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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

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Destroyed on the Outside, Cold on the Inside (Sriracha, Part 33.)

Series description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could let you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: The time went by really slow. You didn't feel like you. Hawkins didn't feel like Hawkins. And you were sure that it won't ever feel the same again since you were left all alone.

A/N: I am in physical pain bcs of this. My poor baby Jim. And Eleven. And everyone. 😭 Inspired by Fine on the Outside by Priscilla Ahn and Deep by Peter Sandberg.

Word count: 1.5 K

Tagging: @nemodoren, @creedslove, @missdictatorme,

Master list: H E R E

Numb. The feeling of being numb. You don't know what does that even mean until you go through that phase. It feels like you can't see anything around you. Every sound is blurry, the world is black and white, the sun doesn't shine anymore. There's no such thing as happiness or laughter in your world. You can't see more places than your bed, sometimes your bathroom when you need to pee - and when your mom was persistent, you even visited the kitchen, where you were staring into the plate, barely touching the food on it. Aiden wasn't there to brighten your mood, Eleven was in Maine and Joyce was there with her. You didn't allow Steve or Julia to visit you; you wanted to be alone.

Numbness feels like you can't grasp the idea of reality or the idea of having to meet other human beings to talk with them, to think about the answers... It doesn't feel right. Your heart is telling you that something is wrong all the time.

And for an unclear reason, you often have panic attacks. You just start crying, shaking and for a while, the emptiness gets changed by pain. By immersive pain that slowly eats you alive and makes the best of you disappear. It usually ended up crying yourself to sleep.

Your mother was destroyed to see you like that. You were in your bed almost every day of November, dressed in his old shirts and nothing more, with your curtains closed watching marathons of Cheers and Magnum P.I. while kissing your engagement ring which you haven't taken off at all. Only your mom made you eat something and drink something every once in a while - that didn't change the fact that even before December came by, you dropped a lot of weight, your skin was not looking healthy and these bags under your eyes... Oh, baby.

"Darling, come on, it can't go like this until... I don't know when." - Your mom mumbled to your door, but you didn't answer; you just hid under the blanket a bit deeper.

Your room was still looking as it did when you left home for Jim... But your essence wasn't there anymore. The room seemed to be without any emotion, faded, without any light shining in. Your clothes were all over the floor, you didn't even bother to throw out the Doritos and Eggos packagings that were all over the place. There were plates, glasses, forks, and knives... It didn't feel like you anymore. The room was empty just like you were. Which was depressing.

"I haven't seen you in days... You haven't spoken to anyone since Eleven called for the last time... And it's okay to feel pain and grief. Especially for a man as great as Jim was. But you have a life to live." - Your mom continued, but you knew she didn't end just with that. - "University professors and Marty are fine with it... For now. But you can't stay hidden in this room forever. I love you, baby."

At that, you sighed. Your mom was probably right... And to be honest, you took a shower for the first time in weeks after that. And for the first time, you came out of safety. You felt like a hurt animal in distress when you met your dad in the living room. And you also felt uncomfortable with wearing pants.

Your mom specifically instructed your dad that he shouldn't say anything about what was going on with. She didn't want him to comment on your weight, on your overall appearance, on your behavior... She just wanted him to embrace you. And so he did.

For a moment, you looked at your dad opening up his arms for you before you slowly slipped in. It was weird to feel human touch, the warmth slipping on your body, hearing someone else's heartbeat. But you just closed your eyes and brought your dad even closer. For a small moment, you felt safe. You felt like anything could hurt you - because it was your dad and you were his small girl.

"It snowed earlier this morning." - He whispered to your ear, smoothing the back of your head. You knew how many words was he expressing with that. Without a word said, he told you that it's alright not to feel alright. He told you that he loves you nonetheless and that if you would want to know it ask anything, you could simply come and ask him.

"I see." - You answered simply, which took your dad away for a second. Anyone heard you talking in weeks probably. - "It looks lovely." - You grinned and went to let Lady laying in front of the fireplace. You sat down next to her, still petting her, looking at the fire. She lazily put her head on your thigh, making you sure that she enjoys your presence.

With all your willpower, you made yourself visit the classes you needed to and you made yourself work the shifts at the bistro. You spoke with your classmates, made careful jokes, but everyone you spoke to could see that you're not quite fine as you put too much effort into every thought.

Julia and Steve from biology asked you out a hundred times - to go to the movies with them or to visit bistro for a dinner, but every time they spoke about that, they could see how uncomfortable you got. That would be too much human contact for you at once. Small steps at a time, you promised yourself again, if I'd go slow, maybe I'd get better by the time.

It was a pretty lazy promise, but it was made nonetheless. Late evening calls with Eleven, telling you all about her daily life in Maine and school, that was all you were about those days, though you couldn't exactly share her excitement. Sometimes your mom spoke to her, sometimes you wrote her a letter, packing in a photo of some random Hawkins spot you found and liked, just to remind her of home.

Oh, what sparked joy inside of you was her planned trip to Hawkins to spend Christmas with you. For a while after a long time, you were seemingly happy and acted like yourself. For the first time in a long time, you were greeting your friends with smiles and waving, as you were simply joyful.

But that didn't mean you'd be hanging out with the people around - even Steve Harrington joined the club and tried to make you go out for a dinner with him, no romance intended. But you politely declined time after time he tried it.

There was a worry in your mom's head - what happens when Eleven leaves Hawkins with Joyce again? Your mom was pumped to have her granddaughter in the household for Christmas, that was for sure. But you won't be OK once she’ll be gone again and you'd have to do is to call her. First, she was afraid that Hopper would fuck you over when he’d stay by your side - now she was worried that this has fucked you up even more. There was always a bit of hope that once, you'd find another guy to make you happy and with whom you'd start a normal family from a scratch.

But that process could take years, maybe even decades. First, you needed to build your courage and to make yourself perceive the reality around again. Then, you needed to build enough trust and will for trying to give a piece of you to a different human being, again. They will be some missed you'd have to go through; men, who would hurt you and leave you all alone, aching once again. You were so young, yet you had some wild experience behind you.

Like loving someone sure that is incapable of falling in love again, making them turn their point of world total 180 degrees. You started an unconventional family life when you were still studying university, making it your priority number once. You felt the loss - such a terrible loss that it made you close yourself from the outside world for two months almost. You had the experience someone was not even lucky to get in the whole lifetime.

How many people your age could say the same? Was there even anyone your age who could say the same?

That was what your mother didn't know - but she hoped so. She just wanted to see you happy again.

#jim hopper #jim hopper imagine #jim hopper x reader #james jim hopper #eleven stranger things #jane hopper #eleven hopper #eleven ives #jane ives #stranger things #stranger things hopper #stranger things netflix #jim hopper stranger things

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the-canine-king · 5 years

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i answered all 50 questions in that oc question post

note: i'm only talking about the ones i made lol i was gonna link them all the character’s names to their profiles but that shit’s way too much work so: https://toyhou.se/CanineKing/characters/folder:all/tags:1/tagged:Original

1. Your first OC ever? hmm, there's probably two answers 1) an unnamed character who was basically a fantasy dressed fox kemono boy. do you remember playing a game as a kid where you look out the window in a car and you imagine someone doing sick parkour beside your car? he was the character i imagined (there was also a whole other story i dreamt up where i was some long lost princess from other world and he was gonna save me from this one but that's a whole other thing) he's technically a character i thought of but never thought of anything beyond that, i don't think i ever drew him either 2) 4 (maybe 5) characters i made in middle school where it was about these characters that come from families that can bend one particular element, and they're all friends on school trying to get used to their passed down powers and also be basically kid superheroes. i drew them out and gave them names, but i never wrote anything beyond that, but they were definitely ones that i would call my first actual written ocs 2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? -looks at ace, eliott, and mel- no 3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else? yup! before i wasn't so big on the adopt thing, but i turned into a fan w/ collecting designs and writing a lil story for them! i adopted 38 characters, and one other that's currently still in the process of trade :P (and unfortunately trying to purge some away) 4. A character you rarely talk about? unfortunately that'd be a lot of characters bc i'm super focused on drawing ace/ mel smooching for the 548787th time 5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? i'd probably make it eliott bc who else doesn't love a cute, shy, goat boy on the internet 6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? ...... i can't think of any lmao 7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? i literally only make ocs to make stories so 8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! nah i can't do rp stuff :'D 9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? honestly, not really if i made them lol but i guess i can if i'm not attatched to them and such, so if i just made a design and offered them up then yeah i can trade them (unless i love their design lol) 10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? even thought i haven't fully drawn my plans for his outfit, azazel would be the most complicated in my standards 11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? me personally, i'd say eliott bc that baby boy is trying his best story wise, either thorne or lucas (but totally lucas since thorne is a liar at heart) 12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot TOO MANY AUGH the very first oc i fell in love with but was forever homes was like a fantasy setting character that was an adventurer and had eagle legs/ other features w/ banging colours but other than that too many others 13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? again, a lot, i guess. bc they mostly fall into that trope? aiden (even though he's trying to be a better person), damien, eve, hugh (in a way), jack, ollie, ricky, roman, and wyatt 14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory uhhhh, hard to choose, i don't have any more bc i haven't written their backstories yet lol - growing up as a theif his whole life to support him and his mother, accidentally kills someone after an awakening of powers and is had to run from his hometown - growing up being shadowed over and forced to be someone that they're not, only to get their hubris get to them, causing themselves and others get hurt and can't even remember the person they loved - growing up w/ betrayal after betrayal she closed herself off, but they met someone and slowly opened up and accidentally fell in love w/ them, only later getting caught and fell from grce, then only to find the person they trusted before not remember them - after being caught on what seemed to be a fatal accident, gets rescured from a miraculous surgery, but he's slowly forgetting what he looks like and who he was every passing second - two people close to each other, only to end up w/ betrayal and lies 15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? absolutely but if they ask me something i haven't planned yet i'm just "UHHH" 16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? 17. Any OC OTPs? nah ace/ mel is my notp :/ anyways if it's couples in general then: - ace/ mel - lucas/ darla - kaiko/ caspian - + a bunch of the parents in the monster family story - damon/ ollie (okay i'm really not planning for them to be together, but they cute u.u) - jebediah/ demon boyfriend - gunther/ harem - nadiya/ her girlfriend which i still haven't decided if i want her to be like a princess or a traveling swordsman of sorts) - the chimera girl i designed/ her human girlfriend - the fallen god/ mercenary 18. Any OC crackships? uhh i actually don't know :V anyone of the people listed being w/ someone else would be a crackship? idk every other pairing i know i wouldn't like lol 19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) i guess eliott! i guess also catherine, ricky, comet, and/ or captain since they were my fist group of ocs i wrote a bit about, but i think eliott means a lot more bc he was the one that got me thinking more about ocs :> 20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? for some reason i feel like rosa would be a singer? va hc would be someone w/ a strong husky voice and she would probably sing really well in kind of old slow songs you hear in old bars i also thought maybe lillie could sing too, but they’d usually be softer songs or lullabies to calm herself down it’d be nice/ cool to write for fallen god to be able to sing as well, and maybe the mercenary too so they can have nights signing together. maybe fallen god can sing songs that are in their own god language or whatever, and mercenary can watch in awe there may be others but i can’t think of them rn/ they might be charas i haven’t fully made yet 21. Your most artistic OC lmao it’s a bunch of ocs that i haven’t developed my ocs enough for me to know so let’s skip i guess 22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? i mean, people get some stuff wrong about my ocs sometimes but they’re usually so small that i really don’t care about it lol 23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? hmm they relatively stayed the same personality wise but i assure you everyone’s changed from their initial drawing of them 24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? that's. a really hard choice actually lol bc i wanna be hugged by one of the parents in the monster family story i made, but i also wanna hang out w/ the characters that i can comfortably hang out w/ lol 25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) everyone’s got a bit of shared piece of themselves w/ their ocs don’t they? 26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? against my will? i can’t think of anything that i changed against my will so no :V 27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? the only two i can come up rn are: alistair (devil wears a suit and tie) and rosa (o, raven) 28. Your most dangerous OC? i guess the chimera girl i made since she’s trying to fit in the modern life? i mean i still haven’t thought of her story yet but i know she Angery 29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? ace, aiden, maybe keaton 30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? mel, eva, roy 31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) eliott: landscape stuff, muted colours, mystical content here and there ace: default theme, memes, probably has a side blog that’s more of an aesthetic blog mel: super aesthetic blog, romance themed 32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? literally anyone in the renegade group i could’ve said anyone in the hunters group but they’re all fucking idiots (lee would be more closer to the renegade’s level tho) 33. Your shyest OC? eliott, roy, audrey, fallen god 34. Do you have any twin characters? i literally want to design twin ocs just to have twin ocs jdshfkjsdf 35. Any sibling characters? audrey, dylan, and elle + eve and juno + ace and jack 36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? nah not really lol 37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human ?? i barely have human characters in the first place, unless this one means humanoid :V 38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? iiiii can’t think of anyone other than the two parents i thought of that i’m planning to be dance teachers lmao 39. Introduce any character you want i haven’t drawn them yet but fallen god and mercenary are two unnamed characters that i recently started thinking of where fallen god falls from the heavens and looses their sight, and the merc runs from their past meet and they team up together w/ the merc being fallen god’s eyes and the fallen go being their protector 40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share! i guess it;s just sentimental ones like, first ocs, first compliments, first art/ fic of them, etc. 41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) YEAH AND EVERYONE DRAWS THEM CUTER THAN I DO (well i mean these were from freebies, art trades/ games, and gifts but still) please check out ace’s other’s art gallery and eliott’s other’s art gallery, bc they have the most of them (bc i ask for them a lot lol) 42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? whoever in middle school age i guess 43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess big n beefy, jokesters, heart of gold 44. Something you like about your OCs in general that i made them all (well of course not the adopted kids) 45. A character you no longer use? everyone every time i don’t focus on their story anymore than i used to ;;;; 46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? fortunately no, and i hope no one does and it’d stop to others bc wow that’s rude as hell 47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? okay literally the first time i made eliott, everyone i knew wanted to adopt him as their kid lol 48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure eliott, parker, elle (i love all of them tho :’D) 49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes ace, roman, ricky, aiden, dylan, eva, ollie 50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want i love all of my babes okay good night

#king speaks #ocs #yetanotherOCmeme #long post

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