#also i know we're still in the pandemic but now feels Different | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

comicaurora · 7 months

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Hi! I'm a big fan of your work. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I'm an artist who's been working on a story with a close writer friend of mine since the pandemic. Together we've outlined a webcomic that we're both very excited and passionate about, and it's been a great experience. Late last year we started actually making the comic itself, and a little less than a year later we're 37 pages in.

I wanted to ask you how you're able to somehow push out three high-quality pages every week? I work full time, and most days I'm too drained when I get home to immediately start working on the comic. Plus all the other stuff I have to take care of to be a functional adult. I'm not even that slow of an artist, but it just doesn't feel like there's enough hours in the day. At my current rate, I get about one page done per week. I'm 24 now, I don't want to be in my 50s still working on this story. Do you have any advice for increasing your output as an artist without completely overwhelming yourself?

Sorry for the wordy question. There's a reason I'm the artist and not the writer.

Oof, that's a tough one!

I mean, to start with, a fundamental difference in our schedules is I don't work full time. Everything I do for a living is very self-scheduled, and I can work far in advance to meet the deadlines I set and take entire days or even weeks off when I need them. Back when I was in college, dealing with outside schedule requirements, I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep up everything I do now.

That said, there are still methods to streamline and speed up the artistic process. I don't know the details of your methods, but I'd recommend sketching and storyboarding larger numbers of pages at a time and finalizing them at a more leisurely pace, rather than taking one page of comic at a time from a total blank to a finalized, polished version. The storyboard can be very basic; many of mine are little more than color-coded scribbles showing the characters and text boxes showing their dialogue. It's just enough to be readable to me so I can go in and edit it for pacing and timing, but it looks like absolute chickenscratch to anyone else. On the production side, that makes it much more feasible for me to work on multiple pages at a time, since I don't need to finish polishing one page before I can start boarding another.

This method can be expanded into a bit of a factory production line, allowing for a two-pronged approach of progress - one for finalizing older pages, the other farther along for storyboarding new ones. And once you have multiple pages done at a time, you can schedule them well in advance, which takes a lot of deadline pressure off and can make it less mentally daunting to work on. This also diversifies the space of things you can work on, depending on your headspace and energy levels - which is a useful option to have when you're wiped from outside responsibilities.

#asks #writing stuff #art stuff

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copperbadge · 2 months

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Hi Mr Starbuck! Some friends and I are moving in a few months and we're eyeing various places all over the US. Chicago came up as a relatively affordable big city (compared to LA and NYC) and I have to ask the resident Tumblr Chicagoan his opinion. As a resident who lives and works in the windy city, what's your big pros and cons of residing there (especially things you might not encounter as a tourist)? (also, how accurate is your "guide to chicago" still, since its been a few years!)

Well, I definitely have opinions!

The guide to Chicago is no longer accurate -- too many places have closed or moved, and the pandemic altered a lot (for example the Money Museum still exists but I'm not sure if it has regular hours even now). I should do a new one but like, I really don't get out much anymore so I can't talk about restaurants outside of a VERY local area, and I never could talk much about hotels, which just leaves points of interest mostly already covered by Atlas Obscura. :D At this point it'd just be kind of moot, others are doing it better than I am.

Chicago is inexpensive compared to New York or Los Angeles, but like, that's everywhere in America. Chicago is still a quite pricey city to live in, mainly because the taxes are so high -- 10.25% sales tax, for example, and my property taxes are also pretty steep. People joke about Taxachusetts, but I'm pretty sure Chicago at least has it beat (and 2/3 of the state's population lives in Chicago or the outlying suburbs). Housing is not at a premium in the way it is in NY and LA but depending on where you want to live and how far you want to commute it can still be very expensive. My housing was never less than half of my monthly income until I bought this place, and then ONLY because the job I'm in now came with a $10K/yr raise from my last one.

Chicago does have great culture, great museums, great food, and it's a liberal island in a pretty conservative region. It is however quite segregated, so if you are any race other than white, living here can get a little more complicated than I've portrayed it as a white dude. There is significant crime and particularly gun crime, but it's generally confined to specific regions of the city. That said, even if you discount crime, the Chicago PD are corrupt as fuck and uninterested in being helpful, so if you are from a demographic the cops enjoy harassing, it will not be different here.

I do love the city, warts and all. I like the water, I like the people, I like the midwestern vibe. I'd find it very hard to leave, especially because I have a network of friends here, but also because I just plain like it and I know it really well. There is a very short list of cities I'd consider leaving Chicago for, and most of those would have to have a well-paying job waiting for me. But it did take me time to fall in love with it -- it took a few years before it felt like home.

It's a little difficult to get more specific without knowing more about your situation -- what you do for work, what your budget is like, what your goals are in leaving where you are. Do you prefer to drive most places? (Parking and traffic can both get dicey.) Can you tolerate taking public transit if driving is inconvenient? Is the industry in which you work something that has a lot of openings here? Do you want to live in an urban environment, and if so are you prepared to live in a likely somewhat shitty apartment to do so? If you prefer to live in a house, are you prepared for a long commute? What do you like to do for fun and is there a thriving culture for that here? What is it important to have access to -- museums, concerts, theater, sport? Where do you need to travel to regularly (ie, I go to Austin several times a year) and how do you prefer to travel there?

Anyway, yeah -- like, I love it but I have few illusions about it. If you want to chat further feel free to hit me up by email, happy to answer more specific questions!

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jung-koook · 8 months

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that photo jeongguk posted left me so inspired and wanting to share something here about myself with you guys. in 2019 I was feeling very physically tired and a friend told me that by going to the gym I would feel more energetic, but I didn't care much about it. I said "I'm going to wait for a sign telling me to join a gym". and after that jeongguk started posting videos of him at the gym and my friends said that was the sign I was asking for. 😂 I joined the gym but didn't take it seriously and I felt uncomfortable there.

I was always thin but I never thought my body was beautiful. and I felt super uncomfortable with the size of my breasts. especially because of how it got men's attention. A few months before the pandemic I had scheduled surgery to reduce the size of my breasts, but for obvious reasons I didn't have this surgery. when everything went back to "normal" I was too lazy to go through the pre-surgery procedures all over again and left this plan for other time.

at the end of 2022, my therapist said she was pregnant and that she wouldn't be able to see me anymore because of that. I was lost. especially because it's hard to find a good therapist and one that I feel comfortable with. but in 2022 I was a person who was seeing beauty where I used to not even notice. I started to think that being thin wasn't something that suited me and wasn't something that I found beautiful about myself. I started to find fit bodies more beautiful. so as I was lost in 2023 then I decided switched to another gym and start taking this seriously. and after that everything changed in my life. even with depression and having ups and downs, I started to feel happier, I started to feel more comfortable with my body and I started to admire my body. my confidence has completely changed. I started wearing clothes that I want without wanting to hide my body. the size of my breasts also changed to something that was more proportional to my body. It's not something that bothers me anymore. my back is extremely hot now. I even admire myself in the gym mirror sometimes lmaooo😂

I still have a lot to change about myself, especially my relationship with food, but I have to say that no one motivated me about gym more than jeongguk, namjoon and the other members. especially jeongguk for being the one who talks about it the most. in my real life, literally everyone who wanted an opinion on this, even though I never asked for their opinion, said that my body was beautiful that I shouldn't go to the gym because I would look like a man LOL. but I really am someone who doesn't care about anyone's opinion on something as personal as my body. but having jeongguk and namjoon talking about the gym and stuff like that really made me more motivated to keep going to the gym. I look at their bodies and I'm so impressed not only by how hot they are but by their dedication.

I think it's so amazing, I don't know if it's because they're close to my age but bangtan always helps me with something about my life. it's incredible but often they say something that is literally like advice for some situation I'm going through in life,. other times it is something that motivates me, other times it comforts me. it's amazing how they help us without even knowing what we're going through, without even knowing us. when I say they are my best friends it's because of that. I really can't imagine what my life would be like without having bangtan by my side. in a different way that but in such an important and special way. they really impact my life in ways that I can't explain because if I try I'll burst into tears.

thank you bangtan for everything you guys did and do for me without even knowing me ♡🥹

#OK IM LEAVING

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astriiformes · 15 days

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To be completely honest I have been doing some Wrestling as of late (by which I mean. since October) because despite all the joy finishing my conversion last year brought me, debilitating moral OCD and the Ongoing Situation do not mix well. Which has been really hard because it's very difficult to be like well, I'm so glad to have joined this community for real and properly just in time for it to suddenly be a source of immense difficulty for me, too. And I'm trying my best to be involved in organizing efforts and to connect with likeminded Jews but it's still been very hard.

And on top of everything having another friend starting their conversion exploration journey recently has been making me realize how strange and lonely and isolated mine was, because it was so affected by the pandemic and lockdown and I didn't get to join my classmates in doing activities outside of class or celebrate holidays with other people or even go to our shul until fairly late in my journey. And of course I had all the other hiccups, like working with three different rabbis due to circumstances out of my control. And it was so worth it and the right choice, but still deeply imperfect in ways I feel sort of melancholy about.

But this last week I'm suddenly finding my place in ways that have been missing for a bit and it feels so important. The Jewish printing symposium I attended was so amazing, and I finally set up my recurring donation to my synagogue now that I'm officially a member and seeing my name and my Hebrew name next to each other in the online portal is making me smile, and some other people from my shul that I don't know very well but would like to get to know better invited me to a second night Seder at their place later this month that I think will be really good, and I'm doing research for a paper on medieval Jewish science for my medieval history class and reading excerpts from the De'ot ha-Filosofim and Midrash ha-Ḥokhmah and Sha'ar ha-Shamayim, and I've been working on my Yiddish and listening to a lot of Yiddish folk and punk music along with it, and today I think I'm going to finally talk to the LGBT history curator about the queer Jewish archives event we're doing in May, and it feels like something important has clicked back into place, that I think is going to make me both happier & more effective at the organizing work I want to be a part of but haven't been able to engage with fully for months now.

Anyways I feel like this Pesach is going to Get me because of the timing of this all, and also I already had some really, really hard stuff happen to me last Pesach that I have mostly processed but has still had some far-reaching repercussions, so there's an element of anniversary trauma (?) meets healthy processing that I know is going to happen, too.

But it's still a good reminder of why I chose all this, and that religion & spirituality & community really are incredibly important to me, even when they're difficult (maybe even especially when there's difficulty) and also that I am tougher than I give myself credit for and not totally a victim of my own brain! Which is! An important feeling, if not necessarily an easy one.

#this is a positive post! i am just putting it under a cut because it's also a very personal one!#jewish tag

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n7punk · 7 months

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i know i've kind of talked around this stuff for... fuck, three years now? but idk, now it's getting closer to "resolving," i kind of want to talk about it. journal, get it off my chest, idk

i haven't really been specific about my health issues much because 1) privacy and 2) very complicated feelings on it, but feelings are becoming less complicated, so... yeah. privacy is still really important to me, but i have too many feelings about this to keep feeling like i'm silencing myself for some hypothetical... i dont even know what

tbf, if it had turned out to be anything else, i probably wouldn't be comfortable even making a vent post about it now. but it turned out to be. annoyingly simple. i've also got other stuff, physical disabilities and such i've been more candid about but still want to keep the specifics of private, but this is... very different.

long story short, during the pandemic i started experiencing Symptoms. i'm honestly not sure if/how much i have talked about what was wrong with me, because i don't remember... entire years, much at all. i know ive described it as my brain being on fire, but it's more like it instantly melted down and i was left with the aftermath for hours/days/weeks at a time. it really fucked with me emotionally to be fighting through that on top of the direct effects of the Symptoms. and, well, the problem was my brain (probably) so that tracks.

it turns out it was migraines. migraines that shared many symptoms with seizures, brain tumors, or pressure on the brain stem, but yeah. "just" "migraines." and, actually, we don't know that! but migraine medication is helping, so it's probably that and this is where i am, finally waking up these last few months (this summer of updates could Not have happened if it weren't for my new medication) and feeling both very frustrated with what i lost and relieved to not always have to deal with suddenly being unable to understand a sentence anymore.

it's not like. fixed. my brain is still going to burn sometimes. It seems to come in waves, like two bad weeks and then two good ones. we're not done trying to treat it now we know some stuff it's responsive to, but its not like it used to be, wildfires raging all day and my head wavering on my shoulders as i struggled just to read messages from my friends. i literally had an emote i would use to communicate when i couldn't communicate that everybody who knows me understands. i haven't even twitched since starting my new meds! well, like, uncontrollably. trust me, that's progress. i literally had to get a bigger bed so i could be safe in the middle of it when the fits were especially bad and i got twitchy.

uh so that was more story than i planned. really i just wanted to finally talk about what i've been experiencing (at least for the first time that i remember). honestly writing was the only thing that kept me sane while i was trapped inside my own malfunctioning brain. i don't know why it was one of the easiest things for me, when i couldn't even understand a full two sentences being said to me i could still - usually - write (again: i literally couldn't talk for like three of the days when i was writing and updating catcher daily), but i'm so grateful for it. and everybody who told me my stories helped you, or that you looked forward to them, or even just that you enjoyed them: you helped me right back, because you told me there was one thing i could still do, from a capability standpoint to having the ability to make any impact on the world when i was trapped at home. so thank you.

okay i'm done now. just. had to get that out

#i dont like being negative and im very much one of those bare your own shit people because i dont want to bother anyone #and have been living on a razor edge where i certainly couldnt help anyone else with their weight #but like. we're getting towards the victory stage (as close to one as these kinds of things have) so im ready to finally say how bad it was #ive wanted to talk about it a lot but something was always stopping me #(partly some vague but panicked ''what if'' related to sharing too much)#im tired of being held back and choosing to hold back. i want to move on. as much as my body will let me #mylife

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bangtanintotheroom · 4 months

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Goodbye 2023!

Well well well, it's the end of another year and miraculously, I'm still here on Tumblr writing my silly little smut fics. To think it's been two years since I started this on a whim and have experienced so much on this blog, it's crazy. But this year felt so different compared to the previous one, for multiple reasons that I'll talk about underneath.

To start off on a major personal note, my year didn't start off the best.

I lost my grandmother last December after she struggled with health issues since the pandemic (non-COVID related). She was my last grandparent and although I didn't agree with a lot of her views, she loved me and I loved her. The holidays were rough to get through, to say the least.

Then my great uncle (her brother) passed in February while my family and I were on vacation. We visited and stayed with him last summer, which was the longest I had ever been around him in my life. It was a sudden decline in his health and to have it so soon after his sister was shocking.

Only the people in my personal life know about this as I didn't want to bring this up on here. I make sure to keep certain things separate from my life as a writer, but now I feel comfortable enough to tell you all just what's been going on. I'm doing better now, thankfully. We visited the cemetery recently where my grandmother and grandfather are now laid to rest together with their newly-acquired headstone. It was bittersweet, but it felt good to finally see a marker there after all this time. 💕

Now onto the good notes, which there were plenty of!

This is the first time I have ever went to Trinidad TWICE in one year! We went in February and in May, both for different reasons, but it was a relaxing and fun time. Something about the islands is refreshing, especially when you live in a cooler climate.

And then came April...MUTHAFUCKIN AGUST D TOUR 🗣️🗣️🗣️

This was officially my first K-pop concert and boy, was it an experience. Despite the rain and Prudential staff being shitbags, I had an amazing time and I look back at my videos and pictures with fond memories. Shoutout to @minttangerines @kithtaehyung and @here2bbtstrash for meeting up and listening to me scream drunkenly about nuggets at 2 AM!

I also had some nice weekend and day trips with my irl friends, filled with chaos and conversations that would probably get us committed lmao

I went to Texas for the first time, too! My brother moved down there last year and I already made plans from the jump to go visit him. It's a whole different world down there, but I'm already planning to go back in 2024 (with a checklist of what we have to do)!

Let's see...I did my usual cons and got somewhat back into cosplay, too. My friends and I are planning to return to the last one we visited before the pandemic started, so we're very excited!

Those were the main things in my personal life that occurred, other than work (which is still ass) and the usual daily things.

Now onto my year in writing.

2023 paled in comparison to 2022. My output lessened considerably, due to multiple personal events, exhaustion and stress from work and mental health.

I was writing most of the time, but I was rarely finishing anything to post. My WIPs kept nagging at me on Notion and it got to the point where I recently cleaned up shop. I cancelled some of them, but kept them in a page where I could reuse the concept and scenes for something else. This gave me peace of mind.

But I also have to do some cleaning up for fics that have already been posted.

I know I said I would stretch some of them out, but I am at the point where I have zero desire to still do that. Plus I am getting into new groups and find myself wanting to write for them instead. I will make a separate post on my intentions for my current fics, just so there's no confusion on anyone's end whether it will be continued or not.

It's also been extremely jarring how many people have just...left.

When I compare the end of 2022 to the end of 2023, it's like a ghost town. A majority of the servers I was in have shut down or been abandoned. Many fellow writers have disappeared, deactivated or gone on hiatus (for reasons that are valid and I wish them all the best). And the atmosphere has shifted, but not in a positive direction.

Interactions have lessened, anons are being ruder than ever, people are plagiarizing left and right. It's a mess.

I've had a couple of moments where I debated on stepping away, but I can't right now. Writing gives me an unexpected joy and it's always a treasure to see my mutuals posting their own works that they've put their blood, sweat and tears into. I'm not quite ready to leave that yet.

Although, I do have to take a slight step back, just to focus on personal things. I'm practicing art again to see if I can start selling once I'm comfortable enough to. If things ever get overbearing and I can't juggle the two, I will let you all know as soon as possible. But for now, expect at least one more year of AJ aka bangtanintotheroom!

Wow, this was long 😬 but I've been sitting on these thoughts for months and I had to get it out somehow.

I'll finish this off by saying thank you to everyone who follows me or reads my fics or plans to start reading them. Thank you to my mutuals who are supportive and encourage my crazy ideas. Thank you to everyone.

Happy New Year! 🥳

#AJ getting her feelings out once in a blue moon #happy new year #rambles

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black-arcana · 17 days

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NEW YEARS DAY's ASH COSTELLO Opens Up About Pregnancy Loss, Divorce And Dating

In a new interview with The Mistress Carrie Podcast, NEW YEARS DAY singer Ash Costello opened up about the personal tragedy and trauma that she went through during and after the pandemic. She said in part (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "I don't talk about that stuff publicly ever, really. We were announced [for this year's] Rockville. Welcome To Rockville is a really amazing Danny Wimmer festival. We're playing with MÖTLEY CRÜE and JUDAS PRIEST. And the last time we were on Rockville, we had to cancel — we had to cancel all of our festivals last summer. And I saw the comments, like, 'Oh, NEW YEARS DAY's gonna pull out again.' 'I don't trust they'll ever make it.' 'How come they always cancel?' And I just wanna reach out to those people, like, you have no idea the personal battles I was going through that summer."

She continued: "I had to really learn to prioritize myself and my health. I went through a pregnancy. I went through a pregnancy loss, which was really traumatic because it was like a prolonged — tons and tons of tests, and it just kept getting worse and worse. And it was like an all-summer stressful event. And then a divorce and moving to another state. And there's just so much that happened, and I just wanna reach out to those people and be, like, you have no idea what any artist you're idolizing is going through. We're all human beings facing battles you know nothing about. But that was a big lesson for me because I was never putting myself first, and it showed. So now I put myself first, and we're getting way more creative, which I'm excited about."

Elaborating on her pregnancy loss, Ash said: "I didn't know how common it was. And although common, still not fun.

"I had plans to be on that 'Kiss Of Death' tour [with ICE NINE KILLS and IN THIS MOMENT last fall] seven months pregnant. That was gonna be the plan. I was gonna rock it. I was actually really into the idea of it, even though I'm sure it would have been really hard, but I was gonna do it. And everyone was on board and everyone was supportive. And then it just didn't…

"Life gives you what you need and taketh away what it's supposed to take away, and looking back, everything happens as it should, even though it's still sucky, but everything goes exactly as it should," Costello philosophized. "And it's not something I talk about. It's how you said, it's important to have a community of women in the rock world talking about their real womanly issues that go on in our lives. I don't talk about this in general, but this is a girl's podcast. So I feel super comfortable talking about mental health and self-care and prioritizing yourself and not sacrificing your happiness and your mental health just to grind."

Ash also talked the difficulty in maintaining romantic relationships while being in a touring band. She said: "I'm not a dater. I've never been. I hate dating. I don't do it. I'm the kind of person where it's, like, 'All right, we get married or not, 'cause I've got somewhere to be.' I've always been like that. And if someone freaks out over that, I'm, like, 'Cool. You're not my person. Next.'

Addressing specifically the breakdown of her marriage, three and a half years after she tied the knot with Jered Boeving, Ash said: "It was harder to make a marriage work while being in a band with maybe a person who's not from the industry and doesn't necessarily understand… 'Cause I always said I'm not gonna date anyone in a band. I'm gonna go with someone in a totally different field. And then that also came with its cons as well, because it was a little hard for the other person to understand what it takes. And I'm a very friendly person. I've always been one of the guys, just because I've always been in bands. And so that can be a bit jarring for someone who maybe doesn't understand what the camaraderie is actually like while you're traveling and stuff like that. So definitely difficult to navigate. It's gonna take a very understanding person or just someone in the industry."

NEW YEARS DAY's fifth studio album, "Half Black Heart", arrived on March 1.

youtube

#ash costello #new years day #interview #Youtube

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scarfacemarston · 18 days

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Eclipse person again, and I just looked up when the next eclipse is coming and it won’t come until 2044 or something. And it’s only going over like the Dakota states only. My family’s also manipulated by trump related stuff but not as bad as it could be. These feelings resurfaced because a family memeber got to see the total eclipse and the way she described it was so fucking cool. It looks so cool, and I couldn’t even look out the window because “it’ll do something bad to you!!!1!111!!” Sorry for such bad vibes ig. I’m just really upset and I hate how no matter much I explain and talk to them about anything normal they still believe they’re barely logical thinking. Worst part is my entire family is moving to Alabama and my mom picked it bc it’s mostly white people. I just hate that the only people I know are just terrible people bc I was like 14 when Covid started and now I’m 18 and it’s had a massive effect on me but idk how to get better I guess for a lack of better words. Sorry for such a long rant I really do appreciate it even if this is the first and last time❤️

You're not bringing me down or bringing bad vibes. You're reaching out because you're hurting and that's okay. We all need someone. I'm just privileged that you chose me to talk to. The next eclipse will come when you're 38, right? Hopefully you'll be in a better spot by then. Sadly, having families not think we're logical is pretty common, especially if one member of the family has different political or life views.

That's disturbing why your family is moving, but Alabama has a lot of struggles that affect everyone, but it is certainly worse for many POC from what I've been told. I live in the South and its certainly that way for my POC friends, here. The pandemic was hard on everyone for sure. Have you tried something like bumble bff? It's an online app. It's known for being a dating app, but you can just stay in the friend section. That's what I'm trying to do. People have been recommending more discord groups to me. I personally don't know of any new ones, but if you're able to find any non toxic ones, that would be helpful.

Anyway, you're welcome on my blog so feel free to anon me anytime. That goes for anyone!

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yellowloid · 2 years

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hello dear! i just read your songs analysis and i think they’re really insightful and clever! i would be so happy to read other song analysis from you (both from tlsp and am)! also i love that you wrote the analysis from a personal view but not under the milex lens (although i would love to read your take on that version)!

hi anon, and thanks!! i'm happy to hear you appreciated my analysis, i love overanalysing lyrics so i'd be 100% down to make more. just drop the am/tlsp/mk songs you want me to analyse in my inbox (and whether you want the analysis to be strictly personal or you want me to go Full Milex Demon TM), and you can bet i'll end up writing a long-ass analysis post. i have so many theories (sometimes even different ones for the same song lmao like in this case) and they're just waiting to be put on paper.

now, since we're on the topic...

✨️mr. schwartz and body paint milex analysis✨️, by yours truly

(once again, this is just fan analysis. it's just as valid as any milex fanfiction i've ever written - meaning that it's completely fictional and i'm not in any way shape or form implying anything about them as real people. just having fun with lyrics and possible interpretations!)

(+ as i said in the other post, i'm analysing them together because there are so many interesting analogies between them and i think they might be connected. brace yourselves because this is gonna be long)

so in the other post i talked about anyways (and the ultracheese, but we could also add star treatment to the mix) as an introduction to the new album, how from what we've seen so far of the car it seems to be a very self-reflective album.

the vibes are quite similar, but if the tbhc self-reflection was done on purpose, almost calculated, the one that seems to characterize the car appears to be almost... annoyed. there's this subtone to it, a faint hue that gives it a sense of reluctant introspection. he's not doing it willingly - he's almost forced to do it, incapable of bottling his thoughts up any longer. like he finally understood he can't run forever (could be the effect of the pandemic, who knows). Also, the tbhc lyrics were absolutely cryptic, and even though the car ones are just as cryptic in some instances, we also find very straightforward, concrete lines ("come here and kiss me before it gets too cute / [...] and if we guess who i'm pretending to be / do we get a prize?" from Mr.S. as well as "watching your every move i feel the tears are coming on [...] and i'm keeping on my costume [...] and if you're thinking of me, i'm probably thinking of you" from BP). if tbhc had ten layers of mysterious metaphors covering it, the car has like... eight, i'd say. still very cryptic, but with a tiny bit more clarity to it. there’s still a lot of smoke covering it, but we can make out shapes a bit more clearly than we did in tbhc.

speaking of anyways specifically, i'd like to focus on that for a moment. everyone knows how it's a very, very personal song - but i don't see enough people talking about the evident parallels with see ya when i see ya:

"what a place for both the opposite sides of my double life to finally collide"

"you're feeling alive, a jekyll and hyde / [...] leading that double life"

like. do i even need to say anything. see ya when i see ya as a whole just screams of alex, but those lines? that's just miles telling everyone "yeah, this is about my absolutely platonic no homo bro", except it’s full homo and he knows he couldn’t make it any clearer even if he tried

also special mention:

"spilled the unspillable beans" (from the bourne identity)

"i put myself on mute before i spill the beans / oh, not again" (from SYWISY)

like. are you getting the vibe? because i sure as hell am

now, taking into consideration the whole discourse about double lives, masks and façades, let's get to Mr.S. and BP. as i said in the other post, in both songs it feels like he's talking to two different 'you's: himself (alternating it with 'i') and a mysterious interlocutor who appears to be someone he has history with. you and i both know who i’m thinking about lmao

body paint comes before mr. schwartz in the tracklist. he starts off strong, straight to the point:

"for a master of deception and subterfuge / you made yourself quite the bed to lie in"

these first two lines seem to refer to him not being able (or not being allowed) to be his true self; this is also confirmed by the 3rd and 4th lines, which are all about the need/urge to keep up (false) appearances and the misery that comes from it: "do your time traveling through the tanning booth / so you don't let the sun catch you crying". the sun could be spotlight, the media and the world's eyes on him, watching his every move. this whole “façade” aspect could easily be interpreted as him hiding his sexual orientation from the world for fear of being judged.

in the second stanza, this awareness also translates into self-deprecation (possibly internalized homophobia):

"my teeth are beating and my knees are weak / it's as if there's something up with the wiring / you can poke your head behind the mountain peak / you don't have to leak that you've gone into hiding"

he blames himself for this situation, for "having gone into hiding": the guilt takes up the form of physical symptoms and he asks himself whether there's something wrong with him ("something up with the wiring"), but at the same time he won't "leak" it, he refuses to admit it.

then there's a turn and he seems to be talking to the other person: "i know what you're thinking", which has Big Milex Telepathy energy, because who else could he share that kind of connection with?

now let's consider these lines from mr. schwartz:

"might be half a love song in it all for you / timing wise it's probably for the best / come here and kiss me now before it gets too cute"

at first he seems to be considering the possibility of giving himself and the other person a chance - the timing is right, they should just live in the moment without dwelling too much on anything else ("kiss me now before it gets too cute"). but then, after the chorus, this happens:

"gradually it's coming into view / [...] as fine a time as any to deduce / the fact that neither you or I has ever had a clue"

it's a bittersweet realisation slowly hitting him: right after he's almost been able to say fuck it and just live in the moment, he realises that neither he or the other person really knows what they're doing - what they've been doing all this time, maybe in terms of how deep they were really in, or how getting that deep would only inevitably end up hurting them both. he’s justifying them and at the same time almost criticising them, because they didn’t know what they were getting into and they really had no idea what they were doing (although, may i add, the other person might disagree on that. they certainly did know and he's just looking for excuses).

and then we have these lines from body paint, which seem to continue on that same route:

"watching your every move i feel the tears are coming on / it won't be long / it won’t be long"

he can't stop lingering on everything the other person does, almost obsessing over them - and at the same time this makes him even more miserable, because of two possible options:

a) he considers giving their relationship a chance, but fears it won't last

b) he feels like he's running out of time, and he needs to make a decision because the other person is still moving around, they won’t wait for him forever, and he feels "it won't be long" until they'll eventually move on. (may i add 2.0, if he thinks miles could ever move on and forget about him then he's even dumber than expected. oblivious king 😔)

however, stubborn as he is, he's choosing to keep up the façade despite his pain ("mr. schwartz is staying strong for the crew"; "and i'm keeping on my costume" in BP), keeping up his appearance ("wardrobe's lint-rolling your velveteen suit"), because he knows that's just how the industry works ("mr. schwartz is having tea with the grips / asking after all the wives and the kids / it's at the heart of what the business is"); he can’t live freely – he’s committed to the role he plays in the industry and he’s convinced breaking character and living his truth is simply not an option. neither he or the other person can change that, it’s just how things work ("there's not one god damn thing that you can do about this"; this also reminds me of these lines from star treatment: “i found out the hard way that / here ain't no place for dolls like you and me”).

but deep down he knows that, no matter how hard he tries to ignore his and the other person's feelings - it doesn't change the fact that those feelings are there, they exist and they can’t just pretend they don’t ("and if you're thinking of me, i'm probably thinking of you"). because that's what they've been doing for years – thinking of and obsessing over each other.

i also find this very interesting:

"and if we guess who i'm pretending to be / do we win a prize?"

it feels like he's responding to miles' attempts at deciphering him, of reading through his behaviour over the years after 2016 (through the entirety of coup de grace + some change the show songs). all these years, miles has been telling him through the veil of song to drop the façade and just be who he is, to stop being afraid and give them a chance, because no matter what he'll always be next to him. this is alex's reply: cynical, because the rose-tinted glasses (the same "rose tint" he mentions in mirrorball, perhaps) are gone, he can't see things the same way he did in 2016 because he forced himself to wake up from that dream. because he's convinced it was just that, a dream - one that could never come true.

but he knows the facts are there, he hasn't forgotten about the past and he knows miles hasn't either. and they can pretend everything is absolutely platonic on the outside, for the sake of their public image, but they both know what used to happen behind closed doors: "straight from the cover shoot / there's still a trace of body paint / on your legs and on your arms and on your face"; photoshoots representing their public side, and the two of them being the only ones who are able to see through each other's public façade. they marked each other in some way, and that mark is very much still there - but it's only completely visible to them, because they're the only ones who really know what happened. it's between them, a secret hidden in plain sight.

(+ these lines sound 100% fully sexual, i'm sorry it's the truth. we all thought about it and i won’t hear anything else about it) (also shout out to @haonsworld for speaking the truth about this part. you're braver than the us marines)

and yeah, alex may be skeptical about the possibility of them ever being something again ("having attempted twice, both incorrectly"), at the same time he can't let go of a tiny spark of hope, asking both himself and miles: "do we get a third try?"

this could also be interpreted as the other anon was saying - that is, them discussing the possibility of tlsp3, and how to make it happen.

either way, although a bit scared of failing, he's asking for a chance. he's hoping for it, despite maybe not knowing exactly how to handle it. but miles has been waiting for him all these years, hasn’t he? and he's ready to stand next to him in that journey.

after all, miles says it himself in caroline: "let me save you from yourself because / caroline, you're living on the edge this time / [...] take my hand / and go and lead the life that you've planned / 'cause you're gonna be just fine / my caroline" ❤️

#please @ am fun police don't come at me #i'm just having fun being a crazy demon 😔#answered #milex #my theories

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twopoppies · 1 year

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Hello Gina :)

Something I've thought a lot about in connection with Louis' promo, and that maybe underlies (consciously or unconsciously) some portion of people's frustration with it is that the story Louis has chosen to tell about himself for a while now has a lot of the elements and flavor of a character arc, essentially. From the high of the band, to the lows of the hiatus and what followed for him personally, to him finding himself and his self-confidence as a solo artist. I don't think there's any problem with telling that story, but the structure of a story like that suggests movement and suggests an end. He's found his self-confidence as a solo artist, now what's the new thing he's going to do with that self-confidence. Obviously, real people's lives don't work like that, it's not like you just get over your struggles and then it's done and you move on totally, but in the telling of it as a public narrative, I can sympathize a bit with people who feel like we've been at the end of this story for a few years (I think the version of the narrative we're hearing now is more developed for sure, but not at base very different from what it was with Walls). And that makes me curious about why Louis continues to choose to tell the story that way. Is it just that that's how he still sees himself, still at the end phase of that story and not ready to move on to something new? Or, is there some part of it attributable to the pandemic? Like, this was kind of the narrative he wanted for the documentary all along, and in a non-pandemic world it would've come out in late 2020, early 2021 and served as like, a cap to the end of that personal journey so he could move on from it, except then the pandemic happened and now that's been stretched over two more years? I'm clearly just speculating, I don't know the answer, I doubt we can or will ever know the answer, but I do find it interesting to think about. Also, why do you think louis wants this image himself?

That’s an interesting perspective. I’m very curious to see how the doc is set up and what conclusions can be drawn from it.

#aotv documentary

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 1 year

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Girl, im in the same boat as you. After the pandemic, things are finally starting to pick up pace for me and I began this year busier than ever. My twitter account was starting to collect dust and spiderwebs, and I said ok, perhaps this is it. It may be time for me to find a different hyper fixation or a new hobby. But these bitches saw me walking out the door and pulled me back in. See? Now this is why I got into kpop. It takes so little to make a woman's heart soften, and yet most days I had to sit through the most unhinged and boring drama ever. Listen, I just wanna be entertained, is that too much to ask?

Well, today it looks like my prayers have been answered. I woke up to some delicious baemin content. Loved that they showed us a little bit of the rehearsal, and have you seen how jimin talks to his hyung? I don't know how taeyang deals with the urge to pick him up and take him home. He's so strong and brave 🫡 then we finally got the live jimin has been promising since last year and i cant believe he keeps getting prettier and cuter every time i see him. How can a grown ass man be that cute and lovely? And he keeps talking about how much he's working and all the things he's preparing... honestly I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but really when it comes to jimin i cant help but get excited. And then, jk's weird ass back at it again! which i was especially glad for because I missed his live yesterday AND with the addition of jimin's comments?? he really got me feeling things ngl I was giggling and kicking my feet, I can't say I wouldn't pay them money just to see jimin tie jungkook's hair. I'm just a girl you know...

So yeah, just like that, I missed a good chunk of my morning looking for translations and staring at my phone like a dumbass. Maybe some other day i will find a more productive way to waste my time, but for now it looks like I'll stick around 😮‍💨

Girl!

We're having almost the same experience 👀

In my case, I don't need another hyper fixation or anything. I've had enough of such intensities since 2020, but as you said, mostly it's just witnessing mindless drama and the usual bullshit. And on top of that, in terms of the music and other content, what is there left for now? I've been through almost everything BTS. I'm not gonna write about the same thing until I get grey hair. Which means I'm left with paying attention to the solo projects. And since life's too short for me to spend time writing or watching what people do, especially if I don't care much about them, I'm left with the biases. Jungkook is on a break (those saying he's not getting work because the company doesn't offer him opportunities are simply demented) and the only one left is Jimin. And his solo work is starting to pick up and it's really the only relevant thing right now for me.

The problem is that it's become a habit. Keeping up to date through social media, which means that as much as I try to avoid it, I still have to see things and people against my own will and I'm too far into this thing and in my life in order to pretend that I still want to pay attention and write about it. I mean, lately I've made my position even clearer than it was before because it just doesn't matter at the end of the day. I'm in a speeding train caught on fire and at some point I will have to jump. Because I know what awaits me out there. Instead of reading and debating daily fandom bullshit, I can dedicate more of my time to watching films and pick up my dusty books from the library, knowing that there's no way I can be as disappointed as I feel after 2 hours in bts/fandom spaces. I need that dose in order to remind myself that there are things that bring me joy and I don't have to witness stupid people writing nonsense on twitter.

I also have fun here, with its ups and downs. But there's the risk of becoming repetitive and that's the death of passion. No thank you.

And then there's days like this in which it's fun again, starting with that performance rehearsal and ending it so nicely. I missed it. Like you said, I want to be entertained. That's all. And that includes everything, from frivolous aspects like watching JK eat chicken on a vlive, to a song release, a Fashion Week appearance or putting out a fascinating portfolio.

#bmt asks

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destinyc1020 · 2 months

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i honestly don't think it was that shady that he cropped out vanessa? i know you really liked them together (austin and vanessa) but if we're going off there old mutual friends (who are still friends with austin and not vanessa). maybe she wasn't that all too good of a person, like random people, like wait staff, like their neighbors claimed. there have been many instances where she's proven not only to be awful to austin but she's just a plain ignorant person who openly is a zionist, was extremely disrespectful not only during covid but during blm, openly defends pedophiles, has cultural appropriated black, desi, and native american culture for the sake of her music videos, photoshoots and going to coachella. she's the global tourism ambassador of a country run by someone who should be in prison more or less for all the crimes he's committed. she's not a good person, she does not care, she thrives off playing the victim. i know you say, if she treated him so bad why did there relationship last so long? she's simply a narcissist.

after all she's put austin through, liking posts mocking him, commenting under posts mocking him, commenting on all his ex's posts only for her comments to get deleted by them, posting shady instagram stories about him day in and day out while she's married. i think the last thing that should be considered shady is an old friend of his respecting his privacy by not including vanessa in the photo. they were the ones who defended him in the comments when he was bullied and harassed off social media, a harassment campaign mind you that she started.

(i hope this doesn't come off rude, it's certainly not my intention, i just get irritated seeing vanessa be given the benefit of the doubt time and time again).

Hey Anon...

WOW.... 👀

Thank you for your input. First off, I'll just say that I usually don't ever take sides when it comes to relationship breakups. Mainly because I was NOT in the relationship, and I only know a fraction of what that relationship was like, and the issues surrounding the breakup. With celebrity couples, there's the extra added reality that Idk these people closely and personally irl. 🤷🏾‍♀️ So, unless there's some actual evidence of wrongdoing during a relationship, I usually just stay neutral lol.

I embellish more below if you're interested in reading....👇(Pull up a Chair)

Plus, I've seen a LOT of these couples (not just celebrity couples, but also irl) break up, and then later on down the line get back together again lol. And then, what do I look like if I've been villainizing one half of the couple, and then they get back together again?? 😅

LISTENNNN lol.... I have seen this happen so many times (even irl) that now days I just nod, look solemn, and offer tissues to my girl friends if they go through a breakup, but I don't say anything too damaging about their ex boyfriend or whatever lol. Cuz one minute you'll be cursing them out to your friend, and then the next thing you know, months later, they get back together and then she's mad at YOU for the things you said about her "Man".... 😒

I'm not saying Austin and Vanessa would ever get back together (I kinda feel like they're two totally different people now?), I'm just saying that after what I personally saw with Ben and JLo? I don't EVER put ANYTHING past exes anymore...especially exes who dated each other for a long number of years, or were engaged, or were close to engagement, etc. 😅

With that said, while I did like Austin and Vanessa when they were dating (I thought they were cute together and seemed really into each other), I have heard and seen some of the shady stuff Vanessa has done over the years...especially after their breakup.

Idk about her "Zionism" (I don't follow her all that closely tbh), but I def didn't appreciate her comments about covid....I felt they were VERY insensitive during the pandemic, and I've seen the receipts on her insensitive and totally out-of-place comments during the world's BLM rally in 2020. 😤 This is the one that really boggles my mind, cuz while Vanessa in 2020 was out there spouting "ALL Lives Matter" during BLM, Austin was publicly posting on his IG about the abomination of what happened to George Floyd and called his White brothers and sisters out on their white privilege, and told them to not just sit there blindly and quietly, but to do something in helping out in the cause. How two people who dated each other could be so totally wildly different in values just blows my mind.... 🥴

I don't HATE Vanessa, but yes, I agree with you, she can be petty, and some of the things she's done in the past have been BEYOND shady. Not to mention, how she behaved after their breakup when Austin was getting shine for "Elvis". Look, I understand being hurt after a breakup (that's understandable), but I've always been one of those "keep it classy" in public, and vent to your girlfriends in PRIVATE type of people.

So yea I totally get it why some Austin fans don't particularly care for V like that. I think that's valid. I've heard the rumors also about how she supposedly treated Austin during their relationship. Part of me feels like a lot of this is just hearsay. First of all, I don't think EITHER of them would have been together for as long as they were together (9 years) if things were THAT crappy in their relationship. I'm sorry, but especially if you're a celebrity with OPTIONS, you're not staying in a relationship that you're unhappy in. They are both two attractive people. They could have had just about ANYBODY in that span of time that they were together. So, the fact that they were together for so long, I assume that they were happy for the most part! As much as some fans of Austin (especially Kaustin Shippers) hate to admit it, Austin was with Vanessa for almost a decade. That's a LONG time. You can't just erase that part of his history. If things were that bad, I doubt he would have been with her that long. Every couple has their issues, and maybe some fans just overheard her saying certain mean things to him when they were having an argument?? 🤷🏾‍♀️ I don't think people are all saints or all devils. I think MOST people are a combo of BOTH? We all make mistakes and have our not-so-great moments from time to time. While I don't love Vanessa, at the same time, those Austin fans who HATE V beyond reason are really kind of sus to me. Just like, the V stans who hate Austin for just existing are also seriously sus to me..... especially when V was ALWAYS gushing about that man every chance she got when they were together. Like, something ain't adding up...I'm sorry. 🤔 The math ain't mathing. He too has always spoken nothing but GOOD things about Vanessa? Now, maybe he's just being a classy guy and keeping his real thoughts to himself lol, but either way, he personally hasn't spoken or even hinted at anything negative w/her. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I DO think V (and her stans) had something to do with a lot of the hate and bullying that Austin received during the "Elvis" press tour, and I think he handled it very well, considering everything that he went through.

With Eric, I kind of feel like he DIDN'T really need to add that last photo on there? He already had a ton of photos with Austin that he was using. He could have kept that last one out imo. And his caption seemed to be a bit shady towards V, but maybe he didn't intend it that way? Perhaps he was ONLY just talking about all of the hate Austin got online regarding the "Elvis Voice" thing.

But anyway, thanks for your input Anon... I didn't take offense to it at all... I hope you don't take what I've said the wrong way. 😊

#sorry for the long dissertation #had to get stuff off my chest

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kathonydaily · 2 years

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Well there goes Kanthony for me. JB chose to hop on another project that starts shooting in three weeks. Feeling very devastated and disappointed right now. I wish i never watched season two. I already knew we where not going to be satisfied with their presence but it's clear we're not even getting semi satisfying crumbs. Kate is going to be Daphne 2.0. I wouldn't be surprised if the late start of season three shooting has something to do with JB sudden movie.

Wow. I don't know what angers me most about this ask, frankly. You all know right that JB would have had to ask Bridgerton if he could do this project before accepting? He didn't choose that, he ASKED (that's how contracts work) and they clearly gave him their blessing. Why? Because they found a way to manage the schedules. Some people forget that even Nicola filmed Bridgerton s2 and Derry Girls at the same time during even a pandemic (and all the problems there were because of that). I think we can all agree Penelope was still pretty prominent in s2.

Also the article said that PRODUCTION started at the end of the month. Production don't equal filming. Production mean they need to find locations, create props, costumes. It could take a little time, or a lot of time. Production for s3 of Bridgerton lasted months for ex. Also Bridgerton is that type of show that takes a lot of time to film, so even IF JB is going to start to shoot this other tv show soon, there still is time for them to shoot Kathony's scenes, since they usually film out of order anyway.

Also it makes me laugh the thing about Kate, like you are all assuming Simone doesn't have any other projects under her belt too, that probably she will start to work on this Fall, even if she hinted at them multiple times in interviews. Again, if the Bridgerton's team gave her the blessing to pursuit these other projects it means they found a way to work around the schedules, because again, Bridgerton take A LOT OF TIME to film and there is chance for everyone to pursue different projects and still be present in the season.

You're free to think whatever you want, of course, but sorry, i'm not going to assume things based on literally nothing. And expecially not faulting actors because they accept GREAT projects, knowing pretty well they aren't going to be leads in Bridgerton anymore (no matter how prominent their subplot could be), so their schedule allow them to. They can multitask, people.

#bridgerton #jonathan bailey #simone ashley #asks

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livebloggingmydescentintomadness · 1 year

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Heyo momdad! I have a friend who mentioned to me they were thinking about starting grocery shopping only once a month, only they weren't sure how to approach it, and I feel like I remember you making a post about something similar... Do you happen to know the post I'm talking about?? Tyvm

hi dear! i can't remember a specific post, i'm afraid, but i did personally switch from weekly to monthly grocery shopping at the start of the pandemic to limit my exposure, and since then i've actually expanded it to more like once every six weeks or so. i can talk a bit about how and why that works for me.

the biggest issue is that i shop for both my mom and myself, and we're both chronically ill and both have some dietary issues that mean i need to do a portion of our shopping at whole foods. the nearest one is about 45 minutes away, so it makes the most sense for me to a do a big shopping day where i hit three stores (a texas chain called h-e-b, whole foods, and trader joe's) so i only have one major expenditure of energy and gas.

i hit three stores because a) they don't all have the same items, and b) h-e-b and trader joe's have a lot of stuff for way cheaper than whole foods. i have a generally shitty memory, but i'm actually very good at remembering what things cost at the different stores.

i'm not great at meal planning, but i know the general things that i want to keep in stock (admittedly, this only works because we have two fridges and an upright freezer) and i do extensive pre-shopping planning.

i have a list in my phone of what i frequently buy at each store, and i'll add to it when i need something infrequently bought and temporarily strike out what i don't need this trip. keeping a master list helps me not forget things. i also try to have the list written in the order at which i walk through the store, so i don't get to the last aisle and find an item i needed from the other side of the store.

before i go out, i check the h-e-b and whole foods apps, because h-e-b has coupons and whole foods has sales. i mark down in the list what's on sale/has a coupon, and plan around those savings if i can. (trader joe's doesn't have an app, sales, or coupons, but their prices are always low.) i also have a pre-shopping conference with my mom so everything she needs is included in my list.

when i depart, i bring as many coolers and ice packs as can fit in the car (really important, since we live in texas). it's still often difficult to keep everything cold, and i've had the very frustrating experience of buying meat, not realizing which bag it's in, and arriving home hours later to find the meat warm. for that reason i group my cold stuff together on the checkout belt and help bag to try and keep cold things together. i'll stick produce from the beginning of the trip in a cooler, then take it out towards the end of the trip if i need that space.

it takes hours, and by the time i get home and unload everything i am fucking wiped, but in the end it just makes more sense than doing it more frequently. we've gotten used to it and it works.

in between the Big Shopping Trip, we supplement with a few things on amazon subscribe and save, usually one smallish h-e-b curbside pickup for fresh produce and anything i forgot/they didn't have last time, and i also do a pickup from a co-op called azure standard every 2-4 months or so.

azure is super helpful if you try to buy organic, have special dietary needs, or just cook/bake enough that buying 25lbs of dry beans or 50lbs of flour would be useful for you. i can get things like oats, sugar, cheese, and apples for enough of a savings that it's worth the 9% transport fee and driving out to the drop-off site now and then. it's also nice to support a smallish business and smallish farms.

NOW, having said all that, doing all this obviously consumes a great deal of my brain capacity, so shopping like this certainly isn't possible or beneficial for everyone. i happen to have an aptitude for grocery shopping and cooking, so this is the majority of what i bring to the table in terms of, you know, keeping us alive and not as ill as we would be if we had shittier diets.

i wrote this all out in case some of its useful to someone, but hey, whatever works for you is what works for you. endure and survive. ✌

also i have a shopping tag with some more advice.

ETA: also in terms of like, how to not let things go bad: i shop with the intention to either eat things that quickly spoil in the week following the trip or else freeze them soon after getting home (meat, some veg), and leave things that will last longer for after the first week (sturdier veg, fruit like apples and citrus, yogurt, eggs).

milk freezes pretty well, but i've also found it more useful to, for example, use powdered buttermilk in my baking instead of worrying about having enough milk/not using it before it spoils. i also have some quarts of shelf-stable nondairy milk on hand.

it's a big learning curve to figure out what spoils too quickly, what lasts a long time, and what work-arounds you can find, but if you get creative it can work really well.

#adulting #shopping #ask #fantasmalresplendent

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