#a huge weight will be lifted off my shoulders

[snoftgays]

i am a slave to deadline pressure and i mcfuckin hate it

#i have literally had 3 years to finish this shit #i have done so much bullshit other than this thing i need to do in order to graduate #i have taken so many classes and done well #won awards #learned a new fuckin language and lived in the country for a summer #and yet i still haven't written this fucking paper i want to peel my skin off what is wrong with me #there are no words to express how disappointed i am in myself #i will stay up all night to write this bc that is the only way it will get done #fuckin adhd #i'm getting angry emails about finishing it #and the sad thing is that they make me feel guilty #and i become paralyzed and unable to do shit if i feel guilty about it #aaaaaaAAAAAA #i want to scream into the void #i will literally be so much less stressed when i finish this #a huge weight will be lifted off my shoulders #and yet #i sit here #like a fucking dumbass #end rant

[femmepathy]

honestly im proud of myself that even though this breakup has been devastatingly sad for me, i havent been depressed at all. i'll often cry, but i still feel energized every morning and it's not a manic energy. ive been doing a great job taking care of myself and being an adult on my own for the first time

#a lot of things coincided at the beginning of the summer to cause a huge weight to be lifted off my shoulders which certainly helped

[ch0cocrave]

Me when I thought this girl at my school hated me, because she is friends with literally everyone I know and I thought that I did something to make her not like me, and I heard that she liked hazbin hotel so I gave her a little doodle of angel dust and she really liked it but I wasn't sure that she still liked me, uhhh and a couple hours later in culinary she asked me to be her cooking partner.....

Maybe everyone doesn't hate me....

#choco rambles #idk how to do tags #idk what else to tag #HELP ME!!!! #this was like a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders

[pharawee]

But come to think of it, Mangkorn... Some things—it's not that we can't choose; it's just that we don't dare choose.

#big dragon #big dragon the series #mos panuwat #mosbank #mangkornyai #bigdragonedit #thai bl #thai drama #bl drama #bl series #my edits. #i can't cope with how beautiful he is #but also i love the way this was filmed #and how choosing immediately lifts this huge weight off his shoulders

[nyaaakis]

Wanted to illustrate what it feels like having depression and I think ever since I got this piece out, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I am still seeking therapy to make sure I get myself in check with my mental health. Its been helping a lot.

#my art #illustration #illustrators on tumblr #artists on tumblr #I feel like idk like its such a hard way to express how i feel but it really does feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder #and I feel somehow like...letting go of my past a little bit #which it a good thing!!!

[katierosefun]

hot girls will randomly get out of bed at 1:45 am to clean out their entire closet (it’s me, i’m hot girls)

#caroline talks #COULDN’T SLEEP. DECIDED THAT NOW WAS THE PERFECT TIME TO DUMP ALL THE CLOTHES I’LL DONATE TOMORROW (later today) #on the one hand: oh thank god i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders #on the other hand: oh dear i just chucked out so many shirts… #but also: realizing i still adore and can style some of my old clothes is a plus #anyways. #drunk caroline 🤝 sleep-deprived Caroline #being really oddly productive for no fucking reason #becaus in addition to dumping out my closet i also schedule sent an email. what about that.

[b-0-ngripper]

Yeah, I think in gonna reconnect with my faith (<= this user misses the warmth of the catholic church)

#i grew up with a very good relation with church #even when i was figuring out my sexuality #i only ever felt love #i hope Father Giles is doing well #thats the name of the priest that was at my hs #he was such a kind man #i cried on his lap once wondering if god would still love me if i were gay (didnt out right come out but hinted at it) #and he told me that god made me the way i am with love #he could never stop loving one of his children #and that lifted such a huge weight off my shoulders #god knows and creates all so he couldnt make me bi just for him to hate me and send me to hell #makes no sense

[bright-haired-teacher]

YA GIRL GOT A JOB OFFER 

#huge weight lifted off my shoulders

[aria0fgold]

I'M FINALLY FREEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREEEEDDDOOOOMMMM!!!! FREEDOOOMMMMM!!!!

#aria rants #im done with the secret santa stuff holyshit #its like a huge weight been lifted off my shoulders im finally free #my hands are in pain but im finally free ohmygod im free yalll..... im freeeeeee!!!!!! #it was fun :D but ohmygod i dont wanna do tht again #actually i do. i love entering events and stuff and i also love making stuff for ppl #but im not gonna do this again where id be signin up for smth when i didnt even have a phone #but now i do. and im gonna do this again. as long as i still have a phone that is

[cinewhore]

Sent in my name for graduation and will go to the bookstore after class to order my cap and gown and I’ve been crying all goddamn morning

#i know i say this all the time #but y’all truly don’t know the struggle it took to get here #and now that i am here it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders #now i need to determine if I’m gonna have a party or not #i would throw something at my apartment but it’s not super big #but will focus on that later lolz #now that’s what i call blogging

[airenyah]

I JUST FOUND OUT JOONGDUNK DID A MASH-UP OF ท้องฟ้า​กับแสงดาว AND ท้องฟ้า​กับแสงดาวและ​สองเรา FOR FANFEST IN JAPAN DFJFJCJCUGDKUDJFJF THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME ALL DAY

no for real tho this is THE BEST POSSIBLE THING they could ever have done bc their our skyy song is just soooo reminiscent of ท้องฟ้า​กับ​แสง​ดาว, like, ท้องฟ้า​กับแสงดาวและ​สองเรา was clearly written with ท้องฟ้า​กับแสงดาว in mind and even the title reflects that and now they did a mash-up and i wanna cry, that's so fucking cool omg

#fanfest in jp 2023 #adrm #airenyah plappert #''this is the best thing that happened to me all day'' i say as if i wasn't finally accepted to my master's degree program today #lifting a huge weight off my shoulders bc i was able to sign up for all of my courses before the end of the 2nd sign-up period #in fact today is only the start of the 2nd sign-up period fjfjfjjcuc it doesn't end unril friday #i've been stressing out about this for 4 weeks now bc my uni just didn't put a move on #with putting my graduation from my bachelor's degree into the system #and i couldn't sign up for my master's degree for a whole fucking month bc of that #but today i finally could and i could sign up for my courses in time as well #you'd think THAT was the best thing that happened to me all day but no #the best thing is a mash-up of ท้องฟ้า​กับแสงดาว and ท้องฟ้า​กับแสงดาวและ​สองเรา lmao xjcjfjcjjf

[petalstims]

I've decided to clear out all of my inbox and my drafts. Not by completing them, but simply deleting them. For some reason, I just can't get myself to complete them, and I do apologize for this. My motivation has just plummeted because of something really horrible that happened to me a few months back, and I still haven't recovered from it. I might open my requests fully in a bit, but for now, they will remain closed. I hope you all understand. It's really more stress than it's worth, and at the end of the day? This blog is for me.

#I hope this isn't upsetting to any of you #I really do appreciate the support and patience from every single one of you #but I just can't deal with all of this stress right now #and doing this is lifting a huge weight off of my shoulders #I might post some self indulgent boards #and then. maybe I'll open requests #I love you all <3 thank you #petal posts things!

[jeonqkooks]

yet to come isn’t my fav bangtan song but it came on shuffle the other day and i remembered how good that song always makes me feel <3

#i think it’s bc it came out at a good point in my life and i’ll always associate ytc with- #feeling like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders #i was graduating. i felt good about being on tumblr. it was the beginning of summer. life was good <3 #idk what the point of this post is lol #jen rambles

[dumbbitch1997]

found an apt i rlly like, was hoping to sign a lease today so that i can get in before its snatched up, but the lady i talked to said she was going to give my info to the leasing agent or w/e who would get in contact w me to tour it etc but now its been two hours and i’m like :p 

#i was thinking like maybe if they havent gotten back to me by tomorrow i'd try to call them again but i dont wanna b annoying about it #but like if i get this apt truly a huge weight will b lifted off my shoulders and i could just focus on packing/cleaning/being sexy n cool #and not have 2 worry about apt hunting when school rolls around

[readingbythestreetlights]

the good thing about the panthers winning is now i'll be perfectly happy with the final matchup no matter who wins the western conference

#i feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders #2024 stanley cup playoffs

[heartshattering]

Tonight ended up being such a high anxiety night. I still haven't slept yet but hopefully I will soon. I think I figured out some of what I've been doing wrong and what I need to remind myself of. I'll dump my thoughts under the cut.

First, I know this is foolish but I tried to force myself to finish a piece of media that was triggering me. I had already read parts of it before and knew the whole story including the ending but I wanted to have it 100% completed for my list. Eventually I reached a point where I couldn't keep reading, and stopped. And that's okay. I had to drop another thing I was reading prior to that, because it was boring (so I picked up the triggering story because at least it was less boring so I thought I'd be able to finish it). I need to stop forcing myself to do things I don't really want to do, there's no point, I just have a perfectionist nature and like when I can say I finished something completely but it's not always worth it.

Next is that I've been freaking myself out, even when I'm successful at something. Because then my next thought is "Well how long can I keep this up?" and my mind already starts racing to the next hour or the next day. And then I give myself panic attacks from overthinking and putting myself in catastrophic situations that aren't fucking real (or even realistic to begin with). It's so damn ridiculous, I'm already setting myself up for failure before it can even happen. Yeah, I need to stop that, too.

I've noticed myself feeling super hopeless and I honestly do need to bring back some of my hopefulness. It really does feel terrible to just rot. It's only comforting for so long before it becomes depressing as fuck and makes me feel like I've undone a lot of my progress. (I know progress can't be undone, but still) I'm disgusted at myself for thinking it was "okay". Maybe I did need to experience it for a while just to get it out of my system and because I was going through really high stress but I feel so ashamed of how I hurt myself towards the end of March. I had a lot of 'recovery win' days, went back to feeling like a failure, but instead of picking myself up again, I actually started to treat myself even worse than before and let my habits get really bad. I want to avoid doing that again.

I read somewhere that you can't just collect wisdom, you have to use it too, so I need to get serious about using the coping skills I've learned about. And again, NOT let myself fall back into that fucking awful misery pit I was stuck in. I am trying to take things a little at a time. I have some positive phrases I repeat to myself when I feel overwhelmed. I keep trying to remember other times I've pulled myself out of spirals like this before. I'm really feeling the shittiness of it all, it sucks, I would do anything not to feel this fucking low right now. I really can't express how upset I am at myself for just having just given up so pathetically.

I need to get back on track with an endless list of things. I've been sleeping during the day so I haven't been able to get my dad to pick my meds up for me, and I'm going through another fucking IBS flare-up. I've been neglecting myself... you know, that whole stupid thing where someone is feeling better so they think they don't need their meds anymore, but it was their meds making them feel better. Yeah, I did that. And my dad even asked me about my meds and I was like "It's okay, I haven't been having flare-ups" and "It's not a life or death medication, I'm fine". GODDDD I'm so irresponsible with myself but anyway. I should be getting my meds today hopefully.

I also need to cut down on one med that worsens my IBS symptoms. (This one is okay to cut down on, because I have alternatives I can take that won't give me the IBS symptoms, and I went for weeks last month not taking this one so I really don't need it) And I also have to stop taking meds on an empty stomach without even any coffee, sometimes I wasn't even taking them with water because I didn't want to get up and grab water.

I want to go back to sleeping better. I actually get deeper sleep when I sleep with less meds. It's just that it takes me a lot longer to fall asleep, and my schedule has been all fucked up lately. I want to at least stay on the lowest dose that is still safe and works for me, and not rely on them too much. (I know this is possible because I was doing better with sleep in January and before my emotional breakdown towards the end of March, so again... just another thing I need to get back on track with)

And ugh, I just. Realize there are all sorts of things I want to do, that are totally everyday normal things, and that those are the things I should be focusing on. Like. I have things I want to enjoy (that I will actually have fun with and that won't trigger me). I want to keep watching and reading new stuff. I want to stay alive for my puppy. I want to take care of myself and feel physically better even when it feels like there's no point. There IS a point, I'm worth it no matter what bullshit my brain tries to tell me. I want to feel proud of myself for every time I resist a compulsive behavior. I want to feel what it's like to eat normally and sleep normally again. I want to create more stuff for my own enjoyment. I want to laugh and smile and be happy, not rot. I want the gift I got myself to come in the mail. I want to be fucking nice to myself instead of all the shit I've done to myself in the past to numb myself or hurt myself. I'm so sorry I treated my past self like shit, but I can't erase the past. I just need to keep hanging on and believing that I'll get out of this mess/cycle/pattern/whatever you want to call it. Just one little baby step at a time. I can and I will do it.

#that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders #I weirdly feel better for now #I cried while I was writing most of that #anyway #gonna try to sleep #even if I don't then I can at least rest a little #I finished some work today and have some small goals planned so I do feel better #and I really am going to try to pull myself out of the shitty hole I found myself in #thank you to anyone who read my whole ramble haha #I hope anyone who's struggling can eventually feel better too #it's hell but the only way out is through