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darthkruge · 3 years

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Anakin Skywalker x Reader ~ Help

Summary: The five times the Senator!Reader needs Anakin’s help but refuses to ask for it and the one time they do

Warnings: Language, reader is afraid of vulnerability, reader is going through it, angst, violence, fluff (it ends on a positive note, I promise)

Words: 4k

A/N: This idea has kinda been bouncing around my head for a hot minute and I finally decided to just go ahead and write it. And somehow it became the longest fic I’ve ever written! Is this self-indulgent? Who’s to say?!

(not my gif)

Okay, so a right, then a left, then another left, then-

You groaned. You’d been going over the cryptic instructions Padme gave you back at the temple but they were, unfortunately, not helping. It was your first time alone in Coruscant and you were completely lost in the painfully literal sense. You had just been given your first actual mission with the Council as a senator, something you’d worked your entire career for. As an added bonus, you were on the same planet as your boyfriend, Anakin Skywalker.

You’d gotten close over the last year and were elated when he asked you on a date the last time you were in the same place. This was the first time you were together in the two weeks it had been since then.

Anyway, you were currently wandering around the bustling Coruscant streets, looking for the market. Well, you were looking for the market. Now, you realized you would probably never find it and were just trying to make your way back.

You debated calling Anakin. You could. He would be able to guide you home easily, you rationalized. But it’s Coruscant! How difficult could it be? If people came here for missions all the time and didn’t get hopelessly lost, so could you! And Anakin was probably busy anyway, you didn’t want to disturb him. Besides, the relationship was so new! You didn’t want to annoy him. After weighing the odds, you pushed down the urge to reach out and decided to just find your own way.

This logic was ridiculous, you realized far too late. Fuck. There was no way around it, you were going to be late. Or at the very least, cut it exceptionally close. You started running, heart racing. It would be so stupid to be late to your first actual Council meeting because you got lost. You wanted them to take you seriously and think of you as a professional. Tardiness as a first impression went against all of that!

After sprinting and taking several aimless turns, by some stroke of magic you found your way to the Temple. You checked the time and realized you had two minutes to make it to up several flights of stairs.

Fuck it. You decided, taking off in a run. You took the stairs two at a time, stumbling occasionally before unceremoniously bursting through the doors to the meeting.

You gulped in air quickly, chest heaving while you desperately tried to calm your heart. You inelegantly brushed a hand through your hair and gave an awkward smile.

“Hi, uh, everyone! Hi! I’m,” You took a quick break to breathe in some more oxygen as your gaze shifted to Anakin. He looked amused and concerned as he took you in. He gave you a discreet and supportive smile and head nod. You gave your own in return. He believes in me. “I’m Senator Y/N L/N”

II.

Honestly, you didn’t know how your speeder had broken. You’d been flying them for years and, despite being a senator, you were pretty damn good at it. It was something that gave you solace as a kid, those little moments of freedom. Even then, though, you were a decently cautious person and didn’t break many of them.

Thus, you ended up in your current predicament. Staring at the fried wires under the hood of your speeder, trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong. You knew Anakin was freakishly talented at fixing basically everything. He could probably look at the speeder for 10 minutes, know what’s wrong with it, and get it back to you in perfect shape.

You think this is why you don’t want to tell him. What if he thought you were stupid? Shouldn’t you be able to figure this out yourself? You fought with your instincts, feeling the conflict build inside you.

You knew he wouldn’t judge you. You knew he’d be glad you came to him for help. Even so, you felt physically incapable of moving to call or find him.

Frustrated, you turned back to your work. You decided to pull this one gear, thinking it might do something. Well, you were right about that. A stream of oil sprayed out of the speeder, coating you in its thick, black paint. You stood there frozen for a second, trying to mentally comprehend that you had just been sprayed with oil because you were too afraid to talk to the man you were in a literal relationship with!!

You groaned, wiping your hands on your pants before grabbing a towel to wipe some of the grease off your face. You walked back into your apartment quickly, praying to the Maker that no one would see you like this. Honestly, they’d probably smell you first and run the other way.

You finally got back without problems and made a bee-line straight to the bathroom. Pulling off your clothes and turning on the hot shower, you sighed as you finally felt the oil washed off your skin. You spent about twenty minutes in there, scrubbing furiously to ensure you didn’t smell like a fucking garage.

Finally, you went out and saw Anakin sitting on your bed, messing with a piece of wiring.

“Hey, Y/N! Did you know your speeder was broken? It looks like you blew a cable, easy fix, don’t worry. I’ll have it ready for you by tonight.”

He looked up and saw your exhausted state and the clump of dirty, grease ridden clothes you were holding.

His brow furrowed, trying to piece it together. “Maker, what happened to you?”

“I had a fight with the speeder. And lost”

Anakin bit back a laugh before his confusion compounded. “Wait, you know I can fix this, right? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was an idiot. I mean, I did something and broke an entire speeder and somehow didn’t even know what I broke! It’s humiliating!”

“Cables are hard, it’s not your fault you didn’t know what to do, love.”

“Really?” You asked, unconvinced.

“Really. Come on, let’s go throw those clothes in the wash and I’ll get back to fixing this.”

“Oh, no, Ani you don’t have to-”

Anakin cut you off with a kiss, distracting you enough to quickly take the clothes from your hands.

“I’ll have it ready within the hour, my love.”

III.

Who the fuck decided to put the plates that high up?!

You jumped again and again, arm outstretched as far as possible. Once again, you didn’t even get close. Sighing, you looked around the apartment and noticed a ladder. It looked a bit unsteady but you would be fine, right? You were a whole ass senator, you were sure you could handle an old ladder.

Pulling it over to you, you climbed up and reached out. Much closer this time, but you still couldn’t reach them. You went on your tiptoes, eyebrows furrowed and lip bit in concentration. You angled your body just a little further, a little further-

The ladder was suddenly ripped out from under you and you desperately shot your arms out, hands clawing to try and stop your imminent fall onto the hard kitchen tiles. Bracing yourself for the inevitable pain, you squeezed your eyes closed.

“Y/N!!” You heard as your fall suddenly stopped. You opened your eyes and noticed you were barely floating above the floor. Anakin ran toward you and noticed the ladder strewn on the floor beside you.

“What the hell were you doing?” He said, offering you his hand and pulling you up.

“I was just-” You gesture lamely to the plates, realizing how ridiculous you must look.

“Y/N, no one can reach those! Next time, just call me, I’ll get them for you!”

“But-” You sigh, hating this. “I wanted to be able to do this, I don’t want to rely on you and your Jedi powers all the time”

Anakin’s gaze softened. He knew you had trouble relying on others. Even so, he couldn’t even start to think of what would have happened if he’d arrived home even 10 seconds later.

“I know, baby, I know. But, please, try. You’d have to rely on me a lot more if you break your legs falling off a ladder.”

“I know” You reply softly, giving him a shy smile. “I’m working on it, I promise”

IV.

You’d been up all night working on a new presentation for the Council. You’d spent hours going over it, the facts, the plans, the details. Everything was set. Well, everything except one little piece. To make your point stronger, you needed the statistics from the latest Jedi missions.

The only people with access to those were Anakin and Obi-Wan. You knew, logically, that if you asked Anakin he’d give them to you without hesitation. He supported you always and knew that you only used your power as a senator to improve lives.

Even so, there was that part of your brain that told you he wouldn’t give them to you. He would think you’re just trying to use him for his connections as a Jedi. Or perhaps he simply wouldn’t care enough to search through the reports to find the information.

All of this was, of course, completely inaccurate. But you’d never had someone who actually wanted to help you. It's always been “okay I’ll do this for you but only if you do this for me, too.” No one ever looked out for you and you’d grown accustomed to it. It’d become almost comforting, in a way. At least you knew what to expect.

This was how you ended up seeing your beautiful boyfriend across the halls of the Jedi temple and walking another way. Your heart tugged painfully and your brain screamed at you. Why don’t you allow yourself to trust him? Why would you assume the worst? Why can’t you fight these thoughts?

You took one more look back at him. You didn’t want to be closed off by any stretch of the imagination. You wished you could turn off the thoughts and the doubt. You knew Ani didn’t deserve it. You sighed. There he was, training by himself in the courtyard. You looked away and took a moment to compose yourself before your legs carried you away and toward your good friend.

“Hey, Obi-Wan, could you help me with something for the next Council meeting?”

You were running. You were running and as fast as you moved, you never got closer to him. You were never safe. A masked figure was chasing you and you just couldn’t get away. Your legs burned with the effort, your lungs straining to grasp oxygen. You were exhausted to your core, your sheer panic the only thing keeping you awake.

You looked back and saw the man gaining on you. Tears started streaming down your cheeks. You knew what he was capable of and had no doubt he would kill you if he caught you. You didn’t want to die, not like this. You didn’t want him to beat you. You were so, so scared. You screamed as he caught up to you, your body no longer moving. You pleaded with your legs to work, reasoned with the heavens, did anything you could, and yet you wouldn’t budge.

The stranger’s claw of a hand twisted around your neck, squeezing. You fought. It was pointless. You began to black out, feeling the life slip out of your body. Dark spots appeared in the corners of your vision and you tried once again to kick your way out of his grasp-

You bolted awake, eyes shooting open. Your chest was heaving and tear stains marked your cheeks. You placed your hands on the bed sheets, bunching them up and trying to feel the texture to remind yourself that you were safe. You tried to breathe, tried to calm yourself but nothing was working.

You got up, pacing quietly. Out of all the nights to have a nightmare, it had to be today. The one night you and Anakin weren’t together. Since you had to hide the relationship, you couldn’t technically share an apartment. This didn’t stop you from spending basically every night together, though. His chambers became yours after the first month or so of dating, neither of you wanting to spend time apart.

But, unfortunately, the Council seemed more cautious as of late and you didn’t want to risk it. Thus, you decided to spend tonight apart. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to care right now. You grabbed one of his Jedi robes, pulling the black fabric around your body. You were immediately calmed by his scent and wrapped it closer around you. You started to make your way down the hall. You knew it was risky but after that nightmare, you just needed him.

You made it to his apartment, went to knock on the door, and abruptly stopped. What are you doing? You can’t just go to him! He’s exhausted, he’s been working all week! He finally got home from a mission and you want to wake him up in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare? It wasn’t even real! Maker, get a hold of yourself, Y/N!

Your hand hovered over the door. You wanted him, you did. But those lingering thoughts, those lingering emotions remained. A childhood of neglect, of constant feelings of unimportance left scars you couldn’t avoid. You hated that your parent’s inability to show you affection or care manifested in your inability to be vulnerable. Despite this, you somehow understood. You’d spent years letting them in and only getting invalidated in return. Like all patterns, this one wouldn’t go away just because you wanted it to.

Now, every time you tried to let Anakin in, it’s like an alarm was tripped in your brain. Every part of you that wanted to allow him to know you was combated with the overwhelming fear that, if you did, if you went to him for comfort or help, he would think of you as a burden. He’d leave, just like the rest of them did. So you pushed the urge for comfort aside, dropped your hand, and made the lonely walk back to your room.

You got back to your room, mentally beating yourself up. You wished your brain worked differently. You wished you would allow yourself to be loved. You wished you could trust, fully and completely. You sighed. Knowing you wouldn’t be getting any sleep, you made yourself a cup of tea and sat on your cough, the room solely illuminated by the moonlight. You kept Anakin’s robes around you, wishing it was his arms. You sat like that until morning, sipping the drink on and off until it grew cold. You were zoned out, staring out the window at the Coruscant traffic. Your thoughts either drifted to him or your past trauma. Maker, you wished you could change it.

Fuck. You’d been driving around on your speeder, zipping in and out of alleys, for the last twenty minutes. There was a bounty hunter after you. A damn good bounty hunter, at that. Being a high profile senator, it made sense you’d run into the occasional person trying to kidnap you. Or kill you.

Damn, this bitch is good. You kept trying to lose them but you couldn’t shake them. You didn’t even know who they were but it didn’t matter, you supposed. At the end of the day, regardless of who was in that speeder, they wanted you dead. And if you didn’t figure out how to get out of this mess, you would be.

They’d been shooting at you for a while now but you’d been able to avoid the blasts. Whether it was skill, luck, or a combination of both, you weren’t sure. Even so, you didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t shoot back at them, as you stupidly forgot your blaster. Who could blame you, though? All you wanted to do was go for a ride to clear your head, you didn’t expect to be fucking shot at!

You continued like this for a while. All you had to do was get back to the Temple. You were probably about 10 minutes away if you continued at this pace, 7 if you really pushed it. You looked ahead and saw the walls of it come into view and suddenly safety didn’t feel so far away. Despite the circumstances, a smile graced your face. You could do this.

Or maybe not. As you tried to swerve between more buildings, they hit you. You felt your speeder plummet 10 feet instantly and screamed. Your engine sputtered and your heart dropped. Mind racing, you tried to drive but came to the chilling realization that there was no way you’d make it back. Your engine was done for, it wouldn’t make it 3 minutes, yet alone all the way back.

Your mind went to him. Anakin. Fuck, you loved him. You let out a humorless laugh. Since you started dating, you almost never asked him for help. You couldn’t let him in. Something in your brain stopped you every single time. And yet, now, all of that felt stupid. It felt juvenile. When you looked at your speeder, slowly but surely stalling and the bounty hunter approaching, you felt this overwhelming sense of clarity.

You were going to die. This person, they would get to your speeder and shoot you. You didn’t have a single weapon. It was inevitable. Your mind, however, wouldn’t relent. It was stuck on him. In this moment, you pressed the comm button in your speeder, hoping beyond hope that it would still work.

“Y/N?” Anakin’s staticky voice cut through the speeder and went straight to your heart.

“Hey, Ani” You said, your voice broken up with unshed tears.

“Y/N? Where are you? What’s happening?”

“I’m- Anakin, I’m in trouble. A bounty hunter is after me, my speeder is hit and going to stop working probably within the next 20 seconds. I don’t have any weapons to defend myself. I, I, uh, I need your help”

“I’m coming to get you, stay where you are.” His voice was firm, his need to protect you overruling everything else in his body.

“I’m just a few-”

“I’ve got you, love. I can sense you in the Force. I know where you are”

Of course he could. You took a few deep breaths and you speeder sputtered out, stopping in a deserted alleyway. You looked around and saw the bounty hunter, now obviously male, stepping out and making his way towards you.

“He’s here, Anakin” Your voice was tight, anxious. You were quiet, paralyzed by fear.

“Please, Y/N, fuck! Hold on, I’m almost there”

“Ani, Anakin I’m scared! Ani! Ani!” You were hysterical now, screaming and sobbing his name as the man punched the top of your speeder, fracturing the glass. He pulled you out of it by the hair and threw you harshly onto the concrete.

You yelped in pain as he kicked you directly in the ribs. He backhanded you across the face, the power from his hit making blood pool in your mouth. Harshly you spit it onto the ground, looking up at him with pure hate.

He placed the blaster to your head, right on your forehead. You let your eyes flutter closed. Your knees were scraped, legs bruised. You were sure at least one of your ribs was broken. You could feel blood running from your temple. Your arm was radiating pain from landing on it. Despite all this, the only thing you thought of was Anakin. Funny, you thought, how the brain chooses what to focus on in its last moments. All you hoped was that he didn’t feel responsible for your death. All you hoped was that he knew you loved him.

“You’re finished, Senator”

“I don’t think so” Anakin’s smooth voice, tight with anger, cut through the air. His lightsaber unsheathed, he swung it directly into the man. You gasped, everything happening so quickly. As soon as the blaster was gone from your forehead, you scrambled back.

Anakin walked up to you but, from the shock, you pulled back even further.

“Hey, hey, it’s me, it’s Anakin, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you”

You whimpered, looking at him and placing a hand on his jacket before harshly jumping into his arms. He gripped you to him, both of you sighing in relief.

“You came for me”

He looked at you like you were insane. “Of course I did! You needed me, you called! I’m always going to be there for you, Y/N. I am always going to show up”

“Thank you” You said, voice muffled against his chest. His hands raked through your hair while you just breathed him in. His scent comforted you, his strong chest and large arms grounding you after a day so intense and horrifying that nothing felt real.

You were still trembling, the aftershocks quite apparent.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you. You’re safe, he’s dead, he’s gone. No one’s ever gonna hurt you again, I promise.” Anakin whispered these affirmations into your hair, holding you until the shaking ceased.

“Thank you for calling me, Y/N. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“It wasn’t that hard, to be honest, I- wait? What do you mean, you know it couldn’t have been easy for me?!”

Anakin looked at your sheepishly. “You honestly think I haven’t noticed your problems with asking for help? We’ve been together for almost a year and, contrary to popular belief, I can be quite perceptive. I didn’t want to call you out on it, I assumed you’d be embarrassed. But I’m glad that when it actually came down to life or death, you called me.”

“I’ve always known I could call you, Anakin. Please, I don’t want you to ever think my inability to be vulnerable is rooted to anything you do. You’re, fuck, you’re perfect. You’re kind and compassionate and caring and you’re always looking out for me. Look, I know I haven’t been too open about my past and I still struggle with that. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve never had someone who actually wanted to be there for me. This thing where you care and want me to come to you when I’m hurting or simply just want affection or company or help with the little things, it’s foreign to me.”

Ani’s heart broke at your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you back then, Y/N. I hate that this” He said, gesturing between you both “is unique to you. But, seriously, anytime you need anything I’m someone you can come to. I honestly want you to come to me. Regardless of if you think it’s something small or this life-altering favor, ask me. I doubt I’d turn you away and, on the off chance I do, I’m not gonna hold that against you.”

“You won’t leave? Even if I show you all of me? Even if I rely on you?”

“I won’t leave you, beautiful. So long as you allow me to show you all of me, too. And you let me rely on you, too.”

Your eyes widened at his words. “Of course! Of course, Ani! I’m here for you, I got you, too, always.”

“I know you do” His flesh hand went up, cupping your cheek.

“I know you do, too.” You sighed into his touch. You were exhausted beyond belief, your body and mind pretty much shutting down from the stress of it all. Even so, you relaxed further into his body. Yeah, this was new. Yes, it was scary. But you were going to try. Even though it terrified you, you wanted to be loved. You wanted to be loved by him.

tagging julia bc she asked when i was textpost-complaining about having to edit this <3

@anakinswhore

#megan writes #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x gn!reader #anakin skywalker x gender neutral reader #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker imagines #anakin skywalker angst #anakin skywalker fluff #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #anakin skywalker

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bitoffairydust · 3 years

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Yesterday we came home from the hospital as a family of three.

Things haven’t been super smooth sailing, nor did I expect them to be, but our little one is doing well and I’m healing fine so that’s really all we could ask for.

Wednesday was a bit of a whirlwind. I was scheduled to go into the hospital for my induction at 5, so we spent the morning doing a bit of last minute clean up around the place. Then around 12, someone from L&D called and said if we were available to come in earlier, we could just show up whenever. We still had a few things to finish up so we had lunch, I took a shower while my wife did the dishes, then she took a shower and got the cats set up for a few days home alone before we called an Uber to head to the hospital.

We got there around 3:30-4 so not super early but they got us into the delivery rooms right away and someone came over to go over a few questions (medical stuff and what I was hoping for with the birth). I got hooked up to the contraction and fetal heartbeat monitors, they got my IV line in, and then we went over the induction options for me. Based on my last check up, I was about 1.5 cm dilated, so before anything else they had to get me to about 3 cm, which they offered to do with either the foley balloon or misoprostol. Then the plan was to start me on oxytocin to get contractions going. I requested the miso, cause I figured there would be enough things going in and out of my vagina for the evening without an additional thing thrown in there 😅

It actually took a little while for the induction to start because as it turns out, three people (myself included) showed up for their induction within 5 minutes of each other and I was the last so it was closer to 7 before the resident came to examine me. In doing so they found I had actually progressed to 3 cm on my own since my last appointment so they were able to just get me started up on oxytocin.

Contractions started up pretty much instantly but they were very manageable. I’d say just from the oxy progression, the worst contraction I got was maybe a 5 on the scale from 1 to 10. Then they ran through the dosage and did another exam to see where I was at. They didn’t give an exact number then but I think it was somewhere between 4 and 5 cm. Before starting me up on another dosage of oxytocin, they went ahead and tried to break my water as it hadn’t yet. They didn’t actually manage to fully get it, and honestly, at that point, them trying to get it to break was actually more painful than the contractions I’d experienced that far.

That changed pretty fast once they established they’d gotten enough of the membranes for the time being. I’m fuzzy on the timeline but I think it must have been close to 10 at that point, and the pain level climbed very quickly along with contraction intensity and frequency. I tried to bounce on a ball for a bit and the nurse showed my wife some pressure points to try and help with the pain but it did nothing. Around 10:30 I requested the epidural, which was unfortunate timing on my part as the anesthesiologist had just gone in to assist with a c-section. By the time she was out and got to my room it was about 11:30 and pain was an easy 10 on the scale with contractions maybe a minute and a half apart.

The epidural itself went in pretty smoothly but at first there wasn’t much to be said for relief. Since they mentioned it could take 15 minutes to really be felt I didn’t think much of it, and I did feel like things were getting a bit better as minutes passed. The last contraction I was asked about felt more back down to a 5 on the pain scale so the anesthesiologist left. Unfortunately, that 5 turned out to be a fluke because pain shot back up pretty quickly and I was soon at a 10 again, no matter the dosage boosts.

That part was quite honestly the worst of it all, having expected some sort of relief and finding it to be just as worse as before. To make it worse, baby was not handling those contractions well. His heart beat would drop with the start of each contraction, though it picked up before the end of them so though they wanted to keep an eye on it it wasn’t cause for intervention yet. The nurse monitored his heart rate with me laying flat on my back, on my right side, on my left side and then sitting straight up. The latter was the slightly better option for him, but definitely did nothing to help my pain management. She did get me back on my back to try and relieve me a bit since the difference to the effect on baby wasn’t huge but at that point contractions were relentless. I was dealing with back labor contractions, which were maybe a minute apart, and because they suspected the placenta had detached a bit when they tried to break my water, when a contraction would subside, the pain in my abdomen would become more prominent and almost to the same level. It made it feel like I was contracting non stop with no break for catching my breath or trying to recuperate.

Around 2 in the morning there were a few people in the room examining me and trying to figure out the best course of action. A C-section being needed started being mentioned if things didn’t improve, but I was at a little more than 9 cm by then. The OB and the anesthesiologist had a talk outside the room and decided to re-do my epidural as it had clearly failed (they did an ice test and it was clear I wasn’t frozen anywhere at all), and if I were to end up needing a c-section, I’d have to have it redone anyway.

She took two tries to get everything situated in my back. That second try did the trick. I don’t think I can even describe the amount of relief when my foot started feeling warm and then going numb, and within maybe 5 minutes it was amazingly painless. They did another ice test and this time I felt no cold at all anywhere, and when the nurse pointed out I’d just had a contraction it cemented it because I’d not felt it at all. The only thing I could feel at that point was a bit of abdominal pressure every now and then. And I will say, I did have a great team with me. Everyone was very empathetic and trying their best to get me to feel some form of relief before the second epidural. And they seemed almost as relieved as me when that last one finally worked - especially because after that baby’s heart stabilized.

By the time the epidural was done, even though they figured I had likely progressed to 10 cm, they elected to let me rest for a bit, and give baby a chance to keep making his way down, so I got to catch a breather until about 4 am. Then they told me it was time to try and start pushing, with the nurse guiding me since I still couldn’t feel any sort of contraction. I pushed through maybe four or five contractions without huge progress, and the OB came in to assess and established baby needed a bit of help coming out. They set up the forceps and had me push through another couple of contractions, but they were pretty week and hard to catch even for the nurse by then, and baby’s heart rate was starting to struggle again. So they got on the phone to get a room prepped for c-section, and the doctor told me I would get to push through one last contraction, but if nothing happened we’d have to go into surgery.

The nurse tried to wait for a good one (she had already reupped the oxytocin drip at that point) and by some miracle, the next push for his head half out and with the second one it was completely out. The rest of his body followed quickly and before I had even caught up with it all, I had his tiny little body on me.

Even though they’d brought someone in from the NICU just to be safe, he ended up being perfectly okay. I needed a bit more attention because I had more bleeding than normal, and I had to have 4 stitches and another IV line put in to help with the blood loss. Then we stayed in the delivery room until about 6 at which point we were brought over to our postpartum room.

Since then nursing has undoubtedly been the biggest challenge. He did have a tongue tie, but he struggled from the get go. He would latch well but lose it and then get frustrated and cry. He also is a very lazy eater - I’d spend easily 30-45 minutes per side trying to get him to stay aware long enough to take in maybe 15 minutes of proper feeding, but he’d start smacking his lips practically the moment he was done, and he’d wake up hungry again within the hour.

Unfortunately there was no lactation consultant on staff as she was on vacation this week. People commented time and time again about how I had no supply issue, and his latch (when he was latched) was good, but it didn’t seem to help. I also felt I kept getting conflicting information as one moment he’d have crystals in his urine to indicate potential dehydration, and the next they’d be telling me he had barely loss any of his birth weight and was perfectly on target for that.

We did decide to get his tongue tie cut as it seemed to really be frustrating him at feeds and make it harder for my breast to properly fit into his mouth. The feed that followed the cut was easily the best we’ve had to date, but unfortunately it went downhill from there. After we got home and I tried to feed him last night, he did fine on the right side but then only lasted 10 minutes on the left and then lost it, started to scream and wouldn’t latch again. I haven’t been able to make him latch on the left side since, and I only managed to get him latched to the right a couple more times before we ran in the same problem, so we had to go ahead and start giving him bottles. I’ll be trying to work through it with a lactation consultant as soon as possible, and I’ve now started pumping, but in the meantime, him being properly fed was the biggest thing.

He does also have a small fracture on his right clavicle, likely from the forceps, but the pediatrician said that will resolve on its own within the week. In the meantime we just have to be very cautious how we move his right arm, and she prescribed him Tylenol if need be.

In the meantime we’re just trying to settle down to our new sleep deprived routine. But then looking into all the sweet, funny faces he makes both when asleep and awake makes it feel pretty worth it.

- Marie

#baby blog #baby #pregnancy blog #pregnancy #birth #birth story #induction #infant #newborn

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nightinngales · 4 years

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If it's not weird to ask, do you have any advice for staying motivated while writing? And just how to write better in general? With the first question, your fics inspired me to start writing again, and while ive got a chapter finished Im having a hard time staying motivated to write it despite still being really into my ideas i had for the fic

for me a lot of it comes with personal investment, and also i admit outside motivation is a big part of it for me as well. however, there’s a couple tricks i have that may help you out. forgive the long answer lol

personal investment: unfortunately no one can really help you with that. it’s going to be a lot easier to write something that you’re personally invested in seeing through to the end. on my end, i have multiple avenues when writing isn’t working. if i’m going through a block, i might decide to draw some seres fanart just for kicks, or i’ll play a bit of the game to get into eres’ head a bit more. i usually end up finding that after drawing or playing a while, i end up wanting to write anyways.

consider making a basic outline. what are the concepts you’re most excited about writing? where in the story do they take place? when i first started writing vigilance, my outline was essentially just the working titles of the separate acts i had planned. it doesn’t have to be a complex outline - mine was initially just, for example: “act 4 - bruiant mansion”.

you don’t have to write in order. one of the things i would get stuck on initially was feeling like i had to write every chapter in order, when i was in the concept phase. but when i started writing i knew there were things i wanted to write and hadn’t gotten to yet - so instead i created an “Excerpts” file. These were just excerpts from plot points or story beats i had inspiration to write immediately, but in different parts of the story - i had little excerpts from acts 1-6 and even parts of the ending all written up before i had started writing the full thing. it gave me a “hook” to get started with, and that i could expand upon.

don’t bog yourself down with adhering 100% to a plan. sometimes plans don’t work out. if you’d seen some of the initial writing i did for vigilance - there are entire scenes or plot lines that never made it into the final fic that’s on ao3. not because those scenes were bad, but because as i reached the points i had already written, i found i wanted to change them, or that they didn’t quite line up anymore.

complex concepts? make notes, connect the dots. act 5 is where vigilance became a lot more complex very quickly. there were a whole host of concepts i needed to introduce and connect in a cohesive manner, though i generally write from the seat of my pants, so to speak, i needed a way to make sure i was on track. i use scrivener to do my outlining in - usually just with scenes and a general explanation of what i want to cover in them. i also write primarily in scrivener and then transfer to word/ao3 after.

validation/support from friends. honestly this is a big part of it for me - getting comments on my fic, whether from friends who read it, or strangers on ao3, is a huge part of my motivation. seeing that other people are enjoying what i’m writing makes me want to write more. i would only say to be careful that not ALL of your motivation comes from outside - because you may not get a huge response at first depending on the fandom. also, be careful not to judge your success on what other authors get - there’s no end to how many factors contribute to the traction you’ll get on ao3. don’t be too hard on yourself if it takes a while for your fic to pick up steam, or if it doesn’t line up with the biggest fics in your fandom.

as far as improving your writing goes - the only way you improve writing is by writing more. write a LOT. i’m not going to tell you you should be studying authors and trying to emulate their style - i think some people do that, and there’s nothing wrong with it, but i think there’s also something to be said for developing your own voice when writing. it also depends on what vibe you’re going for - is your writing aiming to be more high brow and flowery, or are you looking to write something more accessible where a more YA-style would fit better? etc.

also, consider writing off the top of your head. don’t spend 30 minutes trying to craft one perfect sentence - you’ll only burn yourself out that way. write, and let it come to you naturally - you can always go back and edit what you’ve written later to make it flow better. the point is to get something down while you’ve got the juice for it. i typically write every chapter in 1-2 long writing sessions and then go back and edit wording or formatting later when i reread it.

most importantly, take breaks. do you know how long i’ve been working on vigilance? it’s only been a few months since i started posting to ao3, but Vigilance has been in the works for well over a year prior to me posting the first act on ao3. i didn’t work on it constantly. i would have bursts of motivation where i would crank out chapter after chapter - for example, i believe i finished acts 4&5 within the span of a month. but other times i may take weeks worth of “time off” where i am actually pretty uninspired - it’s very easy to burn out if you don’t take breaks, especially if what you plan to write is going to take a long time to finish. work at your own pace and don’t beat yourself up if you’re not writing on the daily.

some screenshots below the cut for scrivener/fanart i draw for motivation (note: has spoilers for act 5, if you haven’t read that yet):

#seres #seres fic #long post #SORRY ITS SO LONG BUT #here you go lol #Anonymous

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yourhelpfulaffiliate · 4 years

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10 Common Mistakes New Affiliate Marketers Make

Going From Noob To SpammerNot Having A Digital HomebaseNot Modeling What WorksTrying Everything At OnceNot Tracking Your ProgressNot Setting GoalsGetting Distracted Being Scared To Spend MoneyPutting Sales First Promoting The Wrong Stuff

1. Going From Noob To Spammer

The business model for affiliate marketing is basically suggesting or promoting products or services and getting paid a commission when people purchase through your affiliate links. When people first discover this there is a very common tendency for them to spread their affiliate links all over the Internet. I understand this because I made the same mistake. I thought if I have more links in more locations the chances of me getting a commission will increase. Unfortunately it just doesn’t work like that. Spreading affiliate links without providing any value has a very low conversion rate. On top of the fact that it doesn’t convert very well this strategy also reduces your credibility. The average person uses the Internet every day and they can tell the difference between helpful information and spam in a matter of seconds. If you want to be successful at affiliate marketing I recommend creating unique and helpful content that you can add related affiliate links to. The strategy has a much higher conversion rate than just spamming links.

2. Not Having A Digital Homebase

When I started trying to be an affiliate marketer I was on a shoe string budget so I didn’t want to spend money on anything. I started every type of social media account and spammed like crazy. Doing this did nothing to create trust between me and my prospects. It also took a lot of time and effort and yielded nothing as a result. Not only was this a very unsuccessful tactic most social media platforms won’t allow you to post direct affiliate links and will actively block them. Creating a homebase on the Internet can solve a lot of these problems. Your homebase could be a website, a blog or even a YouTube channel. It just needs to be a chunk of Internet real estate where you can brand yourself, share content, and earn trust. After that, then you can recommend products or services.

3. Not Modeling What Works

I have to admit this mistake has stolen more time and effort than any other mistake. I thought I could figure it all out on my own. I spent years testing this and trying that hoping I would discover a new and innovative way to be an affiliate marketer. If I had simply spent a fraction of that time studying how others have managed to become successful at affiliate marketing I would have been much better off. If others have found a way to be successful affiliate marketers there is nothing wrong with modeling what they have done. I am not saying copy or steal others work! I am saying you should model successful strategies because they been show to work for others. If you would like to learn more about the tactics and strategies I use as an affiliate marketer check out my 7 day $7 course - Affiliate Marketing Jumpstart Week. The link for this online course is below. https://yourhelpfulaffiliate.com/courses/affiliate-marketing-jumpstart-week/

4. Trying Everything At Once

Making money online can be a bit like being a kid in a candy store. Every strategy seems appealing at first glance so you just wanna try a little bit of everything. When I started trying to make money online I jumped from referral programs, to drop shipping, to MLM, to affiliate marketing and never really nailed down any of them. I recommend picking one and sticking with it until you see success. Because if you can’t be successful with just one of them what makes you think you’ll be successful trying to do all of them at once. Now this blog is specifically about affiliate marketing. And you can fall into the same type of trap picking affiliate programs. There are a lot of affiliate programs out there. That does not mean you have to sign up for every one. Trying to manage and promote to many affiliate programs can quickly lead to disorganization and confusion. It can become very difficult to track and keep up with this amount of information. This is why I recommend doing a good amount of research before you pick what affiliate programs you will become a member of and start promoting. It’s much easier to keep track of a small number of affiliate programs that you have researched and understand. Honestly I still have trouble with this mistake. Every time I discover a new affiliate program I am always tempted to sign up for it. This is something I’m actively working on getting better at. At this point I don’t actually know how many affiliate programs I am a member of and that’s not good. You want to have a number that’s manageable that way you can actually track your progress.

5. Not Tracking Your Progress

This can be an easy mistake to make. A lot of new affiliate marketers don’t think about what kind of data they should be keeping track of. Creating a simple Excel sheet to help you keep track of your important data is a good way to remedy this mistake. Simply decide how often you’d like to keep track of specific data points and then keep track of them. Examples of the type of data you should pay attention to are- Business costsWebsite visitorsAffiliate link clicksConversionsIncomeHours workedConversion rateWebsite bounce rateMost popular content Keeping track of this type of data and how it changes as you progress can help you understand what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong. I spent years without paying attention to any of this information. This mistake left me without an understanding of how my business was actually performing. It also becomes much easier to actively attempt to improve, for example, your conversion rate if you know what it has been and what it is now.

6. Not Setting Goals

Goals can be in incredibly powerful tool to help you move toward success. However most new affiliate marketers don’t set goals for themselves. I highly recommend setting goals that seem easy to complete in the beginning. As you become more and more successful you should increase the difficulty of the goals you set. Doing this will help push you towards success and help youKeep track of what you actually need to do.

7. Getting Distracted

We are only human and distractions are everywhere. If you actually want to be successful as an affiliate marketer you need to learn how to be your own boss. That means developing self discipline and time management. This also means learning to actively deny yourself from being distracted. The more time you focus on actually working on your business the sooner you will become successful. For me this meant giving up video games and spending the time I would have been playing them working on my business. You would be surprised how much “spare” time you can create by actively removing distractions.

8. Being Scared To Spend Money

I’m sure you have heard this saying. “You have to spend money to make money.”- Unknown This does not mean you have to spend thousands of dollars to be successful. What it does mean is if you are afraid to invest in your own business it’s not a real business. I tried to do affiliate marketing with spending any money for years with no success. When I finally decided to invest in myself and my business everything changed. It just became more real. I had skin in the game and needed to see a return on my investment. This made me work harder and smarter towards that end. If you don’t take your business seriously why should anyone else? Investing in the creation of a website can have a huge effect on the future success of your affiliate marketing business. This is one of the biggest and best decisions I have made for my business and I only wish I had done it sooner. The second best investment I have made for my business was in an online course. There are many online courses that say they will show you how to make money online. I think I have found the best one! This online course is unlike anything else out there. It is taught by two guys who have been successfully make money online for over a decade. They don’t use tricks or deception. They will show you how to create a successful online business of your own using affiliate marketing in just 24 months. To learn more about this course check out the links below. https://yourhelpfulaffiliate.com/project-24-what-you-should-know-before-you-sign-up/ https://yourhelpfulaffiliate.com/what-the-heck-is-project-24-the-best-make-money-online-course-ive-ever-found/ https://yourhelpfulaffiliate.com/income-schools-project24-day-1/

9. Putting Sales First

I get it. You want to make money, but if you make that your number one priority people will see through it right away. Your content will be spammy and not useful to anyone. Focus first on a problem you can help people solve and actually be helpful. This will help you gain trust and people buy from people they trust. I constantly see new affiliate marketers complaining about how it is to hard. It’s because of this very mistake. They have their eyes on the finish line but have missed to start.

10. Promoting The Wrong Stuff

Many new affiliate marketers often choose affiliate programs based on the commission that is paid per sale. I personally feel like this is foolish. When you pick your affiliate programs I suggest picking products and services you know something about. It’s even better if you have used them yourself. People are actively looking for reviews and comparisons. If you have personal experience with the products or services you are promoting your content will be ten times as valuable.

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#affiliate #affiliatemarketer #affiliatemarketing #digitalmarketing #makemoneyonline #marketing #mistakes #onlinemarketing #tips #tricks

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blschaos3000-blog · 5 years

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Its 9:34 pm

Welcome to “8 Questions With…….”

So…I’m going to be honest with you here. When I read our next guest’s story,I cried. Now there be many of you already leaving this interview but hear me out. Alfred Carter IV’s story is one that you need to hear because its proof positive that mountains can be climbed even when you’re hanging on by the fingernails. Alfred has done quite amount of living in a short time,a gifted football player,smart student in the classroom,being cast in two big budgeted films and being forced to climb that damn mountain…but Alfred has planted his flag and moved on. So now this talented actor/musician,forged by fire,is intent on making his mark in life. I have zero doubt that whatever path Alfred takes in the future,he will make that path his own and something great will result because of it. Personally,I can’t wait to see where takes us. But for now…..let’s go ask Alfred Carter IV his eight questions……

Please introduce yourself and tell us about your latest project.

What’s up everybody, my name is Alfred Carter IV and I am an Actor/Writer/Musician from New Orleans, Louisiana and I currently live in Phoenix, Arizona. The latest project that I completed was a voice over for an environmental campaign that is set to air on Pandora as well as radio. Even more recent is the finalization of a feature length script for a film based on my college experience mixed in with a little action, drama, and comedy. I am in the process of sorting some things out and then I will start pitching the idea to investors, etc. It will definitely be an entertaining movie to say the least, something for sports fans and non-sports fans alike.

What was your house like growing up? What are your fondest memories growing up?

Growing up my house was like a musical mixed with a funny reality television show. My dad was a police officer but could’ve been on Saturday Night Live and my mom was a nurse but could’ve been a professional singer. It was always fun, we were always singing, joking and around having fun. We didn’t really play video games growing up, this caused us to be creative and use our imagination. I credit a lot of my creativity to the way I was brought up. As far as my fondest memories growing up I have so many of them, my top ones would be when each of my younger siblings were born. Another would be this time when my mom checked me out of school and we went to lunch and then went to fly kites at the park. Another would be the times I’d wrestle around with my dad like Mufasa and Simba in the Lion King.

You played college football, which school did you play for and what was that experience like?What were your three favorite subjects to study?

I played Division-1 college football for Nicholls State University in Louisiana and the experience was like no other. I appreciate the free education that was provided but it definitely came at a cost. People think that the life of a student-athlete is so glamorous but it’s not all that it seems. Although my time as a college football player completely revolved around football I still had fun times though. My favorite subjects to study were actually all electives. They were Fine Arts Survey, History of Music: Rock n Roll, and Psychology.

Your career got off to a promising start by being featured in two big films but then tragedy struck, can you share what happened?

My first role was as a stunt-actor was in Lee Daniels’ The Butler. One day I got an email from a former NFL player turned stuntman that I used to train with inviting me to go on an audition. My scene was very cool and fun it even made the movie trailer! Unfortunately, the scene itself got cut from the actual film due to the violence involved in it, it was a gun fight with the police. My second role was as a stunt-actor in When the Game Stands Tall, directed by Thomas Carter. I found out about this role from someone I met on the set of Lee Daniels’ The Butler. This goes to show you that it is important to not only network but to have proper set etiquette because people are always watching how you conduct yourself. We finished shooting all of the football scenes for When the Game Stands Tall in the Summer of 2013 and in December of 2013 my life literally changed forever. My brother and I were headed home after going to the John Mayer concert in New Orleans an we were in a terrible car accident. I was in the Intensive Care Unit for a week with a broken back, torn my hip, and ruptured my intestines which resulted in me having to get to use a colostomy bag for nine months. To make all of this even worse my brother, Andrew, didn’t survive the accident. It was crazy and didn’t seem real for the longest. My brother and I were literally best friends. We did everything together, went everywhere together, made music together, and we had a ton of plans together. My life was literally turned upside down.

Where did your journey take you as you recovered from your injuries?

My journey to recovery was tough to say the least. Growing up in a house where Faith was a big part of our lives made it even harder for me to be able to grasp why this even happened. To say that I was completely shaken up and torn down to my core in every aspect of who I was would be an understatement. There were a few times when I just wanted to give up because I legitimately felt like I had nothing to live for. If it weren’t for my family and my Faith, there’s no way I would’ve made it back from where was at that time. My journey to recovery was beautiful because not only did I heal physically but I healed mentally and spiritually as well. This accident caused me to slow down from the pace in which I was living and reflect on a lot of things that I never gave much thought to before. In 2015 I was presented with an opportunity to do missionary work and I initially shut it down but there was this tugging within me that I just couldn’t ignore. I went on mission for two year and it was amazing. While on mission I gave so much of myself but the crazy thing about it is that I gained so much more in return. I would’ve never grown as much as I did had I not stepped outside of my comfort zone and become apart of something greater than myself.

When did you move to Arizona and how have you found the acting community to be so far?

I moved to Arizona in January of 2018 and I have found the acting community to be pretty cool and supportive. Arizona is a beautiful state with beautiful scenery and beautiful people from all over the world, it’s a shame there isn’t more filming being done here.

Which aspect of acting do you like most? How would you describe your style of acting?

The aspect I love the most about acting is being able to transfer my energy and emotions from other aspects of myself into my performance, the feeling is amazing! If I had to describe my style of acting I would say that it is most like Meisner. I enjoy this style most because it seems the most natural to me and it allows me to be myself yet not myself as myself but myself as the character that I am portraying.

Improv seems so challenging, what do you use to get into the “moment” so quickly?

I love Improv! I am a natural born artist so improvisation is pretty easy for me, its like a game, its fun! As far as getting into the moment, I just release my inhibitions by taking majority of what I’ve learned as an adult and toss it aside. Then I dig deep within myself, find my inner child, wake him up, and get to work!

If you were at an audition and a follow actor who going for the same part asked for your help, would you do or not and why?

Of course I’d help! I would help not only because I would want someone to help me but because it’s about being an artist, a true artist is someone who shares their art. A lot of times actors get caught up in thinking that it is all about them and it’s really not, the movie goes on either way. My mindset is this, if the role is for me then I’ll get it, if not, then I won’t. It is what it is.

What do you enjoy about modeling? How did you get into it?

So I never actually intended to do modeling I just kind of stumbled into it. Some one asked me if I could model their fashion line and I did it and it just kind of went from there. As far as what I enjoy about modeling, it would be networking and meeting new people as well as getting free gear.

What does “peace” mean to you?

Peace to me is remaining in the present moment and allowing myself to appreciate the beauty in every aspect of life that surrounds me on every step of my journey. Not stressing about the past or worrying about the future but remaining calm and learning along the way to prepare for the next level of our journey.

The cheetah and I are flying in to watch you film your new film but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

So if you flew into Phoenix a day early and we had time, we could go up to Sedona, it’s one of my top 3 favorite places in Arizona, it’s beautiful. If we decided to stay closer to the city of Phoenix we could go grab a bite to eat at one of my favorite spots in Downtown Phoenix called Trapp Haus BBQ. After that we could just see what would be going on for that day. If it were the first Friday of the month we could go to First Friday in Downtown Phoenix. If we were back in New Orleans though, we would have to go to Drago’s Seafood Restaurant and get some chargrilled oysters. Then we could hit the French Quarter for a bit and then maybe grab a drink and walk to the river and watch the riverboats and the sunset. After that we’d go to Frenchman Street and catch some live music.

I like to thank Alfred very much for sharing his story with us. As you can see,he is an incredible human being who has overcome tremendous and life-altering challenges to get where he is now and quite honestly,I can’t see anything stopping him in his quest to become a household name. I mean,he already is in mine….. You can follow Alfred’s career by heading over to his website. Inside you can find his various social media sites which I hope you’ll follow.

Its doing a interview like this that reminds me how much I love doing this series and am grateful for the people who will sit down virtually with me and talk about lives. I hope you enjoy meeting these people as much as I do.

If you have a story that you want to share,no matter what it is,please reach out and let’s talk. This format is open to anyone and anybody that is a human being.

Feel free to drop a comment below,we would to get some feed back!!

8 Questions with …………actor/musician Alfred Carter IV Its 9:34 pm Welcome to "8 Questions With......." So...I'm going to be honest with you here. When I read our next guest's story,I cried.

#8 Questions With #acting #Alfred Carter IV #brothers #college football #family #Life #loss #missionary work #Music #New Orleans #Nicholls #Phoenix #Screenwriter #sports #Writing

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