#and i know they were recording our reaction bc i saw multiple people doing it. but no video was ever posted in the end 😭

[silverislander]

i know my anxiety is irrational and comprised of previous negative experiences instead of an accurate prediction of the future bc it still tries to make me feel bad about objectively funny things that no longer even align with my morals as a person

#did i ever tell yall abt how im the reason a choir i was in couldnt post a nice video. i singlehandedly ruined it #they were recording us reacting to the big revelation of where we would be going on our choir trip next year and we were HYPED UP #or at least i was. they were dragging it out and i was super excited #finally after 3 separate speeches and like 10mins of buildup (im not kidding) they told us we were going to... #literal drum roll. a guy in the drum section of the brass band was doing a drum roll. really funny guy i remember he was cool #... toronto!! (this was very exciting i had never been to toronto and i love getting to travel anywhere new) #and everyone was reacting positively and i loudly went 'OH MY GOD' bc i was excited #now the thing is. i had been trying not to swear anymore bc i felt like i did it too much (i was deep in religion at this point in my life #(the worst thing i would ever say was hell and that felt like a slur) (i was miserable 24/7 bc i had such high standards for myself) #and the other thing is. this was a church choir. we were IN the sanctuary at the time #multiple people turned to GLARE/stare at me and istg i felt smth inside me die a little i was beyond mortified #and i know they were recording our reaction bc i saw multiple people doing it. but no video was ever posted in the end 😭 #i know 100% that was my fault bc i am very loud. you could absolutely hear me on that video + nobody else had that huge reaction #anyway. in the moment i was embarrassed but nowadays its so funny considering how i and those people turned out #i didnt even go on that trip i dropped out of the choir 3mos later bc i hated it there lmao #levi.txt #and now i think the fuck word is like top five most used words in my vocabulary and im not religious anymore. character growth #im nice to people and not weirdly judgemental abt whether their choices fit my moral standards #and most importantly of all im reasonably happy these days bc i dont try to make myself act like someone im not all the time! #i cant believe my brain still pulls that memory out sometimes to try and make me feel bad bc it just. does not work anymore

[ninepentz]

Missing submarine

Forensic astrology chart reading

As we know, pieces of the titanic tour submarine have been found. Authorities believe it imploded, meaning it crushed from the inside from too much pressure on the outside. They've confirmed there are no survivors.

I'm curious what exactly happened, someone who knew the person operating the submarine said that the time connection was lost with the sub would most likely be the time when this all happened, so let's see what that tells us.

This is only an astrology reading based on the last time victims were seen, date and location. I'm not trying to assume anything about this situation, this is just my personal opinion from what I can see below.

Their descent started at 8am, so let's take a look at that chart to see what was going on. Chart above

Cancer ascendant:

This represents the victim in a crime chart so, the ruler of cancer is the moon so we look there to get more information.

Since we have a cancer moon in the 12th at the time, maybe the focus was a lot on the son at this time. Out of all the people in the submarine he was the youngest and the only one who prob hasn't done anything like that before, so ofc everyone is kinda watching him soak it in and who wouldn't want to see him have a good time. Those 4 men (not sure about dawood) knew the excited feelings he must of been feeling bc they were once that giddy young kid too.

Sun-moon in the 12th:

So in this chart the sun and moon are seen in the 12th house, so maybe it was visible and going according to plan. Everyone saw that they were entering the water, everything seemed fine. Nothing out of the ordinary, they felt safe.

Mercury in the 11th:

Maybe there were social media posts, something to do with groups of people, social type things, being online with friends/networks. This could also explain that they were in communication with the crew above water who are making sure everything is going smoothly and accordingly. Multiple people were involved joined together

Venus/mars in the 2nd house:

Maybe things got quiet from this point, they could smell their surroundings as they were inside the submarine, they were descending slowly.. you can hear every little thing. The bubbles, under water sounds, you can feel the quality of the submarine.. it felt like a supreme simplistic experience. At this moment, there was not a lot of talking. Mostly just taking everything in.

Jupiter in the 10th:

Maybe with this aspect they thought this would be an adventure to remember and be able to brag/show off/add to their list of accomplishments. 10th house is basically the MC so this was an important moment. Maybe at this time whoever knew of the titanic best was explaining the details and history of it to the passengers.

Feel free to stalk Hammish Harding's instagram where this placement is described perfectly. He would often boast about his risky adventures that had even landed him on Guinness world records. He's done many risky, monumental things. His ig is posted above

Saturn in the 9th/pisces in the 9H:

They were very interested in what was going on in the water, the fish and what exact species they are, that kinda thing. They planned on going very deep this time it seems, with saturn in the 9th. I feel like they were determined to keep going and push through steadily. Stockton rush, I'm sure knew his submersible almost like how we know the ins and outs of our phones, fav places, songs, etc.. for him he felt like he was very familiar with his submarine so in a way he was also experimenting with how deep it can go and what reactions come from the vehicle when he does certain things. He was very technical about it.

He should of probably not taken passengers while in the process of experimenting still but what do I know. But they were determined to get it to work out well, he had no fear or thought in his mind that something as bad as what happened could go wrong.

So this is the chart of the exact time connection was lost, June 18th at 9:45 AM. I'm going to treat this like a missing persons case, we start with the ascendant representing the victim.

Leo ascendant conjunct venus and mars which are in the 12th house.. scary stuff.

This reminds me of the kylie rodney case, her chart had mars in the 12th house too connecting to the ascendant.

What I think happened here was a very sudden explosive accident-

When reading a crime chart, the ascendant and what it aspects gives you a picture of the situation.

So now with this new chart, it's now almost 2 hours later since they entered the water, it looks like the sun and moon moved into the 11th house.

Sun-moon 11H:

The crew was now aware of something, not sure exactly what. Maybe they were trying to locate the vehicle, idk if they have sonars on their side but I wonder if they were looking for them on the map.

Mercury/uranus both in the 10th:

Maybe since mercury is in gemini it was common for communication to go in and out so, there was nothing too alarming.

Jupiter/chiron/NN in the 9th:

Coming back to this one and finishing up the rest.

Ascendant conjunct venus:

I feel like venus is representing the submarine here, it seems like they created it to look pleasing, fun, to be a big eye catcher with the remote control and all but it wasn't built to take so much pressure or atleast the focus was more on the aesthetics/money. It was just supposed to be like for leisure type of use.

Uranus square venus:

Something unexpected happened, there was friction happening where things didn't function smoothly, prob technical difficulties, it was not pleasant or predictable, things were very rocky. With venus being in the 12th house it was something unknown to them, they couldn't figure out what the problem was. If it was an implosion like everyone is saying, their deaths would of been so quick and instantaneous, that the victims wouldn't have even had time to register what happened to them before passing away. I think the placements in the 12th house def support that, they would have probably felt drugged or some weird pressure 1st if any pain at all.

Uranus in the 10th house-

So maybe it wasn't uncommon that the submarine had it's problems, it would be unpredictable. It also was probably exciting for whose ever idea this trip was or whoever chose this particular vehicle bc it's not like typical submarines. That's why it was interesting for them, it was almost like something you normally wouldn't try but your curiosity, the novelty, the unknown was alluring.

Apparently one of the warnings said "this is not for tourists, this is for adventurers." So that means it's for people who are feeling risky.

This next video clip literally just blew my mind. The founder of the oceangate company/submarine operator and some comments from titanic film maker.

Uranus-innovation, rule breaking, defying standards. This was pretty much an experimental craft.

Ascendant square uranus:

There was always the potential for danger/unpredictability with this submarine, as the founder above was saying, this isn't something you were supposed to do but he did it anyways bc he thought that he could make something better than anything else that's been done before.

Mars square uranus:

Prob this just wasn't thought through, wrong timing, rushed thinking, rushed actions, prob someone was being too bold/confident, they wanted to have fun and test limits (mars) unfortunately that didn't end well (uranus)

It could be that all the men here were too adventurous for their own good, like they've been on wild adventures often enough that you start to feel invincible as if nothing could happen to you bc it is rare for these types of accidents. If even the oceangate founder was on board obviously he didn't know or expect this would happen, so it could of been that they knew it was a risk but they weren't concerned enough. Sometimes you can get carried away by wishful thinking or just plain ego.

Mars is in the 12th-

So they weren't paying attention to detail, they were missing the signs, maybe even the lights went out or something like that. Bc the 12th house would be completely hidden, unknown, unseen, invisible, unconscious.

Neptune in the 8th house:

Anytime I see neptune in a crime chart I always think of water, but it could also represent, gasses, drugs, confusion. A pressure malfunction could def be something when in relation to neptune, the 8th house would describe being too deep.

If there was an implosion for a fact, what would of happened was similar to an explosion, but inverted, they would have been vaporized and crushed.

Google says 👇 and link for more info about it below

They did mention on the video above that there's only 3 other submarines like this one in the world that can go deep enough to see the titanic. So it's rare

Jupiter conjunct MC:

Since stockton rush was the owner and operator of this craft and knowing what we know now, I get the impression that the father and son + 2 other business men were the ones "visiting" if that's the right word.

They really didn't know what they were getting into, they don't operate submarines, they don't know what the company was all about/legal requirements etc, they were just there for a new experience. Jupiter would be the father and son, possibly Hamish and paul henri as well since they are like foreigners here and MC would be the person in charge of the craft, the "authorities" that represent it.

For some reason I thought all 5 of them were friends of eachother but I don't think that's the case, it was like a business relationship.

Quote above from a recent article... would you have gotten into this craft if you knew it was experimental? Most likely not if you want your life. What a shame tbh.

Other links/newest updates I find related to this case👇

06/28/23 NEW UPDATE! Human remains found(1st vid) along with photos of the submarine debris.

Youtuber Dallmyd, vlogged their titanic tour experience on the SAME titan submarine that went missing just days before👇

He never got the chance to complete the dive bc there was complications with the submarine the whole time he was there. Wild

Below stockton talks about he wanted to add more technology to the sub, I think he had great ideas tbh but this was def a disaster..

Someone from a different dive with stockton rush describes their difficult experience with the submarine

Shazada dazwoods sister speaks about who him and his son were...

RIP to everyone who was on board...what a horrible way to go

Suelman, Shahzada Dawood, Stockton Rush, Paul-Henri Nargeolet, Hamish Harding.

For now this is all I got, hope that helped someone to understand the reality of what happened. There's still some aspects I didn't go through yet but if you're curious to know more, leave a like and I'll go more in depth. I have stockton rushes birthday info so I def want to look at that too

✨️Nine of Pentacles✨️

#titanic #titanic tourist submarine #forensicastrology #astrology transits #missingperson #criminalastrology #astrology #celebrity deaths #unexpected #Youtube #june 2023 #news today #oceangate #Instagram

[reingkings]

Black Friday (*Spoilers*)

Alright first I want to say this is not hate! I absolutely LOVED Black Friday. However, I did have some things that I felt could have been changed to make the script a little stronger

Things I loved:

The old TGWDLM gang! — we got an update into their lives without it being overly shoved into our faces. It was just there for people who loved the first musical, but knowing about them wasn’t necessary to the understanding of this one

The music! — Feast or Famine, Do You Want to Play?, Adore Me (especially the chorus), Black Friday, If I Fail You, Our Doors Are Open well I can’t name them all.

Oh, and how America is Great Again played in the background when General McNamara appears on screen. I’m a sucker for characters having their own themes songs. Wouldn’t it be amazing if Paul got a mix of Let it Out/Inevitable

The fact that starkid made a MUSICAL extended universe

The new characters/actors, Kim, Angela, Kendall, James, Curt, were all amazing and their addition really helped flesh out the new universe (plus, it doesn’t hurt that they have amazing voices)

The old cast playing new dynamics and pushing themselves (Lauren, Dylan, and Joey especially, but Jaime killed in her role as Sherman too, as did Robert with Ethan and Jon as Gary)

THE SCRIPT OH MY GOD THE SCRIPT

The choreography! Feast or Famine was my favorite but they keep getting better and better with this!

Their comedy, still fucking gold. Especially those fucking oneliners and small exchanges. “Well, we haven’t put a label on it yet” “But we are intimate” *moment if silence*, “Hannah what the fuck is this, that better be fucking floss!”, “That’s a bribe sir, and that’s illegal”, *raised eyebrow*, “... Well it should be”, “Ooh right in the subpeona”, everything about James Tolbert as Agent Morris

The social CRITIQUE, the fact that the kids don’t even want wiggly, it’s the adults who want to buy wigglys to fill the holes in them (still buying a wiggly though)

How vitalized they all seem to be about the new direction of starkid/that they’re experimenting and coming out of their comfort zone. I love starkid but you could tell that they were getting worn out by just sticking to the same formula of just making parodies. Before TGWDLM we had 2 year gaps between uploads of musicals (which, a year to write a musical is incredible, Sondheim has currently been working on the latest for a decade, and Miranda took like three for Hamilton). I love seeing creators grow

The overall aesthetic of the stage, costumes, and music was so vicerally haunting and scary. I literally slept with my hallway light on and the door open the first time I saw it

Sigh, and now for the things I might get pitchforked for

First some technical stuff. One, I think the sound equipment was on too low for the stage production. If you compare the songs in the stage production to the album version, you can tell that the more subtle parts of the intrumentals were just too quiet. Also, the actors’ voices were much louder than the music so sometimes it was like they were singing acapella. Two, although I appreciate the new camera work and how it’s more similar to traditional recordings of musicals, it did take away from my ability to appreciate the choreography and the subtle reactions of the cast

While a lot of the songs were good, some of them just needed to be cut or trimmed. Especially for songs where one line of explanation would have sufficed. An example of a trimmed song I think is CaliforM.I.A where Lex sings that her mom is an alcoholic, etc. I feel like it could have just been spoken and it would have been more subtle, quiet and painful. A song I think needed to be cut was Deck the Halls. I love Robert, but that song was mostly just an omage to what they did with Workin’ Boys. However, the part that made Workin’ Boys, pardon the pun, work was that it was Professor Hidggen’s backstory/dream. It revealed something about him and his isolation

Some of the lines in the lyrics were just clunky. It’s something I noticed in TGWDLM, but I thought it really worked there since the characters couldn’t sing naturally. However, it seemed to be worse in this? Like I said, some songs were still golden. But some just. Monsters and Men, I noticed had a lot of it. Which yeah, they had less than a year to write it and they had more songs than TGWDLM, so it makes sense that some are a bit rushed? But still, i would have preferred a shorter soundtrack with tighter songs.

I think the Becky and Tom romance was so unnecessary. I feel like yeah, you can make them exes, and you can build up their chemistry so it’s implied they’ll get together eventually, but the fact that they fall in “love” in like 5 hours makes them so shoehorned. For Becky, it’s kind of a disservice because most of her songs are then focused on romance. For Tom, it’s just. It kind of cheapens him, especially since he was previously married for at least 8 years. Like you don’t hear him mention Jane or Tim at all, or worry about Tim’s gift when he’s at the theater. So when it comes to him singing “If I Fail You” it doesn’t feel authentic because you don’t get that sense of Tom feeling like failure over Tim in his dialogue. And also, you could cut out a lot of songs (and give them something new ones)

Although I loved the multiple storylines, I felt like it was really hard to connect to the characters. I feel like that might be because of the songs? Characters were so busy with info dump songs that there were just less interactions in general. I would have loved if the character subtleties could be explored in the same way as TGWDLM

They shouldn’t have killed Ethan. Not just because it’s Robert, but as part of the overall storyline, they shouldn’t have killed Ethan.

Imagine if it had played out like this: No Becky-Tom Romance. They’re just fleeing the mayhem together because they’re the few that managed to keep sane. Becky has a doll but Tom doesn’t. Ethan and Hannah get accosted by the mob. Ethan tells Hannah to run and you see him start to fight, but not what happens after. Hannah is running and you see dead bodies strewn around the mall (to show that people have died). Becky and Tom appear. They hear a few of the wiggly worshippers members yell that they have to find the girl with the wiggly. Tom joins in on the hunt because “he needs to find one for Tim”, the same scene plays out with Do You Want to Play With Me? bc that song is a BOP but Ethan shows up to save Hannah. Becky manages to snap out of her trance and helps Ethan subdue Tom. The three of them flee. Now the two of them are bigger targets bc they had two wigglys. Meanwhile Lex teams up with her managers/discovers her supernatural powers during their escape or something and goes looking for Hannah and Ethan. All this within the first act. Now you’ve got about ~4 plotlines (the cultists/Linda, the trio, Lex (all at the mall) and General McNamara) that are a bit interconnected instead of ~6.

None of the characters got time to breathe, pause and reassess, or grieve. Hannah and Lex never even found out about Ethan. Gerald didn’t find out his wife died, and his call bit was used for comedy, The President didn’t even seem too affected by General McNamara’s sacrifice (which might be a byproduct of the switching story arcs, but contrasts to his TGWDLM moments where he at least got his last words and Paul remembered him)

There was no indication of Lex being supernatural, so her connection with General McNamara was pretty out of the blue and unearned.

That’s it. As I said, I loved it, I just think it could be rearranged somewhat

#black friday #hatchetfield #starkid

[cookinguptales]

Okay, so... This post has been a long time coming. Like, long enough that I’ve gone back and forth and made many posts about this over the past week. ahaha. On one hand, I feel bad bringing up things that happened so long ago, and that almost kept me silent for good. It makes me feel grudgey and petty and like I’m abusing my fandom platform. But on the other hand, I’ve had certain things happen lately that have led me to reconsider my stance of silently blocking people who make me uncomfortable in fandom. And god, despite blacklisting and blocking this guy, he’s been showing up on my dash like crazy lately due to screenshots and whitelisting. He’s all over karabita fandom, and at a certain point, I realized that that isn’t just uncomfortable for me seeing him everywhere -- it’s also a bit worrying considering the age of many people in this fandom, who are honestly really young.

Cut for length.

Last spring, I started writing in the karabita fandom, and it led to a lot of firsts for me. I’d never really had many followers on tumblr before, and I almost never got asks before my fic for this fandom started getting popular. So I really wasn’t sure about ask/request etiquette, and I didn’t always lay down the law like I would learn to do so later. Basically, I wanted to be everyone’s friend, I wanted to answer everyone’s @messages and reblogs and asks and IMs, and I didn’t want to say no when I got requests and asks that made me uncomfortable. I also tended to answer asks I had any kind of problem with privately, which is a decision I’ve since come to regret. I learned that answering them publicly may lead to some fandom friction, but it creates a public record of someone’s weirdness towards you.

I’ve definitely gotten some weird asks over the past year. A lot of them have been anonymous, so I never really knew who to avoid. But starting last summer, one person sent me a long string of bizarre asks, and they did it logged in. president-frankenstein. I answered most of these privately bc honestly most of them made me weirded out, frustrated, or kind of creeped out. At least one I found deeply offensive. (And yes, I still have copies of all of these in my inbox.)

There was a strong element of pushing me to do things I didn’t want to do. He approached me asking me to write Totty/Chibita, a pairing I’ve never talked about publicly bc frankly, it’s a very much hated NOTP of mine. I told him this, and he was like “oh, that’s fine!” (Phew!!) And then he asked me to read his Totty/Chibita fic. (What??) And like all these beginning asks were couched in very complimentary, almost obsequious terms (which also made me kind of uncomfortable, but that’s more my own issues) so I was like. “Well, that was weird, but I guess not a big deal.”

Things took a turn for the weirder when the guy sent me a long, detailed prompt (completely unprovoked, requests weren’t open or anything) for a Pacific War AU that included, along with myriad other things, romanticization of Imperial Japanese soldiers, historically inaccurate details that would aid in that romanticization, and romanticization of (non-canon) disability, all things that make me incredibly uncomfortable bordering on offended. (As most of my followers know, I am disabled IRL, and as for the Imperial soldier thing, well, I’d be equally upset to get a request to write a Nazi soldier romanticizing fic. Protip: war crimes aren’t sexy.) I went back and forth on how to answer this weird, unasked for message, especially because I was honestly kind of seeing red about the contents of the prompt. I eventually sent back a polite but very terse message saying that the content made me very uncomfortable and I under no circumstances wanted to write it. And at that point, I basically washed my hands of it and hoped it was over and he’d stop talking to me.

He apologized. And he kept apologizing. Here’s a tip for people who are apologizing: if you apologize and the person you’re apologizing to doesn’t answer you -- but you keep sending messages until you get a reply back? You care about assuaging your own guilt more than the actual comfort of the person you’re apologizing to. And I will tell you, my comfort level dropped from “low” to “basement level”. I honestly never wanted to talk to him again, but I did eventually send him a message like, yes, I got your apology the first time, I just didn’t want to talk to you anymore.

And then the thing happened that switched me from “I do not like a person in fandom” to “holy shit this person creeps me out”. As soon as I told him I didn’t want to respond to his asks, he posted photomanip fanart for a fic of mine plus a multiple paragraph tumblr post fawning over me. There were a lot of red flags in there, and I could probably break it down point by point (and did, when I contacted several friends and showed him all his messages like “am I right to be incredibly weirded out by this guy” bc I still always doubt my gut reaction) but here are the main things that automatically alarmed me.

Publicly implying closeness that did not exist. Referring to me by real name instead of pseud, acting like he knew what I intended for my fics (he was wrong, by the way), talking about how long he’d been a reader (not that long, actually), etc. Huge, huge red flag.

Actually, continuing that second point, the assumption that he knew what was going on inside my head was presumptuous, entitled, and a little creepy. Like he straight up said that he was sure that if had made the fic longer or if I ever continued the fic, I’d definitely include this headcanon of his. (He sent me asks related to this (again, incorrect) headcanon of his later on, and I did not answer them.) Like he just took it as a given that he understood what I really meant when I said things, which is always a bit alarming when someone already doesn’t seem to understand what you’re telling them.

Tagging me in his post and talking about how much he hoped I liked it (I DID NOT) but not actually directing anything in the post towards me. Making sure I saw something but not talking to me. He was just like. Self-admittedly talking to my audience and cutting me out of the loop. He posted it in all the fandom tags. It was weird and offputting and performative. And very, VERY public.

Now, some background and further explanation about why this upset me so much. I have, in the past, been stalked online. And no, these events I’m talking about now never came anywhere near that feeling of unsafety. But guys, this is absolutely something that the guy who ended up stalking me did to me repeatedly, often enough that I finally realized that doing this is manipulative, not complimentary. Here’s the pattern: Be friendly, upset me until I no longer wanted to communicate with him, then make a public gushing announcement about how wonderful he thought I was. This part is complicated. Part of it is bound up in the whole (deeply problematic) trope of “winning a girl’s esteem back through an OTT gesture” that’s popular in movies -- and that I have grown to hate -- and some of it is linked to female socialization. Above all else, be nice. If someone compliments you, even if it makes you uncomfortable, you’re a “bitch” if you don’t acknowledge it and say thank you. When you tell a guy that you don’t want to talk to him and he responds by making a VERY PUBLIC (again, posted to all fandom tags) post full of gushing praise, it is a manipulative move designed to put you in a position where you need to respond. The guy knew I respond to everyone who makes fanworks of my stories (or, uh, at least try to -- I’ve definitely forgotten during busy periods a couple times), and the guy knew that a socially acceptable response to a post like that is public acknowledgment. It’s a way of bribing you into talking to them again (that grand OTT gesture -- whether romantic or, as in this case, platonic -- that makes any girl forgive you) and a way of putting you in a social situation where you have to talk to them again. It’s a shitty thing to do to someone.

And let’s be 100% clear about something. Putting a woman on a pedestal is just another way of dehumanizing her. There comes a time when praise becomes deeply uncomfortable rather than complimentary, and this guy saw that line and fucking pole-vaulted over it.

I went back and forth on how to respond to this. I thought about privately contacting him, which was my usual go-to response when things made me unhappy online. I thought about reblogging it with a simple message to stop contacting me, publicly for once so people would finally know how I felt about all this. (There was a point when people were actually straight up “shipping” me with my stalker (their words), so I knew the dangers of letting the illusion of closeness hang out in public where people who didn’t know our private history would see it.) In the end, I just ignored it and hoped he’d get the fucking picture.

Spoilers: he didn’t. He contacted me several more times, asking for meta and fic again. I answered one ask, out of that sickly guilty feeling I always get when I don’t respond to fandom asks and because it actually was information that I wanted to convey to my followers, and then just...stopped replying to any. Honestly, I wish I hadn’t even replied to that one ask because I fear that it encouraged him. He stopped sending me asks for a little while, but then I started getting anon asks that -- well, obviously I can’t prove anything, but the guy’s asks were always pretty easy to pick out of a crowd, so I had my suspicions. In the end, I was getting stressed out whenever I saw him in fandom (and disagreed with like...100% of his headcanons and fandom thoughts) and I didn’t want to have to worry about if he really was sending me anon messages, so I blocked him. Like the last thing I need is paranoia. I barely ever block people on tumblr, so this was a hard decision for me. But yeah, after several months of weird messages, I blocked him.

Going forward.... idk man. idek what I want. After I blocked him, he couldn’t bother me anymore, so that was good enough for rme. I blacklisted his name, which unfortunately blacklisted a lot of fanworks -- he tends to get his groupie on with other fan creators in the karabita fandom, so he sends asks to people ALL THE TIME and so a lot of fanworks have his name in the post -- and for the most part didn’t see him all that often. But then a whole bunch of things (detailed in other posts) happened in short order and between my realization that resolving my stalker situation privately allowed him to flourish in fandom and the fact that suddenly I could not fucking escape this guy, I started considering going public with my own discomfort. I don’t want anyone else to find themselves in the weird, uncomfortable situation I was in.

At the same time, though, like I said... The guy’s username is in all kinds of fan content posts. After a couple of followers approached me privately to get the story on the guy who was clearly stressing me out, they asked me if I wanted them to stop reblogging posts that contained his asks, especially ones that have screenshots of the asks and therefore can’t be blocked. And part of me really doesn’t want to see those things, but even more of me believes that to be desperately unfair towards the people who make fanworks that just happen to be associated with him. So like. Don’t do that. Please do not make any callout posts or harass anyone involved with this, either. I 100% do not condone fandom dogpiling.

I guess I’ll just tell you the same thing I told the (new) friend that I saw, to my horror, publicly praising the guy who stalked me for years as “a great friend’. You can be friends with whomever you want, but just know the guy’s done creepy shit. It’s possible that p-f is just socially awkward, like many people in fandom, and he just legit did not get that he was freaking me out. (Despite me, at a couple points, telling him I was uncomfortable.) But I’ve learned the hard way that repeatedly forgiving people who are “socially awkward” can land you in situations where you feel unsafe, and that’s never okay.

So I guess now you know?? I’ve gone over the reasons I hesitated to make this post many times in other posts, and I’ll add one more thing. I blocked p-f. Unless he logs out or someone c/ps this for him, he cannot read this, and he cannot directly defend himself. I do worry over that bc it seems unfair. But at the same time, I’ve come to the point where I’m tired of just not talking about it and privately, politely trying to get people to stop when they make me uncomfortable in fandom. Other people deserve to have fun and feel safe in fandom, but so do I! The fic that a guy wants to read, or his feelings of guilt, or his desire to smooth things over and make me like him -- none of those things take precedence over my own sense of safety and comfort while playing around in a hobby, and the fact that he prioritized those things over my clear discomfort is the biggest red flag of all.

Also, I have him blocked for a reason. I will not be looking at or responding to any reply by him, and please do not try to ferry messages between us. I will block you, too, bc I will no longer be able to trust you to respect my boundaries. (Again, that’s something I had to deal with when I finally spoke up about the guy who’d been sending me upwards of 50 messages a day on like 10 different platforms, going to places I liked IRL to find “traces of me”, trying to become friends with my friends so we’d run into each other in social environments, and publicly planning play dates for our future children -- and it tore me to bits when I lost friends that way.)

thank you if you read all this, and I hope you have a good night.

#I don't even know what to tag this...