both physically and figuratively? 92. What trait does your oc appreciate or admire the most in others? Why? 93. What is your oc’s preferred learning style? Observation, hands-on, instruction? Do they take notes or memorize? 94. Does your oc rely more on a logical or emotional mindset? What situations would this be the opposite? 95. How is your oc about keeping someone else’s secret? Are they the gossiping type, are do they hold true on their promise to keep things quiet? 96. Describe your oc in three words. What three words would they use to describe themselves? 97. How old is your oc physically? How old are they in mental maturity? When are they most mature, and when are they the least? 98. Is your oc the type to have a lot of fairly good friends, have a small group of close friends, have one or two best friends, or have no friends at all? Who are they closest to? 99. What is your oc’s morning routine usually like? What do they eat for breakfast (if they have breakfast)? What time do they usually get up in the morning? 100. Does your character ever swear? How often? How vulgar is their swearing?
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