#ZERO EXCUSES BUT SOMEHOW all the excuses for normal people but none for mentally ill ppl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kyuuppi · 3 years

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Unworthy

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader (gn)

Contents: hurt/comfort; Reader has mental health issues (depression, social anxiety, possible manic depressive disorder, extreme insecurity)

Word Count: 1.3k

You don’t deserve love.

It is a fact, etched into mind and engraved into your heart after years of painful confirmation. You are not extraordinarily beautiful nor do you have a heart of gold. On the contrary, your face barely passes as “average” and mental illness has rendered your moods a lethal concoction of manic and depressive, the ratios depending solely on the time of day.

Nothing about you is loveable and certainly not deserving of someone like Katsuki.

Bakugou Katsuki, the man who talks big and works more than hard enough to back it up. There is truly nothing he can’t do, nothing he is not the best at. He pointedly steers clear of nonsense, never afraid to call people out on their bullshit. He doesn’t bother with false pretenses, doesn’t bother with things that would get in the way of his goals—

Which is exactly why it’s best for you to leave him alone. You’re weighed down with emotional baggage and weaknesses both mental and physical, you’re just a nuisance and it would only be a matter of time before he recognizes it and promptly cuts you from his life.

You figure it will hurt a little less if you do it first.

That’s why you leave. You skip the date the two of you had planned, the one you had been so excited for just a few days ago, scavenging the mall for hours before settling on what you deemed the perfect outfit. In retrospect it was all pointless anyway, lipstick on a pig is still a pig. Maybe, if you make it home before it starts to rain, you can still return the flowy black dress. Fold it up nicely in the fancy white bag it came in. You’re fairly certain you still have the receipt sitting on the top of—

“Oi!”

Every muscle in your body freezes at the familiar sound. For a moment you think—hope—that you’ve imagined it. The startled jumps and confused turns from the people standing on the busy street corner around you prove otherwise.

“I know ya heard me—if you try to make a run for it I swear to god I’ll hunt you down.”

You refuse to turn around and face his voice as it comes increasingly closer but you can already see the people around shooting you curious looks from the corners of your eyes. A few people step away from you warily, silently wondering what type of dangerous person would warrant the appearance of the Number Two Hero of Japan.

The pause of heavy footsteps is the only warning you get before a firm hand grabs your arm and forces you to turn around. For a moment you look up and meet his eyes, vermillion and boiling with an obvious anger—perhaps if you’d looked longer you would have noticed the worry as well—but you quickly let your head fall back down, too ashamed to meet his gaze full on.

He huffs.

“You better have some damn good excuse for standing me up on our first date.”

A few people around gasp and whisper among themselves, no doubt shocked by the prospect of Ground Zero of all people being stood up on a date by some dull looking person on the street. You suppose you would be surprised as well. For someone who graduated in the top 10 at U.A., Bakugou seemed terrible at cost-benefit analysis when it came to finding a partner.

“Hah?” he urges when it becomes clear you have no intention of replying.

“Don’t just fucking ignore me—and what the fuck are all you extras looking at?”

Most of the people around quickly look away and carry on with what they were doing but Bakugou pulls you away anyway, his hand still firm on your upper arm. He leads the two of you to a more secluded area, a relatively clean alleyway between a convenience store and some apartment buildings. You back is against the wall while Bakugou strategically places himself in front of you but slightly to the left, blocking the sole exit in case you try to escape.

“We can stand here all night, princess,” Bakugou bites out, gaze nearly burning a hole through the top of your head as you continue to stare pointedly at your own feet.

“Now why the fuck did you stand me up? If you didn’t like me you should have just said so—I’m not some loser who can’t handle rejection.”

You huff an involuntary laugh at the thought. How ridiculous—you not liking him? He’s literally perfect, the epitome of everything a pro hero should be and well beyond any normal human. Millions of people worship the very ground he walks on and you’re no different.

“I think its for the best if we...don’t associate with each other,” you finally murmur, struggling to convey your thoughts without stating the obvious ‘you’re way too fucking good for me, why did you even ask me out in the first place? Did you get brainwashed by a villain?’

“The fuck is that s’possed to mean?” he barks back, clearly not satisfied with your vague answer in the least.

“Are ya worried about the villains or something? I can kick anyone’s ass if they try to mess with ya, y’know.” His voice softens along with his grip on your arm, seeming to consider, for the first time, you could possibly just be scared. It would not be unreasonable—he is one of the top pro heroes, a status one doesn’t earn without making a few enemies along the way. It is not unheard of for the most detestable villains to attempt to use the friends or family of heroes as hostage to get what they want. That is hardly anything you care about though—you know Bakugou is strong. You have no doubts he can protect the people he cares about...you just shouldn’t be one of them.

You finally steel yourself enough to look up and meet his gaze as you speak your next words.

“Bakugou,” you start, seeing his subtle flinch at you calling him by his last name for the first time in months since you’ve known each other. “I’m...not good enough for you. You deserve someone strong, smart, and beautiful—someone who deserves to stand by your side, and I am none of those things. I’m just...damaged goods.”

You try to laugh off the last line as if it were a funny joke but your voice sounds hollow even to your own ears.

Somehow, Bakugou looks even angrier now.

“You’re right about one of those things,” you try to ignore the sudden sting in your eyes at hearing your own thoughts coming from him. “You are a huge fucking idiot if you think you get to decide what I do and don’t deserve.”

He steps closer, his firm chest pressing into your own softer body in a way that makes your heart stutter through several beats. Your face heats up on its own accord and you bite your lip in attempt to keep your body from spontaneously combusting.

“One thing I hate more than anything is being told what I can or can’t do,” his voice is low, his hot breath brushing against your cheeks while he pins your gaze with his own.

“I don’t know who fed you this ‘not good enough’ bullshit but I’ll kick their ass for saying it then I’ll kick yours for believing it—I like you, okay? I want you by my side, whether you think you deserve to be there or not.”

You find yourself nodding along dumbly.

#bakugou katsuki #bnha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bakugou x reader #bnha imagine #bnha scenario #bakugou imagine #bakugou scenario

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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Favorite (Katlaska) Chapter 5 - Aliena

AN: I am genuinely blown away by your lovely comments. Spoky, Miss Dandee, and everyone anonymous, I can’t thank you enough, it means the world. I hope you like this chapter.

Thankfully they have the next day off, no show, no travel, a rare but perfectly timed occurrence. Alaska feels better, the headache gone, only a slight fever and a cough remaining. Still, Katya forces her to remain in bed and keeps fussing over her. It’s weird, but rather sweet. When she tries to leave the bed, Katya literally sits on her, until she manages to convince her she’s only going to the bathroom. They’re catching up on Fashion Photo Ruview when Katya’s phone lights up with an incoming video call from Trixie. ”What the hell?” Trixie says, when she sees the two of them in bed. ”Isn’t it like, the afternoon over there? Is this what you do on your tours?” ”Alaska’s ill,” Katya says, and Alaska coughs meekly in support. ”And what’s your excuse?” Trixie scoffs. ”Shut up! I’m taking care of her. I’m not a real doctor, but I am a licensed raccoon hypnotherapist, and a hypochondriac, so I am more than qualified.” Trixie looks straight at Alaska. ”Is this a Misery type situation? Blink twice for yes, and I’ll call in the state troopers.” ”I’m being very well taken care of,” Alaska says, making her voice as robotic as she can. ”Katya is an excellent nurse.” She grunts as she receives an elbow in the side for her comments. ”No, Katya’s been lovely,” she says honestly and Katya beams at Trixie. ”See?” Trixie looks unconvinced. ”You obviously bring out a different side in Katya than most people,” she says. ”Ooh!” Katya exclaims, so sudden it makes Alaska jump. ”Trixie! Didn’t you have a date last night?” ”Yes,” Trixie says darkly. ”Ooh…” Katya winces. ”On a scale from zero to three Pomeranians and a floor to ceiling poster of Bonnie Hunt, how bad was it?” ”Okay, first of all, we can’t have the three Pomeranians and Bonnie Hunt on the scale, because that’s in a league completely of its own, and nothing will ever compare.” Trixie sighs. ”And second… it might actually have been worse.” ”How can it be worse?” Alaska is intrigued. Trixie smiles grimly. ”So, we met on Grindr, and he was funny and really cute, and we decided to meet up. I suggested we’d meet at a bar, but he wanted to to meet at a coffee shop. I figure maybe he’s sober, that’s fine, some of my best friends are sober. Actually, when I say best friends, I mean distant acquaintances who have nothing better to do than to lie around in bed all day while some of us have already been to the gym before breakfast.” ”Tracy,” Katya interrupts mildly. ”Stay on topic.” ”Fine!” Trixie says and rolls her eyes. ”Anyway, I get to the coffee shop and the guy is there, and I realize that the picture he used wasn’t of him. That happens, it’s annoying, but i not necessarily a deal breaker. Because that’s how desperate I’ve become. But, it turns out the picture he used was of his older brother. His very older brother. Because this guy, was 15 fucking years old.” Alaska and Katya gasp in unison, and Katya grabs hold of Alaska’s arm tightly. ”No fucking way,” she whispers loudly. ”Yes fucking way!” Trixie exclaims. ”He had braces! He basically looked like me in the conjoined twins challenge! Only with acne. And he insisted he wanted to buy me coffee, which he could totally do, because he’d stolen his mom’s credit card!” She groans loudly. ”I hate my life!” Alaska bursts out laughing, and immediately covers her mouth with her hand. ”Sorry!” she says, her voice muffled. ”I’m sorry, but…” She starts giggling again when she hears Katya snort with laughter. ”No, it’s fine,” Trixie says flatly. ”I’m so glad the fact that I will live the rest of my life alone and die alone and get eaten by my cats is amusing to you. And I don’t even have cats! So I’ll have to rely on stray cats breaking into my house. Because that’s my life now.” ”Yeah, but Grindr sucks, though,” Katya says. ”That’s why I never use it, I just…” ”No!” Trixie interrupts her, ”I am not taking dating advice from someone who hooks up in drag ninety percent of the time, and who hasn’t been on an actual normal date with a non-married, non-straight man in the last decade.” Katya splutters. ”That’s not… entirely true.” She ponders it for a moment. ”It’s mostly true, but not entirely.” Trixie ignores her. ”Alaska! You’re a normal sort of person.” Alaska blinks. ”Thank you?” ”What do you use? Grindr? Craigslist? Scruff? How do you make it work?” ”Oh, I never use anything like that,” Alaska says, causing both Katya and Trixie to stare at her. ”Never. It could be anybody.” ”As demonstrated by me, Trixie Mattel at your service. You’re welcome.” Trixie stands up to curtsey, and Alaska golf claps. Katya is still staring at her. ”How do you hook up then?” Alaska shrugs, which is hard, since Katya is still clinging to her arm. ”I don’t know, meeting people in clubs, through friends.” ”See, that’s my problem,” Trixie says. ”I need better friends!” ”Bitch!” Katya exclaims. ”Yeah, well when did you last introduce me to any eligible bachelors, Barbara?” Katya grimaces. ”All the bachelors I know are very much ineligible.” ”What about you?” Trixie asks Alaska. ”Any single, available friends?” ”I suppose,” Alaska says. She mentally catalogues her single gay friends, but somehow none of them seems suitable for Trixie. ”I just don’t think any of them are good enough for you.” Trixie nods sagely. ”And that’s my other problem. I’m just too good, period. I’m destined to live out my life as a legend, icon and star alone, above every one else. Just like Jesus.” ”Just one of the many similarities,” Katya says. ”And anyway, don’t all of your friends want to fuck Katya?” Trixie asks with a sigh. ”That’s true,” Alaska admits. ”I’m still baffled by that.” She really isn’t. Katya turns to Alaska, with an affronted face. ”And why don’t you introduce them to me? I’m not picky, they’ll be good enough.” Alaska looks Katya up and down. ”Well, yes, but are you good enough for them?” ”You beast!” Katya drops the phone to grab the pillow from behind her and whack it in in Alaska’s face, making her splutter with laughter. Once they’ve stopped shoving each other like five-year-olds, Trixie has ended the call. ”I just wish she’d meet someone who’s good enough for her,” Katya sighs, as she’s writing a groveling text to Trixie, apologizing for ignoring her in her time of need. ”She’s such a good person! She deserves someone who’s perfect.” Alaska thinks of the way Trixie looked at Katya during the call, the way she always looks at Katya, and the way she speaks of Katya, with so much fondness it makes Alaska’s heart ache a little for her. She has a suspicion Trixie’s already found that person, but it’s not really her place to mention it. As Katya puts her phone to the side, she asks her about something else she’s been wondering about instead. ”Is it true what Trixie said?” ”Probably,” Katya says, and snuggles closer to Alaska. It took Alaska a while to adjust to how touchy Katya is, but now she takes it in stride. ”Which part?” ”The part about you hooking up in drag ninety percent of the time.” ”Oh, that.” Katya frowns thoughtfully. ”Probably not as high as ninety percent, but yeah.” Alaska stares at her. ”Seriously? You’ve had sex more times in drag than out of drag?” Katya nods. ”Oh, definitely.” ”I mean, I knew you were that kind of girl, but really?” Katya shrugs. ”There was that year when I had sex with pretty much a third of the male population in Boston in drag. I don’t do it as much anymore, but I’d have to work really hard to even out the numbers after that. Also, it’s easier. Katya is beautiful, on a good day. Brian, eh, not so much.” ”Well, that’s bullshit,” Alaska says without thinking. ”But I just don’t really understand the appeal, I guess,” she continues, determined not to blush at the look on Katya’s face. ”I have had sex in drag, several times. But it feels weird, like I’m not myself when I do that.” Katya shrugs, with a self-deprecating grin. ”Well, back in those days, that was pretty much the idea.” She meets Alaska’s eyes and groans. ”Don’t look at me like that. It was all completely safe and consensual. Well, maybe not always entirely safe, but I knew what I was doing. I liked it! I’m glad I’m not living my life like that any more, but you know.” She shrugs again. ”Don’t look at me differently. Don’t look at me like I’m a victim.” Alaska wasn’t aware she had done that. ”Sorry,” she says, and then, curiously. ”How do I usually look at you?” She’s expecting a joking answer, but Katya bites her lip thoughtfully. ”I’m not sure,” she says slowly. ”I’m trying to figure it out.” ”But you still do it, right?” Alaska asks when Katya doesn’t continue on that track. ”Have sex in drag?” ”Sure,” Katya says, grinning again. ”Not for the same reasons though. I just think it’s hot.” An image flashes through Alaska’s mind, Katya, her red lipstick smeared, blond wig messed up, skirt hitched above her waist, looking up from under her fake lashes. Her mouth goes dry. ”Yeah, I can see that,” she says, her voice amazingly not wavering. They only have two shows left on this leg of the tour. The first one goes off without a hitch, the second one is two hours delayed due to a power cut. When they get back to the hotel they’re dead on their feet and Alaska falls asleep while Katya is still in the bathroom. She’s awakened the next morning by Katya swearing. It’s still mostly dark in the room, but once she’s managed to get her eyes completely opened she notices that the light in the bathroom is on, and that the door is slightly open, releasing a tiny bit of light into the room. Katya is just a dark shadow over by the door, still cursing under her breath. Alaska sighs, sits up and turns the bedside light on. ”What the fuck are you doing?” she asks, as Katya jumps by the sudden increase of light. ”Sorry,” Katya says. ”I didn’t mean to wake you.” ”What are you doing up at…” Alaska checks her phone and groans”… 5.43 in the morning?” ”I’m packing, I need to leave in half an hour. And I was trying not to wake you, so I didn’t turn on the light, and since I didn’t see anything I stubbed my toe into the desk chair.” Right. Alaska had almost managed to forget. The rest of them are leaving for more Christmas Queens shows, and she’s going to Dublin with the AAA girls. ”So what, you were just going to sneak out without saying goodbye?” It comes out less jokingly than she meant it to, but it still makes Katya smile. ”I would never,” she says, coming over the bed and sitting down on top of the covers. She’s dressed in jeans and a sweater, her feet still bare. ”I just thought I’d let you sleep for as long as possible.” She leans her head against Alaska’s shoulder and yawns. ”I appreciate the thought.” Alaska pets Katya hair absentmindedly and then she frowns. ”Katya, you’re bleeding.” There’s a tiny trickle of blood running down Katya’s big toe on her right foot. Katya starts to rise from the bed but Alaska holds her back. ”Don’t move. You’ll get blood on the carpet.” She gets out of bed and heads into the bathroom, rummaging around in her wash bag until she finds a plaster, and then dampens a wad of toilet paper under the tap. She gets into bed again, pulling Katya’s foot into her lap. She wipes of the blood, and then neatly puts on the plaster. ”There,” she says, giving the foot a gentle squeeze. ”As good as new.” Katya wriggles her toes experimentally. ”Aren’t you going to kiss it better?” she says cheekily. Before Alaska really has a chance to realize what she’s doing, she bends down and presses her lips against the top of Katya’s foot. When she looks up Katya’s eyes are wide. ”There, all better,” she says meekly, and is relieved when there’s a knock on the door. She almost jumps out of bed to open it, revealing Detox on the other side. Detox doesn’t look surprised to find her in Katya’s room, and Alaska briefly wonders, not for the first time, what the others are really thinking about the two of them. ”Morning,” Detox says, her voice gravelly. She looks over Alaska’s shoulder to Katya. ”You ready? Apparently we’re in for a treat, snowstorms galore in Canada.” ”Sure, just give me two minutes,” Katya says, pulling on her socks and shoes. Detox nods and opens her arms to Alaska for a hug, which Alaska willingly provides. ”Take care,” she says into Alaska’s shoulder. ”See you soon.” ”You too,” Alaska says, as Detox steps back and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Detox smiles and moves down the hotel corridor, leaving the door open. Alaska turns to Katya, who is just putting on her jacket. She steps aside as Katya picks up her suitcase and puts it down outside the door, turning on the threshold to face Alaska. ”Well,” she says, looking about as awkward as Alaska feels. ”Have fun in Dublin. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” ”That rules out absolutely nothing,” Alaska says, making Katya smile. ”Have fun in…” she breaks off to shake her head. ”I don’t remember where you’re going.” ”Vancouver.” ”That’s nice.” Katya nods. ”If we get there. With the snowstorm and all.” ”Well, you look dressed for it,” Alaska says, looking at Katya’s thin jacket. ”Hang on.” She reaches for her scarf, hanging on a hook beside the door. ”Here.” She wraps it around Katya’s neck, rearranging it until both ends are equally long. If she’s touching Katya’s neck slightly more than necessary in doing so, neither of them mention it. ”Thank you,” Katya says, and then, ”Alaska, I…” Alaska never finds out what Katya was going to say, because she’s already kissing her, wrapping her arms around Katya’s neck, her hand in Katya’s hair. She would like to pretend that she takes herself by surprise in doing so, but that would be a lie. She’s been thinking about this for weeks, maybe months. Perhaps she hasn’t imagined it happening in a hotel corridor while she is half asleep and Katya is leaving, but at least it’s finally happening. She releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding when Katya responds, parting her lips for Alaska, her hands coming up to rest on Alaska’s hips. She’s never had a first kiss with someone she knows as well she knows Katya before. Usually a first kiss is the opportunity to note how someone smells, what their skin feels like, what they sound like. But she’s already familiar with the mix of almonds and smoke that clings to Katya, the way Katya’s hair is soft under her fingers, the way Katya’s hands are never still. The way Katya’s tongue feels against hers is new though, as are the little sounds Katya makes when Alaska’s fingers tighten in her hair, and Alaska wants more of it, wants to learn more about the little things that make up Katya. But there’s a pointed cough from further down the corridor, and when they break apart, too sudden and unexpected, Detox is just a few feet away, smiling apologetically. ”We really need to go,” she says. Katya nods, not looking at her but at Alaska. She looks a little bit lost. ”So, I guess I’ll see you New Year’s?” Alaska nods, feeling overwhelmed. She wants to say something, anything, but she just looks on as Katya grabs her suitcase. And then, just like that, Katya is gone, following Detox down the long corridor. Alaska slowly closes the door behind them, and sinks down to the floor. Oh, fuck.

#katlaska #katya zamolodchikova #alaska thunderfuck #aliena #trixie mattel #detox icunt #rpdr fanfiction #submission #favorite by aliena #canon compliant #favorite

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