#and he's the more pro therapy out of either of them I'm sure he figures his shit out before he died

[vendettasfanfictioning]

I feel like I've said this already but they just didn't make Dean the way fanfic authors do—and in the context of destiel, it's him trying to work through the anger, it's finding peace within himself and killing the storm always raging in his veins, it's reciprocating Cas' soft touch outside of him dying on Dean. It is Cas readily forgiving most of Dean's mistakes and Dean doing his damnedest to be worthy anyways. Because listen.

Listen.

I am one half a Deangirl I will gladly spend my last days tinhatting and nerding out about the nuances of his character—but come on, he has crimes that should not have been skimmed over (ahem S9 Steve arc ahem S15 divorce arc ahem Mary's death ahem) that I know within my soul he would feel absolutely shitty about, post Cas confession. He may have done everything for love but he was also an asshole for a lot of it and they should ‼️ be‼️ able‼️ to‼️ work on that‼️‼️‼️‼️

And I'm not talking about Dean coddling Cas or whatever, I'm talking about Dean working past his issues to let himself have soft things and fully connect with someone. Healthy communication, healthy relationships, health coping mechanisms—that shivering wet cat of a man deserved therapy (news flash: they all did) and that kind of healing.

And that's something fanfic authors just understand better than the big name execs or whoever deemed it climactic to end Dean's story by dying.

#one of my many many gripes from the finale #this doesn't even need to be destiel dean and sam just fucking deserved therapy ok #in my head sam gets to go shortly after dean died bec he found the last time with mia cathartic #and he's the more pro therapy out of either of them I'm sure he figures his shit out before he died #but dean???? dean didn't even get to DO the things he wanted to do after finally getting control of his own narrative #he had experiences and people he wanted to feel differently maybe even for the first fucking time ffs #EVEN A BEACH EPISODE WOULD'VE FUCKING CUT IT Y'ALL #but nO they kill him and paint it as a happy ending like how tf... #if this WAS for destiel tho. dean would've done better #like. post empty rescue cas would try to bury that shit but dean??? won't be able to let it go #better yet he would want to try!!!!! bec for the longest time he thought HE couldn't have it. that HE needed to accept just *being* #thEY COULD'VE DONE SO MUCH MORE IF THEY ONLY HAD TIME #<yes that's a hamilton reference idk why it popped in my head just now #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #castiel #dean studies #destiel #spn finale #spn 15x20 #15x20 #deancas #destiel fanfic #fanfic authors #fic authors

[dotster001]

La Chasseur d'Amour , Chapter One

Summary: Rook x gn!reader. You vanished just as quickly as you appeared. But Rook will find his love.

A/N:I know what you all are thinking. "Dot, don't you have like ten other series You've started and haven't finished yet?" Yes, and shut up 😂

CW:therapy, discussions of trauma (it's not real, but just in case), self gaslighting

Chapters: Two Three Four Five

As you crossed the stage for your NRC Graduation, and received your diploma from a very proud, very tearful, Crowley, you made eye contact with Rook. He was the photographer for the graduation, obviously, because Crowley wasn't going to hire someone he couldn't guilt into pro bono. 

His eyes twinkled with delight as you grinned at him, and he shot a picture. You always looked good in pictures he took. He said it was because you could see his love for you in the photo. And, at this point, you were inclined to believe him. 

Your friends who had been there since the beginning cheered raucously, even Jack, who had been against obnoxious cheering when Ace had suggested it. 

You shot them a smile, and then the floor fell out from under you, and all you saw was black.

5 years later….

"There's these twins," you said, eyes closed, and searching for lost memories.

"What do they look like?" Your therapist asked, taking some notes.

"They're tall, and they have blue hair."

It'd taken two years for you to accept that Twisted Wonderland wasn't real. You had to be thankful to your therapist for her patience. Your parents certainly weren't as patient with you as she was.

"One is serious, and the other is kind of goofy…like he marches to the beat of his own drum."

The hospital had suggested therapy the moment you started talking about magic. They told your parents that the trauma you had gone through, during your kidnapping, had lead to you creating a fictional world to protect yourself in.

"What does the serious one do?"

"I think he eats mushrooms…"

Your therapist had gently waited for you to be willing to give up the illusion on your own. Your parents hadn't, though. The colder the case got, the more they pushed for you to remember any details.

Again, your therapist was patient. Both of you had figured overblots were particularly traumatic moments, so you hadn't touched them yet. For now you were sorting through memories to see if anything coincided with the real world.

"I think the goofy one likes hugs, and shrimp…"

"That's an odd combo. And what do we say about odd combos?"

"Probably important, ha ha."

The problem was, just like with real memories, over the course of five years the memories of Twisted Wonderland had started to fade. It was harder to pick them apart because you couldn't be sure what you properly remembered.

"They both eat octopus."

"The twins?"

"Uh huh."

You had one clear memory. A man with emerald eyes, and blond hair, who often wore a silly hat. Rook. That was his name. Everytime he looked at you, you felt so loved and safe. So many of your "memories" revolved around him.

"Anything else?"

"That's all I have today, I'm sorry."

Which is why you never told your therapist about him. You were, in full honesty, terrified. Because if so many of your "memories" revolved around him, it probably meant that…

"I don't think either of the twins were the ones who took you, but we'll definitely talk about them later. Now open your eyes and slowly bring yourself back to me."

You followed the instructions, squinting in the sudden burst of light, and slowly sat up from the couch you were laying on.

"Good work today," your therapist smiled warmly. "I'll see you next week, Y/N."

You were such a coward. This might all be over if you weren't so terrified of losing him.

….

"This one isn't it," Rook said firmly, staring at a mirror portal.

"How can you be so sure?" Vil asked in exasperation.

"I don't feel Y/N in there," he said before turning back to his table full of viles, making a quick note, and resuming his prior work of mixing different potions.

"Rook, I'm saying this as a friend. It's time to let go."

"You know I can't do that," Rook muttered under his breath.

"Rook!" He grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look at him. "I came to visit you because we're all worried, and you need to hear someone say it. It's time to let go of Y/N."

Rook shoved him away.

"Roi du poison, with all due respect-"

"Rook, when was the last time you ate-"

"I'll eat later-"

"When is later?"

Rook slammed the potion he was working on down on the table.

"You don't understand what it's like!" He shouted. "I can feel them! I just…I just need the bridge to make the final push!" 

He hastily grabbed a pile of books, and stacked them into stairs. He laid a piece of paper at the base of the stairs, drawing a circle.

"This is us."

He placed another piece of paper at the top of the stack.

"That's where Y/N is. The closest portal I've come to is," he placed a paper on the book step right below the top, "here. So I just need to work with that potion. Just a couple more tweaks-"

"How can you possibly even know that!" Vil shouted. "you don't even go through any of them, how do you know it's not where Y/N is?"

"My signature spell-"

"And that's another thing! You're not keeping how much blot you produce in check! You've been at this five years! It's not good for you!"

"I'm so close," Rook muttered, adding an ingredient to his vile.

"Are you? What if you go through the portal and Y/N has moved on?"

Rook threw the potion at the mirror, instantly creating a shimmering pink portal. He stared awestruck.

"That's it."

....

Tag list- @shytastemakerthing @eccedentesiast-sapphic @leoll @stygianoir

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #rook x reader #twst rook #rook hunt x reader #rook hunt

[iakes-on-amasakas]

웃 ☤ ♠

From here || Not accepting at this time!

웃:  what my muse would leave to people in their will

A couple of things to note here:

First off, there's not going to be a lot of cold, hard cash to distribute. Aside from a reasonably responsible amount of savings, Shinji tends to spend his money once he makes it. This is partly because he's lowkey (read: highkey) a big "retail therapy" person (if you think the shoes he's wearing here aren't Gucci I literally don't know what to tell you) and partly because he's a firm believer in the whole "you can't take it with you when you go" thing. Plus, life sucks sometimes. If you can make it suck less by surrounding yourself with stuff that you like, more power to you.

Second off, while Shinji has a hefty record collection, and it might seem obvious to suggest that he'd leave meaningful albums to meaningful people, he's not prescriptive like that. He doesn't want to make assumptions about other people's tastes, no matter what he himself vibes with. He might set one or two albums aside for special folks if he's feeling extra sentimental, but I don't really foresee it. He's more likely to ask @playkinshara to dole them out if/as he sees fit, and then ask his friends to sell the rest of his clutch, bona fide vintage finds and make a quick, hefty buck.

So, honestly? His preference would be to leave a short, little note for the folks who survive him that reads something like:

Take whatever you want, but don't fight over stuff. Be fuckin civil about it, k? Pawn the rest of it and haggle like hell. Or hold a yard sale idc lol

☤:  the last time my muse went to the hospital and why

Shinji avoided the hospital like the plague during exile, for what he figured were obvious reasons - between leaving a record of his presence places and the fact that his body has all kinds of wonky stuff going on (whether he's in a gigai or not, he figures), it just seemed like a dumb thing to do. Plus, he's pretty hearty, and he's dexterous, and he's careful. He doesn't hurt himself or get sick very often, fortunately.

When he does hurt himself these days, though, he's actually pretty prudent about it. If he were to slip on some ice and fall on his ass, say, he'd actually bop over to the Fourth real quick to make sure that nothing was sprained or broken. He's proactive that way; a stitch in time saves nine, kinda mentality.

It's not a particularly exciting answer, but the last time Shinji went to the hospital was, statistically, pretty mundane. Turned his wrist funny while conducting routine drills, or wanted to double check that the shallow score across his arm from small-fry hollow claws was healing right.

He lives on the edge aesthetically, and he gets a kick out of exuding subversive vibes, but at his core? He's a careful motherfucker.

♠:  the riskiest thing my muse has ever done

Other than taking on @chimaericrealities as a lieutenant??

Lol, I kid, kind of, because when Shinji takes risks, they're usually big ones, but they're usually the product of a long, long time spent thinking through pros and cons.

So, yeah, taking on the Most Suspicious Person In The Entire Gotei as his lieutenant is definitely, actually up there. Fast-tracking @black--sun's hollowfication training in the secret underground arena - and heck, even revealing the location of the warehouse to Ichigo in the first place, for that matter - also comes to mind, and that was dangerous, but it paid off.

We don't really see him take many risks in canon, either during the Fake Karakura Town battle or, frankly, throughout the whole of the Thousand Year Blood War arc. When shit hits the fan, Shinji is a strategist, and he acts withing the bounds of his (admittedly formidable) capabilities.

In conclusion, I guess I'm actually, fully not kidding at all when I say that the Aizen choice was was the riskiest one Shinji has ever made - because it's the only highly significant choice in Shinji's history that didn't pay off the way Shinji thought it would.

..................that said, I'm not mad, because it means we get shit like this:

Shinji has different feelings about it, obviously, but I'll gladly tip my hat to Aizen for directly fueling some of the most badass moments from my boy <3

#headcanon tag tbd #marigoldmelancholy #TSP Activity Check #asks #answered

[trans-advice]

(sorry this is so long) i’m not sure where to go from here. i’m 25 years old. i’ve been trying to figure out my gender identity for several years now. this all started when i tried binding on a whim (i’m afab) and felt so euphoric, idk how to even describe it in words. from 2017-early 2020 i thought for sure that i was a trans man. i was out online with a different name & he/him pronouns, i wore a binder everyday, i dressed in a masculine way, etc. eventually, i was even able to express the feminine parts of my personality without feeling invalid. there were stretches of time, especially early on, when i’d back out mentally & re-enter the closet & try to live as a woman. but eventually it settled, and for the entirety of 2019 i was fully determined to transition medically & come out to everyone once i was able to move out of my mormon parents’ house. but then i suffered through a sudden major personal tragedy in late 2019, followed by the pandemic in 2020, and basically i dropped the entire trans dream between those two events, in probably like february 2020. i developed agoraphobia as well. on top of all of that, i’m autistic, so all this change has been really hard on my brain. since then, i’ve been on this rollercoaster where for a few weeks i’ll try to live happily as a woman, then cave and live as a man, and so on and so forth. it’s driving me nuts. i finally confided in my therapist about my gender stuff, because it’s really affecting my agoraphobia recovery progress, and she officially diagnosed me with gender dysphoria. she firmly believes i need to accept myself, whoever that is, but i don’t know how. there are real moments when i’m ok being a woman. it can be fun to shop for pretty clothes (though they’re usually stuffed to the back of my closet immediately) & have girl talk with my younger sisters. and it’s hard to imagine myself as an old man. but it’s also hard to imagine myself as a mom rather than a dad. i don’t know. maybe i’m so scared my religious conservative family will abandon me if i transition? and maybe the loss i experienced a couple years ago was so awful i’m scared for it to happen again? or what if i’m not trans but just some sort of androgynous woman with internalized misogyny. help?

I'm not sure about how agoraphobia works. Readers if you have any feedback on agoraphobia please share it!

Yeah, I think it's more like you need a better support network that will accept you if you transition into being a man. Like I think you need to have some preparation for abandonment by your religious conservative family.

Even worse, I would be worried about them giving conversion torture under the labels of "conversion therapy" & "religious apologetics". So in case you're facing that, I'd seek out some pro-lgbtqia+ religious apologetics, not necessarily to deprogram them, but to help fight the gaslighting that comes with anti-lgbtqia+.

You already said that you were very okay with being an androgynous man, so I don't think it's a matter of you somehow being an androgynous woman with self-hatred.

Since we live in a patriarchal misogynist/transmisogynist/transandrophobic society, I would look into trans-affirming feminist information so that you can get a better grip on what misogyny is when people try to gas light you like that.)

As for the enjoying the girl talk, are you sure that's not just enjoying talking with others? Also defining "girliness" can vary from group to group, so I would make sure to look into how that's being defined.

Have you applied for health insurance like Medicaid or Obamacare (affordable care act)? Because you're getting to age 26, so you're going to need your own insurance most likely. Like that would help with preparing to be either abandoned or more independent of your parents.

I'm not sure how much of my transition strategies will apply to your situation & what's available by you. I know in my transition before the pandemic, I basically relied on getting my things organized with a therapist at a therapy office in person because I was not safe from domestic violence when I would talk about my gender issues on the phone. Like I would have to go outside & walk around & find free of charge spaces in order to avoid the people I lived with as much as possible. I had to get a public transit pass in order to get to places without having to be at the mercy of people to drive me.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve