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deadsince1973 · 4 years

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OMG, thank you for asking! I’ve been hinting about this in my tags for a while now and nobody’s ever asked, so I’ve been really debating about whether I should post this or not! (Although, to be fair, it was also because I knew this was going to be long, and I felt too lazy to type it all up.)

I just want to start by saying I cannot emphasize enough that I don’t want to take away from anyone’s love for the Captain! If you find him positive representation and relatable, then I support your happiness in this!

But, that being said, I think Them There/Six Idiots’s representation of gay and trans characters is not very good. I could bring in examples from their other works (i.e. Yonderland and Bill), but I’ll try to limit myself to the Captain.

I’ve seen people say things like, “It’s so great to see a gay man where his sexuality isn’t the joke!” But, it is the joke. It’s the whole joke! Okay, to be fair, it’s only half the joke, because the other half is how militaristic he is. But when the joke is about him being attracted to someone, the whole joke is that he’s gay! Take for example when he first sees Mike. Humor exists in the subversion of expectations. Thomas says, “Let me pluck out my eyes, for I shall never see such beauty again,” as the camera shows Alison. Then the Captain says, “Yes.” There’s a pause, where the audience assumes he’s also talking about Alison. But then he adds, “He’d make a very fine soldier,” and we laugh because our heteronormative expectations have been subverted. The Captain is gay. That’s what’s funny! The Captain then clears his throat. We understand that he’s not out and proud. He’s not unashamed of his lust, the way Thomas and Kitty are. The facade of a straight man is maintained, allowing the show to continue to exploit the gap between the behavior expected of a straight man and the Captain’s behavior for laughs. If the joke goes beyond his being gay, it’s that he’s gay and closeted.

Now, you could argue that that wasn’t the joke, that the joke was that he was so invested in his military lifestyle that he conflated it with his sexuality. In other words, the joke was that he was attracted to soldiers, not all men. But that’s not the case at all, because no other case of him combining his fascination with war with attraction to anybody is ever shown. Additionally, because of the heteronormative bias we’re all immersed in every day (not to mention the very real behavior of military recruiters and real-life soldiers), we just more firmly expect a person with an unspecified sexuality to be straight than we do for an army captain to not look at the world and every person in it through a military lens. In other words, there’s more of a gap between our expectations of his sexuality and its subversion than there is between our expectations of appropriate behavior for an army captain and its subversion to exploit. Therefore, even though both his being attracted to a man and the reason why/the way he chooses to express that attraction are humorous, the bulk of our laugh comes from the realization of his sexuality. In order to exploit his expression of his lust in the form of military recruitment for laughs, the writers would have needed to remove the question of his sexuality from the joke altogether. To do this, they would have had to establish his sexuality explicitly and unambiguously before this scene. They did not do that.

You could then argue that that was the first joke, and it established his sexuality, and none of the jokes about his attraction afterwards exploited that expectation. But, as I said above, they still did not make his sexuality explicit. He pretends to be straight, and so we expect him to act straight. That’s as good as actually expecting him to be straight before the first joke for the purposes of laughs. Either way, we expect him to act straight, and so when he acts gay, he subverts our expectations and makes us laugh. Again, the whole joke is that he’s gay.

I’d like to turn now to the way his sexuality is treated in the serious parts, how it’s treated outside of the jokes. I do want to add the caveat here that I don’t find this show emotionally compelling at all, the way a lot of people do. So I am coming at it from that point of view.

After the first season, I said I would be more okay with them exploiting the Captain’s being closeted for laughs if they actually seriously addressed what it’s like to be a closeted gay man. For the record, I know Ben Willbond said in at least one interview that he didn’t want to “ge[t] too deep about it because it is just a comedy.” Personally, I don’t agree with that point of view. I believe that if you’re going to deal with a socially sensitive issue in a comedy, you should give the weight it deserves. I don’t believe everything in a comedy has to be for laughs. Perhaps if you find the Captain emotionally compelling, you would disagree with me that his experience with his sexuality needs to be treated earnestly (and you probably agree with me that not everything in a comedy has to be for laughs). I can respect that opinion, but I’m afraid I do not share it. I would have liked to have seen an explicit depiction of his experience and struggles with his sexuality.

Which brings me, of course, to Redding Weddy. Frankly, I think the Captain throughout the entire show is barely one step away from queerbaiting. Yes, at least there’s never any hint of his actually being heterosexual. That’s a slight improvement from most queerbaiting. But they still never make his sexuality explicit. To my knowledge, none of Them There have even said the words “gay” or “homosexual” in an interview in relation to the Captain. It’s an unspoken understanding between the show and the audience, and that leaves the character open to interpretation. There are allegedly fans out there who still do not believe the Captain is gay. And to my mind, Redding Weddy just gives those fans ammunition.

Redding Weddy is ambiguous. The Captain is clearly as horny as a goat for his lieutenant. But at the same time, even then, even in a flashback, even when the Captain is alone with the audience, we get no explicit confirmation of his sexuality. The Captain’s explanation of Operation William is unclear. It could be taken at face value. In that case, the Captain never wrote a letter to Havers, he really did just bury blueprints with the mine, and all the hinting that he was in love with Havers was just misdirection. At best, we can believe that both were true: that the Captain was in love with Havers, and the misdirection was in the story’s focus on his feelings to distract the audience from the fact that he was really buying secret blueprints. At worst, the whole thing was a misdirection, and he was never in love with Havers at all. I don’t believe that, but it is a perfectly reasonable interpretation. It could also be that the Captain was lying about the blueprints. In that case, he really did write a love letter to Havers and hide it with the mine, only concocting the story about the blueprints and the whole operation being called “Operation William” at the last minute when he needed to explain the mine to Alison. That makes less sense to me, because why would he need to mention the paper and the name William at all, now that it had been blown up? However, you could still explain that away by him being afraid that the letter survived and trying to pre-empt any questions, should the letter ever be found. That’s a bit too much of a stretch in my opinion, but still not a totally unreasonable explanation. I think it’s significant that none of the other ghosts weighed in on the story, even though at least one or two of them must have seen or heard something. I think the story was kept deliberately ambiguous in order to keep the Captain’s very obvious sexuality as vague as was still possible. I don’t like that.

What I would have liked to have seen, more than anything else in regards to the Captain, is for them to have treated his sexuality the same way they treated Kitty’s race: as completely inconsequential. I’m not good enough with history to know exactly when Kitty lived and died, but she’s supposed to be a noble, or at least rich, Georgian woman, right? Google tells me that slavery was not abolished in the British Empire until 1833, under the reign of William IV (who, as I know we all remember from The Monarchs Song, came after George IV). Would a black woman have been granted dignity and respect in the heart of an empire built by the labor of people enslaved with no justification other than the color of their skin? If I’m wrong, please correct me, but I don’t expect so.

I do understand the need for both types of stories. I understand that there’s value in stories about a person of color, or a woman, or a member of any other minority or disadvantaged group fighting for equality and gaining ground. It’s good to have stories that explicitly support equality. But it is my opinion that there’s also value in simply presenting that equality, as unrealistic as it might now seem. It normalizes that equality, and it lets people who identify with one of the disadvantaged groups feel included. That’s why I love seeing a black woman being a Georgian noblewoman, because why shouldn't black people be able to dream of belonging to any period of British history that they want to? None of us can time travel, so it’s no more unrealistic for a black person to dream that than a white person. And that’s why I would have liked to have seen the same thing with the Captain. No, of course homosexuality was not accepted in the 40′s. But why shouldn’t we be able to pretend that it was? Why can’t we just see a gay man being treated completely equally to everyone else, irrespective of his sexuality? Why can’t we let gay men and maybe even others who identify as anything other than cis and straight dream of being able to be themselves in any historical era that they want to? That’s why I would very much have preferred if the Captain was just out, that they used a word like “gay” or “homosexual” on the show in reference to him, and if the whole joke of his character was just his military ways. Possibly mixed with how horny he is, just like Thomas or Kitty. But, in that case, as with Kitty and Thomas, the joke would not have been that he was gay, it would have just been that he wanted carnal satisfaction when he had no physical form. That would have been much better representation in my opinion.

This has all be in answer to the question above, posed on my post about how the Captain dancing with a gay couple at the end of season 2 was magical. I stand by that. I want the Captain to be out and happy, and him indulging himself and being comfortable with his sexuality makes me happy. But the fact that his sexual orientation is so often the butt of jokes, that they never address his struggles about getting comfortable with himself, and that they never dignify him by saying his sexuality out loud makes me feel frustrated and disappointed.

#winoforever32 #Gosh sorry I'm sure you weren't expecting an essay!#If you or no one else reads this I don't blame anyone! Yikes...#Ghosts #BBC Ghosts #opinion #original

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consultthisdick-blog · 7 years

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The Beginning

Or, A Study in Pink, Part II

Read on AO3

Summary: After being invalided home from Afghanistan, John Watson was only looking for some peace. Instead, he managed to get himself caught up in a whirlwind of serial killings, car chases, and awkward dinners, and it was all thanks to a man by the name of Sherlock Holmes.

After the tragedy of Series 4, let’s take some time to rewind back to the beginning, back to when John and Sherlock first met. ‘Back to Baker Street’ tells the story of BBC Sherlock, the way it always should have been

Part I

Later that afternoon, after John returned to his bedsit with the groceries, he fished his phone out of his pocket and sat down on his bed. He couldn’t help but be curious, so he checked his sent messages to read what Sherlock had been texting. He had hoped that it would provide some explanation to his character, but all it did was confuse him even more.

If brother has green ladder arrest brother. SH

‘Arrest brother’ couldn’t be interpreted in many different ways. Arrest meant arrest. Arrest can’t mean anything other than arrest. But why was Sherlock Holmes calling for an arrest?

After several minutes of pondering the text, John shoved his phone back into his pocket, sat down at his desk and pulled out his laptop. He closed the webpage showing his blog, and only hesitated for a moment before typing ‘Sherlock Holmes’ into the search bar.

The search results showed a single website: The Science of Deduction.

John read through the site, which was apparently Sherlock’s own blog. He skimmed through most of it, but was able to come to one logical conclusion about him: he was absolutely mad. And for some bizarre reason, John felt compelled to write about him.

He entitled the post ‘A Strange Meeting.’

I don’t know how I’m meant to be writing this. I’m not a writer. Ella thought keeping a blog would help but it hasn’t because nothing ever happens to me. But today, something did. Something happened.

John paused for a moment and bit his lip before continuing.

I was walking in the park and I bumped into Mike Stamford. We were sort of mates when we were students. We got coffee and I mentioned that I wanted to move. He said he knew of someone in a similar situation. So we went to Bart’s and he introduced us.

Except, he didn’t. He didn’t introduce us. The man knew who I was. Somehow he knew everything about me. He knew I’d served in Afghanistan and he knew I’d been invalided. He said my wound was psychosomatic so he didn’t get everything right but he even knew why I was there, despite the fact that Mike hadn’t told him.

It didn’t occur to John that this was the most he’d ever considered posting on his blog. But he kept writing, as if writing this post was going to somehow make sense of everything that had transpired.

I googled him when I got back to the flat and found a link to his website, The Science of Deduction.

It’s mad. I think he might be mad. He was certainly arrogant and really quire rude and he looks about 12 and he’s clearly a bit public school and, yes, I definitely think he might be mad but he was also strangely likeable. He was charming. It really was all just a bit strange.

So tomorrow, we’re off to look at a flat. Me and the madman. Me and Sherlock Holmes.

John posted it before he had a chance to talk himself out of it, let out a deep breath, and leaned back in his chair. So, perhaps he wasn’t entirely honest; saying that Sherlock looked about 12 was slightly unnecessary hyperbole. It was better than the alternative. John couldn’t afford to like someone like Sherlock Holmes.

His head somewhat clearer, John closed his laptop and placed it back in the drawer, ready to prepare himself a cup of tea before bed. John closed the drawer, and didn’t give his gun a second glance.

When John opened his laptop the next morning after brewing his usual cup of coffee, he found that Harry and Bill Murray had taken to conversing in the comments. Again.

What the...?!?! Harry Watson

Mate, have you gone gay? Bill Murray

Hahahahaha!! He can’t be! The way he used to look at Clara! Harry Watson

Any word from her? Bill Murray

Nah. It's fine. Anyway we're talking about my brother!! Harry Watson

John downed the rest of his coffee and brought his fingers to his temples. He re-read his post from the night before and grimaced, knowing that it sounded more like something found in a purple diary under a pillow than on the public blog of a retired soldier.

Can’t you two email each other or something? This is meant to be for me to record my thoughts John Watson

He knew that his response wasn’t going to do anything; it would take more than that to get Harry off of his back. John wished quite frequently that he was an only child, and Harry, as the years went on, had only fuelled this desire, uncouth as it might be. Harry had to know that John had never looked at Clara like that, that he wasn’t jealous of Harry for having Clara. It was far more complicated than that, and sometimes John wished that it was as simple as quietly pining for his sister-in-law. Ex sister-in-law, now. Clara was lovely and kind and witty, and deserved so much more than Harry could give her, even Harry knew that.

But what Clara had represented to him…that’s what John had wanted: a place to find comfort and support and love, someone to care for. John was a doctor. Caring for people was his job, it was his purpose. And now, as he gazed around the dingy room, he knew that he couldn’t even care for himself.

His cane felt heavy in his hand and John remembered the gun in his drawer.

Turning away, John made his way into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, his cane leaning against the sink. He stared at himself for a while, his mind somehow drifting back to Sherlock Holmes and wondering how a man could read his life story just by looking at his face.

John stood there for a long while, looking, trying to see what Sherlock saw. He didn’t understand; the man must be mad. When John looked at his reflection, he didn’t see his military records or his doctorate or his history of unsuccessful therapy. John saw tired eyes and thin lips and worry lines that weren’t carried by most young men. He saw simple clothes shielding a body that wasn’t as strong as it looked. Flexing his shoulders and straightening his back John stood to attention the way he used to, in the hopes of once more seeing the soldier he had been. For a moment, John thought that he could see Captain Watson in the mirror, but it faded before he could get a closer look.

He shook his head and splashed his face with water, trying to shake the sound of gunfire from the back of his mind.

Back in the other room, John’s laptop sounded a notification. He sighed and sat back down at his desk to view the new comment on his blog. It was from Bill, not Harry.

Not denying it then? Bill Murray

John frowned at the comment and tried not to retaliate too hard. He wasn’t gay, that much was true, but if Sherlock was, he didn’t mind at all. So that’s what he said.

I'm not gay. He might be. I don't know. It doesn't matter. John Watson

It wasn’t a lie. But it certainly didn't feel like the entire truth. Bill didn’t need to know that. Neither did Sherlock, as far as John was concerned.

That evening at seven o’clock, John walked past the final few houses on Baker Street before number 221. 221B was a black door with a gold knocker next to a shop with a red banner that read ‘Speedy’s Lunch Bar & Café’ in strong white letters. John knocked on the door of 221B and heard a car pull up on the kerb behind him.

“Hello.”

John turned to see Sherlock thanking a cab driver, wearing a different suit but the same coat as he had been the day before.

“Ah, Mr. Holmes,” John said, extending his hand in greeting.

“Sherlock, please,” he replied, taking John’s outstretched hand and shaking it.

John immediately dropped his gaze and gripped at his cane. “Well, this is a prime spot,” he stated. “Must be expensive.”

“Mrs. Hudson, the landlady – she’s given me a special deal. Owes me a favour,” Sherlock explained, speaking to what must have been a very interesting spot over John’s left shoulder. “A few years back her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was able to help out.”

“Sorry, you stopped her husband being executed?” John asked, stunned.

“Oh, no,” Sherlock replied, finally catching his eye. “I ensured it.”

Before John could make heads or tails of it, the door to 221B opened and Sherlock stepped up to tightly embrace the woman behind it, whose arms had opened graciously when she saw him.

“Sherlock,” she smiled, releasing him. “Oh, hello, dear.”

Sherlock stepped down from the doorstep to let John into view. “Mrs. Hudson,” he said, “this is Doctor John Watson.”

“Hello,” Mrs. Hudson said, this time her warm smile directed at John. “Come in.”

“Thank you.” John nodded at her and stepped over the threshold, with Sherlock close behind.

Once they were inside and the door closed behind them, Sherlock looked at John and gestured at the stairs. “Shall we?”

John nodded and his cane was a deadweight in his hand. He gazed up the stairs after Sherlock, who had bounded up them to the first floor landing. With a clenched jaw, John followed him up the best he could, willing his leg to be kind to him today.

Once he made it up the stairs, John found Sherlock waiting patiently for him by the door to the flat. John nodded appreciatively and Sherlock opened the door for them both, and John watched as he stepped proudly into the centre of the room.

John looked around the living room and nodded to himself. It was more spacious than he had expected, with tall bookshelves framing either side of a large fireplace, in front of which sat two large armchairs. Opposite the fireplace on the other side of the room was a large couch and coffee table, and separating the two was a hardwood desk. Above the desk, a strange animal skull was mounted to the wall between two grand windows. John turned around to take in the rest of the flat, first its odd wallpaper, and then the snug kitchen that branched off the near side of the living room, and then of course the monumental amount of clutter that really had to be sorted. Despite its eccentricities, John liked it.

“Well,” he said, “this could be very nice. Very nice indeed.”

Sherlock smiled and breathed what John was class as a small sigh of relief, had it been anyone else. “Yes. Yes, my thoughts precisely.”

There was a comfortable pause, and then the two began to speak.

“Just as soon as we get this rubbish cleaned up…”

“So I went straight ahead and moved in.”

John paused, realising that he had just mistaken all of Sherlock’s belongings for boxes of rubbish, and shifted in his place. “So this is all…?”

Sherlock, clearly embarrassed, stepped across the room and began to shuffle his things around, trying to minimise some of the mess. “Well, um,” he said, throwing some folders into a box, “obviously I can, uh, straighten things up a bit,”

John moved to protest but Sherlock, with his back to him, didn’t notice. Instead, John watched as Sherlock moved in a haste of billowing coats, taking a small pile of unopened envelopes from the coffee table on one side of the room over to the fireplace on the other, before placing them on the mantelpiece and stabbing them through with a penknife. Next to the mutilated letters, John noticed something else.

“That’s a skull,” he said, gesturing to it with his cane.

“Friend of mine,” Sherlock smiled back, before pausing to revaluate. “Well,” he continued, “when I say ‘friend’…”

Anything John might have asked about Sherlock’s ‘friend’ was cut off by Mrs. Hudson, who had come up the stairs behind them.

“What do you think then, Doctor Watson?” she asked, picking up a teacup and saucer from the coffee table as Sherlock took off his coat and scarf. “There’s another bedroom upstairs, if you’ll be needing two bedrooms.”

John glanced at Sherlock, who had is back to them, and then back to Mrs. Hudson. “Well, of course we’ll be needing two…”

“Oh, don’t worry, dear!” Mrs. Hudson fussed. “There’s all sorts ‘round here. Mrs. Turner next door’s got married ones.” She said ‘married ones’ in a strong whisper as she gestured to number 223. It dawned on John a second too late that she thought he and Sherlock were together. He looked over to Sherlock again, expecting him to confirm to Mrs. Hudson that they weren’t involved in that way, but Sherlock simply continued his awkward mission to tidy up. John wondered for a moment if Sherlock actually knew what was being insinuated.

He decided that he wasn’t going to question it, and so he brushed off the armchair closest to the kitchen, fixed the cushion, and sat down, resting his leg after climbing the stairs. While Mrs. Hudson was in the kitchen, John watched Sherlock for a brief moment, before deciding that it was time for at least a partial explanation, or, at the very least, conformation that Sherlock Holmes was as mad as a hatter.

“I looked you up on the Internet last night,” John said.

This apparently sparked Sherlock’s interest, as he turned to face him, the movement smooth and elegant. “Anything interesting?”

“I found your website. ‘The Science of Deduction.”

The corners of Sherlock’s mouth quipped upward. “What did you think?”

John said nothing and raised an eyebrow, still not convinced of Sherlock’s honesty on the blog. Sherlock’s face fell into a frown.

“You said that you could identify a software designer by his tie and an airline pilot by his left thumb,” John said, in the belief that this was enough to justify his scepticism.

“Yes,” Sherlock agreed. “And I can read your military career in your face and your leg, and your brother’s drinking habits in your mobile phone.”

“How?” John asked.

Sherlock simply turned away, smiling to himself, and John still felt like there was a joke that he wasn’t in on.

“What about these suicides then, Sherlock?” Mrs. Hudson came back into the living room, this time holding today’s newspaper. “I thought that’d be right up your street. Three! All exactly the same.”

John heard the sound of a car pulling up outside the flat, and Sherlock moved over to the window and pushed back to curtain to look.

“Four,” he said, voice grave as he peered out to Baker Street. “There’s been a fourth. And there’s something different this time.”

“A fourth?” Mrs. Hudson asked, glancing between Sherlock by the window and the paper in her hands. John stared at Sherlock, only breaking his stare from the elegant silhouette at the sound of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

A young yet silver-haired man wearing a dark coat strode into the room, and John watched as Sherlock whirled around to face him. The intruder made no move to acknowledge either John or Mrs. Hudson, but looked at Sherlock right in the eyes, his shoulders tense and his face morphed with regret.

“Where?” Sherlock asked, not seeming to bother with introductions.

“Brixton, Lauriston Gardens,” the man replied.

Sherlock frowned. “What’s new about this one? You wouldn’t have come to get me if there wasn’t something different.”

John watched the exchange intently, soaking up every word.

“You know how they never leave notes?”

“Yeah,” Sherlock nodded.

“This one did. Will you come?”

This had apparently sparked Sherlock’s interest, and John watched as the excitement danced on the corners of his mouth and his eyes.

“Who’s on forensics?” he asked.

“Anderson.”

Sherlock grimaced. “Anderson won’t work with me.”

“Well, he won’t be your assistant!”

“But I need an assistant!” Sherlock protested.

The man ignored him. “Will you come?”

For a brief second, John’s heart leapt wildly in his chest and he momentarily hoped that Sherlock would ask him to fill that position; the near promise of being useful again – of some kind of adventure – was fare more tempting to him than wasting away alone in a dingy bedsit. But Sherlock did no such thing, and John sat in silence.

“Not in a police car,” Sherlock replied. “I’ll be right behind.”

John saw the tension in the man’s shoulders release as he let out a deep sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he said, before leaving the apartment and going back down the stairs.

At the sound of the front door slamming, a wide grin spread across Sherlock’s face and he leapt into the air, clenching his fists in excitement.

“Brilliant!” Sherlock exclaimed, twirling around the room with the most enthusiasm John had seen in a very long time. “Yes! Four serial suicides and now a note! Oh, it’s Christmas!”

He picked up his coat and scarf headed for the kitchen, not sparing John a second glance. John supposed that he had been right all along: Sherlock Holmes was barking mad.

“Mrs. Hudson, I’ll be late,” Sherlock continued. “Might need some food.”

“I’m your landlady, dear, not your housekeeper,” Mrs. Hudson quipped.

“Something cold will do! John, have a cup of tea, make yourself at home. Don’t wait up!”

John couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach as Sherlock left the apartment without him.

“Look at him, dashing about!” Mrs. Hudson said pleasantly. “My husband was just the same.”

Not knowing how to reply, John said nothing.

“But you’re the more sitting down type,” she continued, turning toward the kitchen. “I can tell. I’ll get you that cuppa and you rest your leg.”

“Damn my leg!” John said, with much more force than was necessary. But, in the heat of the moment, he couldn’t seem to control himself. His bloody leg was the reason he was in this mess. He was supposed to be a soldier, he was supposed to be in Afghanistan, and not sitting in a chair while his madman of a flatmate was gallivanting around London doing God knows what and his landlady made him a cup of tea.

Mrs. Hudson, the poor woman, had gasped at his outburst and turned back to him shock.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” John said, immediately apologetic. “It’s just that this bloody thing…” He trailed off and hit his bad leg with his cane.

Mrs. Hudson smiled and waved it off. “I understand, dear,” she said. “I’ve got a hip.”

“A cup of tea would be lovely, thank you,” John nodded, picking up the newspaper that she’d left on the arm of his chair.

“Just this once, dear,” Mrs. Hudson said. “I’m not your housekeeper.”

“Couple of biscuits too, if you’ve got them.”

“Not your housekeeper.”

She left the flat and went downstairs, and John folded the newspaper in half, skimming the headlines. His eyes narrowed at the story on the front page, ‘Transport Minister Third Suicide.’ It was the third suicide that he’d heard about on the radio, the ones he’d written about on his blog just the other day. But it wasn’t the large picture of Beth Davenport that had caught his attention. No, underneath the headline was another picture, one of the man that asked Sherlock to come with him to Brixton. And underneath this picture was a small caption:

DI Lestrade, in charge of the investigation.

Detective Inspector Lestrade. What would a Detective Inspector want with Sherlock Holmes? Before he could read more, Sherlock’s voice interrupted him.

“You’re a doctor.”

John put down the paper and looked to Sherlock, who was standing in the doorway putting on his gloves and had apparently been waiting outside for Mrs. Hudson to leave.

“In fact, you an Army doctor.”

“Yes.” John staggered to his feet as Sherlock walked toward him.

“Seen a lot of injuries, then?” Sherlock asked. “Violent deaths?”

John frowned. “Yes.”

“Bit of trouble too, I’ll bet.”

“Yes, of course,” John said quietly. “Enough for a lifetime. Far too much.”

Sherlock smirked. It was almost seductive. “Do you want to see some more?”

“Oh, God, yes!”

Grinning broadly, Sherlock spun on his heels and lead the way out of the door and down the stairs. John followed him as fast as his leg would allow, and called out to their landlady.

“Sorry, Mrs. Hudson, I’ll skip the tea,” he said. “Off out.”

She was there when he and Sherlock reached the bottom of the stairs. “Both of you?”

“Impossible suicides? Four of them?” Sherlock gushed, taking her by the shoulders and kissing her loudly on the cheek. “There’s no point sitting at home when there’s finally something fun going on!”

Mrs. Hudson looked from Sherlock to John and tried not to smile. “Look at you, all happy,” she chided. “It’s not decent.”

“Who cares about decent?” Sherlock opened the front door and gestured for John to follow him, which he did, eagerly. “The game, Mrs. Hudson, is on!”

John followed Sherlock out onto Baker Street and closed the door to 221B behind them. Sherlock hailed a taxi and the two got in, the air between them thick with anticipation. John, still feeling uncomfortable staring at Sherlock for too long, divided his attention between the busy roads outside the cab window and Sherlock, who was studying his smartphone intently.

They sat in silence for a long while and a million and one questions floated in and out of John’s mind, each more complicated than the last. Sherlock, however, seemed completely at ease leaning elegantly against the cab door, his face illuminated by the light from his screen.

Just when the silence was becoming almost unbearable, Sherlock lowered his phone and turned to John. “Okay, you’ve got questions.”

“Yeah, where are we going?” John asked, every other question he had come up with suddenly evaporating.

“Crime scene,” Sherlock answered. “Next.”

“Who are you?” John continued. “What do you do?”

“What do you think?”

John thought for a moment, hesitant. “I’d say private detective…”

“But?”

“But,” he continued, “the police don’t go to private detectives.”

Sherlock smiled, apparently pleased with this answer. “I’m a consulting detective,” he explained. “I’m the only one in the world. I invented the job.”

This still didn’t explain much but, at this point, John didn’t find that surprising at all. “What does that mean?”

“It means that when the police are out of their depth, which is always, they consult me.”

“But the police don’t consult amateurs.”

This was apparently the wrong thing to say, as John found him subjected to a very poignant look, so tastefully executed that he wondered if Sherlock had practiced it in front of a mirror.

“When I met you for the first time yesterday I asked you ‘Afghanistan or Iraq’,” Sherlock stated. “You looked surprised.”

“Yes,” John affirmed. “How did you know?”

Sherlock shook his head. “I didn’t know; I saw. Your haircut, the way you hold yourself says military. But your conversation as you entered the room said trained at Bart’s, so Army doctor – obvious.”

John stared at him and opened his mouth to interrupt, but Sherlock paid no attention and continued.

“Your face is tanned but no tan above the wrists. You’ve been abroad, but not sunbathing.” Sherlock looked down to John’s cane and then to his bad leg. “Your limp’s really bad when you walk but you don’t ask for a chair when you stand, like you’ve forgotten about it, so it’s at least partly psychosomatic. That says that the original circumstances of the injury were traumatic. Wounded in action, then. Wounded in action, suntan – Afghanistan or Iraq.”

Lost for words, John racked his mind for something to say. “You said I had a therapist,” he managed.

“You have a psychosomatic limp,” Sherlock stated. “Of course you have a therapist. Then there’s your brother.”

“What?”

“Your phone.” Sherlock held out his hand and John fished it out of his coat, handing it to him. “It’s expensive. E-mail enabled, MP3 player, but you’re looking for flatshare; you wouldn’t waste money on this. It’s a gift, then.”

Turning the phone over in his hand, Sherlock ran his fingers against the back. “Scratches,” he said. “Not one, many over time. It’s been in the same pockets as keys and coins. The man sitting next to me wouldn’t treat his one luxury item like this, so it’s had a previous owner. Next bit’s easy. You know it already.”

“The engraving,” John supplied, watching Sherlock tap the words with his forefinger.

Harry Watson From Clara xxx

Sherlock hummed in agreement and resumed his monologue. “Harry Watson…clearly a family member who’s given you his old phone. Not your father, this is a young man’s gadget. It could be a cousin, but you’re a war hero who can’t find a place to live. Unlikely you’ve got an extended family, certainly not one you’re close to, so brother it is. Now, Clara. Who’s Clara? Three kisses says it’s romantic attachment and the expense of the phone says wife, not girlfriend. She must have given it to him recently – this model’s only six months old. Marriage in trouble, then – six months on and he’s just given it away. If she’d left him, he would have kept it. People do; sentiment. But no, he wanted to get rid of it. He left her. He gave the phone to you, and that says he wants you to stay in touch. You’re looking for cheap accommodation but you’re not going to your brother for help? That says you’ve got problems with him. Maybe you liked his wife. Maybe you don’t like his drinking.”

“How could you possibly know about the drinking?” John asked, completely baffled.

“Shot in the dark,” Sherlock smiled. “Good one, though. The power connection: tiny scuff marks around the edge of it. Every night he goes to plug it in to charge but his hands are shaking. You never see those marks on a sober man’s phone; never see a drunk’s without them.”

He handed John back the phone, who took it and placed it back into his pocket.

“There you go, you see – you were right,” Sherlock said.

“I was right?” John asked. “Right about what?”

“The police don’t consult amateurs.” He turned away from John, who gazed at him in amazement. For a moment, they lapsed into silence.

“That…” John began, his mind buzzing as he tried to comprehend even a small percentage of what had transpired. “That was…amazing.”

Sherlock’s head whipped around to look at him, and he stared at John so intently that he wondered if he’d said something wrong. For the first time since they’d met, Sherlock Holmes appeared to be struck dumb.

“Do you really think so?” he asked, after a long stretch of silence.

“Of course it was,” John gaped. “It was extraordinary; it was quite extraordinary.”

“That’s not what people normally say,” Sherlock admitted.

“What do people normally say?”

“‘Piss off.’”

John laughed and shook his head, and Sherlock chuckled along with him before turning to gaze out of the cab window.

“We’re here,” he said, the cab slowing down and stopping a few hundred feet away from a road barricaded by police tape. The street was illuminated by the red and blue flashing lights from both the police cars and an ambulance, and Sherlock thanked and paid the cabbie before leaping out, bounding around the back of the cab, and opening the door for John before he could even reach for his cane.

“Did I get anything wrong?” Sherlock asked, leading John toward the police tape.

“Harry and me don’t get on,” John admitted. “Never have. Harry and Clara split up three months ago and they’re getting a divorce. Harry’s a drinker.”

Sherlock looked mildly impressed. “Really?” he asked. “I didn’t expect to be right about everything.”

John smirked. “Harry’s short for Harriet.”

Realisation dawning on his face, Sherlock stopped in his tracks and groaned. “Harry’s your sister.”

“Look,” John said, diverting back to the situation at hand. “What am I supposed to be doing here?”

“Sister!”

John looked around uncomfortably, noticing that they were at the receiving end of quite a few dirty looks from the officers surrounding the scene.

“No, seriously,” he said, much quieter should any of them be listening. Vulnerability wasn’t very attractive at the current moment. “What am I doing here?”

“There’s always something!”

Sherlock, still apparently hung up on his mistake (and quite an understandable one, at that), ignored him and marched up to the police tape, where he was met by a dark-skinned police officer with sharp eyes and a disapproving mouth.

“Hello, freak,” she jeered.

“I’m here to see Detective Inspector Lestrade,” Sherlock said, his voice cool and scarily monotonous. It struck John that this was Sherlock being professional.

“Why?” the officer interrogated.

“I was invited.”

“Why?”

“I think he wants me to take a look.” John could tell that Sherlock had very little patience for this woman, and he wondered if she always taunted him like that; it was obvious even without Sherlock’s deductive genius that the two did not get on.

“Well you know what I think,” she chided, “don’t you?”

Sherlock smiled pleasantly and lifted the police tape, ducking under it. “Always, Sally,” he said, then taking a dramatic breath in through his nose. “I even know you didn’t make it home last night.”

“I don’t…” she began, before finally noticing John. She jabbed a finger in his general direction and turned back to Sherlock. “Who’s this?”

“Colleague of mine,” Sherlock replied. “Doctor Watson. Doctor Watson, Sargent Sally Donovan. Old friend.”

John smiled, but it was lost on her.

“A colleague?” she asked. “How do you get a colleague” Then, she turned to John. “Did he follow you home?”

Caving under the tension, John turned to Sherlock. “Would it be better if I just waited and–”

But Sherlock lifted the police tape defiantly and John, who apparently had no other choice, stepped through.

Donovan scowled at Sherlock and John stepped between them, defensive of his new…colleague.

“Freak’s here,” Donovan said into a radio, deciding not to pick a fight. “Bringing him in.”

She turned away from them and began to walk toward and old house swarming with police officers and people in protective clothing. Sherlock walked beside him, and John found the gesture oddly comforting. He watched intently as Sherlock’s eyes roamed over their surroundings, analytical and inquisitive as they approached the façade of the old house.

The door to the house opened and from it emerged a small team of forensic investigators, all wearing the same protective coveralls. One of them, a sour-faced man with thin lips and dark hair, approached them, glaring a Sherlock with obvious distaste.

“Ah, Anderson,” Sherlock said, addressing him pleasantly. “Here we are again.”

Anderson pursed his lips. “It’s a crime scene,” he sneered. “I don’t want it contaminated. Are we clear on that?”

“Quite clear,” Sherlock smiled. He then took in another deep breath through his nose, just like he had next to Donovan. “And, uh, is your wife away for long?”

“Oh, don’t pretend you worked that out,” Anderson scoffed. “Somebody told you that.”

“Your deodorant told me that.”

“My deodorant?” Anderson took a step toward Sherlock and crossed his arms, his glare never once wavering.

“It’s ‘for men’,” Sherlock dramatized quirkily, as if he were speaking to a child.

Anderson blinked. “Well, of course it’s for men! I’m wearing it.”

“So’s Sergeant Donovan,” Sherlock said, and John looked over to see that Donovan’s eyes had widened in shock, confirming the accusation. John tried to hide his smile as she and Anderson shared a panicked look, and Sherlock bounced on his heels proudly.

Sherlock sniffed the air again and didn’t look Anderson in the face. “Ooh, and I think it just vaporised,” he said, glancing over to John. “May I go in?”

“Now whatever you’re trying to imply…” Anderson began, angrily pointing a finger at Sherlock.

“I’m not implying anything.” He strode up the path to the front door of the house, his eyes wide and innocent. “I’m sure Sally came ‘round for a nice little chat, and just happened to stay over. And I assume she scrubbed your floors, going by the state of her knees.”

John ducked his head and tried not to laugh, following Sherlock through the door and into the house and made sure to take a quick glance at Donovan’s knees as he passed her.

“You shouldn’t have done that, you know,” he whispered to Sherlock, who lead him into a small room on the first floor.

Sherlock shrugged. “I know. But my way’s more fun, don’t you think?”

John didn’t reply, as the room was uncomfortably full of officers and investigators, including Detective Inspector Lestrade. They were all wearing the same blue coveralls.

“You need to wear one of these,” Sherlock said, pointing to a pile of the coveralls on a table, and John nodded, leaning his cane against the wall and picking one up.

Lestrade looked at him, confused, and turned to Sherlock. “Who’s this?” he asked.

“He’s with me,” Sherlock answered, curtly.

“But who is he?” Lestrade pressed.

“I said he’s with me.”

John, despite this constant reassurance from Sherlock, really didn’t feel like he belonged beside him at a crime scene. He was very out of place — more so than Sherlock would be at Sunday mass — with his limp and his cane and his wary eyes. For a moment he wished that he was back at Baker Street drinking tea and doing crosswords with Mrs. Hudson; Sherlock appeared to be the only one who wanted him here and, by the looks of things, Sherlock wasn’t even wanted here.

He looked over to Sherlock, who had bypassed him and Lestrade and had picked up a two pairs of latex gloves, handing one over to him.

“Aren’t you going to put one on?” John asked, noting Sherlock’s lack of coverall.

Sherlock shot him a look, and John rolled his eyes and accepted the latex gloves, making no further comment.

“So,” Sherlock said, turning once more to Lestrade. “Where are we?”

“Upstairs,” Lestrade replied, moving over to the staircase.

Sherlock followed him and looked back at John, making sure he was still close behind. John’s cane clunked on the old stairs and he grimaced, wishing that old houses didn’t sound so hollow.

“I can give you two minutes,” Lestrade said as they reached the second flight of stairs.

Sherlock looked up at the winding staircase and put on the latex gloves. “May need longer.”

“Her name’s Jennifer Wilson according to her credit cards,” Lestrade continued. “We’re running them now for contact details. Hasn’t been here long. Some kids found her.”

He stopped once they reached the second landing, and John’s bad leg thanked him. Lestrade opened the door and lead them in, Sherlock following quickly and John not too far behind. The air in the room was musty, and the floor was ridden with dust. John looked around, the muted grey of the walls reminding him of his bedsit, and he didn’t find the comparison terribly comforting. The room itself was devoid of furniture except for a rocking horse in the far corner. Old scaffolding poles braced the far part of the ceiling, not too far from where a couple of large holes had been knocked through one of the walls. Everything else John assumed had been brought in by the police; portable lighting had been set up, illuminating the room with a weak glow. In the middle of the floor, a beacon within the monochrome walls, lay a woman’s body, face down on the bare floorboards, and dressed head to toe in bright pink. Next to her hand, five letters had been scratched into the floor: RACHE.

First as a doctor, then as a soldier, John had seen many corpses in his life, but the harrowing shock was the same every time.

John looked over to Sherlock, and was surprised to see that, as he stared at the corpse, his face was twisted with regret. The three of them stood in silence, all focused on the body of Jennifer Wilson, before Sherlock whipped his head to look at Lestrade.

“Shut up.”

Startled, Lestrade shook his head. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking,” Sherlock clarified. “It was annoying.”

Lestrade then looked back at John, and the two shared a surprised look. John didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know if he could say anything without disturbing Sherlock, and so didn’t say anything, watching, intrigued, as his flatmate stepped slowly toward the corpse. He moved swiftly, moving around the body with smooth, lithe movements, his coat pooling around his ankles as he crouched down for closer examination. John didn’t know what he was looking for, or if there was anything to be looking for, but, somehow, he knew that if there was, Sherlock Holmes would be the one to find it.

This carried on for another minute before Sherlock abruptly stood up, appearing to have finished his investigation.

“Got anything?” Lestrade asked.

Sherlock shrugged, nonchalant. “Not much,” he admitted. He peeled off the gloves, reached into his coat pocket to retrieve his phone, and began typing.

“She’s German.”

John turned around to see Anderson leaning casually against the doorway.

“‘Rache’,” he elaborated. “It’s German for ‘revenge’. She could be trying to tell us something—”

He was cut off by Sherlock, who had walked briskly over towards the door and closed it in Anderson’s face, not glancing up from his phone.

“Yes, thank you for your input,” he said. The door slammed loudly and John watched as Sherlock moved to stand in the middle of the room, once more beside the corpse of Jennifer Wilson.

“So she’s German?” Lestrade asked.

“Of course she’s not,” Sherlock replied, not offering anything else on the subject. “She is from out of town, though. Intended to stay in London for one night…” He smiled smugly, turned off his phone and pocketed it. “…before returning home to Cardiff. So far, so obvious.”

“Sorry,” John said, speaking for the first time since entering the room. “Obvious?”

“What about the message, though?” Lestrade urged.

Sherlock ignored him and turned to John, who faltered slightly at the intensity of his stare.

“Doctor Watson, what do you think?”

“Of the message?”

“Of the body,” Sherlock clarified. “You’re a medical man.”

Before he could move to get a closer look, Lestrade stepped forward. “Wait, no, we have a whole medical team right outside.”

“They won’t work with me,” Sherlock said, repeating his words from back at Baker Street.

“I’m breaking every rule letting you in here!”

Sherlock smiled through his teeth. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Because you need me.”

Lestrade stared at him defiantly, before lowering his eyes in defeat. “Yes, I do,” he said. “God help me.”

Smiling, much more genuine now, Sherlock turned back to John. “Doctor Watson.”

“Hmm?” John glanced from Sherlock to the body, then from the body to Lestrade, silently seeking his permission to comply with Sherlock’s request.

“Oh, do as he says,” Lestrade muttered. “Help yourself.”

He turned and opened the door, stepping outside and leaving Sherlock and John alone with Jennifer Wilson.

“Anderson, keep everyone out of a couple of minutes.”

Sherlock took that as his cue to move, and he ushered John to where he had stood beside the corpse, squatting down beside it. John followed the best he could, his leg twinging in protest as he awkwardly lowered himself onto one knee, using his cane to support himself the best he could.

“Well?” Sherlock asked, eyes bright and triumphant.

John glanced at the closed door and leaned over the body so Sherlock could hear him.

“What am I doing here?” he asked softly.

“Helping me make a point,” Sherlock answered, mimicking his whisper.

“I’m supposed to be helping you pay the rent.”

Sherlock shrugged. “Yeah, well, this is more fun.”

“Fun?” John questioned. “There’s a woman lying dead.”

“Perfectly sound analysis,” Sherlock noted, “but I was hoping you’d go deeper.”

Well, it was too late to back out now. John dragged his bad leg into a kneeling position and saw Lestrade reenter the room as he leaned in to closer examine the body. First: cause of death. Swallowing and trying not to think about the number of times he had done this in Afghanistan, John put his head close to hers, sniffed, and pulled away, then examining the skin on her right hand before looking again across to Sherlock.

“Yeah…” he began. “Asphyxiation, probably. Passed out, choked on her own vomit. Can’t smell any alcohol on her. It could have been a seizure; possibly drugs.”

“You know what it was,” Sherlock said. “You’ve read the papers.”

John had only read one paper, the one back in 221B, but he knew to what Sherlock was alluding. “What, she’s one of the suicides? The fourth…?”

“Sherlock,” Lestrade interrupted. “Two minutes, I said. I need anything you’ve got.”

Sherlock stood, and John followed, albeit much less gracefully, and leaned once more on his cane.

“Victim is in her late thirties,” Sherlock began. John recognised that voice; Sherlock had used it twice on him already. That was his deduction voice. “Professional person, going by her clothes; I’m guessing something in the media, going by the frankly alarming shade of pink. Travelled from Cardiff today, intending to stay in London for one night. It’s obvious from the size of her suitcase.”

“Suitcase?” Lestrade asked, eyebrows furrowed.

John, sharing his confusion, looked around the room in search of such suitcase. He found none. Sherlock, however, was too wrapped up in his own head to notice.

“Suitcase, yes,” he continued, distractedly moving about the room, his coat flouncing behind him in a dark wave. “She’s been married at least ten years, but not happily. She’s had a string of lovers but none of them knew she was married.”

“Oh, for God’s sake,” Lestrade moaned. “If you’re just making this up…”

“Her wedding ring,” Sherlock interrupted, pointing down to the woman’s left hand. John saw the wedding ring, and it looked completely unremarkable, exactly like every other wedding ring he’d seen his entire life. “Ten years old at least,” Sherlock stated. “The rest of her jewelery has been regularly cleaned, but not her wedding ring. State of her marriage right there. The inside of the ring is shinier than the outside — that means it’s regularly removed; the only polishing it gets is when she works it off her finger. It’s not for work. Look at her nails! She doesn’t work with her hands, so what, or rather who, does she remove her rings for? Clearly not one lover; she’d never sustain the fiction of being single over that amount of time, so more likely a string of them. Simple.”

“That’s brilliant.” The words tumbled out of John’s mouth before he could catch himself, and he awkwardly smiled as Sherlock paused to look at him, eyes wide. “Sorry,” he said, urging Sherlock to continue his explanation.

“Cardiff?” Lestrade prompted.

Sherlock frowned. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“It’s not obvious to me,” John admitted, knowing he spoke for both himself and the Inspector.

Sherlock looked between the two of them, baffled. “Dear God, what is it like inside your funny little brains? It must be so boring.” And, before either John or Lestrade could get another word in, Sherlock was off again. “Her coat: it’s slightly damp. She’s been in heavy rain in the last few hours. No rain anywhere in London in that time. Under her coat collar is damp, too. She’s turned it up against the wind. She’s got an umbrella in her left-hand pocket but it’s dry and unused: not just win, strong wind — too strong to use her umbrella. We know from her suitcase that she was intending to stay overnight, so she must have coma decent distance but she can’t have travelled more than two or three hours because her coat still hasn’t dried. So,” he paused, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “Where has there been heavy rain and strong wind within the radius of that travel time? Cardiff.”

He held out his phone to show John and Lestrade the webpage he was looking at earlier; it displayed today’s weather for southern Britain.

“That’s fantastic!” John gaped, stunned in utter awe at this brilliant madman.

Sherlock turned to him and leaned in. “Do you know you do that out loud?” he asked.

“Sorry,” John apologised. “I’ll shut up.”

“No,” Sherlock countered, quickly dismissing him. “No, it’s…fine.”

John stared up at him in surprise and saw Sherlock give him a brief, shy smile. He realised that Sherlock was pleased with the compliments, he liked the compliments. Then, he remembered earlier in the taxi when Sherlock had deduced him; Sherlock had said that people didn’t usually react well to his deductions. John wondered if there was anyone else at all who thought them to be brilliant, and if Sherlock had ever heard them say it. With that thought in mind, John told himself that, throughout the night, he would remind Sherlock at every possible instance of his mad brilliance. If he got to see that shy, private smile again, it would be worth it.

Lestrade coughed loudly, and John looked away from Sherlock and down and the floorboards.

“Why d’you keep saying suitcase?” Lestrade asked.

As if he had just remembered that they were at a crime scene, Sherlock spun around in a circle looking around the room. “Yes,” he muttered. “Where is it? She must have had a phone or an organiser. Find out who Rachel is.”

Lestrade crossed his arms. “She was writing ‘Rachel’?”

“No,” Sherlock retorted sarcastically. “She was leaving an angry not in German. Of course she was writing Rachel; no other word it can be. Question it: why did she wait until she was dying to write it?”

“How d’you know she had a suitcase?”

Sherlock pointed down to the corpse. “Back of the right leg: tiny splash marks on the heel and calf, not present on the left. She was dragging a wheeled suitcase behind her with her right hand. Don’t get that splash pattern any other way. Smallish case, going by the spread. Case that size, woman this clothes-conscious: could only be an overnight bag, so we know she was staying one night.” He squatted down by the body, fingers ghosting over the backs of her legs as he examined them more closely. “Now,” he said, “where is it? What have you done with it?”

Lestrade shook head and said, “There wasn’t a case.”

Sherlock looked up at him. “Say that again.”

“There wasn’t a case,” Lestrade repeated. “There was never any suitcase.”

At this, Sherlock immediately stood up and headed for the door, walking straight past John and Lestrade and called out to the police officers standing outside. “Suitcase!” he shouted, hurrying back down the stairs. “Did anyone find a suitcase? Was there a suitcase in this house?”

“Sherlock!” Lestrade called out behind him. “There was no case!”

“But they take the poison themselves,” Sherlock said, slowing down and looking up the stairwell at them. “They chew, swallow the pills themselves. There are clear signs. Even you lot couldn’t miss them.”

“Right, yeah, thanks,” Lestrade grumbled. “And…?”

“It’s murder!” Sherlock expressed, gripping the railing. “All of them. I don’t know how, but they’re not suicides, they’re killings — serial killings.” He clasped his hands together in front of his face in delight. “We’ve got ourselves a serial killer. I love those. There’s always something to look forward to.”

Lestrade looked to John who shook his head, having no clue what Sherlock was talking about. “Why are you saying that?” Lestrade asked, shouting down the stairs.

“Her case!” Sherlock gasped, almost having reached the ground floor. “Come on, where is her case? Did she eat it? Someone else was here, and they took her case.” Then he spoke more quietly, talking to himself rather than John and the baffled Inspector. “So the killer must have driven her here; forgot the case was in the car.”

“She could have checked into a hotel,” John supplied. “Left her case there.”

“No, she never got to the hotel,” Sherlock said, shaking his head. “Look at her hair! She colour-coordinates her lipstick and her shoes. She’d never have left any hotel with her hair still looking…Oh!”

Sherlock stopped, realisation dawning on his face, and John for the life of him couldn’t understand what it could be.

“Oh!” He spun around in pure delight.

“Sherlock?” John called down to him.

Lestrade leaned over the railing. “What is it,” he asked. “What?”

“Serial killers are always hard. You have to wait for them to make a mistake.”

“We can’t just wait!” Lestrade said.

Sherlock began to hurry down the last flight of stairs. “Oh, we’re done waiting. Look at her, really look! Houston, we have a mistake! Get on to Cardiff: find out who Jennifer Wilson’s family and friends were. Find Rachel!” He reached the bottom of the stairs and John watched him disappear from sight.

“Of course, yeah,” Lestrade called, waving the officers around them to follow Sherlock’s instructions. “But what mistake?”

Sherlock ran back into view, his eyes ablaze with excitement. He leapt up the first few stairs and looked fervently from John to Lestrade and back again. “PINK!”

And he was gone again.

Lestrade turned to John, who shook his head, baffled, before going back into the room while Anderson and his team followed closely in his wake.

“Let’s get on with it,” Anderson grumbled, pointedly ignoring John as he passed.

Seemingly forgotten by everyone else, John hesitated on the landing for a moment before deciding to go back downstairs to find Sherlock. He turned to say goodbye to Lestrade but saw that the Inspector was too engrossed with giving stressed orders to his officers to notice John’s awkward fumbling. So, John began the long and painful descent down the stairs. As careful as he was, John was still occasionally knocked about by hurried police officers, who pushed passed him without so much as a second glance. His grip tightened on his cane as his hand threatened a tremor. Slowly, but surely, he eventually made it to the bottom of the stairs, where he removed his coverall and latex gloves, his head bowed so as to attract as little attention as possible. He put on his jacket and left the building, making sure to stay out of the way of the people who were actually supposed to be there. Once he was back out in the street John looked around in search of Sherlock, or for any sign as to where he had gone.

“He’s gone.”

John looked over to Donovan, who was standing back by the police tape.

“Who, Sherlock Holmes?” he asked, walking over to her.

“Yeah, he just took off,” she said. “He does that.”

A heavy weight settled in John’s chest, as he realised that he had been, once again, forgotten. “Is he coming back?”

Donovan shook her head. “Didn’t look like it.”

“Right.” He looked around the street, trying to think of what to do from here. “Right, yes. Sorry, where am I?”

“Brixton.”

“Right. Er, do you know where I could get a cab? It’s just, er…well…” John glanced down at his cane, “my leg.”

Donovan’s face softened slightly and she lifted the police tape. “Yeah,” she said. “Try the main road.”

“Thanks,” John smiled curtly, ducking under the tape. He was about to walk away when Donovan spoke again.

“But you’re not his friend,” she stated, and John turned back to her, confused. “He doesn’t have friends. So who are you?”

“I’m…I’m nobody,” John said. “I just met him.”

“Okay, a bit of advice then,” Donovan offered. “Stay away from that guy.”

“Why?”

She laughed. “Do you know why he’s here? He’s not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it. The weirder the crime, the more he gets off. And you know what? One day just showing up won’t be good enough. One day we’ll be standing around a body and Sherlock Holmes will be the one who put it there.”

John stared at her and tried to process her words; they didn’t really make sense. Sure, Sherlock was a bit mad and wasn’t exactly the most tactful of people, be he didn’t seem to be violent. “Why would he do that?” John asked finally.

“Because he’s a psychopath,” Donovan said, so nonchalantly that it made John uncomfortable. “And psychopaths get bored.”

Back from the entrance of the house, Lestrade called over to her.

“Donovan!”

“Coming!” she said, before turning back once more to John. “Stay away from Sherlock Holmes.”

John watched as she walked toward the house, mulling over what she’d said. From what he had seen, Sherlock was no more than a strange young man with an even stranger mind, but these people had known him for longer than he had and they all hated him, tolerated him at best. Perhaps it was best if he just went home — to his bedsit — and forgot that this had ever happened.

Sighing, John turned away from the scene and began to limp down the street in the direction of the main road. It wasn’t too long before he came to a telephone box, which began to ring as he passed it. John stopped and looked at it for a few seconds, wondering if he should answer it, but decided against it and continued down the road. The phone stopped ringing.

It wasn’t long before John made it to Brixton High Road, and he tried (and failed) to hail a taxi three times before stopping on the corner outside of a busy restaurant. He stood there, defeated, as the wind picked up and nipped through his too-thin coat. As he was about to walk off again, the payphone on the wall of the restaurant began to ring. John looked over at it cautiously, watching as one of the waiters from the restaurant moved to pick it up, but it stopped ringing before the lad had the chance. Shaking his head, John continued on down the road, weaving in and out of the crowd.

He walked firmly past another telephone box determined not to look at it, but it too began to ring. Mystified, John stared at the phone and wondered whether or not he should answer it. Curiosity got the better of him, it always did, as he pulled open the door and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

The line was filled with static, and a man’s steely voice spoke to him. “There is a security camera on the building to your left,” it said. “Do you see it?”

John frowned at the odd message. “Who’s this? Who’s speaking?”

“Do you see the camera, Doctor Watson?”

He froze when he heard his name, and immediately recognised that he had stepped into something much larger than himself. He looked through the left window of the phone box and scanned the building for the camera. He saw it, a CCTV camera high up on the wall, and pointing straight at him.

“Yeah,” he said into the phone. “I see it.”

“Watch.”

John complied and watched as the camera, which had been pointing straight at him, swiveled away to point at an unremarkable part of the road.

“There is another camera on the building opposite you,” the man said. “Do you see it?”

John looked across the road to the second camera, which was also pointed toward the phone box. He hummed his acknowledgment, staring. The camera immediately swiveled away, just like the first one.

“And finally, at the top of the building on your right.”

Like the first two, this camera also turned away, and John was completely off the record. He could disappear right now and no-one would be able to tell what happened to him…

“How are you doing this?” John asked into the phone, growing slightly panicked. He tried to keep himself calm, steadying his balance, but it was months since Afghanistan and he had forgotten what it felt like to be in danger.

A black car pulled up at the kerbside by the telephone box. It was clean and sleek and expensive and obviously well looked after. John’s grip on the phone loosened as the driver got out and opened the door to the back seat.

“I would make some sort of threat,” said the man’s voice on the other end of the line. “But I’m sure your situation is quite clear to you.”

The phone went dead and John put it back down, weighing his options. He could make a run for it, but running was completely out of the question given his leg and, even if he could run, he didn’t think that it would do much good. If whoever had called him was able to watch him from CCTV, then he could be under surveillance anywhere in London; trying to hide seemed quite foolish. Knowing that there wasn’t much that he could do, John left the phone box and got into the car.

An attractive young woman sat next to him behind the passenger seat, her eyes fixed on her BlackBerry, ignoring him. Sherlock had ignored him too, and that was why he was in this mess.

“Hello,” John said, hoping to start a conversation (and potentially find out where he was going).

The woman looked up from her phone and smiled brightly at him “Hi,” she said, and turned back to her phone.

“What’s your name, then?”

“Er…” The woman contemplated his question for a minute before answering. “…Anthea.”

John huffed. “Is that your real name?” he asked.

“No.” She smiled at him again in the same way that John suspected she would at a small child. Or a dog.

He twisted around and tried to look out of the rear window, but it was darkly tinted and he couldn’t see anything other than muted lights from cars and street lamps.

“I’m John,” he said, turning back to Not-Anthea.

Not-Anthea smiled down at her BlackBerry. “Yes,” she said. “I know.”

John felt like he should have suspected that. And he was growing quite tired of feeling like everyone else knew more than he did.

“Any point in asking where I’m going?” he asked, growing impatient.

“None at all…John.”

John nodded, his lips pursed. “Okay.”

He didn’t speak again for the rest of the journey.

#johnlock #tjlc #asip #sherlock #btbs:1 #fanfic

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