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vexedtonightmares · 5 years

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last dance (elu ballet au) chapter treize

Lucas is in his final year at the Paris Opera Ballet School and he’ll be damned if he lets his former friend-turned-rival Eliott steal the lead role in their production of Swan Lake.

aka- lucas and eliott are rivals who are forced to room together for their final year of ballet school before they try to enter the company. we can all see where this is going.

i. ii. iii. iv. v. vi. vii. viii. ix. x. xi. xii. xiii.

ao3

tw: eating disorder, brief discussion of past manic episode, depressive episode, very brief mentions of depression/self harm, internalized/self imposed ableist thought patterns, discussion of bipolar disorder

Mardi 6:45

Eliott still wasn’t there. Lucas had stayed up practically all night waiting, seeing if Eliott would come home, come back to him, but he hadn’t, and Lucas didn’t know what to do about that. There was still time though, and before they’d gotten together Eliott had been chronically on time to class every day, which meant he was late by ballet standards. Lucas was able to kid himself into thinking that would be the case that day as well.

He ran his spoon through his bowl of cereal, debating between taking another bite and throwing it out. Maybe Eliott had left him for this reason, that he couldn’t just get it together and force himself to function like a normal human being.

The door was unlocked, so Lucas barely looked up when Manon walked in, knowing from the way she did so that it wasn’t Eliott. She sat down next to him at the counter and looked at what he was eating.

“Cereal, fun,” she said conversationally.

He shrugged, bringing another bite to his mouth, forcing it down. It tasted fine, if not a little bland. “What’s up?” he asked after a moment of awkward silence.

“I should be asking you that,” she said pointedly.

He forced out a laugh. “What makes you say that?”

“Lucas, you’ve been in a daze since last week. No one can get through to you. I know that Imane came and hung out with you on Sunday, but even she won’t tell me why you’re acting so strangely, and I know you told her.” Manon sounded a bit hurt and Lucas felt guilty. He didn’t want to be hiding things from Manon, really, it was just hard especially when things were so up in the air at the moment.

He’d been trying to convince himself so much that nothing bad had happened to Eliott and talking about it would only convince him otherwise. The hard thing was that Manon would probably have great advice, but he wasn’t sure he wanted it. Sometimes toiling in his own misery was better than searching for a way out. He knew it probably wasn’t the healthiest way to cope, but he was quickly realizing none of his coping strategies were very healthy.

“I love you Manon, and I’m really sorry, but I just… I can’t.” She said nothing, eyeing him carefully, so he continued, “I only told Imane because I was having a full on breakdown, I would have talked to anyone who showed up at my door, even Chloé, but now I need time to process things on my own before I discuss them. Is that ok?”

She sighed, biting her bottom lip. “Does it have to do with Eliott?”

“Why would you say that?” he asked nervously.

“Well… he’s disappeared once again and you look ten minutes away from passing out again either from stress, lack of sleep, or both, so I just figured… Did you guys fight again?” she asked seriously, and oh, right. She was asking because she thought they hated each other.

“Something like that.” It was the best he could give her, and thankfully she was willing to accept it for the time being. She folded him into a hug that he reciprocated readily. He tried to communicate with her through the hug more than he could through words, to tell her that maybe he wasn’t ok, but he was trying to get better. The only problem was that he wouldn’t be better completely until he knew what the hell was going on with Eliott.

She released him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Off to class we go?”

“Off to class we go,” he agreed, throwing his bowl into the sink and grabbing his bag before following her out the door. They prepped for class in silence, running through various parts of the pas de deux between Odette and the Prince just in case Lucas had to stand in for Eliott again. He felt bad for ditching Imane another day, but at least she didn’t seem to ruffled by it all, able to practice on her own when Lucas was Eliott for the day.

He’d also noticed her and Sofiane spending a lot of time together during practices when Lucas stood in for Eliott, not that they didn’t hang out usually but the air seemed charged between the two of them and Lucas found it in himself to smile at the fact that his instincts had been pretty spot on regarding the two of them.

When eight o’clock hit and Eliott wasn’t there, Lucas felt his heart sink even further into the pit of his stomach than it had since he woke up Sunday morning and Eliott wasn’t in bed beside him.

Madame Rigaux obviously noticed he wasn’t there, as they all did, because his spot at the front of the barre remained empty and, for the first time since Lucas had started attending the school, she walked out of class.

Imane turned to Lucas, intuitive as always, and Lucas couldn’t keep his concern from showing on his face. “He’s not back?” she asked in a hushed tone as everyone else whispered around them.

He shook his head, and Imane swore under her breath. “This really isn’t good Lucas, you have to tell someone about what happened. He could be a danger to himself or others.”

“He’s not some fucking psychopath, Imane, and he’s not on drugs. I don’t know what’s going on but there’s a logical explanation, I know it.” He could hear in his voice that he was pleading, and that she was probably right, but he didn’t want her to be.

Madame Rigaux entered the room once again just as Imane was about to speak again, director trailing behind her.

“M. Lallemant, can you come with me?” he asked, back straight, voice emotionless as always. Fuck. Why him? He figured it was common knowledge the two of them were rivals of sorts, even to the instructors. They didn’t think he’d done something to Eliott, did they?

He nodded, swallowing his unease and following the director out the door and down not to his office, but to Lucas’ suite. “Um, Sir? Have I done something wrong?” he asked nervously.

The director looked down at him as if he were a nuisance. “No, but M. Demaury is your roommate, you should be more responsible for him.”

“In what way?”

“You’re aware this is the seventh class he has failed to attend this semester? We should have pulled him at three, but he was physically ill that week, and had a doctor’s note, so we let it slide because he is so pivotal to the performance and to this school as a whole,” the director explained boredly. Lucas might have been offended if his worry hadn’t outweighed his desire for the director to see him as more than second best to Eliott.

“But now,” he continued, “Two more unexcused absences, we’ll have no choice but to put him on probation.”

“But Sir—” Lucas started.

“What? Aren’t you glad to take his place? Pitying M. Demaury only shows me that I’ve been right about you all along. You don’t have the drive, the passion. It’s why you’ll always be an understudy, that and your unfortunate physique.” Lucas staggered on his feet, feeling the heat rise to his face and having that sensation in the back of his throat that told him tears were imminent. If he cried he’d only prove the director right, so he swallowed them and put on as brave a face as necessary.

He cleared his throat. “What I was going to say, Sir, is that while I am grateful for the opportunity, I think Eliott might be physically ill again, so he might come back with a doctor’s note.”

The director’s gaze snapped to his. “Come back?”

“Yeah?” Lucas shrugged, brows furrowing.

“You mean to tell me he’s left school grounds?”

“Um…”

“Open the door to your suite, M. Lallemant,” the director said sternly.

Lucas pushed it open. “It’s… not locked, Sir, just in case he came back. He left his keys here.”

The director stepped into the room, surveying it. Thank god Lucas had cleaned up all of Eliott’s nonsensical scribbles. “How long has he been gone?”

“Well…”

“How. Long.”

“Since Sunday, possibly Saturday night,” Lucas replied miserably.

The director shook his head in disbelief. “And you’re only now telling me?”

“I thought he’d be back by now!” Lucas knew it wasn’t a good excuse, but he also hadn’t been expecting to have this conversation with the director. He knew he should say something regarding how he’d left, but he still couldn’t bring himself to.

“Have you had contact with him since then?” the director asked.

Lucas shook his head. “No. He, uh, left his phone here too. I don’t know where he went or who he’s with, so I don’t know how to contact him.”

“Did you try his parents?” There was some concern in the director’s voice now and Lucas nearly laughed. Of course he’d be concerned now, because it was Eliott who was missing, not Lucas. He was certain that if he’d been the one to disappear, the director would pack up his things without a second thought and bar him from the school should he ever try to return.

“I don’t have their contact information,” Lucas said truthfully. There was a time he had, but that time had passed years ago. He missed the Demaurys often, actually, and he sometimes wondered if they missed him. Probably not, given what Eliott had likely told them about him over the years.

The director sighed. “I have to do everything myself, then?”

“I’m sorry, Sir—”

“Just go back to class, M. Lallemant, I daresay you need it more than most. I’ve always thought you’re more trouble than you’re worth.”

“Yes, Sir,” Lucas answered, hating how small his voice sounded, hating how he let the words get to him in such a way. The director had never really been nice to him, especially not when he filled in for Eliott, but he could take it when they were corrections about his dancing, not when they were corrections about himself in general.

He turned on his heel and walked out of the room, making a pit stop in the bathroom and locking the door behind him. The tears came out all at once and he leaned over the sink, sobbing with every breath. It was times like these when he wondered why he was even doing any of this in the first place. Why he’d chosen ballet if it was only ever going to hurt him.

Still crying, he caught his breath enough to stand up straight, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked a mess, and he hated how he looked, even when Eliott had spent so much time telling him how beautiful he was. Beautiful in one person’s eyes didn’t mean good enough to everyone else.

He flinched away from himself turning towards the stall, toilet beckoning him, reaching inside his head and pulling out his worst thoughts about himself. He’d never done this before, what he was thinking of doing now. His brand of disordered eating included restriction, never purging, but all he wanted to do at that moment was to let it out, empty himself of all the feelings of worthlessness, anger, even love, empty himself until there were no feelings at all.

But then he thought of Eliott. Of what Eliott might think if he saw Lucas there, kneeling in front of the toilet hating himself and his situation so much he hadn’t felt he had anywhere else to go. Eliott would understand, that was the problem, he wouldn’t judge him but he’d show concern, making Lucas feel like as long as he was there Lucas never had to feel like that again. That was why he stood up, drying his eyes one last time before marching out of the bathroom, determined to be the version of Lucas that Eliott saw, not the one who needed to feel nothing at all to feel something.

Mercredi 19:12

Eliott hadn’t shown again, but Madame Rigaux hadn’t stormed out of class, instead ignoring Eliott’s empty space, so Lucas wondered if there had been some sort of communication between Eliott and the school. If so, why hadn’t Eliott found a way to contact him yet?

Arthur was coming over to study with him, against Lucas’ wishes, but Imane had agreed to it for him, telling him that he needed a distraction to take his mind off things. Honestly, Lucas was surprised that Arthur was studying at all.

The door remained unlocked, just in case, so Arthur barged right in just as Manon had done, but with more of a flourish. “Hello my fellow gay child,” Arthur said, swinging the door open.

Lucas looked up from his laptop. “Hi?”

Arthur didn’t say anything more, merely smiled before plopping down next to Lucas on the couch and looking at what he was doing, which happened to be that week’s French homework.

“Aren’t you bi? Have there been new developments I’m unaware of?” Lucas joked, setting his laptop down beside him. It looked like Arthur hadn’t brought any homework with him to study, so Lucas assumed they were really just hanging out.

“I am bi, but I’m gay enough that I can refer to myself as such.”

“Is that how that works?” Lucas asked

Arthur grinned cheesily. “Do any of us know enough to know how anything works?”

“Fair enough.”

Arthur suddenly frowned, and nodded towards Eliott’s closed door. “He still sick or whatever?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas said. It was the truth.

“You don’t know?” Arthur asked incredulously, “Listen, I understand you don’t like him, but as a roommate, you have to at least have common human decency and make sure he’s all right. I was his roommate for years, I know the deal.”

Lucas was about to interject that the reason he hadn’t spoken to Eliott was because he wasn’t even there, but he paused. “Know the deal?”

“Yeah.” Arthur frowned even deeper. “You know, like, obviously I know he isn’t actually ‘sick’ or whatever, he’s at another low.”

“Anther low?”

Arthur sighed. “Seriously, Lucas? Eliott’s clinically depressed. He has been for years, and sometimes it hits harder than other times. Sofiane and I have been covering for him for years, because we know the director would cut him faster than you can snap your fingers if he caught a whiff of neurodivergence.”

Lucas was gaping up at Arthur in wide eyed shock. It explained some things, explained his behavior that one week where he didn’t even get out of bed, but it didn’t explain his behavior this time, he definitely hadn’t been depressed. “I didn’t know,” was all Lucas could think to say.

Arthur must have felt bad, because his expression grew sheepish. “I mean, it isn’t your job to know, or to do anything about it, I just figured he’d told you about it because it can impact him pretty heavily.”

Lucas felt like a horrible person. Somehow Eliott had been the only one to see him when he wasn’t ok, when he needed help, and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought he hadn’t seen when Eliott was hurting. Or that he had, and he’d ignored it.

“But wait… he was only ever depressed? Did he ever seem weirdly happy, or anything?” Lucas asked.

Arthur thought about it. “No. I mean, Eliott’s a generally happy person, that’s why the depressive cycles were more noticeable. You can ask him, he’d know better than me.”

“He’s not here,” Lucas said at last, which he probably should have said first.

“What? Where is he?”

Lucas put his head in his hands. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t—” Arthur broke off, taking a breath. “Lucas, I get that you hate him, put damn it call him or something! I didn’t know he was missing, Lucas something could be seriously wrong, he’s had a history of self-harm and shit, fuck!”

Lucas thought back to the things he’d ignored, feeling worse and worse with each word Arthur said. He’d never noticed anything of the sort when he and Eliott did things together, but he admittedly wasn’t paying much attention when Eliott’s mouth was anywhere close to his body.

“He left all his stuff here, I didn’t know how to contact him!” Lucas yelled, wanting to prove to Arthur he wasn’t a bad person and prove to himself that he wasn’t a bad boyfriend.

“Did you try his parents?” Arthur asked.

Lucas shook his head. “I don’t have their contact information, Eliott and I haven’t been friends since we were ten.”

“But you told the director, right?” Arthur pressed, and Lucas nodded.

“I also told Imane, because Idriss knows him better than most of us do.” A lie, Lucas knew Eliott better than most at this point, at least he’d thought he did, but Lucas did hope Imane had said something to Idriss about it all. “The director must have gotten contact with him somehow, because Rigaux wasn’t foaming out of the mouth at his absence and the director told me in rehearsal today to not get comfortable substituting for him. Though, that may have just been because he hates me.”

“First of all, the director is a dick and as soon as we graduate I’m keying his car, and second of all, that’s a good sign, I guess. Good as we can expect for the time being,” Arthur shrugged, leaning back against the arm of the couch.

“I guess,” Lucas said, doing the same. It wasn’t his intention to sound so detached, but it was probably a good thing, considering what Arthur thought Lucas thought about Eliott.

Lucas flexed and pointed his feet aimlessly, glancing up at a silent Arthur every once and awhile. Arthur seemed completely content, but Lucas still wasn’t sure why he’d come over in the first place, since they both knew it wasn’t to study.

“How’s Von Rothbart treating you?” Lucas asked at last. There were never usually uncomfortable silences between them, so he didn’t know why there should be now.

Arthur raised his eyebrows over his glasses. “The day I actually get to stand in for Sofiane is the day this school burns to the ground.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Lucas said with a laugh.

“I’m not!” Arthur argued, reaching for a pillow and hitting Lucas with it.

Lucas blocked the pillow with his forearms, still grinning. “I thought you didn’t really care, anyway.”

“I don’t care because I stopped allowing myself to care years ago. I used to care a lot really, but I know now that if I ever want to make a living in ballet, it’s not going to be here. I don’t even know if I want a living in ballet anymore, and it used to be all I dreamed about.” Arthur looked at his hands in his lap, traces of his small falling to something more serious. “I guess that’s what this place does to you, crushes you and your dreams until you have to find a new one.”

“That’s dark,” Lucas said, and Arthur merely shrugged.

“That’s life.”

Maybe it was, but Lucas never liked to believe it to be the truth for everyone. If he gave up on his dreams now, even when the world was telling him that might be the best thing to do, was he still himself? Letting himself believe every horrible thing every instructor had said about himself over the years was a pattern he couldn’t allow himself to fall into, he had plenty of other problems without having to face the idea that maybe he didn’t quite have the level of talent he hoped he did.

“Maybe so,” he said, “But if you love it don’t you find it hard to give it up?”

“Of course. And maybe I won’t give it up, but I’m learning to broaden my goals and narrow my expectations.” Arthur said it so simply, like he was resigned to it all. It made Lucas kind of angry, because Arthur had that same natural talent as Eliott and Manon and Sofiane, but he always acted so flippant about it that it was hard to tell whether he was serious or not.

“I guess I just still don’t understand. You have so much talent, more than Yann and me for sure. Probably more than Sofiane, maybe even Eliott, but you never give yourself a chance,” Lucas said, because he still wanted to understand.

Arthur bit the inside of his cheek. “The problem was that I was as good as Eliott, and I did give myself a chance. I… I don’t really want to talk about it, but I did give myself a chance, and I’m still recovering from it.”

Lucas’ heart stuttered and he reached for Arthur’s hand. He didn’t know what had happened, but he had his own fair share of childhood traumas so he could only imagine. “Well, it you ever want to give yourself another chance, know that I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”

Arthur looked down at their joined hands, then up at Lucas’ face. He stood abruptly. “Thanks. I should go, though, it’s getting late.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course,” Lucas said, a little taken aback. Had he said something wrong?

When Arthur left, he cast a glance back over his shoulder, almost like he was hoping Lucas would ask him to stay. But then he was gone and Lucas was confused again.

Lucas went to bed shortly after, leaving the door unlocked just in case Eliott or Arthur came back and helped clear up the mess going on in his mind.

Jeudi 13:00

That morning had been the first he’d woken up with the expectation of Eliott not returning, hoping he’d be surprised. He wasn’t, and Eliott was still gone. Imane had shared worried looks with him as class started for the morning that he’d only been able to return with a shrug, past the point of hoping any more.

Yann joined him for lunch that day, but Arthur left to go by himself off school grounds. Lucas wondered if it had anything to do with him, but he decided instead to focus on Yann, it had been way too long since the two of them had hung out one on one.

“Should I even ask if you know what’s up with Eliott?” Yann asked, taking a bite of his pizza. He’s brought Lucas a slice as well, but Lucas had yet to conquer it. He was determined to, but kept stopping himself before he could.

Lucas sighed. “No, because I’m as clueless as anyone is.”

“Fuck. I hope he’s ok? Like, I know you’re not his biggest fan, but I really hope nothing bad happened to him,” Yann lamented.

“Me neither,” Lucas said, then quickly amended, “Can’t have a rivalry if my rival is missing in action.”

Yann quirked his lips into a small smirk, ruffling Lucas’ hair. “Let’s not talk about him then.”

“Good idea.”

Not talking about Eliott was one thing, not thinking about him was quite another, one Lucas was in no way prepared for. Yann wiped his mouth with his napkin and Lucas realized he’d already finished eating, and Lucas hadn’t even started. Fuck. It was so much easier to eat when he wasn’t the only one.

“Do you know what’s up with Arthur?” Yann asked, just as Lucas worked up the nerve to take a bite.

He faltered dropping the pizza back on his plate. “What do you mean?”

Yann shrugged. “Maybe nothing, but I just feel like he’s been acting weirdly closed off. You know Arthur, he always talks about everything all the time, even when we don’t want the details. Recently he hasn’t been talking about things as much, hasn’t been sneaking out as much. I mean, that part’s probably good, but I don’t know if he has some secret or something he doesn’t want us to know.”

Lucas had been wondering the same thing, actually. “I don’t know what it could possibly be, but we had a conversation last night that kind of made me wonder the same thing.”

Yann hummed, clearly not finding anything else to say about the matter. Lucas didn’t have anything else to say either, at least not without Arthur there to confirm or deny their suspicions, so he waited until Yann launched into a new topic, something about some new superhero movie the two of them just had to watch together. Lucas found himself laughing, and he found himself eating, the action easier when he was talking mindlessly about something that didn’t cause him worry.

Lunch ended far too quickly and it was only then that Lucas realized he’d gone almost an hour without thinking about Eliott once. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

Vendredi 20:27

He was lying on Eliott’s bed when he got the first text. It hadn’t been purposeful, but he’d somehow wandered there, finding it exactly as he’d left it when he’d cleaned up some of Eliott’s things. It wasn’t like he’d expected anything to have moved, but he was somehow still surprised to see Eliott’s phone laying on his bedside table, dead now that it had been almost a week.

Unknown: Is this Lucas?

Lucas didn’t normally respond to unknown numbers, a lot of times they ended up being spam or his friends taking the piss at him, so he didn’t take the bait, dropping his phone back onto the bed and burying his face in Eliott’s pillow. It still smelled like him. Then his phone buzzed again, twice.

Unknown: Lucas Lallemant?

Unknown: If it is you, Lucas, this is Caroline Demaury.

Lucas sat up faster than he would have thought possible, hands shaking. Why was Caroline Demaury texting him? Something must have happened to Eliott, something bad.

Lucas: Mme. Demaury? Yes, this is Lucas. Is everything all right?

Unknown: Hello, Lucas, yes, everything is all right, but Eliott has been talking about you, so I wondered if you might come pay him a visit.

Lucas: Eliott is with you?

Unknown: Yes. You didn’t know that? We informed the school.

Lucas: All due respect Mme. Demaury, but the last I heard from Eliott was Saturday night, so no, I had no idea he was with you.

Lucas: Is he ok? What happened? I didn’t know how to contact you but he said some things that made me really worried

Lucas: I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner I was just so scared

Unknown: No need to apologize, Lucas, none of this is your fault. It wasn��t anyone’s fault.

Lucas: What wasn’t anyone’s fault?

Unknown: I think it’s best if Eliott gets to explain himself. I can have Harold pick you up at school whenever you’d like.

Lucas: It’s ok, I can walk. I still remember where you live

Unknown: Lucas, it’s no trouble, I’d prefer to know you’re safe with Harold than out wandering the streets alone. He can pick you up in a half hour?

Lucas: Ok. Thank you Mme. Demaury

Unknown: It’s ok to call me Caroline now, darling.

Lucas: Thank you, Caroline

Unknown: Let me know when Harold gets there, I’ll tell Eliott you’re coming. He hasn’t been very receptive to guests, but we’re hoping that he might want to see you.

Lucas: I want to see him too

Vendredi 21:21

Lucas didn’t know what to expect. The car ride to the Demaurys house had been slightly awkward, but Harold Demaury still treated him like he’d been best friends with Eliott for years, which was nice. He could only imagine the things they’d heard about him from Eliott over the years, and was thankful they didn’t appear to hold a grudge.

Seeing Caroline Demaury for the first time in almost eight years was also a shock, and his throat got tight the minute he stepped into their home. This home, that felt more like his home than his actual home to him for so many years. It still looked practically the same.

She folded him into a hug without a word, and Lucas wondered if maybe Eliott had let slip the nature of their falling out, all the problems Lucas hadn’t known how to face at ten years old. He waited with her in the kitchen for a little bit, because Eliott was sleeping. She didn’t say whether or not he’d been receptive to a visit from Lucas, so he could only hope for the best when he opened Eliott’s bedroom door and saw Eliott lying with his back to Lucas, bundled up under the covers.

His bedroom was the only part of the house that had changed. It looked so different from what Lucas had known, but it was so distinctly Eliott that it was hard not to feel at home. There were drawings taped up on all the walls, an impressive collection of vinyl records that Lucas was both stunned and repulsed to see included dubstep. Dubstep. On vinyl. Leave it to Eliott to still have the absolute worst taste in music. There were old ballet shoes strewn about the room, just like in Lucas’ room back at his flatshare, and Lucas saw a few notebooks and folders labelled “Polaris” on his desk.

He sank down onto the bed next to Eliott, who didn’t move an inch. Lucas was beginning to wonder if he might still be asleep.

“They told you, I suppose.” Eliott’s voice came muffled and broken, startling Lucas.

“Told me what?” he asked softly.

Eliott buried his face further into his pillow, refusing to look at Lucas. “That I’m crazy.”

Lucas sank down next to Eliott, attempting to carefully fold his arms around him, but Eliott flinched away from his touch. “Eli?” he tried.

“You don’t want this, Lucas, trust me.” He finally looked over at Lucas, eyes dead and empty as his voice. Lucas nearly cried, seeing him like that. He wanted to see Eliott full of life again.

“I can decide for myself what I do and don’t want,” he said adamantly, waiting for Eliott to explain.

Eliott sighed, closed his eyes. “I’m bipolar.”

Something clicked into place and Lucas’ head and he sighed in relief, realizing that made sense. He didn’t know much about bipolar disorder, but he knew that people sometimes had depressed and manic episodes, so that explained last weekend. “Ok,” Lucas said.

“Ok? That’s all you have to say?”

“Sorry, um, I guess I don’t know what else to say? You could have told me sooner, or Arthur and Sofiane. We understand, though I’m sorry if we made you feel like we wouldn’t,” he amended.

“I didn’t know,” Eliott said.

Lucas shifted to look at him better, and Eliott opened his eyes. “You didn’t know?”

Eliott shook his head. “Not until this week. I’d been diagnosed with depression previously, because I’d never had a manic episode before, but after last week…” He took a deep breath, “The police found me Sunday morning, and they got in contact with my parents somehow. I don’t remember the details, I was still manic during that time, but I guess my parents took me to the hospital and voila. Here I am. They told me that I would crash into a deep depression soon, but I didn’t believe them. I felt so good, I felt like nothing could ever knock me down again. But then I guess I crashed, like they said. It feels awful Lucas, worse than any depressive spiral I’ve ever had.”

“Oh,” Lucas started to understand, though he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to give Eliott pity, because he knew Eliott would hate that, so instead he said, “Thank you for telling me.”

“Why are you acting like this? Shouldn’t you be running by now?”

Lucas squinted his eyes. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m fucking crazy! I could hurt you, or myself, or anyone and I don’t have any control over it and I don’t know what to do because my head is either empty or full and I can’t function like I’m supposed to and—”

“Eliott.” Lucas placed a hand on his cheek, and Eliott didn’t pull away. “You’re not crazy.”

“Tell that to the rest of the world,” Eliott hissed.

“I don’t care about the rest of the world, I care about you,” Lucas said.

Eliott blinked up at him, eyes so flat and gray when they usually brought as much life into the world as humanly possible. “Why?”

Why? Because Eliott was everything good in the world. He was the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening. He was the stars shining through Lucas’ window and making him feel less alone, less afraid of the dark. He was Lucas’ promise of a better life than the one he’d been living, he was the most beautiful person in the world. His mind was so complex and Lucas wanted to get to know every bit of it, even the parts that Eliott felt were shameful. Lucas didn’t think they were shameful at all, not if they made Eliott who he was. Eliott had shown Lucas time and time again that he wasn’t alone, and now it was time for Lucas to do the same.

“Because you see me, and somehow still love me,” Lucas said, inching closer. Eliott didn’t back away, and he placed his hand on top of Lucas’, still resting on his face. “I’m the broken one, not you. You don’t deserve to be dealt this hand, you deserve only the best the world has to offer.”

“You’re not broken.”

“Neither are you. You’re not alone, either. Not anymore, never again.”

Eliott bit his lip. “How do you know?”

“How do any of us know anything? We don’t, but we have to have trust and patience and believe that the best is yet to come,” Lucas said, surprising himself. He’d never ever been the one to preach positivity in the face of darkness, but he could learn if that’s what Eliott needed from him.

“I’m going to be a burden to you.”

Lucas sighed. “So am I. Remember? Daddy issues, eating disorder, possible abandonment issues I’m only now realizing definitely exist. It’s a lot to deal with, for anyone. Including myself. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you ran for the hills. But you didn’t, and if you think I’m going to you’re dead wrong.”

“Lucas I don’t deserve you—”

“Me neither.”

“Lucas I’m serious—”

“Me too.”

He was finally close enough that he could see every inch of Eliott’s flawless face, and he pressed their foreheads together gently.

“I’m going to have to start taking medication, and I don’t want to. I’m going to lie to you about it and you’re going to get mad at me for lying, and then I’ll snap again and I’ll hurt us both,” Eliott said, and Lucas listened. “I’m going to have extreme highs and extreme lows and sometimes I won’t even be aware of it. I’ll yell at you, I’ll insult you, I’ll make you feel like shit and I won’t be able to help it.”

“I’m going to have to start eating again, like a normal person would, and I don’t want to. I’m going to try to lie about it and you’re going to get mad at me for lying and then I’ll snap and I’ll hurt us both,” Lucas said, and Eliott listened. “I’m going to have days where I shrink into a hole inside of myself because I don’t believe I’m worth it and nothing you say will help at all. I’ll yell at you, I’ll insult you, I’ll make you feel like shit, and I won’t be able to help it. You’re not alone in this either, Eli.”

“Lu.” It was a soft, hushed breath. A whisper, a promise.

“And I don’t care about any of that stuff either, you know why? Because we don’t even know where we’ll be an hour from now, so why worry that far into the future? What’s the point of that? We’ll play a game, Lu and Eli, minute by minute. The only thing either of us has to worry about is the next minute, no time to dwell on the past or the future,” he proposed, meeting Eliott’s gaze again. “You in?”

Eliott took a deep, rattling breath. “I’m scared.”

“I am too, but I was scared of the dark and you brought all this light into my world and now I never have to be afraid again,” Lucas said, putting every ounce of honesty into his words.

“Lu and Eli, minute by minute,” Eliott repeated.

“Minute by minute.”

“Ok. I’m in.”

“Good, because I’d rather have you annoy me than not have you at all,” Lucas whispered with a smile, folding them closer into one another. Eliott laughed at that. It was small, almost indiscernible, but it was there. “You’re beautiful when you laugh,” Lucas said, because Eliott had said so when he was at his most vulnerable and he wanted nothing more than to return the favor. Plus, it was true.

“You’re still it for me, you know,” Eliott said, and Lucas’ heart soared. “If I couldn’t have you I don’t think I would ever have anyone else.”

Lucas pulled his hand from Eliott’s face and laced their fingers together, pressing them to his heart. “You’re still it for me too. In this universe, in every universe.”

Eliott said nothing more, but he allowed Lucas to place a kiss on his brow bone, resting there a moment as if Eliott would disappear should he move away. Eliott didn’t even give him a chance to move away, tangling their bodies and legs together in that jigsaw way they always did, breathing synching up as they each held the world in their hands and tried not to ever let go.

Maybe they’d both been dealt a poor hand in this life, but was it really a poor hand if they’d found each other through it? Lucas would go through all of it again if they found a way to end up at this exact moment in time, this one where it felt like all peace had been restored in the atmosphere. They may have still had a long way to go before they could find that peace all the time, but Lucas knew that they would get there eventually. They were both fighters, and the thing they’d fight most for was each other.

They deserved to live a soft, sweet song, not a tempestuous melody, and Lucas was ready to write it for them.

#skam france #elu fic #elu ballet au #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury #elu

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rayofspades · 5 years

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My Thoughts on Blue October: A Two-Way Personal Narrative

This post has no point or thesis it’s literally just me talking about music that I like because I think it’s interesting.

Anyways.

I was making a playlist for work the other day, and in the process I rediscovered some Blue October songs I have on my ipod. And then I rediscovered all of the Blue October songs I have on my ipod because...I have a lot.

And it’s pretty much my favourite music (for the most part).

Blue October was a weirdly prominent part of my youth, so it makes sense that I would have an attachment to their music (people tend to like the music they grew up with). But even then, re-listening to those albums fills me with a lot more satisfaction than other songs from my childhood/adolescence. From ages 11-16-ish, my favourite band was The Killers, with Blue October in second place. I still like a lot of Killer’s songs, and they have a lot of nostalgic value, but when I’m listening to Blue October’s music...like....it really, genuinely holds up to me.

Which is weird, because most of my current faves and older faves were either pop or soft-rock (with the sub-genre of “edge” in my early teens).

Blue October is classified as “alternative rock” which I think is just the professional way of saying “fucking wild.”

I’ve always joked that if some songs are “edge” then Blue October is “the whole knife.”

But that’s the thing; even though they’re understandably known for their kind of raw intensity, at least among the fan base, the albums tend to have a fair bit of variety both musically and lyrically. I often think of the lyric from “Inner Glow”: “So here's a preview shove it under old-new / Or call it rock or pop or bach or fuck / Goddamn where did we go wrong / Now there's a category for every song.” Even though the band is kind of unhinged in terms of genre, each album very much has its own personality despite the different tones of each song.

By the time Approaching Normal came out (when I was around 14) I had kind of put together a narrative with each album. It wasn’t really a clear-cut story based on the lyrics of every song, but rather a series of emerging themes and events that each album put extra focus on:

Consent to Treatment: Dealing with psychosis and frustration.

History for Sale: Continuing to struggle with mental illness while also thinking about romantic and sexual relationships.

Foiled: Appreciating and/or longing for loved ones.

And yes, I know that The Answers is technically their first album, but I only know 3 songs from that one and didn't love them enough to seek out the whole album.

Personal context: I started listening to Blue October at a relatively young age because they were one of my dad's favourite bands and he would blast their albums in the car. He correctly assumed that I, a sheltered 10 year old, wouldn't put together that some of the songs were about drugs and suicide. He would always skip the more sexual and violent songs though. He aint irresponsible.

So basically those first few albums just became part of my internal music library since I heard them so much. I remember the first song of theirs that I really noticed on its own was “The Answer,” and after learning that it was Blue October singing that song, my interest in them grew slightly more independent.

When I was about to enter my early teens, I developed an interest in psychology (most notably psychosis) after watching A Beautiful Mind. After that I became even more interested in the lyrics from Consent to Treatment and History for Sale, and grew more attached to these albums that I was already very familiar with and fond of.

Foiled was and continues to be my favourite album of theirs, though. It has the largest variety of music and a lot of the lyrics are really interesting.

I almost think it was kind of inevitable that this is the album that would get popular. “Hate Me” keeps true to their style, but it still has mainstream appeal. It’s...not the whole knife, but it still has a good melody and good lyrics.

“Into the Ocean,” which is my favourite song of theirs, is fucking perfect for mainstream appeal. It’s catchy, it’s pretty, it’s edgy, and it’s good. I HEARD IT PLAYING IN A HOTEL ELEVATOR LIKE A MONTH AGO. The song is so beautiful it’s almost enough to distract you from the fact that it’s about suicide.

It’s great.

The only song on the album that I would say is far outside of mainstream appeal would be “Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek,” but according to wikipedia, that made it onto the Saw III soundtrack, so there you go.

Foiled also might be the best showcase of the lead singer’s vocal talent. One thing that I really like about this band is how the vocals can be unbelievably smooth and wonderful, but the lead singer, Justin Furstenfeld, can just...fucking...flip his vocal chords inside out and fucking scream to a melody when the music calls for it.

It’s an amazing album that I would recommend to pretty much anybody who’s into punk or “alternative rock” or even just...music.

ALSO I have to talk about the s t r i n g s.

I legitimately think that Blue October’s music sounds so different and resonant because, even though it’s a lot of intense hard rock, there is so. Much. Violin.

Sometimes the violin will overpower the guitar, or maybe even straight up replace the guitar in some places. It’s unique and great and it sounds fucking amazing. I love that fucking violin.

So I’m really invested in both the music and the Narrative of Blue October albums by the time I’m 13-14sh; right when Approaching Normal drops.

This album is...different...ish.

Like, I don’t necessarily think it’s more intense than their other albums, but it’s...angrier.

Approaching Normal also apparent themes, much like its predecessors: the birth of a daughter and a crumbling marriage. However, unlike the previous albums, the lyrics on this one become a lot more literal. The writing isn’t as good as far as the words go. As for the music...eh. I like “Should Be Loved” quite a lot, but I feel like the vocal performance is at odds with the melody. Most of the album is either just okay or actively bad.

It’s...an uncomfortable album. The Narrative has become too overwhelming and I would argue too personal.

There’s less violin.

And

whoo boy.

Okay, I literally just found out there was a censored version of this album like 6 seconds ago because I’m looking stuff up on wikipedia, but, of course, me and my dad got the uncensored version because we’re not w i m p s.

So, thank fuck by this point in my life I had my own ipod and my dad listened to music on his computer, so we heard this album independently from each other.

Dude, I first heard the song “The End” at like 3 in the morning as a very sheltered and very very squeamish 14 year old.

could not sleep.

I literally took the song off of my ipod so I wouldn’t have to even think about it.

Yeah...this album didn’t get played in the car often.

It’s amazing how Foiled finally got the band off of the ground and then like 3 years later they come out with this album that is not nearly as easy to market. My local radio station used to have a show called “wired or fired” where they would play new songs and the audience would vote on whether or not it sucked. “Dirt Room” was featured on there and the reception was nooot positive.

So fast forward another two years and Any Man in America comes out.

I fucking hate this album.

Actually the sad thing is I technically like more songs on this album than on Approaching Normal, but I just haaaaate it conceptually and in practice.

The lyrics are even more literal and more personal than on Approaching Normal, and the Narrative picks up right where that one left off. The theme of Any Man in America is a very very messy divorce and custody battle that Justin Furstenfeld was going through.

It is a Hard Yikes.

The misogyny in this album is overwhelming. And you can argue like “hey...the guy has bipolar disorder and is just working through his emotional problems” or whatever, but...he still dedicated an entire album to basically cursing at this woman. But what really turns my stomach is how much this album can and will resonate with every joe-shmoe misogynist going like “yeah haha women suck the feminists are taking over make me a sandwiiiiiich” like alskdfkhgkajhdkfjskf I DON’T THINK THAT’S THE ALBUM’S INTENTION BUT IT WILL DEFINITELY SPEAK TO THAT CROWD EVEN IF THAT WASN’T THE POINT.

But hey, shout out to “The Money Tree” and “The Follow Through” for actually being good songs and also bringing back that violin.

So yeah. Blue October just kind of fell off of my radar after that, until another two years pass and I catch wind of Sway coming out. I was kinda like “eh, they’ve already jumped the shark,” but then I heard the single “Bleed Out” before the album’s release and...I didn’t love it, but I liked it. It sounded more like Foiled and less like Any Man in America. So I got on the hype train.

And I’m glad I did. I bought the album digitally and burned it onto a CD for my dad, and it was the first time in a while that he had an actual Blue October CD in his car, instead of just the best selection on a USB.

It’s the most tonally similar to Foiled, although I don’t think it’s as strong as that album. That could be a nostalgia bias, but I do legitimately think the melodies are less interesting... and that violin continues to get downplayed. I miss it. I miss the violin.

The Narrative continues, but thankfully the lyrics have gotten less literal. I would say the theme of this one is “healing and starting over.” “Sway” is a pretty ballad and I love “Angels in Everything.” The album as a whole is just...nice. But it still has some of that edge/whole knife thing going for it. The sex and drugs aint absent.

So I liked this album.

Fast forward another few years, to a Renee that hasn’t listened to Blue October songs in a while and also doesn’t really listen to the radio that much anymore. I’m randomly in the car with my dad when I hear a fucking Blue October song on the radio. A new one. I could tell it was them because Furstenfeld’s voice is very distinctive. Out loud I’m just like “Is...is this Blue October?????????” Partially because I didn’t know they had a new album out, but mostly because this was the first time I’d heard a new Blue October song get radio play in my city since fucking 2009 when “Dirt Room” was on Wired or Fired.

The song was “Home,” which was also the title of the album. My dad ended up buying it for me for Christmas that year. The album reminds me more of Sway than any other, but I do prefer more songs on it. “Heart Go Bang” is great and sounds like it came straight off of History for Sale and “I Want It” is fantastic in my opinion. I like “Coal Makes Diamonds,” I like “Houston Heights” and “Leave it in the Dressing Room,” and I really like “Home.”

(Still want more violin, though.)

I would say that the Narrative/theme of this album is love and family. This album was written after Furstenfeld remarried. Before Sway came out, his girlfriend apparently told him to stop being a piece of shit and get sober or she was going to leave and take their unborn baby with her.

So he did.

I really want to know more about this woman, because she’s kind of my hero at the moment.

The second last song on the album, “Time Changes Everything” feels like it’s about letting go of that battle he was fighting with his ex. It’s conceptually comforting, if that is indeed the case.

The funny thing is, I thought this album kind of put the Narrative in a nice little bow. Like, the most dramatic part is over and now this story can have a happy ending.

Which is why it came as an extra-super-double shock when I found out two days ago that Blue October released another album over a y e a r a g o.

This is what I get for not listening to the radio.

I have not listened to this album yet, and the reviews posted on wikipedia are positive but still mixed. Like, people saying it’s poppy and mainstream but also saying it still has edge, etc.

I’m a little afraid of listening to it, because I’m not sure what direction their music has taken, or if it’ll become too same-y to other stuff on the radio.

We’ll see.

When I finally listen to it I might post a review or something.

But from what it sounds like, the album is mostly positive in terms of messages and themes, and that’s comforting to me.

Okay.

Those are my thoughts on Blue October.

They...probably are my favourite band, despite the problems I have with some of their music.

I kind of made this post to put into words why/how this music is so important to me, but it’s genuinely hard to describe. I’ve done my best, but at the end of the day...I just really dig this music.

Anyways, if you for some reason decided to read this post without knowing much about Blue October music and want to get into it, I made a playlist of what I think are the best songs from each album because IIIIIII had nothing better to do. Apparently.

Trigger Warnings: A very large number of the songs are about mental illness and suicide, so watch out for that.

“Angel” and “Razorblade”: Sexual Violence TW (Good songs, but really intense)

“Hard Candy” and “Drop”: Drug Use TW

There ya go.

Enjoy.

#blue october #music #renee life

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mostfunnystuff247-blog · 6 years

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Actors Who’ve Disappeared From The Spotlight

Celebrities & Pop Culture Some of these stars haven't been seen on the big screen in years. Anna Weaver 2018-09-05

Getty Images | Scott Halleran Celebrities who’ve reached household name status are often expected to stay that way. While it can be hard to imagine big-name stars slipping out of the spotlight, it happens. For some, it’s an intentional choice to step away from acting. Others simply are just waiting for a role that really gets them jazzed. Check out all the Hollywood stars we haven’t seen onscreen in years.

Michael Schoeffling

Could any teenage heartthrob ever hold a candle to Jake Ryan from “Sixteen Candles”? As loyal Jake Ryan fans may know, the actor who played him, Michael Schoeffling, has left Hollywood behind. After memorable roles in “Mermaids” and “Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken,” he disappeared. Schoeffling now apparently lives in Pennsylvania and has a carpentry business. He and his wife have two grown children, including a model daughter.

Universal Pictures

Stacey Dash

Stacey Dash made a name for herself in “Clueless” as Cher’s best friend. But her acting career has fizzled since then. Nowadays, Dash is known more for being a conservative political activist. She’s appeared as a FOX News commentator and recently ran for a congressional seat before deciding to pull out from the race.

Getty Images | Kevin Winter

Phoebe Cates

Best known for her roles in “Gremlins” and “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” Phoebe Cates left acting years ago. She’s married to actor Kevin Kline, with whom she has two children. Cates did appear in the 2001 movie “The Anniversary Party,” but only as a favor to friend Jennifer Jason Leigh.

Getty Images | Frazer Harrison

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Catherine Zeta-Jones has kept a lower profile in recent years. Up until recently, the Oscar winner’s last big project was 2012’s “Rock of Ages.” She’s been open about her bipolar disorder diagnosis and also dealt with husband Michael Douglas’ cancer battle. But Zeta-Jones came back to larger acting roles with last year’s “Feud” and is currently working on a TV show called “Queen America.”

Photo by Earl Gibson III/Getty Images

Sarah Michelle Gellar

The “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Cruel Intentions” actress has left acting on the back burner. Instead, she’s been focusing on her new company, Foodstirs, which makes sustainable, fair trade and organic baking products. She has two kids with husband and fellow actor Freddie Prinze Jr.

Getty Images | Emma McIntyre

Freddie Prinze Jr.

After playing a teen heartthrob in “She’s All That” and other films, starring in the live-action movie remake of “Scooby-Doo” and leading his self-titled one-season show “Freddie,” Freddie Prinze Jr. left much of acting behind. He prefers to be a stay-at-home dad with side jobs like being the voice of a “Star Wars Rebels” character. He has also written a cookbook, “Back to the Kitchen,” and continues to have a strong marriage with Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Getty Images | Nicholas Hunt

Matthew Fox

“Party of Five” and “Lost” made Matthew Fox famous, but he hasn’t made a movie since 2015 and has gone on the record saying he doesn’t love acting. Fox had a couple run-ins with the law several years ago, and he popped up in the news recently when his Bend, Oregon, house went on the market. Below, Fox and his wife Margherita Ronchi and their son, Byron, take in a tennis match in Rome, Italy, in May 2018.

Getty Images | Dean Mouhtaropoulos

Calista Flockhart

Calista Flockhart found a starring role in late ’90s/early ’00s classic “Ally McBeal” and then jumped quickly from that into the family drama “Brothers and Sisters.” But after the latter went off the air, Flockhart took a more low-key acting path. She had a prime role as Cat Grant on “Supergirl” until the show switched filming locations from Los Angeles to Vancouver and she became an occasional guest star. Perhaps she’s just more content spending time with her son, Liam, and husband, Harrison Ford.

Getty Images | Matt Winkelmeyer

Jack Nicholson

Iconic actor Jack Nicholson hasn’t been seen in anything since 2010’s “How Do You Know.” A U.S. remake of “Toni Erdmann” was supposed to bring Nicholson back to the big screen, but he backed out of the project. His friend Peter Fonda says Nicholson is basically retired.

Getty Images | Kevork Djansezian

Cameron Diaz

Remember the days of “There’s Something About Mary,” “Shrek,” “Charlie’s Angels” and the many other films that made Cameron Diaz famous? Where’d she go? Apparently, the last movie the actress appeared in was “Annie” in 2014. Turns out she’s retired from acting and is just enjoying life with husband Benji Madden. Though Diaz did say in a recent interview that she’d be open to a sequel to “The Sweetest Thing.”

Getty Images | Stuart C. Wilson

Amanda Bynes

The former teen comedian had a very public breakdown several years ago. After receiving treatment, she’s kept a low-profile life. She hasn’t acted on screen since 2010, instead choosing to go to fashion school. Though she did say in a 2017 interview that she’d like to get back into television acting.

Getty Images | Jason Merritt

Dominic Monaghan

The “Lord of the Rings” and “Lost” actor Dominic Monaghan hasn’t had a big role since “Lost” went off the air in 2010. He’s slated to appear in the Australian television drama “Bite Club” and he just scored a part in the currently filming “Star Wars: IX,” though what his role will be remains to be seen.

Getty Images | Jonathan Leibson

Bridget Fonda

Peter Fonda’s daughter (and Jane’s niece) Bridget made a name for herself in movies like “It Could Happen To You” and “Single White Female.” Fonda hasn’t had a screen credit since 2002, but she’s no doubt been busy raising her son, Oliver, whom she shares with music composer husband Danny Elfman.

Getty Images | Frazer Harrison

Chuck Norris

The last big roles the martial artist and actor best known for “Walker, Texas Ranger” did were in 2005. In recent years, he’s been supporting his wife through health issues. Even though Norris himself is in semi-retirement, his tough-guy legend lives on through things like the popular Chuck Norris Facts meme.

Getty Images | Jerry Markland

Dennis Franz

“Hill Street Blues” and “NYPD Blue” actor Dennis Franz hasn’t acted since the latter went off the air in 2005. Apparently, it was a hard act to follow. Now, Franz is just enjoying retirement. He did present an Emmy award with co-star Jimmy Smits at the 2016 awards ceremony.

Getty Images | Kevin Winter

Doris Day

Iconic ’50s and ’60s actress and singer Doris Day has been in too many great films to list them all. But the actress hasn’t appeared on screen since her sitcom “The Doris Day Show” went off the air in 1973. Instead, the now-96-year-old is known as an animal welfare activist with her own foundation, and lives in Carmel-by-the-Sea, California.

Wikimedia Commons | Paramount

Gene Hackman

Prolific actor Gene Hackman isn’t planning to come back to acting, having been retired for a number of years now. His last role was in “Welcome to Mooseport” in 2004. He and his second wife live in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where he enjoys bicycling and writes books.

Getty Images | Vince Bucci

Rick Moranis

“Little Shop of Horrors,” “Ghostbusters,” “Spaceballs” and “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” actor Rick Moranis seemed to be all over the place in the ’80s and early ’90s. Then his wife passed away and Moranis stepped out of the spotlight to raise his kids. He’s done mostly small parts, voiceover work and country comedy albums (believe it or not) in the years since. He recently came out of retirement to reprise the voice of Dark Helmet from “Spaceballs” in an episode of “The Goldbergs.”

Getty Images | Theo Wargo

Randy Quaid

Randy Quaid might be best known for “Independence Day” and the “National Lampoon” movies, plus some erratic behavior in the last decade-plus. But the Oscar-nominated actor is due to return in the movie “Weight” this year after a nine-year absence from the screen.

Getty Images | Scott Halleran

Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen

The Olsen twins have put acting behind them. Mary-Kate and Ashley declined to join the “Fuller House” reunion with their old “Full House” costars and don’t like to be in front of the camera much anymore either. The twins run clothing lines The Row and Elizabeth and James together. Mary-Kate is also married to French financier Olivier Sarkozy while Ashley is unattached.

Getty Images | Theo Wargo

Emilio Estevez

Emilio Estevez, son of Martin Sheen and brother of Charlie Sheen, has taken a quieter career path since his “Mighty Ducks” and “Breakfast Club” days. He’s focused more on writing and directing, such as in the 2010 film “The Way,” which he collaborated on with his father.

Getty Images | Matt Winkelmeyer

Ali MacGraw

“Love Story” actress Ali MacGraw has been off the screen since 1997. She toured with “Love Story” co-star Ryan O’Neal doing the play “Love Letters” in 2015. But nowadays, she lives in New Mexico, does yoga, is involved in animal welfare causes and designs clothes.

Getty Images | Aaron Davidson

Sean Connery

Even legendary actors with prolific careers want to retire at some point. Or so it is with Sean Connery, whose last onscreen credit was 2002’s “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.” Connery is living a quiet retirement in the Bahamas with occasional public sightings, like at the U.S. Open.

Getty Images | Clive Brunskill

Mara Wilson

Mara Wilson was a well-known child actor back in the early ’90s. “Mrs. Doubtfire,” “Miracle on 34th Street” and “Matilda” made her famous. But a few years after her mother passed away, Wilson decided she was largely done with acting. She’s had a few bit parts primarily as a voice actor in more recent years, but Wilson is now focusing on a career in writing, and recently published a memoir.

Getty Images | Jason Kempin

Jack Gleeson

The “Game of Thrones” king hasn’t acted since he was killed off of the HBO miniseries. Instead, he did his university studies at Trinity College and has made a lot of fan convention appearances, too. He’s also gone on humanitarian missions.

Getty Images | Jamie McCarthy Originally published on The Delite. We were not paid to write this story. The products and services mentioned below were selected independent of sales and advertising. However, Simplemost may receive a small commission from the purchase of any products or services through an affiliate link to the retailer's website. Previous post This Nurse Discovered Her Colleague Was A Premature Baby She Cared For 28 Years Ago Next post This is the most recent story. Read the full article

#Celebrities&PopCulture #Entertainment

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ciceroisthefamilycat · 3 years

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My Fiery Heart reread response (my Indigo Spell one here, my first-time Fiery Heart one here from 7.5 years ago)

before I get into it, I remembered looking up the Iolanthe coven name Sydney used; that wasn’t something I looked up until after reading it the first time though, so I didn’t realize the fairy court connection to Sydney recommending Zoe do her literature assignment on Midsummer Night’s Dream... I’m very certain it was an intentional reference to that opera now (even though the purple flower meaning was enough on its own)... if they get around to adapting this one, I half want to see Amberwood Prep put on a production of MND where Jill is helping with the costumes and Zoe gets to play Titania or something; I never got around to reading Richard III (Zoe’s original pick) but it’s interesting that free will/fatalism is apparently a major theme, and that Richard contrived to have his brother Clarence sent to the Tower of London...

also, I’m not sure if I cared about “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane all those years ago, but I got a thrill seeing it referenced this go around.

we get the first namedrop for Cicero (though we had heard about his propensity for killing birds and some other mention in the earlier BL books ETA, 7/19: “My family had a cat back in Utah that I was pretty sure was more responsible than Angeline” pg 31 TGL

Anyway, gosh Sydney makes bad decisions in this one. And it’s not because she has too much to do- she has no real outside strenuous challenges to protecting Jill or her group this go around. The friend group actually had to decide “yeah let’s go hunt down a Strigoi in LA” for there to be a major action scene. I realize she’s in her late teens and the burdens put on her are unfair, but she’s a great example of someone who thrives under pressure and falls apart when she’s given too much free time.

The switch to dual narrators was unnecessary. It wasn’t bad, but it was clearly only to set up for the big cliffhanger at the end, and so feels a bit pointless in this one. Btw, Rose didn’t lose her spirit link into Lissa’s mind after Lissa went on antidepressants. Now admittedly, the chemicals in Adrian’s mood stabilizers would have probably worked differently, or maybe Richelle was trying to retroactively make things more consistent (since alcohol could affect the bond), or maybe it was “Adrian and Jill’s bond is less established, so Jill can’t break through like Rose could”... but the sudden decision mid book (with no repercussions- Adrian doesn’t even bring it up to Sydney to be like “hey, one of your main concerns about having sex is taken care of”) is so pointless and really goes to the minimal page-time of the larger ensemble. I said it the first time I read the book, the absence of Kristin and Julia, and Micah, and even more important characters like Angeline or Trey is so frustrating. I realize Richelle couldn’t write a book that was 900 pages long, but I would have gladly taken any of those characters instead of the completely unnecessary Terwilliger/Malachi romance. Especially to see Jill’s reaction to getting to be a more typical high school human, since I think she would have gotten even more attached to Amberwood than Sydney did. I also just... really, the Alchemists decided to have Sydney’s bio sister on campus... pretending to be a cousin... while she was playing sister to Jill? I get they kind of backed themselves into a corner, but weird. That being said, I was happy to have Rowena and Cassie around. (give me Adrian and Rowena being wlw besties excellence to make me really happy)

Sydney’s coven initiation taking place in chapter 2, then she meets Inez (who gives her the books on charms)... and we never see a witch other than Jackie again in this book? Honestly, why bother with writing the initiation at that rate? I still like the cloak they made Sydney though. On reread, there’s the randomest bit where Trey’s like “is Neil even really British” and I wonder if that was a dropped storyline where Neil was faking. Olive and Nina are still pleasant characters, and I liked that they had a “unique” background, but knowing how those stories end was kind of a buzzkill on reread. Olive, especially, deserved better.

This is another one where I forgot quite a few events- Adrian getting drunk and the pawnshop (I think I remembered that obliquely, but not so much on it), or the trip to Texas (which actually came before the pawnshop but oh well). I was happy to finally get some actual Christian content again, although I regret we didn’t get more from Sydney & Rose or more Sydney & Lissa. On Adrian’s mental health storyline... I am less impressed by it than I was the first time (though I didn’t remember being super-impressed, but according to my first review?). I do actually like Adrian being insistent, once he’s started taking meds, that he’s going to continue, but the diagnosis of bipolar disorder doesn’t actually feel like it fits? I will say, I find Adrian’s “chicken or egg” pondering over whether spirit causes mental illness or mental illness means a predisposition to specializing in spirit is fascinating (though it’s probably for the best Richelle never actually answered it).

The way Adrian spoke (or thought) about Zoe really pissed me off. Like, one, you’re an adult, stop antagonizing the sister of the girl you like and just be cordial (which is less suspicious than suddenly acting like you and Sydney don’t get along at all), and two... Adrian’s super protective over Sydney after realizing the emotional abuse Jared heaped on, but somehow doesn’t realize that this fifteen year old has been spending time with said father’s attention solely focused on her for ages now, and he has no sympathy for her? Instead of seeing Zoe being like “Sydney shouldn’t have to provide for you all the time” and being like “aww, that’s a nice protective sister instinct even if she needs an attitude adjustment” he taunts a 15 year old about drinking from her the way he did to 20-something actual-predator Keith. He could have engaged yet another Sage sister in talking about his awesome car on the drive over, or at least made other good faith efforts.

The dabbling stuff made me more uncomfortable this time around (I think). Especially Sydney comparing her getting Keith’s eye ripped out to Adrian’s assault of a human girl... that was some real false equivalency on Richelle’s part. But other parts of it, like “oh here comes Adrian to save the day and at least he’s changed from these guys he used to hang out with (oh, look at that convenient statement that even back in the day Adrian wasn’t on the same level of bad as them)” was really frustrating, or the fact that Adrian was very deliberately withholding information from her in his own chapters and it made me question his trustworthiness in her chapters. Or the “oh, hey, he made the concession of getting treatment for his mental illness, so all is forgiven” handwaving. Like, Richelle brought this in to be an obstacle to their relationship, but it’s addressed so quickly (with maybe a pittance effort of later being like “oh, at least Adrian didn’t take advantage when Sydney accidentally absorbed some Moroi endorphins- he learned his lessons!) that it doesn’t merit the actual consideration of so important a topic Idk. I do feel like I enjoy the Sydrian relationship more in this book than the others, but I also have some huge issues with it.

Adaptation-wise, I think genderbent Adrian would definitely mean a change to the dabbling storyline (yes, women can be sexual predators, but I don’t think this storyline would be maintained with different social expectations). Honestly, give me an Adrian who, instead of having victimized someone, doesn’t immediately fully grasp how upsetting this idea of vampires preying on her species (and risking exposure) is to Sydney... Adrian being like “it isn’t sexual, those guys would never consider sleeping with a human” but the consent even to give blood still being critical to Sydney. And you know what? Let Lissa “compelled a guy to almost hit himself over the head with a baseball bat for molesting a Feeder” Dragomir have a spirit freak out moment of rage and go off on these subjects of hers the way that was deserved (and then once she cools down, maybe she can’t punish them fully, but she uses it to leverage their royal families’ agreement to the Family Rule amendment). And just finish that law by the end of the season, so that when the Alchemists pull out Sydney and Zoe, they’re actually closing down the whole Palm Springs operation in a rage. (if I remember correctly Alicia kidnapped Jill between books 5 and 6, but that was a stupid plotline imo- let Sydney and her coven take care of Alicia in the downtime of this book instead) Let Rose figure out that Sydney and Adrian are in love- she’s smart and she would pick up on that; let her celebrate them and encourage them to be happy together. Also the “Sydney and Adrian get three days at an inn to sex it all up” was stupid... like I’m happy for them but am I really supposed to buy that they could afford all that time away from Palm Springs?

As bad as I feel for Syd, and Adrian, and Eddie, and Jill, and Jackie at the end of TFH, I do remember that I’m going to feel worst for Hopper. I’m sorry that demon dragon Calistana has my heart and I remember one scene from Silver Shadows featuring the little guy prominently...

#I'm a VA girl

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henrytcasey · 7 years

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Watch This Wrestling 14 (4/6–12)

But first, about that elephant in the arena...

I want to reaffirm some of the reason behind this weekly roundup. Every week, WWE provide more than enough hours of pro wrestling for most, but there's more. From those wacky Brits in Progress to the insane bastards of New Japan, wrestling isn't just WWE.

This past week, there was as much reason to reiterate the above as ever before. No, not because of the phenomenal match between Kazuchika Okada and Katsuyori Shibata at Sakura Genesis. But because of the big outside-the-ring story of bullying in the WWE making the rounds in major publications such as Sports Illustrated and the New York Post.

Vince's love of fucking with people is no secret, but this has popped up because of speculation that SmackDown Live color commentary announcer, noted veteran, and all-around-cancerous-motherfucker JBL is the reason for the absence of SDL play-by-play announcer Mauro Ranallo. You know, JBL, the guy who thought it'd be OK to goose-step like a Nazi during a show in Germany.

While we haven't heard any stories about what JBL did to Mauro, who has been public about his bipolar diagnosis, and is off-air for what has been reported as stress, nothing would surprise anyone at this stage. It's currently expected that Mauro and WWE will settle in private, and that WWE will address this in some way, as the story has been made too-public to ignore.

If it were up to me, and Mauro were not available to the WWE anymore, the SDL announce team would be Corey Graves, Byron Saxton and Renee Young. Of related note this week was the shamelessly transparent "we're trading the black commentators!" moment where Raw traded Saxton for the useless lump of humanity called David Otunga.

Thankfully, we get a six-week window before Raw Is 3 Hours of Otunga goes into effect, thanks to his commitment to filming a movie where he's playing a lawyer. In that time, Booker T will be filling in, because (again), "LOL BLACK COMMENTATORS, GOTTA HAVE ONE, AND NO MORE THAN ONE!" Assuming Book does well, I'd like to see a Raw team some day that's him, Graves, and Tom Phillips.

As always, a list of what I watched for this week's edition and what I'm planning to watch next week. If I'm missing anything that can be accessed without too much trouble, @ me on twitter: henrytcasey.

What I Watched:

Progress Ch. 46: I Like To Chill Out Here And Shoot Some Dinosaurs, 4/7

NJPW: Genesis, 4/9

Monday Night Raw, 4/10

ROH Wrestling, 4/10

Ethan Page - It's Not Over Yet, EVOLVE, WWN Live, 4/10

SmackDown Live, 4/11

205 Live, 4/11

Talking Smack Live, 4/11

NXT, 4/12

Mini-Doc: Zack Sabre Jr. Can't Make a Mistake, EVOLVE, WWN Live, 4/12

Upcoming Watch List:

PROGRESS Wrestling Presents: Freedom's Road S01E07, 4/13

OTT: Scrappermania III, 4/15

Monday Night Raw, 4/17

ROH Wrestling, 4/17

SmackDown Live, 4/18

205 Live, 4/18

Talking Smack Live, 4/18

NXT, 4/19

Non-WWE Match of the Week:

Kazuchika Okada (C) vs Katsuyori Shibata for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship

NJPW: Genesis, 4/9

Most matches don't get 38 minutes between bells, but that's because few have the conditioning and technical prowess of Okada and Shibata. The former is the crown jewel of New Japan and the latter, well, he would have been on the rise after one hell of a match. More on that in a moment.

The story here is that Shibata enters the match guns ablazin and in a far more passionate state than Okada. The crowd is on board with this, vocally entirely behind Shibata. Okada is entering that mixed-reactions phase of his career most people associate with John Cena and Roman Reigns, and this match cemented it. Felt a bit like Punk/Cena MITB in that way. Except Okada starts taking shortcuts, playing to the boos.

Without spoiling any spots, I'll leave discussion of the good parts of the match at that.

Part of me doesn't want to give the win to the most-talked-about match of the week, but it was the best match outside of the week, despite its serious flaw. And that flaw is so bad that I won't go back and rewatch this match, despite loving (the majority of) it.

While I always suggest people go watch these matches, this one comes with a brutal asterisk. Near the end of this match, which was already going to win MOTW, Shibata leveled Okada with what is now believed to be a shoot-headbutt. As in the skull-to-skill headbutt that split Shibata open was legitimate, despite early reports of it being a work.

As reported by many, including Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer, reports are coming out that Shibata is currently hospitalized, dealing with lingering right-side paralysis. Meltzer noted that Shibata has "some memories of the match" as if to infer that memory loss is involved. After all of this, it is expected that Shibata will never be cleared to wrestle again, ending his young career. Thankfully, it appears he will recover, but we shouldn't have needed to hope for that.

It brings up a question of what kind of stiff work is actively encouraged or at least tacitly endorsed by the New Japan management. Much like WWE with its bullying problem, NJPW needs to take this moment to consider how it does business.

Sakura Genesis is available on NJPW World.

Honorable Mentions:

Moustache Mountain (Trent Seven & Tyler Bate) (c) vs The Hunter Brothers (Jim Hunter & Lee Hunter) for the PROGRESS Tag Team Titles, Progress Ch. 46: I Like To Chill Out Here And Shoot Some Dinosaurs, 4/7

Pete Dunne vs Mark Andrews for the PROGRESS World Title, Progress Ch. 46: I Like To Chill Out Here And Shoot Some Dinosaurs, 4/7

Hirooki Goto vs Zack Sabre Jr., for the NEVER Openweight championship, NJPW: Genesis, 4/9

Curt Stallion vs John Skyler in a 2017 Top Prospects Tournament semi-final match, ROH Wrestling, 4/10

Non-WWE Segment of the Week:

EVOVLE Mini-Doc: Zack Sabre Jr. Can't Make a Mistake

EVOLVE, WWN Live, 4/12

Evolve's mini-docs, which get attributed to Kenny Johnson, are typically great previews or recaps. This one, though, goes further. It tells twin stories of frustration, from the current EVOLVE champ Zack Sabre Jr. and recent signee ACH.

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As the title suggests, the focus of the feature is ZSJ hanging onto his title by a hair. What that means for Zack is that he's getting closer to the "do whatever it takes" mentality that heels use, to cheat to keep his championship.

This, if you're following Sabre Jr. outside of this promotion, is intriguing. In Pro Wrestling Guerrilla (PWG) and New Japan, to name a couple of the other place he pops up, things are different.

Everywhere but EVOLVE, he's called "Zacky Three Belts" because he's crossed over to the dark side, turning heel. So whether he's joining Minoru Suzuki's nefarious Suzuki-Gun faction or tag-teaming with The Villain Marty Scurll as The Leaders of The New School, he's always drawing ire. It's the role that many who see his lanky frame and know-it-all submission style believe he was born to play.

And then we have ACH - who has worked as a friend of Zack's in EVOLVE - who came here to win gold. ACH who should have been a world champion by now, but was passed over. ACH who couldn't get the job done in Orlando, against Sabre Jr. at EVOVLE 80.

ACH who says he doesn't know what comes next. ACH who's been a face all this time and maybe that's not enough.

Of course, this video doesn't hammer home either potential turn all that hard. Gotta keep that surprise going. I love how the focus and zoom fall out of the scene where Michael Elgin cold-cocks Zack Sabre Jr. after basically demanding their match be for the title. And then the brief moments they bring from Elgin/ZSJ definitely paint Sabre Jr. as valorous and Elgin and the prick.

And then the other challengers. Lio Rush, who challenges Sabre Jr. for the title at the next EVOLVE events, and has "no more time to waste." Ethan Page, tired of getting looked over by the booking committee, and more than happy to remind you of his two wins against Zack.

And finally, back to Sabre Jr., who speaks of the weight of the belt on his shoulder. If that doesn't get you buying tickets or a FloSlam subscription, then I'm confused.

Honorable Mentions:

Ricochet addresses Hiromu Takahashi, NJPW: Genesis, 4/9

Ethan Page - It's Not Over Yet, EVOLVE, WWN Live, 4/10

WWE Match of the Week:

AJ Styles vs Sami Zayn vs Baron Corbin in a #1 Contender's match for the United States Championship

SmackDown Live, 4/11

The Superstar Shakeup gave SmackDown Live the kind of roster that everyone wished it had on day 1. Sure, we thought Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt were amazing workers, but that just wasn't happening.

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So this past week saw them add a flurry of talent, with Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens coming over as two marquee acquisitions. Oh, and they're also adding Big E, Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston (give me New Day singles runs) and Rusev to a show that already had AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura, Baron Corbin, Tye Dillinger and Luke Harper? So hot, hot damn.

And as if they felt the need to prove themselves, Zayn, Styles and Corbin put together a match worthy of their names. So while Styles is still working through being a good guy, Sami's trying to prove himself against a bully he can hurt (Corbin is no Strowman), and Corbin is showing that he's a fast learner.

This was the closest call for WWE MOTW in a while. While this had to be the winner, I appreciated the work in the other two matches, also worth checking out. This one just had more time and better pacing. Find the full version on Hulu if you have to.

Honorable Mentions:

Jack Gallagher vs TJ Perkins, 205 Live, 4/11

Oney Lorcan vs Drew McIntyre, NXT, 4/12

Note: Both Galloway and Gallagher hit headbutts, no reports have emerged of resultant injuries.

WWE Segment of the Week:

Braun Strowman Savagely Attacks Roman Reigns

Monday Night Raw, 4/10

I'm really confused about what WWE meant to do with this segment, but I loved it so much nonetheless. This isn't the best WWE segment of the year (remember the Festival of Friendship?), but damn it's a close second.

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Sure, he didn't lift the ambulance (hello, it's pro wrestling), but everything else about it was just so damn cool. Braun just rag-dolling Reigns around the backstage area elevates him to the most awesome thing on the Raw roster.

I watched this Raw at a bar with other fans, and this segment became the most amazing moment when consumed with a dozen or so fans screaming their heads off. So I just can't emphasize enough how huge this moment is.

WWE needs to handle this properly on Monday, and keep Roman off TV and let Braun continue to be the next wonder of the world, but not overdo it.

Some notes:

Roman takes a moment to remove his clipped-on microphone, because he's a good employee who treats company property with care.

The segment wins by demonstrating impossible awesomeness by way of camera tricks.

Someone (possibly the WWE) started a god damn online petition to fire Strowman. That, if done outside of the company, is today's version of that time people thought the NWO actually invaded WCW and called the police.

How does this happen the same week as The United Incident?

And about my confusion:

So, this made Strowman cooler than ever for many. Was it supposed to make Roman pitiable? Likable? Is this just to get Roman cool as a vengeful motherfucker?

After Roman Reigns had all the heat last week, are they trying to cool him down? What the hell?

#watchthiswrestling #dontmissthis #wwe #njpw #evolve #Zack Sabre Jr.#aj styles #braun strowman #Kazuchika Okada #roman reigns #katsuyori shibata #sami zayn #raw #baron corbin

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