#acceptable it is to just straight up fetishize gay men (hell probably not only them) in online russian communities | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sinimake · 5 months

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Big agree with what you said about Johnshi. I've been in fandoms for a fuckton long time and this isn't new but damn does it bother me that in the year 2023 we still have to go through this.

It isn't only how the story goes for both Kenshi and Johnny (they meet at their lowest, go through hell together and come out of it as better people). It's also the banter in the intros (not only between them but also the fact that Kenshi and Johnny talk about each other to the others). And don't get me started with how their designs work : the blindfold is now forever tied to Johnny and the whole red/blue design going on.

But no. We can't have what would be the most organic relationship in the whole MK1 story. Instead we have Syzoth and Ashrah (which, don't take me wrong I LOVE them both) who happen to breath in the same room and possibly bond outside of the mainstory?

Agh sorry for the rant but sometimes I get bitter bc we couuuld have it aaaaaall >:(

EXACTLY 😤😤 I AM SO MAD!!!

Let me rant some more about this.

NRS was the first to introduce the first ever gay character in the fighter style video games. Love them for it, love that Taleena is canon. However, they're still pussayh for not making johnshi canon.

So i have been fangirl for more than a decade and IT IS ALWAYS THE SAME DAMN PROBLEM WITH BIG PRODUCTION COMPANIES they're so afraid of public backlash.

Let me tell you why not making Johnshi canon situation is different from Taleena and Kung Jin by opening big ass can of worms.

1. MK is dominated by cis hetero males. Yes, many people from various bg play the game, but it is undeniably true that the majority of fan base is men.

2. There's a phenomenon called the fetishization of lesbian and bisexual women. I am aware that I'm being controversial by saying this, but this fetishization makes the general public be more "accepting" of lesbain couple than the rest of the queer community, and it resonates mostly in straight men where they see queer women as objects that are simply putting on a show for the enjoyment of those watching.

This leads to my next point that it is a high probability that Taleena is allowed to be canon because the backlash from the cis hetero male fan base will be less than having gay relationship in the game. And let me tell you, Taleena interaction is bare minimum in the story mode!! I mean, yeah, they're trying to hide their relationship from others and the story is not exactly focused on them but they can be so much more! I can gloss over the lack of taleena content but was hoping for more in the future installment. But guess fucking what? Alternate universe Tanya and Mileena are rumored to be married to men in the upcoming mk1 side story.

Like imagine the vast possibility of having alternate universes where you can notch up the teased Forbidden Lovers trope but instead of having Taleena being happily united, NRS makes their only queer relationship straight???? *maniacal laugh* Honestly i will fight NRS on SIGHT. In my eyes, this only proves that they don't really care about queer representation, they're just filling the diversity qouta.

3. With what i said, NRS is a fucking coward for not making their popular male characters gay. You might bring up my boy Kung Jin but listen to me, debuting new queer character and making existing fan favorite character queer are completely different things. Kung Jin is first introduced in MK X and his sexual orientation is subtly suggested in the game. While Johnny Cage has been rated among the top Mortal Kombat characters by various gaming media publications.

If NRS made Johnny gay and in a relationship with Kenshi, imagine how fucking big the media coverage of them would have been. Literally, the second coming of that beer company queer backlash would have happened. Every gaming news outlet would be making articles on it. Johnshi would be trending on twitter.

I understand that it would be quite a risk to that to your business but guess what? They gave the most organic, the most heartfelt, the most tender story arc (ok i could be lil baised but you cant deny the chemistry) then slapped good ol' guys being pals and best friends forever crap on them 🙃

If Johnny and Kenshi were opposite gender, no cap, NO FUCKING CAP THAT THEY WOULD HAVE A FUCKING COUPLE.

4. I think Johnshi arc takes almost half of the story mode because we go through Johnny, Raiden, Kenshi, Baraka, Ashrah, Syzoth POVs till they come back from Outworld mission and in every chapter, Johnny and Kenshi get significant moments. And those moments are exclusive to only two of them, specifically tailored to them.

People say they're just friends, but i think the difference really shines if you consider that Kung Lao and Raiden are equally friends with them too. During outworld mission, Kung Lao has minimal dailogues and screen time when Johnny and Kenshi have interaction. If Kenshi and Johnny were just friends, they should have shown Kung Lao's reaction to Kenshi's blinding, Kung Lao's worry for Kenshi in the Shang Tsung's real laboratory, Kung Lao's line for Kenshi's regained sight RIGHT ALONG SIDE WITH JOHNNY.

What Kenshi and Johnny have exclusively belongs to them. That sets the difference between platonic friendship and the connection of those two.

Straight couples have less fucking interaction than one fucking scene and they are magically together. So tell me why the fuck Johnshi is not real

They SHOULD BE REAL and I'm so DONE with NRS

#johnshi #mk1 2023 #mortal kombat #mk1 #kenshi takahashi #mortal kombat 2023 #johnny cage #johnny x kenshi

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pellelavellan-a · 4 years

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2, 7, 13 for the saltmines

Salt Mines ll Accepting

2. What are your unpopular opinion(s) of the fandom you’re rping in?

7. Has someone made you unfollow/block them without a second thought because of a petty reason?

3. Ever told someone not to follow/rp with a particular person because something that happened to you in the past?

: Unpopular opinions

1. I don’t like Merill...like at all. Now I know everyone says “she was better in origins” but like the biggest chunk of her we get is in Dragon Age 2 and tbh I just don’t like her. The way she is written is just....like she has a constant victim complex and not in a good way. I can get behind the idea of a Dalish elf going against the grain but the way she goes about it comes off like a spoiled teenager who goes against her Keeper out of spite.

Her Keeper while not handling the situation the best is really just looking out for her well being. When her Keeper dies Merrill doesn’t even seem like she gives a fuck and is still playing victim even after her Keeper literally dies for her. She gets salty if Hawke doesn’t approve Blood Magic despite the very obvious reasons to have an issue with throughout the entire game. She just like seems very close minded and like she only cares about her way and anyone who disagrees is just out to single her out.

2. Anders is a terrorist, bottom line. I will never like Anders sorry. And again I know the he was better in origins argument exist but again the issues in Dragon Age 2 just outweigh any of that. Not only does he get salty if Hawke doesn’t just accept him flirting with them and just there’s no way to get out of that conversation without either flirting or having some dude just mad at you that you’re not into him.

Anders reminds me of the kinds of people who think that to bring equality that you have to tear down everyone else and that just...no. That’s still not the biggest reason I dislike him.

The biggest reason I can’t like Anders is that regardless of who he was in origins or anything else in Dragon Age 2 that made him likable is that at the end of it all the way he manipulates Hawke is just not redeemable. He uses Hawke’s love for him (either friendly or platonic) and manipulates them with it. He lies to them, knowing that for years Hawke has watched him dealing with this demon he let in and fighting a constant battle not to lose himself in justice. He tells Hawke that what they are doing is going to finally help him free himself, knowing that Hawke would never deny doing something to better Ander’s well being and then turns that support into making Hawke an accomplice in what was practically a terrorist attack that killed hundreds of innocent people.

I just can’t really look past that, Anders really fucked up man.

I probably have a lot more but those will do for now XD

7 was Answered :)

13: Following Salt

Not yet haha. I do know some crazy ass people on tumblr but fortunately, most of them have scattered to the winds or their account was taken down the cause of them doing something stupid like doxing someone.

I tend to let people form their own opinions on people, I don’t really like starting drama. I also don’t really have the right to tell someone who they should write with or talk to. Unless that person is just straight up a terrible person or a hurtful person.

HOWEVER,

There is an artist in the fandom that I just straight up will not support (whom I will not name cause even though I do not care for them I respect their privacy) just because they bullied the hell out of me. I was in a group chat with them and their friends and they were just--not a nice person. Ganged up on me a lot, used to gaslight me about being sexist or a lot of other ridiculous stuff over literally nothing, and would ask me to not to speak if I had nothing good to say.

They make me uncomfortable because they highskey fetishize gay men, and love to take the victim complex and then get their friend’s pity and send their friends to attack people. They’ve also threatened another friend of mine for not sending them money, and just man I could go on.

Regardless, I don’t follow them. I don’t support them because while I am all for supporting independent artists I don’t condone gaslighting, threatening, bullying, fetishizing, etc.

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divagonzo · 5 years

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Unpopular Opinion: many things been said against Romione shippers/Fic demonizing Lavender to make Hermione look better But I haven't seen as much complaining about the demonizing of Dean Thomas in Hinny fics set in HBP and afterwards. I lost count how many times I have recently (and by popular Hinny authors!) read fics where Dean was demanding,pushing and trying to pressure poor Ginny into having sex/was bad at it and then being a petty and bitter towards Harry. it reeks of racism. 1/2

2/2 I mean I feel it's partly JKR fault because she went out of her way to make both Michael Corner & Dean Thomas ''horrible boyfriends' (which in Dean case is BS the only thing in canon showing friction is Dean 'pushing' Ginny through the portrait and that can be just as much about Ginny trying to be a 'strong independent woman who needs no man') but if Lavender can get sympathy in fic so should Dean, who we've seen more in the books and who came across as good decent guy.

PS, also getting tired of the biphobia i've seen in some corner of the Seamus & Pavender fandom about how Seamus-Dean-Lavender-Parvati were really gay/lesbian all along and their m/f relationship was fake. Because of apparently bisexuals didn't exist until now... [eyeroll]

I need my demarcation line.

‘ello Nonnie. Fancy a cuppa?

I guess I’ve not been reading much lately over on the other side of my Canon ship (aka Harry & Ginny) to have come across any Dean discourse much anything that could be construed as demonization. (Then again, I have been busy so...)

Damn this got long quickly. Under a cutline just out of necessity.

If I am hearing you correctly, the fic writers are choosing to paint Dean in a negative light to emphasize why Ginny would want to break it off with him before getting with Harry. I must have my head in a hole because the only one I’ve read involving Dean in the last few months was the lovely one from @floreatcastellumposts and that was how Dean and Harry interacted in DH at Shell Cottage. (I admit I do have some appreciation for the subtle angst and how troubled Harry is and how few people he trusts in his life. Been there, done that, binned the t-shirt.)

I’ll also agree completely how HBP altered the characters considerably to make the plot work, including Dean, who up ‘til they was either a wallflower or a background character turn into a problematic male character (and also one of the few Men of Color in the entire series which I find more troubling but I digress.) because of the forcing the plot to have Ginny make him redundant before getting with Harry.

Fic writers can take those small nuggets of information and expand the ideas for such (even if I find it personally squicky AF to have a 16-year-old and Under 16 having those physical relations. *shudder* (Heck, I have problems writing any Linny Under 18 fic that involves anything more than hand holding - but then that’s my Ace showing there.) but to take it to such an extreme and petty expansion of idea is, well, not my cup of tea at all. (There’s plenty I will nope right out of and walk away without commenting if there is a tag I see that will make me shudder or get squicked.) But him being petty and sullen and bitter that he did (in those fics) have s* with Ginny and was bad at it?

I wish the trope of “immediate sex god” would die a thousand papercut deaths because most guys at 16-19 can barely control themselves, much less think of the other person to make the experience a memorable one. (And let’s expand that to 15-95 but I digress.) There’s a reason it’s called wham/bam/thank you ma’am. That’s about how long it takes at that age for a guy. (oops! Showing my age there.)

I personally have zero issues with Dean and Seamus as a ship even if I will never write it (I won’t write MLM having dated 2 in the closet and one stayed in because of safety reasons) but those who do can do.

I do find that The Author did make a bit of a mess of the characterizations in book six (and I won’t even get into how there is a discord of continuity of ethnic heritage involving Lavender Brown) including how Dean was made to look like he was being possessive when for all we know, he was being kind and Ginny was in a foul mood.

But let’s hit on that PostScript which to me is the enormous hippogriff in the room.

Admittedly, Biphobia and Bise/xual erasure is prevalent and it’s upsetting, even to me, the cranky Crusty Ace Dragon. Telling someone that they aren’t what they claim (either saying their straight, really are gay but in denial, or gonna cheat and would you just pick one and stick with it? absolute rubbish.

(I’m intentionally not touching on Pansexual but I can later if need be.)

I’ve heard of plenty who get told they are likely to cheat because they are bisexual. I’ve heard plenty who get told would you make up your mind? and the ever-present, “You can’t be bi because you’re in a het relationship” like that has any bearing on who you are as a person. Hubs and I are visually in a het relationship but we’re not since we’re both Ace Spectrum (aka not-straight - him being Grey and me being Demi) but no one dares tell him such. No one dares mention that to me, either. (Especially after my repeated diatribes on gatekeeping I experienced in the 90s while wandering the alphabet wastelands.)

Frankly, it’s disgusting. And let’s talk about those who want even more bloody gatekeeping, referring to gay men and lesbian women as “Are you a Gold Star XXX?” which is the most epic bullshit I’ve read this year (and that’s taking some serious liberties but I digress.) What kind of bullshit is this, a damn purity test? Not everyone realized coming out of the womb they were gay. Some came to it later. Some stayed in the closet for safety reasons. Some stayed in because it was a no big deal otherwise.

But to tie it all in.... to invalidate the experiences of Lavender and Seamus (and Dean, too) as calling it fake is rude at best, insulting at worst. Now it could be said as performative (which plenty who aren’t straight do go through ‘til they know for certain - or at least did back in the dark ages) but then there are so many under the LGBTQIA umbrella who have had performative relationships to either fit in, hide, or trying to get another to cure them before accepting they were, in fact, not straight. But then that’s the thing about dating in your teens and early 20s - learning who you are but also what interests you and what traits you would want in a long-term partner (if that is a goal) and also what traits are a hell naw breaker for you.

But to expect some kind of irrational purity from the outset and slandering those who had to find their own way down winding roads to where they are happy and content with who they are (with gender and expression and orientation and preferences) and to have all of those experiences invalidated because you’re not pure enough for someone hateful and vicious and unworthy of someone who has probably gone through hell and back just to find their identity of who they are.

The hypocrisy of it stinks worse than I do after a full day of hiking in 25* temps.

So in short, Seamus and Lavender were never fake. Performative, maybe, but not fake. Dean and Ginny dating? Never fake. Erasing any possibility that Seamus, Dean and/or Lavender are Bisexual? That stinks highly.

Quit fetishizing MLM and WLW single-sex relationship.

#Great - the read-more line isn't working #what else will get fucked up today?

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firerwolf · 5 years

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So I'm gonna go on a rant here about the reaction to the end of the second episode of Legacy of the First Blade, the DLC for Assassin’s Creed Odyssey so it’s going to be very spoiler heavy. So if you haven’t played the DLC and plan on playing it then walk away because I'm gonna be talking about the end and i’m not going to hold back on the spoilers.

So at the end of the second chapter of the DLC the main character, Kass or Alexios you have a child with the son/daughter of Darius. Personally, I was so happy with this ending. As a woman playing as Kass and straight I noticed a stark lack of men that Kassandra can flirt with let alone fuck so when Natakas came along and the game actually allowed me to, for once, have a meaningful relationship with a man who was attractive and the connection was meaningful I was so happy. And as a note if you’re playing as Alexios Darius has a daughter which is going to be a key point later.

So after finishing the DLC episode I right away went looking for Kassandra/Natakas fanfic and instead I was again struck by the sexism that is so dominant in video games, particularly when they take steps forward for equality. So it’s also important to note that most players play as Kassandra and that is important again to why people’s reaction to that ending of the episode pisses me off. Because when I searched for the pairing instead I found articles of people pissed at the ending. The the important thing to note was that rather than it be because it being out of nowhere or any viable narrative complaints the reasoning wreaked for sexism and that weird homophobia that male gamers tend to have about female characters being straight. The connection between the main character and Darius’s child was actually very well built and hinted at since the first episode. Instead, the arguments are just about Kassandra banging a man, and every example I could find were men being pissed about it. And at this point if you don’t get why this pisses me off then you probably don’t know me.

I’m not sure which part of it all pisses me off the most about these complaints. The sexism the homophobia under the disguise from people pretending they aren’t homophobic, the pure stupidity, or the fetish of lesbians that’s strongly on display and being ignored. I guess I’ll start with how it’s stupid to expect Kassandra to not have a child. It’s unrealistic in the AC series to believe that the main character isn’t going to have a continued bloodline. It’s like in any AC that there ever was before this where you knew that there was going to be someone to carry on the line. It’s the one constant other than killing people in the AC games. I think they key to this one pissing me off is that it’s laziness. It’s people being asked to think and imagine if they don’t like what is directly presented when dealing with a staple of the series. Which is, as should be noted, isn’t that big of an ask. It would be so easy if you had a Kass that was only into women reasoning out that Natakas is simply a sperm donor for the son that Kassandra wants in canon. It’s not that hard to use your mind and just see the bond between Kassandra and Natakas as one of solidarity. Hell the DLC even helps with that by having only sad and meaningful looks between the two characters and basically no physical contact. There’s ONE dialogue option that’s a romance option and all others are simply easy to see as just companionship with someone who understands the fight against the order and how they can ruin a persons life.

And all of that is sort of intertwined with the part i know pisses me off which is the sexism. There’s so much to the sexism that in a part of all of this, and not all of it is conscious, but it is complaints based on sexist views and male privilege and none of that is brought up in the discussions I read. So rather than a discussion about how games have been for women for decades who have had only male protagonists to play or the sort of male privilege that hasn’t been questioned. This idea that as a male gamer that they shouldn’t ever be forced to romance a man, never mind that women, for basically ever, have been forced to romance a woman when playing as a man. Why it is that it’s being brushed off that men are upset they’re being expected to accept the same thing that women have been fine accepting for years is just...frustrating. Further this sort of reaction to a female protagonist being made to be straight only further hampers the incentive for games to have female protagonist. And as a woman who would like more main characters to be women like me it is immensely frustrating to see that possibly be hampered in any way by men throwing a fit about something so dumb. My only hope is that gaming companies just push forward with equality of characters despite the bitch fits that entitled boys throw.

The last thing I want to address is the treatment of lesbians as just a fetish for men and the homophobia that should be examined in a situation like this. The key to this is that none of the discussion was about Alexio being forced to be straight. It is all complaints that Kassandra was having a baby or had an emotional bond with a man. There is no outcry about how hard it is to be a gay Alexio or the fact that for every man you can flirt with/bang(at least two of which aren’t particularly attractive) there are a dozen women throwing themselves at the main character making a homosexual Alexio basically impossible. Furthermore as both characters, no matter what you do in your run, are considered to be bisexual without any question. And this is all rooted in the homophobia and how video games have pandered to the male fantasy of lesbians. And the only source I can find to understand this hatred that men seem to have for playing as a straight woman is this unfathomable fear of a dick going in them. It’s this thing where they can’t put themselves in the shoes of being a woman who wants the same straight sex that plenty of male gamers want. They’re being asked to look more for an emotional connection and not just judge if a character is hot or not as though that’s a basis for a relationship that’s at all narratively fulfilling.

If these problems with the complaints were more focused on then we could reason how games should push more for female leads. Force men to not just evaluate people on appearance and actually search for who is emotionally or story wise the most interesting. Women have been doing just that for decades. I think I’ve ranted long enough. I’ve vented my anger out and made the points I wanted to make. The last thing I’ll say is that I know this sort of complaint isn’t all men. It’s not all male gamers who continue to hold back the progress that the industry is trying to make. I wouldn’t even say that all this bias is on purpose or that it’s done with malice. These are views and aspects of gaming that have been around for basically as long as games have had stories. But acknowledging these problems is important to progressing games and their story telling.

#Assassin's creed #odyssey #Legacy of the first blade #spoilers #episode 2 #just me ranting #opinion post #probably full of typos #forgive them

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Aaa im so full of poke hype and lovv! <3

I feel like maybe doodling my kid self, for some reason?? Like embrace the nostalg and also show some love to that awkward lil kid who didnt really know who they were yet. Its interesting how much i've changed over the years!

Hell i might even draw personas of myself dressed as all the protags from all the different generations? But they'd be mostly the same for like the first 20 years, just me getting real tall and fat lol. I had almost floor length hair for SO LONG it felt really freeing to chop it all off and i never went back! I think i kept it cos it was loke.. Camoflage? The only 'girly' thing i had so i could pretend to myself that i was straight and cis. Plus a literal shield cos i could be 90% hair and just one eye poking out XD So yeah it'd be funny looking at me over time, its just this girly-looking kid getting increasingly more macho outfits and increasingly more girly hair and increasingly more socially anxious, until within the space of 18-25 i suddenly have this giant self discovery freedom explosion and change completely! Its funny how if anything i look less masculine now? Like im way more comfortable with the fact that i'm someone in between genders, and its not a binary of having to be something i'm not just to escape some other thing i'm not. Its also kinda funny how these gender roles felt so restrictive when i was crammed into one of them, yet dressing with both at once seems just as freeing as having neither. Tho still no matter how i dress i always get misgendered one way or another since non-binary acceptance is still far from the norm. But still im so much more me than i've ever been before, and its great to look back so i can realize how far i've come!

So lol maybe i'll just draw old kid me playing "her" first pokemon game, and leave out the next decade and a half of the same thing but taller. And i could just draw current me in a few different attempts at a pokemon outfit? Like when i did my sprite edits i just did me in my usual outfit i wear IRL, now im thinking maybe i shoulda designed a wish fullfillment ideal gym leader costume or something? Tho im too lazy to start the sprite edit project all over again with this new design lol. Oh and maybe also draw my pokemon go outfit? I dont wear it all the time but i had a fun lil look i wore the other day that i ended up laughing at cos i accidentalky wore all blue even tho i picked Team Valor! Now i wanna wear it all the time lol. Oo and maybe cosplay as my fave characters? If i cant afford to do it IRL i can at least draw it!

So yeh in summary somehow i feel really confident in my identity today and i wanna draw pics of me. Mild ego time!!! Or rather just wishing i could fly back in time and motivate my kid self by showing them that they woukd actually have the freedom to be themself some day. I dont even really think of it as "I used to be a girl" but just that i was always feeling this way and didnt know the words for it, or that other people felt the same way and it wasnt an 'abomination against god'. And for some reason playing a gane with selectable genders really helped me let out some of my feelings during that confused childhood of absolute repression. "I just pick a random gender each time cos it doesnt really matter right? Doesnt everyone just pick the one with the outfit they'd rather wear?" I absolutely knew that was a lame excuse and none of these other kids actually felt that way, but at least it kept people from suspecting i had queer reasons for my queer actions. In a time where i didnt even know what queer meant except that it was Somehow Bad. Gah, this is why sex education needs to be inclusive! Even when i was old enough to learn about straight sex i apparantly wasnt old enough to learn about gay and trans people! Let alone asexuality lol... Man it was a whole nother mess to be dealing with an anomolous lack of sexual attraction at the same time as i was repressing something everyone told me was 'inherantly too dirty for teenagers to know about'. For so long i was just told that crossdressing was 'a sick fetish men have for wearing women's underwear' not just.. A woman is a woman and is telling you she's a woman and you wont listen to her. And for some reason they always obsessed with MTF trans folk in these sensationalist hate sermons, i guess because 'a man who gets off on dressing like a woman' just sounds like the more disgusting version when youre a sexist homophobic transphobic piece of shit throwing your bigotry at children. And at the same time also aphobic and telling me i need surgery on my genitals if i dont want sex. Mannnn kids those days.. i really hope kids these days have it better! I hope everyone who dealt with that shit managed to find love and support eventually, even if its still a damn crime they had it denied to them during their most important childhood years. The whole concept of 'an innocent carefree childhood' is so unknown to me, its ironic people claim they want to keep "lgbt politics" away from children in order to preserve that innocent childhood...

Aaaaanyway im rambling lol! In summary pokemon was one of my only coping methods during that childhood and the only small way i could pretend someone accepted me. Even if it was just by whispering no when the professor said 'are you a boy or a girl' and being happy at the little genderless mons like magnemite or the legendaries. I dont think i would have ever realized it was actually POSSIBLE and had words for the complex dysphoria i was feeling, if i hadnt played this dumb lil series of games.

Anyway thats probably also why i never had any attatchment to gen 1 despite being born right as the first wave of pokemania was coming out. The memories i have of those times are complex. Im just excited to revisit kanto as a new and happy person and maybe make new memories! I already barely remembered actual Yellow compared to FRLG, it was kind of a trip to play it on virtual console and remember all the tiny bits of sexist writing that games used to have during that era. It was like 'whoa i never noticed this was wrong as a kid, this finally explains why it made me uncomfortable!' Also the gameplay was glitchy and the plot nonexistant and the translation rudimentary and limited. And the mons weren't very good and i prefer pretty much every other generation and especially Garbodor and Vanillite, dammit!

Ok im going offtopic again

So yeah like i said im happy that Let's Go has managed to make me hype even thougj i didnt enjoy kanto the first time around! And its good how much it represents my journey out of that shitty childhood so now i can revisit it and pretend this is my first time and None Of That Happened, Thanks

So anyway bunni draws past self. And gets emotional. And rambles for hours in a dumb post.

Ok bye

#why so many words

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kyanve · 7 years

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This is a really dumb story.

So to preface:

I’m genderqueer and grey-ace. This took a very long time to figure out.

Part of this story is that it’s the day, in retrospect, I should’ve figured out both, because my reactions and what everyone else had expected as reactions are explained THOROUGHLY by it.

The other part and why I’m putting it under a cut is that my old stalker, before I’d hit being fed up with his bullshit and he’d hit “actively physically dangerous”, ran a D&D campaign. He made two attempts at plots using my character for self-gratification. Neither of them actually worked.

The second attempt will probably get told sometime; it was an attempt at him using my character to both set up something where he could pat himself on the back about how clever and devious he was when he was neither, and where he could soapbox about how Morality is Fake and how “good” is a lie and it was easy to make “good” people do awful things b/c human nature. It failed in hilarious ways and is the less creepy story in retrospect. I can’t say it failed by accident because the entire time it was obvious what he was trying to do and I was going “....WHY ARE YOU TARGETING MY CHARACTER FOR THIS S/HE’S THE LEAST LIKELY TO FALL FOR THIS SHIT DID YOU READ HIS/HER SHEET?”

The first attempt is today’s story, and it only recently, over a decade later, sank in on me that he’d been trying to turn my character into fetish fuel, but it fell flat on its face and became a non-event b/c I may have bled a little too much of my own sexuality/gender identity onto the character without even realizing what it was yet. (Over a decade and a lot of distance/work on dismantling shit and I can laugh about it, and have been since it hit me.)

Warnings for attempted fetishization + his overall crappy grasp and handling of transgender/genderfluid and a lot of failed misogyny.

So my character was a late addition to the campaign, and I had to get a backstory that would work. The party needed a rogue type, and I liked playing trope-subversion characters.

So I rolled a lawful good assassin. (It was 3.5, so he was a Rogue with assassin build/skillset/prestige class.)

Basically, Toc had started out as part of a very small organization that operated in a highly populated urban area whose job was to exhaustively investigate and research, then take out crime lords, evil mages doing things that’d impact large parts of the population, etc., as quietly, cleanly, and with as little collateral damage to the general citizenry as possible. He was in the area of the party because his group had been sold out and framed for a bunch of unrelated murders of innocent people, and he’d ended up exiled/sold off, and the party basically rescued/bargained/swindled him away from the people who were keeping him.

Needless to say, Toc was Tired, disillusioned, grouchy, and more than a little suspicious, but still *very* dedicated to his codes and methods, which involved a lot of harm reduction and minimization of force; he would not be violent without a direct threat to his life, the lives of his companions, the lives of civilians, or clear and solid confirmable evidence that such was about to happen.

Toc as written was 5′11″, male, and (before I had the vocabulary for it) ace/aro, disinterested in romance or relationships, he had more important things to worry about tyvm.

In the first session with the party, they were going through a trial put in front of them by a powerful mage NPC - a maze of traps and puzzles.

Toc, being a rogue, was going ahead and disarming traps, and that meant that inevitably eventually the dice failed him and he got hit in the face with a magic trap.

Stalker-asshole dropped some dice and claimed the results were random; none of us saw the dice rolls.

Toc went from being 5′11″ human male, to 5′2″ fox-person female.

There was a long silence where the rest of the party was expecting a dramatic reaction and Stalker looked ready to gloat and full of glee.

Toc’s reaction, after a moment of confused consternation, was basically “....huh.” and carrying on as if nothing happened, because it wasn’t like being MALE had ever been an especially important part of his life and personal identity, his gender/sexuality had mostly just been “Duty” and “Protect the weak”. The rest of the party made jokes and tried to console him that it was probably temporary, and he gave them occasional confused glances, b/c it wasn’t that big of a deal.

I will note here that in retrospect, my usual reaction to people springing “what would you do if you woke up one day A Guy” has always been “??????? I’d...have different parts? There’d be changes to the meatsack to adjust to? People would be less annoyingly shitty about what hobbies I should have but just as annoyingly weird about what clothes were appropriate?”, and I’ve usually been most comfortable when people are periodically Not Sure with swings through “the more male the better” and “GIVE ME DRESSES AND MAKEUP” depending on mood, which ..... is where I probably should’ve figured out “genderqueer” sooner, but I had a lot of gender role related issues to work out. Most of my D&D characters ended up with tenuous relationships with gender and sexuality.

So Toc basically carried on with little more reaction than occasionally grumbling about being shorter than s/he was used to and adjusting to having a tail and fur.

After the trip through the dungeon, the slightly creepy NPC mage offered to reverse the transformation in return for some unspecified future favor to invoke at an unknown time.

Toc gave him the same confused stare as s/he’d given the rest of the party, only with more suspicion. The NPC knew Toc’s history.

So the reply was “Actually I’d rather stay this way. If we ever run into anyone tied to the people who framed me or who recognizes me and the record they gave me, they won’t recognize me, and I could walk into my old home city with my name on a sign around my neck and NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE ME. This might be the best thing to’ve happened to me after that.”

At one point there was actually a few OOC questions about how suddenly being tiny and female impacted Toc’s hypothetical sexuality.

They were reminded that I hadn’t been joking when I said his/her sexuality was “duty”.

A party member, run by a decent human being, was a male fox who was a flirt; he made one or two passes at Toc, got “..../quiet frustrated glare/ Not interested, go away, push it and you’ll have shorter ears and might lose part of your tail”, and left Toc alone after that, because the player was not an asshole.

Once we got off the island, of course, nobody would recognize Toc anymore, and Toc had embraced his new state as the world’s least sexually interesting female fox furry, so there weren’t any opportunities for NPC’s to make a big deal out of it; Toc turned down any advances with irritation, and the rest of the party would back up “lay off” if anyone didn’t seem like they’d take no for an answer.

It wasn’t usually necessary b/c Toc was not above very calm and confident threats of castration and demonstrations of ability for such if the first rejection didn’t take.

(This happened a couple times with NPC’s, but then, it also did happen to our other female party member, who was a volatile-tempered Chaotic Good firemage played by my feminist roommate who would absolutely threaten to light people on fire if they didn’t go away. Both Toc and the mage took special spiteful glee in showing up NPC’s who made any insinuations about the women as the weaker members of the party, even if Toc was hitting “will respond to whatever pronouns addressed with”; the rest of the party occasionally forgot and lapsed back into male pronouns for him, -I- would use either, and OOC slips were pretty easily handwaved as IC moments of “this was a guy when we met them”. Toc may not’ve had a strong attachment to being female either, but Toc did think assholes who thought less of women for being women deserved to be humiliated for it.)

After a while, Stalker had gotten weirdly sulky whenever the topic of Toc’s transformation came up, since Toc’s utter apathy about it and acceptance of it was the source of most of the jokes and humor value to me and the rest of the players; we basically had “what’s in your pants” “justice” jokes about if anyone ever caught the party jumbling pronouns and tried to ask Toc. “Are you straight or gay/lesbian/do you like men or women” “:| Duty” remained the other joke.

Years later, well after I’d cut ties with Stalker and most of that group, my fiancee tracked down Stalker’s “GREATEST MAGNUM OPUS” giant Ranma 1/2 fanfiction he’d been very proud of and often beaten me over the head with as “REAL writing” and constantly tried to ego-preen and verbally browbeat me into reading. I’d started avoiding it out of spite, esp. since I had no interest in Ranma anyway.

Among other things (such as “.....Oh my god Birdy did this guy seriously try to pick apart YOUR writing if I didn’t know you’d met him and heard him talk about it I’d think this was an intentionally bad trollfic”), it became very quickly obvious that he had male-to-female transgender/transformation fetishes along with transformation and genderflip fetishes in general, of the creepy and gross-skeevy kind.

So it finally sank in that there is no way in hell that trap’s result was truly random, he did it intentionally, his glee when it first happened and occasional failed attempts at picking at gender/sexuality were probably him trying to fish for fetish fuel,

And I managed to completely nuke it and leave him frustrated and disappointed WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT AT THE TIME by playing the character too close to my actual relationship with gender and more aroace than I am + having other players who thought my “Gender: Justice, Sexuality: Duty” was hilarious.

#d&d #tales from tabletop #queer things #stalking mention warning #trans fetishization warning #misogyny warning

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pumpkinicedchai · 7 years

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pride month ask thing since i'm Queer™

what is your sexuality? • i am very much bisexual, with a preference for females but i happen to be dating a guy. and yes, that still makes me bi☺️ what do you identify as? • i am a cis female how long have you been aware of your sexuality/identity? • i didn't really figure it out til like 9th grade because i had harbored a lot of homophobia towards myself in middle school because my mom grew up telling me gays are against god. but now i'm pagan so everything is fine. do you have any preferences? • i like girls and woman aligned people because femininity is something i find VERY attractive, but the last time i talked about my sexuality i was physically hurt. so boys are a safer route for me. share a positive memory about coming out! • my dad just doing is best trying to understand, even though he mistook me for a lesbian a lot and tried to get me into an all girls college. how do you feel about pride month? • i love the idea but i have some discontent for people who try to involve themselves in this month that shouldn't be celebrating, because our community has suffered so much and it's just like,, it's a time for us to mourn who we've lost and celebrate accomplishments but there are those who think they belong in our community who will never face the same amount of hardships that come with truly being queer. cishets of any sort do not belong in our community. period. do you participate in pride related events? any other events? • no, bc my mom lol how do you feel about lgbtqa roles in media? • i feel like there needs to be more female queerness that isn't fetishized or dumbed down to a pretty woman with big tits and a butch, masculine woman. also can they both live and NOT DIE. because in our community, most of our representation comes from gay white men and yay they're gay but what about the rest of us awaiting representation?? include more poc!! more women!!! also bisexual erasure is a real thing so can we NOT do that thanks. do you feel pride in who you are? • hell yeah i do. who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? • i don't really have any idols. my friends have just been super cool and accepting of me, so it's nice to have them to back me up. tell us about your first crush? • my first real crush was on this girl named peyton that i played softball with in the third grade. i didn't know it at the time, but i was just constantly going out of my way to talk to her and i called her pretty all the time. what sort of advice to have you lgbtqa teens? • do not give a flying fuck about what your parents say if it isn't supportive. don't give a flying fuck about anything anybody says if it's not supportive. have you come out to friends and family? • yeah but they pretend it didn't happen how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? • idk. it's whatever. i think a lot of people keep it bottled up because our society is so bigoted and hateful, and coming out is a huge step for a lot of us. so i think it's a pretty good way to phrase it. do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? • yeah definitely any tips on coming out? • don't do it unless it's safe please. what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtqa characterization in media? • it's just shit like "that was SO GAY" being said by straights and slurs and shit and things like "transgender bathrooms" being such a big deal. why do people need basic human rights denied in order for a majority to make the minority feel inferior?? why.:. what’s your favorite parts of lgbtqa characterization in media? • there are numerous amounts of celebrities that have openly shown support for us and i think every little bit from them helps bc their opinions are the ones that matter in society today. what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? • idk my state's mostly conservative so you can probably guess. do you practice safe sex with the same sex? • i've never had sex with a girl :( what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same sex? • for boys - too many muscles • for girls - bein a total bitch what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same sex? • boys - deep moans ohh my GOD. • girls - full lips, raspy voices, soft skin..... how do you feel about lgbtqa clubs/apps/websites? • i've never really involved myself with them how do you feel about the term “queer” ? • can only be used by ppl in the lgbtq+ community how does you country view the lgbtqa community? • i mean it was illegal two years ago but it's getting better for us slowly. favorite lgbtqa actor/actress? • i don't really have one ?¿ any tips for heterosexual people on how to handle lgbtqa events/news? • if it's not directly about you, it ain't ur damn business, and you have no right to talk about anything you don't know shit about unless you respectfully wanna get educated. what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten? • "if you're bi, aren't you more likely to cheat?" and my favorite "so since you're bi, do you do threesomes??" how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/idenity? • if i can tell someone actually wants to learn, i don't care, but if i can sense sarcasm or a mocking tone, i'm much less susceptible to being patient. what is your romantic affiliation? • i'm biromantic as well lol.

#bi pride #pride month

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asagimeta · 7 years

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Am I the only one who feels like queer acceptance has taken a step back in television? Or at the very least in sitcoms? Because I just... I think about the really popular sitcoms from the 90s and early 2000s vs now and it feels weirdly reversed? Freinds actually had regularly recurring lesbians who were not fetishized plus several gay charectors who came and went, including Chandler's dad who was gay AND a drag queen, Roseanne had regular gay charectors, a regular bisexual, and even introduced the concept of an older gay woman plus several of gay, lesbian, and bi charectors along the way, even Golden Girls had recurring queer themes including a recurring charector who was most likely trans or at the absolute least someone with a non-binary gender

And ofcourse there are the Big Guns like Ellen and Willl & Grace

None of the LGBTQ+ charectors in these shows were fetishized or bashed or criticized or used as jokes, at the very MOST Roseanne questioned Nancy's flip-flopping sexuality for a time because Nancy herself didn't know how to define what she was, and Sophia was seen as being clearly uncomfortable with her son being feminine and wile this was used as a punchline through parts of the show it was actually resolved in a DEEPLY respectfull and emotional way (I can't speak for Will & Grace because I actually never saw it but it's pretty clear that it represented decently from what I know of it)

Hell, even Seinfeld- wich never brought in any lasting or recurring queer charectors- handled the subject of non-straight sexualities with a level of respect that I don't see handled in current shows, noteably by saying "Not that there's anything wrong with that" whenever Jerry or George was suggested as being gay and even with Jerry questioning why someone didn't think he was romantically involved with a gay freind at one point, versus the severe "OH MY GOD NO NO NO NO" reaction presented in alot of modern sitcoms today

Then you have today's sitcoms wich have a running theme of queer-baiting as a joke without actually having many, if any at all, queer charectors

Admittedly I don't watch many modern sitcoms because I don't appreciate the brand of humor but I've seen a few and none of them seem to have or respect queer charectors

The Big Bang Theory has an asexual as a main charector who is largely sex-repulsed wich is GREAT... but that's it, and any hints of homosexual interaction on the show is always a punchline, from one time when Sheldon accidentally got a guy's phone number when he was trying to get a date for Penny to- ugh- the constant queer-baiting of Raj and Howard, and the even more constant feminization and very stereotyped "effiminate gay" behavior of Raj only to be constantly told he's straight, even now that Howard is married there's still the very frequent baiting of Raj and Howard being in love with eachother played as a punchline, Raj being feminine is always played as a punchline, and it's all done pretty disrespectfully... TBBT has alot of problems with representation and what it considers humor (my biggest constantly comes from the way Howard treats women and how women are usually portrayed as the wrong-doers in the situation) but that's another story, for a show that's constantly hailed as being "this generation's Freinds" it's pretty sad how massively different the queer rep is

Mike & Molly has two recurring gay charectors wich is fair, not great but fair, M&M has a pretty small cast of recurring charectors- though the size of the mains is pretty much the same as any sitcom- but once again we have the issue of baiting with Mike and Carl- especially with Carl, who does it much, much more than Mike does, and I'm not saying that the older sitcoms like Freinds never had baiting moments (Chandler is a pretty prime example, episodes like The Nap Partners are a good example too) but the difference is that Freinds actually had several queer charectors AND when they *did* make sexuality a punchline it wasn't frequent and wasn't usually that offensive, M&M however only has very very occassional ACTUAL gay representation and the joke of Carl acting romantic with men is played up really often

How I Met Your Mother is not something I really watched alot of, but I caught probably most of the episodes one summer when I had it on as background noise and I don't recall any recurring queer charectors from it, they didn't bait to my knowledge- wich is good in a basic decency kind of way- but I don't recall there being any queer charectors that stuck around- if any at all

As I said, I don't watch alot of sitcoms, and I do acknowledge that there are some like The Real O'Neals (wich was just cancelled) that don't fit this bill- though weather or not their representation was considered respectfull I guess is something only someone who's seen the show could say- but I can't think of any others that come to mind wich have presented a queer charector in their advertising and I just... find that so weird....

It's often been said that we're starting to slide back in terms of progression, with things like political crap going out of control, hate crimes escalating, and representation being either stagnant or even going down... and I just find it so weird that twenty years ago queer representation it sitcoms was actually not bad, shows like Roseanne and Freinds presented it as a very normal part of society- regardless of using sexuality as a punchline or not- and shows like Ellen and The Golden Girls went a step above by making a point of showing acceptance of queer people in a more dramatic tone, but these days you're lucky to see a queer person in the background of a popular sitcom or avoid sexuality being used as a big joke

Ofcourse there are parts of TV where representation is getting better- RuPaul's Drag Race is more popular and mainstream than ever and continues to pile up awards, shows like How To Get Away With Murder have a decent number of queer charectors and makes it VERY well known that anyone could get their gay on at any given time wile also bringing up legitimate queer issues (outside of the usual homophobia) like safe sex, depicting aspects of the relationship other than just flirting and sex, and discrimination within the queer community, you have shows like Supergirl wich depict a main relationship- one of only TWO main relationships at that- as a queer couple who both had very different exepriences as queer people and who have fights about small things and cuddle and cry and you know... do the exact same stuff that the straight couples do, and the hugely popular mainstream shows like The Walking Dead and Once Upon A Time even have queer charectors now- there may not be many of them and they may often get shafted to the side but TWD in particular has introduced a total of six, if I remember correctly, and as the most popular show currently on TV that's actually a pretty huge deal, Hannibal has several queer charectors including BOTH mains who are not "gay men" but "men who are gay"- the story revolves around a cannibalistic serial killer who just so happens to have romantic attraction to the male detective and vice versa, wich is incredible really, hell even cartoons are starting to get with the program, Paranorman introduced the first openly gay charector in a kid's movie a few years ago and Ever After High had an ON-SCREEN KISS between two girls who are largely hinted to be "destined" for eachother, so progression IS out there and growing- thank God- but sitcoms seem to be oddly left out of this and I have no idea why

It's weird, is all I'm saying

#other #lgbtq

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sebastianshaw · 4 years

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Do you have any weird au ideas?

You know, it surprises me, now that you bring it up, that I DON’T? I have some pretty out-there ideas for, say, Fabian or Haven, but I tend to keep Shaw very grounded. I certainly have AU ideas for him, but none of them are anything that I personally would qualify as “weird”?I guess this one idea I made up years ago would fit? Just barely, because it actually does seem to me like something that could totally happen by comics standards, but it is odder than anything I’ve got on my verses page. It was basically a fanfic idea that I never actually wrote (because I never ACTUALLY write anything) in which Shaw, disappointed with how his actual offspring turned out and wanting kids who were USEFUL and LOYAL, combined his genetics with the women of the Hellfire Club to produce a set of children called The Black Pawns. It was pretty much just an excuse for me to make a bunch of OC babies for my fave villains, but hey, what is fanfic for if not?I found the notes I saved for it (omg it’s from 2012) and this is what I wrote:“Sebastian Shaw created these four with genetic material from himself and four of the Hellfire Club's most powerful women: Tessa, Selene, Emma Frost, and Madelyne Pryor. Sure, making the kiddies the old fashion way would have been fun, but way too risky considering it would have their mothers aware of and involved with his plan, not to mention in possession of the unborn babies for nine months during which anything could happen. No, this was much safer and surer, and once the four were 'born' from their artificial wombs in his best-lab-money-can-buy, he started about controlling their lives so that, unlike Shinobi, they would be completely devoted to serving him. All have different powers, mostly resembling those of one or both parents. However, despite all having mothers that possessed telepathy to some degree or another, none of them are telepathic themselves. This was deliberately engineered by Sebastian Shaw, for though telepaths had been useful to him in the past, they had also proven to be treacherous, and given his vulnerability to psychic powers he thought it not worth the risk to have any so close to him again. They do not use individual codenames, and are all merely The Black Pawns. If they need to refer to one another in combat, they do it by the first letter of their mother's first name (so, for instance, Sylvia would be called 'T' because her mother is Tessa)Somehow, if Shaw dies, the rest of them will too. He, however, will be just fine if they die. This gives them incentive to protect him."What's with all the S-names, Shaw? Are you uncreative or just that egotistical?""Efficient, actually. They're easy to keep track of this way, and the subtle uniformity helps them equally subtlety against dangerous notions of individualism versus simply being my weapons and tools of profit. I did put a bit of thought into Soleil's, though, but I don't suppose you caught the irony."Sylvia Shaw is the daughter of Tessa. Her hair is cut in a very short pixie-bob, and though it is naturally black like that of her parents, she has bleached it to a pale platinum blonde. She also wears a long cerulean blue wig for her career as "Sylphide Swan" the fetish model. She posses Tessa's computer skills, plus technopathy and enhanced speed/strength/reflexes/endurance. She has a flat, emotionless affect, but does have likes and dislikes even though she appears to mostly lack a personality.Stanford Shaw is the son of Emma Frost. He is a blue-eyed brunet fellow who absorbs kinetic energy like his father and converts it into diamond skin like his mother. Unlike his mother, he can also transform specific parts of his body into diamond, such as just a fist or just his chest, without needing for his entire body to transform as well.Stephen Shaw is the son of Madelyne Pryor, and sports her red hair and green eyes. He possesses the power of pyrokinesis, with his uniquely-colored green flames being his trademark. He prefers to dress in sexually-revealing costumes, perhaps as a political statement, perhaps as a fetish, or perhaps simply for shock value.Soleil Shaw is the daughter of Selene. She has dark coloring like her parents, though softer features than theirs. Like her mother she can drain the life energy from others in order to keep herself young, and she has the additional gift of also being able to transfer this life energy to whomever she chooses with the same effects. Sebastian Shaw has been able to keep from aging because Soleil uses this gift for his benefit. Of all the Shaw-spawn, she is the most kindly and gentle, but unfortunately is also a "Daddy's Girl" with genuine affection for her father rather than just programmed obedience like the others, and thus is unlikely to rebel and leave his side any time soon.They are lead by Soledad Shaw, who is not a part of the project but the daughter that Shaw and Lourdes had before the latter's death. Not wanting Lourdes daughter to ever be in the danger she was, he kept Soledad completely separate from his life as a mutant and as Black King. Unlike Shinobi, she was a strong child, both in body and in character, and so he chose to build her character rather than insulting it as he did his son. He taught her the value of a dollar, of hard work, of doing whatever it took to succeed, and of staying the hell out of any type of mutant organization no matter what they were offering or what she believed in. Soledad is a teleporter like her mother, and also very skilled at hand to hand combat. She's close with Soleil, the only one she really considers to be her sibling and not a glorified science experiment. She has the same coloring as Soleil, but is more voluptuous and statuesque, as well as having curly hair while Soleil's is straight.”I feel like I also made a natural-born Shaw/Maddy son too at one point, I want to say his name was Addison? I think he was just another version of Stephen though since I also imagined him as being a green-eyed redhead who dressed just like his mother as the Goblyn Queen, because goddammit objectification isn’t just for women!Also, in the typical fashion of fangirls, I had a couple female OCs that I attached to Shaw, though being gay I always attached my female OCs to my male faves in roles that were NOT love interests; in the case of my OCs, it was an adopted daughter and an assistant who replaced Tessa after she left. The assistant wasn’t really weird in any way, but the daughter OC was pretty weird. Her codename was Black Swan (long before there was a canon Black Swan in Marvel) as in black swan theory because she had chaos powers that caused cause high-impact hard-to-predict events, typically mass scale destruction and chaos, to occur when her life is in danger in such a way that the chaos would save her. This is not a power that she can control; it cannot be summoned at will, nor stopped. It *only* comes when her life is in danger. You could cut off all her limbs and nothing would happen because that's not KILLING her. Granted, something might happen soon afterward if she started to bleed to death, but just the dismemberment itself wouldn't cause a black swan event to save her.I recall that she was also immortal, having been born in the Victorian era and frozen at 16 (probably when her powers manifested) and I think it’s either that she also fed on the chaos that her powers caused in order to heal her and keep her alive/young forever, or that this might have been the result of experimentation by Sinister in his original Victorian days when he was just getting started (because how can you have a mutant from the Victorian era WITHOUT Sinister being involved somehow?) A black swan event may also have saved her life (and destroyed Sinister's lab in the process, freeing her) when she was about to die during one of his experiments.She was also insane as a result of both bad genetic luck (like me) and being unable to cope mentally with her long lifespan, she had very bad depression and delusions and dissociation, which I gave her as a way of coping with similiar issues I had at the same age, so she lived pretty much entirely clinging to fantasy that she was an absolutely normal girl, she wasn’t immortal, etc., and she maintained those delusions by forcibly forgetting her previous years and years over and over, she ALWAYS believed that she was a regular 16 year old no matter what era she was in, and she would mentally “reset” every time too much time had passed to maintain that fantasy. Because her real family was actually dead, she would accept any substitute for them to maintain her fantasy, and believe completely that this was her real biological family (before forgetting them in a few years or decades for a new one) Shaw took advantage of this by playing the role of her father, and then manipulating/orchestrating events that would place her life in danger so that her powers would activate and he could profit off the chaos that no one else expected----like a natural disaster or the like. She was very deliberately meant by me as a self-indulgent character to reflect my own mental health struggles while also getting to write about/imagine a version of me interacting with the X-Men and my fave villains and so on, but I was also self-aware of this and didn’t write her publicly anywhere, I just kept her to myself to write stuff that made me feel better. And I think I kept most/all characters IC too. But yeah, that’s um...these aren’t AUs that I have anymore, the Black Pawns are from 2012 and Black Swan is from 2010, but they are probably the oddest I’ve had that involved Shaw?

#au #old stuff #haha this is embarrassing #ocs #Anonymous

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

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