#anyways just thinking about that tonight because i am not coping with this school year well

[thebibliosphere]

"But you're so successful without it."

Content warning: This post contains mentions of suicidal ideation.

I got a message earlier tonight that I'm not going to post, but I did ask the person involved if I could talk about what we subsequently ended up talking about in DMs because I feel it's important.

Basically, it was along the lines of "My kid got diagnosed with ADHD and really wants to try meds. I know from reading your blog that correct treatment for ADHD can be really beneficial, but I just don't think she's severe enough to need them."

The message then went on to ask me, as someone who is unmedicated with ADHD, for some tricks and tips on how to be successful without medication because clearly, look how well I'm doing without them. I mean, look at my blog, look at my book(s)! Surely if I can do all that without ADHD meds, other people can too. Surely there's a trick. A skill. Something you can learn if you just try hard enough...

This is not the first time I have received a message like this. In fact, I probably get about 2-5 messages like this a week.

Usually from other people who also have ADHD/suspect ADHD but don't want medication because they don't think they need it/don't want to need it, and yet can't figure out why they're struggling so much, and ask me how do I do the thing(s) and cope so well and get so much done, etc., etc.

So I'm going to tell you what I told this person tonight in case it helps someone. Yes, I have ADHD. No, I am not medicated due to severe health complications, and yes, I get a lot done. From the outside, I am sure it looks incredibly productive and successful. But I'm going to let you in on what that success feels like.

It feels like dying.

It feels like my brain is on fire; every nerve in my body scraped raw; every part of me wired and exposed to the noise of the world. There is no quiet; there is no calm. And even when my brain does fall silent, it's another kind of death. The inside of my head is sludge, flowing uphill like treacle, weighing me down, pulling me under in the riptide of my inability to focus. I can see what needs to be done, I can see it so clearly, yet sometimes it's like I don't control my own body. Not enough dopamine. Not enough brain chemicals for the message I'm screaming in my head to make my limbs do the simplest of tasks. Like, feed myself. Take a shower. Answer that email. Text my friends back. Go to bed when I'm tired. Write a best-selling novel...

A novel that almost killed me and not because of my other ailments, but because of my unmedicated ADHD.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was already operating at critical mass when I went into final rewrites/edits. Every coping mechanism I had fell apart. Like training wheels falling off a tricycle, leaving me to wobble unsteadily until the main wheels fell off, swiftly followed by the handlebars until all that was left was me peddling frantically trying to keep my balance and not getting anywhere. I didn't realize it then, but I was heading towards a complete mental collapse. And even when I dragged myself across the finish line with the above and beyond help provided by my friends and editors, I was so burned out I couldn't enjoy my success. Worse, my success made me suicidal.

It took me until very recently, almost two years later, to be able to read Phangs without feeling suicidal. My brain associated it with the trauma of experiencing complete ADHD burnout but having to complete a monumental task anyway.

I had to go into intensive therapy to recover. I am still in intensive therapy for it.

It took me even longer after that to be able to sit down and write without harming myself. I still struggle with it, and I tell you this in all honest sincerity in the hope it makes you realize what it costs me to be "successful" and unmedicated.

And this wasn't the first time I've had to deal with this, either.

I struggled all through high school, all through college, all through every career job I ever had, knowing there was something wrong, but not quite being able to put my finger on it because hey, I still got stuff done, so it couldn't be that bad, right? Surely everyone went through life feeling this way? Right?

...right?

It wasn't until I got my ADHD diagnosis as an adult that I realized what was happening. Why I struggled so much. Why life was so hard. In many ways, it was like the sun coming up. An internal dawning of realization and acceptance, but also rage.

So much rage.

Rage at how much I'd had to struggle because no one noticed because I was quiet and undisruptive. Rage at a system that forced me to learn in ways that were not intuitive to my brain. To always being told, "doesn't apply herself" while it felt like I was clawing my brain apart trying to do what people wanted from me. To a work-life balance, that rewards all the things that make ADHD actively worse. Rage. So much rage it hurts. And to top it all off, I can't be medicated for it. I finally know what's different, I finally know why my world feels raw and turned inside out, and I can't take any of the medications that might help me.

Do you know how angry I wake up every day that there is a possible solution just within my grasp, but my health conditions prevent me from trying them? Do you know how much it hurts? How much I grieve for the person I could be if I was able to have help beyond therapy and coaching? How much happier I could be...

Not productive. Not successful. Happy.

So ask yourself, what do you want more? A child who has to go through all of this and resents you for prolonging their suffering? Who winds up hating themselves by internalizing the false concept that if they just try hard enough, they can do whatever they set their mind to.

Or do you want to help them?

Or if this is you, why are you afraid to help yourself?

Please, don't use me as an example to harm yourself or others. Yes, I am successful without medication. But the toll is high. Too high.

Rid yourself of the idea that you need to suffer more to be allowed help. You don't. They don't. No one does.

#adhd #adult adhd #actually adhd #chronic health tag #suicide mention #suicidal ideation #long post #mental health #I am not for you to bludgeon other people with #kindly desist

[omnitricks]

this is a bunch of nothing but i made it so im going to post it somewhere. but its for me first and foremost

and for your reading pleasure im going to post a bunch of shit under a readmore

okay so, if you know me, you know that i have some level of bipolar disorder. i was tentatively diagnosed by a therapist i went to when i was about 17, and while i never got that formal diagnosis tattooed onto my body, it, frankly, was kind of fucking obvious in retrospect.

i have talked.. a LOT. about how my teens were filled with a near constant level of homicidal anger. a lot of it was comprised of your standard teen loneliness, going through the wrong puberty, and maybe a sprinkling of childhood emotional abuse, but. whatever. you get it.

i am also autistic, which is fun. the two are.. 'comorbid,' or something, maybe thats the wrong term, but i dont care. nobody is reading this. anyway. basically this means whenever i do feel something, which isn't always, i feel it in a Fun and Unusual way. so far i have been able to cope with my fun and unusual emotions by rationalizing them, or like.. anthropomorphizing them, but in reverse. i dont know. i am angry a LOT, and i form that anger in my head as a smilodon. again, autistic. not the point.

but i've never really thought about what my bipolar disorder itself felt like in my brain. until, y'know, this. this inexplicable thing i can't get rid of but makes my life harder. you know how it is. but.. anyway. back to the near constant level of homicidal anger.

im not going to blame the myriad shitty things i did as a kid exclusively on my mental illnesses, and how poorly they were managed, but im confident i wouldn't have been nearly as bad had i gone to a proper psychiatrist. and gotten medicated, probably. but then again i probably would've done better with *no* mental help considering the first therapist my parents took me to essentially pushed me back into the closet for a few years. that was fun.

point is. i've come to terms with a lot in the past few years, but only recently have i been able to like.. help with it? i have a very supportive partner and she helps so much in calming me down. but its still, yknow, a mental illness that i have.

which is why it's so upsetting to me when people refer to intrusive thoughts and become upset with you if you talk about yours and they're not fun and innocent and quirky enough. people with intrusive thoughts about murder rise up. 'eww theres something wrong with you' WHAT DO YOU THINK MENTAL ILLNESS IS, *CORBYN.*

sorry to any corbyns in the crowd tonight i bet you're a great 17 year old trans boy who hangs out in your high school's library during lunch.

this is a lot of rambling. but like. point is. i have bipolar disorder and it makes living hard and i never feel properly 'safe' in my own home. because, though i know this isn't true, i feel as if i could at one random moment just snap and enter another one of those white-hot rage states where i do something ill regret for the rest of my life. you know?

but all in all, im a lot better than i was. im not great *now* but im a lot better too

#vent #i guess? #its not a very good comic #but i had to collect my thoughts.

[justmegeorgie]

I know for a fact I am going to regret posting this later, but hey, no one’s going to read this anyways.

Ever since I moved to where I am now, when I was only 7, turning 8, a lot has happened. Then again, it’s life, a lot happens in a tiny span, and sometimes you can’t do anything about it because it just happens.

It’s been really tough, to be honest.

I’ve lost my childhood best friend, who I love with every piece of soul and heart, I have lost my grandad to cancer, my other grandmother to dementia and Alzheimer’s, and I have just lost every single friend I ever had. It’s so tough.

Tonight, I cried so hard, for the first time in months, and I never knew I had it in me to do it that violently, in a way. It all just tumbled out, all my feelings, my thoughts, the pieces of my heart, the useless threading of my soul, and it was all lost through tears.

A tonne of measly little tears, and violent sobs.

Everyone has blown up on me, calling me every name under the sun, and for what?

A girl who wanted to sit back and see someone break because she wanted to see them suffer.

A singular lie had all my friends turn on me, hate me, verbally abuse me. She isolated me.

Well, I isolated me.

I’ve had to move schools because it became so bad for my mental health that I couldn’t cope, and the teachers would do nothing about it. Absolutely nothing. They watched me break down, tears, sobs, mumbled words and a jumbled mind trying to spew out everything it was feeling. And they did nothing. When I confessed to them about a guy two years above me in school who sexually assaulted me, they did nothing. They did nothing.

On the other hand, I met this guy.

My goodness, I think I fell in love at first message.

He messaged me on Wizz, saying he might as well shoot his shot, and I told him to. He’s so pretty. A few pick up lines later, he added me on snapchat, and the past night or so, we’ve been going back and forth with snaps. His voice is beautiful, so is his laugh. I love the way he speaks. He calls me his love.

I want to his love.

But I don’t know if he wants me to be.

I guess that’s a pro in spite of all the cons, right?

I damn hope so.

Because I’ve never had to cover my mouth and let out a squeal so powerful it could put the Leaning Tower of Pisa back into its original stance, to stand tall and proud. I’ve never had to gossip to my cousin about him so much that just the thought of him has be folding into myself. I’ve never had to take a few seconds before I could send a snapchat back because just seeing him not care if I spammed the chat, or when he calls me “my love”.

He makes me happy, but I don’t want to get hurt.

I’ve been through so much.

I don’t want to get hurt, but I’m in that much emotional and physical pain that I want to give it a chance because I think this may be the last chance for anyone.

Turns out, he lives two hours away from me. I’m not happy about the distance, but at least he doesn’t live in another country, or on the other side of England, right? I’m happy, as long as he is happy.

And I hope to whatever God is out there and listening to my jumbled thoughts, that he is happy.

Even if I don’t make him happy.

[teamfreehoodies]

a friend once called me broken from the passenger seat of my jeep on a full moon night and i have been haunted by that moment ever since

#because its true and also it hurt like a sucker punch to the gut because up to that point i hadnt felt broken #just like ur generic form of fucked up #but now everyonce in a while the memory just like pops up and us like hey hi hello youre fundamentally flawed! #but in a very cheery voice like bubblegum pop if it were a person #and everytime its like fuck you were right #anyways just thinking about that tonight because i am not coping with this school year well #and im not coping with my loneliness well #and im not coping with the fact that im going to limp through life holdimg out for the days in between needing to cope to survive #all while im #actively terrible at coping to survive actually #and im just tired pre-emptively of how many years of being broken and damaged there are ahead of me you know? #and look lord knows we’ve all got trauma i see that and i respect it but i also feel like not everyone gets told from day dot #that somethung is fundamentally and specifically wrong with you personally and having to live with that is.. idek annoying i guess mostly #ahhhh jusr ignore this im having weird thoughts and being unnecessarily stupid as per the uzh #u can like but dont try to talk to me about this by the way lol im just putting the thoughts out there cause they need to go somewhere #i dont wanna start a conversation about this

[shoyosthighs]

1 Month Challenge

Hinata Shoyo X f!reader (SMUT 🔞)

Sum: A challenge came up by Hinata before he leave for a month of intensive volleyball training 🤭 (timeskip MSBY Hinata)

Warnings: +18 MDI, dirty talk, unprotected sex, oral receiving (both ways), hard edging, dirty talk, daddy shoyo, 69, hard orgasm deny, creampie, basically really filthy smut

Word count: 2504 words

Author’s Note: Its been 8 years since I last written smut HAHA please spare me 😭 Im loving timeskip buff hinata currently and this plot is something similar I saw on p*rn so I decided to write it 🤭

________________________________

“Sho! Have you packed all your stuff?” You shouted from the kitchen from you and Hinata’s apartment. Preparing breakfast for him before he leaves for his intensive training in Brazil with the MSBY team in an hour.

“Yes baby” Hinata whispered in your ears from behind while snaking his arms to your waist and pressing you to his chest. “Can you pass me the soy-sauce, I made your favorite” you kiss him on the cheek while preparing his favorite Japanese rice with raw egg and soy-sauce.

“What did I do to deserve you baby” he wipe his fake tear smiling at you while passing you the soy-sauce.

“Baby girl, remember to take care of yourself okay? I will be back in a month. I know your college exams are coming soon but without me reminding you to eat you wouldn’t eat, so please remember to eat okay?” You nodded while pouting, didn’t really want him to leave.

“I will tell Yams to check up on you too” he side-eye you, knowing you will forget to take care of yourself once you indulge yourself into studying. “You’re so nagging haha” you pass him a cup of ice chocolate while ruffling his hair.

“Anyway baby, before I leave let’s come up with a challenge?” he asked while helping you wash the dishes and drying it. He pulled you to the couch and sat down while pulling you onto his lap, straddling him.

“What’s up your sleeve again?” You run your hands cupping his head from behind and play with his fluffy orange hair. “You see, I will be gone for a month and we won’t get to fuck” he said in a teasing voice. Knowing him, your high sex drive boyfriend for 2 years he will be having this dirty thoughts 24/7.

“And yeah what about it?” You rest your cheek on his chest and hug his waist instead. “Don’t touch yourself for a month, and when I come back I will breed you till morning” he smirk at you. “Hey not fair, what about you?” Knowing his horny ass he will probably run to the bathroom to finish himself off, “Both of us, it’s a challenge for both of us”

“I am up for it, but can you?” You tease him back. “You bet” he kiss you on the lips while carrying you into your shared bedroom, breeding you for the last time before he leaves for training.

It was already the 3rd week since Hinata has gone for his intensive training in Brazil, he had been sending you photos of himself shirtless almost everyday, but a prominent outline of his hard dick is seen on this jersey pants in every picture.

my ninja sho❤️: Im sooo horny baby🙁 i wanna ruin you so bad 😘

you: shoyo… HAHAHAHAA just how hard are you 🤣🤣🤣

my ninja sho❤️: Just you wait, 1 more week and you won’t be able to walk after im done with you 🙃

you: 🤭🤭🤭🤭

Truth to be told, you was so close to touching yourself and relieving yourself, but you really wanted to see how long can you hold onto it. You busied yourself with studying, playing the new game you downloaded, eating lunch and having tea time with Yamaguchi in the cafe that you, Hinata, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima like to hang out in your free time. Yachi and Kageyama joined sometime too but Yachi has moved to Osaka for college and Kageyama was busy with travelling because of his volleyball career.

“So how are you coping without Shoyo?” Yamaguchi stop scrolling his phone, looked at you while sipping his frappe. “What do you mean?” You acted blur, you know what Yamaguchi was implying. But you didn’t want to remember anything of Hinata that will get you riled up.

“Oh come on, you two are the second horniest couple I have know. Well Tsukki and (tsukki’s gf name) being the first” he laughed since all of you had been friends since high school years.

“Not saying anything~~~~ don’t ask anymore before I tell your girlfriend you wanna get it” you smiled not hiding the intention of killing. “Jeez ok ok im kidding” he laughed while seeing his girlfriend of 4 years outside the cafe. You and Yamaguchi then meet her outside and walked home for a movie night.

Hinata had just landed into Japan, after getting into the van with the team he texted you to let you know that he will be home in 2 hours. You were eating dinner when your phone pinged, you replied him with a ‘Okie hurry up 😭’ you had missed him, 1 month without hugs from him was quite depressing for you, the house seems quiet without him singing loudly while showering.

You had brought a white crotchless underwear to surprise him, you quickly showered, change into an oversized white t-shirt and slip on the lewd panties. You turned on the tv while watching the 7pm show that you had been chasing since last week.

Time passed by quickly but you were getting sleepy, so you grab your blanket and wrap yourself on the couch snoozing off for a bit, thinking to have a 10 minutes nap before Hinata comes home. But your snooze was interrupted by Hinata’s loud “MY LITTLE BABY!!! YOUR FAVORITE ABS IS HOME!!!”

You jolted awake and rush to jump onto on Hinata, wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. Luckily your shirt was long to cover your ass because Hinata’s quick reflex supported them before you could fall. “I miss you so much baby” you whispered lightly while peppering kisses around his neck.

“I miss you so much too” he put you down on the floor and wrap his arms around your waist and kisses your forehead, nose and lips. After the small reunion, Hinata was in the shower and you were on the bed thinking about the steamy night that was about to happen. Just before Hinata went to shower he whispered “Prepare to be ruin by my cock tonight my little slut” this little cheeky tangerine, you thought as you clenched your pussy getting excited.

Hinata’s hands were running up and down your body as soon as he came out of the bathroom naked, “What? Im gonna fuck you anyway, why bother wearing clothes hehe” he chuckled when you glance at him in disbelief. He was kissing you slipping his tongue in to taste you while pulling off your t-shirt, he knew you didn’t wore any bra so he when straight at sucking your nipple while toying the other, his other hand going straight down south, wanting to feel how wet you are outside your panties but was caught by surprise when he touched skin.

“Do you like my surprise?” you said softly to his ear. He glanced up at you, “You are driving me crazy holyshit” he pushed you down onto your shared bed, brought both your legs up and spread your thighs wide to look at his surprise. “You are so fucking wet, you’re literally drenched” he move down collected some of your arousal and show it to you, “Sho, stop it. It’s embarrassing” you cover your face with both hand. Who knew not touching yourself and not cumming for 1 month made you this wet just by kissing your boyfriend.

“If you don’t move your hands away now, you won’t be getting any dick tonight” he said sternly. You were quick to remove your hand and he chuckled at how desperate you are. “You better not hold back your moans if you want to get fucked tonight you little slut” he turned your hip sideways, slip your panties off and slapped your ass, you moaned feeling yourself clenched again. “Do you hear me?” Hinata slapped your ass again when you didn’t answer, “Yes daddy” you whimpered, feeling extremely horny by how Hinata is treating you. Its really been awhile.

Hinata placed you back on your back and spread your legs again, hands holding onto the back of your thighs and diving into your drenched pussy, “Oh fuck daddy it feels so good” you clench your fist onto the bedsheets, back arching. You had been eating pineapple for the past 3weeks in prepare for today, “Why do you taste sweeter than usual baby? Did you had pineapple or what?” He lifted his head up to look at you, man the sight of him wet chin, wet lips full of your juice. You just nodded and clenched your pussy feeling the lost of touch, Hinata look down and the sight of your cunt clenched while juices dripping down made him want to just take you right here right now, but he steadied himself and dive back down to your pussy slipping his tongue into your tight pussy, tasting everything you have to offer.

Not even a minute had pass but you were writhing under Hinata, “Im gonna cum daddy” you whimpered, arching your back and grinding your hips into Hinata’s face desperate for the first orgasm after a month. You almost screamed when Hinata lift his face off your wet aching pussy, “Tonight you are gonna cum on my cock and only my cock” you whimpered a small yes daddy, panicking a little. When Hinata is serious he won’t hesitate to deny you orgasm and you wouldn’t want that.

“Now come and suck daddy off before I fuck your brains out” he lay next to you and you didn’t hesitate to take his already hard cock around your hand slipping the head to your parted lips, Hinata glances sideways to see you still dripping from your pussy, he tapped your ass and you turn back to look at him, lips still on his cock. “Sit on my face” knowing he loves 69 you quickly lift one of your legs and drape it over his head. Shifting your drenched slick infront of his face you move your mouth down to take Hinata’s warm cock into your mouth, “Oh fuck, your mouth feel so good” at this point Hinata wants to see how long he and you could stand denying orgasms before snapping.

You were a hot mess above Hinata, he had denied your orgasm 5 times while you had denied him 3 because you took slower stroke to work him up. Your pussy is literally drenched and sticky, you really couldn’t take it anymore its starting to hurt and you really need to cum, “Daddy please fuck me I need your cock” you turned behind and look at him. “My favorite” he lift himself up and you got on all fours facing the headboard, back arched with your cheeks squish onto the pillow. “Please daddy i am so wet for you, I had been a good girl, I want your cock please”

Hinata thinking he too couldn’t hold it back anymore line up his cock up your pussy lips rubbing up and down to tease you for a bit, he chuckled when you whimpered another please daddy and slip in all the way. You were so tight despite how wet you was prior to the foreplay and its driving Hinata crazy by how warm and wet you felt. “Holyshit baby you are so tight and warm”

You couldn’t think straight, all you could think was if Hinata were to move a few times you will cum soon. He slowly slip out dragging his thick cock veins around your walls and then slamming it back, “Fuck daddy im gonna cum” he continue to slam his cock into your pussy and then pull out completely and look down at your pussy, you were literally sobbing by now you clenched onto nothing and grind your hips wanting Hinata to just fuck your brains out.

You subconsciously slip your finger between your legs to relieve some tension on your pussy but Hinata hold your fingers by your folds, using his hand he guide it and circle it on your hole, you whimpered at how drenched you were, “Look at you wet and horny for me, since you’re being such a good girl daddy won’t hold back anymore okay” He line his rock hard cock back on your pussy and slip in, “I want you to cum hard on my cock okay” he leaned down and you nodded, preparing for his brutal thrust. At his 5th thrust your pussy had clamp down his cock and had you squirting all over your leg, you didn’t had the chance to tell him you were coming, Hinata had to pull out and watch you squirt all over the bedsheet and thinking how fucking hot you were currently.

“Look at you, so desperate to cum that you squirted all over our bed. What a little slut” he was gripping your ass and had continued his fucking your brains out. Your pussy is clenching onto him for the 4th time cumming hard on his dick and he had emptied 3 load of cum into your womb by then, holding you down while shooting his load into you. He weren’t kidding when he say he wanted to breed you.

Your lower half was sore by midnight, Hinata was now lying down with you on top of him grinding and whimpering at how hard he still is, both of your cum making your lower body full of white stains. “Sho- I-I can’t-t im gonna cum again” you grind harder onto his cock while throwing your head back, “Me too baby” he thrust up and hold your hips making you fall to his chest taking in the loud skin slapping and wet squelching sound you both produced, “Shoyo omg please please please harder im so close” he feel your walls clenching hard on him again and you cum hard onto his cock again for the nth time tonight while he shoot his almost nonexistent cum into you again, he really unloaded everything with nothing left. Soft moans filled the room as you lift yourself off his finally limped dick and plopped yourself beside him catching your breath.

“Stay here while i prepare the bath for you okay” you gave him a tired smile and close your eyes for a bit still feeling your body hot from the activity. Hinata came back and gave you a kiss on your sweaty forehead and carried you bridal style to the bathtub filled with warm water with your favorite bath bomb scent.

(EXTRAS)

Hinata was at the MSBY locker room the next afternoon for their short meeting/training regarding an upcoming match. He was shirtless was trying to put on his training jersey when Atsumu gasped, “HOLYSHIT SHOYO WHAT HAPPEN TO YOUR BACK?” All he could do was smile sheepishly and said “My little cat scratch me”

You weren’t spare either, you had to call Yamaguchi telling him you were sick the next morning because of how sore you were and you were literally limping even going to the bathroom. And had to cover the hickeys around your neck before going to school.

(A/N:It’s literally almost 4am here and Im also drenched after writing this fic, I HOPE YOU ENJOY 😭😭😭 reblog and comments welcomed ❤️)

#blinded by sun #shoyosthighsmasterlist #hq fluff #hq smut #hq x reader #hinata smut #hinata shouyou #hinata shoyo smut #hinata shoyo fluff #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smut #hinata x you #hinata shoyo x y/n #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shoyo x you #shoyo smut #msby black jackal #msby bj #haikyuu msby #msby hinata #haikyuu masterlist #haikyuu lemon #haikyuu!! #haikyuu!! smut #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader smut

[niksfics]

↬ FATE

↬ PAIRINGS: kenma x f!reader (side aka rebound mention) miya atsumu x f!reader

↬ WARNINGS: a whole lotta angst, breakup, it’s an online relationship, kenma is cold and hurts ur feelings

↬ SUMMARY: your relationship with kenma really had felt like the last one. He was it, turns out he didn’t have similar feelings.

↬ A/N: alright loves!! This isn’t proofread at all it’s 2 in the morning I’ll edit when I wake up, butttt Thanks to my lovely ex girlfriend you are now being graced with this steaming pile of trash. (Lovely was not meant sarcastically at all she is in fact very lovely.) Ngl almost, if not all of this story is about my relationship with my ex gf. This is how I cope people. ￫ It’s taken me awhile to actually be able to right something that’s why things kinda stopped. Tbh after she broke up with me it’s been very hard for me to write so hopefully this helps! And I hope you enjoy!! I would also just like to say if it feels a lil weird it’s cause these are things I’ve actually written in my notes I tweaked it a little to fit the story but it’s straight from the source 😩

WC | 2.5K

You sighed as you opened your notes app. Your eyes scanning over all of the little facts and quirks he had told you about himself. All the stuff you’d wanted to remember. The stuff that had seemed so important to you before. Now it was meaningless, almost like facts about a stranger. Almost as if you hadn’t spent four months learning about and growing with eachother.

You scrolled down a little bit right under, how his favorite marvel character is Spider-Man and you chewed on your lip. Your fingers hovering above the keyboard on your phone. You looked over the facts again. The things he dislikes and the stuff he adores, the things he likes to collect to the way he feels passionately about a certain topic. You begin to type.

Friday June 25th 2022 12:22 Am

I cried again tonight, because I still love you. It’s been a month and six days since we broke up. It feels like there’s a hole in my chest. You seem to be doing fine though, so I’m happy for you! This is the second time since we’ve broken up that I’ve felt actual physical emotional pain in my chest. Remember when I told you how bad it hurt after we broke up? Remember how you didn’t even ask if I was ok? Didn’t even bother to answer. Do you remember that? I remember. I’ve thought about it every day since. I remember it being so bad I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. Wasn’t until I’d called tetsu crying that he’d told me it was just emotional and I should probably try to relax.

I read through our old messages. I’ve never wanted something back so bad. Never wanted to beg anyone to stay till now. I wish you loved me like I love you. I wish I hadn’t grown so attached, wish I hadn’t fallen so deeply into love with you. I wish it wasn’t my fault that we broke up. I wish I wasn’t so fucking scared. I wish I was fearless. Wish I could rise into love bravely. I wish I was brave when it came to you. I keep telling myself it was me. It was me not you. You didn’t love me anymore. You don’t love me anymore and you’re just too nice to say that. So you told me in the only way I could handle. Except you hadn’t used the words you should have. You got bored. We both know it’s true. You were bored of it, and I don’t blame you. I know we’ll never talk again, and part of me is so glad. Another part of me forces myself to read through all our messages though. I wish I could just tell you one last time. I love you.

You sighed saving it before closing out of it. Tears you hadn’t known were falling finally became known to you as they streamed down your cheeks. Your eyes puffy as you wet your lips, the salt of them coating your tongue. You were bitter and so were your tears. I briefly wondered what he was doing right now. Probably playing a video game. You knew his schedule all to well by now. Probably testing out a new game for his stream.

A new set of fresh tears fell as you remembered how you used to call him right before he went on. Being lulled to sleep by his occasionally curses and the clicking oh his controller or his keyboard.

You never expected things to end this way. You really thought he was the last one. Yes it had only been four months, but the way he made you feel. The way that it had felt. It had felt final, and you’d been friends before you even started dating.

You sniffle moving yourself to the kitchen to poor yourself a glass of water as you remembered how nervous you were when you first texted him. You had acumulated quite the crush on him back in high school. As Inarazaki’s manager you were required to go to the games, and even after your team lost you had stuck around. Watched him play and cheered him on. Two weeks later you had begun to text, as friends of course. It wasn’t until four months ago that you’d gotten together.

Your anniversary was only two days prior to your break up. You both had never been one to even care about that stuff. You had agreed early on in the relationship that we wouldn’t do anything due to the distance, and the business of our schedules. You were never one for remembering things like anniversaries anyways.

He really did feel like the one. Sometimes you just know. Sometimes you can just feel it. Like, you know that feeling you get when you know something is off or you know for sure something is about to happen even without being told it’s going to. That’s what it felt like to be with kozume kenma.

You thought you knew, you thought this time, this time its for real. You thought it was finally safe to say, that he was the one. You both had even admitted to looking for each others initials in those stupid soulmate tik tok videos.

You were finally in a mature relationship with someone you could talk about anything to. You had gotten so caught up in it, that you didn’t even see the end creeping up on you.

↝

You’d finally gained the courage to text him again. Unfortunately it was in a drunken daze. Your hands shaking as you fumbled with your phone typing things you’d come to regret in the morning. You’d sent him a series of texts telling him how much you missed him, how you didn’t understand how he was so okay. You had been a wreck that night. One of your friends puking in her toilet as you cried. You were happy of course that he was doing so well, but you’d been a wreck for so long and he hadn’t even changed. You told him you wished you could be okay.

When you’d awoken the next morning hair knotted in a complete mess and wiping drool from your chin your heart had sunk even lower. His response was cold. You knew that kenma could be cold. You knew that it was just who he was, but this particular text had felt so unfeeling and unfamiliar, it was as if he hadn’t even sent it himself. He had only ever talked like this to you once and that was when you first became friends all those years ago.

Kozume ❤️

Hey, it’s okay. And yeah you see what I choose to put up. I could be better. But I choose to stay optimistic and busy. Sorry that things are this way.

You had never seen so many periods in a text before. He only used grammar like that when he was peeved, and maybe you were wrong, maybe he’d done that on purpose, but it had hurt so bad. It had caused an ache so deep in your chest that you weren’t sure if you’d ever even dated him at all.

Yeah.

It was the only thing you could bring yourself to respond back with. How were you supposed to respond to that? You’d stared at it for so long and after you’d sent it you wished you had said more. Wished you would’ve said something more insightful than a simple, heartbroken, “yeah.”

Not too long later there was another ping and you held your breath. His name briefly appearing across your screen.

Yeah. I could be better. But I hope you do well soon. I’m sorry that I can’t really do much to help out

And of course you did the only thing you could do. Deflect. Pretend like you hadn’t said what you’d said not even fourteen hours ago.

No it’s fine. I’m fine. You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry that you could be doing better.

He left you on seen. You knew you sounded like an asshole. At least to you, you felt like an asshole. Why couldn’t you have come up with something else. Why couldn’t you tell him the truth. Tell him how you felt. Tell him that you didn’t think you should be broken up anymore. That the month long cruel joke was over and you were ready to spend your nights falling asleep to him playing video games again. You didn’t though, and you never would. You’re not brave enough, too prideful to even try.

You swallowed down the bile rising in your throat as you realized even if you did beg him. Begged him to take you back. Tell him that you still love him. You were too late, and you just couldn’t be selfish when it comes to him. He is over you and it was so plainly obvious. You know that deep down. Know that he’s moved on, and it kills you inside. So you did the only thing you could do. Try and put it into words.

So as you lay in bed the warm body you let occupy your space sound asleep beside you, his toned blonde hair tousled slightly and you sighed. Finally away from the shenanigans of your friends you took a deep breath before you closed your eyes.

You opened up your notes app again and scrolled past the last entry. You swallowed again as you blinked the tears out of your eyes. Your thumbs beginning to move before you even gave them permission.

Wednesday June 30th 2022 1:39 Am

Here I am again. Stuck. Stuck in the same place I’ve been for so long. You know, I write so beautifully when I’m broken. I’m most of my best work is written when I’m being torn apart. But I just, I can’t seem to find the words. I can’t seem to put it into a document and turn out little story into a different story to cope. Can’t seem to write it out. Can’t seem to move on.

I hovered over the unfollow button on your page today, to keep myself from scrolling through your things again. To keep myself from getting hurt. So I don’t have to be reminded. I want to delete it. Delete where we officially met. On a chat through my screen. I wanna wipe the messages clean. And I’ve tried. Oh how I’ve tried. But I can’t.

I want to delete our conversations. The hours long talks we had, but then, what happens afterwards? What keeps the memories alive. I’d never been so in love with someone before. I’ve never actually…. Been in love before. I thought I’d been in love, but it didn’t feel like that, and losing them never hurt like this. Losing someone has never hurt this bad before.

I’ve never felt the emptiness you left so deep in my very being with anyone I’ve ever met before. I can’t seem to pull myself together. And it’s pathetic I know. It’s pathetic that I’m still here. In the same place I was a month ago. It’s about to be two months we’ve haven’t been together. I’m hurting. Hurting so bad. It’s painful to look at you.

I haven’t deleted the photos even though I probably should. They’re still tucked away in an album in my camera roll labeled “us <3” the one one I made specially just for you. The way I’d been so excited when I was finally ready to tell my friends. I even have this stupid notes folder from when we were dating where I wrote all the little things about you that I never wanted to forget. I find you so endearing. Everything you do. I just couldn’t help but right it down to keep it safe so it never leaves my mind. So that I never forget. But now, forgetting is all I want to do.

I never thought there’d be a time in my life where I was more emotionally stunted that I normally. So stunted I can’t even put this, our split up, into words. Make it something entertaining for somebody else to read. Write a book about it. My publicist keeps asking when the sequel for my book will be done. I don’t know if it’ll ever be finished. I can’t do the one thing I’ve always been good at. I’m crying as I write this.

And I wish it would just end here in this little notes app. Wish the love would die in here. I always think I’m over you and then I see you again, and nowadays your everywhere. A very big hit and I’m happy for you and your success, but seeing you makes my heart squeeze in my chest.

I think I’m over you until I play that stupid fucking game that causes me to scream at my phone, or my laptop in frustration, but I just can’t seem to delete it because I know it’s something that you love. That show we used to talk about. I know you know which one, I can’t seem to watch it without thinking of what was. You’ve ruined it forever cause now it only reminds me of you. I know you’ll never see this, but I like to imagine you can. That my time for closure has somehow come.

When you told me you were sorry that things were this way, it was a real slap in the face. It stopped my false hope. My wishing. It all came to a halt. I’m glad. Glad that you’re happier. That you’re better without me. But god, now I’m so fucked up and I can’t even talk to you.

You were the only person I had left. The only one who understood me. And now you’re gone. You took a part of me with you that night. A part that I’ll never get back. I should’ve known that you would leave. I’ve never been able to get someone to stay for longer than three to four months.

I thought I could let my guard down though. I thought we were in the clear. I’d thought finally. Finally someone is gonna stay. I thought you were my person. I still think that to this day. I thought we were gonna make it. And now I’m with this guy I don’t even like. He’s not you, he doesn’t act like you. He doesn’t like video games like you do.

He doesn’t talk to me like you do. Like you did. But you know how it ended I don’t need to put it here. Unfortunately I’ll always love you even if you don’t love me. This is so scattered, I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.

With that you closed the app and put down your phone. Plugging in it and as it dinged miya atsumu rolled over in his sleep. He reached for you his hands wrapping around your waist to tug you against his strong body.

His gravely voice whispering through sleep, “mmm finally decided to come to bed?” You hum moving an arm under on of his to wrap around his thin waist. “Mhm, thought you might need the company.” You began to draw little shapes and letters against his back as he chuckled, “oh yea? How thoughtful of you princess.”

Suddenly it was quiet and your closed eyes opened to his wide brown ones, his eyebrows furrowing .

“Did you just spell kozume on my back?”

#kenma x reader #kenma angst #kozume kenma #kenma #haikyuu kenma #miya atsumu #atsumu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu angst #niksfics #haikyuu fic #hq angst #hq fanfic #hq kenma #hq atsumu #atsumu x y/n #kenma x you #atsumu x you #kenma x yn #angst #this is trash #I’m so sorry that this is what I’ve written instead of mf #dilf atsumu #you’ll get your dilf atsumu smut soon though

[kyloswarstars]

ROOMMATES • Part 2

Divergent • College AU • Eric x Reader

ROOMMATES masterlist 💫 Divergent masterlist

You escaped your current living situation by moving in with your friend Christina – and five other college students. Little did you know that one of them was the guy who was your ultimate pain in the neck since your first semester. Now, you had to find a way to not strangle him in his sleep out of pure frustration. Also, you had to find a way to get rid of those weird butterfly feelings for him that slowly grew in your stomach.

Words • 2k

The enemies to lovers story no one needed.

/////

The donut shop had air conditioning. It was pure heaven. A donut shop was heaven to you 365 days a year anyways. The AC, though… yes.

Christina chewed on her third blue glazed donut and refused to answer your questions. First, she refused. Then, she tried to talk her way out of it. In the end, she mentioned the friendship code, which applied in this case to Eric, and therefore she couldn’t say anything.

The confusion was real. You didn’t understand anything when most of the time you always understood everything. Following things you knew:

A) Eric always entangled you in debates. Sometimes it was a civil exchange, most of the times he got your blood boiling until you were close to lose your temper. This happened in class and other college surroundings, where you talked about a study related topic.

B) Until last week you always thought it was because of his ego and pure strive to demonstrate his intellect why he went for, at some point, the silliest of statements you had ever heard.

C) You also thought he did it just to piss you off.

D) Then last week happened. Then this afternoon happened and left you entirely confused.

E) Christina must know another reason why Eric constantly sought for an academic dispute. His statement from a couple hours ago, that there was ‚no reason‘, was highly suspicious. But Chris also didn’t tell you the reason.

F) That only led you to one, logical guess on what that unsaid reason could be.

„Is this about him having a long planned strategy to become the number one student of our year?“ Him seeing you as a serious competition to that title was the only reason you could think of. It wasn’t too odd of an assumption since after all those debates, silly statements or not, he was one of the smartest guys you had met so far.

Chris swallowed a bit of her new donut. Donut number four. „He isn’t in our year.“

You had sipped on your milkshake and instantly looked up. „What do you mean?“ Having to ask that question again frustrated you.

„That he’s way past us. He just finished his third year of medical school.“

„Excuse me?“ You got up from your seat and started wandering around the empty donut shop. „I’m surprised my body hasn’t taken the form of a question mark yet,“ you slowly talked yourself into a frenzy. „Christina, you’re telling me that Eric, who keeps pissing me off in two of my classes, for the last two years, isn’t even in my year? That he’s studying to become a doctor?“ Please behold me from chopping off a finger or something and him helping me.

She looked a little guilty for not giving you more information. Also a little amused.

„I am studying to become a damn mathematician. Why on earth would a medical student attend those classes?“

Christina had the audacity to laugh out loud. „I’m sorry, Y/N.“ Karma came around instantly and made her choke on a piece of donut for a few seconds. You hurried over to harshly pat her back until she coughed it out. „All I know is,“ she was still gasping for air, „he sometimes takes random classes for fun. Or for one of his big assignments.“

That was all. You wouldn’t get any further information. She crossed her arms and ignored all of your remaining questions. At least she left the donut shop with a stomachache and you knowing that Eric wasn’t even a math student.

/////

Once a week all roommates had at least one dinner together. ‚To strengthen the community‘ Uriah mumbled to you while you helped him turn the groceries, he and Chris had bought today, into a prober dish. Rice with a lot of veggies was the meal for tonight.

You were the last one to sit down and were surprised, and a little nervous, to find Eric sitting in the spot across from yours. He must’ve come home while you were still concentrating on not letting the veggies burn to death.

Christina hardly ate anything after her five donuts. Being a reasonable adult, you only had one donut at the shop.

„Who chose to put mushrooms in there?“ Eric didn’t look too glad when his fork discovered a tiny mushroom.

„Me,“ you stated, not afraid to have another silly debate. This time probably about how mushrooms shouldn’t be harvested because it takes away a food supply for deers.

„Next time just roast it short. Don’t turn it into these rubber–“

„Shut up, Eric.“ Four intervened. „Be glad someone made dinner.“

Exactly. You smiled at Four for his backup and continued eating. Even though you highly concentrated on the bowl in front of you, your eyes occasionally moved to Eric, to see if he had found another thing he disliked about the meal. And every single time his eyes met with yours.

This dinner wasn’t like all the previous ones you had here since moving in. It was unusually quiet. Everyone headed pretty fast into their rooms after finishing up and collectively cleaning the dishes.

Eric lingered around and was actually the last one to help you with putting back the plates and cutlery to where they belonged. You leaned to the countertop and tried not to stare too obviously when he stretched to place some glasses on the top shelf. He wore a t-shirt where he must’ve cut off the sleeves and the way his arm muscles moved, with every glass he put on that shelf, should be forbidden.

What? Oh man. That you caught yourself thinking that way, even though Eric didn’t notice it because he was still occupied with the dishes, made you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. You hid your hands in your pockets to act casual. That’s when you noticed one of the many papers that were spread in nearly every clothing pocket and backpack of yours.

One of the many habits – coping mechanisms, actually – you had, was to write down unsolved problems in mathematics and brood over them whenever your brain was close to panic itself into a breakdown. To sit down and concentrate on a problem and search for a possibility to solve it, was what got you to study the most hated subject in the first place.

You pulled the paper out and checked what it referred to. The Riemann zeta function.

You tried to recall if any of the many debates with Eric ever had been about mathematics. They had never been about math at all you realised. The classes he had gone to were the social orientated ones. Those, where you discussed scenarios and ways on how to solve problems with a mathematical solution. Or at least help out along the way. And the debates were mostly about the logical or philosophic aspects. The reason why it had always been so easy for Eric to pull you into those discussions was because you didn’t study mathematics just for the sake of it. You didn’t want to become only a professor to teach others about it. You wanted to help people with all the abilities math provided. For example the study you worked on right now: a mathematical model to predict the success of immunotherapy for patients with cancer.

This is perfect.

There was no way Eric could enter a serious debate about the zeta function and not show that he studied something completely different. With a grin on your lips you cleared your throat to get his attention. Eric crossed his arms as he turned to you.

The game is on.

„Since you know everything better than me, and us living under the same roof now, I was wondering if you would take a look at some equations. I’m kinda stuck.“

Something in his face changed but he still said: „Sure.“

That’s a mistake, my friend. You handed him the paper, which he had to unfold his arms for again to take it. Those arms were bigger than the pile of books next to your mattress. Why did you never notice his muscles before? And why did you never notice that sharp jawline?

The concentration on his face didn’t give away that he had absolutely no clue what was on that paper. Time did. A minute or two went by without him looking up or saying a word. „That seems like a serious problem. I’m passing.“

„What are you studying again?“ Your voice as innocent as you could manage it to be.

„Why would you ask?“ He played it off. The crooked smile on his lips let you know he had a feeling for where this conversation would go, though.

„Because someone studying mathematics, like I do, would recognise the famous zeta function whose solution would earn you a reward of one million dollars.“

„I never said I study mathematics, Y/N.“ Eric grinned like you were the fool here. Like you had overseen something big. Like your little trap hadn’t worked.

„But you attend four full semesters of classes that aren’t necessary? Are you having such a big problem with me that you just can’t stay away?“ His stupid grin made it worse. That rage came rushing in because those ludicrous disputes sometimes had you thinking you were a complete idiot. „I mean no normal person would take those two extra classes for four solid semesters on top of damn medical classes. What’s wrong with you?“

„I like the extra knowledge.“ He simply stated, snapped a bottle of water from the countertop and slowly made his way down the hallway to his room. „And debating with you.“

/////

For your own wellbeing, and not to flip every time you thought about Eric being the biggest prick on this earth, you decided he was just a little sadist. Who had probably his only fun by infuriating you. You were glad to know about that hobby of his now and could focus on the more important things in life until next semester.

He just didn’t make it easy at all. Living under the same roof had diverted the debates from class to the dining table. Plus it had added a lot of other intentional disturbance on his part.

For a while you tried to just ignore it because he was a sadist, as you declared. On the other hand he exactly got what he had aimed at. Your anger.

„Eric,“ you shouted at the wall, knowing very well that he could hear you because you heard perfectly fine what kind of little movie he was watching. It paused for a few seconds and you breathed out in relief. Then it started again. So you raised your voice another time. „Use damn headphones!“

The only thing that happened was Uriah peeking his head in your room, with some incredibly high raised eyebrows. „Are you okay?“

„I am not.“ You buried your face in your hands. „Eric is watching porn and I can’t concentrate,“ you stated in despair.

„I’ll handle it,“ he smiled and was fast to knock at Eric’s door and enter his room after a ‚come in‘. They discussed for a while and Uriah gave you a thumbs up as he passed your room on his way back to the kitchen. Problem solved? Sounded like it. No noise from the other side of the room anymore.

The newest data had come in for the study this morning and you didn’t get anywhere yet. You just hadn’t been able to because of… picturing Eric watching porn. Ban it from your consciousness. With another deep breath, you started working in the newest data and focus only on your task. And it worked for a couple of minutes. Until Eric decided not to use headphones anymore and his porn noises echoed through the wall again.

I will strangle him in his sleep one night.

/////

A/N • I'm enjoying this way too much so there will soon be another update. probably next weekend. ok bye

Taglist • @longlostinanotherworld

Wanna get tagged too for future updates? Lemme know 🖤

#divergent #insurgent #eric #eric coulter #divergent eric #divergent eric coulter #divergent eric fanfiction #divergent eric imagine #eric x reader #eric coulter x reader #eric coulter fanfiction #eric coulter imagine #divergent eric x reader #divergent fanfiction #divergent imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #imagine #college au #kyloswarstars

[newtonsheffield]

In the books Gregory seemed like the brother most appreciative of Anthony and other than Eloise the only Bridgerton sibling to actually acknowledge everything Anthony had done for the family and what he gave up. And as an Anthony Bridgerton fangirl I’ll take what I can get from them bit it always made Gregory and Anthony’s relationship kinda special to me. I was hoping we could get some insight into them in the Bridgerton & Sons universe. Maybe Anthony and baby Greg or Anthony dealing with Gregory setting down kinda young wife and baby in tow, or whatever you want dealer’s choice!

Hello! 

You’ve actually hit on something I feel very strongly about  which is that the other Bridgertons (whether it’s because they were young at the time or not) don’t really seem to notice the sacrifice and responsibility that comes with being the Viscount. Possibly it’s because he would never really let them see anyway, and he’s not the kind of person to share his burdens with people (as we know). And I firmly believe that the only person Anthony ever shares things like these with is Kate. But! I think Gregory, and the man he becomes is partially a result of the behaviour that Anthony modelled for him as a married man and we see in On The Way To The Wedding how much he admirers the relationship Anthony has with Kate and wants the same with his own wife. 

I don’t think my love of Gregory is a secret at this point. Nor is it a secret that I love and adore his relationship with Anthony and Kate. And I LOVED exploring their relationship in Unexpected So Here 👏🏻We 👏🏻Go👏🏻

Anthony Bridgerton was nearly 11 years old when he traipsed into the hospital room for the sixth time in his life to meet his new sibling. And as usual, He held the tiny baby, Gregory his dad had said, and a new responsibility seemed to settle on his chest again. 

Of all the things that had happened when their father died, the worst was the way his youngest siblings coped. Gregory wasn’t even seven yet, and he kept asking their mother again and again, Where’s Daddy? Why isn’t he here?When’s he coming back? And Anthony’s heart had broken when he’d taken Greg, still so small, his glasses on straps, his batman sneakers flashing as he walked up the stairs and had to say Greg, Dad’s not coming back buddy. Sometimes Adults have to go, and we don’t get to see them anymore. And his heart had broken again when he held his brother as he cried and cried 

Anthony tried and tried, when he’d been at University, and then when he’d started work, but he always seemed to be missing so much every weekend when he came home, Gregory looked to have grown a foot, and suddenly, before he knew it Gregory was a man. And he stood proudly with his mother the day Gregory graduated from high school, clapping and cheering with the rest of his family. But Gregory still seemed so lost, so unsure of himself, and it just seemed like another way Anthony had failed. 

Gregory was truly happier than he thought he would ever be working for Anthony. He felt like he had a purpose for the first time in his life, and he enjoyed the work, enjoyed studying. But more than a little part of him enjoyed spending time with Anthony. Getting to work alongside his brother, get to know him even more, watch how he interacted with people, with everyone well it was his favourite part of going to work. You don’t have to keep working here, Greg I just want you to be happy. Anthony had said one day, casually, as they sat across the table from one another after a meeting. Gregory stilled, a lump forming in his throat as he said, his voice small I really like working with you, Anthony. And Gregory pretended to look away while Anthony quickly wiped at his tears.

Gregory was nervous. Very Nervous. Today he’d woken up knowing that tonight he was going to ask Lucy Abernathy to marry him. He knew it was right, he loved Lucy. Loved the way her quiet support made him want to be better, his best self, loved seeing her every day as a reminder of why he wanted to work hard, loved the way her smile made his heart do an odd stutter and butterflies beat against his stomach. And he knew they were still so young. He wouldn’t be 23 until next month, and Lucy the month after that, but he wanted the rest of his life to start as soon as possible. If he was sure about this, why should he wait? He’d been practicing this speech all morning by the time he slipped into his brother’s office. Anthony looked up expectantly. Gregory nervously adjusted his glasses, shifting his feet, Umm Anthony, do you think you might like to go home early today? I know that you miss Kate and Edmund and umm you could- Anthony sighed Are you really trying to use my baby to get an early day Greg or do you have something else in mind? I mean, it’s working but it is a little beneath you. And Gregory took a deep breath his heart racing as he said I want to ask Lucy to marry me tonight and I know you probably think I’m too young but Ant. I really love her and I’m ready for this responsibility. The words rushing out of him leaving him a little breathless waiting for judgement from The brother he looked up to almost as a father. Are you done? Anthony said a look of surprise on his face. Gregory felt his eyes narrow, unsure as he nodded. Good. Anthony said, standing, wrapping Gregory in a tight hug as he whispered in his ear I am so proud of you Greg. Lucy’s so lucky to have you. And Gregory couldn’t hold back his tears anymore.        

#bridgerton and sons au #anthony + gregory #anthony bridgerton #gregory bridgerton #lil baby Greg is a sweetheart #we love to see it #molly's asks and answers

[humbughana]

second best

warnings: cursing per usual, mentions of sex (gasp), hidden feelings (ugh the angst), dick rafe (yum), bad writing (the horror)

words: 3k

enjoy lovers x

Rafe and Lola have been friends since they were born, both shoved together by their families and being the same age, it was easy for them to grow closer throughout the years. 

But there was always a line that was to never be crossed.  A mutual understanding, of sorts.

A line that hardened the girl over the years when she started to notice how attractive Rafe got or the number of girls he went through right in front of her. Or the pang in her chest when he asked her for one of her friend's numbers. There was harmless flirting between the two, no more than teasing but it was still hard for Lola. 

So she resorted to drowning herself in boys of her own choosing if only to keep her mind off of her best friend.

“Lola!” 

From where she was leaning against the stairs, she could see the entire living room crowded with teenagers. Topper always knew how to throw a good party, “Yes Top?” She sipped her drink slowly, not looking at her blonde friend who joined her.

He rolled his eyes at her, “You can’t stand here all night, Lo.” He gestured to some of her friends that danced drunkenly, “Get out there.” Lola only shook her head slightly, “Not in the mood tonight.” she muttered with a shrug. It was true - and untrue. She showed up at the house excited to let loose with her friends but she almost immediately saw Rafe with his tongue down the throat of some brunette that was on his arm all night. 

When they were in high school, Topper noticed her soft spot for Rafe, especially after he had asked one of her friends to prom and the tears in her eyes when he saw her leaving the school that day, “Lola-” he started but was cut off with a sharp look that told him to shut his big mouth up.

“I’m fine.” She shrugged and a smile grew on her lips as she saw one of the guys she hooked up with regularly and casually, and as if to say ‘see’ she sauntered over to the boy and leaned into his side, an arm immediately wrapping around her waist. Throwing a smile over her shoulder to Topper he only shook his head in disapproval at her coping mechanisms. 

Rafe and Lola would kill each other, he vouched. 

Lola spent the night perched on the boys lap, drinks placed in her hand accordingly until she unintentionally swayed to the beat of the music. The boy- Jack was his name placed a firm hand on her back to keep her steady. He was sweet, much too sweet for her and he knew about her problem with Rafe. And she knew about his broken heart that his ex-girlfriend gleefully ripped in two. They were using each other, sure, but they respected each other. 

“Coming back to my place?” His voice was warm in her ear and she nodded, too eager to leave the party. She saw Rafe climbing the stairs with the same brunette to where she knew the guest rooms were, gritting her teeth. She let Jack’s hand slide up her back to rest behind her neck, “Let’s go.” Lola mumbled, standing up eyes still on the steps. 

So she would let Jack fuck her until she couldn’t even think about the tall blonde that was crushing her heart.

~

“Fuck you,” she spat at Rafe who only grinned back at her, pleased with himself as he held the golf club with ease. They both took the game way too seriously to have a casual outing anymore and Rafe was now beating her, “Have you been practicing without me?” she demanded, ripping the club out of his hand and setting her own ball up. Lining her feet up he laughed warmly behind her, “I took Victoria here the other day.” 

Barely listening to him, she hit the ball and watched it sail in the right direction with a grin. But Rafe continued and now she was listening, “You know her, I think. I took her to Topper’s party the other day.” So that was the brunette that he was with all night, “I didn’t actually see you that night, Lo. Did you go?” 

“I was there.” She nodded as Rafe drove them to their balls much too slowly when all she wanted to do was sink into herself. There was nothing more she wanted to hear about concerning Rafe and the girl he was seeing, “You must have just been busy with Victoria.” Unable to keep the sarcastic edge out of her tone Rafe turned to look at her slightly with a frown.

“Or you must have been with that Ashford kid.” She rolled her eyes, Rafe made his opinions abundantly clear about her friend.

“Jack?”

“Who else do you hang all over when you go out?” He was serious, she noticed and let out a real laugh. Rafe only clenched his jaw, “Something funny Lo?” She nodded, “Yeah actually. You have a problem with who I hang out with?”

“Only the ones you fuck.”

 She sucked in a breath, partly shocked and angry that he would have the nerve to say that to her face. So she nodded, heart beating too fast, “I am fucking him.” She spoke slowly but unwaveringly when she saw Topper and Kelce in the distance, “Careful Rafe.” she taunted “You sound jealous.” His head snapped to meet her eyes but she only rolled hers in response. Topper waved at the duo and Lola smiled at him, “You better leave him alone, Rafe.” She would kill Rafe if he went after Jack and she wouldn’t put it past Rafe to do something stupid. 

Rafe only angrily stomped off to Kelce when the cart stopped and she rolled her eyes once more at the dramatics of him before joining Topper, “What's his deal?” Topper asked, watching his two friends stalk off.

“He’s mad at me.” she snorted and Topper asked why, “Because I’m fucking Jack Ashford.” She laughed again, finding the irony in the situation while Topper just sighed and shook his head.

“Tell him, Lola.” 

“I don’t know what you're talking about Top” She crossed her arms and stared straight ahead, “I’m leaving actually. Let him wallow with you two.” She walked back over to the golf cart she and Rafe were using, ignoring Topper’s protest and drove back to the clubhouse. 

The nerve of that boy.

~

Lola and her two friends dragged her along to one of the few bars in their area, easily using their fake ID’s to get in and quickly downing a few shots to get them in the mood.

“I’m gonna go dance,” she mumbled, taking the last shot in front of her and wincing at the taste. And that she did, Lola danced in the mass of people and laughed as she left carefree until her skin began to overheat. 

“Lola!” she heard Eve yell and she turned in the direction of her two friends, one of which was in the face of another girl she didn’t recognize. Frowning she pushed through the crowd until she stood next to Eve who stared at their friend in worry.

“Sadie,” Lola started to intervene as their words started to change into yelling, “Come on.”

The girl she didn’t know laughed maliciously, “No - that little cunt kissed my boyfriend!” To which launched Sadie into an enraged furry, trying to reach around Lola that wedged herself in between the fight.

“What happened!” Lola raised her voice, eyeing Eve who cringed to the side. Sadie only laughed, “He kissed me! You crazy bitch!”

Lola wanted to groan, that was until the angry girlfriend spat out, “Whore!” Lola turned and smacked the girl across the face before anyone could have predicted the fight. If the crowd of people didn’t already know what was happening, then they certainly did now as the two girls fell in a heap on the floor, Lola on top.

“Get her, Lo!” Sadie yelled gleefully while Eve anxiously scrolled through her contacts, knowing they were about to get kicked out of the bar, if not arrested for being underage. 

When Lola started throwing real punches and the bouncer began sifting through the dense crowd towards them she held the phone to her ear, “Rafe?” Rafe had basically grown up with Lola’s two friends as well and knew something was up at the sound of her voice, “What’s up, Eve?”

“Please come get us? Lola’s fighting some girl and-” she cut herself off, “We’re at Brothers.” Rafe cursed at the girls but hung up with the promise he’d be there soon. 

The bouncers finally intervened, one grabbed Lola around the waist, the other two were dragging Sadie and the angry girlfriend out. Eve just followed behind with red cheeks while Lola cursed the bouncers to hell and back, Sadie still yelling at the other girl. They were unceremoniously dumped on the sidewalk outside, “You cause any problems out here and we’re calling the police.” The men looked at them pointedly and Eve prayed Rafe would show up and hopefully with his friends, she didn’t know if Rafe would be enough.

“Happy now? Your boyfriend probably has his tongue down someone else's throat.” Sadie crossed her arms as she stood next to Lola who looked crazed still, “Fucking psycho,” Lola muttered, catching the attention of the girl anyways.

“What did you call me?” her nasally voice rang true as she got back into Lola’s face and she only smiled.

“A. Fucking. Psycho.” Lola spat each word harshly as the girl's face turned red, Lola couldn’t react fast enough to dodge the hand that hit her cheek harshly. Eve could have cried when a familiar boy brushed past her and grabbed Lola around the waist and dragged her flailing body away.

“Rafe!” Sadie yelled in surprise, “I’m so glad you came.” She swayed slightly and Topper grabbed her elbow so she didn’t fall, “Topper too?” The drunk girl laughed forgetting all about the fight and the other girl finally stalked away, defeated.

“Lola calm the fuck down.” Rafe grabbed her jaw when he set her down in front of him finally. She hissed in pain and he let go, surveying her bruised face in disdain, “What the hell?” Rafe nodded to his friends behind them, telling them to get the other two girls home.

“She started it.” Lola crossed her arms stubbornly, “She insulted Sadie!” Rafe shook his head, a small smile graced his face and she softened immediately, “Don’t be mad at me,” She pouted, the alcohol making her a tad more open with her feelings. Rafe only laughed quietly and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “Let's get you home, Lo.” He walked the two of them to his car as she walked him through the fight, “I totally won too.” She finished with a victorious grin.

Rafe lifted her up into the car with a grin, “I’m sure you did, baby.”  She warmed at the pet name that easily fell into their conversation and sat with a shit eating grin as he jumped into his side of the car, “Can I stay with you?”

Rafe nodded with a smile and began driving, “Course.”

Lola turned up the radio and began to hum to the songs she knew as Rafe could only watch her with a soft smile, “C'mon, Lo” He pulled her out of the car when they arrived at his familiar home and she only groaned and closed her eyes dramatically, “Fine,” he shrugged, “You leave me no choice.” He swiftly picked her up and walked them to the front door, setting her down on unsteady legs to unlock the door. Lola happily led the way to Rafe’s bedroom and began to sift through his closet for clothes to sleep in and took off her little top, hearing a slight cough behind her. 

“What?” She turned around completely, the shirt clutched to her bare chest and a smirk on her face made him swallow harshly, “Put the shirt on, Lola.” She rolled her eyes at his seriousness and slipped the shirt on before dragging the skirt down her legs.

“You’re no fun, Rafe.” She mumbled, crawling into his bed and shifting under the covers. He only looked at her with a look she couldn’t decipher before shaking his head, “I’m going to the guest room. You can take my bed.” 

“What?” She sat up on her elbows with a confused frown, “We’ve always shared a bed.” 

Rafe rubbed his eyes in frustration, “We’re not kids anymore, Lola.”

She was utterly confused, “Rafe I slept here, with you, last week. What’s wrong with you?” Fully sitting up now she furrowed her eyebrows when he shook his head.

“It’s different now,”

“In the past four days, you mean?” 

Rafe sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “ Goodnight Lola.”

“Rafe Cameron!” She threw a pillow at his back when he turned to leave his own room and he sighed audibly again at her antics. She tried not to let it sting, wondering what changed to wedge a space in between them.

“Don’t look at me like that,” He groaned and she blinked rapidly, now on her knees on the bed.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m breaking your heart over this.” 

Lola bit down on her bottom lip, “What if you were?” She looked at him with wide eyes, glassy from the alcohol and maybe her emotions. Rafe furrowed his brows as if confused with her admission but shook his head anyways, “You don’t mean that. Go to bed, Lo.” 

“Fuck you, Rafe. I’m leaving.” She jumped off the bed, stumbling slightly and began to grab her clothes when Rafe snatched her upper arm, “Like hell you are.” But she was ready and shoved his chest until he stumbled backwards. “Tell me the truth.” Lola crossed her arms expectantly and Rafe looked equally annoyed.

So he shrugged, “I don’t want to mess things up with Victoria. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea of our relationship.” And suddenly she was a freshman in highschool again, Rafe had just started dating a girl he barely knew and she was alone. Rafe left her in the dust for a new girl because he ‘didn’t want them to get the wrong idea’. 

And everytime she waited like a lost puppy for Rafe to call or text her, telling her he broke up with whoever he was seeing. Everything could go back to normal, she always thought. Always the faithful little friend.

So the sour look on her face fell to one of loss and Rafe had the nerve to ask what was the matter, she let out a dead laugh, “I’m not doing this anymore, Rafe. I won’t” She shook her head, her mind clear as his eyes reflected the opposite.

“What are you talking about?” 

She began to grab her skirt, pulling it back up her legs, leaving his shirt on and pulling on the jacket she had, “You cannot throw me to the side when it is convenient for you. I won’t wait for you anymore. So you either find a way to balance or this is goodbye Rafe.” She clipped his shoulder on her way out the door before he turned to follow on her heels. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!!” He was angry with her. Good, she thought. And only when she reached his front door did she turn, “You think about that. Hell, even ask Topper. But I can’t do this anymore. I’m walking home.” 

And that she did. The walk was really only five minutes as they lived on the same street and as usual her house was empty. Sitting in the empty kitchen in the dark, Lola pulled out her phone to see a few texts,

top: tell him. 

rafe: are you home?

And lastly, one that made her stall,

jack: can I come over?

~

“Morning,” she mumbled into her pillow as she felt the boy next to her shift with a groan. Jack’s hands reached out until he grabbed her waist and pulled her into him, burying his face into her neck tiredly, “morning lo.” his hands ran over her back in a comforting way that had her clinging to him, their legs tangled together. 

But neither of them were who the other truly wanted to find next to them in the mornings. 

Jack pulled away first, slowly sitting up and running a hand through his hair. He looked lost; sad even and she sat up behind him, running her hand up to his shoulder, “What happened?” she pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder as he covered his face with his hands. And there was always a reason for their visits.

“she moved on.” was all he said and Lola wrapped her arms around his waist from behinds and let them bask in the comfort for a little longer. 

But it was her turn when he turned his body to face her, “why am I here?” he looked at her pointedly and she smirked, “because I love your company.” he smiled at her but they both knew it wasn't the truth, so he laid her back down and propped himself on his elbow to look at her from the side. 

Lola sighed, looking from him to the ceiling over her, “he’s done with me.” she kept it short and sweet like he did but he still frowned, looking over her face as if to say who could possibly leave you behind? The sweetness of the boy next her here made her heart squeeze painfully, if only she could love him instead. 

He kissed her deeply when the first tear fell on her cheek and didn’t stop until her mind went blank with pleasure as he rocked into her late into the morning sun. Only when they both collapsed back onto the bed, breathing deeply, did she look at him but there were simply no words to say.

xx

*part 2

#rafe cameron #rafe outer banks #rafe #rafe cameron x oc

[hxlyhead-harpies]

I Talk to the Sky (C.D.)

Pairing: Cedric Diggory x Reader

Summary: Everything reminds you of Cedric

Warnings: Angst, major character death, grief

Word Count: 1k

Based On: I Talk to the Sky by Maddy Estelle

At two in the morning, you are were incredibly grateful to Flitwick for teaching you a silencing charm. If it wasn’t for the quick Silencio and the flick of your wand, your roommates would have overheard your sobs and witnessed the mess that you truly were. You preferred it this way, you never wanted anyone to be burdened with the task of trying to save you from your own sorrow. You’d rather have a good cry in the middle of the night, before waking up the next morning and pretending that everything was fine and that you could cope. 

You wiped away your tears and thought of the last time you had seen his brilliant gray eyes. It was shortly before the third task; he had pulled you in for a desperate and hopeful kiss, claiming that it was for luck. You had just smiled and ruffled his hair, swimming in the depth of his gaze. He had muttered a quick “I love you” in your ear before he made his way towards the other champions. It hadn’t been too long since you last saw his eyes, but no one had told you that it would be the last time. 

If you had known that you’d never see him again you would have done so much more. You would have tried harder to memorize the shape of his jaw and the curve of his lips. You would have attempted to decide if his eyes were more blue than gray and you would have told him that you loved him too. But it was too late. 

When Harry had brought his body back, the eyes you had loved so dearly were open but unseeing, staring blankly into the deep expanse of the sky.

Everyone believed that you were fine, not quite knowing of the storm that raged in your head. Your anguish was concealed by empty smiles and hollow laughter. People were uncomfortable with open displays of grief. Once you had arrived back at school for your seventh year you quickly discovered that your pain had reached its expiration date and you were expected to go on as if nothing had happened. Your crying was no longer met with the pity and understanding that it once was, it was only met with poorly hidden annoyance. So you attempted to hide your feelings, saving them for the safety of the night or moments when you could finally be alone. 

Being back at school was hard. Everything in the castle reminded you of him. On your way to transfiguration, you passed the corridor where the two of you shared your first kiss and when you sat in the Great Hall you were forced to see the spot where he had first told you that he loved you. Every time something happened you felt yourself turning over your shoulder to give him a look only he would understand only to remember that he wasn’t there. In those moments, the pain would come rushing back again, as if the wound was still fresh. 

In a small journal you’d write down conversations you’d never have. They were simple, telling him about your day or bragging about a grade. But you missed those little, inconsequential conversations. Before long the journal was stuffed and you wrote the words that you wished you could say on any spare parchment that you could find. The words your quill became most familiar with were I love you. 

Some nights, when you were too haunted by your memories, you’d find yourself in the astronomy tower, staring up at the sky. Cedric had always loved astronomy, taking it even in his later years of school. The two of you would spend hours admiring the stars, Cedric pointing out his favorite constellations. There was one night in particular that stuck out in your mind. 

The two of you had been wrapped in each other’s arms, the glow of the stars glittering in your eyes. He had revealed that when he died he wanted to become a star. He wanted a place in the spilling sea of incandescence, to reside with the likes of Vega and Pegasi. Of course, back then, the idea of death felt so far away and far removed. Neither of you suspected that the shadow of the reaper loomed so close. 

Tonight, you found yourself sitting once again under the night sky. Your journal in your hands as you read aloud, hoping that somewhere, somehow, Cedric would hear you. 

“Today during potions, I was finally able to perfect the draught of the living dead,” you said softly, knowing that if he was here Cedric would throw an arm around your shoulder and kiss your temple. 

“You teased me so incessantly last year about how badly I managed to mess it up. I think you would be proud,” you said with a sniffle, refusing to let a tear escape. 

“I’m sorry to inform you that Hufflepuff is doing dreadfully in quidditch this year,” you revealed with a soft chuckle. “Their new captain doesn’t have the same natural leadership that you do,” you paused and let out a shaky breath, “As you did I suppose.” You still had trouble talking about him in the past tense, a small part of you not quite ready to realize that he was truly gone. You pulled your knees to your chest, setting aside your collection of words. 

“I really miss you,” you whispered, “Everyone expects me to have moved on or forgotten but I can’t. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be able to.” You tore your eyes away from the stars, looking down at the floor. 

“I had all of these plans, you know? I was going to become a healer and I was going to move to the countryside. But none of that seems right anymore because you won’t be there. You won’t be able to cook me dinner when I get home from late shifts because I am dead on my feet and dreadful in the kitchen. We won’t get the cat we always talked about and you’ll never get to have the boring ministry job you always insisted you wanted,” you said. You looked back up to the sky, hoping for some sign that he was there and that he was listening but the sky didn’t say a word. But it didn’t have to, because you had faith that he heard you anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist:

@theweasleysredhair @spn-marvel-nerd @gloryekaterina @mytreec @levylovegood @inglourious-imagines @whatwoulddracodo @pattinsons-films @liilyevanss @kashishwrites @wonderful-writer @accio-prozac @sarcasticallywitty15 @lawsandother @teheharrypotter @hannolannno @flowercrownchic @chaoticgirl04 @kiwi-sloan @miss-fuck-the-world @durmstrange @aspiringsloth20 @breadqueen95 @ellyseveronica @layaa-layaaa @ultrabuzzlightyear @missswriter @camreid86 @emcchi @ari-stoteles @missmulti @tinylumpiaa @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @letsloveimagines @celesteweasley @hopemalfoyweasley @strawberriesonsummer @loonyclaris @theremuslupin @rogersgurl

#cedric diggory #cedric diggory angst #cedric diggory fluff #cedric oneshot #cedric diggory imagine #cedric diggory x reader #harry potter #hp and the goblet of fire

[jungwon-crush]

(1) home - enhypen

(listening to the song while reading the chapter is recommended~)

rolling green hills stood before me. i closed my eyes as i laid on the wet grass that dampened my hair, while cool breeze flew around my figure. i should appreciate this type of weather since winter is starting to approach, i thought to myself. i want to laze in autumn forever.

"byeooolll!!! byeol byeol byeol byeol byeol!!!!" a nasally voice exclaimed. i internally sighed at the call of my name. there goes my relaxation time.

i stood up from my position, whilst the setting sun gazed at me, and began to search for a hiding spot. i need to at least give him a hard time looking for me, as compensation for ruining my moments of being alone. i barely get the chance to be by myself in nature.

as i looked around, i finally found a shrub to conceal myself in. so, as quietly as i could, i made my way to the bush.

i attempted to place myself inside it, forgetting the fact that i was a complete eighteen year old.

"owww!" i quietly screamed to myself. even though i wore a lengthy brown skirt, i somehow managed to get pricked by a thorn on my right knee. i guess my kilt moved around a lot while i was trying to adjust my stance.

unanticipatedly, the same voice that yelled my name just a short time ago appeared behind me.

"wh-what are you trying to do? imagine being so stupi-"

"shut up, jungwon!" i turned around to see the boy staring at my situation. his two hands covered his mouth, as if he was struggling to hold in his laughter.

"i hope you know that you look like a cat stuck in a tree. except you're a really big cat and that's a very small tree." he giggled.

"oh, be quiet! if anything, you're the cat. now, get me out of here!"

to be honest, i did not need much assistance. i was just in the mood to bother the boy who kept snickering at my condition.

he sighed at my request. nonetheless, he continued to move towards me. his hands found his way to my waist, while i placed my own hands onto his shoulders to steady myself as he lifted me off the hedge. he then placed me back onto the moist grass that i was previously laying on.

once he let go of my frame, i started to dust off my skirt and shake off the coarse leaves on it. i suppose jungwon took that as a cue, because he began to brush the strands of grass out of my braided hair.

with a hue of pink spread on his cheeks, jungwon complained, "and you wonder why others assume that i am older than you! i really do need to stop babying you.."

i crossed my arms and stuck my tongue at him. in return, he mirrored my actions and ruffled my hair.

"it's already sunset, byeol. we should go back home before it gets dark." jungwon said as he forcibly took my hand and led me out of the plain.

i rolled my eyes, "i thought you said that you needed to stop babying me? come on wonnie, please let me stay here a little longer! you can go back home by yourself so heeseung doesn't get worried."

"i'm not leaving you alone in this area. why were you not at your house in the first place? everyone's noticed that lately, after school, you always seem to be out. these days, i constantly look out my window and expect you to be in your usual spot in the living room, but you're never there."

i tugged at the long sleeve of his button shirt, "i don't wanna talk about it, how'd you know i was in the pasture anyways?"

"jake told me he saw you coming here after he finished his classes, he sounded concerned so i came to look for you. and talking about it helps, you know that. i've never allowed you to bottle up your emotions, i've listened to every single word you've uttered since we were kids." jungwon glanced at me with hope written in his luminous eyes.

"i hate how persistent you are. are you like this around other people too? you should take care of yourself too, wonnie."

"don't change the subject. let it out, byeol."

when it comes to yang jungwon, i can never resist.

i huffed into the air, "my dad... he... he  told me he'd return to lutton last saturday, and now it's thursday a week later yet he's not back. he sent me a letter saying that he's still in the city, his boss asked him to work for an extra amount of days there."

"mr. sun's gone again?" jungwon questioned. he moved closer to me in order to put his left arm around my shoulders. i realized that he does this a lot, especially when he notices that someone is under stress.

"mhm," i replied dismally, "i don't blame you for not noticing though, whether he's in lutton or not, he's barely at home. i think we all know that ever since my mom died 6 years ago, my dad avoids staying at the house for too long because our place is filled with memories of her."

"he's been coping like that for too long, when will he come to his senses? does he ever consider the fact that his daughter has been going through a hard time too?" he commented as they reached a district near their neighborhood.

"wonnie, you know his excuse. he always pulls the 'i work hard because of you' card. i can't even argue with him about the issue because, like i said, he's never home. i just want to distract myself from him because this matter has been getting to me a lot. so, recently i've been wandering outside our community. i don't want to disturb you guys with my troubles as well. i don't like seeing you lot get constantly frustrated over my issues."

jungwon grumbled, "byeol, suddenly dissappearing makes us fuss more. we share our problems, remember? whether they're big or small - when niki's bike got stolen it wasn't only him who went looking for it. all of us put effort into finding out who robbed it. we all know that your father's always been... something else, which is why we're here for you. anyways, forget him, have you been sleeping alone? what have you been eating for dinner? most importantly, are you doing your homew-"

the moment those questions left his mouth, i immediately put my hands over his lips. "everytime i mention my dad being gone in a conversation, you start nagging! sometimes i wish you would stop talking."

jungwon let out a muffled,"im gonna lick you." accordingly, i placed my hands back to my side again.

the boy annoyingly flashed his middle finger towards my direction. however, he quickly stopped due to an old lady passing by who gave him a judgemental glare.

it was hard to hold in a sneer.

he hurriedly picked up the discussion again while he scratched the back of his neck, "you still didn't answer my questions."

"i've been surviving on instant noodles and spam."

"heeseung would approve, but i don't. so, you're gonna eat with us at sunghoon's tonight."

"i'm not gonna oppose that, sunghoon's mom makes the best carbona." my stomach rumbled at the thought of pasta.

jungwon screeched as a response, "i know right! and the garlic bread she makes too? she's a five star michelin in my eyes."

i nodded my head in agreement. we were nearing our vicinity already.

"moving on, what about sleep and homework, byeol?"

"i sleep just fine. i'll probably ask sunoo to stay over tonight though to help me with homework. thank god we're both in the same class this year."

i glimpsed at jungwon to see his reaction, but instead of wearing an accepting look, his brows were furrowed and he looked... displeased?

"i bet sunoo hasn't even done the homework, after school today he went to niki's house straight away. all they do is just watch recorded shows - i can help you instead." he suggested.

"trust me, sunoo did the work."

at this sentence, jungwon's tone became a bit more aggrivated, "how would you know?"

"he did the assignment in our study period while i was sleeping. i saw him finish it when i woke up. he sits directly in front of me, conveniant, isn't it?" i grinned.

jungwon answered with a disheartened mumble, "fine, byeol, you do you."

why's he so irritated about sunoo doing homework for once? i wondered, isn't it a good thing that he's finally starting to put effort in school?

due to me spacing out, i did not register that jungwon and i already arrived at our neighborhood.

after bidding goodbyes (the goodbyes being another lecture of how to take care of myself from jungwon because i am already a legal adult), jungwon reminded me to go to sunghoon's house for dinner. he was about to unlock his front door until i ran up to him and pulled his form into my arms.

his arms went stiff for a while, but they ended up finding a way around my lower back - like they always do. he placed his chin above my head, this way i was in the perfect position to nestle in his chest.

"in all seriousness though, thank you wonnie. for always taking care of me." i whispered.

he clicked his tongue, "there's no need to thank me, byeol. i know by now that my prescence is a blessing."

i chuckled while he played with my  tangled hair underneath the nightfall. his fingers intertwined between the locks, then he released me.

he gently pushed me using his shoulder and said, "now go change for dinner."

taglist: @wonwobbles 

a/n: hiii first chap!!! i kinda hate how i wrote this so i'll probably redo it when im free again djdjdj. anyways the rest of the characters will be introduced in the next chap <3

#enhypen imagines #enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen ff #enhypen x oc #enhypen x female oc #jake shim x oc #jungwon x oc #sunghoon x oc #sunki #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fanfic #enhypen fanfic #kpop writing #enhypen writers

[golddaggers]

girl crush

pairing: best friend!harry styles x reader;

warnings: none really just a smidge of angst but plenty of fluff. 

a/n: so here we are! i just ask of you to go kind on me because this is my first time, ok? and sort of self indulging. anyway. leave a comment/reblog if you do like it!

word count: about 2,8k. it’s a quick little thing.

It was a typical Tuesday, I’d woken up, drank my large-sized cup of coffee, and then spent almost five hours straight staring at my computer screens. Not that all of those hours had been any good, I searched and searched, but still hadn’t cracked just how I was supposed to solve the problem. Hell, about three times I was yelling at the machine, calling it ‘bloody stupid’ before trying another approach, still proven worthless. 

Lunch had been skipped, I barely took a bite of my grilled sandwich before diving back to the code lines, analysing. I’ve always been so good at cracking things, finishing hard puzzles… At least I needn’t worry about a deadline breathing down my neck, this particular feature would only be out to the end-users on the major release. 

Either way, the idea of not being able to come up with a solution bugged me. I could never leave things well enough alone if they were unsolved. It was only when one of my friends texted me about some old high school chick we both used to hate that was pregnant that I realised how late it was. My back hurt from spending too much time sitting down on my chair and I could feel my eyes tired, staring at a computer screen for so many hours wasn’t exactly too healthy. 

At least it put the tornado of thoughts I’ve been having for the past couple of weeks to ease. I didn’t want to think about how I had the worst timing ever. Or how I was a big coward for keeping this to myself. 

But… I couldn’t just tell him. Falling in love with your best friend seems easy in the movies, in reality, I was overwhelmed with anxiety. Harry and I grew up together, we were inseparable from the first time we shared toys in our old town’s playground. Never before I would’ve thought I’d be here, with butterflies rioting in my stomach when he flashed his green eyes at me. It’d be easy if I could just open up, only opening up meant I could lose our 20 and something years of friendship. That was just too much to lose.  

Now it seemed as if I had lost my chance. He’d gone out on a date with a girl. They’d been going out for a while. She was… breathtaking. Golden hair, brown eyes, freckles, and a body I wouldn’t ever have. Harry wasn’t the easiest to commit to someone, not that he was a womaniser or something within those lines… He just had problems. Like we all do, I suppose. He seemed genuinely interested in her, though, and it killed me inside to realise it. 

I looked toward a corner where a tiny pink ukulele rested and decided I could do with some singing. So I go over to pick it up, playing a couple of notes to see if it was tuned. It’d been a while since I last took it between my hands. Hadn’t enough time to do anything, if I was being honest. 

Sat back on my chair, I take my time to reminisce over a song I heard him humming a few days ago. Harry had been doing the dishes, something he hated, but I’d cooked for the two of us, so it was the least he could do. He laughed like a child all the way to the sink, even put on my pink apron. It wasn’t unusual for him to do them when he was in fact at home - which happened only a few handfuls of weeks at a time. 

Leaning against the counter top, I watched him. Then the humming began. One would think a singer would get enough on the stage, well, maybe they do, not him though. In the shower, sending texts, doing the dishes… Harry was always singing something. Low and more to himself. I couldn’t lie, even if I wanted to, that I love when he’s home, his entire being enough to warm up the place. 

That night I had been wearing one of his old tees, he leaves them everywhere. And it wasn’t unusual for me to “steal” some for myself, besides being comfy, especially the cotton sweaters, they all smelt like him. Felt homely to be inside them, as if he were sleeping next to me. 

“I’ve got a girl crush…” I start, unsure if I’ve got the tone right, “Hate to admit it, but I got a heart rush, it ain’t slowing down.”

My legs are crisscrossed as I rest further back onto the black cushion of my chair. Each note fueled the turmoil growing inside my chest. It was so true, every time I looked at her, the pictures on her Instagram were flawless… I wanted to have everything she had. Because if I did, maybe he would look at me differently, he’d see me in a different light. 

The very instrument on my hands had been a gift from him. I have always enjoyed playing the guitar, I came to write a few songs myself… But I’ve never seen it as something I’d want to do for a living. Didn’t like the spotlight very much, not that being friends with a worldwide known popstar helped. Paps seemed to be everywhere. It was just annoying how we couldn’t enjoy a single outing without being awakened with a buzzing phone. My other friends texting me the several headlines saying “Harry Styles has been seen yet again with childhood best friend, could they be dating?”

Got worse when we moved in together. The thing was… We didn’t really live together, yes, the house, more like a mansion if I was being honest, belonged to him and he stayed there whenever he was in London, which, if he was working too much, seldom happened. So no, we didn’t live together. Harry just thought it’d be nice for me to stay there since it was so empty all the time and I only said yes because I needed saving money to pay off the loan I had taken to cover my university tuition. It felt like a lifetime away. 

I stayed because I had grown spoiled. At first, I was annoyed he didn’t let me pay for the expenses whenever he was away, I was nowhere rich, but now I made more than enough to cover the bills, even for a house as big as this one, since most of it was inhabited. He insisted on me keeping it, doing fun things I wanted to do, and I shouldn’t worry about anything else. A couple of months later, I saw the appeal to his offer. I also knew my best friend well to know he was a stubborn son of a bitch.  

Everything changed when Harry told me about his golden girl. After so many years, we had grown aware of the other’s quirks, as I like to put it, we knew how to deal with one another. My point being was… Harry could be a bit sensitive when I told him about my dates, now it lights a spark of hope within me, back then, however, I brushed it off as him trying to act as a protective big brother. He, on the other hand, never had problems when talking about the people he dated to me. Often I wouldn’t care. This time… It happened right after the fatidic Tuesday. 

The pain stung like a sharp edge of a knife against my heart.  

“I wanna’ taste her lips, yeah, ‘cos they taste like you… I wanna’ drown myself in a bottle of her perfume...” The notes come out soft, I can hear a little metallic sound as my hands switch the notes and I keep singing the sad lyrics, “Yeah, ‘cos maybe then, you’d want me just as much...” 

“Thought I had a nightingale in this room,” His accent slipped through the sentence like butter on a warm toast, “‘lo, love.”

His presence startled me, I almost dropped the ukulele. It was way too early for him to be back home from his date. Part of me wanted to ask how it’d gone and in any other situation, I would’ve. Not tonight, though. Didn’t wanna know if she had kissed him good night. If he gave her his signature green-eyed glare when he wanted something… If he’d asked for another date. My heart wouldn’t be able to cope. 

“You scared me.” 

“I reckon you said I was fit like a daydream,” He stuffed his chest and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Are you actually quoting your ex-girlfriend?” Harry rolled his eyes, dismissing my comment completely, “Why are you home already?”

“D’ya want me to leave?”

“You are ridiculous,” I say as I stand up, the Fleetwood Mac tee I had on falling to my mid thighs. It was oversized because it didn’t belong to me,  which doesn’t go unnoticed by him, who has a cheeky grin directed at me. “Stop looking. You keep ditching them and I just happen to like these shirts.”

“I didn’t say anything, doll. But I was looking for that one, though I settled for that old pink striped sweater of yours.”

“So it’s with you?” My indignation seeps through, “I went nutty looking for that.”

“Looks better on me anyway.”

“Nonsense.”

The laughter shakes his whole body, yet again I am plowed with our childhood memories, that right there hadn’t changed. Harry still laughed like a little child, a boy with his blue truck toy. I felt warm inside, to watch him like that. To still have, after so long, a friend like he was to me.  

Harry goes quiet then, bright green staring right at me. I know what’s coming. It’s happened before - I sang about the boys I liked quite often, I suppose. So it was obvious he wanted to know who was stealing my attention this time. He wanted to know who I was singing about. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Wha’? I didn’t even open my mouth.” 

“I know you,” Back on my feet, I grab my plate with the remains of what was supposed to be my lunch and head out to the kitchen. He followed me around like a stray puppy. 

The kitchen is an enormous place. Wooden cupboards with just about every piece of china one could dream of, fine crystal glasses for wine and champagne, bowls, plates, even goblets could be found. Inside the several drawers, besides the silver cutlery, I had managed to fold some table sheets I bought at a flea market. Harry would lose his mind if he knew where they came from. On the left corner, a tall two-door grey fridge, with a shopping list on its door to remind me that I needed to go out tomorrow to get things. Next to the two basin sink, was an electric cooktop that had become my best friend, I loved to cook there, staring out the window - the yard was beautiful, green grass all year long, though during spring the most gorgeous flowers blossomed. I loved that place very much.

Right in the middle was an island, my lone cactus trying to make it a little less plain. Which wasn’t that hard, the dark marble surface glimmered under the led light.  

After I threw out the sandwich and put the plate on the sink, I started pacing around to gather things for dinner, fresh tomatoes to make the sauce with homegrown onions and garlic. I liked cultivating my food. I got flour, eggs, olive oil, and salt. It was all I needed to make the dough.  

I could still feel his eyes on me, as I moved effortlessly through his kitchen, collecting everything I needed. 

“What do you want?”

“You’re too stressed,” Harry says, standing up straight and standing next to me, “Is it about the boy you were singing about? Or girl. I dunno.”

“Seriously?” Can’t help but shake my head, “That’s your approach? ’M not telling you, H.”

“Oh, you’re keepin’ secrets from me. That’s new.”

He grabs the knife on my hand, starting to chop the onion into tiny cubes. Always skillful with his hands, he was.

“‘M not keeping secrets. It’s just none of your business.” 

“Ouch.” Harry pours the onion into the pan, stealing the tomatoes to start chopping them as well. I focused on the dough. “You’re so adamant about not telling me I’ll start thinking it’s me.” 

The entire world stills for me when he says that out loud, and I don’t know what to say, so I keep cracking the eggs, pouring them over the flour then adding, by eye, what I considered to be enough of olive oil. At last, I put two pinches of salt into the mix.  

My silence seems to annoy him further. 

“C’mon, it was a joke.” He tries, gently grabbing my arm and I see myself having to stop mixing, “I really want to know, though, have to make sure you’re with someone worthy of you.”

“Why?”

Couldn’t look him in the eye, I have them glued to the bowl with the sticky batter. The hand on my arm sneaks to my back, he’s warm and I tremble under his touch, my breath comes out a bit harsher. 

Harry takes a deep breath before answering, “I care about you, bunny.”

“Is that all it is?” Now I dare to look up, to find those emeralds. I liked quite a lot to look at them, they were akin to shiny jewelry and I was the dazzled child. Right now they showed nothing but a shade of confusion. 

“What else?”

A tightness in my chest grows, I know right away I am about to cry and I don’t want to. Don’t want to fall apart in front of him. In the middle of cooking. When things seemed to be going amazing for the two of us. Despite my most intimate wishes, I ended up doing just that, my dirty hands falling limp as he held me in his arms, asking over and over what had happened. 

His chin rests on the top of my head and I can hear his heartbeat, slow and steady. My bottom lip is quivering. I was so tired of being tough, I just wanted to be loved. To be loved by him. 

“I need to tell you something,” A sniff makes me sound whiny, “Promise me you won’t be mad.”

“Never,” Harry speaks so quietly I believe him. “Could never be mad at you, bunny.”

“Okay…” 

I bring his much bigger hands into my own. They warm up under his touch. If I’m being honest, I warm up completely. Body and soul. He gives a soft squeeze, urging me to speak. It’s needless to say that he’s anxious, always being the curious one between the two of us.

“The song… Well, um, I was singing for you.” It was as quiet as a whisper, “I like you.”

“Don’t be silly.” His face goes serious, “You’re not kidding me, are ya?”

“Do you think I would?”

There’s a lump at the bottom of my throat, tears still falling. I didn’t have a problem being vulnerable with him, or opening up - now I was embarrassed. I would apologise if I hadn’t felt his warm lips start kissing my salty-teared cheeks, only to finish up with a chaste kiss on my own. 

“What are you doing?” I pull back, shocked that he’d kissed me. “Do you...”

“I am so glad you’ve said first, fancying you for the longest time hasn’t been easy. But I suppose it gave me quite the inspiration.”

“You’ve written about me?”

“More times than I am proud to admit.”

This time it’s me who kisses him, standing on the tip of my toes, losing my fingers into the soft curls. It seemed very much unreal to me. He never struck me as the type to keep feelings in check or to himself. I should’ve seen something. Or maybe I did and didn’t want to face that the best person I could’ve fallen for was right in front of me. 

Then I think about her. The golden-haired beauty. She wouldn’t be too pleased.

“She’s just a friend, bunny.”

“Reading my thoughts now, Styles?”

“Nah, just know you too well.”

“Yeah, I guess you do.”

Harry lifts me, kissing me again. And I can’t help but feel whole. Like a bit of me that was missing had been set on its place. 

Bless the will to play a song. 

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #best friend!harry styles x reader #harry x reader #harry x you #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fluff #a smidge of angst #just a smidge #gorgeous english boy

[fluffymcu]

Letting Loose

Part NINE

This series is TICKLE related. Outfits that are linked here are purely for picturing the clothes, you don’t have to look like the model.

Series Summary:  You’re the little sister of the one and only Captain America. You’re also the youngest girl on the team, so that automatically makes you the avengers’ little princess. And they spoil you as such. They have become your amazing family and you don’t know where you’d be without them. This series will show random adventures and fluffy events in the daily life of the reader and her family, along with an unexpected turn later on as you read.

A/N: I’m so excited to be writing this series! This is my first time writing one and I’m a bit nervous but I hope it all goes well. :) The first few chapters will be about random events, not really following a timeline until Chapter 9. Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 2,368

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A week has flown by and it was now Friday afternoon. You and Peter got home from school and said hi to everyone in the kitchen. Pepper was making lasagna and Nat was helping. You tried to join in and help the girls cook but they insisted that you got some rest, and that they have enough help tonight. After talking to the rest of the team about school, they went down to the gym to work out before dinner and you went upstairs to practice some ballet. 

Steve had gone up to one of the hobby rooms, which were small rooms around the compound that people could spend some quiet time and read or draw. You spent about an hour practicing, before getting tired and taking a shower.

You got out of the bathroom feeling refreshed and moisturized. You collapsed onto your bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling your back relax and de-stress. You sigh contently and lay like this for a few more minutes before going down to the gym to check on the team.

Clint, Sam, Bucky, Tony, and Thor were in the gym, working out. Clint was doing weights, Sam was on the floor doing pushups and drills, Bucky was alternating between the treadmill and the punching bag, and Thor was competing in the drills with Sam. Tony was sitting on the bench and cheering them on. You smiled as you enter the gym and sit next to Tony, resting your head on his shoulder. “Working hard or hardly working?” You asked, a hint of a smirk on your lips. Tony chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“I, my sweet Y/n, am being an inspirational cheerleader.” He says matter-of-factly. You put your hands up in defense and chuckle a bit.

“Oh, of course. My bad. You are an amazing cheerleader, Tony.” You grin. He smiles and thanks you before clapping when Thor beats Sam in the drill. 

“That’s not fair, dude, you’re an Asgardian. An alien. How am I supposed to beat you?” Sam whined, getting up and wiping sweat from his forehead. Thor laughed victoriously and stood up as well.

“You’re not. Ha ha ha!” He boasts, making Sam roll his eyes and walk away. You shake your head lightly, knowing Thor loves to mess with the team about not being worthy and not being as strong as him. After a few minutes of Sam grumbling and Bucky laughing at him, you made your way upstairs. 

----

You were going to go check up on Peter but as you walked by the hall, you noticed someone was occupying one of the hobby rooms. You peaked in through the small window and saw that Steve was in there sitting on a chair with his back to you. You stepped into the room and walked up behind him. He turned around to look at you when he sensed your presence and smiled up at you. “Hey.” He sighed. 

“Hey.” You looked over at the table to see what he was doing. He was drawing. Your smile faltered a bit, recognizing the drawing to be Peggy. Whenever Steve would draw these days, it usually meant that he was thinking too much, or he was feeling sad. “Is that Peggy?” You asked cautiously. Steve looked back to the table, his eyes softening in almost a sad way. “Yeah.” He sighs. You nod a little and pause. “Are you missing her right now?” You ask. 

Steve stared at the mostly finished drawing of his first love, looking at it intently. Yes he missed her. A lot. She was strong, independent, brave, and the perfect match for him. She helped him discover a lot of things inside himself that he didn’t even know he had. After you, she was his last thought before he went in the ice. He’s had to deal with the heartbreak of missing his date with her for all those years. He was coping with it better now, but there were still times like these where he missed her a lot, and it’d cut deeper than usual.

“Yeah, a little bit.” He mumbled. You hummed and wrapped your arms around his neck from behind, holding his tightly close to you. Steve closed his eyes and leaned into the hug, lifting his hand to rub circles on your arm. You both stayed like this for a moment before you smiled lightly. You loosened your grip a bit to stand up straighter and looked down at him. 

“Can I help you feel better?” You asked, your voice perking up a bit. Steve looked up at you with a slightly curious face.

“What do you mean?” He hummed. You smirked a bit, trying to hide it by biting your lip before gently scratching your fingers around his neck and ears, grinning widely when he began to chuckle loosely. “Aww greheheat.” He giggled, scrunching up his shoulders to block you. 

“When I feel sad, you always do this to me...”You giggled along with him, finding a way to get a new spot every time. By then, Steve was giggling uncontrollably. You stuck your hands in between his body and arms, scratching at his ribs. Steve huffed out a laugh and flinched harshly in his chair, his laughter becoming louder and more desperate. 

“Okahahahay. Wahahait- Heheheheh!” He tries, falling into laughter again as you scratch at his sides gently. He grabs your wrists but you quickly pull them out before he can really get a good grip on them and shoot them up his armpits, now that his arms are raised a bit. He yelps loudly, squeezing his arms to his sides and falls into a fit of laughter. You smile victoriously as you’re finally showing him that you are in fact, a very worthy opponent in these types of play fights. Or maybe he was just letting you have the upper hand because of the whole situation, you didn’t know. But for now, you were just going to enjoy the moment of being able to tickle your brother to pieces. 

“Although I’m mostly doing this to cheer you up, it does feel good to get you back for all the times you’ve tortured me.” You smirk, going back up to flutter your fingers behind his ears. Steve laughs at your tease and decides that he’s let you have your fun long enough, and that it’s time to turn the tables. He turns around in his chair to face you and smirks widely.

“Oh, really? Then I guess I’ll get you back for this, too!” He teases before grabbing your waist and lifting you up in the air. You squeal nervously, beginning to protest and giggle out pleads. He drops you on the little couch in the room with a chuckle, quickly fluttering his fingers all around your neck to give you a taste of your own medicine. You squeal loudly and burst into giggles, kicking your legs out and using them to try to turn on your belly. Steve scoffed and shook his head at you curiously. “What is it with you always trying to hide your belly, huh? You know I’m gonna get it anyways!” He sang, effortlessly turning you back around and scribbling all five digits into the middle of your belly. 

You arch your back and and let out loud belly laughter as you desperately try to get his hand off. He uses his free hand to squeeze your knee rapidly, causing you to scream and shake your leg like crazy. “STOHOHOHOP! IT TIHIHICKLES!!” You beg. Steve chortles and jumps onto the couch too, landing on top of you and purposely putting all his weight on you. You fall into a bigger fit of laughter as you try to get him off you. “OHOHOHOW! YOU’RE HEHEHEAVY!” You giggle, squealing loudly when he begins to blow several raspberries in the crook of your neck, knowing you’re unable to move from under him. He smiles widely at the sound of your uncontrollable giggling and keeps blowing raspberries, using his hands to tase your sides. You arch your back and shake your head frantically, pulling at your arms enough to be able to free them. You gasp in surprise and begin to attack Steve’s neck again, smiling victoriously when he sat up a bit and recoiled.

It was short-lived however, when he grabbed your wrists in his hand and gave you a knowing look. You whined and threw your head back in defeat, not bothering to contain your tired giggles. Steve chuckled and shook his head before lifting up your wrists and lifting your shirt on one side to reveal your torso. He paused for a second, inches away from your skin to build up anticipation before blowing a raspberry on your ribs. You screamed and flopped around as much as you could, pulling at your wrists and screaming out pleads. He looked up at you with a wide smile, sitting up a bit and positioning himself where he’s straddling your waist now. “Should we count your ribs? I feel like you could be missing some.” He teased, tapping his chin thoughtfully. You immediately squeal and bring your arms to your sides and holding them together as tight as you could. 

“Nohohohoho! Plehehease don’t!” You plead, giggling again when he ghosts his fingers over your belly to get you to bring your arms down. “Steheheheve!!” 

Steve starts to laugh at the situation, starting to poke around your belly and nuzzle his face in your neck, all in hopes of making you loosen your arms. You feel yourself get weaker with your laughter and your arms loosen when he starts to mumble incoherent things into your neck. He chuckles and grabs your arms, quickly digging into your ribs. You shriek and begin to cackle, Steve counting your ribs out loud and digging into the spaces in between. “Awww, look at you all blushy!” He teased, using a baby-ish voice, knowing it annoys you. You feel your cheeks heat up, shaking your head in between your laughter. When he reaches your fourth rib, your laughter becomes hoarse and Steve cooes, deciding you’d had enough. 

He sits up and looks at you with a smirk on his face while you catch your breath, greedily sucking in air. “Thahahat! That was nohohot fahahair!” You pant, pointing at him accusingly. Steve began to laugh and grabbed your hand, holding it in his. “I was only trying to cheer you uhuhuhup!” You huffed. 

Steve chuckled and laid back down on you, smirking at your loud groan from being crushed again. “I know, and you did. I feel a lot better now.” He says, hugging you. Despite the uncomfortable weight on you, you smile since you were able to distract him and make him feel better. Yes, you had to suffer to do it, but if he felt better after, it was worth it. “Thank you.” He smiles, lifting his head to look at you before peppering kisses all over your face. 

You begin to laugh again, shaking your head around. “Grohohohoss!” You giggle, pushing at his chest. “Get ohohoff!”

���What?” Steve hums, continuing on for a few moments more before sitting up and getting off you. You sigh, letting out residual giggles and he offers you a hand. “Okay, enough messin’ around. Let’s go see if dinner’s ready, hm?” He chuckled, helping you up. You nod and follow him down to the kitchen where you find most of the team there. 

----

“Oh, just in time, we were about to call you down for breakfast. Peter’s still not down yet.” Pepper said, fixing the plates at the table. You made your way back upstairs after you offered to go get Peter and peeked into his room to find him studying. He looked like he was very engrossed into his notes, so you decided to sneak up on him. This usually didn’t work, because of his spider sense, but that never stopped you from trying. You sneaked closer and closer to him before forming your hands into claws and getting ready to pounce. 

3,2,1..

“BOO!” You scream, gripping his shoulders harshly, hoping to startle him. But, nothing. Peter turned to look at you with a smirk. 

“Ooooh. Better luck next time, Y/n/n. Heard you from a mile away.” He teased. You groaned and rolled your eyes, turning away to hide your smile. 

“Whatever. Dinner’s ready.” You waved your hand dismissively as you left the room. Peter smirked and ran up behind you and grabbed you in a headlock, ruffling your hair. You yelped and broke out into giggles as you pushed at him.

“Aww, is the princess mad that she can’t scare me?” He chuckled, letting you go when you push against him. You pant, with a wide smile on your face and smooth your hair down. 

“Shut up.” You quip, sticking your tongue out at him. Peter chuckles, pushing lightly at your head a bit and follows you down to the kitchen. You both sit down at the table and eat, talking with the team about your day as usual.

----

After dinner, you were all sitting down in the living room, flipping through Netflix and discussing what you were all going to watch. You were all interrupted by the doorbell ringing. 

“Did anyone order anything? Takeout? Online shopping?” Tony asked, everybody shaking their heads and denying. You all exchanged confused looks, since nobody ever visits the Avengers Compound. You hop off the couch and go for the door. “Who is it?”

You see the person standing outside as you get closer, recognizing them. It’s a girl. Your classmate; the one that has been giving you weird looks for a while now. You furrow your eyebrows and open the door, offering her a light but confused smile. “Hello,,, can we help you?” You ask. She’s looking down at the floor, shifting a bit in her position before mumbling something you can’t hear. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. What was that?” 

She takes a deep breath before looking at at you with dulled eyes. “Yeah, I’m Tony Stark’s daughter.”

 You step back, a bit startled by the information, everyone rising from their seats as well and approaching the door. Everyone now has an extremely shocked expression on their face, and Tony’s face pales. 

“Wwwwhat?!”

-------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, it’s a bit of a dramatic ending lol sorry if it’s cliche or cheesy XD

#ticklish!reader #ticklish #tickle fight #avengers tickle #marvel tickle #tickle fluff #steve tickles reader #steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #peter x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker #steve rogers #avengers #marvel #marvel mcu #bucky barnes #captain america #spiderman

[thelittlestcheshire]

Self Para 008: I Don’t Pretend to Know the Challenges You’re Facing Word Count: 2024 words When: July 2020, in the early hours of July 19th during Ches’s birthday trip Note: I decided I’m going to queue up and post one of the old self paras I never posted, Feel free to skip it, since it’s a past event and stuff. TWs: Rape (mentioned / discussed), Anxiety Attacks, Alcoholism / Drinking, Hangovers, Vomitting, Death, suicide (not exactly but there’s a definite apathy towards the idea of death this as well so better safe than sorry), murder (her mother)

There was a loud thud as a purse landed on the suite’s floor as Ches stumbled through the front door. She knew she shouldn’t have gone to galaxy edge before closing for drinks, but she was desperate to feel good. Yet, no matter how much she drank today, she didn’t feel the happiness that tended to run through her veins. She felt worse and worse. Even the sight of the balloons in the living room from Emmett and his girlfriend didn’t bring any sort of joy.

It was her fault her mother died; she should have been here instead of Ches. And the more gifts she received, the more she thought back to why her mother was dead. If she hadn’t gone to get gifts for Jonah... it felt like the room was spinning as the thought came back. Wait, no, the room was definitely spinning.

“Hey Ches, sorry I needed to- fuck.” Zander had just come out from the living room, likely taking her up on his offer to hide, but his attempt to avoid people is forgotten by the time he reaches her. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” There were two of him by the time he wraps an arm around her to support her. “It’s been a long night.” He starts to lead her to her bedroom, and it’s hard to keep her feet under her as they walk. But he saves her from crashing to the floor and manages to get her on the bed.

“It wasn’t a night.” She slurs at him as she rests her head against her pillow. “Sky and I, you know. Club 33.” She knew the look on his faces even through the intoxicated haze. She knew he wasn’t happy about this. “I’m okay.” She informs him, starting to sit up. The room begins to move again, and for a moment, she feels like she might just be sick. She moves quickly, barely making it to the toilet before she vomits. Zander quickly behind her to hold back her hair. “See, fine.” She gets out weakly as she flushes the toilet.

“Definitely not fine.” He disagrees as he smooths out her hair. “I’m staying with you tonight, at least until you feel better.” It’s obvious she had no say in the matter, and she doesn’t waste the energy to protest. She slowly gets up, nearly falling face-first as she attempts to reach the bathroom sink to brush her teeth. He’s there in an instant to keep her from tumbling. Perhaps he had a point. She accepts the assistance as she brushes her teeth and doesn’t fight him as he leads her back to the bed and messes with all her pillows to ensure she’s propped up on her side.

“I hate you.”  

The words just slip off her tongue. Not how she genuinely felt in the slightest. Zander doesn’t seem to take offense. However, he just runs his fingers through her hair. “I know, I know. I’m the worst. Time for you to sleep.” He whispers back to her. She frowns, but she shuts her eyes, anyway. She’s not sure how long it takes: perhaps it’s minutes, maybe it was hours, but eventually she falls asleep.

—

Opening her eyes felt like literally crawling out of a grave when she finally does wake up, the only light shining was from a phone beside her. “Turn that damn thing off. It hurts,” Ches grumbles, the man beside her laying on top of her blankets complies. “What time is it anyway?”

“4 am, give or take.”

Zander’s answer only causes her to groan as she fixes her pillows the way she likes them. “Shit. No wonder I feel like I was run over by a freight train.” She continues to adjust her pillows, settling into a comfortable spot as she rolls over onto her back.

“No, I think that’s thanks to Club 33.” Zander gives her a pointed look. How did he even know she’d gone drinking there? That she had a membership at all for that matter. “I could pay for the entirety of my college tuition with how much you’ve spent on this trip. Couldn’t I?” There was something about his tone that feels off, that despite his words, it wasn’t the Disneyland trip he was frustrated with at the moment. “You’re spiraling again. The fancy trip, the mass text about Leo, the drinking. Fuck, everything that’s occurred since you came back to Luxor. Spring break, prom, open house. What’s going on?” Of course, he’d notice things weren’t right. Her luck couldn’t get any worse, could it?

“It’s the tenth anniversary of my mother’s death.” The excuse slides off her tongue quickly. But even in the dark, she could make out the look on his face. He knew she was lying, and yet she didn’t change her tune. She couldn’t. After what happened with Lucy, she wasn’t going to tell anyone about that ever again. “Zander, that’s all there is to everything. Drop it.”

He opens his mouth as if he had something to say, but he quickly shuts up. After a few seconds where it looks like he’s not going to push, she takes a breath. But her relief is short-lived when he finally speaks. “Has anyone ever mentioned you crinkle your nose when you lie?”

“I do not!” She protests immediately. Did she really have such an obvious tell? “I’m not lying. That’s really all there is to it. Please.” The word sounds like a plea, and as she hears it, she can’t help but dread him picking up on it. She didn’t need to give him more to question when he was already treading into territory she couldn’t stand to think about. How could she discuss it again? She barely got through it with Lucy.

“Okay, I just have one more question then. Why is your father spending so much money on you lately? Taking the entire school to Disneyland, a suite just for you to hide in, him showing up to graduation. Your Club 33 membership cost could be a household’s entire annual salary, There has to be a reason he’s tossing money at you so aggressively.”

The question causes her blood to run cold. What was she supposed to say? That his father suddenly saw the error of his ways became invested in her life. The lie didn’t even seem plausible, let alone believable. The entire truth hurt too much to think about; she didn’t want to get into the reasons. The best she could offer was the truth, without any details. “He feels guilty.”

“About your mom?” Zander’s voice is so soft, and as the slight hint of guilt starts to leak into it, she can feel her heart starting to break. He was too good to her, too safe, and he doesn’t even hesitate as she moves closer to him on the bed and tries to crawl into his arms. As she starts to sob, he just accepts that right now she needed someone to hold her. “I’m sorry, Chessie. I-”

“It’s not about maman, Zan. When I was home I had to attend his dinner parties, and his VP, he-” She can’t even finish getting the words out as she starts to sob, as the panic sets in and she clings tighter to him. The thought of that evening made her wish she could carve off her skin as if it’d erase the memories of that night from her mind. The more she remembers, the harder it feels to gasp for air, and the faster she breathes as her eyes rapidly search for the nearest escape route.

“Ches, hey. It’s okay, you’re okay.” His voice is gentle as he starts stroking her hair again. For a moment, she goes completely still as she tries to remind herself this was Zander. “You’re safe, I promise. Nobody’s going to hurt you here.” She focuses on the sound of his voice as he tries to comfort her, and slowly, but surely, oxygen is easier to catch. The fear was still lingering; the urge to flee and never look back was overwhelming. “You don’t have to say anything, okay.”

“Look where not saying anything got me, Zander.” She snaps at him, the words just coming out suddenly. “He fucking raped me, and I have to- no, I’m expected to just stay quiet and move past it. Sometimes I’m not sure if the money is because my dad is upset it happened or to keep my mouth shut. You know, he was the one who made me drop the charges.” She still could remember that talk with her father. She could shut her eyes and picture it as if it was five minutes ago still, her father pacing around the living room in their penthouse looking almost as disheveled as he had at her mother’s funeral, practically begging her to let him handle this behind closed doors because he didn’t think she’d survive a trial. “Said he thought I’d kill myself if we went to trials, he handled it behind the scenes.”

“It’s out of love, either way, I think,” Zander says gently as if he’s not sure he’s supposed to speak at all. Honestly, Ches isn’t sure she wants him to talk either. The last time she’d discussed it, she hadn’t felt any better. In ways, she felt worse - guilty for burdening Lucy with something so heavy she couldn’t explain to anyone else.

“I know.”

The words are hard for her to get out, even if it’s the truth. She knew that her father loved her, even when it sometimes felt like he didn’t care nearly enough. Perhaps, in its own fucked up way, this was his way of showing he cared. Her father’s actions weren’t out of ill intent.

“I’m sorry that you’re going through this, you had a horrible year.” He wasn’t wrong about that, the more she thought about it, the more she realized seventeen had truly sucked. “But, you can’t destroy yourself in your attempts to cope. I can’t figure out how you got back without hurting yourself. That’s an issue.”

“It’s not a deal-breaker.” As Ches continues to calm down slowly, the realization she’s trembling begins to dawn on her. “I don’t care if I die, you know.”

“Well I do. Lucy and Avery do, and Elliot would be devastated, so that’s not an option, for starters. So this shit needs to stop.” Zander’s voice is firm, almost like when Logan had no other choice but to scold them. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but this isn’t the answer, Hailey.”

For a brief moment, she considers saying something about her first name, but she doesn’t. She was too drained to fight with him over it. The use could be tolerated for one night. “You can’t tell anyone, Zander. The only person who knows is Lucy.” She says instead as she pulls herself out of his arms to lay in bed again.

“And your therapist?”

“Doesn’t know anything either.” She shuts her eyes as she says the word. Of course, she didn’t go to her therapist about this; it felt too painful to revisit, too heavy to bring words to at times. “Just promise me, Zander.”

“I promise I won’t tell anyone.” She can feel him moving on the bed beside her to start to get up as he says the words, her arm quickly reaching out to stop him. “But, I think you need to talk to your therapist. And-”

“Okay.” She agrees. “But, can you stay? I don’t want- I can’t be alone right now. Please?” The boy stops trying to move at her confession, the admittance she needed someone there. “I think being alone is a bad idea, and I don’t think I can ask Elli to-”

“I’ll stay, as long you need me to.”

She doesn’t say anything as she moves her arm back to her side of the bed. For a moment, she wonders if he’ll question it, but soon the only noise is the sound of his phone unlocking as the two settle into a comfortable silence.

#you know i adore queue #all of my heroes died all alone ( musings ) #a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you ( self paras ) #events ( ches's birthday 2020 ) #rape tw #vomiting tw #vomit tw #anxiety tw #anxiety attack tw #alcoholism tw #alcohol tw #drinking tw #all you cool people better leave now 'cause it's about to happen ( balo | zander ) #death tw #suicide tw #murder tw

[adiabolikpastel]

Title: Lunar Eclipse Masquerade

Laito pt. 1

Rating: PG 13

Word Count: 1,576

Pairing: Laito x Yuki (m/m)

ღ Living with Laito has it's challenges, but Yuki just wants to try to make things right - but were they ever? ღ

Mun Yu: This is going to be presented a little different than my other written works. Since it is so long, I have decided to publish it in parts, rather than the novel that it is. Each boy will receive their own post, some getting more post than others. For each post, it will make a sort of time line of events - to help paint the entire story. All post will begin with the premise, and the continuation under the cut. Enjoy.

Additionally: I would love to thank @akai-anemone for their wonderful analysis on the affects of the Lunar Eclipse in DL

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ ﾟ ｡. +ﾟ ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

Despite what most people think, demonic beings are very social creatures. The elites hold countless balls and parties, celebrating their immortality together, and entertaining one another with stories. Typically, they are done in celebration for something – though this is not always the case. All types of beings from across the Demon Realm will come if the host is of high enough prestige.

There would be no such host if it was not for Karlheinz. Seated as the head of the Bat Clan (vampires), Karl’s reach spans far. Being the widow for the former Demon King’s daughter, and having children of the first blood, an invitation from the Vampire King is not one to refuse. Though why would you? In his immaculate castle within the Demon Realm, Eden Castle, it is always quite the spectacle. While the celebrations held in his Human World mansion are nice, nothing compares to a true night of pleasure within the true home of the King.

On this night, there was to be a Masquerade in honor of the first Lunar Eclipsed Moon in over two years. While this night may serve each species differently, the idea to celebrate its return was simply too tempting. For this reason, Karlheinz took it upon himself – or rather – his house, to host the event. This extended to his offspring as well, regardless of their personal agenda. Members of every social elite race accepted the offer, and gathered for a truly unforgettable evening.

With Yuki still in school, there were large hours where he was unable to see Laito. He longed to simply quit, but his keeper wouldn’t allow that. Dr. Reinhart had been nothing but kind and accommodating to him. So there was no way he could disrespect him in that way. The doctor was already understanding of his desire to leave the Sakamaki’s manor with Laito.

It was under the condition that he be responsible, so Yuki got a job during the day. In the mornings he would work at a coffee shop. It was a miracle that he even got the job – but Yuki was fairly sure Laito secured it for him. Laito was so kind! There was no way he would have been able to do it on his own.

He was actually surprised that he wasn’t fired. Yuki was never loud enough for customers to hear, and people in the morning can be really angry! Yet here he was, at 7 am, working. He’d had this job for a couple of months now. On this particular morning, he would be there until noon, which wasn’t too bad.

“H-How can I help you?” Yuki asked, as the next guest came up to the register. They ordered very quickly, “Ua… I’m sorry… Could you say that one more time?” He was able to understand it a little better, “One… um… Do you want that with regular milk or-" The guest glares at him, “S-Sorry! My… I don’t work that fast so if you could…” They repeat to him once more, this time much slower. “Thank you… We’ll get that ready for you…” He offers them a smile and they go down to the other window.

The day continues like this, though most people are less patient. Finally his shift comes to an end, and the manager calls him into her office. “You… asked to see me?” She directs him to sit as she finishes sending a text. Yuki obeys, sitting in the small chair, fidgeting slightly.

It feels like forever before she finally acknowledges him. Telling him finally that his work ethic is there, but he has no talent for customer service. However, she would be willing to keep him on, if he gave her his ‘friends’ number. She goes on to say that after they hooked up a few times, he’s never given her a phone number to call him at.

Yuki sat motionless for a moment. It wasn’t as if the news was surprising. Laito had always slept around. However, this felt dirty. “… I’m sorry ma’am… Senpai doesn’t have a number to call. So… if that’s all…” He needed to get out of here. It was taking all of his strength not to throw up. The manager tries to start talking again, but Yuki excuses himself and rushes out of the shop.

He ran as far as he could, before his stomach couldn’t take it anymore. Moving away from others, he can’t help but lurch over and let his body cope. It felt awful. Not just the act of heaving, but the pain in his chest to go with it. Why was everything like this? Yuki could feel tears sting as he lowered himself into a crouch.

What was he lacking? Was it so bad that he was a man? Wasn’t it enough to love Laito more than anything? Why was this so hard? Yuki couldn’t even answer himself as the tears fell onto the ground. What was he doing all of this for? After allowing himself a moment to calm down, Yuki walked home. Normally, he would use this time to jog, but he didn’t think it was smart to do that today.

He and Laito were renting a luxurious apartment, which Laito mostly ‘paid’ for. Yuki wasn’t sure how he did, but decided it was a vampire thing. The little money that Yuki made himself, went to keeping food in the house. Even though Laito ate that too. As Yuki entered, all the lights were switched off. This was normal, as Laito was probably sleeping.

Yuki moved as quietly as possible, and walked over to his ‘room’. Laito didn’t want to get any more space than needed, so if Yuki was adamant on living with him – he would have to be on the coach. Today this all seemed to bother him. Perhaps it was because he never got to see Laito anymore, even though they lived together. With school, work, and who knows what Laito does – it was as if the two were strangers.

Perhaps that is what hurt the most? Why all these thoughts and worries ran through his head. Yuki decided that it was not the time to think too hard on it – as he was exhausted. So the small human used the restroom to change, get ready for bed, and tucked himself into bed. Determined that tomorrow night he would see Laito.

“Huh!? How did you find me?” Laito’s voice startled Yuki awake. Shooting up in worry he looks around to see Laito sitting at the breakfast counter. Nude it would seem, aside from his headband. Before him was a raven, but it wasn’t making any sounds. “I do not plan to ever go back there.” Laito affirms to the bird.

Yuki sits up and scuttles to the restroom while Laito finishes his conversation. When he comes out, the vampire is pouting while eating some cereal. “Even when I'm gone they expect me to do these things. I cannot believe this.” Yuki walks into the kitchen to prepare himself some food, but all the cereal is gone. “… Laito-senpai… are we all out of-?”

“Hm? Oh… I didn’t see you there.” Laito smirks at the human before him. “Sorry~ I was so hungry after… well… you get it. Ah, but you have no school tonight right~ Go to the store and buy some more.” He finishes the last bites of his own.

Yuki nods softly, deciding that he didn’t need breakfast anyway. “Senpai… I was… could we maybe… tonight…”

“Ehh? Laito-kun has plans tonight. Not to mention my glasses wearing older brother, has told me to come home.” He says, sighing and walking back to his room. In a bit of a panic, Yuki follows after him. Laito tries to shut his door, but Yuki gets in the way, squeaking in pain for a moment. “What is it, Stalker-kun?”

Yuki held onto Laito’s door, he wanted to ask him if he could go with him. Wanted to tell him about yesterday. He didn’t want to be left alone in this place. “C-Could I… we could go… together! That would be… better right… I mean…”

Laito looks down at the human trembling in the doorway. Then out into the living room. The place was well kept, but it had Yuki’s things everywhere. His school books, clothes, blankets. “When are you going to get it?” He finally says. Yuki looks up at him confused. “Don’t you think it’s been long enough? I am annoyed with seeing you all the time.”

Yuki's heart thumped in his ears. He could barely hear what Laito was saying. He was annoyed with him? They barely got to see one another, and he was annoyed. “M-Maybe if we… were actually able to… to sp-spend time together… l-like before…!” Yuki could feel his fist gripping tighter to Laito’s door. He didn’t know what to do or say.

Laito let out a tsk, “I am able to do as I please now – though clearly not as much as I had thought. Why would I need to keep you around? I do not need your blood. I do not need your body. Fufu…” Laito reaches down and takes a hold of Yuki’s chin, “You are an eyesore to me…. And I want you out.” Without another word, Laito effortlessly pulled Yuki from the door. Tossed him slightly out of the way, and closed the door behind him.

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ ﾟ ｡. +ﾟ ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡ TO BE CONTINUED ☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

#writing #Lunar Eclipse Masquerade #LEM #laito sakamaki #yuki awashima #laiki

[stevesnailbat]

I haven’t even seen any fics about Steve and male reader running around the mall and hiding from the Russians, maybe they both escape and eventually kiss (the feelings be real what they are feeling) and this(instead of robin could be both of their coming out parties) and then maybe nsfw??? Cause Steve is daddy

warnings: slightest mentions of homophobia, mentions of violence, smut

word count: 2.4K

a/n: this is my first ever male reader fic, i hope it’s up to everyone’s standards! enjoy :)

Everything was blurry and painful as Y/N opened his eyes, slowly becoming aware of the fact that he was tied up in a chair inside of an underground Russian base. He realized where he was eventually, realizing that impending doom was upon him. What he heard seconds later was what fully brought him back to reality, a pained groan from someone behind him. He remembered that they had been down there for what seemed like an eternity, and that both of them had the living shit beat out of them not too long before.

“Steve?” he called, trying to reach his hands that were tied behind his back to touch the boy behind him. “Harrington, I’m gonna need you to talk to me. Are you alright back there? Are you hurt? Please—“

“Jesus, Y/N. I’m fine, just a little beat up, that’s all. No need to start your nervous rambling.” Steve groaned bluntly, rolling his head back, leaning it against his.

“It’s a little too late for that, Steve.” he joked coldly, his hands still trying to reach for Steve’s in a frantic manner.

Before either of them could say anything else, more of the guards walked in. Y/N was sure that he had a major concussion at this point, that or his eye was just swollen shut, because he could barely see what was happening around him in enough time to react to it. That was when he felt Steve’s finger reaching for his own, hooking their pinkies together in a comforting way. Y/N couldn’t really remember all of what happened after that, but he knew Robin was dragged in and that they injected them all with something that was supposed to make them tell the truth.

The next thing Y/N could remember was Robin and Steve giggling about how the drugs not working only, that was when he realized he had it way worse than the two of them. He was still spinning in and out of consciousness as the Russians came back in and threatened to pull Steve’s fingernails off. He was coherent enough to follow them through the tunnels after being set loose when Dustin and Erica saved them, but that was as much as he could do.

The elevator ride made him feel nauseous, but being in the movie theater after was what made his head feel even worse. Still, he followed Steve wherever he went, in a daze as he heard mutterings from him and Robin.

“Y/N—Y/N. Come here, check this out.” Steve said as he stared up at the ceiling in the mall, the swirl of blue lights mesmerized him as he reached for Y/N’s hand.

He stood next to Steve staring at the lights for a moment, the lights dazzling him just as much as they did Steve and Robin. His hand was ripped from Steve’s when he ran towards the bathroom, leaving Y/N alone in the hall. He started to feel nauseous soon after the other two sprinted towards the bathrooms, so he followed suit but neither of them noticed.

Y/N laid on the bathroom floor, listening to Robin and Steve talk in the stalls next to him. Most of the conversation was a blur, but he brought himself back to reality when he heard Robin ask if Steve had ever been in love before. When he said Nancy’s name, Y/N’s stomach twisted in a knot. It was hard enough to see Steve flirting with girls at work all the time, but thinking about him with Nancy was even worse. He’d been holding back his feelings for so long, but it was hard for him not to flirt with someone as playful as Steve.

It was unheard of for Y/N to even think of bringing up sexuality to Steve, but it was something on his mind a lot. He caught lingering glances in his direction from Steve one too many times to think that he wasn’t interested in the slightest, but he’d never bring it up.

“Are you still in love with Nancy?” Robin asked.

“No.” Steve replied bluntly.

“Why not?” Robin questioned.

“I think it’s because I found someone who’s a little bit better for me.” he chuckled, making Y/N’s heart drop as he thought of Steve finding someone else. “It's crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying, "You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie."”

“Wait, who's Suzie?” Robin interjected.

“It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend.” Steve said. “To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real. But that’s not—that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this person, you know, the one that I like, it's somebody that I...didn't even talk to in school. And I don't even know why. Maybe 'cause Tommy H. would've made fun of me or...I wouldn't be...prom king. It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with this person the whole time.”

The room was silent and Y/N nearly stopped breathing for a moment, trying not to ruin the moment for anyone. He wasn’t really sure who Steve was talking about, but his heart was racing at the possibility of it being him.

“He’s—They’re just smart, way smarter than me, and so funny. They’ve made my life better and I’ve had the time of my life this summer with them, I just—I don’t know if I’d be able to tell them.” Steve scoffed.

“Steve?” Robin said quietly, unsure of herself as she spoke.

“Yeah?” he replied.

“Did you just say he?” Robin asked, making Y/N’s stomach twist into knots again.

“Yeah—Yeah, I did say he, didn’t I?” he laughed, leaning his head against the stall closest to Y/N. “I never thought I’d admit it, but yeah. And—And it scares me how much I like him.”

“Robin, did you just OD in there?” Steve asked after a long silence, knocking on the side of her stall.

“No. I am still alive.” she replied, laughing to herself a bit. “It’s okay to be scared about your feelings for a guy Steve, I am too.”

“About me?” he questioned, making her laugh again as she slid under his stall to sit next to him.

“No, Dingus.” she said softly, shooting a sympathetic smile in his direction. “I’m scared for myself—my feelings about girls scare me too.”

“Are you saying—“

“Yes, Steve. I am too.” she replied, shaking her head at his confusion as she chewed on her lip. “And you know what? It’s okay that we’re scared. But you know who’s probably even more scared right now than we are?”

“Who?”

“That someone you found who’s better for you.” she said as she leaned down to peer under the stall, seeing Y/N’s feet near hers in the next stall over; he had been listening in shock the whole time. “He might actually have OD’d in the stall over.”

Y/N had his eyes closed when Steve slid under the stall to him, but they fluttered open slowly when he felt a warm touch on his bruised cheek. They didn’t have time to say anything to each other before Dustin and Erica barged in, seeming very annoyed.

The more times the two of them faced death that night, the more they wanted to be alone. It made them realize what they were missing out on for so long and what they really needed. But they fought, they fought to live to see the day where they would be able to be together. Y/N still wasn’t seeing straight, but he was strong enough to push past it because it meant that he was one step closer to being with Steve.

The medics checked Y/N after the battle was over, confirming what he already knew to be true. He had a severe concussion, which meant that he wouldn’t be able to drive himself anywhere. Steve was nowhere to be found for a while after coming out from the mall, but he was searching for Y/N just as much as he was looking for Steve. He eventually found Y/N, rushing over to him as soon as he did.

“How do you feel?” Steve asked, sitting next to him on the tailgate of the ambulance. “That’s a stupid question, I know you don’t feel good. Do you need me to drive you home?“

“Yeah, that would be great.” Y/N replied with an exhausted smile on his lips.

The car ride was relatively silent for the most part, as both of them were trying to figure out what all had just happened with them and the Upside Down. Both of them lived in Loch Nora, but Y/N felt the need to be with Steve for the night.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he blurted out as they pulled into the neighborhood, making Steve nearly slam into the brakes at a stop sign. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Yeah, yeah of course you can. Honestly, I was hoping you would say that.” Steve chuckled, smiling sheepishly over at him.

They got ready for bed in a peaceful quietness, neither of them daring to say a word. It felt like things were alright again, but Y/N thought saying something might ruin it all, like Steve might change his mind if he said anything wrong.

“Listen, Y/N.” Steve said hesitantly as he pulled the sheets down on the bed, the hesitancy in his voice making Y/N a little uneasy. “I—I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” he implored, watching the doe eyed boy cautiously from the other side of the bed.

“I don’t know, for not telling you I guess? I’ve known for a long time that I’ve felt this way but—“

“Steve, it’s okay. You were scared, I get it. I know you and I know who you’ve been around for the first nineteen years of your life. You thought that someone, your parents, your friends, people around town, would judge you.” he cut Steve off, grabbing his hand as he gripped the sheets between his fingers. “I understand, I was lucky to have people like you and Robin and my understanding parents to support me. It’s not like that for everyone, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to cope with bottling it all up for so long but I just couldn’t take it any longer and now—fuck—now I just want you. No, I don’t want you, I need you, all of you.” Steve said desperately as he grabbed Y/N’s hand tighter as he kneeled on the bed.

“Steve, you aren’t thinking straight—“

“No, but I am! I know that I really like you and that I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time.” Steve exclaimed, tugging at his hand lightly again as he followed and knelt on the bed.

It was sudden, but needed when their lips collided. There was a sense of urgency behind the kiss, like their lives were still in danger and they’d never get to feel their lips together again. It was hard for Y/N to believe that Steve actually wanted him, but it was happening, it was really happening. Everything was happening so fast that he barely realized his hand wandering down to Steve’s boxers until he felt him moan into the kiss. Steve mumbled under his breath as he pulled away from Y/N’s lips, pressing kisses along his jaw slowly. He stopped Y/N by grabbing his hand, making him furrow his brow in confusion.

“I want to do this for you, okay? You’ve had a rough few days, finding out about all of the true crazy in Hawkins, I want to do this for you.” Steve insisted and Y/N nodded, laying back on the bed as Steve palmed his length through his shorts. “I gotta hear you say yes.”

“Fuck, Steve. Yes, please, just do something.” he mumbled as he locked eyes with a very excited Steve.

Steve wasted no time in pulling his shorts down, taking his length into his hand as Y/N moaned loudly. There was a smirk on Steve’s lips as he leaned down to kiss Y/N, getting whines of pleasure from in response to his movements. Steve’s tongue danced across Y/N’s bottom lip before biting it gently and pulling away after. Steve looked nervous for a moment, but Y/N cupped his bruised cheek and smiled up at him reassuringly.

“It’s your first time doing this, I know.” he chuckled, making Steve blush a bit. “It’s alright. You’ll do fine.”

“I know I will, don’t worry.” Steve said as his confidence boosted immediately, smirking lightly. “So sit back and let me get to it.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll let you—Oh fuck.” Y/N said, cutting himself off as he felt Steve take him into his mouth.

His movements were more forward than Y/N expected, but Steve was confident and wanted to make it great for both of them. He started out slow, though. He took half of Y/N’s length into his mouth at first, getting adjusted to the feeling as Y/N gripped his hair while biting back a moan. It didn’t take long for him to get used to it, so he sped up soon after. Y/N almost came at the sight of Steve taking his whole length into his mouth at once, but stopped himself. He wanted the moment to last a while.

Steve hadn’t done anything like this before, but he knew exactly what he was doing. The swirl of his tongue and the use of his hand were done to perfection, making it hard for Y/N not to come.

“I want you to cum, babe. You don’t have to hold it back anymore.” Steve said before licking a stripe up his length.

It didn’t take long after that for Y/N to reach his high, gripping Steve’s hair tightly to hold him down as his cum hit the back of his throat. A string of curse words left his mouth before he let go of Steve’s head and relaxed, staring up at the ceiling as he caught his breath.

“Was that good?” Steve teased, already knowing the answer as he pulled Y/N’s shorts back over his hips before crawling next to him in the bed.

“That was more than good, it was pretty fucking amazing.” he replied, laughing tiredly as he turned to Steve. “I want to make you feel good now.”

“It’s okay, Y/N.” Steve said, cupping his cheek as he noticed his tired eyes and raspy voice. “I want you to sleep now, we can do that later. You need sleep, alright? I’ll be right here when you wake up and we can finish where we left off.”

“Alright.” he sighed, letting Steve pull him into his chest as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Sweet dreams, Steve.”

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.” Steve sighed contently.

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