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nonbinaryhatboxghost · 3 years

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Okay, today has been a quiet Saturday morning so far, I have some time, and I like lists. So here is my random (personal) ranking of Star Trek series and movies, out of what I’ve seen, which is everything but seasons 5-7 of Voyager, all of Enterprise, and all of Picard. I’m only counting shows with three or more seasons because it’s easier. But let the record show that I love Lower Decks so far and The Animated Series is actually a blast.

SPOILERS THROUGHOUT

Series Ranking

The Original Series - As influential of a show as it is, I constantly forget how much damn fun the original Trek is. There is an almost Community-like variance in tone and genre throughout the show. And I’m a sucker for a future that embraces primary colors. It is the Trek show I revisit the most so far, and it remains my favorite.

Deep Space Nine - This one comes close, though. It starts out as a solid spinoff with very well-defined characters, and then becomes a big, sprawling epic that had my eyes welling up by the end. It feels more like a sequel to The Original Series than The Next Generation did to me. It dealt with subject matter both different and darker than was expected for the time. It had characters at odds with each other. Religion was explored in a way that balanced brutal honesty with genuine respect. War and the various traumas it induces were acknowledged. And it had “Take Me Out to the Holosuite”. I only finished this one recently but I look forward to watching it again.

Discovery - I was rooting for this show to be good even as it went through so much behind-the-scenes drama during its first two seasons. Even with all of that going on, the show became a fascinating watch as you saw it change from its arguably-too-dark beginnings as a prequel, to the almost Doctor Who-like second season with its joyful embracing of classic Trek, and finally to its current iteration that at long last gives us a Trek show that’s not bound by prequel limitations. Michael Burnham is such a great character and getting to see her arc alone makes this one of my favorite Trek stories. The queer/nonbinary representation also warms my heart.

Voyager - I’m just starting the fifth season, but the show has settled into an interesting groove with its characters. And Voyager’s characters are so damn good that they counterbalance a lot of the show’s early problems. It takes a while for Voyager to realize that the Kazon do not work very well as villains. But once the show realizes that, it begins an upward trajectory in quality that reminds me of Deep Space Nine after it began doing Dominion plots. And Seven of Nine’s effect on the crew dynamic lives up to the hype. Any scene between her and Janeway demonstrates such a unique relationship between captain and crewmate that an episode plot can be meh and still worth it for a scene with those two. Also, Janeway is the best captain character. No other Trek show (that I’ve seen so far) comes close to showing us the weight of leadership like Voyager, and Mulgrew constantly brings it.

The Next Generation - This is my first Trek show. It’s the one that my dad watched. There are several standout episodes to me, but I find myself less drawn to revisiting TNG than the other Trek shows because ultimately it took me too long to understand and care about its cast of characters. If you were to ask me to describe any character from any other Trek show, I would be able to. Ask me to describe a TNG character and I would likely fail to give any good adjectives for any character besides Data and Worf. As iconic as the show is, and as great as it became, it doesn’t have the same pull on me as other Trek shows. But it was the template for the spinoffs that followed, and the portrayal of Picard’s trauma post-Borg assimilation earns its reputation as an all-timer for me.

Movie Ranking

VI: The Undiscovered Country - I’m surprised this one isn’t talked about as much as other Trek movies. It’s a very frank depiction of prejudices and learning to deal with them. It has one of the best Kirk/Spock scenes ever. Christopher Plummer as a Klingon. The ORIGINAL cast credits sign-off (yes, Avengers: Endgame borrowed from this). A score that carefully balances menace with eventual hope. A fun whodunit structure. I could go on and on. It’s just so damn great, and so far the only successful send-off to a Trek crew in any of the movies.

II: The Wrath of Khan - It’s a classic for a reason. I’ve probably rewatched this more than any other Trek movie. You got your great villain, your classic crew beginning to deal with their mortality, an all-timer death scene, a kickass early James Horner score. What more could you want?

The Motion Picture - This is an interesting one. When I first watched it as a teen, I hated it. I agreed with every critique of it being thinly plotted and having an excessive runtime. When I revisited it in my 20s, it became a favorite. It’s Star Trek’s exploration of existential dread, and the struggle to find agency and identity within that dread. It has possibly Jerry Goldsmith’s greatest score. It is the best that the Enterprise has ever looked. This movie envelopes you with eerie and epic imagery, culminating in a finale with interesting philosophical ramifications and a well-earned return to optimism from its crew. This one is criminally underrated.

First Contact - This one is just rock solid all around. The best-ever TNG villains, further exploration of Picard’s trauma from Borg assimilation, Alfre Woodard, Alice Krige, fun action, the genesis of the Federation. It has the best balance of darkness and fun out of all of the Trek movies. It also has a character actually say the words “star trek” in a way that never ceases to make me smile. I don’t know if it’s a good line, but it’s funny regardless.

Beyond - Like The Motion Picture, I initially disliked this upon first viewing. I was still in the middle of watching The Original Series and was in the wrong mindset for this mashup of TOS and Fast & Furious. But it’s one of the most underrated Treks because it’s a perfect balance of the more kinetic action found in the 2010s with a very well-done breakdown of the inherent point and value of Star Trek: learning to be better and move beyond fighting the same battles among ourselves.

IV: The Voyage Home - This one is such a satisfying culmination of the crew’s arc starting in The Wrath of Khan that the joy of the 1980s material is almost just a bonus to me. Nimoy does a good job of keeping things light without disregarding stakes. He gets the best portrayal of the crew’s camaraderie in this and The Search for Spock. And Spock’s reaction to the concept of “exact change” always makes me laugh.

III: The Search for Spock - I revisited this one recently and it held up better than I expected. Seeing the weight of Spock’s death on Kirk in the beginning hits hard. Christopher Lloyd as the Klingon villain is casually one of the best Trek movie villains. And seeing the crew uniting over trying to bring back Spock gives us some of the best on-screen moments of this cast.

Star Trek - One of the reasons I love Beyond so much is that it retroactively makes this one better. I was crazy for this movie when it came out. I was in high school, Star Trek in general was something I was only really aware of because of my dad. But this is the thing that got me into Trek. And as mixed of a bag as it now plays to me, ‘09 Star Trek being a gateway for me to general Trek, combined with the perfect casting of the crew, the excellent Giacchino score, and the emotion of the opening sequence, thankfully makes this one still a blast to revisit.

Nemesis - I have only seen this twice, and both of those times without having seen TNG in its entirety. This was also the very first Trek movie I ever saw. Nostalgia is a factor for why this is higher than the others on the list. Curiosity is another, as I was unaware of Tom Hardy when I watched this, and have no idea what my opinion will be on rewatch. But what I always remembered of this movie was its ending, which even to a novice like myself when I first saw it had an impact.

Generations - There are quite a few great scenes that Stewart gets in this movie. Malcolm McDowell is also great in it. But the whole plot feels too forced for me to get actually swept up in it. And as fun as it is to see Shatner and Stewart share the screen... it ultimately has no impact and leads to a strangely lame death for Kirk.

Insurrection - The idea of Enterprise going rogue against the Federation for forcibly relocating a population for a natural resource is such a good concept... which makes the goofiness and half-baked writing of this entry all the more confusing. All the elements are there, but it feels like the tone was forced to be lighter than the material warranted. It’s frustrating because Frakes’ directing chops that he showed off on First Contact are still visible here. But for whatever reason, this one just falls apart.

Into Darkness - This one is low on the list mainly because it represents almost all the negative traits of the modern blockbuster to me. Darkness without depth, franchise callbacks without substance, and no character development/change by the end. Another reason why Beyond works better as a sequel to ‘09 Star Trek than this one is that Into Darkness feels more like it’s trying to make Star Trek a bigger movie franchise rather than develop this iteration of the Enterprise crew. Nothing and no one is changed by the end of this story.

V: The Final Frontier - It is the most difficult Trek movie to sit through, and yet I can’t call it a disaster. For all of its misfirings on the comedy front (dancing Uhura, for instance), the camping material with Kirk, Spock and McCoy is genuinely great. The premise of its villain being on a quest to find God is ultimately a misfire, but it leads to a very engagingly ridiculous climax centered around the question “What does God need with a starship?” There are far too many undeveloped ideas in this one, but that scene is worth seeing this movie for. At least, now that we know it didn’t kill the franchise, as so many apparently feared when this came out.

#star trek #kyle rants

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bibhabmishra · 4 years

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The Princess Bride

It feels downright inconceivableI to devote only one chapter in a book about lessons gleaned from eighties movies to The Princess Bride. Why, just off the top of my head, while standing on my head, I can name five life lessons that this movie teaches you that you don’t learn anywhere else: 1. “Never go against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!” 2. “Love is the greatest thing—except for a nice mutton, lettuce, and toma- to sandwich when the mutton is nice and lean.” 3. “Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” 4. Eventually, you learn not to mind the kissing parts. 5. And most important, “As you wish” = “I love you.” Such is the depth of wisdom in this film that in 2013, twenty-six years after its release, BuzzFeed devoted a listII to the lessons gleaned from it. A BuzzFeed list! Who needs the Oscars, Princess Bride, when you have that ultimate of mod- ern-day accolades? The Princess Bride is so adored that it’s probablyIII now a clichéd response on Internet dating websites: walks on the beach, an open fire, sunsets, and The Princess Bride. And yet, despite this, love for The Princess Bride is not seen as desperately hackneyed or cheesily safe. The Princess Bride is what you’d need a prospective love interest to cite as their favorite movie for the relationship to progress,IV it’s the one film that would make you rethink a lifelong friendship if you found out your best friend “just didn’t get it”—not that they would ever say that, because I honestly don’t know a single person of my generation who isn’t obsessed with this film.

And not just my generation: in As You Wish, a very enjoyable book about the making of The Princess Bride, Cary Elwes—who played Westley the farm boy, of course—recounts being told by both Pope John Paul II and Bill Clinton how much they loved the movie, proving that The Princess Bride appeals to saints and sinners alike.V Now, having said all that, I have a confession to make. I was not the big Princess Bride fan in my family when I was growing up. That title instead went to my sister, Nell. Our mother took us to see it at the movie theater when I must have been nine and Nell was seven, and even though the film was— incredibly—something of a commercial disappointment when it came out, the cinema was absolutely packed with kids like us. In my mind, everyone in the audience was utterly in thrall to this tale of Buttercup (Robin Wright), her true love Westley (Elwes), and their battles against Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon), Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), and Count Rugen (Christopher Guest), and their eventual assistance from the brave swordsman Inigo (Mandy Patinkin), the giant Fezzik (the professional wrestler known as André the Giant), and Miracle Max (Billy Crystal). Afterward, we stood in the cinema atrium as our mother bundled us back into our coats. “Did you girls like it?” she asked. Standing there in her corduroy dungarees and T-shirt, Nell looked in a state of semi-shock. “I LOVED IT. I WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN RIGHT NOW!” she practically shouted. Now, The Princess Bride is wonderful, but in order to understand how unex- pected this proclamation was, you have to know a little bit about my sister. Ever since she was old enough to throw a tantrum, my sister refused to wear dresses. She never played with dolls. She refused to let my mother brush her hair and had apparently no interest in her physical appearance. She did not like mushy stories—she didn’t even like reading books. In other words, she was the complete opposite to me. How much of that was a deliberate reaction against me, a younger sibling defining herself in opposition to the older one, and how much of it was simply an innate part of Nell was already a moot point when we went to see The Princess Bride: Nell’s parameters were so firmly set by then that her nickname in our family was “the tough customer.” She would consent to drink only one kind of fruit juice (apple), and buy only one brand (Red Cheek), and only if it came out of a can (never a carton), so there was absolutely no negotiating with her about mushy princesses. Lord only knows how my mother got her to see the movie in the first place. She must have hid- den the title from her. And yet, like the grandson in the film, Kevin Arnold,VI Nell found that, against all odds, she did enjoy the story, just as Kevin’s grandfather, Columbo,VII promises. I think Nell made my mother take her to see the film at the cinema at least three more times. As she wished. When it came out on VHS, we bought it immediately and it was understood that the videocassette was officially Nell’s, just as the videocassette for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off was officially mine. When she found out that the film had originally been a book by William Goldman, who also wrote the screenplay, she asked my amazed mother to buy that, too. Nell read it over and over until the pages fell out, so she stuck them back in and then read the book again. The Princess Bride was the book that taught her to like books, as much as the movie taught her to relax some of her other rules. She developed a lifelong crush on Westley and, not long after, she started wearing dresses, too. The reasons why Nell loved this film so much exemplify, I think, why it is universally adored in a way that, say, the vaguely similar and contemporary The Never-Ending Story is not. It’s a fairy tale for those who love fairy tales, but it’s also a self-aware spoof for those who don’t; it’s an adventure film for boys and—for once—girls, too, but without pandering to or excluding either; it’s got a plot for kids, dialogue for adults, and jokes for everyone; it’s a genre film and a satire of a genre film; it’s a very funny movie in which everybody is playing it straight; it’s smart and sweet and smart about its sweetness, but also sweet about its smarts. Unlike, say, Shrek, there are no jokes here for parents that go over the kids’ heads: all generations enjoy it on exactly the same level. It’s a movie that lets people who don’t like certain things like those things, while at the same time not betraying the original fans. But most of all, The Princess Bride is about one thing in particular: “The Princess Bride is a story about love,” says Cary Elwes. “So much happens in the movie—giants, fencing, kidnapping. But it’s really a film about love.” This might seem like a statement of the obvious, but it isn’t, actually. Yes, the film is ostensibly about the great true love between Buttercup and Westley, and their most perfect kiss that leaves all the other kisses in the world behind. Both Elwes and Wright were so astonishingly beautiful when they made the film that, watching them, it’s hard to believe any love ever existed on this plan- et other than theirs. And they, rather pleasingly, were quite taken with one an- other. In his book, Elwes talks at length about how “smitten” he was with Wright, and she says precisely the same about him: “I was absolutely smitten with Cary. So obviously that helped with our onscreen chemistry. . . . It doesn’t matter how many years go by, I will love Cary forever.” Disappointingly, however, Elwes insists that they remained just friends. “Everyone asks if there was more!” he says, sounding a little exasperated, apparently unable to see what everyone else can: namely, that it seems against the laws of nature for two such beautiful people not to have had sex at least once. The last scene that Elwes shot was of him and Wright kissing on horse- back, creating “the most perfect kiss” of all time against a sunset. Surely that was romantic. “Well, not really. Robin and I were friends by that point so we kept laughing, and [the director] Rob [Reiner] was going, ‘Touch her face, touch her face!’ ” He laughs. But Westley and Buttercup’s love is only a part of the film, and only one of several love stories in the film. There is also, for a start, the great love between Inigo and Fezzik. The scene in which a drunken and broken Inigo looks up into Fezzik’s face in the Thieves Forest and Fezzik says a simple, smiling hello is much more moving than the moment when Buttercup realizes the Dread Pirate Roberts is actually Westley (not least because she’s just pushed him down a hill). Even if Inigo does become the Dread Pirate Roberts at the end of the film, as Westley suggests he should, it is as impossible to imagine him going off without Fezzik as it is to imagine Buttercup and Westley being severed. This love between the two men is at the root of one of the film’s subtlest lessons. Bad guys teach audiences how to think of opponents in life, and this is especially true of bad guys in books and films aimed at kids. Because stories for kids tend to be relatively simple, villains in these films are almost invariably evil, and that’s all there is to be said about them. Cruella de Vil, Snow White’s stepmother, the witch in Rapunzel: WHAT a bunch of moody bitches. This is also certainly true of movies for children in the 1980s, from the frankly terri- fying Judge Doom (Christopher Lloyd) in Who Framed Roger Rabbit to the enjoyably evil Ursula in The Little Mermaid. It’s a pleasingly basic approach, and one that validates most kids’ (and adults’) view of the world: “I am good and anyone who thwarts me is wicked and there is no point in trying to think about things from their point of view because they have no inner life of their own beyond pure evil and a desire to impede me.” The Princess Bride, however, does something different. It’s easy to forget this once you’ve seen the movie and fallen in love with the characters but Inigo and Fezzik are, ostensibly, bad guys. When we first meet them in the movie, they knock our heroine, Buttercup, unconscious and kidnap her for Vizzini. We are also told they will kill her. Our princess! In the eyes of children, you can’t get much more evil than that. They are hired guns in the re- venge business, which is not a job for a good guy in any fairy tale. But Gold- man flips it around. We quickly see Inigo and, in particular, Fezzik being ex- tremely sweet with each other, doing their little rhymes together and trying to protect one another from Vizzini’s ire. Their love for one another shows us there is more to these villains than villainy. Goldman then ups the ante even further by having Inigo describe to the Man in Black how he has devoted his life to avenging the death of his father, thus giving him the kind of emotional backstory kids can definitely understand, as well as adding another mission to the movie. Soon after beating (but not killing) Inigo, the Man in Black fights with Fezzik, who we already know has a similarly sad past (“unemployed—IN GREENLAND”). Plenty of villains were once good before crossing to the dark side: Darth Vader, many of Batman’s nemeses, Voldemort. The point in those stories is that the difference between true evil and true greatness comes down to one wrong decision, one wrong turn, and there is no going back from that. But The Princess Bride does something more subtle: it suggests that good people some- times end up doing bad things, but are still good, have stories of their own, and are capable of love. Inigo and Fezzik both killed people in the past for Vizzini, but they’re all still good people. This is quite a message for kids (and adults) to take in: not everything is clear-cut when it comes to good and bad, even in fairy tales. In the original novel, William Goldman goes into much greater detail about Fezzik and Inigo’s friendship, and this is one of the reasons why I—in all hon- esty—pre-fer the book to the film.VIII But the film alludes to it enough in order for audiences to understand the real bond between the men, and partly this happens through the script and partly through the actors, especially one actor in particular. At one point, Arnold Schwarzenegger was considered for the role of Fezzik, but, thank heavens, he was already too expensive by the time the film finally started shooting. Where Schwarzenegger is all jarring rectangles and jut- ting jaw, André the Giant was all soft circles and goofy smiles. Where Schwarzenegger palpably punished himself to a superhuman extent to get the body he clearly wanted so badly, the man born André René Roussimoff suf- fered from gigantism due to acromegaly and had no choice about his size, just as Fezzik didn’t, much to the latter’s misery (“It’s not my fault being the big- gest and the strongest—I don’t even exercise”). It would be a patronizing cliché to say André was born to play Fezzik, but he was certainly more right for the role than Schwarzenegger. By the time he made The Princess Bride, André was seven feet, four inches and weighed more than 540 pounds. Easily the sweetest stories in Cary Elwes’s book come from the cast and crew’s memories of the wrestler, who died in 1993 at the age of forty-six, and this is not mere sentimentality. Quite a few of The Princess Bride’s cast have, sadly, since died, including Mel Smith, Peter Cook, and Peter Falk, but none of them prompts the same kind of fondness as that felt for André. “It’s safe to say that he was easily the most popular person on the movie,” Elwes writes. “Everyone just loved him.” Partly this is due to the extraordinary nature of the man. Robin Wright re- calls going out to a dinner with him where he ate “four or five entrees, three or four appetizers, a couple of baskets of bread, and then he’s like, I’m ready for seconds. And then desserts. I think he went through a case of wine and he wasn’t even tipsy.” But it was André’s innately gentle nature that made him so beloved. His “compassion and protective nature,” Elwes writes, helped Wallace Shawn over- come his almost paralyzing fear of heights when they were filming the climb up the Cliffs of Insanity. When Robin Wright felt chilly when filming outdoors, André would place one of his huge hands on top of Wright’s head. “She said it was like having a giant hot water bottle up there. It certainly did the trick; he didn’t even mess up her hair that much!” Elwes writes. When he died, William Goldman wrote his obituary in New York magazine. The last lines were as fol- lows: “André once said to Billy Crystal, ‘We do not live long, the big and the small.’ Alas.” Next, on a smaller level, is the love between Miracle Max (Crystal) and his aged wife, Valerie (Carol Kane). Initially they seem simply like a squabbling old couple, playing purely for broad comedy (and their scene is the broadest comedic one in the film). But it soon becomes clear that Valerie is needling Max only because she wants him to get back his confidence in his work after Prince Humperdinck destroyed it by sacking them, and her little cheer when her husband agrees to make a miracle for Inigo is really very touching. By the end of their scene, they’re working together, finishing one another’s sentences, holding each other arm in arm, and whispering little asides to one another. As a portrait of elderly marriage goes, this one is a pretty lovely one. Finally, there’s the great love story that frames the whole movie: the one be- tween the grandson/Kevin Arnold (Fred Savage) and the grandfather/Columbo (Peter Falk). In the beginning of the movie, the grandson is irritated by his cheek-pinching grandfather and can hardly believe that he has to stop playing his adorably primitive-looking computer baseball game to listen to grandfather read a book.IX As the film progresses, the relationship between the grandson and grandfather progresses almost like a traditional love story: the grandson slowly gets more interested, clutching his covers anxiously when Buttercup is almost eaten by the Shrieking Eels; then he gets angry, banging his bed with his fist when it seems like Westley has been killed; and finally, he comes around entirely and tells his grandfather to come back the next day to read the book again. “As you wish.” His grandfather smiles, and the film ends. “That wasn’t actu- ally in the script,” Elwes says. “They came up with him saying that on, I think, the last day, and it really captures the love between the grandfather and grand- son. You can also see the tenderness between Fred Savage and Peter Falk.”

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theyearoftheking · 4 years

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Book 5: The Stand

Bloggers note: if you’re looking for a complete plot summary and a list of all the characters in this epic tome, this is not the blog post for you. Proceed with caution.

Once upon a time, there was a precocious ten year-old, with divorced parents. One parent embraced her weirdness and didn’t pay attention to what books she was bringing home from the library; and the other parent was my dad... who constantly wondered (aloud) why I wasn’t like normal kids.

Being of slightly above-average intelligence, I saw this as an affront, and did subtle things just to piss him off. Subtle things “normal” children probs wouldn’t do. The summer I was ten, my dad had picked up a paperback copy of The Stand, and was raving to me about how good it was. I remember he was fixated on people falling dead in their bowls of Chunky soup.

“Sounds like a cool book, maybe I’ll read it,” I commented.

“This isn’t a book for children. You still haven’t read that copy of The Hobbit I gave you.”

Hold my beer, motherfucker. I’m here for it. And The Hobbit was boring af. I never got past all the singing.

Just to piss him off, I read the book cover to cover, faster than he did. You know, like normal vindictive ten year-old girls do. I don’t have a lot of memories of my dad growing up, but I hold onto this one fast and tight, because I got mine in the end. I was like the Trashcan Man of the fifth grade set. Just with a worse haircut. See below.

Needless to say, my comprehension of The Stand almost thirty years later is a little bigger, wider, and deeper. It’s also colored by other epic “Good vs. Evil” reads (sigh, yes... even Tolkien); and King’s other works (mostly The Dark Tower). While at times this was not an easy book to read, I’m glad I powered through it. Ultimately, I feel rewarded I didn’t give up on page 872 like I had initially wanted to. I’m also glad I didn’t go with my gut instinct of reading the original released in in 1978, and then later on the uncut edition that was released in 1990. One reading of The Stand per year is more than enough, thank you. And besides, there’s fun pictures along the way! I mean, if I’m being honest, the book is mostly pictures with just a few words here and there to break it up. I’m absolutely kidding.

Let’s get into it, shall we?

First of all, I picked the worst fucking time to read this book. Coronavirus is probably going to kill the whole world, and I refuse to be one of the survivors like in The Stand. There’s not enough bourbon in Kentucky for me to survive that shit show. Additionally, my family is huge into board games, and we thought Pandemic might be a fun cooperative game to try. Spoiler: it’s awesome, we’re all hooked on it. I highly recommend it for your next game night. Maybe an End of the World/Pandemic theme?? You can all wear gloves and masks, eat shelf stable foods and bottled water, and play REM on repeat. Sounds... awesome.

But I digress. The Stand is your ultimate post-apocalyptic good versus evil showdown. A government employee with Captain Trips (the world ending virus) goes AWOL from his base, and takes a frantic road trip across the country with his family, where he manages to contaminate everyone he comes in contact with.

What is Captain Trips? Well, I’m so glad you asked! To hear a doctor explain it, “We’ve got a disease with several well-defined stages... but some people may skip a stage. Some people may backtrack a stage. Some people may do both. Some people stay in one stage for a relatively long time and others zoom though all four as if they were on a rocket-sled...”

The virus spreads (like viruses do), until there’s less than 15,000 people left in the country (rough estimate). The people still alive start having two types of dreams; either scary nightmares about The Walking Man, or peaceful dreams about Mother Abigail. Again... good versus evil. Guess who is who. If you need clarification, let me give you this one little quote about Randall Flagg, courtesy of Mother Abigail, “He’s the purest evil left in the world. The rest of the bad is a little evil. Shoplifters and sexfiends and people who like to use their fists. But he’ll call them. He’s started already. He’s getting them together a lot faster than we are. Before he’s ready to make his move, I guess he’ll have a lot more. Not just the evil ones that are like him, but the weak ones... the lonely ones... and the ones that have left God out of their hearts.”

And his followers?

“They were nice enough people and all, but there wasn’t much love in them. Because they were too busy being afraid. Love didn’t grow very well in a place where there was only fear, just as plants didn’t grow very well in a place where it was always dark.”

Yeah. I’m just going to leave that there for you to read and digest.

So, the remaining people from all over the country either ended up in Vegas with Flagg, or Boulder with Mother Abigail and The Free Zone; which is basically Bernie Sander’s Utopian dream.

God damn it! I swore I wasn’t going to get political and compare Donald Trump to Randall Fla-

Ok, so The Free Zone. Most of the people who come to Boulder, want to meet Mother Abigail Freemantle, the one hundred and eight year old black woman they’ve been dreaming about. She’s got a self-described case of the shine, and speaks stupid relevant truth to her followers, “I have harbored hate of the Lord in my heart. Every man or woman who loves Him, they hate Him too, because He’s a hard God, a jealous God, He Is, what He Is, and in this world He’s apt to repay service with pain while those who do evil ride over the roads in Cadillac cars. Even the joy of serving Him is a bitter joy. I do His will, but the human part o me has cursed Him in my heart.”

I’m not religious, but that hit hard. And it shows you the clear difference between Randall Flagg, and Mother Abigail.

Later on, Mother Abigail also hits us over the head, and explains to us why this book is titled, The Stand: “But he is in Las Vegas, and you must go there, and it is there that you will make your stand. You will go, and you will not falter, because you have the Everlasting Arm of the Lord God of Hosts to lean on. Yes. With God’s help you will stand.”

Spoiler: it doesn’t quite go according to her plan. Very few are left standing at the end.

So, The Free Zone. People come together, dispose of dead bodies, get electricity turned back on again, clear the roads of abandoned cars, and form a de-facto government. While lots of characters come and go (die. They die.) throughout the book, there are a few mainstays in The Free Zone: Franny, Harold, Stu, Larry, Nick, Tom, Nadine, and Lucy. But again... good versus evil. While most of the residents of The Free Zone are good, Flagg is able to whisper in the ears of some members, mostly Harold and Nadine, who end up defecting and making the trip to Vegas.

While socialist utopia is succeeding in Boulder, Flagg is ruling with fear of crucifixion in Vegas. His henchmen include Lloyd, and The Trashcan Man. Oh, Trashy... maybe one of King’s most iconic characters. He’s a bit of a firebug (understatement of the century), and really goes out in a blaze of glory (ha. Pun intended).

In fact, the two heroes of this book are Trashcan Man, thanks to his epic nuclear disaster; and simple-minded Tom Cullen, who is able to infiltrate Flagg’s inner circle, and successfully make it out, rescuing Stu Redman, who is dying in the desert with a broken leg and a horrible infection along the way. Tom Cullen is the character you root for. But Trashy is the character you’re always curious about. He’s like that rebel guy you dated in high school for ten minutes, and now stalk on Facebook, because you want to see what shady shit he’s up to twenty years later.

This is the biggest oversimplification I think I’ve ever written. The onus is on you to just pick up the damn book and read it yourself. Do it soon, because you might not have a lot of time left, what with Coronavirus breathing it’s death fumes down our necks.

For those still keeping track, we have TWO Wisconsin references in The Stand. The first was on page five, set in a gas station in East Texas, “...had covered himself with glory as a quarterback of the regional high school team, had gone on to Texas A&M with an athletic scholarship, and had played for ten years with the Green Bay Packers...”

I can’t help but feel Steve is a closeted Packers fan. He lives in Maine, so I know he’s contractually obligated to be a Patriots fan (gag), but come on... homeboy loves him some green and yellow.

The second reference comes from our friend Trashcan Man, while trying to find a walking route of possible destruction. “He had planned to get over to the west side of Gary, near the confusion of interchanges leading various roads towards Chicago or Milwaukee...”

Question... does Gary, Indiana still smell in a post-apocalyptic world? Asking for a friend.

We also start getting the Dark Tower references fast and heavy. I didn’t make note every time Steve referenced wolves, crows, or wheels; because we’d be up over a million references now. And Randall Flagg himself is straight out of The Tower. So that’s fun. And we have our first “ka” reference: “And it came to him with a dreamy, testicle-shriveling certainty that this was the dark man, his soul, his ka somehow projected into this rain-drenched, grinning crow that was looking at him...”

‘Tis ka, bitches.

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 8

Dark Tower References: 4

Book Grade: A-

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Shining

The Stand

‘Salem’s Lot

Carrie

Night Shift

Next up is The Dead Zone, which I must have watched a million times as a kid, because my mom was obsessed with it, but I’ve never actually read the book. So this should be fun! I mean... who doesn’t love reading a book and imagining Christopher Walken without his cowbell as the main character?

Long Days and Pleasant Nights, Rebecca

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malicerewatchesdoctorwho · 5 years

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The Power of the Daleks - Episode Three

Written by – David Whitaker Director – Christopher Barry Producer – Innes Lloyd Animation Producer and Director – Charles Norton

Episode Three

(”Everything you need, you can have.“ - Lesterson to the Daleks.)

Likes

- I like how Ben in this episode was constantly trying to do the right thing, came up with constant ideas (whether good or bad) and is starting to accept the Doctor as being the Doctor. No annoying Real Doctor this episode.

- The Doctor making a small radio, or what looked like a radio as the communications is still down with Earth.

- Janley working both sides and getting away with it. You go girl!

- How smart the Daleks are being in making themselves seem pretty harmless to everyone but the Doctor who knows how bad they actually are. It makes them a more formidable enemy than running around shouting out Exterminate.

- That we now know who killed the real Examiner and we now know who sent the Examiner to Vulcan in the first place. The sides are beginning to come together and factions forming in factions.

- Janley trying to arm herself with the Dalek gun, with help.

Dislikes

- ...Um, Hensell, Bregan is clearly a shady guy and is framing Quinn for doing everything. He just gave his reasons for why he was doing it right to you and you gave him second position.

- Polly being knocked out and being taken by the rebels. Why?

- Speaking of people missing the obvious... Lesterson just staring at the Daleks as they chant out “We will get our power.” How is that not at all an ominously bad thing? I’m beginning to feel a bit sorry for Lesterson.

- How did no one catch that Janley never said where she was going after that phone call. With how much is going down, you’d want to know who is where to avoid trouble.

- Valmar seems to be pretty much just there to be there here. He needs to do more other than kidnap Polly and work on the gun.

Awesome

- I like the music and sound effects in this one when it comes to the Daleks. Nice.

- The Dalek gun prop. It looks pretty good in animation.

- I really like the set for the communication room.

- A weird one for me, but it made me laugh. The noises the phone made as it was ringing. It was like it was ringing and saying L at the same time. Is Janley’s first name Elle? I’m going with that. Elle Janley.

Shitty

- That it’s missing and had to be animated.

- Some of the animation was a bit hard to read for me. Like the Doctor going over to the power thing in the lab to try and short circuit the Dalek. He would be facing forwards one moment and then his back turned the next, without moving his head much at all. It’s really weird.

In Conclusion

I didn’t like this episode as much as the other two. I like how people are beginning to show what side they are truly on and who is doing what, but there’s just one thing we still don’t really know, unless I somehow just missed it entirely.

What is this rebellion of? Production? Communications? Overthrowing one government to put in another because of reason other than the last two? Do we ever actually find out? I can’t remember.

I do like how the Daleks are basically sticking to the role they have put themselves in and unarmed themselves to look more harmless. That Ben is getting back to being not annoying with his attitude towards the Doctor and the general plot otherwise. That Polly, when she is conscious, is still her usual empathic self and cares for others.

Also, Two is fun.

Yeah, not a lot to say on this one, unfortunately.

Body count – 1. Yep, Resno actually is dead. It was confirmed this episode that his body was thrown in one of the mercury pits to hide he is dead. So he is going on the dead list this episode.

#Classic Doctor Who #doctor who #The Power of the Daleks #episode three #epic rewatch #Second Doctor #Polly Wright #Ben Jackson #daleks

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javic-piotr-thane · 5 years

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The whole VORTEX article about the new TW monthlies

The monsters are coming – and Torchwood is ready!

This year’s Torchwood monthly range features something a little different as it ties together Doctor Who with its more adult spin-off series through a number of classic and new series monsters. Producer James Goss explains: “With Torchwood vs monsters we’re doing four stories that show how different Doctor Who monsters behave in a Torchwood world.

“There are less neat, happy endings, a fair number of deaths and sometimes the moral high ground just goes missing. It’s a great way to bring in listeners who’ve never tried a Torchwood before, and it has also proved to be an interesting project.

“We argued over which monsters to feature! Some we included for valid reasons (of course the Welshest sci-fi series ever should do a sequel to the Third Doctor TV episode, The Green Death) and some because we thought they’d be brilliant – the Fendahl one literally happened because we couldn’t stop thinking about the cover. Fans of continuity will be appalled to hear that it’s not too laboured, but Scott Handcock had great fun trying to explain the concept of the Fendahl gestalt to Eve Myles!

“It also allowed us to bring Indira Varma and Annette Badland together for a day, and let Kai Owen have fun kicking plastic monsters.”

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This fifth series of Torchwood begins in March with Night of the Fendahl by Tim Foley. He tells Vortex: “James asked me if I wanted to do an adventure about Gwen and the Fendahl (codename: Gwendahl). So I pitched some story ideas. I’ve always been fascinated with consequences and I think it’s my favourite thing about this range. Whilst the Doctor zips off when an adventure is over, organisations like Torchwood have to mop up the mess. So what happened to Fetch Priory? Who told its story? Who took its history and its hopelessness and its horror and asked for more cleavage?”

Summing up the tale, Tim says: “We’re on a film set, about to shoot the final scene of a questionable horror. But Gwen Cooper’s in the cast, so unless she’s had a sudden career change that should set some alarm bells ringing. It’s a homage to horror films through the ages, and it’s not a tale for the faint-hearted.

“The Fendahl ramped up the horror themselves, I was powerless to intervene! Paralysing, draining, transmogrifying… the Fendahl’s relentless apathy makes it a much darker threat than some of its contemporaries. In a Torchwood setting we get to lay bare this darkness, smearing this inky black like baby oil. I cannot express the sheer terror and delight I feel about bringing back the Fendahl. I hope people aren’t too disturbed… but then again, I secretly hope they are.”

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Picking up from the events of 1973’s The Green Death this April comes, well, The Green Life, in which Jo Jones teams up with Captain Jack Harkness to face the giant maggots. Writer David Llewellyn tells us more: “Scott Handcock and I met up for coffee to discuss some other project and he mentioned in passing that they were looking for someone to write their ‘Torchwood vs the Maggots story’ as I think he called it.”

David reveals he was given a very simple brief: “‘MAGGOTS!’ James was very keen that we open with maggots, and that we throw Jack and Jo in at the deep end. We talked through various ideas about what Llanfairfach might be like after all this time. I didn’t want to go down the ‘sad, depressing valley’ route because that’s a bit of a cliché and it’s something we’d already explored in Gareth David Lloyd’s story The Last Beacon. So I went in the opposite direction. Llanfairfach is thriving – in all sorts of ways!’

Jo, of course, is one of the happiest, loveliest characters to ever feature in Doctor Who, which in turn made it awkward to put her into the darker Torchwood world. David admits it was: “Very difficult, actually. The temptation was to make Jo a more cynical character so that she’d fit in, but then James and Scott steered me back to her appearance in The Sarah Jane Adventures, where she’s this ball of energy and exuberance.

“So then it became more a case of how you create tension and friction and comedy and drama out of that contrast, between Jo’s smiley optimism and Jack’s more pragmatic, hard-nosed approach. That really brought the script to life, I think. Jo is enormous fun to write as a ‘fish out of water’.”

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A new series monster faces off with the bad girl of Torchwood in Sync by Lisa McMullin, as Suzie Costello and Blon FelFotch Passameer-Day Slitheen / Margaret Blaine face off. Lisa says: “The brief was wide open for this one – just an adventure with Suzie and Blon set at some point between the events of World War Three and Boom Town.

“Blon and Suzie are such gorgeous characters to write for because they’re both such devious villains – you don’t know who to root for. And they both have serious ‘daddy’ issues. It was fun looking for ways in which they could bond, to create moments of empathy… whilst they were trying to kill each other.

“It’s a race-against-time adventure caper, as Suzie and Blon have to join forces to track down the survivor of a crashed spacecraft before incoming missiles destroy half of Cardiff. But of course they’ve both got ulterior motives. It’s like an alien Thelma and Louise – if Thelma and Louise wanted to kill each other!”

Reprising her role as Margaret Blaine is Annette Badland, who told Vortex: “Since I started recording audios for Big Finish I’ve been asking when they would bring back Margaret as I just loved playing her, but they told me it would be hard to fit her in because of the continuity. But now, here she is, in Cardiff opposite Suzie Costello played by the lovely Indira Varma. Before we recorded this I had been to see Indira in a play a few weeks beforehand, and she was just superb.

“I really enjoyed playing Margaret again – people still recognise me for it even though it was over a decade ago. She has such fun doing what she does, and that makes her even more fun for me to do, because I can go with it. You don’t get to be horrible to people in real life, so being able to do it through Margaret is so enjoyable!”

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In June, Rhys Williams is front and centre in Sargasso, which features the topical issue of plastic in our seas. And when you think of plastic, the chances are you’ll think of Autons.

Writer Christopher Cooper says: “Scott and James already had a clear story in mind for Rhys and the Autons set on a ship lost in the Sargasso Sea. Rhys is on a delivery job to the U.S. which involves a tedious week on a container ship. He fills his time listening to CDs, reading and sleeping… until the engines stop. The crew have vanished and his only companion is Kaitlin, a terrified young American who really should have caught a plane home. And something plasticky wants them dead. It’s straight-up horror in the vein of The Thing or Alien, or The Horror of Fang Rock.”

How did Chris find writing for established monsters like the Autons? He admits: “The Autons were a challenge because on TV they don’t say very much, so translating a very visual baddie into an audio threat took some thought. The key was to think about how they worked best in Doctor Who – they take the form of mundane objects and the terror comes from seeing something from the everyday turn into a horrible murdering thing, so I looked for things you might hear in normal life. But I think it’ll be the silence when you don’t hear those sounds that will be most scary.”

#big finish #torchwood #y'all welcome!!#HYPE HYPE HYPE

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Nobody is an Action Movie That Questions ‘Toxic Masculinity’

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Hutch Mansell (Bob Odenkirk) is (as his film title suggests) a Nobody. He’s a schlub who gets up for the same soul-deadening routine each day: he drinking his coffee, forgets to take the garbage out, and sits at his boring desk job. He then comes home to kids who barely tolerate him and a wife who literally makes a barrier of pillows between them in their bed. When he fails to protect their house against a home invasion–even though he clearly could have–the sense of disappointment from his family is palpable.

But the incident awakens something long dormant in Hutch: a set of skills and a primal anger that served him well in a former life and career defined by violence. Hutch has to give that repressed rage an outlet, which unfortunately brings him into the sights of a deadly Russian crime boss, even as it reawakens his soul and reconnects him with his wife and family.

Directed by Ilya Naishuller (who helmed the equally explosive Hardcore Henry in 2015), Nobody also stars Christopher Lloyd, RZA, and Connie Nielsen as Hutch’s wife Becca, a successful career woman on her own terms, and who probably no longer needs her seemingly insubstantial husband all that much. Yet what Becca does or doesn’t know about Hutch’s past is one of the more intriguing questions that this action-packed film raises.

The Danish-born Nielsen’s first major English-language role was in 1997’s The Devil’s Advocate, and since then she’s appeared in films like Rushmore, Gladiator, One Hour Photo, The Ice Harvest and many more. A new audience embraced her more recently thanks to the role of Queen Hippolyta, the mother of Diana of Themyscira in Wonder Woman, Justice League, Wonder Woman 1984, and the just-released Zack Snyder’s Justice League, which sees her role beefed up considerably from the 2017 theatrical version.

Meanwhile, she and the great Odenkirk play off each other exceedingly well in Nobody, a fact that came up during our Zoom chat with the actress.

Den of Geek: Right at the beginning of this film, there’s a home invasion and Bob’s character, Hutch, doesn’t do anything to protect his family. Did that feel very relatable, this idea that your spouse may not have your back in a situation like that?

Connie Nielsen: I loved that scene. I loved how in the aftermath of that scene you had the neighbor literally representing toxic masculinity: “Oh if it was me, I would have taken him out.” And then you have the kid, our child, our teenage boy, so impressionable, and totally buying into this idea of masculinity: “Yeah. We could have taken him, Dad. We could have taken him.” And it’s just like that’s exactly what we’re trying to say to everybody. Stop putting that stuff on men to be that guy, stop saying that a guy has to be all of these different things because it’s not healthy.

What you then have is basically–you start a film about action movies and about action, and about those tropes within an action movie, but then it actually starts questioning what the idea of masculinity behind all of that is. I just loved the irony of that and that importance of that too, because it does make it so relatable.

How does the relationship between Hutch and Becca play into that?

One of the things I said from the beginning was, “Let’s not make Hutch feel intimidated by his wife. Let’s instead underline the fact that he’s the one who’s depressed. He is not threatened by her success. It’s that he feels like he is nobody. He feels that he has no importance. Everybody’s going to be fine if he just freaking wasn’t there, she would be able to continue taking care of the kids and the money and everything else.” It’s this feeling that he has, that he doesn’t matter, and that he’s not important.

And that is such a brilliant way of framing the midlife crisis of this guy, and also the crisis of the relationship where the power balance is out of whack and they can’t reach each other, they can’t figure out how to be a team until they’re forced to become a team.

It’s also rare in the action genre that the relationship is also age appropriate. There’s not this 25-year gap between the husband and wife.

That has always been a pet peeve of mine, even when I was a kid in this business. When I’m watching a movie and I’m seeing a girl who’s 24 playing the mother of four kids. I’m like, “What?” It’s just so dumb. There are so many women out there who get really offended as they watch these kinds of movies. So it’s just also dumb of producers and directors to cast without being age appropriate, because women get mad, they get irritated.

What other little details do you think you contributed or discussed with the director in terms of just making these characters more vivid on the set?

First of all, one of the things that was most important was when we were talking about my character’s success, that it was believable within the context, and that we didn’t make it a takedown of successful women–if it was problematic, it was not her problem, but his problem. I think that also we really talked about making her behavior understandable. There’s a second home invasion where it becomes pretty hard for her to not pose questions, so how do we play that? For me, the most important thing was to come up with a balanced behavior that also posed questions in hindsight as to, well, who is she really, what’s her background story, how is she dealing with all this, and is there something else there?

It’s a little ambiguous how much she knows about Hutch’s past. She’s never overly shocked by anything that Hutch does when the full scope of his character comes out. And that goes back to the idea that you sometimes really don’t know the person you’re married to.

That also goes for the moviegoers, they may not really know who the character of Becca is either. That’s part of what we also had a lot of fun talking about on set–what are the things that you don’t know about her?

What kind of set did Ilya run? Was there an openness for ideas and improvisational type of things?

I think so. I think especially when we were doing scenes that were about the emotional relationship, it was just really about making it come alive and truthful, that it was profound and that was meaningful emotionally, that we didn’t make it a small moment, but a big moment.

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This is the first time you ever worked with Bob.

Yeah. It is, and we never met before.

What is that like when you have to meet and immediately create a relationship between these two characters?

It’s odd, it’s so bizarre and strange. The first day on set when we were doing hair and makeup tests and so on, I was taken to this hangar and there’s box of sand on the floor with a green backdrop and a photographer in front of it. And it’s, “Oh, we’re about to do your family pictures,” and then, “Oh, and this is Bob.” Then you basically sit down and you just immediately move into pictures of our honeymoon and all of these different vacations that we’ve had back in the days when we were happy. I basically just met this man. It’s awkward, but that’s also acting, right? You’re just bringing your own experience and leaning into it as if you know this person.

Did you see the director’s previous film, Hardcore Henry?

I did not see Hardcore Henry, but it was very clear from the beginning that Ilya has this particularly cool way of marrying both music and action and image. So I just felt very comfortable that our producers believed that he was going to bring that same thing to Nobody.

When you look at the way action is done in movies today, on one hand you have the stylized stuff that we see in this movie, and then there’s the way Patty Jenkins shoots the Wonder Woman films, which has this majestic painterly quality. Does this seem like an interesting time for the genre?

I think so. I think that it has just changed so vastly from back in the day with films like Rambo. I think that a lot of these movies used to have a very jingoistic quality to them, and that instead, action has mutated. I think maybe that Taiwan, Korea, Japan, and China brought progress to the genre and really updated it and brought in fantasy elements that were really exciting. Superhero movies have definitely updated those concepts as well. So I do think that action movies continue to evolve. The John Wick trilogy is just such a great example of something that just evolved into this whole world, this John Wick world, which was so cool.

What are your thoughts on Zack Snyder’s Justice League arriving? Did you do any additional shooting for it?

I did my work with Zack on set. I did not have to go back for any reshoots. When Zack was going to start the project back up, he had the courtesy and the kindness to call everybody and ask if we were willing to support him in this. I think every single person immediately just said, “Of course.” I know that we’re all super excited that he’s bringing this vision forward to everybody. And I know that he does not consider this as another Justice League, he considers this a standalone movie in its own right.

Are you signed for Wonder Woman 3?

I know that there’s a storyline that involves the Amazons, that’s really all I can say.

Nobody arrives in theaters on Friday, March 26.

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upontheshelfreviews · 4 years

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I expected this movie to have a few votes from those who remembered it as kids. I never expected it to win by a landslide. Lesson learned: never underestimate a nostalgic kids’ movie from the ’90s.

Once upon a time, David Kirschner, producer of An American Tail among other things, took his daughters to the New York Public Library. This visit inspired him to write a story about a fantastical adventure that would get kids excited about reading. The result was The Pagemaster, a 1994 box-office bomb that would go on to develop a cult following among children like me who grew up watching it. Animation historians tend to lump The Pagemaster in with the likes of Thumbelina or Quest For Camelot: 90s features that tried to coast off the success of Disney’s Renaissance films yet failed to match their caliber. But actually, trailers for The Pagemaster played in theaters and on home video a good four years before the movie was released…it was still in production for most of that time so the amount of influence Disney had on it is up for debate, but the point remains. I’m willing to bet what played a major part in its delay was the myriad of problems that cropped up during the filmmaking, from David Kirschner suing the Writers Guild of America for not receiving the sole story credit he felt was owed, to the plot being rewritten in the middle of the animation process, which is never a good thing. I’ve also heard stories about Macaulay Culkin being a diva on set, but knowing what we know now about his abusive father explains a lot so I’m not holding that against him.

And here’s another fun fact I dug up while doing my research: apparently Stephen King of all people wrote the treatment for The Pagemaster, which certainly explains the film’s more horrific elements. Does this means this movie is technically part of the King multiverse? I can see Richard hanging out with The Losers Club on weekends and trying to avoid killer clowns and langoliers in his spare time.

Though it was released under the 20th Century Fox banner, The Pagemaster was the first of only two animated films created by Turner Feature Animation, an off-shoot of Hanna-Barbera founded by media mogul Ted Turner. In hindsight, it’s not surprising that Turner had a hand in this children’s flick with an educational message. Let’s not forget the last animated project he invested himself in was all about teaching kids environmentalism in the cheesiest way possible.

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But unlike Captain Planet, does The Pagemaster hold up after all these years? Will it get kids sucked into the magic of reading? And how long can I go without forcing in a Home Alone reference? Read on and find out.

The opening credits fade in over clouds swirling into foreshadowing images while the stirring main theme by James Horner plays. Say what you want about this movie, Horner’s score emerges smelling like a rose, easily the best thing to come from this film. Disney’s even used it for some of their trailers. Also, when you take the bulk of the cast into consideration, it’s astonishingly appropriate that the man who scored The Wrath of Kahn provided the soundtrack for this feature.

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The ominous call-forward clouds are part of a nightmare that our protagonist, a typical 90s nerd named Richard Tyler (Macaulay Culkin) startles awake from. He crawls out of bed and overhears his parents (Ed Begley Jr. and Mel Harris) discussing their son’s neuroses. See, it’s not enough that Richard is a nerd; he’s also afraid of everything that casts a shadow. His room is plastered with safety precautions, he studies all manner of deathly statistics to the point where he can recite them at the drop of a hat and is considered a general buzzkill by all who know him, especially his father. This is where we come to our first bump in the road, and it’s not just that Richard acts in a way that no kid would, not even scaredy-cat kids like Chuckie Finster: it’s the moral they’re trying to set up.

The Pagemaster’s original screenplay was about a boy who didn’t like reading and learned to love it, but there were many rewrites during production that altered it so it’s about Richard learning to overcome his fears through the power of books. That makes the point rather redundant – why teach someone who’s already a bookworm to love books? I argue that it’s about snapping Richard out of his obsession over statistics and panic-inducing facts that are holding him back from living a fulfilling life, and finding courage and meaning from beloved stories instead. Not a terrible lesson, but one that could have been communicated better. In fact, such a moral would be much more suited for today; with the constant stream of news updates through the internet leading to anxiety over everything, turning away from devices for a while and finding solace through well-written fiction is a decent message. And I’m not saying that kids today shouldn’t be aware of big issues our planet faces – look at Greta Thunberg – but if you’re suffering from borderline pantophobia, then maybe seeking some escapism through print (and also finding a therapist) is a good place to start.

Mr. Tyler is building his son a treehouse in order to help him get over his fear of heights. Richard, of course, refuses to have anything to do with it and states some statistics about ladders and household accidents. He then unwittingly hits his dad in the head with a bucket which causes him to have an accident and fall out of the treehouse, thus proving his point. Honestly, I’d have more respect for Richard if he did it on purpose just to validate himself. What a grade-A troll he’d make.

Eager to get his son out of his hair, Mr. Tyler tasks him with picking up some nails from the hardware store. Richard takes his bike, both covered in so much superfluous safety gear that he looks like he’s ready to go policing in a sci-fi dystopia.

“I am THE LAW!”

And yes, you read that credit correctly. Joe Johnston, director of The Rocketeer and the first Captain America movie directed the live-action segments of The Pagemaster. From what I’ve gathered, he’s not too pleased to have his name attached to this project. I suppose he’s upset that he couldn’t have his credit changed to Alan Smithee.

On his way into town, Richard passes some kids riding their bikes off a construction ramp. They try to goad him into joining them and call him chicken when he doesn’t, just in case you didn’t catch what his character arc will be. Richard continues forward, and if you think Maurice’s trip to the fair went south in Beauty and the Beast, then you haven’t watched this movie. Lightning strikes the power lines, he’s forced through a tunnel where the lights explode in succession after him, and he gets lost in a dark, creepy park during a storm. I’m almost tempted to say the movie is trying to kill him.

Richard crashes his bike in front of the most ominous library outside of a Ghostbusters movie and seeks shelter there. The only person inside is eccentric old librarian Mr. Dewey, played by Christopher Lloyd. He constantly interrupts Richard to guess what kind of book he thinks he’s looking for all while getting very dramatic and dangerously close to the young boy. I laugh at it because of how over-the-top Lloyd’s acting is, but uncomfortably so. As a kid, I thought he was being very wise and passionate about the stories he looks after, but as an adult, it’s hard not to look at this scene and call stranger danger on it.

Mr. Dewey directs Richard to a phone where he can call his parents, gives him a library card if he feels like checking a book out, and casually points out the big green exit sign should he decide to leave. Richard wanders through the library until he comes across an awesome-looking mural in the rotunda depicting scenes from Moby Dick, Treasure Island, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde…umm, Dragonslayer, I guess, and a wizard who bears more than a passing resemblance to Mr. Dewey.

This is why we need more funding in our public libraries, folks.

Richard slips on the wet floor and knocks himself out. When he comes to, paint from the mural gushes to the floor, turns into a dragon-like blob and chases him through the library, turning anything it touches turns into a painted background. The blending of computer and traditional animation for the dragon is surprisingly excellent. It’s plain to see that a lot of work went into this one creature. When I can’t tell where the hand-drawn animation begins or ends, that’s a good sign.

Ultimately the dragon catches Richard and transforms him into an animated character – no, not a character, an illustration, says someone from the shadows. That someone is the master of the animated literary realm Richard’s been transported to, keeper of the books and guardian of the written word, The Pagemaster (also voiced by Lloyd).

Do you think he trims his beard by cutting it or by stitching it up and binding it with leather and glue?

This animated version of the library is where all the stories ever written call home (though Horner’s score is what really sells the wonder of the moment). Here, books are, quite literally, transports to another world. Open a book and characters, creatures and objects from that story emerge from them. The Pagemaster demonstrates this by summoning a fairytale giant and the Argo from Jason and the Argonauts just for show. Richard’s more interested in finding his way home and the Pagemaster tells him that he must pass three tests in order to reach the Exit. He sends him off on his quest with a word of advice: when in doubt, look to the books.

Richard is swept up on a book cart and crashes into his first comic relief sidekick for the evening, Adventure, a cantankerous sentient book who acts like a pirate and is played by Sir Patrick Stewart. Stewart is one of the finest actors of the stage and screen and a damn good human being (seriously, look up his speeches about domestic violence) but I’ve noticed that when it comes to animated films, he tends to skew towards the…not so good ones. Not only did he turn down roles in Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin, but for every Prince of Egypt, there’s a Chicken Little, Gnomeo and Juliet, Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return and Emoji Movie that proudly boasts his name. It’s mind-boggling and frustrating to hear such talent reduced to voicing shit.

Not hyperbole.

The best thing I can say about Adventure is that at least Stewart sounds like he’s having fun playing him. I should know, getting paid to talk like a pirate is the best job ever.

Adventure changes his tune when he sees Richard’s library card and offers to help the boy if he checks him out from the library. He tells Richard to go up a ladder to get their bearings, but Richard refuses on account of his acrophobia and prattles off some of those annoying statistics. Adventure tries to change his mind about climbing by opening 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and unleashing the giant squid, which is like helping someone overcome their fear of flying by shooting them out of a cannon.

The squid throws Richard in the air but he’s rescued by another living book, Fantasy (Whoopi Goldberg). Fantasy subverts the warm fairy godmother stereotype she’s modeled after with her frequent bouts of sarcasm and stubbornness; whereas Stewart is playing a role, Whoopi is pretty much playing herself. Under normal circumstances, Fantasy would use her magic to poof Richard to the Exit, but since she’s outside of her section her powers are considerably weakened. Regardless, she also promises to help Richard if he takes her home with him. Fantasy and Adventure butt heads over who’s going to be second banana to our protagonist. Adventure insists he’s the only one who knows where they’re headed and gets Richard to open up The Hound of Baskervilles, with predictable results.

The Hound chases the trio until they jump through a bookcase into the horror section, full of spooky graveyards and assorted Halloween detritus. The Exit Sign appears through the fog but leads them to a massive and obviously haunted mansion that they must pass through in order to proceed. Richard rings the bell, which knocks the final member of the team, Horror (Frank Welker), into his arms. Horror’s my favorite of the bunch, at least he would be if I had to pick one. For one thing, with all the fairly big names in the cast, it’s refreshing to hear a veteran voice actor playing one of the lead roles. Horror’s the least like the genre he represents, a sweet dimwit who just wants some friends. I don’t know, maybe I just have a soft spot for lonely ugly-cute marshmallow characters.

Speaking of, the designs for the books aren’t exactly appealing with large faces plastered right on their spines and little arms and legs sticking out of their lumbering square bodies. Horror’s look, however, comes the closest to working since he’s modeled after Quasimodo and isn’t supposed to be Mr. Universe if you catch my drift. He even gets some moments of good wild animation, especially when he’s “describing” what frightens him.

But one line, one solitary bit of dialogue has always stuck with me: “Horror always has sad endings”. It’s a shockingly deep statement that sums up the tragedy of his situation, and also why I’ve never been that big on the genre. The monster’s dead, everyone’s safe, you think it’s all ok, then BOOM. It pops up again, slaughters every character you’ve grown to care for and sets up a neverending chain of watered-down sequels and reboots.

Fantasy assures Horror her world is a place of happy endings, and Richard allows him to come along for the ride. The group ventures into the mansion, which looks perfect as far as haunted houses go. It’s caught somewhere between traditional Gothic and German Expressionism with its impossibly high ceilings, winding staircases, cobwebbed cracks in the walls and looming shadows. The team then meets the mansion’s owner, Dr. Henry Jekyll, played by…Leonard Nimoy?!

Fascinating.

It goes without saying that Nimoy is magnetic as both Jekyll and his wicked counterpart. He encapsulates the madness and depravity of the latter with a cackle and a single line, and he plays the former with a warm air of wisdom and sophistication (the fact that he serves his Hyde potion in a martini glass should clue you in on that trait). It makes me wish we got to see Nimoy play Jekyll and Hyde in a more straightforward adaptation before he passed away.

Though maybe he already did…

Adventure is ready to help himself to some of Jekyll’s cocktail but Horror knocks it out of his hands and the spill burns a hole through the floor.

So the Hyde formula’s secret ingredient is xenomorph blood. Who knew?

Richard and the gang are too late to stop Jekyll from drinking his concoction and he undergoes a harrowing transformation into his evil alter-ego, Edward Hyde. And hoo boy, did this scene reopen a can of worms. Imagine you’re a five-year-old enjoying this fun little animated escapade of talking books and magic and then this gets all up in your face.

“My name…is…”

“…Mister HYYYYYYYDE!!!!!”

All this to say even after all these years, Mr. Hyde still kind of puts me on edge. I remember my dad taught me how to use the fast-forward button on the VCR just so I could rush through this part. I even wished for and made up a kind of video player where you could skip entire scenes for the sole purpose of avoiding Hyde’s reveal.

I’m still waiting on my royalties.

Hyde attacks the group but Horror accidentally saves them by dropping a chandelier on him.

Hey, wrong story!

Horror gets tangled up in the chains and is about to be pulled through the floor along with Hyde. Fantasy begs Richard to save him but he’s too scared to. He doesn’t even try to weasel out of it by saying he has bone spurs or some other lame excuse, he just stands there and shrugs as one of his friends is about to die. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. I know Richard’s supposed to learn courage over the course of the movie but not even attempting to try is pretty low. It’s not like there’s any danger in the situation or a possibility that Hyde will pop back up again; the freak’s too busy dragging Horror down, laughing maniacally in the dark as he anticipates pulling one helpless victim to their doom along with him.

Can’t sleep, Hyde will eat me…

Anyway, Fantasy has enough and rescues Horror herself. As for Hyde, he goes down the hole never to be seen again.

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Now that I’m more familiar with the stories featured in this movie more so than when it was released, seeing them come and go rather quickly without diving into their essence is disappointing…but perhaps that was intentional. Maybe by leaving these sequences fairly open-ended and giving us the most basic of recaps, the movie is encouraging kids to check out the books themselves and come to their own conclusions about how and why these are timeless, fascinating tales.

Or at the very least, they could pick up an illustrated abridged version. Try getting a six-year-old to sit through the complete Moby Dick.

You’re a prodigy, Matilda! You don’t count!

After fleeing Hyde, Richard and the gang run into some possessed books – in other words, they’re haunted by ghost stories.

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They evade the spirited tomes and had things worked out differently, they would have immediately had a perilous encounter with another famous literary horror character, Frankenstein’s monster. Poor Frankie M. made it to the poster and a few promotional picture books but not the final film. It’s not clear why he was cut; maybe the director felt the sequence was running long or he got worried the kids watching this would be too scared by this point. Frankly, anything that comes after Hyde pales in comparison. You could throw the worst of Lovecraft our way and it still wouldn’t be half as terrifying as he was.

The team makes it outside, but are trapped on a high vine-covered wall. Richard is too scared to climb down until the Pagemaster possesses a gargoyle to give some on-the-nose words of encouragement.

Careful, Richard. The last time I saw a gargoyle like that, it didn’t end well for the person grabbing it.

Richard Tarzans his ways to safety, and everyone celebrates their escape. The sun rises, clearing the way to the ever-elusive Exit Sign and Adventure’s home turf, a beach stretching into the open sea. Out on the ocean, they come across the crew of the Pequod. They’re searching for the white whale Moby Dick at the behest of Captain Ahab, voiced by George Hearn.

Hmm, George Hearn playing an overly dramatic psychopath hellbent on bloody vengeance? Can’t imagine where they got that casting idea from.

Ahab spies his quarry off the port bow and the color scheme dramatically shifts into a fiery red while the mad captain’s eyes glow and he turns into a Frank Miller drawing.

Lift your spearhead high, Ahab! Hear its singing edge!

I don’t know why they went with this abrupt change in hue, but frankly my dear I don’t give a damn. It’s a visual representation of Ahab’s unhinged thirst for violence teetering on demonic possession that just looks really cool. Also, like Nimoy before him, Hearn makes the most of his screen time, giving a stirring rendition of some of Ahab’s immortal lines.

…Then Moby Dick pounces on top of him and kills him and his crew instantly.

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But Moby’s not done dicking around yet and he smashes Richard’s boat too. Richard and Adventure latch on to some driftwood, but it looks like Fantasy and Horror didn’t make it and there are sharks closing in.

The good news: they’re quickly rescued.

The bad news: they’re taken prisoner aboard the Hispaniola which is under the command of Long John Silver (Jim Cummings) and his crew of cutthroat pirates.

Well, calling them cutthroat is generous. The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything are more threatening than these guys.

With catlike tread, upon our foe we steal!

Also, one of the pirates is voiced by Robert Picardo and…do you think David Kirschner just wanted to make one big Star Trek crossover movie but the execs shot it down so he turned it into this cute family flick starring cast members from almost every iteration of the franchise? Like, Picard and Guinan are banished to another dimension inspired by various Holodeck fantasies thanks to a resurrected omniscient Commander Kurge (just another one of Q’s little tests for humanity) and are tasked with protecting a young boy, the son of Henry Starling, who’s the key to defeating him as they find their way back home. They wind up in a desolate corner of the universe where they meet Spock, who’s been working on a top-secret formula that will supposedly make human urges easier to differentiate in important decision-making. But plot twist! It’s really Evil Spock the whole time, and his formula will purge all good from those who consume it! They escape, desperate to warn this dimension’s Federation of Evil Spock’s plan but run into an insane Dr. Berel and are later captured by The Doctor, who has rebelled from his programming and taken up piracy along with a renegade band of Romulans. I’m no Star Trek aficionado, but this is something I’d like to see!

Silver takes away Richard’s library card and forces him and Adventure to join his treasure hunt on (where else?) Treasure Island. But like in the story this is based on, the pirates are enraged to learn that the treasure has already been looted and they mutiny against Silver. Before things get ugly, Fantasy and Horror arrive to save their friends. It turns out they didn’t drown after all due to Horror discovering his hump is hollow and they floated to shore on it.

Then there’s a fight scene where Horror and Fantasy take out the pirates using goofy slapstick. It isn’t too bad, but it doesn’t touch Muppet Treasure Island in comedy. Richard also stands up to Silver and gets him to back off, which earns the old sea dog’s respect. This makes this sequence the most faithful of all the quick adaptations we’ve seen thus far, essentially turning Richard into a stand-in for Jim Hawkins and having him go through an abridged version of his arc. It would have resonated more, however, if we spent more time with the plot and characters of this story, so we’d really feel something when Richard asserts himself. The Pagemaster is a scant seventy-five minutes, but with all the possibilities for expanding upon these different novels in this format with the kind of story they’re trying to tell, this could be a ninety-minute film at the very least. The movie even teases this with some cleverly woven-in shoutouts to other famous works, like Edgar Allen Poe’s Raven appearing in the haunted house, or Richard staggering under an oversized copy of Atlas Shrugged. I wish we could see those tales as part of the plot proper, but they make this literature-based world feel more all-encompassing and less like they’re merely covering the basics, for which I’m grateful for.

Adventure, who got sidelined at the start of the fight and is miffed about missing the action, storms off on his own. This is where the movie sidelines the main plot for a substandard “jerk with a heart of gold learns not to be a jerk to others” subplot. Horror tries to cheer up Adventure and admits he idolizes him, but Adventure bullies and scares him away. Shortly after, Adventure finds Richard’s library card washed up on the beach and returns it, but Fantasy forces him to look for Horror and apologize before they hit the road. He finds him being tied down by the Lilliputians from Gulliver’s Travels. Now Gulliver’s Travels could technically be classified as an adventure story, but really it’s a witty satire in the guise of an adventure. I wonder what we could have gotten if the movie explored other stories that mashed up the genres featured here with ones like mystery or sci-fi or drama. I want to see how Sherlock Holmes, Tom Sawyer, Captain Nemo, and Lizzie Bennett would react to this kid from the future and his three sentient books running around their stories! Or what about ones where the elements of fantasy, horror, and adventure overlap each other? Think about it, A Christmas Carol is both horror and fantasy, The Princess Bride is fantasy and adventure, The Call of Cthulu, A Wrinkle in Time and anything by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett combine all three. I’m sorry I keep going off on these tangents, but the concepts this film presents deserve more exploration than what we’re given.

Adventure rescues Horror and the two reconcile. Fantasy’s wand lights up, indicating that they’re getting closer to her territory and the Exit. Just to be sure she’s got her magic back, she tests it out by turning Adventure into –

Your very confusing nightmares for the next month, ladies and gentlemen.

Everyone traipses through the jungle into the fantasy section, which goes a bit beyond your average picture book in terms of design. Though the movie’s backgrounds and colors are a bit murky, each world has a distinct visual style. The fantasy realm is like if Arthur Rackham tangoed with Eyvind Earle. It’s not Sleeping Beauty levels of gorgeousness, though it’s close. But once again, the magic of this scene comes from the music. Instead of more instrumental backing, however, we get the movie’s main tune, “Whatever You Imagine”.

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I unironically love this song. I’ve said before I’m a sucker for 90s pop ballads and this one is no exception. It’s all about using the power of imagination to follow your dreams and shape the world into a better place, and is complemented by the visuals: some fairies that are rotoscoped in a way that they look like living embodiments of the electricity balls you find at Spencer’s appear and dance on Richard’s palm. There’s a second decent pop song in a similar vein over the end credits, “Dream Away” sung by Lisa Stanfield and Babyface, but “Whatever You Imagine” is my favorite of the two.

Yet, nice as this part is, it’s difficult to overlook the shortcomings. You thought the horror and adventure parts of the movie were rushed? What little we see of the fantasy section is limited to a minute and a half of the song before hurtling into the climax. On top of that, the only representations of fantasy here apart from the fairies are nursery rhymes (with Mother Goose and Humpty Dumpty making five-second cameos), generic familiar fairy tales (most of which, including Rapunzel and Cinderella, also joined Frankenstein’s Monster on the cutting room floor), a faun that looks like it was kidnapped from Fantasia, and a yellow brick road as a shout-out to The Wizard of Oz. I get this was a few years before Harry Potter revolutionized the genre, but no love for Lord of the Rings? No Peter Pan? No Narnia? No Earthsea? No Discworld? Not even Dr. Seuss? And if it’s because they’re sticking with public domain works then they really dropped the ball. I’ve got five words for you: King Arthur, Lord Dunsany, ETA Hoffman, George MacDonald, and any culture’s ancient mythology.

Then again, perhaps it’s for the best that the more recognizable fantasies stay out of this feature. Look at our heroes and tell me they’d survive a minute in A Song of Ice and Fire.

Richard spies the Exit on top of a mountain, but Adventure wanders into a “cave” and accidentally awakens the final boss: a monstrous fire-breathing dragon.

“Now you shall deal with me, O Prints, and all the powers of Hell!”

Fantasy summons a magic carpet ripped from her own pages to save Richard and fly them all to the Exit. But the carpet gets singed and crashes on the mountainside, scattering our heroes and causing Fantasy to lose her wand. Richard makes it to the summit but he realizes that in his haste he’s left his book club behind. Adventure decides to face the dragon alone to give Horror and Fantasy time to escape, and this is where we get the culmination of what’s supposed to be Adventure and Fantasy’s belligerent romantic tension throughout the movie and the one truly funny line of dialogue.

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Unsurprisingly, the dragon roasts Adventure but he just gets covered in ash and acts like he got bopped on the head instead of burning up like a real book would. This is the fantasy section and a kid’s cartoon on top of that, I’m not gonna argue about the logic. Richard finally finds the courage to go save his friends, but first, he takes a sword, shield, and helmet from the crumbling skeleton of a dead knight.

For his sake, he’d better wash his hands fifty times after this.

Wait, that red cross on the shield….oh my god, it’s the dragon and knight from The Faerie Queen!!

All right, let me explain what this means and why it’s a big deal. The Faerie Queen is one of the most revered examples of classic fantasy literature, a collection of six epic poems detailing the adventures of King Arthur expy Prince Arthur aiding knights representing the Twelve Private Virtues on his journey to rescue and marry the titular fairy queen Gloriana. The story of the Red Cross Knight is about Arthur helping said knight fight a dragon to save his lady love. More importantly, it’s about the knight learning to overcome his insecurities while being waylaid by outside forces symbolizing negative influences and slay the monster himself. It’s not hard to see the surface parallels in his adventure and Richard’s. So, point to the movie for subtly including a well-known tale and weaving it into the main plot. I take back what I said about it overlooking the obvious public domain fantasies.

Richard charges in ready to kick some reptilian butt. Unfortunately, he manages to do an even worse job confronting the dragon than Jon Snow and it eats him in one bite. But our hero merely gets the Jonas treatment and winds up trapped inside the dragon’s stomach, which conveniently holds a number of undigested fantasy books. I guess the dragon must be a voracious reader.

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Recalling The Pagemaster’s advice, Richard searches through the books to find something that can help him escape. In a bit of on-the-fly ingenuity, he unleashes the titular plant from Jack and the Beanstalk. He rides the plant up and out of the dragon’s throat, grabs his buddies and carries them to the mountaintop where the gates of the Exit are now open. Once inside, they find a very familiar face.

“I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SOUNDTRACK! PAY NO ATTENTION THAT COMPOSER BEHIND THE CURTAIN!”

No, of course not. Instead, the Pagemaster appears to greet them. It turns out he’s been guiding Richard through his perils the whole time. Richard is not unreasonably pissed that the seemingly wise and benevolent sage took the Glinda approach of leading him into danger just to teach him a lesson. The small tirade he goes on is honestly refreshing. You don’t see many heroes call out the mentor figure on their trickery.

But all implications aside, the Pagemaster brings up an important point: what would have changed for Richard if he was whisked home just like that? Without the chance to grow, he would have stayed the same cowardly, friendless boy. To back this up, the villains Richard faced appear in the cyclone and proudly remind him of his triumphs. He made the right choices in the face of evil. He looked danger in the eye and kept moving forward. He stood up to others without hesitating. Even the dragon returns to salute Richard in its own way. There’s something rather awe-inspiring about these great literary characters returning to congratulate him for facing their challenges. It might not seem like much at face value: what practical use would there be in overcoming fears of things you’d never come across in the real world like pirates or dragons?

The thing is, most literary characters aren’t just there to move the plot from Point A to Point B, but are also a conduit for symbolizing qualities both evil and benign that enhance their stories. In The Pagemaster, as well as in their own tales, Jekyll and Hyde, Ahab, and Silver represent varying levels of obsession and fear. The dragon is especially notable for the latter in this regard since it is the culmination of Richard’s fears and how he views the world as a terrifying, dangerous place beyond his control. It’s the last thing that appears in the opening credits before he wakes up from his nightmare, and is also the form the paint blob takes when chasing him. The dragon was even supposed to appear continuously throughout the film, following Richard and his friends causing trouble for them. That aspect was cut from the final feature, though it left some conspicuous plot holes, namely how Adventure apparently lost his sword somewhere offscreen then finds it in the dragon’s mouth before he wakes it. The most important thing to take away from this, however, is that Richard doesn’t slay the dragon but instead finds a way to overcome it by moving past it, showing how he’s accepted there are things he can’t always control or avoid and chooses instead to move past his fears. If I may borrow some words Neil Gaiman often attributed to G.K. Chesterton, we don’t read fairytales to learn that dragons exist, but to learn that dragons can be beaten.

Richard, having realized how much he’s grown from his adventures, is finally ready to return to the real world. The Pagemaster sends him back along with the books, who turn into ordinary volumes. Richard wakes up on the library floor with Mr. Dewey standing over him in a totally-not-awkward-at-all manner. He remembers his promise to check out the books, but Mr. Dewey takes back Horror and tells him he can only take two home.

Wait, two books?! Only two?? The last time I went to my local library, they let me check out ten! I’m sure the rules are different depending on each district, but I’d say any self-respecting library that would want to maintain a child’s interest in reading would let them borrow a minimum of three books at a time. This seems like a strange last-minute obstacle that serves no real purpose other than making Mr. Dewey look inexplicably pedantic.

Anyway, Mr. Dewey can tell Richard’s upset that he can’t keep his promise to Horror and allows him to take all the books with him just this once. Richard passes by the ramp from the start of the film and makes the jump on his own, proving that he really has changed. It would have been more cathartic if the bullies from before were there to see it, but I suppose the writers felt this had to be something Richard would do more for himself than for anyone else. And I like how once he sticks that landing and does a positive spin on his dour catchphrase, the street lamps knocked out from the storm all light up again, showing all’s right with the world. Later, Richard’s parents come home after searching for their son all night and find him asleep in the treehouse, no longer afraid of anything.

Well, he’s still scared of Old Man Marley, but he’s taking it one step at a time.

Mr. and Mrs. Tyler let him stay up there, and once they’re gone, Horror, Adventure and Fantasy come to life once again as animated shadows on the wall and revel in their happy ending.

And that was The Pagemaster. As a young kid, I adored it. Nowadays it’s a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. It’s technically not a good movie, but it’s brimming with creative ideas, a few moments of cleverness, some nice visuals, has a good voice cast, an excellent score, and it evokes plenty of nostalgia. I just can’t bring myself to hate it. I also saw a lot of my younger self in Richard, a lit nerd prone to anxiety who found comfort and friendship in the books we traversed through and fantasized about having similar adventures. That, I think, is what really drew me into The Pagemaster back in the day. Plus, as far as an animated children’s film about a geeky kid going into classic tales with a talking book goes, it could have been much, much worse.

No. Just…no.

In case you’re still wondering if I thought this film succeeded in its message, well, it did make me want to read more, but I already loved reading when I was a child so that might render the point moot. I admire the idea of not laying out everything that happens in each story so as to get kids invested, but that being said the segments could use some beefing up to maintain interest and flesh out the characters more. Frankly, I think the whole concept of The Pagemaster would work much better as an animated series than as a movie. Maybe that was what Turner Animation was going for; if the film was more successful, they could create a spinoff show where the characters explore a new story each week that ties into some kind problem Richard is facing. Think Reading Rainbow meets Tales From the Book of Virtue. Now that Disney technically owns this movie, I’d love to see them develop something like this. Their track record with animated television has been stellar since Gravity Falls. Put this project in the right hands and they’d have another hit.

You know what? Call me out on it all you want, but The Pagemaster gets a three out of five. Watch it if you’re curious or just feeling nostalgic, and be sure to pick up a good book afterward.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this review, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Patreon supporters receive great perks such as extra votes for movie reviews, requests, early sneak-peeks and more. Special thanks to Amelia Jones, Gordhan Rajani and Sam Minden for their contributions, especially at this time.

Considering the theme of this review and the timing of its release, I’d like to leave you with a bit of a positive endorsement: If you’re like me and you’re looking for something to do while in quarantine, especially since all the libraries are closed where I am, I recommend Project Gutenberg and LibriVox. Both offer ways to enjoy beloved pieces of great literature that are largely in the public domain and discover fascinating obscure ones too, and it is completely free. No accounts to sign up for, no monthly payments, just years of classic books online only a click away. I listen to many of them while working or if I need to relax. I hope it’ll help take your mind off of any fears or stress, and I’ll see you tomorrow when movie voting recommences.

Screengrabs courtesy of animationscreencaps.com

April Review: The Pagemaster (1994) I expected this movie to have a few votes from those who remembered it as kids. I never expected it to win by a landslide.

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incorrectmidc · 7 years

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Once Upon A December

Note: Finally MC has a name here. Lol. Some of you might remember her for I’ve made a post about her before. Remember Georgette Lee? Louis’ supposed twin sister? Yeah, she’s my MC here. :)

Okay, a few things before you read, Leo and Alyn are princes of Wysteria, with Leo as the Crowned Prince and Heir Apparent to the throne. I also made Elise Sannes their older sister. The king of Wysteria remains unnamed.

What else... yeah, this is inspired by Game of Thrones (the setting) and Anastasia (the plot, kind of) so expect to see similarities (mostly from Game of Thrones, since I haven’t seen Anastasia yet).

Warning for crude words, mostly uttered by Sid. XD

i. QUEEN OF LOVE AND BEAUTY

“Black and white and grey, all the shades of truth.” ーA Song of Ice and Fire

The sound of trumpets, drums and jovial cheering rang all over the palace courtyard that morning. Highborn lords and ladies of the Kingdom of Wysteria were sitting comfortably inside the tents, chatting amiably with each other as they waited for the participants of the day's tourney. It was the king's 50th nameday and a week-long tourney and feast was held in honour of his name. It was well-attended by the highborns of the society for they also see it as an opportunity to match their sons and daughters to the royal children, especially to the heir of the Willow Throne, Prince Leo.

"Good morning, m'lord," three servant girls greeted Ser Xeno Gerald as he walked down the hallway towards the chambers of the youngest Crawford royalty. They giggled softly as he returned the greeting with a polite smile on his face. He wasn't even a feet away from them when he heard them whispering to each other.

"Ser Xeno is really handsome, isn't he?"

"I find him more handsome than Prince Leo and Prince Alyn combined."

"The lady he will choose is so lucky."

I can hear all of you, you know, Xeno mused, his expression not giving away his thoughts. Not to be conceited, he's well aware of the fact that he's good-looking enough to catch the eyes of ladies, highborn and common folk alike. And though he has fooled around once or twice, through Sid's urgings, he has never thought of ladies and marriage altogether. In fact, he didn't think he would ever marry. For him, his whole life was dedicated to serving and protecting the prince he'd sworn his sword to, and exactly the same person who became his first friend when he arrived in Wysteria, Alyn Crawford. "Love is the death of duty."[1] He always heard his uncle, Robert Branche, say that and he wholeheartedly agree to it. So instead of setting his sights on a lady, he was focused on becoming a member of the Kingsguard someday.

He stopped in front of Prince Alyn's chambers and knocked ー two short knocks followed by three long ones ー an indication that it was him. It was a signal he and the prince invented during their younger days when they were about to cause mischief. It became a habit of them ever since then.

A muffled "come in" was heard from the opposite side of the door and he took it as his cue to enter. One fine eyebrow rose when he spotted his best friend sitting in front of his dresser, getting his hair and a week's worth of facial hair shaved. "It's a good change seeing you getting cleaned up, my prince," he said as he approached and fought the urge to laugh as he watched Prince Alyn close his eyes in agony when the stubble that he was trying so hard to grow was slowly rid of. "Shave him good, Tommy," he told the barber. "He's never liked a woman more than he likes his own hair."[2] This time he laughed when the prince sent him a pointed look.

When he was all shaven clean and his hair trimmed, Xeno helped the prince with his mail and armour. Like him, Prince Alyn would be joining the tourney. But then also unlike him, the youngest prince didn't like it one bit. Of course he's neither a craven nor a lousy fighter, he just didn't see the point of a joust. "It's an opportunity for you to show your skills, my prince. A way to impress the nobility," Xeno told him once wherein Prince Alyn's reply was a un-prince-like snort and a comment of "my king father just wants to find me a bride." Xeno gave no reply to that because the prince had been right on the dot with his comment.

"Pray tell me why you have shaven today, Crawford," Xeno asked, amusement in his voice, as fastened the prince’s armour on the shoulder. While the prince's older sister, Princess Elise, was so particular on how her brothers, even her father, looks, the king was the last person to mind if they were all presentable enough despite his status as the King of Wysteria. So it was quite a surprise for Xeno, to be honest, when he found out that it was the king who ordered Prince Alyn to make himself presentable.

"My guess is as good as yours, Xeno," Prince Alyn replied somberly, not minding the fact that Xeno just referred to him casually. He was, in fact, used to it. And even thankful for it. He and Xeno Gerald were friends ever since they were both eight years of age. The latter was brought to Wysteria, two decades ago, by Master Robert Branche, Xeno's uncle who was also the court painter. He became the princes' playmates but it took Prince Alyn and Prince Leo a year to have the quiet, gloomy child to smile. Their father and Master Robert have warned them never to ask about Xeno's family for the boy just lost them in a fire. It was a rule that the Crawford children obeyed religiously though they slipped up one day and witnessed how Xeno tensed up, horror clearly etched on his young face.

Ever since then, the three royal offspring swore that they wouldn't make a mistake of bringing it up anymore. They like Xeno, especially Prince Alyn, for the boy never treated them like a god, something to be revered and handled with care. Instead, Xeno Gerald treated them like they were just ordinary children, though he didn't dare do it in public lest he gets punished. For the Crawford children, it was like a breath of fresh air in a polluted space.

"I'd stake my life and wager that it has got something to do with Leo and you getting a bride," Xeno said confidently, a smirk showing up on his face when Prince Alyn glared at him. "It's your king father's nameday, my prince. What could be a better gift than to have his sons finally choose a queen?"

"I'm not going to be a king so I don't need a queen," Prince Alyn countered as he tucked his greatsword on his side. It was made of the finest steel that money can buy in the whole known world. The sword had been a present from the king himself when Prince Alyn turned fifteen. The official Crawford greatsword was already presented to Prince Leo with his status of being the Heir Apparent to the throne so the king had another greatsword forged for his youngest son. The king then explained that the sword’s design and look ー all black with little carvings of a foreign language ー also served as a homage to the family that fostered Alyn for three years ー the House of Wagner, the royal family that founded and once ruled the mysterious kingdom of Stein, not to mention the fact that the Crawfords and Wagners are distant relatives.

"You'll be lord of Laurelia someday and you'll need a lady wife," Xeno reminded his best friend. "You and Leo. Even Sid. Feasts in Wsyteria are held for prince and princess, lords and ladies, to find someone to wed."

Prince Alyn snorted at the mention of their other friend, the Heir of the Archduke Grandier, Lloyd, or more known as Sid. "I honestly cannot imagine Sid settling down. Just like Uncle Aubin, the whores at the brothels would be swallowed with grief if ever he finds a lady wife someday."

Xeno laughed at that. Princess Elise would surely cringe at her baby brother's crude words, if ever she could get over the shock of learning that he could actually say those without even batting an eye. "Sid's a man of surprises, my prince. He might do something one day, something enough to give us all a heart attack." The two of them laughed at that.

A loud knock on the door got their attentions and Prince Alyn turned serious as Xeno answered the door. The grin returned to the young knight's face when he saw who it was. "Sid. The prince and I have just been talking about you," he said as he opened the door wider to let his other friend in.

Sid huffed. "My lord father has been pestering me again about getting a bride. Says I'm old enough to father an heir and it's safer to have just one cunt to fuck than to risk siring bastards," he grumbled which made Xeno laugh again and Prince Alyn to roll his eyes.

The prince looked at his sworn sword. "It seems like you've deduced correctly, Oh Great Knight." He gave his best friend a mock bow. "Do enlighten us, your lowly servants, more."

"Your fathers," Xeno looked at Prince Alyn then back at Sid. "If either the two of you, or Leo, wins the tourney today, they will do their best to set you up with the lady you'd be naming as Queen of Love and Beauty." He laughed once more when he saw how Sid went pale at his words.

"Then I'll just name Elise as the Queen of Love and Beauty," Prince Alyn declared after a moment of thoughtful silence. Xeno arched an eyebrow at that. He got a vague feeling that Alyn knows something he didn’t.

"You think something like that could stop our fathers? I'd wager the king already have someone in mind," Sid commented to which Xeno nodded in agreement. The young Granider then narrowed his eyes at Xeno. "Are you doing this so we would purposefully lose to you?"

Xeno smirked, not the least bit insulted about what Sid have said. "No. My only aim at the tourney today is to be able to go against Ser Giles Christophe," he answered in all honesty. Giles Christophe was the heir of one of the oldest and wealthiest family in Wysteria, the Christophe family, but he threw everything away when he decided to join the Kingsguard where they weren't allowed to marry or inherit lands and properties. Giles Christophe was only a boy of ten and six when he was named as one of the king's seven, making him the youngest Kingsguard in history. And it was him who led the army who thwarted a sudden pirate attack by the harbours of Wysteria, turning him into a hero by both the highborns and the common folk. He was Xeno's muse for becoming a knight and he wanted to become someone like Ser Giles Christophe someday.

"And I would love to see you unseated by Giles Christophe," Sid retorted. It wasn't their first time to join a tourney yet it would be the first time that Giles would be joining with them. The Hero of Wysteria, as what he's called, rarely joins tourneys, as if he's repulsed by the act. It had been a pleasant surprise, at least on Xeno's part, to discover that The Hero, his Hero, would be participating at the tourney today.

"At least I wasn't the one pressured to choose a bride," Xeno threw back, looking absolutely smug when Prince Alyn and Sid scowled at him. "You don't know how grateful I am at this very moment that I'm not a highborn like you two," he gave a mock bow to his two friends, "my prince, my lord."

"We'll kill you someday, you fool," Sid muttered with Prince Alyn agreeing beside him. Xeno only answered them with a laugh.

"Enough of this," the prince said as he headed to the door. "We have to go or we'll be late. We won't hear the end of it from Elise if that happens." Xeno and Sid groaned at that as the three young men left the prince's chambers and headed to the stables where their horses were waiting.

"You look bored, my dear sister," Louis said when he spied his twin sister, Georgette, looking around the stables in a totally disinterested way. As the current champion, he was expected to join the tourney once more to defend his title. He had won the last tourney during Prince Leo and Alyn's nameday and named his sister the Queen of Love and Beauty. This time though, his father have told, more than commanded him, to name the Princess Elise the Queen of Love and Beauty when he wins the tourney. Such confidence in you father that I would win this tourney again. He wasn't sure if he would win this time to be honest. Giles Christophe would be participating. Plus, he didn't even want to be here just like his sister. All he wanted to do was to be left alone in the duchy so he could continue the tons of work waiting for him back at home in peace.

"I just came here to wish you luck, my sweet Louis," Georgette replied, a true smile on her lips as she looked up at him. "I pray you get your heart's desire today," she added almost knowingly and he had the grace to blush. She just let out a soft chuckle as she stepped closer. "Shall I help you with your armour then?" she asked and he nodded, a comfortable air surrounding them.

In order to escape the inevitable marriage that would come someday, Louis announced over dinner one night that he would want to become a member of the Kingsguard. Everyone, except for Georgette and their lady mother, had been totally surprised. A member of the kingsguard was strictly forbidden from taking a wife and inheriting a land or any property. His whole life must only be devoted to the king and his family. It was no problem for him since he didn't want a wife or a land at all.

As expected, his father threw a fit at his declaration. As honourable and prestigious the idea of a Kingsguard may be, the prospect of losing his one and only heir was unimaginable. As a result, Louis found himself meeting with potential wives the next several days.

"I wish you luck with your bethrotal to Prince Alyn, dear sister," he said, not missing it when Georgette's eyes of cerulean ー the colour of the summer sky ー clouded a bit. Their father's greatest dream was to see even one of his blood rule over the kingdom of Wysteria. He would've had offered his only daughter to Prince Leo, the Heir Apparent to the throne, but was utterly disappointed when he learned that the crowned prince was already seeing someone and their bethrotal would be announced after this tourney. Their lord father, not wanting to give up, settled for Prince Alyn then. He said that the youngest might not be the Heir but he was the one who would inherit the Crawford's ancestral seat, Laurelia. He even went further by saying that should the political tension in the Kingdom of Stein be addressed, Prince Alyn would be the rightful candidate for the position of king because of their family's blood relation, no matter how distant it was, to the last King of Stein, Gerald Wagner.

"Thank you, Louis," Georgette replied as she helped him with his breastplate. "Prince Alyn is quite a catch and he's a polite young man. He'll be a good husband to me," she said. She and the youngest Crawford prince have met each other back when they were just kids when she was sent to the kingdom of Stein, to be fostered under the Wagner Family. Prince Alyn was also there, visiting. She befriended him along with the Wagner children.

During a private dinner last night, she had the pleasure of getting acquainted with Prince Alyn's older siblings, Prince Leo and Princess Elise. She found them quite entertaining, unlike Alyn who seemed to have changed. The youngest prince was different from the mischievous boy she knew back then. He was now too quiet and too serious for her own liking but when that pet of his, a brown wolf, came padding into the room, his face lit up and his crimson eyes twinkled. The sight made Georgette's heart ache with longing. Longing for someone so dear to her but was lost now. Oh how much Prince Alyn reminded her of him when he smiled. "I think I could learn to love him in time."

But Louis wasn't fooled by her words. He had easily seen her melancholic smile. It had been two decades and they have been children back then, prone to puppy love, sweet dreams and things as such. He's never been in love yet so he's not certain if he could love a mere memory of a boy like his sister does. "After all this time?"[3] he asked.

Georgette nodded as unshed tears glistened in her eyes. Louis is the only one she dared reveal her real feelings to. They understand each other more than anyone else in the family. "Always,"[4] she whispered softly that he almost not heard it.

The crowd cheered as the tourney participants rode in the field one by one. Georgette immediately spotted Prince Alyn astride his horse with fur the same colour as Arthur's. The prince's armour was red and white, bearing the crest of the royal family. Beside him was a knight also wearing the red and white of the Crawford family. His helmet was covering almost all of his face save for his left eye.

It was the first time Georgette has ever seen said knight and she narrowed her eyes as she leaned forward to take a closer look at the man. Her heart began to hammer in her chest as she registered the man's one visible eye when he and Alyn stopped in front to greet the king. It was a familiar shade of grey, the colour of the sky when a looming storm is about to sweep in. The same as... "Who is that man riding beside Prince Alyn?" she asked her handmaiden when the two young men walked away. "I don't reckon I have seen him before."

"That's Ser Xeno, my lady. Xeno Gerald," her handmaiden replied, a small blush on her face as she stared at the knight, too. Georgette raised an eyebrow at that. "He's Prince Alyn's sworn sword and Master Robert's nephew."

"I never knew Master Robert has a nephew," Georgette commented, her expression thoughtful and her eyes never left Xeno's form. She watched as Lloyd Grandier rode up to the two, clapping Xeno on the back with a huge grin on his face. The mysterious knight said something to Prince Alyn and Sid which had the two laughing. "He and Lloyd Grandier seemed close."

"They are very close, my lady," her handmaiden, who was secretly fond of gossip, eagerly replied. "I heard he, Prince Leo, Prince Alyn and Lord Sid grew up and trained together. Prince Alyn and Ser Xeno were even taught by the Grand Maester himself."

"And I heard other ladies say that Ser Xeno is as handsome as Prince Alyn and Prince Leo. Others say he's even more handsome than them," Georgette's other handmaiden, who heard what they were talking about, added.

The youngest Howard raised an eyebrow at that but before she could say anything, her lady mother interjected. "Handmaidens aren't supposed to gossip," she reprimanded, her eyes sharp, making the two girls bow their heads in embarrassment. She then turned her gaze to her daughter. "Most especially highborn ladies," she added. "It won't do you any good to set your sights on any man other than your intended, my sweet. You wouldn't want to anger a Crawford."

Georgette nodded solemnly, not letting any emotions escape from her face. "I understand that, mama." Both she and Prince Alyn didn't want the marriage for the prince knew she loves someone else. But though they were forced together, they never voiced out any objections about it since the two of them mutually thought that they're better off together than with anyone else. "I was merely curious about Ser Xeno. I have never heard of him until today." And Prince Alyn never even told her anything about his sworn sword and how they've been friends since they were children.

Her mother didn't respond to that so Georgette returned her focus on the field when the King's tourney began. The contest was intense. The men participating, even Prince Alyn who didn't like it, were competitive. The youngest Crawford prince was able to unseat his older twin brother, Prince Leo. The Crowned Prince merely laughed at that as he clapped Alyn on the shoulder, telling him that he better win to salvage their honour in a jesting manner. Alyn only gave him a small scowl in reply.

Ser Xeno was quite magnificent in his own right, too. The mysterious knight managed to unseat Lloyd Grandier and even the current champion and her brother, Louis. Now, he was about to face Prince Alyn, the victor between the two of them would be facing Ser Giles Christophe in the championship.

"I'm not going to show any mercy, Alyn," Xeno said as he and Alyn prepared themselves. He looked around the courtyard, his gaze falling upon a beautiful young lady seated beside an older woman that he knew to be the Lady of the illustrious Howard family. He gave a start when he realised that she was looking at him, too. There was something familiar in the young lady that he couldn't put his finger to though. Feeling suddenly bold, he gave her a mischievous wink before pulling the visor of his helmet over his eyes. He grinned underneath his armour when he saw her smile instead of being put off by his bold behaviour.

"Show me your worst, Xeno," Alyn replied then the two of them grinned at each other before walking off to the opposite sides of the courtyard to where their respective horses were stationed.

In the end, Xeno proved to be a stronger lance than Prince Alyn. They jousted four times before the former managed to unseat the youngest prince off his horse, his helmet knocked off his head. The prince shook his head to stop the dizziness he was feeling as Xeno galloped towards him. "I wasn't serious when I told you to do your worst, you know," he said when his best friend, and sworn sword, got near.

Xeno laughed as he got off his horse and helped the young prince to his feet. "A man's got to do what he's got to do, my prince."

"That was sweet, Xeno! I'm forever grateful to you for avenging me!" Prince Leo teasingly called from the sidelines.

"I'm glad Xeno was able to restore your honour, Leo," Alyn said in a dry tone which made Prince Leo laugh and Xeno to smirk. The youngest prince then turned back to him. "And so you're finally going to face Ser Giles Christophe."

Xeno's smirk widened at the reminder. "Yes. A dream about to come true," he said, his young face filled with unadulterated glee, making Alyn and Leo smile as they wished their friend good luck.

Georgette watched, with baited breath, as Ser Xeno Gerald and Ser Giles Christophe faced each other on the opposite sides of the courtyard. Secretly, she couldn't wait for the tourney to end so she could finally get a glimpse of the face of the young man hiding under the Crawford armour. The crowd was evenly divided in giving their support to the two men, with excited murmurs echoing amongst the crowd.

The sound of lances bursting violently into tiny pieces echoed across the courtyard when Ser Xeno and Ser Giles finally clashed. Georgette's heart leapt in her throat as she assessed the damage caused by them. No one would be doubting the strength the two knights have as they changed their weapons and lances and prepared to joust again.

It took Ser Xeno and Ser Giles seven jousts before a winner emerged. On the last joust, the younger knight's tourney sword broke Ser Giles' lance first and hit said knight on the chest, causing him to fly out of his horse, a part of his armour cracking in the process.

Cheers erupted as Ser Xeno helped Ser Giles just like what he did to Prince Alyn. The Hero of Wysteria smiled and congratulated the young knight, his disarming smile showing and making the ladies swoon. Georgette almost rolled her eyes at that. Then she, among everyone else, watched as Ser Xeno guided his stallion towards where the king was seated with his daughter, Princess Elise. The king stood up and with Princess Elise clapping at his side, smiled at down at his youngest son's sworn sword. "I, the king of Wysteria, do hereby declare you, Ser Xeno Gerald, as the champion of the King's Tourney." The crowd erupted into cheers once more as the king handed the champion's laurel to the young knight. Then they all watched in anticipation as he mounted his stallion once more, ready to name his Queen of Love and Beauty.

Georgette followed the mysterious knight with her eyes. She was so eager to witness the moment that he would take off his helmet that she didn't notice him approaching. So she gave a little start when she finally noticed him stop in front of her. Swiftly composing herself, she watched as Ser Xeno took off his helmet and revealed his face to her for the very first time.

She didn't err when she thought that his eyes ー or the one that wasn't covered by an eyepatch ー was as dark as the sky before an incoming storm. It was the most captivating eye she had ever seen in twenty years. Ser Xeno was a very handsome young man. His hair, dark as night, was unkempt due to the helmet he wore. He had a high aristocratic nose and his lips were full and reddish for a man, making her wonder what it would feels like kissing him. Shaking her head lightly at her unbidden thoughts, she smiled at him as he placed the laurel on her lap, effectively naming her as the Queen of Love and Beauty. "I am much honoured, dear Ser," she said as she looked up at him, only to let out a soft gasp as something, a distant memory, flashed before her eyes when she saw him smile.

"You're my most favourite person in Stein and in the whole world both known and unknown, my Georgette."

Xeno, who didn't seem to notice anything, brought her hand to his lips and planted a soft kiss on her knuckle. "I am more honoured, my lady, though no flower could ever compare to your beauty."

Georgette swallowed hard to keep her emotions at bay. She must not let anyone know what she's feeling at the moment. It was one of the vital lesson her mother had taught her ー never let anyone know what you're thinking or feeling lest it could be used against you. Mustering up a smile, she curtseyed in front of the young knight. "Thank you, dear Ser."

Xeno bowed politely at her then to his lady mother before galloping off with his horse. Georgette, still a bit shaky, scanned the courtyard eventually meeting the somber crimson eyes of Prince Alyn. They stared at each other for a while before he turned to leave the palace grounds. "Mama, may I be excused?" she asked.

The Lady Howard eyed her daughter for a moment before nodding. "Don't wander too far, child. We're sitting with the King for lunch." When Georgette nodded and immediately left, she shook her head, a fond smile forming on her lips. "Be careful with what you're doing, my sweet Georgette, or you might get your heart broken once again."

[1] A quote by Maester Aemon Targaryen from Game of Thrones [2] Robb Stark’s line in Season 1, Episode 1 of Game of Thrones when he and Jon were getting a haircut. [3] & [4] That famous and overused line from Harry Potter that I really, really like.

#midnight cinderella #fic #byron wagner #and the rest of the suitors sans albert nico and rayvis #robert is there but mentioned only oho #game of thrones setting plus anastasia au #kinda sorta #once upon a december #i love that song

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amethystiridescence · 7 years

Text

I am so happy.

My life has always been very relatively fortunate. I know there’s no comparison to all sides of a spectrum so its only with my limited perspective and subjective opinion that I can reflect on my circumstances. Its just for the sake of juxtaposition that I mention any of my subjectively negative life-affecting things. With some warning this is to be a very indulgent ramble as I just want to savour how impossibly incredibly wonderful life is right now.

For a start, I finally live somewhere where I can be relaxed and also call it home. After my parents divorced when I was 10 until I was 25, I lived with my mother. She has taken it upon herself to compensate in a very overbearing way for the lack of a father figure in mine and my brother’s lives. It’s left me paranoid, resentful, strained and absolutely living and breathing anxiety and I desperately needed to move out but money and a stop-start pattern in my career after Uni made it impossible. Through sudden circumstances I suddenly had somewhere I could move into and live in my best friend’s beautiful house. I am eternally grateful and forever in his debt for letting me live in such an amazing place. It’s such a roomy and bright place, and he let me turn it as homely as possible. I got to decorate the kitchen in pink and green and light pine, and I made the living room light and dark blue with tons of nerdy books and old school consoles. I have an old PS1 dance mat and Spyro.

My bedroom is unbelievably gorgeous, and my boyfriend who lives with me across the hallway with his own space built me a window seat which I’ve wanted ever since I read an illustrated copy of the Secret Garden when I was 5. I’ve covered my room in fairy lights, printed polaroids of my Instagram, and I sit on my window seat in the sunshine since it faces south and I read with scented candles. I can actually keep flowers in my bedroom now without them dying from lack of sunlight and I buy different colour carnations every few weeks. My boyfriend is going to put up bird feeders outside my window soon. He makes curries with coconut milk and sticky rice and I cook garlicky seafood noodle broths, and occasionally we all inhale one huge takeaway pizza each whilst watching Friends.

I also live in the most beautiful part of the UK. The sea is less than a mile from where I live to the south, and the moors are less than 10 miles to the north. Everything is wide, green and natural and beautiful on the moors and the wild ponies happily eat from your hands.

I went bodyboarding in the Cornish waves the other weekend and the water was so warm and so blue. I also went swimming in my city’s adorable local seaside lido pool in the hot sun the other week. Eddy bought us hot dogs and slushies.

I now have a huge group of fantastic friends and I’m still not sure how I’ve managed to become part of such a incredible group of people. Thanks to a string of aggressive and manipulative bullying in secondary school, my own socialising skills were shot to pieces and I didn’t make friends easily. When I first moved house I felt lonely and without friends and I was panicking about new people. So when I found the University Amateur Dramatics society by pure accident, I couldn’t believe my luck. For some crazy reason they actually seem to like me and want me to be part of their incredible family. They’re all so talented, passionate and affectionate, and I feel honoured to be able to call them my friends. They even encouraged me to act in plays, and my newfound sense of humour and ability to make people laugh still surprises me after several months.

A few of us went swimming and cliff diving together on the moors in a crystal clear running river in a heatwave a couple of weeks ago. I’m going to a wedding reception party with a few of them soon. They gave me a special creative contribution award on their Awards Night with the most amazing speech even though I’ve only been part of them for a few months. I haven’t felt this confident in myself in years and I owe them all so much for that.

As stated before, my career of choice is very stop-start. I went from no experience to a magazine cover, from waitressing to a stint on Game of Thrones prosthetics team to stacking shelves in Tesco for a couple of months. I seized a more stable less relevant job and held onto it hoping I’d manage to do creative things and unfortunately I ended up much unhappier in the job than I thought as I ended up only really doing computer work. The only solace I had was being able to raise a baby crow from a chick and have his company throughout one of the dullest work summers I’ve ever had.

I was stifled and felt stuck, especially since I kept trying to win this 6 month scholarship at a huge makeup school in Hollywood, and I came so close to winning and kept on just missing the mark. When I came the closet I’ve ever been and lost for a third time this year after getting so hopeful in the light of my work going incredibly viral, I was so deflated and planned to leave the job for the first irrelevant thing I could find just to break the unhappy directionless monotony. And then it all happened. I got contacted by a huge entertainment company requesting me specifically to come work for them as a costume designer and makeup artists for international performances, based half hour away from where I live. I’ve been there 2 weeks and I’ve been feverishly creating everyday with and the days just fly by. I’m even going with my team to Texas next month to do the makeup for the event that I’m creating the costumes for. I might even go places like Kuwait or Dubai as well. I can hardly believe my luck. And as if that wasn’t incredible enough, I’ve had a private sponsor contact me about the failed scholarship attempts and kindly offer to sponsor me for a month’s worth of classes at the school next year. So I’m going to work extra hard and pay for an extra month of classes when I fly to Los Angeles in the spring next year. I can’t believe I’ve actually been granted so much generosity and kindness and that I’m now a professional costumer and that I’m going to Hollywood in less than a year.

I start my VISA application this week.

And honestly, I still look back on the work I’ve achieved off my own back this year and I can truly say I’m so proud of what I’ve made. Cosplay is so important to me and I’m so blessed that I can take it and turn it into a career.

We still go Comic Cons at least once or twice a year and I love every second of them.

The boys got really keenly into cosplay this year and made cosplays they adored wearing so much that they went from wearing them for just the one day to all three days of the Con. I’m so proud of them and I love how much they enjoyed themselves.

I got specially invited to a huge London Comic Con at the end of this month as a cosplay guest and I’m staggered by how generous they’re being with covering all my expenses including a plus one. I feel weirdly famous and humbled by the kindness. I can’t believe I’ll be a guest alongside so many real celebrities such as Christopher Lloyd, Alyson Hannagan, Benedict Cumberbatch and my idol Doug Jones.

I am giddily madly and blissfully in love and I feel so warm and strong and sure of it when I remember how unhappy I used to be. It is a huge shame that my previous and longest relationship ended as needlessly bitter as it did. It really didn’t have to happen that way. I wish I had been mature and less scared of being alone and less inclined to retreat into the devil that I knew for all those years. I had no idea how badly matched we were after growing up differently and growing naturally apart. We just didn’t work together and it was making me so unhappy, frustrated at myself for thinking it must have been something wrong with me when in actual truth I just needed different things from a relationship. Consequently I only realised how badly unhappy I was only after I left it.  But Eddy is everything I’ve been needing and more. He is so patient with my whacky temperament, stubbornness and silly quirks. He is the calming, affectionate, assuring bedrock of my life, and my own self-image is so much better for his constant gentle reminders that I am warmly and passionately loved and always seen and even more importantly I can be totally myself without being resented. He encourages me to keep doing everything that I love doing, and he never misses a trick when I’m feeling upset or distracted. He always looks so happy to see me, and his smiles are infallibly genuine and light up the room. He is so ridiculously intelligent and yet he never ever uses it to make anyone feel inferior or show it off. He is so unbelievably unfazed by how anyone sees him and nothing ever embarrasses him, I’ve never seen someone so chilled in their own image such as him. It doesn’t matter how upset or stressed I am, he can instantly calm me down and break past my aggressive stubbornness or soothe my shame.

I love him for the way he can ballroom dance. I love him for the way he loves to cook and still finds time in between stirring saucepans to wrap his arms around me and dip me towards the floor even if its just to get an indignant squeak out of me. I love him for the way he animatedly talks about facts, history, art and gaming logistics with ease and humour as if its not things to be recited, its things to be actively and keenly discussed. I love him for the way he is shameless about what he loves, whether its a beautiful piece of art or a really bad internet joke.

I have a cupboard specially for all my teas. I have over fifteen types and three types of hot chocolate. I serve the hot chocolates with mini marshmallows. I keep a list on my phone of all the silly stuff Eddy has said that’s made me laugh. I’ll publish it one day.

 I got to decorate the house with autumnal decorations last autumn after mum wouldn’t let me do it at hers. I put orange maple leaves everywhere and real pumpkins displayed with dried leaves. I regularly lit cinnamon and apple scented candles. We had a pumpkin party with toffee apples and toasted marshmallows on a bonfire in the garden. I carved the silhouette of a crow into a pumpkin.

One of my friends from the society lent me a book that made me cry. I’ve bought my own copy. She makes amazing cakes and looks like an elf queen. I’m going to her birthday BBQ tomorrow.

My cosplay got featured in a magazine again.

I got a new duvet cover with the Little Mermaid on it, and a phone power bank shaped like a unicorn. I can love pink, girly pastel things again without feeling embarrassed. I love having pink hair.

We had an incredible Christmas tree last year. I made and ate so many Devils On Horseback and drank a lot of mead.

Eddy took me ice skating for my birthday. We went to see his favourite band in concert at the same place a month later. That following evening he massaged my achy post-heels legs. We listen to the same band when we cook together. He loves to sing along to any music.

It snowed before my birthday again. We went up to the moors early in the morning and it was absolutely breathtaking. We rolled around in the snow and I petted the snow-dusted Dartmoor ponies.

I had a phonemail with my best friend of 20 years earlier today. She’s coming to stay with us for a week soon. Her voice hasn’t changed since we were 13. She still smells like she did when we were 6. We went to the Tower of London as invited by the Ravenmaster himself and met one of the ravens. We also went to see a Steven Spielberg tribute Philharmonic Orchestra concert later that day. She drew me whilst sat on the tube.

I caught the cherry blossoms this year on really warm days. Eddy shook the tree over me so I got coated in pink petals. I got iced matcha from Starbucks later that day.

I acted in a play that started with everybody laughing then finished crying. I loved every second of it and I loved my cast and I loved the play itself. I love acting now.

I think Eddy’s family likes me. They took me to Disneyland the other week for Eddy’s sister’s hen party. Eddy’s mum fixed my skirt for the wedding and she also fixed my dress for the wedding of Eddy’s other sister last year. Both his parents cried and hugged me when I told them about Hollywood.

I bought a scrapbook with unicorns on it. I’m going to print of as many polaroids as possible to stick in it with glitter glue. I’ve been covering everything in rainbow, Pokemon and dinosaur stickers.

I never want to forget feeling this happy.

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wendyimmiller · 4 years

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Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!!

July 15, 2020

Cincinnati, Ohio

Dear Marianne,

Thank you so much for your letter dated June 26th. During this chaotic, busy time, it reminded me that I’m still in this relationship, and just as importantly, it reminded me why. I’ll explain this a little later on.

Before I do, I want to address my Facebook overshares. I’ve been accused of this before, and I have brought it up with health professionals. Mental health professionals. Through this I’ve learned new things about myself. Some of it is rather technical, but the short answer is that my oversharing is caused by vodka and tonics. Thing is, my life is hard. Very hard. I live in the Midwest. Where everything sucks. Everything here can either kill you or leave you begging that it does. The Midwest especially hates gardeners. So the drinks are well-deserved, and the things I then say on Facebook are what they are. I do get “likes,” but, to be honest, I’m never really sure if they are true “likes” or just feeble reactions of worried “friends” who don’t know what else to do. Besides, it’s only Facebook. Not like anyone sees it or as if anything could ever come back to haunt me. Right?

This Rant is a bit thin on horticulture, so I’m providing a parallel theme of beautiful Echinacea in photos and captions. This is Echinacea Fiery Meadow Momma.

Another thing before I continue. Apparently, I need to justify vodka and tonics over gin and tonics. That’s fine. I can do that, and it will all be based on things I know to be true. Yes, while gin is basically an English vodka, the addition of juniper berries and other various spices give it a unique flavor. By carefully crafting their recipes, gin makers offer their customers interesting and lovely tasting experiences. Literally, millions of people the world over, English and those they’ve colonized, truly enjoy gin and tonics. Few are faking it. And yet, despite all this, there are some very good reasons why some people cannot drink gin. Mine is that at age 15 I drank way too much of it. Spent an hour, maybe five, enduring the trauma of my body trying its damnedest to expel the entirety of my digestive system onto the asphalt of a drive-in right off the Mosteller Road exit in Sharonville, Ohio. Forty five years later, I’m still unable to disassociate the one thing from the other.

Echinacea Sombrero Orange, it is said, cures hangovers and even prevents teenagers from making poor choices!

So, for me, it’ll remain vodka and tonics, and, my, aren’t they refreshing on a hot day! It doesn’t bother me in the least that the sole purpose of vodka was (and sort of still is) for peasants to make alcohol from whatever spare rotting vegetation was lying around the village, and that the less it tastes like that from which it was sourced, the better. And while I realize that you were probably being snarky when you suggested I resort to Everclear, there’s actually solid reasoning behind your comment. But in my defense, however, I feel compelled to mention that I’ve never made a habit of buying the expensive stuff.

One more stray item before I try to address the real essence of your letter. You referenced the band Cake. Recently, my son has been trying to get me into them, which led me to the horrifying realization that I might be old enough to be your father! Imagine, then, my relief when I remembered that we’ve managed to keep things platonic between us! A trophy girlfriend just wouldn’t work for me. I’m not confident anymore, and just too damned gross. But it did get me thinking about our relationship, as it sometimes seems an odd one. To me, although you are younger, it feels like you are more worldly, learned, and a million times more mature. This makes you the sage. Me? I’m just an (average, at best) student. This gets reinforced every time you correct me when I get parts of things wrong, as I frequently do, or when I get all of it wrong, which also happens. Additionally, you have introduced me to many new things.

Echinacea Purple Emperor.

Case in point, I understood nothing in your letter after the parts about gin and Facebook. I have to admit that almost everything else was like it came from another world. I literally spent days afterward googling the various topics. I questioned friends and family too, and once a random stranger in the park before I began to feel even vaguely acquainted with stuff like Search Engine Optimization, Yoast, and something about worms.

Echinacea Kismet Raspberry.

So, SEO is why all the crap that shows up in my Google feed is written so strangely! And badly. Worse, it felt to me that you also effectively argued that tools like SEO, which exist merely to land any lame writer prime real-estate on a million billion feeds, are to good writing what roomfuls of Macedonian teenagers, their online accounts stuff with thousands of rubles worth of bitcoin, are to honest and intelligent American political debate. It is inevitable, I think you continued, that between them, such bad garden writing and those horrible Macedonian kids capturing the spare-minute attention spans of a million billion lemmings on their feeds, that mankind is doomed to witness the loss of basic human decency, the end of civilization, and fewer and fewer articles by Monty Don. If this is indeed what you were saying, I think you’re on to something!

Echinacea Evening Glow.

But I’m not exactly sure what I can do about it, other than to not care. By this I mean that I write to write, and always have. Even as a kid, I just wrote. All of it crap. As a young adult, I wrote more crap. No voice. No wisdom. Nothing to say and so profoundly aware of it. Eventually I found a passion in horticulture and scraped together some knowledge, and even a little confidence in that knowledge. An utter lack of pride and absolutely no ability to hide anything gave me something that might resemble a voice. Years and years of so many poor decisions infused me with maybe a bit of wisdom. Or at least some good stories. End result is that only now at age 60 am I able to even like some of what I write. Just enough to keep me at it, And just enough that I’m not going to change how I do it. Although, it turns out I might be using too many exclamation points! At least according to a paragraph deep into your letter.

While still in my previous life as an airline employee, I took some part-time jobs in nurseries to learn plants. These were not jobs I needed, and the experience was somewhat enlightening. All the crap that bothered employees who needed their jobs, didn’t mean anything to me. Disputes, rumors, conspiracies, and whatever else that were whispered during down times meant nothing to me. I just didn’t care. If my last day on the job was this one, so what? This informs my approach to garden writing. I do it because I love it, and that’s why I’ll keep doing it. Sure, it would be great if my stuff gets read, and making some money would be really nice, but I’m not going to stop if none of those things ever happen. I’m just going to continue, and I’m going to write as I want it to read. Key phrases or whatever else be damned.

Echinacea Sombrero Lemon Yellow.

Once in a while the best way to play the game is to not play it. This feels like that to me. Today’s glazed glossing of a paper thin spray of half truths will grow old, and a new way will come that might, in fact, look kind of old. I hear the millennials are all listening to Cake on vinyl. Maybe today’s grade-school kids will grow up knowing that quality garden writing is really cool. Maybe they’ll even prefer books. And they occasionally go to a neighborhood shop to buy one. Maybe one from Christopher Lloyd. A few weeks later, one of yours. Possibly even one of mine. Of course, I’ll be dead, but at this point I’m perfectly okay with my genius being discovered after I’m gone.

Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!! originally appeared on GardenRant on July 15, 2020.

The post Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!! appeared first on GardenRant.

from Gardening https://www.gardenrant.com/2020/07/experts-expose-the-deadliest-garden-writing-tools-and-five-fabulous-coneflowers-that-defy-news-feed-blues.html via http://www.rssmix.com/

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malicerewatchesdoctorwho · 6 years

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The Power of the Daleks - Episode One

Written By – David Whitaker Director – Christopher Barry Producer – Innes Lloyd Director and Producer of Animated Episode – Paul Hembury

Episode One

(“Ben, come in and meet the Daleks.” – The Doctor to Ben (and Polly) after having discovered the Daleks inside the ship.)

Likes

- Holy shit I forget every time how much I love regeneration stories (yes, even The Twin Dilemma :P) mainly because of how amazingly Autistic the Doctor is during them. Yes, I so headcanon the Doctor as Autistic. I’m Autistic and they share a lot of traits with me, so I relate. Two here starts off being majorly over stimulated by sound and movement and focuses on his (still singular) heartbeat to settle himself down. He knows he’s the Doctor but talks about himself in the third person. Echolalia with words to get thoughts in order. And the recorder for stimming and at one point communicating without words.

- It starts off with a recap of the regeneration scene. That was nice to see. Even as an animated version of it, even though that scene exists still.

- Polly immediately accepting him as the Doctor because no one else could get in the TARDIS. And no one else is there but them. Keep on being awesome Polly.

- Ben’s suspicion. These two didn’t actually see him regenerate. They got in only after he had collapsed. And one of them believes and the other doesn’t. It works for me!

- A large and interesting cast of characters, most of whom I don’t remember the names of off the top of my head, but I have 5 more episodes to get used to them.

- The last thing we see is the actual Dalek out of the casing running off to hide somewhere, which is awesome. This is the third time we’ve seen actual Daleks in the show, it is rare here.

Dislikes

- I don’t remember the details of this story as I only watched the recon once years ago, so I remembered the Examiner was killed, but I don’t remember why. I don’t remember who sent him and it is probably the one thing about this episode I really don’t like. Why does the Doctor get away with being the Examiner when the real one was killed in short order? Shouldn’t they be trying to kill the Doctor too? Yeah, that just confused me...

- Polly, don’t breathe in the gas...so you get up close and personal with it, okay...and now you’re poisoned by it. Great going.

- Ben, this is a family show. Don’t talking about getting drunk! Impressionable kiddies are watching (okay, this one is a nitpick.)

Awesome

- Whole body shot animation. The other animated episodes generally were head and chest shots, not whole body. It was a nice thing to see from the animators!

- The colony. That is a very pretty set and I feel like seeing the recon just to see if they captured a picture of it when it wasn’t animated.

- The Dalek ship is also a nice but small set. I especially like that they keep the doors as Dalek doors. Thank you for the continuity Doctor Who.

- Recorder prop. Just...Two and his recorder.

Shitty

- The animation seems a bit stiff at times. I’d put this more in dislikes, but it isn’t part of the actual story. It isn’t shitty, but it did make me blink and wonder how they would move like that. The animation was good for the most part.

- That the episode is missing. At least the whole story was animated, so we no longer have to watch recons of the story.

- Why did the Doctor have that part of that Dalek ship in his trunk in the TARDIS? Just...what? I got the scientists prop of it, but the Doctor’s, no. Just the one would have done to get the Doctor’s brain to know it is Dalek. We saw that from his “Exterminate’ in the TARDIS. Just the one prop would have done, instead of adding another that didn’t make much sense.

In Conclusion

I am enjoying the story so far and for the most part the animation.

Sometimes the animation was a bit choppy, especially with Ben talking and characters walking to the side but seeming to face the front still. It was a little jarring at first, but I got used to it and enjoyed watching it in motion even if it wasn’t the live action I like to see. It still definitely beats recons.

As mentioned above, I love a regeneration story, good or bad, because of how much it affects the Doctor. And it really affects the Doctor. It always has and it probably always will. I can’t wait for 13’s first episode. She’s going to be great.

But this is about Two, and so far, I really like what is happening in his first story. He’s confused and working things out in his own way. This is the first regeneration and he does make it look hard to cope with and like he hasn’t done it before. Things have changed for him and he’s got to learn to cope with that while solving a mystery and defeating Daleks.

...I don’t know how much more I can say without going into parallels between this regeneration and Twelve’s into Thirteen. I kind of squeed out loud at the ring drop...yeah.

Body count – 1. The Examiner from Earth. He was shot by unknown person/s.

#Classic Doctor Who #doctor who #the power of the daleks #episode one #epic rewatch #Second Doctor #Polly Wright #Ben Jackson #daleks

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turfandlawncare · 4 years

Text

Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!!

July 15, 2020

Cincinnati, Ohio

Dear Marianne,

This Rant is a bit thin on horticulture, so I’m providing a parallel theme of beautiful Echinacea in photos and captions. This is Echinacea Fiery Meadow Momma.

Echinacea Sombrero Orange, it is said, cures hangovers and even prevents teenagers from making poor choices!

Echinacea Purple Emperor.

Echinacea Kismet Raspberry.

Echinacea Evening Glow.

Echinacea Sombrero Lemon Yellow.

Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!! originally appeared on GardenRant on July 15, 2020.

The post Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!! appeared first on GardenRant.

from GardenRant https://ift.tt/2Woft0J

#GardenRant

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