#and im not coping with my loneliness well

[skunkes]

was abt to make a silly post about how at this point i barter with the universe for a bf like "please id take care of him and walk him and dress him up", like a child begging for a pet, and then i think abt how as much as i want an actual pet I don't think im fit to ever have one of those either

#talkys #i want a partner i dont think i should have one for equal parts not thinking im worthy and also being too picky #and enjoying my alone time as much as the loneliness and skin hunger hurts me so badly every single day #after hearing with and interacting with others its like is it even worth it if ill still turn to my imagination...! like will it ever be #enough? #or i see ppl post about the Good and its like. id never be lucky enough to find someone who fit my needs and didnt hate me and #wanted to spend time with me it wld be so difficult. i will never be that lucky #but then wagh. ive talked about this before i hate falling into this pit bc ive always been undesirable so convincing myself of all this #feels very like. well yeah. it was never gonna happen anyway but good thing you finally found your Cope! #delete later #i cannot even make friends. the stars will never align. but all i want is my own guy to worship. belongs with me‚ the devotee #being unworthy but also being like. im a catch i can be as picky as i want (forgets hes ugly as fuck and kind of useless with it too) #whatever either way we are not going to make it

[soldier-poet-king]

tried with middling success to do my nails after half a bottle of wine and like. lent is TECHNICALLY OVER and it has been a LONG ASS FEW WEEKS but also it looks like i massacred someone and not spent two hrs playing videogames and doin my nails in red while lit

#alcohol cw #ANYWAY #i look like a FOOL #and a CHILD #but honestly at this point i dont even care #wine i missed uuuuuuu #i mean im glad i gave it up for lent #its a comfort i dont NEED and only indulge in on weekends anyway #but living in THIS HOUSE???? oh man i love my red wine sm #and cider season is upon us #i miss social drinking!!!!! i miss having friends!!!! #anyway. work tmrw and im just. #well. at least it's a 4 day week. #motivation? nonexistent #i feel ADRIFT and i have been feeling so for weeks #it's the ennui #lack of tangible goals. pressing loneliness. etc etc etc #oh videogames and manga as coping mechs we're in it now :)\ #at least the 1st l&c book is FINALLY coming in from the library #ive had it on hold forever #me n lockwood gotta be depressed bitches #and also kipps is just. aimless quarterlife crisis 20 something. ME TOO MAN. ME TOO #WHEN IS IT GONNA GET WARM. IM DYING #the crocuses are starting to bud but it's STILL COLD

[orkbutch]

Okay! time to add my accompanying essays with each image from this set of work about why I assigned which types of play to each set of characters, and how Baldur's Gate III supports these in the text of the game. Because I thought about all of this way too much im not joking

First, Context: All of these are drawings of consentual play happening between these characters after they have put aside any active conflicts between each other. Nontheless, they utilise the dynamics and emotional conflicts of these characters. Each of these characters are in some way violent people, deeply stressed out by their circumstances, and craving pleasure and connection. Sometimes you need a little pinch and squeal before the end of the world just to get through the night, you know?

Rough D/s sex/Breath play, Karlach (D) / Shadowheart (S)

A little clarification of what exactly is happening in this image: Karlach is strapping SH roughly, whispering very dirty things in hear ear, and using her hand and the weight of her body to gently restrict SH's breathing. Now you know. :) If you want to know what Karlach is whispering, I will be taking questions thank you.

The first thing Shadowheart says upon seeing Karlach is that she likes that Karlach looks strong and reliable enough to protect her in a pinch. This is because Shadowheart is horny and gay but ALSO. I wanted to explore this little glimpse of something unexpected about SH, especially that early in the game, but really revealing and true about her personality: Shadowheart understands and appreciates that relying on others is very important and shouldn't be avoided.

I think this part of SH is almost her saving grace from otherwise being totally absorbed by her Sharran faith; knowing she wants and needs other people. Because community has always been comforting to her, and because other people help you cope with life. It makes her loneliness far more profoud as well. She has not buried a need for other people (like Astarion for example), but lost people she knows she needs. She lost her Sharran peers on their mission, lost her memories, lost her family, lost the experience of being cared for in childhood. What does that have to do with SH getting pounded into the ground by a big hot woman, I hear you asking. Well, it's related to how I see Shadowheart's possible relationship to submission. I instinctively see SH as a dom because she just... Absolutely gives dominatrix energy. She basically got trained to be a particularly mean dominatrix, and I think she'd enjoy doing it a whole lot. But being a dom is a role of responsibility, reliability and authority; it requires you to plan and think and make decisions not just for yourself but for a whole additional person. Shadowheart clearly enjoys not having to do that sometimes. She knows the reliability, guidance and support of another person/people being there for her, and she craves it.

I think she'd like being taken away from the responsibility of their situation; to not have to think about the artifact, the tadpole, the fate of the world, what Shar wants, who she is, what her memories are, will she die tomorrow - a terribly stressful existence for someone as prone to anxiety as SH seems to be. What a luxury, to let someone force all the worries out of your head. To leave no space for those anxieties to find purchase through the weight and force of their presence. A big, hot, reliable warrior, squeezing you close, filling your head with what to think about, flooding you with pleasure and a little pain, enough to ground you to the moment. It's a rare treat. SH would love it.

On the other hand, I think Karlach would absolutely love this kind of role. Not because Karlach likes pure power - she seems kinda repelled by it actually - but because Karlach loves being capable, needed, and providing for people. To sweep SH off her feet and give her a moment of hot, rough, rejuvinating bliss through her strength and sexual prowess would be extremely up Karlach's ally.

Karlach is also just... such a rough houser. She's an excited dog at the park that plays too rough and feels bad until she finds a friend who actually loves it, and she's thrilled with the chance to use all that energy to its full potential. She likes a little grit and texture. Anything too slow or methodical and I think she'd get bored. To get to use her boundless energy and have that be deeply appreciated would be so fun for her.

For her to get to use her body and the traits that ended up landing her in slavery - her toughness, strength, skill at violence and knack for intimidation - to indulge, to provide pleasure, to make something good and deeply desired... I think that'd be very touching for Karlach. Intimacy is something she hasn't gotten to explore for a long time. She wants as much contact as possible, to feel others viscerally, to feel that she can be something that other people can not just handle/accept but enthusiastically want. Even after whats been done to her and what she was for ten years, she is the right thing for people, because of and not despite who she is after Avernus.

In conclusion: I think Shadowheart would love to be no thoughts head empty fucked brainless now and then, and I think Karlach would be thrilled to provide. And oh man, Karlach would be SO good at aftercare. So sweet, so warm to cuddle up against, super attentive. She'd ask for reassurance that she wasn't too rough or didn't say anything weird, and Shadowheart would reassure her that they could get far more depraved than that; it was exactly what she needed, and she wanted to go deeper next time. A little challenge to let Karlach embrace her role more completely. Oof. I am so excited to write this shit into the fic im working on LMAO

#karlach #Shadowheart #shadowlach #bg3 #art #nasties #kinkposting

[pansear-doodles]

I've allways wanted to know but why do you like artificer the most? what similarities do you have with them that makes them your favourite?

I got super latched onto rain world because i felt extremely bad and depressed when i saw artificer's story. Call me sensitive for what that is- i was adamant on getting out of this depressive state and the best thing to do at the time is to create alternative universes where everything is alright for these tragic characters. I think my brain is wired to the point of projection- that i want to see these characters happy because of my helplessness. I tend to favor lonely characters and find peace when their loneliness is recognized and they get help and or new friends.

Fiction is an escape and i treat it as such. If these characters are ensured that things are going to be better, i will feel better.

Not everyone in the fandom agrees with me, as I have reached the point where my au is mostly oc. I found an image post that pretty much presents my thoughts on the matter of headcanons and canoncity.

On its own, i really do like rain world, but I'm primarily a fluff artist, and one who is not mentally well and uses fluff drawing as coping mechanisms. These characters deserve a break and I'm giving it to them.

I think artificer is cool and fun to play as. Im very invested in their own battles with their mental health and trauma- someone who has lost people and things they loved and is unable to cope well and is perceived as a monster. But i and others add onto their story to a path of redemption and healing, and as someone who projects onto them and hunter, it gives me the courage to live on.

Im probably crazy about this but well, maybe sometimes you have to be unwell to be well.

#no id #ask

[aroapl]

hi! I'm aro n like really new to the community n im wondering what it feels like to be aplatonic? I don't think I am, but I just don't understand it very well and I want to understand better.

like do you dislike having platonic relationships, or just don't have an urge for them? n how do you cope with loneliness, if you experience that at all? also just what does it feel like 😭

i hope none of this came off as rude or anything im just genuinly curious, even without understanding it I respect yall but I find it interesting n stuff

Not rude at all, no worries!

For me, I don't hate having platonic relationships, but I also don't have any desire for them. I also have a way lower social battery for friends than most people. So if someone wants to be my friend, I'm down for that, but they have to be willing to respect that I won't want to spend nearly as much time with them as most people would with their friends. Because of how little time I can comfortably spend with friends, I can really only stand to have one or two at a time, unless they were genuinely okay with spending time with me very rarely.

I don't really experience loneliness at all. I have some need for socialization, but it can be entirely fulfilled by interacting with people on social media or discord servers, or sometimes by watching/hearing other people socialize (like in a podcast or YouTube video). I've said before that as long as I had internet, I could never see or speak to another person again and be perfectly happy, and I really do believe that.

I generally just fundamentally can't understand the way most people feel about friendship (at least on an emotional level). Things like being really sad about losing a friendship, desperately longing for friends, and wanting to spend a bunch of time with friends and talk to them all the time just don't make any sense to me. Talking to friends every day and hanging out with them more than like once a week sounds exhausting and miserable to me. Logically, I know why other people want these things and feel so strongly about them and I can respect that, but I can't imagine ever wanting that or feeling like that myself.

#aplatonic #apl #apl experiences #asks

[gatheringbones]

genuine question: how do you stand the loneliness? i'm in my mid 20s and ive never been loved in a way that didnt hurt. i dont want to have to run after ppl begging for the smallest scrap of affection anymore but i keep turning up ppl who, even though they are interested in me and seem generally decent, arent ready to lower their walls and let me in, so its either that or nothing, and im so fucking lonely. i try to bury myself in work and going out as much as i can, but sometimes it hits me, and i dont know how to stand it anymore. i just want to be able to be kind to someone and treat them with all the love and affection i have, and not have to guard myself at the same time or be afraid of them or feel like i can never be sure with them. i think you've been lonely like that for a long time, too, and i dont have anyone who understands. i know the only advice you can give is probably "endure and continue to have self respect", but i dont know how to do that without also becoming small, and sad, and worn out from all the loneliness. if there's anything you can think of that helped you get through it, please tell me--i dont want to burden or overwhelm you, but i dont know what to do anymore, and like i said, you seem like you've survived a couple of those sorts of droughts and i dont have anyone else to talk to about this

so on those first few early dates with c when she was either driving an hour up north or I was taking the bus two hours down to see her, I was so rattled by the experience of building intimacy with someone else that I couldn’t really think of what we ought to do with each other on our dates. In the end I decided: we would just do what I ordinarily did to build intimacy with myself, which meant taking lots of long walks all over residential seattle. and I’d been living there for over ten years at that point, getting around either by walking or by bus. before that I’d lived in the sticks. before that I’d lived in the part of the sticks that wasn’t connected to the power grid. my earliest memories are long lonely walks. long lonely walks were my primary coping mechanism for debilitating post traumatic stress and survivor’s guilt. and with c it was wild because. it was exactly like going on these walks with myself, only I was more of myself and these walks were more of what they were. what’s more the internal map of the city I had built in my feet over a decade was suddenly of use. all of the time and neurons I had put into building it were relevant to the present situation.

i packed a backpack once. water and a cheeseboard with a little cheese knife and a can of prosecco and a can of kirin for c and lots of little cheeses and salamis and fruits and veggies and chocolate almonds. And I took c on a long meandering walk that I knew from memory; fremont to the crown hill cemetery to the stairs leading down to golden gardens to the beach at sunset. all places I’d been by myself and taken my friends to before. places I’d taken myself to after packing myself a snack and bringing my journal and quite literally staring across the water at a home that would kill me if I ever returned to it. all that time mattered. the time I had spent in that place making those friendships and mourning that life and building that intimacy with myself and the city mattered.

All the years before— giving, giving, gifts to those who could not care, would not give back. How well we made a feast together. Those years of waste were over.

[traumacatholic]

Im on the verge of suicide and I suspect my two sisters are as well. While I don't think I will ever do it, because I'm religious, idk about them. And even if I won't do it, to live in such a torment ad the one I'm experiencing is unbearable and unimaginable. Logically I believe in the power of prayers, but on a personal level I find it unlikely anything will ever help me. But I'm still asking for prayers in the intention of us three staying alive no matter what.

I'm really sorry to hear that you and your sisters are struggling with suicidal thoughts. I don't know where you live, but please know that there will be crisis and non-crisis resources that you can access for support and pass on resources to your sisters (as well as to use for yourself). Suicide hotlines are just one form of accessing support. You can absolutely reach out to your local doctor, or see what other support services are in place. Sometimes you can access therapy groups which can often have shorter waiting list times and can often be offered for free or low cost. There are also a range of apps that are free or low cost that offer a range of coping mechanisms. I would recommend just putting in 'mental health' or 'suicide support' into your app store because sometimes it will also recommend apps that are ran by local resources to you.

As for prayers, something that you can try and do is use these prayers. You can say them when you get up in the morning, before you go to bed, or whenever you feel like anxiety/pain/etc is building up. You can pick up praying one of them a day, or whenever you're able, or using more than one. Whatever you feel is most beneficial to you (and also most achievable). I'm giving you a range of prayers under a readmore, just because some of them vary in length and you might find a certain length of prayer works best for you.

Lord Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner

----

Good Saint Dymphna, great wonder-worker in every affliction of mind and body, I humbly implore your powerful intercession with Jesus through Mary, the Health of the Sick, in my present need. (Mention it.) Saint Dymphna, martyr of purity, patroness of those who suffer with nervous and mental afflictions, beloved child of Jesus and Mary, pray to Them for me and obtain my request.

(Pray one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be.)

Saint Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us.

----

Glorious Archangel Saint Raphael, great prince of the heavenly court, you are illustrious for your gifts of wisdom and grace.

You are a guide of those who journey by land or sea or air, consoler of the afflicted, and refuge of sinners. I beg you, assist me in all my needs and in all the sufferings of this life, as once you helped the young Tobias on his travels.

Because you are the medicine of God, I humbly pray you to heal the many infirmities of my soul and the ills that afflict my body. I especially ask of you the favor

(mention your request here)

and the great grace of purity to prepare me to be the temple of the Holy Spirit.

St. Raphael, of the glorious seven who stand before the throne of Him who lives and reigns, Angel of health, the Lord has filled your hand with balm from heaven to soothe or cure our pains. Heal or cure the victim of disease and guide our steps when doubtful of our ways.

Amen.

---

O my beloved Queen, my hope, O Mother of God, protector of orphans and protector of those who are hurt, the savior of those who perish and the consolation of all those who are in distress, thou seest my misery, thou seest my sorrow and my loneliness. Help me—I am powerless; give me strength. Thou knowest what I suffer, thou knowest my grief: Lend me thy hand, for who else can be my hope but thee, my protector and my intercessor before God? I have sinned before thee and before all people. Be my Mother, my consoler, my helper. Protect me and save me, chase grief away from me, chase my lowness of heart and my despondency. Help me, O Mother of my God!

----

Thee alone I follow, Lord Jesus, Who heals my wounds. For what shall separate me from the love of God, which is in Thee? Shall tribulation, or distress, or famine? I am held fast as though by nails, and fettered by the bonds of charity. Remove from me, O Lord Jesus, with Thy potent sword, the corruption of my sins. Secure me in the bonds of Thy love; cut away what is corrupt in me. Come quickly and make an end of my many, my hidden and secret afflictions. Open the wound lest the evil humor spread. With Thy new washing, cleanse in me all that is stained. Hear me, you earthly men, who in your sins bring forth drunken thoughts: I have found a Physician. He dwells in Heaven and distributes His healing on earth. He alone can heal my pains Who Himself has none. He alone Who knows what is hidden can take away the grief of my heart, the fear of my soul: Jesus Christ. Christ is grace! Christ is life! Christ is Resurrection! Amen.

#prayer request #prayer req #tw suicide

[strawberrycircuits]

Wait I'm listening tell me more about the rosadaisy illness

oh boy here we go

so like. my understanding of these characters is that daisy is spunky and sporty and bold and very much Not graceful or outwardly sweet as the other princesses. she comes off as a little brutally honest and brash but she really doesn't mean anything by it, you know? and also like. if you pay attention to the game she originates from (super mario land i believe?), sarasaland is an empire consisting of 4 kingdoms and she's literally an empress rather than a princess. i think where peach, a smaller ruler, has like... toadsworth keeping her """in line""" (like he could ever) and she has that like. council of toads from the mario movie. daisy is a completely self-sufficient ruler and because of that kind of gets to do as she pleases. her kingdoms happy, she's long since fortified her kingdom from any attacks on her or her subjects, shes doing well and she's going to play sports and call waluigi a bitch for taking her golf clubs again because that's what she wants to do and who is going to stop her. however i will say that her encounter with tatanga probably impacted her STRONGLY considering she hasn't been captured since so shes FOR SURE made sure that will never happen to her again. tatanga is from outer space. remember that

(side analysis of peach, i think peach operates within the confines of her role? so while she is naturally kind and sweet and all of that, i think she's very good at finding loopholes when advisors tell her what not to do. i also by no means think she's weak-- i think the bowser thing started as a genuine threat and then she let it happen because she knew it wasn't a big deal (and it shook things up! gave her something to gossip with daisy about over tea yk) and nowadays it's just something bowser, mario, and peach do for funsies. no ones ever in danger peach is just like oh my... I wish I had a chance to visit the flower kingdom... mario are you busy next week i think im gonna ask bowser to kidnap me and take me there :)! like she knows what she's doing and she's fine with it. happy even. if she wanted to she could get herself outta there. el em ay oh)

rosalina however. we learn a couple of things about rosalina

-she has seen the universe restart multiple times, enough to know the fact that it never restarts in quite the same way each time

-she spent eons looking for and eventually mourning her lost mother, which she coped with by becoming the mother of the lumas. lumas who will eventually leave, become other celestial bodies, and never come back to her again.

-until the events of mario galaxy, she's spent her life in solitude, watching her children leave as soon as they come and waiting for the universe to die over and over again.

-if you look at how she appears in the storybook, her hair starts as strawberry blonde then lightens when she's a teenager. which to me implies that being in space that long physically changed her, especially when you see how tall she is in comparison to other chars (in mario kart 8 I believe she's in the same weight class as donkey kong, waluigi, and link as opposed to being in peach and daisys. point is she's Tall as Shit and it's noticeable compared to the other princesses)

on top of all of this is (in her original appearance) an air of melancholy, understanding, and peace. she knows where these events will lead; she's seen it all before. it still makes her sad, still makes her long for the family she's never stopped searching for, but she's come to terms with it.

and like. I know people hold a lot of contempt regarding rosalina as being playable in the spinoff games, since they've completely stripped her original character of all its personality, but like. bear with me for a moment because rosalina in the spin off games is... happy. she's having fun. after countless lifetimes of loss and grief and loneliness, she's putting herself out there and trying to regain the humanity she once (willingly, mind you) abandoned. i think peach, luigi, or mario one invited her to a racing event or a sports event because they cared about her, wanted her to be included, and she came and she loved it!!! she loved being with other people and just having fun!!!!!! and now she has friends who she can depend upon and who can depend upon her!!!!!!!! she is not excluded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so rosadaisy. ouhhh rosadaisy. like imagine being daisy. you know One other ruler like you and you are best friends. she is constantly in a state of either being gone or having just come back. she likes it this way. you respect this, but cannot fathom it, because the one time it happened to you, it didn't come from a neighboring kingdom-- it came from the endless expanse of space. space, where there is nowhere to run to. space, where flowers do not grow and pyramids do not stand. it was terrifying, seeing such an absense of comfort like that, and you have made sure that that will never happen to you again.

your friend gets back one day and is telling you about her most recent escapades, how she was pulled out of orbit into the stars. she tells you she has met another ruler out there. she says she's invited her to the next go karting tournament. she doesn't think she will come.

you're sort of relieved at that-- you're still not quite over the whole alien thing, and the idea of someone who rules over that endless abyss-- when you live in a world with people like bowser and the kongs-- does not bring you comfort. you would never admit it.

you go to the next karting tournament and all your friends are there, and you look over and there's this ethereal lady standing there, a star twinkling at her side, staring at everything like it's the first time she's ever seen it before, and your friends tell you oh, yeah, that's princess rosalina. she comes from the stars. she is the most gorgeous person you have ever seen in your entire life.

she keeps coming to events. when she serves in tennis, her feet do not touch the ground. you are loud, and rambunctious, and bold, and she is quiet and kind and she is starting to smile more, but there's still this atmosphere about her that tells you thats a very new development. you thought you and your initial friend were different, but you and rosalina-- you're like day and night.

and she adores it. she adores how human you are, how different you are from the endless cosmos. she learns to say good game! even when you pull a foul ball and it seems as though she is always, always on your team.

you start to think that space can't be all that bad if it brought her to you.

(and she wishes she'd come back to your planet sooner, just for the chance of meeting you.)

#tldr IM NORMAL ABOUT NINTENDO CHARACTERS. I AM NORMAL ABOUT THE MARIO BROS FRANCHISE #rosalina #rosadaisy #daisylina #rosalina: your existence is fleeting. you will die and i will persist. this is a fact that neither of us may avoid #daisy: woahh sick!! anyways should i use a bike or kart for this race #rosalina: a bike most certainly

[inafieldofdaisies]

2 in 1 Uquizzes (vol. 3) | Tagging @socially-awkward-skeleton @euryalex @direwombat @detectivelokis @fourlittleseedlings @josephslittledeputy @josephseedismyfather @poisonedtruth @shegetsburned @thesingularityseries @madparadoxum @aceghosts @jinfromyarikawa @g0dspeeed @trench-rot @vampireninjabunnies-blog @adelaidedrubman @cassietrn @jacobsneed @shellibisshe @nightbloodbix @strangefable and anyone that would like to do the uquizzes 🤍

Uquiz #1: What's your OC's darkest desire? (anyone else read that in Lucifer's voice?)

Uquiz #2: What’s your OC's underlying motif?

Uquiz #1: What's your OC's darkest desire?

Sabrina:

for everything to be real

you grew up so immersed fantastical realms that now you have to imagine yourself in them each night so that you can fall asleep. it's a comfort you've never been able to sever. but the reality you were given wasn't made for you. it's time to create a new one. (what if the stories are true?)

okay. but her visions (of him esp), wondering if they would ever be true and holding onto them in her darkest moments 😭 why is this so on point

John:

to give in

darkness takes beautiful forms in the human body. whatever's been holding you back from it, you're ready to surrender. you watch the moonlight shapeshift on the flooded earth, and think you might be lonelier than your mother. you've always been afraid of screaming, but you do it now, louder and louder until your throat bleeds, but no matter the pain, you're never turning back. (don't make deals you're not prepared to die for)

*viciously points at the whole thing* to.give.in. byeeee.

Uquiz #2: What’s your OC's underlying motif?

Sabrina:

the orange

whether it’s your sweet nature, breakaway cover, or your natural displays of intimacy, you have the undercurrent of the orange. a love language in itself, your nature makes others want to take a bite and enjoy the tang that you leave behind with your laughter. you remind others of a summer day, hot air, long nights, always hopeful you’ll never go away. in her poem “the orange” by wendy cope she said “i peeled it and shared it with robert and dave, they had quarters and i had a half” you’re generous and have much to give. she also said “this is peace and contentment, it’s new” well i say, it’s you.

absolutely on point, I'd say, especially the generous and much to give part.

John:

the dog

whether it’s the way you bare your teeth when backed in a corner, your loyalty, or your tendency to act on instinct, your reoccurring theme is the dog. like mitski said “i get mean when im nervous, like a bad dog” or how halsey said “i won’t smile but i’ll show you my teeth” even when migos said “dance with my dogs in the night time” the essence of the dog runs through you. you’re tough and a quick draw on the outside, but if we got down to it we’d see you’re acting the only way you’ve ever known how. it doesn’t make you bad, survival is natural, your loyalty and determination is commendable. i don’t blame you for the way you act when your back is against a wall, but please remember to not bite the hand that feeds.

Uquiz #1: What's your OC's darkest desire?

to be saved by someone

the hurt you carry in your heart is a heavy burden to bear. you dream of someone, a figment of light and beauty, to heal your scars. but i promise, you are not as broken as you believe. (let me kiss it better.)

Calahan. There he goes again with the heartbreak. Ugh.😭

Uquiz #2: What’s your OC's underlying motif?

the dog

whether it’s the way you bare your teeth when backed in a corner, your loyalty, or your tendency to act on instinct, your reoccurring theme is the dog. like mitski said “i get mean when im nervous, like a bad dog” or how halsey said “i won’t smile but i’ll show you my teeth” even when migos said “dance with my dogs in the night time” the essence of the dog runs through you. you’re tough and a quick draw on the outside, but if we got down to it we’d see you’re acting the only way you’ve ever known how. it doesn’t make you bad, survival is natural, your loyalty and determination is commendable. i don’t blame you for the way you act when your back is against a wall, but please remember to not bite the hand that feeds.

Uquiz #1: What's your OC's darkest desire?

to be as beautiful as you once were

you revisit the memories of your former self in a haze of nostalgia. all those wild nights seem prettier from the rear view mirror. it's an ideal you'll always be trying to replicate, but growth is a journey. and you can't repeat the past. (or can you?)

okay, the title made me chuckle, but the explanation itself... it fits with him holding onto Portland, to how he and Sabrina were there, to the routine and security of their friendship and the what ifs.

Uquiz #2: What’s your OC's underlying motif?

the coffee

whether it’s your sharp tongue, your tendency to blow hot or cold, or the familiarity of you, you’re the coffee. don’t immediately assume that your undercurrent means you’re bitter, a common misconception, because people who like coffee always make it work for them. coffee doesn’t always have to be dark, it can be a warmth that’s comforting and the first start to a day. you aren’t nearly as tough as you make out to be, but we’ll keep your secret. you’re a constant, won’t ever go out of style. not everyone’s taste, but what is these days? an unknown quote reads “I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone... I realize that even though I like being alone, I don’t fancy being lonely” remember you don’t always need to face things yourself, there’s a reason people suggest “coffee?” when they want to spend time together.

#okay I'm actually vibing with all the results they got #especially in the first quiz #oc: sabrina donovan #oc: calahan hartley #oc: leslie parish #john x sabrina #john seed x sabrina donovan #ship ask game #ship dynamics #oc character #uquiz tag #oc uquiz #uquiz #uquiz results #original characters #fc5 ocs #fc5 deputy #far cry 5 oc #far cry 5 deputy #character insights #character reference

[seonghwacore]

im about to go apeshit about the house burning scene and its possible symbolism, it punched my gut a lil too strong. dont wanna call this a theory, more like a review. but here's what i find. long ass shit btw.

what are they looking at?

i remember its mingi's scene first before yunho but that mingi's looking up and yunho's looking down, despite the lack of logic behind the torn down house and their respective set being burned altogether. i honestly thought the torn down house was the symbol of their "safe space" when they were beaten and broken by life, cus you know house is often associated with safety. but before it's burned it's already in a shabby state and was looking indecent, fragile.

meaning that the stigmatized "safe space" was probably not that "safe". being on their own and hiding their pain or anger alone might seem to be the best choice but was doing more harm than repair. so when yunho burned it, (i assume this cus he was looking at mingi in thAt scene, as if affirming.)

and in the lyrics itself theres yunho's line about "wanting to be the pouring light" and wanting to lean his head and rest his heart and hoping that mingi would look at him with a happy face. it just all fit in the pics. yunho looking down at him with a rather helpless look but mingi's slightly... hopeful to me?? curious?? as "the light" poured on him, his best friend.

yunho's like "i burn this house for us, for you. because you cant seem to find the beauty in your life and let this loneliness gnaw you instead. and i want you to know that youre also my pillar so, why dont we rely on each other instead of eating our own struggle? let's enjoy the present [time] together."

then mingi realizes yunho values him and embraces his flaws. in the uncertain time of youth when everything feels unforgiving, his best friend knows his struggle and tries to shed some light on him despite being flawed himself. notice that yunho's beaten as well, scarred and jagged, angry and sad. basically what this wants to say is to be the light to others l, you don't have to be a saint. just a willingness to walk, run, or sit together with them in all weathers.

while the first interpretation is written because i saw a visual parallel(?) between mingi's one and yunho's, this one might be more canon. they're looking either at the fire or their new selves outside burning the house, meaning their new selves are getting rid of their past doubts and struggle and choose to move forward. and there's a relief in their pained faces, as if they're finally being put to rest. like, "finally."

and then there's yunho asking for a validation from mingi? since he burned his "safe" haven cause he thought it's the only right thing to do? but also, was he feeling apologetic?

but mingi's unshaken, rather cold about the burning house. there's also a hint of longing due to a familiar place being taken away from him. maybe it's the best decision. and at the end, he only exchanged a look at yunho, like "now what?"

—supporting analysis

this might be the picture of what mingi felt like going through his youth. the running scenes take 3 parts of the mv: the beginning, the middle, the end. this one's in the middle when mingi realizes yunho isnt following him. sometimes, in your youth days, you'll be aware of your friend's existence and their personal life.

mingi might think that yunho's with him all the time but what if he also has his own life and goal? what if mingi is the only one feeling like he has a friend when yunho is probably not that really deep into this? what if this friendship is just a made up scenario in his head to cope?

we can also see the reference of how youth feels like to both mingi and yunho as performers (maybe). the dome-like structure with windows maybe symbolizes fans, media, and other people who can only perceive them through the glass. and only yungi who are full fleshed, can touch each other and are very real to each other.

then the glass shatters were pointing towards them. their audiences who only see their persona, might use that "glass" to hurt and judge them. to be idols at a young age, they feel like walking on a thin ice from the exposure.

ALTERNATIVELY. those glass pieces were the result of mingi breaking the mirror. so, the sharp pieces are actually flying outwards. this might also symbolize the possibility if yungi break their persona and just be themselves for the sake of freedom, they might make mistakes and hurt other people. see how the glasses being frozen and we couldnt quite tell to which direction its moving, like, im no einstein.

little irl insert. this scene hits too close to home cus i have a best friend who's chained to her sufferings too til now and all i could do is watch her through the window, the way yungi did. we both had the same childhood trauma ig but i was "freed" earlier than her and my eyes have seen through a lot of layers and angles.

and sometimes, i insist that her only way out is to "burn the house". burn the past and lets move forward, im running next to, just slightly behind you.

#ann.txt #youth mv #i wrote this sleepy as fuCk im getting my sleep back in 2h or so. then i'll proceed with gif requests again. or another yungi again.

[techhole]

Genuinely can't tell if this blog is satire or you actually just fuck computers

jeffyjeffs, buddy, no. no this is not satire, what you're looking at here is called Objectophilia. I am Objectum. i am part of the OSOR (Objectsexual Objectromantic) community. its an old and complex community. you may have heard about people who have married the effiel tower, or their cars, or their inflatable pool toys, or their laptops. these people feel a real romantic attraction to these objects, all for their own reasons.

for me, personally, i mainly only feel sexual attraction to objects, and not romantic attraction as i do not usually percieve the objects around me to have sentience. i do, however, on rare occasion percieve certain objects that i have a special connection or bond with to have some form of sentience that i give them by loving them.

that is just my own experience though, and the POSIC (Percieved Object Sentience) community is more vast and beautiful than you can imagine.

many of us in the community are autistic, or have mental disorders or illnesses such as shizophrenia. some of us just percieve objects as being sentient for fun, or to cope with loneliness.

no matter the "cause" our percieved reality is, well, our reality. and i urge you not to rush to try and shatter that reality with your own, as it truly is counter productive to anyone's healing process to barge into and distrupt like that. it really is, please look into this yourself if you dont believe me.

i am being 100% frank with you here, kinda making myself uncomfortable how much im opening up, really. i hope you take what i have said here to heart and try to respect us even if you cannot understand us.

#my posts #asks

[aspd-culture]

wait what, im not that anon but

1) cant pwASPD care about people? (i technically dont care about people in a way thats NOT transactional, limerant, anxious, hypervigilant, fearful of abandonment/rejection/violence, a source of comfort, a source of company or to appease loneliness, a source to appease boredom, or otherwise i cant be bothered to replace people because of how unique their particular set of characteristics are (ideals, mannerisms, personality, interests, ethics, commonalities, etc) and how 99% of humans are annoying or i dont click with (and i really dont wanna build another relationship/memories/etc; its so annoying and seems like such a boring waste of time and annoying to have to do all over again), but whatever, its still there. and its somewhat linked to emotion. so i personally count it. i guess.

2) is trying to help people because you feel like you'll get hurt otherwise as social instinct? or, if its annoying to see someone do something without your help? (especially if its so slow.. especially when no one else is helping.. especially when its to do with cleanliness or something theyre fumbling with, i cant stand it, its really annoying) also what is "social" instinct?

3) can pwASPD have some part of our brain that deludes itself into believing humans are good (like 1% of my system - mostly child, teens or naive/blissfully unaware members - believes this and its kinda stupid, i guess its a coping mechanism because they dont wanna see the brutal truth? haha.)

1.) pwASPD definitely can and do care about people, sometimes for transactional reasons, sometimes for emotional ones, and often for a mix of the two. However, there are some pwASPD who simply don't have the capacity or interest to care about anyone and are aro and aplatonic, and they are valid too.

2.) Nope, neither of those are social instincts. Social instincts include the instincts that pull you to "help your fellow man" for no reason other than they are a human and you are one as well. Social instincts in general are the set of subconscious behaviors, thought patterns, chemical and hormonal releases (such as dopamine, oxytocin, and progesterone), emotions, etc etc that cause humans to stay in packs, form close emotional bonds, not violate rules/codes set by society including moral codes aka manners, seek help from other people, seek emotional validation and coregulation, procreate, help others without other reason, not use/manipulate/lie to others or anything else that may risk destroying a bond, etc. It's the set of things that is the difference between any pack animal vs any solitary animal.

3.) Yes, generally, this comes from partially developed social centers in the brain in singlets or system where all members have this feeling, or from denial in other situations, as you mentioned. Some people need to cope by believing people are good, and while this is rare in pwASPD, the more people you have using one brain, the more chance some of them will have different coping mechanisms. My system has a couple members who feel that way as well, despite having other ASPD symptoms.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #did #osdd

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[alanahsart-blog]

PREDICTABLY. BLORBO BINGO FOR M.W. <333333

YAAAAAAY YAY YAY <3333

(second image by @enderscribbles :,3)

BLORBO FROM MY PROJECTS <3 <3 <3 (Im in the process of remaking this digitally so look out for that !!!!!!!!!!!! at some point)

M.W. is the narrator from a project I was making for a portfolio class !!! which both totally fucked my wrist and permanently got embedded in my brain for ever and ever. They're a curious and optimistic ecologist with some obsessive neuroses and a lot of buried loneliness who was surveying an anomalous location in northern Canada for their doctoral thesis ... and you know ... as it goes for guys who's only remains is an artifact <3 <3 <3

M.W. was SO fun to write and lives in my brain rent free for their funny nature nerd unreliable narrator coping derangedly with loneliness and grief (and the horrors) getting eaten by a memory swag. I had a ton of fun trying to blend gothic horror themes with a more cosmic horror/surreal horror premise with a little guy who's doomed from their neuroses and simultaneous need to follow their curiosity + refusal to realize the extent of their situation because its fucked but trying SO damn hard to stay silly . until they can't.

They're so everything to me they're like a real person to me . because I got so damn deep into their messed up little psyche to write them. I always intended them to be sort of anonymous for the theme of the story though and in a way I think that even helped? guy you don't know but feel like you know so well you know <- LOL

going under a cut bc there's a spoiler in it and some of you have seen this paragraph before AND Ive already rambled a ton BUT ->

I THINK THE BEST THING I EVER SAID TO SUMMARIZE THEM WAS:

guy who can’t help using their field journal like a regular journal and keeps trying to wrestle between the two bc even tho they are curious and excited they are desperately lonely and subconsciously know something is so wrong and something might happen to them and they need to ignore it BUT they need to talk to somebody and field journal will have to suffice <3 guy who focuses on the details to try to understand the big picture but maybe really to avoid it <3 guy who references their dead gf like she’s still alive <3 guy who will forget where they end and nature begins and the house begins <3 guy who will be eaten by a place that make itself a home <3 guy who is lying but it’s more to themself than to anyone who might one day read their journal <3

#ask game #field journal #my ocs

[fictionkinfessions]

Having an absolutely grotesque day emotionally. Copes by diving headlong into a Slenderman kin shift bc. Canon divergence went crazy and it was actually one of the most comforting lives I endured! At least, that one specific cycle of it was

Tim and Jessica were incredible people. They had no reason to be as gentle with me as they were, even if they didn't know that I was the same being that did all that bullshit. Sometimes i wish they had been, but i dont want to feel that way right now. I just miss them. It's grass-is-greener syndrome, and selfishness, for sure, but... man. I wish i could go back.

Things felt so simple. I miss the truck, i miss the house, i miss carrying them around and Tim being so annoyed and Jessica having the time of her life with it. I miss the questing--sneaking into libraries, slinking around city streets and trying to teleport us far away and getting hopelessly lost in fuck knows where for a week, while they tried to help me catch my bearings so I could take them back home.

I don't know how much I miss the other stuff... Definitely not the murder. I know I had to eat, but still... Tim did a good job showing me how to be somewhat humane about it, but a lot of the time I still feel and felt pretty shit about it. The other worlds and learning about what I actually was, where I came from, that was... rough--but I do miss Tim and Jessica's reactions to it all. If only I'd thought to take pictures--their faces when they met the æsir for the first time... god, they were priceless. I know I probably won't find them again (and, frankly, that might be a good thing), but I do hope sometimes. Even if I don't know--even if They don't know, that'd be fine, but I just... I miss it. I miss them. Im being a broken record but im sad so i dont care. Gotta think about something nice to help chug through the rest of my life. Might as well be them--they deserve to be remembered.

Everyone else does, too. Alex, Jay, Seth, Brian, Amy. I'm not going to say sorry--I feel like that would just sound obligatory and insincere. But I do want to say that... I took care of your things, after i remembered. I didn't really get a lot of the human customs, but I knew burials needed bodies--It was a few years too late for that, so instead, I took care of your clothes. In the ark. I washed them and hung them from the tree--the one that looked like the one over the picnic table at Rosswood park. The ark didn't mess with them much, but whenever I found a hole, I tried to patch it. Eventually, when I told Tim and Jessica, they would come spend time there, too. It doesn't make up for anything, but I hope it was... I dont know. Something.

Being human is hard. Things feel different, and the world is a scary, lonely place to be right now. I know I'll be okay, but sometimes a person just has to sit and remember, I think.

Thank you for keeping this blog up after such a long time, mod partycat--maybe we could get the same effect from journaling, but I do think I prefer this, usually... It's nice to know at least a few people in the world will see whatever it is that's going through my head, kin-wise. This place really does help alleviate that loneliness ❤

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #slendermankin #slenderversekin #memories issue #aukin #mod party cat #you're welcome!!!

[uldren-sov]

Infamous ask meme for miss camy 🎤🎶: Do you have headcanons about their friendship and/or romantic relationship (past or future)? What do you imagine some of their best memories are? What do you think some of Seven’s favourite things about your MC were/are? & What does their singing voice sound like? Do you have voiceclaims(s) for them?

tytyy!!! I only have the one comm of Camy so im not going to do what I normally do and add a pic

Seven

OUGH. Well with their friendship I imagine that Seven was her one friend for like almost the whole of middle school, I imagine she was teased a lot of pushed to the side a lot due to her unwillingness to open up or engage with others. Which is why she turned hard to music (and I imagine it was kind of her one solace by being so alone.) So the idea that Seven understood that kind of loneliness and had similar coping mechanisms likes meant that she opened up to him and really no one else in those days. I also imagine when they were young they went on like lil adventures, getting into places they shouldn't have; it's not like they had anyone home for them, so might as well explore their neighborhood and beyond. Also imagine that they could have some tropes and probably in MS/HS is when they started sleeping together (literally tho lol) here and there. Camy's parents were always traveling or when a parent was home they were still absent. So she would sneak out on some of the worse nights, the really lonely nights, full of dread and frustration and despair, and find the one other lonely heart she knows will get it. So she'd sneak to Seven's house (sometimes breaking in through his window) and sleepover. And there might have been a time where Seven was like "bro NOT tonight Im having [this month's crush] over 😏" and she's just like ............WHY AM I SO UPSET ABOUT THIS??? THIS SUCKS SM??? IM HAVING A NORMAL REACTION TO THIS, WHATEVER!!!! but texts back like "wow your loss🙄" I think they started their relationship when she was in college and was living in her own place (and they were ROOMMATES) and I think some of their best memories were just impromptu jam sessions at their place, spontaneous plans/trips/concerts that they would go to, and just generally performing together. I THINK some of the most favorite things are just how sure of herself she became, how confident, esp when he knew where she really came from. She's not afraid to do new things, try new things, and she was sure to make sure he was along for the ride. There was never a dull moment and she also about as eager and affectionate as he was.

Voice

SOOO gotta preface by saying my taste in music is SO NORMIE so lmao don't judge me I imagine Chaos Anthem is a mix of like 4 parts Paramore, 2 parts Spiritbox, 2 parts In This Moment, 1 part Santana, 1 part Halestorm But her voice is generally Courtney LaPlante (who can sing like this and go v.hard rock too) with a dose of Hayley Williams.

#ask meme answers #infamous oc #OC: Camy Rose #tytyyyy again bb

[day0walker]

im losing my mind over that evil bastard au you posted, that shit was intense!!

Ehuheueheuheueheuh thank you so much anon!!! Can't believe I literally sat down after work and just shoved all of that out of my brain. Frontier was with me while I kept going "now its at 3k, now its at 5k hahaha". Wild, there's multiple parts I almost cut out, because I almost feel bad my longest writing for those two is fcuking this au lmaooooo

Anyway, to answer the question of Xavier/Painkillers

When Xavier is around 25 or so, he suffers a really, really fucked up side injury to his rib. You can read about it here, but fair warning its blood violence etc as usual.

And after that injury, he gets introduced to heavier painkillers. Which he was taking, just because a couple broken ribs and everything else he went through in that fic, it makes sense. But, it's hard to forget how good a painkiller feels after that.

In this "evil au", I'm leaning a little bit heavier on his addiction to them because 1. sane people are not going to look at evil Benji and be like hahah wanna make out LMAOOOO 2. it's in line for how his character is, if Xavier doesn't find someone to form good genuine emotional connection with.

Xavier, as a character, his like core foundation, is someone who is very, very, very lonely. He just doesn't seem it, because he is REPELLING that idea, even to himself as much as he can. But, in truth, he finds it very difficult to form real emotional attachments with people. Oftentimes, he has fleeting, shallow versions of it and it only ends up making him hate himself.

In Xavier's ship with Peril (that I know y'all don't know much or anything about, but anyway), he wouldn't lean heavy on drugs, because Peril is there. They become a mentor and a friend to him, before they ever become anything romantic, so he has someone to stop him from sort of spiraling into his very bad coping mechanisms. And with Peril, Sergeant Tillman (a man who very much takes advantage of Xavier) doesn't exist primarily because 1. Peril would probably kill him lol 2. Peril is also there. They are a fellow Shadow, so they are ON base with Xavier, so he has someone with him, more consistently, to help him not drift.

With Benji, since there's so much time between the two of them getting to see each other, and Benji is introduced into his life a little later, Xavier is already well into feeling a little Too Fond of painkillers. He's already established a toxic relationship with sex, and he's struggling with both. BUT, his 'situationship' with Benji keeps him from pursuing either of those a little closer, because even if Benji isn't WITH him, he's inside his head. So, Xavier doesn't wander off the path too much.

Even in fun au's like fantasy au, or band au, there's always going to be this core loneliness inside Xavier's heart that he is trying so hard to work on.

Which, I think makes it sound like Xavier is very defined by his romantic ships, but that's not necessarily what I intend; it's more so that Xavier is VERY defined by someone coming into his life and showing him that they very much care about him. That he is not a pretty thing to eat and be done with, he is someone that is worthy of love and care.

Ooooooh sorry for this giant massive dump, it's just that Xavier's character paths are very....interesting to me!!!! He feels like a little friend to me at this point that I just sort of go "hm how are we feeling today" and he goes "please write me giving a oral sex" and I'm like have at it today, Xavier!!!!

#ask #anon #xavier #tysm for you guys #caring and enjoying him #you are all my faves the fuckign best i s2g