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juleswolverton-hyde · 5 years

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Dream Ashes (Yoongi x Reader)

Genre: Smut, Angst, FwB AU, HYYH AU

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Warnings: Allusions to self-harm, smoking, drinking and domestic abuse, toxic relationships, unrequited love, Top!/Dom!Yoongi, unprotected sex (ALWAYS do it safely, lads and lasses), (semi-)public sex (if sex on a rooftop counts), swearing/cussing

Summary: Not every night under each roof is pleasant, filled with arguments and the broken dreams of aspiring artists held back by parents either having no faith in their child’s talent or, if they acknowledge it at all, in a future pursuing a dream. A mixture of the two continues to kill the aspirations of the black sheep of the Min family, a delinquent deemed a pyromaniac by the ignorant eyes that solely know how to shallowly judge.

But there is a guardian angel with love who bears his burden gladly on lonely nights.

Even if it comes at the cost of her own heart.

Masterlist

Not every night under each roof is pleasant, filled with arguments and the broken dreams of aspiring artists held back by parents either having no faith in their child’s talent or, if they acknowledge it at all, in a future pursuing a dream. A mixture of the two continues to kill the aspirations of the black sheep of the Min family, a delinquent deemed a pyromaniac by the ignorant eyes that solely know how to shallowly judge. However, the open-minded individuals who can see beneath the tough exterior will be met by a musical genius who is forced time and again to give up the sole reason to live.

Music.

The piano.

‘I don’t have a dream. Besides, what’s the point in having one?’ Those words have become a steady statement to make whenever the conversation turns to what can be done after leaving behind six good friends and dropping out of high school. Whether any help is needed, in any regard, because a girl ran away from home herself is more than knowledgeable in how hard it can be to survive without anything to fall back on.

Though eventually a safe haven was offered freely by the actual leader of our little band of troublemakers guarded by a mistress of lies, another runaway living in a train yard outside of town.

Withal, tonight a new worrying addition is spoken after a habitual check-up text sent from Joon’s refurbished container after patching up Taehyung’s latest wounds inflicted by a raging drunk of a worthless father. The boy with the curious square smile stubbornly continues to hide the true cause of the physical and mental pain despite his fellow graffiti artist having hinted multiple times at wanting him to open up about the issue. Notwithstanding, it would seem the real cause of the harm will only be entrusted to the boys' confidante, the guardian angel helping tattooed aqua locks keep the rabble in line.

For as far as that is possible.

‘They take everything from the inside and throw it away.’

‘Who is they?’ Throat constricted by concern at this new detail, fingers stop combing through caramel locks finally fallen asleep after grunting through the medicinal care while precariously avoiding making eye contact with Monie.

‘Everybody.’

‘I don’t, I would never. Neither would Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok, Namjoon and Seokjin.’

‘Bullshit.’

‘No, it’s not!’ No response, the last text remaining to be noted as read. ‘Yoongi?

‘Yoongi, answer me! You’re not gonna do anything stupid, you hear me?

‘Yoongi, please!’

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

‘Oh God.’ The exclamation comes out on a short breath, panic rapidly overtaking as thoughts refer to the past.

‘What?’ Namjoon looks up from designing a new piece of art to place somewhere on a bare city wall, an eyebrow curiously cocked.

‘I- I need to go.’ Gently, Tae is laid down on the mattress. Futilely, the unconscious boy tries to wrap arms around the upper legs to pin them where they are before moving away. They have to, because time has become precariously precious again. Hence, all that the sleeper gets is a quick platonic peck on the forehead. ‘Right now.’

‘What’s going on?’ The leader notices the distress, turning halfway on the worn seat and about to get up.

‘It’s Yoongi. He’s not responding anymore and I think I know why.’

Shredded paper, beautiful notes turned awry thanks to disregard by the public, compositions torn apart to be hauled through a shredder or be burned in the next fire leading to an arrest.

Scarlet.

Glistening metal.

More silver lines added to the ever-expanding canvas on pale thin limbs.

‘Honestly, why doesn’t he just come here? We’ve both said multiple times he should.’ Honey digits remove the simple beanie to run through blue short strands, defeated in the wager as to why the pianist remains on the flight instead of retreating to the home we have created.

Regardless of the severity weighing heavily on shoulders moving towards the door, a sympathetic smile can be managed to put Joon at least somewhat at ease. One person carrying the burden of Time is more than enough and if someone should be to blame for being too late, it should be the guardian angel. ‘Because he can’t see the point, the good it’ll do him. He doesn’t know he has a home.’

It should be me.

‘He’d rather see his dream burn than move in with us.’ A mutual deep sigh erases the only sign of comfort that can be given at the moment as a hand reaches towards the latch. ‘One of these days I’ll drag him here myself and just lock him in. It’ll be full house, but I’m sure we could figure something out.’

‘Good luck with that, Monie. I’d help, but I value my life. He’s a tiger. One that’s hopefully unharmed by the time I reach him.’ Because, once more, it are solely the black wings engraved into the back which know the truth while the rising bird is kept in the dark regardless of begging in silence for the last sliver of complete trust even telling of hardships they do not know about. ‘I’ll see you later.’

Gritting gravel surrounding neglected railways beneath open twilight gradually transforms into asphalt broken up by holes in the districts ruled by crime and smooth steady ways in good neighbourhoods forming the residence area of families of which the children will either become something akin to the grandness of a doctor or a nine-to-five, if not worse, office worker. And it is here the phone put into the pocket of the denim jacket buzzes, the screen lighting up thanks to a new message that is a blessing and a curse at the same time. ‘Not home. Ran away. Warehouse. Roof.’

‘When did you run?’ The answer might seem fairly obvious were it not for the memory of the first time created melodies were destroyed by the paper shredder and parents furiously yelled at the aspiring producer to actually go back to school and get a proper education.

A good life.

Meant for someone else.

Not for an artist.

These same bordeaux Puma sneakers stormed through the front door and up the stairs after mister Min opened up, about to ask who in their right mind came calling around midnight. Absolutely not giving a damn about the consequences and solely focused on reaching a familiar door hiding ignored hardship.

Truth be told, none of us ever has.

Because we live.

Young, wild and free.

Or so we will, after all of us have escaped the judgmental cage created by a society looking down on creative souls trying to make a change. To leave a worthy legacy meant for generations to look back on and learn from.

After feathers break free from the egg.

But more than a single care was given upon warily approaching the figure in the secret studio least of all serving its original purpose of a bedroom, crawled away from the door to hide in the corner while clutching anxiously at freshly bleeding cuts. The knife was put aside, undeniably used and cruelly lying on the ground beside us.

Instead of directly speaking, we merely sat across from each other in a heavy hush wherein confidence was regained by calmly waiting for dark eyes to make contact. Which they eventually did, trembling bloody palms removing the white headphones given as a collective birthday present together with Joon and Hobi. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘For what?’ Regardless of knowing what was meant, locks nevertheless tilted to the side in feigned wonder because any direct reference to the difficult situation would lock the oppressed musician up immediately.

And invite the cruel blade upon leaving.

‘For being so fucking worthless. For making you come all the way here, just to see this good-for-nothing criminal.’ Unjust cracks appeared evident in the barely composed raspy voice of salt-streaked tears. Crimson fingertips plucked at baggy clothes concealing the frame that had become ghastly thinner due to the stress placed upon young shoulders forced to see dreams burn over and over again.

As always, helpless heavy-weighing playfulness was resorted to in the quiet hope of brightening the mood enough to break through the impenetrable walls which are always built when Yoongi is put down. ‘Shut up.’

Colourless irises, the passion sucked out of them until all they knew was how to cry, looked up in a sharp sneer. Or so it wanted to be, but could not due to an inner voice constraining the harshest negativity which turned the expression grave rather than judgemental. ‘It’s true, Y/N. You know it is.’

‘No, it’s not.’

A shift of subject made it more than clear the current topic did no longer serve any purpose, completely disregarding the smeared headphones and fresh cuts. Curiously, it changed to inquire about the well-being of the equally, albeit not to the same degrees, abused boy with whom often arguments were started merely because of being followed. Followed by the one who looked up to him, the rebel who will one day fully make the right decision and flee from beneath this harming roof permanently. ‘How’s Tae?’

A resigned sigh gave into the shift reluctantly, a tiny sliver of gladness spreading warmth throughout the limbs grown cold at the miserable sight and calming a rapidly beating heart unable to not worry about the wounds. ‘Bruised ribs, split lip, a cut on his cheek and an ugly bruise beneath the left eye.’

‘Please tell me he’s crashing at Namjoon’s.’

‘He is, as always. Mended for as far as possible and asleep.’

‘Good.’ Absently, as if drifting off into the forcefully created crumbled world once more, Yoongi nodded while repeating the confirmation under sharp breath. ‘That’s good.’

‘You, on the other hand, aren’t doing so great.’ It could not be helped, the dark carmine droplets staining ashen sweatpants creating hideous murky brown stains could not be ignored. Ugly yet alluring ghosts tempting the eye into being looked at. ‘You could have come to the train yard.’

The subtle suggestion resulted in the habitual denial of all help, any former softness sharpened like a dagger and flowing from a snarling tongue. ‘I’m fine. Just go.’

‘Where’s the first-aid kit?’ It had always been part of the dynamic, ignoring what the composer said in favour of a better outcome or serve as the company that was wanted but the wish of had never been explicitly stated. Withal, the guardian angel would triumph once more due to the trump card of iron determination, speaking in a tone that would not let anything of the pain due to the confrontation with self-destruction filter through.

‘Go.’ Sullenness preceded, as per habit, the fierceness of the tiger beneath the skin. Stained fingers moulded into fists gripping at oversized clothes, trembling with rage but trying incredibly hard to contain it to not do something to regret in the second after rashness.

‘Where?’ The characteristic raised sarcastic eyebrow was not appreciated, still only so on very few occasions nowadays.

‘Just fucking go!’

The lashing out would have chased away any of the other guys, but not the girl merely scoffing at the show both minds knew was nothing except fakery. ‘Have it your way. I’ll look for it myself.’

As expected, it was stored away in the lower compartment of the bathroom sink adjacent to the small bedroom, thus leading to the swift return to a cherry-haired tiger meticulously observing every movement from a safe spot. Withal, without shrinking as if wanting to melt into the scenery. Instead, he stared on in wonder of the help coming to the rescue of both a friend and a precious bond.

‘Give me your arm.’ No response at first, even at the beckoning hand any other might mistake for being impatient yet was all but that. It was desperate, frightened to death by the flowing carmine. ‘Yoongi, arm.’

Despite not stating it outright, the mere act of putting it in the cross-legged lap calmly without grumbling said more than words could at the moment. Henceforth, a tense though comfortable hush descended while cleaning the wounds after disinfecting them, checking up on an expression continuously returning to stoicism with every hiss.

Notwithstanding, in spite of missing the change betraying bodily hurt that by no means outweighed the mental burden of both parties, there was a fascinated warmth in irises drained of life time and again as digits bandaged the visible part of the damage up.

‘There, that’s better.’ Glad hands put down the first-aid kit as the last freshly carved scar had been concealed by ivory linen, sighing in calming relief. All in all, it did not take long to patch the musician up but the pressure of time flowing away made the instance appear longer than it really had.

‘Why?’ Furrowed brows regarded the first step to physical healing, almost as if uncomprehending of how it would help. Of course, it would not aid mental stability but it did allow for the rescue of a soul who would have gone too soon.

‘Because we’re friends and I won’t let you fall. I’d never let you down.’ Trembling in hesitance, the palm of a barely recovered from the shock voice reached out to a pale cheek, the thumb languid in caressing the denied tears away. ‘You’re an incredible musician, Yoongi. No matter what anyone says or whether you believe me, it’s true. We, the guys and I, think so. No, we know so.’

‘You speak of them as if they’re my friends too.’ Had the genuine broken persona living beneath the skin of the rebel kicked out of school been unknown to the girl sitting across from him on the floor, the end would have happened right then and there. However, the opposite was the truth and thus the sneering tone was disregarded in favour of establishing at least a sliver of conviction of reality.

Something to believe in.

Something to hold on to.

‘They are. They disregard the fact you don’t contact them at all because, as I said, they know you’re going to make it big someday. They still continue to support you. None of them has forgotten about you.’ Lips pursed in careful contemplation, calculating the impact of each word which wanted to be said without angering the only temporarily subdued tiger. Eventually, such an argument was formed in good faith. ‘And you haven’t forgotten about them either because you wouldn’t have asked after Tae if you had.’

‘Still, you’re the only one here.’ A pale palm folded perfectly over the one on the salt-streaked cheek, the broken dreamer leaning gratefully into the touch with lashes fluttered shut and a voice as if drifting off into slumber. A blissful place away from cruel reality. Away from here. ‘You’ve always been.’

‘That’s not tr-’ The protest was cut short by an unexpected kiss, lips meeting in soft urgency. A whirlwind of emotions kicked up at the suddenness of the action, Reason and Fancy at war due to never having thought the tiger would do such a thing.

Nor expect to hear a new level of despair in the whisper temporarily breaking up the kiss, sounding strange as it was caught between genuine clarity and relieved sobbing begging to not be left behind. ‘It is. Only you love me.’

Thus, the truly vicious cycle began of coming to the rescue both mentally and physically only to end up in the sheets to fully calm down. See to it Yoongi can rest easy even while one heart falls deeper and deeper into chaotic love.

It has been for the past two years of denial.

But it cannot mean anything.

It should not.

Because, once it does, it becomes a passion.

A dream to pursue.

And that is forbidden and therefore it will shatter or be burned like music.

Until all there is left are merely ghosts.

The only type of changing the meetings of scared hearts have undergone is a shift in location after the rebel dared to run away again the day Jungkook almost ended it all on the edge of the highest skyscraper.

Barely in time could the youngest of the chaotic band be rescued, the man like an older brother pulling the maknae by the back of an ivory and rose checkered blouse and holding on to the boy until both had regained enough breath after spilling tears of frustrated relief. After all, Yoongi had sworn during the last meeting with the entire group beneath a nightly sparkling spring sky to be a support pillar because he knows what living while feeling useless is like, vouching to do so while Kook rested on his shoulder. Through the high-rising flickering amber flames of the fire pit, the two seemed content at last.

For a little while, everything was okay.

We would be fine.

Would be.

But tonight, on the roof of the abandoned warehouse in the harbour where on the lower floor stands a dusty brown piano, we are not. The damaged knuckles and chafed skin beneath sullen irises tells of barely escaping another arrest after being kicked out a bar again and drunkenly searching for a fight, the scent of cigarettes indicating music has been burned again because the pieces were not good enough.

They never are.

Not to society.

But, to the girl approaching a wild tiger, they are everything.

Though the producer is blind to see it.

‘Yoongi?’ No reaction to the greeting comes as the heavy door to the roof closes and bordeaux Puma sneakers pad with a heavy heart over the asphalt still warm due to the day’s heat. They come to a halt a mere step away from the brooding tiger. ‘You never answered me over text and make me come all the way out here to get a response.’

‘Does it matter?‘ Without so much as a sideways glance, entwined damaged slender fingers maintain a steady melancholic gaze over the dark quiet waters of the harbour. A mocking grin tugs at the corners of the mouth but does not form completely, essentially as joyless as the denied dreamer.

‘It does! It fucking does!’

For once, please believe me when I tell you that you’re not nothing.

‘To who, hm?’ At last, colourless irises grace a worried soul with a challenging look but at least attention is pulled enough to actually listen and not simply hear.

‘To the guys.’ A palm slaps against a rapid beating heart in a constricted chest as lips tremble and a cracking voice rises in volume. ‘To me.’

‘Bullshit.’

‘No, it’s not. We care, Yoongi, all of us.’ The last bit of distance is breached as a hand naturally folds over a frozen shoulder clad in a military green jacket, resting there without being violently shrugged off.

A sign of listening.

And thus the argument is pursued on a calmer and more steady yet equally urgent tone. ‘What about Jungkook? You promised to be his supporting pillar. Taehyung is over at Joon’s again, beaten up by his dad and you know it hurts you. Just as much as it hurts us.’

Upper arms are enveloped as briefly locked gazes break up, ashen strands hanging low in stubborn ignoring of the guardian angel crouching in front of them. ‘Us, Yoongi. The Bangtan Boys and me. Our family.’

‘I have no family. They were the first to destroy it all.’ Regardless of being unable to see it, lips are undoubtedly pursed in a fight to prevent new tears from falling. Woven digits tremble in barely suppressed crimson nicotine anger, vision blurring with tormenting memories of refusal.

‘But we build it up together, didn’t we? You know you aren’t-’

‘Shut up.’ An arm lashes out to undo any contact, the impact of the action causing a fall backwards. Nothing but agonizing exhaustion radiates off the snarl on the handsome face that has become loved as more than a mere friend.

Even while it extorts another for pleasure.

A means to forget.

It means nothing.

‘I’m tired of speaking. Tired of thinking. We both know where this goes anyway.’ Each sentence is accentuated by a firm demanding kiss sealing off any chance of protest after being roughly helped onto two unsteady feet, the tables turned as it now are the arms of somebody trying to help which are grabbed tightly.

Held dear and cherished in an incomprehensible manner.

But it is better than nothing.

‘We can’t keep doing this.’ Had this been pure desire, the shape pressing hotly against the thigh would have been appreciated in a whole different way. Interpreted in a manner not remotely close to the reality of us because it is not sensual wanton craving.

It is pent-up frustration coming to a boiling point.

Fruitless.

A wandering ghost.

A heap of ashes.

‘Shut up.’ The hands creating an abyss by pushing against a sturdy chest are given other purpose. Nevertheless, the meaning of the distance remains: foolishly to be able to be filled with sincerity.

One hand is placed on the hip and the other below, simulating a laughable imitation of actual craving as another kiss adds to the poor fancy. ‘Just do what you’re told for once.’

Lips connect once more in saltwater carrying broken wishes and all the dreams that cannot be because of emotions warring with ideals, the correct way of life stained by nicotine and the sharp yet sweet tang of cheap soju.

Trembling fingers envelop damaged cheeks as slender musically gifted hands tug at the edge of pants, beckoning them to lie down before undoing the belt fastening bleached ripped jeans only to be warmly welcomed again by the palms that only get to hold the face they love in this repeated loveless lovemaking. Knowing the impatience of the tiger, any restrictions to allowing the heated wantonness pressed against the thigh earlier have been removed before wiping away returned tears and lovingly caressing ashen brown locks.

Don’t get your hopes up. It won’t mean anything. It’s just a means of comfort.

Everything is familiar, a piece of the past tainted by crimson and smoke to cling to.

The warmth spreading throughout as separate souls effortlessly become one, unprotected in wordlessness and thus letting actions say all that tongues cannot.

The speed of snapping hips, uncaring about pleasure and merely wanting to fuck the pain away.

The agony of the tug on each tendon keeping the heart inherently belonging to the occasional groan breaking through heavy breaths whispering into the side of the neck.

The urban scent of cigarettes, ashes and blood.

The possessive iron-like grip on the waist, desperate to be grounded in the moment or simply an anchor into this world while the mind it belongs to tries to flee.

The chase after temporary oblivion together, though one soul remains a step behind to not frighten the other into love.

After all, it has no meaning.

None of this.

It is a ghost we keep.

Preventing us from finding happiness together.

The chance to hear three simple words spill at least once before or after a troubled mind finds brief peace in the arms of the woman he said, no, knows loves him. Nevertheless, Yoongi cannot return the affection.

Cruelly, the hope remains even while lying on the warm concrete, the heat seeping through dishevelled clothes covering the upper part of the body, and embracing the musical genius drifting somewhere in a pleasant ignorant limbo. The same state of being that lashes turned to a beautiful sparkling sky did not reach again and never will during these meetings. Still, it is not minded for this is a more meaningful type of contentment.

Simply lying here among the ashes.

But it cannot mean anything.

It should not.

Because, once it does, it becomes a passion.

A dream to pursue.

And that is forbidden and therefore it will shatter or be burned like music.

Until all there is left are merely ghosts.

#BTS #BTS smut #BTS x Reader #hyunglinenetwork #btswriterscollective #ksmutclub #Yoongi #SUGA #Min Yoongi #Agust D

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purplepersnicketywrites · 5 years

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Howdy! How about 15 and 69 for the trope prompt?

Criminal AU + Flirting Under Fire

I gotta say that Bakugou ‘I’m gonna be a fucking hero just you watch me’ Katsuki and Kirishima ‘The Very Goodest Boy’ Eijirou are physically incapable of being criminals, you know.

…

Unless, perhaps, the laws are unjust……

This is officially a Vigilante Hero AU now, sorry but I make all the rules.

So I figure that it’d go something like… This is a future in which quirk restrictions are FAR more stringent (and the rate of quirk-repressing trauma leading to people like Toga snapping much higher, but shh). Perhaps here, AFO tried a different method of quelling any rebellion against him…

Bakugou is deemed powerful when his quirk manifests. Too powerful, too dangerous. His quirk is too destructive to be used for hero work, and he must wear quirk-supressing gloves at all times in public. He doesn’t grow up quite the same, there’s no unrelenting praise to go to his head, and he lets Deku pull him out of the river, albeit a little grudgingly.

He still grows up angry, but it’s not the vibrant, flash-in-a-pan anger of his canon self. No, this Bakugou simmers with it, just under the surface. He will be a hero, no matter what anyone else says about it.

He trains in secret.

Kirishima is… overlooked. His quirk isn’t all that strong. He’s dull. He freezes, much like last time. Crimson Riot was a vigilante in his time, and so there was never an interview to be recorded and played at just the right moment to give a young boy hope.

He finds it again, eventually, slowly. It takes a few more years for him to research a particular old vigilante, to decide to dye his hair, to start building himself up from scratch, but he gets there. The more he does, the better his quirk gets. A rock to the face no longer phases him.

He’s pushing himself in front of a mirror one day when he realises that… Damn. He’s not just Not Scrawny any more. He’s strong. He- He really could be a hero- Or- He could have been. There’s a cut-off point for the start of training, and he’s passed it by a long stretch of time. So what can he do?

He trains in secret.

Their debuts are just shy of each other - Bakugou explodes onto the vigilante scene one day, wrecks a villain utterly, and disappears just as rapidly as he arrived.

Kirishima’s turn comes the day after him. He stops an out of control train with the sheer brute force that he’s managed to cultivate in himself. Maybe it wasn’t quite so flashy as the villain takedown, but, well, he saved a bunch of lives and managed to knock out the guy responsible.

Bakugou is a little furious that this other guy turned up and stole the wind from his sails for his big reveal, but he clearly wasn’t useless at what he was doing and the more vigilantes there were out there actually being competant, the better.

Kirishima’s first impression of Bakugou is ‘wow’.

They run into each other one night while they’re both patrolling an area, and Kirishima changes his impression to ‘deranged’, because Bakugou is still Bakugou and Kirishima thinks that he’s a little too focused on the ‘beating up bad guys’ part of this whole thing. You need to balance that with making sure the civilians are safe, no?

Bakugou’s not that bad, though, and after about the third time they run into each other, Kirishima decides that Bakugou is kinda manly after all. Not that he knows the other man as Bakugou, but rather by his ‘hero’ name.

They accidentally settle into a sort of coworker-type relationship for a while. Vaguely respectful of each other, happy to help out if needed and maybe they indulge in a little banter, but mostly detached. It makes sense, you know? You probably shouldn’t get too close to another vigilante - you might reveal too much about your real life selves. You never know who else might be listening in.

Kirishima’s day job feels like an entirely different world in comparison.

He works at a little café in the heart of the city. It gets decent traffic, and Kirishima enjoys interacting with all of the people that he’s working to protect. Everything’s always bright and bustling, and he does his best to put a smile on as many of the faces he sees there as he can.

Bakugou works a pretty plain office job. He’s good at it (he never stopped being a genius, after all), and it pays well enough, so he doesn’t really have anything to complain about. He takes a walk during his lunch break most days to grab a coffee. One day when he’s feeling bored he decides to go in a different direction.

He walks into a little café that looks appealing, makes his way up to the counter, and locks eyes with the guy behind the till.

The recognition is instant.

Both of them stiffen, frozen in place. It takes a concerned word from Kirishima’s daytime coworker for him to stop staring at the one he normally only sees at night. His reaction is somewhere between ‘oh shit we’re not supposed to know who we are’ and ‘oh no he’s hot’.

Bakugou has a bit of an internal debate about whether or not he should just turn around and leave before he does somethin stupid like read a nametag, but then Red Riot gives him a sheepish (and Very Cute) grin and asks him if he needs anything. Fuck it.

Bakugou asks for a coffee. And his number.

It comes out, like, way smoother than Bakugou had intended & he’s like ‘wait did I just flirt with him’. Kirishima goes bright red but like, he makes the coffee and he writes his number on the cup. Bakugou’s like ‘wait did i just flirt with him SUCCESSFULLY?? ?? ??? ? ?’.

Well. Yeah.

They begin texting each other, like, a lot. From this point on it’s Fall Hard Fall Fast time for both of them, and their banter during their vigilante activities gets flirtier and flirtier.

To conclude: they get together & kick ass. Maybe things are a little riskier, but it’s so worth it. No angsting about ‘what if I put u in danger’ here! Dunno if I’d leave it here or go on to have like, a bigger plot w/ them dealing w/ society and heavier stuff.

I’d also want the Bakusquad in here at some point,,, maybe more vigilantes who work with them sometimes… Okay no, some of them are actually heroes - Ashido, Jirou and Sero at least. Kaminari’s quirk probably wasn’t deemed suitable so he’s a vigilante.

They’re all very supportive of Baku and Kiri dating.

#kiribaku #uh oh i really like this one......#reply #anon #ask meme #FIND LATER

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outoftheforestshow · 5 years

Text

Letter From Birmingham Jail A U G U S T 1 9 6 3 by Martin Luther King, Jr

From the Birmingham jail, where he was imprisoned as a participant in nonviolent demonstrations against segregation, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote in longhand the letter which follows. It was his response to a public statement of concern and caution issued by eight white religious leaders of the South. Dr. King, who was born in 1929, did his undergraduate work at Morehouse College; attended the integrated Crozer Theological Seminary in Chester, Pennsylvania, one of six black pupils among a hundred students, and the president of his class; and won a fellowship to Boston University for his Ph.D. WHILE confined here in the Birmingham city jail, I came across your recent statement calling our present activities "unwise and untimely." Seldom, if ever, do I pause to answer criticism of my work and ideas. If I sought to answer all of the criticisms that cross my desk, my secretaries would be engaged in little else in the course of the day, and I would have no time for constructive work. But since I feel that you are men of genuine good will and your criticisms are sincerely set forth, I would like to answer your statement in what I hope will be patient and reasonable terms. I think I should give the reason for my being in Birmingham, since you have been influenced by the argument of "outsiders coming in." I have the honor of serving as president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, an organization operating in every Southern state, with headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. We have some eighty-five affiliate organizations all across the South, one being the Alabama Christian Movement for Human Rights. Whenever necessary and possible, we share staff, educational and financial resources with our affiliates. Several months ago our local affiliate here in Birmingham invited us to be on call to engage in a nonviolent direct-action program if such were deemed necessary. We readily consented, and when the hour came we lived up to our promises. So I am here, along with several members of my staff, because we were invited here. I am here because I have basic organizational ties here. Beyond this, I am in Birmingham because injustice is here. Just as the eighth-century prophets left their little villages and carried their "thus saith the Lord" far beyond the boundaries of their hometowns; and just as the Apostle Paul left his little village of Tarsus and carried the gospel of Jesus Christ to practically every hamlet and city of the Greco-Roman world, I too am compelled to carry the gospel of freedom beyond my particular hometown. Like Paul, I must constantly respond to the Macedonian call for aid. Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial "outside agitator" idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider. You deplore the demonstrations that are presently taking place in Birmingham. But I am sorry that your statement did not express a similar concern for the conditions that brought the demonstrations into being. I am sure that each of you would want to go beyond the superficial social analyst who looks merely at effects and does not grapple with underlying causes. I would not hesitate to say that it is unfortunate that so-called demonstrations are taking place in Birmingham at this time, but I would say in more emphatic terms that it is even more unfortunate that the white power structure of this city left the Negro community with no other alternative. IN ANY nonviolent campaign there are four basic steps: collection of the facts to determine whether injustices are alive, negotiation, self-purification, and direct action. We have gone through all of these steps in Birmingham. There can be no gainsaying of the fact that racial injustice engulfs this community. Birmingham is probably the most thoroughly segregated city in the United States. Its ugly record of police brutality is known in every section of this country. Its unjust treatment of Negroes in the courts is a notorious reality. There have been more unsolved bombings of Negro homes and churches in Birmingham than in any other city in this nation. These are the hard, brutal, and unbelievable facts. On the basis of them, Negro leaders sought to negotiate with the city fathers. But the political leaders consistently refused to engage in good-faith negotiation. Then came the opportunity last September to talk with some of the leaders of the economic community. In these negotiating sessions certain promises were made by the merchants, such as the promise to remove the humiliating racial signs from the stores. On the basis of these promises, Reverend Shuttlesworth and the leaders of the Alabama Christian Movement for Human Rights agreed to call a moratorium on any type of demonstration. As the weeks and months unfolded, we realized that we were the victims of a broken promise. The signs remained. As in so many experiences of the past, we were confronted with blasted hopes, and the dark shadow of a deep disappointment settled upon us. So we had no alternative except that of preparing for direct action, whereby we would present our very bodies as a means of laying our case before the conscience of the local and national community. We were not unmindful of the difficulties involved. So we decided to go through a process of self-purification. We Letter From Birmingham Jail 2 started having workshops on nonviolence and repeatedly asked ourselves the questions, "Are you able to accept blows without retaliating?" and "Are you able to endure the ordeals of jail?" We decided to set our direct-action program around the Easter season, realizing that, with exception of Christmas, this was the largest shopping period of the year. Knowing that a strong economic withdrawal program would be the by-product of direct action, we felt that this was the best time to bring pressure on the merchants for the needed changes. Then it occurred to us that the March election was ahead, and so we speedily decided to postpone action until after election day. When we discovered that Mr. Conner was in the runoff, we decided again to postpone action so that the demonstration could not be used to cloud the issues. At this time we agreed to begin our nonviolent witness the day after the runoff. This reveals that we did not move irresponsibly into direct action. We, too, wanted to see Mr. Conner defeated, so we went through postponement after postponement to aid in this community need. After this we felt that direct action could be delayed no longer. You may well ask, "Why direct action, why sit-ins, marches, and so forth? Isn't negotiation a better path?" You are exactly right in your call for negotiation. Indeed, this is the purpose of direct action. Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and establish such creative tension that a community that has consistently refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue. It seeks so to dramatize the issue that it can no longer be ignored. I just referred to the creation of tension as a part of the work of the nonviolent resister. This may sound rather shocking. But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word "tension." I have earnestly worked and preached against violent tension, but there is a type of constructive nonviolent tension that is necessary for growth. Just as Socrates felt that it was necessary to create a tension in the mind so that individuals could rise from the bondage of myths and half-truths to the unfettered realm of creative analysis and objective appraisal, we must see the need of having nonviolent gadflies to create the kind of tension in society that will help men to rise from the dark depths of prejudice and racism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood. So, the purpose of direct action is to create a situation so crisis-packed that it will inevitably open the door to negotiation. We therefore concur with you in your call for negotiation. Too long has our beloved Southland been bogged down in the tragic attempt to live in monologue rather than dialogue. One of the basic points in your statement is that our acts are untimely. Some have asked, "Why didn't you give the new administration time to act?" The only answer that I can give to this inquiry is that the new administration must be prodded about as much as the outgoing one before it acts. We will be sadly mistaken if we feel that the election of Mr. Boutwell will bring the millennium to Birmingham. While Mr. Boutwell is much more articulate and gentle than Mr. Conner, they are both segregationists, dedicated to the task of maintaining the status quo. The hope I see in Mr. Boutwell is that he will be reasonable enough to see the futility of massive resistance to desegregation. But he will not see this without pressure from the devotees of civil rights. My friends, I must say to you that we have not made a single gain in civil rights without determined legal and nonviolent pressure. History is the long and tragic story of the fact that privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily. Individuals may see the moral light and voluntarily give up their unjust posture; but, as Reinhold Niebuhr has reminded us, groups are more immoral than individuals. We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have never yet engaged in a direct-action movement that was "well timed" according to the timetable of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word "wait." It rings in the ear of every Negro with a piercing familiarity. This "wait" has almost always meant "never." It has been a tranquilizing thalidomide, relieving the emotional stress for a moment, only to give birth to an ill-formed infant of frustration. We must come to see with the distinguished jurist of yesterday that "justice too long delayed is justice denied." We have waited for more than three hundred and forty years for our God-given and constitutional rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward the goal of political independence, and we still creep at horse-and-buggy pace toward the gaining of a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. I guess it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say "wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen curse, kick, brutalize, and even kill your black brothers and sisters with impunity; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six-year-old daughter why she cannot go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her little eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see the depressing clouds of inferiority begin to form in her little mental sky, and see her begin to distort her little personality by unconsciously developing a bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five-year-old son asking in agonizing pathos, "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross-country drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger" and your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and when your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never knowing what to expect next, and plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodyness" -- then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over and men are no longer willing to be plunged into an abyss of injustice where they experience the bleakness of corroding despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience. Letter From Birmingham Jail 3 YOU express a great deal of anxiety over our willingness to break laws. This is certainly a legitimate concern. Since we so diligently urge people to obey the Supreme Court's decision of 1954 outlawing segregation in the public schools, it is rather strange and paradoxical to find us consciously breaking laws. One may well ask, "How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?" The answer is found in the fact that there are two types of laws: there are just laws, and there are unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that "An unjust law is no law at all." Now, what is the difference between the two? How does one determine when a law is just or unjust? A just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law, or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law. To put it in the terms of St. Thomas Aquinas, an unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal and natural law. Any law that uplifts human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust. All segregation statutes are unjust because segregation distorts the soul and damages the personality. It gives the segregator a false sense of superiority and the segregated a false sense of inferiority. To use the words of Martin Buber, the great Jewish philosopher, segregation substitutes an "I - it" relationship for the "I - thou" relationship and ends up relegating persons to the status of things. So segregation is not only politically, economically, and sociologically unsound, but it is morally wrong and sinful. Paul Tillich has said that sin is separation. Isn't segregation an existential expression of man's tragic separation, an expression of his awful estrangement, his terrible sinfulness? So I can urge men to obey the 1954 decision of the Supreme Court because it is morally right, and I can urge them to disobey segregation ordinances because they are morally wrong. Let us turn to a more concrete example of just and unjust laws. An unjust law is a code that a majority inflicts on a minority that is not binding on itself. This is difference made legal. On the other hand, a just law is a code that a majority compels a minority to follow, and that it is willing to follow itself. This is sameness made legal. Let me give another explanation. An unjust law is a code inflicted upon a minority which that minority had no part in enacting or creating because it did not have the unhampered right to vote. Who can say that the legislature of Alabama which set up the segregation laws was democratically elected? Throughout the state of Alabama all types of conniving methods are used to prevent Negroes from becoming registered voters, and there are some counties without a single Negro registered to vote, despite the fact that the Negroes constitute a majority of the population. Can any law set up in such a state be considered democratically structured? These are just a few examples of unjust and just laws. There are some instances when a law is just on its face and unjust in its application. For instance, I was arrested Friday on a charge of parading without a permit. Now, there is nothing wrong with an ordinance which requires a permit for a parade, but when the ordinance is used to preserve segregation and to deny citizens the First Amendment privilege of peaceful assembly and peaceful protest, then it becomes unjust. Of course, there is nothing new about this kind of civil disobedience. It was seen sublimely in the refusal of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to obey the laws of Nebuchadnezzar because a higher moral law was involved. It was practiced superbly by the early Christians, who were willing to face hungry lions and the excruciating pain of chopping blocks before submitting to certain unjust laws of the Roman Empire. To a degree, academic freedom is a reality today because Socrates practiced civil disobedience. We can never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was "legal" and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was "illegal." It was "illegal" to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler's Germany. But I am sure that if I had lived in Germany during that time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers even though it was illegal. If I lived in a Communist country today where certain principles dear to the Christian faith are suppressed, I believe I would openly advocate disobeying these anti-religious laws. I MUST make two honest confessions to you, my Christian and Jewish brothers. First, I must confess that over the last few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizens Councillor or the Ku Klux Klanner but the white moderate who is more devoted to order than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says, "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can't agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically feels that he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by the myth of time; and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection. In your statement you asserted that our actions, even though peaceful, must be condemned because they precipitate violence. But can this assertion be logically made? Isn't this like condemning the robbed man because his possession of money precipitated the evil act of robbery? Isn't this like condemning Socrates because his unswerving commitment to truth and his philosophical delvings precipitated the misguided popular mind to make him drink the hemlock? Isn't this like condemning Jesus because His unique God-consciousness and never-ceasing devotion to His will precipitated the evil act of crucifixion? We must come to see, as federal courts have consistently affirmed, that it is immoral to urge an individual to withdraw his efforts to gain his basic constitutional rights because the quest precipitates violence. Society must protect the robbed and punish the robber. Letter From Birmingham Jail 4 I had also hoped that the white moderate would reject the myth of time. I received a letter this morning from a white brother in Texas which said, "All Christians know that the colored people will receive equal rights eventually, but is it possible that you are in too great of a religious hurry? It has taken Christianity almost 2000 years to accomplish what it has. The teachings of Christ take time to come to earth." All that is said here grows out of a tragic misconception of time. It is the strangely irrational notion that there is something in the very flow of time that will inevitably cure all ills. Actually, time is neutral. It can be used either destructively or constructively. I am coming to feel that the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. We must come to see that human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability. It comes through the tireless efforts and persistent work of men willing to be coworkers with God, and without this hard work time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. YOU spoke of our activity in Birmingham as extreme. At first I was rather disappointed that fellow clergymen would see my nonviolent efforts as those of an extremist. I started thinking about the fact that I stand in the middle of two opposing forces in the Negro community. One is a force of complacency made up of Negroes who, as a result of long years of oppression, have been so completely drained of self-respect and a sense of "somebodyness" that they have adjusted to segregation, and, on the other hand, of a few Negroes in the middle class who, because of a degree of academic and economic security and because at points they profit by segregation, have unconsciously become insensitive to the problems of the masses. The other force is one of bitterness and hatred and comes perilously close to advocating violence. It is expressed in the various black nationalist groups that are springing up over the nation, the largest and best known being Elijah Muhammad's Muslim movement. This movement is nourished by the contemporary frustration over the continued existence of racial discrimination. It is made up of people who have lost faith in America, who have absolutely repudiated Christianity, and who have concluded that the white man is an incurable devil. I have tried to stand between these two forces, saying that we need not follow the do-nothingism of the complacent or the hatred and despair of the black nationalist. There is a more excellent way, of love and nonviolent protest. I'm grateful to God that, through the Negro church, the dimension of nonviolence entered our struggle. If this philosophy had not emerged, I am convinced that by now many streets of the South would be flowing with floods of blood. And I am further convinced that if our white brothers dismiss as "rabble-rousers" and "outside agitators" those of us who are working through the channels of nonviolent direct action and refuse to support our nonviolent efforts, millions of Negroes, out of frustration and despair, will seek solace and security in black nationalist ideologies, a development that will lead inevitably to a frightening racial nightmare. Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. The urge for freedom will eventually come. This is what has happened to the American Negro. Something within has reminded him of his birthright of freedom; something without has reminded him that he can gain it. Consciously and unconsciously, he has been swept in by what the Germans call the Zeitgeist, and with his black brothers of Africa and his brown and yellow brothers of Asia, South America, and the Caribbean, he is moving with a sense of cosmic urgency toward the promised land of racial justice. Recognizing this vital urge that has engulfed the Negro community, one should readily understand public demonstrations. The Negro has many pent-up resentments and latent frustrations. He has to get them out. So let him march sometime; let him have his prayer pilgrimages to the city hall; understand why he must have sitins and freedom rides. If his repressed emotions do not come out in these nonviolent ways, they will come out in ominous expressions of violence. This is not a threat; it is a fact of history. So I have not said to my people, "Get rid of your discontent." But I have tried to say that this normal and healthy discontent can be channeled through the creative outlet of nonviolent direct action. Now this approach is being dismissed as extremist. I must admit that I was initially disappointed in being so categorized. But as I continued to think about the matter, I gradually gained a bit of satisfaction from being considered an extremist. Was not Jesus an extremist in love? -- "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you." Was not Amos an extremist for justice? -- "Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream." Was not Paul an extremist for the gospel of Jesus Christ? -- "I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus." Was not Martin Luther an extremist? -- "Here I stand; I can do no other so help me God." Was not John Bunyan an extremist? -- "I will stay in jail to the end of my days before I make a mockery of my conscience." Was not Abraham Lincoln an extremist? -- "This nation cannot survive half slave and half free." Was not Thomas Jefferson an extremist? -- "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." So the question is not whether we will be extremist, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate, or will we be extremists for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice, or will we be extremists for the cause of justice? I had hoped that the white moderate would see this. Maybe I was too optimistic. Maybe I expected too much. I guess I should have realized that few members of a race that has oppressed another race can understand or appreciate the deep groans and passionate yearnings of those that have been oppressed, and still fewer have the vision to see that injustice must be rooted out by strong, persistent, and determined action. I am thankful, however, that some of our white brothers have grasped the meaning of this social revolution and committed themselves to it. They are still all too small in quantity, but they are big in quality. Some, like Ralph McGill, Lillian Smith, Harry Golden, and James Dabbs, have written about our struggle in eloquent, prophetic, and understanding terms. Others have marched with us down nameless streets of the South. They sat in with us at lunch counters and rode in with us on the freedom rides. They have languished in filthy roach-infested jails, suffering the abuse and brutality of angry policemen who see them as "dirty nigger lovers." They, unlike many of their moderate brothers, have recognized the urgency of the moment and sensed the need for powerful "action" antidotes to combat the disease of segregation. Letter From Birmingham Jail 5 LET me rush on to mention my other disappointment. I have been disappointed with the white church and its leadership. Of course, there are some notable exceptions. I am not unmindful of the fact that each of you has taken some significant stands on this issue. I commend you, Reverend Stallings, for your Christian stand this past Sunday in welcoming Negroes to your Baptist Church worship service on a nonsegregated basis. I commend the Catholic leaders of this state for integrating Springhill College several years ago. But despite these notable exceptions, I must honestly reiterate that I have been disappointed with the church. I do not say that as one of those negative critics who can always find something wrong with the church. I say it as a minister of the gospel who loves the church, who was nurtured in its bosom, who has been sustained by its Spiritual blessings, and who will remain true to it as long as the cord of life shall lengthen. I had the strange feeling when I was suddenly catapulted into the leadership of the bus protest in Montgomery several years ago that we would have the support of the white church. I felt that the white ministers, priests, and rabbis of the South would be some of our strongest allies. Instead, some few have been outright opponents, refusing to understand the freedom movement and misrepresenting its leaders; all too many others have been more cautious than courageous and have remained silent behind the anesthetizing security of stained-glass windows. In spite of my shattered dreams of the past, I came to Birmingham with the hope that the white religious leadership of this community would see the justice of our cause and with deep moral concern serve as the channel through which our just grievances could get to the power structure. I had hoped that each of you would understand. But again I have been disappointed. I have heard numerous religious leaders of the South call upon their worshipers to comply with a desegregation decision because it is the law, but I have longed to hear white ministers say, follow this decree because integration is morally right and the Negro is your brother. In the midst of blatant injustices inflicted upon the Negro, I have watched white churches stand on the sidelines and merely mouth pious irrelevancies and sanctimonious trivialities. In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard so many ministers say, "Those are social issues which the gospel has nothing to do with," and I have watched so many churches commit themselves to a completely otherworldly religion which made a strange distinction between bodies and souls, the sacred and the secular. There was a time when the church was very powerful. It was during that period that the early Christians rejoiced when they were deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was the thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Wherever the early Christians entered a town the power structure got disturbed and immediately sought to convict them for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators." But they went on with the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven" and had to obey God rather than man. They were small in number but big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." They brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contest. Things are different now. The contemporary church is so often a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. It is so often the arch supporter of the status quo. Far from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's often vocal sanction of things as they are. But the judgment of God is upon the church as never before. If the church of today does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authentic ring, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century. I meet young people every day whose disappointment with the church has risen to outright disgust. I hope the church as a whole will meet the challenge of this decisive hour. But even if the church does not come to the aid of justice, I have no despair about the future. I have no fear about the outcome of our struggle in Birmingham, even if our motives are presently misunderstood. We will reach the goal of freedom in Birmingham and all over the nation, because the goal of America is freedom. Abused and scorned though we may be, our destiny is tied up with the destiny of America. Before the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth, we were here. Before the pen of Jefferson scratched across the pages of history the majestic word of the Declaration of Independence, we were here. For more than two centuries our foreparents labored here without wages; they made cotton king; and they built the homes of their masters in the midst of brutal injustice and shameful humiliation -- and yet out of a bottomless vitality our people continue to thrive and develop. If the inexpressible cruelties of slavery could not stop us, the opposition we now face will surely fail. We will win our freedom because the sacred heritage of our nation and the eternal will of God are embodied in our echoing demands. I must close now. But before closing I am impelled to mention one other point in your statement that troubled me profoundly. You warmly commended the Birmingham police force for keeping "order" and "preventing violence." I don't believe you would have so warmly commended the police force if you had seen its angry violent dogs literally biting six unarmed, nonviolent Negroes. I don't believe you would so quickly commend the policemen if you would observe their ugly and inhuman treatment of Negroes here in the city jail; if you would watch them push and curse old Negro women and young Negro girls; if you would see them slap and kick old Negro men and young boys, if you would observe them, as they did on two occasions, refusing to give us food because we wanted to sing our grace together. I'm sorry that I can't join you in your praise for the police department. Letter From Birmingham Jail 6 It is true that they have been rather disciplined in their public handling of the demonstrators. In this sense they have been publicly "nonviolent." But for what purpose? To preserve the evil system of segregation. Over the last few years I have consistently preached that nonviolence demands that the means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek. So I have tried to make it clear that it is wrong to use immoral means to attain moral ends. But now I must affirm that it is just as wrong, or even more, to use moral means to preserve immoral ends. I wish you had commended the Negro demonstrators of Birmingham for their sublime courage, their willingness to suffer, and their amazing discipline in the midst of the most inhuman provocation. One day the South will recognize its real heroes. They will be the James Merediths, courageously and with a majestic sense of purpose facing jeering and hostile mobs and the agonizing loneliness that characterizes the life of the pioneer. They will be old, oppressed, battered Negro women, symbolized in a seventy-two-year-old woman of Montgomery, Alabama, who rose up with a sense of dignity and with her people decided not to ride the segregated buses, and responded to one who inquired about her tiredness with ungrammatical profundity, "My feets is tired, but my soul is rested." They will be young high school and college students, young ministers of the gospel and a host of their elders courageously and nonviolently sitting in at lunch counters and willingly going to jail for conscience's sake. One day the South will know that when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters they were in reality standing up for the best in the American dream and the most sacred values in our Judeo-Christian heritage. Never before have I written a letter this long -- or should I say a book? I'm afraid that it is much too long to take your precious time. I can assure you that it would have been much shorter if I had been writing from a comfortable desk, but what else is there to do when you are alone for days in the dull monotony of a narrow jail cell other than write long letters, think strange thoughts, and pray long prayers? If I have said anything in this letter that is an understatement of the truth and is indicative of an unreasonable impatience, I beg you to forgive me. If I have said anything in this letter that is an overstatement of the truth and is indicative of my having a patience that makes me patient with anything less than brotherhood, I beg God to forgive me. Yours for the cause of Peace and Brotherhood, MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Copyright © 1963, Martin Luther King, Jr. All rights reserved. The Atlantic Monthly; August 1963; The Negro Is Your Brother; Volume 212, No. 2; pages 78 - 88.

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ohsoinfamousf-i-d · 5 years

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Manic. Oh so Frantic.

My mind's set on Manic. So fuckin' Frantic. I swear, it's caused a bit of panic. My thoughts twisting and turning, they've become unnerving.

More than compelling, they're highly overwhelming. But I'm still fighting. To regain focus, I compose this. Done trying to hide, I'll turn to a brother, that I can trust if only to confide, to tell 'em. I'm manic, and oh so frantic. Feeling more impulsive, a bit too self-destructive. Too much for my tastes. It leaves me hateful, much less grateful. Blinding my sight, to anything I see has beauty, making all I see, seem ugly. I question how my mind can do this to me. So I'll drop to my knees, to cry out and plea, "Set me free!?" My Mind- It's always too damned manic, more and more frantic. It's way too confusing and all-consuming. Now with no time for pride. Rather than to run and hide, I turn to face my own "Mr. Hyde" Slowly a slow-burn descent into that thing we call madness. Not sure if I'll handle it. It is just so frantic. Leaving me alone with no one but my shadow. At this point. I'm sure ya know. I'm at world war me. Can't fall down, or trip up. I can't afford the metaphorical hiccup, or ill be lost inside myself, with no one else, but "He" As it seems to me, I've fallen deep into a sea of agony. Feels like I'll never be free. Fuck this thing called World War Me. By now it's left me ruthless, and far more clueless. Shit, Ho do I do this? And what can I do with this? This damn Mania tends to make me look for a form of Euphoria, Just another Chemical Crutch. Leaving me selfish. I knew I couldn't handle this. All of these things, leave me oh so weak. Don't revert to hiding, Just keep on writing. This lil rant of Mania. And I'll have to keep on fighting, With a lot less sanity, Even being much more manic., and way too frantic, you'll find a form of clarity. Shit. Now I've truly seemed to of lost my sight, So now, I can't be bothered Right? Nah. I won't revert to harnessing my Apathy, or nothing will be left for me. Years now in this mental prison- Seeing no way out, I wish my loved ones well, I may even say goodbye, After that a few tears followed by all my fears. I must confess. I'm in distress. "You know it's not right, Kid. Don't lose that fight. Keep up the practice, of your own survival tactics." - Sounds like HIS words. Feels right... I can't lose, I know I'll have to persist, continue to resist. As I've said I'm more than manic, and oh so fucking frantic. This is way too fake, I'll soon realize that all this ain't real. Surely isn't what I feel. Now that I can tell, that I'm trapped in this Hell. I can tell. I'll need help. Feeling isolated, far more than a little violated. Up every night, lost in this wretched fight, called World War Me. And when I turn to flee, I'll look back and realize this was all me. A so-called yin to the Yang that lurks in the darkest parts of my own mind. I' ma have ta put this side of me, the duality, to rest. Or there'll be nothing left of me. This has become a way to clear to me. This is just a fallacy, surely can't be a reality. or a true part of my personality. I know that's not true. So I have no clue as to what to do. I hate feeling this manic, cause it is well past frantic. Just a bit longer, you'll surely get stronger. Just weaponize the pain, that's embedded deep inside your brain. One so damned graphic. Fuck, things feel more and more erratic. A lot more chaotic. Shit. AT this rate. I'm sure to end up a psychotic. Hoping one night, I can defeat this plight. Just to save me, from my own metal prison cell. That seems to have become, my very own personal hell. If I could speak to my father I know he'd have the wisdom to offer. But u know what he'd say - Quit trying to fight so to stay sane. Don't live in fear. Mostly- "Son you will persevere." When you make it through- surely to be left black and blue. You'll finally see the truth - All of this pain and strife you've experienced - you use to better your life. Then show your Pride. Thinking at some point - "damn I could've died." Left oh so worn, you may grow torn and always feel- "World War me- ain't real" Just look for peace - as you keep practicing your beliefs. Never lose your sight, in that which you know is right. It's happened far too many nights. Staying strong, but feeling like I can't move on, I wonder why do I even bother? It's most likely for your father. It's never too late, so keep your faith. This way- You can stay in one place. Feeling a bit more whole than I'd been, I won't lose control of this again. If I do- again I'll strive to win, this game that has caused sin, in what is deemed as life. So embrace the chaos, you'll find the order, in an unjust world, full of disorder. Please respect this- See I feel I'm a bit of a master of perspective. Keep this in mind. And IF I lose my mind, at any given time, do me a small favor? Could you be so kind- Show me this. And I'll win this war, in less time it takes ya to ball your fist. I'll never wallow in any of my remorse. So I'll find I'm whom to confide- start a discourse. Get to talking about this wild ride. And I'll do so with pride. All to keep my clarity in all that I see is insanity. I'll say it once. Twice. Or as many times that's needed, to make this clear. In the end. . . It's all for my family~

((Legit the first thing I’ve posted that was original, anywhere. Have fun.))

#my writing

0 notes

damnfinecup · 7 years

Note

♠

For every ♠ I receive, I will post a headcanon about my muse!BONUS: Specify a topic and I’ll make it about that topic!

( beats fists on table ) DALE ! BARTHOLOMEW ! COOPER ! IS ! CHAOTIC ! GOOD ! AT ! BEST !

i made a post a bit earlier abt this perception of dale that he’s a cinnamon roll, and like. it bothers me so much. but i also totally get it because i used to feel the same until i read my life, my tapes. however: even if you have been only introduced to the show, putting dale under the category of lawful good is Horrendous and Shameful, how very dare of u. in the show i could understand someone maybe thinking he’s neutral good, but he’s totally chaotic good, and tbh as a kid and growing up he was probably even on the chaotic neutral side cause he was Wild AF. every time this happens i clench my fist and run through an itemized list of everything fbi special agent dale cooper has ever done to completely contradict this. off the top of my head:

he broke into a girl’s sexual/reproductive education class, and his reasoning was For Science

he spies on his best friend’s / neighbor’s sister, marie schlurman (MARIE IS SO IMPORTANT !!!) through her open curtains, making special note to his recorder when she’s naked, and other general shenanigans that comes with spying on young girls

he got mad when a girl he liked ended up dating another girl, and got Real Extra, Real Quick. he considered: poisoning himself to get her attention, lighting her house on fire while everyone was out of the house before offering her a place to stay at his home, just straight up lighting the rival girlfriend’s house on fire, or forget the girl and become a better boy scout. “Each plan has merit, and risk. Though all, I believe, will be very satisfying in the end.”

then he just blew up the rival girlfriend’s mailbox because nothing is a better time than hate crimes when you’re an angsty 15 year old

it’s implied that he poisoned the food of a rival boy scout’s group when they were terrorizing his troop. he was pleased to announce: “The Nazis suffered a mysterious case of food poisoning. Much vomiting and retching could be heard all last night. Never slept better.”

he doesn’t like birds because he was attacked by one one time, so he killed a crow for no apparent reason, and proceeded to have an existential crisis (aka the quote from my promo lmao)

instead of just going home with his boy scout troop after their jamboree-thing, he decided Fuck The Bus, and he went on a mini adventure over three days where he traveled home by himself, primarily spending his time with some drugged-up hippy lesbians. “I am driving. I do not have a license. I have never driven before, and am driving around in a vehicle that I believe could put a drugstore out of business. April said I would do just fine and kissed me very long and hard. If caught, will probably spend most of my life in jail. Strangely, I do not seem to care. It has stopped raining. April and Star are under the pyramid in a sleeping bag making love.” they stopped and camped outside, the two girls were high, and dale got really drunk while april ran around naked and star slept on a rock.

there’s the july fourth fiasco with marie where they ran through the woods stripping, started messing around, but then the forest caught on fire from the fireworks

he said Fuck School, and got his GED instead of bothering even starting his junior year of high school, and proceeded to fuck off to Who Knows Where for 3 fucking years at the age of 16 ?? dale’s dad is chaotic too like tf ya lettin a 16 yr old boy just walk off with $1,000 in his pocket on a soul-search. what kind of advice is “watch out for bad water and snakes.” got me messed up, no wonder dale is too

literally all we know about this time period is that he traveled far and wide, and needed a ship ?? boi

the two choices he gave himself after he got back were: join the circus or start college. he looked into the circus and they didn’t really want him.

he went to haverford (all boys) and constantly hung around bryn mawr (all girls), got naked and drunk at a bryn mawr party, and then snuck off to have sex in the grass with a girl and barely didn’t get caught

he started dating that girl and she was married and he kept dating her anyways until she broke up with him lmao

he went to new york city and got chased around by robbers, then by a jealous boyfriend of an artist, then by cops and protesters. he ended up in jail for the night.

he went to vegas and started card counting and got kicked out of a casino

then he met a girl who loved coffee and he was smitten but she was celibate and all he talked about was when she was going to Not Be That Way. he never pressured her, but the reason she was celibate was because she had insecurities she had to fix about her relationship with her mother. ends up her mom had slept with her last boyfriend.

long story short: dale almost slept with her mother

almost only because his girlfriend set the house on fire and interrupted

despite finding out she was an arsonist, he wholly welcomed her when she said she was ready to have sex. while in the driver’s seat of the car. they ended up breaking the seat and turning off the parking break, sending them down the hill.

then she went to the psychiatric hospital because maybe arsonists aren’t mentally doin too hot (hahahahahahahahhaha kill me)

skipping ahead and relevant to the way he treats his lovers: CAROLINE EARLE……. HIS PARTNER’S WIFE. ALSO MARRIED.

the sanctimony of marriage: hey dale could you not

dale: new phone who dis

even in the show he ogles audrey and the only reason they weren’t a Thing is for reasons related to real life: i.e. Lara Flynn Boyle dating Kyle Maclachlan at the time and getting jealous, so literally dale’s positive character development was only caused by LFB being a controlling girlfriend ??? so here’s my uncertain thanks, i guess, lara lol

he has no qualms with the bookhouse boys, literally a group of vigilantes

there was also the whole part where he was suspended from the FBI, i mean

anyways this list is already too long but honestly calling coop lawful anything is wildly inaccurate. tbh he sort of just joined the FBI because it was where he was being called to more in a destined way because he clearly has trouble with the morality of upholding laws that are unjust in his moral compass (he grew up during Vietnam, and his brother fled to Canada, he saw a man arrested at his school for dodging the draft; he had personal experience with how the law was shitty before he ever signed up). the only reason, imo, dale makes a “good” agent is due to his personality often working well with the role, his goals often align, but he doesn’t actually……… seem to care that much what others deem good, let alone the law. he just does what he thinks is right or AT LEAST okay because he’s kind of morally dubious at times (thus i think chaotic good-neutral flux is the best alignment for him).

#long post for ts #( out. )#( Headcanon. )#umm why did i write a wall of text.... bye #anonymous #( ask. )

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johnchiarello · 5 years

Text

Sunday sermon

SUNDAY SERMON for 1-13-19

Sunday sermon video made 1-6-19-

1-6-19 Sunday sermon https://youtu.be/dh0hlcacIn4

https://www.facebook.com/john.chiarello.5/videos/10205204692995109/

https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMikMM-7-sYRUoGRBQ

Exodus 20:13 Thou shalt not kill.

https://youtu.be/wV6fqfHZP24 Sunday Sermon

https://vimeo.com/227535542 Sunday Sermon

https://ccoutreach87.files.wordpress.com/2017/07/7-23-17-sunday-sermon-c-u-verses.zip

https://ccoutreach87.com/7-23-17-sunday-sermon-c-u-verses/

Blog- www.corpuschristioutreachministries.blogspot.com

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/john.chiarello.5?ref=bookmarks

Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ4GsqTEVWRm0HxQTLsifvg?view_as=subscriber

Other sites- https://ccoutreach87.com/links-to-my-sites-updated-10-2018/

Cloud links- https://ccoutreach87.com/cloud-links-12-2018/

Youtube Playlist- https://ccoutreach87.com/youtube-playlist/

[Links to all my sites at the bottom of this post]

NOTE- Every so often some of my sites think I am Spam- or a Bot- I am not. My name is John Chiarello and I post original content [all videos and text are by me]. I do share my past posts from my other sites- but it is not spam- Thank you- John.

ON VIDEO-

.Isaiah’s vision

.Brief history of war

.Mosul- Iraq

.ISIS

.Mosul [why so little coverage of the civilian deaths?]

.Jesus end times teaching

.Hacksaw Ridge

.Pearl Harbor

.Hiroshima

.Nagasaki

.Winston Churchill

.Roosevelt

.Truman

.The bomb

.Joseph Stalin

.Did we need to drop the bomb?

.Where there political motivations [Like the dividing up of territory after the war]?

.911

.Death row story

.Bush

.Challenge the mindset

.Speak truth

Update- This Sunday I shared a ‘re-post’ of a past Sunday teaching- later today [1-13-19] I will try and post the video I make today to my sites [as of now- I’m not sure if I will make a video today].

I added the verses below [in the verses section] for the video I made for Sunday [ 1-6-19].

I have missed- or ‘passed up’ chances to to do some of my off the cuff videos this past week-

And I do plan on doing those updates from time to time.

As of now I’m trying to focus on posting videos and posts that teach.

Posts that will educate people- often times in areas that are really not that exciting.

But they are important.

As most of you know I read thru the bible- the whole bible- on a regular basis.

I do this every night- and have been doing it for years.

Why?

In order to teach- to communicate- you need to study.

As I have been learning new sites- going thru the whole process of developing effective systems to communicate-

I see that it is easy for the younger generation to master these types of skills- most kids in the 1st grade know how to use a smart phone!

Yet many of the older generation have never even learned how to get on-line.

But much of what people use these great advances in technology for are actually things that don’t matter- in the end.

So for now- I’ll leave this update as is.

I encourage you- all of you- to redeem the time- to use the skills you do have- for an eternal purpose.

When we teach the Word of God- and make plain the gospel- then yes-

It does have an eternal impact.

The simple message of the gospel has been handed down from generation to generation.

The apostle Paul hand wrote the letters we find in our New testaments [yes- he had others write for him as well- as he dictated].

But the point is- he had such limited resources and time- but the message of Christ was deemed so important that after he wrote the letters- he would send them out- and ask that the letters would also be read- passed around to the other communities as well.

And it was in this simple act of discipline and obedience- that we can Google each and every word Paul wrote-

And brilliantly it will pop up on every device you can imagine.

But first- he had to sit- and write- at times he practiced this discipline- even while sitting in a jail cell.

So I guess this little update has some teaching value-

And Yes- I had to set aside about 20 minutes to do it!

God bless you all-

John

Past notes here-

I made 2 videos on this Sunday- not realizing it was ‘planned’ that I would do this.

On Sunday I usually cover the verses- message from one of the local churches I attend- and the verses from the Sunday Mass.

But I also wanted to cover some breaking news- and tried to to that on the first video-

https://ccoutreach87.com/2017/07/24/isaiah-6/

Which I posted the other day.

I also talked about war- killing- the political motivations that have played an role in war.

I also talked about Isaiah 6 on the first video of that Sunday.

Then I went to church- Church Unlimited.

Pastor Bil Cornelius is doing a series ‘’at the movies’’ - and he showed clips of the movie Hacksaw Ridge.

The true story of a Christian who took the commandment-

Exodus 20:13 Thou shalt not kill.

as meaning he should never kill another- not even in war.

During the service I was getting worried because there were not a lot of verses I could speak on.

I didn’t have time to listen to the Sunday mass on the radio- so I figured I would use the verses from the sermon.

But there weren’t many-

So- I just waited for Bil to share a verse or 2 while they were showing clips of the movie.

Those are the verses I talk about on today’s video.

Most people who have seen the movie will rightfully praise the story of Desmond Doss-

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacksaw_Ridge

The christian conscientious objector who refused to kill- based on the plain words of the bible.

They will watch the story of how he risked his life by being a medic- and how God supernaturally protected him on the field- while heroically saving his own men.

Yet- many of us will miss the simple message.

Desmond took the words THOU SHALT NOT KILL literally.

He believed them- and sure enough- he was right- which is what makes the story so valuable.

Yet- many who view the movie will rarely re-think the causes of war- killing.

Many will praise Desmond for believing these words THOU SHALT NOT KILL and yet leave the theater- and continue to believe that war- killing- is ok.

One of the verses Bil quoted was actually what I taught about on the first video of this Sunday-

Isaiah 6:8 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.

Isaiah 6:9 And he said, Go, and tell this people, Hear ye indeed, but understand not; and see ye indeed, but perceive not.

It was the prophetic calling of Isaiah- that would challenge the norms of the day.

As I taught on the other post- it was Isaiah challenging mindsets among the people of God.

How could they be so wrong in their sincere worship of God- and not actually see it?

I also taught on the verse-

They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. John 16:2

And tried to challenge our our mindsets.

Could there ever come a time- when Christians think the killing of other Christians- for no good cause- or a fake cause- would be ‘doing God’s will’.

And yet- some Christians today hold to this view- not realizing they too have embraced a contrary mindset to the Word of God.

How?

During the Iraq war- some Iraqi Christians who served in the army- were indeed killed- by well meaning American Christian soldiers-

This killing was based on false Intelligence that said Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction.

We later found out we were wrong.

Now- I simply want you to see how many Christians in our day- still think that those few Christian soldiers in the Iraqi army- who were killed by us- was still a good thing.

I do not fault our men for doing this- I hold the leaders of our country responsible for starting an unjust war.

Yet those who were killed- on false pretense- were killed unjustly.

And yet- many in the Western world still think it was not only good that we did that-

but it was actually pleasing to God.

I found it interesting that this Sunday I made 2 videos- and sure enough- they both fit.

John.

Video’s I upload nightly to my sites- [Past posts below]

1-12-19 Real Time teaching- message to my sites- video and web https://youtu.be/PdacJx3Pe0I

Homeless friends [Stephen has since died] https://youtu.be/P6oBH4MqQmg

10-29-17 Sunday sermon https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMhAzjMeporlw0zrw4

Telos https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qjRffrtTePL1zXb6WIkXnNaBeIDagMB2/view?usp=sharing

Cup- NYC view https://ln.sync.com/dl/0e1c97610/484qsxqy-pre36z99-h33rhvzm-nmfdemcq

7-8-18 Sunday sermon https://vimeo.com/295146459

Samuel 18 https://youtu.be/agFcXbEFZ5s

Acts 22 https://youtu.be/rUV-gp_WDY0

10-28-18 Sunday sermon https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMhAmiIi_CNnIIiGKw

6-17-18 Sunday sermon https://drive.google.com/file/d/1arVsN-xEli9uEUEdqZomMnPzitmH3mpG/view?usp=sharing

Ephesians 3 https://www.bitchute.com/video/rRUlZvxmoLpE/

Acts 14 https://d.tube/v/ccoutreach/ay8utdkw

Jean Paul Sartre https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMhAcObSUR3Cr9mgis

6-10-18 Sunday sermon https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mbJrlAJbNXNvEPUwR9F-J8Wt5_B40YJR/view?usp=sharing

Ephesians 5 https://www.dropbox.com/s/1zau14j5ba1728k/2-1-18%20Ephesians%205.mp4?dl=0

NYC skyline https://bit.tube/play?hash=Qmeg12y1qduo149HCz5vMe3JvfJo2ytYUCygsupcAueuKZ&channel=160276

1-8-19 Friends- Robert https://youtu.be/MfsSkgB9WIY

https://www.facebook.com/john.chiarello.5/videos/10205211345281412/

1-9-19 News update https://youtu.be/SZNbu_2QA94

https://www.facebook.com/john.chiarello.5/videos/10205213870464540/

https://www.bitchute.com/video/BTgcIIYNi4Qf/

Apostle Allen- Hebrews 5 https://youtu.be/9GgqxXc8tdg

Kings 12 https://youtu.be/UWD62pvnvaI

Teaching- friends https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMhAaMI36xgeSHesIj

God- science- logic https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vC16P3aMQvifjmzcCbrKA3LepElJnV4m/view?usp=sharing

91st st. - NYC skyline https://ln.sync.com/dl/3bb6abb50/d76mmtj6-azd3vyam-zfw2pegs-vdvh4sna

Real time teaching https://dai.ly/x7020k6

Acts 26 https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMhANHyf1eoDE942_f

James 2 https://drive.google.com/file/d/1MQnYgce8Mwbiyja3w1TDafXLKFu-2GJe/view?usp=sharing

1-7-18 Sunday sermon https://www.bitchute.com/video/QBE6oG3zULQI/

Mark 15 https://youtu.be/KwvLE_iXW28

God of the living https://youtu.be/blfxWkI-YXo

10-22-17 Sunday sermon https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMhAG-f-ZblazGnKY-

James 1 https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YOQrZmDp257tueFi1E4u3DipSTaE6oHI/view?usp=sharing

Friends https://mega.nz/#!GeBGlIQI!ePj3ZgfqxWPrwBswW7h4-S0LDSwyrgI1A7oQiUMUOlQ

Colossians 3 https://my.pcloud.com/publink/show?code=XZsDfx7Zm6e0l6CxmyJ0iQikS1TXI72eHC3y

Samuel 14 https://youtu.be/Ce5lX3hWd-E

8-5-18 Sunday sermon https://youtu.be/lE0hf4rdli4

Fear and Trembling https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMhAA6lExnCZupW6NG

Church history https://drive.google.com/file/d/1cz0Kyt77nZ6dsA93KOJjDbVii5tiqzTu/view?usp=sharing

James- Fairview- New Jersey https://bit.tube/play?hash=QmcX3EkMTR4kFoNfXKznGfHdNAQSRvix6NJ2rMFYGokPMu&channel=160276

11-11-18 Sunday sermon https://d.tube/v/ccoutreach/40igr6ou

10-21-18 Sunday sermon https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMg38CbpmDOnzwmgkY

John Locke https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AAVBBVSygarsfTOEvPyhhz-GQv2C8XER/view?usp=sharing

Rocks n Keys [North Bergen- N.J.] https://ln.sync.com/dl/f7336b4b0/fxdy7g6s-zy7vuctc-akixbg4c-kuqg9rdn

The seed https://www.bitchute.com/video/j42vi1PCmrvA/

8-6-17 Sunday sermon https://youtu.be/_WsxrWOtaYI

Samuel- homeless friends https://1drv.ms/v/s!Aocp2PkNEAGMiCHBaXXLlFT4Jwur

Does God exist https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qcwpjO4wH24KoTuY8tnlTnacuNtQdtPl/view?usp=sharing

Teaching with Henry https://flic.kr/p/27VAnuQ

Neil - Homeless friend https://dai.ly/x6xcitv

PAST POSTS [ Past teaching I did that relates to today’s post- SUNDAY SERMON-verses below]

https://ccoutreach87.com/romans-updated-2015/

https://ccoutreach87.com/2017/07/24/isaiah-6/

https://ccoutreach87.com/john-complete-links-added/

https://ccoutreach87.com/protestant-reformation-luther/

https://ccoutreach87.com/islam/

https://ccoutreach87.com/galatians-links/

https://ccoutreach87.com/2017/01/26/acts-2/

(854)ROMANS 10: 1-13 Many years ago I referenced all the back up scriptures for this chapter [and book!]. The study was intense because I saw a fundamental ‘fault line’ that ran thru many in the Evangelical church [the revivalist tradition]. The ‘fault line’ was reading this chapter as in if it were saying ‘ask Jesus into your heart, or you won’t be saved’. Now, I have no problem with those who trace their conversion to an experience like this. But I want to give you my understanding of this chapter, based on the exhaustive study I did years ago. Also, I will probably quote some verses and you will have to find them later [I forget where they all are]. Paul begins with his desire for ‘all Israel to be saved’. I taught in chapter one how come the gospel is the power of God unto salvation. Because all who believe ‘become righteous’. After 9 chapters of Romans, we have seen that when Paul refers to ‘justification by faith’ this is synonymous with ‘believing with the heart unto righteousness’. Here Paul’s desire is for Israel to experience ‘all facets of salvation’ [present and future] to ‘be saved’. Now, he will say ‘Christ is the end of the law to all who believe’ Israel did not attain unto ‘righteousness’ because they sought after it by trying to keep the law. But it comes only by faith. Then Paul quotes a kind of obscure verse from Deuteronomy saying ‘Moses says the righteousness which is by faith’ [note- this whole description that follows is describing ‘the righteousness that comes by faith’] and says ‘the word is near thee, in thy mouth and heart’. Paul then says ‘whoever calls on the Lord will be saved, with the heart a man believes and becomes righteous [which according to Paul means ‘justified’] and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation’. In this text, Paul once again is ‘dividing’ the common understanding of ‘salvation’ meaning ‘getting initially saved’- which is ‘believing and being justified’. And simply saying ‘believers will inevitably call and be saved’ [in a generic sense]. Why would he do this? In the context of his argument, he is simply showing the ‘righteousness which is from the law’ [the man under the law is described as ‘doing something’ continuing under the load and strain of law] versus the ‘righteousness which is by faith’ [described as a person who believes and speaks, as opposed to ‘does stuff’]. It is not inconsistent for Paul to use the term ‘confessing and being saved’ as speaking of something different than meaning ‘accepting Christ into your heart’. Paul is simply giving a description of those who believe ‘all who believe will call’. And yes, they will and do experience ‘salvation’. It’s just in this example Paul is not saying ‘they are saved initially upon confession, calling’. At least not ‘saved’ in the sense of ‘getting justified by faith’. Why? Because the rest of the chapter doesn’t make a whole lotta sense if he were saying this. ‘How can they call on him in whom they have not believed’? He already showed us that ‘believers are justified’. The very argument Paul makes distinguishes between ‘believing unto righteousness, and calling unto salvation’. You can see it like this, there is a verse I stumbled across years ago. It is in one of the prophets [Old Testament] and it says ‘Gods wrath will come upon all them WHO HAVE NOT CALLED UPON HIM’. In this context Paul can be saying ‘whoever calls upon God will never enter judgment/wrath’ [a description of a particular lifestyle, remember Paul said Gods Spirit makes us cry ‘Abba Father’] in this light Paul can be saying ‘all who call [both Jew and Gentile- simply making an argument for inclusion. God accepts ‘all who call’] will not come under future [or present!] wrath’. This would be in keeping with Peters scathing sermon in Act’s where he quotes the Prophet Joel and says ‘whosoever calls upon the Lord shall be saved’. If you go back and read Joel you will see that in context he is saying ‘at the future time of God’s revealed judgment, those who cry for deliverance will be spared’. Peter quotes it in this context as well. He shows Gods future time of judgment and ends with ‘all who call will be saved’. How do we know that Peter was not quoting Joel for some type of ‘sinner’s prayer’ thing? Because after the Jews say ‘what should we do’? He doesn’t lead them in a sinners Prayer! I don’t want to be picky, I simply want you to see context. Paul has already established multiple times thru out this letter how righteousness comes to those who believe. One of the descriptions of ‘those who believe’ are they ‘call upon God’. They even call upon God ‘to save them’. In this chapter the reason Paul uses ‘whosoever calls upon the lord will be saved’ is to simply show God will deliver both Jews and Gentiles. His promise of salvation is ‘to all’. When he uses ‘believing and being made righteous’ along with ‘calling and being saved’ he obviously can not be speaking about the same thing! He even states it this way in his argument. ‘How can they call unless they already believe’? He was simply giving a description of ‘those who believe’. This ‘calling for salvation’ that ‘all who believe’ partake of can speak both of a ‘present tense’ being saved, that is from any and all types of bad things, and a ‘future tense’ deliverance from wrath. Even when Paul quoted David in Roman’s 4, he is ‘describing the blessedness of the man unto whom God will not impute sin’ [Psalms 32] if you go back and read that psalm David says ‘for this shall EVERY ONE THAT IS GODLY PRAY UNTO THEE’. David uses this in the context of his confession of his sin. So the ‘everyone that is Godly’ describes ‘the righteous’ and they WILL CALL! Also in 2nd Corinthians Paul quotes Isaiah ‘now is the acceptable time, now is the day of salvation’ in the context of ‘God heard you and saved you’. Why would Paul use this in 2nd Corinthians? They need not be told ‘pray and get saved’. In context he used it to encourage them to return back into full communion and fellowship after their restoration and reproof he gave them in the first letter. He is saying ‘I rebuked you guys harshly, you repented and asked for forgiveness. God ‘heard you’ in his acceptable time, now get over it and ‘be restored’. Salvation to them came by ‘calling’ but it was not describing an initial conversion experience. Well, I didn’t realize I would go so long, but this is a good example of having a ‘holistic view’ of scripture. You try and take all the quotes the writers are using, put them in context of the broad themes of scripture. Add that to the immediate context of the letter [Romans] and then come to a deeper understanding of truth. I am not against those who see this chapter thru an evangelistic lens, I just think the way I taught it is more faithful to the text. [NOTE- Thru out this site I have taught the doctrine of ‘the salvation of the righteous’. I mentioned it earlier in Romans and have spoken on it before. If you can find these entries they will add some insight to this chapter. NOTE- verse 20 actually has Paul quoting Isaiah ‘I was found by them who did not ask for me’. This would sure seem strange to say in the same chapter that taught a concept of ‘all who ask for me will enter the kingdom’. It is quite possible to ask and pray and confess everything ‘just right’ and still not find him. And according to this verse, the ones who did ‘find him’ [Gentiles] did not ask! After years of coming to the above understanding I read a church council [Council of Orange?] and I was surprised to see how they actually dealt with the issue of believing versus ‘calling upon God’. They quoted some of these texts to show that before a person could call upon the Lord, he first needed faith. They used this example to show Gods sovereignty in salvation. I though it interesting that they came to the very same conclusions that I did. They even used the same examples! This shows you how the corporate mind of the church is manifestly expressed thru out the ages. I think the council was in the 8th or 9th century?

(855)ROMANS 10:14-21 [Just a note for the previous entry. In the conversions recorded in scripture [Acts] do you know how many times there is a reference to ‘calling upon the Lord’ during the conversion? Surprisingly one time. The conversion of Saul [Paul]! During one of the ‘re-tellings’ of his own story he says ‘I was told to arise, and be baptized. Washing away my sins while calling upon the Lord’. Wow, could we have arguments over this one! Do you identify the ‘washing away of sins’ with baptism or the ‘prayer’? I actually previously taught [somewhere on this long blog!] how in the 1st century Jewish mindset ‘washing from uncleanness’ and water were related. I taught it in a way that did not teach ‘baptismal regeneration’ but more along the lines of ‘discipleship’ you might find the entry under ‘my statement of faith’. The point I want to make here is Paul spent 3 days after the Lord appeared to him before he actually got baptized and made an open confession of faith. Paul’s reputation was so bad [he killed Christians!] that his conversion and confession needed to have all the weight possible. Others needed to know that he now ‘confessed Christ’. Most commentators will look to the appearance of Jesus to Paul on the Damascus road as his conversion. The point I want to make is in the book of Acts, the main ‘altar call’ was actually baptism. This was the normal means to identify with the believing community. We also see the fact that once people believed, they then were baptized. The same distinction can be made with ‘confessing’. Neither can take place until one believes. I would assume that Paul said something like this at his baptism ‘O Jesus, please forgive me for what I have done. I killed your people and have committed a terrible crime’. There obviously were some serious things he needed to confess! But the overall view of conversion in Acts does not show a ‘sinner’s prayer’ type conversion.] Paul indicts Israel ‘The word did come to you, you didn’t believe’. He also quotes Moses ‘God said he would provoke you to jealousy by a nation who were “no people”’. We are beginning a portion of Romans where Paul will try and explain the dynamic of Gods purpose for Israel, and his ‘use’ of the Gentile nations to ‘make them jealous’. When we studied the parables we saw this dynamic at work. Israel was offended that God [Messiah] was offering equal access to the promises of Israel thru Jesus. Israel was jealous of this free grace. Paul shows them that Moses prophesied that this day would come. You also see this in Stephens sermon in Acts chapter 7 ‘Moses said the Lord would raise up a prophet like me [Jesus!]’ and then Stephen shows how Israel also did not recognize that Moses was the intended deliverer of the people. So likewise 1st century Israel also did not recognize their Messiah [the first time around!]. God’s acceptance of the Gentiles was difficult for Israel to embrace. It took a divine vision for Peter, and he still ‘fell back’ into a caste system mentality. God is not finished with these dealings [Paul will say in the next few chapters] and he will make every effort to show both Jews and Gentiles that they are both important pieces to this ‘divine puzzle’. He will even warn the Gentiles ‘don’t get proud, if God cut off the true branches to graft you in, watch out! He might do the same with you.’ Paul is striving for both Jew and Gentile to live in harmony as much as possible, he did not want to come off as a defender of the Gentiles only. He was ‘defending the gospel’.

(857)ROMANS- Let me overview a little. This entry goes along with the last one [#856- those of you reading this straight from the Romans study will need to find it under one of the ‘teaching’ sections]. Paul deals with the issue of ‘being provoked by/to jealousy’. Many times believers remain divided because of pride and jealousy. We often do not want to accept the fact that God actually is working thru other camps, groups of Christians who are ‘not like us’. It challenges our very identity at times! We feel like ‘well, my whole experience with God has been one of coming out of [name the group- for many it’s Catholicism] and I KNOW that I have found and experienced God by leaving mistaken concepts about God. Therefore any other ‘defender’ of Catholics is challenging my core experience’. I myself attribute my conversion to ‘leaving religious ideas’ and reading the bible for the first time. Though I had various believers witnessing to me, it was the actual reading of Johns gospel [and the whole New Testament] that clinched it for me. The reality of ‘whoever believes’ as opposed to religion. But my own experience should not limit [in my mind] the reality of others who also embraced the Cross without ‘leaving’ their former church. It is quite possible that other ‘Catholics’ arrived at a serious level of commitment to the Cross, while remaining faithful to their church. Now I realize this in itself can become an issue of contention, all I want to show you is we should not limit the power of the gospel to our own personal experience. During the recent controversy [2008] over certain Pentecostal expressions of ‘revival’ some old time churches simply made a case against all the Charisms [gifts] of the Spirit. The fact is most theologians accept the gifts of the Spirit as being for all ages of the church. Sure, there have been problems with them, even early on [the Montanists] but the fact is there has always been some type of Charismatic expression of Christianity thru out the church age. But the more Reformed brother’s sound [and are often!] more ‘biblical’ than some of the crazy stuff that happens under the banner of ‘Pentecostal/Charismatic’. So the divisions exist. In this chapter [Romans 11] Paul is dealing with a very real dynamic that says ‘I find my whole identity in the way God has worked with me for centuries [Judaism]. The fact that he began a new thing with other groups who I detest [Gentiles] has offended me to the point where I can’t even experience God any more’. Israel could not see past her own experience with God. The fact that God was ‘being experienced’ by other groups in ways that seemed highly ‘unorthodox’ did not mean that their former experience was illegitimate. It simply meant that Gods experience with them was always intended to ‘break out’ into the broader community of mankind. They lost this original intent and used their ‘orthodoxy’ as a means of self identification. An ‘elite’ religious class, if you will. I find many of these same dynamics being present in the modern church. We should stand strong for orthodoxy, we also need to expose and correct error when it gets to a point where many believers are being led astray. But we also need to be able to see God at work in other groups, we should not use our own experience with God [no matter how legitimate it is!] as the criterion of what’s right or wrong.

(861)Romans 11:13- ‘For I speak to you Gentiles, in as much as I am the apostle of the Gentiles, I magnify my office’. Let me just make a few comments today. How is Paul 'exercising’ his apostolic authority over the Gentiles in Rome? We know he hasn’t been there yet [since becoming a follower of Jesus]. He did not have some type of relationship with them where they contributed to him. He was holding no ‘church services’. He exercised it by speaking into their lives and caring for their welfare. He did this by WRITING THIS LETTER! Recently there has been some discussion on ‘Gods government’ and the apostles ‘bringing things into alignment’ [dealing with the mistakes at Lakeland]. Lots of talk that I am familiar with. What is Gods government? In the world we have 2 competing ‘world views’- systems or modes of operation. You have God’s kingdom, and then the worlds system. When the apostle John said ‘love not the world, neither the things that are in the world’ he was referring to this system of lies and pride and sin. In Gods kingdom you operate under his laws ‘love the Lord thy God with all thy heart… and your neighbor as yourself’. In this family [children of God] you have different types of ‘gifts’. Some are apostles, others prophets, etc. All these gifted ones are given for the singular purpose of building you up so you can have a mature faith grounded in Christ and be the ‘glorious temple’ of God in the earth. Paul was playing his part by communicating Jesus to these Roman Gentiles. He did not have some type of a corporate relationship with them where he said ‘commit to my authority over you. Either I will be your ‘covering’ or someone else!’ These are mans ideas. Now, we often say ‘Paul didn’t receive money from the Corinthians, but he did from the other churches’. I have said this myself. Paul did receive support from the Philippians, but that was support for his traveling ministry. To get him to the next place. If you read carefully you will see Paul telling the Thessalonians ‘when I was with you I did not eat, or take stuff for free. My hands ministered to both me and those that were with me’ I think he even said he worked night and day. When he spoke to the Ephesians elders in the book of Acts, he also said ‘I labored when I was with you, I did not take support from you when I was there. I did this to leave you ELDERS an example’. Now, the point I want to make is it seems as if Paul did not take money when he was actually living among the saints. It seems he took it only for traveling expenses [and of course for his ministry to the poor saints at Jerusalem]. Now, I believe and teach that it is scriptural to meet the needs, financially, of laboring elders. The reason I mention this is to show you that being an ‘apostle’ or any other gifted minister in the church simply means you bear extra responsibility to bring Gods people to maturity. It was not some type of office where you were a ‘professional minister’. When I hear all the talk of ‘Gods apostles are bringing Gods government back into alignment’ for the most part these are men’s ideas being applied to an American corporate 501c3 ministry. Gods ‘government’ operates along different lines. So in this example Paul said ‘I magnify my office’ he was simply imparting some truth to them for the purpose of their own edification. Paul did not see them coming under ‘his covering’.

(862)ROMANS 11- let me make a note on the previous entry. Over the last few years, as well as many years of experience with ‘ministry/church’, I have seen how easy it is to fall into the well meaning mindset of ‘I am going into the ministry, this is my career choice. My responsibility is to do ‘Christian stuff’ and the people’s role is to support me’[ I am not taking a shot at well meaning Pastors, I am basically speaking of the many friends I have met over the years who seemed to think ministry was a way to get financial support]. In the previous entry I mentioned how Paul seemed to have a mode of operation that said ‘when I am residing with a community of believers, I refuse to allow them to support me. I will work with my own hands to give them an example, not only to the general saints, but also to the elders. I am showing you that leadership is not a means to get gain’. It does seem ‘strange’ for us to see this. Of course we know Paul also taught the churches that it was proper and right to support those who ‘labor among you’. I have taught all this in the past and I don’t want to ‘re-teach’ it all again. The point I want to make is we ‘in ministry’ really need to rethink what we do. How many web-sites have I gone to that actually have icons that say ‘pay me here’. The average person going to these sites must think ‘pay you for what’? Paul did not teach the mindset of ‘pay me here, now’. Also in this letter to the Romans we are reading Paul’s correspondence to the believers at Rome. He often used this mode of ‘authority’ [writing letters] to exercise his apostolic office. Of course he also traveled to these areas [Acts] and spent time with them. And as I just showed you he supported himself on purpose when he was with the saints. Basically Paul is carrying out the single most effective apostolic ministry of all time [except for Jesus] and he is doing it without all the modern techniques of getting paid. He actually is doing all this writing and laboring at his own expense. He told the Corinthians ‘the fathers [apostles] spend for the children, not the children for the fathers’. So in todays talk on ‘apostles’ being restored. God ‘bringing back into alignment apostolic government’ we need to tone down all the quoting of verses [even the things Paul said!] that seem to say to the average saint ‘how do you expect us to reach the world if you do not ‘bring all the tithes into the storehouse’! When we put this guilt trip on the people of God we are violating very fundamental principles of scripture. Now, let’s try and finish up chapter 11. Paul is basically telling Israel and the Gentiles that God’s dealings are beyond our understanding [last few verses]. God is using the ‘unbelief’ of Israel as an open door to the Gentiles. He is also using the mercy that he is showing to the Gentiles as an ‘open door’ to Israel! He will ‘provoke them to jealousy’. There are a few difficult verses that would be unfair for me to skip over. ‘All Israel shall be saved’. Paul uses this to show that God’s dealings with natural Israel as a nation are not finished. Who are ‘all Israel’? Some say ‘the Israel of God’ [the church]. I don’t think this fits the text. Some say ‘all Israel that will be alive at the second coming’ I think this is closer. To be honest I think this can simply mean ‘all Israel’ all those who are alive and also raised at the return of the Lord. Now, this would be a form of universalism [all people eventually being saved]. I am not a Universalist, but I don’t want any ‘preconceived’ mindset [even my own!] to taint the text. I think God has the ability to reveal himself to the whole nation of Israel in such a way that ‘they all will be saved’. If I were a Jewish person I wouldn’t wait for this to happen! Just like the Calvinists argument of ‘why witness’? Because God commands it. So even though you can make an argument here for a type of universal redemption at Christ’s revealing of himself to Israel at the second coming [which is in keeping with this chapter, as well as other areas in scripture; ‘they will look upon him whom they have pierced’ ‘God will pour out the spirit of mourning and supplication on Israel at his appearing’. Which by the way would fit in with ‘whoever calls on the Lord will be saved’ which I taught in chapter 10. This is a futurist text implying a time of future judgment and wrath’]. So God’s dealings with Israel are not finished. Paul also warns the Gentiles ‘don’t boast, if God cut out the true branches [Israel] to graft you in. He can just as quickly cut you out too’! It would be dishonest for me [a Calvinist] to simply not comment on this. You certainly can take this verse in an Arminian way. Or you can see Paul speaking in a ‘nationalistic sense’. Sort of like saying ‘if Germany walks away from the faith, they will be ‘cut out’. [France would have been a better example! Speaking of the so called ‘enlightenment’ and the French Revolution]. In essence ‘you Gentiles, don’t think “wow, look at us. God left Israel and we are now special!”’ Paul is saying ‘you Gentiles [as a whole group] stand by faith. God could just as quickly ‘cut you out’ and replace you with another group’. I also think the Arminians could use this type of argument for the previous predestination chapter [9]. But to be honest I needed to give you my view. One more thing, Paul quotes Elijah ‘lord, I am the only one left’. He uses this in context of God having a remnant from Israel who remained faithful to the true God. God told Elijah ‘there are 7 thousand that have not bowed the knee to baal’. Paul uses this to show that even in his day there were a remnant Of Jews [himself included] who received the Messiah. An interesting side note. The prophetic ministry [Elijah] seems to function at a ‘popular level’. Now, I don’t mean ‘fame’, but Elijah was giving voice to a large undercurrent that was running thru the nation. If you read the story of Elijah you would have never known that there were ‘7 thousand’ who never bowed the knee! Often times God will use prophetic people to ‘give voice’ or popularize a general truth that is presently existing in the ‘underground church’ at large. Sort of like if Elijah had a web site, the 7 thousand would have been secretly reading it and saying ‘right on brother, that’s exactly what we believe too’!

(864)ROMANS 12:1-8 ‘I beseech you by the mercies of God to present your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service [spiritual worship]’. Most times we see ‘by the mercies of God’ as a recap of all that Paul has taught from chapters 1 thru 12. This is true to a degree. I think Paul is honing in on the previous chapters that dealt with the purpose of God specifically seen in the resurrection of the body. As we read earlier ‘for we are saved by hope’ [the hope of the resurrection]. Basically I see Paul saying ‘because of what I showed you concerning Gods redemptive purpose for you body, therefore present your body now, in anticipation of it’s future glorious purpose, as a living sacrifice ‘holy and acceptable unto God’. Why? Because you are going to have that thing [body] forever! [in a new glorified state] Paul exhorts us to be changed by the renewing of our mind, the way we think. I have mentioned in the past that this renewing is not some type of legalistic function of ‘memorizing, muttering the do’s and don’ts all day long’. But a reorganizing of our thoughts according to this new covenant of grace. Seeing things thru this ‘new world’ perspective. A kingdom view based upon grace and the resurrection of Jesus. This resurrection that is assured to us because we have the deposit of the Spirit which is our guarantee that God will complete the work that he has begun in us. And Paul will jump into one of his ‘Body of Christ’ analogies which he uses often to describe the people of God. Because we are all one body, we should think soberly about our different gifts and purposes. God gave some ‘better’ [or more noticeable] gifts for the overall edifying of the body. So don’t boast about it. All have varying gifts, freely given. Administrate them with much grace. Do it with humility and cheerfulness. We are simply children thru whom Gods Spirit manifests himself in different ways. Don’t boast that ‘Wow, daddy gave me a bike’. Or look, I got a more expensive Christmas present than you. Daddy distributes the gifts freely as he wills. They are for everyone’s benefit. Don’t use this grace gift as a means of self importance or prestige. It would be like ‘prostituting’ a gift for self aggrandizement. People have done it, but it displeases the giver of the gift.

(865)ROMANS 12: 13 Paul continues to give some basic guidelines on practical Christian living. Notice his teaching on financial giving ‘distribute to the necessity of the saints’. This basic Christian doctrine from Jesus teachings has become the premier act of giving for the New Testament saint. The reason I have stressed this teaching as opposed to the more popular view of tithing, is because the scriptures place such a high priority on Christian charity. As I have mentioned before, Jesus even uses this basic description to describe those who ‘are righteous’ or ‘unrighteous’. He teaches the final judgment will be based on this outward identifier of ‘what we did to the least of these’. If you read carefully the New Testament epistles you will see a picture of ‘local church’ as a caring community of people who show their love for one another thru these acts of kindness and compassion. None of the New Testament letters teach a type of financial giving that focuses on ‘support the ministry/institution’ as being ‘the new testament church’ that replaced the ‘old testament temple’. For example a tithe system that supports the ‘pastor/priest’ in the same way the Levitical priests were supported under the law. It’s so vital for us to see and understand this. Because the average believer is taught thru out his life that his primary expression of giving is to ‘bring the tithe into the storehouse’ in such a way that it violates the actual primacy of giving as taught in the New Testament. Which is to regularly give to meet the needs of those around you. The fact that there were instances in the book of Acts or the letter to the Corinthians where believers gave an offering in a corporate way [the collection for the poor saints- 1st Cor. 15, or the laying of the money at the apostles feet in Acts] does not excuse the believer from the teaching that we should all regularly give to meet the needs of those around us. This is flatly taught as a regular part of the Christian experience. The other fact that Paul never once teaches the tithe as a function of giving for the Gentile churches should cause us all to take another look at the way we teach giving in the church today.

(866)ROMANS 12:14-21 Notice how Paul puts such a high priority on the principles of Jesus. He exhorts the saints to live by the precepts of the great ‘sermon on the mount’. Often times believers try and make a division between Paul’s revelation of justification by faith and the ‘liberal moral teachings of Jesus’. I see no division here. Paul actually quotes Jesus ‘if you’re treated badly, respond in love. By not getting even you heap “coals of fire on your enemies head”’. Actually, I remember how a few years back, when everybody was coming up with their ‘new revelation knowledge’ ideas on scripture. Things like ‘the camel going thru the eye of the needle’. Some taught Jesus was not really rebuking wealth, he was simply talking about a ‘low gate’ thru the wall of the city that was called the ‘eye of the needle’ and the camels had to crouch a little to get thru, true silliness! This verse ‘coals on the head’ was taught as saying Jesus was simply saying you were helping your enemy on cold nights by ‘keeping his head warm’! Sad. Jesus said don’t avenge yourselves, God will avenge you. Doesn’t sound like the lord is talking about ‘head warmers’! Look at these verses carefully. Paul incorporates the teachings of Christ as having a very high priority for the believer. We are often inundated with modern concepts of ministry. How to raise funds [or amass wealth]. Paul ‘locates’ the important thing as being centered on Christ. He knew if the churches [believing communities] of the first few centuries would follow this idea, that they would truly turn their world upside down for the cause.

(618) JOHN 16 (radio # 599) Jesus says ‘these things I have spoken unto you that you should not be offended’. What things? The reality that after he leaves they will suffer and go thru stuff. He also tells them it is necessary for their own growth for him to leave. If he doesn’t leave them alone they will never experience the true ministry of ‘the comforter’. The Spirit comforts those who need it. They will need it! If Jesus didn’t tell them about the difficulty up front, there would have been cause for offense. When the American church preaches only a gospel of success, when people later go thru stuff they feel like ‘what’s wrong with me? God, you told me thru your preachers that if I believed you all would go well’ they get offended because they weren’t given both sides. Jesus gave both sides. When the Comforter comes he will reprove of sin, righteousness and judgment [do justice]. Some times we think the purpose for the church is to simply reprove of sin. God wants us to do justice [civil rights] and show what is right. I heard a preacher say ‘the only reason Christians should ever practice civil disobedience is if the govt. said you couldn’t preach. But if they are killing babies, you shouldn’t practice civil disobedience’. Remember when we said to use the same measure for others as you would use on yourself? I would ask this preacher ‘what if the law allowed for your 2 year old to be killed.’ Say if the law came to your house and said ‘we are going to get your last bible copy and destroy it, or take your little girl and chop her head off’ would you use ‘civil disobedience’ to save the baby or the book? ‘I have yet many things to say to you, but you can not bear them now’ I think the American church is simply not able to ‘bear stuff now’. It’s not like we couldn’t understand the stuff, or ‘receive it’ into our ears. It’s just we are way too immature as a corporate people to truly grasp it. The need is really not more knowledge, its more growth [not numbers, maturity!]. I remember reading how Dietrich Boenhoffer visited a Christian university in New York. After his trip he commented on the surprise he had to see the level of immaturity in the American church. He would soon become a martyr under Hitlers 3rd Reich. ‘Ye shall weep and lament, the world shall rejoice. Your sorrow will turn into joy’ Jesus wants us to know that a day of recompense is coming. We will go thru stuff, but God will bring you out on the other side! We need both truths to stay balanced. ‘When a woman is in labor, she wants to abort the process. But after the child is birthed, she forgets all the pain’. A very important aspect of your calling is to ‘bring forth’ the thing God has destined you for. There comes a time where you need to pass the test. God is merciful, he lets you ‘re take’ the test. He brings teachers in who know how important it is for you to pass. They even will ‘teach to the test’ some will curve the grade. All types of stuff to get you to the next level. Sooner or later you gotta pass the test. If you don’t, God will still love you. You can even attend the graduations of your friends. But at the end of the day you will have been a spectator in the auditorium as opposed to a graduate on the stage. It’s better to be on the stage! ‘In me you will have peace, in the world you WILL HAVE TRIBULATION, be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.’ Jesus promise isn’t to get us out of the world or the tribulation in it. But to keep us at peace by having our minds fixed on him. The world runs back and forth [I was gonna say ‘to and fro’ but that would have been a little to preachy] trying to extend their lives. Have enough money to retire on. Keep from getting blown up in a terrorist thing. They really have no peace, no matter how hard they try they will all die sooner or later. The only peace to be found is in God. To have the promise of future resurrection and living forever with God is the only lasting thing you can have. All the money you earn and save will be as useless as toilet paper in a few years, start living for eternal rewards!

[parts]

SAMUEL 29-30

Thou hast ascended on high, thou hast led captivity captive: thou hast received gifts for men; yea, for the rebellious also, that the Lord God might dwell among them. Ps. 68

https://youtu.be/YVFtxrOUtvg Samuel 29-30

https://ccoutreach87.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/12-3-16-samuel-29-30.zip

ON VIDEO-

.Paisley

. ‘Weaponizing’ language now?

.Letters ‘on the run’ how most of the N.T. was written

.What did Truman say again?

.Race issues

.My train

.Kamikaze pilots

.ISIS

.Ziklag

.Bad day- turned good

.Leadership principles

.David’s ‘new law’

.Lavish grace

.It’s not your stuff

.Stewardship

[parts]

MICAH 4-6

Micah 4:8 And thou, O tower of the flock, the strong hold of the daughter of Zion, unto thee shall it come, even the first dominion; the kingdom shall come to the daughter of Jerusalem.

https://youtu.be/_dhoLRSFzV0 Micah 4-6

ON VIDEO-

.C.C. water ban

.Flash Bomb

.Judge Williams

.Hacking 2016 election

.Libya- Yemen- Iraq

.Russia

.Aleppo

.Media

.Crimea- Ukraine

.WW2

.Truman and Stalin

.Did we need to bomb?

.Why no more media coverage of Mosul?

.God forgave him

.What did Balaam say again?

NEW [Micah comments below]

I did not form my views from these news links below- I actually read them after I made the post. But I thought they fit- so I linked them.

http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/demonization_of_putin_as_personally_behind_clinton_hack_20161216/

http://www.truthdig.com/eartotheground/item/whats_going_on_in_aleppo_isnt_as_black_white_political_masters_20161214/

[parts]

Yet- we have said the civilians who have died- were executed- on purpose by Russia.

When the U.S. dropped pamphlets over Hiroshima and Nagasaki- warning the women and children to leave- many stayed.

But- because we warned them- we do not deem it the execution of women and kids.

Yet- we killed [numbers vary] around 150 thousand people initially- and possibly up to a million over the years by radiation sickness.

Did we execute them?

We knew they were there.

Many historians believe the bombing of the Japanese cities did not have to happen.

At that point in the war [WW2] the Russians under Stalin agreed to turn their massive army against Japan.

The Japanese were ready to surrender- but Harry Truman was in negotiations with Russia and other allies on how to divide up the area after the war.

Truman felt if the bombs were dropped [even though the war was almost over- without the bombs] that would give us more leverage against Russia- once they actually saw the potential that we had.

So- for political reasons that we in the West don’t always see- we killed many innocent women and kids- and never refer to it as the purposeful execution of innocents.

Yet I heard 2 U.S. representatives accuse Russia of doing this- which is a lie.

We involve ourselves in other nations- not just elections- but in the actual armed overthrow of their leaders- yet we deem this interference ok.

But the West is outraged that Russia too has a political motive.

And what might that be?

Putin and others- believe the U.S. has gone down a road that is leading to war.

Our buildup of NATO troops on Russia’s border is a provocative act- which we said would never do.

Yet- we are doing it.

In the 2011 Russian election- we called Putin’s election illegitimate.

Maybe it was- or maybe it wasn’t.

Yet when protesters marched- we made statements that maybe it was time for a Revolution.

That’s sends a message to any in the country or region- even ISIS- that wow- the U.S. might back up another armed overthrow of a nation.

These messages have disastrous results.

Libya- Iraq [our war with them] our involvement in nations that lead to the instability of the entire region.

Yet- we do not see why a Putin might want a leader who sends signals he might work with him.

Yes- Putin obviously would want to work with a president that he feels is not a threat.

This is not necessarily wrong- we do the exact same thing around the world.

Yet we are using language- referring to other world leaders as executioners of women and kids- because they have done the same exact things as us- and on a much smaller scale.

I am not defending Putin- or Assad.

I am trying to show you how we in the West do the things- that when others do them- we are outraged.

I want peace in Syria- and Russia- all over the world.

And when more than 90 percent of the people in Crimea vote to go back to Russia- we should not be referring to it as an illegal act- it’s not- that’s Democracy.

And if the innocent civilians in Aleppo did not leave- after Assad and Putin gave them notice- and we call it the purposeful execution of women and kids.

Then just what would you call the 500 thousand to a million dead Japanese?

NOTE- as I just watched the world news-[ 12-18-16- ABC news]- ‘MILITANTS BURNED 5 BUSES TO PREVENT THE EVACUATION OF WOMEN AND CHILDREN FROM ALEPPO’- These ‘militants’ are the U.S. supported rebels.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/middle_east/cowardly-attack-in-syria-targets-buses-sent-to-evacuate-government-held-villages/2016/12/18/ba7671bc-c525-11e6-bf4b-2c064d32a4bf_story.html?utm_term=.59340fbcf1e7

NOTE- PBS news- 12-19-16 ‘militants going door to door in Aleppo- executing women and civilians’- These ‘militants’ are the ‘rebels’ we armed. They are also referred too as ‘Syrian militants’- these are not Syrian troops. If the Russians and Syrian troops were doing this- it would be headlines in the U.S. media- but because these atrocities are being carried out by U.S. backed rebels- they refuse to identify them as such. This is media bias.

[parts]

VERSES-

Isaiah 55:8-9

King James Version (KJV)

8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

2 Corinthians 4:4

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the mindsof them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

In Context | Full Chapter | Other Translations

John 16

King James Version (KJV)

16 These things have I spoken unto you, that ye should not be offended.

2 They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service.

3 And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me.

4 But these things have I told you, that when the time shall come, ye may remember that I told you of them. And these things I said not unto you at the beginning, because I was with you.

5 But now I go my way to him that sent me; and none of you asketh me, Whither goest thou?

6 But because I have said these things unto you, sorrow hath filled your heart.

John 16

Romans 10:1 Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved.

Romans 10:2 For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge.

Romans 10:3 For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God.

Romans 10:4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.

Romans 10:5 For Moses describeth the righteousness which is of the law, That the man which doeth those things shall live by them.

Romans 10:6 But the righteousness which is of faith speaketh on this wise, Say not in thine heart, Who shall ascend into heaven? (that is, to bring Christ down from above:)

Romans 10:7 Or, Who shall descend into the deep? (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead.)

Romans 10:8 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;

Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

Romans 10:10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

Romans 10:11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

Romans 10:12 For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Romans 10:14 How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?

Romans 10:15 And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!

Romans 10:16 But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Esaias saith, Lord, who hath believed our report?

Romans 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Romans 10:18 But I say, Have they not heard? Yes verily, their sound went into all the earth, and their words unto the ends of the world.

Romans 10:19 But I say, Did not Israel know? First Moses saith, I will provoke you to jealousy by them that are no people, and by a foolish nation I will anger you.

Romans 10:20 But Esaias is very bold, and saith, I was found of them that sought me not; I was made manifest unto them that asked not after me.

Romans 10:21 But to Israel he saith, All day long I have stretched forth my hands unto a disobedient and gainsaying people.

Romans 11:1 I say then, Hath God cast away his people? God forbid. For I also am an Israelite, of the seed of Abraham, of the tribe of Benjamin.

Romans 11:2 God hath not cast away his people which he foreknew. Wot ye not what the scripture saith of Elias? how he maketh intercession to God against Israel saying,

Romans 11:3 Lord, they have killed thy prophets, and digged down thine altars; and I am left alone, and they seek my life.

Romans 11:4 But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal.

Romans 11:5 Even so then at this present time also there is a remnant according to the election of grace.

Romans 11:6 And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace. But if it be of works, then it is no more grace: otherwise work is no more work.

Romans 11:7 What then? Israel hath not obtained that which he seeketh for; but the election hath obtained it, and the rest were blinded.

Romans 11:8 (According as it is written, God hath given them the spirit of slumber, eyes that they should not see, and ears that they should not hear;) unto this day.

Romans 11:9 And David saith, Let their table be made a snare, and a trap, and a stumblingblock, and a recompence unto them:

Romans 11:10 Let their eyes be darkened, that they may not see, and bow down their back alway.

Romans 11:11 I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.

Romans 11:12 Now if the fall of them be the riches of the world, and the diminishing of them the riches of the Gentiles; how much more their fulness?

Romans 11:13 For I speak to you Gentiles, inasmuch as I am the apostle of the Gentiles, I magnify mine office:

Romans 11:14 If by any means I may provoke to emulation them which are my flesh, and might save some of them.

Romans 11:15 For if the casting away of them be the reconciling of the world, what shall the receiving of them be, but life from the dead?

Romans 11:16 For if the firstfruit be holy, the lump is also holy: and if the root be holy, so are the branches.

Romans 11:17 And if some of the branches be broken off, and thou, being a wild olive tree, wert graffed in among them, and with them partakest of the root and fatness of the olive tree;

Romans 11:18 Boast not against the branches. But if thou boast, thou bearest not the root, but the root thee.

Romans 11:19 Thou wilt say then, The branches were broken off, that I might be graffed in.

Romans 11:20 Well; because of unbelief they were broken off, and thou standest by faith. Be not highminded, but fear:

Romans 11:21 For if God spared not the natural branches, take heed lest he also spare not thee.

Romans 11:22 Behold therefore the goodness and severity of God: on them which fell, severity; but toward thee, goodness, if thou continue in his goodness: otherwise thou also shalt be cut off.

Romans 11:23 And they also, if they abide not still in unbelief, shall be graffed in: for God is able to graff them in again.

Romans 11:24 For if thou wert cut out of the olive tree which is wild by nature, and wert graffed contrary to nature into a good olive tree: how much more shall these, which be the natural branches, be graffed into their own olive tree?

Romans 11:25 For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in.

Romans 11:26 And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob:

Romans 11:27 For this is my covenant unto them, when I shall take away their sins.

Romans 11:28 As concerning the gospel, they are enemies for your sakes: but as touching the election, they are beloved for the father's sakes.

Romans 11:29 For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance.

Romans 11:30 For as ye in times past have not believed God, yet have now obtained mercy through their unbelief:

Romans 11:31 Even so have these also now not believed, that through your mercy they also may obtain mercy.

Romans 11:32 For God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that he might have mercy upon all.

Romans 11:33 O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!

Romans 11:34 For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor?

Romans 11:35 Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again?

Romans 11:36 For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.

Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

Romans 12:4 For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:

Romans 12:5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

Romans 12:6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

Romans 12:7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

Romans 12:8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

Romans 12:9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Romans 12:11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

Romans 12:12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

Romans 12:13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

Romans 12:14 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Romans 12:16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

Romans 12:17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Romans 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Romans 12:20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

Romans 12:21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Verses for the video made 1-6-19 below-

January 6 2019

« January 5 | January 7 »

The Epiphany of the Lord

Lectionary: 20

Reading 1

IS 60:1-6

Rise up in splendor, Jerusalem! Your light has come, the glory of the Lord shines upon you. See, darkness covers the earth, and thick clouds cover the peoples; but upon you the LORD shines, and over you appears his glory. Nations shall walk by your light, and kings by your shining radiance. Raise your eyes and look about; they all gather and come to you: your sons come from afar, and your daughters in the arms of their nurses. Then you shall be radiant at what you see, your heart shall throb and overflow, for the riches of the sea shall be emptied out before you, the wealth of nations shall be brought to you. Caravans of camels shall fill you, dromedaries from Midian and Ephah; all from Sheba shall come bearing gold and frankincense, and proclaiming the praises of the LORD.

Responsorial Psalm

PS 72:1-2, 7-8, 10-11, 12-13.

R. (cf. 11) Lord, every nation on earth will adore you. O God, with your judgment endow the king, and with your justice, the king's son; He shall govern your people with justice and your afflicted ones with judgment. R. Lord, every nation on earth will adore you. Justice shall flower in his days, and profound peace, till the moon be no more. May he rule from sea to sea, and from the River to the ends of the earth. R. Lord, every nation on earth will adore you. The kings of Tarshish and the Isles shall offer gifts; the kings of Arabia and Seba shall bring tribute. All kings shall pay him homage, all nations shall serve him. R. Lord, every nation on earth will adore you. For he shall rescue the poor when he cries out, and the afflicted when he has no one to help him. He shall have pity for the lowly and the poor; the lives of the poor he shall save. R. Lord, every nation on earth will adore you.

Reading 2

EPH 3:2-3A, 5-6

Brothers and sisters: You have heard of the stewardship of God's grace that was given to me for your benefit, namely, that the mystery was made known to me by revelation. It was not made known to people in other generations as it has now been revealed to his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit: that the Gentiles are coheirs, members of the same body, and copartners in the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.

Alleluia

MT 2:2

R. Alleluia, alleluia. We saw his star at its rising and have come to do him homage. R. Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

MT 2:1-12

When Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea, in the days of King Herod, behold, magi from the east arrived in Jerusalem, saying, "Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We saw his star at its rising and have come to do him homage." When King Herod heard this, he was greatly troubled, and all Jerusalem with him. Assembling all the chief priests and the scribes of the people, He inquired of them where the Christ was to be born. They said to him, "In Bethlehem of Judea, for thus it has been written through the prophet: And you, Bethlehem, land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; since from you shall come a ruler, who is to shepherd my people Israel." Then Herod called the magi secretly and ascertained from them the time of the star's appearance. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, "Go and search diligently for the child. When you have found him, bring me word, that I too may go and do him homage." After their audience with the king they set out. And behold, the star that they had seen at its rising preceded them, until it came and stopped over the place where the child was. They were overjoyed at seeing the star, and on entering the house they saw the child with Mary his mother. They prostrated themselves and did him homage. Then they opened their treasures and offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed for their country by another way.

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passengerskrp-blog · 6 years

Photo

S T A T U S: P A S S E N G E R D I S C H A R G E D

RHEE YOONA // TWENTY-ONE ATTENDANT

LOADING PASSENGER INFO C0284...

-the past;

Yoona Rhee and her mother lived a very simple life. Her parents had gotten divorced early on - she didn’t have any memories of them actually being together even. Her mom worked as a seamstress. It didn’t being a lot of money in, but she loved it and she worked hard too. Yoona’s father was a lawyer, owning his own law firm. He made a considerable amount more than her mother. As a child it didn’t make a lot of sense as to why he always threw such a fit to help her and mother with money though. He had more than enough to go around. Soon after her father remarried and started another family she realized that even though there was plenty to go around - he had other people he’d rather be sharing it with. The only time she had even dipped her toes in anything luxurious was on holidays. She’d spend a couple uncomfortable hours with her half brothers and sister, then be on her way with some new fancy clothes.

Yoona and her father’s family as a whole felt more and more disconnected as she got older. It was almost like slipping away from a crappy friend that never really ever cared about how your day was. It wasn’t a sad growing apart. It seemed almost expected.

By the time she was ready to graduate she hadn’t talked to her father in ages. Any time they did speak she’d listen to the generic excuses about how busy he was and he had practically no free time at all. Yoona knew that this was a way to try and defend their disconnect, but if she were totally truthful she didn’t care. She had happily settled with taking up a part-time job and helping her mom pay bills while she waited for the last few days of her final year in high school.

At least, that was the plan. Half way through the school year her mother fell very, very ill. She had always had a hard time keeping healthy and well, but she had never gotten _this _sick before. Doctors claimed to know what to do, but Yoona didn’t see any progress.

Yoona talked to her mother’s doctor and begged for other means of treatment because what she was seeing wasn’t working. The doctor didn’t care though- at least he didn’t seem to. Yoona’s mother’s condition got worse and worse until Yoona sat quietly in the hospital with her mother as she passed. This was also the day she was left with no choice but to move into her father’s home.

Yoona hadn’t handled grief well. She mostly shut down and just let things happen around her. She had a few friends in school were there for her, but she didn’t want the talk about how you feel kind of friends at the moment. She was more drawn to the friend that didn’t talk about it but showed support in other ways. He was a little reckless and got into trouble, but maybe that was the kind kind of therapy she needed? She got into some trouble; got caught drinking, smoking, sneaking a boy into her room, etc., but her dad just turned the other way. His logic being that she was grieving.

-the reason;

One day when walking home from school with terrible influence of a friend, Yoona had stopped dead in her tracks as she watched the doctor who she had tried to reason with for weeks exit and his house and step into his car and leave. It didn’t take much much prodding from her friend before Yoona found herself climbing in the back window. She looked around for a few moments and observed. He clearly lived alone and had no family. That must be why he couldn’t find any sympathy from her. All it took was accidentally dropping a glass. She listened to the loud static shatter by her feet, and it felt good. She tipped another, letting it also shatter before she looked at the ground around her to see nothing but millions of tiny reflective shards of glass. After that she didn’t remember much. All she knew was that there wasn’t much left that could be considered unbroken in that house after. Of course she ended up getting arrested. And honestly she couldn’t even say that she shouldn’t have been, or that it was unjust. Thankfully her friend was able to run fast enough to get out of there. Sure he was a bad influence, but that didn’t mean that he knew how crazy she’d be once in there.

Her father finally stepped in, deeming that her rebellious actions were out of hand. He couldn’t have her running around defacing the family name after all. Having some connections, he was able to come up with a compromise. She could either figure out a way to pay for all of the court fees, damages, her bail - or - she could take the opportunity to be a attendant on AVN 063. Of course, this meant giving up her friends, the few family members she still talked to, and the earth as a whole for possible forever.

Maybe that was the kind of fresh start she needed though?

Honestly with the options she was given, she was really left with no choice. There was no feasible way for her to come up with with all of that money. So AVN 063 it is.

-personality;

Yoona isn’t so much of a loner, but she does value time to herself. She likes hearing people talk about themselves so long that they don’t enjoy it too much. She enjoys- no, revels in adventure and the feeling of adrenaline in her veins. Not that she’s inherently bitchy, but she does have a short temper. It’s best not to cross her. Yoona would most definitely plot revenge.

#pass:accepted #pass:crew #pass:attendant

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andersonlovers-blog · 7 years

Text

Mel & Evan 1

Evan and Mel had taken Emmie on another trip to the zoo. It didn’t matter how many times they took her, the tiny little brunette loved it. Maybe it was just his imagination, but she seemed to like outings even more when both he and Mel were there. Her eyes lit up a little brighter. The truth was, Evan liked it better too. He loved spending time with the both of them and the once they’d met his mom for lunch felt like a dream. Sitting at the little café, smiling and laughing, surrounded by all his girls, it’d felt like nothing was wrong in the world. He hadn’t felt that way in years, if ever. He wondered if Mel minded them spending so much of their time with Emma, but if she did, she never said anything.

But halfway through what was their usual zoological journey, Ems had started getting fussy and whiney and by the time they’d reached the elephants, she’d vomited all over Evan’s shoes. Now they were on the underground trying to get her home before it happened again. Her burning head and flushed cheeks said she had a fever and Evan wanted to get her home with a bowl of soup as soon as possible. He hadn’t even thought about what going home now meant until after they’d boarded the U.

Emma was sat on his lap, his right arm wrapped around her. His left held Mel’s hand. Normally he’d be perfectly happy—or as happy as he ever was—but now he felt the anxiety building. Not only was Emma sick, but Mel was going to see where he lived. The girl with the famous family who lived in a mansion and vacationed abroad was going to see his tiny, grimy, dirty apartment. He didn’t want her to see this. It was one thing for her to hear how broke he was. It was another for her to see it. But what could he do, slam the door in her face? It sounded like a good way to get Emma crying and Mel yelling at him.

He took a deep breath as they came to his stop. “This is us,” he said softly, standing and lifting Emma up in his arms, exiting the car.

He couldn’t look at her. Just this side of town he was in was different from hers. There were no nice homes with little plots of land, just tall, run down apartments with air conditioners hanging out the windows. He hated this. He hated her seeing this. It was nothing like the idealist little New York get away set up in her attic. He carefully opened the door to his apartment building—which was complete with metal bars which didn’t do much good considering the lock didn’t work—and made his way up the stairs. He’d take the elevator if they’d bothered to repair it when it broke down more than seven months ago.

Several floors later when he reached his front door he carefully shifted Emma over one shoulder. “Hang in there kiddo, almost to bed Ems,” he whispered to her as he reached into his pocket for his keys. He unlocked the door, kissing the side of her head. It took everything not to cringe. It reeked of smoke and alcohol from his father, the trash was overflowing, junk, as always, was strewn everywhere. He kept his back to Melody as he carried Em back to her room.

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw her trashcan was probably the only one in the house that wasn’t full and had a bag in it already. He lay her down carefully, tugging the blankets up around her. He sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand over her cheek. “Got the trash can right here. I’m gonna go get you some soup to make your tummy better. If you need anything, anything at all, you just give a yell and I’ll come running for you, okay kiddo? I love you.” He gave her head a long kiss before getting up.

He made his way back to the living room. His eyes skimmed around the mess of his father’s bottles and ashes. A pile of dishes lay in the sink from being too exhausted to clean them the night before after being out dealing until late. “So uh,” he said biting his lip as he finally looked back at Mel, “this is it. This is my place. I’d say make yourself at home but uh—” he grabbed a dirty shirt of his father’s off the couch and tossed it out of the way. “…yeah.” He cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair. “I’m gonna make Ems some soup. You don’t gotta stick around. Dealing with a sick kid ain’t exactly fun, but I’ve got it handled.”

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Mel loved the trips to the zoo with little Em. In fact, she loved all the things she did with her. Sometimes she wished she could take her places just the two of them because she felt like the sweet little girl deserved the world and it saddened her that she couldn’t have it. She knew though that Evan didn’t feel comfortable with that and she didn’t want to keep pushing it. She felt honored enough that he let her spend so much time with the two of them because she loved that little girl like a sister. In fact she hoped that she would one day be her sister officially although she didn’t dare say that aloud. Evan letter her meet his mother and spend time with his sister meant that it might be headed that way though. She could detect him slowly getting happier as well, which meant the world to her.

Everything was so lovely that Mel could hardly believe it. Sadly however, it was not to be today. Mel noticed Emma looking rather cross and not at all her usual bubbly self. She wondered what was wrong and she was gifted with an answer not long after in the form of Emma vomiting on Evan’s trainers. They quickly made their way to the underground to get her home and Mel fussed after her. She had always hated being sick and she hated throwing up most of all. The poor deer was probably miserable and Mel wished that she could get her how much faster but she didn’t think it quite wise to call for a car when Evan was already quite stressed.

The trip went fast enough though and it was when the train had stopped and they had exited that she realized this would be the first time she saw her boyfriend’s home. She watched in awe as she went through a side of town she had never before experienced. She wasn’t used to seeing so many flats all in a row and she certainly didn’t see ones like these. What struck her the most though was how little it resembled the poor areas in films. It certainly was different from what she was used to and she couldn’t say it was a place she would want to be caught alone but overall it wasn’t nearly as bad as Evan seemed to think it was.

She smiled when Evan announced this being their stop and excitement rose in her chest. She was finally seeing where her boyfriend lives. It was going to be an intimate look into the life he lived and he deemed her worthy of seeing it. She only wished that she was coming to see him in a more positive circumstance rather than when his little sister had come down with something.

Positive or not, she was there and she could make the best of it. It was with that thought in her head that she walked into the door. The first thing that she noted was the strong aroma of alcohol and how much rubbish was scattered about. She didn’t like that Evan and Emma must live that way. It hardly seemed right. She felt a rush of anger toward his father. It was his fault that they lived that way. She wanted to take them away from this life because she knew that they deserved much better. It just struck her as unjust when neither of them truly did anything to have this sort of life.

Mel let Evan take care of Emma as she surveyed the scene. She could understand why he didn’t want to show her his place to an extent but in other ways she didn’t get it at all. He shouldn’t feel ‘less than’ because of his lot in life. He was a beautiful person who deserved much more. She frowned when he finally faced her because she could clearly see his anxiety written in his handsome face. She shook her head and took ahold of his hands, looking deeply in his beautiful eyes. “I want to stay. I’m quite a cook you know? Well actually I’m just decent but still I wouldn’t want to leave Emma when she’s ill. If you want I can pop off to the shops to get ginger ale or I can help you or I can sit with her as you cook. Or you can sit with her and have me cook. Which will it be? Leaving isn’t an option.”

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In honesty, Mel’s love of his little sister made him care for her that much more. He could never be with someone who didn’t like Em and didn’t understand that she was his priority. Mel never questioned it, never complained, was always willing to foot the bill for their outings when things were tight for him. She didn’t just understand that Emma was a priority for him she made her one for herself as well. She loved Em. And that made Evan love her all the more.

He was starting to really see a future with Mel. At first it had seemed impossible. She was so perfect, from such a well-off family, it didn’t feel conceivable that she would want to be with him. He still didn’t know how—or if—it would happen. It still didn’t really feel possible. But it felt plausible. And he let himself hope for it. Years ago, he had sworn off hope of any kind. Hope only got your heart broken. But the pretty red haired girl with a wide smile and warm eyes had brought it back out of him. Nothing made him happier. Nothing scared him more.

And now she was seeing his home. She was seeing the true squalor and poverty he came from. She was seeing what he had been so scared for her to see all along: Just how different their worlds were. Emma was sick and his worries were largely on her, but he couldn’t help also being worried that maybe this was it. Maybe Mel would finally see what he had seen all along. That they were just too different. That he just couldn’t give her the life she wanted. The life she deserved. If he couldn’t even give Ems dance lessons, how was he supposed to give this posh society princess what she was used to?

He’d hated this small run-down apartment since the day they’d moved in. but he’d never hated it more than he did in this moment. It was somehow even messier than usual and he hated himself for not burning the midnight oil even more than usual to get everything cleaned up. He’d need to clean dishes while dinner cooked just to keep himself from crawling out of his skin that Mel was seeing all this.

He’d already turned his back to Mel again making the two step trip to the kitchen rather than have to see his girlfriend’s face when he all but told her to leave. She wouldn’t want to stay here. Hell he didn’t want to stay here and it was his home. One he was painfully ashamed of especially after spending time in her lavish home. When she took his hand, he felt his heart crack.

He turned back looking down into her eyes, his own brown orbs holding years of sadness and regret but also surprise. She didn’t seem to mind the shabby place and she was willing not only to stay but to help with his sick little sister. He didn’t understand where he’d gone right to deserve her. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in tight against him as he gave her a long kiss.

“I love you Mel,” he said when he finally pulled back and tucked her hair behind her ear. He shook his head as he stared at this perfect girl in front of him. “We’ve got some chicken noodle I can heat up quick and we’ll just stick with water. Besides, probably best if you don’t go out alone around here.” He let out a sigh and brought her with him to the kitchen as he pulled out a can of soup and a bowl. He stayed quiet almost until the soup was done before speaking again, this time staring at his shoes and barely whispering.

“Thanks. For staying. You don’t know how much it means. It’s always been me and mom against the world fighting for Ems. …it’s good to know we’ve got a little bit of back up when we need it.” He chewed on his lip nodding to himself as the microwave beeped. “She’ll probably just mostly sleep and puke now, so nothing exciting from here on out. I’ll probably just clean the house so mom doesn’t have to deal with a trashed house and a sick kid when she gets home. You really don’t have to stay. Or you can just chill on the couch while I rid up. It’s cool, really.”

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A sound of surprise left Mel’s lips as Evan swept her in his arms and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and breathed in his scent, a combination of cigarettes and something else she couldn’t pin down. Evan always found ways to surprise her. One moment he could all but tell her to leave and the next he could be pulling her close and holding so tightly that she wondered if he would ever let go. Not that she wanted him to let go, not at all. More than anything, she wanted him to hold on to her forever.

She guessed she wanted to save him in a way. She wanted to take him and his sister away from this world that they never did anything to deserve. It wasn’t their fault that their father was an arse. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own. And yet it seemed to her that her boyfriend constantly beat himself up for his lot in life. “I love you too,” she said softly. And she meant it. Evan was one of the most amazing guys that she knew and he didn’t seem to know it. It baffled her that he couldn’t seem to see what was so clear to her.

She watched as he took the can of soup and stuck it in the microwave and thought about her own upbringing. Her father and mother gave her everything. When she was sick she was given soup that was made from scratch, usually from her grandfather who was an amazing chef. If she tried to get something from a can they would have looked at her like she was mad. She enjoyed every luxury in life and she got it because she was lucky, that was it. She just won the lottery when it came to families and she didn’t deserve it more or less than anyone else. It almost seemed unfair that she got so much when others got so little. From that moment, she decided that she would dedicate her life to the good of mankind. She wanted to help people like Evan’s family because all people deserved good things.

She wished she could start with Evan, but she knew that his pride wouldn’t allow it, not yet anyway. She hoped someday she could give him the life he deserved but for now she settled for simply loving him and his sister and for being there for him no matter what, that alone would be enough for now.

“Don’t you dare thank me for staying,” she said, folding her arms against her. “You don’t even have to think of me as back up. I’m always here for Emma.” She watched him as he pulled the food out of the microwave, wishing there was more that she could do. She wanted so badly to help. Her answer came when he mentioned the trashed home. Why hadn’t she thought of that? A good clean didn’t cost a cent and she could have her love a little less stressed.

She didn’t hear the rest of what he was saying. Instead she jumped up and exclaimed, “I’ll help tidy up. I’m not much of a cleaner truth be told, but mum insisted we know a bit. Plus I’m used to cleaning up after my students,” she said cheerfully. “Give Em a kiss for me will you? And I’ll start. It’ll be a laugh.” She started straightening up the table. “I actually think cleaning is quite good for stress and it’s great bonding experience yeah?” she said cheerfully.

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Mel always amazed him, everything about her. Her heart, her kindness, how giving she was, the way she had found room in her heart for not only him, but his sister and his mother as well. And then there were the things she did for just him. How deeply she loved him, how she’d created an entire escape in her home to remind him of New York, even the passionate sex they had together somehow still surprised him at times. But they were always good surprises and he could be more than happy to have a lifetime full of them.

He felt stupid for having to stand in front of her microwaving soup. He didn’t exactly know how to cook, not real stuff and nothing fancy. There wasn’t money enough for things beyond cans of soup and boxes of mac and cheese and frozen pizzas. He’d had dinner at her home before. Both of her parents cooked fantastically. And everyone knew both her grandfather and her uncle could have cooking shows of their own if only they wanted to. But he knew the warm broth would help sooth Emma’s stomach and at least not leave it completely empty after she had lost her entire lunch. It wasn’t much, but it was what he had to offer Emma right now. And he always gave her everything he could. He even gave himself to others for her sake, not that he wanted to think about that right now.

“I know, I know, I appreciate it. I’m just saying we don’t get a lot of help, so it’s nice to have you around.” He scoffed, a bitter laugh leaving his throat at the next thought to leave his mind. “You’re certainly more fucking help than dad is.” He let out a sharp sigh and pulled her into his arms. “I’m just glad you’re here with us and helping out.” He gave her a quick kiss. “I know it means a lot to Ems too. She fucking adores you, you know that right?”

Evan stared at her in shock as she suddenly jumped to work tidying up the trashed apartment. “Mel, Mel you don’t have to do this,” he said trying to stop her, but already he knew it was no use to try and stop her. He bit his lip and waived vaguely to his father’s chair. “Just leave over there to me, alright? Please? I’m going to take this soup to Em and I’ll be right back and we can clean up together okay?” God only knew what she would find if she started cleaning over there. One poorly placed hand in the cushions and she could jab herself with a used needle that would give her god-knows-what. It was bad enough that she had to see the apartment and the obvious signs of his father’s alcoholism. She didn’t need to find burnt tin foil and baggies with tiny traces of white powder in them.

#mel #evan #melody

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