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mithrilwren · 3 years

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Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing, which as of this week is actually accurate, since I’m finally writing again! (or, more specifically, editing what I wrote two months ago so I can get back to writing.)

Tagged by @essektheylyss! Thank you, this is exactly the kind of activity my brain needed tonight.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

72! I was hovering at 69 for quite a while, sad to break the streak haha

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~550K, which is somehow both more and less than what I expected

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Many, lmao. According to my Ao3 (omitting any blanket tags) I’ve got 22 there, plus at least two more over on ff.net from back in the day, and probably a couple more just on Tumblr. Most of them I’ve only written one fic for, though. I think the only fandoms where I’ve written more than one are Critical Role (35), Supernatural (15), Haikyuu!! (3), The Exorcist (2), Dimension 20 (2), and Yu-Gi-Oh! (2)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Pick a Number, Any Number

Surprisingly, my number one is NOT a Critical Role fic, nor is it even one of my longer multi-chapters! It’s actually a one-shot I wrote for Haikyuu!! back in the day that took off far beyond what I expected. I wrote it for DaiSuga week, which was a ship I (to be completely honest) wasn’t even terribly invested in, but I had a fun idea and people seemed to like it! (It’s also much fluffier than what I usually write, which might be part of its broader appeal ;))

A Winter’s Ball

Unsurprisingly, the next four are all CR ;). This one was a M9 x VM crossover that I primarily wrote between the hours of 3-8am over the course of two insomnia-wracked nights and honestly, I think it shows in its uncharacteristically unstructured format (compared to my typical style, which tends to favour shorter scenes with very intentionally-placed breaks between, as opposed to scenes that flow into each other without pause). That’s not to say I think it’s a bad thing! The story, which follows Beau as she drifts through a party in Whitestone and observes the interactions between the various guests, actually flows better without that kind of interruption. This was also my first Beaujester piece. I started writing it right before Beau’s confession aired, and published it the week after, which definitely pushed me to make what had been only subtextual in the first half of my draft into the emotional lynchpin of the story.

Only the Nightingale Sings

I’m really glad this one still ranks as high as it does, because this story is absolutely my pride and joy. At one time (though I’m not sure that’s true anymore) it was the longest gen fic in the fandom, which is pretty cool! Plot-heavy, twist-heavy, angst-heavy, with seven points of view to follow and multiple interwoven storylines, it was a beast of a thing to write, and took almost exactly a year to finish, but the long process was oh-so worth it. Literally nothing makes me happier today than seeing a new comment or kudos on this story.

Closer Still

One of my earliest shadowgast fics, this one asks the question “how can you make the ‘stuck in an elevator trope’ fantasy?” The answer is, as always, demiplanes. This fic, perhaps more than any of my other shadowgast fics, is interesting to revisit, because it was written before the ep 97 reveal, but literally everything Essek does in it would suggest otherwise. It reads like I already knew he was a spy working with Trent, and yet I was firmly in the “Essek is NOT the spy” camp at the time. Gotta chalk that up to Matt telegraphing his growing guilt into the preceding episodes - even if I couldn’t see it, it was clearly there.

your dust from mine

My other novel-length CR multichapter, this fic brought me so much joy in the otherwise bleak summer of 2020. Most of my best memories of those four months come from working on this story. A Fjorclay adaption of The Goose Girl (my favourite fairytale) this story is about healing, growth, and figuring out what happiness means to you. While I know most people don’t read stories for this pairing anymore, for obvious reasons, I still cherish your dust from mine for how much of my heart I poured into it, and I look back on it with a huge amount of fondness.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do my absolute best to respond to every comment someone leaves on a story of mine, even if it occasionally takes a month or two. Replying to comments is one of my favourite parts of the fic-writing process - it gives me a chance to revisit peoples’ kind words and (often, incredibly insightful) observations, and I hope it also shows how appreciative I am of each and every one.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Though I write a lot of angst, I honestly tend more towards bittersweet endings than straight-up sadness. The only one I can really think of is What You Own - mind the tags if you follow the link, this is definitely one of the gnarlier things I’ve written for CR - whose ending is, admittedly, bleak. But this story so far removed from canon that I don’t think it’s the kind of angsty ending that lingers with you, as much as it packs a punch and then lets you go on your way.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I tend to enjoy thinking about crossovers moreso than actually writing them. I’ve brainstormed a few, but none have ever made it much farther than the first page.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few times! Not often, thankfully. Only one time in particular really sticks out to me, mostly for how it rocked my confidence in a way that I don’t think any comment could now, since I’ve had a few more years to build up faith in my own writing.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Very, very occasionally.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh man, back in the Glee days... yeah. Yeah, I have. Nothing that ever got published, though ;)

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

Not sure I have one! Ships come and go with the seasons, and sometimes they’re best left in the era you found them.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Shadowgast figure skating AU. It’s never going to happen, but I wish it had.

15) What are your writing strengths?

I would say probably structure, in terms of constructing narrative arcs and through-lines. I’m organized with my writing in a way that I am in few other areas of my life, haha. I’d also say my sense of place - I think I’m pretty good at constructing living, breathing settings and exploring how my characters interact affect/are affected by them.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to be wordy (which you might surmise from the length of this post, lol) and repeat myself, usually by going over emotional beats that don’t need the extra reinforcement. On the other hand, I tend to underexplain certain elements (particularly, important plot details in fic, and character motivation in original writing), which can lead to confusion.

A couple years ago I would have said dialogue, but I’ve put a lot of practice into it and I honestly think I’ve improved a lot, which is pretty cool!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never done it myself, and it’s not generally my favourite thing to read (like @essektheylyss said, it makes me hyper-aware that I’m reading words on a page, especially if I have to follow a footnote somewhere). That said, I’ve definitely also seen it used effectively, so I think it’s more down to whether it suits the particular story!

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

As mentioned above, Only the Nightingale Sings.

#tag meme #this took me about an hour and i dont regret a minute of it #personal

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heart-eyes-kippen · 5 years

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Art Class

Hello, here’s a lil fic based on this prompt!!

There were many things that Cyrus associated with TJ Kippen. Being loud, being athletic, and being the most unbearably gorgeous guy in their year. That’s why it was always somewhat of a shock walking into art and seeing him alone, completely caught up in his researching, or his essay-writing, or his painting. Their teacher absolutely adored him because of this, and Cyrus would always see him linger behind after class to have conversations with her.

Art was a subject he’d been forced into due to timetable clashes, so although Cyrus loved looking at art, especially Andi’s, he just didn’t seem to have an eye for it like his classmates did. In fact, he would usually spend a majority of the time talking to Buffy, who didn’t particularly like the subject either.

It was a pleasantly cool spring morning when Cyrus took his usual seat beside the girl, offering her a small smile as he did so.

“Good morning, everyone. Today we’re going to start a project that some of you may not necessarily like, but it has to be done as per the curriculum at least once during the semester. It’s a collaborative art piece.”

Cyrus and Buffy, in contrast the groans that filled the room, looked over at one another in excitement. If they paired up, then technically they’d have an excuse to talk during class.

“Of course, I’ll be assigning pairs based on varying factors, including whether or not I think two people can work together well.”

Their faces immediately fell.

“She could’ve just called us out directly,” Buffy mumbled darkly, which Cyrus couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh at.

“I’ll put the pairs up on the board, then you guys can arrange yourselves, hopefully without too much chaos.”

The collective sounds of chairs scraping and quiet murmuring filled the room as everyone packed up their things and sought out their partner. Cyrus stayed where he was for a few long moments, looking over at Buffy with a heavy sigh.

“Burdening someone else with my total lack of art skills is not what I was counting on today,” he told her, a grimace on his face.

Buffy gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder as she stood up. “We can make it through this. Who do you have, anyway?”

Cyrus looked up towards the board, almost afraid to see whatever name had been placed next to his on the spreadsheet. His eyes widened slightly, and as he opened his mouth to reply a voice had both of them turning around.

TJ was stood there, an easy smile on his lips as he addressed Cyrus.

“I think we’re partners.”

Buffy’s eyebrows shot up at that, and she whirled back around again to check. A small scoff escaped her as she turned back around.

“I guess I’ll leave you two to it, then,” she said, giving Cyrus one last pat on the shoulder before moving across the room in search of her partner.

Cyrus’ stomach was doing somersaults as he looked back at TJ, who had a vague expression of confusion clouding his face.

“Uh...are you okay?”

He snapped himself out of it, pushing any thoughts about how effortlessly TJ’s hair was swept up, or how nicely his basketball hoodie matched his eyes, or how charming his smile was, forcibly to the back of his mind.

“Yeah!” he responded after a moment’s delay, sitting down in his seat again. “I’m fine.”

TJ took the spot beside him, clearly amused, and the class fell silent as the teacher issued instructions about what they were to do that lesson. Gentle sunlight was streaming in through the windows, warming Cyrus’ desk, and he could feel drowsiness tugging at his eyelids by the time she was finished talking.

It was only when he heard shuffling and movement pick up around him that he managed to break himself out of his haziness and offer TJ a tired smile as the boy turned to him.

“Just so you know,” he began, pulling some supplies out from his pencil case, “I’m not great at art and it’d probably be wise to switch partners while you still can.”

TJ observed him intently for a moment, with an expression on his face that Cyrus couldn’t decipher.

He began to smile. “I keep hearing you say that about yourself, but then I look at some of your art that’s hung up on the wall and I can’t help but think you’re lying.”

Cyrus felt his face grow hot at that. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he told him, glancing over at his collage of space, “none of that is good in the slightest.”

“What would I have to do to make you realise that it is good?” TJ asked, leaning forward slightly.

There was a sparkle in his eyes now that almost made Cyrus want to look away with how ridiculously cute it made him look.

“Something drastic,” he replied, looking shyly down at his hands.

TJ considered this for a moment, before nodding. “Something drastic, huh?”

“That wasn’t a challenge,” Cyrus added hurriedly, “just so you know.”

He glanced up to find that TJ’s usual smirk had given way to something softer, almost like the grass dethawing outside, and Cyrus’ heart warmed at the sight.

“Okay, then. Let’s start planning! Have any ideas for a theme yet?”

“...A theme?”

TJ let out a huff as he playfully took Cyrus’ pencil away from him, writing something down on the paper they’d been given.

“Were you listening?”

“Not in the slightest,” he answered truthfully.

He glanced around at the other pairs around them, brainstorming away, and he couldn’t help but feel somewhat guilty. TJ didn’t seem to mind though, if the smile on his lips was any indicator.

“We have to select a theme for our piece, what elements we’re going to use, and what ideas we want to get across using our theme.”

Cyrus almost felt inclined to lean back in his chair with a dramatic groan as he always did when confronted with art theory, but he somehow managed to refrain and leaned forward on his elbows instead, trying to at least feign some semblance of art knowledge.

“Space?” he suggested, and TJ laughed.

“You really like space, don’t you?”

He shrugged, blushing slightly, and watched as the boy jotted it down.

“Dinosaurs? Social media?”��

TJ raised a playful eyebrow. “Are you just listing things you like?”

“So what if I was?” he smiled, taking his pencil back to jot the words down.

“What about rain? Or rainbows?” said TJ, eyes flickering between Cyrus and the paper in front of them.

“I like that,” Cyrus nodded, writing them down.

By the time the bell sounded they’d settled on ‘rainbows’ as their theme and came up with a few of the elements they wanted to use in their piece. Cyrus eventually found himself relaxing as he spoke to TJ, who against all odds turned out to be one of the least judgemental people he could’ve been paired up with. He liked cracking jokes and making vine references, but he also seemed to have this guarded intelligence that would come out when he spoke about varying ideas he had about the elements they could use.

Cyrus, who usually would’ve recoiled at that sort of thing, found himself clinging onto to every word that left TJ’s lips. His head was rested on his hand as he watched the boy talk, resembling some love-sick puppy pining hopelessly after their crush. For a brief moment, he couldn’t help but think he was.

Buffy approached him as they filed out of the classroom, face lit up by an excited smile.

“I got Libby! She’s a straight-up art goddess. How was TJ?”

Cyrus blushed. “He wasn’t too bad.”

“So, dearest Cyrus, I gave it some thought and this was the most drastic thing I could come up with.”

Cyrus looked down at the paper that had been placed down in front of them, before turning his gaze to TJ. He was sitting down beside him now, with an adorably bright smile on his lips.

With a disbelieving huff, Cyrus turned the page and scanned over what was written on it.

“You did not do this,” he managed, stifling a giggle with his hand as he read.

In TJ’s neat cursive, the words ‘sign this if you think Cyrus’ art pieces are great’ were scrawled at the top, and below it was a large collection of signatures from people in their art class.

“Have you accepted that you’re wrong yet?” TJ grinned, eyes shining, and Cyrus just scoffed.

“How do I know you didn’t threaten any of these people?”

“Bold of you to assume I had the time or patience to do that.”

Cyrus’ expression softened ever so slightly, and he tipped his head to the side. “Okay fine, maybe I’ll accept that they’re okay. I still can’t believe you actually did this, but...thanks.”

TJ just waved him off. “It was nothing. Now - shall we continue planning?”

“We shall,” Cyrus confirmed, leaning forward towards the desk. He laughed slightly when he noticed the small chicken TJ had drawn in the corner of the page, with a speech bubble above it reading ‘i got my red dress on tonight.’

“Have we given this chicken a name yet?” he asked, and TJ immediately stopped writing.

“No,” he gasped out, “how could we possibly forget that? I vote Greg.”

“Generic, but I like it,” said Cyrus, as he grabbed a pen from his pencil case and began drawing another speech bubble.

TJ watched in amusement as he wrote ‘greg says: gay rights!’ and leaned over to begin colouring in some of the feathers.

Their arms brushed as he did so, and Cyrus tried desperately not to think about the nervousness that bubbled up inside of him at the contact.

“So...we’ve created a rainbow chicken who supports gay rights. Or is gay. Or both,” said Cyrus, as he admired their work.

TJ laughed and nodded, picking up his original pen. “He’s a king.”

“He is,” Cyrus agreed, “I think we should have him be our art piece.”

“Okay, that’s where I’ll have to draw the line,” TJ replied, smiling at Cyrus’ responding giggles.

With that, the pair began deciding the rest of their elements, with the occasional headcanons about Greg finding their way into the conversation.

It was another bright blue day on Thursday, with sunlight pouring into the art room that filled it with a gentle warmth. Cyrus felt a rare sense of excitement as he waltzed inside, seeking out TJ immediately and taking a seat beside the boy. He saw Buffy in the corner, chatting animatedly to Libby, and the sight brought a small smile to his face.

“How’s the greatest basketball player in the world doing after yesterday’s game?” he asked, smile widening when TJ just laughed.

“I’m not that gre-“

“Do I have to get a signed sheet from your teammates?” Cyrus warned, only half-seriously.

TJ rolled his eyes at that, but didn’t object further. He was still smiling as he pulled their page out and looked over at all of the things they’d brainstormed so far.

“This is our last planning session, so we should probably start visualising what our piece is gonna look like,” he said.

Cyrus nodded and tore out a separate piece of paper from his notebook. “I had a dream last night.”

TJ raised his eyebrows. “Was it about art?”

“It was about rainbows?” he offered, and TJ shrugged.

“Close enough. Hit me, then.”

“Okay! It was actually kind of dark, but oh well. I was being teleported to all these different landscapes, I’m talking cities, beaches, forests, cliff-faces, deserts, mountains, you name it. Everything was in full colour except I was always in black and white. I kept looking down at myself and getting really upset because I wanted to be in colour super badly for some reason. Don’t get a dream interpreter on that one. Anyway, there was this one scene with the northern lights where I looked up and began wishing that I wasn’t grey anymore. The tips of my fingers gained some colour, and I got so excited that I woke up.”

TJ looked at him for a moment after that, just blinking, before a smile began to spread across his face. “That’s our art piece!”

Now it was Cyrus’ turn to give him a blank look. “Pardon?”

“A greyscale person looking out at a rainbow scene! We could paint them looking out at a city where everyone is on their phones if we wanted to be super melodramatic about it.”

“I love being melodramatic about stuff!” Cyrus cheered, to which TJ laughed.

They both began sketching out a rough draft, arms brushing much like they had the previous day, and for some reason Cyrus couldn’t will down the blush on his face. TJ kept sending him all these furtive glances, and he was on the verge of shuffling away so that he wouldn’t be so distracted by them. He remained though, right until the bell sounded, and the boy gave him a smile as they began to pack up.

“I’m so glad you told me about that dream.”

“Me too.”

TJ got up from his chair, smile softening slightly. “I’ll see you next lesson, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, much quieter than intended, as he watched the boy head towards the door.

He sent Buffy a glance, who was still packing up her things, before biting his lip and springing up from his chair, catching TJ as he began to weave his way through the crowds.

“TJ - wait!”

He immediately turned around, eyebrows drawn together in confusion as he approached the boy and pulled him gently to the side so as to avoid the rush.

“What’s up?”

“I, um...I...”

What was up? He knew deep down why he’d chased after the boy, but now that TJ was standing in front of him it was like his whole body had just decided to freeze. He opened his mouth to speak, before proceeding to close it again.

“Are you okay?” TJ asked gently.

Cyrus nodded. “Yeah, I'm fine! I was just, uh, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to...um...hang out sometime?”

TJ’s face brightened. “Like a date?”

“Oh! That’s not what I...I mean, yeah! A date would be great. If you want, obviously.”

The boy just smiled, taking out his phone. “We can text about plans later tonight.”

After exchanging numbers, he gave TJ a beaming smile. “I’ll message you later then!”

“I’ll be waiting,” he replied, voice soft in the most heart-melting way possible. Cyrus might’ve swooned a little.

As TJ walked towards his basketball friends, who all began shoving him playfully and asking him ‘who the hell that cute boy was,’ Buffy approached him from behind and came to a stop beside him.

“Something tells me that having TJ as a partner isn’t just ‘not that bad,’” she teased.

“Oh hush,” Cyrus told her, blushing crimson as they began to make their way to their lockers.

#tyrus #tyrus fanfic #andi mack #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #tj x cyrus

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romaxnogersav · 4 years

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A piece of my mind

Hi angels! I hope you are doing okay!💫

I know I’ve made quite a few update posts, mentioning how hard writing has been, and promising to do better in the future. Seeing as that has not been the case, I’ve decided that maybe the best way around this, is to say my peace and get everything off. Maybe then, when every little thingy or whatever is out of the way, I’d be able to go on.

You obviously don’t have to read this, but if you do, thank you, because recently and most importantly right now, I’m not really good. And I need to get this shit out of my system.

So, hellooo!

I am exhausted, and frustrated. I don’t want to say this, or at least start with it, but you all have no idea how many times my damn head has told me I should stop writing all along. Just delete this blog, and pretend like I haven’t erased something I love out of my life.

Every other morning, I wake up, and I go to Tumblr to see if someone hasn’t posted something I might enjoy. The first thing that pops into my head when I see how inspired others are to write, is, “You should stop. It’s evident this isn’t for you. I can see you aren’t doing anything.”

Quite honestly? It’s exhausting. I’ve lost count of the number of times this exact thought has popped into my mind, or how many tears I’ve shed over it.

I love writing, I love creating a word, not only I as the writer, can escape to when real life gets a little too complicated, but others, you all, as readers, can escape to as well. Get lost into the words, plot, and emotion (if my works even have any). The way your little heart beats at a happy, soft ending, or the frustration you get when the angst is too much. That little flip your stomach does when the smut gets a little too intense (again, not that mine is, lol. Flat as a bathroom tile), or the heartwarming feeling when you see something you love into a piece of work.

Recently, writing has been a battle. One I don’t know how to win.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been stuck on one story. I’ve got the idea outlined, I started it, and for a few weeks, the most I’ve written is 5 different drafts, with a total of maybe 3000 words in them.

3000 words that in all honesty, I hate with every fiber of my being.

I changed the idea, and I changed it, and I brainstormed it with a few friends, that by all Steve Rogers holy I love for being so sweet about it, but it was never enough. It’s not enough, because I don’t know what to do with it.

And that one idea aside, I haven’t been able to write the way that I want to, for a long time now. And it’s crushing me. It’s feeding that doubting monster that keeps telling me to just give up, with my insecurities and anxieties, and it’s a whole miracle I’m still here.

I’m afraid because I feel like it’s a matter of time before I really give up for good. Because, sadly, it’s been proved I’m a quitter.

I quitted volleyball, twice. I quitted the editing community, both photo, and video editing. I quitted writing once, back in 2017. After what, 9 months of writing?

I’m afraid history is going to repeat itself once again, and I don’t want that to happen. Because this time around, I’m enjoying what I do far more, and I don’t want to just give it up. I want to continue on because there are so many ideas swirling in my head.

I’ve said it once or twice before, that I have over 30 ideas sitting in my notes, waiting for me to browse through and work on them. I’m pretty sure a good 40% of those are either a mini-series or a series idea.

I have a few beautiful, sweet requests, waiting in my inbox. A few anons, waiting to see their requests come to life. And I feel like I’m failing them, too.

Because it seems I’ve been failing myself.

It crushes me because I want to write. I want to create, and I want to share my writing with you all. Maybe put a smile or two on someone’s face in the process.

I want to write that CEO story, the idea of which I’ve had since February.

I want to write that post Endgame canon-ish x Agent Carter fic because my heart beats for the beauty of the whole idea.

I want to write that Red Room program fic, with a pinch of the Winter Soldier in it.

I want, so, so much.

But I haven’t been able to, and I have no idea why,

I’d get a sliver of motivation and inspiration. They’d come to say hi, and a few minutes later, they are just gone again.

Or worse, they’d drop by when I know I can’t give them my attention, when I know I have other things to do.

And it’s not like I have much to do, to begin with. I’m home most of the time. 80% of my week I spend at home, doing nothing. It feels like having no routine, constantly being in one place, is the reason behind this all, but I just don’t know.

It could be a number of other things. My mom’s surgery last month, or the fact that she lost her job due to Covid way back in April. Or other things I just don’t have the power to get into.

School starts in 15 days, and it seems that we’ll be actually attending it, and not having our classes online like I would have liked. My anxiety will spark up, knowing I’m in a big environment, where the possibility of things taking a turn is as big as it gets.

I also really hoped that this summer would give me the opportunity to write as much as I can. Get lost in creating, but the universe had other plans for me as it seems. I’ve barely written, what? Maybe 20K words at best, from June, till today.

Even at this moment, as I’m writing this, getting things out of my chest, I feel a surge of inspiration. But I know that once I sit down to write, I won’t be able to write what I want, because I don’t know what that is. At least with this particular idea. Damn you, Bodyguard Steve.

Do I feel better? A little, I suppose.

Do I still feel as hopeless as I did before I wrote this? I do!

Do I want to do better, and work around my unableness (that’s not a word, I know) to write? Yes, yes I totally do!

Finally, I want to say thank you! For putting up with me, and all my update-slash-complain posts. For not being mad I don’t post, and being absolutely the sweetest.

I’m not going to promise anything other than, I’m slowly going to work into getting things to work out.

But to end this all, thank you, if you read this little, out of the blue rant!💕

#tina talks #i just wanted to be bluntly honest #and i hope i'm not too much #because i tend to turn into a whiny bitch #i just wanted to get this off my chest #because i've bottled this for a little while #and it's exhausting #i hope to get things to work out in the weeks to come #but once again #thank you for always being the sweetest

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