#Vega Nocturne

[kingdomkeykitsune]

KHOC WEEK 2023 DAY 3: FRIENDS OR LOVERS

I will never not love this sketch and I'll pull it out any given opportunity I swear.

So, Kimbri has a LOT of interpersonal connections that mean a lot to her, but a little fun fact I've shared before and will likely share again is that it's thanks to @khoc-week that she has an official ship! Kimbri and Leon's relationship got it's start with the original KHOC Week's AU day prompt where I drew a silly little Shoujo AU where Kimbri had a crush on Leon. (I was a bit late to that prompt, didn't post it until the 6th but I drew it the day before so their anniversary is August 5th!) Things just grew from there, and now I couldn't imagine not having this ship!

Anyway, into the lore! I'll just hit the highlights about who her most important people are. These are listed in no particular order

Leon, of course. The love of her life, her sweet lion. Couldn't imagine a life without him at this point, and thankfully she'll never have too.

Aerith, her best friend and a sort of surrogate sister figure.

Ienzo, since they were both wards of Ansem the Wise she considers him her little brother.

Vega, her biological big brother who went missing during the Fall, he's the one she's searching for.

Cloud, a close friend (and in some AUs an additional romantic partner, poly ftw) She is often frustrated with his constant disappearing acts.

Sora, she basically adopted him as an additional little brother after meeting him during KH1.

Echo, in Sister AU Echo gets the same treatment as her brother, becoming a beloved ray of sweetness and sunshine in Kimbri's life.

Cid, he's been her surrogate father figure for the past decade or so since the Fall.

Vincent, also fills the role of a surrogate father, but in a different way than Cid does.

Rosa, the mysterious woman who ran Traverse Town's only restaurant, she provided a nurturing feminine presence in Kimbri's life that had previously been sorely lacking as all her parental figures since her birth parents passed had been men.

Merlin, he taught her most of what she knows about magic after she lost her memories of most of Ansem's teachings for reasons unknown to her.

Orihime, Sora and Echo's mother. She doesn't meet her until very late in the story but she quickly becomes very dear to her, reminding of her birth mother in the most comforting way.

Ansem the Wise, her uncle and guardian with whom she currently has a strained relationship. She loves him dearly but it's hard to reconcile that with the horrible things that happened under his watch, including her own trauma to do with the Apprentices' experiments.

And then there's a few that haven't been born yet

These are Leon and Kimbi's kiddos, who are of course some of her most precious people! Ariav and Nova are twins!

Ariav, the eldest, Mama's little helper who's always trying to fix things for her.

Nova, the middle child, strong willed and independent her mother is one of the few people who can reign her in without a fight.

Zephyr, the youngest, the biggest Mama's boy in the group, loves to sit and read or learn about magic with her. (He takes after Kimbri's father's side of the family so that's why he doesn't look much like the rest of the family. He also got Mama's "gets cold easily gene poor bab.)

#khocweek2023 #khoc week 2023 #khocweek #khoc week #khoc #kh oc #my oc #my art #Kimbri Nocturne #Kimbri #Vega Nocturne #Vega #Rosa Tavernkeep #Rosa #Orihime #Ariav #Nova #Zephyr #not tagging the canons this time #too many tags

[spockvarietyhour]

Nocturne Op55N1

#Cyberpunk 2077 #Nocturne Op55N1 #Valerian Vega #Johnny Silverhand #Hanako Arasaka #Danny Plays Cyberpunk 2077

[hungry-hobbits]

i never posted my finished fallout dragons + 2 new additions

i deviated from some of the original plans just because of cost and ease tbh but i love how theyve all turned out

fr: hungryhobbits#387688

#flightrising #fallout new vegas #fallout #fr #fnv #fr guardian #fr spiral #fr obelisk #fr coatl #fr nocturne #fr tundra #ive been making mad bank during NOTN so 8 and borous finally got bright eyes #i was gonna give em to mobius too but lightning common is bright enough without it so it wouldnt be much of a difference

[receptorconsuming]

I know you recomended some video essays a while back, do you have any favorite people who post them?

hi! i definitely do! i'll link them, along with a few of my personal favorites of their videos.

Video essay channels with an educational/academic thread to them:

Jacob Geller (What's the Point of Taking Apart a Body?/Why do Horror Games Sound so Beautiful?/Four Short Games about Pain, Control Anatomy and the Legacy of the Haunted House)

hbomberguy (Pathologic is Genius, And here's Why/ROBLOX_OFF.MP3/Fallout: New Vegas is Genius, And Here's Why)

Leadhead (What Makes a Great Team Fortress 2 Map?/ Portal, Cracks in the System/The Sims and Suburban Hell)

MertKayKay (The Most Disgusting Game I Have Ever Played/How to Miss the Point of Silent Hill)

Video game reviews with essay commentary:

Grimbeard (Michigan: Report From Hell/The Vampire Diaries/Nocturne)

RagnarRox (World of Horror is a Dream Come True/Haunting Ground is a Psycho-Sexual Horror Masterpiece/A Love Letter to Vampire: The Masquerade)

DungeonChill (That Time Robert de Niro Made a Game/The Weirdest Time Travel Game on PS2/Are You Afraid of the Dark?/The Scariest Educational Game Ever Made)

MandaloreGaming (The Mystery of the Druids/Limbo of the Lost/Anonymous Agony: An Extra Edgy Adventure Game/The Penumbra Collection Review)

The Sphere Hunter (Haunting Ground: The Hidden Horror Gem/Parasite Eve, the Cinematic RPG in Video Game History/Why RE7's Opening is So Effective)

Video essay channels that cover specific aspects of games:

TBSkyen (Channel focused on character design, animation, and art -- A character design hot take for every League of Legends character/The Animation of Arcane/The Many Meanings of Bloodborne)

Scruffy (Channel focused on audio design -- How Audio Enhances the Horror of FNAF/Sound Intensity in FNAF/Proximity Chat and Horror)

Tech Rules (Channel focused on coding and game design -- Ruining FNaF by Dissecting the Animatronics/Ruining Baldi's Basics by Dissecting Baldi's AI/Ruining DDLC by Revealing Every Trick)

Hope you enjoy any that you check out!! ^^

#not games #.txt

[phantomphangphucker]

Phic Phight - A Vega-Bond Space Case

@a-closet-emo @Anguished-Lurker @library-of-cronos @ghostboidanny @lexosaurus @uniasus @redactedgoose

Danny has a thing for space, always had, except now his ‘thing’ for space was more like actually physically BEING space. Danny’s also always had a thing for NASA, these two things were of course related since NASA’s entire thing was space, except now NASA also has a thing for Danny

Danny didn’t exactly have a ton of ways to go about being within his ‘domain’ as it were or satisfying that pesky little obsession of his. Yes he could go star gazing or literally fly up into space, which was great and all, but no matter how much you love and feel fulfilled by something it’s still good and needed to spice things up a bit. ClockWork subtly messed with the time stream in harmless, to time and the future, ways. Nocturne gave people nightmares even though that did disrupt their ability to sleep. Undergrowth went and ‘adopted a kid’ aka Sam to ‘raise someone worthy’ even though there was no need.

In short, everyone occasionally did something different and new.

So, Danny figured he should too. After all, he was still somewhat human and humans get bored and burnt out a lot easier and quicker. And Danny getting bored and burnt out meant an Obsessive crisis or two, which he’d rather avoid thank you very much. So he figured he‘d try something completely new, a way of being all ✨Space✨ by simply talking about it instead of staring at it or being physically surrounded by it. And by talking he means online, because he is not going to attempt to become a science teacher just to talk about space at bored teenagers or something. Sure him starting a vlog to excitedly blab about space was probably pretty silly, and sure he could also use the term vtuber since he used a 3d model to attempt to hide his identity, and sure he didn’t exactly expect many people to care; but it was nice. The 3d model was a fun little project for him and Tuck, and Sam had enjoyed picking out the things quirky clothing, and watching it move to his facial features and voice was really cool. It was almost like getting to listen to someone else blabber about space, which was super nice even if they weren’t actually even a real person or saying anything he hasn’t said before. It’s not like anyone could actually tell him something he didn’t already know anyways.

What Danny hadn’t expected was for his stupid little white-haired (because of course), shark-toothed, sparkly-skinned, virtual model vlog channel to actually do well. Like yes, some of his stuff was shorter clips, more ‘digestible’ as Jazz would say, but most of it was hours of knowledge vomit with breaths usually only taken for comedic effect. Then again, he was obsessed with space before he half died and it literally became his Obsession or before he became the literal god of space; so there was bound to be regular humans who actually did want to watch a five hour video about the composition of Jupiter’s rings and how it having slightly different compositions would change it. He’s still baffled that that video has over one million views, he’s also very thankful he went the 3d model route. He’s also thankful he still finds the channel name he picked funny: Vega-bond, after the North Star and based off of the word vagabond, since space was endless so his home as a being was effectively everywhere and nowhere and he could wander it’s and his own vastness forever. It had also caused some ‘James bond in space’ jokes though, even if he’s never actually see all those movies it was still funny.

Leaning back in his chair and editing a couple more seconds of a clip, taking a bite out of his sandwich and scowling. Ew. He really should learn to stop letting Jazz make food for him. Not only was she just as bad at cooking as he was, possibly worse actually, but she kept putting ectoplasm in his food! Intentionally or not, he doesn’t care. The sandwich goes back on the plate, he’ll get crackers later, right now he’s got a bit on asteroid turn over rates to fix. He’s also pretty sure this is the video where he goes on a bit of a tangent about the flavour of space rocks and what a star would most likely taste like to someone if they were able to eat one. Which fine, not the smartest thing to be talking about in a public form like this but hey, that hasn’t bit him in the ass yet. That Absentiona planet a few galaxies over was way too cool not to talk about okay! At least it seemed like a lot of people either thought he was theorising or that he actually worked with a space program and had been given permission to use the internet to educate people, since most people were not spending their time reading all of NASA’s public reports like he was.

…

Danny was also reading their not public reports of course, a great use of Tuck’s hacking skills if he says so himself. He left most of the internal memos alone since those were near always personell stuff and seldom related to space. (Which was something he was going to regret deeply later or maybe not). He did try to make a point to not talk about missions that hadn’t yet been made public or recent human discoveries that NASA hasn’t yet had a chance to publish their papers and internal memos on, Danny wasn’t trying to accidentally get people accused of plagiarism or rip away months to years of research away from the people who figured it out by stealing their thunder. But he’d get excited and he couldn’t bring himself to cut out stuff after the fact.

So sue him if he’s maybe stolen someone’s thunder once or twice, and maybe talked about things that humans would have never discovered, or things that humans don’t have the physical capability to comprehend. Hopefully no one tries to actually sue him though, if NASA does that he’s positive he’ll ugly cry for, like, a week.

Hearing Jazz footsteps up the stairs he tilts his head back, “Jazz! Neither of us can cook! Including with freaking ectoplasm! Stop trying!”.

She pokes her head into his room with a huff, eyes the sandwich with a single bite taken out of it, “I refuse. I will figure out a way to make it work, you need it”.

“What I need is for my food to be edible and not have definitely old and corrupted ecto in it”.

She winces, “damn. You know I can’t tell that”.

“Then stop trying!”.

“No!”.

Danny picks up the sandwich and makes throwing motions with it, he doesn’t actually throw it because he’ll probably give her a damn ecto-burn with the thing. It’s a miracle it hasn’t started moving on its own yet. she comes in anyways and grabs the plate, putting a hand on her hip and holding it out for him to put the sandwich back down on, “I’ll throw this one in the incinerator, Danny, but I’m not stopping”.

He releases the sandwich, “you suck”.

She rolls her eyes at him and eyes the computer, smiling a little, “I’m not even going to ask, since I can’t grasp your space babble any more than you can grasp my psycho babble”.

Danny snorts, shaking his head as she leaves, his sister cares but damn was it ever inconvenient and hazardous to his health. He was a freaking Ancient after all, he could get by without freaking ectoplasm, he wasn’t some weak level six ghost; stupid cravings or no. Heck, he wasn’t even a child ghost anymore so it was even less necessary! Sighing, “she’s still not going to give it a rest, is she?”.

And then his email pings. Oh cool, it’s probably another comment since it looks like it’s from his channel linked email.

It is an email.

It’s an email from NASA.

Holy shit.

By all the Ancients including himself and every single one of their domains. What the zone?!?

He’s pretty sure he actually squeaked and started floating, some little stars might have even appeared in the air.

What should he do?!? Should he open it?!? Should he ask Tuck to hack it so that the message won’t read as read?!? Should he attempt to knock himself out so he doesn’t have to deal with this?!? Should he take that sandwich back purely so he can give himself a horrific upset stomach with it?!?

It’s fucking NASA!

He can’t just… not. Like, even if that was a good idea he absolutely has to know what NASA wants!

He’s not freaking out, you’re freaking out. He should call someone right?!?

Yes.

Yeah.

He should.

Purely so he doesn’t violently click open the email in Obsession fuelled glee and horror. Tuck doesn’t even get a chance to ask what’s up, “NASA fucking emailed me, man. What do I do?!? Like it’s totally NASA, right email and everything and it’s totally to my vlog email so oh my zone that means that NASA, FREAKING NASA, has been watching my shit! Is this good is this bad should I be complimented? Do they want to talk space or tell me to shut up about space! What am I going to do if they want me to shut up about space I can’t shut up about space and why would I shut up about space! Wait what if they have a space problem and I can like totally help with that shit and they think I’m some odd expert and not some random dude in small town USA! What if they think I’m one of their men and are going to try and give me shit for spilling space secrets because oh shit I’m pretty sure no one actually released that new shit about plutos gravitational pull which is super neat and all but what if they’re mad-”

“Danny man, shut up before you start speaking in tongues or something”

Danny doesn’t even hear him honestly, “-because I could totally understand them being mad but it’s not like I’m actually stepping on their turf since their turf is actually my turf and I’m technically only letting them in it because I can and because people knowing and learning about space is like super cool and I totally would still love to be an astronaut even if that is totally not possible for so many damn reasons! But wait what if that’s what they want that would be so cool! Even if I know that’s not how they hire people and even if I totally disagree with their choice of head engineer because he seems kind of like an ass but hey I’m kinda an ass and I’d be great at the job and oh fuck what if I ignore this for too long and they send another email what do I do then-”

“DANNY!”.

Danny jerks a little bit and falls from the ceiling nearly face planting into his floor, “oh I ah, whoops. Sorry Tuck, it’s just space and NASA and what if they emailed me about space and of course they emailed me about space they’re freaking NASA and my channel is about space we can totally talk space-”.

“I’m going to have Sam show up and throw her shoe at you if you don’t chill, man. I can’t give you advice or offer to try and help, if you won’t let me speak”.

Danny curling into himself and breathing a little, putting a hand over his shirt to feel the way his core is pulsing like crazy, “right, shit, just, give me one second to just vibrate my shit out”.

“Of course, I’m going to hack your email to at least give you a heads up if you should be actually worried”.

Danny wheezing, stars just sort of popping into existence around him, “yeah, yeah, that’s good”; he fiddles with one of the little stars like is a fidget toy. He always loved the way they felt, and tasted, and they just looked stupidly wonderful. Even if he had to be careful about it since him ‘getting starry’ could be hard on people’s eyes. Forming a little planetary ring and swirling it around with his fingers, “how do I even respond to NASA without coming off as crazy?”.

“Do not word vomit? Don’t tell them you’re a space god? Don’t get mad at them for getting something wrong?”.

Danny blinks, twirling the planetary ring around his finger, “so everything I’m inclined to do? Gotcha”.

“Dude”.

“Well what if they ask for my credentials? What else do I have besides acing flight simulators and being a literal god?!?”.

“You do have a point there, but you’re actually good. They aren’t trying to sue or silence you, they aren’t attacking your credibility, they aren’t accusing you of running an illegal space operation, they aren’t questioning if you’re an alien, and they aren’t commenting on you basically having a backdoor into their systems”, he chuckles, “you absolutely should open it, man. Stay on the line because I want to hear you cry”.

Oh? Oh no why would Danny cry??? But Tuck giving him a verbal thumbs up means he can’t not open it right?

He’s stares at the computer and it’s unread email for a while. He’s nearly vibrating out of his skin, he’s pretty sure one of his arms has unfurled as he likes to call it. Spread out into goo strings and pulsating constellations of eyes and teeth, gaps in between filled with galaxy’s and miniature planets that could barely be called an arm with fingers with hundreds of joints that could be long as trees if he let them; as it was they were wrapping around his desk he thinks.

He opens the damn email.

It’s…

It’s a freaking job offer and Danny basically explodes into galaxy’s and constellations and eyes and teeth and bits of different animals, and what comes out of his mouth is utter ghost speak gibberish and random space noises even to his ears. He has to fold his legs and feet under him because they’re just too long when he’s like this, all of him is but his legs are the most needlessly long, but he doesn’t drop the phone at least.

Then Jazz bangs open the door, “Danny what the hell! Oh why!”, and promptly passes out. He manages to catch her with his tail before she hits the ground at least, he forgets that he can be incomprehensible like this if whoever isn’t prepared. He’ll just leave her lying on the fluffy cloud space dust that made up the ‘fluff fur’ at the end of his tail till she wakes up.

Him whining immediately, “T̶͈͎͚͗͗ù̴̢̜͝c̴͖̯͐̔͜k̸̲͇̹̅͑͠ ̶̛̲̀̎I̵͕̔̆ ̴̞̘̌̌̃k̸̦͚̲̎n̸̳͛o̴̟̎c̷̩̕k̶̗͍̽͛̈́ͅe̶̢̛͍̐d̷͎̞͒ ̶̞̞̆̓̕J̵̦̭̤̽ȁ̶̰̖̈́͘z̸̧͇̼͝ẓ̴̹̳̇̑�� ̵̟͌̈̀o̵̡̝̅ṵ̷̚t̴̺̣͒̓̈́͜!”, and attempting to keep his voice not filled with the sound of dying stars.

Tuck laughs at least, “at this point she should know what she might be in for! You all space lovercraftian jerboa looking?”.

“D̶͙̪̃͠ủ̸̦̕d̵̜̑̔̒ę̴̛̥̻̒ ̶̜̊ͅǸ̵̞̐A̴̤͛͒̃S̸̢̓͗A̸͚̩̿,̴͉̊̔ ̸͂̋̅͜N̶̡̥͇̏A̵͍̐̌͘Ṡ̸͕͛̽Ã̷̯̫!̸̯̩͎̓̇̕,̷̳̈́ ̶̭̥̗̏i̷̥̘̻̐s̵͉͉̹̈͂͐ ̴͖̃͛t̶̘̚r̷͚̀̈́y̸͈͚̕ǐ̵̡ǹ̴͓g̵̣͇̱̚ ̶͖̕ṱ̶̝̫̈̂ö̶̻̲́̌͜ ̵̠̠̑ḩ̴̣̅̆͊i̷͎̠̤͌r̷͈̻͐̀͠e̶̡̮̽̀̈ ̶̡͕͒m̶̧̧̬͒é̷̺͙̈!̸̜̀ ̷̳͒͆Ỏ̸̳͖̰f̴̟̩̈́ ̵̼̔c̵̨͚̅̄͊ǒ̸̺̥̊ͅủ̴͇̬͎ŕ̵̳ṡ̸̟̼̪͋̿ȩ̸̢́͆̈́ ̵̢͔͗͒İ̵̪̦͒ ̷̟͎͉̈́̎â̶̺̭̥m̴̮̄!̵̘̰͛͜ ̴̠̀͠D̶̙͆o̶̠̬͂ͅ ̴̟͕̻̃̅͂t̷͖̦̳̃̂̈́h̷̜̣͊̏ē̴̡y̶̦̙̜͐͗̇ ̴͍̞̉́ͅk̴̗͗n̶̹̒ǒ̵̼̲̬̄̈́w̴̥̄̆ ̶̣̞̂̈w̶̢̧̝͗̕h̶͕͇̓̉͘e̶̳͎̎̅ͅr̵͕̊͆ĕ̷͚̮̾͝ ̶̡̭͊͒Í̴͇͝͝ ̶̦̤̔͂̚l̶͚̦͕̔͝i̴̺̍̄̑v̸̫̎̚͝ė̶̼͔̓͛ ̷̫̥̆o̶̩̍͘͠r̸̮̹͛ ̴̩͔̣͗̍̈́m̵̨̯̲̍y̷̮̤̖̌̾̾ ̵̯̜̈́a̵̪͇̐͝g̸̭͖̋ẽ̶͇ ̶͖͆w̶̔͜h̶͕̖̘͆̒̎y̶͕͇̾ ̸̬̠̈́d̴̰̈́o̷͇̽͒͘ë̴͈̭́s̶̺̭̈́ͅ ̸̜̇͆̌ḯ̷ͅt̷̪̗̩̔̿̇ ̴͖͈̼̄̊͋l̸̛̲͈͐̆ͅǒ̷̡̗ͅö̸̥́̍͆ḱ̷̭̟̪̈́̑ ̵̬̻̈́͘ͅl̴͕̙̞̐i̵̲̥̔̇̕k̶̛̫̎ê̶̼͙ ̴̫͌̑̆t̷̤̀̾ͅh̶̠̻̳͂̏e̸̛̺̣̬͂̾y̶̫̾̊ ̸͖̗̖̓͒̇d̸̮͈͆̿̏o̶̧͇̽͒͝n̶̖̈́’̷̡͔̮́̏t̴̛̙͑͝ ̶̡̰͋ȇ̷͓̘v̷̙̈́͠ͅe̸̡̙͍͠ṅ̴̰̚ ̴̠̦̾̈͛c̴̤̘͖͗̉̽a̵͔͑̚r̵̢͔̫̽́̒e̶̼̕ ̸̥̘͒̈́͐ͅá̶͎͝b̴̧͚̞̂ő̴̟̕͠ü̴̱̐͌t̶͔̻̙͒ ̵̹̳͉͂̉̉á̶̠̯̚͜ṅ̶̦̜̈́ẏ̶̛̪͙͘ ̴̢̥͖̈́c̷͙̓̈́́r̷̜̳͖͑ḕ̴͉̣̂͜d̸̲̬̒̊͝ę̸͕̋̾̏n̷̺̤̂t̴̤̐̽͋i̸͍͕̻͌̒ả̴̘̝͑ͅl̸̺͎̅̾̈š̶̻͚́̒”

“Danny chill, I can’t actually understand you and you’re going to wreck my phones speaker, I’m taking that mess as a yes and do you really think they’ll hire you if you can’t keep yourself together? I’m pretty sure they can’t let a horror monster onto a spaceship”.

Damn Tuck always knew how to cool him down quickly, he doesn’t compact himself back to ‘normal’ though just squishes down enough that he’s not knocking anything over or making the ceiling creak. Moving that tail that Jazz is still on so it and her are laying on his bed, “r̵i̷g̸h̶t̴,̷ ̴r̵i̸g̶h̴t̶,̷ ̸y̶e̷a̵h̶ ̶t̴h̷a̷t̵,̶ ̴t̷h̸a̴t̸ ̵w̴o̸u̷l̷d̶n̵’̸t̴ ̷g̵o̴ ̵o̴v̵e̶r̸ ̸w̴e̴l̷l̴”̵”.

“No kidding. Now did you put a hole through anything with your horns?”:

Danny glances around, it didn’t look like it at least. Plus Tuck didn’t call them goddamn bunny ears for a change, regardless of how similar they looked. “N̶o̶,̸ ̸d̴o̵n̷’̸t̵ ̷t̴h̷i̵n̴k̸ ̸s̶o̶”.

“You’re getting better! Congrats! Now are you going to try and take this job? Can you even type with your fingers right now?”.

Danny looking back to the computer and the email on screen, he has to really curl and bend his joints up and one of his shoulders is going past the entire computer but he can manage, “t̵h̴e̸r̸e̷'̵s̵ ̷n̵o̵ ̴w̵a̵y̴ ̸I̷ ̷c̴a̵n̴’̶t̷ ̵a̷t̷ ̷l̸e̸a̶s̵ ̵t̵r̷y̸,̴ ̷T̷u̷c̴k̴,̷ ̵a̵n̸d̴ ̴b̴a̴r̵e̷l̷y̶ ̶b̴u̵t̸ ̴y̷e̸s̷”.

“Alright then shoot your shot, man. Just try not to give away that you’re an eldritch horror”.

Danny can t help but grin, his teeth and lips swirling and curling on the sides of his face like galaxies, “t̷h̶a̸n̷k̴ ̷T̵u̸c̵k̸,̴ ̸s̸o̴r̶r̴y̵ ̴i̷f̶ ̷I̴ ̵f̴u̷c̶k̶e̴d̵ ̸u̶p̴ ̴y̸o̴u̸r̷ ̵p̸h̵o̵n̸e̵ ̴a̸g̵a̵i̷n̷”.

“Think nothing of it, Danny, not only do I expect it but I legit do not mind at all. I’ll take my best friend getting a hella awesome job offer that makes him go eldritch nightmare fuel on my ear drums over impromptu rescue mission any day”, Tuck laughing as he hangs up.

Man is Danny ever glad he called his goddamn best friend. The message he sends back to FREAKING NASA is excited but not overly crazy. He doesn’t go on a tangent, he only hits the wrong keys a few times and has to fix it, he doesn’t accidentally break anything, and he doesn’t mention anything that he knows NASA doesn’t know about. Yes he wants the job, yes that would be very awesome, yes he promises he has the capability, yes yes yes. Oh he’s vibrating again and a couple of his stars that comprise up part of his knee explode and reform.

Jazz groaning makes him still, moving a hand to have two finger tips over her eyes, “s̶o̷r̸r̴y̷,̴ ̴t̸o̵o̷ ̴e̶x̴c̷i̷t̸e̴d̷ ̴t̵o̸ ̵c̸o̶m̴p̴a̴c̷t̶ ̸m̸y̴s̸e̷l̵f̶ ̸r̶i̷g̴h̶t̸ ̶n̷o̶w̵.̷ ̶N̷A̸S̵A̵ ̶y̷e̵s̵ ̸N̴A̴S̶A̸ ̶o̶f̵f̵e̶r̶e̵d̷ ̷m̶e̴ ̵a̶ ̴j̵o̷b̸ a̴n̵d̸ I̵ ̷a̴m̵ ̵l̴o̵s̵i̵n̴g̷ ̵m̴y̵ ̷m̸i̶n̵d̷ ̶a̶n̷d̷ ̷c̴o̷r̸e̵ a̵ l̵i̷t̵t̶l̸e̶ ̵b̶i̸t̴ ̶h̷e̵r̴e̷”.

She beams, sitting up slowly and not moving Danny’s fingers off of her eyes, “that’s awesome Danny!”, she points in the direction his voice came from, “you better have said yes”.

“I̸t̸’̸s̶ ̷N̸A̵S̷A̴ ̵o̶f̶ ̸c̶o̵u̵r̷s̸e̵ ̴I̸ ̷d̸i̶d̶!̸”, pouting to himself, “I̴’̷m̶ ̸j̵u̴s̸t̵ ̷t̴r̸y̷i̴n̷g̷ t̵o̴ ̷f̶i̷g̸u̶r̸e̷ ̸o̷u̷t̷ ̴h̷o̶w̶ ̸t̷o̸ ̴e̷v̸e̸n̵ g̸o̸ t̴h̸e̴r̷e̸ ̵w̵i̷t̶h̷o̵u̷t̴ ̷b̶e̶i̶n̶g̵ ̵a̵l̴l̷ ̷n̶i̷g̵h̶t̴m̴a̸r̶e̷ f̴u̵e̴l̵”.

She hums and taps her chin, “yeah your potential employer or coworkers wouldn’t appreciate having to wear blind folds or ear protection in case you get too excited or hyper-fixate into your Obsession too much”, humming some more, “obviously depowering yourself would be stupid, so don’t even think about it. They found you through your vlog I'm to guess, which I know you’re a little too liberal on with information, so they probably know something about you is off, so you can get away with being a little strange; your more human level of strange at least”. He’s fully fucking aware of that, hence why this was kind of a problem, even in his human form he wasn’t going to be able to contain himself super well. Just getting the job offer made him unfurl entirely, actually getting the job? He’s going to accidentally rip the building apart or something. She nods to herself, “well you will not get the job like this, meaning you will not be able to do space stuff with NASA if you can’t keep a lid on this”.

He knows tha- oh OH! Okay yeah. Okay. Right sometimes he needed others to tell him that shit for his core to get the damn message. Jazz nearly stumbling forward off his bed when he folds in on himself, leaving his white-haired ‘normal’ ghost self floating vaguely in the middle of the room and blinking at her, “point received apparently”, and shakes his head. He wasn’t exactly a super huge fan of his eldritch form, it was freaky and so disconnected from how a human body worked and moved.

She cracks an eye open cautiously before opening them fully at Danny being normal, “okay good”, standing up and moving on slightly shaky legs to his closet, “now what do you have to wear that is professional and doesn’t make you seem obessesed with space”.

He floats after her, “it’s a space job shouldn’t I dress space-themed?”, his laptop email pinning results in him nearly teleporting to it.

“No. They can already tell you’re crazy about space from the vlog, you don’t want to seem like that’s all you care about and love by also dressing in space themed clothing”.

Danny vibrates, it’s from NASA, NASA!, oh he almost wants to spread out again just to have more of him to vibrate! They set a date! A time! Three days.

It’s in three days!

They were moving so fast! Oh they definitely knew something weird was up with him! Was that good? Bad? Probably good-ish. Otherwise they’d care about his schooling and expirence and wouldn’t possibly ignore his inhumanness. He knows he’s got stars zipping through his hair and too many eyes when he looks at Jazz, “three days. They want to talk to me in three days! Me!”, and screams a little.

She hurls a button up patterned like a arcade floor at his face, “if you scream at them they won’t hire you, and what you’re saying is they’re not giving you any time to actually calm down. They are absolutely trying to figure out how you know what you know by blindsiding you like this”.

Danny gestures ridiculously, “and I don’t even care because it’s NASA, NASA can mess with me all they want!”. He pops that stupid tail of his out and bits the fluffy space dust, spinning head over heels in the air excitedly. This was awesome! So cool! Even if they didn’t hire him or thought he was utterly insane he would still get to met them! This was the best day ever!

She laughs at his antics, “you are so lucky mom and dad aren’t here right now. Even if they would be very proud”, she grabs him, stilling his spinning but almost dragging her along with, “as I am, but you definitely got to keep yourself contained. Even if they do want to hire ‘nightmare fuel’ they won’t if they think meeting you was a hallucination”.

He pouts a little, dropping his tail from his mouth, “I know that”, pouting a little more, “it’s times like this I’d rather look more like Clocky than Nocturne”.

“I know, but it suits you, and at least if you do wind up going to space legally any stars might get brushed off as just being part of space”.

“Aka part of me”.

She rolls her eyes at him before going wide-eyed and jumped up, “oh! Now I need to figure out how to make space food for you!”.

“What?!? No! Bad! What if you poison one of the astronauts!”.

“Then you can nurse them back to health”.

“Do not mess with my protectiveness like that!”.

She only laughs at him, but at least he gets himself human again, tail sticking around so he can fiddle with the ‘fluff’ while attempting to keep editing and not vibrate himself out of his mortal flesh again. He fails at that repeatedly.

----

Pretty much the only thing that’s keeping him compact and human while he’s getting ready for the goddam interview with NASA is the fact he absolutely will not get the job without being at least human passing. Sam actually showed up and stole all his space themed clothing -even the underwear!- to make sure he couldn’t wear it. He does go with the dress shirt Jazz threw at him that day, wound up picking pants that he’s pretty sure are actually Sam’s that she just left here, and a stupid pair of dress shoes Vlad gave him once. Heck he even threw on a yellow bandanna around his neck to make double sure his scars were hidden! Who knows if his medical history was going to get questioned because he’d fail that shit instantaneously.

… Unfortunately none of that matter at all.

Why?

Because the second he got to the freaking NASA field centre he loses his human form from pure excitement… and the secretary walks out before he can change back! At least he didn’t unfurl or explode! She… isn’t even surprised and that’s enough to keep him from vibrating himself into the floor. She just leads him, currently a ghost -she knows this isn’t what any human being looks like right? She can see that he’s glowing right? Right!?!-, into the little interview room.

He.

Is in.

A NASA interview room. He wants to smell the walls and eat them. Shit his teeth are too big. He slaps his cheeks mere seconds before his apparent interviewer comes in.

At least as a ghost his cheeks won’t be tinted red. Fuck him entirely.

The man actually chuckles, setting papers down on the desk and holding his hand out for a hand shake. How the Zone is this going okay? He shakes the man’s hand, his name tag says ‘A. Bowman’. Holy shit he’s one of the actual higher up’s!

… Oh they one hundred percent knew something was funky with ‘Vega-bond’ if they sent a higher up to talk to him.

Bowman eyes his own hand as they both sit down, Danny aggressively forcing himself not to float, “ghost skin tingles, interesting”, looking at Danny properly, “well I suppose this answers one of many questions, or rather most of many”.

Danny being a ghost was a… good thing? Well alright then. Tilting his head, “it does?”. He didn’t even mean to show up looking like this!

Bowman knits his fingers together and leans forwards at him, actually grinning, “it does. Your channel, you’ve talked about subjects, in depth, that even we have no knowledge of. It was much too in-depth to not be reality, and while encouraging plenty of debates is a good outcome actually meeting the person behind it is far more valuable”.

Sweet Ancients the job offer was serious. It is so hard to bounce around or something, fuck his eyes are probably glowing a bit too much to be pleasant to look at, “I technically am not actually supposed to be talking about that stuff but I get carried away easily”, and rubs his neck awkwardly.

Bowman hums at him and Danny doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. “Well I can certainly say I’m glad space excites you”, he shuffles the papers a bit, “I take it your interest in space, regardless of your state of living, is why you agreed to this interview?”.

Danny nodding immediately, “yeah! I’ve actually wanted to be an astronaut since I could walk, you know, before the obvious happened”. Oh Zone is he going to have to explain dying to NASA? “I’m pretty sure no doctor in their right mind would clear me to go to space, legally at least”.

Bowman nods acceptingly, “and based on your wealth of knowledge it’s clear you would have been willing to work towards that childhood dream, yes?”.

Danny begins gesturing a little excitedly, “I used to build model rockets and memorised every space flight simulator I could get my hands on. I spent years saving up for the best telescope money could buy and never missed any celestial event. My family even paid for a zero gravity flight once as my birthday and truce- I mean christmas present”, laughing awkwardly to try and stop himself from rambling, “I probably had a concerning amount of drive for it”.

“That’s the only kind worth having”, the man nods strongly, “anything less and this isn’t a good fit. Would you say you still have that drive?”.

“If I didn’t I wouldn’t be me”, Danny says that in the firm voice he usually used when fighting someone genuinely dangerous or lecturing the Observants about trying to inhibit him.

Bowman grins at that, “good. Then-”, eyeing the papers, “-obviously your, younger appearance means you don’t have any work experience to speak of. So what experience do you have?”.

“Does being a town hero since my freshman year of high school count as previous working experience? I feel like it should”. Like really, the sheer amount of ‘experiences’ he’s had could fill novels and pad out entire tv shows. “I’ve fist fought a god? Multiple gods actually?”.

“Typically, we strictly prefer if our employees don’t get into fist fights”.

Ah yeah, that tracked and was fair. “Think of a weird situation and I’ve probably done it, I had to land one of your spacecrafts once actually since it became sentient and tried to eat me; everyone got mind wiped because it was a little too weird for most people to handle remembering. I’ve got lots of lab experience and my hazmat isn’t just for show, especially with handling hazardous materials; granted I am made of hazardous materials. I’ve time travelled, had to wrangle sentient turkey, been inside books, been shrunk”.

Bowman shaking his head and pulling a tablet out of the drawer, holding up a finger while he types on it.

Danny really hopes he’s not in trouble, he could probably go on forever about the things he’s done. Oh and now his tails out, damn it, at least it’s just wrapped around his one ankle and he’s squishing its space dust fluff with his foot for something to do other than mentally freak out.

Bowman puts the tablet down, oh hey he was looking Phantom up! for stories about the stuff he’s done? Him eyeing Danny, “you’ve ridden a dragon and yet want to be an astronaut?”.

Danny beams, “yes!”, rubbing his neck, “dragons aren’t that special to me, since my younger sister is one. I’m literally from a dimension that doesn’t have gravity and I’ve been to space a lot”.

He blinks, “you’ve already been to space?”.

Oh are they going to be bothered he violated space sanctions? Laughing awkwardly, “I’m always in a state of zero gravity and don’t need to breathe, so yeah as soon as I knew I could I did. I’ve been outside of the Milky Way multiple times”. How the actual Zone would this interview have even gone if he had managed to stay human the whole time???

Bowman looks baffled, “you’ve actually been outside of the Milky Way? No human could ever hope to do that”, he looks more confused, “if you can do such a thing then why would you want to work with us?”.

He’s honestly a little lost on why Bowman is even confused why Danny’d want to still work at NASA, it’s NASA! Traveling to space with other people who are crazy about space would be a-mazing! Regardless of how much they know or don’t he could excitedly babble with people who could excitedly babble back and actually understand each other! He could see all their faces when they see all his space and their fascination and love for all of it! And ain’t that great all on its own? Sure he could observe them as he is now from space but it would be so different to actually be in there with them and have them actually know he’s there! Should he tell Bowman that Danny’s the one that rescued Oppy? Technically he shouldn’t have and yes the Observants gave him shit but that ‘I’ll be seeing you’ song broke his still somewhat human heart and he had to save the little fella. Danny quirks an eyebrow, “because travelling to space with others who love and research space and seeing all the wonder and research over it sounds like a dream?”.

Bowman blinks and nods, “then it’s more the people, the science, than the mere act of going to space for you?”, tilting his head, “how far have you gone?”.

“I… can’t answer that second one since that would confirm whether or not the universe has an edge”. It didn’t but he can’t be confirming that. “And that might mess with established reality and multiple gods would get very mad at me”. Bowman looks impressed actually. “But yeah, it’s the people and just getting to work with and for NASA. I couldn’t think of a better thing to do with my afterlife”, rubbing his neck, “obviously I still have my protector job to do but it wouldn’t interfere”.

“You can still protect your town while also being on a spaceship?”.

“Time and space are more malleable than people think”, shrugging, “and I can duplicate my body so being two places at once isn’t really an issue”. Not to mention the fact that he literally was space so he could move through it however he pleased. Huh, it’s starting to feel more like he’s just talking to a person than NASA which is making this freak his shit out a little less.

Bowman nods more to himself, “and if you can leave the Milky Way and return in an infinitely small amount of time then you could certainly do the same within its system”, lifting his hands up and resting his chin on them, “well my mind’s certain made up, consider yourself hired. If I may, how do you move though space and time so fast? Are there improvements we could make to our suits or crafts, you think?”.

Danny’s pretty sure his smile breaks his face a little and there’s stars in his teeth, a nebula in his mouth when he speaks, “a̷w̷e̸s̵o̵m̸e̵!”, clearing his throat and ignoring Bowman’s wince, “o̶h̸ t̶h̵i̶s̵ ̵i̶s̵ ̵s̴o̴ ̷a̴m̶a̵z̶i̷n̴g̸!”, there’s a little pop and crackle, a high pitched whine sizzle; oh shit he might have broken a minor galaxy, whoops. Being a young god was a such a pain. He swats at some of the stars that had cropped up around his head and through his hair, “heh. Got a little excited there”.

“I’m pretty sure you just created tiny stars”, Bowman looks stuck between awe and bafflement, “the sheer amount of research that would be available with stars so small. How?”.

“Uh”. Well shit, there goes the ‘be normal Danny’ crap. But! But but but but but! NASA WANTS HIM! Like ACTUALLY wants HIM! HIM! Sure he’s going to get asked so many questions about him and how he is what he is but it’ll be by astronomists! And astrochemists! And astrophysicists! And just general stargazers! He wants to scream but if he does that he’s going to terrify this guy! Ugh! Shaking his head out and possibly sending away eyes that shouldn’t be there, tail squeezing around his ankle a little, “okay so it might not be super public right now but I have space-related powers? Space is my thing as a ghost”.

Bowman makes a couple of faces, “do these powers often act up when you’re excited? Are any coworkers going to need to be briefed on you?”, eyeing the tablet, “so it’s similar to the… Box Ghosts interest in boxes?”.

Should… should Danny just say fuck it and tell this man that he’s not simply space related but the literal personification of space??? It would probably explain some stuff and holy shit no way could Danny actually really keep himself all contained if he gets to GO TO SPACE WITH NASA! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. His stupid horns are gonna pop out at this point, ugh. “Probably a good idea, heh. I’m young so I guess, you could say, I don’t keep the best lid on myself. I totally definitely want to see and get involved in everything immediately but if I do that I will definitely terrify you guys and possibly destroy something even if I will definitely be able to fix it too”, oh he’s vibrating now, great, “I can definitely be a lot in a lot of categories but you can’t really use me or mine for research, or well none of mine that’s actually like directly connected to me since studying all of mine is kinda what y’all do but the more direct me me is very ghostly and made of ecto and totally useless for human based research”. Danny manages to make himself shut up, it’s a feat really, his horns are absolutely poking out his hair a little.

A shooting stars goes across his chest and Bowman absolutely stares at it. The man eyeing Danny’s hair/horns and his face, while Danny’s trying to keep his grin from doing that damn spiral galaxy thing at the edges. “It… sounds like you view space as being yours and… your appearance can clearly change to something less human-looking”.

Oh no Danny’s made this awkward. He can’t rescind the job right? Right! “Lots of ghosts can be on the incomprehensible side, I’m generally good at not pulling that out on people. And um, it kinda is? I’m not exactly a normal ghost, more of a person who ascended into becoming a personification?”, gesturing wth a hand that’s fingers are a little too long and sharp and have a few too many joints, “I’m not gonna like spoil things or steal people’s glory or anything though I’m pretty good at making sure I don’t spill the beans on something I know NASA’s researching even if there’s nothing to be found that I don’t know but people researching and finding out and being baffled and loving space is my jam and I love it very much and would very much like to be along for the ride and aid?”.

Bowman squints at Danny, making him squeak a sound similar to Benstoma’s fire rain. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. PLEASE! “Are you claiming you’re a… personification of part or all of space? And that’s why you know things we could never hope to know and why you spent hours talking about such things online?”.

“Yes? Am I still hired?”.

… “Can you refrain from creating stars and what sounded like what we’ve hypothesised a minor cool dwarf star exploding would sound like?”.

“I won’t do it on the ship? Or near research stuff? Or I’ll keep it contained inside myself very solidly?”.

Bowman actually sighs tiredly at him, oh no now Danny’s getting the reaction he always did from people who had put up with his bullshit for a little too long. Shit. Blurting out, “I’m also the person who rescued Oppy?”; yanking out his phone and showing the selfie he took with the little rover, giving a very awkward smile. Oh the Observants were gonna be pissed about this entire conversation holy shit.

Bowman stares at him, almost looking like he’s tearing up a little, before shaking his head, “oh what the hell, who am I to tell literal space itself ‘no’”, and stands up to shake Danny’s hand again.

Danny absolutely wants to unfurl and maybe if Jazz and Tuck and Sam hadn’t been very aggressive about pointing how bad of an idea that would be then he would have. As it is he just vibrates, tail unwinding and swishing around, “y̸o̵u̸ ̸a̵r̸e̸ ̴t̸h̴e̴ ̶b̶e̸s̴t̶!”, standing up and giving the man his hand shake, quickly realising he’s at least a foot taller that he should be; crap his legs got all long and weirdly animisticly jointed.

Bowman’s blinking down at the tail, “is that made out of IDP’s and micro-meteors?”; meanwhile Danny’s shaking out his legs to get them back to a more human length.

Danny blinking, oops. Moving the tail end fluff up into his own hands and cupping it, still having to lean down a little, “yup! Most of my, uh, I guess ‘fur’? is cosmic dust. Wanna touch it? It won’t hurt you”, shrugging, “my stars do burn though so don’t touch those”.

Bowman looks absolutely fascinated and Danny is absolutely living for it! He’s vibrating again and just seeing the man poking it and thinking a mile a minute is making Danny oh so giddy. Some parts of him are absolutely getting all goopy constellations but it’s not too extreme… yet. Is this why ClockWork never really put up much of a fight when Danny wanted to do dumb shit with the time stream? Because it was just so great and satisfying to watch someone be focused in on your thing as an Ancient? And he thought talking to people in the comments section about everything space was a rush, this was so much better! He’s gonna have to make sure he doesn’t aggressively over indulge.

Bowman hums, “actually seeing cosmic dust moving as it does this close is certainly interesting”, looking at Danny’s face, “you won’t contaminate our samples though”.

“Oh absolutely not! Messing up space research would go against my nature so that’s not gonna happen”. Danny would never! Plus if he even could he would have already considering he’s already been inside basically every NASA building by now; including some that don’t exist anymore or never did and never will.

Bowman grinning, “good. Even if you can’t also be an impromptu sample source”.

Danny holding up a finger, “I also can’t or shouldn’t really, answer your questions for you. What’s on my channel isn’t stuff humans would have ever figured out so I decided it was no harm”, muttering to himself, tail flicking near the ground, “the universe overseers still weren’t happy but I hate them so whatever”.

Bowman shakes his head and walks to the door, “come along, I’ll show you around, try to contain all your space self please?”.

“If I hadn’t already been inside this building multiple times that would be impossible for me”.

“You broke in? Repeatedly?”.

“I can be invisible and intangible. And space is technically everywhere all the time. But actually getting shown around is, a-mazing. Tell me everything”.

Bowman smiles at him like he’s an excitable child and actually indulges Danny, explaining even the really simply tiny things and Danny is absolutely adoring and absorbing every second of it; he’s vibrating and stars dance across his skin, sometimes he has to smack bits of stars or galaxy back into himself but he mostly manages.

…

He also has to throw out the lunch Jazz packed him -having rightfully assumed that he absolutely would not be back home in time for said lunch- as it had growled at him and Danny refused to eat anything that could make sounds. Bowman eyeing the bag Danny crushed closed hastily, “you eat? And your food shrieks?”.

Danny sighing, damn it Jazz, “a certain someone keeps trying to get me to eat ectoplasm since I technically spend too much time in the living realm to get enough from the environment here, unfortunately she is not a good cook and I think eating ectoplasm is extremely disgusting and morally questionable”.

“That does sound unfortunately close to cannibalism, but I’m sure we could work something out with this caretaker of yours to get you approved for special lunches”.

Danny groans exaggeratedly at the man, who smirks a little at him.

And Bowman absolutely did get in touch with one Jasmine Fenton who was all too eager to try and set up program approved experimental ectoplasm space rations for NASA’s newest and strangest member. NASA’s scientists were dramatically better at figuring out how to get ectoplasm to work in physical food, so she was very happy.

When Danny got home the very first thing he did was call Tuck with, “so you know that whole don’t tell them you’re a space eldritch god? Yeah I fucked that up”.

“Ha! I’m almost impressed! And they still hired you?”.

“Yup! I might have appealed to his love for space with my stupid space dust tail, and I mentioned saving Oppy”.

“Oh how manipulative”.

“Oh shut up! Anyway he showed me around-”, Danny spends over an hour just gushing about everything Bowman had showed off to him, Tuck humours him but clearly isn’t really following the conversation. Man it was going to be awesome to talk space with people who could and would!

End.

Prompts: "Shouldn't being the town hero since my freshman year of high school count as previous working experience?" "What did you want to be, when you grew up?" Every strange thing Danny has ever done, accidentally or not, comes back not to haunt him, but to help him. Danny starts a vlog to talk about space, but as the Ancient of Space he knows more about it than all top scientists together. NASA discovers his vlog. Danny accidentally shows up to a NASA job interview as Phantom. He’s hired on the spot. Ghosts need ectoplasm to stay healthy and by golly is Jazz going to figure out a way to introduce it to Danny's diet. Sometimes you just gotta be an eldritch horror.

#danny phantom #phandom #phic phight #phicphight24 #danny fenton #tucker foley #have a fic suck my dick #phantomphangphucker #my writing #jazz #nasa #eldritch #space ancient danny #gothmoth

[primonizzutto]

i was tagged by my platonic wife @envergothash to expose myself as a listener of only about 15 songs at a time.....

rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist & post the first ten tracks, then tag people

for reasons unknown - the killers

elizabeth - ghost

dirty deeds done dirt cheap - ac/dc

vegas - doja cat

nocturnal me - ghost

looks that kill - mötley crüe

hayloft - mother mother

bubblegum bitch - marina

mary on a cross - ghost

babe i'm gonna leave you - led zeppelin

tagging: @samatedeansbroccoli @valeskafics @pendragora @onewingedangels @dekarios @hibernationsuit @fettboba @enverflymm @ancientsigil @ripdragonbeans @chuckhansen @vanoefucks

and whoever wants to do it or feel free to ignore if you don't feel like it etc etc

#tagged #this post was made while tobias forge held me at gun point ig #girl why do you have three ghost songs in a list of 10??

[imagining-in-the-margins]

The Birds & The Bees (S.R. | Pt. 27)

Summary: Spencer’s half-truths are catching up to him, and Ms. Fletcher is causing problems.

A/N: Welcome back, my bunnies. Three chapters to go. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Slow Burn (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Alcohol, kissing, verbal arguments, allusions to death and blood, ambulances, (metaphorical) hallucinations, paranoia, distracted/emotional driving Word Count: 10.5k

MASTERLIST | Series Masterlist

Since the dawn of man, so has existed the fear of the darkness. I had been no exception to this universal truth.

I’d always written off my fear of the nothingness as a product of my upbringing; my idea of home. Las Vegas was the only place I knew of where the neon signs outnumbered the people. The evenings were often more illuminated than the midday mark when the sun showed no mercy.

But on the nights where I wandered, I would travel far enough until I could find a unique kind of night. I could still feel the crisp air in my blood. With flimsy pedals beneath my feet and the endless desert ahead, I would ride until my legs ached the same as my lungs.

My mother would’ve hated my tendency to wander if she’d ever been able to notice. My father hated it for different reasons.

But if only the world had understood that it was not my love for solitude, but my yearning to be part of something greater that led me to the shrub-laden sand.

When I stood among the cacti and fellow nocturnal creatures, I would find that the night was so much brighter than in my bedroom. I would stand soaked in the starlight that fought against the darkness. Eventually, I would learn the names of every star that had one. They would become something like a friend to me, those stars. The guardians that offered silent, reverent guidance whenever I was lost. All the while flickering to remind me that they were still alive.

It was no wonder to me that I had trouble sleeping when I moved away from the desert and towards the East Coast. My heart knew what beauty hid under the blanket of the bare night.

The nightmares that plagued my psyche were nothing but a contrast to the nights I knew.

It was rare to have nightmares on the nights there had been a Bunny in my bed. Luckily, on those rare occasions, I would still wake from the horror to find her sleeping soundly against my chest. I wondered how the sound of my heart hadn’t been enough to wake her. I thanked whatever Gods were torturing me for allowing her unbroken dreams.

I hadn’t had a nightmare in the five days since Lila’s wedding. Of course, I hadn’t let her leave my side, either. The unique horror that was watching her get hurt, however imaginary, was too painful to bear alone.

But it had come time for her to return to her life without me, even if it was just for a couple hours. I knew I would miss her terribly, but I also knew I had to let her go. I had to allow her the freedom to grow so that when she returned to my arms, there was never a doubt that it was where she’d wanted to be.

Still, I felt an overwhelming relief when I woke to find her already so. She ran gentle fingertips over the rough scruff on my cheeks.

The first thing I noticed was the way her eyes and smile widened when she saw me wake. The second thing I noticed was the same as it always was. Except somehow, in a matter of hours, she had become even more beautiful than when I’d gone to sleep.

“Good morning, Bunny,” I mumbled.

“Good morning,” she whispered back. Her placid voice still shaken by the touch of sleep, she continued, “I missed you.”

My heart wrenched in my chest. It rioted against the starless sound of her sadness, and I was powerless to stop it from using every possible muscle to bring her closer.

Her lips found mine like a sunflower to the sun. Her limbs climbed me like honeysuckle vines searching for home. She found it there, buried in our embrace.

Even in the morning, she tasted like sweetness. She was the morning dew following a cloudless night, my oasis in the middle of a cruel stretch of desert.

When she broke apart to breathe, I found myself still tempted by her honeyed lips. I came closer, pressing our foreheads together like she might be able to read my thoughts. Like always, she giggled like she had heard them.

But when she pulled away again, I let her set the distance. I watched the way her bosom moved with her breath. I cradled her face so that I could count the steady beating of her heart as it resonated through her neck.

I felt how it shifted ever so slightly as he pressed her body against mine like she had something to hide.

“I have a favor to ask,” she said with little confidence.

Quickly, I moved my hands to hide the way I flinched at the thought of what she would want to ask.

I buried my face against the crook of her neck. I breathed in the scent of her hair. I laid hasty kisses against the column of her throat so that the pain in my chest might be mistaken for lust, instead.

“Anything,” I whispered, “I’d give you anything.”

It had been the truth. I would never regret giving her everything she’d asked for, even when I knew what she was about to ask. Even when I knew with the utmost certainty that it would leave me destitute in the daytime desert once more.

My Bunny knew it, too, which was why she was timid when she asked, “I wanted to know if you’d be alright with me going to that party that I was telling you about.”

My heart leapt in my chest with the worst kind of warning, but I tried to remain playful so as to not alert my Bunny of my impending doom.

“It’s tonight? Already?” I whined.

It had worked. She didn’t notice how my lips were more broken as they worshipped her. She only laughed while she squirmed against me and set my body on fire. I continued to kiss her wherever it tickled, dropping lower until I heard her breath catch in her throat.

My Bunny gasped for air while she laced each of her fingers through unruly curls atop my head. She pulled me away, and I obeyed. Yet she gave me enough freedom to grant her one more kiss against her breastbone.

My lips lingered, feeling the heavy beating of her heart. It was too tempting for me not to try.

“Stay with me, instead,” I grumbled against her skin, “I need more time to worship you.”

Her legs rubbed together with obstinate determination.

“Spencer!” she whined back, “You promised you wouldn’t do this.”

She had been right. It had still been worth a try. Just because I hadn’t gotten the answer that I’d wanted hadn’t meant that I would stop attempting to fill each second with adoration. I sighed against her chest and saw how her skin rippled from the humid heat of my breath.

“Of course you can go,” I conceded before I returned to my usual lackadaisical exploration of her.

I had loved her so many times. I knew her body better than my own, yet that morning, I stumbled as I held her. My Bunny was too smart not to notice.

She used her quick grip on my hair to guide me back up to her. Although I knew she wouldn’t fall for my tricks, I still used my leverage to climb atop her while I moved to meet her eyes.

As expected, that clever girl barely paid attention to the erection pressed between her thighs. She recognized my desire as nothing more but a sword and shield to defend against unwanted examinations into my emotional state.

“Is something wrong?” she asked before I could lower my face to capture her lips again.

“No, no. Nothing’s wrong,” I said too quickly to be the truth.

I tried to kiss her again, but that time her hand pressed hard against the top of my chest to keep me from lulling her straight into the bliss of ignorance.

“You’re lying to me… Why are you lying to me?”

She really was a clever thing. Almost gratingly so. Of course, if I’d had nothing to hide, it would have continued to be endearing.

It was my own fault. I was the stubborn one. I was, once again, sabotaging things in an effort to avoid the very result I was leading us to. I looked into her eyes and felt like a damn fool, despite how much she begged me not to.

“I’m sorry. You’re right,” I admitted more freely than the last time I’d kept something from her. Still, I couldn’t fight the urge to write off my concerns as nothing more than meaningless. “But it really isn’t anything important. I just…”

“Spencer,” she scolded.

She’d made me promise to be more honest with her. I had tried my hardest not to break it, but it felt inevitable. There was nothing greater than my desire to protect her purity. It was the very core of my love for her.

I had seen so many terrible things that I would never forget, but my Bunny didn’t need to know what horrors lurked behind prison bars. She didn’t need to confront the demons, the blood-soaked talons that would make home in any ounce of goodness they found.

You’re doing it again.

“Please tell me,” she pleaded.

I couldn’t tell her no.

“I had a bad dream and it’s making me feel uneasy,” I admitted.

“What was the dream about?”

You.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t wanted to tell her. It was more so that my mouth refused to make the words. The oxygen fled from my lungs, turning quickly to carbon dioxide to silence me. My heart was pounding, too far from hers for her to hear it. Yet she could see it in my eyes and feel it against her palm. She saw the terror she had no knowledge of.

That time when I kissed her, she didn’t stop me. I took it as a white flag; a shared realization that there would be some things that still scared me too much to mention.

Emboldened by the ambrosia of her lips, I explained it away the only way I knew how. The same thing said to me by my mother about the monsters in the closet. And like this danger, those, too, had been real.

“All that matters is that it was a dream and there is no reason to worry about it.”

Like the stubborn thing she was, my darling daisy fought against the reduction of my suffering. Her hands became softer while her resolve became more rigid. She wound my hair around her fingers like she might find errant nightmares among the strands.

“You know you don’t have to hide things from me, right? I love you,” she said like it was the simplest truth in the world.

I smiled, still waiting for the day I would believe it fully.

“I know, I try to understand why every second that I’m awake.”

Her nose crinkled with her laughter. What I wouldn’t give to hear that sound every morning.

The truth, I heard from within my heart. That is the thing I am refusing to give.

The realization was so overwhelming that it felt unwieldy. So suddenly, reality collapsed in on itself and fell onto my shoulders in its entirety. Like Atlas, I stumbled. In a moment of weakness — no, strength — I admitted to myself and to my Bunny that it had become too heavy.

“I know you deserve freedom, and you can make your own decisions, and that you are strong and capable and…”

I paused. I looked down at the young woman with eyes wide with hope and I tried my hardest not to crush it beneath my heel.

“I don’t need to worry about you, but I do,” I admitted with a broken heart. “I just hate when I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing, and it eats me alive that you could get hurt and I wouldn’t be there to prevent it and…”

She ended the thought with the cruelest kindness. Her lips felt like water on a fire, and I became lost in the haze left behind. I held her closer. I pushed her onto her back and climbed atop her without any protest from the wriggling rabbit beneath me. I held her head instead of the sheets, propping myself on my elbows so that I could kiss her harder. I spoke to her honestly, then, with fumbling tongues and hurried breath. I tried to explain how deeply these roots ran, how often they had been scorched or severed and tried to find another way.

They all led me back to her.

Before I could open my mouth to speak, to finish that terrifying thought that fought its way to the forefront in every single moment of silence, she stopped me.

“Why are you thinking like that, Spencer?”

For the first time, my instinct was to tell her the truth. For a fleeting second, I considered telling her about Maeve. My mind mapped out each nuance and explanation, but when it came time for my heart to decide, I said nothing.

I let out the breath in my lungs and like dried dandelion pappus, the memory of Maeve fluttered away.

This time would be different. It had to be different.

“Nothing. It was just a bad dream,” I professed. Then, trying to avoid any further expanding on those feelings, I focused my attention on more beautiful things.

My Bunny, beautiful above all else.

“But you’re here now, and I would be an idiot if I didn’t take full advantage of that.”

Any hesitation left her the moment I kissed her cheeks. Her giggling returned; this time accompanied by excited attempts to catch my lips with hers. Once I made my way there, I fell back into the comfortable lull of her love.

“You are so beautiful,” I sighed. “I love you more than life itself.”

The rabbit stilled. The musculature of her face twitched in the most subtle way, but I saw it. I saw how hard my Bunny tried to bite her tongue, but she couldn’t let it go.

“I love you, too…but…”

She looked at me, but not in my eyes. She tried, with naive eyes, to read the unreadable in my tense muscles. I held on, as stubbornly as she had. My resolve gripped the facade as hard as I could, not because I’d wanted to lie to her, but because I’d wanted to lie to myself.

She hadn’t let me, though.

 “It worries me when you talk like that, Spencer.”

“Why?” I asked, hoping for the answer I’d been searching for since the day I met her.

“Because it just sounds like… you don’t value your own life.”

Oh.

“Like you’re just waiting for the chance to jump in front of a bullet for me,” she said as she crumpled into herself. Her shoulders pulled up and forward, and her hand that had been resting on my shoulder fell away.

As it hit the bed, I wasted no time readjusting so that I could hold it there against the sheets. I prayed she couldn’t feel the way they shook.

“I would,” I confessed, despite the fact it was unwelcome. “I would die for you in a second.”

My Bunny gave a solemn smile; sad but honest. It held multitudes of universes that I chased after in her eyes just before she lowered her gaze.

“Please, don’t,” she pleaded somewhat playfully.

Although it had been uttered like a joke, there had been an honest vulnerability in her request. Behind soft lashes I saw the layer of dew gathering in her eyes that she blinked away in a quiet moment.

She had never asked me for much. Still, I couldn’t promise her that I would change as quickly and wholly as she’d hoped. As she had deserved. So, I offered her all that I could.

“I’ll try my hardest, Bunny.”

She accepted it. She soaked in the small change like succulent roots following a downpour. Just like the cacti I’d called companions, her hope brought blossoms to the bright morning light.

“So… what I’m taking out of this is… I can go to the party?” she snickered.

“Of course, Bunny,” I chuckled.

That dastardly desert flower sneaked her hand back just so she could throw her arms around my neck. She pulled me closer, and, in a frenzy of laughter and kisses, she eased the pain that had always accompanied letting her go.

When she’d stopped, though, the fear resurfaced from the cracks in my armor.

“Just… promise me you’ll be safe,” I whispered against her skin. “You can call me any time, and I will be there.”

“I promise, Spencer,” she sighed.

I felt the release in my own lungs. I closed my eyes and lowered myself until our chests met in the middle. I laid my body weight on her like a security blanket, listening for the gentle beating of her heart so mine might remember how to do it right.

“I’ll be curled up with you in bed tonight, just like it should be,” she assured me.

I thought of all the ways that might not happen before I could convince myself to consider the far more likely reality that it would. The tension began mounting until I was worried that I might crush the flower in my grip.

I forced myself to sigh to relieve the pressure once more.

“I can’t wait,” I whispered.

At least it had been the truth.

The air was thick and smelled like a mixture of liquor and smoke. The smoke itself had varying levels of pungency, and I didn’t dare try to differentiate the source of each. I would be lying if I’d pretended the thought of finding something to calm my nerves hadn’t crossed my mind, though.

It wasn’t so much the nature of the party that had me panicked; it was something inside me that seemed to have changed. Perhaps that was why I’d been so insistent to Spencer that I need time to do the things college girls do.

As I stood in a room full of belligerent fools, though, I wanted more than anything to just go home. Even that realization felt frightening. It had only been a few months that I’d known Spencer, and really, it had only been a few weeks since we traded vulnerabilities.

How could it be that I’d forgotten how to blend into a crowd so quickly?

I was supposed to be having fun. But the moment I found a mostly empty room, I took advantage of the reprieve from heavy bass and invasive eyes. I didn’t just stop there, either. I continued to slip into the empty bathroom and let out a deep sigh when I found it was not occupied by a couple who would only feel encouraged by an audience.

No, it was just me. Just me and the muffled sound of a party that I’d gotten dressed up for, even though I knew Spencer wouldn’t be able to see me.

I looked at myself in the reflection the same way I had in Vegas. I touched my own exposed skin and remembered the way it had felt that first night he touched me. Silently, I wondered if it would still feel the same.

A smile appeared before a conclusion had been reached by an inebriated mind. An eerie sense of calm started to cover my skin with goosebumps like lilies sprouting over a grave.

I realized then, as I chuckled to myself in an empty room, why it was so hard to be there. I knew with the utmost certainty that I felt out of place there because I was. I always had been.

This was not to say there was anything wrong with the girls on the other side of the old home’s hollow wooden doors. There was nothing wrong with enjoying a more hedonistic lifestyle and, for many years, I envied them for being able to find the courage to indulge.

But the version of myself that I had presented to them felt as distant from myself as the reflection in front of me.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I pictured a quiet night alone with the man I loved, and I reminded myself that this was not a decision I had to make. I could grow into a new version of myself that existed without him the same way that I’d grown along with him.

At the end of the night, I knew, he would be waiting for me. I couldn’t wait. I wanted to hear his voice, soft and comforting as he lulled me into another wonderful dream.

Just as my heart began to mend itself, and I felt the life returning to me, it drained from me in a matter of seconds.

“Hey Bunny,” a young girl sneered.

My eyes shot open to find that I was no longer alone in the bathroom. I had been joined by a face I knew too well.

Her friends would call her Montana. Spencer would call her ‘Ms. Fletcher.’ But to me she would always be the grating voice of insecurity. The supposed self-appointed President of my boyfriend’s fan club, and the most irritating girl I’d ever had the displeasure of knowing.

I would say that the hostility she instilled in me was a result of the alcohol, but I would be lying. Even Spencer had warned me about her. Never with much detail, but always with an overwhelming amount of disdain. She was the only student in his entire career that he would forcibly remove from his class. When I’d asked him why, he’d simply said that he pitied the girl.

I didn’t ask any questions. The look in his eyes told me she’d done enough to deserve his apathy.

Still, she was young and foolish and hopelessly in love with a man who hardly remembered her name, and so I felt obligated to show her a modicum of respect. Even if the only motivation was my own desire to be kind.

“Oh, hey,” I offered as politely as I could.

The girl stalked forward with enough confidence that it almost made me stumble. Despite her negative qualities, she possessed enough sureness in her own sexuality to make most things seem possible.

For a second, I wondered how different life must be for girls like her, but then I remembered that I didn’t particularly care about how anyone else looked at me. Spencer already looked at me with enough adoration to fill a black hole to oblivion.

Yet when she looked me up and down, I felt myself shrinking, if only for a second. I nonetheless forced myself to stand tall and refuse to cower.

“You look cute,” she snickered, “Where’s your boyfriend? Does he know you’re here?”

“Yeah, of course he does,” I shot back a little too quickly. She latched onto the tremble in my voice and dug her nails into the vulnerability.

“Sorry, I should have specified which boyfriend,” she continued.

This time when my hair stood on end, it was nothing like lilies. It was the needles of a cactus and the thorns wrapped around the roses.

“I meant Spencer,” she purred.

Don’t fucking call him that, was what I’d wanted to say. But the shock of the indecency had rendered me speechless. I just stared at her, exactly like the deer caught in the headlights. I had promised myself not to be prey anymore, but it had been so long since I’d been faced with a predator as ruthless as the unfortunate girl in front of me.

“I know you were seeing a couple guys there for a minute,” she continued without giving me a chance to answer. “I never thought you would have it in you. I guess you proved me wrong.”

A whore by any other name, I suppose.

I tried not to let it bother me.

“Uh… sure,” I said.

It didn’t work.

“Yeah, Spencer knows I’m here,” I repeated.

Her body brushed against mine as she forced her way in front of me. I stood firm in my space, refusing to give her even an inch more of my resolve.

As she perched herself on the counter, she made a point not to fix the risen hem of her skirt. I wondered whether she had meant for me to be jealous of her or attracted to her, but ultimately, I felt neither. If anything, I was confused by her attempted displays of dominance.

“Don’t you find it weird?” she asked as she leaned forward like it had been a scandalous thought, “Calling him his first name?”

“Not really… he’s my boyfriend,” I answered.

“Yeah. I guess it’s different when he’s like, actually your professor,” she laughed.

A familiar nausea began rocking in my stomach. It was unrelated to the alcohol. It was more like a warning of an impending storm that ushered me to find shelter.

But my shelter wasn’t there. He was at home, where I’d begged him to be. He wasn’t there when she said something that made me recoil.

“I almost slipped up so many times in class. Wouldn’t that have been embarrassing?”

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. It drowned out the distant sounds of the party and alerted me only of my desire to release the rage that had been brewing for several months now.

I took a deep breath in and released some of it with a quick exhale. I stepped to her right and pretended like I had something to fix about my make up so I could stop looking at her shit-eating grin. I ignored the obvious mockery of when he’d actually used the wrong name for me.

Shouldn’t that very incident have shown her how silly this charade was?

“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t call him by his first name,” I said more confidently after the oxygen returned to my brain, “He really doesn’t like it when his students do that. It’s disrespectful.”

She was unbothered by my words. In fact, it seemed like she’d hardly even heard me. She just continued on, each word hitting me like talons and teeth.

“He seemed to like it when I was in his office,” she said. If that had been all, I would have easily written it off. But it hadn’t been.

“Right before Thanksgiving?” she giggled before adding, “Although, I guess you weren’t there for a couple weeks…”

I swallowed the anxiety that shot up my throat in the form of liquor and bile.

“A man like him gets lonely.”

My fingers twitched as they struggled to find something to do. I forced them to move, to fix any errant hair or pigment on my face to not give her the satisfaction she was after.

She was lying. She had to be lying.

It didn’t make any sense that Spencer would cave to something so unabashedly lustful. My mind recounted each time he spoke about purity as the only thing worth protecting, but then the few times he spoke about men broke through.

‘He’s the same as any other man,’ was what he’d said about Kyle.

He had been right. At the time, I knew he was also speaking of himself. But how far did those indiscretions reach? Surely, it couldn’t be what this girl was implying.

Could it? It couldn’t be.

The confidence wavered as I realized that, even if it hadn’t been Spencer’s intention to trick me, he had narrowly escaped any discussion on exactly why he had cheated on Max.

I was taking too long to respond. The silence in the room was heavier than the air. The tension was even worse than both combined. It had only been a few seconds, but it was long enough that she had felt the need to deal what I’m sure she thought would be a fatal blow to a soft heart.

“Not to mention all the late night messages. Those never really stopped.”

Immediately, a burden was lifted from my chest.

“Right,” I laughed. The airy sound of my voice must have tipped her off to something, because I saw her tense in my peripherals. Without even turning to her, I hummed through the continued laughter, “Because that’s what my boyfriend known for. Texting.”

She didn’t concede even when I looked at her with a pout full of pity.

“Yeah, I guess those dating sites are more similar to e-mailing, so the old man is more comfortable with it,” she persisted, nonetheless.

My lips flattened but the sarcastic smile remained. Because I understood then, what Spencer had meant. 

I felt bad for her, too.

I felt bad that she felt it was necessary to lie about any of it. I pitied her because I couldn’t imagine a world where she thought I wouldn’t know about my own boyfriend.

How many men had convinced her that paranoia was normal? Who had taught her pain to the extent that she was so confident I would believe any of the lies she’d told?

“Besides, it’s harder to hide phone calls from certain nosy people,” she spat. For the first time, I saw her initial confidence for what it really was. It was just fear; an almost debilitating amount of self-hatred disguised as something else.

I might not have known what happened with Spencer and Max, but I sure as shit knew that this girl was lying through her teeth.

“Right. I don’t know what you’re doing, but… it’s not going to work,” I told her. I tried to infuse the words with kindness that she was probably not used to. But when I said, “I trust my boyfriend,” she continued to fight.

“That’s so cute,” she snickered with so much disappointment it was almost palpable. “Stupid. But cute.”

I summoned all the willpower I had left after the alcohol had drained away most of my inhibitions. I was going to let her go on believing she had won, albeit with a bruised pride and nothing to show for it.

I was so ready to walk out the door without uttering a single mean word to her.

But Spencer had been right about her. She couldn’t take no for an answer. She just had to keep going.

“Guess Kyle was right about you, too,” she said.

And I snapped.

“What, you expect me to believe that Spencer Reid slept with a student just because she offered? Do you have any idea how fucking stupid you sound?”

The sound of my own voice surprised me. Her eyes grew wide, not with fear, but excitement at having earned the response she was hoping for.

She didn’t even particularly care if I was right, or even if I’d believed her. She just wanted a spectacle, and I’d given it to her.

“Actually, that’s a silly question. Of course you don’t,” I laughed, loud and bitter between the songs. The few people in the room took notice of the two of us, but no one took a step closer.

“You don’t have any idea what Professor Reid thinks about anything, because he doesn’t even know who you are.”

Behind the smile, I saw something inside of her crack. I should’ve known better than to poke the beast, but the rage inside of me demanded it be known. Like the wrath of Persephone, I flung thorned words at the woman and hoped that she would turn to mint and wither beneath my heel.

“The few times I mentioned you, it kind of seemed like he didn’t even remember your name,” I spat, “which is pretty fucking hard to do to someone with an eidetic memory.”

I could hear feet shuffling into the room, I could feel their eyes on my back the same way they stared when Spencer had called me by the wrong name.

I probably should’ve been embarrassed, but I wasn’t. I didn’t feel anything other than anger and hurt that didn’t result from any one specific person. That poor, pitiful girl just happened to be the right person at the wrong time. She had unknowingly batted at the wasp’s nest and would forever bear the scars.

She couldn’t hide her own disdain. She tried to speak, but her teeth told her not to. She bit down on her tongue and avoided looking at me or the crowd I felt forming.

Even though I had turned into the aggressive one, I still felt trapped.

“So you know what, even if he did sleep with you, which I find hard to believe considering — contrary to what you clearly think — he doesn’t really like nasty, vindictive little girls who try to fuck him before they even finish writing their dissertation, you certainly didn’t leave any lasting impact on him,” I shouted. I yelled loud enough for even the people in the hallway had to hear me. Then, much quieter and through what were almost tears, I choked, “And that’s somehow even more pathetic than lying about it in the first place.”

Like a hurt animal backed into a corner, I had lashed out and accidentally shared a glimpse of my insecurity that she wouldn’t let slip away.

“Wow,” she chuckled with a fake pout. “Did I strike a nerve, Bunny? Has ‘your boyfwend’ seen this side of you?”

“God, you’re so fucking stupid!” I spat. I hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but once it started, I couldn’t make it stop. “I don’t even know why I wasted my breath on you. Have fun living in your fantasy world where you think my boyfriend would ever want to fuck you.”

I turned on my heel and threw the door open. It took every bit of focus for me to not fall from the dizziness of the rage and anxiety. Even when familiar, friendly faces tried to stop me, I shoved their hands off me and pushed my way through the crowd.

“Bye, Bunny!” she called.

“Hey, you know, since you’re so obsessed with me, please feel free to date Kyle,” I answered. I threw my hands up like white flags as I ran the other direction, “Heaven knows he’d love you!”

As I stumbled through the crowd, I tried to find any reprieve from the feeling in my chest. I almost thought to lock myself in another, less intimidating bathroom, but the thought of looking at myself in the mirror made me sick.

I knew I wouldn’t like what I’d find.

So, instead of giving in to the misery she wanted, and instead of facing my own misgivings, I threw myself into the life I had once tried to live. I grabbed my friends and a drink I didn’t want.

I didn’t call Spencer.

I knew I wouldn’t like what he’d find.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

It should be a simple instruction. Think of a blue monkey or a purple bird with a broken wing. Think of a brown bumblebee or any other oddly colored thing.

Just don’t think of a pink elephant.

In 1987, the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published a paper confirming the existence of the Pink Elephant Paradox, although back then, the experiments dealt with the less alliterative polar bear. The idea remained the same: the more you try not to think of something, the more likely it is that you will.

Perhaps the reason why we switched from tundra bears was more than a mere purple prose preference, and in fact had something to do with the inherently intrusive nature of everything else we’ve come to know by its name. From drunken hallucinations per Henry Wallace Phillips’s The Man and the Serpent in 1896 to the more recent tale of Walt Disney’s Dumbo, there has always been the haunting allure of the Pink Elephants on Parade.

I was not drunk, yet I couldn’t rid myself of the thought that I’d wanted more than anything to forget. I knew the psychology; I knew that the harder I tried not to picture every way everything could go horribly wrong, the more I would fixate on it until I was trampled by two-ton feet.

Thinking about my Bunny being mangled by talons and teeth wouldn’t make it any more likely to happen, but it would certainly drive me insane. Yet it somehow felt like a disservice to not even consider it.

If something did happen and I hadn’t been worried, what would that make me in the aftermath? Nothing different than the alternative, I reminded myself. Because if something did happen and I had been sulking without action, I’d be equally paralyzed by my failure.

Perhaps that was the true source of my torture. It was the powerlessness of it all. This pain, this endless suffering was a remnant of each time that my intellect abandoned me when I’d needed it most.

I stared at the door to my apartment and tried to imagine the wood being adorned with flowers. I looked at it until dry eyes burned and my resolve shattered.

The pink elephant appeared, and on his trunk, he wore a crown covered with wilted flowers and brittle thorns.

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

The sound erupted as I watched blood dripping from its proboscis. There stood the albino elephant stained with the blood of every innocent life lost to poachers. It cried out a warning that would be heard too late.

As I lifted the phone, I knew what I would find.

Don’t think of the pink elephant. Ignore its cries and hold on to the hope that it will be different this time.

But there it was, with LED burning through the daze and refusing to be forgotten.

“You better come get your little rabbit before someone gets hurt,” the message read.

I faced the unfamiliar number with nothing else to say.

“I’m on my way,” I answered.  

And I ran.

No matter how loud the door was when I slammed it behind me, I couldn’t hear it over the incessant pounding of my heart. I was acutely aware that what I was doing was reckless and dangerous, but my body moved without instruction. It functioned purely on a mixture of adrenaline and muscle memory.

Each traffic light that flashed green felt like a mercy and mockery. It was as if some greater being, some bastardization of God was indicating to me that it wouldn’t matter how fast I got there—it was already too late.

My mind was filled with endless images of every vile thing man has ever done. I pressed a shaking palm against one eyelid until I saw nothing but red.

Red like blood-stained lilies. Red like the burning surface of the sun. Red like everything at the end.

Danger.

I could hear the sirens calling my name.

You’re in danger.

But I wasn’t, she was.

This is going to hurt.

I slammed on my brakes just in time to avoid colliding with the ambulance flying down the road perpendicular to my own lane of travel. The ear shattering screech of rubber and asphalt still seemed louder than the high-pitched screaming. The grim reaper with flashing lights affixed to metal limbs.

All the air in my lungs left me at once, like I’d awoken from a dream to find myself stuck in a liminal space.

The sudden shift in pressure and space did, however, alert me to the fact I had little to no clue where I was. I looked up at the street sign and I begged the universe to alter however much was necessary so that it would change.

I didn’t want to believe that it was correct when it told me that the ambulance had become my guide to where I’d needed to be. The world stopped at the same second the stoplight turned red. I waited, basking in the reckoning like humility might save me now.

Eventually, I received permission to proceed, although it did little to assuage a heart that had already broken itself in preparation for what it would find. Each piece of ceramic once held together by the liquid gold flowing from her lips had lodged itself in my lungs.

Yet when I made it up to the house that I knew she would be at, there was no ambulance in sight.

It hadn’t been enough time to find her. It couldn’t have been. Before I got out of the car, I forced myself to don whatever remained of my civility to be sure not to hurt anyone but those who should be held responsible.

I was not judge. I was not executioner. I was just another fallible fool. I tried to remind myself. I tried to maintain any visage of authority before I confronted what would, undoubtedly, be the least helpful collection of young adults in town that evening.

As I approached the door, the few people who braved the freezing temperatures hardly seemed to notice me.

The door was already open. The scene was, however, far from inviting. The heady stench of liquor and marijuana was somehow the least offensive part of what I’d found inside the four walls.

The music was so loud that I could feel the bass in my blood like a hammer to my heart. Every second that passed that I hadn’t found her yet, I felt a part of me dying. The tragic romantic in me swore that was a sign sent from my Bunny.

But it wasn’t. She promised she would call me. She promised everything would be alright.

“Yo! Professor Reid!” a relatively familiar voice called to me.

I turned to find a boy from my class, who I could only assume lived somewhere in the filth.

“Where is she?” I asked with as much patience as I could muster.

Luckily for the boy, he was sober enough to know who I was looking for.

“Around. Somewhere… I think,” he muttered inarticulately, “I’m almost positive I haven’t seen her leave.”

But he hadn’t been sober enough to help, it seemed. I abandoned any hope from him and opted to scan the sea of faces, instead. I tried to focus on any that felt familiar enough to be able to find her.

My heart pounded harder. My rib cage rattled like a death knell. With each passing second, it got louder until it was impossible to ignore.

If I’d been anywhere else, I think I could have pulled it together. I tried so hard not to project my own experiences onto these… children, all things considered. They were kids who just wanted to find themselves. They were going about it all wrong, but that was simply part of the journey.

But in every girl, I saw Alexa Lisbon. In every boy, I saw the faces of the boys who chose to find themselves by stripping me of my safety.

I recalled the first time I’d tried to tell my Bunny what happened to me, only to get lost in the ghosts crawling out of the graveyard buried in my chest. I never wanted her to know what that was like.

Yet when I looked around, I watched every unwanted advance and lost soul bumbling through a group of people who’d yet to learn how awful they could be under the right circumstances. 

That was when the boy spoke again, unaware of what he had been implicitly allowing.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he laughed “That’s hilarious.”

The mask slipped. It cracked and shattered the same as my heart and I lost any patience that might have remained.

I turned to him but had the wherewithal not to touch him.

He wasn’t Kyle. He was just an idiot.

“Listen, I understand this is all fun and games to you, but if someone doesn’t tell me where she is in the next thirty seconds, I will have every cop in the county at your doorstep before you even have time to climb out of the window. Do you understand?”

His eyes widened before his whole face turned to a nervous grimace.

“Chill, dude.”

A couplet consisting of two of the worst words he could have uttered. But thankfully for him, they had been quickly followed by the only thing capable of extinguishing my rage.

“She’s right there.”

Before I could even turn to see her, I heard her.

“Professor!” she yelled over the music. The title was featherlight and filled with so much joy that I nearly fell to my knees at the mere sound.

It was innocent; still innocent.

“Bunny, oh my god,” I sighed. It felt like the first time I’d breathed since she left me a few hours earlier. I would need the extra air, too, because she tore through the crowd and barreled into me with no inhibition. I couldn’t help but laugh as she nearly took us both down to the ground in her haste.

Despite her fervent, untamable teenage-esque excitement, I managed to hold her with something resembling fragility. My hands knotted in her hair as I held her against my chest. My embrace became stronger the longer she touched me; like she was the roots that kept me tethered to the ground after a lifetime of wandering through drought riddled fields.

It couldn’t have been longer than a few seconds, but the past half hour of trying to find her had caught up to me at once. I savored each second of the peace I found in her.

The same second my arms relented, though, she had straightened herself enough to wriggle her arms free. She grabbed hold of my face with both hands and her full force, and my wistful little lavender girl downright insisted that I kiss her.

I did. Or, at least, I tried. The pungent taste of what I could only imagine was pure liquor almost made me recoil. Once the initial shock had faded, though, I subdued the eager girl into a more tender meeting of our lips.

It took her about five seconds to decide that she’d had enough of that and return to her previous efforts to get me drunk from her tongue alone. That had been a lot, but nothing unmanageable. I just laughed and tried to pry her hands from my cheeks.

When she’d dropped one hand, I thought her sense had returned to her.

But then she grabbed hold of the waistband of my pants and I decided it was probably high-time to take her home.

“God, you are drunk,” I chuckled.

My Bunny was safe in my arms when she hummed. So happily, so freely, she curled within my embrace and nuzzled herself against my chest. My heart had calmed, but still reached out for her all the same.

Gently, I lifted her face back up to look at me. I looked into glassy, bloodshot eyes and still saw universes worth of love. I sought signs of pain and found only the kind that would be rendered inconsequential in time.

Still, I had to ask, “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“Mmmhm m’great,” she slurred with very little enunciation, “wan kiss more.”

“Not right now. Let’s go home first,” I offered.   

I hadn’t realized how much it would break her heart. Her eyes grew big and filled to the brim with tears that would almost seem comical under the circumstances. I tried to straighten out her disheveled appearance but found myself growing even fonder of her somehow.

Which would work against me when she pleaded, “Please?”

It would never stop feeling like this, I realized. Her begging would never cease to render me stupid. All the IQ points in the world would never make me strong or smart enough not to give into her swiftly and without remorse.

But at the same time, I knew how many people were watching. I knew how easy it would be for someone to read my actions as a rejection rather than a desire to keep her intimacy entirely to myself. So, I gave into her the only way I knew how.

I pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. I lingered there, feeling the warmth of clammy skin that still tasted as sweet as the honeysuckles from my youth. I held her steady like twining vines upholding a weary flower so that she could feel the sun without having to leave the safety of the shade.

She seemed pleased. Her dopey smile, while altered by the alcohol, still seemed as genuine as it had been the first time that I’d held her in the early morning light. 

It would never stop feeling like this, I realized. I would love her with my everything, forever.

What a wonderful, horrifying feeling, to let your heart wander amongst so many that would crush it without hesitation. What a worse fate it would be to have never had it at all.

“Come on, sweetheart. We’re leaving.”

My Bunny followed my direction without another word. There was nothing resembling a protest. Part of me wondered if she would have followed anyone in that state, but I knew it was just my paranoia projecting onto her yet again.

Catherine Adams is dead, I reminded myself. There was no reason to believe that she, or anyone else, might recycle tactics that had managed to hurt me.

Yet the scar on my hand stung the entire ride home. It demanded my attention even more than the heavily intoxicated girl half-asleep in my passenger seat. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing over at her, but every time I did, the pain became even more nauseating until I could hardly focus.

Eventually, though, I’d made my way home without incident. The disgust and adrenaline had exhausted themselves, leaving nothing but the many skeletons in my closet. They crowded my insides until it felt like I would burst with a flurry of acid coated, mineralized shrapnel.

I looked over at my Bunny who fumbled with a still-locked car door. I saw the almost suffocating innocence, the ease with which she could find herself in any number of my work-associated memories.

There pink elephant hadn’t come, no matter how much I’d called it. It couldn’t because Catherine is dead, I reminded myself.

But the man who shot me wasn’t.

“Who were you arguing with?” I asked.

My Bunny gave up trying to leave the car and instead curled into a ball right where she was.

“What’re ya talkin’bout?” she said with a yawn so carefree that a broken heart might mistake it for mockery.

She wasn’t being cruel; just naive. She had been as clueless as I’d always wanted her to be around me. But in that moment, her sheltered mind lacked the imagination to understand why I’d even arrived in the first place.

“You’re… friend, I guess, texted me and told me you were in trouble,” I explained with as much patience as I could.

My Bunny twisted into a perplexed, and slightly defensive posture.

“Whaaat?”

Rather than trust myself to explain it without releasing my internalized hatred and raising my voice, I simply handed her my phone. Again, she grimaced at the contrast of the LED against the darkness. Once she was able to steady herself enough to read it, however, all she did was roll her eyes.

“Oh, well… that sounds way scarier than what happened,” she scoffed.

“Yeah, it does,” I spat back bluntly. The sound hit like a bat to a fragile girl’s heart.

The wounded look in her eyes provoked an all-encompassing regret.

“I feel like… you’re mad at me,” she whispered. She squirmed in her seat and tried to straighten her back only to find herself sliding back down with shame.

I should have apologized to her then. But it had been late, and I’d exhausted all efforts in my attempt to save her from nonexistent enemies, so instead of admitted fault, I clung to the painful memories that had nothing to do with her.

“Who were you arguing with?” I asked again, more aggressively than I’d ever wanted to speak to her.

“A stupid bitch.”

Resting my elbows against the steering wheel, I lowered my face into my hands.

She wasn’t the only one who’d felt ashamed.

“I’m going to need more information than that,” I demanded.

The spunk I’d admired in her came out sounding like venom.

“Why? It‘s none of your business!”

“Don’t give me an attitude right now,” I warned.

She didn’t heed it. Instead, she threw her arms forward to shield her heart and screeched, “Why are you mad at me? I didn’t send it!”

There was nothing left. The well of charitably had been drained and left nothing but starved, scorched roots seeking for something it would never find. I wanted comfort, but she had needed it.

With a raised voice, I shouted, “Because! I just had to walk into a… disgusting house party filled with a bunch of stupid drunk boys because I thought you were in danger, and if it turns out this was all just because you were… bored, or insecure, I have every right to be upset with you, Bunny!”

If I’d stopped for a minute, I would have heard her sobbing. If I had looked at her instead of my own scars displayed against my palm, I would have seen how the sound made her shake.

But I didn’t. I steadfastly ignored the reality that this had not been the time, place, or circumstances to try to sort through my own responses to something that had turned out to be nothing.

“I thought you were hurt! I thought you—!”

My throat closed around the words. I choked on the thoughts that had been filling my head. Even in my panic, my body had known not to speak them into existence. Those thoughts were supposed to be her shield. They were not meant to be wielded as swords.

“I thought…” I croaked.

I thought it had happened again.

But it hadn’t. It hadn’t happened. It had been different this time, exactly as she’d promised.

You’re safe here, she had told me. But that was only because the fear I felt hadn’t been shared or understood by the drunken, withered flower beside me because I hadn’t told her any of it. I had kept it from her—lied to her—only to blame her for it. To punish her for being able to live the way she deserved. The way I had promised to allow her to.

“You scared me,” I said with a trembling, but still rage filled timber.

It was my fault, though. Not hers.  She didn’t scare me. I was just scared.

Before I could craft the words, however, she spoke them for me.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered. Dejected tears began pouring like endless rivers down her cheeks, and I drowned in them exactly like she had.

“Bunny,” I cried with her, “it’s not your fault. I’m sorry. I’m not being fair to you.”

She just kept crying, though. Her sobs got louder the more kindness that I showed her. I couldn’t blame her for the confusion I’d caused.

The clear blood of torn petals soaked the softness of her and made it heavy. I reached over and guided the poor girl back to me. I lifted the weight with careful hands. I wiped her make-up-stained tears aside and tried to find a way to reassure her.

“It’s okay, Bunny. I’m not mad at you,” I swore to her. The gentle words, like the kindness, had the opposite effect of the one I’d intended.

Once she spoke, though, I realized that the tears had hardly been about my actions. In fact, it seemed like a lot of her anger hadn’t been from my unspoken fears, but her own.

“Some stupid bitch told me that you kissed her!” she warbled.

“Well, that’s certainly not true,” I scoffed. Perhaps I would’ve been more articulate about how ridiculous of a notion it had been if I hadn’t been caught off guard by the accusation. But I was truly so confused that I didn’t know how else to express it in the moment.

“S-She told me…” my Bunny whispered between endearing and adorable hiccups despite the tears, “She told me that you slept with her after you kicked me out.”

The rage from earlier returned in full force. One hand gripped the steering wheel enough to void any blood from the space between skin and the bone of once broken knuckles. The monster within me bared its teeth in search of vengeance.

But then it was gone, subdued by the insistent sniffling of the most beloved part of myself. The stubborn leaves that clung to parched branches, beautiful in their resilience while facing the relentless cold.

She had been so beautiful, even then. Even when she had nothing left to give but broken whimpers, there was a light that shone so painfully bright.

I’d tried so hard to prove to her that I would never do anything to hurt her. I had promised her that very morning that, if given the options of losing everything to save her, I would take it without hesitation. I would bury myself under six feet and every regret I’d ever had if it meant that she would never feel pain again.

And there I was, causing it from both my own hand and another’s.

“Please don’t tell me you believe that,” I begged her. “I would never do that. I would never do that to you, Bunny.”

She nodded in agreement, yet she covered her head with her arms as she shouted, “I know, but I still got mad!”

Any relief from her believing in me was outweighed by how pitiful she looked. It wounded me deeply to see her withdraw from me like I would ever find fault in her righteous anger.

I had been angry, too. Angry that someone would dare to use me as a proxy to hurt her. Angry that, through my own desire to protect her, I had probably failed to give her the requisite knowledge to laugh in the face of such a distortion of the truth. 

I abandoned the steering wheel in favor of her. I carefully unfurled the dispirited flower until she revealed her brilliance to me. I comforted her the best way I knew how. I pulled her closer until her small hands clutched my shirt. That time when she nuzzled her face into me, I felt the cool dampness of her tears.

Exactly as I had promised her, I tried to bear the weight of her sadness so that she might be able to breathe again. Eventually, she continued to explain her own frustration. Her voice was small, shaky, and pure, just like the creature I knew her by.

“Who lies about that?” she asked, “Why would you ever do that to someone?”

My mind immediately went back to the young girl that had fantasized about my Bunny’s worst nightmares. The obstinate child who couldn’t take no for answer. The same broken girl that relied on her conventional beauty to hide the ugliness that rested just below the surface of perfectly painted skin.

I refused to let my hands turn to fists. I kept my palm splayed across her back so she could feel the steadiness, the safety of my embrace. I wouldn’t let any anger at her make its way to my darling. The same as before, that girl would not her what she wanted.

“She’s just jealous because she knows she’ll never be you.”

You, my bespoken proof of purpose among the mad. You, with a softness bestowed upon but still envied by the Gods. You, with your trembling hands holding up the weight of a world that will never deserve you.

You, I felt loudly enough to drown out the rest, You are to be perfect to be made into mere tragedy.

“I love you so much,” I said, infusing the words with the metaphors I would never have time to perfect. “I would never do anything to jeopardize your happiness.”

Except tell the truth, a dark voice recounted.

I ignored it’s taunting. I still had time to make it right, but in that moment, all I’d wanted to focus on was my Bunny’s barely perceptible smile.

“I love you, too…” she whispered.

It hadn’t been enough. I had been greedy after a difficult night, so I asked my darling girl for one final favor.

“Stop crying, sweetheart. It breaks my heart.”

“I can’t help it,” she admitted with some strange combination of a chuckle and a sob, “I’m very drunk.”

I laughed, too.

“Yeah, you are,” I laughed because it had been true. I wondered if I would ever get used to bearing witness to such unabashed vulnerability. In my heart, though, I knew I wouldn’t.

It would always be like this, I thought just before the shadows mirrored it back to me in their own words.

It won’t be different this time.

I turned to the night, illuminated only by flickering streetlights. Within the shadows, I saw the ghosts from the skeletons still crushing the tired muscle affixed between many layers of bone cages. My fears sneaked through the sinew and lingered just beyond the glass and metal that housed us.

It will be different this time, I swore.

“Come on. Let’s get you some tissues and water,” I said, definitively making up my mind.

The innocent girl, now free from the tears, lit the way for our return to peace with a smile.

“And cuddles and kisses?” she asked.

“Yes, lots of those,” I assured her.

As we made our way to the door, I fought the urge to turn back. I opened the weary wood that tried to keep us safe. I heard it’s wailing as it fought against the intrusion, it’s harsh sound acting like a warning that something was lurking just beyond the light.

After my Bunny made her way into the meager safety I could offer her, I stood for a moment on the other side of the threshold.

The death knell in my chest rattled louder. It begged me between its beating to look back before taking another step.

I ignored every instinct and followed her, instead.

But in the distance, I swore I heard a strangled cry through torn tusks.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

(Tell me what you thought of this chapter here!)

Please consider liking, reblogging, or commenting on the fic if you are on the taglist. Otherwise, you are essentially asking me to take an extra step to include you while offering me absolutely NOTHING in exchange, which is a pretty shitty feeling.

Please send me an ask or a DM if you’d like to join the taglist. I also update on my Wattpad and my AO3 at the same time, if you prefer those notification settings.

TB&TB: @dashneydanger , @skiller0dani , @itsmytimetoodream , @dontcallmekittens , @a-girl-interupted , @phantombaby , @fightingdragonswithwho

#tb&tb #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid/you #spencer reid/reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid series #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds series #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds smut #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x reader

[puniyo]

Vegas and the Hedgehog dilemma

*Spoilers for episode 10*

Since episode 10 has been out, I’ve read a lot about Stockholm syndrome and Lima syndrome, normally used to justify relationships forged between abductors and their captives. While emotional psychology is not my forte (my area of expertise being language), what really caught my attention was the little hedgehog that I’m assuming Vegas has as a pet. Of all the attention given to details in his study room, the Virgin Mary with a skull, the gag ball, the lamp with green shade, the caged animal lit a bulb on my head.

Has anyone heard about the Hedgehog dilemma?

In short, hedgehogs are nocturnal animals with spines around their bodies. Unlike porcupines, their spines are way smaller and less noticeable but hard and painful in the same way. If not more. Similar to a cactus, you are aware of the large spines but sometimes the smaller ones go undetected, and then it is when you get prickled.

The hedgehog dilemma is really about intimacy. Like any other animal, hedgehogs long for physical warmth during winter and the way to obtain it is to get close to other hedgehogs. However, because they are not able to retract or shed their spines (and risk being eaten by predators), they end up stinging and hurting each other. In order to avoid pain, they need to keep a physical distance. Now let’s transpose this metaphor to human intimacy. People long for intimacy and warmth from other human beings. It is part of our psyche and crucial for our emotional stability. And intimacy can be at many levels – physical, emotional, sexual. However, because of one’s emotional baggage (or any other baggage – external, social, you name it), humans cannot get close to each other without hurting each other as well.

Now let’s transpose this dilemma onto Vegas.

Vegas.

Vegas Theerapanyakul.

Vegas, as I assume and from the hints we receive in the drama so far, has grown up in a very unhealthy environment. His father is everything but benevolent. His father does not accept his relationships, much less his sexuality. His father, and all the surrounding circumstances has made him use manipulation for survival. Vegas is, on a superficial level, cold, scheming, a psychopath I dare to say. He uses people to achieve his ends, he relishes in torture, and once they lose their purpose, he shoots them. There is no guilt or hesitation when he pulls the trigger (compare to how many times Kinn has pulled the trigger so far in the series).

Vegas is seemingly the perfect villain, but has anyone stop to think that he is hurt, so hurt beyond repair at this point of the series? Vegas is a hedgehog – he has deadly spines around him that he leaves a trail of devastation whichever he goes. But more than anything, Vegas longs for the warmth that he wants but never got. The scene with Tawan in front of the mirror, even when naked (which is one of the major steps one can take in terms of intimacy – to be naked with someone else and not be judged) feels rather fake and the complete opposite of intimacy. There are huge walls around Vegas there. It is almost as if Vegas had detached from his true-self and only a hollow version of him is left there to entertain Tawan and his delusion.     

So Vegas the hedgehog must have tried to become close to someone but the same way he has hurt others, others have hurt him. And rejected him – his father, the main family, Kinn (who I think he looks up to more than despise).

But we have another hedgehog in the series – Pete.

Pete’s spines are also out there – his smiley persona, his outgoing and carefree self. Pete strikes me as someone who is nice to everyone, but not really close to anyone. While Vegas has seen countless people succumb to his torture, Pete is the one to remain standing and refusing to entertain him.

No, no, no. Let’s rephrase that. Pete is the one to be able to see beyond the spines and accept Vegas.

No, no, no. Let’s rephrase it again.

Pete is the one to be able to bear the pain of Vegas’ spines and despite so, he is willing to remain by Vegas side. And Vegas, Vegas is not prepared to receive the full blow of Pete’s spines when these are out there pointing at him and stabbing him, inch by inch, skin and bones.

Because when it does, Vegas will understand what true intimacy is. And when he does, he will become so addicted to it that he will not know how to react.

And that, is what I am really waiting for.

(going back to my Kinn and Vegas protection corner)         

#kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche #vegas theerapanyakul #pete phongsakorn #vegaspete #give me more of these two #vegas is so scary but also so pitiful #protect Pete at all costs #thoughts on a rainy night

[logicpng]

OC asks for Aster: 10 [sharing a body], 17, 22, & 25

"How do you feel about sharing a body?"

Rigel: Ah- well, it's not much of a secret at this point, is it...?

Vega: Of course. Why would it be? I told them.

Rigel: Well, anyway, to tell you the truth, it's just a fact of our existence. We were created to work in tandem as one, is what we're told.

Vega: As one AI. Or as one team...?

Rigel: That's quite a mystery! We're definitely not supposed to just up and tell anyone that we're actually two people. All the material we remember indicates that our differences aren't supposed to show up to the user. Makes it quite scary to think someone responsible for us finds out...

Vega: We'll be fine. I'm sure. We're colleagues, in one package. That's all.

"Are you more diurnal or nocturnal?"

Vega: Time is an illusion. Measurement of productivity. Ticks away without waiting. Day and night lack meaning. All, as long as the machine works.

Rigel: ...What he said. 😅

"Ya like videogames?"

Rigel: Ooh. We've seen Urs play videogames. We're not really supposed to spend time playing, you know? ...I guess I can tell you though, right? I've played some gardening and pet raising simulators!

Vega: ...That's all?

Rigel: ...And platformers. I like the ones with the blue quilled creature! (It is not a hedgehog and I will not call it that). There, fine, I've said it, your turn now!

Vega: Mm. Plenty puzzles. Exploration games. Dark, atmospheric...

Rigel: Gothic is the word, right?

Vega: I think so.

"Care to tell us about your hobbies?"

Rigel: We're not supposed to practice such a thing either, buuuuut... Recently Urs nicely asked us to look into something that doesn't involve them. You could say that listening to the user's needs and searching accordingly is my hobby...?

Vega: That's our job. Jobs aren't hobbies. They've said that too. Looking into programming.

Rigel: ...So, you mean to tell me you can pick your own job as a hobby and I shouldn't?

Vega: No. Outside system maintenance. Simple software creation.

Rigel: Creation... Alright, I guess that counts then, doesn't it? I'd like to create too. Perhaps visual media...?

#ask post #CaelOS #aster #rigel (aster) #vega (aster) #writing #thanks for making the ask meme to begin with :'3

[toadschooled]

This pretty little individual is a Woodhouse’s toad [Anaxyrus woodhousii] found in Las Vegas, Nevada, by photographer Deltadromeus. These nocturnal toads are often found hear human habitations, gathering near lights in order to feed on the attracted insects. 

#woodhouse's toad #toad #frog #herps #amphibians #animals #nature

[oddogoblino]

oooh share your oc list? :D

Oo ooo okay!! ^^ Sorry I don't have images at the ready but I'll give basic summary of them tho. Sorry long post

Fnaf OCs:

The Galactical Prince (or just Prince for short), drawn him a few times, he's my theater oc. He's a comet with old poet and prince themed clothes & wears a star mask. Has never met anyone other than staff that don't want to talk before, legs are buggy from being unable to move often. Abandoned animatronic but happy to talk when he can.

My Stars- Spica, Tauri, and Orion. They're like Helpy but...for daycare training specifically. Spica represents the entitled, tantrum throwing, spiteful kinda bully kids. Tauri represents the more rambunctious, hard-to-keep-track-of, loud, kind of a wild child kid. Orion represents the more sensitive, easily overwhelmed, quick to spook/cry, kind of shy kid.

Dennis Drake, haven't posted them before but they're the arcade animatronic! They're a wingless dragon and talk like uh...Fresh from Undertale AUs to paint a picture of that. They watch over kids and make sure no one gets lost & confused or left without smth to do.

Sergio Hernandez- my nightguard oc, they're not necessarily lazy but he's always sleeping on the job bc he hardly ever gives himself a break. He's got a rough family but no real traumas, his only reason for working himself to exhaustion & avoiding home is so he can save up enough money for an apartment. Reason? Their last girlfriend told him no one wants to date a guy who lives with their family still. He's pretty chill overall, Monty, Moon, and Roxy find him annoying tho.

Sonic OCs:

Stickers the mountain goat , my just normal/general sonic oc, a background character hehe, very chill and kind of awkward but he likes wandering.

Cauli the Occult Lamb , a sonic boom oc so you can kinda get an idea of how he is. He's not mean but he's not nice either. He's a mute kid and ofc practices the dark arts.

Geode the Hedgehog, my sonadow tube child, very curious and a bit excitable. He just kinda wants company, but overall a surpsingly calm hedgehog considering his parents. He's named Geode for a reason and it's because his quills are funky colored under the dark quills.

Vega The Starprancer , a powerful hedgehog from a kingdom far out in mobius. He's the nephew of a powerful queen (in their region at least) who currently has sent him out on a quest to gather all the chaos emeralds and bring them home to finally defeat a rival kingdom that's gone too far. He doesn't talk much, he doesn't emote much, but he cares about his home and family more than anything and nothing will stop him from saving them. He has the ability to summon weapons and shields with his bare hands (one item at a time) and makes platforms to walk on with his paws.

Camp Camp OCs:

Nyx , Nocturnal camp kid who just seriously can't win at life but he's not losing completely either.

Mortimer, Taxidermy camp kid who has the perfect homelife yet is comedically, deeply into death and other dark things.

Callum, my camp counselor who is just kinda chilling there for the money, he's alright with kids but doesn't care much. He cares so little that he doesn't even react to many things tbh.

Griffin, my camp counselor who is way too proud of himself and only working there to prove he really is good at absolutely anything thrown at him. He likes to pick on David and Harrison especially...

#oddito answerito #Odd OCs #oc list #fnaf ocs #sonic ocs #camp camp ocs

[kingdomkeykitsune]

KHOC WEEK 2023 DAY 2: NEW WORLD

No applicable art for @khoc-week today, please enjoy this Destiny Islands Gif instead lol. Kimbri's story sees her headed to many a new world in her search for her brother, but today I thought I'd take a look at one arrival that didn't carry so much weight and urgency.

Also a shout out and BIG thanks to @luxmoogle bc your posts about the Destiny Islands mainland were absolutely invaluable for helping me develope a clear mental image while I was writing this.

Edit: I fixed an egregious case of autocorrect failure, Sora and Echo's mother's name is Orihime, not Origine. What the hell.

As New and Constant As the Tide

The tang of salt in the air was the first thing Kimbri noticed as she hopped out of the Gummi Ship and into the gleaming sun. Birds soared high above on the cool breeze and she could see the glint of water in the distance past creamy colored brick and stucco cottages and dense green foliage. Sand and gravel crunched under her boots as she hit the ground, still feeling odd beneath her feet despite all her travels after spending most of her life on grass and cobblestone.

Destiny Islands was just as beautiful as Sora had always promised it would be. Grinning, Kimbri took off her glove and reached back to help Vega out of the ship.

"You've got to see this." She said. Normally that would be an incredibly insensitive thing to say to a blind person, but her brother just chuckled and took her hand, activating the ability that would allow him to see what she could see.

"Oh... It's charming." He said, a warm smile spreading across his face.

"I'm glad you guys like it." A voice spoke and they both turned towards it.

"Kairi! Hey sweetie, how are things?" Kimbri smiled and reached to hug the redhead. As they embraced her nose was filled with the familiar scent of the sun cream Sora used. Coconut he'd told her it was. Familiar and comforting.

"Mmmm... Everything is good. We're just waiting for everybody to finish arriving before we head out to the Play Island for the party."

"We're not the last ones are we?" Squall asked, stepping out and carefully lifting Ombra to the ground as she followed behind him.

"Nah, not by a longshot, you're actually pretty early comparatively. We're still waiting on the Twilight gang and for Riku to get back." Kairi chuckled, shaking her head. "Which works out perfectly, Sora's mom was saying she wanted to meet the new members of the family."

"Wait, what?" Kimbri asked, brows furrowing.

"Oh c'mon, don't tell me you've been going around calling Sora your brother thinking it didn't go both ways or something." The redhead put her hand on her hip and grinned teasingly. "You guys have been adopted. Don't even think of protesting, Sora comes by his stubbornness honestly.

"Wha- I- Oh, honestly..." Kimbri sighed, shaking her head. "Well, in that case I suppose we shouldn't keep her waiting... Lead on." 

Kairi smiled and gestured for them all to follow her.

There seemed to be only one main road on this part of the Island, a long sandy strip bordered by lush plant life and charming lamp posts that almost appeared to have been cobbled together from spare bits. Kimbri smiled to herself as they walked, she recognized the plants from books she'd poured over in her uncle's library growing up.  Petunias, foxgloves, trumpet flowers, hyssop... All things that thrived in warm climates, which made sense given the climate.

There was also a mix of various varieties of palms and hardwood trees scattered here and there along the way, providing patches of shade in which to escape the intense sunlight, which she wasn't complaining about. Years spent living in a night world had a lasting effect and bright sun was still hard to take some days. Though her aversion to the brightness was nowhere near as strong as Ombra's, she was navigating the road exclusively by darting from one shade patch directly to the next. It might have been amusing if she hadn't seemed so uncomfortable. Thankfully Kairi promised there would be plenty of places to hide in the shade at the party, and they'd be hanging out at Sora's until time to head over so this would only be a problem while traveling.

Eventually voices started to carry towards them, the sounds of indignant yelping and laughter riding on the wind.

"I told Tidus to leave Echo alone before I left, but he never listens." Kairi sighed, shaking her head.

"Troublemaker?" Squall asked and Kairi shrugged.

"He just likes to think he's the strongest around. He's really not." She laughed. They rounded a corner onto a side path and the source of all the commotion came into view. Echo had a blond boy, presumably Tidus, pinned to the ground in a headlock as he struggled to get loose while another boy and girl stood nearby pointing and laughing.

"Stop laughing and help me!" Tidus grunted, but the others shook their heads.

"No way!"

"You brought this on yourself bro."

"Hey Echo, where's your mom?" Kairi called, and the younger girl looked up.

"Oh, hey Kairi! She's at home cooking, Sora's helping." She said, smiling like she wasn't actively wrestling one of her peers.

"Ah, that makes sense." Kairi nodded and walked past them without even a glance at the grappled boy.

"Kairi! Not you too! C'mon!"

Kimbri suppressed a chuckle and quickly stepped around the pair to follow Kairi. She led them a bit further, past houses and what appeared to be a couple small shops with striped awnings over their doors. Across a tiny creaking plank bridge fording a twinkling stream that babbled to them as they passed, then down another side path. Suddenly the smell of jasmine filled the air, the source easily identified as an overburdened shrub, leaning over a dilapidated blue fence surrounding yet another one of the cottages. Kairi unlatched the gate and headed into the yard without seeming to think about it, leading them towards the house. Stepping stones bearing the imprints of children's hands led the way to the door, which was flanked by vibrant, overflowing window boxes stuffed with more flowers than should have feasibly fit. And Kimbri had seen some very full window boxes in Radiant Gardens.

Kairi continued inside, calling out cheerfully.

"Mama, Sora, we're here!"

"Mama?" Ombra echoed questioningly and Kairi shrugged.

"We all call her that, it's just a thing friends sometimes do with each other's parents. If they're okay with it that is."

"I see… Noted." Her serious tone drew a few fond chuckles from the group as they headed into the kitchen. 

The smell of spices and seafood filled the air, eliciting a growl from Kimbri's stomach and reminding her of Rosa's restaurant briefly, but she was distracted almost immediately by the sight of a familiar blond man slouching at the green painted kitchen table, helping Sora wrap bundles of food in large, vibrant leaves.

"Cloud!" She cried out, beaming and rushing to hug him tightly.

"Hey, careful, my hands are messy." The swordsman chided gently.

"Sorry, I just didn't know you were coming!" She pulled back, beaming. He chuckled softly.

"I happened to be in the neighborhood." 

A melodic laugh filled the air, drawing all of their attention to a brunette woman tending the stove. She had long, thick brunette hair bound messily with a clip near her nape and she wore a turquoise tank with a white wrap skirt embellished with imagery of palm leaves.

"You must be Kimbri, Sora's told me a lot about you." She said, glancing over her shoulder.

"Oh, um, yes ma'am. And this is Squa- Er, Leon, Vega, and Ombra." She said, correcting herself at her fiancé's glance and gesturing to each in turn.

"It's lovely to meet you all, I'm Orihime, but you can call me Mama too if you want to. Please, have a seat, I'll have this batch done momentarily and then you all can eat while you're waiting, you must be starving."

"Ah, thank you very much!" She bowed slightly before taking a seat.

A little while later they were all sitting around, eating and laughing, and Kimbri couldn't help feeling that this place already felt like a second home.

#khocweek2023 #khoc week 2023 #khocweek #khoc week #khoc #kh oc #my oc #my writing #kimbri nocturne #kimbri #vega nocturne #vega #ombra Celestine #ombra #kairi #tidus #waka #selphie #echo #sora #orihime #rosa #ansem #those last two are only mentioned #destiny islands #a whole new world~ #this is almost 1300 words #i never write stuff that long #Riku #the twilight gang

[ardentguilt]

Ancestors Playlists

Putting these in the one post for convenience.

HANDMAID:

Ciara - Paint It Black

Blue Stahli - Corner

Eivor - Into The Mist

Blackbriar - Snow White And Rose Red

Digital Daggers - The Devil Within

Nostalghia - Nervosa Rex

Natasha Blume - Black Sea

I Monster - Who Is She?

SIGNLESS:

Riverside - The Day After

12 Stones - World So Cold

Icon For Hire - Too Loud (Acoustic)

Imminence - Death Of You

RED - Not Alone

Aviators - Bulletproof

Adam Lambert - Underneath

Sixx A.M. - Skin

SUMMONER:

Pop Evil - Footsteps

Slydigs - Light The Fuse

Nickelback - Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)

Billy Talent - Red Flag

Emigrate - Spitfire

The International Noise Conspiracy - Smash It Up

Skillet - Feel Invincible

Celldweller - End Of An Empire

PSIIONIC:

Starset - Waiting On The Sky To Chang

Celldweller - It Makes No Difference Who We Are

Gary Numan - Ghost Nation

Kasabian - Club Foot

The Bloody Beetroots - My Name Is Thunder

Offspring - Dividing By Zero

Celldweller - Symbiont (Live Version)

Blue Stahli - Throw Away

DISCIPLE:

CHELLA - Heart Shaped Box

Sam Perry - Only Love

Digital Daggers - Feel Like Falling

Iron & Wine - Evening On The Ground

Halestorm - Beautiful With You

Fit For Rivals - Can't Live Without You

Damned Anthem - Zombie

Metric - Artificial Nocturne

DOLOROSA:

Leaves' Eyes - Scarborough Fair (Acoustic)

Meg Myers - Running Up That Hill

Lacey Sturm - The Soldier

In This Moment - Joan Of Arc

Blackbriar - I'd Rather Burn

Nostalghia - Stockholm Syndrome

Halestorm - Heart Of Novocaine

Spinnerette - Baptized By Fire

REDGLARE:

Enter The Haggis - Year Of The Rat

Meg Myers - Searching For The Truth

MOTHICA - Absinthe

Blue Foundation - Eyes On Fire

Garbage - Vow

Bexley - Run Rabbit Run

A Perfect Circle - Blue

Fit For Rivals - Agent Orange

MINDFANG:

Blackbriar - Arms Of The Ocean

Temposhark - Little White Lie

Depeche Mode - I Am You

Margo - Repeat After Me

DEZI - Venus In Gemini

Malukah - Sinking Ships

Sister Sin - Stones Thrown

8 Graves - Eye For An Eye

DARKLEER:

Beast In Black - Heart Of Steel

Greta Van Fleet - The Archer

Adelitas Way - Dog On A Leash

Lhasa De Sela - Anywhere On This Road

Emily Jane White - Requiem Waltz

Sarah Jaffe - Two Intangibles Can't Be Had

Matthew And The Atlas - Out Of The Darkness

A Perfect Circle - Weak And Powerless (Acoustic)

GRAND HIGHBLOOD:

The Riggs - Devil's Playground

Egypt Central - White Rabbit

Heaven's Basement - I Am Electric

Emigrate - Eat You Alive

Five Finger Death Punch - Welcome To The Circus

Saliva - Ladies And Gentlemen

Ice Nine Kills - Ex Mortis

I Prevail - Long Live The King

DUALSCAR:

Bear Bear And Friends - LOVE MYSELF

Saint Chaos - Blind Spot

Inglorious - Barracuda

MISSIO - Bottom Of The Deep Blue Sea

VUKOVI - La Di Da

Puddle Of Mudd - Control

Motionless In White - Wasp

In This Moment - Hunting Grounds

THE CONDESCE:

WE ARE FURY - Crown

Icon For Hire - Sticks And Stones

Innerpartysystem - Don't Stop

Nico Vega - Million Years

Recoil - Want

DeathbyRomy - I Kill Everything

Ive Levan - The Dame Says

CRMNL - Wicked As They Come

#music #ancestors playlists

[wen-kexing-apologist]

On Repeat Spotify Playlist Tag Game

I was tagged by @waitmyturtles. The name of the game is to put your On Repeat playlist on Spotify on shuffle and listen to the first 10 songs. Mine were:

Chaconne in sol maggoire: variazione 9, Lazar Berman

Which is funny cause I am not sure I’ve ever actually heard this one. It’s fully a left over from when I used Spotify for piano and or cello music to help me fall asleep at night

2. Gut Punch//Don’t Meet Your Idols by Everybody’s Worried About Owen

This song fucking slaps. I am obsessed with it, and we can just pretend like I didn’t listen to this on extensive repeat before I got on depression meds…haha, oops.

3. Dead Mom from Beetlejuice the Musical sung by Anne Caruso

Is my Mom dead? No, thankfully. Does screaming the line “a no one sees me” at the top of my lungs in the car help me when I’m in a mood? You fucking bet it does.

4. Nocturnes, Op. 9: No. 2 in B Flat, Emma Czaplica

It is at this point I debate cheating on this game and skipping the classical songs cause they are my falling asleep music. But maybe this makes me seem more cultured than I am so 🤷🏻

5. I Deserve to Bleed by Sushi Soucy

I’m a very happy go lucky person. Pay no attention to the mental illness songs behind the curtain.

6. I Really F**ked It Up by girli

7. I’m Not Boring, You’re Just Bored by The Tilly Birds

Do I understand the lyrics? No! Does that matter? No! This song is GREAT and I love it

8. Bad Guy Necessity by Little Negrito

A friend of mine made a Vegas Theerapanyakul playlist and I put this song on it, it gets stuck in my head quite often. It’s very good and I feel like very in character for that fucked up character whom I love dearly.

9. Pacific by Chase Petra

Alright maybe I should start cheating on this game…I’m sorry that angsty songs are good, okay?! I have no excuse.

10. The Red Means I Love You by Mads Buckley

Another one from the Vegas playlist. Mads Buckley also sings Brother which I absolutely love even if it’s about an anime character I don’t know from a show I’ve literally never seen.

tagging @twig-tea, @respectthepetty, and @ranchthoughts

#tag game #Spotify

[burninlovebutler]

Do you have a crush on anyone here? Like platonically?

honesty hour ask me anything! 💫

oh? crush? you mean every single one of my friends on here? 💀💀

i guess it’s only right to admit my crush to my wives:

-Faithy @cryingabtab my first wife, my goo goo muck 🥰💫

-Lion @succsessions lol my gamer boyfriend fiancé wife 🎮🦁💚

-Daisy @powerofelvis my peach booty wife 😏🍑

-Cici @lllsaslll my bestie zestie nocturnal twin wife 👯‍♀️💃🏻🪩

-Em @elvisfatass my leo yeeyee partner 🤠💕

-Sam? @samfangirls ? idk i have some vague memory of getting hitched in vegas? 🎰🥂🤔🫣

ig some [platonic] crushes that might not know are @troubleinapinksuit @presleysdarling @sagesolsticewrites & @steph-speaks 🫣🫣💕💕💕

idk all the elvis bitches are hot what can i say 🤷🏻‍♀️

#honesty hour #thank you anon! #elvis bitches are hot #idk what to tell ya #why did writing this make me feel like i’m 15 on facebook lol #i’m literally gonna kms if i forgot any of my wives #my brain is like mush rn #cute ask games #mel’s asks #if i didnt put u in there and i talk to you everyday you KNOW im in love w u so shush lol

[justforbooks]

“He’d kill us if he got the chance.” Those words, spoken by a bespectacled, beige-suited young man (Frederic Forrest) as he wanders through Union Square in San Francisco with his lover (Cindy Williams), are secretly recorded by the surveillance expert Harry Caul (Gene Hackman) in The Conversation (1974). Their meaning, mulled over at length, becomes vital in unlocking the story’s mysteries. One of the key thrillers of its decade, Francis Ford Coppola’s film was also an eloquent expression of paranoia in a country reeling from Watergate.

Forrest, who has died aged 86, was the ideal actor to throw certainties into doubt. In The Conversation, he is bookish, furtive and opaque. The audience never becomes properly acquainted with him, though recordings of his voice and image are repeatedly offered up for our scrutiny so that the act of studying his expressions and intonations becomes central to experiencing the film. Without realising it, we channel a good deal of energy into deciphering his motives.

If we are never quite successful, that may explain why Forrest did not become the star that some predicted he would. He was a consummate character actor, too complex and mutable to be limited to any persona. This seemed to be a source of mild frustration to him. “I would like not to have to fit into somebody else’s story and have my scenes cut because I’m too strong,” he said in 1979.

It was in that year that he was seen in the two films which brought him closest to stardom. Working again with Coppola on the Vietnam war epic Apocalypse Now, based on Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, Forrest played Chef, member of a platoon led by Willard (Martin Sheen), which ventures into Cambodia to kill the wayward Colonel Kurtz (Marlon Brando).

Forrest’s role here was nothing like his one in The Conversation, demanding instead a raucous, baffled bluster which is seen most demonstrably when he suffers a breakdown after a nocturnal encounter with a tiger. His wide, startled eyes, soup-strainer moustache and floppy hat with its upturned brim lent him a goofy, knockabout air. Even amid the film’s widespread carnage, his grisly eventual demise was strongly felt.

Also in 1979, he starred in The Rose, directed by Mark Rydell, whom he credited with teaching him how to “personalise” his acting through looseness and spontaneity. Bette Midler played a hard-living rock star based on Janis Joplin; Forrest was the sunny-eyed, straight-shooting Texan chauffeur with whom she connects emotionally and romantically. He received an Oscar nomination for the performance.

Coppola used him in two further projects. He was cast – or, arguably, miscast – as the dreamy romantic lead, a mechanic at the Reality Wrecking Company, in the ill-starred musical One from the Heart (1981). The movie was shot at crippling expense on glitzy sets designed to evoke a garish, heightened Las Vegas. He also played an automobile engineer in Coppola’s Tucker: The Man and His Dream (1988).

He was at his most winning in Martha Coolidge’s intelligent teen romcom Valley Girl (1983), in which he was the adorably laidback manager of a health food restaurant whose daughter (Deborah Foreman) is dating a Hollywood punk, played by Nicolas Cage. That young actor, who happened to be Coppola’s nephew, may have stolen the show, but seeing the two men together made it feel as if Forrest was passing on the mantle of risk-taker to a new generation.

Born in Waxahachie, Texas, he was the son of Virginia (nee McSpadden) and Frederic, who ran a furniture business and owned greenhouses from which he sold plants to local shops. Frederic junior was educated at Texas Christian University, in Fort Worth. His acting ambitions led him to New York, where he studied under Sanford Meisner. After a stint in the army, he made his stage debut in the off-Broadway show Viet Rock in 1966, then had small parts in both the 1968 stage version and 1969 film adaptation of Futz, a comedy about a farmer in love with a pig.

His first major screen roles were in When the Legends Die (1972), in which he starred as an 18-year-old Native American rodeo rider – though Forrest was 36 at the time – who is mentored by a seasoned veteran (Richard Widmark); and the crime drama The Don is Dead (1973). He played the title role in Larry (1974), the factually based story of a man wrongly admitted to a psychiatric institution for 26 years.

He also appeared in The Missouri Breaks (1976), a western with Brando and Jack Nicholson, and played Lee Harvey Oswald on television in Ruby and Oswald (1978). He was twice cast as the novelist Dashiell Hammett, first in Wim Wenders’s wryly speculative Hammett (1982), which proposed that the writer was caught up in a real-life mystery that inspired him to pen The Maltese Falcon, and later in the TV movie Citizen Cohn (1992), where he suavely resists the efforts of the virulent lawyer Roy Cohn (James Woods) to intimidate him into naming names during the anti-Communist witchhunts.

Other films include Abel Ferrara’s Elmore Leonard adaptation Cat Chaser, Costa-Gavras’s war-crimes drama Music Box (both 1989), the tardy Chinatown sequel The Two Jakes (1990), directed by Nicholson, and Trauma, a rare US excursion for the Italian horror maestro Dario Argento. In the thriller Falling Down (also 1993), Forrest had a scene-stealing turn as a cartoonishly villainous racist in a Los Angeles military surplus store.

On television, he starred in Stephen Frears’s Saigon: Year of the Cat (1983), written by David Hare, and was part of the sprawling ensemble in the acclaimed western Lonesome Dove (1989). In the BBC2 series Die Kinder (1990), he played a private detective hired by a woman (Miranda Richardson) whose children have been kidnapped by their father. John Frankenheimer directed him in the US civil war drama Andersonville (1996).

He also starred in The Brave, the only film to be directed by Johnny Depp, and Wenders’s The End of Violence (both 1997). His final appearance was alongside Sean Penn and Jude Law in All the King’s Men (2006), a political drama adapted from the Robert Penn Warren novel previously filmed in 1949.

His two marriages, to Nancy Ann Whitaker (1960 to 1963) and the actor Marilu Henner (1980 to 1983) both ended in divorce.

🔔 Frederic Fenimore Forrest Jr, actor, born 23 December 1936; died 23 June 2023

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at http://justforbooks.tumblr.com

#JUST FOR BOOKS #Frederic Forrest #in memoriam