#and feeling like i don't care that much

[issylra]

FERDINAND KINGSLEY in SILO 1.02 “Holston's Pick”

#ferdinand kingsley #sandman cast #silo #silo spoilers #silo apple tv #george wilkins #tvedit #*mine: gifs #wasn't going to share this one #because i don't like the coloring #or the lighting #but i'm at work #and feeling like i don't care that much #enjoy ferdie being a complete nerd

[finnamin]

So we put on a mask. It's not hard to understand why. What's hard is knowing that sometimes, the mask is who we really are.

Zuko in 1x06 - Masks

#zuko #atla #natla #atla live action #atla netflix #netflix atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender netflix #atla spoilers #natla spoilers #atla netflix spoilers #this episode absolutely wrecked me and these scene transitions were lovely so I had to share them #I haven't made a full gifset in probably a decade and it's changed so much I feel ancient lmao #hopefully these don't look like ass - i tried my best lmao #my gifsets #the amount of time I spent trying to pull a quote to go with this #I don't think this one fully fits but i don't care anymore lmao #mine

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #toshiro nakamoto #chilchuck tims #kabru #BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry. #Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong: #“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH. #This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated. #I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them. #Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad. #When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment! #I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug. #Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends) #and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off. #I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi. #obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc #YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him. #I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #john gaius #harrow the ninth #this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL #this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships #(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think #the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real #but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed) #there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone? #yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't) #the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god #when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care #(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution) #and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on #it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there #while john is -- well he sure is being john huh #this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end #(with john slam dunked right into hell that is) #it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up #john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too

[obsidianbit]

I love this gay ass show with its literally life ending injuries that heal immediately, but only when convenient to the plot, and its ridiculous use of modern phrases, and its laughing in the face of historical accuracy, and its kissing the face of the fans instead of trying to outwit them, and the way everyone involved in the show seem to go 'I KNOW RIGHT! I'M EXCITED TOO!' instead of mocking the fans

#i have so many feelings #i can't quite express the way everyone involved seems to want us to love the show #like when you love something so you show it to a friend and vibrate with excitement while you watch them love it #so that you can scream about it together #it feels like djenks and the writers and the cast and the crew are in on the joke *with* us #which contrasts so sharply to the way so many fandoms find themselves to *be* the joke #the joke being how much we love the show #the fact that everyone involved cares *so much* about the show is really obvious #not just this is a fun show but this is a *meaningful* show #i truly have never felt so much like i have a community as i have with this show and the fans of it #it is also one of the only shows i can think of (maybe some of neil gaiman's adaptations?) where the trademark over analysing and meta #and theories of the fans isn't ridiculed #this ties back into the being in on the joke thing #back when we didn't know blackbonnet was going to be *canon* canon #and djenks reaction to us freaking out that we were RIGHT was basically #well yeah? #i want to write a love letter to everyone but i don't know how #ofmd #mine #our flag means death #david jenkins #ofmd s2 #ofmd 2 #kissing david jenkins on the mouth

[dreadark]

that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them

but. does ivan know that…?

the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself

because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"

but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—

surely this selfish wanting can’t be love

...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die

but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...

I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)

but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself

#alien stage #alnst #alnst ivan #ivantill #i have a lot of thoughts on till -> mizi too but this is long enough #just attempting to rewrite my twt rambles more coherently #idk why i wrote this so dramatically tho... #'thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions' is going to haunt me to my grave #ivan's character is just a careful balance between his natural freak nature and his extreme depths of self-loathing #making him the most miserable guy ever #...really once you realize so much of what went wrong is thanks to ivan just hating himself too much to even think of them as friends. well #c...can we bring him back... don't die like this..... #(also you know. with the implications of how 'pets' are treated #wanting someone physically must feel... even more wrong

[littlecrittereli]

Doodle suggestions? Gotcha The crew in some comfy PJs because WHY DON'T THEY HAVE ANYYYYY

I was just going to do a quick doodle but I ended up liking it so much I made it into a full out drawing um...

They are having a silly game night :)

#Listen..... Team Tortuga as found family..... #they are EVERYTHINGG TOOO MEEEEEEEE #I feel like we don't get enough content of them just... being friends #BECAUSE THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS #They literally live together wHY DO WE NOT CONSIDER THIS MORE #and they were roomates............ oh my god they were roomates.... #The younger sibling experience of watching ur older sibling play video games #Im so sorry im crying and throwing up in the tags i just care so much plEASE GIVE ME MORE TORTUGA FAMILY CONTENT #wild kratts #chris kratt #martin kratt #wild kratts aviva #wild kratts koki #jimmy z #wild kratts fanart #wk fanart #littlecrittereli #fanart

[scintillyyy]

there is something where. hm. like yes, tim can be condescending towards steph, he was written by dixon, it's inevitable. but also since, for a very long time, he was the only one supporting steph's decision to be a vigilante & the only one giving her any sort of attempt at formal training, tim is also the one who tends to get held accountable for her by the adults in their lives when she does mess up, or acts reckless, or makes a mistake. because the fault is considered to lie with his failure to teach her properly, so even if it shouldn't be tim's fault, because it's the fault of all the adults who are refusing to take any sort of responsibility, her behavior does end up reflecting on tim.

so you end up with this thing where to steph: her and tim are equals in a relationship. they are similar aged vigilates & the disparity in their training and experience isn't that important. because she's trying and working really hard & her methods do end up getting the result she desires/end up working in some way, shape, or form, so she's doing good enough to be on equal footing with tim wrt this whole vigilante thing. after all, they're both kids! there's no real difference between them except tim gets a little more training than her. and she's not wrong in that if an adult were to actually officially sanction her & train her she would be on more equal footing with tim as far as they're just two kids who are choosing to be vigilantes.

where to tim he's operating with the knowledge that that their relationship is one thing, but their jobs as vigilantes is a completely separate thing. and them being equal vigilantes is really not considered the case to any other active gotham vigilante. experiencewise, before steph even showed up on the scene, tim had had at least his six months of dedicated training with batman & occasional training with nightwing. he had also had his weeks of dedicated daily training in paris with the rahul lama & then his speed training with lady shiva. he does have probably close to at least 8-9 months of training and experience and working as robin on steph at her first appearance. he's also at a point where he is considered by the adults around him to be trained & skilled enough to be able to train jean-paul valley at that point. this disparity only worsens during the time before they start dating where tim finishes his training in paris with the rahul lama along with getting even more ongoing specialized training from batman & nightwing and steph...continues to be self taught. so the adults around them have expectations for tim that they don't necessarily have for steph, and since tim is the one training her & the expectations for tim at this point are that he's an autonomous, skilled vigilante in his own right (and has been since he was left in charge of azbats), if steph does mess up & tim is the one choosing to sanction & train her, then her mistakes & recklessness becomes tim's fault for not training her properly. although in a perfect world, she wouldn't be his responsibility in this way, that's just how everyone (batman, nightwing, the birds of prey) views it. & like. as someone who takes students at her job. it's not entirely wrong that while a mistake made by a student is on the student & it's also very much considered ultimately the fault of the instructor for failing to recognize that the student wasn't ready or skilled enough for something that they made a mistake, because as the more experienced professional, it's on you to recognize the limitations of the student & supervise/guide them accordingly. which tim is in the position of everyone feeling that steph is his responsibility to manage, because he's often the only one who thinks she should be given a chance & is trying to give her a chance.

it's an inherent power imbalance, formed the the fact that tim is the only one willing to instruct her for a long time, sanctioned & reinforced by the adults around them.

#like yes tim is condescending at points #but also she does make mistakes and when she does #the adults tend to consider that tim is the one they feel is in charge of her #ergo it's on tim for failing to control her. which is a heavy expectation & not one you should be casting into a relationship #and there's another thread there where steph doesn't necessarily care as much about reputation or perceptions #whereas tim is a little more cautious regarding you can't just say you're sanctioned and then mess up #because that reflects poorly on the brand #and he's probably a little overcautious but you know i don't think he's entirely wrong #in that the people's ability to trust the symbol comes from competence & the assurance that they won't mess up so uh

[starrysharks]

evilution

#zeno's art #ocs #reassassination #octavia krankenstein #dr krankenstein #i still need to go back and change all the tags ughhhhh #anyway just drawing them standing there for the 18 billionth time #iwant to fully understand their (specifcally krank's) designs #of course octavia is perfect and only recieved tiny changes #meanwhile with krank im trying to make him look a LOT more dishevelled #his old design didn't have much personality #but i tried to give more of a “don't care” feeling to his apperance (oversized coat + baggy pants + stupid slippers) #to show that he only cares about his work and his own appearance is unimportant #its also an irony because (mini spoiler) he cared a lot about his appearance in the past lol #i wont go into detail on that ;-) #well anyway he has a funky new hairstyle now #the top half of him is basically final. im just wrangling the outfit now #also i do not know how tall he should actually be #octavia is like 5 foot 6 and krank was originally 6 foot 3 but i want him to be kind of awkwardly tall #not like 7 foot tall just tall to the point where he towers over nearly everyone #kind of adds to his hunchbacked awkwardness #ah well anyway pleasepleasplease let me know what you GENUINELY think of the designs i want to hear HATE and CRITIQUE

[scificrows]

Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.

Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):

In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.

It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]

The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]

Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]

In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]

In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]

Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #𓄿 #hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this #i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything #i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha #i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass #and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭 #i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise' #also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just #couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah #also uhhh this data is very subjective #i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call #also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them) #but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly #so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance #i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!! #but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol

[clown-owo]

inexplicably began doodling p4 again <3 so here's a collection

#og post #my art #persona 4 #p4 #chie satonaka #yu narukami #souji seta #souyo #yukiko amagi #aw man. shit. i drew too many peoples eyes. do i tag them all #... no. i don't think i will #i keep drawing chie+shadow chie in this specific color palette for reasons #i mean idk why im drawing chie specifically. i think i just like drawing her. but the color palette has reasons #that may never come true #two of these r from video ideas i'll prolly never get around to tbh #also . the eyes. i only had references for some of them. because i was lazy and didn't feel like getting them #and i don't actually care that much how they look in canon #YUKICHIE #<- FAKE YURI FAN FORGOT TO TAG THE YURI

[upsidedog]

i am so charmed by a lumax wedding because it’s not even something max thought would happen. like she assumed weddings were something the girl makes happen and the guy puts up with. and because she had no desire for one, so there’s no reason it would happen.

among other things weddings are an exorbitant and performative show of love, max loves lucas and she doesn’t care whether or not other people know or believe this. at it’s best marriage to her has been a representation of failed dreams and at it’s worst it’s been a tool to manipulate people who need to get away to stay. maybe they will get married for the tax benefits, she thinks.

this is until max and lucas are older and living together, they’re chilling on the couch and lucas mentions his family has been asking when he’s planning to propose and if that’s something max even wants? max doesn’t care, she doesn’t plan on going anywhere, a certificate won’t change anything and she's not crazy about parties. she doesn’t ask how he feels, he brings it up, that “actually i want a wedding.”

that is saying the least, lucas wants a wedding more than anything. he loves max and he doesn’t need to prove that to anyone, but he’s happy and he wants to share that with others! he wants to work with max to make marriage a positive thing to them, he wants to celebrate their love, everything they’ve been through. also, hell, he’s only human, he wants to show off! he wants to dress really cool and go to a really cool place and show the world know how awesome he and his girlfriend are. HIS WIFE!!!

most of all, lucas wants the moment near the end of the night, where the party’s getting loud and everybody wants his attention, but max asks if he wants to get out of there and he says yes. not out out, just outside the venue. it’s dark and the once booming music is now faint, they sit and catch up, complain about their families, laugh about their friends. max holds lucas’s hand and plays with his wedding ring, she whispers something sweet before asking him to dance. it’s the best part of the night and nobody will know about it but them.

suddenly max decides she wants a wedding.

#lumax #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #stranger things #to be clear i think it isn't really that max becomes excited for a wedding - i think it's more that she is incredibly touched by what it #means to lucas and wants to give that to him #i don't think she would ever be crazy about all that attention on her but she loves that it makes lucas happy and loves how much he cares #about her #and i also think lucas is aware of this. he loves weddings and the idea of being married is romantic and beautiful to him and he loves that #max understands where he's coming from and feels loved by his explination but also he knows it's something he will enjoy more and that's ok #lucas would be a very good wedding planner #also they would have this discussion then formulate oppisite plans catering to the other's love language #lucas would be like 'i'm gonna do something so private and sweet for max to propose' and max would be like 'i am going to go all out in #public to propose' and luckily max gets to hers first because it was way harder to do #nonetheless i am being cheesy ignore me

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Instruction on Courtship

[First] Prev <--> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan jingyi #lan sizhui #wei wuxian #a-qing #(In case ppl are wondering: LJY and LSZ changed their hairstyles to get into character). #I love this scene very much its so silly and sweet #a-qing is WAITING though guys. Come ON #Lan Jingyi definitely is the type to read romance novels and be a deep romantic at heart. And of course vehemently deny it. #But the truth of the matter is that wwx and lwj don't follow those typical romance tropes (at least not at the moment) #wwx and lwj split up because they *know* the other one is perfectly capable on their own! It's about acknowledgement and respect. #The original line was “Why. I trust him and his skills” which is more accurate to the Audio Drama. Because that's the core of what makes #Wangxian so good! Trust!! Despite years of miscommunication- there is deep trust between these two! #They can and will delegate tasks because they are an effective team! #If you cannot trust the person you say you love and care about - you have killed that relationship. (Genuine relationship advice). #Add one more to the 'retelling of wwx's story from other's perspective' counter. #I know that wangxian get more lovey later on but I really feel like mxtx was trying to make a point here. The more interesting dynamics #are not one's that rehash lines and tropes from dime a dozen romance books (sorry boys)

[uncanny-tranny]

The bourgeois or "exploiting class" doesn't inherently include the person who gets their nails done biweekly, or the disabled person who has a carer, or the guy who got a $70 video game for full-price, or the person who relies on medication (yes even the ones you don't think they "need"), or anything else like this. None of these people will, on average, have the ability to exploit workers by means of ownership or whatever.

While you are busy fighting with fellow workers, you are still being exploited by your boss, by capitalism, by (potentially) not having healthcare, by being overworked and underpaid, and so are they.

#politics #feel like this wording isn't satisfactory for me but fuck it we ball #used bourgeois because i think as a colloquial word it's recognized but like... #...i dunno i think some people use it to mean 'person who can do [x]' even if they quite literally own no means of production #like the idea that you're exploiting a worker by agreeing to a service they provide isn't what bourgeois means #if i paid a carer to care for a disabled person they aren't being exploited by that disabled person... #...HOWEVER that carer absolutely can (and probably will be) exploited by the systems of power (eg their boss or capitalism) #perhaps it's too late at night for me to be posting about this but it's something that bothers me! #*especially* when it comes to disability and other groups already exploited by marginalization 👍 #if your leftism percludes the disabled (including the terminally and profoundly) or the elderly or the queer or so so much i don't WANT ITTT #saw a disabled person i follow lament how afraid they were to have a carer out of fear of Being a Bad Exploitative Person #and they obviously need one and that makes me so fucking angry to know that they are needlessly suffering

[shimmershy]

Undertale Month Day 6: Home

Reading together! :)

#utmonth2023 #safeutdr #my art #undertale #toriel undertale #toriel #frisk #frisk dreemurr #frisk undertale #undertale month #ut month 2023 #I'm having a lot of fun with my art recently! I keep impressing myself and it's super awesome! I missed enjoying art this much! #I like this one. :) I think I captured the atmosphere well. it's got like a warm and comforting feel and I'm glad I could create that :) #also fun fact I utilized Clip Studio's record timelapse feature with this one so I might also put together a little speedpaint video #just for fun. I haven't uploaded to youtube in like. 4 years lol. i used to do speedpaints a lot. do people even still do those....? #I don't care I'm doing it anyway #anyway. after this one the art might be simpler/lower quality because I still need to catch up with the day we're on lol #🌼

[lazylittledragon]

a 2 act tragedy starring me: i’ve been making fruit smoothies in the morning for a few days which has been great because it’s getting me to actually eat fruit for once, only to go on the internet and be told that it apparently releases all the natural sugars so it's actually Not that great for you and i am devastated

#ramble #i thought i was doing myself SO many favours #i ENJOY FRUIT i just don’t eat it for some reason related to adhd #context i am a long term ED sufferer so this kind of thing upsets me #honestly i don't care that much because it feels like it's better than Zero Fruit #can any dieticians put my mind at ease #someone explain how ‘the natural sugars are released and become Bad Sugar’ makes sense. like it’s all just the FRUIT #chanting to myself ‘there are no bad foods there are no bad foods there are no bad foods’ #like the Nutrients are still there and some of the fibre is still there #tw ed #on a lighter note current fave is pineapple+orange #also kiwi which i didn’t think would be good #edit: WAIT YOU’RE RIGHT WOULDN’T THE SUGARS BE RELEASED THE EXACT SAME WAY BY JUST CONSUMING THE FRUIT. WHAT THE FUCK