#akiyuna

[meimi-haneoka]

#card captor sakura #cardcaptor sakura #clear card arc #ccsakura #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #yunaaki #akiyuna #cosmos & crystals #my fanart #my fanarts #this works both as a celebration for the special chapter and for Kaito's birthday #I feel proud of myself for getting out of this slump #no one can take the love I have for these two away from me #no one

[lightaflametoburnmethrough]

Celebrating the anniversary of episode 8 which aired on February 25, 2018.

This episode marked Kaito’s first appearance as well as the first YunaAki interaction in the anime.

This is also the scene that stole my ❤️ for these two and I have been rooting for their happiness ever since 🥰

#when he said the right words (you’ve never once troubled me) i instantly knew his love for her was the real thing 🥰 #shinomoto akiho #yuna d. kaito #yunaaki #akiyuna #🕰️🌾

[muthaz-rapapa]

The signs were there going far back as vol 3, ch 13 but where I really think the idea of Kaito wishing to leave Akiho in the care of the Kinomoto family cemented in my head...was vol 9, ch 40 when he attended class visitation day. He had two aims when he went.

One, in hopes that Sakura would generate the card he needed.

Two, to see what kind of person Fujitaka was.

I've always thought he wanted to make sure the only parental member of Sakura's family was someone he could entrust Akiho, his most important person, to. And that night when Akiho told him about her day, his comment about Fujitaka was indicative that Sakura's father had his approval.

And that was confirmed as of ch 70 with the success of the exchange and Kaito rewriting everyone's memories to make it appear that Akiho was born to the Kinomoto family.

But there was also vol 12, ch 55 where he stopped time when Sakura turned her attention away from him. Nobody could hear him but he started talking about how Akiho was so happy with her new friends, her new life here in Tomoeda.

And that, too, was indicative of the intention he harbored all along.

"She's happy here with you (Sakura and co). As long as she's happy, it will be fine. Even if I'm not here anymore, I know you (Sakura and co) will be able to take good care of her in my place."

Finally, vol 12, ch 58. When Akiho stood up to Kaito about him not wishing for her to worry about anything but herself.

"I want you to think of yourself foremost. More than anything, more than anyone."

He's basically saying "Please choose the happiness you can have with that family (the Kinomotos). Please forget about me. When this is over, you can have a normal life, the life you truly deserve, away from all these dangers of magic."

Kaito really believed that if everything went according to plan, Akiho would naturally choose to keep this reality he rewrote for her.

However, it is a very fragile world. In his haste to transfer the book inside Akiho over to himself and throw the European magicians' off her trail, he left many loose threads that will undo his (admittedly very sloppy) handiwork.

Namely, the pocket watch he had exchanged that is now in Akiho's possession.

Everybody knows she's going to question where this watch came from and then eventually realize who it belonged to, who that person was to her, how important that person was to her and ultimately, lead her to find a way to get him back.

But also, Akiho has not been presented with the "choice" yet that Kaito said was hers. She has not voiced her decision regarding how she wants to live her life yet.

And that's what's going to happen after she remembers Kaito.

Because one very important thing to keep in mind is that only the memories were written with the power of Momo's book, not people's lives. You may be able to mess with people's heads, make them believe something, but you can't mess the records that are already established.

And the mind has been shown to be capable of many extraordinary things, including outright defying magic, so remembering what truly happened is definitely not impossible either.

Akiho being a member of the Kinomoto family and Sakura's twin is indeed false information in a similar way that Yukito's grandparents never existed.

Like the veil Kaito put over the two "Alice"s' eyes in Clockland, it is a superficial spell that won't completely block them from seeing the truth. Akiho has lifted that veil before, with her own hands, without any assistance and remembered him. She will do it again. This "dream" she's living in now (as someone else's twin) is just a thought in the brain. It's not the actual reality she lived.

What was real for Yukito was the time he spent with Touya and Sakura. Those events actually took place and cannot be erased from his identity as Yukito.

The same goes for Akiho. All those years, those times, those moments she spent with Kaito and Momo, those were real.

Not this fabricated life where she was inserted as Sakura's fake twin.

There is nothing substantial about this existence. Because it has never been real and therefore, has never been a part of the real Akiho.

And what the real Akiho wants most, to think of most, is Kaito. Always him.

The person she loves most. The person most important to her.

He told her not to think of him, essentially to forget him and live a (false) happy life.

But she's not going to do that. She'll keep thinking and thinking and thinking about who's missing in her life until she gets him back. She'll keep saying:

"This is wrong! This isn't what I want! None of this is as I remembered! This isn't the real me! I want the real me! I want the only person who knows the real me!"

The false reality that Kaito weaved will be torn apart and returned to normal.

Time will rewind to before he was consumed by the book.

And he will be saved from his fate and rewarded for his efforts to save Akiho with everything he deserves. To be together with the person he loves most.

Akiho's love saved him and will continue to save him. It was always meant to be that way.

#yuna d. kaito #shinomoto akiho #yunaaki #akiyuna

[noob-handler]

this was a private blog at first but now i made it public. i follow from a certain kikyo-themed blog. i made this blog to contain all ship/fiction discourse stuff, my main is mainly aesthetic reblogs with the occasional reblog about media literacy and fandom etiquette. I'm a peacefic ex-anti blogger. I am against callout culture, kinkshaming/sex-negativity, pedojacketing, censorship, and harassment of anyone, especially death threats. in addition to being peacefic, i am also a fujoshi and himejoshi (see this site for more info) See under the cut for my interests

Some stuff I like: OHSHC, Cardcaptor Sakura, Sailor Moon, Fruits Basket, Scott Pilgrim, DDLC, Hazbin Hotel, Steven Universe, Ranma 1/2, Inuyasha, Chainsaw Man, BrBa/BCS, Death Note, Moral Orel, Evangelion, Madoka, ATLA, slashers

"Problematic" faves: Kyoya Ootori, Akito Sohma, Scott Pilgrim, Monika, the entire cast of Hazbin Hotel, Lapis Lazuli, Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond, all of the diamonds actually, Ryoga Hibiki, Sesshomaru, Kikyo, Makima, Clay Puppington, Shinji Ikari, Misato Katsuragi, Homura Akemi, Iroh, Zuko, Akane Tendo, Alador Blight, Emperor Belos, Simon Laurent, Hordak, Catra, Bojack Horseman, Princess Bubblegum, Hank Hill, Light Yagami, Freddy Krueger, Walter White, Skyler White, Saul Goodman, Gus Fring, Dick Dastardly, Bowser

"Problematic" ships i like:

Entrapdak ("entrapta is autistic which automatically makes her a minor and hordak is an evil colonizer")

Doofenperry (Doofenshmirtz is human, Perry is a platypus, also they're enemies #toxicyaoi)

WebLena (age gap)

UsaMamo (4 year age gap in the anime)

Lawlight (age gap, toxic)

David/Lucy from Cyberpunk: Edgerunners (age gap)

Huntlow (age gap of *gasp* 2 years, which is literally pedophilia to some antis)

Lunter (again, 2 year age gap, "sibling coded" and shipping Luz with men apparently erases her sexuality...even though her being bisexual means she also likes men)

Punkflower (Hobie's age is ambiguous)

ZADR (interspecies, age gap, toxic)

Kurisa (age gap)

Kyoko/Katsuya (age gap, teacher/student)

Simoncest (selfcest)

Sessrin (age gap)

InuKag and InuKik (immortal x mortal)

Hikaru/Kaoru (not seriously though) (twincest)

AkiYuna (age gap)

Zutara (sorta) (two year age gap, Zuko is "literally a colonizer")

Kataang (again, two year age gap, also Aang once kissed Katara without her consent. oh no, how dare a child make a mistake?)

Chelby (hero x villain, Chelsea turned out to be an adult disguised as a teen, toxic yuri)

KiGo (hero x villain, age gap, toxic yuri)

Narumayo (age gap, """""sibling coded""""")

Charlastor ("toxic", aroace character being shipped, "family coded" because Alastor said he saw Charlie as his daughter that one time even though he only said that to piss off Lucifer)

As you can tell, i seem to like age gaps the most. i also like immortal x mortal (which falls under age gap), selfcest, and ACTUALLY toxic yuri/yaoi. it depends though.

#pinned

[meimi-haneoka]

#cardcaptor sakura #card captor sakura #clear card arc #ccsakura #ccs spoilers #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #yunaaki #Akiyuna #my fanart #my fanarts #Had some feels to vent

[meimi-haneoka]

{drabble} I'm here - Akiho/Kaito

Alright, how do you do any of this...😂

I guess what you need to know it's that it is a Akiho x Kaito / YunaAki drabble, it's based on canon (set 3 weeks after the series ended), and it's based on the assumption that, differently from what the ENG translation said in ch. 80, in the JP Sakura affirmed that thanks to his stopped time Kaito wouldn't be hurting more than that...this means that his seizures would continue, just they wouldn't get worse than what we've seen till now.

This is mainly a hurt/comfort drabble, with glimpses of happiness. After all, Akiho is happy with him. And it's mainly a way for me to vent some complex feelings about the finale of Clear Card. I have a Kaito POV on the way (edit: here's the link, go read it after you finished this one!), but it's more difficult to write for him (and, uh, more depressing) so it'll come in the next days.

Easter egg: a line is a direct reference to the lyrics of Anata by Hikaru Utada. 😉

I'm not a native English speaker so forgive me if any line sounds weird!

Finally, I have to thank the "enabler" dandelion-stuff-and-fluff (not tagging in case you don't want to!) for giving immediately support to my whims! 😂

Excerpt:

I could feel the tears emerging, but I kicked all of them back, as I threw my 13-year-old self out of the window and summoned the part of me that helped me survive all these years. The resilient one.

Akiho's POV 

Three weeks had passed by, from that fateful night. 

Most of our stuff was packed, and our days were spent between checking everything for the imminent departure and hanging out with Sakura-san and the rest of the group, making the most out of the remaining time. Everyone was so lovely to us, showing all the support we needed. I really felt like I had acquired a family in Tomoeda, and the thought of it made me incredibly happy.  I was going to miss them so much. Just like I would miss this big mansion full of memories.... and mysterious protective forces, apparently, as I was told by him. 

Kaito-san revealed to me that when we came to Tomoeda almost one year prior, he had chosen this mansion specifically to protect me, as I was carrying a dangerous magical artifact that my own clan had engraved in me.  We talked quite a lot over the span of those three weeks, and swallowing the truth had been hard, at first.  But all of that was gone now and like waking up from a nightmare, the memories of it were getting more and more hazy as time went on. Only a permanent scar remained. 

Both of us were in the kitchen, cooking dinner. The clang of kitchen utensils, the sizzle in the frying pan made me strangely happy. It sounded warm. It sounded normal. I love cooking with him. This was the corner of the house where we declared to each other how much we cherished one another, without even fully realizing it. 

“Akiho-san, could you hand me the salt?”  “Here you go!” I said, smiling brightly at him.  He smiled back at me in that soft way that made my knees weak.  God, please, give me this for the rest of my life. Every day, immutably. 

“Done! We’re ready.”  Removing our aprons, we were getting ready to bring everything to the table. 

And then I saw it.  

He stopped in his tracks, his complexion paling by the second. 

Another one was coming.   My blood ran cold, and I rushed to the other side of the room, while he slowly crouched to the ground, out of breath, groaning in pain.   Each cry stabbed me in the chest like a knife. I could feel the tears emerging, but I kicked all of them back, as I threw my 13-year-old self out of the window and summoned the part of me that helped me survive all these years. The resilient one.   I hastily opened a cabinet and took out a finely decorated small box, toppling other items in the process. I didn't care.   Hiiragizawa-san had sent us, through a magic portal, a series of pills he made weaving a complex magic spell over them, to help Kaito-san cope with the seizures. He said they wouldn't do any miracle, but hopefully they could reduce the duration of the seizures and ease the pain a little bit. Cause the pain he was experiencing wasn’t caused by anything ordinary, and no ordinary medicine would’ve been effective. 

I grabbed a towel, flung it over my shoulder and ran back to Kaito-san with a glass of water, spilling some of it in the process. I watched him as he struggled to swallow both the pill and the water. 

How many times did he experience this excruciating pain, completely alone?   How many times did he force himself to not crumble down in front of me, to protect my peace of mind? Just thinking back to all the times I could feel something was not right, and how he tried to deceive me to keep dealing with it all alone.... it brought back in me an anger I didn't know what to do with.  

Yes, I didn't get over it yet. The wound was still so fresh.  But we agreed that we would’ve dealt with this together, from now on.  ...And just like that, the fit of anger quickly vanished, as a gentle feeling got a hold of me, and I began unbuttoning the collar of his shirt to let him breath better, then dabbing his damp forehead with the towel.   "It's okay.... it's okay... I'm here" I whispered softly, like a lullaby. 

As if surrendering himself to me, he held onto my arms and leaned over, trying to regain control of his breathing. I supported him, thanking in my head a hundred times that his time was halted. Yes, we were trying to look for a way to eventually make it flow again, but it was in moments like these that I remembered how numbing the fear to lose him again was.   I couldn't live with that. With that feeling of hollowness. Not again. 

That's why, I said to myself, this time I would've done anything in my power to not lose him, come what may. I wouldn't have spared any effort. Losing him would’ve been a hundred times more devastating than the pain I was feeling in that moment, seeing him in those conditions. After all, he was feeling like that because of me.  

“Momo...please give me strength”, I thought, missing my beloved bunny more than ever. Who knows how many times she had witnessed all of that, and how she dealt with it. I could’ve used some advice in that moment. 

His ragged breath became more regular, the pill was starting to kick in. He raised his head and looked at me.   Those eyes I loved so much, now covered by a mysterious dark fog - a remnant of the dragon appearance, as they explained to me – seemed to regain finally focus.  His face was so close to mine. In another situation, in another more oblivious period, there’s no doubt my heart would've exploded from embarrassment, red in the face like a tomato. But right now, I was preoccupied with something completely different, as I looked at him holding nothing but worry and sadness in my eyes. 

"I'm sorry...", he whispered. 

I could feel my heart catching fire, and it reminded how much I love him, despite being so hurt by his reckless behavior.  But I didn't answer to his apology. Cause that wasn't what I wanted to hear from him.

Instead, I asked him “can you stand up?” and helped propping him up when he nodded. We proceeded slowly towards the couch in the living room, where I helped him lying down. Despite having tons of lovely memories here, this house was starting to be a bit too big for us and for emergencies of this kind.  Hiiragizawa-san's pills had a sedative that inevitably caused Kaito-san to fall asleep, to recuperate. He looked so exhausted.  I arranged some cushions on the ground and sat down beside the couch, watching him closing his eyes and drifting quickly into sleep. I moved some of his hair to the side and dabbed the towel over his forehead one more time.   Then I went back to stare at his peaceful face, lost in thought. Was I truly prepared for this, when I decided that the life I wanted was this one? Probably not.  Would I have chosen anything else? Absolutely not.  Being with him is my happiness, after all.

#ccsakura #clear card arc #drabble #angst #hurt/comfort #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #yunaaki #akiyuna #cosmos & crystals #cw: seizures #I mean let's face it this is what awaits them #but if this is the price they have to pay to still be together after all those life-compromising decisions Kaito made #I guess they're both up for it #yeah Akiho is young but she's putting at good use all the trauma she experienced and the resilience she obtained from it to put up with thi #she's capable and she feels she can do it #that's why although it's painful there is some comfort in it #and the wish for all of this to stop as soon as possible will boost her search for the curing magic #so really everything got a meaning in the end #I needed to see Akiho in this situation and see that she can deal with it #spilled words

[meimi-haneoka]

ユナ秋~ おでこコツン💓

YunaAki - touching foreheads together

#cardcaptor sakura #ccsakura #yuna d. kaito #akiho shinomoto #yunaaki #akiyuna #What am I doing posting fanarts instead of chapter commentaries? Good question #Nah it's coming #Just had to get these two out of my system as usual #When the past and the memories threaten to catch him and bring him down she'll always be there #To remind him what's important #Just like this 💜💙 #My fanart #my fanarts #card captor sakura

[meimi-haneoka]

Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Fix You - Coldplay

#akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #clear card arc #cardcaptor sakura #card captor sakura #ccsakura #yunaaki #akiyuna #fix you #lately I'm trying lots of stuff I've never done before #I think this is my first gif set? #anyway matching songs with scenes of Clear Card is my favorite activity #I've listened to tons of music these 7 years and I got lots of songs I associate with different scenes #it seems like I'll just try anything and everything to procrastinate the fanarts I'm working on #jesus christ #anyway enjoy #scheduled post #my edits #cosmos & crystals

[meimi-haneoka]

Certain scenes in Clear Card become clear (pun unintended) only when you re-read them several times, and sometimes you have to linger on the text in Japanese to get the right key to understand them.

I run a daily account for Akiho on Twitter, and I was browsing again through the scenes of chapter 78, to see if I could feature one of those scenes today.

This page caught my attention once again, despite the fact that by now I must have seen it a hundred times:

Of course this scene makes me always smile a lot, because of how Akiho is literally shouting at the dragon to talk to her, exerting her assertiveness once again, and she looks so desperate and fed up! And the dragon stops suddenly (expressed eloquently by that ピター sfx) with that seemingly "surprised" expression. I looked over and over at his expression and tried to go deeper about what could've caused such an abrupt "change of mind".

I mean yes, I've always given for granted that this was standard Kaito being unable to deny Akiho anything.

But is it really all that there is, to this scene?

My eyes glided over that 「お話」 (ohanashi, lit. "story, talk") present in Akiho's speech bubble.

The literal translation of her entire line is "Please! Have a [talk] with me!".

And you've probably heard me many times pointing out how CLAMP in Clear Card went maniacal in the use of punctuation marks and anything in the text that could guide us through the understanding of the scene, without needing to spell it out at every corner.

In particular, they use 「 」 a lot to bring the attention to specific important words.

So that 「お話」 .... I started to think, "why is it between 「 」 ? What is it that Ohkawa sensei wants me to think about? What do I need to remember or spot?".

So in my usual game of treasure hunt, I started to think....and I didn't really need long to start remembering that it wasn't the first time that Akiho had asked Kaito to have a "talk" in that way....it happened in a very important scene, once.

Chapter 48. Right before making her covert love confession, Akiho asked Kaito もう少しだけお話しても良いですか, which means "Can I talk to you just a little bit more?". When Kaito answered "If it's ok with you, Akiho-san" he was replying specifically to this request. And he seemed surprised but then very happy to walk and talk to her (or rather, mostly listening to her talking, as he's quite the introvert and contemplative type 😆), as we could see from the additional bits in chapter 49.

Another time we see Akiho asking Kaito to talk is chapter 61.

For how intimate those two talks were (truth to be told, we're often shown Akiho and Kaito talking comfortably in their living room and talking about the day or something else, but these were different), we can assume that, in general, talking is something that Akiho and Kaito love to do together. It is the main way through which they learn to interact and know eachother. It is not something that Kaito likes to do with everyone, but definitely he likes to do it with Akiho.

Once again she uses お話しても良いですか, just like in chapter 48. Kaito this time gives a "stronger" and more convinced reply, "Sure, go ahead".

And just like in chapter 48, it was a quite intimate talk, where Akiho spelled out to him (and to us) her traumatic past, and Kaito threw all of his composure out of the window and almost lost control of his emotions, for the rage that all of that caused to him.

So when Akiho, completely devoid of any recollection of Kaito or what she did with him in the unrewritten world, said that "can we have a talk?", almost shouting it, that was a shock for Kaito. Because it was something that she used to ask him and they did when she still remembered about him. It must have shaken something inside of him, and brought him so many memories.

He had erased any trace of himself from her, and yet she asked him that again. Just like back when they were still close, and shared that deep bond.

This is why he stops suddenly, and turns around, ready to listen and to finally cave in to her request. Because, I think, he could feel his "old" Akiho in her. He could feel the presence of their bond, as if it was never destroyed by what he had done.

Putting 「お話」 between those brackets meant that the scriptwriter, Ohkawa, definitely wanted us to pay close attention to that word. You could consider it as if she formatted that word in bold.

And I think today I finally found a satisfactory explanation for it, and for Kaito's sudden reaction. 🩷

#cardcaptor sakura #card captor sakura #clear card arc #ccsakura #cosmos & crystals #yuna d. kaito #akiho shinomoto #yunaaki #akiyuna #musings over chapter 78

[meimi-haneoka]

{drabble} Somewhere I belong - Kaito/Akiho

This is the second Kaito x Akiho / YunaAki drabble that is paired with the first one I wrote from Akiho's POV. Please read that one first so you can have a better understanding of the situation!

The setting is the same as the first drabble, but Kaito's thoughts drift all over the place because....well, he's Kaito. He's been officially named as the "overthinker" by CLAMP so now I'm going to call him that for quite some time 😂

As you will be able to see, while Akiho thought to herself without problems that she loved him, you won't see Kaito thinking that, here. This is a very early stage of their new life and he's still far from acknowledging any of that, but he's starting to come to terms with things, at least.

This one might be a bit more angstier than the other one, again because this is Kaito we're talking about. His self-loathing won't disappear overnight. But I hope that the finale will comfort you, at least. ❤️

Once again, I'm not a native English speaker so forgive me if any line sounds weird!

P.s. Dandelion, thank you again! P.s.2 Yes, I also like Linkin Park 😁

Excerpt:

“I’m sorry...”, I blurted out, in a whisper. Every time we ended up in this situation, I would apologize. And she would never reply to it.   Maybe an apology wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but I had yet to find out what were the right words to say. 

Kaito's POV

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it. 

The way she looked at me when they told her everything, that night.  The way she had slowly turned her head and kept her gaze fixed on me, while the British magician rattled off all that my plan had entailed, down to the way it had affected my body. He recovered all the previous memories, and he knew Akiho-san needed an explanation more than anyone else, but also knew I was in no condition (neither mental, nor physical) to give it to her. I could feel her gaze piercing through me, while someone was helping me sitting down, as I couldn't even stand up. 

Her hands gripped tightly the tablet, shaking. Her blue eyes, usually crystalline and bright like the Caribbean Sea, darkened several shades and became like a raging storm. They once again glazed over with emerging tears, but she probably held them back, because not even one dropped. 

And I felt so weak. My guilt, growing again by the second.   I would've given anything to remove that hardened gaze from her and bring back the soft features I've always known. But you see, that was my problem.   Giving everything the way I did before wasn’t the correct answer. And I had finally surrendered to the truth, that night.  But I didn't know any other way. I simply didn't know how to express how important she is to me without pushing it to an extreme, and that was exactly how we came to that point.  

I don’t know when exactly I started to hear that voice inside of me, telling me that I wanted to connect with her. 

I could hear it every day, before I carried out my plan. Louder and louder and louder. Kicking and screaming inside of me. I tried to fight it for so long, forcing myself not to hear it. But when she asked Sakura-san to bring me back, and she stated that she refused to keep living a fabricated life, wanting to go back to what she had before with me, I suddenly grew so tired. So, so tired. I was exhausted. I didn't want to fight it anymore. 

I've fought countless magicians ever since I was a little boy, and defeated every single one of them. People kept me at a distance for that. And yet, completely oblivious to all of that, she was the one who defeated me every single time.   Even this time around, she won. She won over that brutal, devastating desire to disappear forever that had consumed my life to such degree. She won over my guilt and self-loathing that I, quite frankly, haven’t got rid of yet. 

So here I was, now, clinging to her like a lifeline in the kitchen, while I waited to regain control of my breathing. I had tried to hide it from her, the first couple of times after I got back on my feet, following that fateful night. But she found out every single time and made very clear that if we wanted to live together from now on, this had to stop. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. Why was I fighting it again?  So I did as she requested, and by now, this was already the third episode of seizure she had witnessed. 

I didn't know.... how any of this worked. But I wanted to learn. I wanted to try. 

I was slowly starting to get it. Why I caved in and agreed to go back to her, that night, despite how confused I was and how much I still despised myself for making her cry like that.   She made me feel wanted.   Made me feel accepted. Made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere. I hadn’t realized how much I actually had yearned for that, all this time. 

I thought I was nothing to her. I thought that she could've lived perfectly fine without me, without remembering anything of what we experienced together. Because, in the end, who was I? Just her butler. I embarked on that mission with the full understanding that I would've always been just her butler, and I played that part till the end at the best of my ability. An expendable tool to let her reach the happiness she deserved.  

But I wasn't. I wasn't, and I couldn't see that. I could only finally realize it that night in the most harrowing way possible, causing that face I wished to see eternally smile to be tainted with burning tears, as she poured out all her pain. Pain that I had caused. This wasn't the kind of support she wanted from me, and I failed her terribly. 

I was willing to do anything to make things right. So when she asked me, no, rather demanded to not be kept in the dark whenever I had one of my seizures, I had no choice but to comply. That was what she wanted, and there was no way I could refuse it to her. 

But now that the medicine was finally starting to kick in, and my breathing stabilized to a more normal rate, I raised my head to look at her worried face and I couldn’t help but think how unfair all of this was on her. She was so young, and she didn’t deserve to withstand all of this because of my choices.  

“I’m sorry...”, I blurted out, in a whisper. Every time we ended up in this situation, I would apologize. And she would never reply to it.   Maybe an apology wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but I had yet to find out what were the right words to say. 

She helped me stand up and supported me all the way to the couch, where I finally laid down and released the tension from my stiffened muscles. Seizures usually left me completely exhausted and sore.  

She sat down on the floor next to the couch, and we exchanged a long, wordless stare. Her eyes were again clear and bright. Before I drifted in a dreamless heavy sleep, I remember I felt so grateful to have her by my side.   I didn’t deserve it.   But the warmth I felt in my chest, contrarily to before, felt so nice.   And I was pretty sure she was the cause of it. 

#ccsakura #clear card arc #yuna d. kaito #akiho shinomoto #yunaaki #hurt/comfort #angst #drabble #akiyuna #cw: mention of seizures #man writing for Kaito is so much more difficult #not only because it tends to become angst-fest but also because you have to be constantly aware of how his mind works #I caught myself writing contradicting things at least twice #and if one might think it's typical of Kaito since contradiction is his thing #(he kept his distance from her but at the same time he was giving his life for her) #I didn't want to do it here because I hope that after that night he got at least SOME of his shit together #SOME #just some of it to start #cosmos & crystals #spilled words

[meimi-haneoka]

Cosmos - Akiho/Kaito one-shot

Once upon a time, when chapter 48 had definitively broken the cage to my admiration and support for the YunaAki pairing, I couldn't help but start imagining their future together.

And one of the first headcanons that came up to me was this one. Not in depth like you can see developed here, but the setting was definitely this one. An intimacy that didn't require for them to necessarily "jump on eachother". And for personal reasons, I needed to reclaim this headcanon so badly, write it down and release it to the world. Just because of that, I can already feel like this little thing spilled here will be one of my favorite writings.

I'm pretty sure this one, at more than 1600 words, is categorized as a fully fledged fic, right?

Now, this is another quite romantic one, but I managed to sneak in a tiny bit of delicious angst towards the end, just cause it's so much their element and I can't stand over-sugary stuff myself. I can't believe I also made actual research for this one. Get ready for some cosmic magic under the cut ✨

Genre: fluff, romance, a sprinkle of angst. Akiho is 17 years old. They haven't found a cure for Kaito yet, but! She has disclosed her true name to him. Snippet: "Akiho-san...do you know the origin of your name?" "...My name?" "Your true one."

All the curtains were closed tightly. The spacious living room was completely immersed in the darkness, except for a couple of scented candles on the ground, faintly illuminating the floor. Any hindrance out of the way. A generous number of soft cushions of all sizes was arranged on the floor, on top of a large camping mattress, right between the two candles.

Akiho threw herself enthusiastically on the pile of cushions, while Kaito lay down in a slower motion.

"....Ready?" Kaito whispered with a soft smile, while the girl next to him nodded excitedly, azure eyes shining in the dark.

One press on a button of the remote controller, and the whole ceiling turned into a sparkling planetarium.

Akiho gasped. "Oh my god....this is amazing!" She instinctively brought her hands to her face, covering partly her mouth while her voice was choking with emotion, a quirk that even at 17 years old she couldn't drop yet.

The starry vault rotated slowly, while some stars twinkled, giving a quite realistic effect to the scenery. Every now and then, a shooting star would appear randomly, inviting to make a wish.

Kaito looked to the side to check the reaction of the girl, pleased with himself. The star projector had been his present for Akiho's 17th birthday, but between study, book repairs and moving out to another country, they hadn't found a moment of quiet to put it in function. That perfect moment finally came this evening of December.

Of course he bought the most expensive model out there, and this one could even add sound effects to the experience, which he had set on sea waves through the remote control. The idea was "we're lying down on a deserted beach at night, in the early summer", instead of the chilling winter they were actually in.

"Kaito-san..." - Akiho moved her finger up in the air, "what constellation is that one?"

He had vaguely studied astronomy as part of his magic education, but he had forgotten a lot of it...for a moment he was tempted to use a magic spell, but then decided against it, not wanting to irritate the girl beside him. She always reprimanded him whenever he lazily tried to use his magic for the most mundane things. They hadn't found a cure for him yet, so she wanted him to keep the use of magic at the minimum, to avoid affecting his health. Therefore, he pulled himself up and went next to the star projector, changing the little disc with a different one.

The projection changed to a similar starry vault complete with the constellations map, and plopping down next to her, he said with a smile "Akiho-san, that seems to be Virgo!".

"Really?! That's my zodiac sign!!" Her brows furrowed for a moment, then "Indeed, with a bit of imagination that could look like a maiden...without a head". Kaito chuckled. "Wait, where's Pisces?"

Kaito checked the constellation map on his phone (which he had downloaded precisely for this occasion), and after a moment he indicated it, pointing his finger towards the ceiling. "Over there."

"....That one?! Oh....that looks more like a flower with two stems than actually two fishes, doesn't it?" she blurted out, laughing playfully.

"...Akiho-san..." Kaito couldn't help but chuckle again, reveling in the cheerfulness of his beloved. Nothing could send tingles to his heart like the sound of her laughter.

"Akiho-san...do you know the origin of your name?" "...My name?" "Your true one."

Akiho stared at him with curiosity, cheeks tinted slightly with a pink hue. The topic of their true names was usually off-limits. They didn't make a rule for it, but being both very well acquainted with the customs of the magic world, the unspoken agreement was to never bring them up...unless it was something serious.

"I was named after a flower, right?"

"Of course...but do you know why cosmos flowers were named that way?"

The girl stared at him, thinking for a moment about the question. She realized she never actually thought about why cosmos flowers bore that name. So, she shook her head slightly.

"Back in the 17th century, Spanish priests found the flowers in Mexico and cultivated them in their mission gardens."

He looked away from her, turning his gaze towards the starry sky.

"Originally, Kosmos is a Greek word that means 'order' or 'harmonious arrangement'. The priests were fascinated by those flowers' orderly arranged petals, they found them...." He paused.

"...Breathtakingly beautiful. And perfect." His eyes were now twinkling, still fixed on the firmament over their heads. "Just like the universe, the cosmos. So, they named those flowers after it."

Akiho's heartbeat quickened, and if she knew the man next to her well enough, his heart was doing just the same. They had spent enough time together for her to understand all too well what he was trying to say.

Kaito felt Akiho's hand searching for his, and they intertwined them silently.

"Thank you...I didn't know all of that. I've always thought that cosmos flowers were pretty, yes, but not particularly remarkable or unique... It is nice to know that the right people could see the true beauty and worth in them."

As if replying to her, she felt him squeezing her hand.

After a moment of silence, Akiho's right index finger moved up in the air once again. "Wait, what about that one? What is its name? It's big, but the stars don't look particularly bright"

"Hmm...Aquarius, apparently. This one would be basically impossible to see by naked eye, from an urban area."

Akiho made a face once again. "The water-bearer, hmmm... I can see his legs but...these constellations all seem to be missing their heads!", she blurted out, feigning annoyance.

Kaito couldn't hold it in, and burst out laughing, causing her to do the same.

Yes, she was just perfect the way she was.

☆゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜★

Kaito groggily opened his eyes in the dim light of the candles, ceiling still covered with stars. The clock of the living room showed it was 2 am.

Clinging onto his right arm, Akiho was soundly asleep next to him. Consciousness rapidly washed over him, remembering what happened.

Akiho's exploration of the starry vault had gone on for more than an hour, but at some point her remarks and answers had become more and more absentminded, till he realized she had actually fallen asleep. Smiling tenderly at her slumbering form, he was ready to pull himself up to go pick up a blanket for her, and eventually arrange some cushions for himself farther away from the camping mattress (he didn't want to wake her up, but didn't want to leave her sleeping alone in the living room either), but he had quickly realized with dismay that she had turned on the side and literally latched onto his right arm.

He had frozen right there and then. He didn't want to wake her up, but he had started to overthink as usual - this is not appropriate, we shouldn't sleep together, what if-- The result was that the stress made him incredibly sleepy, and after a few minutes of ruminations, Morpheus had taken a hold of him too.

Now that he was fully awake, he mentally scolded himself for falling asleep, and proceeded to do what he didn't have the heart to do before: slowly, slowly, he tried to disentangle his arm from Akiho's grip. When he managed to slip away, he rose to go pick that blanket up, because he couldn't risk for Akiho to catch a cold due to his imprudence.

"Where are you going?"

Her tone made him stop in his tracks immediately. Turning around, what he saw made his heart drop.

Akiho was propped on her elbow, staring in his direction but not quite focused on him. She was clearly still half asleep, but what ripped Kaito's heart apart was her expression, halfway between a scowl and wanting to break into tears.

It didn't take him long to understand why she had that expression. Even after 4 years, the trauma he had caused to her resurfaced sometimes in her dreams, upsetting her when she woke up.

"I'm just going to get a blanket.....I'm not going anywhere." he answered, while painfully making sure to emphasize the last part.

Akiho blinked her eyes twice, awareness coming back to her. Her expression slowly turned into one of realization, then she looked briefly to her side, panicking. "Oh my god, I'm sorry...I didn't fall asleep on you, did I? ...I didn't want to bother you-"

"You've never bothered me once, Akiho-san."

The girl stared at him, misty-eyed. His expression was kind, but tinged with guilt. His figure against the starry ceiling reminded her of that fateful night, when he fought his stubborness and the monsters inside his head to go back to her.

The girl casted her eyes down and to the side, pink hue emerging on her cheeks once again. "Then...once you took that blanket...could you...could you get back here next to me?" she said softly, finding the courage to look up once again.

Kaito had already understood long time ago that he was done for. He knew that no matter how much he tried, he would've never been able to refuse anything to those blue eyes of hers. Especially if he wanted it himself, in the first place.

They stared at eachother for a moment, before Kaito breathed out the air he was unwittingly holding and said with a smile "I'd be happy to, Akiho-san."

Akiho beamed at him, sure more than ever that there wasn't any place on this Earth or in the entire cosmos where she could've felt safer, other than next to him.

#akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #yunaaki #akiyuna #kaito x akiho #cosmos & crystals #spilled words #ccsakura #clear card arc #future fic #alright you need a LOT of imagination to recognize what the constellations are named after #lmao #I stand with Akiho #now if you excuse me I'll go buy a star projector #kaito is the usual smart guy unable to spell clearly his feelings #but compared to before we've grown a lot here #also a tiiiiiiiny bit of angst #what's their relationship status? #eeeeh kinda unclear they do lots of stuff couples do but they're not official yet

[meimi-haneoka]

September 18th: Happy Birthday Akiho!!! (2)

#cardcaptor sakura #card captor sakura #clear card arc #ccsakura #Shinomoto Akiho #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #yunaaki #akiyuna #laaaaate #I'm so late with this (these) one(s) #I've caused myself physical pain to finish this sometime close to Akiho's birthday #as usual I celebrate with one birthday of the present and one from the future #this is of course the one from the future #Akiho's hair could be longer but whatever #Kaito looks so silly #as usual he always gives me headaches (literally) #but at least I like Akiho's delighted expression #I wonder what she saw? #want to guess? hahah #my fanart #my fanarts

[meimi-haneoka]

"I thought I wasn't necessary to your happiness" - Yuna D. Kaito - Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card, chapter 78

#cardcaptor sakura #clear card arc #ccsakura #card captor sakura #ccs spoilers #yunaaki #yuna d. kaito #akiho shinomoto #akiyuna #my fanart #my fanarts

[meimi-haneoka]

#yunaaki #akiyuna #cardcaptor sakura #card captor sakura #ccsakura #yuna d. kaito #akiho shinomoto #I had fun combining my fanarts #nostalgic for happier times #'once upon a time there was you and me' #was the title of a Tsubasa soundtrack #I dunno why I thought about that right now #the time you spend with other people will eventually change you #the more meaningful the more you'll change #and they both learned this lesson and can't stand the thought of losing one another now #don't pretend you didn't see Kaito's aching expression and his hand reaching out to her when she was talking about the play #go check your volume 13 in ENG and find the new panel - it's on sale now #'if both of you wish for it you'll surely see eachother again' remember these words? yeaaah

[meimi-haneoka]

i feel like i need to give you this ask as a free space to talk about yunaaki in the final chapter 🤭 i need yunaaki content in my life and i KNOW you're the right person to ask for it 🤲

YOUUUU, YOU ANON! YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON!!!

I dunno who you are but you're a friend to my heart and I thank you for it! 😂 (why do I have the feeling I already know you, though...? 😂)

Okay, since you so graciously gave me the chance (I would've probably made a post anyway but this motivates me more), let's explore the final chapter from the YunaAki point of view and let's analyze what happened!

UNDER THE CUT!

It was obviously wonderful for me to see them finally reunited and living in that house again. I have to be very honest before diving into the analysis of their scene, I had expected Kaito to "talk a little more", express a bit more how he felt, what he understood from all of this, but I guess CLAMP really want us to infer it on our own by what's shown in the scene itself. Ohkawa did say, during a Space, "I hope that people will re-read the story once it's over, and ask themselves why a certain character acted the way he did". With Kaito, the understanding of his character is a job they leave completely up to us. And it kinda makes sense because he's a real introvert, he doesn't really speak earnestly about his emotions or feelings, he's just barely started to accept to let them out and follow his heart so in a way, it's totally in character. Just like Syaoran, his feelings are not really expressed by words, but by actions. And in this finale he did something huge, to pass the message through.

But let's take a step back and talk about the beginning of their scene: what caught my attention is that Akiho didn't even hang her coat, probably she went straight up to his bedroom and took it off there. This is why I love CLAMP so much, they tell you so many things just by portraying certain details. Details that tell a story. Akiho couldn't wait to see and talk to him and didn't even give herself the time to remove and hang her coat. Probably that was the first day he felt good enough to talk, and she must have waited in agony all those days (he took longer than Sakura, I want to remind you). Despite what she'll say at the very end, this girl truly loves Kaito with an unconditional love.

Another thing that I loved to see, is Kaito's sweet smile while she tells him of the reaction of her friends at school, after hearing she'd be tranferring abroad. She said "I was happy to hear that" and that is enough for him to feel his heart filling with warmth and bring on his face that sweet smile that we saw so many times directed at her, throughout the story. It is a bit difficult to frame precisely his expression because now he's got the dragon eyes, so you don't see his pupils like the other characters, you only see a "fog" where the pupils are supposed to be, but if in your mind you "replace" it with the normal pupils you'll feel the warmth and sweetness of his expression better.

Everything speaks of love in this scene. The way Akiho nonchalantly says "I'll make the no-fry croquettes" and any soul who's reading this manga and cares about their story even just a little can't help but remember "awww, the ones she asked Sakura to teach her, to cook them as a surprise for Kaito". It was her first step towards autonomy (something she felt bad about, because she always had to rely on other people and she couldn't be ok with that anymore) and it was for him. She made those croquettes even for their date... That's also why it hurt a little when they've shown us she cooked them for the Kinomoto family. It made sense because without him, they were the closest ones to her, but that was something that she learned for him... So this scene reconciled me with that low blow I had felt earlier on!

Kaito apologizing really felt like the world started spinning in the right direction, like everything was coming full circle. There was nobody else who could make him stop and understand what he went wrong about. She truly is the only one who got any type of "power" over him. Not even Momo could reach there. And I love that he's apologizing for thinking and deciding things on his own, without asking her anything, but he's not apologizing for wanting to save her. He'll never regret that, I'm sure. And I don't think anyone in Tomoeda (and beyond) is blaming him for that. Kaito knows perfectly well that Akiho is someone strong enough to decide her destiny on her own, her strong spirit was forged by overcoming the child abuse she experienced. And this is not something he understood now, Kaito always had a lot of respect for her and for her strength, in fact that one time he almost lost control of his emotions in front of her in chapter 61, he had already expressed how much he believed in her.

But the heart is a complex beast, and when you mix love and fear there's going to be irrational outcomes. The fear to lose someone you love can be destructive. Moreover, this is something that started and was decided when he still didn't know her very well. When he accepted to have the Seal of D. imposed on him, he signed off his demise. Because it was either about staying (and not saving her), or freeing her from the artifact. And there's no doubt that he would choose the second one, no matter what. Even when he started feeling that heart inside beating faster and making his hand try to reach out to her multiple times. Even when his face was screwed into pain everytime the topic of the play came up. Nothing was going to be more important than her survival. Despite all of that, he doesn't make up excuses in this scene, his apology is absolutely honest.

And then, to show her how serious he is with this, he does something that I had hoped for this finale, because it would've confirmed even further just how much he loves her. The true name revelation to me felt equal to a declation of love, I'm not exaggerating. As CLAMP fans know and as it was explained by Yuuko in xxxHolic, if you give someone your true name, they can take your soul. Not only that, but Momo did remind him in chapter 51 of how dangerous can be to disclose one's true name, especially for a magician: "When you made the contract with me, you told me your true name. We could say I have your magician's heart in my hands. You wanted the power of the Book so much that you didn't care about betting it away". Kaito was just lucky that Momo is a very kind creature (or better, he already knew and that's why he did it), but he did make a dangerous move, there. Momo tried to use that warning to make him realize who he was doing this for.

And I think it's kinda emblematic that he decided to reveal his true name to Akiho right after apologizing. Akiho had cried about not having a name to call him with to scold him as he deserved, and here he wants to make up for that, with something more important than the name she's called him with till now. Kaito surely is barely starting to realize all matters concerning love, he's surely just beginning to get a grasp of what he feels for Akiho (and that's perfectly fine and works well for them), but if there's something he has understood in the last 2/3 chapters is that Akiho is everything to him. Her existence is stronger than the call of death, than his depression, than his little self-worth, than his destructive tendencies. Akiho is what pulls him towards life, and she proved to him that not even a tremendous forbidden magic could erase her feelings for him. She proved to him that she truly loves him. Hence why he wants to reveal his true name to her. Akiho is perfectly aware of the importance and even danger of revealing a true name, since she comes from a family of magicians (and Momo, in the Drama CD 2, did spell out that Akiho knew of the whole true names matter), that's why she asks him if he's sure. And his reply, of course, sent me over the moon, with that あなた between brackets. 🥹 If there's anyone who can know his true name, if there's anyone he wants to know, it's her. With this act, he's basically telling her "take my soul, it's yours". I mean, is there anything more powerful than that??? See, the first time he tried to "give all of himself for her", it didn't go quite well. But now that he understood what he needed to understand, he's trying again, this time giving her the most vulnerable part of himself, without damaging anyone.

In CCS, there are several ways in which the characters tell "I love you" to their loved ones. Sakura chose the iconic "you're my most important person" (it is to be noted that, till this day, she's never said the most classic "suki da yo" to Syaoran). Syaoran, as the straightforward and honest boy he is, went for the classic and direct "suki da" (I love you). Akiho first tried with a poetic and indirect way, "the moon is beautiful", but in the finale, when she desperately felt the need to express her feelings, she chose "my most important person" just like Sakura, and she repeated it several times. For Kaito, we could say he chose this indirect but also very powerful way to express what he feels. He feels enough for her to entrust his entire soul to her. And Akiho, well....we can barely see her hand and torso when she agrees to listen to the precious information, but the panel is framed in such a shoujo way (with all those bubbles in the background), that I'm sure she felt really touched by that....I think she understood what he was trying to do.

The moment he reveals his true name will forever be at the top of my favorite scenes. There's just so much emotional tension here. It's like you can cut it with a knife. And the way she replies, I have already mentioned in my commentary post how significant it is, how she appropriates that g*ddamned "blank book" comparison to turn it into a way for her to decide her life from now on. And his true name, his true essence, is going to be on the most important page of her book, to make sure she never forgets about it ever again. But I have to admit that I've also thought "dear lord Akiho, that's so cheesy, are you already flirting???" 😂😂😂😂 Well, it's not like Kaito minds, actually, he's pretty happy here 🥹

Again that sweet, tender smile, those eyes he only reserves to her. 🥲 Only Akiho can make him happy in this way.

Other things to mention: Kaito's stopped time. OF COURSE I've screamed when I've read that, because of what it means for a ship with an age difference like this one 😂but at the same time, it seems to me like a very powerful statement from CLAMP: these two will keep being always themselves, nothing will change even if their external appearance will, because Akiho will keep growing up eventually into a beautiful young woman, and he's likely still going to look like he looks now. I don't see them finding a way to fix Kaito's problems anytime soon. But the fact is, what really matters here is their mental maturity, and that will proceed hand in hand because Kaito is just so inexperienced and immature, and that already made him closer to her than his external appearance might have suggested. These two will basically grow up together and I think that's so beautiful. I think they've already shown plenty of how the external shape doesn't matter at all when it comes to true love, cause Akiho had recognized her beloved Kaito even with the appearance of a dragon. It is a bit unfair that we couldn't see his reaction to her "my most important person" with his true face, but I think that was done to reiterate the concept. So, age gap or not, these two for me are soulmates and CLAMP have reiterated the same stuff in countless ways.

Other thing of course I cannot avoid mentioning is the scene we got right at the end, where Akiho confides her true name to Sakura and says she will withhold it from Kaito for the moment being, because she's still a bit mad at him! 😂A month passed by but it's just normal that she still feels the burn, cause he really messed up big time!

I absolutely love that part for two reasons: first, it's so funny to see how the tables turned; she was the one who looked more in love out of the two, and would do anything to get his attention, but now things are kinda reversed and we know that Kaito literally changed an entire world for her, and even gave her his true name: as I always say, she basically owns his ass 😂😂 This is *exactly* the dynamic I've always pictured between them, even after the events of CCS and I'm glad that canon confirmed it for me! 🥹 Second, it's just another confirmation of her strong, assertive personality and self-awareness: Akiho knows that Kaito hurt her a lot with what he did, and knows that her feelings are valid, so she's got the right to still be mad and take things easy with him. After being hurt by someone we love, we might need some time to get back on track and trust them completely, 100% again. Forgiveness isn't automatic, it's a process. The deeper the wound, the longer it'll take to heal. And even after a month, there's seemingly still so much she has to elaborate about this. It's not that Akiho wants to withhold her true name from him because she doesn't love him as much anymore, but choosing to entrust your soul when you're still so vulnerable might be quite difficult at the moment. Kaito needs to work hard to have such a intimate and important part of her, but I'm sure she'll be ready to disclose it at a very important (and romantic) moment. (I'll have to imagine it by myself???? CLAMP??) For that reason, I loved how CLAMP have shown once again that Akiho now is completely in control of her choices, she's never been emotionally dependant on Kaito and she's never had a toxic relationship with him. This truly isn't a thing of chapter 80, but not even of chapter 78, she's been assertive like this for long time (chapter 52 chapter 52 chapter 52).

The future looks radiant for Akiho, despite the difficulties they might find on their way to heal Kaito, but she truly looks happy at the thought of travelling around with her true love. Look how beautiful and happy she is here!!

By the way, I think Kaito asked Syaoran for his contact also because he needs to ask advices for his relationship with Akiho!! 😂😂😂😂 Now that even Momo left them, he's really on his own for that!!!

Of course I always hope to see more in the special chapter in March, but I am quite satisfied with what they've shown us in the finale! ❤️

Thank you again, anon, for giving me the opportunity to talk about these two in depth once again!

#reply #ccsakura #cardcaptor sakura #clear card arc #ccs spoilers #yunaaki #akiyuna #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #cristaux #cosmos

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Arc ~Backstage~

#card captor sakura #cardcaptor sakura #ccsakura #clear card arc #syaoran li #akiho shinomoto #sakura kinomoto #yuna d. kaito #syaosaku #yunaaki #akiyuna #This is what they're actually doing when we're not watching #Taking pics together in the backstage #This is the headcanon I cope with when the story gets too dark hahah #Seriously we need them happy and smiling like this in the finale