#a lot of the themes are about family and overall meant to destroy depression by seeing the connection and bonds between the characters | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bee-not-afraid · 2 years

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im bored so here’s a writeup on yakuza game antagonists who Die and how I feel their death fits with the character, narrative, and overarching themes

Nishiki (y1) - I believe Nishiki is the only one on this list who actually wanted to die. By the end of y1, he has nothing - his sister is long dead, he’s forcibly pushed away Kiryu (and Yumi to an extent), he’s caused the death of his father figure and the woman that loved him, Kashiwagi had long ago abandoned him - every single social connection and support that Nishiki had in y0 has been systematically destroyed, largely by his own hand. It doesn’t start by his own hand - he obviously never meant to lose his sister, and I don’t think he really wanted Kashiwagi and Kazama against him. But after it happened anyway, he basically goes full fuck it and torpedoes every other relationship he has, deciding that power is the only thing worth living for now. But this lust for power isn’t new. Nishiki had always wanted to advance, climb the ranks, and become someone important - he just wanted to do it (at least partly) for the sake of others, or with the help of others. The only thing that truly changes (besides the murder) is that he resolves to gain power by himself, and only for himself. What also isn’t new is his pride. This is also an established fact about him in y0, it’s just again a bit more softened and able to be tempered by his loved ones. What does this mean in terms of his death? It means that, at the time Nishiki stands next to the bomb in the Millennium Tower, he has no one supporting him and nothing left to his name except his own pride. He sees the damage he’s done, and he regrets(?) it, but I don’t think he wants redemption. He knows Kiryu would accept him with open arms, he knows he could potentially go serve his time, or find some of other way to atone - but then he’s only stuck in Kiryu’s shadow again. His pride prevents him from accepting this outcome, so he chooses death. Of course I want him to live anyway, because I like Nishiki, but his death felt appropriate to his character. It also matches the overall tone of y1, because holy fuck a lot of people die in that game. And all that death also helps set up Kiryu for the next game, because half of what he does in y2 only makes sense if he’s actively depressed and suicidal as fuck.

Ryuji (y2) - Ryuji’s death is mostly pointless but kinda funny, which also sums up y2 as a whole. He probably could’ve lived if he and Kiryu had simply left Kamurocho Hills instead of staying to duke it out, but they have to fight because, uh, dragons are territorial? I guess? This is where “half of what Kiryu does in y2 only makes sense if he’s actively depressed and suicidal as fuck” comes into play. So there’s Kiryu’s motivation, but what’s Ryuji’s? You would think, given that he’s just discovered he really does have a family that cares about him (y’know, the thing he’s been secretly yearning for all this time) he would abandon or at least postpone the “only one dragon” nonsense in favor of getting to know his sister, but you’d be wrong, apparently! This could also be a case of pride getting in the way and forcing him to “see things through,” but we see so little of Ryuji, and most of the complexity of his character is shoved into the finale, so it’s hard to judge. So he dies because it’s a good way to finish off the “so absurd it’s hilarious” thing y2 has going on, and because a real man oughtta be a little stupid. Boy, it’s a good thing Dead Souls is canon.

Mine (y3) - Mine. Here is the point where I went “oh this series just has this problem I see.” This is the first major villain death that left me like “????? why tho?” But! I can see why Mine might choose death from a character standpoint (from a narrative standpoint it’s still stupid). For this one we have to delve into the Minedai relationship, so sorry if that’s not your speed. Mine’s motivation, as it is revealed in the finale, is simply to have a meaningful connection with someone. He gets this in the form of Daigo, and by all accounts he’s happy with it and he's genuinely loyal and well-meaning as far as Daigo is concerned. But I think there must be a part of him, somewhere in a back corner or his mind, that’s telling him this can’t last. He went his whole life without it, and then he suddenly got it, and it was everything he wanted, but he was also scared. Change, even when we want it and actively seek it out, is still scary, and I think part of Mine was always scared that he would lose Daigo somehow, and was preparing for that eventuality. (I do this too lol so maybe this is just projection) So then when something does happen to Daigo, Mine immediately jumps to “I was right, this couldn’t last” and just as quickly turns on the Tojo clan and everything Daigo was trying to achieve. Because he’d been so prepared to lose Daigo, he jumps at the first little setback and takes it as a sign that everything is over. (Mine is a bit emotionally stunted due to never having friends or other meaningful relationships, and he seems a little prone to catastrophizing as well.) Of course this is a major overreaction and Daigo wakes up a few days later. Mine then realizes he’s had a massive overreaction, and that he’s left a huge fucking mess for Daigo, and kills himself out of an overwhelming sense of shame and a twisted but genuine desire to make some things up to Daigo. So I think Mine’s death can be justified well enough from a character perspective, but as I said earlier it’s still a stupid narrative decision. Unlike Nishiki, this isn’t a fatal flaw. And unlike Ryuji, it isn’t funny. So what’s the message here? Redemption is only through death? Emotionally stunted men can’t have relationships? Therapy is bad, just jump off the roof? I fully believe Mine would have been fine if Daigo just took him to all his court-mandated therapy sessions. But I guess that’s too messy for RGGS!

Munakata (y4) - Kills himself to escape the consequences of his actions. Typical cop. Whatever.

DD (dead souls) - haha get fucked

Masato (y7/ylad) - THE most unfitting and blatantly insulting death in the entire series. All the parallels to Nishiki are there: the killing or pushing away of the loved ones, the pursuit of power for it’s own sake, the inferiority complex. But Ichiban is not Kiryu. Ichiban understands the importance of a support network and gathers friends rather than push them away. Ichiban will do anything to help his brother, and places this concern above all others. And Masato is not Nishiki. He lacks the vicious pride. Masato is ready to beg and grovel for forgiveness, to take the hand that reaches out for him, to live in a shadow. And then he fucking dies anyway!!!!!! WHAT is the point of the parallel if the outcome is the fucking same!!!!!!!!!! RGG had a good run of antagonists not dying - y5, ishin, y0, y6 - and then they pull this shit????? Have you learned nothing, RGGS??????? No, fuck a thematically appropriate ending! Redemption is only through death and therapy is bad, so just jump off that roof kids!

Final Definitive Ranking (most to least fitting death)

1. DD (lol) 2. Munakata 3. Nishiki 4. Ryuji 5. Mine 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Masato

#yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #meta #yakuza meta #a kiss for you if you actually read all this #i havent played any of these games in a while so let me know if ive misremembered anything

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demenior · 3 years

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Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons:

I love talking about my own work and

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories.

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God.

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’.

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency.

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics.

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression.

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question.

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”.

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish?

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance!

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired).

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc.

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years.

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did.

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.)

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]

#the love it takes series #to exist again fic #to become a man fic #dem speaks

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wehavethoughts · 3 years

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Jingle Jangle Review!

Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey David E. Talbert (2020) Netflix Original Movie Fantasy, Holiday, Musical, Children’s Movie

Rating: 5/5 Waves

“I think it’s time for a new story.” – Journey

This review CONTAINS spoilers for Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey

Summary: Jeronicus Jangle is a genius toymaker who has everything he’s ever wanted until betrayal and tragedy strike and rip away his magic and inspiration. Jingle Jangle follows his journey with his bright, spunky granddaughter to finding his way out of darkness and towards family, love and inspiration.

No content warnings apply for Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey

Last year was a mess and 2021 is already on thin ice, but one of the best things to happen to me this season was my girlfriend sitting me down and convincing me to watch Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey. While the trailer looked fun, especially since it was a musical Christmas story featuring a primarily black cast, I hadn’t prioritized watching it. I tend to feel that everything has already been made when it comes to Christmas movies and I don’t want or need another retelling of the same stories. If I need a bump of Christmas spirit around the holidays, I indulge in a classic and move on. Fortunately for me, she wanted to watch it and we needed a Christmas Eve movie.

I loved so much about this movie that I could write tens of thousands of words singing its praises, but I wouldn’t do that to you, so I will narrow my praises to the most important parts of this movie to me. At the top of the list is just how good this movie looks.

Jingle Jangle is one of the most visually appealing movies I’ve ever seen. From the set to the costumes to the choreography, every single shot of this movie was pleasing to the eye. The clothing was sharp and colorful in a way that I expected to get on my nerves, but it ended up stunning. Costume designer Michael Wilkinson described the fashion as “Afro Victorian”. The characters’ hairstyles are another part of the costuming that stood out. They were creative and fun while also adding dimension to the characters’ looks. And let me just take a minute to personally thank the creators of Jingle Jangle for allowing all of these black characters to have natural hair. I have never seen that in a movie and it almost made me cry. Both the clothing and the hairstyles mirrored the characters’ arcs and added depth to the narrative.

The beauty of this movie can mostly be attributed to its fabulous designers, but I also want to point out that everything looked and felt fabulously expensive. I could not find the budget of Jingle Jangle in USD, but with every set piece, CGI shot, song and outfit you could tell that someone who loved this project spent a whole lot of money on it. It is refreshing to see a story like this getting the financial backing to do it properly.

The visuals were so stunning, in fact, that even if the actual story had been terrible, I would still have been happy to just sit and watch it on mute. Fortunately, Jingle Jangle’s story was phenomenal; heartwarming and inspiring with just enough humor to keep it light without feeling overly juvenile. It also had such meaningful emotional themes that I cried at least three times (in a good way).

The emotional core of this movie is the relationship between Jeronicus and his granddaughter Journey. Jeronicus is a grumpy, disillusioned inventor who abandoned his aspirations after achieving his dreams lead to nothing but betrayal and heartache. Journey is a bright, talented child who wants to learn from her brilliant grandfather, but she realizes she has to reignite his belief in himself first. The story centers around belief in the impossible, like most Christmas stories, but instead of asking the audience to believe in something like Santa Claus, Jingle Jangle reminds the audience to believe in themselves and their own abilities. Personally, I’ve never felt more inspired than when a small child belted about how “The square root of impossible is me!” The story digs into how depression can destroy a person’s creativity and inspiration and sometimes what we need is other people believing in us so we can be reminded to believe in ourselves.

My whole deal is reviewing fantasy though, so I feel like I should mention magic. Like most things in the movie it is very pretty to look at. When Jeronicus and Journey use their magic it is glittery, dazzling and very obviously a metaphor for imagination and creativity. Personally, these characters could have probably just have been very smart, but having a visual to see them thinking in new and exciting ways was nice. Math-but-its-glowing as a magic system is not something I’ve seen much of recently, but I know just enough math words to delight in what is coming out of these character’s mouths when they talk about their inventions. This might be a difficult movie for haters of math or people who study it for a living. If hearing characters say things like, “Belief! It collapsed the wave function.” and “Take the circumference of spectacular, divided by the second derivative of sensational…” is a deal breaker for you, then maybe skip this movie.

Also, I should note that this movie is a musical. This came as a surprise to us the first time we watched it, but luckily we love musicals. The first time the music swelled and Jeronicus started singing we were swept away by the magic of the moment, delightfully surprised and in awe of the musical talent. Every single song in this movie is energetic, fun and refreshingly Black. Director David E. Talbert said that he was inspired by southern soul and gospel music as well as Afrobeat and other primarily black genres. The mix of inspiration creates joyful and fresh new songs for the holiday season.

As a whole this movie got my highest rating because the things I love about it outweigh the flaws. That being said, there are a couple pieces of the story that either didn’t make sense or it feels like they did not think all the way through. First of all, the main conflict revolves around the villain Don Juan, a toy matador who has been given sentience through Jeronicus’s miraculous inventions, not wanting to be mass produced. While the story tries to convince us that the conflict revolves around Don Juan’s narcissism, if you think about this plot point too hard you realize that our protagonist plans to mass produce and sell his creations that are clearly alive and intelligent. Obviously the movie doesn’t dig into the ethics of this, since Don Juan is more concerned about not being one-of-a-kind rather than worried that he is going to be bought and sold as a commodity, but it is a concerning angle that implies some very uncomfortable things about this universe.

Another piece that I found falls apart when you think about it too hard is the framing of the story within a story. Jingle Jangle is told a bedtime story being read by a grandmother to her grandchild (similar to the Princess Bride). The first scenes introduce us to a couple of cute kids who ask their grandmother for a Christmas story and in opening the book we get some spectacular CGI and animation to introduce us to Jeronicus’s world. While there is nothing inherently wrong with this method of storytelling, I found it to be unnecessary since the children listening to the story and the grandmother don’t add much as independent characters. Unfortunately, the story seemed to feel the need to justify these characters’ existence and so in a big reveal at the end we discover that the grandmother is Journey, Jeronicus’s granddaughter.

While seeing Journey with her grandchildren is cute, it leads to questions that I personally did not need to have at the end of this otherwise tied up narrative. For example, the children seem to have never heard of Jeronicus Jangle, Don Juan or Buddy 3000 (another important toy character), yet we are meant to believe that Jeronicus’s story happened in the universe that the children live in? Why wouldn’t they know stories about their rich and famous great-great-grandfather? Why had they never heard of Jeronicus Jangle when it is implied that the toys they have grown up with would have been his or his family’s inventions? By making the children related to the people in the story, the writers distracted me from Jeronicus and Journey whose story is much more interesting and heartwarming. Jingle Jangle is a movie that asks me to think and reflect, so I don’t feel bad poking holes in the story, but I don’t love that they left me hanging with all these questions.

Additionally, there are also some things that I wish the writers hadn’t included in the movie at all. For example, they fridged Jeronicus’s wife almost immediately which was completely unnecessary and I hated to see that in a movie that got so many other things right. Also, having the only obviously Hispanic character (Don Juan Diego) be the villain in such a cartoon-y way left a bad taste in my mouth.

But Jingle Jangle still got my highest rating because as the sum of its parts, it was a fantastic story and I am so glad I got the chance to watch it. My very favorite part of this movie that has stuck with me even weeks after my first viewing is the relationship between Jeronicus and his family. There are sections of this movie where Jeronicus falls into the stereotypical absentee black father trope, but this story allows his character space to talk about what he did wrong, how he is hurting and Jeronicus learns to do better which is so important. I love the current trend in movies where parents apologize to their children because that can be such a healing experience and Jingle Jangle gives us that, but additionally, it makes the parent work for it and prove to their child that they are healing themselves. It offers hope to children struggling through painful situations like this and give parents an example of how they might be able to fix what they broke.

Overall, Jingle Jangle left me with a feeling of joy and contentment while inspiring me to remember what I used to love and rethink my self-imposed limits. The core message of this movie is a reminder that sometimes our lack of belief in our own skills is enough to stop us from achieving our dreams. Jingle Jangle reminds us to believe in our own capacity and lift each other up even when times are difficult. I don’t know if this movie will become a classic in the general consciousness, but it will certainly become a tradition in my family.

~TideMod

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hag-lad · 4 years

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Digging Deeper

Thank you to my radiant wonderful friend @alienfuckeronmain for sending me EXACTLY the type of self indulgent wind-down activity I wanted on this otherwise depressing weekend! If anyone else wants to answer FORTY-NINE QUESTIONS about themselves, I’m super nosy and will read it all! @fight-the-seether @ptolemyofchaos @butchwizard @metalbutch @nyndelion @comrade-ziltoid @leatherdear @kristalknobb Enjoy, friends!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? I prefer black, but I always feel like I write neater in blue??

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? The city, but only if it has breathable air, green infrastructure, and decent public transit. So like... definitely no city in America lmao

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? The ability to quickly become fluent in another language! I’ve been struggling with Spanish for literal YEARS and it’s honestly pathetic. My brain is so stuck on English.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Look pal. If I wanna drink sugar, I’m gonna have a soda, not herb water or bean juice.

5. What was your favorite book as a child? I was OBSESSED with The Wish List, by Eoin Colfer (of Artemis Fowl fame). I remember being so fascinated by how dark it was?? It’s an afterlife adventure, where the main character has to escape purgatory by atoning for her crimes of robbery and fraud and whatever. I had a crush on her, so basically this book made me want to pursue a life of crime, even though it explicitly condemns crime and depicts Hell as a very real and horrible place. I was in like fourth grade and was super morbidly curious about Hell and the possibility of going there! Lol

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Baths... but only when I’m not actually dirty going in. A bath is leisure, not hygiene.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? 100% fae! I would build my dwelling within a sidhe mound, steal shiny things in the middle of the night, make bastardly little contracts for no reason, and cause harmless mayhem and mischief because mortals really are fools (go off, robin goodfellow!) Also I love mushroom circles and dancing in the moonlight.

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper all the way! I read much more content electronically, but it’s usually in the short story or article format. Books are much better in print, I think.

9. What is your favorite item of clothing? Probably my rust-brown overalls.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I’ve always hated my name but no alternative has ever stuck, unfortunately. My name is Amy, and I don’t think it fits at all. If I knew I’d never have to correct anyone on it, I’d probably just change it to Amelia?

11. Who is a mentor to you? My little brother! He’s this genius musician, and he has taught me so much about song structure, polyrhythms, guitar technique, production tricks, all kinds of trivia that really deepen my appreciation for music and the LABOR that goes into it.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? No, never, not for anything. I cherish my anonimity so much, I don’t even put searchable tags on this blog cuz I get an adrenaline spike from anxiety if too many people interact with me. I also just think fame is a fucking hideous construct. I don’t think it’s even slightly cool or desirable.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? No, I’m a fucking log. I can easily sleep for 12 hours straight. Thanks, depression!

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? No, actually. I’m very much in love, and it brings me lots of joy to do nice things with and for my partner! But romance feels very difficult for me to connect with. I’m super domestic, like, I love the idea of marriage but not necessarily a wedding, or a moonstruck romance or whatever. Those dramatic gestures feel very awkward for me.

15. Which element best represents you? EARTH. Specifically, like... dirt, or soil.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? I want to be geographically closer to my family. We’re thick as thieves, but we all live like 50 miles apart from each other. I miss my brothers and my parents so much, I feel so incomplete and depressed without them to hang out with, especially since quarantine.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? See above! Lol

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. When my little brother was a baby, he had this grey car seat with a folding mechanism which held his legs in place. It made a very satisfying clicking sound when the mechanism moved, AND when it was fully unfolded, it looked a lot like a Klingon battle cruiser. (Or so my five year old brain thought.) So! My older brother and I would take this seat out of the car CONSTANTLY so that we could unfold it and “sing” the Klingon theme music from Star Trek: The Motion Picture while we scooched our car seat battle cruiser across the living room floor, pretending to shoot phasers into the TV or the dining table or whatever else got in our way.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Gifilte fish, maybe?

20. What are you most thankful for? My family, including my wonderful partner and all the cats in our lives!

21. Do you like spicy food? Yes! But my tolerance for extreme spice decreases every year, unfortunately. So I can’t handle as much heat as I used to, but I do enjoy a good kick.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? Lmaooo I made the regretful decision to PAY FOR a meet&greet with Fall Out Boy in like 2006, which was so fucking awkward and painful, I vowed to never approach that level of lame again.

23. Do you keep a diary or a journal? TONS! I’m an obsessive record keeper. Some years I journal more than others, and I’ve found that it is super difficult to keep up with it while working full time. But it’s absolutely one of my favorite hobbies.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or pencil? Pen for writing. Pencil for drawing, and math.

25. What is your star sign? Virgo sun, Aquarius moon, Scorpio rising 🙃

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Crunchy! A shallow bath in that milk is key.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? My artwork. I go through these aesthetic phases every year that I become super obsessed with/ focused on, and I’ve always meant to catalogue them in annual art journals, but I’ve NEVER FINISHED ONE! They always get pushed aside by the need to work, and I hate that so much. If I could just take a year off work and backfill all of my missed concepts into completed books, I would be so happy. But I literally have NO WAY to pay for that, absolutely none. I fucking hate capitalism.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I love to read, but finishing a whole book has been A STRUGGLE lately! Right now I’m chipping away at Tending Brigid’s Flame, which is a quaint lil devotional for the Celtic fire goddess. Very new agey, like cheesy Wiccan vibes. I love that shit!

29. How do you show someone you love them? Quality time!

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Only if I have a straw. Ice touching my teeth kinda makes me wince.

31. What are you afraid of? Incompetance, doing a bad job, letting someone down, taking up too much space, being a nussiance, etc

32. What is your favourite scent? Incense! Especially cinnamon, dragon’s blood, and amber.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? I always call people, regardless of age, by the name they ask me to use. Sometimes it’s a surname or title, usually it’s a first name. I’ll ask their preference if I’m unsure. But I definitely don’t default toward a surname, that’s weird.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY!!!!!! The need for money rules literally every single hour of my entire life, and I hate it so much. I’m naturally nocturnal, but my job requires me to get up super early and sit in a car for 11 hours a day. I wake up at 5am, come home front work at 5pm, spend an hour or two trying to unwind, then go to bed and do it all over again. I hate my life! Really! I never see the stars, I never exercise, I am completely exhausted and burnt out all the time, and I barely get any quality time with my partner. If money were no object, I would sleep til noon or 1, make art and hike all day, ride my bike and stargaze all night, stay up til 4am reading and playing with my cats, and sleep like a baby. My partner and I would cook dinner for each other and watch Star Trek and collaborate on art projects and I would be so happy.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Here’s my hierarchy: Private pool > ocean > public pool

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? I’d look around to see if anyone obviously dropped it and try to give it back. If I couldn’t find anyone, I’d exchange it for dollars and deposit that shit into my account!

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Of course!! Hundreds!

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? America is evil and needs to be destroyed.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? Lmao this is so cute. If you HAD TO HAVE a tattoo! I really wanna finish my damn sleeves, they’re literally 9 years in the making and barely half finished. But I’d also love more art on my legs! I DESPERATELY want Ziltoid in a lacy valentine heart on my thigh.

40. What can you hear now? Our fish tank water bubbling and my fan on full blast.

41. Where do you feel the safest? Home alone, doors locked, windows covered, lights low. I absolutely LOVE to not be seen or perceived in any way.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My fear of discomfort

43. If you could time travel to another era, which one would you choose? I feel like I’d want to be a teen in the 80’s and an adult in the 90’s. Does time travel work that way?

44. What is your most used emoji? 😭 or 😎

45. Describe yourself using one word. Defeated

46. What do you regret the most? Convincing myself that math was too hard or boring (or something?) when I was in middle school. I feel like I’m actually a pretty intelligent person who could’ve totally overcome that difficulty and gone on to understand all kinds of patterns and concepts which have eluded me to this day! It’s so frustrating to try and fight that formative self-concept, which now comes naturally but ultimately sabotages me. 💀

47. Last movie you saw? I made my partner watch Troop Beverly Hills, one of my childhood faves. It’s so fun! I love chick flicks so much.

48. Last tv show you watched? Deep Space Nine. Getting through the first season has been harder than expected. It’s actually my favorite Star Trek show?? (Orrrr maybe that’s TNG, ahh! It’s so hard to choose!) But season one is so baffling and awful! Why is there so much space capitalism??! And racism? And war? And drinking alcoholic beverages? #notmystartrek

49. Invent a word and its meaning. I used to call a single strand of curly hair a “curly quink” when I was a child. Therefore, a “quink” is a section of hair, usually a particularly cute or iconic one.

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gillzilla · 4 years

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A Treatise on the aTROSity, Including How Hope Came to Me in the Form of The Lego Movie 2, Knives Out, and Little Women

I will start out by saying that I have never made a real, detailed post on Tumblr, mainly because social media kind of scares me. But the Reylo community's amazing kindness, strength, openness, and willingness to speak the truth in their writing over the last week and a half is honestly what has gotten me through the heartbreak and depression caused by the stabbing in the chest that was this movie. I am one of the people who loves Kylo/Ben Solo because I have mental health conditions and an abuse/trauma history within my family, which is also why the holidays are hard for me, so a big thanks to the people in charge of the story for TROS for making it even harder this year. After a week and a half of legitimate mourning for the butchering of the themes of Star Wars and of all the characters, but particularly the sequel trilogy characters, I am ready to add my two cents to all that has already been written about this movie.

First off, I have not been a Star Wars fan for my whole life. My parents tried to introduce me to the original trilogy as a kid by taking me to see A New Hope in the movie theater for the 20th anniversary screening in 1997. I fell asleep for most of it and was terrified by the trash compactor scene, so you could say the movie did not resonate with me. It actually wasn't until Phantom Menace came out that I started to get attached to Star Wars. So many older fans love to shit on that movie, and it certainly has many flaws, but a lot of us who were around the same age as Anakin when that movie came out and are now adults have started to speak up about how the movie was a gateway into Star Wars for us. Anakin gave me a window into the Star Wars universe that I could understand and relate to. I could relate to Anakin being a kind-hearted kid who wanted to help others and just wanted adults he could look up to, and I liked the podracing scenes. As with every single other sci-fi/fantasy hero's journey story that I loved as a kid, I empathized with and related to a male hero. Now, the wooden dialogue/acting/directing of Attack of the Clones and the tragic ending of Revenge of the Sith that left me so emotionally devastated that I vividly remember calling my friend to tell her I was so depressed I couldn't focus on studying for my eighth grade English final, kind of took me out of Star Wars again. There had been a spark there, but at that point I figured, eh, I guess it's not really for me after all.

I didn't rediscover Star Wars until the end of the first semester of my freshman year of college. This was a very difficult time in my life, as I was in what I would now consider to be a mental health crisis that unfortunately lasted for five years because I was too ashamed and uneducated about mental health to seek out help. I was very, very lonely during that time. It was close to finals week and I was sick, so as I sat in my dorm room I decided, why not pop in those DVDs of the original trilogy that I got at Costco last month. After watching them, I remember thinking, "Why have I not been watching these my whole life???" The original trilogy hooked me after that point and I started watching the movies every year around Christmas in commemoration of my rediscovery of them.

I was just as surprised as anyone when I found out that Disney bought Lucasfilm and that they were going to make a sequel trilogy. I had thought there would never be any more Star Wars, so I was overjoyed, though tentative, because I knew that though I loved Star Wars, it also had a tendency to make missteps that were somewhat endemic to sci-fi/fantasy hero's journey stories, such as poorly written dialogue, emphasis on ridiculous plot points that took away from the deeper overall themes, lack of diverse characters, and objectification/misogyny against female characters (I do not like watching Return of the Jedi because I hate, HATE the Jabba's palace stuff for what they did to Leia, honestly they gave Leia nothing interesting to do in that whole movie basically, but that's a whole nother essay).

So I went into The Force Awakens not really knowing what to expect. But oh my god, was I blown away. I am not lying when I say that I cried for at least an hour after the scene where Rey and Kylo are both reaching out for the legacy saber and it goes to Rey as the music swells, oh my god. I FINALLY realized what it meant to feel seen in the stories that I loved. My whole life I had been attached to and empathizing with male heroes, because they were pretty much the only heroes out there. To see Rey as this amazing female heroine who was not objectified and was a compelling character with an intriguing backstory that I related to as a child with a trauma history who often grew up feeling lonely, and to see that she was going to be the main Jedi in this new trilogy, I was overjoyed. It gave me hope. And then, on top of that, we got Adam Driver. Need I say any more. So many people have written about what an absolutely incredible actor Adam is, and I swear he is the only actor who could have pulled off the role of Kylo/Ben. The first time I saw TFA I didn't catch all the nuances of the character and his dynamic with Rey, but something about him really intrigued me (and made me want to watch everything Adam had ever been in). My love for TFA led me to start investing time in the online Star Wars fandom, which I never considered myself to be a part of previously, as the fandom had always reeked of being a "no girls allowed" type of zone. I found out about amazing, female-led podcasts that I started listening to every week and whose hosts I value just as much as my friends. I also started following the Reylo fandom on Tumblr. Learning more about the mythology behind the sequel trilogy, including how the creators were writing Rey's story as a heroine's journey and her and Kylo/Ben as dual protagonists, added so much to my understanding of what was going on in the storytelling and gave me the words to describe why I was connecting with these stories so much. I can honestly say that Star Wars and the Reylo fandom generally have been instrumental in helping me to get through the last four years, which have been a very difficult and isolating period in my life.

And now I'm up to TROS. As so many have said, the vast majority of it is a steaming pile of trash. People have done such an amazing job of breaking down why this story and how it treated its characters and retconned the beautiful story and themes that Rian gave us in TLJ was so painful for us. Many have pointed out that this movie is a result of catering to the most toxic portion of the Star Wars fandom, the "dudebros." Going further, I want to state that, whether consciously or not on the part of the cis, straight, white, male writers/director/CEO of Disney, this movie is a reassertion of masculinist ideologies. I want to clarify that when I talk about "masculinist" vs. feminist ideologies, I am talking about how our society and culture defines "masculine" vs. "feminine" ideas, traits, etc. Gender has nothing to with biological determinism and is socially and culturally constructed. Masculinist ideologies include beliefs such as extreme individualism, competition, "us vs. them" dichotomies, and power and value being defined based on hierarchy, which necessitates the use of violence to perpetuate the hierarchy. Feminist ideologies include valuing community and collaboration, connection and empathy, the idea that every person has inherent worth regardless of their productivity, actions, mistakes, class, race, sexuality, etc., respect for all people, and an abolishing of hierarchies. Masculinist ideologies are those of the white supremacist hetero-patriarchy, which, as we can see playing out in various ways all over the world, has been rearing its head in a very obvious and ugly fashion the past few years (though of course it has been around for wayyyyy longer than that).

Anyone who has been reading the fantastic analyses of TROS by those in the Reylo community can likely see how TLJ and even the story as it was set up in TFA were communicating feminist ideologies. One big example of this is Kylo Ren/Ben himself as a character. As so many have eloquently described, this is a complex character that commits atrocities, but is shown to be a victim of immense abuse and trauma that was failed by everyone in his family when he needed them most. This is a character that, had he been able to have the full and well-written redemption arc that he deserved, would have had an extremely moving story of how toxic masculinity and masculinist ideology is destroying boys and men by keeping them from being full people who can express all of their emotions, be vulnerable, and be open to love and connection. Reylo resonates so much with me not because it is about Rey supposedly doing all the work to change Kylo in some sort of toxic, co-dependent way, but because Rey and Kylo/Ben were always equals to each other. They both pushed each other to be better, more whole people. The wonderful work that folks have put into analyzing the mythology behind the feminine and masculine symbolism in TFA and TLJ (again, to clarify, "masculine" and "feminine" being culturally defined terms), and even the more obvious original goal of the sequel trilogy for the force to finally be balanced by Rey and Ben themselves becoming balanced between dark and light all relate to these gender issues. Balancing the dark and light sides of the force is also about balancing the "masculine" and "feminine" aspects within themselves.

This is a beautiful message that has so many real world implications. In our world, for lack of a better term, everything "feminine" is basically shat on. Patriarchy hates anything "feminine." This is how sexism plays out, but it also has to do with the ideologies that we believe in, down to our basic understandings of empathy and whether or not people have inherent value. The world would certainly be a better place if the "masculine" and "feminine" were better balanced, specifically if "feminine," and feminist, ideologies were more valued. This is what makes TROS feel like a stab directly in the heart. This was a trilogy that clearly did have feminist messages, regardless of DLF's bullshitting about Star Wars being "for everyone." Star Wars has always been progressive, the original trilogy is about rebels taking on fascists for god's sake. DLF's pandering to the most toxic part of the fandom for TROS is therefore representative of a much larger cultural, social, and political battle that is going on around the world right now. We are at a turning point for humanity in which we are starting to face the devastation that has occurred due to masculinist ideologies being the most highly regarded and utilized by those in power, but those in power are also trying to maintain their power by strongly reasserting those ideologies. So I would argue that this is not just about one movie that I and many other people didn't like. This movie is a small representation of a much larger battle that we're fighting.

Now, that reassertion of masculinist ideology that was the stabbing in the heart of watching TROS has made me super, duper depressed for the past week or so because, as others have pointed out, it communicated to me that no matter how hard we fight, the white supremacist hetero-patriarchy will reassert itself and win in the end. It even re-triggered the pain I've felt over the past few years since our current president came into office in the U.S. However, as I near the end of this long treatise I would like to share the stories that gave me hope over these past few days. I re-watched The Lego Movie 2 the other day, and that story gave me hope. The "bad guy" in that story is a literal embodiment of toxic masculinity/masculinist ideology, and it ends with the male hero realizing that he doesn't need to sacrifice his humanity and connections to other people to be a hero, or even just to be a man. How to Train Your Dragon 3 also told a story about a male hero/leader that rejects masculinist ideology. Additionally, I was given hope by Rian's amazing movie, Knives Out, which I went to see solely because people on Tumblr recommended it (thank you folks!). Rian had a clear theme and vision for this story that was about exposing and dissecting what I would call "toxic whiteness," and what it does to a family and those around them. And lastly, I saw Greta Gerwig's incredible adaptation of Little Women today, and that gave me hope because one of its main themes is about the struggle that (cis, heterosexual) women have in asserting themselves as full humans with talents, dreams and goals for their lives outside of being in romantic relationships, but also wanting to have romantic relationships at the same time. As has been said by so many, "STRONG" WOMEN CAN FALL IN LOVE AND HAVE ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Feminism is about giving all people the chance to be fully human, and for heterosexual women that includes being able to have a relationship with a man and still be valued and respected for everything that we are outside of that relationship. The above mentioned stories, and others (She-Ra, Dragon Prince, AtLA & Legend of Korra, I'm sure there are others) give me hope that there are creators out there that are communicating feminist themes, even in big-budget movies that lots of people go to see. We need more of this. Tied to this is that THE HEROINE'S JOURNEY OF THE SEQUEL TRILOGY SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN/DIRECTED BY A WOMAN/WOMEN. Folks, we need the opportunities to tell our own stories. All of the diverse folks out there, if you are a creator, please keep on creating! We need you out there and we value all of the beautiful, integral work that you do!

So in sum, I'm not going to let what happened with TROS ruin my love of Star Wars or of the sequel trilogy. The story belongs to the fans now, and there are so many of us out there to care for it. You better be sure that I will never stop speaking up about how wronged we were by TROS, that is the hill I will die on. But I am not giving up hope and I hope that you will also join me in not giving up hope. As Poe stated so well in TLJ (with one minor adjustment), "We are the spark that will light the fire that will burn the [patriarchy] down." End of treatise.

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shsl-mothy · 7 years

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45 Character Dev Q’s

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1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

Yuka technically has/will have 2 sisters in-law’s after she is married to her fiance, Kazuo Yamamoto. One sister is named Akako Yamamoto- she and Yuka do not get along at all. In fact, Akako is the one responsible for a majority of Yuka’s bullying as she grew up. The other sister, Shiro Kamiya, was adopted into the Yamamoto family in some not-so-nice ways. Yuka has never been allowed to speak to Shiro, but she doesn’t particularly dislike Shiro either.

2.What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Yuka’s relationship with her mother is incredibly close. Her mother is the one who got Yuka interested in insects in the first place, and was the one who encouraged Yuka to study entomology if con-artistry wasn’t what she wanted. Yuka was originally supposed to get into the Kagome clan’s business in crime, however due to her horrid health and waning interest in such things, her mother pulled some strings for her daughter so that Yuka could just study and live as she liked. Her and her mother are inseparable- it is a very loving relationship.

3.What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Yuka is also very close with her father. Yuka sees him less as his work as a hitman is very sticky work and he has to put that before his family, however Yuka is a total daddy’s girl. She loves her father very much- and he would do anything for his daughter. He’s viciously protective of her, to the point of where he would kill for her in a heartbeat if that meant she was safe. He’s also the one responsible for while Yuka is so spoiled- he rarely says no to her.

4.Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Multiple things have changed her, pre-despair and post-despair. Pre-despair, the first thing that fundementally changed Yuka was likely when her giant hornets were accidentally cued to attack her fiance. She watched this huge man whom she platonically loves almost die at the hand of her study, which she though she had a master control over. At this point in her life, she was already very down on herself and rarely socialised with anybody, so this was the nail in the coffin of her having a very negative self esteem. She ran to HPA to try and build up her mastery over her study after that, determined to never let her fiance see her again until she could prove to him she had control.

Post-despair, I suppose something that fundamentally changed her was both Adachi and Genta’s death. She deeply respects those two, and after they both died, despite it being horrifically traumatising for her, she felt a growing sense of determination to try and succeed for them. Once it came out that it was a simulation and she was able to speak to these boys again, she had already grown into a slightly braver person. This is why she acts so differently now from how she was at the beginning of the game.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Honestly... she doesn’t do this in game anymore, but in pre-despair, it was easy to find insects in her pockets. And other items like sweet scents, sugars, and pheromones. She carried them because she wanted to attract bugs to her as much as possible. She also carries her basic essentials with her, such as identification, her wallet, money, etc. Various medications are on her as well, and surprisingly, a switchblade. She didn’t get it in game, but she typically carries one outside of the game.

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Not really? But Yuka doesn’t sleep very often, so when she does, her dreams are incredibly vivid, almost surreal.

7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

When she has nightmares, she typically dreams about hornets. They don’t usually do just one thing, they’re just typically hornet nightmares. As of late in the game, Yuka finds herself dreaming about past death’s as well.

8.Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

She has! Though she’s awful at it because she’s so physically weak that even handguns make her arms tired, her father taught her how to shoot a gun. Her first target was a normal paper target. No, she did not hit the centre ever. She managed to get the paper at least a little bit, though.

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

Yuka has always been ultra rich and has had a high social standing. It’s not a very popular standing based on the fact that she was born into the higher ranks of a crime syndicate, but she is still rich and very ladylike when she needs to be. However, she hasn’t always lived in a huge mansion. She used to live in a very small town- her parents wanted her to live peacefully as a child before moving into the bigger city with the larger main clan of yakuza, where her fiance lives. Unfortunately, with her bullying history, it wasn’t very peaceful, but the intent was there.

Yuka actually has a lot of sway on what she can make happen in the crime world merely because of who she is and who she is getting married to (future oyabun of the Yamamoto clan), but she never actually does any work herself. Consider her a spoiled princess instead of a queen.

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

Yuka doesn’t mind either way, though she has a penchant for always wearing dangerously short skirts.

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

Probably when Kazuo almost died in front of her or when he nearly beat somebody to death for her right before her eyes. Also, when Genta actually died in front of her. Scary stuff! The current oyabun of the Yamamoto clan also scares Yuka a lot, any situation she needs to speak to him she gets very nervous, especially since she almost killed his son on accident.

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

Whenever she is left alone to her own devices and is focusing on her work, is when she is the most calm. She loves her intricate studies. She also feels very calm in Kazuo’s arms, and now in-game: Ailani’s.

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

She has a normal squick to it. She’s not grossed out for a certain reason, but it’s not nice to look at in great amounts either.

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

I’d say shes good at both, but is slightly better at names. She’s got a mind for information.

15. Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Yuka is very very material. She loves money, she flaunts money, and she carelessly spends money- merely because she grew up with whatever she wanted. Yuka was incredibly spoiled. Yuka isn’t necessarily greedy to the point of wanting everything in the world, she is just not used to people saying no to her. But, on the other hand... her entire wardrobe is custom made for her, for pete’s sake.

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Yuka goes for success. It’s sort of sad, but a truth of her family is- no matter how loving it is to her, they are built on accomplishments. Yuka is very loyal to her family, so thinking of disobeying and not being as successful as she can be is very bothersome to her. However, as of late, Yuka’s been slightly considering going the happiness route. In the back of her head, she’s considering running away from her arranged marriage... but it’s still a lot to consider for her.

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

Yuka has a little porcelain doll that she liked a lot. Yuka loved loved loved this butterfly net she got from her mother. Her mother used to catch butterflies to pin them, and she gave it to Yuka when she showed interest in butterflies and moth’s as well.

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Yuka’s lowkey a sapiosexual, so she admires the fuck out of wisdom. It’s why she likes Genta so much. This wisdom doesn’t need to be academic though, she admire’s Adachi for his practical and gruff wisdom (so to speak).

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Yuka’s biggest flaw is the fact Yuka is incredibly nervous and scared of people. It’s calmed down over the course of the game, as it’s forced her to take a more brave role, but her fear of people, social inept’ness and overall rude and push-away personality has caused many of her relationships to crumble, in and out of game. In addition, it’s why she was bullied so harshly growing up.

20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

Yuka compares herself to others so damn much. She does it very unhealthily, and tries to compare herself to others, hoping she would amount to them. She self criticises too much. At the same time, she tries to put others down for being lesser or lower class than others, so it’s a vicious cycle.

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Highly depends. Yuka is highly logical in this manner. If she makes it out to be another person’s fault by fact, then Yuka is absolutely relentless in letting other’s know they are at fault. (Just ask Sarara and Holly, and a little Michiko, Yuka has fucking went OFF on them in canon!)

However, when Yuka thinks it’s her fault, she gets incredibly down on herself. To the point of where it’s obsessive, and incredibly unhealthy. She has always been negative and depressive So if something is her fault, she practically grovels to try and gain forgiveness- it’s pretty bad.

22. What does your character like in other people?

Yuka appreciates smarts, patience, and somebody brave enough to protect her, but not belittle her as weak. She appreciates people who can give her long conversation, or people that just try to work hard in general. She herself is spoiled, but it’s hard for her to relate to other spoiled people. Though, it’s not impossible persay- she is friend’s with Michiko after all.

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

A LOT. Yuka is so... so... SO fucking picky about who she associates with. She’s judgemental of people who are too mean, too emotional, yet too emotionless, to reckless, yet people who are too particular. She’s such a hypocrite too, she’s some of the traits she hates as well.

24. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

It takes such a long damn time. Nobody in the game has gained her full trust. She has people she trusts to a degree, and she appreciates them a lot, but only people like her fiance, who she’s known since childhood, are the truly trusted people in her life. It takes a long time for her to even consider you an acquaintance, so.

25. How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

Yuka keeps her suspicion separate from her personal relations, so if she is suspect of someone, it doesn’t change her personal thoughts on somebody. Hell, they could be guilty and she would still think of them positively. However, if you wrong her in particular... that’s when you should be a little concenred. Yuka is big on trust and grudges.

26. How does your character behave around children?

Yuka is surprisingly SUPER motherly. She takes after her own mother, in multiple ways. One way is that around children, she’s very caring and observant, she want’s to make them happy. She wouldn’t be a mother herself, but she’s a brilliant auntie.

27. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

Yuka’s pretty baaaad at confrontation usually. However, if you manage to get on her grudge list, then she will go to you and list your every flaw to you. Again, just ask Sarara, Holly, and maybe Michiko hahaha. Yuka goes from a nervous wreck to a furious monologuer, it’s both intimidating and lame.

28. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

Yuka Kagome is a fucking bug, she’s so damn weak and sickly- she CANNOT resort of physical violence herself. Now, if her fiance and gang are around, or if she has easy hires around, THAT’S a completely different story.

29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

Yuka wanted to write children’s books. For a while she also wanted to become an idol.

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Yuka HATE’S sweets with a passion. It makes her gag. Though, she hates it for a reason actually. Yuka is used to being surrounded in a sweet scent, that smells like a combination of sweet sugars, rotting fruit, and intense flowers. It’s simply just being around that for way too long that make her lose interest in sweet tasting foods. Make’s her gag, actually. It’s a sacrifice she makes to attract insects.

31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

Yuka is most comfortable when she’s surrounded by people that she loves, surrounded by people that know her for who she really is. Yuka as a person is incredibly caring and loving, it’s just that she has suffered a lot to the point of where she feels she needs to hide that part of her. When she is surrounded by her loved ones and interests, in an environment she loves (nature) she mellows out immensely.

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

Yuka hates crowds- she often panics in them. New people, people bombarding her, and expecting things of her make her very nervous. She hates being in positions of authority as well. She deeply prefers solitude or people around her closer circle of friends.

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Highly depends on the situation. If it’s legitimate criticism, Yuka will consider it and change her ways, if it involves information unrelated to her. If it’s uneducated criticism or unwarranted, or if it relates to her emotionally, she gets incredibly defensive and even acts threatened- she hates her intelligence or way of life being questioned in negative ways.

34. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

Yuka will usually try to improve the method a bit more, before giving it up. An example is nightwatch. It was started to be used against them, so she tried to change it before giving up on it completely. She doesn’t like people who give up easily, so she only moves on to new methods if she has exhausted all her options of attempt.

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

I mentioned this earlier in a few other points, but Yuka is very sweet and caring. Very motherly as well- she’s very caring. She loves to spoil her friends and loved ones if they’re truly close to her. She’ll spend ridiculous amounts of money on them, and make them homemade meals. Yuka will even listen to their problems. She is still logical, so she’s not the best to ask for answers you want to hear, but she is good at telling you what you need to hear to truly get something fixed or finished.

36. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

So. Pettily. Yuka will usually put aside her dislike to cooperate in times of need, but in normal situations, Yuka is honest about her distaste and will make sure somebody knows it. She’s very petty, and will start fights if she feels even slightly threatened by them. However, if she feels like she has the upper hand on them, she can get very condescending, as if they’re not worth her wasting her breath.

37. Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

Yuka ties in honour with her status, so I suppose it’s both. Her family is very honour based, however they have their own definition in honour obviously as her family is a crime syndicate. They find this honour through servitude and success, so status is very important back at home for her. It’s partially why she is so incredibly defensive about her relationship with Ailani! Yuka feels like it’s wrong for her to be in that relationship at all, because she’s betraying her familial honour and the engagement they put her into. It’s her one role to play since she never had to go into the business- so she hates being teased about it.

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

The latter. But again, that depends on if she’s alone or surrounded by her Peeps. If she has her fiance’s gang around her, or her fiance in general, or people she’s hired, she is indeed ruthless enough to try and remove a threat. Yes, by death. She’s... not a good person.

39. Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

No! Well, yes if you are the type to count insects as animals. She’s been bitten and stung by her insects countless times. She used to cry because of it, but now that she’s relatively seasoned as an entomologist, she can handle it pretty calmly, as she knows what to do if they’re venomous or harmful. Never been bitten by a larger animal, though.

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

Yuka is polite and kind. She isn’t overly warm, as she has no need to be, but she has never mistreated anybody in a job relating to service. Yuka is particularly close to her fiance’s butler though, if we want to be literal in terms of ‘service’ job.

41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

If it’s relating to material items, she sort of just expects it to come to her as that is how she was raised. But goals and accomplishments must be gained of your own hard work- she hates slackers.

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Her fiance’s father and mother, in a way. He’s a scary ass parental figure, but he’s taken care of Yuka sometimes.

43. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

No, she has not.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

It takes Yuka 6 fucking years to actually say I love you confidentially to Ailani outside of this murder game. Another 4 to even consider marriage. Yuka has such a hard time saying I love you. She can never say it without meaning it- it’s a huge step for her as a person.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Yuka on a normal basis doesn’t really think about death, it’s more of just a reality thing for her. The thought of her life being taken away scares her more than the actual concept of death. In a killing game though, that has been warped a bit over time.

#ooc #meme

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