#a lot of these ive been putting off for months

[eyebagsanonymous]

Book list

Hey I was bored so I made of a list of every book I own that i still need to read and I thought it'd be fun to share it (Technically #3 & 4 are library books but it's whatever)

The Prince, Niccolo Machiavelli

Hamlet

Sir Callie (1 & 2), Esme Symes-Smith

To hold the Bridge, Garth Nix

Elizabeth: Creature of Circumstance, Hilaire Belloc

Dracula, Bram Stoker

The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mostly Harmless, Douglas Adams

On the Laws of Japanese Painting, Henry P. Dover

Ithaca, Claire North

Lord of the Rings (1, 2, & 3) Tolkein

Life of Pi, Yann Martel

Bad Days in History, Michael Farquar

British Drama: Ten Plays, Various

In the Form of a Question,  Ann Schnider

Heroes, Stephen Fry

The Final Girl Support Group, Grady Hendrix

Little Women, Lousia May Alcott

George Washington and Benedict Arnold, Dave Palmer

The Great Experiment, Strobe Talbott

Readings in the History of Civilization, Gerrit Judd 

#like hell i'll be tagging these lol #books #book list #a lot of these ive been putting off for months

[brunetteaura]

going on a heavy restriction of the use of my phone because its ruining my life and genuinely not letting me do things that i want to do consistently bc they feel too hard. i wont live my best life and evolve if i check my phone first thing in the morning if i dont let myself be in silence for the most part of the day and have my hands free if instead of journaling before sleep i go on tumblr and ruin my sleep schedule due to procrastination of that and so and so. like yeah i get things done but i dont like the pacing and the fact that even an hour of my day is being wasted on this stupid device in a mindless way i really want to put my whole attention into this ive already been asking myself a lot of the times what is it that i wanna do so ive been using my phone way less compared to previous years but i need to be more concentrated more focused and serious about it its genuinely a problem like what sense does it make to want to do something and then do it half assed and lazily. feel/think -> action -> result i will put my heart into things because its what i deserve to give to myself

#ive literally had notifications off for 2 months now i listen to very few hours of music compared to my entire life #but i still struggle because i am in fact on autopilot and until i vigilate myself every single time i log somewhere on my phone its #not going away. im already putting a lot of effort since i realized whats been going on but i just wanted to let it out again #and remind myself and give this kick in the butt that this is whats right and truly healthy #genuinely wonder what my brain would be like if i wasnt introduced to social media since i was 9 years old #📝

[crescentfool]

there continue to be persona characters in my splatoon... shoutout to whoever shadowy hunter akechigoro is you made me laugh while i was playing with my friends...

#lizzy speaks #i ran into adachi way back in dec 2022. ryoji back in 2023 (and identified who the player was). and now... akechi #this is not actually the first time i've ran into an akechi #there's this really good akechi player in salmon run #and i appreciate them a lot... #not to mention all the times my friends have changed their names to yosuke and some variation of narusquami / sqouji... #i think this particular instance was just funny bc im like 'does akechi know that we all like persona.... LOL' #anyway... i still havent played more of reload ive been putting it off because iM SCARED !!!! ryojis going to make me fall over #i hope nice things happen to people this month. yipee!!

[smittyw]

ive been playing a LOT of splatoon lately so i added more lore around my fav splat oc sonas …grahahah..(and cute drawings of them yayy)

i like to operate under an assumption that some mode of convergent & convenient evolution allows for more species (subspecies?) than just inklings and octolings to behave the way they do in ink.

it was fun to think abt the logistics of their squirked up little swimming forms & their weapon mains.. they dont have names bc i forgot i should do that part. i’ll just call em splat nat (short for syngnathid) and jell-Q

#ocs #splatoon #aus #if this post breaks i’ll make a new one idc. but ive been thinkingn abt these guys so much its crazy #i love funny fish!!!!!!! #i love all my au’s a lot!!! but i get shy #so i put off posting this for many months ha ha #id love to develop the splat band more too :-) i’ll get there..

[newtness532]

im so annoyed with everything today, i think i need some tasty food and a million hours of sleep and then I'll be back to normal

#the teacher at the first class today was so dibsjdhdhdhdhsgs 😫 #like she was teaching us things that are like unrelated to the class that shes teaching so idek why she was teaching it #but also its things that we have been learning since the 1st semester and we've done them in at least 10 classes and she was acting like #this was the 1st time we were hearing about it #like oh yeah we're on the 7th semester of studying nutrition but no one bothered to tell us how many calories are in a gram of fat #and she gave us homework 'to see if we know this' like #oh yes i can make a meal plan for a child with crohns or cystic fibrosis or celiac disease or everything else we've done this semester and #all the other semesters but i guess i cant tell you what micronutrients are in this one breakfast meal #like fuck off and stick to what you're supposed to be teaching #anyway i know im getting more annoyed than i should but she was just even more annoying than usual today #like she interrupted the lesson every 5 minutes to yell at someome to be quiet i wasnt even aware there were people talking until she yelled #anyway #also my new earphones aren't working well idk why ive definitely not been mistreating them that much for them to break in less than a month #like i had my old pair for at least 4 years until the broke and i dont think the wire got cut in them like the sound was coming out weird #but there was sound coming out. in the new ones you need to hold them in a very specific angle for sound to come out #and like im careful with how i put them away so what is up with them? #my theory is that they make wired earphones shitty on purpose so that you will spend a lot of money and buy wireless #also we had said from Tuesday that we would hang out with my friends today but i guess they forgot or idk and they made other plans #(to go home and sleep) and during the weekend the one friend wont be here and next week my family will be here so we probably wont hang out #again until next year and we have exams almost immediately so we wont be hanging out much then either #also my period is supposed to come soon and i hope that it will either come today or it will wait until after Christmas #ideally it will never come ever again but we cant always get what we want #anyway im gonna go eat the rest of my μεσογειακό and go take a nap #jo says stuff #personal ramblings

[queenerdloser]

idk if it's just like my own attitude or w/e but it's soooo funny to me how different me & my family are re: making plans for the future. like we were out for mother's day and my sister brought up that we've talked about traveling to italy with our mom (who loves italy but has never been able to go). but our mom is 70 now so like if we want to do it we really have to do it within the next few years before she starts getting too elderly to travel a lot. and there was a lot of hem-hawing and stuff before i was just like. okay let's just do it. a year from now? no? too soon? okay two years from now. we're doing it in early summer to avoid the big summer crowds as much as possible. let's talk to our cousin who literally lived in italy for 20 years to see who she knows we could stay with. i'm going to peek at dates and literally write this down in my calendar and we're going to have planning meetings about it all next year or else.

idk man. my family can really hem-haw around big future plans especially as a group, but i'm very much okay let's do it. i've got a date. i bought the tickets. i'm done thinking about it, time for action.

#liveblogging life #ive noticed this primarily about big future plans lmao #idk my sister would blame it on me being an aries but honestly i think it's just bc i know my brain very well #and if i dont put it down in concrete as soon as i decide to do it i'll wander away and forget about it and it won't get done #also ive been toying with the idea of revisiting europe next year on my own #except my mom brought up that she really wants to go back to norway and i was like oh! i wanted to go there! #and now i'm going to ask her if she'd be up for that trip next may bc i think i could swing a full month off of work #if i ration my pto carefully over the next year bc there's two work holidays during the month i'd go #and do like a week/week and a half w/ my mom and the rest of the time on my own???? #idk man i love planning big international trips they're a lot of fun

[friendlifyre]

i think ive finally hit that point where ive accepted that i need to Allow myself to enjoy genshin more casually otherwise it wont be long before i stop enjoying it altogether

#personal #its taken so long bc when i started the game i skipped through a lot of sidequests just to get the rewards/whatever they unlock #and later on i regretted it bc i was retroactively interested in lore and there was nothing left to do so wished id taken my time w those #and its rly that same reason i held off on doing a ton of content these past few months #telling myself i shouldnt do them until i had the time and attention span to rly absorb everything #but its rly time i let myself just go for it and enjoy what i Want to enjoy and not dwell too much on what i need to skip to achieve that #not just bc i dont think i'll ever go back to being as hyperfixated on genshin as ive been before (and therefore wont regret it) #but also because i dont really... want to #im at a slowly turning point in my life where i want to do other things with it too #and if i want to make room for those other things #i have to accept that i'll never again be one of those players who take the time to fully consume 100% of the content this game puts out #and thats Good #and i wish id realized sooner skgkslg #i rly have a bad tendency to put arbitrary restrictions on myself and forget why i put them there in the first place #like i played sm of totk with a 'no teleporting' rule bc i wanted to rly gove myself an excuse to explore #and it wasnt until recently that i realized id gotten to a point where it was taking away from my enjoyment more than adding to it #and so that it was ok to just discard that rule atp #i need to try being more conscious of that in general bc im realizing its hindering me in weird places irl too

[hella1975]

guys i have my trial shift tomorrow and ive never had it before when im actually bothered about the job in a specific way like in the past it's always been about GETTING a job and not really giving a toss where im working so long as im working but this is a place i actually really really want to work and will bummed if i dont get. like it's right by the river and it's a really upmarket bar kind of scene so hopefully i might even get proper training in that area and it'll be my first non-minimum wage job AND i'll get tips (every other job i've had i dont even SEE my tips bc the managers take it even if it's given directly to me) and the hours will be super good and it's fast-paced and yeah. im not actually stressed so much bc a trial shift is a trial shift and yeah it's hard getting used to a new place but i can waitress in my sleep but i just reallyyyyyyyy want the job

#do NOT get me started on the tip thing my god #because basically one thing about me is that my customer service is IMPECCABLE #idk what it is idk if it's just bc my mum comes from a waitressing background and basically trained me up behind the scenes #or if im just naturally good at it but i can really switch it on for customers #the only time i start slipping is when customers are rude but luckily the jobs ive had so far kind of let me get away with that #bc they hated rude customers as much as me and kinda used my temper as their own buffer to get the customers to fuck off lol #but when customers are behaving i absolute SHINE like im being so arrogant about this bc i know for a fact im good at it #like they used to purposely put me on till/front of house bc i had the best customer service out of all of them #including the middle-aged workers who'd been there longer #and my fave barista once told me that he did a little experiment and compared how many tips we got when i was working #vs when i was away at uni and it was actually RIDICULOUS how much more tips i got us #and you know what? my boss would split the tips every few months (whenever he remembered) and he'd weight them #depending on who did what jobs. despite tips being PURELY bc of customer service and nothing to do with jobs #so the chef who could barely grunt at people would get a bigger share of the tips i almost singlehandedly earnt us than i did #so yeah i know for a fact this place does it differently bc they're a lot more professional #and also ive been going there for years now it's just genuinely a really nice place #wish me luck besties #hella slaves to capitalism

[coloursofaparadox]

hnnnnnnnnnnnmmnn its overshare on the internet o clock

#my shitty ex has sent me a text asking to meet up and talk #and in a predictable move the text itself doesnt actually apologize or acknowledge that she did anything fucked up #it instead says 'we both did some pretty messed up stuff' which. uh. yeah. cool. thanks. #thats like prefacing an apology with 'first of all i still blame you but i guess i couuuldve had something to do with it' #and like. sheesh. my first instinct is to politely say absolutely not jesus christ how do you have the gall to ask me that #i could go my entire life without interacting with you ever again and i would be nothing but better off for it #but. i have not sent that yet. and it has been a while. because i really miss the friend group she....not stole exactly but #because i do not want to be in the same space as her i just. dont get to be around them much any more. #and fuck. i miss my dog so so much. i love lucas too but sarah was the first dog i raised from a baby #and she was just one of those animals that are just. like you love them all but some are different in a way where they're a part of you. #and sarah was mine and she took her from me and ive just barely gotten over it #i dont know if being able to see her again would make it worse or better. #but instinct is telling me to tell her that no theres no chance of us being friends. i need to protect myself and value my own wellbeing. #and that its not that i hate her because i dont but i do intensely dislike the ugly person i realized shes become #and i refuse to continue to let myself be hurt by that without speaking up. #but i still!!! havent!!! said no!!!!! #if i could manage it. and get through a talk with her. and be very clear that im here to attempty just...neutrality and a lack of hostility #and that friendship is not on the table. prep myself on my boundaries and rules for what i will not put up with #and accept that if she does something shitty in response to me keeping myself safe then i have to be prepared to call it off immediately #then. i would see my friends again a lot more often than just one on one every couple months because every group thing involves her #fuck. i dont know. i really really dont want to talk to her ever again but god fucking dammit. #im prepared to move on and rebuild my life and invest in other relationships. i am. ive done it before and slowly built from the ground up. #i can do it again. but it fucking sucks when its most of my irl friends all at once. #idk. idk. i miss my dog so much it hurts but it would be much worse to see her now after how my ex treats her when im not there to stop it #its just something i cant let myself think about or ill just spiral and i cant do that. theres nothing i can do about it. i cant stop it. #fuck.

[beeapocalypse]

worlds freakiest computer girlfriend who tells u to transition over every single problem faced

#kitty. think she had those brief couple of months w the URCR to buddy up w williams and then finds him later on after he+west-- #--defected and is like FUCK YES. the only motherfucker in existence who understands me (williams does not know about the freaky-- #--ghost nature the two share at all) #she was an incredibly tactile person in life and near everybody she interacts w in 'death' (ie the URCR not part of the tiny splinter group #--stranded in space + orbiting wests home planet now) has a chip in their brain which basically imposes sensations on them so she can-- #--keep that up. the chip is such an essential part of how she communicates w ppl (very visual on top of her words) that it feels-- #--impossible to properly convey anything to williams. cannot keep up the perfect ai assistant for very long bc of how jazzed up she is to-- #--have SOMEONE who understands her feelings just a little bit #have been thinking a lot abt sexuality in this thing for the past couple of days. it feels just a Bit too embarrassing trying-- #--to put any of it into words bc i feel like mine entire life ive not been allowed to express and discuss that sort of stuff. rendered-- #--a blank thing by my old friends and now a bit cut off from what feels like humanity as a whole. entirely founded around weird personal-- #--issues but whatever

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 209

Adjective: Voracious

Noun: Churchyard

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Voracious: wanting or devouring great quantities of food; having a very eager approach to an activity

Churchyard: an enclosed area surrounding a church, especially as used for burials

#so a coworker of mine that ive been having quite a few various issues with the past few months seemingly got fired today #(i cant confirm he was fired but between the phrasing of his departure email and him not putting in a two weeks it seems like he was fired) #and it honestly feels like a massive weight has been lifted off of my chest #(despite knowing we still have a long way to go in terms of inclusivity as a whole organisation but im hopeful to make changes with that) #cos i know that our clients (at least legally) are going to be getting the best help possible between me and our other legal advocate #and im hoping that now that his (honestly) oppressive energy is gone the environment at the office will be much nicer to work in #im just worried about potentially getting overwhelmed or incredibly busy cos ill have to take his existing clients #and any new ones needing help in my specific service areas cos im now the only person serving these areas #but ill handle that if it happens #i just feel like i can breathe and that ill feel a lot more comfortable being myself at work #also our supervisor has been out all week while being on vacation so she is gonna come back on monday to a real big surprise #anyway sorry for the rant #but these prompts are lowkey my diary so kind of not sorry #anyhoo back to our regularly scheduled programming #the prompt gives the feeling of the 'churchyard' (whether the church or the cemetery) pulling people or souls or corpses in to feed on #and for me there is the added theme or element of abuse through the word 'churchyard' reminding me of the song of the same name by aurora #there is just a lot to play around with here #definitely more than there appears to be on the surface #aurora #aurora aksnes #aurora music #infections of a different kind #thanks for reading #writing #writer #creative writing #writing prompt #writeblr #trying to be a writeblr at least

[theygender]

I'm doing it. I'm gonna get a fucking hysterectomy

#its something ive talked about half jokingly for years bc the idea of ever being pregnant or giving birth makes me INCREDIBLY dysphoric #so it seems completely fucking pointless to have to go through so much pain and sickness every month for absolutely no reason #this past month where i couldnt get my medication already had me seriously thinking about it tho #bc even if im managing my endometriosis okay with BC i dont want to have to worry about going through hell if i cant fill my prescription #i was looking into the side effects and etc bc i was thinking about asking my doctor about it next time i went in #and the only thing that had me concerned was that a full hysterectomy or oophorectomy sends you into menopause which seems like itd suck #(but smaller surgeries like tube ligations dont actually stop you from having periods) #BUT i was complaining about this at work and one of my coworkers told me she had a hysterectomy for endometriosis #and her doctor gave her a partial hysterectomy so it stops periods and prevents pregnancy but doesnt send you into menopause #and that sounds fucking GREAT honestly so i wanted to ask my doctor about it even more #but now that roe v wade has been overturned? the deal is sealed im getting this hell machine out of me one way or another #im hoping that my doctor will be understanding as a woman herself but if not my coworker said she'll give me her doctors info #and if THAT doesnt work. i just checked out r/childfree and theyve got a list of doctors in my area who are willing to help #i dont want to keep suffering through chronic illness symptoms every month for absolutely no reason #i dont want to run the risk of getting pregnant and having to live through my worst nightmare as someone with dysphoria #AND like my gf just pointed out to me. ive got other health issues that im trying to get sorted out #im chronically underweight and i either have pots or some kind of hypertension. plus a low immune system and etc etc etc #being forced to carry a pregnancy could fucking kill me for all i know. AND i would have to go off of a lot of my meds?? #all this thing does is cause me chronic pain and put my already precarious physical and mental health at risk #im GETTING it fucking taken out #rambling #ive got an appointment with my therapist on tuesday and i think im gonna ask about getting an official diagnosis of gender dysphoria #and im already in the process of getting tested for pots with my primary care doctor #so hopefully those diagnoses combined with my endometriosis will help speed it along... 🙏

[lesbianlenas]

ok in totk which i have over 230 hrs in now btw it’s like. i farmed for 13 diamonds (this was not fun) which took me over 4 hrs to do so that i could fully upgrade the diamond circlet bc it has high defense at 28 and also has increased attack right and i wanted a headpiece that would give me a bonus and also be more than 20 defense…..anyway i did all that & i was so happy and yet 😭 i can never make myself wear it bc i’m like i HAVE to wear the korok mask all the time like i have to. ive already upgraded all my weapons slots and i really don’t need anymore bow or shield slots bc i have enough but i can’t bring myself to not know when there is a korok around. so it’s like i farmed for 4 hrs just so i could wear this diamond circlet for like 2 mins every now and again to fight an enemy and then take it back off. why do i do this to myself 😭

#michelle speaks #i was like in the sky islands before and i was like ok i’m going to take off the korok mask bc there prob isn’t any here #but my brain was like ok but what if tho? and i had to put it back on bc it was bothering me 😭 #there wasn’t any tho lmao………i mean i didn’t really need the circlet on bc i wasn’t really fighting anything #but like i wish i could just put it on and play and whatever. but i’m like NO. i HAVE to know if there’s a korok. #i have been playing an obsessively completionist game i’m like i have to do everything rn…… #going to get the last 3 shrines tomorrow. i think i only have like 20ish caves left to find too…… #also i mapped out the whole depths a month ago lol. ive done all the side adventures ive found so far (a lot) & most of the side quests……. #ive also found almost all the wells….. #if it weren’t for the koroks i would prob 100% the game. and that haunts me……

[vaugarde]

.

#so spike has diabetes and a uti rn and its gonna take a lot of work to keep him stable #we’re not putting him down hes not in pain just needs to be monitored more #but im pissed bc i kept asking my parents to take him to the vet and they kept shrugging me off with ‘’ur too sensitive hes fine’’ #when he’s not eating and literally leaking and barely has any energy. and also lost 18% of weight since may #youd think after he had surgery to remove his eye last year theyd be more alert when something is obviously wrong #so they kept whining abt me ‘’pestering them’’ to call the vet and WHOOPS turns out if he was left alone for as much as they wanted #he wouldve fallen into a diabetic coma. theyre apologetic and saying i was right to pester but im angry #bc now hes been in pain all this time and we literally could have lost him if they insisted on waiting til the next vet visit several months #away #im mad bc theres this but where im shrill and overreactive so no one can take me seriously (which btw applied to my hs trauma bc everyone #insisted i was a sensitive baby and shouldnt care as much. when it was even physical abuse at times.) #and now that line of thinking? just bc it came from me? almost fucking killed my dog. #bc god forbid u take me seriously after ive warned abt multiple things and have been right about like 80% of the time #echoed voice #fuck me i guess my opinion is just so annoying and worthless we can let my dog suffer until theyre just TOO annoyed ig

[lightningfilledsaber]

I can and will make everything about being trans

#mud rambles #thinking abt the tags i put in my last reblog #the concept has been heavily on my mind lately as I just started hormones last week #ive already cut off a lot of my family for being transphobic to me (and for being racist but thats beside the point) #but even with the family i do still have in my life. it's gonna be a big adjustment preiod because i Know theyre still pretending im a girl #all to different degrees but thats something you can feel. and also i found out last month that my mother has my deadname as #my contact number in her phone. after she's bragged to me about having told one of the family members I've cut off how ~easy it is~ to #call me by my correct name #so that combined with my incestual abuser having tried to convince me that i shouldn't medically transition because id no longer be #attractive. it's terrifying to me. it's bringing up these feelings I'd pushed away because i think in the back of my mind i never thought #that i would actually get this far despite all the effort and struggle ive been putting into finally getting to this point #im terrified the very few people i have in my life rn arent going to love me anymore #and i KNOW my partner and my remaining friends are going to be here and stay it's so hard to believe it #especially with obviously all the previous shit i mentioned but with having cut off my literal best friend of 7 fucking years not even a #year ago. because they no longer loved me after i fucking stood up for myself. it's hard #it's hard to trust again and to KEEP trusting the people in my life #idk idk like i said this has been hard for me #im genuinely the happiest ive been in my adult life but it's bittersweet because of everything ive been through to get here #ask to tag #oversharing #abuse mention #abuse ment #mm also... replies are okay but please dont reblog just in case bc tags are now public on posts LMAO

[astroluvr]

could i ask yall for advice? like really quick about this one thing 😭😭 and it's not fic related or anything btw

#me yakking #im putting this in the tags bc yeah lol #but ive only been in a relationship with one guy ever and it was on and off for YEARS and the last time we were together it was the worst #like i wont get into the details but it was just a really bad situation and it was just a lot- too much #we've been broken up for about two months now and ive worked through a good bit but im really scared to date again but now there's someone #who i really like and have known for a while and it's kinda obvious we have feelings for each other and ive beat around the bush w my ex yk #BUT TN! we were hanging out and we kissed and now i just DK where to go from here #idk if i should kinda pursue him and let him know that i want to move slow or let it go and risk losing a good thing #like im so conflicted and i cant really tell my irls for sm reasons so i just wanted some insight y'all might have lol #idk pls help #sorry about this 😭😭