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nooneknows11 · 3 years

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It’s not about him anymore, it’s about those who were after him.

One of them is this guy who i kinda have feelings for but kinda not, well sexual attraction definitely,but I’m acting as a shallow and easy person around him, bcz i think if he knew the real me, he would either be obsessed with me or hate me. And him knowing the real me, would hurt me. Now i am just annoying him,but lets be real he kinda enjoys it. The thing is from tomorrow it ends with its reasons.

I am breaking but differently. I always thought, that i could smth. Someone would like me or love me, well for at least like me or sexually like me and now its like i cant see myself in that way. Like me with someone else seems impossible, seems unreal. I am a fucking hopeless romantic, but welp broken one.

I cant wrap my head around boys anymore. Its not about the hurt anymore, its abt me. ME. I am the wrong one all the time without even quite knowing me. I am just not enough, not even close. And i am jealous of ppl who have that. Its bad i know but they have smth special, someone special. I wanted that.

Now all i want is to stop. Stop feeling. Stop feeling feelings for boys or anyone. I am tired, i am so tiired, u have no idea. And this is only one piece of my life.

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ceescedasticity · 7 years

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0k: System Compromised

System Compromised

ERROR

SYSTEM COMPROhiigaMISED

MALICIOUS CODE DETthat2ju2trudeECTED

RUN ANthii2ii2friiendlycodeTIVIRUS SOFTWARE

ERRwhatever

okay that2 done iit

TA: hii ga TA: 2orry two do thii2 two your computer TA: but ii dont know how long thii2 wiill la2t and ii diidnt want two wa2te tiime TA: you 2hould be able two type a re2pon2e ju2t liike iin trolliian GA: ... GA: This Is Live? TA: yeah the 2quadron leader deciided two comm the cavern2 and demand an explanatiion for the new 2iix-day holiiday TA: apparently the 2quadron leader ii2 no fun at all TA: 2o for now iim iin the overhead of the call TA: becau2e that2 how good ii am TA: iim tryiing two get other people on but a lot of them wiill be on duty TA: the liive one2 that iis TA: and ii gue22 2ome of the dead one2 are GARPiing GA: It Is Good To Be Able To Respond Immediately GA: How Is Everyone? TA: about the 2ame ii gue22? TA: could be better, could be a LOT wor2e AC: :33 < *ac bounds up, purring* AC: :33 < *she is so happy to talk to ga directly!* AC: :33 < *she heard a lot from the ghost rescue group when they got back but it's not the same* GA: Indeed Not GA: How Are You AC: :33 < mostly purretty good! AC: :33 < *ac's job is terribly dull but her coworkers mostly aren't bad* GA: And Things With CA? AC: :33 < *ac shrugs* AC: :33 < okay? AC: :33 < *it's still weird* AC: :33 < *acting to fool people is harder than roleplaying* AC: :PP < :PP GA: I Always Found Roleplaying Difficult Enough GA: At Least If It Involved Other People In Any Way TA: werent your multiiper2on attempt2 u2ually with AG? that cant have helped GA: ... GA: Not Always CA: yeah, once it wwas wwith me, that wwas an evven wworse disaster CA: i can't stay on, i'm messaging with my palmhusk under my desk, good to type right to you GA TA: ii dont thiink ii heard about thii2 dii2a2ter GA: It Was With CA And CC Both GA: They Were Making A Short Trip To A Nonfatal FLARP Exposition GA: CC Invited Me To Join Them At The Last Minute GA: I Believe To Keep Things From Getting Too Red GA: I Would Not Describe It As A Disaster So Much As A Comedy Of Errors GA: At Least In Hindsight AC: :33 < *ac thinks she heard about that* AC: :33 < *was there something about a squaredance duel?* GA: ... GA: I Would Rather Not Discuss That Incident CC: Awwww, it wasn't THAT bad, was it? CC: AA is in the middle of clearing out a major infestation on a recon vessel CC: Not AG's old one, a bigger one CC: There are a bunch of angry aliens stuck to it apparently? That isn't just a pun, they are literally clinging to the hull. CC: She'll connect if she can. AT: uM, gc CAN'T, AT: sHE HAS THIS, BIG COURTBLOCK THING, AT: iT'S SUPPOSED TO GO ON, FOR HOURS STILL, AT: sHE'LL BE VERY, SORRY SHE MISSED IT, AC: :33 < *and ac thinks ct is away from his copmeowter, too* AC: ;33 < *though not fur quite such official business* AC: ;33 < *(in case no one has mentioned it to GA, CT has friends! friends who build fighting robots)* TA: uh TA: ii hope thii2 ii2nt iinterruptiing YOU iin the miiddle of anythiing two important GA: No GA: Though This Was Not The Only Computer To Experience Sudden Dramatic Mysterious Malfunction TA: 2orry about that, no tiime for fine22e TA: thii2 ii2 goiing two get cut off wiith no warniing a2 2oon as commodore kiilljoy get2 tiired of the jade2 not beiing iimpre22ed wiith hiim and cut2 the connectiion GA: It Certainly Sounds Like They Are Likely Unimpressed With Him GA: ... GA: Is That His Real Name? TA: nah, iit2 liike wavecre2t or 2omethiing AC: :33 < *ac isn't sure she has any idea what a squadron commodore even does* AC: :33 < *besides try to argue with the brooding cafurns she guesses* TA: ii thiink mo2tly iit2 about iinteractiing wiith other 2quadron2? GA: In Case We Are Cut Off Soon GA: It Has Been Very Good To Chat With You All GA: I Hope You Continue To Do Well GA: And Thank You Again

FAILED TO SEND CONNECTION LOST ERROR MALICIOUS CODE DETECTED

#necropath AU #other fic

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500wordsadayfor2017 · 7 years

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Okay so two things:

This is post anime

I have not read any of the novels so this is probably completely incorrect but I don’t care

Please enjoy all the same. Also I AM SO TRASH FOR THIS PAIRING

It’s been week after week of dodging troops, both Roland’s and Gastark’s. Even as the blood runs through the streets of Nelpha and Runa and Estabul, even as the citizens of Roland cheer it on, Ryner and Ferris dodge patrols and battles alike in their quest for the magic eye users, spiriting them away in the dead of night. It was going well.

It couldn’t last.

“Take the kids and go!” Ryner called over his shoulder to Ferris. “I’ll hold them off!”

“I’m not leaving you behind!”

This was never the plan. Tiir’s contacts had put the fighting several leagues north of this small city. It was supposed to be easy – in, grab the kids, out, then rendezvous with Tiir to pass the kids on.

“What I seek are the burning fields! Kurenai!”

Ryner had just seconds to throw up a barrier. When the flames cleared, Ryner spotted several fighters inbound.

“The town is almost surrounded. If you don’t go now, the kids will be trapped. Go! I’ll cover your escape!”

Ferris hesitated just a second more before she began herding the kids to their getaway route.

“I’ll never forgive you if you rob me of my dango eating partner!” she shouted as she left.

Ryner dodged another Roland spell, realizing with a sinking feeling exactly who he was probably dealing with.

And the looming presence in his mind gave him a good idea of what was driving them.

“Surrender, taboo breaker!” a woman’s voice called. “We are taking you into custody!”

“Thanks, but no thanks!”

The taboo breakers were always a… complication. Lear and Moe tried to tag team him, but Ryner countered their spells with their negative. Then Lach came from behind with his blade. Ryner managed to dodge him only to find himself tangled in Luke’s thread. And where the taboo squad went…

“Ryner!”

…their captain was sure to follow.

It was good to see her again, even like this. The naked relief on her face lead him to believe that Sion had told her the same tripe story he had fed to Ferris about Ryner’s death. Ferris hadn’t believed it. Had Milk?

And even a few months of war had wrought a change in her. Her face was more drawn and serious, even as the sparkle returned to her eyes as they met his. The whole squad had done away with the gaudy capes, their armor darker, as befitting a strike force.

Ostensibly their goal was still to track down taboo breakers, but Ryner and Ferris had heard the stories. It was hard to think of his childhood friend as the terror that lurked in the night, but he didn’t doubt the stories. Not with Sion behind them pressing his blade to their necks.

He was doing this on purpose, forcing Ryner to confront them. Sion knew about Milk, knew that Ryner could never bring himself to harm her.

Playing dirty. The new Hero King of Rolance would use any means.

There was only once choice for Ryner. There was always only one choice.

“Who are you again?”

“Ryner!”

There were tears in Milk’s eyes and the sight made Ryner’s heart squeeze, but better temporary tears than Milk being used forever as a hostage. If Ryner could just convince Sion that Milk meant nothing to him…

Where the hell was Ferris?

“Please Ryner! Come back with us. Lord Sion has guaranteed your protection if you come willingly. We can figure this whole thing out-“

“Thanks but no thanks,” Ryner said, sagging in the golden thread. “We finally got all the way here and now you wanna turn around and go back? Sounds like a pain to me.”

“Ryner, I need your help. There’s something… wrong… with Lord Sion, but no one else seems to notice.”

“You should forget it too,” Ryner said. “For your own safety.”

“I can’t! I’ve promised myself that I would protect Roland, no matter what. Together, we can figure out what is going on, stop this war-“

“Shut up!”

Sion’s pet wolf was lurking close. If Sion found out what Milk was planning…

Then Ferris was swooping in, like an avenging angel. She forced Luke back and Ryner slipped out of the now loose threads. A strong fire spell cut off the rest of the squad, leaving Ryner alone with Milk.

“I don’t understand Ryner. Isn’t the King your friend? How can you let him do this?”

“We’re trying,” Ryner whispered, hopefully too low for Lucille to catch. “It’s a work in progress, but we’re getting there.”

“Then why?”

“Time to go, Ryner!” Ferris called, tossing Luke into a building.

“Stay safe,” Ryner managed to say, resting a hand on Milk’s head for a moment.

“You too,” Milk said in response. And then she smiled for him.

Ferris lead the charge and they hacked their way through the troops that had appeared out of nowhere. They found the kids where she had left them, and together made it to the rendezvous point.

“We need to accelerate the plan,” Ryner said to Tiir.

“Why? Did something happen?”

“No. We just need to hurry.”

#DenYuuDen #Legend of the Legendary Heroes #Ryner Lute #Milk Callaud #Ferris Eris #RynerMilk #The best part of this whole experiment is that I am finally writing those fics I've wanted to write for forever #but was too lazy to #fanfiction

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trynottolinger · 7 years

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Im tired. Tired of feeling lonely and like letting people love me is a trap. Tired of being in pain all the time. Tired of waking up. Tired of not being good enough. Im tired of always being anxious and always beging depressed. Im tired of hiding my feelings. Im tiired of not hiding them. Im tired of having to pretend that its fine, that im fine. Im tired of being scared. Scared to love. Scared to live. Scared of pain. Scared that the pain is getting worse. That i am getting worse. That its going to get too bad. But i dont have any other skills. I have nothing else. I am terrified im going to be alone forever. Stuck in my own head forever. But who would want me? I dont even know if i like kissing anymore. I only like hugs with about 2% of the people i know. Im so ace it hurts, but my stupid brain still wants love and affection, but thats not how it fucking works. Everyone wants propper love. And apparently sex is required. But i keep reading fanfiction, gaming the tags so fucking well that i only ever read the stories that end with a kiss. The ones that are full and compleat love stories where not a single sex was had. Because i feel less broken. I know in the back of my mind that if there were to ever be a 'next chapter' nearly all of them would not end on such a pg ending. But its fun to pretend that i am enough. That love is valid without sex. I know that isnt how it works. But its nice to not feel so fucking broken for a while. And really, thats what makes mee the most scared, and the most tired. Knowing, i will always be like this. There is no fix.

#whining #asexual #depressing thoughts #it doesnt even make fucking sense #i love being on my own #i live on my own and choose to have a v small group of friends #why does being ' alone' bother me so much?#it's bullshit

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