#also know how issue two is gonna go

[poindexters-labratory]

GODDAMMIT

#guess who cried over abstract again #this fucking guy #good song good song #also know how issue two is gonna go #when i get to it #thanks hozier

[loser-jpg]

hate teacher.

so angry.

he told me my 6 months worth of work has to be scrapped and entirely redone in 2 weeks. thats literally impossible. i am the tiniest inconvenience away from having an entire meeting with him to read him a 5 page essay on how he has been of no help this entire semester and last and how he has done nothing but inconvenience me all year.

hes seen the work many times before but only brought up the issue now. 2 weeks before a progress report. He told me the thing hes been having me work on for an entire month cant be part of my progress report because its not specific enough.

IF THIS WAS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM HE WOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN AND HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE I WAS 6 MONTHS IN.

he blatantly holds favoritism as every other student (they all happen to be cis men) get all the help in the world yet i get no help at all and when he tells me i have to scrap all my work he doesnt even point me in the right direction just says redo it you have 2 weeks.

this is a group project but every other group is doing one project with all people working together yet mine is doing one project each person meaning i cant even get assistance. two of the people in my group HAVE NOT SPOKEN A WORD TO ME SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR.

he is also needlessly rude. instead of just politely saying there might be an issue he feels the need to make me feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I am half convinced this man finds joy in publicly humiliating and shaming me in any way possible. You are a grown ass man what the actual fuck. You are in your god damn 50s.

#loser speaks #vent #i am two seconds away from yelling at him in front of everyone #i am going to continue with what ive been working on till the progress report than fix after and if he doesnt let me im kicking his ass #it is litterally impossible to redo it in the time i have #i can legit use half the stuff i have even after redoing but only if he lets me keep going with what i have till the report #i am almost baffled this man even has his job because every issue ive asked help on hes clueless #like more dumb than me. did not know how to help and i had to figure out myself #HOW DO YOU HAVE YOUR JOB IF YOUR DUMBER THAN YOUR STUDENTS #also he just. cannot get his thoughts across #every time he talks its like random nonsence with no meaning #none of his words MEAN anything #like. is it so hard to answer a simple question with a straightforward response? #typing this out tho has made me realize this man is an idiot and a giant baby so i actually dont care anymore #honestly im better than him and am going to do so much greater things than he ever did so im just gonna ignore him #get through the year and ill never have to see him again 👍

[mythicalcoolkid]

All of the things that would be "awkward" for me to do around extended family are really not because of me or anything about the thing itself, but entirely about how my parents stopped telling anyone major information about me after like fifth grade

Like I can't bring have disability aids with me NOT because health stuff is weird but because it's much weirder that I have in fact had significant health problems since I can remember and have been disabled since, generously, 17 (more accurately 11 or 12) and my parents didn't tell anyone. I can't officially come out NOT because people would be weird about it (they would but I don't care) but because that would necessitate admitting that I've been living socially as male for going on ten years now and my parents never said anything and had me just. Pretend I wasn't. Like it's so funny now that I've had so many huge life changes that I CAN'T talk about it because the inevitable follow-up is "wait. This has been going on HOW long...?"

#m/cc #yeah I transitioned and have been living stealth as a man for nearly a decade (probably pretty obvious honestly #you have to at least have thought I was a lesbian unless you chalked it up to like. kids these days or something) #but yeah I've used a cane for a year or two now because my physical health kept declining #you know. from the long term health conditions I've been dealing with since I was 10? #you know the big health scare I had like four years ago with the genetic condition? and five years ago when I almost died? #we think some of the issues were caused or exacerbated by malnourishment when I was a kid. oh yeah I was neglected and abused #and severely underweight. that's why I was so weird as a kid. I also had neurodevelopmental issues but I didn't see a doctor about it #until I was an adult. yeah I had a lot of medical issues go untreated for disturbingly long periods. even really simple ones #I think my lungs are weird from how often I had bronchitis haha I just always had a sore throat for years too #there's some suspicion from professionals that I might've been involved in like covert organized crime activity. it's been really traumatic #but anyway I'm moving out west with my fiancé. yeah I'm gay and I'm getting married we've been together for years <3 #happy Thanksgiving! <3 #I. might delete this post not gonna lie

[arthur-r]

(wrote this song before i left for college but it’s sure applicable to life right now!!!!)

lyrics: falling from grace, i’m a rusting lace artifact / tears down my face as i break my immortal pact / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / please, i just want one more chance to prove that i could be the— / best friends know how to reveal me / best friends know how hard i try to have something to say / best friends know that it’s not helping / can i just go far away to where there’s nowhere else to— / turn around, up and down, i’m melting!!!! / turn around, i have something to say!!!! / color bleeding, heartbeat leaving, need a place to lay my head / arms are folded, fine print bolded, everything is overloaded!!!!!!!! / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / trust me, i know that i’m broken….

#when i write a song and don’t know what it means and then i have a breakdown and suddenly know what it means #turns out i have been compartmentalizing since i was a VERY young child as if there are two parts of me completely separate #and one of them is this golden child perfect person always so ready to please #and the other one is a literal fucking monster. that’s how i’ve been thinking about myself since i was a little kid #and i sort of. i had a breakdown about that last week and then yesterday i was so upset about not being able to separate myself from illness #how i’ve always been treated and treated myself as if there’s a perfectly healthy person in there somewhere who is just plagued with demons #so i’m constantly reaching for this person that doesn’t exist and never has and never will #because i can’t accept myself as a whole being complete with good and bad parts of me #it’s also just autism/POTS venting shdhdhdf but i knew that much #it wasn’t until i thought about my childhood though that i realized i’ve always been autistic i’ve always had mobility issues (though less) #and that i have never let myself integrate those aspects of myself into my permanent identity. like i’m waiting for them to go away so i can #prove myself and show how good i can be at just being normal. so i don’t know. anyway here’s a song #P.S. i processed my emotions so good and i’m normal now. gonna get dinner with that guy today and have a normal person conversation #so don’t worry about me. i pretty much fell asleep after i posted and i’m doing a lot better now #anyway i’m not great at this instrument shdhdf and i’ve also been crying so like as a piece of music this isn’t great #but as an expression of a feeling and idea. these are the feelings and ideas i’ve been thinking about #of all the things to theoretically be overheard by a ton of neighbors though. living in a dorm is nerve-wracking!!!! #most people don’t hang around my dorm at this time of day though i’ll be alright. hope everyone is doing well #me. my post. mine. #ask to tag #music

[crabs-nonsense]

Holy shit! I just realized the reason I couldn't fucking see darker art on my phone screen is because I forgot I turned the brightness way down last night and never fixed it. I feel so stupid.

#i can now see the fanart id been looking at without it being mostly shadowed aha #crab says words #i keep my brightness pretty low but i had a headache last night so turned it almost all the way off #it was enough for it to be darker but not super obvious hence the being dumb and not fixing it #anyways i actually came here to talk about how i had a physical therapy appointment but they told me that actually im fine so uh #they recommended seeing neurology for my head issues and maybe pain management and to come back later when i knew more specific stuff #i didnt even know there was a specialized pain management department at the hospital #honestly i think i manage just fine *dramatic flailing that indicates that im both horribly offend and also lying* #anyways yeah still not diagnosed and still in constant pain lets go! i have another appointment next month for something else #its like rheumatology? i dont know what they do aha but apparently i need to see them to get diagnosed? #i am a perfectly mature and functional adult.... (my mother made the appointments and knows the information) #i am absolutely useless :D #and with all that said! sorry i was too lazy to make this two different posts lmao #the pt appointment left me with a horrible headache that i still have so im gonna go cry about it :)

[muirneach]

okay i know i said like three posts ago that bruce tickets r over 200 dollars but maybe i SHOULD go. for my health.

#and how many more chances r there gonna be #i mean hes very fit for his age but i mean. you never know with these old guys #the issue is i dont think i could go alone but my dad hates bruce </3 and also i dont wanna buy TWO tickets lol thats a lotta money!! #i mean. i do have enough money like i dont pay bills and i have a job #but also. hmmmmmmm.

[6-paris-6]

Okay but like real question. Do you think Steve knows how quickly Nancy moved on? Like we know he knows it was quick but wasn’t it like the next day? And she was already emotionally cheating on him. I’d like to think that Robin and Eddie somehow find out because of course they do and then make random comments to see if Steve knows and the second they find out he doesn’t they do everything to protect him from it but like because Steve doesn’t deserve that and then when he does find out and realises that Nancy really never loved him and he has actual proof in front of him he starts crying and Robin freaks out and Eddie is trying to distract him but like mid sob Steve just says “thank you” because all the weirdness over the last few months makes sense now and he realises that he didn’t need the validation of his ex girlfriend to love him when they were dating because she cares about him now but most importantly the two age appropriate most important people in his life love him and who needs anything else when you have a best friend that’s Robin Buckley and a new boyfriend named Eddie Munson (but like a few days later because it makes him realise Eddie actually likes him back and then that get together and it’s cute)

#listen do I love Steve? #yes #but like he has so much trauma #way too much #like Dean Winchester level daddy issues and no one has seen them on camera yet #I swear if Netflix brings in Steve’s parents and they’re good people I’m going to scream into my pillow #because the dots won’t add up babe #no one like Steve has good parents #because how will they explain where the FUCK they were #also I love Robin and Steve’s friendship #and in this hc he and Eddie don’t get together right after the crying thing because that’s a little weird #but it does make him realise Eddie likes him and they get together a few days later #I’m gonna add that in the actual post now #I also love Dustin but he doesn’t need to know what happened between Nancy Johnathan and Steve in season two #could you imagine the younger kids finding out? #I want reaction ideas

[zincbot]

first workout after top surgery had me flying high all day

#my seroma is probably finally gone and i just have this one tiny spot that's not healed yet after 6 weeks #(i'm a slow healer in general so it's not unexpected) #i was doing some jumping jack variants during warmup and did feel that a little so i slowed it down #but it felt so good finally i've had this awful pent-up-energy for so long #even after i went beastmode in the woods #also workouts already made me feel a little gender before and now it's crazy the euphoria #i'm sure it'll die down eventually but AAAA I LOVE IT SM (it being. my body. how wild is that) #anyway i visted my family and talked to my brother abt working out almost the whole time #I WAS EXCITED OKAY #also had a fun hangout day with all my friends the night prior so just. i welcome the good mood #anyway i usually do upper focus (before) #but during my 6 weeks break i was thinking i shld probably add core to that #so now i'm gonna alternate core + upper. i did core today #it was actually a cardio circuit + a lower body circuit + a core circuit so i feel like it was a pretty well rounded first go back #i gotta be a little slow with upper body stuff anyway cause that's. the surgery. #also i had raised my regular weights after a while before and. like i know i lost some during my break but i'm loathe to go back down #so instead i'm using just one of my two weights for stuff that's too hard with 2 rn. works pretty well #and i already did this before but modifying certain lifts that are meant for smaller weights to be more stable to work with my regular ones #cause i don't have time to be constantly switching my weights and i don't have enough money for more than 1 set #anyway i don't usually do lower body focus (i skip leg day) cause my legs are very limited use due to some weird joint issue #my arms are too but i don't spent all day walking on my arms so i can usually push them a little harder in workout #ehehehe anyway

[fabcreature]

right at the beginning of music school is actually a fantastic time to think "really when was the last time making music or working with music made me happy?"

#don't worry about me this is just my bi-weekly crisis regarding school and my future and my entire identity haha yea i'm fine i'm cool #i'm frustrated bc i haven't actually made progress with music in so long and i haven't made anything i'm proud of for even longer #i'm studying music technology but i don't know shit about it and really i'm not that passionate about it either #there are so many projects that i have in the works that i actually do have to finish bc they're for other people but i just #can't get myself to work on it #my entire life i've been so fucking bad with comparing myself to others #and going to music school i am now surrounded by talented people left and right and i feel so fucking inferior #and i'm one of those people who never studied in school and well that's not rly an issue bc at this school u don't study the traditional way #however what this also means about me is that nothing has ever been difficult for me before and #i simply don't know how to cope with not knowing how to do something #i mean this isn't the first time that i don't know how to do something but #this is the first time that i can't just run away from it and ignore it #and i feel like i'm never gonna be able to graduate from here #i've literally had just two days of school so far and i'm convinced i can't do it #to be fair i was already convinced i'm a failure and a fraud before i started so #also during the first introduction lecture to the school. burnout got mentioned. very. very. very many times. #i'll let you guys know when it gets to me haha #i'm feeling good i'm feeling so good i'm feeling fine [crying my eyes out] #eg posts

[sonknuxadow]

well. after all this time ive finally made it to the reboot. surprised i didnt give up reading this a long time ago honestly

everything that happened before this is basically non canon to the rest of the comic. which means all of ken penders stuff is gone for good but at what cost

#the mega man crossover was fun but it was sooo fucking long and for what. #i feel like that should have been 4 or 5 issues at the most . not 12 #archiesonicposting #i dont know how im gonna feel about this reboot overall ive already realized that i like some of the pre sgw freedom fighter designs better #and theres also some pre sgw characters i liked that i know are not gonna be in the reboot stuff #but two things i Am thankful for are 1. the game characters are all the same age as their game counterparts now #so no more weird ''charmy is a teenager but he got brain damage so he acts like a 6 year old now'' #or ''amy is mentally a little kid but aged herself up with magic so shes physically 17'' stuff #and 2. im pretty sure theres no more romance going forward other than buntoine and the sallicole crumbs. which is FINE by me #not saying im dreading the reboot though theres somw good stuff in there ive read parts of it before

[iniziareold]

Time for a little informational post on this cold as hell Sunday: So, the long and short of it is that the move to Ireland fell through, the housing market is on a collision course with the nearest and largest iceberg, and so we’re fleeing and moving to France to escape it. It’s certainly unplanned, but we’re happy to go. I’m both nervous and excited about it, because I’m going where my family is. The movers are coming the 3rd of October, and we’re flying into France on the 4th. /Bilbo Baggins voice: We’re going on an adventure!

We’re going into a lovely Airbnb for about a month (yep, take #2 of this) as we peek at potential apartments, and I’m striving to get my desktop back as soon as possible— but otherwise, I’ll be investing in a laptop. You’ll hopefully see me make some IC posts before then, but if not, I’m going to fight the writer’s block that my own thick skull has created to ensure that when I’m settled again, that I’ll be here, because while there are three characters that I really want to get to writing, there’s one that’s really screaming at me.

#[ out of character. ] whatever. i don't really care. i'm just gonna sit this one out. #[ ... it feels good to use a tony icon again for an ooc post. feels good; feels natural. ] #[ i'm interrupting my writing briefly with research into... uh-- how to say this without spoiling things for 2 people... ] #[ dante's moment at the end of the anime that... ] #[ ... is... reminiscent of something very important in biblical... history... ] #[ we'll go with that one. yes. ] #[ i say reminiscent-- but it's been a very interest last hour. ] #[ but also to drop a little announcement of sorts. ] #[ i have been absolutely atrocious (and then some) on discord. ] #[ i've been incredibly difficult to get a hold of especially in the last few months and for that i apologise profusely. ] #[ as much as i want to keep up with people; i've found it difficult to stay attentive on there. ] #[ but i've also noticed an active increase of pain in my wrists in the last two or so months. ] #[ for those who know me; i struggle with wrist issues due to extreme computer usage in the past and i developed ganglion cysts a year ago. ] #[ it's constant pressure on them-- which means that typing for an extended period of time will physically hurt me. ] #[ on top of the pain that is bearable enough to push through on my day to day. ] #[ (listen; ireland's healthcare sucks-- neither of us has been able to get into a gp). ] #[ so while i'm determined to push through my writer's block here and to regain a will/ability to be active on discord outside of calls-- ] #[ you guys may need to bear with me (primarily with discord) until after my move and a gp gets rid of these. ]

[jovalencia]

not to be dramatic but I literally feel like I’m going insane lol

#first of all I must acknowledge the percy of it all. I don’t know how many of you are reading those posts and honestly I’m not conveying #how I feel very well but I’m so deadly serious when I say I feel sick when I think about those books and not even in a bad way necessarily #just nauseous whatever. second most pressing issue is the whole “am I going to drop out transfer suck it up or kill myself” #okay I’m really not considering that last one I have to live to see dani in july but I haven’t the slightest clue what I’m gonna do next #year. on one hand I hope this school explodes on the other transferring sounds so unfun but back to the first hand I hate this city #and I hope it explodes to and I have nobody I know to live with off campus next year and tbh I would rather die than live w sarah suitemate #which brings us to sarah suitemate. how in the hell is my only friend in this god forsaken city like kind of subtly homophobic #In addition to kind of being a bad fucking person. like lol! yes ladies six months deep with no other friends and I Am that desperate #also it’s the very beginning of the quarter and I kind of hate all my classes. okay I know they just started and it’s very early to judge #but I already feel like I’m going crazy I preferred my other two quarters where I was eating literally 12 credits I was satisfied with that #I’m just scared and lonely can I say that outright is it embarrassing to admit that outright at 11am on tumblr #the only thing that gives me comfort genuinely is just repeating that “everything works out in the end” saying bc I really do believe that #even though I hope my closest friend within a reasonable radius of me drops dead and I’m directionless and I want to kill myself #whenever I think about the book I’m reading it will all be okay #anyways time to eat the pastry I got from the campus market is not a good time to tell you guys I didn’t eat breakfast or could you tell #carmen.txt

[born-to-lose]

In my depressed era again <3

#for literally no reason ugh i hate it i hate it i hate it #probably a bad mix of overthinking and lovesickness again but what's new #i figured out why i like to do stuff until late at night until i fall asleep lol it's because i don't wanna be left alone with my thoughts #i guess that's why i could go such a long time without you know what... i always had lots of schoolwork to do and didn't have much time to- #-think about this kind of shit and once i don't have anything to do anymore i found myself in bed with a bleeding arm lmao #also let's call this my 'everyone i know hates me and my best friends despise me the most' era #still gonna stay up two more hours because i'm like a damn puppy who waits excitedly for their favorite person to come home from work #at this point i should maybe write all this shit in a diary but like. you know how my rambling posts start so y'all can just ignore #tldr i'm feeling like shit and i can't promise that i won't do something stupid again #i'm just too hung up on things that happened weeks ago but like what if it isn't actually ok now #also i know i'm too clingy and possessive with people i'm really close to but it's just my abandonment issues :( #and i know i fucked things up with other people (friendships and relationships) way too many times so i'm putting all i have into this one #still i feel like it's too much and too little at the same time idk i just Know when i really like someone and then i don't wanna lose them #but at the same time i often drive them away with my excessive love and attention because certain people are like some addiction to me #ok no that's too much already for now sorry #anyways i'm sobbing and shaking and feeling terrible and guilty #oh and unrelated but i nearly got run over by a car today 👍🏻 fucking hate drunk small town students in a mcd's parking lot #mel talks #tw self harm

[vaugarde]

also if i had to rank my favorite pokemon seasons rn i think my top 3 are battle frontier, sun and moon’s first season, and either masterquest or galactic battles, can’t really pick between those last two rn

#johto journeys; battle dimension; and honestly rival destinies are also pretty high up there #feel like despite my bitching the only seasons i flat out dislike are sinnoh league victors and johto league champions #like slv does at least have the sinnoh league which is my favorite league arc but the season as a whole is such a drag #this isnt counting xy btw i know ive bitched abt that but i wanna give it another chance. really refresh my thoughts on it #bc its been a while #(though im always gonna side eye it bc of the heavier emphasis on the toxic side of the fandom and sexualizing the kids #which ik is unfortunately not an issue exclusive to xy my favorite seasons are also guilty of this and im not excusing that #but in xy theres just so many scenes that make me want to strangle someone with how gross they are abt these ten year olds) #but like in terms of the story content. im gonna give it another chance. go into it with ''maybe ill like so and so better this time'' #kinda like with cilan in bw i never really cared abt him but i didnt wanna discredit him entirely and now i do kinda like him #echoed voice #also not counting the last two seasons of sm either bc i never actually saw them entirely. just some episodes bc i fell off of it #and kept up w secondhand info or eps that really interested me #which i wanna fix w this rewatch bc most of the eps i have watched are really really good

[violetclarity]

started last night online shopping for new bras/bralettes because mine have gotten gross af, ended it looking at crochet bralette patterns so I could make a rainbow top for pride. I solved a different problem??

#here is my issue. here. is my issue. #I want the bra(lette) to be *not hideous* #I also have larger boobs. apparently. #like I don't think they're large tbqh esp. compared to my general body size/shape #I don't find it painful or especially annoying to go braless at home but it probably wouldn't be appropriate to do so at work #(it seems like a lot of people I know who do have large chests do *not* go braless which is why I said they don't seem large to me) #so I don't need something that is like miraculously supportive or whatever #I just need it to FIT my goddamn CHEST #I cannot stand the weird line/bump where the bra ends and you can see it through my shirt which is my issue with my current bra(lette)s #so even though I probably *should* try to find a better brand I think I'm just gonna buy the same brand again in a larger size this time #and hope for the best #(I went to get a proper bra fitting last year because I was more annoyed about how bad my bras looked then) #(and they fit me into an underwire bra that at the time I thought looked/felt good) #(except when I got it home and tried it on it was SO PAINFUL) #(like cannot wear for more than ten minutes painful. save for special occasions painful.) #(sometimes I put it on thinking I'll try to wear it for work and give up before I leave the house) #(it would have been okay if I'd only bought the one bc I could suffer through for the occasional special even but I bought two) #(and didn't return the second one in time and it. was. EXPENSIVE.) #(also can't ask my mom for advice again bc I don't want to admit to her that I did that lmao anyway) #why does she suddenly care about her bras again? haha well. um. well. #if someone *else* is going to see it I don't want it to be stained y'know?? #I have some standards. minimal. but they are there. #anyway wish me luck with my crochet rainbow bralette for pride #I'm walking in the parade this year w my sports league so I gotta look Extra Cute y'know #if one of the men in charge tries to tell me we all need to be fully dressed I will simply bite his head off #bras cw

[southislandwren]

i am so desperately in love with boytoy. anyway i planned our trip to wyoming today and im very excited for that in two weeks

#weird day today. woke up early to get pizza at school and plant manager is in a pissy mood today #he got snippy at me over my start date and im like bitch youre lucky i said id be there in june. i WANTED to start in july #but then i had my last ever college class (not really a class we just ate ice cream and hung out) #and later today im gonna go hang out with freshman and our other friend #i feel WEIRDDD im done with college but i have two more exams and 1 more week #also i might start a fight with boytoy after finals idk. i know hes stressed and thats whats making him Like That #so i'll give him until the end of wyoming to start saying thanks/showing appreciation #and THEN i'll start a fight #oh and also tomorrow is 3 months so i think im also just starting a fight for the sake of seeing how he deals with fights #but anyway! i love him and this issue will not stop me from cuddling him every second i can #yeah idk. its insane to me im graduation next week. this time next week my fam will be here and i'll be doing my last farmwork shift #alrighty. i love you tumblrinas. talk to you later #diary post