#im terrified the very few people i have in my life rn arent going to love me anymore

[lightningfilledsaber]

I can and will make everything about being trans

#mud rambles #thinking abt the tags i put in my last reblog #the concept has been heavily on my mind lately as I just started hormones last week #ive already cut off a lot of my family for being transphobic to me (and for being racist but thats beside the point) #but even with the family i do still have in my life. it's gonna be a big adjustment preiod because i Know theyre still pretending im a girl #all to different degrees but thats something you can feel. and also i found out last month that my mother has my deadname as #my contact number in her phone. after she's bragged to me about having told one of the family members I've cut off how ~easy it is~ to #call me by my correct name #so that combined with my incestual abuser having tried to convince me that i shouldn't medically transition because id no longer be #attractive. it's terrifying to me. it's bringing up these feelings I'd pushed away because i think in the back of my mind i never thought #that i would actually get this far despite all the effort and struggle ive been putting into finally getting to this point #im terrified the very few people i have in my life rn arent going to love me anymore #and i KNOW my partner and my remaining friends are going to be here and stay it's so hard to believe it #especially with obviously all the previous shit i mentioned but with having cut off my literal best friend of 7 fucking years not even a #year ago. because they no longer loved me after i fucking stood up for myself. it's hard #it's hard to trust again and to KEEP trusting the people in my life #idk idk like i said this has been hard for me #im genuinely the happiest ive been in my adult life but it's bittersweet because of everything ive been through to get here #ask to tag #oversharing #abuse mention #abuse ment #mm also... replies are okay but please dont reblog just in case bc tags are now public on posts LMAO