#also fun fact this didn't even stop when i had surgery so the reason i cant listen to the hamilton soundtrack anymore is because i was | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lucy90712 · 5 months

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Road to recovery- part 3

masterlist Gavi stayed quiet for the next few hours which I used to do some of my uni work as I've neglected it a bit this past week despite having not gone anywhere. I only stopped when someone brought us both in some food for dinner which made me realise how hungry I was after not eating anything since yesterday before my surgery. I will admit the food didn't look exactly appetising but I was so hungry that I tried my best to ignore the look and the taste.

"How are you eating that it's disgusting" Gavi said taking me completely by surprise

"I'm starving I haven't eaten since midnight yesterday so I'll take anything although this isn't great" I said

"Well I'm going to get someone to bring me some food do you want anything?" He asked

"If you don't mind that would be amazing I'll find way to pay you back" I said

"There's no need for that I offered so I'll pay" he said

After earlier I expected him to not like me and to just ignore me until we leave but clearly he either wasn't as bothered by my questions as I thought or he has a very short memory. Not knowing much about Gavi I didn't have any idea of what he'd be like but knowing he's a famous footballer I assumed he'd be a bit arrogant and maybe not the nicest person but my assumption seems to be very wrong. The fact that he offered to get food for me and pay for it changed all of my assumptions about Gavi as there's not many people out there that would do that for a stranger let alone someone like him who has no need to even speak to me.

Gavi asked me if I had any preferences on what he ordered but I told him to just get whatever he wanted as he was paying and I'll eat anything. I imagine he usually has a diet to follow like I do but if there is any occasion where we can break it without being told off I imagine that's now. Although I can't wait to get back to training and competing I think I'm going to enjoy the break from the strict routines and diets as for me that's the hardest part.

"So how did you end up here?" Gavi asked breaking my train of thought

"I was practicing a new vault for a competition as I'm a gymnast and I landed right on my leg and now I'm here" I said

"You're a gymnast that's cool I don't really understand much about gymnastics but what level if that's the right word do you compete at?" He probed further

"It's not easy to describe but I was selected for the olympic team for next year but that's not going to happen now" I said

"I'm sorry I know exactly how that feels it's the euros in the summer too and I'm going to miss that" he said

"Yeah it sucks but my brother always tells me things happen for a reason so I'm gong to take this set back and use it to motivate me to get even better" I said

"I don't think I ever asked what your name is I'm sorry" he said

"Don't worry about it I'm Lola but the way" I said as I reached over to shake his hand which made him laugh

"It's nice to meet you Lola I'm Pablo or more people call me Gavi but I assume you knew that already" he laughed

"Do your friends call you Gavi or Pablo?" I asked out of curiosity

"They mostly call me Gavi but my family calls me Pablo but you can call me whatever I'll answer to either" he said

Pablo and I kept talking and getting to know each other even when Pablo's dad brought us the food he ordered we kept talking in between taking bites. He told me all about football but also more about him as a person which I enjoyed listening to as its always nice to get to know the person behind what the media see and he's truly a lovely person. I got the sense that Pablo is the type of person you can't help but love once you get to know him as there doesn't appear to be a bad bone in his body. Out of all the famous footballers I could've ended up here with I'm glad it's Pablo as he's actually really normal and fun to talk to.

~~~~~~~~~~

Overnight Pablo and I didn't sleep much as we spent a lot of time talking and then we watched movies together until we must've both eventually fallen asleep. I was woken up by a nurse coming in to do her regular checks and then another doctor came in and made sure both Pablo and I were up so he could tell us that after lunch we would be discharged but first we both had physio sessions one after the other. As he had his surgery first Pablo went for this physio first so I used the opportunity to get up and brush my teeth and hair as I know I look a mess after yesterday. I also texted my brother so he would know when to come and get me as he promised to pick me up or more like volunteered himself as he's sure I'm lying about sharing a room with the Pablo Gavi.

Once Pablo was back I had my physio session which wasn't much fun as it just left me in a lot of pain. With how hard it was to even move my knee a little bit it made me feel quite down about my chances of having a speedy recovery and getting back to training any time soon but it can only get better as time goes on right. When I got back Pablo seemed to sense that I wasn't feeling so chipper anymore as he made his way over and gave me a hug or at least his best attempt while using crutches. I didn't know how much I needed a hug until Pablo hugged me, somehow it just made me feel so much better it was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits and being in his arms made me feel weirdly at home. As we both packed our things ready to be discharged he kept me talking about anything other than sport or our injuries which was really thoughtful of him.

Before I knew it the doctor said we were free to leave so the both of us quickly text whoever was coming to pick us up then we just had to wait. My brother knew we would be getting discharged not long after midday so he was already in the area so it didn't take long before he was knocking on the door to our room. Once he came in I couldn't help but smile as he got to see that I wasn't lying just because I was bored I have actually been sharing a room with Pablo this whole time.

"Are you ready to go sis?" Alonso asked me

"Yeah just give me one minute to go to the bathroom" I said

"Hey man it's nice to meet you thanks for keeping her company in here" Alonso said to Pablo trying to find a reason to talk to him

"It's no problem she's lovely it was nice sharing a room with her" I heard Pablo say making me blush a little as I came out the bathroom

"Lola before you go can I have your number I think it would be good for both of us if we kept in touch" Pablo asked while scratching his neck clearly nervous

"Of course give me your phone and I'll put my number in" I said

Once I handed him his phone back Alonso took my bag and we walked out the hospital together. Alonso wouldn't stop staring at me as I focused on making my way out of the hospital and into the car which was harder than I though as I have no movement in my knee which you really take for granted when you have it. Even once we were in the car Alonso didn't go anywhere he still just stared at me.

"Do you have anything you want to say?" I asked

"First of all you weren't lying and secondly you gave him your number I just don't know how you managed that" he said

"I'm just the best that's how I managed it" I laughed

"But seriously I have no idea I don't think the past 24 hours will ever feel real" I said

Alonso drove me back to my apartment and helped me get settled before he left as he has his own life to live. Seeing as I was finally alone and feeling a bit better about life I decided to take a selfie to share with my followers as I know some people care about my journey and are worried about the fact that I didn't attend the last competition.

Pablogavi started following you

Pablogavi liked your photo

#gavi imagine #gavi imagines #pablo gavi imagine #pablo gavi imagines #gavi #gavi oneshots #gavi x reader #pablo gavi #football imagine

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garden-eel-draws · 1 year

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from here

I guess I'm going reverse chronologically through my tabs.

Fun fact: novocaine/lidocaine don't work very well on me either. We learned that when I was like five years old and fell off a slide and needed stitches in the back of my head. They tried to numb the area first before putting the stitches in, but it basically didn't do anything so I kicked the ER doctor in the stomach so hard they needed to get a new doctor (and two grown men to hold me down while they actually anesthetized it properly so I wouldn't take anyone else down in the process).

I know a bunch of med reactions like that are genetic and a lot more common in certain ethnic groups, but I totally forget all of them for local/topical anesthetics like those except that it's surprisingly common for that same thing to happen in redheads (which I learned from a redhead friend with the same problem).

I had the same thing happen at the dentist too, but then at some point I found a great dentist who actually listened to me when I told him about it. He said most people don't target all the different nerve clusters in the mouth because it's usually not necessary, but he'd make sure to get all of them, give me a bit more than usual, and wait a little longer for it to kick in...and it actually worked for once!

So yeah, there are ways to work around it, and I've had good luck with anesthesiologists for stuff like colonoscopies when they were trying to figure out my GI problems. They managed to knock me right out, and I never felt or remembered a thing, so I'm pretty confident there are people out there who can actually do it right for surgery too, but it's worth talking to them ahead of time and making sure you feel comfortable with them actually acknowledging what you tell them and taking it seriously if you ever get to that point.

As far as any Surgeries of Trans Your Gender go for me though, I'm personally more worried that I heal really slowly from even minor injuries, and that I'd die from an infection or something during the extended healing process if I slip into not being able to take care of myself well enough, but I'll jump off that bridge if and when I come to it (and I swear I thought these were going to be shorter if I didn't need to explain why I was sending random asks like the first time)

Huh. Maybe if I ever have money, I can shop around for a doctor that would listen. The guy who took my wisdom teeth out kept telling me that he'd stop mid-surgery if I didn't stop screaming and ignored me every time I managed to stop screaming long enough to beg him for more anesthetic, so that admittedly colored my opinion of the whole profession...

And yeah, the post-surgery healing thing also worries me. My grandmother and mother not only walked off epidurals and (grandma only) woke up paralyzed and in agony during major surgery, but I've also seen the amount of pain, time, and incredible maintenance care that it takes to heal after something like a mastectomy. My grandmother got one for cancer reasons and she had to have the area drained and had to take all kinds of meds for it, etc. I'm a disabled guy with memory issues and mobility problems who chronically forgets to eat (and thus has diet deficits I can't afford to have diagnosed that screw with my healing) so like...maybe putting up with the mild dysphoria and irritation of being constantly misgendered is worth it in my case? At least for the time being, anyway. Maybe 10 years on I'll be chewing the drywall every time someone calls me the wrong thing and I'll be beyond these fears ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#eel speak

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angellesword · 4 years

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YOUR EYES TELL | JJK | 15 (FINAL)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 4k

SERIES: CHAPTER 14 | SPECIAL CHAPTER

"You sure you don't need anything?"

You weren't sure if it was annoyance or amusement that caused you to chuckle upon hearing hesitation in your father's voice.

"I'm good, Appa." You assured him, "it's just Jeongguk. Don't worry."

You were wrong. He wasn't worried because of Jeongguk. He was worried because of you.

"Okay," your father let out a deep sigh as he tried to calm his mind. "I trust your soulmate. Have fun, love."

And just like that, the call ended.

Soulmate.

After everything that had happened, your father still believed that Jeongguk was your soulmate.

You still did too. How could you deny that fact when you could clearly see colors now?

It had been four months since your eye surgery. You didn't think it was going to be a successful, mainly because you were convinced that Jeongguk's hatred towards you was the reason why you went blind.

Apparently, it was your fault.

You knew it was reckless to drive when you were under the influence of alcohol. This wasn't just about you. This was also about the people who could have suffered because of your stupidity.

Your father was actually disappointed in you. He didn't expect you to do something like this, especially because he knew that you had a careful approach in life.

You hated being a burden. Your greatest fear was to be the reason why someone was hurting. Your father didn't understand what ticked you to break out of character, and so he asked. He asked what was wrong—causing you to break into tears.

You couldn't keep this to yourself anymore.

You told him about everything you had been going through—like how your soulmate didn't love you and how stressful being a lawyer was.

Of course your father understood, but he told you that it wasn't an excuse to put yourself and other people in danger.

There were other ways to welcome or ignore pain. You agreed since it wasn't like you planned this to happen.

Your father didn't believe in you, though. He felt like you were trying to harm yourself. This was why he called you every single day. He wanted to make sure that you weren't driving or doing things you weren't supposed to do.

He freaked out when you told him that you were going out with Jeongguk tonight. It wasn't because he hated your soulmate. Admittedly, he felt like you were lying when you told him that Jeongguk didn't love you.

That can't be right. It was obvious. Your father had met your soulmate and he saw the way Jeongguk looked and talked about you. He couldn't be wrong; the boy destined to be with you was whipped—as in madly in love with you.

His claim turned out to be true when right after your surgery; you gasped and cried so hard because finally, you could see colors.

It was too good to be true. Was this seriously happening? Was Jeongguk really in love with you?

You couldn't tell.

You used to think that seeing colors was the indication of your soulmate's love for you, but it had been months now yet Jeongguk hadn't verbally told you that he loved you.

Sure. Actions spoke louder than words. You guessed you just had to be contented with this.

The past four months felt like a dream. Jeon Jeongguk, the most stubborn and egotistical person in the world, was acting like a lovesick fool because of you.

You told yourself that you did not want to love your soulmate. You stood by this. You had been ignoring Jeongguk's attempt to 'win you over.'

(Un)fortunately, the boy just wouldn't stop.

He would send you letters written in a small sticky note every day just to tell you the sappiest thing. On the other side of the sticky note, there's an exquisite drawing of every detail about you.

You realized that it was some sort of puzzle, but you hadn't really had the chance to piece it together because you were too caught up with the words written in the sticky notes.

Note 1 Red Red is the first color in the rainbow. She is my first love, but it ended. I'm saying this because I realized that the start isn't always the end. She’s the beginning, you are my end game.

This was the first note you had received from your soulmate. It was plastered on your front door—this was also the first thing you had seen after you had been discharged from the hospital.

Note 2 Orange Orange is the color I thought I know by heart. As it turns out, I've been fooled. I have been fooled by the world, but it's okay. You helped me see.

This note was unclear to you, yet it didn't fail to make your heart feel light. You weren't aware that Jeongguk was talking about how the florist who sold him orange tulips for almost a decade, the one who fooled him.

No one could take advantage of him now, though. You helped him with this problem.

Note 3 Yellow My mom said that yellow is the prettiest color. She also said that it shines the brightest. I'm glad I didn't believe her. It wasn't bright at all. It only reminds me of the time I thought I'll lose you.

It took you long to realize what he was implying.

Yellow.

This was the color of your shirt when your car crashed. Jeongguk remembered how dark life was when you were pushing him away.

Your soulmate had sent you hundreds of letters by now. All of his notes started with colors. Out of all the things he sent you, the yellow note was what stuck to you the most.

The black world was frightening. It felt cold and lonely and Jeongguk was exactly like that. He was lonely. He suffered from a major heartbreak that was why he turned cold. He hated what Red had done to him, but he wasn't really different from his ex-girlfriend.

Jeongguk hurt you the same way Red hurt him, but your soulmate was willing to do everything to make it up to you.

Aside from the notes, you also found out that Jeongguk was the one who cooked your food each day. You got mad at Red because she failed to tell you the truth. There was even a point wherein you stopped eating the food your soulmate had prepared since you literally didn't want to do anything with him anymore.

Jeongguk was still persistent. He would always pick you up from work and then he would ask if you wanted to grab dinner with him.

You always declined his offer to take you out. Turning him down was always part of your daily routine, so you didn't know what changed this Saturday night.

Why, after four months, did you finally accept Jeongguk’s attempt to ask you out?

"Can't resist his bambi eyes, can you?" Jimin laughed on the other line. Your best friend called right after your short phone conversation with your dad. It was like everyone was interested in your business tonight.

"It's just one date, Jimin," you rolled your eyes, yet the blush in your cheeks indicated that Jimin was right.

You still couldn't resist Jeon Jeongguk.

It wasn't like you were giving into him. No. It would take more than his wide, doe eyes to melt your cold, cold heart. He hurt you after all.

But last night was different.

You were supposed to have dinner with your subordinates since it was Friday, but then you spotted Jeongguk waiting outside the building of your small law firm.

He was standing there with trembling lips. Your soulmate was freezing under the cold winter, yet he still chose to wait for you.

You see, Jeon Jeongguk was banned from entering your office. You told the securities not to let him in since he was distracting everyone at work.

Your employees just couldn't stop gushing over your soulmate to the point that they weren't able to finish their task for the day. They were always trying to get Jeongguk's attention and the most annoying part was that your soulmate didn't seem to mind—not because he was a flirt too. It was actually because he was too naïve for his own good.

So yeah. You banned him from entering the building because he was a distraction and definitely not because you were blinded by your stupid jealousy. No. Not at all.

He was your soulmate, yes, but it didn't mean you had to stay together. The only thing you two should do was to try to be casual and not hate each other.

You couldn't afford to make Jeongguk hate you. This was the only rational reason why you agreed to go out on a date with him tonight. You were just scared and guilty for letting him wait for you in the snow.

"Whatever you say," you could imagine Jimin's teasing expression despite not seeing his face. "Have fun, okay? Love you!"

"Ditto! See you soon," you pressed the end bottom of your phone as your doorbell rang.

Seven pm. You bit your lower lip, glancing at the clock. Jeongguk was right on time. He told you last night that he would be outside of your door at exactly seven in the evening.

You sighed and fixed your hair a little before opening the door.

Jeongguk practiced speaking the things he would say to you tonight in front of the mirror. He swore he prepared so hard because he didn't want to disappoint you. He felt like this was his only shot with you, unfortunately it seemed like he was destined to fuck things up with you again.

"Oh fuck," his eyes dilated upon seeing you.

You were wearing this pretty dress that accentuated your curves. You looked so expensive and exquisite that Jeongguk felt like he was out of place.

Your soulmate was wearing a thick sweater and black sweatpants. His hair was messier because of the winter wind.

"You're not dressed." This was the first thing you said to him. The scowl on your face made him think that you already regretted agreeing to spend this night with him.

He was wrong. You were only frowning because you felt embarrassed. You took your sweet time preparing for this date. You even rushed to buy a fancy dress just this morning, causing you to feel like a fool.

It was clear now that you were more excited than the man who practically begged you to go out with him.

"I-I just thought it'd be better to stay home because of the weather." The boy said sheepishly while showing you the home cooked food he had prepared for this date.

You swallowed hard.

"Come in." And then you opened the door wider for him.

Jeongguk let out a sigh of relief. At least you did not kick him out. He wouldn't know what to do if that happened. He missed your home so much. He missed Miri as well. Too bad the fury pet wasn't around.

Miri visited the Kims' mansion every Saturday. Red picked the cat earlier this day. She said Miri was the only one that could make Soobin smile. Red and Seokjin, the newlywed couple, were only allowed to visit Soobin every Saturday. They always take the little boy to a nice place with your cat Miri.

Jeongguk realized that it was a blessing in disguise that the cat wasn't around since no one was scratching the couch where you and him currently sat on.

Jeongguk's idea for this date night was to simply watch some movies while eating. He thought that this was the perfect plan, sadly it looked like you didn't share the same sentiment.

"Jeongguk," irritation was laced in your voice as you called your soulmate's name.

You were irritated for the reason that you felt like he didn't really want to be here.

Jeongguk seemed preoccupied. It was apparent when you asked him what film he wanted to watch. He simply said 'whatever you want," while staring at you blankly.

You let it pass at first, but you couldn't ignore it now that the movie had ended and it appeared like he didn't even realize.

Jeongguk was silent beside you, but he couldn't sit without fidgeting. The air was awkward. He looked awkward, like he was uncomfortable or something. He wasn't even eating his food.

"Did you like the movie? Were you scared?"

"Uh," Jeongguk was staring again. "I'm...yeah. It's pretty scary,"

"Oh." You narrowed your eyes at him. "I didn't know you were afraid of zombies."

"Yeah. I am," he wasn’t and you knew it.

You huffed, crossing your arms. He was such a liar.

"The movie that we just watched," you gritted your teeth. "Isn't about zombies, Jeongguk. It's not even a horror film. It's Toy Story 4!"

You were annoyed. Why did Jeongguk even ask to be with you when he wasn’t going to pay attention to you or to the things the two of you were supposed to do?

"I'm sorry..."

And there's it again. The insincere apology. He was always sorry, but he never changed.

"You know what? Just go home. I..." You trailed off as tears filled your eyes.

Why did you always have to make a fool of yourself because of him?

"I don't want you here."

Jeongguk's heart sank upon hearing the words that left your mouth.

"No please," he also turned pale, eyes turning wide because he wasn't expecting this date to turn out like this. What he wanted to happen was to enjoy the winter night cuddled with you as the two of you watched a romantic movie.

Jeongguk imagined watching Love 911 to give you an idea of some of the things he wanted to try with you.

"What do you mean no? It's obvious that you don't want to be here. You're not even paying attention."

"It's not like that," he avoided your gaze.

You only scoffed. Typical Jeongguk. Always telling you that you didn't get him.

"Then what is it? Why do you look uncomfortable? Why do you look like you don't want to be here—"

"I told you it's not like that!" He was staring at you using those big eyes. His thin beckoning lips protruded into a pout.

"I just!" He sighed like he found it hard to explain what he felt. "Can't concentrate on other things because all I can think about is you!”

"What—"

He didn't let you finish. Jeongguk was rambling. He was nervous. He didn't want you to get mad at him again.

"Your dress really looks so good on you and your make up is really nice. You're really pretty...and really beautiful and really sexy and I really just...really—"

"Huh." you pouted, slightly cringing because of his excessive use of the word really. "So now you're blaming the way I look?"

You were teasing him to get rid of the funny feeling in your stomach. Damn Jeongguk for confusing the hell out of you. You were supposed to be annoyed, but why were you smiling?

And why the hell was it so easy to melt into him?

"No!" Jeongguk groaned. He was getting frustrated. You seemed to always twist his words and extrapolate things.

"Look..." He closed his eyes since he couldn't bear to look at you anymore. He was scared to see the disappointment in your eyes.

"I just love you okay? Like really, really, in love with you."

Jeongguk's heartbeat doubled when you didn't speak.

Silence engulfed the whole room that he was forced to open his eyes.

His heart went even crazier. It was beating erratically.

Why were you staring at him with an agape mouth?

"What did you say?" You were no longer in the mood to fool around. Sure, you were teasing Jeongguk, but it didn't mean he could also joke about feelings and love.

It wasn't fair.

"I love you?" Jeongguk said, unsure.

He wasn't unsure of his feelings. He just didn't know if you were referring to the last words he uttered.

"You...love me?" You were still in doubt.

Jeongguk simply nodded his head; a soft smile was plastered on his lips as he scrunched his nose. You knew this look well. This was his genuine self and it only meant one thing.

He wasn't lying.

"But..." you bit the inside of your cheek. "This is the first time you told me that."

"I thought it's obvious?" Jeongguk mirrored your confused expression.

He expressed what he felt for you by singing. Jeongguk thought you understood.

You did not. The song lifted your spirit and you also found the gesture sweet, but you still didn't realize it was his way of confessing.

"I mean..." Jeongguk pouted his lips more. "Your eyes tell, right? You can see colors now."

As soon as these words escaped his mouth, Jeongguk felt like he had been hit by a truck—crushing his bones and telling him how stupid he was for crossing the street even though there were signs that told him to stop.

Signs.

The signs had been there all along.

"You love me..." Jeongguk blurted out. His realization was too sudden that he couldn't help but a cry a little.

You panicked as you asked him what was wrong.

"I wasted six months because of how stupid I am!" His answer was unclear.

"Gukkie," you put your hands on the either side of his shoulder, urging him to look at you. "You're not making sense. Speak slowly."

Jeongguk shook his head, tears still painting his cheeks. It was funny how the situation kept on turning around. Just a few breaths ago, you were the one who was on the verge of crying.

"I told you you didn't understand!" Jeongguk was still not making sense, but you decided to stay quiet and let him speak.

It looked like he needed an outlet for the reason that his emotions were overflowing.

"I left b'cause I thought...you...d-din't love me!" He sobbed and your heart cracked.

How could he think this way when all you had ever done was make him feel the love you felt for him?

Jeongguk's twisted expression told you that you had voiced out the question running inside your mind out loud.

"I called you delusional since I believed that you really are," he was bringing back the wounds that you were trying so hard to forget.

Still, you didn't stop him from speaking.

"H-How can you be sure you love me when I myself know that I am not worthy of your love?"

Jeongguk knew that he had always been mean to you. He hadn't done anything to make you fall in love with him that was why he was questioning your feelings.

It wasn't him whom you loved. It was the idea of him being your soulmate. You liked the thought that there was someone out there for you.

It made sense now, though. The fact that he could see colors brightly made him realize that your feelings were real, but it didn't mean he understood your reasons.

Jeongguk stood by his statement. He was unworthy of your love.

"You're not doubting yourself, Jeongguk." You shook your head at him, proving him otherwise. "You are doubting my feelings for you."

This wasn't about Jeongguk's beliefs. This was about you. You grew up thinking that when you felt like everything was collapsing, your only choice was to trust what you feel was right. It's because at the end of the day, you were going to be the one to face the consequence of your actions—not your parents, not your friends, and not even your soulmate. They would be affected by your decisions, yes, but only indirectly.

They could make their own choices that would directly affect their lives even if their choice was based on your decision. People would end up having different results even though they walked on the same path.

"But why me?" Jeongguk sounded broken as he asked this. It hurt you to think that he really thought so lowly of himself.

He couldn't be blamed. He loved Red before; however, it was still not enough. He had moved on from her, but it didn't mean that all the scars would fade away.

His first breakup up caused him to think that despite giving your one hundred percent, it would still be lacking for some people.

But you weren't some people.

You were you and you had your reason.

"Sometimes you don't need a reason to love someone." Your reason was not having a reason at all.

Your soulmate wasn't sure if he agreed to what you said.

Jeongguk didn't believe that just because things existed, it was already valid. Validation cannot be valid if one would not give enough reasons to prove why it's worth validating.

This was the reason why Jeongguk was questioning the love you claimed you felt. He needed reasons. He was just a human after all—always in need of affection and reassurance.

"I mean...I tried thinking of a reason why I shouldn't love you, but I just can't find any." Your confession made Jeongguk blush.

You had always been straight forward.

The way you loved was the opposite of how your soulmate loved. This was probably the explanation why it took him long to admit his feelings for you.

As stated, Jeongguk was in constant need of reason. His drawings of you were his proof of the love he felt.

"If you can't find any reason, then just allow me to tell you the million reasons why I love you."

He didn't wait for your answer. Jeongguk simply moved closer to you. His face was just inches away from yours.

"You're smart." And then he kissed your forehead.

You weren't only a book smart. You were emotionally intelligent. You had taught Jeongguk a lot of things, especially when it came to forgiveness and compassion.

"You're brave." He kissed you left eye.

He remembered the night you told him you liked him. It was in front of many people. You didn't hesitate even when he was running away.

"You're patient and understanding," he kissed your right eye.

You tried to understand Jeongguk's annoying attitude.

"You work hard in all aspects." He kissed your nose.

"You're beautiful," he kissed your left cheek.

You really were. Inside and out.

"It's you,"

Jeongguk didn't know if he could love someone who wasn't you.

"Most importantly, I love you because you are my soulmate." And then he kissed you on the lips.

You laughed in between the kiss, but you didn't stop kissing him back.

Did you forgive him?

The answer was yes.

Were you ready to love him again?

Perhaps.

Were you still hurt by his actions before?

Yes.

Did you want to be with him?

Yes.

There were many questions flooding your mind right now. Some of your answers might not be the truth, maybe you were just too happy right now—caught up in the moment because you were in Jeongguk's arms again.

But it didn't matter now because one thing was sure.

You were willing to love Jeon Jeongguk again because you didn't want to repeat his mistake.

You didn't want to lose your soulmate just because of hatred and denial.

Things were clear now.

Jeon Jeongguk loved you and the world was no longer black and white.

BONUS: (a poem made by young OC that made her realize why she should trust her own feelings)

holy. after 6 weeks???? i’m finally done writing this baby. wow. thank you thank you everyone for reading this—especially those people who never failed to send me feedback. i love you all!

New fic alert! READ HERE >> SAVE ME - Demon!Taehyung x Doctor!Reader

YES. I LIKE USING BTS’ songs as the title of my fanfics. 😅

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starlightshadowsworld · 3 years

Text

I might be reaching but to me Zarc's entire downfall is paralleled in Yuya's dual with Crow.

Like if you wanted his entire motivation/backstory and downfall it's all in that dual.

Yuya wanted to show these people of a very divided world (in more ways than one) to have fun, to smile through his dualing.

His partner in all this was Crow, someone who didn't fully believe in that goal for his own reasons, a stranger who became a close friend he made and trusted despite those differences.

Both of their monsters, birbs and hippos alike are dancing together. Are smiling and putting on a performance and both dualists are happy. This was Yuya's idea of course, this is what he wanted more than anything.

Its who he is.

But while a lot of people are enjoying it, those in charge of the dual are not exactly happy with it.

So Jean-Michel Roget interefers, saying "you're still my pawn afterall, make it grandeur and more aggressive" and activates the chip in Yuya's helmet that electrocutes him and brings out Zarc's powers.

At the same time, Yuto, Yugo and Yuri's all feel pain and their dragon cards begin to glow... Before they also glow and cry out in pain, because of Yuya's pain and the connection between them... Much like the dragons crying out for Zarc when he himself was dualing, no longer the fun way he wished to but more violently in response to the crowd.

Yuya, against his own wishes and what he wants from the pain, the cries and the darkness... Plays a lot more aggressively. Sacrificing all his happy lil hippos to Pendulum summon Odd Eyes Pendulum Dragon.

And because of that, the plan he and Crow had doesn't go ahead... So Crow thinks that Yuya has betrayed him. And so he begins to fight on Yuya's attacks, and also to save himself.

Now Zarc and Ray weren't friends in Canon (which definitely surprised me), in fact neither seemed to know each other personally, their connection is only because she stepped in to stop him to save her home and her father, Leo Akaba. The resulting dual splitting them both apart.

But to me that makes this almost retelling of that event worse because Crow and Yuya were friends, they were having a happy fun dual with the plan to save Yuya's friends and say a big ol fuck you to authority who wanted to divide people... But because of said authority they were put against each other to divide people.

Which is always how I like to think of Zarc and Ray even though it ain't Canon.

Also... Yuya screaming out in pain and rage as he duals, grabbing his head and just losing himself while the crowd both cheers and berates him as a traitor.... Is just so fucked up.

And that's the kinda vibe that Zarc's duals would've given off, cept its more the cheers of the audience becoming boos to screams of terror.

But Yuya doesn't fall in this dual unlike Zarc dud because, say it with me now: Friendship.

And honestly I love that.

Because Crow, eventually sees that Yuya is suffering (with help from Sora). Neither of them know what's going on with him but the end of the dual becomes Crow trying to help Yuya.

It works, but ends with him losing and Yuya, back to normal having no idea what just occurred.

Zarc didn't have that but when he does return, Crow actually manages to rattle him a bit and is confident he can bring back Yuya.

Just like he did back than. It was his friends, the people who's hearts he touched with his dualing that saved him from his own darkness in the end.

Unlike Zarc himself who was torn apart and left to rot.

Also, not relevant to these points but they were gonna give Yuya experimental brain surgery to change his personality, so he'd be more like Zarc. But they used the chip in the helmet instead... Which got damaged and wouldn't stop electrocuting Yuya at max output, which could've changed his personality, messed with his memories.

Oh and possibly kill him.

Like this dual is so much more fucked up the more I think about it and not to bring up GX here but... Experimental brain surgery via electrocution didn't go well for Judai let's not repeat that here mmkay.

Yugioh and electrocution man...and experimental brain surgery 2 apparently...why 😂 just why.

#Yugioh arc v #Crow vs Yuya #One of my favourite duals but that shit terrifies me to this day #Like you knew what you were doing #I applaud and fear you #yuya sakaki #crow hogan #Yugioh

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ailuronymy · 3 years

Note

I doubt you'll remember this, because it happened such a long time ago, but it's been bothering me for years now and I wanted to get some closure on it. Many years ago, when I was 14, pretty new to roleplaying and completely new to Tumblr, I sent you an anonymous ask laughing about ridiculous unrealistic things that people were having their cats do in a roleplay I was in. Building blanket forts, among other things, and being transgender. At this point in my life I thought transgender only meant someone who had undergone gender affirmation surgery, and the idea of cats doing surgery on one another was hilarious to me. I shared it with the hope that other people would find it hilarious too. Instead, you told me that I had said The Wrong Thing and called me a bigot. I was confused, I was horrified, I didn't understand at all, and I more or less fled from tumblr for about two years. It was a formative experience for me.

Hello there. I do actually remember that post, although obviously since you were anon then as well, I didn’t remember you specifically. But I do remember.

I thought about how to answer this ask for a few days. I’m not sure exactly what it is you’re looking for from me, but I’m going to give you the best reply I can and I hope that’s good enough for the both of us.

When you wrote in to me, about eight years ago, I was younger than you are now. I was nineteen and I’d only been on tumblr for a bit over a year at that point, I think. I’d never had social media before, of any kind. It was all pretty new to me as an experience too, and I’d never expected this blog to get the attention that it did. I never even imagined that was a possibility. But it happened and I learned how to run a relatively popular ask blog on the job, as it were.

There’s a lot I regret when I look back on that early era of this blog. The humour and jokes I allowed and sometimes encouraged and said myself here was often not kind, and that’s something I really regret. Eventually, I put an end to that because it just wasn’t the kind of thing I wanted any of us who have fun here to be doing. But I absolutely allowed it to happen for a long time first, and that’s on me.

Also at that same time, there was a particular way of interacting on tumblr that was very popular. It was a lot of exuberance and hyperbole and insults, and being rude for fun, and overall very over-the-top and often harsh or just plain uncaring that there was someone else at the other end of the message. For everyone who was here in 2012, I think you can probably remember what it was like. It wasn’t a nice mode of communication, but it was popular and got great responses and a lot of people found it fun to read. For a couple of years after I started Ailuronymy, I was absolutely guilty of buying into it and acting this way, until I finally hated it enough to stop. It wasn’t who I wanted to be, in general or on this blog specifically. It felt mean and inauthentic and I wanted to be better. But I did act like that for a long time, and that was a choice I made.

I’m not saying any of this because I want to make excuses for myself. I’m more aware than anyone else of the problems early on in this blog’s history, and it’s something I regret and wish I could go back to do differently with the knowledge and experience I have now. Unfortunately, I can’t change the past. I can only own up to it and do better going forward.

I’m sorry for the tone I often used, including to you in that post, and I’m sorry that because of that behaviour, you felt scared and unwelcome here. That’s a failure on my part. I shouldn’t have used the tone I did, or assumed I had to take a defensive, intense stance the way I did. It’s very sad to me to know that because I did that, you were frightened and decided to leave.

However, I would like to share my context too. Because at the time, I was nineteen years old (which I know probably sounds ancient to younger teens, but it’s not, really), and a bisexual guy (which I still am, obviously), and Ailuronymy was already a place that people (especially queer people) in the fandom were looking to for support and education. Insofar as this blog was developing a niche, that was it. I felt a significant amount of responsibility to champion and defend the people this blog was made for.

2012 was also a time when the Warriors fandom on tumblr was genuinely very homophobic, and also quite volatile. It was common for people to be very angry (in general, and often at me) for saying that ableism isn’t okay, or that Warriors characters can be trans, or sometimes just “canon naming doesn’t make much sense.” I got quite a lot of hate mail--also sometimes just... confused, angry mail, for this naming system or any of the political things I talked about--and I was doing the best I could with what I had to give. A lot of what I learned during my years of running this blog came from making mistakes, but I always did my best.

The reason I’m bringing this up is because what you actually said was: “these cats can be homosexual, asexual, bisexual, pansexual, and transgender--don’t even ask me how that’s possible. I don’t want to know.” You came to me, a queer man, running a blog that in no small part is about how queerness is allowed to exist in this fandom and is in fact not implausible, during a time when the fandom as a whole was solidly anti-queer, with something like that. Like you said, you shared it with me--and the readers here--because you hoped we would find it hilarious and unrealistic too.

But I didn’t, because, to me, that’s just what a lot of the fandom already was. It was a hostile environment that regularly argued that queer characters, or people, had no place here. That was the kind of things people on anon fairly often came to yell in my inbox about how I’m wrong, etc. etc., and how I’m bad, etc. etc.

I reacted defensively, which I wouldn’t do now, because I’m much older, and I have experience and confidence I just didn’t then. At the time, though, what I heard in your ask was “queer characters are absurd and don’t belong here, don’t correct me,” and that is what I reacted to. I’m sure for you, it felt scary and disproportionate, and as I said before, I wish I had handled things differently, and gentler.

But I don’t disagree with what I said. The points I made weren’t wrong. And my response--although not how I would respond now--was not wrong, even though it hurt you. It genuinely is horrible to know that because of my lack of tact, you were scared. It was also horrible to receive your ask at the time, just like many of the rest. It wasn’t hypothetical to me, because I’m queer. It was about me, and other people I care about very much.

The fact I’m queer is probably news to you, and you were new tumblr and probably didn’t know what was going on in the fandom, and maybe you would have said something different if you knew all this.

Likewise, though, you were on anon and I didn’t know who you were. I didn’t know you were fourteen. I didn’t know you were asking in good faith, and not just another one of the homophobic fans thinking you’d found a friend in me, which frankly felt a bit insulting. I didn’t know you were and, again, although I wish I did more back then and was kinder in my approach, I didn’t have insight into your intentions. I also didn’t have the maturity for that not to matter.

That said, even in my very imperfect answer I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I specifically said:

“Before you think I’m victimising you - I’m not. This is not personal right now; currently, this is a mistake on your part, and I understand that mistakes are incredibly easy to make. If, by the end of my post, you get where you went wrong here, then it will be like this ask of yours never happened and I will forget you ever said it. I don’t like to hold any kind of grudge if there’s any way to avoid it, and an acknowledgement of where you went wrong here would completely fix everything about this.”

“So what you’re saying when you say that you don’t believe that “homosexual, asexual, bisexual, pansexual, and transgender” cats are possible in the context of Warriors is, basically, that you’re a bigot. I am really sorry to say that, because the chances are - I sincerely hope - that you aren’t. You’re a good person. You’re a good person who said something bigoted by mistake. And if you don’t believe what you’ve said is a mistake yet, let me show you some interesting true facts about our world.“

Because I know how easy it is to make mistakes and how hard it is to get everything right all the time, and know everything, and never do something dumb or hurtful. It’s easy to fuck up. I’ve done it a lot. The answer I gave you back then is just one example.

That what you took from my answer was only fear and confusion isn’t something in my control, however. I hate that that’s what happened, and I regret not being who I am now back then, but even though I did fuck up back then, I still did what I could at the time to mitigate the damage and reassure you that a mistake doesn’t define you. I am sorry it wasn’t enough for you to feel okay coming back. But I can’t say I’m sorry for telling you that coming to me on my blog with that kind of mentality is something I’ll tolerate at all.

Ultimately, I’m sorry that our experience of each other was not a good one. I’m sorry that your memory of me is someone scary and mean, and that you felt you had to leave this site entirely for two years because of it. I regret that my actions left you with such a negative experience, because that was never my intention, even though the way I handled things with you was very poor.

I hope you’re able to find the closure you’re looking for and I genuinely wish you all the best.

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pink-peony-princess · 4 years

Text

A Late Night Call

-Katie-

"Shawn" I called into the darkness, wanting the comfort of my boyfriend. We lived together in a house, along with his friends,Brian, Connor and Dave -who also happened to be my older brother.

When no response came, I started to get worried, I had been feeling unwell for the last several days, running fevers and feeling generally blah, but I had just woken up to bad pain in my abdomen. I had always hated being sick- not only because it obviously wasn't fun, but because I had a fear of doctors and hospitals. Something which wasn't helped by the fact my brother, my boyfriend and their friends were all doctors of some description. As a result, I had tried to avoid medical intervention as much as possible for pretty much my entire life, so twenty years, which both Dave and Shawn as Emergency physicians were not happy about.

Swallowing the lump that was now forming in my throat I called out again, "Shawn!" I tried, louder this time, hoping he had just gotten up to use the bathroom.

"Katie?" I heard a sleepy voice ask, before someone switched the lamp on beside my bed, causing me to close my eyes immediately. "Katie, what wrong honey?" I recognised the voice now as my older brother, I could hear the concern in his tone. "The heat pack didn't help?" he asked, sitting beside me and sighing.

"I hurt D," I whimpered, trying to move closer to him to gain some comfort, while not causing myself anymore pain.

"What do you mean it hurts?" he asked, switching into 'doctor mode'. I hated it when he did this, but even I knew that I needed help. Something wasn't right, and my only hope to get it fixed was letting my brother do his job. "I thought you just felt sick?" he asked, taking my hand to check my pulse.

"I did," I started, "Well, I had an achy tummy, around here," I explained, pointing to around my belly button. "But now it's REALLY hurting," I cried, just wanting him to make it stop.

"It's okay, I'm going to call Shawn okay? Bri!" he called, getting up and grabbing my cell phone of my bedside table, speed dialling Shawn's number.

"What's wrong David?" Bri grumbled, "It's two in the morning for goodness sake. I need my sleep man!" Dave just pointed, directing Brian's attention to me silently, waiting for Shawn to pick-up.

"Oh Katie, what's wrong buddy?" he asked, grabbing a tissue from the side table, before sitting down and gently wiping away the moisture that had accumulated from my face.

"Just make it stop!" I begged, trying desperately to find a more comfortable way to lie, trying to ignore the sharp pain that was now my sole focus.

A few more minutes past in which Brian tried, with almost no luck to calm me, telling me that everything would be okay. Dave took the phone away from his ear. "He must be in the middle of a consult, I kept getting the dial tone, I'll try in a few more minutes," he spoke, coming to sit by my side again.

"Care to explain what's going on?" Brian asked, reaching for more tissues, the ones he had been using, now soaked and laying dis-guarded on the mattress.

My brother looked at me sympathetically, before turning his attention to his friend. "I'm not totally sure myself. I just got up to use the toilet and heard her crying and calling out to Shawn."

"What's up Missy?" Brian asked again, trying to get something useful out of me. When I didn't answer for fear of crying again, he sighed, and rested his hand again my forehead. It was calming, having physical contact, something to take my mind of my current state. "Dave, pass me the thermometer," he uttered. "She's got a fever, when was the last time her temperature was taken?" he asked, as he held it in my ear, waiting for it to beep.

"About- three hours ago," Daveresponded.

"Yep thirty-nine on the dot," Dave spoke moving the instrument away from me. "You have quite the fever Katie," he told me, moving to get the water bottle which Shawn had placed on the wardrobe, helping me to take small sips of the liquid.

"No wonder you're feeling so horrendous," Dave chimed as fixed my blanket up.

"Katie, where is the pain exactly?" Bri asked, sitting up, and moving the blanket aside.

"Here," I told him pointing once again to the spots I had shown D.

They shared a dark look between themselves, before Brian spoke up. "Katie, I need you to lie down again okay, I need to have a feel of your tummy." As he said this, Dave helped me to lay back, making sure that I was as comfortable as I could be, given the current situation. "Can I pull this up?" Brian asked, gesturing to my bed-shirt once I was situated the way they wanted me.

"He' will be as gentle as possible okay," Dave, tried to reassure me, taking my hand.

He felt around for a minute, before hitting the one spot on my right side. The pain was unbearable, and I nearly broke Dave's hand from holding it so tightly. "Please stop!" I begged, hot tears rolling down my face once again.

"I'm sorry Katie," Brian apologised, pulling my clothes back down.

"What's wrong with me D?" I asked, turning to my brother, who was now watching Brian very carefully.

"I can't be sure-" Brian started, "Dave, she hasn't had her appendix out has she?" he checked, watching me closely.

"No, she hasn't. Is that what you're thinking?" he asked, reaching for my phone that he had placed back only moments earlier.

"Well, I can't be sure until we run the usual tests, but when I just felt around that section of the abdomen was firm, and given the pain and fever, it wouldn't be surprising."

I couldn't work out if it made me anxious that Brian was talking like this. On the one hand, he was one of the best surgeons in the area, and the head of General Surgery at the hospital the guys worked at. On the flip side though, he was talking about my appendix, and running tests, and although I didn't understand exactly what this meant for me at that moment, I knew it probably wouldn't be good.

"I'm going to call Connor, let him know what's happening, try to get through to Luke again," he told Dave as he got up and left the room.

The room was quite for a few moments again, as Dave called Shawn again, this time though, it connected and I heard Shawn's muffled voice down the line.

"Shawn yeah it's me Dave, can you come home, it's urgent. Katie's woken in bad pain, we're thinking it could be her appendix, but she's been asking for you for the better part of twenty minutes now, and I doubt she'll let anyone else move her," he was quiet for a moment, before turning and handing the phone to me. "He wants to talk to you."

-Third Person-

"Shawn?" Katie whispered, down the line.

Hearing his love in so much pain broke the young doctor's heart. "I'm right here babe. I'm on my way," he spoke as he ran out the main doors and into the rain. Only stopping momentarily to let an emergency vehicle through.

"It hurts," Katie cried, and he could hear the desperation in her voice. She was usually strong, so for her to be in this emotional state, he knew the pain must be bad.

"Just hang tight for a few, I'll be there soon, Dave will look after you."

Dave and Brian, who had both heard the end of their conversation smiled.

The hospital was only five minutes from the house, but it took what felt like eternity for Shawn to come crashing through the door.

Katie could see from his attire that Shawn had been on-call, and immediately felt bad for pulling her boyfriend away from his responsibilities.

"Oh honey," he whispered, bending down to kneel beside the bed, kissing her forehead gently. "How long has she been like this?" he questioned, turning to his friends.

"I found her like this," Dave explained, pain clear on his face as he watched his little sister with sympathy.

"I'm sorry," Katie muttered, hiding her face in her boyfriend's shoulder, just wanting the world to melt away.

"For what?" Shawn asked, moving back to look at his girlfriend. "There is nothing more important than you," he declared, kissing her gently again.

"I think we need to get you to the hospital Katie-Kat," Dave announced, earning nods of agreement from the others.

"No please," she begged, fear consuming her, her chest tightening at the thought of being in one of the places she hated the most.

"But we'll be able to give you pain meds there, and besides we don't have the right equipment here to deal with this. If something goes wrong, it could be very dangerous babe," Shawn tried to reason, feeling horrible that they couldn't just keep her at home and sort it out there.

"Promise?" she whispered, feeling helpless as she looked between her boyfriend and brother.

"We promise," they responded immediately, before starting to gather the necessary items for the trip to the hospital.

Five minutes later, Katie was wrapped in a blanket, Dave and Shawn having worked together to shift her off the bed, without causing any more pain, something which Katie found miraculous.

"You ready Princess?" Shawn asked, bundling Katie up in his arms, and making his way down to the car. They had decided that it would be quicker to drive, than wait for an ambulance, especially given that they had direct access to the urgent care unit.

Brian had called Connor on the way there, informing him that they would be needing a bed, and possibly an O.R., which Connor had no trouble securing as not only was he Deputy Head of General Surgery at the hospital, and well- respected by his colleagues, but the patient in question was the girlfriend and sister of the two most highly qualified doctors in the area.

The ride to the hospital was not pleasant, every little bump in the road sending white-hot pain through the affected area, Katie, being completely worn out physically and emotionally, was nothing more than a weeping mess when they finally made it to the entrance. Shawn, who had been trying his hardest to keep his hysterical girlfriend calm, so as not to exacerbate her symptoms, let out an auditory sigh of relief when he spotted, his friend, waiting with a gurney, and several nurses.

"She'll be fine mate," Connor promised, just above a whisper so that only Shawn could hear. He nodded, silently thanking his friend for the words of encouragement. Normally he would have had no issue in a situation like this, in-fact, his job entailed this type of situation daily. However, what Shawn was now finding out, was that no-one had told him what it would be like to deal with a loved one in a situation such as this. And It was horrible.

His heart broke into what felt like a thousand tiny pieces, as Katie let out an agonising cry of pain, when she was placed, however gently onto the gurney, it being lead at a rate of knots down the hospital halls and into a free bay.

Stopping to re-gather himself for a moment, he saw Dave, somehow managing to hold himself together, as he held his sister's hand in a silent show of comfort. Shawn really didn't know how he was doing it, but if her own brother could do it, surely, he could too. Shaking the ever-growing dread that was forming at the pit of his stomach, he ran to start assisting in getting Katie into a semi-stable condition.

"I need a standard dosage of pain medication for an I.V." Dave called, going to stand by his sister's side. "I'm going to get some pain medicine in you okay poppet," he spoke, moving the blankets out the way, freeing Katie's hand.

She groaned, but made no effort to move, alarming the four doctors, who knew only too well, how much she would normally fight the idea of needles.

-Katie-

I was aware of everything going on around me, people rushing in an out of the crowded room, the boys ordering fellow doctors and nurses around, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't muster the strength to fight anymore.

Shawn sat by me, as Dave set me up with an I.V., administering a dose of pain medicine, which helped almost immediately.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, resting his chin on top of my head.

"Hmm," I responded, finally feeling a little more content.

The response seemed to satisfy him, as he went quiet, allowing me to close my eyes momentarily.

I wasn't aware that I had drifted off, but I must have, because the next thing I was aware of, was someone calling my name. When I didn't' respond, they tried again.

"Katie, can you open your eyes for me honey?" This time, I did as asked, blinding light clouding my vision temporarily. "How are you feeling?" Brian asked, standing at the end of my bed, chart in hand.

The room was unfamiliar to me. He must have seen the confusion on my face as he chuckled lightly and came to stand by my side. "We just finished surgery," he spoke, making my eyes go wide.

"What happened?" I croaked, my throat feeling scratchy and dry.

"Connor performed an appendectomy," he responded, as he retrieved his stethoscope. "May I?" he asked. When I nodded, he placed the bell on my chest, listening to my heart.

"A what?" I asked, feeling no more informed. "You had your appendix out," he explained in layman's terms so that I could understand it.

"Oh," I was shocked, I knew that I was in pain, but I didn't realise it had been that bad.

"You're quite lucky actually, it ruptured, we caught it just in time, Shawn and Bri were beside themselves."

"Where?" I asked, wanting to know where they were, but not able to get anymore words out, over-whelming tiredness taking over.

"Cafeteria, they should be back in a minute," he reassured me with a smile.

Right on cue Connor, Shawn and Dave all walked through the door, food in hand. When they saw that I was awake, they all stopped running into one another like a set of dominoes.

Connor recovered the fastest, a smile lighting his face as he came over, "So the sleeping beauty has awoken I see."

Shawn looked as if he had been tasered, literally jumping back, forcing Dave to grab him to stop him hitting the ground. The shock only lasted a millisecond though, and before I could take another breath, he was wrapping me in his arms, pulling me tightly to his chest, as if his life depended on it.

"Shawn, gentle," Brian, warned, laughing at his eagerness, but making no move to stop his mate as he hopped onto the bed beside me, forcing our bodies against one another. Feeling his warmth sent a rush of security through me, and I just sat there in silence for a moment, trying to readjust.

Up close I could see the exhaustion, the toll that this had taken on him, his face looked sullen, his eyes puffy and red from crying. "I missed you so much!" he whispered, resting his head in the crook of my neck and breathing heavily. It was a few moments before I realised that he was crying.

"I'm okay," I spoke, smiling, trying my hardest to convince him.

"I thought I was going to lose you," he admitted, kissing me desperately. "We all did."

"How bad?" I asked, almost scared to know the answer. He just looked at me and shook his head. "How bad?" I asked again, this time turning to my brother.

When he saw that I was addressing him, he rushed over, taking me in his arms, and hugging me, though much more carefully then Shawn had. After a moment, he stepped back, resting his hand on my shoulder. I took hold of his hand with my free one, keeping a firm grip on Shawn

"You coded," he spoke as if the words physically pained him to say. I didn't say anything, in truth, I didn't know how to respond, what do you say when someone tells you that you almost died? Everyone was quiet for a moment, just sat taking everything in, me, tracing the tattoos on Shawn's arm absent-mindedly.

Again, Connor, was the one to break the silence. "Katie, I just need to do your vitals okay, and check your wound, and then we'll let you sleep," he bargained, when I grimaced at the idea of being poked and prodded once again. "Just follow the light," he instructed, having pulled a pen light from the pocket of his scrubs. I did as asked, and after a moment, he put it back, telling me there were no problems.

He was quick, Brian writing everything down on the chart, that he was still holding from when they came in.

"I'm just going to pull this up okay?" he checked that it was okay, before doing so. I winced slightly, earning an apologetic smile from Connor. "That's looking good," he spoke, re-dressing it, and re-situating the blankets so that I was kept warm.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Shawn whispered again, kissing my temple.

"I have to pee," I whispered against his cheek, making him laugh.

"Gee way to ruin a romantic moment," Dave snorted as he sat typing on his laptop, causing me to blush, and hide my face in Shawn's chest

"Nah, it's okay, do you want to use the bathroom?" Shawn queried, moving to get off the bed, before moving the pole which held the fluids out of the way.

"As apose to?" I questioned, feeling confused, as he helped me sit up.

"A bed pan," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I just stared at him for a moment, "Okay, so that's not going to happen, to the bathroom we go," he laughed, helping me manoeuvrer my way out of bed.

It was a slow process getting to the toilet, but he was patient, helping me to bare the weight where possible. Once I was situated, he turned, giving me privacy to do my business. Once I was done, and I had successfully been transferred back to my bed, I was able to relax a little more.

"Are you in pain?" Dave asked, watching as I shifted around, trying to find a comfortable spot on the hard bed.

I nodded,and within moments he was up and administering another dose of pain relievers in the tube sticking out of my arm.

"Thanks D," I mumbled, sleepily, bunking down, and snuggling into Shawn's side to try and stay warm.

"Here, this should help," I heard Dave say, before something extra soft and warm was placed over me. It felt like an electric blanket.

I hummed, finally content, letting myself drift off.

The next few days were okay, well, in between the hourly vitals checks done by the nurses and the daily dressing changes, and not to mention Dave and Connor forcing me to start walking around, something which I grumbled at them about for a solid half hour after the fact.

Finally, five full days after the operation Dave declared that I could go home on the condition that I promised to take it easy, and rest. After making me swear to it three times, he let Shawn remove my I.V. and help me into a wheelchair for the ride out to the car.

The drive home was quiet,Dave letting me rest my head on him as Shawn drove.

When we got home, they helped me up the stairs, all but ordering me to bed, persuading me by promising that we could eat pizza and watch crappy C grade chick-flicks all night.

As I fell asleep to the rise and fall of Shawn's chest, I found myself thinking just how lucky I really was. Lucky that I was alive, and lucky I had the guys to call family.

Reaching up, I pecked Shawn on the check, him leaning down and kissing back. "What was that for?" he asked, a soft smile gracing his face.

"Love you is all," I sighed, resting my head back on his chest, and letting the world fade out.

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pinkpeonyprincessblog · 4 years

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A Late Night Call