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pickalilywrites · 4 years

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So you are graduating today. Congratulations! 🎉🎉🎉 And I would request Rivetra . Maybe really big fight between them breaking up. But they realise they cannot live without each other. 😍😍😍

thank you so much for taking the time to congratulate me. i’m very grateful :) i hope you enjoy my writing since it’s been a while since i wrote anything ^^

Please Don’t Leave Me (I Love You)

Rivetra. Modern AU.

2659 words.

Buy me a ko-fi or read it on Ao3!

Petra can’t even remember what they were fighting about. Nowadays, it seems like they fight about everything and nothing at all. They fight over the most trivial of matters, things that she can’t recall when she wakes up the next morning. It’s never violent, but it always hurts.

It didn’t use to be like this. It used to be easier when they were young and dumb and still in love. When they first moved in together, Petra was ecstatic and she knew Levi was too even if he was too emotionally stunted to show it. He sat beside her as she flipped through the furniture catalog, nodding at every piece she pointed at no matter how ridiculous it was. She accused him of not really paying attention, laughing at him and saying there was absolutely no way that he was okay with the horrific leopard-print bean bag chairs she jokingly picked out for their living room. He only backtracked then, saying that he didn’t particularly care for it but he’d find a way to like it if that’s what she absolutely wanted, and she laughed at him even more. They ended up not buying anything that Petra had chosen, opting for a more contemporary theme rather than whatever ridiculous piece she could find in the catalog. It ended up quite nice - more monochrome than she had been hoping for - but there were a few touches here and there that made it a little cozier. She liked the fuzzy beige rug that they had put in, the one Levi complains about because he thinks vacuuming is a bitch, and the plush pillows decorating the otherwise plain gray couch with their zig-zag patterns. Petra honestly hadn’t liked it very much at first. She preferred a more traditional look while Levi leaned towards more modern pieces, but contemporary felt like a good compromise between the two. At first glance, it looked more cool than cozy, but nothing felt more like home when she and Levi were on the couch, their limbs lazily entangled after eating leftover Chinese takeout from the night before.

She can hardly stand to be in their apartment now. She hates its muted tones, its lack of color, the sharp lines, and the lack of curves. It’s been a month since she’s been home before nine, and she usually leaves early in the morning before the sun even has a chance to rise. The apartment that was once her home - their home - is now merely a place for her to sleep and shower. Even on the weekends, she’s found excuses to be out, choosing to work in the office during the weekend on made-up projects instead of resting at home. It’s probably the same for Levi, she thinks, because she’s hardly seen him at all. She can’t complain though. It’s easier to avoid someone if they’re avoiding you too.

A year ago, she never would have imagined willingly being apart from Levi for more than a day or two. She would have missed him too much. She liked resting in his arms after a long day at work, and she knows he found comfort when she curled up against him under the sheets. Even his presence was enough to soothe her, and she felt solace in knowing that he would be waiting for her at the apartment when she returned. A year isn’t even that long ago, but it feels like such days happened in a different lifetime.

She can’t say for certain when all this fighting had begun, but she knows how it started. It was probably a little less than two months ago when she told him her work was giving her a promotion. He didn’t smile - Levi was never really one to smile even when he was happy - but the corner of his mouth twitched upward and he reached up to brush a lock of hair from her face.

“It’s in Manchester,” she told him.

“Manchester like …,” he said, eyes widening slightly.

“Like … England,” Petra said slowly. She was ecstatic at first when she heard the news and she was even more excited to share it with Levi, but looking at his expression made her regret not keeping the news to herself. It was a little painful looking at him, but she did genuinely believe it was a good opportunity for the both of them. It just made sense for her professionally and financially and Levi … well, he had been holding onto this city for so long. The only things left for him were memories of people that had already gone. She was hoping that she wouldn’t be another person to contribute to that list.

Levi was silent for a moment, looking at her but his thoughts were a million miles away. “Manchester …,” he repeated. He withdrew his hand from her face. “Are you taking it?”

“Of course,” Petra replied without hesitation. She saw him flinch the tiniest bit and she swore at herself inwardly. She should have paused for a second or two before giving a reply. Desperately, she reached out for him, taking his hands gently in hers. “I think it’s a wonderful opportunity. It’s a lot better than my current role at the company. Is that … bad?”

Her words seemed to snap him out of his reverie. “Of course not,” he said hastily. He squeezed her hands just a little too hard. “It’s great. It’s what you’ve wanted right?”

Somehow, the truth felt like the wrong answer, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him. “Yes,” she breathed, and she could see his face fall just the tiniest bit before he looked away.

“England’s pretty far away,” he said after a moment.

“I guess so.” She never had to pick her words carefully around Levi before, but speaking to him now felt like walking on eggshells. No, this was much more difficult than walking on eggshells. Eggshells were much less easy to break. Cautiously, she asks, “It’s nice, isn’t it? It would be nice to go together.”

He didn’t answer, not right away. It was difficult to gauge what he was feeling. His face could be unfathomable when he wanted it to be. What was he thinking about now? His mother? His uncle? His friends? Her? “It’s what you deserve, Petra,” he says. His eyes flit downward before looking over at her with a gaze that’s almost wistful. “Still, it’s far.”

“We’ll make it work,” she told him, but she felt as if she were pleading. “It’ll all work out, Levi.”

“Of course,” he said, but she detected hesitancy in his voice. He leaned toward her, brushing his lips against her temple, but he pulled away too soon. If she had known it would be their last moment of tenderness, she would have pulled him closer and held onto him tighter, but he slipped away from her a little too easily, disappearing into the corner of their apartment to spend time on a work project that Petra’s not even sure existed.

He hasn’t really talked to her since then, but she’s never really talked to him about it either. Really, they were both at fault. Maybe there was the possibility of resolving it all if they only took the time to talk about it together, but there was a slim chance that it would only widen the distance between them even further. In the end, Petra decided that it was better not to talk about it. When the time came, they could work it out together, she thought, but now it’s a week before her flight and she’s not certain of anything anymore.

That night Petra came home early, or at least earlier than usual. The sun had just set and she had decided to take off for the night. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t keep putting off packing just because she was afraid of bumping into Levi and shoving the topic of Manchester in his face. Besides, there’s a chance that he would be out late again just like all those other nights. Somehow it doesn’t surprise her when she turns the key to their apartment and opens the door to find him in the living room, but all the boxes and suitcases lying on the floor do.

“What’s … going on?” Petra asks. She takes a cautious step forward. The entire space is unfamiliar to her now even though it’s exactly the same, only emptier. She had thought it was unfriendly before with all of its black and gray and white, but now it looks even more so with all of Levi’s things gone. When she turns to look at Levi, he just sits there on top of the coffee table they had picked out. His expression isn’t angry, isn’t sad, isn’t anything except … tired. It makes Petra want to scream and cry and beg all at once, but she can’t find the energy.

“I’m leaving,” Levi says warily. He pushes himself off the coffee table and reaches for the handle of a suitcase, pulling it out and dragging it behind him as he walks towards her. It’s scary to her how little emotion he has in his face. “I can’t stay here anymore.”

She should at least ask him why, but they’ve been through enough for her to know the answer without asking. It’s a little bit unfair, she thinks. He should have let her leave first. She’s not used to it like he is. Then again, maybe that’s why he’s leaving in the first place.

Out of everything they’ve been through, Petra thinks this is the worst. She would rather he had left with more of a fight. She wants screaming and fighting and crying. She wants him to slam the door behind him only to come back the next morning, crawling onto the side of the bed she had left open for him. He would stay far enough away that they couldn’t reach out to each other, but at least he would be close enough for her to know that he was there. And that was all the apology he would ever give her, but that was the only apology she ever needed.

He stops right in front of her, the suitcase still behind him. “I’ll come for the rest of my things tomorrow. It’ll be early in the morning, so you don’t have to worry,” he says. He pauses for a bit, choosing his next words carefully. “You don’t have to worry … about all of my things.”

She’s not worried about any of that - his things being in the way or bumping into him again when he came to collect the rest of his items - but she was worried about one thing. “What about you?” Petra asks. She tries to ask it as calmly as she can. She tries not to step in front of him, her futile attempt to stop him from leaving. “Where will you stay?”

Levi sighs and looks up at the ceiling, tired, before looking back at her. It looks as if he hasn’t slept in weeks. He’s never been much of a sleeper, but he looks especially tired now. “I’ll crash at Mike and Nanaba’s for a bit before finding a new apartment. I’d stay in this one but…” Levi gestures around them, at the apartment they once called home now only half-full. “It’s a little too big for just one person.”

She knows exactly what he means, but that doesn’t mean her heart doesn’t break anyway. She hadn’t really thought of what would happen to the apartment when she left. It was stupid of her to believe that he would continue living here even after she was gone. There are too many traces of her - of them - on every surface, every corner, every crevice of this space. It’s why she feels the smallest bit of relief knowing that she’ll be able to escape it soon. Why, then, does it hurt to know he feels the same way?

“I guess you’re leaving then,” she finally says.

“Yeah.” He takes one final look at Petra before pushing past her and reaching for the door. He turns the handle too abruptly, steps out too suddenly, leaves too quickly.

Wait, Petra wants to say. She should burst through the door and chase after him. She should be gripping his wrist so tightly that her knuckles turn white. She should be on her knees, begging him to stay while tears stream down her face. Please don’t leave me.

But it’s too late and he’s gone already, leaving her empty like the room she stands in. She doesn’t know how she gets through the rest of the day. The sun sets and night falls, but Petra doesn’t notice the time passing by. She’s not sure what she ate for dinner, if she even ate at all, and she’s not sure how she ended up in bed or how she managed to fall asleep. Vaguely, she recalls setting an alarm, 5 AM or some other ungodly time, in the hopes of catching Levi before her flight at the end of the week, but when she stumbles out of the bedroom, she finds the apartment vacated except for the things he had left behind.

The days after that become more and more painful. Everywhere Petra looks, she finds a reminder of him. The kitchen that he cleaned meticulously every night. The bathroom sink where he cut himself shaving once because he was too busy looking over at her from the corner of his eye. The living room couch they slept on half the time because they were too tired from work to walk to the bedroom. It becomes so unbearable that she briefly thinks about renting a room at a hotel for a day or two, but she knows leaving this place will be even more painful. Instead, she wraps herself up in the sheets where his scent still lingers and sleeps as often as she can.

Somehow she makes it to the end of the week, even makes it to the airport, all her belongings packed and their old furniture picked up yesterday by the thrift store on the corner of the street. She didn’t have to worry about the apartment or their lease. Levi had already worked it out with the landlord before he left. Of course, he did. She has tried to hate him, but she’s found it impossible. It might just be easier for her to keep remembering until she finally forgets the curve of his cheek or the way his bangs fall in his eyes. Yes, she thinks as she closes her eyes, letting the escalator carry her to her next destination. It can’t hurt to remember him for just a little while longer.

It wasn’t supposed to end, but there are some things that are beyond their control. But at least she has memories. When she’s lonely, she can remember them with their fingers interlocked, her leaning over and whispering in Levi’s ear. When she’s sad, she can remember the way it felt when he stroked her hair, tucking it behind her ear so that he could see her face better. When she’s close to sleep, she can dream of him, the way he said his name with the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

Petra.

For a moment, Petra thinks she hears his voice and, although she knows it’s impossible, she turns anyway. She searches for Levi’s face in a sea of strangers, and she feels the hollow in her chest grow even deeper when she comes up with nothing.

Petra steps off the escalator and takes a few steps before stopping. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath. She clears her head of Levi, but she knows he’ll return in her thoughts later tonight. With a sigh, she opens her eyes and takes a step, finally leaving.

#snk #rivetra #petra ral #levi ackerman #modern au #asks #answered #requests #anon #anonymous #can you please stay with me series

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