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obxlife · 4 years

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Comfort (JJ x Kie)

A/N: This is my first fic that isn’t x Reader so I’m nervous about this. Hopefully, I did good lol. Anyway, I wanted to let you guys know that I have two weeks of classes left and then I’ll be able to open my requests again, I think. It depends on what I’m going to be doing during my vacation and what I’ll be working on.

Pairing: JJ x Kie

Word Count: 6,436

Request: Hi! Could you write an imagine where Kie is in an abusive relationship with a kook? (more details in chat lol)

Summary: Kie is in a relationship with a Kook because of her parents. And JJ and the rest of the boys hate it. They especially hate it when she begins to show signs of abuse, which JJ is quick to recognize. After Kie’s pain goes on for months, JJ and the rest of the Pogues step in, wanting to comfort her and help her. But Kie seems to especially find comfort in a particular blond.

Warnings: ABUSE (I’ll put a warning before it), swearing, a bit of underage drinking and weed. Also, this is told from Kie’s point of view, so it is in first person.

COMFORT

I was stuck between a rock and a sword, and its gleaming tip was scaring the hell out of me. Obviously this is a metaphor, but the sword was the pressure placed on me by my parents and the gleam was Ryan.

I hated the fact that he was my boyfriend. Even though I hated him as a person, it was more so due to the fact that my parents were basically forcing me to date him. Well, not him in particular, but they wanted me to date a Kook. And Ryan was the only Kook around my age that was willing to date me.

He was a year older than me, and he had a promising future. His father, Mr. Matthews, was the owner of a line of supermarkets back on the mainland, which meant that they were filthy rich. His mother, Mrs. Matthews, was a lawyer that normally worked out divorce cases. She made s shit ton of money each year because the Kooks were always seemingly splitting up and sleeping around with each other.

Ryan was supposedly going to grow up to be a lawyer and own the supermarket line, which meant he was for sure going to have money when he was older. This made my mother ecstatic. There was nothing more she wanted for me than to become the wife of some rich man, ensuring my entry to the Country Club and a ticket to Midsummers each year.

She had been pestering me for years to get a boyfriend that was of our social status. Since everything nowadays was about your relations and connections, if I got it on with a child of a rich, elite couple, I would ensure my family future business deals and whatever the hell my mother wanted to indulge in with them. I had cracked under her pressure about a year ago, finally accepting to go out with Ryan after months of rejecting him.

No one could really understand why he was chasing after me. He just seemed to be obsessed with me. And I’m not saying this to sound conceited or full of myself, because it’s the truth. No Kook could understand why Ryan Matthews, the child of one of the most powerful families in Kildare, wanted to be with me, half-Kook, half-Pogue traitor.

What was even a bigger shock to everyone was the fact that I had accepted. I had never thought I would finally crumble under my mother’s pressure, but I did, and once the word got out, most people assumed I was finally becoming sane.

See, the difference between me and the rest of the Kooks was that I had friends that didn’t live in Figure Eight. Instead, they lived on the Cut. John B, Pope, and JJ came from, what everyone would tell me, the wrong side of the island. The way I saw it was that they had been unfortunate enough to have economic problems but fortunate enough to not have to deal with the patriarchal and elitist bullshit I had to put up with every day.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to hear remarks from my classmates at the Kook Academy stating that I was a traitor and that I was hanging out with a bunch of low lives. I tried to not let it bother me, but ultimately, it did. I had to spend every single day alone in school, and it really put a damper on my mood. I would try and pretend that I didn’t care about most of their opinions - which I truly didn’t - but I wasn’t able to pretend that I liked being alone all the time.

That was also a reason as to why I had accepted Ryan’s offers to go out on a date with him, even though I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy myself. In the end, it was going to be a win-win situation where my parents would be happy for me, I wouldn’t be alone in school, and the Kooks wouldn’t ask me about my friends.

John B, Pope, and JJ couldn’t even begin to understand why I was with Ryan. They had been in one too many fights with him to ever picture him as something different than an egotistical and violent asshole. Which he was, but I tried to ignore that.

All I would do was pretend like everything was fine. I would spend time with Ryan and the Pogues (separately, of course), balancing my two lives out. When I would come home I’d smile at my parents and gush about how happy I was with Ryan before frowning and heading to bed.

This was something I had become used to. Smiling and pretending everything was fine. Ryan and I were experts at doing this. Behind closed doors were screams and insults but in public everything was perfect.

It had all started after we had been dating for two months. He had come around to my house for dinner with my parents and then he had slipped into my room. He had begun to kiss me, and I wasn’t into it, so I had tried to pull away.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked me, offended. I raised an eyebrow, giving him a questioning look. “Why did I do?”

“Nothing,” I stressed out. It was true, he hadn’t done anything except be himself. That was the reason I didn’t want to kiss him, but it wasn’t something in his control. So I lied. “I’m just tired.”

“Really, Kie?” he asked. His voice held judgment between every letter, almost as if he was doubting the reason as to why I was saying no to him. “I just think it’s funny how we’ve been together for two months and every time I try to kiss you, you pull away. Are you not into me or something?”

I began to panic. If he broke up with me my parents would freak out and begin bothering me again about getting a boyfriend.

“No, Ryan,” I said. I tried to be delicate with my voice as I lied to him. “I’ve just never done this before. You know, kissing and stuff.”

That was a total lie. I had hooked up with more Tourons than I could count on my hands, but Ryan had no way of knowing that. His eyes softened at my words and he approached me, wrapping his arms around me. I tried to hold back the grimace I was about to let out, not wanting to make him angry or anything.

“That’s fine. I can teach you,” he whispered. I almost scoffed but I forced myself to accept the kiss he was giving me. I was grossed out beyond I had ever thought possible, but I didn’t move back.

Once we parted, I forced myself to give out a smile. Ryan kissed my head once more before stating “Next time, I’ll teach you a lot more than kissing.”

I wanted to gag. I really couldn’t believe he had said that. Once he left my house, I stood up and brushed my teeth at least twice. I thought the worst had already passed, but I was so wrong.

The following week we went to a party together. I knew the Pogues were also in the crowd, but I wasn’t with them that night. I was with Ryan, pretending to be happy and convincing every single Kook that I was madly in love with him.

I remember Ryan trying to pull me into a room. I followed him, and closed the door behind me, assuming he wanted to talk. However, he pressed himself into me, kissing me roughly and forcefully.

I pushed him back, my hands at his chest, and wiped my mouth clean. “Stop,” I pleaded. “I don’t want to do this.”

The alcohol in Ryan’s blood made him come closer to me, pushing my body into the door. “Listen here, you little bitch,” he grounded out. “I’m tired of your shit. You always pull away from me.”

Tears were spilling out of my eyes by now. I didn’t want to be in that room with him, much less kiss him. But I forced myself to stay.

“I’m sorry, Ryan,” I spoke out. My voice was shaky with fear and it scared me. “I just - I’ve never done-”

“Shut up!” he yelled. “I don’t want to sleep with you anyways. You ugly, fat fucking bitch.”

And with that Ryan opened the door and exited the room. I didn’t have time to analyze the hypocrisies that escaped from his lips as I feel down onto the floor and began to cry. I really thought he was going to force me to do something with him, and that just terrified me to the bones. My body was quivering all over, and I could barely register what was going on outside of the room.

Was what he said true? Was I fat and was that the reason why no Kook ever seemed to approach me? Why had he tried to kiss me if he thought I was ugly and fat?

That night, JJ found me and took me home. His blond locks would shine under the moonlight as we walked back to my place. He tried to make jokes to lift my mood up, and he tried to ask me what had happened, but my mouth remained shut. I belted out a lie about period cramps. I could never tell him what really made me cry. JJ would beat Ryan up and then my parents would be so mad at me for having caused that.

And so JJ dropped me off, thinking the reason I was crying was something silly and stupid that didn’t merit any attention.

The next time I saw Ryan, he apologized profusely. He said what he had said was a mistake and a lie and that he was only taking out his anger about something else that had happened out on me. Foolishly, I forgave him, trying to keep him by my side to make my parents happy.

However, he kept making comments about my body and many of my insecurities.

“You should lose some weight.”

“Your skin is too dark.”

“Your hair looks gross when it’s that long.”

“You should at least try to dress nice.”

“I don’t like you wearing such short shirts.”

It went on for months and months and months. Slowly but surely I tried to hide my bloating stomach and tried to avoid sunlight and chopped half of my hair off. I thought that maybe then Ryan might stop making such comments about me.

He didn’t. Instead, he kept going on and on about every small detail about my physique.

“Your wearing clothes that are too baggy.”

“You look almost sick when you’re this pale.”

“Nobody wants to be around you when you look like this.”

I didn’t even know why I cared. I didn’t even like Ryan, but his words would cut me deep, making me bleed and cry and break down. The Pogues had no idea what was going on. Every time they would question my actions and my decisions, I would shut them out. I’d tell them that the changes in my appearance and in my wardrobe were unrelated to Ryan, contrary to their beliefs. I felt bad for lying, but I didn’t want them to worry. Especially not about something as trivial as myself.

JJ was the worst out of all of them. It was almost like he could see through me. But no matter how much he would interrogate me, I would always lie.

Soon Ryan began to become controlling. He wanted to know where I was at all times. His messages would blow up my phone, and sometimes I wouldn’t be able to use it because he was constantly calling me.

When I would arrive back home I would always find him in my room, where he would begin to question my every move of the day. When he began to realize how much time I had been spending with the Pogues, he began to get mad.

“Why are you spending so much time with them?” he would start. His tone of voice was nowhere near calm, but it was calmer than what it would become.

At first, I would just shrug. “They’re my friends.”

Ryan would scoff and cross his arms, his brows pulling into themselves. “Well, maybe you should get better friends.”

“Hey!” I shouted, mad at what he was saying. “Don’t talk about them like you know them.”

“Well, I do,” Ryan would start. He would then come closer to me and take a hold of my arm. “I know that they are trying to break us apart. They take you away from me. You spend so much time with them that you’re never with me.”

His fingers would latch on so tightly onto my arm that I would let out a yelp. His grip was cutting the blood circulation from my arm and I could feel my fingers going numb.

“Ryan, you’re hurting me!”

Only then would he let go. Right before he would stalk out of my room he would say, “Good. Maybe then you’ll listen to me.”

I didn’t. I would never listen to him. He had no right to get between me and my friends, especially when they were the last good thing I had around. So I would find myself like I am right now, with the Pogues and my phone silenced at the bottom of my bag.

“Pass me a beer,” JJ said to me as I reached over the bottle I had just opened. I noticed how his arms rippled underneath his shirt, his muscles bulging through the cloth. I sighed, shaking my head and pulling myself out of whatever trance I was about to fall into. JJ would never be into me, especially if what Ryan said about me was true. And that was fine because I was with Ryan anyway.

The music coming from Pope’s stereo was soft and drowsy, and it almost made me want to fall asleep. However, I knew if I stayed out too late Ryan would get pissed.

“I think I need to head home, boys,” I told them. John B groaned and rolled his eyes, but he listened to me. He headed over to the chair behind the wheel and turned the engine on/ The turned to boat towards Figure Eight.

“You don’t have to go back just yet, you know?” Pope said. I rolled my eyes at this.

“You know how Ryan is.”

“I don’t get why you don’t just dump him,” JJ stated while standing and turning back to the cooler again.

“Because,” I replied as if there was an obvious reason as to why I wanted to be with Ryan. JJ and the rest of the boys could see right through my lies. They, however, just remained silent.

When we finally pulled up to my dock, I hugged Pope and John B before JJ helped me out of the boat. He began to walk me to my door, not commenting on how bony he thought my hands felt.

“Hey,” he called out once we had reached my porch. I turned around to look at him, not yet opening the door to my house. I knew my parents would be inside and they would not want to see JJ. “If you ever need anything, you can always talk to me, okay?”

I nodded, confused as to why JJ was telling me this.

“I know,” I whispered as I hugged him. His hands went around my waist and I suddenly felt small. Tingles broke out from where his skin was in contact with my body, and I felt as he pressed his lips to my temple.

When we broke apart and I finally entered my home, I pressed my back against the door and sighed. How was JJ making me feel everything I should feel with Ryan? Why was JJ suddenly all I wanted? Why did I always want to -

“I can’t fucking believe you,” Ryan growled out from where he stood, twelve feet away from me. He seemed to be frozen in his spot, and my eyes swiveled around the room to see if my parents were anywhere around.

“Hi, baby,” I said, trying to ease the tension I knew he was feeling.

“Don’t you fucking dare ‘baby’ me. You are such a lying bitch,” he replied.

My eyes widened in shock. What did I do now?

“I can’t believe you have been cheating on me with that dirty, son of a bitch Pogue.”

“I - I haven’t -”

(A/N: Abuse starts now.)

“DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!” Ryan yelled out while stalking towards me. His hand was suddenly around my neck, squeezing my trachea and not letting me inhale any air. My fingers clawed at his own, trying to pry them away. Weird, guttural sounds escaped past my lips as he pressed his face next to mine.

“I should have done this ages ago. Ever since I noticed you sneaking around with that Pogue.”

My body was raised from the ground and away from the wall before crashing into it again. I crumbled down onto the floor as Ryan’s leg was raised. It came straight towards my rib cage and I could almost feel it bruising instantly. Ryan crouched down on top of me and grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around so that we were face to face. His fist flew back before socking me right in the eye.

My arms were raised, trying to protect myself from the beating I was receiving. Punch after punch after kick after punch I stayed there, on the ground, in pain. When it finally stopped, Ryan spit on me before wiping his mouth.

For a second time, he crouched down and latched onto my shirt. “If your parents ask you what happened, you say you got jumped. And I don’t want you to be around those dirty Pogues anymore.”

(A/N: end of abuse.)

I closed my eyes in pain. I could hear as Ryan walked out of my house and closed the door behind him. I felt myself slipping away from the room I was in, and then everything went black.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My parents were crying around me, and I could hear other voices coming from outside my room.

“Oh, thank God!” my mother cried while she reached out for my hand. I groaned in pain, not really understanding what was going on.

“Kie, sweety, you have to tell us what happened,” my father spoke. “When we came home we found you on the ground, beat up. What happened?”

I thought about telling the truth. I really did. And I weighed out my options and I thought if it would be best to do. Would I free myself from Ryan? Probably. But I had no way of making sure of that. After all, Ryan’s family was a lot richer than mine and I knew what a fancy lawyer could be capable of. Even if I came clean Ryan would probably never step a foot inside a jail cell. However, I still was going to try to get him there.

Just as I opened my mouth, Ryan came stumbling through the door. My stomach fell.

“Oh, Kie, I was so worried,” he lied. Well, maybe he wasn’t lying and he was worried about himself, but I was trying not to think about that. My parents were looking at Ryan and they didn’t notice how I recoiled away from him.

“Oh, Ryan, honey, we’re so glad you made it!” my mom exclaimed. Ryan smirked, but y parents probably thought he was smiling politely. “We’ll give you two some time together.”

“No!” I tried to shout. My throat almost burned. It was probably because of how Ryan had chocked me earlier.

“Sorry, Kie, but we couldn’t really understand you,” my father said, staring at me in a questioning matter.

“Oh, she just exclaimed in joy,” Ryan convinced them while giving me a hard look.

I helplessly watched as my parents exited the room, panic beginning to flood inside of me. Ryan approached my bed, his gaze not wavering from my body one bit.

“I did a good job, don’t you think?” he said tauntingly. A whimper escaped my mouth as he took my hand in his. Tears began to pool in my eyes but I refused to let them escape. I didn’t want him to see how weak I felt.

His fingers wrapped around my own as he took a seat next to me. “You do know I did this because I love you. Right?”

My eyes widened in shock. For starters, Ryan had never said he loved me before, so that was shocking in itself. However, what shocked me even more was that he said he hit me because he loved me. How could someone that loved me cause me so much pain?

I began to shake my head, denying what Ryan had said, but his fingers latched onto my chin, squeezing my jaw almost painfully.

“Yes, baby, I do. If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t have put the effort in teaching you a lesson.”

What the fuck? Was Ryan for real? I tried to shake his fingers away but I felt too weak. I just let him hold me in place hoping that if I didn’t move he would let go of his strong grip on my face.

Ryan stared deep into my eyes, trying to resonate with me. I quickly realized that if I didn’t comply with what he said, he wasn’t going to let me go. I began to nod as if I understood. Once he realized what I was doing he smiled and leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine. I forced myself to respond to the kiss, ignoring the twist in my stomach.

After he left I felt my body relax again. I only had to stay a couple more hours at the hospital before they let me go back home, where I locked myself in my room and ignored whatever sound was coming from my phone.

I knew the Pogues were probably texting me as we had made some plans for that day, but I wasn’t feeling up to it. I knew for a fact that they would realize what had happened to me if I went to see them, and that was the last thing I needed.

And so I ignored them for weeks. They would sometimes walk into The Wreck and I would smile at them and wave, but I felt panicky every time I was around them. I didn’t want Ryan to be lurking around the corner and catch me being friendly to them. I knew what he would do if he caught me.

During these long weeks that I spent ignoring the rest of the Pogues, Ryan made sure to be around me as much as he could. It was almost as if he was making sure that I wasn’t going to be opening up about what he did. But suddenly, I caught a break from him.

“Hey,” he had called out to me one afternoon when we were in my bedroom. I remember my body tensing, afraid that he was calling my attention to tell me another hurtful comment or push me around because I had done something wrong in front of his friends. Every time he called me out I would feel my muscles go stiff and panic flood inside my veins.

“Yeah?” I said trying to keep my voice level. I didn’t want him to feel my fear as I was almost sure he fed on it. He could feel my every move and my every emotion, and I knew he lived for the panic that was induced into my body every time he raised his hand around me or he called me out.

“My parents are taking me out to the mainland next week. Do you want to come with us?”

That had not been what I was expecting to hear, but I knew that this was going to be an opportunity for me to get away from him. He was going to be gone next week and I couldn’t go because it was my mother’s birthday. I knew Ryan was not going to flip out because he respected my parents way too much to take me away from them on one of their birthdays.

“I can’t,” I began softly. I noticed how his nostrils flared in annoyance, probably expecting me to give him some excuse he thought was lame. “It’s my mother’s birthday, remember?”

Ryan’s anger seemed to drain out of him and I noticed how his muscles relaxed. He pushed himself off my bed and stood up, coming closer to where I was seated. I had been folding my laundry when I felt him come close to me, and I ducked my head down to avoid any eye contact with him. Much like an animal, sharing eye contact with Ryan could be dangerous and send him into a frenzy.

He hand suddenly latched onto the back of my neck and gently tugged me towards his chest. He was crouching down, both of his legs around me. He pressed a rough kiss to my lips but I didn’t respond. He pulled away and stared down at me.

“We need some rules for when I’m gone.”

I knew he was going to say that. Just like every time he had something to do and couldn’t be around me, he was setting rules that were probably going to be ridiculous. However, I was too afraid to stand up for myself. I did not want to end in the hospital again, and I had enough bruises that were hidden by my clothes on my body. So I just simply nodded.

“I don’t want you spending time with anybody. Only your parents.”

He stood and began to pace around my room. He did that often when he was thinking or trying to control himself.

“I don’t want you texting anybody but me. If you don’t reply in twenty minutes I will call you. If you don’t pick up, you know what to expect when I get back.”

I nodded but didn’t turn around to look at him. I knew I wasn’t going to be following his first rule, but I would need to follow the second one for sure. I knew he had a tracker on my phone (I had found that out after getting a pretty bad beating), so I wouldn’t be texting anyone else anyway.

“When I call or text you, I want you to give me a full report about where you are. I will be checking in with your parents so don’t even think of lying.”

Ryan continued to walk behind me as I carried on folding my clothes. I felt myself sweating, already planning what I was going to do once I was away from him and his overbearing tendencies.

Once he had settled down, he laid down on the bed once again before fishing his phone out from his pocket. I had finished folding my clothes and headed over to my closet to put it away.

“Understood?” Ryan suddenly spoke out from where he was. I nodded and then said, “Yes.”

He seemed happy enough with that.

The following week I found myself heading down to the Chateau, which I hadn’t stepped foot in since Ryan had beat me up and I was in the hospital. I was nervous, not knowing if they would want to take me back into their group, especially since this was the second time I had abandoned the Pogues.

However, this time was different, and I felt as if they could feel that as well. The last time I had left them behind was because I had chosen to do so (and which now I kind of regretted), but this time it had been against my choice. And so when I walked in with my heart beating inside my chest, I felt relief wash over me as the boys I loved so much came up to hug me.

“We thought you were dead!” John B exclaimed as his arms wrapped around me. I flinched slightly when he raised his arms and I tried to ignore the panic that spread through my body at the moment.

JJ noticed though. He had been through so many beatings he knew exactly what it was like to flinch when somebody was going to give me a hug or when I thought someone might throw a punch at me. JJ saw how I had a little bit of panic swimming inside of my orbs and how I was covering my body a lot more than usual. He noticed how I winced when Pope’s arms pressed against my ribcage and how a tear pooled in my eyes as JJ stood up to approach me. He noticed how small and bony and frail I was under his touch, and how much my cheekbones were sticking out from my skin. He noticed how pale I was and the dark circles under my eyes. He recognized himself in me, and that made him worry.

I noticed how his arms were moving extremely slow, almost as if he didn’t want me to panic around him. His arms came around my shoulders and I noticed how he avoided my ribcage in general. I closed my eyes in relief that he had forgiven me, but they shot open in panic when I realized he had probably noticed what was going on with me.

He couldn’t know. JJ couldn’t know. But he did. So now I had to make sure that Ryan would never know that JJ knew what had been happening behind closed doors.

This was the only train of thought going through my head as we all boarded onto the HMS Pogue and headed out into the marsh. JJ noticed every time I flinched and every time I would recoil from what was going on around me. I could feel his gaze burning into me, and as much as it would have made me blush two months ago, now it was making me nervous.

When we finally arrived back at the Chateau, JJ accompanied me to get something from my car. It was then when he tried to talk to me.

“Hey, Kie,” he said questioningly. He didn’t know how to approach the situation at hand, and I could feel his nerves rolling off from his body. His hand reached out to touch my back, right between my shoulders, but I jumped away from him and wrapped my arms around myself.

His wide eyes made me know he had noticed how jumpy I was, and I cleared my throat, trying to make the situation less awkward. “What’s up?”

“I just… Are you okay?” he asked. He sounded genuinely concerned and I felt bad for lying to him. But I knew if I ran my mouth and Ryan found out, I would probably end up in the hospital again.

“Yeah, J. Why wouldn’t I be?” I lied.

“It’s - I mean, is Ryan - Are you and Ryan okay?” he asked now. Oh God, now I was certain that he knew. It made sense that he would be the one to notice exactly what was going on with me. It was foolish of me to think I could hide this from him.

“Yeah,” I voiced out. However, my word broke and JJ could instantly tell I was lying.

“Kie,” he tried softly. He was probably trying to imitate the tone of voice I would use when he would come back to the Chateau beaten by his dad. I remember I never knew how to act, but speaking softly seemed to calm him down. “I know you’re lying. Can you please tell me the truth?”

Tears instantly broke out from my eyes. They fell down my cheeks and they burned, and just like JJ had done when I had first arrived at the Chateau, he raised his arms as slowly as he could and hugged me. I broke down completely after that, sobs choking and ripping me apart, while his hands rubbed up and down. I felt butterflies erupting from my stomach, but I pushed them down. It was so stupid that from this situation all I felt for JJ was love. How could I love him when I was nothing? How could I love him and want him to hold him if I was worthless?

“I know, Kie,” the blond whispered in my ears. His hand went over my hair, petting it down as he tangled his digits through my locks. “You can always come to us, okay?”

I shook my head. He didn’t get it. “I - I can’t!”

“Okay, can you tell me why you can’t?”

“Because he’ll find out. And then it’ll happen again.”

“What will happen again?” JJ asked. His voice had suddenly turned a lot harder. He knew what was going on with me, but now that he heard me speak out the truth, he was angry. Did he know all the truth, to begin with?

“He - he - I’ll end up at the h-hospital again.”

“Wait, what?” he growled out. His fists were suddenly scrunched up, holding onto the cotton of my shirt. I tensed up when I felt his hands take the form of fists, afraid that he might lash out on me. It was ridiculous, as I knew JJ would never do that, but I was still afraid. He must have felt me become nervous because JJ relaxed his muscles.

“He was mad, JJ. So mad. And he said I was cheating on him a-and he beat me up until I blacked out and -”

My sobs didn’t let me continues. And so JJ cradled me until I stopped crying. Until I was okay enough to be able to speak and tell him what had happened. By then, we were back inside of the Chateau with the rest of the Pogues around us.

Once I had told them everything (and after breaking down like seven more times), they wrapped me up in their arms and told me that everything would be fine. That was probably a lie, but it gave me enough sense of comfort to hug them back without flinching and without breaking down again.

They helped me organize my thoughts and tried to convince me to break out of the toxic relationship I had with Ryan. They tried to get me to talk to my parents and they all stated that they would support me along the way. But what gave me a feeling of security was not their words. No, instead, it was JJ’s hand that had been wrapped around mine ever since he led me back into the Chateau.

His thumb would rub small little circles into the back of my hand, and it was almost grounding to me. It made me forget about my panic and about what was going to happen once Ryan found out what had gone down this afternoon.

Once I got back inside of my car with JJ by my side, he continued to throw out promises that sounded sweet and reassuring. Once again, however, it wasn’t this that made me feel more relaxed and safe. His hand on my thigh was what made me calm down.

When we arrived back at my house, he climbed out of the car with me and headed inside. I was happy that my parents weren’t back from The Wreck yet because this meant I didn’t have to sneak JJ in.

Just as the blond had promised me before, JJ helped me clean all of the wounds that were right now on my body. From bruises to small cuts. He told me a story of something that happened to him and the rest of the Pogues while I had been absent, distracting me from the stinging of the rubbing alcohol. He pressed his fingers around my ribcage to spread a cream that would help with my bruising as he began to joke around. When he was done, he stood up straight again, eye level with me. I was seated up on the counter, and he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Kie,” he whispered out while leaning in closer. “I want you to know that whatever he said about you is fake.”

I simply nodded, not trusting myself to speak without crying again. Instead, I just leaned forward into his comforting touch wondering if I would ever have the nerves o come clean about what I felt about him.

“Kie,” he called out again. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

I nodded, whispering a small “Same” to him. He continued to lean forward until finally, his lips were on mine.

Instead of making my heart race at an ungodly pace, my heart seemed to slow down. My blood wasn’t pumping in my veins and everything around us fell utterly silent. His touch wrapped me around in a blanket of safety - one that didn’t make me feel trapped or panicked at all. It brought me comfort in a way nothing had ever brought me before - more than when I was small and my dad would pretend to scare away the monsters in my closet and more than when my mom would kiss my head goodnight. The pressure of his lips on mine was just perfect and made me feel loved and cared about.

When we broke apart I almost whimpered, wanting to feel safe again. He let out a breathy laugh before pulling back and wiping my tears away.

“I want to keep doing that,” JJ said to me. I was surprised he was being so open with his feelings. But I guess we were both vulnerable and that made him feel safe as well.

“Me too,” I said softly. “But I’m still with Ryan right now.”

JJ nodded in understanding. “I’ll help you with whatever you go through. Okay?”

I nodded. I wrapped my arms around JJ and rested against him as he hugged me back. The feeling of safety that I had felt while kissing him came back to me and made me feel better. I wasn’t okay yet, but I would be. As long as I had JJ and his comfort by my side, I could grow into a person I wanted to be. A person that would be okay.

#outer banks #obx #obx netflix #jj maybank #kiara carrera #jj x kie #jj maybank x kiara carrera

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paperbacksandvinyls · 5 years

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OK, as I promised, a post on Ann S. Stephens:

I found out about Ann S. Stephens while I was archiving my 1886 edition of Peterson’s Magazine. Each month in 1886, a serialized story appeared titled “The Millionaire’s Daughter”. Of course, 1886 was the height of America’s Gilded Age. The Civil War had concluded 2 decades prior, Reconstruction had taken hold in the South, and there was a growing wealth divide between the working class and the industrial magnates who owned the factories and mills. I can only assume that this social backdrop inspired Mrs. Stephens to write “The Millionaire’s Daughter”. BUT that is not the point of this post, because as I discovered, “The Millionaire’s Daughter” was likely the last of Mrs. Stephens’s works (it was enter into the Library of Congress in 1885, appeared in Peterson’s in 1886, and Mrs. Stephens died in August 1886). This is an engraving of young Mrs. Stephens:

The story continues under the cut, to prevent you all from suffering a long post on your dashes.

In my search for information about the woman who wrote this serialized story, I found out some pretty cool stuff. Ann Sophia Stephens (nee Winterbotham) was born in Derby, Connecticut in 1810. Around 1831, she married Edward Stephens, a printer. Eventually, Edward and Ann went on to become writers and editors for various periodicals at the time. As a writer for Graham’s Magazine, Stephens met Edgar Allan Poe, who was the editor of the magazine at the time. Eventually she went on to edit her own magazine that eventually merged with Peterson’s Magazine. But here’s the really cool part: Ann S. Stephens was one of the most widely read American authors of the 19th century. Between her popular serialized stories in periodicals and her poetry, she was also the author of the first dime novel.

In 1860, Beadle & Adams published her story “Malaeska: The Indian Wife of The White Hunter” (previously published as a series in a magazine in 1839) as the first dime novel. Here’s the next cool fact: “Malaeska” was one of the most popular books of 1860. Now, I’m not suggesting anyone of the modern age read Mrs. Stephens’s novel. By all accounts it involves a pretty standard for the era amount of racism. Essentially, it is a story about a Mohawk woman during the colonial era who marries a white man. She is in love with her husband. Supposedly, her husband also loves her (although there’s apparently a line about how ashamed he is to have had a biracial son with his wife, so I mean take some of this with a grain of salt). The story is what would kind of be termed a romantic tragedy, like Romeo & Juliet. Things don’t work out well for Malaeska, her white husband, or her unknowingly biracial son. A lot of people have said that it reads as a warning against interracial marriage, although I have also heard some say that it is more of a story on how racial prejudice leads to tragedy (I feel like this is when I should say that I haven’t personally read “Malaeska”, and that I am using summaries and reviews of it I have found online). The big thing here is that Ann S. Stephens wrote the original dime novel and a lot of popular literature, but we overwhelmingly have never heard of her.

On to the next thing I thought was interesting: In 1859, following John Brown’s raid on Harpers Ferry, Victor Hugo (yes, the author of “Les Miserables” and “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”, that Victor Hugo) wrote a letter to the London Star, in support of John Brown’s raid, and as a criticism of the United States for sentencing Brown to death for treason. Mrs. Stephens (I feel like it should be clarified here and now that Mrs. Stephens was a Northerner and as such did not own slaves, this of course does not exclude her from making racist comments, ok moving on), wrote an open letter in response to Mr. Hugo. In her letter, she essentially says that 1. it is no business of Hugo or any other European to interfere in American matters and that the European support of radical abolitionists, such as John Brown, serves no other purpose than to tear America apart and increase the likelihood of violent insurrection (remember this is right before the Civil War begins. American society was on a precipice for mass violence, and many people just wanted to ensure that nothing happened to disrupt the peace), 2. John Brown, whether we agree with abolition and support his cause or not, did in fact lead an armed insurrection against a U.S. military arsenal and killed innocent civilians (a crime that by modern standards would likely simply be labeled murder, but at the time carried the charges of treason and murder), and 3. in order to maintain the union of the United States, we must support and fulfill the obligations of its laws and Constitution. This is actually one of the most important parts of her letter since Victor Hugo began his letter by making reference to George Washington. Mrs. Stephens points out that Washington was a slaveowner himself and that if Hugo is going to cite him as a beacon of freedom, he should recognize that Washington too would have put down a violent insurrection and would have supported the jury that found such insurrectionists guilty of treason.

So do I agree with Mrs. Stephens’s stance? No, not really. I mean the abolition of slavery is 100% a good thing, although I think it’s important to note the time in which this all happened. Even some abolitionists of the time felt that John Brown went a step too far in leading a violent revolt. It’s also easy for us now to criticize Mrs. Stephens since we know that in 1860 the American Civil War begins and we know that Lincoln eventually signs the Emancipation Proclamation, but I think Stephens’s and Hugo’s letters represent something important. They allow us to garner a deeper knowledge of society and political opinions at that time. We very much like to separate history into black and white now, and I think these letters show that it’s not always so easy. Was it okay for John Brown to lead an armed insurrection and kill civilians in the name of a good cause? Is it wrong to carry out the law as it is written in cases when it has been broken, even if we may sympathize with the criminal? I think these letters do raise some very important historical questions.

Anyway, that’s my research into Ann S. Stephens. I just found it interesting that this woman who was so politically vocal and popular in literature for most of the 19th century has never really been heard of in the 21st century.

Here are some sources if you want to know more:

https://www.une.edu/mwwc/research/featured-writers/ann-sophia-winterbotham-stephens-collection-1835-1892

https://scholar.lib.vt.edu/ejournals/ALAN/v28n3/frey.html

https://books.google.com/books?id=et1CAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA1&lpg=PA1&dq=Ann+S+Stephens+letter+to+Victor+Hugo&source=bl&ots=BlzScpRx4Y&sig=ACfU3U2KWo9cLfRizRay3OwJ3owY-8Hb-Q&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjTvdLXx7DgAhUEbKwKHXk5DX8Q6AEwAnoECAMQAQ#v=onepage&q=Ann%20S%20Stephens%20letter%20to%20Victor%20Hugo&f=false

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ann_S._Stephens

And here is where you can read Malaeska if you are so interested:

https://www.ulib.niu.edu/badndp/dn01.html

#Ann Stephens #Ann S. Stephens #Ann Sophia Stephens #19th century literature #19th century history #American Civil War #Victor Hugo #John Brown #American history #history #popular literature #dime novels

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neotelenta · 6 years

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Disciple (A beginning glimpse of the Story I hope WE get to make)

Felix wakes up to the sounds of a garbage truck going by, pursuing the garbage of the morning run. Exhaust temporarily clouds the air and stirs the people of the city, as well as the debris left on the tattered streets from years of people discarding a little bit of garbage they'd rather not deal with. Felix groans like a small machine deciding to give way to the energy and motion put upon it. And he does just that. He awakens, but this time, something is different. He feels an odd presence. Something is in his head that wasn't there when he went to sleep last night. Something in his head? Wait… That's right. Memories. Felix recalls them.

There was the friendly bartender. Chuck. Felix expressed uncertainty about what to do with his life. Chuck chuckled. A stupidly fitting action for his name. But Chuck offered advice. Find the consultation ward in the city. Ask them about their U.S.E.R. program (Universal Security and Energy Regulator (?)). Felix thought it sounded stupid. Reminded him of something you'd hear about in a video game or some sci-fi B movie. He wondered if anyone else thought it was stupid. Probably. He'd only heard rumors about it. You'll have almost no control over yourself, but you get to keep your thoughts, feelings, and if you're lucky enough, the U.S.E.R. will let you do your own stuff? For a city that prides itself on having the best safety and security measures, this sounds really foolish, but supposedly they developed a way to 'tame' these other-worldly things, and keep them under regulation, too. Nonetheless, there was a perk about it, though.

No responsibilities that you yourself had to take care of. Not completely, anyways. It was all on the U.S.E.R.'s shoulders. Again, less freedom, but more convenience and safety? Not only that, but it was free? Heh… 'Free'. Classic word. Used for a lot of things that really aren't free, but I mean, in the contexts that the word is used in, I suppose it's not wrong. But just because something doesn't cost you any money, that doesn't mean it didn't cost someone out there some amount of money… Or time. Or energy. Or freedom. Or happiness. Whatever.

Felix couldn't be bothered with these thoughts right now. He had barely just woken up, and his head is already flying a million miles a minute. He wasn't sure if his head hurt or not. But he knew the decision he made when the consultation officer had him sign a paper or two, and a minute later, a man in a lab coat came and took him to a room and strapped him down before injecting something… And he woke up here. Back at home. Questions. Home? Where is it? Oh...Felix looked around. Yes. Home. In the alley, in a durable and stubborn dumpster. Like himself.

>Stop it. Let's go.

With an (un)expected other-wordly amount of enthusiasm, Felix gets right to his feet. You could now get a better look at him. A rumpled grey hoodie. Shaggy brown hair. Baggy eyes. Faded green cargo pants. Generic brown tennis shoes. Boring. Lame. So much for an exciting character appearance in any sense. Felix starts looking around the alleyway. Felix is confused, but I suppose the U.S.E.R. is new. He's just looking around. Wait, who is 'He'? The U.S.E.R. or Felix? Yes. You're probably smart.

Felix uncharacteristically starts examining everything in the alley. Felix's thoughts are racing, as he walks up to piles of soggy cardboard boxes, dumpsters, a dejected oil barrel...Whenever he approaches something new, he gets a terrible uncontrollable urge to think about what it is in greater detail than he normally does. This is already getting more and more frightening for him. Felix needs more time. But the U.S.E.R. needs an introduction. Information. Both of them need more time. Felix decides to be patient with the U.S.E.R.. At least the U.S.E.R….You know, let's just call it User. All the periods and capital letters are cumbersome, anyways. The acronym is stupid, too. At least the User is nice enough to not look at something more than once.

Soon Felix has mentally recalled and thought about every single thing or group of things in the alley way...Almost. There's one more place the User decided to save for last. The other people living there. Felix gulps on his own non-imposed will. He was young. Wait, how young? Doesn't matter to the User. Felix walks over there in a ghastly casual way. Like that unnatural natural way where you can tell someone's being TOO 'natural' or normal. Felix walks up to, and faces, a sitting homeless man. He's old, and has certainly seen better days. He looks weary. All of a sudden, Felix feels a rush out of the front of his forehead. It didn't hurt, but it was like there was a hole going straight through his brain, and a bullet of wind just went through the back and out the front. Directly at this man sitting on the ground. Instantly, the man begins to speak.

"Hrrmmm...For all the safety and regulation in the world, I don't know whether to feel that I'm helping serve a cause for the greater good of the majority, or that I've been cheated...Hrrmmm...I need food…"

Felix wouldn't ordinarily say anything to this complete stranger, but the User persists. The User coaxes Felix to find some food for later. Felix is allowed to put that thought in the back of his mind. The User then appears to seek out the next person. Oh, great, it's a group a three thug-looking guys. Crazy laughter, leather jackets, ripped jeans, messy hair, and obviously brash attitudes. That doesn't seem to bother the User, but Felix begins sweating nervously. The User doesn't even get close before the three turn to see Felix. Felix can feel the blood drain from his head in fear. Felix is barely able to get a thought to the User to express his fear and knowledge of the three. The User read something along the lines of:

"Oh...Oh no...Nngh…"

Before the User could interpret that, the three thugs walked over to Felix, and surrounded him.

"Hey, doll-face! Did you forget what we told you last week?", the first thug barked with a sneer.

"More like did your face forget what my FIST told you last week?", the second thug interjected, inducing laughter from the other two thugs.

The User for some reason didn't develop any sense of danger. Felix knew if he ran now, he would be okay. Felix had dealt with these thugs before. The other half of the alleyway was their turf. He had made the mistake of scrounging around there, and got himself beaten up a bit. But the User didn't know that. The User didn't know anything about Felix's past.

"Well, squirt? Come on, now. We don't wanna have to enforce our nice little hang-out area, do we? You'll be safe just as long as you decide to-" the third, and most refined-sounding thug-looking entity said before his words were drowned out by the VERY close-sounding sirens.

The three thugs jerked their heads to the streets in fearful anticipation, and that anticipation was answered as a cop car stopped right in front of the alleyway entrance, the blue and red lights blaring over the usual darkness of the alleyway. It's incredible how two alternating bright colors can instill such a sense of fear in people. And it wasn't any less effective in doing so in this instance.

The three shoved Felix out of the way and took off down the alleyway. Three cops hopped out of the car, and two of them pursued the thugs, while the third looked at some device on his wrist and very shortly found Felix behind a dumpster, rubbing his head.

"First day, and already in trouble...This doesn't add up. We're taking you in. And User, you've got some explaining to do, too. Hold still, son..."

Your game screen goes black.

"Well that was presumptuous as crap. I'd never do that! I know how to be a good User! Just watch me! I'll be the nicest person to this kid! Besides, now I know about the thugs! I'll just avoid them!"

You restart the game.

Felix wakes up to the sounds of a garbage truck going by, pursuing the garbage of the morning run...

#EnoughBrainstorming #TimeToPutItIntoSomethingTangible

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andrewuttaro · 5 years

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New Look Sabres: GM 78 - NYI - Victor and the Amerks

You can’t write this shit. The Buffalo Sabres go to Long Island and almost get shutout by Robin Lehner in a loss that is not only their bagillionth road loss in a row, this win for the Isles clinched them a playoff spot! Buffalo literally helped Lehner get to the playoffs for his new team. I have good feelings for Lehner after everything and he’s not wrong in calling Buffalo a tough media market for hockey; I hope Lehner enjoys his playoff berth. But the way the Islanders won this game… this shit is ridiculous. If it wasn’t for Victor Olofsson’s first career goal then this game would’ve been an absolute albatross. Apparently Will Borgen cleared the puck into the Sabres bench at one point and it happened to hit Jack Eichel’s bare hand! Is this a joke? Are there cameras recording us enduring this? You know what, fuck it: You’re going to get a summary of Victor Olofsson’s efforts and the Olofsson team that made the playoffs last night. Victor Olofsson’s first career goal came at 13:28 into the third on a Sabres powerplay after Matt Barzal high-sticked Alex Nylander. Olofsson got the puck way out in the right circle by himself and played with it for a hot second before firing it passed Lehner. Eichel got his 50th assist of the season getting it to him and from a certain angle it looks like Sam Reinhart tipped it right in front of the net but this one goes to Vickeo. Fantastic job keeping the play alive in the zone by Eichel: I want to fantasize for a moment about an Olofsson – Eichel – Reinhart line… Yum. Anyway, Reinhart didn’t waste a moment fishing that puck out of the goal and giving it to Olofsson as a special piece of his young NHL career; a positive memory from an otherwise very negative night because the Sabres lost 5-1. But wait, the Islanders clinched their playoff spot… then who is the Olofsson team that made the playoffs? That team my friends, was down in Binghamton, New York last night in an absolute banger of a Saturday night tilt on the last day of March with playoff implications! Oh yeah, baby, it was Rochester Americans gameday last night and it was a riot!

Yes, the Rochester Americans punched their tickets to the 2019 Calder Cup Playoffs in a wild one against the Binghamton Devils. The Amerks have been such a good time this season that there was a decent contingent of Rochester fans who made the drive down to Binghamton. If I had been there I would have been on the edge of my seat. The Devils scored three goals in the first period even as the Americans outshot the home team to oblivion the whole game long. The lone Amerks goal of the first belonged to Tage Thompson who has looked like November Sabres Tage Thompson in these two games with Rochester so far. He basically single-handedly won the game Friday night against Laval Rocket scoring two goals in his first game with the AHL side. In last night’s matchup he ate up a Devils clearing attempt and snuck it in past the home netminder, the game was tied 1-1. Unfortunately, the Devils scored two more goals before the period was done. Down 3-1 there was only one goal in the second period, and it was for CJ Smith. Smith is one of those guys who is too good not to make the NHL, he just needs to find his groove up on the big squad. I say that because once Arvin Atwal got the puck to him along the wall in the offensive zone before this goal he controlled his way. Smith, who was covered by a couple guys still went where he wanted to go. I don’t know if this was an especially bad game for the Devils or what, but this goal looked good. He just tossed it from a tight angle and Cam Johnson, the Devils goalie, just didn’t see it until it was in the net. The Amerks were now down one goal 3-2 going into a positively wild third period.

There was a fight that you Neanderthals maybe interested in late in the second, but I don’t have the patience for that shit right now. It was just past ten minutes into the final frame when CJ Smith struck again. This time Nathan Paetsch got him the puck and he skated around behind the Devils net for what felt like an eternity when you’re down in the third period during a playoff race. He shot it through two defenseman and the goalie, and it was a tie game! Evidently there was some momentum now as less than a minute later Remi Elie who has absolutely blossomed with the Amerks, tallied the go-ahead goal. It was an absolutely speedy wrist shot that got new signing Casey Fitzgerald his first pro point since leaving College earlier in the week. Fitzgerald started the play way back behind the Devils net and that’s what I really love about this Rochester team: not only do they comeback from deficits, they can work together to get the puck from end to end very quickly. Don Stevens, the RJ of Rochester, had a third period to remember. He was still summarizing the grandeur of that goal when the Devils scored and tied it at 4! What a wild turn of events indeed, Don! Now I’m going to tell you a scoring matchup that is weird even for the Amerks: Casey Fitzgerald gets the puck to Kyle Criscuolo (if you’re a Sabres-first fan than you probably don’t want to remember that name because he’s only ever been called up in the worst of times for Buffalo). Criscuolo shoots the puck dead center on the goalie who was not prepared for the net-front tip-in by… wait for it… Eric Cornell. When Brendan Guhle was still in this organization we talked about him getting hopped over a ton on the defensive depth chart, but Cornell may have Guhle beat in that category. Has anyone been more leaped over than Eric Cornell? The guy minus well be written on the chalk lines for hopscotch at this point. His tip-in made it 5-4. Nathan Paetsch added an empty netter and the Amerks won this won 6-4 in the best possible Amerks win on a night the Sabres lost so bad 300 miles east.

The Americans did what the Sabres have not done in eight years: clinch a playoff spot. The Americans clinched their playoff spot a second straight season with six games to go and three matchups with the Syracuse Crunch left. If you’ve been reading the monthly Amerks Angle posts here on the New Look Sabres blog you probably know why that is significant. The Crunch seemed poised to take another division title last week after they took advantage of a weak weekend for the Amerks and took the lead in said North division. Rochester has held the North Division lead for most of the season and it would be a crying shame if they didn’t get rewarded with a division title as a result, especially by the hands of the team who have so consistently been a thorn in the Amerks’ side the last few years. Don’t make me recount last season’s playoffs. With these six games left and playoff spot officially clinched, it gives Rochester plenty of time to retake that lead and take the first of hopefully two banners this year. Moreover, the next two games for the Amerks are against the Crunch next weekend so they’re in a position where they can force the issue with a couple wins. Oh wait, this is supposed to be one of my Sabres-centered blog posts… you might forgive me for recapping a much more exciting game within the organization, right?

The Sabres on the other hand have four games left that you’re praying go quickly. After last night’s loss to the Islanders it is not too cruel a thing to think that they may not win another game this season. They looked utterly defeated long before the game was over on Long Island and I think we’re all switching into tank mode for them at this point, right? I was considering going off on a rant about the worst kind of pessimism that I’m seeing out of us Sabres fans right now and that would be justified based on some stuff I’ve seen out of us. I decided against that and I realized during these tough times everyone copes differently. These last few weeks have been a visitation of the worst of the Sabres from last season and frankly I can understand why it made a few of us pretty irrational and mean. That said, supposedly winning rises up the organization. If you think the Amerks sound good right about now, the Cincinnati Cyclones of the ECHL, our third-tier affiliate, is far and away the best team in that league all but guaranteed to win that league’s equivalent of the President’s Trophy. These times are tough, but I can’t resist the feeling that they’ll get better sooner than we think. Like, comment and share this blog; you want you and as many of your friends reading when things do get better. I for one, cannot wait to see what Victor and the Amerks do in April, May and dare I say June! Let’s Go Amerks! Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Great Twitter follow depressedbflos tells me the ECHL President’s Trophy is called the Brabham Cup. The Championship Trophy for that league on the other hand is the Kelly Cup and I think all of us in this organization could benefit from having a championship title.

#rochester americans #buffalo sabres #hockey #blog #nhl #AHL

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frazzledsoul · 7 years

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A late night insomnia induced post in which I try to justify the second most upsetting event in Gilmore Girls history

. . . . I am of course, speaking of the Gilmore/Hayden marriage experiment.

(Disclaimer: if you’ve written any of the stories I refer to below, understand I’m not judging you. I mostly wrote this because of a very upsetting story I read which directly suggested that Lorelai would have been wasting her life with Luke if she didn’t give him that ultimatum. It made me think of a lot of the fanfiction trends I’m not comfortable with, but as always, it is just my opinion).

Fan fiction is always a unique experience.

First of all, you have to reach a particular level of insane obsession to even know what it is or to attempt reading it, and as far as I’m concerned, I have to go significantly past the route of no return before I even attempt it. You have to put up with a lot of sentimentality and bad porn to get to the good stuff, and if you’re reading fanfiction for a genre show, forget it. There are some weird ships out there, and stuff that bears no significant relationship to the show it’s supposedly about. The fact that Fifty Shades Of Gray emerged out of such a phenomenon is not shocking at all once you’ve waded into it, and that’s actually on the milder end of things.

I’m not even going to talk about the Walking Dead Negan/Glenn slash I accidentally read on here. Or some of the stuff I accidentally stumbled on about David Archuleta back in 2009 or so. Trust me, you don’t want to know.

I’ve noticed a few trends in reading fanfiction for Gilmore Girls’s’ core couple. First of all, there’s a lot more of it than I expected. People were passionately writing these stories three, four, five, six years after the show ended, and this is long before anyone even thought of a Netflix revival to continue the story. Second of all, a lot of it is actually really good. Third, this is a fandom that loves to go AU and “correct” certain plot events, and while that’s really not my thing, I’ve read quite a few of those stories and I’ve liked them more than I thought I would. However, there is one particular genre I’m not crazy about.

It appears that when revival spoilers came out that Luke and Lorelai were not married for at least part of the revival, it inspired . . . some angst. Quite a bit of angst. Even among writers I really liked. Nothing positive had changed in the Luke/Lorelai relationship. Luke still won’t commit or let Lorelai into his life. She’s still mournfully gazing at the engagement ring or the wedding dress and hoping things will change and he won’t budge. Sturm und drang. It’s season 6 all over again.

This appears a little funny in retrospect after reviewing what actually happened in the revival. Lorelai was clearly in the driver’s seat when it came to the marriage discussion this time around. She’s the one who decides to hold off for nine years: she’s the one that decides when it’s time to finally make that final step. The parental duties are kept mostly separate, but this was at Lorelai’s insistence (this doesn’t stop people from blaming Luke when he lives up to his end of the bargain, but I guess old habits die hard), and as Luke points out, he just went along with what she wanted. When Lorelai re-proposes, it’s Luke who comes running with the old engagement ring he’s held onto for a decade just in case she was ever ready for it again.

If anyone’s longingly looking at that ring, it wasn’t her.

Of course, there was a time in the show’s history when Lorelai was that person, and it’s not a time period any of us remember fondly. The sixth season finale is one of the most upsetting events I’ve witnessed in many years of obsessive TV watching. I think the only thing that really comes close for me is watching Jon Snow get murdered and seeing Glenn and Abraham get turned into human oatmeal earlier this year. We knew about Glenn and Abraham way ahead of time, and we got Jon Snow back two episodes into the next season. But I don’t think any of us anticipated the level to which Amy Sherman Palladino would sink her show.

The thing that upsets me most about the break-up in that episode is that Luke has been running around looking for Lorelai for days, clearly concerned about her welfare. He keeps trying to get her to sit down and discuss the situation rationally, and she won’t have it. She’s going to have a loud, noisy, public meltdown in the middle of the street, and he’s going to have to deal with it. Yes, there were real issues in their relationship that they needed to hash out. Maybe he wouldn’t budge in the end and she would still decide she wanted marriage and kids on her timetable more than she wanted him. But screaming in the middle of the street and stomping off and sleeping with his worst enemy when he wouldn’t immediately agree to her crazy plan wasn’t the way to have that discussion. There were very real issues affecting the custody of his child that partially caused Luke to act the way he did, and those issues would not be solved by the quickie wedding that Lorelai insisted that they have at that very moment. Not everything revolves around her and her biological clock, and if she insists on behaving in this manner, she’s not really of a sound mind to embrace marriage or motherhood, anyway.

(Oh, and a more apt metaphor for ASP and her approach to contract negotiations is pretty much impossible to find compared to this one, but I suspect this is the point).

That said, despite all of this, I kind of get it. Luke’s behavior gets really bad in the latter half of season 6. I feel I can’t judge him too harshly for prioritizing his kid, but it’s not pleasant to watch. I understand why Lorelai felt at that point that she had to break up with him, and why she married someone else after a few months.

I’m a 36 year old woman from Alabama. I have seen this situation play out in my own life more times than you know. The concept of a woman in her late thirties breaking up with a long-term partner because he isn’t ready for marriage and kids and quickly marrying someone who is is something that is very familiar to me. And in real life, these marriages actually last. When you get to a certain point, it’s easier to settle and compromise because you want the same things. Sometimes life isn’t fair, and you have to choose your best options.

When Luke justifies to himself that he and Lorelai were never meant to be together and tells he’s going to stop being angry and just move on, he basically gives her his blessing to pursue other options. She’s still devastated, but when Christopher shows up and makes his big romantic plea, it’s immensely appealing to her. Sure, it’s not the epic, passionate love affair she wanted, and she’d rather be hearing this stuff from Luke, but Christopher is doing all the stuff she wanted Luke to do. He lets her be involved with his child. He wants marriage and kids. They’ve been involved for 20 years anyway. So when he pushes for it in this ultra-romantic setting, she goes for it. Wanting the same things will be good enough to justify this decision, right?

Of course, it’s an epic disaster for the six weeks or so that it lasts. Christopher is weak, pathetic, and utterly useless to anyone who might have the misfortune of needing to rely on him. He let Lorelai participate in his child-rearing decisions largely because he was incapable of making them himself. Lorelai isn’t in love with him and she’s never fully committed to this life together, but she convinces herself that because they supposedly want the same things, it’s good enough.

However, Christopher isn’t good enough, and never will be. The character reference that Lorelai wrote laid out all that Luke was capable of, all of the love and devotion that he lavished on Lorelai and Rory over the years, and of how special he was to the both of them. Lorelai didn’t sign the letter OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE, but she might as well have. When Christopher read the letter, he knows that Lorelai still loves Luke because she will never be able to say those things about him. No one will ever be able to say those things about Christopher. He knows that he’ll always be nothing more than a very inferior replacement, and that Lorelai is never really going to be able to love him that way.

Eventually, Lorelai realizes this too, and ends this torturous marriage experiment once and for all.

As far as Luke is concerned, I think he allows his family to talk him into the idea that he and Lorelai were destined or failure as a way to live with the situation. If he allowed himself to think of everything that went wrong, he would go insane. And he can’t break down and do that, because he’s got a daughter to take care of now. It’s his way of stepping up and being the bigger person. The show starts building him up again, and they really, really needed to do that. He becomes a great guy again, and we needed him to be that guy.

I don’t think the reality of the situation really hits Luke until Lorelai shows up in the hospital with the wedding ring. Then he has to admit what he’s lost, but even then he can’t give up. He’s got a kid he’s got to fight for, a new infant niece, a very pregnant employee/surrogate daughter to look out for. When the letter’s read out to him, he allows himself to have a tiny bit of hope. And when Lorelai needs him, he drops everything and runs to her side, because he still loves her and would do anything for her. He’s worthy of everything in that letter at that moment.

I think what this brings us all to is that Lorelai ultimately learned that this set plan she had for marriage and kids was not what was going to make her happy. I think what both she and Luke came to realize that what they really wanted was each other, not some arbitrary expectation of what life was supposed to be like for them. Giving up on Luke was not the right decision because he couldn’t be replaced, and what she needed most of all was simply to have him in her life, and for him to be in hers. Both of them figured out that marriage and parenthood were going to be a lot harder than they thought they would be, and neither of those things mattered more than being together. Their life together was a good life, and it made both of them happy. Ultimately, Lorelai did decide that she did want to be married, and Luke wanted that, too, because all he ever wanted was her. However, that doesn’t mean the previous decade didn’t count because it didn’t live up the previous ideal. It did.

As far as the kids issue goes, I think for Lorelai it was mostly a vague afterthought. I think it was different for Luke, at least at first. It’s not an accident that he has so many surrogate kids. He did want to be a dad in some way, but having April gave him that opportunity, and it wasn’t a very pressing need after that. Besides, it’s not like he’s going to run out of additional offspring any time soon, either.

Life can be good, and deep, and meaningful, and worthy, even if it doesn’t live up to a Norman Rockwell ideal. I think Lorelai learned that when she tried to substitute someone else for the person she really wanted.

#gilmore girls #gilmore girls ayitl #luke danes #lorelai gilmore #luke x lorelai #fanfiction trends #fanfiction

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How do i find out auto insurance rates with a company wihtout joining them?

"How do i find out auto insurance rates with a company wihtout joining them?

I'm currently on my parents insurance and want to move onto my own

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#1. I am insured under my parents Allstate Auto Insurance. My boyfriend is a licensed driver but does not have car insurance. If he drives my car and something happened, would Allstate cover it? #2. In a previous state, we were given the option of adding him to the plan or not allowing him to drive any of our vehicles. We signed the agreement that he would not drive our vehicles. Now, in a different state, would that follow us? #3. If he were to get insurance, I was told, a driver can not get insurance unless their name is on the title? Any help is greatly appreciated!""

How much do you pay for car insurance ? meow!?

tell me what type of car you drive its engine what type of fuel it burns size your age country male or female and what type of licence you have....full licence or provisional licence meow! thank you in advance for your time meow! meow!!

Flyers insurance suggested?

This I my first time buying my own ticket and flying alone. Is it typical to get the insurance they offer for like $20 when you buy your ticket online? Would you recommend it? I think most cover your ticket and luggage?

What is the best dental insurance in Florida?

I'm gearing up for braces, I need some filling and extractions first so I'm looking for a good dental plan. I need 5 fillings and two extractions. To be frank, I'm a little confused on which one to choose. I'm self employed so I don't belong to any insurance plan as of right now. I'm looking for whats going to be the cheapest for just what I need done (listed above) and nothing more. btw I live in Tampa. Thanks in advance for any suggestions!""

I'm nineteen and looking for good somewhat affordable health insurence?

looking for people who are happy with their health isurence to share their experiences. thanks

How much do you pay for health insurance per month?

Just your portion/ per month / your age I am 30 and did not choose a health plan at work because I think $170 a month for basic HMO is too much for a single healthy person. I used to pay $60 with dental and vision at my last job (which I know is really cheap). When I interviewed here they told me they had a great health plan. Well, guess what they lied! I will definatly be asking more questions about health insurance when I talk salary for my next position.""

Where can I get homeowners insurance with bad credit?

Can an insurance company raise your rates if you're not presently insured?

I sold my car November 2011 and cancelled my auto insurance. I'll be getting another car this April. I've found a different insurance company with good rates. If they find out I'm not presently insured can they raise my rates?

How much would car insurance cost for a Mustang GT.?

I am 16 years old Never had a accident Live in a pretty big city 2012 Ford Mustang GT

How can you get auto insurance after 2 DWI's?

Is it possible to get a good used car for 3000 $ ?

I live in the Los Angeles area and I am a student .. I really need a car but I can only afford 3,000$ at the most .. Do you think I can get a pretty decent looking car for 3000$ ? and I am 25 years old , I never drove before ... How much do you think the insurance would cost approximately considering that I am 25 years old and new driver with a used car ? I really wanna know if I can get a good one for 3000$ Thanks a bunch !!!""

My wife has leukemia and no health insurance. is there any affordable health insurance?

The insurance she does have is very low, 2000.00 a year cap. we've been looking and it seems she has to be without any for 6 months. she got turned down for medicare already. others we have found range from 1000.00 per month and up. has anyone found any thing better?""

Affordable car insurance for HORRIBLE driving records?

I am looking for affordable car insurance for a poor driving record. I have never gotten a DUI or anything like that but I have been caught driving without insurance a couple times. I also have had speeding tickets and my license suspended before. Now that I am older, I obviously see the consequences. I am currently insured by Gieco but it is over $450 a month! I am willing to pay up to $200 since I know my driving record is not pretty. Does ANYONE have any suggestions and WHY?""

Where can I get any driver over 25 business car insurance?

I'm fed up with filling in heaps of info for online quotes, only to find that the company doesn't offer any driver policies""

Cheap car insurance..?

I need to know a cheap place around here that is under $80 for three people. I tried looking it up, but where I am staying at right now the Internet sucks on my phone. I'm 20, my parents are over 50. And we live in Cleveland, Tx So, I guess what I'm asking is if someone can look up a cheap place for me.""

Moving to France - car insurance?

I am moving to France next week and will be taking my British registered car. I rang my insurers who told me that they would only insure me 'up to the ferry' and after that ...show more

Will my insurance company cover the price of my car loan?

I pay insurance rates for the price of my car loan ,will my insurance honour that price or will they try to screw me around because some people have told me they would only cover the price of my car which is a big difference""

Car Insurance For Teens!?!?!?!?!?

I'm about to purchase a used car for $2500. The car will be registered in my name. Do I have to get insurance under my own name or can I get it under my parents name? If I have to do it myself, what is the average rate for 18 year olds. I'll be 19 in December. I live in South Carolina. <When I get the car, do I have to get insurance immediately or do I wait until the temporarily dealer plate expire?""

How much would it be to insure a 17 year old on a Nissan Navara Pick Up Truck?

'JUST OUT OF INTEREST' I have always wanted a Nissan Navara Pick up truck and i turn 17 in october, its unlikely i will be driving till next year! i was just wondering an insurance estimate on, say, an 08 plate? Im not fussed weather it is 'expensive' i know it wont be cheap and the companies are unlikely to insure me on them but i was just wondering about a price. Its hard for me to go on insurance websites as i do not have a license and know any information. I have herd they are in Group 11 insurance.. Also are they classed as a Van/Car/ Etc? Would just like an average quote please! don't want answers with 'depends on this, this or this'.. Thanks very much!""

17 year old and car insurance policy?

my mothers insurance company called her today asking if i had my license. when she responded no but i was thinking about getting it, they said if i did get it, she would have to immediately put me on her policy, even if i DON'T have a car. sounds like some bull to me but then again ive never done this before. to insure a 17 year old male with the car i would have would cost her 3 grand a year anyway which isn't gonna happen. she then asked if i could have my own policy in my name and was told yes and it would be completely in my name and i wouldn't have to sign on any ones policy. as far as i know, i cant sign a legal contract until im 18 because im still a minor in the eyes of the law. (her insurance company is allstate by the way) my questions are-- (1) do i have to be put on her policy as soon as i get my license even if i DON'T have a car? (2) can i have my own policy in my name being a minor (17) with no existing credit history?, and if so (3) can anyone recommend some of the cheaper insurance companies for teens, or is 3 k a year about the norm? 10 to the best answer. thanks.""

How do i find out auto insurance rates with a company wihtout joining them?

I'm currently on my parents insurance and want to move onto my own

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/whats-fastest-car-20-year-old-can-get-insured-without-eulah-rosenda"

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