#Vader being just a little proud of how good Ahsoka is when she duels him which just makes her even more mad because he has no right anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gffa · 7 years

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So, Tuesday was @writegowrite’s birthday and I’m going to tell you why she’s such a lovely person and such a lovely author. She has always been incredibly sweet and kind, she has so many nice things to say to others, and I would adore her whether she’d written a single word or not, whether she ever writes another word. She’s a positive presence in this fandom, she always makes me feel better to see her posts on my dash, and she’s always so thoughtful and insightful about these characters we love and she has such a warm, steady feel every time I’ve spoken with her. She is one of my favorite people in this fandom and I say that completely separate from her fic writing. But, oh, her fic writing. I’m absolutely in love with everything she writes, from her happier stories to the beautiful angst to the almost poetic way she can weave together words, and so I’m collecting together all the recs I’ve done for her work and I want to tell you why you should snag everything on this list and read it all and your life will be so much more fulfilled for it. (Equinox and Broken both have updated recs!) ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, sith!obi-wan, 9k During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. ✦ Home Again by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, dom/sub, light kink, 1.7k When Anakin’s emotions overwhelm him, Obi-Wan is always there with a firm hand and clear eye to help him find his way back from the dark. ✦ Broken by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, NSFW, dark themes, sith!obi-wan, 30.8k wip The Twins are unstoppable enforcers of the Emperor’s will, the sun and moon that hang in the black void of his rule. It is said they are not the same age and that under their hoods they do not look alike, but they fight as one entity, silent and terrible as an eclipse in a spring sky. ✦ Release by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, ~1k A quick and dirty story about quick and dirty things. ✦ Family by lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & darth maul & cast, sith!obi-wan, 6.8k Seven years after the duel on Naboo, Obi-Wan Kenobi has turned to the dark, Maul has turned to the light, and young Anakin is caught somewhere in-between. Can Qui-Gon rescue his Padawan before it’s too late? ✦ A Walking Shadow by lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & padme & luke & leia & palpatine & cast, 74.6k It is five years into the Empire’s ascension, an order built on the blood and bodies of the Jedi. None survived, they say, and the handsome, icy profile of Lord Vader plastered across every Imperial city leaves no room for doubt in the minds of many. But Vader knows there is at least one left, one that escaped him on Mustafar all those years ago. ✦ The World Undone by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & maul, nsfw, sith!obi-wan, 143.3k Anakin Skywalker, proud symbol of the strength and purity of the Jedi Order, is the target of a strange and handsome Sith named Obi-Wan, whose only goal seems to be pulling Skywalker down into the dark with him. ✦ The Warp and the Weft by FireflyFish, lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & rey & cast, 3.2k wip Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force. “We are all a part of the great Cosmic Force and whether we like it or not, when called, we must answer. Even if we’re dead, Anakin.” ✦ Coda by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, 60k wip Anakin is an up-and-coming first soloist for the New York City Ballet Company, a brash, confident dancer with a smoldering sensuality to his technique and an electric smile that makes fangirl toes curl and quite possibly his choreographer’s. full details + recs under the cut!

✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, sith!obi-wan, 9k During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. Chapter 1: I was always going to be biased, since this was a birthday gift for me, it was always going to appeal to everything I wanted, but, oh, I genuinely love it and would have whether it was meant for me or not. There’s so much really beautiful imagery in the first chapter already, there’s so much lush description of the planet that Jedi!Obi-Wan and Jedi!Anakin land on, there’s such a feel of it being a gothic horror piece already, just from the atmosphere the fic paints. And already I love the little details, the way Obi-Wan and Anakin worry over each other, the way Obi-Wan tells Anakin to just sit down as he pours more energy into healing Anakin as best he can, no matter how much it costs himself, the descriptions of the mansion they find themselves at, and the killer cliffhanger ending, of course. I want the next chapter so badly already and I am so eagerly looking forward to the two pairs meeting each other and having to deal with seeing how much is or isn’t reflected back at themselves and whatever else will come from this story. It’s a great set-up and I’m going to be circling this one like a hawk, let me tell you. Chapter 2: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I am, of course, entirely biased towards this fic, because it’s a present for me and because it’s tailored to the things I enjoy, but I legitimately love this fic so much and every chapter (even if it’s just two right now, I expect this trend will continue) gets me further and further hooked. This is where the Jedi versions of Obi-Wan and Anakin meet their other universe selves, where there’s this really well-done undercurrent of how these people look like them, aren’t them, but there are these little things that are so unsettling in all the right ways. The way the fic uses small touches, like the way SIth!Obi-Wan pulls on Sith!Anakin’s hair, which makes him tip his head back and go a little slack, the way Sith!Anakin twirls his saber before he settles on an attack, the way they work as a team, it gives this really beautifully done air of how these characters are familiar yet not. The details they use to convince Jedi Obi-Wan and Anakin that they are who they say they are! It’s unsettling in the perfect way. And I’m so impressed that there’s a moment in the fic (the hair pulling) where it’s not even explicit at all, but, damn, did it get under my skin and wind its way into my thoughts, it suggested so many things without being suggestive, and it was beautifully written. The fic does a beautiful job with already winding in those elements of a d/s relationship in a way that works for the characters, it does so in the way that hits my id dead on, but also is legitimately lovely writing for these characters. This is what I’m here for and, ahhh, it’s so good and so gorgeous already! Chapter 3: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole, though I do my best to avoid too many major spoilers! I almost can’t believe that this fic is over 15k already and it’s only a quarter of the way done and it just has me entirely hooked on it, that of course I enjoy everything I read of Lily’s, but this one is going to be special to me, even beyond that it’s a gift for me. And this chapter just further cements that in, with the way there’s something that gently pulls at me the entire chapter, some combination of waiting for the big reveals we know are coming and waiting for the shit to hit the fan as things always do and this sense of… the whole time I was reading this chapter, as Obi-Wan and Anakin were trying to figure out what was going on, trying to figure out what to do next to get off this planet, I felt the sense of something not quite making sense here, in that way that an adventure set in the canon itself would feel. You know somethig isn’t exactly as benign as it appears on the surface, you know something is going on here, but you’re not quite sure what it is and you can feel it but there aren’t enough pieces to put it together yet, all of which was done so very well by the writing here, it’s exactly that kind of creeping tension that makes a story, whether fic or canon, so good. Of course it’s not just that, there’s also the other touches that are written into the story, like the way Obi-Wan and Anakin work together, the way they obviously care deeply, the way they’re such good friends and I can feel that it’s been a hard-won friendship between them, but that it means the galaxy to Anakin–which, of course, is what will make the reflection of that dynamic in the Sith versions so sharp and have such impact on the Jedi versions, because it’s another inverse reflection of their relationship. And I love the structure here, but oh man when Anakin does finally stumble over them, it’s worth the wait, it’s one of those moments that quietly shatters something in him, not really in a bad way, there’s a sense of how something seems to… maybe not quite click into place, though it’s not far off from that and it’s definitely not as horrible as he might have expected it to be, instead it sneaks under his skin and gets to him, makes all these images and thoughts bloom so much more into focus for him. But it’s also the little touches of this story, the way Veris talks to Isten when Anakin overhears them, the way there’s something so charming and yet dominating about their relationship, and, oh, does that hit my id and work so well for me. It’s also about what that does to Anakin, how relatable his reaction is, as well as that I love the gen dynamic between him and Jedi Obi-Wan, that we seetheir friendship here, we see the care, in the way they walk to each other, the way they each help the other, the way they metaphorically put their backs to each other and face whatever’s coming, the way they heal each other, the way they talk to each other (such lovely and fun and sparkling dialogue! I lovedgallows humor, because it’s so entirely them!), like it works as a way to compare/contrast against the Sith, but it would have been a joy to read just for its own sake as well. This fic has absolutely caught me and taken over me and I love it dearly and just want to vent my feelings for like an hour about it–as you can see. Chapter 4: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I’m also going split this rec into two parts, the first half will be my usual mostly non-spoilery version, the second will be a much more detailed reaction. Because I want to and I have things to say! Non-spoilery: I’ll preface this by saying that this fic was written for me and so it’s tailored to my wants, so I cannot speak with true objectivity on it, but I can still recognize when something is beautifully written and when it’s just ridiculously good. While reading this fic, it was like I could feel my brain lighting up from it, there was almost a physical feeling in my nerves for how much I enjoyed a certain scene in this chapter, where Obi-Wan and Isten (Sith!Anakin) have a conversation and it gets at the heart of what is so, so fascinating about these two pairs meeting–they’re not the same as their other self, but they are a negative image of each other, and that the contrasts are all there, beautifully done, but there’s also more comparisons than Obi-Wan (or Anakin) would be comfortable with. And it takes nothing away from the canon, nor does it make these beautiful Soft Sith versions any less the ones of my heart, and that’s exactly what I hoped for. The tension in that scene, after the almost lazy and unhurried scene between Obi-Wan and Anakin, is incredible, that this Isten is recognizable as Anakin in some ways and everything that means to Obi-Wan, but he’s so different and that means the tone changes, it changes in the way the scene unfolds, in the showing of it, not the author telling it. And, oh, good god, that scene doesn’t even have to be explicit to be smoking hot, the imagery is ridiculously good, and the final scene, the reason why Obi-Wan goes, what he sees, what it says about those two as well as himself and Anakin, all of it just smacked my id down to the floor and told it not to get up again, in the best possible way. Of course, that’s not even all, there’s a growing mystery, there are little character details all over the place, and a beautifully creepy scene in the hallway that’s only a moment, but had me hooked for the plot, too, not just the gorgeous twining around all four of these characters do with each other. SPOILERS: I think the above rec could be read without having read the chapter itself, but beyond this point I’m absolutely going to talk about specific things and I think the chapter is better read first–but I still want to do this because a) FEELINGS and b) I know I like reading responses from other people sometimes, too! I loved all of this chapter, it’s easily my favorite of the fic yet, I loved the way Obi-Wan and Anakin’s relationship is this friendship fraught with the same issues we all recognize from canon, that they care deeply about each other, but they’re wound tightly because of the war and that there’s that bit of distance between them that feels not right. Then along comes the Sith duo, especially Isten, who can’t help poking at them, for whatever reason he does it, because he’s bored, because he likes doing it, because Veris (Sith!Obi-Wan) wanted him to, because he has a plan, because he just wants to see things explode, or even just because Obi-Wan is still a version of his Master. And he’s so like Anakin in some ways, so much of a cocky attitude, so much power roiling through him, and yet he’s more settled in his skin than Anakin himself is, there’s something that feels like it’s clicked into place for him, and that scene does a lot to show Obi-Wan just exactly what that is. He needles this version of his Master with how he and Veris are together, how he listens to Veris, how Obi-Wan wants to know why that is, and then shows him. It’s not even an explicit scene, but it was still one of the hottest things I’ve ever read, how he sinks to his knees and loosens his clothing and touches himself, softly pleads with his Master to touch him, how much he wants this. That Obi-Wan isn’t out of line to think that Veris forces him to be the way he is, to see him still wearing his tabards because Veris likes it (and that was a beautifully subtle touch, for further comparisons and contrasts), to see the way Veris grabs him by the hair to pull his head back, to hear Isten say that Veris has him every night, but that it unfolds and we see that it’s what Isten wants, that he enjoys the guiding hand Veris uses on him, that he easily gives it over for the control Veris can wrap him up in, despite his incredible strength and power. And that it’s a scene about the way Obi-Wan reacts, the iron in his voice when he commands Isten to stop that, the way Isten stills at it and the moment of intense satisfaction it brings Obi-Wan before he’s horrified, that spark of finally reigning Anakin in, finally putting necessary boundaries on him, then the guilt that he would enjoy it, despite that Isten flourishes under it, needs it. That comparison to go with the contrast, what it says not just about this other version of Anakin, but how it immediately turns thoughts to this Anakin, how little control he has over himself, how much more unsettled and unstable he feels, how much more angry he is, and it can’t help but intrigue. Not that the fic is done with me yet! Oh, to have Obi-Wan happen to see Veris and Isten in the middle of actual fucking, especially after Anakin had stumbled over them as well, was delightfully executed here, it wasn’t just that it made sense, but that it got at my feelings, that this was still a version of Anakin and, if he was in trouble, Obi-Wan had to help him, no matter that it might have been a trap they were setting. It says everything about Obi-Wan, that he recognizes the potential risks here, he’s not blind about what it could be, but if there’s a chance, he has to help. It’s still Anakin. Even if it’s not, because the scene with the Jedi is… even when they’re sharing a room, even when it’s clear they’re very close, there’s that sense of distance, it’s something just a little less warm, which is so different from Veris and Isten, the sheer amount of intimacy and want. Of course it’s different, they’re in a different type of relationship, there’s going to be more of a specific kind of passion to lovers than there will be to friends, but I still felt it, it’s never said in the writing specifically, but I felt it. The imagery in the scene Obi-Wan witnesses, as Isten’s hands are tied to the headboard as Veris fucks him, only an open tunic on him as his long legs wrap around his Master, everything else, even his glove, bared to his Master, no stubborness or forcing himself to be stronger than he is, just letting his Master hold him and have him and fuck him. Pleading for more of it, complately trusting Veris to have every part of him, parts Anakin keeps angrily hidden. And, oh, when Veris calls Isten Anakin, it’s this beautiful shock to my system, to Obi-Wan’s as well, that we’d gotten used to thinking of them otherwise, even with the reason he came here was because this was some version of Anakin, but to hear Veris say his name, to hold him so dear, how beautiful and wanted this Anakin is to him. When Isten comes at Veris’ command and then he rolls them over to have Isten continue riding him, the memories of the first time Obi-Wan had another man riding him like that, how everything about it twines together around the image of Anakin Anakin Anakin in my mind, was also gorgeous. I loved these scenes for the sex, they were ridiculously pleasing to me on a personal level, but it’s also all the things that aren’t so different after all, everything that’s being said about these characters and their motivations under the surface, what’s true about all of them, that’s what really light my mind up like I can’t even describe. Of course, there is actually a developing mystery here–slow bits of plot being teased about why this mansion is here, what drew them to it, why the Force feels so strange here, what’s happening with Anakin at the end, what was the shadow that wonderfully creepy doing there, what do the journals mean or even say, who was watching them that wasn’t the Sith? All of it has me absolutely hooked, it’s all building and building and I actually loved this chapter enough to be satisfied for the next two weeks, but also that I am so ready for this fic to be in my hot little hands now. And, yes, every word of this rec was necessary, shut up. ♥ Chapter 5: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This chapter does more lovely things, there’s an almost laid back, peaceful scene with our two Jedi, except for the part where something still feels a bit off in the house around them, how things just aren’t quite how they should be, and while I’m defniitely here for the interaction between the characters (all versions of them), I am loving that creeping sense of “was that tool really just there a minute ago?” and “so what do those journals really mean and what will they tell?” to go along with the “what the hell is this place??” that’s been so enjoyable. The author does so well with pretty imagery that it creates these really well-done moments–like the feeling of echoing footsteps coming closer and closer, but you can’t see who it is, there’s this feeling that it’s someone or something else, and you know something’s off, but is it the character or the house? So good for me! But I think my favorite aspect continues to be the interplay between the Jedi and these Soft Sith versions that have so worked their way under my skin, that I’m so intrigued by–I can’t tell what their true motivations are, if they’re helping or biding their time before doing something worse, if they’re something ethereal made real by this place or if they really were drawn here just as the Jedi versions were. Having Veris and Obi-Wan interact in this chapter is fascinating, because it’s entirely different from how Obi-Wan interacts with Isten, who is still some version of Anakin and of course Obi-Wan distrusts him for what he’s become but still wants to help him, that he doesn’t treat this version of “himself” the same way. That there’s something so precise and lethal about this version of canon character, all that intelligence and predatory skill our version keeps on a very tight leash isn’t so caged up anymore, and even when he’s not doinganything, just talking to Obi-Wan, you can feel that sense of, “oh, I wouldn’t want to cross him, ever”. And, oh, there’s this line: “Isten, he noted with more than a little shame, he now knew how to get rid of. Veris was another matter entirely, and it did not help at all to think about the last time he had seen him, lying between Isten’s thighs.” which says so much about the dynamics–how well he knows Anakin, how deeply unsettled he is by the memory of the previous chapter and the spark of what it’s lit with him, but how different it is when it comes to “himself”, that it’s harder to work around him and harder to be faced with the things he doesn’t want to see there. All wrapped up in a brief thought about how one was easier to get rid of than the other. What’s getting me here is what I’ve always believed about Sith!Obi-Wan–Soft Sith!Obi-Wan, really, because few of us want canon!Sith!Obi-Wan, this is so much, much better–is that I have trouble seeing him fall to the dark side on his own, not after everything that canon threw at him and he still never was consumed by the dark, he always worked through and came to terms with the dark things that he felt. But that’s a situation where Anakin was lost and here–here Anakin can be held onto, here Anakin can be kept, here Anakin can be with him, so loved and cherished and never let go of. If Obi-Wan was ever going to fall, the best chance of that is going to be centered around Anakin, this one that he has loved so much that it shapes his life. Everything else can be worked through, but not Anakin, not the promise of Anakin, no. And that will get me every time, just the suggestion of it in this fic, the way Veris taunts and needles Obi-Wan with the dark version of something Obi-Wan wants, in a way that’s a horror to him, but still worms its way under the skin because, oh, Anakin. And that’s a straight shot to both my id and every feeling I’ve had about these characters, that’s what this fic is winding its way towards and what makes it so good for me. Chapter 6: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. As always, my thought whenever I finish a chapter of this story is, “Noooo, why does it have to end there, I want to keep reading!” And this is a chapter that’s about Anakin and Isten’s interaction, as well as the growing mystery of whatever creepy thing is happening in the house, and it’s all just so very lovely. There’s a sense of something shifting and roiling with Anakin here, he’s unsettled and I can really feel it in everything he does, whether it’s tossing and turning in bed at night or in his angry conversation with Isten. Whether it’s the house getting to him or being confronted with things he doesn’t want to think about (my answer: PROBABLY BOTH), it’s getting under his skin and let me tell you about how much I love Anakin Skywalker being a mess and being contrasted against the Sith version of himself and not wanting to hear what he has to say or feel how much more settled that version is in his own skin. The nightmares that haunt him (which are beautifully used here, how that’s something that still lingers in his heart and drags him down again and again, how it claws at him), the darkness that terrifies him, the way he feels like he’s not really in control, all of it is building and, oh, I’m so entirely here for that. The insights Isten has into Anakin’s character, what he utterly understands about the person who is a mirror image of himself in a lot of ways, is fascinating, because it’s true–for all that Isten has Fallen, for all that one shouldn’t trust him, for all that he’s probably capable of terrible things, that just means that he knows how to face the truth and turn it into a weapon that cuts and undermines Anakin, he knows how to hurt with it. And the unsettling thing about the dark is that it’s not always 100% wrong, especially why he isn’t bothered by the house, but Anakin is. That he’s right about what Anakin wants when he acts out, how desperately he wants attention, how giving himself over to the one he wants will stop the noise–and, whatever else Isten may or may not be wrong about, he’s not wrong about that, when he himself is proof of it. And, oh, that contrast, that parallel between these two Anakins, that’s so good for me. Of course, there’s still more going on. The house and the shadows that are slowly creeping forward are more pronounced now, even if the character themselves don’t see them. It’s slow and insidious and there’s something there, but you can’t put your finger on it yet and it’s beautifully creepy. And I still have no idea what drew these people together, if the Sith versions are just id made flesh or if they’re something else, I don’t know what they want or which of them is telling the truth about who Fell or if both or neither are, and there’s a growing closeness between Jedi Obi-Wan and Jedi Anakin, partly sparked off by seeing these other two together and the lust that inspires in both of them, but also because they’re in a situation that unsettles them and it’s natural to look to the other to or for help. And, oh, the ending of this chapter got me, I didn’t see it coming, but it was built up to perfectly and it made so much sense with everything Anakin felt up to then and Obi-Wan’s response to Anakin gave me a ton of feelings. Because it’s always just Anakin that he thinks this way for, that he wouldn’t care as deeply about someone else, he wouldn’t have such sympathy for someone else, he wouldn’t draw the parallel (because they’re not the same thing) for anyone else, he wouldn’t say what he does for someone else, just Anakin. And wrapped up in the darkness they’ve been forced to confront, it’s a beautifully built narrative element, all added to how it’s Anakin crying on Obi-Wan and that’s just like one of the easiest ways to my fannish heart, especially when it’s so beautfiully written. ✦ Home Again by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, dom/sub, light kink, 1.7k When Anakin’s emotions overwhelm him, Obi-Wan is always there with a firm hand and clear eye to help him find his way back from the dark. Holy hell, this fic was made for me, but also it’s just incredibly lovely and perfect. It’s set in a relationship between them that is dom/sub, in a way that benefits Anakin so much, you can feel even in a pwp fic that Anakin has all this noise in his head and the way Obi-Wan takes him in hand cuts through that and clears it away. I would have loved it just for that. I would have loved it just for the delicious and well-described sex, the light kink and the spanking and then the fucking, it has some really beautiful imagery here! But I think my very favorite thing (if just barely, because I have many favorite things about this fic) is the tension the author builds up–the way Obi-Wan seems like he’s ignoring Anakin, but you feel how much his attention very much is on Anakin, the way he gives Anakin an order, who doesn’t quite know what’s coming, that tension that nearly boils over in him before Obi-Wan cuts through it. The build-up had me feeling wound up, so that the release was even better, making this a really satisfying and well-written fic! ✦ Broken by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, NSFW, dark themes, sith!obi-wan, 30.8k wip The Twins are unstoppable enforcers of the Emperor’s will, the sun and moon that hang in the black void of his rule. It is said they are not the same age and that under their hoods they do not look alike, but they fight as one entity, silent and terrible as an eclipse in a spring sky. Chapter 1: At the time of this rec, only the first chapter had been posted, so it will focus on that, rather than the fic as a whole. I don’t always go for really dark fic, but I’ve liked this author’s other work so much and there was the promise of Anakin riding Obi-Wan like a greedy, desperate thing, so, okay, I’ll give it a shot! And it’s really lovely writing and there’s something so entirely unsettling about the silence of the two of them, contrasted against how we’re familiar with them as loud and bantery characters, that they’re the old married couple who bickers constantly. Here, that’s been stripped away from them, instead it’s taken them down to little more than base instincts, yet that connection between them remains, and it’s the strength of the writing that really pulls that off, that really makes me able to see this and feel so much about it. That I still see the characters I knew from canon in these warped and twisted versions of them was heartbreaking, but also the thing that super made it worth reading. Well, that and the furiously intense aftermath of their mission where they crash against each other and the sex is rough and harsh and Anakin climbs onto Obi-Wan’s lap and rides him like a demon possessed and, okay, I’m really into that, the darker quality to their relationship, as well as the pretty writing. There’s such a lovely image in this moment: And then after more gasps and moans and fumbling with sweet slickness they had switched, Sen in the plush seat and the milky white disc of the planet outside a strange halo around Koh’s head as Koh rode him as hard as he could, thighs apart as he straddled Sen’s lap and their breaths harsh gasps against the faint ticking of the chronometer in the silence of the apartment. It’s taking all the good things about their relationship and inverting them, in some ways a negative image of what they are in canon, and making it lovely and heartbreaking and addictive. There are always undercurrents of darkness in the Star Wars canon, especially with these two, but they’re not always teased out in the right ways, but, oh, this one worked very, very well for me. Also, that sex scene was lovely and I’m always here for Anakin’s head crowned with a halo as he sits on Obi-Wan’s lap, give me that always. Chapters 2-3: This is an update rec, so it will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This continues to be a very heartbreaking, unhappy fic that almost assuredly isn’t going to get much happier, so you have to go into the fic expecting that. This is a galaxy that’s terrible and awful and painful, but that’s what I’m here for with this one, even as much as it breaks my fannish heart. And I continue to love the sense of how utterly dangerous they are in this fic, how my heart can hurt for what became of Obi-Wan and Anakin, especially for what it must have taken to break them down like this, yet some part of me is still satisfied at how co-dependent they are with each other, twisted into something so dark and awful here. The use of the people who knew them, the use of the people who only know them as the Twins, the eerie, creepy way they move in synch, all of it reminds the reader of what they once were, the elements that were always there, but now in this dark funhouse mirror version of them that’s so awful and yet so intriguing. These chapters also show how they are in battle, how they are when they’re separate for even a few moments, and that’s worse, but then! Anakin is hurt and there’s this raging river underneath the story, the terror and the furor when one of them is hurt and the other feels it, that they can bite and claw at each other, but they’re two halves of a set, that even in this twisted version of them, Anakin still gets wound up and twisted around by his feelings, and still needs someone to fight him, to push him down and roughly hold him in place and fuck him, pin him face down and push into him and wrap a hard hand around his throat, give him a pain and a pleasure that wipes everything else from his mind, because even in this dark version, he’s still Anakin Skywalker and even in this dark version Obi-Wan will give him what he needs. This isn’t a fic for if you want something happy or something that will probably work out, but if you like something that exposes all the connections between them and then takes them down a dark path, then this one is an absolutely fascinating, engrossing read! Chapter 4: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This fic continues to break my heart, but also utterly engross me–it’s still not a happy fic, it’s almost assuredly never going to be a happy fic, you gotta roll with that when you start it, but it’s well-told and has this really sharp edge to everything, it doesn’t try to oversell what’s happened, but instead lets the horror of all of this breathe, lets what happened with Obi-Wan and Anakin have the room to settle and is almost understated, so much is unknown, but it still carries the weight of just how awful it is. This is one of those chapters that really hit me with how much has been lost between these two, how much of who they were is just gone, even if bits and tattered pieces remain somewhere long buried, it only hurts more because they can never really fully come back from this, it can’t be undone. Seeing the reactions from Ahsoka and Rex, the interaction Dooku has with both of them, drives home just how little is even there anymore, even when they’re set off by something or other. They’re truly feral here and the final scene of the chapter has this incredible frantic energy without trying too hard, I just felt the chaos and sheer intensity of it! But, really, my favorite thing about this fic is how it takes the bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin and twists it to something so much more desperate and dark, the one thing they have when all other lights go out for them, the one thing they hold onto when everything else must have been pain. I loved seeing them through Dooku’s eyes, the way it was such a waste of who they’d been, that the fic does such a lovely job of showing how terrifying The Twins are while still making the audience sad for how much was lost to get them there. It’s dark, but it’s so good for me. Chapter 5: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This chapter reminded me all over again how heartbreaking this whole story is, to see how much of Obi-Wan and Anakin have just been forever lost, that there may be embers left, but who they were are really and truly gone. And it was difficult to read because it implies what must have been truly soul-breaking to get them to this point, to see them so destroyed in spirit and so afraid and so pliant to what Sidious orders them to do. Seeing it through Ahsoka’s eyes, the contrast against how you know this won’t be a happy ending of a story, they’re too gone, there’s not enough left, they’re just empty shells of who they used to be, only the most basic of instincts and connection to each other left. And it’s so sad, but also beautifully done, that even if maybe I have a little hope that they might get a bittersweet ending (and I’m not prepared to hold my breath on that, but either way I’ll be satisfied, I know I’m not reading a sunshine fic here), and I know I’ll have a lot of feelings along the way. Plus, the bits of clone world building with the way they look at strong enemies, really just gave me a lot of feelings, like… it’s not better this way, but there is at least something to hold onto, however small it is. I feel like that describes so much of this fic, too! Chapters 6-7: This is an update rec and will focus on these chapters, rather than the fic as a whole. I will do my best to balance between not giving away too many spoilers and yet still writing a rec for these chapters/flailing about my feelings, because I’ve been enjoying this fic all along the way, but it’s definitely in even higher gear, now that we’re in the middle of the fic and heading towards the end. Of course shit is hitting the fan at this point and I’m eating it up like it’s delicious candy. In a way, it’s relieving to go into this fic knowing that it’s clearly not a happy ending piece, that I’m not getting my hopes up for a good ending, but instead I’m enjoying it in the sense of “well, at least there’s one universe where things went worse” and something that’s harder to put into words, something about how fascinating it is to see so much of these characters stripped away and broken and twisted and having fused together just to surivive. It’s such a dark twisting of their relationship from canon and to have echoes of who they used to be still reverberating through them sometimes is deliciously painful. With everything ramping up in these chapters, as Ahsoka��s presence kicks off a bit of a landslide inside each of them, I’m absolutely on the edge of my seat. I’m completely engaged with how these characters have woven themselves together, how they wouldn’t survive a separation or even much of anything, yet it’s still darkly beautiful, the way their Force signatures have woven together is beautifully described and the scenes where they get something of their memories back and how it affects them is just so beautifully painful and seeing Ahsoka again is more beautiful pain and this is never going to be a happy fic, but the strength of the writing and the way the relationship is written has me completely onboard with it and makes it worth the pain. Such a good, good fic! Chapter 8: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. One of the things I most appreciate about this fic is that it’s not grimdark for the sake of being grimdark or edgy, but that I knew from the outset that this wasn’t going to be a happy fic, that it does justice to what has happened to Obi-Wan and Anakin, that to have broken them, it must have been something so terrible that it can’t be undone again, that that’s how strong the characters were before and that’s what the weight of this story and these events mean. Where that’s ultimately headed, I’m still not even sure, but I’m eager to find out–even as I’m sad that there’s only one more chapter left, because I feel like, with the way things have been set up, it could be a bittersweet ending or it could be an entirely tragic ending. The bits of memory that have floated back, even the good parts, just hurt more for the contrast against what they are now and the associations of what happened later that they bring with them. It’s also lovely for Ahsoka’s role in this, the emotion she brings to the reader and to the other characters, both when they do and don’t recognize her, she’s used so very well for that effect. It shows just how little of who they used to be is left, and yet there are still echoes, which is so sad, but is exactly what this scenario calls for. The fight against Ahsoka and the realization of what’s looming even beyond that, all of it has such great pacing, I could just read and read and read, if I had the rest of it available in front of them. The memories floating to the surface, the clashing of senses of self between Obi-Wan and Anakin and Sen and Koh, the fight with Ahsoka, the rapidly approaching next fight, all of it was beautifully done, there’s something so elegant about this story, something beautiful even as it’s horrible and broken. I’m going to be sad when this fic ends, but I’m also looking forward to the conclusion and having hurt feelings about it, in the exact way I should. Chapter 9: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. So, this was the final chapter for this fic and it’s just as sad as I expected, it was exactly what was coming the entire time, and yet I thought I was prepared. But between letting go of this particularly story and the actual events of it, yeah, okay, I was definitely crying by the end. But I wouldn’t have had the story end any other way than what it did, after the previous chapters had the resurfacing memories the way they did, there was never any other way this could have gone, not really, and given that it was a satisfying ending, that it went out as it was the entire way–a story about how broken these characters wound up being, that they loved each other so much and that allowed them to survive, that there was so little beyond that bond that could reach them anymore. But Ahsoka was there and they remembered her and it was so satisfying for that. But also that, ultimately, this was a chapter about Obi-Wan and Anakin and this awful thing that had happened to them and the swirls of beauty that they’d made of it. It was about these characters resurfacing again, not just the good but all the bad that Sen and Koh had done as well, that they could find the strength to rise above it one more time. The balance between saving Ahsoka and what they had to do for themselves, between their fury at the world around them and the clones trying to attack them and the good they struggled to find in themselves, the balance between fear and peace, all of it was just exactly what I hoped for from this final chapter. That it touched me as a fan of these characters, their relationship, and this author’s work. It was a satisfying ending in that it went exactly how it had to go, even if it was sad and brought tears to my eyes, it was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time, that there was peace and hope even amongst all the tragedy of what had happened to the two of them. And, oh, if I hadn’t been there before it, the epilogue absolutely would have brought tears to me as well (and it did), because the galaxy keeps moving forward. And, for all that this was a horrible situation for them, the fic does such a gorgeous, gorgeous job of how they were together in this, that it saved them from something that would have been worse, in a different way, that it’s not entirely awful (the clothes gave me so much hope, that warm touch of comfort that I needed not to be an emotional wreck!). The ending was beautiful and bittersweet and hopeful and sad and absolutely everything it needed to be. Such a lovely experience of a fic! ✦ Release by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, ~1k A quick and dirty story about quick and dirty things. You know how sometimes you have one of those fics that’s a pwp and not even a thousand words and yet it’s absolutely everything that it needs to be and everything that you’ve been wanting to see in fic? This one hit me hard because it’s appealing to my id, but also because it really is just spot on for the characters, that the writing and imagery used is lovely, the sex is scorchingly hot and satisfying, but also, god, this Anakin is everything. It’s this gorgeous mix of hard and fast fucking, because they were fighting and of course they resolve it with Anakin bent over a table and getting a very thorough fucking, of course that calms him down and turns him playful, because Obi-Wan is unleashed with him, because he’s pleasantly a bit brain fuzzed like this, not having to think about all the usual stuff that winds him up. Even when they’re interrupted, it’s a chance for Anakin to be a cheerfully bratty little shit by grinding back onto Obi-Wan’s cock, while Obi-Wan is trying to keep a level voice. The language of the fic is lovely and rich, there are some beautiful lines in the fic: Anakin looks over his shoulder with a pleading pout, his dark hair a rich brown against the black of the burned-out wall behind him, as Obi-Wan slows and leans forward to settle against and inside him. After their frantic, demanding rhythm, this luscious motion almost drives Anakin to come right there, the lazy friction spreading in gorgeous, maddening heat through every bit of him. does me in every time, as well as the way Anakin is playful and teasing, trying to get a reaction out of Obi-Wan, who absolutely gives him one in the form of hair pulling that just turns Anakin on even more, before finally ending the call and roughly fucking him again in repayment and I’m just. Reading this like, jesus, this is it, this is what this pairing is made of, this is the summation of their relationship and what I’m looking for in this fandom and what I will seek out again and again, because it was everything I could have asked for. ✦ Family by lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & darth maul & cast, sith!obi-wan, 6.8k Seven years after the duel on Naboo, Obi-Wan Kenobi has turned to the dark, Maul has turned to the light, and young Anakin is caught somewhere in-between. Can Qui-Gon rescue his Padawan before it’s too late? I don’t know how I missed this fic until today! But, oh, I really loved it, as it’s such a manipulative and angry Obi-Wan, who seems to care about Anakin in some way, but also absolutely uses him and isn’t with him for entirely altruistic reasons. The surface may be similar in a lot of ways, but it’s such a different character from canon (in exactly the way it’s supposed to be!) where he loved Anakin so much, where he would never have used him for such selfish purposes, though, in almost any universe, their connection and their sheer chemistry is still alive and crackling. I love the moments with Qui-Gon, who carries such a heavy weight, whatever he is or isn’t responsible for with Obi-Wan’s path and the loss of Anakin, he feels the weight of it on himself anyway and I felt so much for him, all the more so because he desperately did want to put things right, but wouldn’t cross certain lines. And Maul maybe not being good, but not being the creature of hate, not being the Sith that he was before! And the ending! All of this was really, really fun and captured my imagination and wrote some lovely interactions we don’t see much (Maul talking about how he found himself and Anakin similar! such a lovely and deft touch the fic had with that!) and was perfect as it was. ✦ A Walking Shadow by lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & padme & luke & leia & palpatine & cast, 74.6k It is five years into the Empire’s ascension, an order built on the blood and bodies of the Jedi. None survived, they say, and the handsome, icy profile of Lord Vader plastered across every Imperial city leaves no room for doubt in the minds of many. But Vader knows there is at least one left, one that escaped him on Mustafar all those years ago. Chapters 1-11: I have been enjoying this fic! I like the way it starts out, the confrontation between Obi-Wan and Anakin, in a different universe, where Vader isn’t in the suit, where Obi-Wan doesn’t have the same path as he does in the canon, their fight was really intense, both emotionally and physically, these two people who’ve known each other for so long, who really do know each other, even as they no longer understand each other. As I was reading, the fic just sort of slipped right on by me before I noticed, because the writing is solid and lovely and it’s easy to just sail right along, but also because I wasn’t really sure where the fic was going until chapter 11, that it was a different universe, but I didn’t really have an idea what the fic was building towards. And, as much as I enjoy reading fics as they’re in progress, I think I’m glad that I picked this one up when I had ~20k of it to read (at the time of this rec) because it allowed me to get a better sense of the flow and because it helped show me the building tension of it. And I do really like the little touches of world-building here, the different path the fic has put the characters on, Vader especially, and it’s just a really solid fic that I’m looking forward to reading more of! Chapters 12-19: Now that I’ve caught up through the rest of the fic (that was posted at the time of this rec), oh, a story that intrigued me and had really interesting moments all along the way, became one that absolutely enthralled me. Chapter 11 or so is absolutely where this story kicks into the next gear, where the point of the story becomes clear and everything builds up to a breaking point that I absolutely loved. (And if you want to avoid spoilers, skip the rest of this rec!) Because I am always here for fic where Anakin comes back to the Light because he has to face what he’s done, how much he hurt Padme, and because his children need him to not be a horrible villain, especially in combination with Obi-Wan pretty much helping him to raise the twins. And that it’s not just a quick fix, that the next ~30k are spent on him feeling horrible about it, that everything isn’t just instantly forgiven, that it’s only through necessity that Obi-Wan will bond with him again, will trust him again, and Anakin actually has to work for his redemption, he’s not even that close to it yet, only with these three people has he been forgiven (though, not wholly repaired), that he may never be able to fully fix what he’s done wrong. I love stories like that, especially ones that make his relationship with Obi-Wan difficult, yet I still trust that one of the core tenets of their relationship is that Obi-Wan loves him no matter what, that he can never stop loving Anakin, and that may not make it easy, they still have a lot of shit to work through, Anakin has destroyed so much between them, but I trust that they will get there, because it’s one of the fundamental truths of Star Wars: Obi-Wan Kenobi loves Anakin Skywalker. But also! Obi-Wan and Anakin raising the twins and trying to figure out how much to get involved with the Rebellion! Having to really work to put their relationship back together! That it’s gen in this story, but you could probably read Obi-Wan/Anakin potential into it, even if they really have other things to be working on right now! And, oh, I was so into the scenes where Obi-Wan’s anger started leaking out around the edges, that he’d been run so ragged for so long that the edges of him had been sharp and cutting, that when he unleashes himself against the Stormtroopers because they need to be taken care of before he can escape with Anakin and the children, there’s something so incredibly dangerous about him. The Jedi have always been lethal, but Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of the most dangerous of all, so getting him into a situation where he let himself off the chain, probably more than he should have? So goddamned good for me, yesss, remember that Obi-Wan may not like to do it, but he is deadly in a fight, he’s dangerous and powerful and knows how to use his skills, especially after the war they’ve all been through. I shamelessly enjoyed that. Oh, I will warn that chapter 19 ends on a bit of a terrible cliffhanger, but I can see why (and I find myself unsure of whether I hope it drags out, because I want more of this fic for a long time to come or if I want everything to finally be back on the right track–I feel like I want things to be better, but does everything Anakin’s done really let him off that easy? I tend to lean towards not, I lean towards that it’ll still be a long ways for him to go, even if at least Obi-Wan and the kids are with him now) and it just makes me want the next chapter and whatever else happens here soon! And I really love the pacing of this one, that all the scenes are used well, that there’s some breathing room (especially as their little family travels around the galaxy while hiding from Palpatine) even as plot things loom over their heads, that they’re a family, even as they struggle to put themselves back together. I’d read another 100k of everything that’s happening in the fic right now. *__* Chapter 20: This will be an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I probably should have waited until there were at least two chapters before doing an update rec but, eh, I was excited!!! because I love this fic and it doesn’t matter that this chapter was only 2.5k words (which actually is a solid chapter length) because I really, really enjoyed it and seeing more of it, especially with Ahsoka coming face to face with Anakin, who is still adjusting to trying to grasp everything that he’s done and trying to figure out how to accept how others think about it, trying to figure out how or even if he can atone for it. There’s a quietness to him in this chapter, but it works because he’s walked away from being Vader and all the terrible things he did, but also he still did them and he doesn’t really know what to do anymore and so he just stands there and lets events happen around him and, oh, Ahsoka’s reaction to that, the desperate anger and fear of how to even begin trying to accept this, to struggle with everything he did and now he’s trying to be Anakin again, and there’s just so, so much anger at him, but also, just. It’s Anakin. How can anyone not love him even after all that horribleness? So, I’m glad I read it as soon as the new chapter was posted, even if it means going back to not-so-patiently waiting again. :D Chapter 21: This is an update rec, so it will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I meant to at least let two chapters pile up before picking this up again, but then I just started a little bit of it and promptly got sucked in–because Anakin whump! Obi-Wan being pretty goddamned terrifying as a fighter! Bail showing up and having a conversation with them! Anakin trying to atone for his past actions and being full of self-loathing but still trying anyway! These are the things that I’m forever hungry for and so I just got swept up in the chapter and, suddenly, I’d read the whole thing. It’s such an ouchy story, but in a way that’s like catnip to me, because there are never enough fics where Anakin really has to face the shit situation that he’s put himself in, that even if it’s maybe not particularly fair the scenario that comes up here, you can’t really say it’s wholly unwarranted. I love when fic can give me complicated feelings, when I can absolutely and utterly love a character, but they made their bed and now have to lie in it, I love when fic has plot like this that I’m just as eager for, as I am for those moments where Obi-Wan won’t leave Anakin and where he’s still dangerous as hell if you cross him, just let me eat that up like candy. :D Final Rec: This is one of the earliest fics of Lily’s that I read and it’s created a special place in my heart because I love the concept, that Anakin redemption fics are incredibly special to me, and I felt like I went on a bit of a journey with this one, that I’d been following it for awhile and each update meant something to me. Ultimately this fic is about the path of redemption, that it’s not an easy road to step onto, much less walk down one that never really has a specific end, and this fic does a beautiful job with that, how Anakin does such terrible things and the ways he is or isn’t able to come back from them. And while I love canon a great deal, Anakin never really was redeemed, he died to save his son, he had one moment of selflessness (in a selfish way, honestly, because that’s Anakin for you, I love him so much) rather than actually doing any of the work, but this is a story that has a real cost for him. This is a story where it’s not easy, where he struggles, but it’s worth it in the end. Because his chilren love him, because Obi-Wan loves him, because he can’t hurt any more people that he loves. It’s a story that’s novel length because that’s what it takes to write Anakin’s redemption in full like this, and it’s about the fight on Mustafar going differently, that leaves Vader without the suit, and I love that Padme is such an important weight in this story, even as it’s largely about Obi-Wan and Anakin at the heart of it. It’s an entirely gen fic, this is about them as brothers, but my id was pleased because they’re both parents to the children, because Obi-Wan is the shining light in Anakin’s darkness, because Anakin is the reason Obi-Wan gets out of bed in the morning, because the ending of the fic was so very, very Anakin Skywalker, so desperate to keep the people he loves close and safe, so teetering on the edge of darkness because he doesn’t know how to handle things, because he’s so wrenched around on the inside, and how things end up… I definitely kind of got a little misty-eyed by the end, because it was the exact bittersweet notes that a fic like this needed. Which isn’t to forget that there’s actually a plot going on here! And world-building! There are a lot of really cool, interesting details and a genuinely intense final fight that has shades of horror in it in such a great way, the creatures that show up in this fic, the Sith artifacts that are used, are genuinely creepy and had me on the edge of my seat while I was reading because the action was so good! But, oh, the second to last scene (and, hell, the epilogue as well), especially with the kids, just hit me right in the feelings place and I can’t tell you how satisfying this fic was. It’s such a good, good fic for all these elements, for both of these characters, for fans of plot, for fans of having to work for redemption and how that makes it all the more satisfying, for fans who just want a good story. I’m sad to see the story end, but it was a great end and so incredibly worth reading. ✦ The World Undone by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & maul, nsfw, sith!obi-wan, 143.3k Anakin Skywalker, proud symbol of the strength and purity of the Jedi Order, is the target of a strange and handsome Sith named Obi-Wan, whose only goal seems to be pulling Skywalker down into the dark with him. Oh, I hardly know where to start with this fic! I admit that it took me a bit to get into, for personal reasons (I usually turn right around at fic where someone other than Obi-Wan trained Anakin if it isn’t a complete disaster, I’m not a big fan of Maul’s character/thought Dooku or Sidious would have been in his role), but those aren’t really criticisms, they’re just things that popped up on my own radar. I mention this because, if someone’s tastes are like mine, I want to encourage continuing with this one because once the story kicked into gear for me, I just got swept away in it, I kept reading and reading because I wanted to know where it was going. Once Obi-Wan and Anakin started interacting regularly, once the attraction between them was unable to be ignored (even if it took awhile for some resolution), and once the main mystery of the story got underway (which I would say was about halfway through when I read this fic), it became a really well-plotted and paced story. The fic does so many things that I really love about it, right down to the language has shades of something like poetry but the author makes it work, it never had me doing that, “wtf does that even mean” feeling, but instead… oh, like when they finally have time to be together, when they have just enough space to breathe for it and there’s a line that really struck me: Obi-Wan only drove in harder and faster, a shooting star in free-fall along its own doomed line toward earth until it flashed and burnt itself out in its own flare of beautiful white heat inside the velvet night of Anakin’s body. What might have been too flowery in another fic, I really loved this line, I love that it was highlighted their relationship, how passionate this Obi-Wan was about Anakin, how desperate Anakin is to clutch at something, to have Obi-Wan in him, as a steadying presence and to fill him up, that that’s both a culmination of the long attraction between them and shows how their relationship works here. Because this isn’t canon, but it still has so many elements of it, the way they care about other people (especially Anakin and Ahsoka’s relationship has several meaningful scenes, it’s very much an important part of Anakin’s character), but they revolve around each other, Anakin still needs Obi-Wan like that. The reveals take awhile to happen, but they’re worth waiting for, because they’re satisfying and so interesting, the slow pealing back of the layers and hints, until we finally get proper flashbacks and you understand how the characters came to where they were. The author knows how to pace a story, how to write something long without feeling like it was dragged out, that it takes its time, but it’s not padded to hell and back, and that kind of solidity is incredibly appreciated. It’s one of those fics that just feels… smooth and solid, one of those that’s satisfying to have such a long fic that knows where it’s going and you can feel that even from the beginning, whether or not it grows some here and there or expands in a few unexpected places, it keeps on topic and is paced just right for me. And, of course, I enjoy so much the way Obi-Wan and Anakin are slowly coming together here, that it’s a long path for them to take, but each step forward is sure-footed and will get there. ✦ The Warp and the Weft by FireflyFish, lilyconrad, obi-wan & anakin & rey & cast, 3.2k wip Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force. “We are all a part of the great Cosmic Force and whether we like it or not, when called, we must answer. Even if we’re dead, Anakin.” One of the things that leaves me feeling disconnected from TFA fandom is the lack of connection to the origins of everything that happened–I’m a PT fan largely, so especially Anakin’s role in things is what I’m here for. By which I mean, a fic where Obi-Wan and Anakin find themselves rebodied in familiar people from TFA and it’s hilarious already. It’s definitely cracky, but it embraces that and it makes it all the more fun! It’s mostly set-up for right now, but there’s some fun payoff when each of them(/the reader) realizes just who they’ve been rebodied as. I’ll definitely pick this one up again as soon as it has a new chapter! ✦ Coda by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, 60k wip Anakin is an up-and-coming first soloist for the New York City Ballet Company, a brash, confident dancer with a smoldering sensuality to his technique and an electric smile that makes fangirl toes curl and quite possibly his choreographer’s. Chapters 1-3: A ballet AU is not something I thought I would be that interested in, but I’ve enjoyed the author’s other fic, so, sure, why not. And I promptly got sucked in like you wouldn’t believe! It helped that the fic started out with Anakin sitting on Obi-Wan’s lap while jerking the both of them off (well, not right off, there’s set-up first!), but I think I would have fallen for the fic even without that, because it’s everything I really enjoy about human AUs in this fandom–the characters are easy to picture in these circumstances, there’s some gorgeous clothes, there’s something so sharp and charismatic about the writing, and the attraction between these two characters is wild. It reaches that part of me that feels these two characters would find each other in every universe and would be wildly attracted to each other in all of them, but it also reaches the part of me that’s super into well done AUs, where Anakin as a dancer works surprisingly well and Obi-Wan as a choreographer is just as good. It helps that the fic feels like it knows where it’s going, that it has a solid outline, and, okay, sure, it’s only three chapters so far, but it feels like 12 chapters will be just the right length for it and I’m so eager to see where it goes, where the relationship between these two will go. Because they have a legitimate reason to stay apart from each other, to not date, but it’s not like that’s going to last terribly long, not with the attraction between them! And it’s just… also a really good combination of low-key drama and fluff, so it’s not sugary sweet, but it’s not heartbreaking either, and I really, really enjoy that combination in these chapters! And it has such lovely descriptions of Anakin’s dancing, of course he’d be a beautiful dancer, all that grace and passion! There’s such a solidity to the fic and it has such great little details (the bit with the wine in chapter 3 was lovely) and… there was a comment the author made, that this is a fic that’s an echo of their personalities, rather than the circumstances of their canon lives and I think that’s what I’ve been trying to put into words, that it’s a fluffy fic and I love that, but I feel like it’s that one world where they got a nice life together and I WANT THAT FOR THEM. ♥ Chapter 4: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter rather than the fic as a whole. Ahhh, I continue to love this story, it’s a little bit more angsty in this chapter, but in general it’s not a heartbreaker of a story, and I’m just really enjoying the chance to have something kinder and softer for once in their multitude of lives across various incarnations and fics. I also really enjoyed the interaction between Anakin and Sabe in this chapter, so often the other characters can just feel like talking heads or only there to be mouthpieces, but I felt Sabe had a real charm to her, a sparkle that I can’t put my finger on specifics, but I certainly felt it, and it was just really nice to read something that didn’t feel like it was trying too hard, like there’s this… really warm, natural, easy charm to everything, including their adorable scene together! But also the sheer amount of attraction between Obi-Wan and Anakin, the grace in both characters, slightly different but there with both of them, which reminds me of the canon and how they’re both physically gifted there as well, but in a different way from that, yet works for me here. The way Anakin is drawn to him, the way they movetogether, oh, that all went straight to my shippy heart, just as much as Anakin getting on his knees and blowing Ben and I love that they try to stay away from each other but, oh, that never lasted long and it doesn’t have to be shocking or a major reveal to be thoroughly engaging and charming a read! Chapter 5: This is an update rec, so it will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. Ahhhh, this chapter was really… well, I hesitate to say “fun” because it was full of some questionable stuff (deliberately so, of course) but it really actually was sort of fun, to see Anakin’s stalker pop up and to see how Obi-Wan dealt with him. Sometimes, because we mostly see Obi-Wan interacting with Anakin or Ahsoka or clones or other Jedi, whom he’s either very fond of or has respect for, it’s easy to forget how dangerous that guy is, to forget how lethal and terrifying he is. So, a chapter dedicated to Obi-Wan fucking up the stalker’s life? To just beating him down without touching him, in a way that still felt physically threatening? That was really, really satisfying. And it was really well written, too! The physical aspects of the scene were never quite stepping over the line, but I very much felt that danger the entire time, it was not at all hard to half-imagine how it might have gone, that uneasy sense of looming physical violence was portrayed incredibly well! Yet at the same time, this is still Obi-Wan, who can be so kind, who Anakin trusts completely, who has my heart as well, because I love him so much. The parts around the major confrontation in the fic are just as wonderful–Anakin’s reactions to everything, there’s just such a magnetic sort of chemistry between him and Obi-Wan, a delightful cameo from Rex, and Anakin straight up lying about behaving himself. Between the satisfying badass Obi-Wan scenes to protect Anakin, to solve his problem for him, because Obi-Wan always solves Anakin’s problems, and all the other stuff, this was an absolutely delightful, engaging chapter to read! Chapter 6-9: This is an update rec and will focus on these chapters, rather than the fic as a whole. It’s been awhile since I sat down to write a proper rec for this fic, but let me absolutely fix that now, because I really love this story and I have a lot of feelings about it and I can’t believe the story is at over 50k now and yet it’s still perfectly paced and wonderful. Chapter 6 is the one I’d been waiting for for ages, of course, where we finally get to the Good Stuff and, oh, it was lovely and warm-hearted and satisfying for the two of them coming together, that it’d taken ages, but it was worth the wait because there was such love here. It’s not a totally, 100% fluffy fic, there’s a lot of angst in both their pasts and their futures, of course, because chapter 6 is just barely past the halfway point, but there’s so much care and connection here, that it’s a universe where they cantell each other things, that they’ve been nudged into the right direction for it and given the chance and it’s so, so satisfying to see them actually telling each other about their personal issues. It soothes something in me to read fic like this! But, well, also sexy times! The way Ben is so gentle and slow with pushing into Anakin finally, Anakin so needy and desperate for him, and they come together in this warm, kind way, Anakin holding himself up and open for Ben, having all that love and attention poured onto and into him, like they were meant to be drawn together just like this. It’s such a lovely scene, that it’s eager and hungry with both of them, but also soft and full of love, exactly what this modern AU called for. And the writing has such lovely, pretty imagery as well, there’s something beautiful about it, in a way that evokes such clear images in my mind, like fanart come to live in my head, and I love it for that, too. (The line about a hundred worlds and lives together, the line about Anakin’s tanned fingers against the black wood of the headboard, the way Anakin’s arms and legs wrap around Ben, so many pretty images!) But sometimes it’s little things as well! Chapter 7 starts with a warm, sleepy morning after, just complete and utter domesticity that works so well because Anakin is so in love, of course he’s in love, this is completely Anakin Skywalker and how could Ben not love him back in the same way? There’s something so cozy and intimate in these scenes, it’s so easy to see why Anakin falls so hard and fast (as well as Ben falls in love with him, because, oh, it’s Anakin, how could anyone not?), that they have this incredible thing for awhile, that life is wonderful and good and kind. I love that the chapter has so many fun scenes, with just the two of them or with their friends, out in a park where they can just be. Having those moments builds up the relationship, in addition to just being fun to read because, goddammit, they deserve happiness sometimes! You know it can’t last, not forever, but it’s so good while they have it! Talking about dream roles while lounging on each other and having a picnic in the park? With another author I might have found it too sappy, but Lily’s writing works for me, it’s soft and kind here, but it embraces the premise and appeals and is just really well-done! And chapter 8 is more warmth and connection, where we get more of Ben’s past, where it’s this really wonderful scene of trust and feeling able to tell the other person about themselves, showing a universe where they can have this and can do this, which I would love the fic for by itself. But I can’t lie, I knew chapter 9 was coming and I kind of ate it up like delicious candy–not the least because it starts out with this lazy morning, where Anakin has been working himself over and open, so when Ben slowly wakes up, Anakin is ready to slide a leg over him and ride him slowly and deliciously, this utterly warm scene that’s almost decadant in how rich and beautiful it felt to me. Perhaps I’m just weak to the elements of the fic, god knows it’s hitting my id pretty spot on, but I really think there’s a magic here, a charisma and charm that the author has in spades and makes their writing so very good! Of course, the kindness can’t last and shit has to hit the fan and it’s, oh, it’s so Anakin in how he reacts, how viciously he lashes out, how cutting he can be in his anger and fear and despair, that all the good things previous to this are very much Anakin Skywalker, but so too is him losing his shit and shredding everything he can that’s between them because he can’t stop himself. It might have seemed gratuitous in another fic, but between the set-up and the writing and how it felt destined to go here from pretty much the beginning, I actually kind of really loved it. I mean, my heart hurts for both the characters and there’s such angst and you know it’ll take awhile to fix, but it’s true to the fic and it’s beautifully done and it gave me feelings! It’s one of those things where… it’s cruel and such a terrible wound, but there’s something beautiful about all of it. This really is a gorgeous fic. Chapter 10-12: I meant to make these three chapters last a bit, once I started catching up, but I just couldn’t, I read all of them in one sitting because I couldn’t put it down and it was probably the better choice because these three chapters make for an incredibly satisfying arc-within-the-greater-story and where I’m left off is a really good place. By this point, I think there will be some spoilers in the rec (which I usually try to balance with “this is why I think someone who hasn’t read this fic should read this fic!” vagueness), but you can read the above recs still if you’re trying to decide whether you want to read it or not, if that’s helpful to you. But also I think, given the pacing and overall track the fic took, that a breakup was coming at some point, so I wasn’t really surprised by it and while I absolutely had a lot of feelings about it (especially Anakin lashing out in anger because he’s such an emotional storm that gets out of control), I think I was more affected by the aftermath of it in chapter 10. The dull, heavy, ache in my chest that I remember from when I’m upset or depressed, that sense of the world having all the color leeched out of it, just the sense of being sad was really well done there, after Anakin realizes how much he’s fucked up and how much Ben blames himself for how things ended between them, that he felt it was his fault somehow. And that was a heartbreaking echo of canon, that Obi-Wan holds himself responsible for things that could not possibly be his fault, because he thinks he should do everything perfectly the first time, and because he loves Anakin so much, because he’s so protective of this person he sees vulnerability in and cares so much for him, like that spirit is very much one I recognized from canon events. But I love that it doesn’t go too overboard with it, it’s clear that Obi-Wan is actually depressed and in a modern AU he’s on anti-depressants for it, yet chapters 11 and 12 are about doing the hard work of actually working through things. (And this is one of the rare fics where Obi-Wan being depressed is done well for me!) That Anakin is so incredibly sorry about what he’s done, that Ben is hurt by Anakin’s words, but sets them aside because he’s such an incredibly caring person, but also he won’t just forget them, either. They both have to workto communicate, but it won’t just instantly be solved, because Obi-Wan Kenobi simply is a reserved person, as some people are, and while he’ll work to better communicate with Anakin, he’ll never be naturally effusive and that’s something that needs to be accepted, just as Anakin is naturally demonstrative and he has to learn to trust better and not fly out of control so much, but that his emotional storms being so close to the surface is just as valid a way to be as Obi-Wan’s reserved nature. That they find ways to connect and understand each other even knowing those things about each other! Which is why the little details of this story are so wonderful, because they’re all about that showing-rather-than-telling, especially when it comes to Ben’s character. The use of his drawings, what they mean and what they say about him, that’s beautifully done, it has weight because that’s the sort of understated but entirely genuinely meant gesture Obi-Wan would do. Or the ways they touch each other, the touch to Anakin’s face or Anakin curling up on his leg to rest after a hard day’s exercise, these things aren’t just pretty images (though, they are that, too) but they have such charisma to them because they mean something, they’re all about the state of the relationship the characters are in and where they’re at with each other and how they’re this lovely quiet intimacy! This is why the fic is so good about showing the passion between them, why it’s a lovely extention of Ben’s passion that’s always been there when they do finally come back to each other, when they can touch and love each other again, and he practically shoves Anakin onto the bed to fuck him, nearly overwhelming Anakin, who is filled up with everything in that moment, just as he wants to be. I think I loved that image as much as I loved the kiss in the rain, that they agreed to try again (and, oh, my heart had been so invested in that moment, too) and they shared a beautifully passionate intimate moment where the rest of the world wasn’t even there anymore. The fic really does a beautiful job with that, with how everything else just fades into the background when these two are together, whether they’re lounging in bed together or on the sofa or fucking or kissing in the rain, it’s just beautifully crafted intimacy. It’s a fic that’s very much about softer edges (even with the breakup, I would still classify this as being more of a fluff fic than anything), this is a universe where they have so much more breathing room, so that when the internal issues between them (versus the external issues in canon, like the war and Palpatine) come up, they have the space and time and kindness of this softer universe to work through them. That we get to see them struggle through an awkward conversation about what they each need from the other, which they can do because they’re not being pressured from every angle, but instead can see the road through this problem and so they start to walk it. It’s a fic about a kinder universe for the characters, a fic about their relationship, and that’s probably not going to be for everyone, it’s definitely a shipper fic, but it’s such a good one, it engaged me from the very beginning and I haven’t let up with that joy in every page I read for a moment. And, oh, it has such pretty, pretty imagery! Kisses in the rain! Warm, loving, intimate sex during their first time! Finally coming back together after months apart and Ben holding Anakin down against the mattress to fuck him, that Anakin is his again, finally, as he should be, that Anakin soaks all of this up and all the other noise is pushed out of his head. It’s a fic about loveand how its course does not always run smooth, but it can still find a way. Chapter 13: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. When doing update recs, I do generally try to keep the spoilers to a minimum, in case someone’s just joining me at this point or has picked a fic up for the first time, but as a fic gets towards the end (and I want to talk about specific things–even as I keep the truly spoilery stuff to a minimum!) that gets harder. So, if you’re interested, I would say check out the recs on this post instead! Because, oh, I had feelings about this chapter and how well it’s continuing the pacing of everything that’s come before–yes, there are things that come up that are angsty, but they’re ones that have been in the DNA of the story from the very beginning, so instead of feeling like they were thrown in for the sake of drama or to drag things out, rather I feel like, yes, this is the stuff I am here for! Give me all the break-ups and getting back together and the impossible situations they find themselves in because their lives have been so different and only temporarily connected to each other from the very set-up of the story! That eventually their time would be up and they’d have to move on, but it would pull them in different directions and, hell yeah, I ate it up like delicious candy. Partly because the fic has given me every impression that it’s going to be a happy ending, but also because it’s just the really fun, satisfying kind of angst! And that it doesn’t shortchange the softer, happier moments they have together, the teasing and playful moments they have together, the quiet intimacy and domesticity that they’ve earned, that they had to work very hard to create this space for themselves and so they work to keep it, rather than just that these characters would slide naturally into easy fluff. (Not that I’d have minded that, either.) But the other thing I loved is, oh, Anakin, who so desperately loves Ben that, even when he’s in a better place, it kind of overrides everything else for him, he gets kind of obsessive even now (as of course he would), that there’s this clawing feeling to the character, the desperation that something will slip away from him, and he’s so, so determined to not let it happen, it starts to eat at him again. Not like before, he’s making such emotional progress and that further contributes to the feeling of something right here, but it’ll probably always be there in some degree, that the fic gets just the right balance of. And that, of course, Anakin gets such emotional comfort from the physical touch, so it’s only one or two lines, of Ben having bent him over the counter to fuck at least some of the noise out of his head, yet it was enough to put stars in my eyes because it was a lovely image and because it’s so true to Anakin’s character, what he wants and needs. The whole chapter is just the right amount of sweet and something bitter that aches and it’s such a perfectly poised penultimate chapter that, whatever happens in the end, I know this will have been such a beautiful, lovely ride.

#obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #obikin #fic recs

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