#and as tempting as it may be to come up with a simple snappy reason

[shitty-check-please-aus]

if I had a dollar for every holistic medicine person on the internet who has a bullshit theory about why thyroid disease exists, I wouldn't have to worry about my health insurance deductible

#honestly I've just decided that they owe me $5 each #sometimes your genetics are a little garbage and that's okay #I do not have an autoimmune disease because my mother did not love me enough whilst I was in the womb or because of childhood trauma #I do not have an autoimmune disease because I have a negative mindset or because I do not believe enough in my ability to be healthy #I do not have an autoimmune disease because I do not spend enough time outside barefoot connecting to the electricity of the earth #the reasons why autoimmunity exists are varied and complex #and as tempting as it may be to come up with a simple snappy reason #it is just not a simple snappy problem

[lost-eternity]

Match Up Requests: CLOSED.

Please read the rules before requesting

Match up for: @melancholicbutbeautiful

Okie dokie! I match you with....

The 9th doctor!

I know. This isn't everyone's favourite Doctor. He isnt as cute as the 10th or as puppy-man incarnate as the 11th but hear me out. I think he needs you.

Let's start simple, shall we?

He absolutely adores your height.

Standing at an impressive 182cm (6 feet), the 9th would be all over you. He's got a good 18 cm on you. Fully expect him to be "accidentally" leaning on your head and cracking short jokes at the most inappropriate times.

You're running from Daleks (it's an occupational hazard)? He'd say something along the lines of "hahah! I'm suprised they can even see you down there!" Cue and unamused glare from you. It's like.... we're trying not to die here and NOW you are making a short joke? Seriously?

~

You both probably meet at a museum. One of those quirky wax museums. Life-like historical figures expertly sculpted in wax, their empty eyes somehow full with false life. It combines both your passion for history and art, enabling you to walk up close to these esteemed figures who shaped our society.

But you can't focus on the wax creations, nor the historical excerpts that come with them. Instead, you keep getting this unnerving feeling like your being watched. When you turn around, you catch this one guy staring at you. So you look back at him like ???. And instead of quickly looking away like a NORMAL person would he just continues to stare.

So now things are awkward and your kinda tempted to reach for your keys. You know. Just in case.

And that is when you feel someone grabbing you from behind. Weirdly cold hands wrap around your arm, constricting you in a white-knuckle grip. Spikes of numbness shoot up your arm as the blood circulation is cut off to your hand.

You whirl around to face your attacker and are like ???. Why the HELL is Bob Ross attacking you? Like. What?

That was when the fire alarm began to go off.

Before you could react much, someone full on BEHEADED Bob Ross. He immediately releases you and promptly walks himself into a wall. The now headless wax Bob Ross backs up, then moves forward again. Then hits the wall. Rinse and repeat.

The guy who was staring at you earlier, now clutching the ironically red fire axe. Guess you now know who pulled the alarm.

The expression on this guy is borderline mianical as he Cheshire grinned at you. "Hi! What's your name?"

"Uh... y/n..."

"Nice to meet you, y/n, I am the Doctor. Now. Run!"

He grabs your hand and you charge for the exit, herding everyone else out of the museum as more and more wax figures come to life.

Springing into animation, they kinda slowly amble after you. It's not exactly efficient but it is pretty damn threatening.

This moment lead you into a series of events that eventually concluded in you both accidentally almost blowing up Big Ben to stop and alien hive mind from taking over Earth.... whoops. Not that it mattered to much. Because despite the terror and confusion that seemed to now be perpetually stricken in your mind, you had the time of your life.

But despite your pestering and begging, the Doctor adamantly refused to allow you to tag along on his next adventure. He wouldn't explain why. Instead he just dropped you off at your house, swearing to wipe your memory if you spoke a word of this to anyone.

Of course, you called him out on it, asking him if you could meet the "Men in Black" later.

He wasnt amused by your jab, saying that you reminded him of someone who we couldn't afford to lose again... and then promptly vanished after that

At first you thought you would never see him again. That he was just a phantom that emerged in your life, a chance crossing that never should have been. The moment your life was touched by something bigger... greater than the mundane reality you have been so long trapped it.

It was intoxicating. Addicting.

But as fate would have it, you did meet again. Except this time you weren't saving him from a domineering alien race, or robotic tin cans that sewed a path of destruction. No. You were saving him from himself.

~

Cut off from his own kind, the 9th Doctor was a damaged man, disparagingly grieving over the intense suffering he had witnessed; the destruction he had inflicted on his people as the result of his own actions.

He tore himself up, berated himself. Told himself that he did not deserve to be alive. After all, he was a monster in human skin. Because only a monster could cause the pain he had

The doctor struggled with the idea of isolation, he was the last of the Time Lords, having left the conflict with the excruciating knowledge of his hand in its apparent grisly conclusion and he would react strongly if pushed on the matter.

And for whatever reason, he came to you. You found him delirious and beaten down on your porch step, rambling, hardly making sense of himself and... glowing a little? Wtf?

You took him in, and only did not call for emergency care at his persistence and mumbled pleading. After doing the rather peculiar things he instructed and gave him a few questionable concoctions, the glowing stopped and he checked out.

You were up all night worrying yourself sick over this man. This stranger that you hardly even knew. I guess it is just the kind of person you are.

You were there when he awoke in the morning, calling out for you. At least you think it was you because he never said your name. Instead called for a "Rose". You weren't sure if this "rose" was a person or another wacky demand on his part.

You never did find out exactly what happened to him. From what he would say, he had an encounter with an alien species that really kicked his ass. Although you thought there was something more to it than that. Some more emotional undertones and reconciliation. You also did not understand why he came to you. You hardly knew each other. There was definitely something he was not telling you.

Whenever you asked who Rose was, he merely dismissed you or cracked a joke about your height. If you continued to press the matter, he would quickly get very snappy and drop his energized, maniacal façade.

It was after this moment that the Doctor agreed to allow you on the TARDIS with him. And you officially became his traveling companion. However. It was never all sunshine and rainbows. Although it was a rare occurrence, the Doctor would occasionally slip up and call you "Rose" again. He would always act like nothing happened and deny it if you brought it up. It was clear that this Rose person had a major impact on his life so... what happened to her?

~

So. I think you would be wonderful with the 9th Doctor because of your empathy and compassion. You unconditional understanding and empathic nature would definitely be unnerving for the Doctor at first. He feels like he does not deserve a person like you in his life. You are too good and pure. He fears that he will hurt you. So he pushes you away like he always does.

And this is why he needs you. I beleive that you would not stop pursuing him. Healing him. Your compassion and life would be what slowly seals up the wounds of his past and his own self-inflicted hatred.

He will finally be able to see his own worth because of you. And that was the primary reason I had for matching the 9th doctor with you. He is the one who needs someone like you the most.

Also. While you are genuinely empathic and loving, you will not allow yourself to be walked over. As you two grow closer, the 9th doctor will greatly appreciate your quips and sarcasm as it mirrors his own. You wont always be lost and confused like most of his companions end up being. Instead, you manage to keep pace with him. It's refreshing for him, honestly. And he will enjoy the playful banter exchanged between the two of you.

Also your dreams to travel align perfectly with the Doctor's noncommittal wanderlust shared by every single one of his incarnates. Your appreciation for other cultures and ways of life is something he can deeply relate to and will have a blast showing you more subtle cultures that may have otherwise bored his previous traveling companions.

~

Actually, as you two travel the universe together, you slowly grow closer and closer. The doctor begins to develop a kind of dependency on you. Because he only ever feels worthy of this love when he is around you.

Isolation really messes with his psyche. He can't handle being alone with his own thoughts. They constantly remind him of the pain he had caused, jeering and taunting him. They tell him that he will just run away from you. Like he always does.

He probably will try.

Don't think he will get far.

As he opens up to you, he finally tells you about Rose. Who she was. What she meant to him (I'm making this an AU where Rose died somewhere along the way).

And the realization is painful.

You dont just REMIND him of Rose. He is PRETENDING that you are Rose. Because for him that is much easier than coming to terms with her death.

I mean. Can you blame him? You look so much like her. Even down to your height.

All of those height jokes were made because of the way he used to tease Rose.

Your hair, your eyes, even your personality is a painful reminder of her. Which is why is tried to abandon you the first time. It is also why he showed up at your house when he got hurt.

He was running on empty and just instinctually went to the place he knew he would be the safest. At your house. With the person he sees as Rose Tyler.

Honestly it's not psychologically healthy.

So now you have a choice.

Do you want to remain with the guy who is clearly still hung up over his ex? Going so far as to convince himself that you ARE Rose? Or do you think you can work with him. Help him. Heal him and allow him to reconcile with not only her death, but the deaths of his own kind.

I guess that decision is up to you...

Aaand, I am done! Whew. Sorry that one ended on such a downer. Haha. But most of the Doctors are psychologically traumatized and their coping mechanisms are super unhealthy. I would feel like I am betraying his character if I did not find some way to portray that. Anyways. I hope you enjoyed 😁. I had fun writing it.

#match up #ships #ship #shipping #doctor who #bbc doctor who #9th doctor #rose tyler #reader x doctor #reader x doctor who #reader x 9th doctor #matchup #matchups #ship request #doctor who match up #doctor who ships

[chiseler]

“You Devilish Mummy!”: Mexican Horror in America, 1958-1963

Rosa Arenas

For some people, Cinqo de Mayo means a nacho party platter, a cooler full of Corona, plastic sombreros and a pinata filled with stale butterscotch discs. For a few of us, though, Cinqo de Mayo means one thing and one thing only: Aztec mummies. The sad part of it is that it might actually make much more sense than the nachos.

After Tod Browning and his crew left the set at the end of the shooting day while working on 1931’s Dracula, they were replaced by director George Melford and a Mexican cast and crew. Using the same sets, the same cameras, and a translated version of the script, they worked all night to shoot the Spanish-language version of the film. Those who have seen both tend to agree that the Spanish version is the superior of the two. The cinematography is more vibrant and less stage-bound than the Browning version, the atmosphere is richer (possibly because they were shooting at night), and most important of all, the Mexican Dracula (Carlos Villar) smolders with a sexual energy and menace Bela Lugosi, great as he is, lacks.

Prior to the mid-’50s, most American audiences would probably be surprised to learn that Mexico even had its own film industry. That’s when low-budget producers from Sam Arkoff on down recognized the economic advantages of snapping up the US distribution rights to existing foreign genre pictures. It made perfect sense. You didn’t need to hire any directors or cameramen or gaffers. There were no actor hissy fits to smooth over. All you needed to do was dub in some English dialogue that more or less made sense, fit the action on the screen, and approximately matched the actors’ lip movements. Or maybe not, whatever. Sometimes you might want to bring in an editor to try and rearrange a few scenes so the picture and dialogue’ll make more sense to the kids at the drive-in, but even that wasn’t always necessary. Come up with a snappy English title, Americanize some of the actors’ names, and you’re good to go. The important thing is these films could be picked up for a song, and minus a few minor expenses everything they brought in was gravy.

Suddenly US theaters were full of sci-fi, horror, and westerns from Italy, Japan, Spain, and yes indeed, Mexico. Low-budget distributor K. Gordon Murray quickly established himself as the king of marketing Mexican horror cheapies to American audiences, handling films like The Man and the Monster, The Brainiac, Curse of the Doll People, and a whole lotta movies with “Aztec Mummy” in the title.  It would be nice to say these films have complex and thought-provoking storylines, that the acting is strong and subtle, that the cinematography is dazzling and the special effects on a par with any major American studio at the time, but that would really be pushing it. A lot of the films were just slapdash, flat-footed remakes of popular American films but with cheaper sets. A few of them do stand out, though, in that even the dubbed and edited versions remain uniquely Mexican, even if they do seem to tell the same story over and over again. And some of them are just plain nuts.

Genre director Rafael Portillo and screenwriter Alfredo Salazar were best known for their Aztec Mummy and wrestling pictures, and in 1958 topped even Santo Meets Dracula with La momia azteca contra el robot humano, translated as The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot or, more simply, The Robot Meets the Aztec Mummy.

As the opening narration assures us, the film is based on an “actual experiment” conducted by two scientists from “The Los Angeles University” and verified by witnesses who “signed sworn statements with a notary public” so “there is no question about this story’s authenticity.”

Please keep that in mind.

The film is told mostly in flashback and through voiceover, which is generally a sure sign you’re watching a heavy-handed bit of editorial butchery. The same sort of thing was done regularly to the US versions of Toho films, usually with a mind toward simplifying the story.

Okay, a psychiatrist (Ramón Gay) is mocked by his colleagues when he presents a paper about past life regression, so he storms home and hypnotizes his wife Flora (Rosa Arenas). We slip into a low budget flashback within a flashback as we learn Flora was once an Aztec maiden on schedule to be sacrificed when she runs off with a warrior. The village priests find them, bring them back, and bury the warrior alive after placing a curse on him. Then they fit the old Flora with a gold bracelet and breastplate inscribed with directions to the location of “the secret Aztec treasure.” Then they cut out her heart, which may say something about the effectiveness of that breastplate.

Returning to the first flashback, we learn the evil Dr. Krupp had spied on the experiment and now wants in on it. Nevertheless the good doctor decides for some reason that the best way to prove his theory is to find the bracelet and breastplate, so they all go looking. Lucky for them they find a secret passage under the pyramid that I guess is in their backyard. Moments later they find the ancient temple, the skeleton of the old Flora, and the breastplate which they take home with them. The fun doesn’t last long, though, as  the warrior’s mummy shows up at the house, grabs the breastplate, grabs Flora, returns to the temple, and prepares to cut out her heart again. At this point we’re about six minutes into the film.

Then it turns out, see, that Dr. Krupp is really a sinister underworld figure known as The Bat, and...oh screw it. Over the course of the rest of the film we get gangsters, a shootout, hypnotism, a mad scientist, a pit full of rattlesnakes, that mummy again, some Aztec rituals, a few vanishing bodies, a police investigation, a stolen corpse, a stolen brain, and a stolen “machine that uses radium,” together with lines of dialogue like, “oh, you devilish mummy!” and “continuing our search we hurried to the snake pit.” Eventually we even get a robot there near the end (though it’s more of a reanimated corpse wearing a metal suit festooned with some blinking lightbulbs),and it has a brief and slow wrestling match with the mummy.

And all of it, believe it or not, is crammed into a zippy 65 minutes. No, it’s not a particularly good film as the term is traditionally used, but it is a fascinating one. As crazy as it all gets, as big as some of the plot holes and lapses in logic may seem, the craziest thing of all is that you can’t really criticize it for any of that given that it’s, y’know, based on a true story.

Robot Meets the Aztec Mummy is a pretty extreme example of what was coming out of Mexico at the time. Other genre pictures were no less strange, maybe, but a little more sane.

Three years after Bert I. Gordon’s Attack of the Puppet People and 25 years after Tod Browning’s The Devil Doll, Benito Alazraki released his 1961 film Muñecos infernales, better known in the States  as Curse of the Doll People.

An archaeologist interested in ancient rights and such and her physician husband (Ramon Gay again) visit an art collector friend who regales them with the exciting tale of his recent trip to Haiti. While there, see, he and two friends witnessed a secret voodoo ritual that included human sacrifice. For all the crazy goings on though, the art collector couldn’t take his eyes off the idol the voodoo priests were worshipping. He thought it would make a fine addition to his collection, so the next day he went back and stole it.

(Given that the story is not told in flashback, just by some guy sitting in an easy chair, I’m tempted to think the whole Haiti angle was an invention of the screenwriter for the American version. Maybe the producer was a little tired of Aztecs by this point.)

It’s not hard to guess that stealing a revered idol from a voodoo temple is not without its repercussions, and sure enough before you know it the children of all the men on the Haiti trip start receiving new dolls in the mail. Real nice, realistic-looking ones too. None of the parents seem a bit concerned by the arrival of anonymous gifts for their children, merely handing the dolls to the tykes and sending them off to bed. After a few cuts to an oddly Mexican-looking Haitian voodoo priest, well you guessed it. the dolls start coming to life and knocking off the parents in ways that can’t easily be traced back as the work of an evil dolly.

The one surprise here is given the budget, the special effects (midgets in doll clothes on oversized sets) are really, really good. Better than Bert Gordon’s, even. It’s just too bad the story around them doesn’t have a bit more zing to it. It’s a little flabby and obvious. Still, you start to get the sense a pattern is developing.

El baron del terror (released in the States as The Brainiac in 1962), directed by Chano Urueta, marked a bit of a break from the simple revenge plot. Oh wait, no it didn’t. But it was still a break from the standard storyline.

As the film opens it’s 1661, a comet has appeared in the sky, and  an evil baron  (Abel Salazar) is being burned at the stake by Inquisitors for practicing black magic. As evil barons are so wont to do when finding themselves in circumstances like that, he places a curse on all those who condemned him, vowing he would return in 300 years when the comet reappears and kill off all their descendants. The Inquisitors, for some reason, don’t seem terribly concerned by all this and go ahead and burn him anyway.

Cut to three hundred years in the future and true to his word the comet has reappeared and so has the baron, who  starts snuffing people who didn’t even know they were related to Inquisitors. Yes, it’s a plot we’ve seen how many times already? But the Brainiac, as the title might hint, does offer a twist or two. First, before he kills his victims the Baron transforms into a kind of hideous horned demon monster (the doll special effects were better). Then during the murders he sucks out his victims’ brains, which he keeps in a big salad bowl in the kitchen. When he lures someone over to his apartment and confirms their identity, all he needs to do is excuse himself to the kitchen for a moment, have a spoonful of brains, and shazam. No more descendant and more brains for the baron.

A year later  Ueueta returned to more standard form with La cabeza viviente, aka The Living Head. Here again he opens with a long prologue in which he went to some pains to at least give the illusion of historical accuracy. When a great Aztec general dies, not only is he buried, but so are a few of his servants and a high priestess to help him on his way in the afterlife. That those others weren’t quite dead yet doesn’t seem to matter much. It’s all quite a big to-do.

Cut to 450 years in the future, as an incredibly bad archaeologist and two assistants stumble upon the tomb. First they completely destroy the mummy of the high priestess and shrug it off. Then when he finds the invaluable Ring of Death, the archaeologist immediately announces that he’s going to give it to his daughter, “who likes ugly things like that.” Then after reading aloud the very clear curse that will befall anyone who desecrates the tomb, the trio scurry’s off with the general’s mummified head and the mummy of his servant (the one still clutching the knife). Do they then deliver them to the museum where they can be properly cared for and kept in carefully climate-controlled environments? Well, almost: he brings them back to his apartment and keeps them in the living room.

Yeah, it’s not really hard to see where this is headed. The daughter starts wearing the Ring of Death and gets a little kooky in the head . Then the servant and head come to life and all three of them (the daughter carrying the head) go tracking down the desecrators in order to cut out their hearts.

“I know what you’re thinking,” a police inspector says after the first murder. “But I don’t believe in legends. Or in superstitions either. All I know is that this is a very difficult case.”

That’s the real killer in The Living Head. Even more so than most, the dubbing is miserable, with most of the lines either being non-sequiturs, or so plainly obvious and logical they come out sounding like non-sequiturs. I get the feeling sometimes that the voice actors they brought in were never given scripts, simply shown the film and told to make it up as they went along.

Ah, but this is merely a taste of what’s out there in terms of Mexican horror. We haven’t even considered the Santo pictures yet, and there are hundreds of those. I’m not sure if the likes of Robot Meets the Aztec Mummy would really enrich anyone’s  appreciation or understanding of Mexican independence, but there are doubtless lessons to be learned here. Namely, should you happen to find some neat stuff in a sacred temple next time you’re in Mexico, for godsakes just leave it there, no matter how cool it is. Those Aztecs mean business.

by Jim Knipfel

#Jim Knipfel #The Chiseler #Robot Meets the Aztec Mummy #Brainiac #The Living Head

[sluttingforcarlos]

Study Session

Jon was already prepping for Summer in his mind. They were halfway to the semester and he had kept showing up to his classes by doing the bare minimum, so he knew he was going to pass easily. He didn’t need the extra work when he could spend it planning the frat’s latest party. He didn’t care enough for a group project. So when he got stuck paired in an assignment, he told the nerd to just meet him in his dorm room one day to get it over with. Thing was, he forgot all about it until he open the door in his boxers. “Oh, right. You. That… thing we gotta do. Just come in. I’ll wash my face and we can get started.”

Daniel wasn’t exactly happy about the arrangements of this assignment – he barely knew the guy that he was paired with, just that he barely showed up to class. He was one of those frat guys and Daniel knew what that meant; he was going to be the one stuck doing all the work. He was stood outside of the guy’s dorm room, waiting for him to answer the door. He was taken aback when it finally opened and he saw his classmate standing there in just his boxers. “Oh. Um…” Daniel mumbled, trying to look away but unable to tear his gaze from the other’s body, a hint of a blush on his cheeks. He stepped into the dorm room, still feeling slightly flustered from the nice sight that he’d just received.

“Dude? Hello?” Jon waved his hand over the other’s face when he failed to form any actual words. “Please don’t tell me i got stuck with a dumb nerd and not a smart one.” He groans in annoyance before Daniel finally makes his way in and Jon closes the door behind him. “Make yourself at home, bro.” Jon waves around to the slight clutter around his room as he throws himself back on the bed, legs sprawled open and scratching at his crotch. “So, what do we got to do for this assignment again?”

For a moment, all Daniel could do was stare in astonishment – he’d seen muscular guys before, but this guy took the cake. His new partner was hot. Annoyingly hot. The remark about his intelligence brought him back to reality. “I’m the total opposite of a dumb nerd. I’ve got a 4.0 GPA, thank you very much.” He shot back – though it wasn’t in a snappy way, and said more matter-of-factly. He found a space in amongst the clutter and took a seat, his eyes followed Jon, and watched as the man spread his legs and scratched at his crotch – not the classiest move, but something about it was hot. “We just have to do a presentation on a chosen subject and present it to the class. It’s simple enough.” He remarked as he reached for his bag, pulling his laptop out as he attempted to avoid looking at the other, but every so often his eyes drifted upwards.

“Awesome! Then this project shall be a breeze for you!” Jon had little interest in spending any effort on this project. He went to class on most days, did the readings, and took exams. He didn’t need to do any extra group project work. Daniel seemed to have it together, so it would be easier to just let him do the work instead of going back and forth. “Cool. Any plans or ideas on the subject?” Jon asked as he stretched over to his desk to chug an already opened beer can. “You want anything, by the way?”

“Um… no. We’re doing this project together.” It would probably be easier for Daniel to do it himself – it’d be easier on the both of them. At least he wouldn’t have Jon’s interference which meant that he would probably ace it, but he wasn’t letting the other get away with pushing all of the work onto him. “Either we both do it, or neither of us do and we both fail. It’s up to you.” He started up his laptop as he rested it on his lap, and glanced up as the other grabbed a beer and started chugging it. “I’ll take a beer, I guess.” He was going to need one to get through this study session.

“Sure, sure…” Jon could help voicing his ideas and whatever, but he wasn’t going to actually put any elbow grease of effort into the project. Why have two people take turns writing stuff if Daniel was the expert in it. “Right! Like a nerd like you would risk messing up his GPA and fail.” He bounced up off the bed and walked over to the mini fridge in his room. “Besides, I’m too stupid to write this shit. I’d do a worse job of it if I wrote something.” He walked over to Daniel and offered him the beer, which due to him standing and Daniel sitting, was at level with his groin. “Here.”

Daniel knew that this wasn’t going to go well, it was like pulling teeth with the guy, and even when Jon seemed to agree he didn’t sound sincere at all. “I might be proud of my GPA but I’m not carrying this project by myself. I’m not doing all the work and letting you get an amazing grade for doing absolutely nothing.” He was tempted to agree that it probably wouldn’t be so great if Jon tried to write it too, but they could always rework it later. He glanced up from his laptop as soon as Jon stepped up to hand him the beer, and he found himself facing the man’s groin. “Oh…” He was distracted by the crotch in his face, and he could feel his cock growing in his pants. As much as the guy irritated him, all he wanted to do right now was yank down his boxers and blow him. He hated that Jon was so hot. He finally managed to draw his focus away from the man’s crotch and took the beer from him, just as an idea formed in his head. “So… maybe I’ll do this project for us, but only on one condition. If you’re interested…?”

“Hey, I’m doing my part! I’m keeping you hydrated, and I can tell you when you’re idea sucks or if its good. I’m a team player.” Jon reasoned. If anything, he could help Daniel with motivational support, but he just didn’t want to waste time sitting up on a computer typing when he could be getting laid. He waits for Daniel to take the beer, still doubting if the guy’s all there, until he takes it. “What did you have in mind, man?” He asks as he sits back on the bed with his legs spread out and a beer in his hands.

Despite Jon trying to reason with him, Daniel wasn’t buying it – even if he did all that, it still wasn’t a huge contribution to the project. He took the beer off of Jon and immediately took a swig from it, needing something to try and help him find the courage to do this. He was sure that Jon was going to shoot him down right away, but why not try? “I’ll do the project if you… fuck me.” He wasn’t sure if Jon was even gay, but the guy was hot, and Daniel had to get something good out of this. Seeing the other sat back on the bed, legs spread with a beer in hand was turning Daniel on.

Jon waited to see what Daniel came up with, but he wasn’t expecting… that. “Umm… what?” Jon thought Daniel was joking for a second, until he realized all those pauses he was doing were because he was busy staring at Jon’s junk. “Dude, I don’t have anything with gay dudes, but I’m not homo. I’m only into sweet pussy here.” Jon stated as he flexed his arms, as if that would confirm his heterosexual statement.

Daniel wasn’t shocked by Jon’s response, especially given that he was a jock, it wasn’t a surprise when the ‘no homo’ started coming out. “You know that this deal doesn’t make you gay, right? I mean, yeah, you’re fucking me, but it’s only purely in exchange for me doing all the work.” The flex of his arms almost had Daniel rolling his eyes. “It’s not like I’m going to run around campus telling everyone how you fucked me. And, by the way, fucking ass is so much better than pussy.” He got to his feet and stepped over to the bed, and he made a daring move by sliding onto the other’s lap. Jon could easily beat him up, but Daniel was willing to bet that he wouldn’t. “Frankly, it’s a good deal for you. I do all the work and you also get to bust a nut.”

Jon had heard all about the rumours about gay guys being good at giving head, and how they had tight asses as good as cunt, but he didn’t pay attention to them. He especially didn’t pay any attention to the ones about how you could fuck guys bareback because you didn’t have to worry about knocking them up. “Is it really?” Jon said trying to sound sarcastic, but there was the hint of genuine curiosity in his voice. It also didn’t help his case that his hands fell onto Daniel’s ass ass soon as he made his way on his lap. “Whoa. You got a nice ass, bro.” He mutters as he feels himself chubbing up. “You’ll do the entire work? No bitching about any of it?”

Daniel knew the reputation of frat boys: generally they were looking for a good time and to get laid, so he assumed that Jon would be no different. Sure, it wasn’t the usual kind of hole he was fucking but his ass was better than any pussy, and he’d happily let the guy shoot his load inside of him. He settled himself on the other’s lap, and as soon as he felt Jon’s hands on his ass, he knew that he had the frat boy exactly where he wanted him. “I’ll do all the work with no bitching, promise.” He ran his hands over the man’s impressive chest, smirking down at Jon. Daniel may be a total nerd, but he knew how to get what he wanted.

Jon was starting to chub up as Daniel stayed planted on his lap. His cock knew a good ass when it felt it, even if it was a guy’s ass. He kept his hold on it and squeezed it as he kept listening to Daniel and his offer. Jon even let out a smirk as the guy explored the curves of his chest. “… Fine. But I want an APLUS paper. I want that professor to weep when he reads it.” Jon gave A+ dicking skills, so it was only fair that was what they got. “So, you wanna bend over and do it now?”

A smirk played on Daniel’s lips as he felt Jon squeezing at his ass, glad that he’d managed to rope Jon in so easily. He may have been straight, but there was no underestimating the other’s desire to get laid and get an easy grade. “With me doing it, you’re guaranteed an A-plus. Let’s hope you give me an A-plus fucking.” Daniel had high expectations for Jon, so he was hoping that he’d meet them. “Now is a good a time as any.” He climbed off of the other’s lap, fingers moving to unbutton his pants, letting them fall down to his ankles as he spun around to let Jon get a look at his fat ass.

“Dude, I always give A-plus fucking. If they gave out a GPA for fucking, mine would be 10.0.” Jon never disappointed, especially when he had a reputation for being hung and a heavy shooter. Daniel might be a dude and a nerd, but he wasn’t going to let this guy ruin that rep he’d built. Since they were doing this, Jon fished his cock out of the hole in his boxers and stroked himself hard as Daniel bent over to pull off his pants. “Wow. Those don’t do you justice.” Daniel had a nice, thick ass on him, almost like a girl’s. He reached out and lifted a cheek just to see it wobble. “So, do you just wanna sit on it and ride, or how do you want this?”

“Then prove it.” Jon seemed confident enough, so he hoped that he lived up to it – he’d met confident guys in the past who seemed like they’d be good, but ended up disappointing him. “Yeah? Guess I’d better get better pants to show it off more.” He smirked proudly at the comment, it gave him a rush given that it was a straight guy complimenting him. He was surprised when he felt the straight guy reached out and played with his cheek, making it jiggle for him. “Riding you sounds fun.” He turned back around to face Jon, and his eyes widened for a moment as he saw the other’s cock, taking in the sight. “Wow, I’ve seen some big dicks before but… that’s impressive. It’s like a third leg.” He chuckled, moving to climb back onto the other’s lap, looking down at the frat boy as he pressed his fat ass against the other’s cock teasingly.

“I’ll prove it right now, bro. If you were a chick, I’d have you gushing down your legs by now.” Dude or not, there was no way Daniel was going to doubt his dicking skills after this. It wasn’t gay if he was just doing it to show prove himself, after all. Sure, he thought Daniel had a nice ass, but that didn’t mean he was ready to go full homo. Jon waves his cock around for Daniel to see how heavy it slaps against this own thighs even while erect. “You’re welcome to back out and just do the project yourself if you’re scared of it.” Jon jokes. He does, however, let out a hard groan as he feels the other’s pucker rubbing over his head. He grabs onto one of Daniel’s hips and starts pushing him down so his cock head can penetrate him. “Got plenty of you to work with here.”

“Well, you’ve got me hard and leaking pre, so… close enough?” Jon’s dick was big, bigger than Daniel would have imagined, and whilst somewhat intimidated by it, he wasn’t letting it put him off – if anything it only made him more determined to take it. “Nope. No way I’m backing out. I’m taking your dick.” Jon may have been confident, but Daniel was also confident in his ability to take a dick and make guys feel good, as evidenced by the groan that Jon let out. “Fuck,” He muttered as he felt the head of Jon’s cock penetrating his tight hole. “And I have plenty of you to work with.” This time, he took more control, and began to sink down on Jon’s cock. It was huge, but he was determined to take all of it quickly, just to impress the other and wipe the cocky smirk off his face.

“Riiiight. Guess it’ll do.” Jon tried not to focus so much on Daniel’s cock, since that was gay and Jon was not gay at all. He just wanted to avoid doing any work and he could use a free fuck. Jon’s eyes fluttered as Daniel took his time going down on his cock. “Wow, you’re fucking tight.” He laughs as he feels his body tight inside of Daniel. It’s much better than any pussy he’s ever had, but he’s not gonna tell Daniel that. “You’re the most experienced sexual nerd I’ve ever met.” Jon spread his hands on the bed to lean back and watch Daniel just make his way on him. “It’s not bad.”

Daniel watched the expressions on Jon’s face as he sank further down on his huge dick, hands moving to grip the other’s chest to steady himself, and a smirk played on his lips as he heard Jon’s remark about how tight he was. “Yeah? Most guys say it better than most pussy they’ve had.” Jon’s cock was big, and Daniel was taking him time sinking down on it, but mostly because he wanted to squeeze every second of enjoyment out of this. “I’m taking that as a compliment.” Soon enough, Jon was balls-deep inside of him, bottoming out inside of his ass. “Just wait, you haven’t started fucking me yet.” He rested for a second, just to get used to the other’s large length, before he began to move, working his tight ass on Jon’s cock.

Jon let out a satisfied grunt as Daniel gripped his solid chest. He found his pecs were often a sign of arousal for him, but most chicks were too busy moaning on his cock to even notice their erect nature. “You’re up there, alright.” Jon tried to play it down, but the grin and open mouthed smile on his face told Daniel he was living for every second of it. Once he finally bottomed out, Jon let out a shaky moan and thought he was going to bust his nut right there. “It is.” Jon opens his eyes to see Daniel’s smirk and cocky look. He had direct eye contact as Daniel started to work his cock, making Jon’s face melt with lust. “Fuck fuck fuck that’s fucking good.” He licked his lips and fell back in bed, overcome with the new sensation. 

Daniel heard the grunt from Jon as he gripped at his chest, which he found to be an interesting reaction, and he wondered if the guy enjoyed having someone play with his pecs, so he decided to go to town on them – squeezing his tits and pinching at his nipples. It was kind of cute how Jon tried to play down how much he enjoyed Daniel’s ass, but it was clear from the expression on his face that he loved it. “Whoever thought you’d be complimenting a nerd like me?” Daniel was surprised when Jon made direct eye contact with him – he figured that the guy wouldn’t pay attention to him during this, but that wasn’t the case. This was only meant to be a bit of fun, so he could get a thrill out of having a hot straight guy like Jon fuck him, but it seemed like there could be more to it than that. Maybe he could have some fun with this. “Yeah? You like that? Better than any pussy you’ve had, right?” It didn’t take long for Daniel to pick up a regular pace, and he was slamming himself down on the frat boy’s cock, moaning out in delight and throwing his head back in pleasure.

Jon seethed as Daniel went from grabbing his pecs to pinching his nipples. “Watch it, man.” He growls in response to the pinching, but it only makes him groan louder and make his nipples erect. “I can compliment a good effort fuck when I see it.” Jon felt his face grow light red as he was suddenly trapped in eye contact with Daniel; it felt weird to be looking at the guy head on as he rode his cock, but he couldn’t stop himself from looking. Jon scoffed at the question. “Dude, I’ve had pussy in the double digits, almost to three digits. Do you really think you can top all of them?” Jon muttered. Daniel was damn close to reaching his top ten already. Jon’s hands wrapped around Daniel as he threw his head back, which he told himself was to avoid him from falling off his cock, but he just wanted to see more of Daniel’s reactions. “Tiring yourself out already?”

The other’s reaction to Daniel playing with his nipples caused a smirk on the nerd’s face, and he certainly didn’t stop despite Jon telling him to watch it, and the other’s groans didn’t help to deter him either. If anything, it only encouraged him – watching Jon pretending to dislike the nerd playing with his chest whilst moaning the whole time amused Daniel to no end. “Yes, I think I can. Or place within the top three, at least.” Daniel was confident, if only by how the other was reluctantly enjoying this, especially going by the moans he was making. He felt Jon’s hands wrapping around him, which was another curious development, along with the fact that Jon hadn’t actively tried to break eye contact with Daniel. “No way. I can ride a cock for days. Might experience that for yourself if you’re lucky.” He reached for the other’s hands, moving them so that they were firmly cupping his ass, letting Jon get a handful of his fat cheeks as he bounced on the man’s cock.

Jon let out another loud moan as Daniel kept playing with his nipples. It made his hips jerk up against Daniel’s ass and throw his own head back in satisfaction. “You go ahead and try. I welcome the challenge.” He said sincerely. He wanted Daniel doing his best because it gave Jon an excuse as to why he was getting off on it so quickly. There was simply no way this was how all gay sex felt; it was just Daniel was really good at it, he told himself. “Get through that report first, and then we’ll see about you going on an all day ride.” Jon let the other guide his hands to his ass, which he gave a possessive squeeze. Jon fell back into the bed and brought Daniel on top of him. “Don’t stop, bro. It’s all you right now.” He encouraged as he gave the Daniel’s ass a slap and guided it up and down his shaft.

It was hot how responsive Jon was to having his chest and nipples played with, and the way that he was moaning and jerking his hips up there was no way that he could deny that he was enjoying it. “Something tells me it won’t be difficult.” Not that he was saying that the girls Jon had slept with had been bad… he just knew that he was talented at taking dick and making guys feel good. If this turned out to be a one-off, he was going to make sure that it left a lasting impression on Jon – no matter what pussy the man got from now on, it would never be as good as Daniel’s. “You’re saying you’d do this again? Well… maybe we should do it to celebrate our inevitable A-plus.” As Jon fell back against the bed, Daniel found himself on top of him, pressing his own body against Jon’s more muscular form. Daniel wasn’t planning on stopping any time soon, but the slap to his ass only encouraged him on even more so. “Fuck yeah, slap my ass again, bro.”

Jon would have probably stopped and made a point to keep Daniel from touching his pecs if he were a chick. It just wasn’t very dude of him to get off on them being teased and played with, but since Daniel was probably used to this stuff, he figured it was okay. And Jon chalked it up to making sure busted out an A+ paper for them. “I’m saying you better give us an A-plus paper or else I’m gonna demand a refund.” Jon didn’t think of the implications of his comment. He obviously wasn’t interested in another, future fuck with Daniel. He just wanted this one to be worth getting the grade he’s paying for. He just reveled in the sight of Daniel riding his cock on top of him and how he reacted to the slap. “You liked that, huh?” He brought his hand down again in a harder slap, and then added another to the other cheek. “Told ya. I know how to please a bitch. Guess gay guys are just as easy to please.”

Frankly, Daniel was surprised that Jon was letting him get away with playing with his pecs – sure, the guy was obviously enjoying it, but Daniel figured that Jon would want to protect his rep as a total straight guy, and letting a gay guy playing with his tits wasn’t the straightest thing to do. Still, Daniel was having fun in trying to push the other’s limits to see how much he could get away with. “Just as long as I get this A-plus fucking that I was promised, you’ll get an A-plus paper. Speaking of which… I seem to be the one doing all the work. Where’s this A-plus fucking you promised?” That wasn’t to say Daniel wasn’t enjoying riding Jon’s cock, because he really was – he could ride it for days – but he wanted to see what the frat guy had in him. A groan left Daniel’s lips as Jon slapped his ass again but harder this time as well as smacking his other cheek too, causing them both to shake in response. “No wonder I’ve heard such good things about your bedroom skills. But that’s me, easy to please. Your huge dick helps too, though.”

“Hey, you’re the one that went straight to my dick and rode it. I’m just letting you warm up before I really get us off.” Jon could have just let Daniel ride him and let that work until he came and paid for his grade, but it wouldn’t be Jon quality fucking. Jon never fucked a girl right unless she couldn’t speak, couldn’t walk, or lost the ability to do both. Sure, Daniel might be sore tomorrow after this, but he needed to put him to bed for his goals. He gave Daniel a few more slaps before he pushed him down on his cock and made him take every inch in place. “Move to your hands and knees. Time to show you what makes me the best fuck on campus.”

“This is just a warm-up, huh? Now I’m even more eager to see what you’ve got.” Riding Jon’s dick was fun, but he wanted to see the other’s moves – and frankly, he was the one doing the paper, so he wasn’t going to be the one putting all his effort into the fucking too. He let out happy grunts with each slap to his ass, and he found himself being forced to take every inch of Jon’s cock, causing the smaller man to let out a loud moan, his cock leaking an insane amount of precum. “Yes, sir.” He teased with a grin. He shifted positions, moving off of the other and onto the bed, settling on his hands and knees, wiggling his fat ass at Jon. “Come on. Show me what you’ve got, stud.”

“Get ready to be educated in the Art of Fucking, Jon style.” Jon was always one to boast about his fucking skills, and having Daniel to actually show them too only boosted his ego. He didn’t even have to worry about Daniel being competition for him since he wasn’t even into girls. “The problem with most guys is they go straight to it and full speed.” Jon starts as he makes his way behind Daniel on all fours and slaps his cock to his open hole. “How can a girl notice you’re hung as a horse if you’re just speeding through them?” He angles his cock in and pushes into his pucker. He takes his time as Daniel’s ass tightens to every inch he forces in. “You gotta have her appreciate the fact she’s taking thirteen fat inches in her, to the point she should be proud of it.” Jon took his time penetrating Daniel, until he finally had his hips to his, and his knees here in between the other’s on the bed.

“Too much telling. Not enough showing.” It was cute how confident Jon was in his skills, but right now it was all talk. He needed more than that. Of course, he wasn’t doubting that Jon had talents – he clearly did from what Daniel had experienced so far, but he wanted Jon to take control. “Yeah? Gonna make sure I feel every inch of that huge cock of yours?” The guy really was as hung as a horse, and Daniel loved it. He groans out loudly as he felt the man pushing his fat cock inside of him, clearly making sure to take his time so that Daniel could really feel it and appreciate every single inch of him. The nerd clenched his ass around Jon’s hung cock, so that the other could experience just how tight his hole was around his dick. “Fuck, fill me up, dude,” he grunted out, enjoying the way that Jon’s cock filled him perfectly. “God, thirteen fuckin’ inches. Gotta say that I’m feeling proud of it.”

Jon planned on fucking any doubt Daniel might have left on his dick skills. If he failed to see how good Jon was after this, he was either lying to himself or didn’t recognize a good fuck when he had it. “Yep. You’re the one who says he wants the whole thing. I can’t disappoint now.” He rutted his hips against Daniel’s ass and groaned into his ear as he let the boy experience him on all fours. He might have been able to ride Jon’s cock, but he was in a whole new ball game now. “You should be. Most girls squirt themselves before I even make it to the tenth inch. But that’s only step one. You see, while the girl’s busy reeling from my cock, that’s when I bring step two.” He put his hands on Daniel’s hips. Then, he pulled his cock out except the tip, and proceeded to ram it back in. “Now she knows she can take it, my next move is to fuck her with it.” He kept doing this removal and quick thrust into Daniel’s ass. Every thrust made Daniel’s ass clench around his cock, and left his ass gaping when he pulled out.

Hearing the man groan into his ear sent a shudder through the smaller male’s body, and his dick dripped precum against the mattress below him as Jon rutted his hips against his ass. Riding Jon was one thing, letting him take control and fuck him in this way was something else completely. He was ready for the man to wreck his ass with his thirteen-inch dick – if this was going to be the only time this happened, it was going to be memorable. “Most girls aren’t me.” Before he could even ask what step two was, he felt Jon’s hands on his hips and the man pulling his cock almost all the way out of his ass, only leaving the tip inside of him, before he slammed right back into his hole. “Fuck!” Daniel didn’t care if anyone heard him – being rammed with every inch of Jon’s cock meant that he was unable to keep quiet. “Oh, fuck me,” he moaned out, reaching back to wrap an arm around Jon’s neck, keeping him close as the frat guy thrust into his ass. His hole was left gaping each time Jon pulled out of him, showing off just how much Jon’s big cock had stretched him open. “Give it to me. Fuck me like you’re fucking one of your slutty cunts.”

“They certainly are not. I’ll give you that one.” Jon might not be gay, but he could easily see why Daniel would be competition to other guys. He had an ass and an attitude that wouldn’t quit. He didn’t even care when he started to moan out loud, where other people in the hall way could hear them. People were used to noises coming from Jon’s bedroom that they would think it was some girl or something else unrelated to him. “You like that, huh? It’s a Jon signature move.” He was surprised when Daniel grabbed him and wrapped his arm around his neck. It kept Jon held down against his back, but he didn’t stop it. He just switched from long thrusts to short and quick thrusts and placed himself over Daniel completely. “Yeah, just like them. I gotta pull out for cunts though. Don’t wanna knock a girl up.” He states casually as if waiting to see what Daniel responds.

More compliments from Jon – Daniel certainly was feeling flattered right now, and a part of him was hoping that gay sex was growing on him, given that he was so complimentary about everything so far. As soon as he let out that moan, Daniel had expected the other to clamp a hand over his mouth or tell him to shut up, but nothing of the sort came, and Daniel decided that he could be as loud as he liked. “Love it, dude. Got any more signature moves up your sleeve?” He kept Jon pressed against him, enjoying the feeling of the man’s toned body held against his own. “You’d better not pull out of me. You don’t need to worry about knocking me up, and I’m a cumslut, so you’d better fill my ass with every drop of your cum.” He couldn’t help but rock his hips back to meet Jon’s thrusts.

Jon actually found Daniel’s moans hot.They didn’t sound as fake or frustrating as when girls were overwhelmed by his cock. He could tell Daniel was at the perfect moment of getting off on his length in his ass. “This not enough for you? I’m giving you my exclusive tricks.” Jon wrapped an arm around Daniel and drilled his cock in him at a faster pace while keeping himself up with the other. He had his forehead pressed to Daniel’s as he openly grunted and enjoyed his pucker. “Ah, a cumslut? No wonder you’re such a pro at this.” He lets out another genuine moan when he feels Daniel backing up at him. It throws him off his pacing and just reels in the feeling. “So close, man.” He blurts out. “You keep doing that and you’re gonna have every drop like you want from me.”

“Oh, it’s good. Amazing, even. But I want to experience all the tricks in your book.” If they were only doing this once, he wanted everything that Jon had – he wasn’t going to settle for anything less. He smirked as he felt Jon slip an arm around him, just as the man began to pound his ass at a faster pace, eliciting more moans to fall from Daniel’s lips. “That’s it, fuck. Just like that.” He grunted out, panting as their foreheads were pressed together, and he couldn’t help but look into Jon’s eyes as his hole was being wrecked by him. “What can I say? I’m good at getting what I want.” The moan that Jon let out as he worked his ass back on his cock had him doing it more fervently, wanting to draw more of those moans from him. A part of him was a little disappointed that Jon was close, given that Daniel could happily let the man fuck him for hours, but he was desperate to be filled with Jon’s load, and simply knowing that he was so close to what he desired was driving him closer to his own orgasm. “I’m so close too, man. Need you to fill me with your cum, I’m gagging for it.”

Jon wasn’t even thinking about his paper anymore. All he wanted was to keep Daniel riding his cock and to know what it would feel to shoot his load uninterrupted. He gripped the other tighter as they moaned at each other, the sound of their hips slapping against each other the only other noise. “So am I. Good thing we’re both getting what we want out of this.” Jon laughed at the thought and licked his lips. He frantically bucked into Daniel’s hips until he finally was ready to blow. “Fuck, here it comes!” He shouts as he shoots balls deep inside of Daniel. The sensation throws Jon and Daniel onto the bed with Jon on top of him. He still makes sure to give Daniel what he wants and keeps rutting his hips forward so he gets every drop of come in him.

The way that Jon was tightly gripping at his hips and slamming into him, Daniel knew that the other was close, and knowing that along with the sound of their skin slapping together was turning him on and bringing him even closer to his own orgasm. “Fuck yeah. Totally fuckin’ worth it.” Daniel was on the edge himself, and as soon as he felt the first shot of Jon’s load in his ass, that was it for him. “Fuck!” He grunted out, his cum shooting from his own cock, painting the bed beneath him in his seed. The pair of them collapsed on the bed, and Daniel’s load was nothing compared to Jon’s: the guy’s cock was like a fountain. Jon really was giving him every last drop, and he could feel his stomach bulging with how much cum the guy had dumped inside of him. “Holy fuck, that’s a big load. Christ, if I was a chick I’d definitely be pregnant by now.”

Jon had come before inside of girls, but he had a condom on that pretty much contained the reaction and the mess. Now, he could feel Daniel’s pucker milking him and clenching around his naked cock as it shot all over inside of the man. He’d never felt so good while coming. He clung tight to Daniel as he refused to let go of the feeling. “Fuck your ass feels so good right now.” He blurts out as he humps his hips forward to prolong the moment as long as possible. Even after he finally unloads and begins to breath again, he wiggles his hips to let Daniel’s ass clench around him. “Yeah, good thing you’re not a chick.” He laughs as he doesn’t think how he’s admitting he’s glad he’s fucking a guy and not a girl.

Plenty of guys had shot their loads inside of him before – he was a self-proclaimed cumslut – but feeling Jon emptying inside of him was a completely different feeling. He’d never felt so full with cum before. Daniel moaned out as Jon continued to fuck into him, helping him to ride out his orgasm, his hole clenching tightly around the man’s cock. “Fuck, that was definitely an A-plus fucking.” Despite the fact that they’d both shot their loads, Jon didn’t seem to be in a rush to pull out of Daniel yet, and Daniel himself was happy to stay full of the man’s big cock for a little while longer. “So… did I make the top 10?”

Jon usually had to give up his post-enjoyment fuck to offer the girl a towel to wipe down from. Even if he didn’t come in a girl, he made sure to shower her in his load so she never forgot the experience. Now he was able to just rock his hips into Daniel and enjoy his pucker until it eventually pushed him out. “Yeah, so I better expect an A-plus paper.” Jon reminds Daniel with a hearty slap to his ass. Jon didn’t respond his answer right away. This was one of the best, if not the best, fuck Jon had ever had. But he couldn’t exactly tell this guy that; it would sound homo. Instead he switched topics as he noticed the mess under them. “Dude, did you piss yourself on my bed?”

Daniel just let the man continue to rock into his hole, figuring that the guy didn’t get to fuck girls raw often or shoot inside of them, so he was going to let Jon enjoy it – and Daniel wasn’t expecting to have a round two any time soon, so he was appreciating the way that Jon was dragging this out. “Yeah, yeah, you’ll get your A-plus paper.” He smirked as soon as he felt the slap to his ass. The fact that Jon didn’t answer was telling enough, and it proved to Daniel that he’d made the top 10 – at least, maybe even the top 3. “No, I didn’t piss myself. Your big cock made me shoot without even needing to touch my own dick. So, congratulations on that feat.”

Jon was downright cuddling with Daniel at this point. He didn’t need to stay on top of him, or inside of him, or even to keep his arm around him. But there he was, lazily moving his hips and enjoying the warmth of his ass tight around his cock. “Good. Then I guess I don’t need to beat you up.” He was worried he was going to have to wash his sheets or deal with the smell of piss for a week. Daniel’s explanation surprised him, and it was obvious that Jon was pleased with the response. “So, I made you come without  needing to touch your cock?” Jon said with a condescending tone. “Guess that means I deserve a double A-plus paper, right?”

Daniel had noticed that they were essentially cuddling right now, and Daniel wasn’t rushing to point that out to him – it wasn’t often that he got to cuddle with a hot straight guy, so he just appreciated the fact that it was happening. “Like you’d beat me up.” Jon may have been a cocky frat guy, but he seemed like a softie below it all. A part of Daniel had been reluctant to answer the question, given that he could tell what Jon’s reaction was going to be, but the guy would’ve figured out that he hadn’t pissed the bed. The cocky response from the guy made Daniel roll his eyes – just as expected, but if anything, it was somewhat endearing, and Jon at least had reason to be so confident. “Yeah, yeah. You’re that amazing that you made me shoot without even touching myself. But, yeah, that probably deserves a double A-plus paper. Guess I’ll have to put in extra effort just for you.”

“I could and I would if you push me to it.” Jon stated, but he had no actual threat behind it. Jon defended himself and could knock a guy out if he was pushed to fight, but he preferred to just relax and enjoy college life as the eternal party it was. Why bicker when you could get bombed on tequila? “Damn straight.” He wiggled his hips in a show off attempt to fuck Daniel with his limp cock, but all it did was help it finally slide out of him. He let out a relaxed groan and laid back for a second. Once he was finally out of Daniel, Jon felt this was all getting too homo for him, so he got up. “Let me get you a towel for that mess.” He walks over to his bathroom and brings back a towel and Daniel’s beer. “Here.” He offers them while Jon gets his own beer again and sits back on the bed.

Daniel knew that Jon wouldn’t do anything to him unless he pushed him to do it, and Daniel definitely wasn’t going to test it out. He knew that the guy could hold his own, and despite being a nerd Daniel wasn’t easily knocked down – not as easy as most nerds, that is – but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to best Jon. “It’s too bad that you’re so straight. If you weren’t so worried about this being super homo I could go around and brag to everyone how good you are in the bedroom and improve your rep even more so.” Daniel relaxed back on the bed as Jon moved to get a towel for him, and as soon as it was handed to him, he began to wipe down Jon’s bed, cleaning up his load. As soon as it was cleaned up, Daniel sat back and took a quick sip from his beer. “Okay, gonna finish this and then I’ll start working on the paper.”

“I wouldn’t need your help getting dudes if I wanted them.  know guys would kill to suck my balls,  let alone the chance to ride this bad boy.” Daniel wasn’t the first gay guy to hit on him. Jon loved the fact that he was a stud everyone wanted, but he always politely turned them down out of respect. He only had to ever get physical once, when a guy wouldn’t take no for an answer. Jon drank his beer and let Daniel get comfortable in his bed. The dude took his cock up the ass, so he wasn’t really worried about sitting in bed together naked and drinking beers. “Just what I like to hear. I’m just gonna take a nap while you work. I can trust you won’t get too distracted by my rocking bod, will you?”

If anything was to be said about Jon, it was that the guy was confident, but understandably so. Daniel was sure that he wasn’t the first gay guy to have tried it on with him, and he knew that he wouldn’t be the last. “Yeah, I know you don’t need my help. Doesn’t hurt to have someone praising how good you are in bed, though.” Despite the fact that they’d just fucked, Daniel couldn’t quite believe that he was sitting there naked with Jon and drinking a beer with him. “I mean… it’ll be hard not to be distracted by your bod, so I might have to take a quick glance sometimes, but I’m sure I can handle it, stud.”

#010

[petty-crush]

An open letter/retort to the “honest trailer” for “Alien Covenant”

Of course people can disagree and of course this is a sarcastic video. But since this contains a lot of knee jerk, being negative for views comments, (and because people may get fooled by just watching this video)I think this is a good place to dissect frogs.

My bias; I think “Covenant” is a truly great film. Spectacular in ideas, behaviors, visuals, and pure fun. I loved it. I am clearly willing to die on a hill for it

The main gap is that it’s really a different series, under the mask of the “Alien” series. It actually veers closer to the 1932 film “Island of lost Souls”. Ship of survivors representing normal veer into uncharted territory; a mad scientist bending the rules of biology encounters and clashes with them; the monsters he creates go to war with the ship. And in this film evil wins.

It also contains genuinely great performance(s) from Fassbender, grand sketches of gods wrecking the cosmos, humanity abandoning its children to go after unanswerable questions, and more that harken back to Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein” sandbox of sci fi.

To me, this film is all about David. The humans are cannon fodder for them. Which justifies their characterization. Also, he’s clearly a stand in for Ridley Scott and the work + wonder of being an artist, film director in particular.

I love this. I can see others liking it less, but is beautifully realized, staged, and executed.

So what are people looking for? Well…

[quotes around their words, mine by themselves]

“From Ridley Scott, one of the best directors… And one of the worst”

-first off, I think an artist is judged by their best work, not overall average

Scott can be quite varied. I personally favor going to cosmos than staying in your lane. Sometimes that make mistakes, but interesting ones.

Make no mistake though: “The Counselor” is a first rate film, acidic in the extreme, but so totally gonzo that it makes you breathe a different air. It’s the kissing cousin to “Covenant”, and both show a director willing to try new ideas and tones, and pulls it off spectacularly. Both have no interest in making the viewer feel good or flatter them, which definitely pushes some people away

“There are now more bad alien films than good ones”

-first off, where is “Prometheus”? Isn’t it an alien film? If not, and “covenant” is clearly a sequel to it, then maybe this film should be judged apart from the Ripley saga.

-I have wondered at times if calling it “Prometheus: Covenant” would have cut down on the confusion

-“Alien 3” is a spectacular film. It fully commits to the idea of Ripley having courage and purpose to her life as she knows she will die. It is completely different to “Aliens”(which may have been its problem concerning reception,as we will see) and “Alien”, it forms a perfect trilogy. Fincher may hate how fucked he got by the system, but it is a beautiful and wonderful film

“Alien resurrection” less so. But it is an odd, French splatter cartoon; certainly worth watching, not at all bad.

The “vs predator” films are largely minor, and I have no qualms with considering them less successful films.

-What makes the alien series great is that with each film the xenomorph changes to be what the film needs it to be. It’s flexibility storytelling wise is impressive. The problem comes when a audience only wants one type of story done

“When Ridley Scott wanted to talk about the meaning of life, he wanked for two hours”

-“Prometheus” has nothing to do with life, and everything to do with death. The characters in the film want to know about life (particularly Shaw since she can’t give birth) but they are punished at every turn, showing the universe to be uncaring.

Disagree with that statement or not, that is the rule that “Prometheus” and “Covenant” is abiding by.

Hell the first shot of “Prometheus” is an engineer killing himself. “Covenant” starts with life and realizing how the creator will die. There is consistency in this film universe.

And it also totally vibes with “Alien”.

“Save the philosophical stuff for ‘Blade Runner’, I want a short haired girl, in a tank top, fighting a xenomorph, who kills it by sucking it into the vacuum of space”

-and now we come to the real discussion/thorn in the side; this film isn’t a damn thing like “Aliens”

One thing that makes the alien series so fascinating is how it allowed two totally different filmmakers to make their masterpiece.

Also, it’s the rare series where the sequel brought in a bigger and wider audience.

I bet money that most people really only like “Aliens”. And that’s no shame, it’s a brilliant film. It’s strengths are the set pieces, the use of xenomorph as locusts, and characters that are simple but snappy and endearing.

In comparison to “Alien” which is cold, weird and slow moving (and brilliant) “Aliens” charm is more warm and dynamic. It doesn’t ask you to wait, it asks you to hold on. It gets kids in the door with Newt, it sets up a deep chord with Ripley giving her mother like affection , and it also makes Ripley more feminine and kick ass (she was wonderfully butch and joyfully selfish in “Alien”)

Cameron said it best in his critique of “Covenant”; “ I don’t like films where you invest in a character and they get destroyed at the end.”

Some people share that opinion. Ridley Scott does not. (Nether do I)His films generally have had the protagonist go through hell and often destroyed them. I admire that in him.

But that point of view explains why “Aliens” is so successful; it makes us love the characters and be sad when their friends die. Cameron is a genius, and is warm with his characters. Scott is also a genius, and picks their wings off like a cruel child.

Every alien film post “Aliens” has had to bear that cross, of creating such lovable stock characters. “Alien 3” didn’t give a shit, and made a impressive gathering of detached male prisoners. “Resurrection” came close with goofy space pirates, but were weird as shit.

In my opinion, if “Alien” came out after “Aliens” it would have not been as warmly received, because, got damn, is it cold and weird and hurts its people. It’s suppose to. The reaction to “Prometheus” and “Covenant” shows that all too clear.

Finally, Scott clearly does not give a shit about any alien film after his. I don’t think the Prometheus saga will show the queen alien because it came after Scott and he considers it invalid.

With this in mind, I can see how people are upset. Cold, hateful, sadistic are what “Covenant” are. And I love it for that.

I love mean films with a purpose and artistic flourish. And the Prometheus saga does it so well.

If you came to “Covenant” to root for its human characters, you are fucked (and kinda an idiot). Scott is making big budget sci fi epics about the mass murder of nature and survival of artists.

You can hate that, but call a spade a spade.

“In a franchise full of unforgettable characters”

(Shows only “Aliens” characters)

What about Dallas? Ash? Clemens? Golic? Call? Elgyn? Gediman?

There exists good characters other than the second film, guys

Once again, this love for “Aliens” blinds people to everything else

“Forget the humans”

Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

-but also, that slipping on blood part was (intentionally) hilarious

“Freshman philosophy class…two versions of same pretentious professor..flute”

-why do I get the feelings that the people who say stuff like this never study philosophy and just consider anything even slightest bit about talking about feelings and ideas just stoner shit, because they are the only people that talk about those subjects they let in their social circle?

I dunno, the idea about humanity killing its children for vague reasons, someone trying to better himself against cruelty and going mad himself, and finally having the courage to create something even when everyone else tells him to stand down sounds pretty universally relatable and human to me.

And even if it was pretentious, that is what art is, to subtract the distractions, and focus on what you want the world to be

-to me, David is sad Walter cannot create, like Scott is upset younger directors don’t get to make original universes and material. But David is also a fucking maniac who will stop at nothing, to whom other lives means nothing. That kind of grand vainness is perfectly at home in the world and its what art leisure to create out of whole cloth

But all of this gets in the way of watching strong men blow things away with guns, doesn’t it? (“aliens” did this to show how ineffective the marines were, not to worship them)

-the flute adds to the fantasy element, of the pied piper trying to lure others away, to their doom

Plus, it’s just fucking funny

“Snickers at 'I’ll take care of the fingering’”

See? This film is just so much fun

“I was not expecting this much flute playing”

I love it when films surprise me. I adore it when filmmakers follow their strange urges and give us scenes I never saw coming.

I love the scene of David tempting Walter with the flute.

I marveled at the scene where David drops his black plague on the engineers(who look totally different).

I looked around as David played the fucking theme to “Prometheus” on his flute. I starred at the other audience members, as if to ask “is this the real life?”

I laughed uproariously as just when you think it’s safe the xenomorph tracks the two pilots shower sexing, like it’s 1982 slasher time.

As soon as the humans delver us to David, I could see who this film was about. And really, the humans are just for showing his gentle and different Walter is.

Ridley Scott delivered a new horror classic, with a eye towards the 70’s and 30’s, but both feet in the present, with the score and design to make it work.

The first victim convulsing and back blood shooting. David acting as satan. Terror of trapped in the sick bay. The aforementioned shower scene. The cross bearing xenomorph rejects. The puppet master pulling the strings of the first post face hugger.

This is a brilliantly conceived, written, directed, and persevered treat for horror fans. I loved every second of it.

“Thrill of seeing the xenomorph move. In full daylight. Which just looks…wrong”

This is the best point of the video, though I disagree with the conclusion.

It is weird and against the vibe of the Ripley saga for the xenomorph to be a servant. But clearly these creatures are the hounds to mr burns. Satan. Evil mad dr Moreau.

It definitely gave the the film a totally new vibe. As did all the green life. But isn’t that what films are about, showing new images?

It just looks so damn different. I like different. Different and great-even better.

“Cgi Ripley?”

That would be pretty weird. But since I more or less wash my hands of any continuity, why not?

It’s probably just a spur of the moment statement. But also incredibly funny

“It asks [x] questions but leaves you wondering [y]”

Mac, the real question is, do you like to create? That’s all this film is about. The joy of creation. Of weaving something new out of something old.

Like, Ridley is literally exploiting his own creation. It’s surreal and the best.

“Compares terminator series to Alien series”

This is more apt, but in a different way.

For both series, The first film is a stand alone classic. A low key masterpiece. The second is an expansive blockbuster which really really skewed expectations for future films.

The comparison ends there though. Sigourney Weaver has way way more character to work with. Poor Schwarzenegger had so so directors to work with, while the Alien series put down the work of real filmmakers making challenging art.

I enjoy the terminator series, but it’s clear that it’s so much the work of one man (James Cameron) so no one else can make it work. But the fluidity of the xenomorph makes every single film worth watching and honestly essential.

The second film in both series cast a long shadow. But while the following films in the terminator series really don’t hold up if stand alone, the following xenomorph films all showcase a different side to hubris and death

Which is honestly the best way to approach this film. Something new, vibrant, and bizarrely personal

Respecting and knowing horror and monsters films for what they do helps too

“Me at the idea of six more alien films”

I love it. I usually get tuned out after a few films, but this Prometheus saga just works. The possibilities are endless.

Ridley Scott deserves the highest kudos for turning this series into greatness

In a certain way, “Alien” is “Halloween”, perfect in its execution and of its singularity.

Prometheus saga is Friday the 13th series. Messier, off to an odd start, but a snowball of its own delights that fosters an utterly nihilistic universe. Like Jason, David is too good for just one film, and we need those eight films of him. It may indeed prove to be the essentials space monster-mad scientist series, just like Jason is the essential slasher killer.

Is this pizza to a steak? Yes, but each have their own pure delights, and like a certain pie, it just gets better and beautifully blurrier with each dizzying bite

Long live Prometheus saga; may it rule in hell for an eternity. Just as “Covenant” does in my heart.

#alien covenant #ridley scott #long reads #honest trailers #thoughts #prometheus series #prometheus #film #art

[phynxrizng]

NEW MOON IN GEMINI,..CONFRONT YOUR SHADOW SIDE

New post on Witches Of The Craft®

New Moon in Gemini: Confront Your Shadow Side

by ladyoftheabyss

New Moon in Gemini: Confront Your Shadow Side

Read your sign's New Moon in Gemini Horoscope now

Normally the Gemini New Moon is known to be as free and easy as a kite flying in a spring breeze ...

but this New Moon in Gemini on May 25, 2017, carries a heavier burden with unrelenting Pluto and taskmaster Saturn in the picture.

An uneasy Venus-Pluto square indicates expressing your emotions can stir up hurt feelings. Vulnerable Venus seeks love, but Pluto brings more than sweet romance to the picture. Additionally, this New Moon creates anxious aspects with both of these planets, confronting us with the shadow side of relationships.

We are drawn toward the bright light of attraction, but ignoring the darker issues only makes matters worse.

Bringing previously hidden issues into awareness isn't necessarily fun, but the results make it a worthwhile endeavor.

Nevertheless, we may be required to take a circuitous path to reach satisfaction. Messenger Mercury forms an uneasy connection with Saturn, restricting the flow of communication. Usually, talking about a problem leads to resolution, but this anxious aspect makes us work harder for it. Although the Gemini New Moon tempts us with a loosening of personal and professional restraints, we have obstacles to overcome on our

Setting intentions for new goals is only the first step; we must be determined when following through with our commitments to ourselves and others.

Aries Horoscope (March 21 - April

There are countless signs that lure you in many directions and, true to your curious nature, you want to pursue all of them. Although the light-footed Gemini New Moon dances in your 3rd House of Distractions, a solemn feeling weighs on your soul. Instead of shooting off a snappy comeback or changing the subject by telling a joke, you're more likely to confront a complex emotional dilemma. Those close to you might be put off by your directness at first, but they will appreciate your honesty in the long run. Author Peter McWilliams wrote, "Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort."

Taurus Horoscope (April 20 - May

You are feeling pressured to reassess your fiscal condition. You may uncover a financial picture that's quite different from the one you expected as the data-rich Gemini New Moon lands in your 2nd House of Resources. You might even panic when you realize the gravity of the situation, but you can quickly rebound if you make the necessary adjustments to your course. Your patience will serve you well since you won't achieve your newly clarified goals overnight. Break down your action plan into simple steps, so you can set yourself back on track with the least amount of collateral damage.

Gemini Horoscope (May 21 - June

You nostalgically dream of a time when you had more stability in your life than you do these days. Although the flexible Gemini New Moon can be a serious game-changer in your 1st House of Personality, the current uncertainty could be very exhilarating. But your attempts to keep systems functioning as they did in the past is futile; the incomprehensible speed at which your life is changing might leave you a bit awestruck. Thankfully, your willingness to flow with the everchanging circumstances is your greatest talent now. If it looks like you may fall short of your goals, stop and reassess your plans so you can try again. Adaptability is your middle name.

Cancer Horoscope (June 21 - July

Although you might be so scattered that you're not very productive at work, there are many kinds of success stories. In fact, your accomplishments aren't visible to others with the Gemini New Moon occurring in your 12th House of Privacy. Luckily, your stream of consciousness reveals a new direction for you to follow. Don't resist any thoughts that enter your mind, even if they seem outrageous in the current context. Happily, there is plenty of time to weed out the irrelevant ideas while nurturing the best ones. Theodore Roosevelt said, "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."

Leo Horoscope (July 23 - Aug. 22)

It seems as if everyone wants a piece of you while the friendly Gemini New Moon stirs the energy in your 11th House of Networking. An unexpected string of events draws you out into the community even if you wish you could retreat. Nevertheless, your public life is shifting from being a distraction into the main event. You need to be in the middle of the action because social connections are the missing link that provides timely and much-needed support. Altering your perspective empowers you to see the advantages of allies who believe in you. Be the friend you

Virgo Horoscope (Aug. 23 - Sept.

Your ability to concentrate is being tested as you're tempted to start a new journey by taking several paths at once. Although the breezy Gemini New Moon quickly disperses your stuck energy, its presence in your 10th House of Responsibility makes this an auspicious moment to discuss your next significant project. Nevertheless, you are still constrained by time; trust your intuition and make a choice. Pick just one route with confidence, but stay flexible enough to change directions farther down the road.

Libra Horoscope (Sept. 23 - Oct.

You can't wait to share your travel plans with others. Although it's fun to fantasize about your next adventure, you must get serious if you truly intend to turn your visions into reality. Rather than spinning wild stories based on your conjectures, start a productive dialogue. The curious Gemini New Moon sets up shop in your 9th House of Distant Horizons, inspiring you to reevaluate your long-term goals. Create a bucket list if you don't already have one. Life is short; do whatever is necessary to make your dreams come true.

Scorpio Horoscope (Oct. 23 - Nov.

Your nervous system is naturally wired for the most intense exchanges, which is why you're attracted to extreme emotional situations. Your brute honesty is even harder for others to handle now that the interactive Gemini New Moon sends ripples of energy through your 8th House of Intimacy. Although you may be willing to talk about sensitive topics that others try to avoid, there's still plenty of room for compromise. A more laid-back approach allows you to participate in the deep and meaningful discussions that you crave without scaring off your audience.

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov. 22 -

Relationship dynamics are in the midst of powerful changes, prompting you to ask for what you want while the energy is still in flux. The Gemini New Moon falls in your 7th House of Partners, continuing to agitate your personal interactions. Choosing the right words to accurately convey your message is critically important. Keep your disclosure concise and to the point. However, if you get stuck in your delivery, stop and start again from the beginning. The character, Malcolm Wallace in 'Braveheart' said, "Your heart is free; have the courage to follow

Capricorn Horoscope (Dec. 22 -

You might correctly assume that changing your attitude is the best way to improve your life, but breaking free from old habits can be a daunting challenge. Your obligations pull you in conflicting directions, making it tricky to hold your course. Fortunately, the versatile Gemini New Moon blasts your 6th House of Self-Improvement with positive vibrations, offering you the chance to initiate action to confirm new patterns. Luckily, the small gains you make now will grow into bigger ones over time.

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan. 20 - Feb.

Your schedule is stretched to the max but the last thing you want to do is neglect your responsibilities. Nevertheless, the whimsical Gemini New Moon broadcasts its happy-go-lucky energy in your 5th House of Play, fueling a growing urge to kick off your shoes and have fun. You believe that you will be able to accomplish more if you are enjoying yourself rather than suffering in silence. Fortunately, the decision is totally yours; you can put your shoulder to the wheel and make yourself miserable by complaining as you work. Or, you can change the game by simply whistling a happy tune.

Pisces Horoscope (Feb. 19 - March

There's a valuable lesson to learn if you can demonstrate your vulnerability by explaining your inner process to someone you trust. Thankfully, the loquacious Gemini New Moon energizes your 4th House of Emotional Security, inspiring you to reveal your personal needs. However, there's no reason to water down your message by invoking vague generalities. Being more specific about your feelings leads to the most positive results. Opening your heart encourages others to do the same.

Part of the Daily Insight Group ©2017

FOUND IN. WITCHES OF THE CRAFT.COM/ladyoftheabyss | May 25, 2017 at 3:06 pm | Categories: Articles, Daily Posts, Horoscopes | URL: http://wp.me/p8edJu-G1x

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[mccullytech]

How to create the right meta description

The meta description is a snippet of up to about 155 characters – a tag in HTML – which summarizes a page’s content. Search engines show the meta description in search results mostly when the searched-for phrase is within the description, so optimizing the meta description is crucial for on-page SEO.

What does a meta description do?

Characteristics of a good meta description

Examples of a good meta description

Adding a meta description with Yoast SEO

I've got lots of pages; where to start?

Troubleshooting meta descriptions

What does a meta description do?

The meta description is an HTML tag, which looks like this in the HTML code for the page:

<meta name="description" content="A page's description, usually one or two sentences."/>

The purpose of a meta description for your page is simple: to get someone searching on Google to click your link. In other words, meta descriptions are there to generate click-throughs from search engines.

Search engines say there is no direct ranking benefit from the meta description – they don’t use it in their ranking algorithm. But there is an indirect benefit: Google uses click-through-rate (CTR) as a way of working out whether you’re a good result. If more people click on your result, Google considers you to be a good result and will – based on your position – move you up the ranks. This is why optimizing the meta description is so important, as is optimizing your titles.

Want to get one of our plugins, courses or both? Now is the time! You’ll get a whopping 30% discount on ALL our plugins and courses and a $/€30 discount on a yearly subscription. 

Go to the Yoast shop now! ▸

Adding the date to the snippet preview

People often ask questions about the option ‘Date in snippet preview’ which you’ll find in the Search appearance section of our Yoast SEO plugin. If you choose ‘show’, it ‘ll just add the date in the snippet preview in our plugin, not to Google!

But it will help you decide on the right length of your meta description, as your description may be cut short if Google adds publish dates to your articles. So check if Google does that first! If it does, select ‘show’.

Characteristics of a good meta description

Just about every article on meta descriptions will include some of these, but I have combined all characteristics that make sense to me here:

1. Up to 155 characters – and sometimes more

The right length doesn’t really exist; it depends on the message you want to convey. You should take enough space to get the message across, but keep it short and snappy at the same time.

Every now and then, Google changes the length. Nowadays, you’ll mostly see meta descriptions of up to 155 characters, with some outliers of 300 characters. At least, try to get crucial information in the first 155 characters of your meta description.

2. Actionable and written in an active voice

Of course it should. If you consider the meta description the invitation to the page, you can’t just make it “A mixed metaphor describing a non-existent, yet implicitly high level of qualification.” That’s a dull description and people won’t know what they’ll get. I’ll explain this further with some examples later on.

3. Including a call-to-action

“Hello, we have such and such new product, and you want it. Find out more!” This overlaps what I said about the active voice, but I wanted to emphasize it. It’s your sales text, where your product is the page that is linked, not the product on that page. Invitations like Learn more, Get it now, Try for free come in handy here.

4. Containing the focus keyword

If the search keyword matches a part of the text in the meta description, Google will be more inclined to use that meta description and highlight it in the search results. This will make the link to your site even more inviting.

5. Possibly showing specifications

For example, if you have a product for the tech-savvy, focusing on technical specs of the product could be a good idea – manufacturer, SKU, price, things like that. If the visitor is specifically looking for that product, chances are you won’t have to convince them, and the presence of information like the price will trigger the click. Note that you could, of course, try to get rich snippets for this as well.

6. Matching the content

This is important. Google will find out when meta descriptions trick visitors into clicking and might even penalize the sites that do this. But apart from that, misleading descriptions will probably increase bounce rate. It’s a bad idea for that reason alone. You want the meta description to match the content on the page.

7. Unique

If your meta description is the same as those for other pages, the user experience in Google will be hampered. Although page titles might vary, all pages will appear to be the same because all the descriptions are the same. If you intentionally want/need/are tempted to create a duplicate meta description, you’d be better off leaving the description blank. Google will pick a snippet from the page containing the keyword used in the query.

Visit Google Webmaster Tools > HTML Improvements or use Screaming Frog SEO Spider to check for duplicate meta descriptions.

Examples of a good meta description

While researching this post I read many articles covering meta descriptions, and while I found plenty of wisdom, there were almost no examples. But there’s nothing like actual examples to make it easier for you to learn to construct a proper meta description. Let’s take a look at a few, taking the seven numbered points above into account:

The right length

This meta description describes what you’ll find on the page and stays within 155 characters. 

In an active voice

Active, motivating and addressing you directly. And you’ll know what you’ll get!

Including a call-to-action

‘Learn how to use it to your advantage’; that’s the call-to-action!

Including specifications

The electrical heart sensor, that’s what I wanted to know. I don’t need that sales stuff here; I just want that watch.

Containing the focus keyword

The focus keyword and variations: note that Google sometimes highlights synonyms like [Academy Awards] as well when searching for [Oscars]. This will make your search result stand out even more.

Want to see this in your own snippet preview as well? In Yoast SEO premium you can add synonyms of your focus keyword.

Adding a meta description with Yoast SEO

If you’re on WordPress and using Yoast SEO adding a meta description is easy as pie. You can create it in the Yoast SEO snippet editor, just like the SEO title and slug. Moreover, you can check immediately what it looks like in the snippet preview:

Want more of this? Marieke also wrote a detailed explanation on how to create awesome meta descriptions with Yoast SEO.

I’ve got lots of pages; where to start?

Do you feel like you need to change all your meta descriptions? But not sure how to fit that in your schedule? Google has the answer:

If you don’t have time to create a description for every single page, try to prioritize your content: At the very least, create a description for the critical URLs like your home page and popular pages.

You can check which of your pages rank highest with Google Search Console. Simply take it from there. And be sure to add meta descriptions to all-new content from now on.

Troubleshooting meta descriptions

I’m sure you can think of others, but I think these are the two main issues:

1. My meta description isn’t showing

Your meta description is a suggestion to Google. So they probably made something up for you, as they felt the meta description you created didn’t represent the content of the page, or is a duplicate, for instance. Here you’ll find all possible reasons why your meta description doesn’t show.

2. Another description for social sharing?

Do you have Yoast SEO? In that case: check the social tab in the Yoast SEO meta box below your post or page. You can add a separate description for your social media channels there. In Yoast SEO Premium, you even have social previews! If you don’t have Yoast SEO, add OpenGraph tags or Twitter Cards to your website and use any description you want.

Read more: How to optimize a blog post »

The post How to create the right meta description appeared first on Yoast.

from Yoast • SEO for everyone https://yoast.com/meta-descriptions/

#Yoast &bull; SEO for everyone

[pezziniluxuryhomesthings-blog]

Factors to Consider Before Purchasing a Condo?

Purchasing a townhouse is a fantastic speculation for both future property holders and speculators. Having an apartment suite bears you the capacity to have your own place, short the expensive upkeep that comes connected with owning a home. It's an incredible inclination having the capacity to stroll around vast, exquisite ground without stressing over who will cut the grass. Far better is the way that you don't need to stress over who will settle broken funnels or different various fixes that accompany any home buy. Besides, for the individuals who choose to buy townhouses in the travel industry problem areas, having a condominium places you at the focal point of all the activity. Should you choose to offer later on not far off, your prime area will earn you a higher offering cost.

 Buying an apartment suite is a speculation for what's to come. While most proprietors pick them for their 'simplicity of living' request (especially those children of post war America who are coming towards retirement age or the love bird couple), townhouses are additionally an extraordinary method to create salary through the methods for investment property.

 The courtesies that you can expect in a townhouse complex will generally rely upon the sort of administration that is being offered after acquiring. Before you purchase, check the full administration list. Coming up next are a couple of things that you ought not neglect when settling on your choice:

 ·         Does your apartment suite come connected with strings, for example, an utmost on the measure of support calls you can make yearly?

 ·         Are there any normal support watches that are covered up in your agreement?

 ·         Can you roll out any improvements to your apartment suite without needing HOA endorsement?

 ·         Are there any standards that may make it difficult for you to keep? For example, are outside flame broils denied? Is there a specific shading your front entryway must remain? Is there a specific 'calm period' that all condominium proprietors must submit to?

 o             What about civilities? Does your apartment suite come joined with Wi-Fi get to, a rec center, or swimming pool?

 These are immeasurably critical components weight when settling on an apartment suite network. Make certain that you have the majority of your inquiries addressed and unmistakably explained before marking your name to the deed. In the event that there are any progressions that should be made, have an addendum drawn up which will list those terms to be marked into the agreement.

 These days townhouses have turned out to be more reasonable than the normal middle cost for a home. In any case, while you may spare by and large on your month to month contract, comprehend that now and again this investment funds might be eaten up by Home Owners Association (HOA) duty. Guarantee that you are clear forthright about HOA costs before buying.

 At last, in case you're searching for life without the upkeep, buying an apartment suite is the best approach.

 Beverly Hills and Bel-air are one of the refined neighborhoods in Los Angeles with a similarly extravagant West Hollywood to enliven the environment. In the event that hoping to offering your home or some other property in this kind of a zone you can't stand to approach posting the home with a drowsy disposition. The quick paced land showcase doesn't sit tight for anybody. To handle this speedy component of the Los Angeles market and make it more versatile to the vender, there is dependably the brilliant choice of posting with a specialist or real estate agent.

Related Links:

Condos For Sale Brentwood Heights

Condos For Sale Malibu Colony

Condos For Sale La brea Terrace

Condos For Sale Brentwood Country Estate

Condos For Sale Brentwood Circle

 To rapidly discover and take care of business for homes in Bel-air, Beverly slopes and so forth, one needs a skilful real estate broker who can list the home and make accessible, all the valuable data about how the market capacities. Posting with a specialist encourages the vender to obtain entrance of the distinctive easy routes to the deal procedure that would some way or another be a tedious and agony staking exercise. Just about eight out of ten merchants who intend to go at everything without anyone else's input wind up with an arrangement that outcomes in only lament. The staying two are out and out fortunate and the purported arrangement is only a "fluke".

 An operator of the land is unified with inside and out information of the market and the disposition of the purchasers and is the best individual to search for faster and shorter courses to a strong and healthy arrangement for your home.

 Negligible posting with a specialist and getting fitting reactions from purchasers isn't sufficient and sets aside its own opportunity to achieve a definitive arrangement. To quicken the procedure further the purchaser's impression of the home ought to likewise be remembered. A vender must keep the property in feature fit as a fiddle. The potential purchasers, if discover the overlay of the home suiting their requirements, the home will be arranged off in a matter of seconds. More viewings of the house don't really show that offer of the home would be quick.

 Purchasers are frequently having a place with the luxurious way of life class in territories, for example, West Hollywood and the elegant Platinum Triangle. These purchasers will in general get tempted by a luxurious viewpoint of the home. Dealers should move in the direction of making a domain that gives out spotless and crisp vibes. This kind of a home would clearly appear to be very welcoming. Venders must complete any fix and settling work required and progress in the direction of cleaning up of the general style. Procrastinating for later would give a recognizable antagonistic pitiful look. Plainly, Why might purchasers go for a home, which has no 'simple' claim to it?

 The way to offering your home snappy is to stand separated in the immense horde of dealers. This depends to a great extent on the real estate agent and also the nature of the general introduction of the house as completed by the real estate broker. While offering your home in the troublesome states of the Los Angeles zone, an operator can be of extraordinary help in choosing the view that would be accessible to the purchasers. Alongside posting with a specialist, you can likewise put pictures and recordings of your home online on the real estate broker's site. This is a brilliant method to feature the property and attach the way toward offering it.

Related Links:

Condos For Sale Brentwood Heights

Condos For Sale Malibu Colony

Condos For Sale La brea Terrace

Condos For Sale Brentwood Country Estate

Condos For Sale Brentwood Circle

  Author: Luis Pezzini of Pezzini Luxury Homes is a leader in the Los Angeles Real Estate business

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[health1information]

Best diet for weight loss

Best diet for weight loss

Diets come and go, teasing and tempting with dreams of that elusive hot body. Eat what you want! Pounds melt away overnight! The reality, as frustrated dieters know well, is that dieting is hard, and frankly, most diets don't work. Some can even threaten your health. And digging out the truth about dieting, let alone deciphering whether particular plans live up to the hype, is laborious enough to burn off a pound or two by itself. Best Diets 2018 cuts through the clutter of claims. Now in its eighth year, Best Diets delivers the facts about and ranks 40 diets on a range of levels, from their heart healthiness to their likelihood to help you lose weight. A significant number of the eating regimens, similar to Weight Watchers, are commonly recognized names, while others, similar to the DASH (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) abstain from food, ought to be. To make the eighth yearly rankings, U.S. News editors and columnists invested months winnowing potential increments to our eating routine program and after that mining medicinal diaries, government reports and different assets to make top to bottom profiles for those that made the cut.

Read More: Best diet to lose weight fast Read More: weight loss foods

Each profile clarifies how the eating regimen functions, decides if its cases include or miss the mark, investigates it for conceivable wellbeing dangers – and uncovers what it resembles to live on the eating regimen, not simply read about it. A board of broadly perceived specialists in eat less carbs, nourishment, heftiness, sustenance brain science, diabetes and coronary illness looked into our profiles, included their own particular reality finding and appraised each eating routine in seven classifications: that it is so natural to take after, its capacity to create here and now and long haul weight reduction, its dietary culmination, its wellbeing and its potential for counteracting and overseeing diabetes and coronary illness. We additionally requested that the specialists let us think about parts of each eating routine they especially loved or despised and to say something with goodies of counsel that somebody considering a specific eating regimen should know. After each eating routine got strong examination, we changed over the specialists' appraisals to scores and stars from 5 (most elevated) to 1 (least). We at that point utilized those scores to develop nine arrangements of Best Diets rankings, which are as per the following: Best Diets Overall consolidates specialists' evaluations in every one of the seven classifications. All classifications were not similarly weighted. Here and now and long haul weight reduction were joined, with long haul evaluations getting double the weight. Why? Snappy outcomes are critical after the occasions or when summer looms, however an eating regimen's actual test is whether it can be maintained for quite a long time. That is particularly the case for the individuals who are overweight or fat; losing as meager as 5 percent of body weight can significantly lessen the danger of interminable ailments, for example, diabetes and coronary illness. What's more, security was twofold checked, in light of the fact that no eating regimen ought to be risky. Best Commercial Diets utilizes a similar way to deal with rank 14 organized eating regimen programs that require a cooperation expense or advance the utilization of marked sustenance or wholesome items.

Best Weight-Loss Diets was created by consolidating here and now and long haul weight reduction appraisals, weighting both similarly. A few health food nuts need to drop pounds quick, while others, looking a very long time ahead, are going for gradual. Break even with weighting acknowledges the two objectives as commendable.

Best Diabetes Diets depends on arrived at the midpoint of diabetes appraisals. Best Heart-Healthy Diets utilizes found the middle value of heart-wellbeing evaluations. Best Diets for Healthy Eating joins nutritious fulfillment and wellbeing evaluations, giving double the weight to security. A sound eating regimen ought to give adequate calories and not miss the mark on critical supplements or whole nutritional categories.

Read More: Fastest way to lose weight Read More: Best diet to lose weight

Simplest Diets to Follow speaks to specialists' found the middle value of judgments about each eating routine's taste claim, simplicity of beginning alteration, capacity to shield weight watchers from feeling hungry and burden of exceptional necessities. • Best Plant-Based Diets utilizes an indistinguishable approach from Best Diets Overall to rank 12 designs that underscore negligibly prepared nourishments from plants.

• Best Fast Weight-Loss Diets depends on here and now weight reduction appraisals.

Read More: How To lose weight quickly Read More: weight loss Tea

In every one of the nine rankings, scores are adjusted to one decimal place; diets with similar scores are requested one after another in order. Notwithstanding the rankings, appraisals in every one of the seven classes are shown for each eating routine as 1 to 5 stars on singular profile pages. To avoid conceivable inclination, every specialist gave data showing clear or obvious irreconcilable circumstances, similar to a paid counseling association with an organization showcasing a specific eating routine. In such cases, specialists did not rate the eating regimen. For business programs offering a scope of tracks that may target particular gatherings, for example, pregnant ladies or those with diabetes, U.S. News chose the most standard variant. A vexing test confronted us at an early stage. To rate the eating regimens, specialists required something other than marks like "here and now weight reduction" and "wellbeing hazard," which can mean distinctive things to various scientists. What should the standard be for rating dietary soundness? What constitutes a wellbeing hazard? Supported by the specialists and different specialists, we settled on the accompanying definitions to use in rating the weight control plans: Here and now weight reduction. Probability of losing noteworthy weight amid the initial a year, in light of accessible proof (5 = to a great degree viable, 4 = extremely viable, 3 = modestly powerful, 2 = negligibly viable, 1 = ineffectual). Long haul weight reduction. Probability of keeping up noteworthy weight reduction for a long time or more, in light of accessible confirmation (5 = greatly powerful, 4 = exceptionally viable, 3 = tolerably compelling, 2 = insignificantly viable, 1 = incapable). Diabetes. Viability for counteracting diabetes or as an upkeep consume less calories for diabetics (5 = to a great degree viable, 4 = exceptionally viable, 3 = reasonably powerful, 2 = negligibly compelling, 1 = inadequate). Heart. Adequacy for cardiovascular malady aversion and as hazard diminishing regimen for heart patients (5 = greatly successful, 4 = exceptionally compelling, 3 = decently viable, 2 = negligibly powerful, 1 = insufficient). Simplicity of consistence. In light of introductory change, satiety (a sentiment completion with the goal that you'll quit eating), taste advance, uncommon prerequisites (5 = to a great degree simple, 4 = simple, 3 = reasonably simple, 2 = to some degree troublesome, 1 = amazingly troublesome). Nourishing culmination. In view of conformance with the national government's 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a generally acknowledged nourishing benchmark (5 = amazingly total, 4 = exceptionally entire, 3 = tolerably total, 2 = fairly total, 1 = greatly inadequate).  Health risks. Including malnourishment, specific nutrient concerns, overly rapid weight loss, contraindications for certain populations or existing conditions, etc. (5 = extremely safe, 4 = very safe, 3 = moderately safe, 2 = somewhat unsafe, 1 = extremely unsafe). We could not assign scores to the cost of a plan, nor to exercise. Even dieters buying prepackaged meals from commercial programs have to shop for at least some food, and individual shopping habits and preferences, not to mention dining out, will heavily determine any dieter's total expense. Exercise gets serious attention in some diets and lip service in others, but the primary focus of a diet, after all, is food. Whether to exercise, how and how much is a lifestyle decision beyond the scope of a mere diet.

What's next for Best Diets? We plan to scrutinize more eating plans and give dieters a way to plug in their personal preferences and requirements so they can zero in on diets that have the best chance of working for them. With diets, one size never fits all.

Read More: Fastest way to lose weight Read More: How To lose weight quickly Read More: weight loss Tea Read More: Best diet to lose weight fast Read More: weight loss foods

Best diet for weight loss, best diet to lose weight fast, fastest way to lose weight, how to lose weight quickly, Lose Weight, weight loss tea from Blogger http://ift.tt/2HwqXGw via IFTTT

#Best diet for weight loss #best diet to lose weight fast #fastest way to lose weight #how to lose we

[tinydetectivestudent-posts]

Best diet for weight loss

Best diet for weight loss

Diets come and go, teasing and tempting with dreams of that elusive hot body. Eat what you want! Pounds melt away overnight! The reality, as frustrated dieters know well, is that dieting is hard, and frankly, most diets don't work. Some can even threaten your health. And digging out the truth about dieting, let alone deciphering whether particular plans live up to the hype, is laborious enough to burn off a pound or two by itself. Best Diets 2018 cuts through the clutter of claims. Now in its eighth year, Best Diets delivers the facts about and ranks 40 diets on a range of levels, from their heart healthiness to their likelihood to help you lose weight. A significant number of the eating regimens, similar to Weight Watchers, are commonly recognized names, while others, similar to the DASH (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) abstain from food, ought to be. To make the eighth yearly rankings, U.S. News editors and columnists invested months winnowing potential increments to our eating routine program and after that mining medicinal diaries, government reports and different assets to make top to bottom profiles for those that made the cut.

Read More: Best diet to lose weight fast Read More: weight loss foods

Each profile clarifies how the eating regimen functions, decides if its cases include or miss the mark, investigates it for conceivable wellbeing dangers – and uncovers what it resembles to live on the eating regimen, not simply read about it. A board of broadly perceived specialists in eat less carbs, nourishment, heftiness, sustenance brain science, diabetes and coronary illness looked into our profiles, included their own particular reality finding and appraised each eating routine in seven classifications: that it is so natural to take after, its capacity to create here and now and long haul weight reduction, its dietary culmination, its wellbeing and its potential for counteracting and overseeing diabetes and coronary illness. We additionally requested that the specialists let us think about parts of each eating routine they especially loved or despised and to say something with goodies of counsel that somebody considering a specific eating regimen should know. After each eating routine got strong examination, we changed over the specialists' appraisals to scores and stars from 5 (most elevated) to 1 (least). We at that point utilized those scores to develop nine arrangements of Best Diets rankings, which are as per the following: Best Diets Overall consolidates specialists' evaluations in every one of the seven classifications. All classifications were not similarly weighted. Here and now and long haul weight reduction were joined, with long haul evaluations getting double the weight. Why? Snappy outcomes are critical after the occasions or when summer looms, however an eating regimen's actual test is whether it can be maintained for quite a long time. That is particularly the case for the individuals who are overweight or fat; losing as meager as 5 percent of body weight can significantly lessen the danger of interminable ailments, for example, diabetes and coronary illness. What's more, security was twofold checked, in light of the fact that no eating regimen ought to be risky. Best Commercial Diets utilizes a similar way to deal with rank 14 organized eating regimen programs that require a cooperation expense or advance the utilization of marked sustenance or wholesome items.

Best Weight-Loss Diets was created by consolidating here and now and long haul weight reduction appraisals, weighting both similarly. A few health food nuts need to drop pounds quick, while others, looking a very long time ahead, are going for gradual. Break even with weighting acknowledges the two objectives as commendable.

Best Diabetes Diets depends on arrived at the midpoint of diabetes appraisals. Best Heart-Healthy Diets utilizes found the middle value of heart-wellbeing evaluations. Best Diets for Healthy Eating joins nutritious fulfillment and wellbeing evaluations, giving double the weight to security. A sound eating regimen ought to give adequate calories and not miss the mark on critical supplements or whole nutritional categories.

Read More: Fastest way to lose weight Read More: Best diet to lose weight

Simplest Diets to Follow speaks to specialists' found the middle value of judgments about each eating routine's taste claim, simplicity of beginning alteration, capacity to shield weight watchers from feeling hungry and burden of exceptional necessities. • Best Plant-Based Diets utilizes an indistinguishable approach from Best Diets Overall to rank 12 designs that underscore negligibly prepared nourishments from plants.

• Best Fast Weight-Loss Diets depends on here and now weight reduction appraisals.

Read More: How To lose weight quickly Read More: weight loss Tea

In every one of the nine rankings, scores are adjusted to one decimal place; diets with similar scores are requested one after another in order. Notwithstanding the rankings, appraisals in every one of the seven classes are shown for each eating routine as 1 to 5 stars on singular profile pages. To avoid conceivable inclination, every specialist gave data showing clear or obvious irreconcilable circumstances, similar to a paid counseling association with an organization showcasing a specific eating routine. In such cases, specialists did not rate the eating regimen. For business programs offering a scope of tracks that may target particular gatherings, for example, pregnant ladies or those with diabetes, U.S. News chose the most standard variant. A vexing test confronted us at an early stage. To rate the eating regimens, specialists required something other than marks like "here and now weight reduction" and "wellbeing hazard," which can mean distinctive things to various scientists. What should the standard be for rating dietary soundness? What constitutes a wellbeing hazard? Supported by the specialists and different specialists, we settled on the accompanying definitions to use in rating the weight control plans: Here and now weight reduction. Probability of losing noteworthy weight amid the initial a year, in light of accessible proof (5 = to a great degree viable, 4 = extremely viable, 3 = modestly powerful, 2 = negligibly viable, 1 = ineffectual). Long haul weight reduction. Probability of keeping up noteworthy weight reduction for a long time or more, in light of accessible confirmation (5 = greatly powerful, 4 = exceptionally viable, 3 = tolerably compelling, 2 = insignificantly viable, 1 = incapable). Diabetes. Viability for counteracting diabetes or as an upkeep consume less calories for diabetics (5 = to a great degree viable, 4 = exceptionally viable, 3 = reasonably powerful, 2 = negligibly compelling, 1 = inadequate). Heart. Adequacy for cardiovascular malady aversion and as hazard diminishing regimen for heart patients (5 = greatly successful, 4 = exceptionally compelling, 3 = decently viable, 2 = negligibly powerful, 1 = insufficient). Simplicity of consistence. In light of introductory change, satiety (a sentiment completion with the goal that you'll quit eating), taste advance, uncommon prerequisites (5 = to a great degree simple, 4 = simple, 3 = reasonably simple, 2 = to some degree troublesome, 1 = amazingly troublesome). Nourishing culmination. In view of conformance with the national government's 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a generally acknowledged nourishing benchmark (5 = amazingly total, 4 = exceptionally entire, 3 = tolerably total, 2 = fairly total, 1 = greatly inadequate).  Health risks. Including malnourishment, specific nutrient concerns, overly rapid weight loss, contraindications for certain populations or existing conditions, etc. (5 = extremely safe, 4 = very safe, 3 = moderately safe, 2 = somewhat unsafe, 1 = extremely unsafe). We could not assign scores to the cost of a plan, nor to exercise. Even dieters buying prepackaged meals from commercial programs have to shop for at least some food, and individual shopping habits and preferences, not to mention dining out, will heavily determine any dieter's total expense. Exercise gets serious attention in some diets and lip service in others, but the primary focus of a diet, after all, is food. Whether to exercise, how and how much is a lifestyle decision beyond the scope of a mere diet.

What's next for Best Diets? We plan to scrutinize more eating plans and give dieters a way to plug in their personal preferences and requirements so they can zero in on diets that have the best chance of working for them. With diets, one size never fits all.

Read More: Fastest way to lose weight Read More: How To lose weight quickly Read More: weight loss Tea Read More: Best diet to lose weight fast Read More: weight loss foods

from Blogger http://ift.tt/2HwqXGw via IFTTT Best diet for weight loss, best diet to lose weight fast, fastest way to lose weight, how to lose weight quickly, Lose Weight, weight loss tea

#Best diet for weight loss #best diet to lose weight fast #fastest way to lose weight #how to lose we

[firstumcschenectady]

“Image of God” based on Isaiah 45:1-6 and Matthew 22:15-22

The Bible often sounds so... Bible-y that it can be easy to tune out.  Or, at least, it can be for me.  Sometimes when I'm reading I'm tempted to “yadda yadda” the stuff that feels like its been said over and over.  This is similar to trying to read legalese and make sense of the actual point, which I know is there somewhere, but I have to break through ALL the words that don't actually mean anything to me.

I mention this because I'm not entirely convinced I'm the only person with this problem, and because I think many a normal person might have had this issue with our Hebrew Bible text today.  Yes yes, God opens doors, God levels mountains, God gives riches, God calls us by name, God chooses the chosen, God is the only one.  We've heard all this before, it is practically a chorus.

The big difference in this passage, the part that makes it not at all redundant nor boring, comes in the very beginning.  “Thus says the LORD to his anointed.”  (I KNOW, you are half tempted to zone out the Bible-ese already, but I promise, you want to hear the next two words) “to Cyrus”.  This, my friends, is some crazy turn of a phrase.  

A quick set of historical reminders is in order to make sense of it though.  Around 587 to 586 BCE the Jewish people living in Jerusalem were defeated by the Babylonian army, and the city and temple were destroyed.  The leaders and the educated were taken to Babylon as slaves and the rest of the people were left behind without defenses, food, or hope.  This is known as “the Exile” and we believe that the Hebrew Bible as we know it was written down during and after the Exile, which means the stories were told in particular ways to try to answer the question “Why did this happen to us?”  In fact, the very idea of a Jewish Messiah developed at the time of the Exile, as a person who would right the wrong of the Exile itself and recreate a vibrant Jewish Empire.

The Exile ended when the Persian Empire defeated the Babylonian Empire in battle, and took it over.  The Emperor of the Persian Empire then decided that he didn't much care about the Jewish captives, and freed them to go home as they wished.  It had, however, been 48 years, which is several generations without birth control, and not everyone went home.

Back to our passage, do you know who was the Emperor of the Persian Empire in 539 and let the captives go free?  Cyrus.  So, this passage, which is the first one to claim anyone as the Messiah (“God's anointed”), claims that role for a FOREIGN, NON-JEWISH, EMPEROR.  Well, now, that's pretty curious, isn't it?  This stuff isn't all just Bible-ese.  ;)

The idea here is that by freeing God's people, Cyrus was doing God's work.  But the claims are rather radical.  First of all, Cyrus is called the messiah, then Cyrus is said to be called by name by God, and to be given a last name by God EVEN THOUGH Cyrus doesn't know or worship God.  So, the work of freeing the people was done through the work of Cyrus, and God helped Cyrus along the way to make it happen.

The most curious part is that God used an EMPEROR, which doesn't tend to be the way God works, at least when we get to the Gospels.  However, the fantastic thing we can take from the Isaiah passage is this: God doesn't limit God's work just to people who believe particular things or speak of God in particular ways; God is willing to work with and through anyone who is open to working with God!  The fact that this was clear enough in 539 BCE that the people of God thought Cyrus was God's chosen messiah is very good news indeed.  Inclusivity runs deep with God, and God's people have known it for a long time.

Now, Matthew is distinctly less enamored with foreign emperors than Isaiah is.  Matthew sets up this story beautifully, designing a narrative around the snappy statement of Jesus which said, “Give therefore to the emperor the things that are the emperor's, and to God the things that are God's.”  That little saying is one of the very few things the Jesus Seminar REALLY thinks Jesus said, and Matthew builds a story around it to make sense of it.  The story is well constructed. The coin described has on it the face of the Emperor, while our faith tradition has always claimed that people have on them the “image of God.”  Matthew even word plays this, having the adversaries describe Jesus as a man who shows no partiality, which is literally, “you do not regard the face of anyone.”1 The whole story then plays around with faces, and images, wondering whose matches with whose.

While Matthew's story is well constructed, we think the authentic memory is simply in that statement, “Give therefore to the emperor the things that are the emperor's, and to God the things that are God's.”   That statement seems to direct us to a reasonable follow up question: What is it that belongs to Caesar and what is it that belongs to God?  In fact, I think it is this question that makes the statement so powerful and memorable.  It appears benign, and would have sounded benign to Roman ears.  They might have thought, “Yeah, sure, give money to the Emperor, that's really what he wants, and as long as he also gets the power and respect he deserves, your God can have what's left.”

Jewish ears would not have heard the same thing at all.  They would have heard Jesus and immediately considered, “But, if we are to give to God what is God's, there is nothing left for the emperor!”  So, Jesus' saying manages to totally subvert the power of the empire WHILE sounding benign to the emperor's ears.  Well played, Jesus.  

So, for a faithful Jewish person at the time of Jesus as today, all things belong to God.  That's one of the implications of thinking of God as Creator, God created all things and all things are thus God's. The less obvious follow up question is: what does it mean to give something to God who is already the Creator of all things?  I don't mean to be trite, I think this is a valid question.  We might have a sense of being able to “give our hearts” to God, but we aren't just looking for that.  We certainly have the capacity to give money to the church, and to other groups whose work builds the kin-dom of God, which can be a way to give to God, but if God is the God of EVERYTHING and we are to give what is God's to God, then... how?

Jesus doesn't clarify.  As the Jesus seminar puts it, he leaves that as homework, “He does not tell his questioners what to do other than to decide the claims of God in relation to the claims of the emperor.”2 As far as I can figure it out, to give something to God is to use it for the building of God's kin-dom; or sometimes that's called God's kingdom; that is, to create the world into the world as God would have it be; that is, a world where everyone has enough to survive AND thrive; that is, a world of justice that allows for peace; that is a reality where all people are humanized and no one is left dehumanized; some call this the beloved community.   I know that's a lot of rephrasing, but we Christians find this idea important enough that we talk about it in a lot of ways, and it seems important to point out that they're all the SAME idea.  

In seminary I was offered the idea that we are co-creators with God. That is, God created, but in that creation we received free will and that free will is a part of creating what is and what will come next. If the kin-dom is to come, then we need to be co-creators with God in making it happen, because God will not work without us nor force it upon us.  I'm proposing that to “give to God” is to offer it for the sake of the kin-dom.  Resources I see all us as having include:  our time, our energy, our mental though space, our money, our gifts, and our passions.  None of us have any of those in equal measure, but we all have the chance to decide what to do with them.  

There is a heck of a lot of work to be done in building the kin-dom as well, and the work is quite varied.  Paul did some good work on making lists of various gifts that are useful and various work that is to be done, but the end point is that we need lots of different skill sets and we need not judge ourselves nor others for what we're able to offer.  

As a practical example, when the area I was in flooded in 2011 I was asked to do some organizing work, because the fire department was busy emptying basement and the fire auxiliary was busy trying to distribute food and water.  So I sat at the fire department and made lists: lists of people who wanted to help and lists of people who needed help.  To be honest, I'm not all that useful at most building or demolishing work, I don't know all that much about it.  However, it turned out that a deeply necessary job was the one that involved keeping lists and making phone calls.  It was more than a year before I lifted my hand with anything but a pen or a phone in it for that recovery, and yet I got enough feedback to know that the work I'd done mattered.  At the same time, nothing I did would have mattered if there weren't people willing to do the heavy lifting, nor others working to get supplies, nor if the people working to restore the utilities hadn't succeeded, nor if the basements weren't drained, nor if the people hadn't had food and water in the meantime.

I think perhaps disaster recovery is a decent metaphor for building the kin-dom if anything is: it takes a lot of people doing what they are best at, some of which may not seem that important, much of which is mucking out,  but all of which together can transform it all!  

Another practical example seems to be in order.  Many in this congregation have been doing the long term work for full inclusion of LGBTQIA+ people in the church and in the world.  That requires a lot of different effort: from strategy work to protests, from legal work to acts of defiance, from the the “work” of celebration to the simple acts of inclusion, and beyond.  A few years ago a friend mentioned the deeply necessary work of having initial conversations with people who are closed minded, or who are having their very first thoughts that perhaps God loves LBGTQIA+ people too -  and that she no longer feels called to do it.  She is an incredible organizer, we really need her organizing rather than in those conversations, and she was wise enough to know continuing to be in those talks decade after decade was too much for her.  Her stance felt like freedom.  We don't all have to do the same work, there is too much to do to be stuck on only one thing!

So, to give to God's what is God's, what does it mean?  It means our whole lives being directed towards co-creating the fullness of God's vision into the world.  The really good news is that when we are working along with God, the burden is lightened and the possibilities are expanded.  Thanks be to God!  Amen

1Richard E. Spalding, Pastoral Perspective on Matthew 22:15-22, Feasting on the Word Year A, Volume 4, edited by David L. Barlett and Barbara Brown Taylor (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2011), 189.

2Robert W. Funk, Roy W Hoover, and The Jesus Seminar, The Five Gospels: The Search for the Autthentic Words of Jesus (HarperOneUSA, 1993), 236.

Rev. Sara E. Baron

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305

Pronouns: she/her/hers

http://fumcschenectady.org/

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

October 22, 2017

#Thinking Church #Progressive Christianity #Love me some Isaiah #Jesus Seminar #Authentic Words of Jesus #Matthew as a great story teller #Image of God #Whose Image #Advocacy #FUMC Schenectady #UMC #Schenectady #Rev Sara E Baron #lectionary #Kindom #Cocreators