the thing that really bothers me about the whole demon racism thing in Frieren is the extremely heavy handed flashback we get justifying Frieren's prejudice. its a whole ridiculous series of events that make no sense. Felt like some gross propaganda.
Lemme break it down real fast: in the past Frieren and her pals came to a town where a demon in the shape of a young girl attacked and killed a child. They defeated it in battle, but Himmel was hesitant to kill it because it looked like a kid and called out 'mother.' The village chief then comes in and says that killing the demon will make them just as bad as them, and that they should offer her a chance at redemption. Some time passes with the demon girl living with the chief and his daughter peacefully before suddenly one night she kills the chief. She presents the chief's unconscious daughter to the parents of the girl she killed saying she wanted to get them a replacement child. Himmel and Frieren kill her, Fireren explains that demons don't even have families so her calling out 'mother' was just a manipulation tactic. which the dying demon girl confirms is correct.
So,
2 things
Why the fuck did the chief come in saying they had to give the demon a chance when she'd already murdered someone? Why was everyone besides Frieren and the dead kids parents just cool with letting a child murderer get off scott free and walk around their town with no consequences? Generally we don't even let human child murderers do that, so its frankly bizarre. If you want to prove demons are fundamentally evil wouldn't it make more sense to start with a demon who hasn't yet committed any crime? Then the chief sticking up for it would feel logical. Whole thing makes no sense except to demonize (lol) the very concept of redemption. No you stupid fucking idiot you should have used extreme violence and murder every time always. its always justified, learn your lesson kids and if you see one of the Evil Races walking around remember its always ok to lynch them.
What the fuck is the demon child doing here? Her actions make no sense. Frieren says that demons are basically just intelligent predators, that they only use speech and social customs to manipulate humans and prey on them. So why on earth did the demon kid murder the chief while Himmel and squad were still in town? Why'd she have a weird fixation on getting the parents a new kid? Almost as if she was trying to make up for what she'd done to them in a twisted way, as if she felt bad? This seems to imply the opposite of what Frieren said. While watching i assumed what would happen is that Frieren would tell Himmel and the group that they should pretend to leave the village, then double back whereupon they'd find the demon going on a rampage again, since she would assume its now safe to do so with them gone. i assumed that because it would make sense. but nah. instead we get this really nonsensical series of events that clearly exists only to prove frieren's bigotry right. Demon girl is so ridiculous she literally uses her last words to be like "btw this lady who killed me was right you should never trust filthy demons like meeee." Give me a break.
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Uninstalled Twitter and Tumblr off my phone and have been trying to disengage but the harder I try, the more the images rise up and refuse to leave. Yesterday I had a couple of hours of distraction and then my brain decided to throw up the video I saw weeks ago, of a toddler covered in ash, her little mouth a moue of surprise, conscious and blinking up at the ceiling while the medic cradled the back of her blown out skull. She died afterwards.
And it comes back to me again and again that there is no end to this, no respite, no help. And I feel half mad with pain.
I know it's entirely my fault that I engaged with Gaza at all knowing I was far too mentally ill to handle it, and then never once being able to disengage for over a month. Nobody with hyperempathy should go near something like this. But I kept thinking it would stop, it had to stop, they can't just systematically slaughter two million people with the entire world watching and protesting. But they're going to. They don't need bombs anymore because there's no food or water or medicine or place to escape the toxic smog of a month's worth of bombs and rotting corpses under rubble. They're just continuing to empty out all of Uncle Sam's toys on the heads of dying people because they're sadistic murderers who like to see their food writhing. And it's not going to end.
I feel unhinged with pain. If it hadn't been for my three little rescue kittens climbing on my lap and headbutting me for petting, I would have gone back to the hospital and demanded they fry my brain again. Six weeks of gaving my memory ripped up like lettuce leaves and tossed like a salad earlier this year was such a terrifying experience that I swore I would never get that desperate again. But I'd take my memory being wiped clean to just never have to remember any of this again.
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I wonder, are we going to see the Fall next season?
Like, Aziraphale becomes Supreme Archangel. He got access to anything of top authority that he could never gain through before. Some case scenario involving the Second Coming, and somehow it leads to him finding a old file — Crowley’s before the Fall.
He goes through it, a way to comfort himself in longing for the demon but at the same time feels terrible on how things ended between them. How the last time he saw him was when departing to the elevator…
Then he sees it.
The trial (if there was one).
Crowley, confused and worried.
The sentencing.
The fear, the overwhelming behavior that led to him being dragged out of the room.
And some twisted way, it continues to show Crowley, now begging for God for forgiveness.
(Little plot twist moment)
.
.
.
“You are forgiven.”
Aziraphale’s corporate’s blood runs cold, eyes tearing up at the sight of relief in Crowley’s face.
A quick one.
Wiped clean with a scream as his body was thrown as unwanted garbage, heading down an endless fall to the boiling sulphur bin below. Then the file ends, and Aziraphale…
He stands there, the sight engraved in his mind. The one he loves. The one that was the whole reason he chose to come back… Eyes blurred his vision, his tears continuing to stream in stunned silence. His knees gave out, falling at the white ground. His mouth agape, letting bits of breath he hardly notice escape in tiny gasps. Then to huffs. Then to audio inhales and exhales. Hands gripping at his head, wanting to claw through the skull, taking out everything he thought on what was “good” about Heaven. And changing it all with what Crowley expressed. Explained. Flat out spoke on true facts.
Crumbling, his body curled over that his forehead rested at the ground, cold as the truth now roaming in his mind. And just when he thought he could breathe — he doesn’t let out a clear exhale.
Only a clear scream that echos the entire room, shattering through his ears – body – existence alone.
I’m sorry. I’m a writer. I couldn’t help myself! I was in the zone! 😭
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Are you the knife or are you the pad of butter?
1. Wishbone, Richard Silken. // 2. A Ghost in the Throat, Doireann Ní Ghríofa. // 3. Blood Relatives, Claude Chabrol. // 4. Circe, Madeleine Miller. // 5. Naturally, Tinashe. // 6. To Be or Not To Be, Oneus. // 7. ingydar, Adrianne Lenker. // 8. vulnerability, @achillics . // 9. Eat the Music, Kate Bush. // 10. Viasterna, Alessandro Teoldi. // 11. Stigmata: Escaping Texts, Helene Cixous. // 12. Pang, Caroline Polachek. // 13. growing up and saying goodbye, @angelwingspdf . // 14. body tracks, Ana Mendieta. // 15. Where it Begins, Erica Jong
Description follows
1. [Image Description: excerpt from a poem reading, “But we both know how it goes- I say I want you inside me and you hold my head underwater, I say I want you inside me and you split me open with a knife.” end ID]
2. [Image Description: excerpt from a poem reading, “Love, your blood was spilling in cascades and I couldn’t wipe it away, couldn’t clean it up, no, no, my palms turned cups and oh, I gulped.” end ID]
3. [Image Description: a cropped, grainy, black and white movie poster, showing only the bottom corner. The poster shows the lower half of a person’s face, facing the viewer, and a hand in front of them, as if they are pressing on glass. Imposed in front of the person is a large chef’s knife, with blood spatter near the tip. In the lower left side of the poster is typeset reading, “BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD / the most intimate act is... murder!” end ID]
4. [Image Description: excerpt from a paragraph, reading, “He was another knife I could feel it. A different sort, but a knife still. I did not care. I thought: give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for.” end ID]
5. [Image Description: a screenshot of a lyrics page, reading “[Pre-Chorus 2] / Baby, I believe we’re meant to be / You see it too, I know / And if it was up to me, you’d never leave / I’ll make you comfortable, whoa” end ID]
6. [Image Description: a screen shot of a music video, showing a person’s open mouth. They are laying down and much of their face is not in the image, only their nose, mouth and chin. Their mouth is only slightly parted, with their upper teeth visable and on the left side of their mouth, the side closest to the viewer, are several drops of blood. The blood is not dripping, as if it has just hit their mouth moments ago. end ID]
7. [Image Description: a screenshot of a lyrics page, reading, “Everything eats and is eaten / Everything eats and is eaten / Everything eats and is eaten / Everything eats and is eaten / Everything eats and is eaten” end ID]
8. [Image Description: a poem, reading, “I am afraid of you. / in loving me / you hold a knife at my throat. / in loving you / I tell you exactly where to cut. / we are two against the world / yet I still do not trust your hand / in mine, / this is new / and I am terrified.” end ID]
9. [Image Description: a screenshot of a lyrics page, reading, “ [Verse 1] / Split me open / With devotion / You put your hands in / And rip my heart out” end ID]
10. [Image Description: an embroidered depiction of hands holding another hand. The background is a dark, blood red. From the right one pair of hands intertwines with another hand coming from the upper left corner. The hands are hand out of a beige material, and are sewn onto the background with white thread in a backstitch pattern. end ID]
11. [Image Description: an excerpt of a paragraph, reading, “Fear of eating, fear of the edible, fear on the part of the one of them who feels loved, desired, who wants to be loved, desired, who desires to be desired, who knows there is no greater proof of love than the other’s appetite, who is dying to be eaten up, who says or doesn’t say, but who signifies: I beg you, eat me up. Want me down to the marrow. And yet manage it so as to keep me alive. But I often turn about or compromise, because I know that you won’t eat me up, in the end, and I urge you: bite me. / Sign my death with your teeth.” end ID]
12. [Image Description: a screenshot of a lyrics page, reading, “[Verse 1] / There’s a look in your eyes when you’re hungry for me / It’s a beautiful knife cutting right where the fear should be / [Chorus] / Into me / Pang, and I go / Into you / Pang and you go / Into me / Pang, and I go / Into you / Pang and you go / Into me” end ID]
13. [Image Description: a poem, reading, “growing up and saying goodbye: / i’m cleaning blood of my kitchen floor but all i can think about is how you looked as you waved goodbye and maybe if i’d replied a little faster or let you hold me in your arms the world would not have ended and i wouldn’t be sitting here with stained tile sinking into my skin. i love you. i love you. that is one thing i am sure of that is one thing i know above all else i just don’t know if i love you enough. sink your teeth into my wrist and scrape your fingers against my bone and tell me you still need me because everyone is always leaving and the cycle never chcanges and someone is always left behind. / maybe in some other version of the story we find out where we went wrong or maybe there is some version of the story where we never meet at all. growing up is hard. the world gets too big too fast and i’m not 5 years old anymore i’m where i never wanted to be in the first place. there’s an empty space without you here and i don’t want to close my eyes because i can’t keep seeing your face. i hope you’re well. i’m sorry growing up is so hard i’m sorry i didn’t hold your hand tight enough i’m sorry i let you slip away. i hope you find someone that stays and i hope that you’re okay.” The poster of this post has underlined, “ sink your teeth into my wrist and scrape your fingers against my bone and tell me you still need me “ with red. end ID]
14. [Image Description: three consecutive photographs in a line of a woman, with blood coating her arms, facing away from the viewer, pressing against a white wall. In the first image she is standing with her arms stretched above her head, hands pressed against the wall. in the second she sinks to her knees, keeping her hands pressed to the wall. in the third she sinks lower, drawing her hands closer together on the wall. As she sinks the blood on her arms makes red trails against the wall. None of the woman’s face is visible in any of the images. end ID]
15. [Image Description: an excerpt from a poem, reading, “The corruption begins with the mouth, / the tongue, the wanting. / The first poem in the world / is I want to eat.” end ID]
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