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olivia-anderson-fanfic · 4 years

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Satisfied, Part 37

First

~~~

There was silence as she stepped into the warehouse.

Of course there was. She was covered in blood, and it was pretty obvious from the splatter that it wasn’t her own.

She walked over to Joker, her posture stiff, her expression set in a grimace. She felt her grip tighten on the bag and gun.

She practically threw the stolen goods, probably would have if she’d felt strong enough to. Instead, she thrust it into his chest and turned on her heel to leave.

“Where are you going?” Asked Joker.

“Home. I have a day job and this is going to be a pain to get out,” she said, struggling to keep her voice even. Still, she stopped walking. He clearly was implying that she needed his permission to leave and, though she hated it, she desperately needed him to trust her so the Rogues would be able to. She supposed that she could stay for a bit longer. If he trusted her, then she would be allowed out to have some privacy. If he didn’t…

Well, she wouldn’t need to worry about having a breakdown.

“Is all this good enough, sir?”

“Let’s see, shall we?”

The man took his time as he rifled through the bag. She could feel his gaze on the back of her head, scrutinizing her, looking for... something. Whatever answer he got, he sighed.

There was a beat, then the sound of his shoes scraping the floor as he turned around to face the Rogues. “I don’t think she’s dangerous to us.”

There was a collective sigh of relief.

“But I don’t think that she’s cut out for the Wayne operation.”

There was a new silence.

Marinette felt tears threaten to spill over the corners of her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek. She finally turned back around to face everyone. “May I know why?”

“Well, if this is how you’re going to act after one little murder, then how are you going to kill anyone? How did you not catch this, Harls?”

Her eyes found their way to Harley, who looked like she’d been caught. She set down her Skittles and walked over to Marinette, wrapping her arms around her from behind. “Doesn’t matter if she can’t kill anyone, Puddin’. Her powers give us an easy in without alerting security.”

Joker nodded slowly. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned in so close to Marinette that the girl tried to sink into Harley’s embrace.

“Fine. You may go. I need time to think it over.”

She nodded quickly and pulled herself away. With a wave to the Rogues, she opened a portal to her apartment and dropped into her bathtub.

She changed the setting on her comm so she could hear everyone else.

“ -- lled someone!” Hissed Batman.

“Who cares? She can fix it, right?” Asked Red Hood.

Red Robin sighed. “Not without giving herself away as Ladybug she can’t. Anyone who’s done even a minute of research knows she has to be involved in the fight to use the Miraculous Ladybug thing.”

“So the options are to let Mr. Watson die or let the operation fail,” said Nightwing grimly.

“Good! Let it fail!” Yelled Red Hood. “She wasn’t doing well before this! Kid needs a break. She shouldn’t have to sacrifice her mental health for this!”

Robin sighed. “You heard Joker, they’re planning on killing at least one person at the Wayne Gala, probably more.”

“Then we think of a new plan! We have around a month and a half! More security!”

“This is selfish and you know it.”

“Hey, don’t you --!”

“Don’t you guys think I should get a say in this?” Marinette finally chimed in, her voice quiet.

No one said anything.

“I’d like…” Her lip trembled and she took a deep breath. “I’d like some time to think about it.”

After a moment’s pause, Red Robin spoke: “Of course. Would you like someone to go talk to you?”

She rested her head back against the tap. “No, I’m going to call over a friend.” Her eyes widened. “No offense or anything! I just wanted --.”

“It’s fine, kid, we understand. You have a long time before you need to make a decision, go ahead and take some time for yourself.”

She nodded. “Alright, see you on patrols tomorrow.”

She snickered as all the boys chimed in at once to tell her just how bad an idea that was.

“Kidding, guys.”

There was a collective sigh.

“Right, I’m heading out. Bye-bye!”

There was a chorus of ‘bye’s and she turned off her comm and detransformed.

Kaalki collapsed into her hands and Marinette whispered an apology, examining the kwami for damage. They weren’t hurt or anything, they just looked shell-shocked.

She set the kwami down on the edge of her sink and filled it with soap and water (to the horse’s preference, of course, Marinette wasn’t stupid). After a bit of searching she found the cake she’d baked before she left. She set it down on the edge of the sink for Kaalki to eat when she was done ‘bathing’.

Marinette then went to clean herself. She used a mix of cold water and baking soda to get the blood from her clothes and then decided it was about time to get her actual body clean.

She scrubbed her skin as hard as she could. Maybe, somewhere, she understood that she wasn’t helping by rubbing her skin raw but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She felt so… unclean. A sob threatened to escape her throat and she cringed, only rubbing harder.

Red and suds slid down the drain, she only scrubbed. Maybe if she did it enough she could be rid of this body. Become someone new, fresh skin with a fresh start.

Eventually, with pink skin and red-rimmed eyes, she turned off the water and stepped out. She toweled herself off and pulled on some pajamas, then dropped onto her bed.

She knew that the blood was still in her apartment, knew that there was a trail from her tub to her counter and then back again, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything.

She picked up her phone and scrolled through her messages. Tikki settled down on the pillow next to her. The kwami had been doing better since she and Robin had used Plagg, though she clearly wasn’t at 100% quite yet. A tiny hand rested on her cheek and Marinette gave her a tiny smile.

She didn’t know how she felt about Tikki being around and active again. On the one hand: Tikki was back! Her friend was alive and well! Tikki wasn’t suffering anymore! On the other hand: Tikki was back. And she was getting the little exasperated look she usually got whenever she was about to get a light scolding.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The answer was no, but she knew what would happen if she said that. She’d get a tired ‘Marinette!’ and a stern look and she’d be forced to fess up anyways. She knew Tikki only wanted the best for Marinette, wanted her to be happy and healthy, but being the god of passion made it hard for her to express these feelings normally.

Not that Marinette could really say anything about that. There was a reason why she’d been paired with the goddess, after all.

She continued scrolling until she found the contact she was looking for.

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” she promised. “I don’t want to have to talk about it twice, though.”

Tikki looked disapproving, but allowed her to do this.

Definitelyforgottosleep: help

She couldn’t help but be nervous when they read her text and didn’t say anything, right up until she heard a knock on her door.

She trudged over and the moment she opened it Chloe rushed inside, first aid box in hand. “What is it this time? Gunshot? Stabbing? Poison?”

Marinette blinked once, her brain scrambling to figure out what was going on, then a quiet laugh bubbled from her throat. She closed the door behind her, shaking her head. “No, no, I didn’t mean like that. I wanted to talk.”

Chloe seemed torn between being annoyed and relieved. “So you want free therapy?”

She looked away, her face reddening. She supposed that was kind of what she was asking for, though the idea of admitting to it was weird. The whole topic of mental health and therapy had been mostly taboo during and after the Hawkmoth situation, because often reliving bad events would evoke negative emotions.

Marinette forced a laugh. “I mean, what would I even say to a therapist? Don’t tell anyone but I’m Ladybug and things are not going well?”

Tikki sighed. “Marinette…” Ah, there it is. A classic.

Chloe gave a small, tense smile. “You really should talk to someone.”

She opened her mouth.

“Someone besides us. A professional.”

Marinette closed her mouth.

While this was probably -- no, definitely -- true that professional help was needed, she didn’t know how she could even start. I killed a guy as revenge for him murdering my friend but I can’t prove this because they’re both actually alive right now so just trust me? I bisected a person with a portal? Sure, that would go over well. She’d either get thrown into an asylum or thrown into jail.

Instead of saying this, though, she gave a small shrug.

The three girls sat on the bed and Marinette chewed on the inside of her cheek as she stared at her hands. How does someone just start talking about the fact that they’ve committed two murders in three days?

But, eventually, the words came to her. She didn’t know when she started crying, but by the end she was curled up with her head on Chloe’s lap as she struggled to explain how she’d killed the clerk through choked sobs.

The two were silent. Tikki nuzzled herself against her cheek comfortingly. Chloe ran her hands through her hair. But they weren’t saying anything.

Marinette closed her eyes tightly. Now that she was done reliving it, it felt a little better than it had been before. Sure, she was nowhere near healed, but she couldn’t help but lean into the touch of her friends. It was nice to talk about her emotions, to actually let herself feel them. To know there were people who supported her despite everything.

Chloe finally spoke up: “So, what do you want to do?”

Marinette looked up. “I was kinda looking for advice…”

“Marinette… this isn’t something we can decide for you. Your mental health is important, but so are other people’s lives. Since we aren’t giving up either, we don’t really have a say,” explained Tikki gently.

“We have what we would do if we were in your situation --.”

“So tell me that!”

Chloe rolled her eyes and continued: “-- but, really, that’s for our own lives with our own morals. This is a question about your life and your morals. We can’t help you.”

She let her eyes fall back to her sheets.

Her decision, huh?

Red Hood had, shockingly, had a point. It wasn’t fair to ask her to give up her own mental wellness for others. Even if she was doing it willingly, she was still giving up a huge part of herself. While in a bad state, mind you, which could impair her judgement.

Still, if she went from a strict numbers point of view, it was one person’s wellness versus the wellness of at least one other person (but likely far more than one). No matter what, at least one person was going to end up suffering. Shouldn’t she just go with the option where there was a guarantee on only one person rather than a chance at hundreds getting hurt?

She knew what ‘Ladybug’ would do… but what about Marinette?

Her mind wandered to the clerk she’d bisected earlier that day. To that look of surprise and fear that would forever be etched on his face. She grit her teeth.

She couldn’t let that happen to anyone else.

~~~

I traumatized ya’ll I’m sorry

I’ll start doing trigger warnings

Listen guys next chapters are fluff I promise I’ll make it up to you --

I spent literal hours yesterday researching hinduism in order to think of what type of food to give Kaalki for one offhand line

And then I made a portal reference

Taglist

@comet-kun @thatonecroc @trippingovermyfeet @swiftie-miraculer13 @nickristus-dreamer @moongoddesskiana @i-am-ironic @indecisive-mess-named-me @thebooki3h @insane-fangirl-of-everything @deepestobservationwombat @theymakeupfairies @fatimaabbasrizvi @clumsy-owl-4178 @fanofalittletoomuch @iamablinkmarvelarmy @nathleigh @lilkymilky @silvergold-swirl @dino-lovingreen-angel @thestressmademedoit @kissa-chan @ladybug-182 @alysrose-starchild @t1dwarrior-of-earth @spyofthenightcourt @rowanrouge @nik-nak-3 @momothefemur @aestheticnpoetic @labschaos @our-preciousss @mochinek0 @eliza-bich @mythogaychic @severelyenchantedwonderland @sashakoi @smolplantmum @bluesimani @tropestropestropes @kitsunebell @keepingupwiththemalfoys @sassakitty @2confused-2doanything @too0bsessedformyowngood @all-mights-asscheeks @demonicbusiness @meg-an-ace @fantasiame @qualitypeacepainter @multplelifes @kokotaru

#timinette #timari #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #red robin #tim drake #maribat #satisifed

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tellywoodtrash · 3 years

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immj2 03.04.21 lb

aryan is literalllllllly the fuckin dumbest. zero peripheral vision or gut feels.

lmaoooooooooooo yeah right, i’d like to see you shoot at vansh bhai, aryan. i really wanna see this lololololol.

lo aa bhi gaya vansh. (fuck he looks good in this shirt!!!!!! damn my stupid hormones making me horny for the absolute baaaaaaaaare minimum.)

ANGREEEEEEEEEEEE ZINDA HAIIIIIIIIII BHAGWAAN KA LAAKH LAAKH SHUKAR, MAIN MAHA MRITYUNJAYA JAAP KARWAUNGIIIII ISKE NAAM PAR

vansh [seeing an obviously shot angre]: angre, kya hua???

samosa khaate waqt ketchup kandhe pe gira diya........... DIKH NAHI RAHA HAI KI GOLI LAGI HAI TERE CHUTIYE BHAI KI WAJAAH SE?!?!!?! ANGRE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE THAN A FUCKING RAISE, MY GOD.

plan ke hisaaaaaaaaaab se. god i hate all the men in this show so much. angre honestly, why are you suchhhhhh a chaaatu for vansh’s ootpataaang plans?!?!

anyway long story short, vansh saw aryan spying, went and replaced all of aryan’s bullets with blanks, and sent the sms about riddhima being alive. LMAO DOES THAT MEAN HE ALSO CONNED A COOL 2 CR. OUTTA ARYAN?!?!!?! ASDKSADJLASKDJLKASDJKAS GOOD JOB, VANSHHHHHHHH.

angre like why i had to die for this tho???? oh angre, you sweet summer child. do you know NOTHING about your bhaiyya/bhaabi’s amaaaaaaazing relationship????? you think he’d give up a chance to emotionally manipulate her like this????

how’d the dumbass finalllllllllllllllly figure this is real riddhima tho??? also he has fully made his peace with treating his PREGNANT WIFE this way huh????

ishani/siya having a girly convo about siya’s “date”. ishani’s like “was it sizzling, burning, sensational?”

uhhhhhhhhh siya, if you’re feeling all these things, you should go see a gynaec. sounds like an STI to me.

this is a very creepy convo ishani is leading, about how far siya got with vyom. who wants such specific sexual details from their sister????????

asalkdjlaskjdlaskjdlaskljk ishani is like “men are like goats [....] they’re dumb. and women are powerful.” can’t say i disagree.

anyway this convo is really dumb and cringey and i can’t take it anymore. inke bhaiyya ka chutiyaapa dikhao, instead of this nonsense.

angre is over the moon ki this is riddhima bhaabi itself, unaware that boss is fuming ki uska chutiya kat raha hai.

6 ghante 6 ghante 6 ghante blah blah blah FUCKING OUT WITH IT ALREADY

the only time i like vansh as a person is when he’s smirky over buddhu banaao-ing aryan.

idhar aryan ne aake chugli kar di sabke saamne.

yeh anupriya ka kya hi chakkar hai, idgi. is she fr on vansh’s side now??????

riddhima khud entry maaar rahi, to prove aryan right.

everyone except siya’s reactions are like ugh, this bitch again 😒😒😒

LMAO VANSH/ANGREEEEE LOST RIDDHIMA AND SHE REACHED HOME BY THEN

ouff 10 min of dadi’s mafia queen reactions nonsense now.

lo vansh bhi aa gaya.

ASALKJDLASJDLSKAJDLKSAJDLKSAJDLKSALDKJLAS DADI STANDING ON THE STAIRS PULLING THAT KHAANDANI RIFLE ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM LEGIT LOSING IT LMAO.

ALSO ISHAANI IS STANDING BEHIND DADI, FULLY FOR IT. BAGAAAWATTTT KII PYAARI BEHENAA NE!

riddhima trying to interfere to save vansh (why???), and dadi’s like STFU B.

lol vansh playing stone cold stupid, like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.

he’s spinning yarn after yarn ki “YEH riddhima hai, WOH jisko maara woh humshakal thi. MERA PYAAAAAAAR WOULD NEVER GIVE ANY OF US DHOKAAAAAAAAAAAA.” pftttttttt.

vansh breaking it down for the truuuuuuuuuuuuuly stupid, ki he shot a girl who had riddhima’s face, she was dead, aryan confirmed it. now there’s a riddhima standing in front of all of them. thus............???????

bechaara aryan. bachpan mein thode aur badaam khaata toh shaayad itna bewakoof nahi hota.

lollipop girl is nodding appreciatively at all this drama; she’s honestly the most relatable character here. if i was a houseguest here, main bhi roz roz mazze looot rahi hoti in chutiyon ka.

le aryan ne phir bandook taan di riddhima par, to get her to uglofy the truth. ab toh isko pakka maar padne waali hai. remains to be seen by whom. hoping it’s vansh as per usual, but i shall take dadi also.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA RIDDHIMA’S LIKE ARYAN HAD KIDNAPPED ME. OMFG LOLLIPOP LADKI’S EXPRESSION AT THAT. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE WANTS TO BE ADOPTED BY VANSH/RIDDHIMA’S DEVIOUS ASSES.

anyway riddhima flipped the whole damn game and is like dadi, aryan wanted to make you distrust vansh and that’s why he did all this and lmaoooooooo even vansh is a little stunned for a second or two and then jumps in and starts haan mein haan milaao-ing with wifey’s story.

ARYAN LIKE HEIN HEIN HEIN HO KYA RAHA HAI YEH SAB?!!?!?!? HAAAYE BECHAARA. SO SO STUPID HE IS.

riddhima rubbing it in reallllllllll good in front of dadi ki aryan tried to killllllllll meeeeeeeee!!!!! and now aryan’s like bitch imma kill you both istg and got the gun on them.

LOLLIPOP LADKI’S AMAZING FACES LIKE GO ONNNNNNNNN, DOOOOOO ITTTTTTT, I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO IT, SIR. LMAO MAN I LOVE HER.

ASLKADJLAKSJDLASKJDLKSAJLDKJSLAKDJLAS DADI’S GOT HER GUN SET ON ARYAN NOW!!!!!!!!!!! honestly, this whole family is just so fucking dysfunctional, there needs to be a wholeass team of mental health specialists monitoring them and writing case reports about them at all times.

vansh trying to talk aryan down and got shot in the arm for it. pehli baar aryan ne zindagi mein kuch sahi kiya hai.

LOLLIPOP GIRL IS HORNY AT THAT ALSO. MAN SHE’S SUCH A WHORE FOR DRAMAAAAAAAAA AND I FULLY RELATE TO IT.

oh goddamnit. he didn’t get shot. coz aryan sucks at aiming, just like he does at everything else.

ASLKJFDSLKJFLSDKJFLDSKJFLKDSJ VANSH STALKED UP TO HIM AND WAS LIKE “TUMHARA NISHAANA HAMESHA SE HI KHARAAB THA” AND GAVE HIM ONE SOLID SOCK TO THE JAW FOR THAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

someone make rrahul trim his damn beard, that thing is like a foot off his face. there must be whole ass beehives and civilizations inhabiting it.

aryan passing by dadi and is like you’re making a big mistake believing vansh/riddhima and their lying asses. and what did he get for that? one jhaapad from dadi also. lol. just not his dayyyyyyyyyyy, man.

LOLLIPOP GIRL’S SMIRKING AND HAS HER ARMS CROSSED AND I LEGIT ONLY CARE FOR HER REACTION SHOTS IN THIS SHOW NOW, LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE.

oh shit dadi is throwing aryan out the house. does he have anyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy skills to fend for himself outside this place? he’s gonna die in like 15 minutes.

dadi warning vansh ki if aryan’s baat sahi nikli, she gonna murder his and riddhima’s asses too. hey vansh??? now would be a good time to take your 5000 cr. and fuck off outta this crazy house rn.

riddhima can’t stop reliving angre’s death.

vansh’s here and just sooooooooooo cool about it. shouldn’t that tip her off?!?!?!?!

she’s like BITCH WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PSYCHOPATH, YOUR BEST FRIEND IS DEAD AND YOU’RE LIKE MEH????? HE DIED FOR YOU.

ohohohohohohoho ofc, he’s like he didn’t die for ME, he died for YOU. you and your dhoka are why he’s dead. today angre’s dead, tomorrow it’ll be me. waaaaaaaaaaah bhai. amazingggggggggg manipulation only. you should write papers and give TED talks about it, that’s how much of an expert you are at this.

do not tellllllllllllllllllllllllllll me she falls for this shit. pls god do not.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HER BRAIN FINALLY WORKED!!!!!!!!!!! SHE’S LIKE IF ARYAN’S SUCHHHHHHHHHHH A POOR SHOT THAT HE COULDN’T HIT YOU WHEN YOU WERE LIKE 5 FEET AWAY FROM HIM, HOW TF DID HE GET ANGRE RIGHT IN THE FUCKING HEART FROM SO FAR AWAY?????????? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SIS, THIS THE KINDA SHIT I’VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE FROM YOU FOR AGES NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

lol vansh is really pushing on the 6 ghante thing and she’s like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i get it now.

toh ofc he has to resort to sexy fuckery and pulls her under the shower to seduce it outta her.

riddhima don’t think with her pussy no more. she’s like you want the truth????/ i gotta confirm some shit first. took the gun (which he’d taken from aryan earlier) and left.

yup she went outside and found a blood ka packet. lolllllllllllllllllll vansh ki khairrrrrrrrrrrr nahi ab.

sopping wet saiyyaan is like what youuuuuuuu doing??? and she pulled the gun on him. bwahahahahaha. sis not so much of an idiot anymore.

LMAO SHE SHOT AT HIMMMMMM AND HE CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

she’s like bitch you and your lies and your dhokasssssssssss.

oh dang she fully called out his game, from sending aryan to manipulating her into being guilty for angre’s death. MANNNNNNNN, WHY DIDN’T WE HAVE THIS RIDDHIMA FROM THE FUCKING START????????????

oh now he’s gaslighting her about the dhoka. he’s got some nerve. i swear to god he’s asking to be shot for reals.

she’s like you know what, i woulda told you, but now, after all this fuckery, imma take it to the grave. bwahahahahahhahaha, i love it. exactly what my petty ass would do.

challenge challenge challenge and tashan waala walk-off. lol, what’s the point, tum dono ko jaana toh ek hi kamre mein hai.

ishani’s freaking the fuck out at angre’s haalat. oh damn. she really does love him!!!!

angre’s all mehhh, it’s part of the job, and OMG YES ISHANI IS LOSING HER SHIT AT VANSH BHAI’S CONSTANT CONTROL OF THEIR LIVES!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“tum pehle mere husband ho, phir unke bodyguard!!!!!!!! HE HAS TO UNDERSTAND HIS LIMITS!!!!!!” OMGGG YESSSSSSSSSSS QUEEEEEEEENNNNNN BURN IT ALL TO THE GROUND. LEAVE THIS HOUSE WITH YOUR BOY AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idhar riddhima and vansh seem to have made up???? she’s waking him up cheekily, and he’s all “good morning to youuuuu too, my love. 😏😏😏” they fucked in the night, for sho.

he’s like is this love or repentence for yest? and she’s like bitch tf i got to repent for????

lmao the way she’s staring at him as he drinks his coffee makes me think she’s poisoned it. or spat in it, at the very least.

standard pulling and falling and sexy stuff. lol these two are so dysfunctional. constantly trying to sex the other into submission. at least it’s more equal now, than just him making all the moves.

yeah, she’s doing all this shit to protect him from some shit FOR SURE. ugh yaaaaar. oh well, at least she got some chracter development outta it.

lol he got mad at her for not melting at his do takke ka seduction. son, you thought a bloody forehead kiss was enough? we’re not saying SHIT for less than 3 orgasms.

riddhima cooolyyyy regarding jeeta-jaata chalta-phirta angre, who thankfully has some sharam for his actions.

she’s like don’t worry, i’m not mad at you, i know vansh put you up to it; and he’s like yeah you know i have zero self respect when it comes to vansh bhai. he says jump, i ask how high.

and she’s like you’re your own person dude. and i hope you’ll one day realize that and do what you think is right, not just what vansh tells you to. DUDE I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY DIDN’T GIVE US THIS RIDDHIMA TILL NOW.

asdkljlaskjdlaskjdlaskjdlaksjdlkasj vansh speaking chinese was really not necessary but....... lol ok.

wtf even is this black box, dude?????? like.............. you know what, idec anymore. nothing in this show is worth wasting brain cells over.

snort, vansh assures his shady business friends that the black box is in safe hands, and instantly riddhima comes and picks it up from the table.

some sultry talk about love and war as they keep taking the box from each other. lol man you’re both so fucking lame.

anyway he put it in the safe and is being patronizing to her, and she’s like be careful at how you play this........ “kahin meri dukhti ragg pe haath na lag jaaye....” OH DAMN. DUDE. I THINK SHE’S LOST THE BABY OR SOMETHING. IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT’S HURT HER MASSIVELY TO BRING ABOUT SUCH A DRASTIC CHANGE (OTHER THAN THE SHOW MOVING FROM TV TO ONLINE)

asldkjsaldjlskadjlksadjlksajd she’s threatening to tell dadi that he played this whole farce in front of her and he’s like U WOT MATEEEE

anyway both of them smilingly fucking each other up about 6 ghante ka raaz and how the other one will lose. man, y’all need SO MUCH THERAPY.

riddhima’s here talking to stupid shunya fucker; and he’s just laughing and talking about his stupid saxophone.

he’s all only the two of us know about this deal we have, no one else in the worldddddddddd knows......

and she’s like actually................................. there’s a third person.

cut to: MY DIL JAAN JIGAR KA TUDKA KABIR, STILL IN CHAINS, SCREAMING RIDDHIMA’S NAME, AND GROWLING ABOUT HOW VANSH WILL KILL HER WHEN HE FINDS OUT HER SECRET.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. why did she have to tell vyom that kabir knows? now vyom’s gonna try and kill kabir for sure and i want the reverse to happen!!!!!!!! please god gimme some #kava love where vansh saves kabir from vyom to make up for that one time kabir saved his life from chang!!!!!! i just want my two boys together!!!!!!!!!

precap: same old chutiyapa. vansh got her fingerprints off a glass to open her phone; she tries to steal the black box from his secret room and he catches her. abbe yaaaaaaaaaaaaar.

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

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flutteringphalanges · 4 years

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Caught in a Riptide

Summary: After the infamous Count Dracula is discovered and taken into custody by the Jonathan Harker Foundation, former nun and now guardian to her young niece, Zoe, Agatha Van Helsing is tasked with keeping tabs on the vampire after a mishap leads to his release into modern day society. Can Agatha remain levelheaded, or will fate turn her onto a new path?

Pairing: Dracula/Agatha Van Helsing

Rated: M

Read on FFN and AO3

A/N: I’m back!! Finally, after dealing with some health issues I managed to get a chapter out! I hope you enjoy! Feedback/Reblogs/Likes are greatly loved and appreciated! -Jen

Chapter Seven

It's funny how just a few seconds can seem like an entire lifetime. At least, in Agatha's case, that's how she felt. Her eyes flickered between the two men, mind reeling as she tried to come to some set conclusion as to why both were present. Or if she should go into the defensive or offensive mode-not that she had much of a weapon on her besides her silly, cheap cross. It took Dracula calmly clearing his throat to snap her back into her senses.

"You look rather alarmed, Agatha." Dracula stated with a smile. "Like you've seen a ghost-or," his smile widened to a grin. "Are witnessing someone committing the act of murder."

She watched with bated breath as he moved to the table. From where she stood, Agatha could just make out a small, square object that rested on the surface. The vampire picked it up and examined it carefully before pulling out a few crisp dollar bills. A wallet. He looked from the still stunned woman to his other guest.

"Jimmy was just here dropping off my meal. Weren't you, Jimmy?" The vampire held out the money towards the young man. "I invited him in seeing as I didn't have the cash on me. I didn't want to be rude." Dracula let out a long exhale. "Keep the change. I know your profession doesn't pay you fairly. It is the least I can do," he paused. "All things considered." And once again that familiar flicker of mischievousness glimmered in his eyes. "If you'd leave now, I'd much appreciate it. I've kept Ms. Van Helsing waiting long enough."

The man-or "Jimmy" as he was so called, managed to stutter out a thank you. He gave Agatha a nod before pushing past her to escape out the door. Whether he knew of Dracula's true origin was unclear, but it was evident enough the vampire gave him some form of uneasy. Though it held no weight, the cross felt oddly heavy in her back pocket as the man motioned for her to step forward.

"I assure you I am very well aware of the terms and conditions involving my freedom." He commented, pulling out a chair for her to sit in. "And while I do have my urges, the idea of not being locked in a cage and used for experimental purposes quells those...desires."

Reluctantly, Agatha took a seat ignoring the Count's smile. She knew he was watching her, observing her every move externally and perhaps even internally. The woman knew she needed to keep her heartbeat steady, pulse regular. Any sign that could be regarded as fear would only play to his amusement. Keeping her guard down, especially now, was the utmost of importance.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to pour myself a drink." Dracula said, grabbing the paper bag and pulling out its contents. A wine bottle shaped flask filled with a dark liquid. Agatha knew what it was, but she didn't like to think about it. After filling his cup, he set it down.

"So," he continued. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine." Agatha said currently, trying to keep her voice level. "I'm not thirsty."

"I thought you'd say that." The vampire exhaled, shaking his head. "But I thought I'd ask to be polite." He took a small sip, the contents lightly sloshing as he did. "I want to apologize about the night before. I acted like…"

"A monster?" The former nun said curtly with a frown. "A mad man?"

Dracule smirked, chuckling at her remarks. "I was going to say rash, but I suppose those would fall under the same category." He left her side once again to retrieve what appeared to be a file folder resting neatly on the table. "Anyway, I'd like to move past it. Put it behind us. Even beasts make mistakes."

"You could've killed me," Agatha replied, eyes following his every move. "Why didn't you?"

"You're right," the Count nodded. "I very well could've. Even with that ridiculously cheap excuse of a cross you have in your pocket." Her eyebrows raised in surprise as he continued. "But having you dead would've served no use to me. I'm a calculated man, Agatha. While your blood is very, very tempting, getting it from a slip up like that would be...undesirable." The Count smiled as he finally took a seat across from her. "And again, we have that contract to think about."

Before she could comment, the vampire slid the collection of papers over to her. Meeting his stare, Agatha hesitantly took the folder and opened it. Though she didn't exactly want to break eye contact, the woman glanced down at the sheets below. Photos. A birth certificate. License. An entire history made up of a made up person-sort of. His new background. A perfect gateway into modern society that was virtually untraceable to who he really was. Renfield had done well.

"Vlad Balaur," she mumbled.

"Dracula seemed to be a stretch unfortunately, so this was the second choice." The Count replied simply. "Do you like it?"

"26 May 1967." Agatha continued, ignoring his question. After a moment, she looked up. "You're lucky you can pull off looking 53 and not 530." Exhaling, Agatha pushed the pile back over to the man. "Your lawyer did well. I certainly hope you are paying him for all of this work."

Dracula merely chuckled as he took the thick folder. "I'm not an unreasonable man. I pay Frank accordingly. Based, of course, on the service he provides." He lifted his glass of blood, the rim stained with dark crimson from where he sipped. "I can have copies for you made, if you so desire. I know how important it is for your precious Foundation to know about my whereabouts." For a brief moment, his dark eyes flickered playfully. "For you to know."

The woman's stomach churned as the vampire took a large swig of his drink. Why did he have to feed in front of her? Probably because he knew it made her squirm. When he set the cup down, he smiled widely, teeth seeming sharper than a moment before. She prayed it was merely a trick of her imagination.

"What are your plans now that you are free to roam around England on your own accord?" Agatha inquired, straightening in her chair. "Surely you must have something in mind?"

"Believe it or not, after being asleep for over a hundred years, there is quite a lot to take in." Dracula nudged his now empty glass aside. "So many advances in technology. Science. History. I've done quite a lot of reading myself, but the modern world is very enriched. However," he held up his index finger. "It's quite hard when you're only limited to the night hours. My body doesn't exactly fair well in the sun. Call it an extreme allergy if you will."

"As I am very well aware," Agatha huffed. "But that doesn't exactly answer my question. What are your plans, Count Dracula?"

"I think you mean our plans," the vampire smirked. The look on the woman's face said it all and his smile only widened. "You honestly didn't think our interactions would just be the two of us discussing our adventures over tea did you?" His fingers laced together, tips ending in sharp, talon line nails. "You, Agatha Van Helsing, are going to be my escort. And what an honor, I might add, that is."

Agatha's jaw dropped. "Your...your what?!"

"Escort, tour guide, chaperone...whatever you wish to call it." He dismissively waved his hand. "In other words, you and I will be spending a lot of nights together under the starry skies of England. Or cloudy? I have reason to believe it rains a lot, or am I mistaken?"

"The only thing you're mistaken of is the preposterous idea of me ever agreeing to this!" The woman snapped. "My understanding was that we would meet face to face occasionally at your flat! Not that I'd spend quality time with you out and about!"

"Well if that's the case, it would seem that our two overseers have decided our fates without consulting us." Dracula smirked as he met Agatha's cold stare. "Both Mr. Renfield and Dr. Bloxham have come to the conclusion that this seems like a fair and fit decision and who am I to argue?"

She'd committed. Told Bloxham she'd do whatever the scientist wanted. But this...this wasn't what she had in mind. Agatha silently cursed at herself, mentally berated her brain for being so stupid. Of course these interactions wouldn't be just mere meetings. No...no the Harker Foundation wanted more than that. Immersing herself was one thing. This was the equivalent of being tied to a stone and thrown into a river like a woman during a witch trial. Count Dracula was to be a part of her life no matter how hard she kicked and screamed to swim back to the surface.

""I will completely and utterly immerse myself into Count Dracula's life…"

Agatha's own words replayed in her mind like a broken record as she sat there grinding her teeth. She could feel the vampire watching her expectantly, waiting to hear what she had to say. He seemed cool. Collected. Of all people, shouldn't he be against the idea of being watched like a hawk? But there he sat seemingly without a care in the world. Secretly, she was sure, reveling in her misfortune.

"I'd say you're rather exhausted, Agatha." Dracula exclaimed, breaking the silence. "Perhaps you should go home and rest. I'd offer up my flat, but I think that little Zoe would worry."

"Don't say her name," the woman muttered. "You don't get to say her name."

The vampire gave a half smile. "Get some rest, Ms. Van Helsing. I have quite the itinerary planned for tomorrow." His movements almost gave off the impression of gliding as he corked the bottle of blood he'd been consuming and strode over to the refrigerator. "Shall I walk you to your car or-"

But Agatha had already snatched up her keys and stormed towards the door before he could finish. Dracula snorted softly, shaking his head. She was certainly turning out to be much more interesting than he had initially suspected. Perhaps whatever the Foundation had planned for him would be more in his favor than they'd ever begin to realize. Games were always more enticing when both sides were competitive. And Agatha Van Helsing was the perfect prize.

XXX

Agatha didn't even acknowledge the box of biscuits that fell onto the floor as Jack jumped in surprise as she swung the front door wide open. Flinging her semi closed purse onto the counter, she stormed over to the couch and collapsed. She was tired, but not exhausted enough to feel furious.

"How did it go?" There was hesitation in Jack's voice as he asked. A sense of fear that one gets when staring at a poisonous viper head on. "Did he have anything important to say?"

"Did Zoe behave for you?" Agatha replied in a monotone, eyes fixed on the television screen. Some adult cartoon was on that she vaguely recognized but didn't care enough to remember the name. "I hope she didn't give you a hard time."

"She caused absolutely no issues," the doctor assured her. "It was like she wasn't even there. Well," he paused. "I did read her two bedtime stories-her request, but other than that, she went to bed without a fuss. She did want to hang out though so maybe the three of us could go out to do something together sometime to distract your mind from…"

"They have me babysitting him!" The woman declared sharply, finally turning to face her friend. "He's talking like we're going on some date tomorrow. Bloxham has me taking him around wherever he wants to go as it is a part of this bloody contract I didn't read the fine print of!" Agatha groaned, massaging her temples. "When I started...I didn't think…Honestly, I don't know what I thought."

She chewed absentmindedly on her bottom lip as Jack sat beside her. He stared at her with those big blue eyes of his. It was a familiar look. Innocent. Sheltered. The young man had witnessed much in his short life and yet there was an aura of goodness to him. Loyalty. Something Agatha personality believed she didn't deserve. A friend whose companionship she'd never be able to match.

"I don't think any of us knew what to expect when we found him." Jack commented, resting a hand on her knee. "Especially you given your family's...history." He paused only to reach the clicker to turn off the show. "If I'm to be honest, Agatha, at first, I didn't actually think he existed. Maybe some part of me did-I worked at the bloody Harker Foundation. But when he actually showed up...I guess what I'm trying to say is Bloxham has no right to do what she's doing."

"Right or not, I don't exactly have a choice in the matter," Agatha frowned. "When I wanted to study him, learn about who he was and what he was, I didn't exactly think that meant I was going to be forced to spend every waking minute with him-well, every his waking minute. But I have to do this for my sake and Zoe's."

Jack cocked a brow in confusion. "What does this have to do with Zoe?"

"I made a commitment." She admitted, running a hand through her hair. "...Moreso Bloxham has me backed into a corner. If I don't go through with this, then she can make my life a living Hell." Agatha held up her hand as the man tried to interject. "If I could get out of this, I already would've, but I don't have a choice, Jack. It'll be like that movie Interview with a Vampire, but instead of an eager biographer wanting to learn Louis de Pointe du Lac's story, I'm forced to take my vampire on a railway trip."

Jack started to chuckle into his hand earning him a curious look from Agatha. A small smile graced his features as he straightened up, clearing his throat before speaking.

"Sorry," he grinned. "Didn't take you for a movie buff."

"I suppose I can sometimes be unpredictable." Agatha admitted with a small smile. "Anyway, the fact of the matter is, I wanted to learn about Dracula on my terms, not someone else's. Especially since he's a bigger prick than I imagined."

"He murdered people," the man stated. "How big of an ass were you expecting?!"

"Someone whose ego wasn't so large it'd overtake all of Europe and then some." She said folding her arms over her chest. "He's unbearable, Jack, and he knows it. Relishes in it. And I'm stuck with him like gum on the bottom of a shoe." Agatha let out a long exhale. "Curiosity killed the cat, and I already feel like I'm on my eighth life. Why of all things did I have to be a Van Helsing? Smith is a nice last name. Or Wilson. I'd go as far as Bigglesworth."

"You are not a Bigglesworth," Jack laughed. "Besides, Van Helsing is pretty bad ass. It has its perks."

Agatha let out a soft chuckled before her mouth curved into a genuine smile. Gently she rested her head on Jack's shoulder, her eyes fixed on the blank screen of the television.

"What am I going to do, Jack?" She mumbled.

"What you always do," he replied softly. "Take what's thrown at you into your own hands and make it work. At least, that's what the Agatha I know would do."

"I'm taking the window seat," Agatha yawned, closing her eyes.

"The window seat?" The doctor inquired, his brows knitting in confusion. "What window seat?"

"The window seat," she repeated. "If I'm taking that beast on a train, I'm taking the window seat."

Jack grinned over at the former nun as she began to nod off. "Agatha Van Helsing, you never cease to amaze me."

"Good," she answered. "I plan to keep it that way."

And without another word, she drifted off into the dark world of unconsciousness. Far, far away from her worries and troubles that would live to see another day.

#Dracula #Dracula 2020 #Dragatha #Agatha Van Helsing #Dracula x Agatha #Caught in a Riptide

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satonthelotuspier · 4 years

Text

❄️ Untamed Winter Fest 2019 ❄️

Day 31 - Beginning - 2.0k

More Xicheng from my Jiang Family AU - the story leads on from Day 2, Day 4, Day 21 and Day 26 if you missed them.

CW for living with Mental Health Issues.

“I’ve emailed you three properties that might work, will you have a look later and let me know whether you like any of them? I’ll arrange a viewing for the weekend if you do”

Jiang Cheng had his phone on speaker; he took the brief interlude while he spoke to Lan Xichen to fuss Snowdrop who had been sleeping at his feet.

“If I can get this commission sent for approval this afternoon I will” he promised as Snowdrop tried to jump into his lap to investigate his desk. Hearing Lan Xichen’s voice but not being able to see him confused her greatly.

“Are you struggling? Do you want me to stay at mine tonight? I can come and collect Snowdrop”

“No no, I should be finished, I’m just at a roadblock right now; your call came at a great time to give me a break actually”

“If you’re sure...”

“Very, I’m going to take Snowdrop for a you know what once we hang up and treat myself to a trip to the coffee shop on the way back. That should get the braincells firing again” he stretched his kinked shoulders out, spine arching to release the tension of being hunched at a computer screen since first thing that morning.

“Right, I hope you enjoy your Chai Latte or whatever abomination you end up ordering, I’ll be there about half seven tonight, I’ve got a quick meeting with Wangji and Uncle Qiren at six. Shall I pick up some food on the way over if you’re on a deadline?”

“Great, yes, thanks,” he jumped up as Xichen hung up and went to collect Snowdrop’s leash.

They walked to the park and he spent a little more time on training Snowdrop how to play fetch with a suitable stick he found, then back to his building via the coffee shop, where he treated himself to the promised Chai Latte and a muffin for lunch.

They were virtually at the door when Snowdrop spotted another dog and gave an almighty yank on her leash in her excitement, he just about managed to keep hold of her but his Chai Latte was firmly knocked out of his hand and the luckily cooled drink drenched him from head to toe.

He would have been frozen in shock if he didn’t have to wrestle with an overexcited dog, “Snowdrop, sit” and she finally relented, looking at him expectantly for a treat when she complied. “Are you joking? You think you’re getting a treat after your shenanigans?” he demanded in irritation, wiping at his face, futilely as it turned out because his sleeve was just as soaked in coconut milk and chai.

He noticed the man who’d stepped onto the pavement and stood watching then; and fuck but his heart stopped.

Lan Qiren, Lan Xichen’s uncle. What was he doing here? What was wrong?

He didn’t fid out the purpose of the visit. Lan Qiren merely confirmed Lan Xichen was alright, stayed to have tea with him and discuss various bland topics then left, without ever saying much beyond the formalities.

He shrugged it off, showered and changed out of his stained clothes and got back to work on his project, hitting the send button just after six.

Nice, he’d have time to check Lan Xichen’s email before he arrived with food.

He scanned the properties and quickly discounted all of them. They were all beautiful, close to parks for Snowdrop, with generous gardens so she’d be able to run loose when she wanted, but they were well out of his price range.

He wasn’t poor by any standards, he was comfortable and could afford a nice apartment on his own, but the Lans were in the big money leagues. Perhaps Xichen just wasn’t aware of the difference in their means. Some people born to money didn’t have much of an understanding of how it worked in reality, and while Xichen was anything but stupid he could be naive about some things.

It would be embarrassing but he’d have to say something; he didn’t want Xichen to think he was being obstructive and he genuinely did want to move in with him but it needed to be something that wouldn’t bankrupt him in a few months. As a freelancer he couldn’t always guarantee his income and he couldn’t afford to dip too often into his savings.

He set the table so it was ready for when Lan Xichen arrived and grabbed his tablet to do some searching of his own.

The best way to end any conflict positively was to show Xichen he was taking it seriously, so he would present some possible properties of his own.

He’d found one that was a tentative tick for all his boxes by the time he heard the doorbell, so he bookmarked the page and went to let Xichen in.

Over dinner Lan Xichen regaled him with the tale of how his uncle Qiren had laughed for 10 minutes straight during their meeting when he told them of the Chai Latte incident and how hilarious it had been to have Jiang Cheng act formal and serve him tea still covered head to toe in coconut milk.

Jiang Cheng was less than impressed.

“Really, so he turns up for what reason? Sees me at my least glorious, makes me serve him tea then has the temerity to tell my boyfriend and my brother-in-law while laughing his ass off that I looked like an absolute twat”

“Wanyin, honestly it wasn’t like that. And the reason was as we’re talking of moving in together he wanted to come and visit you. He approves, honestly I’ve never heard him laugh like that before, it was like he was possessed. He said you’d make me happy”

“Oh great, your uncle approves because you’re moving in with a fucking clown” he threw his chopsticks down on the table and Xichen reached over to try and take his hand.

He snatched his away.

“Why are you pouting about this Wanyin? It was a funny accident, and my uncle didn’t mean that at all. He did the same to Wei Wuxian when he and Wangji were becoming serious; he didn’t mean any disrespect” he put his own chopsticks down and moved around the table to kneel beside Wanyin and catch hold of his hands. “I’m sorry. I’ll ask Uncle to apologise too if it will make it better, we didn’t mean to hurt you”

Jiang Cheng shook him off and got to his feet, putting space between them, and honestly he knew he was being childish and pathetic, but when had that ever stopped him before? Really Xichen was going to find out about this side of his personality sooner or later, better now before they’d committed themselves to a home together. Lucky for Xichen even.

“Nice, then I look like the petulant child who can’t take a joke, lets not do that” he jammed his hands into the pockets of his battered jeans to keep him from going to town on the contents of the table.

“If it hurt you then we need to apologise”

“I’m not hurt. Stop making me sound piteous”

He saw the moment Xichen realised no matter what he said he was going to get a negative response; it was like shutters went down behind his eyes and his face lost it’s usual expressive warmth. He had never looked more like Lan Wangji in Jiang Cheng’s sight before.

“So what do you want me to do then Wanyin?” he asked with spread hands, but they both probably knew at this point nothing he could do or say would help.

Jiang Cheng moved to the table to take up his crockery, “Stop being so accommodating, it’s pathetic” he snapped and stalked off to the kitchen. He slammed the crockery down so hard some of it smashed, and Lan Xichen had followed him into the kitchen.

Why wouldn’t he back off and leave Jiang Cheng alone to cool down like any sensible person would? If he’d had sense he’d have taken Snowdrop and retreated to his own place by now to let Jiang Cheng rage in peace.

Because he had the audacity to stick around obviously Jiang Cheng wouldn’t let him be. “Oh and those places you sent me, you’ll have to scratch them all off the list. You need to get real and look in a more reasonable price range” You fucking idiot, you know you should do this when you’re calm and sensible.

“Jiang Wanyin, that doesn’t matter, money isn’t an object-”

“Wrong” he snapped, “Money isn’t an object for you, pretty little rich boy, it most certainly is for me. Sorry you shacked up with a prole, Your Highness, but that means you have to take notice of things those of us who live in the real world have to consider, like how much I can seriously afford to sink into mortgage repayments or rent each month”

“I didn’t intend to rent or mortgage”

“How nice for you. As mentioned, however, that really isn’t going to work for me. I’m not your royal whore, Your Highness, I will be paying my share” like he’ll still even be here tomorrow, never mind want to move in with you.

Xichen pinched the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb, “Can we talk about this another time please Wanyin, when you’re not so-?”

“Emotional? Brutally honest? Sure, whatever, get lost” he turned his back to Xichen and busied himself in the sink.

He heard Xichen’s sigh, heard him walk out of the kitchen, the rattle of Snowdrop’s leash and the outer door open and close behind them.

Great. That was that then. The end. He’d done it again. Well done Jiang Cheng, your one hundred percent record of self sabotage remains undiminished.

He channelled himself into cleaning up like a demon to work through the remaining anger, and then the pain.

Pain was difficult to deal with when it was purely self-inflicted though, when half of him wanted himself to suffer because he knew he fucking deserved it.

If he went into default depression mode and went straight to bed to lay and brood all night once the cleaning was done then that was now his business.

He must have drifted off (cried himself) to sleep pretty quickly as it was only later, when the bed dipped behind him that he realised he wasn’t alone in the apartment anymore.

He rolled over, confused.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you” Xichen’s soft voice.

“Are you coming to smother me?” he asked tentatively, and Xichen laughed that sweet, soft laugh of his.

“No, but can I hold you? Will it get me eviscerated?” he reached down to tentatively cup Jiang Cheng’s jawline and brush his cheek with a soft, stroking thumb.

“Not now” Jiang Cheng admitted timidly, nuzzling into the caress like a cat. Then he threw his arms around Xichen's neck and squeezed him tightly. “I promise I’m taking my medication. I can usually deal with it, neutralise it, it just took me by surprise tonight. It’s been a long time”

Xichen gathered him close against his chest and made soothing noises, “Soon can we talk about how best for me to help you if it does happen again? I didn’t know what to do and it was worrying for me”

Jiang Cheng nodded against his chest, “Honestly, just get out of my way. I’ve never yet been violent but I’m verbally nasty. It’s better for you to just go leave me be, take a bath and lock the bathroom, take Snowdrop for a walk”

“Alright, we’ll talk about it more later, just cuddle with me now Sweeting, we can deal with everything else another day”

“I didn’t think you were coming back” Jiang Cheng admitted.

“I did. Today is just the beginning of our lives together. Tomorrow will be too. Lets take the things we need to one day at a time, and plan for the things we can” he felt Xichen’s lips brush his forehead and snuggled closer.

#untamed winter fest #day 31 #xicheng #jiang cheng #lan xichen #mental health #mdzs #mdzs fanfic #mdzs fic #Jiang family AU #shay's stuff

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years

Text

Did i post this????

deep breaths. He didn't need a damn baby sitter. He didn't need Keith smothering him even though his omega desperately wanted all his alpha's attention. He didn't need his alpha treating him with kid gloves. Quiznak. He really didn't know what he needed, but grabbing the first thing he could off his desk and throwing it helped, and it all escalated from that. Screaming his frustrations out, everything and anything he could pull apart or throw became his victim, until he was standing in a sea of self made chaos. He felt like every part of his quarters had been violated by Shiro's secret stalking, but at the same time, there was no way he wanted to go stay in Keith's. Not with his boyfriend's mother on the castle, and doubly not when he knew he'd probably end up having sex with him, despite the idea of sex making his skin crawl all over again. He'd wanted answers and all he'd gotten was fucked over... again.

Looking up as the door to his room slid open, he wasn't surprised in the slightest as Krolia stood there. The look of concern on the woman's face only serving to piss him off further

"Nope. No. Not happening. I don't want or need a baby sitter. Go back to Keith and tell him to go jump"

Raising an eyebrow, Krolia casually stepped through the mess, before coming to lean against the wall beside his bed

"Mmm hmm. What do you call this then?"

"I call it "your son is a jerk, and alpha's suck""

"I take it things didn't go well in Shiro's quarters"

"How did you know about that?"

"I have my ways... and I can smell Shiro on you"

Throwing his hands up, Lance shook his head

"I fucking quit. All I wanted was some answers. That's it. Now I have no idea what to think"

"Well, I think my jerk son is concerned about you and I think I'm concerned about you and him"

Jerk sounded so harsh when Krolia said it. Walking over, Lance sank down on the edge of his bed, before burying his face in his hands

"Krolia. I don't know what to do. I'm so beyond messed up and I don't want to be touched, but I can't tell Keith not to care about me because I want him too... but I'm mad at him for doing his job"

Snorting lightly, Krolia moved to sink down next to him, before pulling him into a hug

"Keith's struggling too. He didn't expect to be forced to fill Shiro's place. Nor did he expect to find out he was going to be a dad"

Trying to wriggle from her grasp, Lance let out a huff

"I know this. Don't you start too. If you're going to have a go at me, can you save it for tomorrow"

"I'm not having a go at you"

"Really?"

"Yes, now stop wriggling around. The Galra don't have alpha's in the same sense as you do, so your omega shouldn't be freaking out too badly"

"I just don't want to be touched. It feels like Shiro is on my skin and I feel so dirty right now"

"You're not dirty"

"You can say that because you didn't see inside Shiro's room. He had pictures of me naked, pictures of me in heat and pictures of him inside of me... it makes me feel so sick and so mad! He was in this room while I was sleeping. While Keith was in here with me! How does my boyfriend not notice when the alpha who raped me just stops by for nightly visits?"

"I don't know Lance. But I do know the stress isn't good for the pups"

"Don't even talk about them either. I am still embarrassed over thinking I was losing them because I was so damn hungry. I feel stupid and fat. I hate how much I'm eating... but if I don't eat Keith gets mad and the pups get mad..."

"I think you look fine. Especially given those are my grandchildren inside of you"

Groaning at Krolia, Lance finally stopped struggling and flopped against her

"I'm 11 movements. If I'm this bad already, what the quiznak am I going to be like later on?"

"Like this, only about a hundred times worse"

"You know, you really suck at this"

"Do I? I can already smell that you're much calmer than when I walked in"

"That's because you used your mum magic on me"

"My mum magic?"

"Yeah. That thing that mum's do when they make you talk, even if you don't want to. Mum used to always make me talk, before we stopped really talking"

"How do you think I feel? I finally found my son again, and now I have two of them"

"Two?"

"You and Keith. And I'm decades too young to be a grandmother"

"Would you prefer to be "Cool aunt Krolia"?"

"No"

Finally feeling a smile forming on his lips, Lance let out a sigh as he looked at the mess he'd made

"I kind of lost my head, didn't I?"

"Just a little"

"I sooo don't want to clean this up"

"Then don't"

"Ha ha. It doesn't work like that"

"Really? You would think will all their advanced technology the Altean's would have invented a castle that cleaned itself"

"You have no idea. Just wait until Coran has you cleaning the healing pods by hand..."

Maybe being pregnant would bring an end to the slave labour that was cleaning the ship? Something good had to come out of getting fat

"Go take a shower, I'll start cleaning up"

"No offence Krolia, but please don't. Shiro stole a heap of my things, so I don't think I can handle not putting it all back myself"

"Alright. But I'm still going to wait for you to shower, and then we're going to Keith's quarters so you can rest before dinner"

The hard edge in her voice told him he wasn't going to win with her on that one. He really didn't deserve Krolia.

Being alone in the shower proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Stripping off his clothes, it was like all he could smell and feel was Shiro. He could hear the alpha's groans, feel him rutting up against as he gripped him by the throat. Scrunching his eyes closed, Lance tried to tell himself none of it was real... Throwing up on the shirt in his hands was revolting, but then the tears started and he ended up sobbing and heaving on the shower floor. At least Krolia had the tact not to come in...

With his skin scrubbed red raw, and all traces of his mess washed down the drain, Lance found he was too exhausted to move. Sitting on the bathroom floor, he rubbed at his stomach as he tried to figure out how to get out, dressed and fed without moving from the spot he was in. In he end, he had no choice

"Krolia!"

Appearing in the door, the woman looked down at him with a smirk

"Yes, Lance?"

"I'm stuck"

"I never would have guessed"

He hadn't called her in to be sassed

"Krolia!"

"Fine. No need to yell"

Crossing over, Krolia turned the taps off before lifting him onto her shoulder

"Krolia!"

"I thought you wanted off the shower floor"

"I did. But I'm naked!"

"So? Would you rather I just put you back on the shower floor?"

"No. But you didn't have to pick me up, I just needed help off the floor"

"It's fine. You know what they say... something or other about when your son's future mate's this adorable..."

"Krolia! Stop it!"

Carrying him into his room, Krolia snagged his towel on the way. Setting him down next to his bed, Lance snatched his towel back as he scowled at the woman

"You can wait outside now"

"Are you sure?"

"Krolia!"

Even if Krolia had only been in Keith's life for a few movements, the resemblance between the two... it was frustrating. He just couldn't win with either of them, but he wouldn't change either of them either.

"How's he been?"

Staring down at Lance, Keith felt more than a little jealous at the sight in front of him. His omega was curled up asleep, with head was resting in his mother's lap. The Galra woman gently stroking his hair

"The more he speaks of Shiro, the more I wish I'd run him through with my blade"

That good... right. He hadn't really explained to her the details of why he needed her to track down Lance when he'd called her, only that he was back in the doghouse and Lance shouldn't be alone

"I take it he told you about it all"

"Yes, and a head's up from you would have been nice. What were you thinking leaving him alone?"

"It's not like I wanted to, and I didn't expect things to take so long. That's why I asked you to come stay with him. I had to make sure Pidge and Hunk didn't see what was in Shiro's room. They don't deserve that"

"And what about what Lance deserves? He'd trashed his quarters by the time I finally found him"

Of course he had. Hell have no fury like a pissy omega

"And it was pretty clear he really didn't want to come back here..."

"You know, when we were first courting, it was kind of corny but I thought of this as our room. A space where Lance could just escape it all. It didn't really work out like that, but until we make sure his room is actually safe for him, he'll be staying here"

"Then shall I use his room? We can clean and sort Lance's things tomorrow, it'll give him something to do"

"Mum... are you sure?"

"It makes no real difference to me, but I don't think Lance would be comfortable with me watching over everything you two do"

The playful notes in his mother's voice had him shocked. He'd had the sex talk from Allura and what? The encouragement talk from his mother?

"Muuum!"

Whining softly, Lance nuzzled his mother's leg

"Don't wake him up. I'd only just gotten him resettled when you came back. He pretty much fell asleep the moment we got here, only to start crying in his sleep and repeating Shiro's name"

Keith sighed bitterly. He knew letting Lance have his way was a bad idea. He wouldn't be surprised if the omega's mental health had taken a major hit

"Right. Well, in that case I'll take a shower and then I'll take over from you. Allura and Coran are dealing with Shiro's room, while Hunk and Pidge are dealing with dinner. Our three guests are going to need dinner as well"

"Have you heard from Lotor?"

"Allura managed to track him down. He'll be arriving the quintant after tomorrow. It's the best he can do. What's the news from Kolivan?"

"Kolivan's going to keep an eye out and let us know if Haggar makes a move to contact anyone in the empire. He's annoyed at losing both of us, but appreciates the fact you're willing to side with them over Lotor"

"Of course I am. This alliance with Lotor has never sat well with me, nor with Lance. I feel like this all an act, and it's only a matter of time before he turns against us"

Returning from showering, he found Lance awake. The omega now curled up in the far corner of Keith's bed, while his mother was standing beside his desk. Looking to Krolia, he had no idea how things could have changed so rapidly in the few doboshes it'd taken him to shower

"What happened?"

"He woke up and realised he wasn't in his own room. He's a little disorientated, and panicked"

Yeah. Keith could smell as much. Lance's scent was like a neon sign saying "Go away"

"Mum, why don't you head up and see how dinner is going? We'll come up once he's calmed back down"

"Alright. I'll see you both soon"

Waiting until his mother was gone, Keith dropped his towel and climbed onto his bed, stopping just short of his boyfriend. Getting dressed could wait until after he'd talked to Lance

"Lance. You ok?"

"No"

"Want to talk to me about it?"

"Not really"

"You know I didn't want to leave you right?"

"It's fine"

"I had to make sure everyone was doing as I'd asked, and make sure Allura and Coran cleaned Shiro's room up so the others didn't see"

"I said it's fine"

"It doesn't sound like you think it is"

Finally looking up at him, Lance looked like he was completely fed up with being questioned, his eyes narrow to the point of nearly being cold

"Keith, just back off. I said it's fine. It's fine. I understand. I just needed some space, but you still sent your mother after me. I wish you'd listen to me"

"I'm just worried about you"

"There's worried and there's smothering. My head's a mess and I need to think"

"Then what can I do?"

"Nothing! Aren't you listening? This day has been one embarrassment after another. First we get back together and have sex without talking things through. Then I get hungry enough to think I'm losing the pups and then we find out Shiro has been stalking all of us because he wanted to know who or what he was. You might think things just magically go back to how they were, and quiznak I wish they would but I need to think, and I can't do that with a baby sitter!"

Wincing, he raised his hands in surrender

"Ok! Ok! Just stop yelling at me. I don't know what to do either. I didn't expect to come home to find you're pregnant or to find that I was going to have to take over from Shiro. So while I understand you're embarrassed over nothing, I refuse to let you wander around the ship on your own"

"Over nothing?!"

Screeching the words at him, Lance scrambled past him. Open mouth. Insert foot.

"Yes. You're pregnant. You have no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. The only one with any experience around here when it comes to part Galra babies is my mother. Of course we aren't going to understand or know what's happening to you"

"I can never win when it comes to you"

What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Once again he was left standing there while Lance took off. It wasn't his fault he couldn't say the right things to calm his omega down. He had no idea what he was doing, but at least he was trying. All Lance was doing was getting mad at him.

Hunk had pacified his angry boyfriend by the time Keith came up to dinner. He'd gone ahead and made a small nest for the pair of them, though he was still mad at Lance. Well, he was more mad at himself than with his boyfriend. Lance had suffered a huge shock, again, and he hadn't helped things. Crossing to take a seat at the table, he paused to drop a kiss atop his boyfriend's head as he went. They needed to stop fighting and start communicating, and even if Lance was on guard around him, he could still be the bigger person and take the first step

"I see you made him cookie dough again"

"This ones fruit based, so it's healthier"

Fruit based? That didn't sound particularly nice...

"Thanks Hunk. How does it taste?"

Licking at the wooden spatula, Lance nodded

"Really good. Hunk would make a mint if he went into health food production"

Smiling slightly, Keith nodded at Hunk

"That's good. I'll have to keep that in mind for the future"

"Noooo"

Raising an eyebrow, Hunk looked just as confused as Keith was over Lance protesting food

"If he goes into production, that will mean he'll be around less"

"Lance, I'm not buying it. You just don't want to risk going without cookie dough"

Nodding his head, Lance scraped at the side of the bowl

"There's that too..."

"Don't worry, I'll make you as much as you want..."

"Hunk, you don't need to suck up. I've already decided you're going to be the pups god father. Actually, I decided all of you would be god parents. If anything happens to Keith and I, I don't want my family raising them. They wouldn't understand... not like you guys do"

Wait... what? Just when had Lance decided this and why was his boyfriend choosing now to drop this on them all? Of course the team would be the best people to raise their pups, and would be helping too, but couldn't they have talked about this first?

"Aw yes! We get to be the cool aunts and uncles, with none of the nappy changing responsibilities!"

High fiving Hunk, Pidge was clearly thrilled over Lance's announcement

"Lance, baby, shouldn't we talk about this?"

"Why? You agree, don't you?"

"Yes. But are you really sure?"

"It's like Krolia said. This is a ship full of alpha's, and both Coran and Allura are amazing in their own right. There is no safer place for our pups to be than with them"

Deserting his bowl of cookie dough, Lance placed his hands on his stomach

"I decided when I took my Bayard back that I want to fight for a world where these little guys don't have to. I want to be a Paladin and I want to be a good mum"

Something else Lance had decided without him. Letting out an involuntary growl, their friends all looked slightly uncomfortable

"Maybe we should give you two a minute"

"Yeah, we can go if you guys want..."

"No. Don't. I'll be quiet, I just wanted to tell you guys that before I forgot again"

Looking from Keith to Lance and then back to him, no one knew what to say. Lance however seemed to think what needed to be said had been, and went back to his cookie dough. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Keith sighed to himself

"It's fine. This is on me. I told Lance I would support anything he decided and he could have picked a better time to say what was he thinking, but it true. The safest place for the pups are with all of you. And as we seem to be making announcements, Lance will be moving into my quarters while Krolia takes over his"

Two could play this game, and he wasn't below stooping to Lance's level

"What? No..."

"Lance, yes. I can't be by your side all the time, so I don't want to waste the time I can be"

Turning bright red, Lance choked on the dough he was eating. Allura rushed to pass him a glass of water, while Pidge's smile only grew

"They're finally shacking up"

"Uh Pidge, he's already pregnant. It was kind of inevitable"

"It's nice though. I knew they'd get back together, but it's nice we're all like talking about stuff. It's all family like"

"That's because we are a family... a big weird family, with a fat omega"

As Lance's eyes filled with tears, Keith looked to Allura. He had no idea what had just set Lance off again, but was quietly sure it wasn't him. Leaning over, Hunk wrapped his arm around lance's shoulder

"Uh Lance? Bud? Wanna maybe tell us why you're crying?"

Instead of telling everyone, Lance lent in and whispered in Hunk's ear. The large alpha nodded as Lance pulled away slightly

"We'll be back"

"But... what's the matter?"

"It's nothing. We'll just be back, you guys go ahead and eat"

Rising from their chairs, Hunk kept his arm around Lance's shoulder as they left. Keith was itching to go after them, but instead he chose to trust that Lance just needed a little time with his best friend.

Despite giving it his best shot, and biting his lip as they all waited, in the end, he couldn't take it and looked to his mother, knowing she would have heard everything

"Mum, is he alright?"

"Yeah. They'll be back soon"

"Keith, did something happen again? Lance's scent was full of sadness and anger when he came up, but I also thought I smelt Shiro, and even now I swear I can smell trace amounts of his scent"

Damn Pidge and her perceptiveness. Looking to Allura and Coran, Keith took a deep breath, before choosing his words carefully

"Lance had a bit of an... episode, this afternoon. With what happened to Shiro, we're all trying to cope with it in our own way, but at the same time, we can't forget what Lance went through. He doesn't understand any of it, and the fact that not-Shiro went after him too... he can't process. This is like the third time today he's taken off, so don't let it get to you. It's not you guys. It's me. I can't seem to be able to do anything right when it comes to him right now"

"You know, he was a lot less moody when you weren't around. Can't you guys just go kiss and make up?"

"Not when we have Haggar on our doorstep and are forced to wait for Lotor to arrive. There's things that need to be done around here..."

"Then let Allura help you. We're a team right? None of like seeing Lance upset"

Placing her hand on his, Allura smiled softly

"She's right. We can't do anything right now, and if anything come up, we can call you"

"That's not fair on you guys"

"If we work together, it'll be fine. Oh look, your mum was right, they're back already"

Retaking their seats, Lance was now eating something else, while Hunk picked up his fork

"You didn't have to wait for us"

"It's fine. Everything alright Lance?"

Nodding his head, Lance crossed his legs and placed the bowl he'd returned with between them

"I suddenly felt really sick, so I asked Hunk if he knew anything that would help with the nausea"

Keith had a feeling that wasn't all there was to it, but still nodded

"Alright. Let me know if you want to go back to our room. Allura and Coran are taking over for the night, so you'll be stuck with me"

Lance frowned as he sat up a little straighter

"No, I'm fine. I mean, you probably have a lot to organise and stuff..."

"We all have work to do, but if we work together, things will be fine"

"What happened to my boyfriend? We weren't gone that long were we?"

"What Keith is trying to say is that he loves you and he wants to hug you and he wants to kiss you..."

Elbowing Pidge mid song, the female alpha glared at Hunk for interrupting her

"What was that for?"

"Because I'm trying to eat"

"I appreciate the concern guys, but honestly I think maybe I'd like things to keep kind of the way they are. I'm pregnant, not dying. So as long as I remember to eat and sleep, I should be alright"

"Lance..."

"Keith. It's ok. You sort out what you need to with everyone else tonight"

Lance's calm and casual tone didn't sit right with any of them, it was way too calm and casual after all Lance had said and done. He had a feeling he wasn't going to like whatever his omega was actually thinking, but let it finally drop.

Face planting onto his bed, Keith was exhausted. No. He was way beyond exhausted. But the moment he hit the hard? blankets, he was scrambling off them as fast as he could thanks to the yelping noise they'd made

"What the hell Keith?!"

"Lance?! I didn't think you were talking to me"

"I'm not, not talking to you. I'm just mad at you. But that doesn't mean you can jump on me!"

"I wasn't expecting you to be in my bed!"

"Your mum said I had to stay here. She wanted to do some training on her own, and I'm not allowed to go back to my room"

Lance had kind of slowly shut down during dinner, before excusing himself. Keith hadn't even had to ask his mother to follow the teen, the woman leaving with just a nod to everyone else. After that, they'd begun trying to figure out how to make all this work. Keith wanted the nights "off" so that he could be with Lance at the end of each day, but at the same time, that wasn't fair to Allura. Asking her to be on call night after night would only end up with Allura burning out, even if at the moment nothing was happening. Because of how Lance couldn't always control his fears or actions, having him spend nights with Pidge or Hunk in their quarters was out the question, but the pair were happy to stay up and play video games and such on the nights they weren't busy. The plan was to slowly ease Lance into doing as little as possible outside of his duties as Red Paladin. None of them liked the idea of him going into battle, but none of them wanted to tell him no, especially because of how much it meant to him. The omega had well and truly cried enough tears to last a lifetime and a half. Somewhere amongst all their planning, the topic of Lotor's arrival and what they'd tell him came up, and now it was the very early hours of the morning. Hence why he was so exhausted, not just physically but mentally too. Thinking was hard work.

Rearranging himself, Lance pulled Keith's pillow into his lap, before pouting up at him. It was no good. Lance was adorable. Trying his hardest to form words, he had to fight to remember what they were talking about. Oh. He'd jumped on Lance... and Lance didn't want to be here

"It's not that you're not allowed to go back to your room, I just want to make sure it's actually safe before you do. It probably doesn't mean anything, but I'm really happy your here"

"So happy that you squashed me"

"That was an accident"

"How could you possibly miss the big fat lump in the middle of your bed"

Groaning, Keith figured that no matter what he said, Lance would find a way to take it wrong

"You're pregnant. Now move over, I need my bed and I want to cuddle you"

"I can't be touched right now"

"What do you mean you can't be touched?"

Stripping off his clothes and boots, he honestly didn't care where they landed. He just wanted sleeeeeep. Climbing up next to Lance, he rolled onto his side so he could look at his boyfriend as he spoke, his words low and mumbled as if he was embarrassed

"My stupid omega doesn't want to be touched, but I don't want to be alone either"

"Is that why you're so mad?"

"Maybe... I don't know. But Keith, I don't want to have sex"

Sex was the last thing on Keith's mind... well maybe not the last, but it wasn't the first by a long shot. Snaking an arm up, he awkwardly half hugged his tense omega

"I said cuddle, not sex. I'm so tired I don't think I could move, even if you wanted it"

"Promise?"

"Yes. Please. I am so done with today, so get down here and let me hold you"

Very slowly, and very carefully, Lance did as he asked. His boyfriend letting him cuddle up against his side, without making any effort to cuddle him back

"Lance. Even if we fight and you're mad at me. I still love you"

"I know... I'm sorry today messed me up so much"

"I'm like 90 percent sure you don't have to say sorry"

"I do. I kept making you mad and then I got mad at myself"

"No, you don't say"

Lance tensed as he went to escape. Sliding up, Keith rested his head on Lance's shoulder so he couldn't escape

"Baby. I'm joking. Please"

"I can't... my omega is so on edge that I can't tell... every time you say something, I keep waiting to be punished like with Shiro"

"Lance, I'm not going to punish you"

"I know! It's stupid! I'm stupid. Ok. I can't stop myself"

"You're not stupid. I wish you wouldn't talk about yourself like that"

"Then what else would you call it?"

"Stress? Trauma? Confusion? You're not stupid and that's that"

"Then why do I feel stupid?"

"Because you're adorable. Now, can we please go to sleep"

Mumbling something about "not being adorable", Lance wasn't proving him wrong. Not that he could. Every bit of the omega was adorable, even when he was over thinking things. Nuzzling his boyfriend's cheek, Keith pressed a sleepy kiss to it

"I love you baby"

1 note · View note

whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

Text

This COVID

Unfortunately, the nurses and doctors are the ultimate victims and the worst part of the disease is their PTSD.

They, like most military, police, firefighters and EMT, sign up to risk their lives to HELP and SAVE others.

And they can't. This disease isn't intended to but is a by-product or side effect to cause them their own destruction of self, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We have a website set up for them for their mental health -- it wasn't active.. Tree just activated it for y'all.

I apologize for that. So many people are calling them heroes and trying to lift their spirits and it is hard for them.

Like y'all...

Picture this...

Standing in a mass grave, trying to find a body still alive you can save... Help.. A mass grave... So I'm talking hundreds of dead bodies and then y'all be all parade and smile and have fun.

They're too busy trying to find a way to help. Trying to find that one breath from a body in that mass of bodies piled knee high.

They look up "oh them jets..." Same time that happens more bodies are being thrown down in that mass grave So they waist high...

By then them Jets have left just a cloud of memory

It doesn't help... Then they chest high with dead bodies... And they're getting buried alive trying to find a way to help.

Do you see what I'm saying? Can you feel that?!

Then they like man I gotta get outta here before I die myself, being buried alive....

Then who can help them? Is there someone strong enough to pull them out, to SEE THEM before the bodies are piled over their heads??

Doctors and nurses have committed suicide. Because they can't handle it.

Because what has happened... Is this is like a reverse WWII... Hospitals are now Nazi Concentration Camps. And the nurses and doctors are the Nazi just watching every one die.

(Note this is an EXAMPLE for the mind to grasp understanding -- i am not stating the doctor nor nurse ARE Nazi. I am merely making a reference to WWII and gas chambers and so on so people can get the visual understanding of the power of COVID and the pain of people that are opposed to Nazi. When she said "This is Real" it is where my mind went -- to the Holocaust which i know a lot about. I studied it on my own many times in my life. To understand how one person could take over the world. I did. In high school, my Oklahoma History teacher even took away my books because i would ask way too many questions about killing of Native Americans and i would say "but how--" and she said that i had a problem with focusing on the wrong thing and i said "but its happening in our world today!! Politicians and Governments!!" She took away the stack of books i had checked out on WWII and took them to the library and i followed her like pulling her jacket and shirt to stop her. She told the librarian I wasn't allowed to check out anymore books like that because I was a teenager and had unhealthy worries in the world. I burst into tears. "Obviously i have to save the world Because of people like you who won't take it seriously!! You're a Hitler yourself!! And you! I'll talk to you tomorrow!!" I spat to the teacher then librarian. And took off to my last class of the day. The Librarian know who i was and how i had spent hours in the library everyday during lunch and had told her how i said i wanted to compare WWII to the way Native American were treated in Oklahoma. And she printed a list of all the different kinds of books i checked out. Including kindergarten picture books for my own enjoyment. And the teacher apologized. She asked if i wanted to apologize to her for calling her Hitler. I said "not yet" eventually I did. In front of the entire class with an entire one and one eighth of a page of written materials comparing and contrasting her to Hitler and people we read about. I said "in conclusion, she may been an Army woman helping people make long disateraous of what they call walks. Of what i call pilgrimages, across many of what we now know are states, but not to be in charge but to be a comforting vessel during maritime war. A war that was unnecessary on water as it was on land and that is my meaning of using water words instead of land Because indeed i think she is a person we can trust but she may also be one of those people to set off a cannon to a far away ship until she finds out the truth of who is in it. But she certainly isn't a Hitler or someone that would order Native Americans to do the undeeded... She would be one of those to walk aside all Native Americans, help pass out blankets and medication. And so as she has apologized to me for firing up that cannon while I was away at sea to do ky research of course, i shall apologize to her for being upset she did and calling her the worst name possible. Which wasn't bitch. Nor ass hole." 10th grade, y'all.)

It is the worst possible place for a nurse or Doctor that signed up to be a comfort and to SAVE lives to be. The worst possible place.

And i can't help them... There is on the now activated website -- there is a place where they can request military services to come in and relief our nurses and others on the front lines, including police.

You just merely request how many and of what capabilities you need. So if you need just CNA (our hugest amount) or RN or PA or DR or so on and so forth.

They have their own pay scale thus allowing the people being substituted for to receive a special type of paid leave. The military can stay in one place at one time up to 9 weeks.

So also a rotation of 9 weeks on. 9 weeks off.

I apologize i thought it was already set up and available for all. But apparently things wanted to be done differently to try it and see how it works.

Now first is HOSPITALS. Basically if your name has the word Hospital in it. Then you're available. BUT you must have an EMERGENCY ROOM (ER) to qualify.

Now systems... Like Lovelace in Albuquerque has like 4 or 5 ER departments. So they go to the MAIN hospital first Then two weeks after rotate in at say the Heart Hospital then after two weeks the Woman's Hospital then a smaller so on and so forth.

Presbyterian, would begin at MAIN then go to Kirkland then so on and so forth.

This way if someone doesn't want to be treated by military. They have options of seeing regular doctors at the main stem branches.

Also it doesn't have to be a 100% but it can be a 25% so 25% of people take off for 9 weeks. Then another 25% take off for 9 weeks. And so on... So you'd have use of the military for 36 weeks.

It is a charity service.

I recommend that y'all cut hours. So a 40 hour nurse goes go 20 hours -- but stays at full time pay and benefits.

As part of our program, the healthcare and other workers MUST remain fully paid while taking time off. Otherwise we cannot assist.

It is for their hearts, their souls and their tears that we supply such a charity. Thus we cannot create more tears, more heartache nor more stress for these people.

So when making plans, hospital executives, please do keep that in mind.

Also for hospitals that refuse to relieve their workers, we have a system set up so that a nurse/doctor/etc can find a suitable replacement of higher quality according to paper. Similar but more advanced to the system that is used to place substitute teachers to teach hundreds school children per one jr high or high school day. And if the hospital rejects the substitute, then we have a system set up to sue the hospital on behalf of the staff. This system is only provided when a main hotspot refuses help.

Such as NYC. However NY has accepted thousands of National Guard already and Idk what exactly is occurring there but we have many side hospitals set up there.

So this is Never Before Seen shit since the Native American's Massacres (that's why i kept getting in trouble in Oklahoma History... The word Massacre.. Dude... I wasn't gonna pretend it didn't happen, Land O´ Lakes, where's our Indian Lady? The farmers didn't kill her, you did. -.-) and definitely not seen while we had this great amount of technology available to all.

So never before seen shit is gonna occur. I'm like yeah this is what will work professionally. And if they can't come up with something better and reject me, then I'll sue and ill win because they don't care and we got documented workers all over social media crying their eyes out.

She is the first African American I've posted but I've posted at least 4. Crying nurses. And i skip over a lot. I keep scrolling past a lot. I scroll past more than Y'all know that i Don't mention.

But her... She made me want to cry just like all the others. And Just like the others, i had dry eyes. Because we worked and worked and worked till we were all bawling our eyes out, taking heart medicine, whether like mine or just for heart burn. Even the little kids. I can't cry anymore. We made the solution for what and when the emergency pandemic would occur.

Hospitals have lost people due to suicide.

It is now time for me to step in. Or we will not have a doctor or nurse that is both alive and recognizable, they will be destroyed -- inside out -- starting with their hearts of mind.

I have had PTSD due to death of a stranger. I was only 18. And i hated myself for over 10 years.

So im gonna break out one day and call you all stupid for attempting to heal evil.

Because that was what I needed. And no one ever told me. And i got back lash. And i know that every single nurse and doctor that was working as hard as they could -- they needed to vent and hate. And i could be that person.

I smiled. I checked in. "Do they still hate me?" Yes "Good"

I know it helps a heart be healthy to have a place to throw hate. And i knew i would be safe from harm. While hate was thrown at me.

Then i took away me as that object of hate. And still healthcare workers are suffering and they're killing themselves. (They'll get to heaven if they deserve. A nice little break for them. Then they will come back when our other dead does. If they are deserving, if Earth is where they Belong. Otherwise they went directly where they Belong for Eternity)

So a quick fix band aid isn't it. It is as far as we predicted - a reverse WWII.

the sick going in... And causing innocent pain.

Instead of the innocent going in and dying by the professional purposely killing them.

This is the complete opposite.

Jack told me "quit hating on these nurses and doctors!"

Because i would scroll past and say "these fucking nurses. Dam it"

I'm not hating them. I'm hating their situation. I'm hating their inability to cope. Their inability to cope is because their inability to cope is due to their deep humanity... It is a character flaw. It is a curse and a blessing. It is the deepest and most difficult of work to breech that muddy waters, dig deep and find a bridge to drag up and build, there is one there in their souls.. But it is buried deep under much chocolate and flowers and all things good...

Unfortunately while being buried under dead bodies its nearly impossible to fix that bridge. Find that way to overcome the desperation, the HORROR their job has become

Even taking a break can sometimes not help... Sometimes it doesn't. But we include self care and encouraging messages from our military teams that substitute while the people take their time off.

Military are far more apt to be able to deal with dead. Military teams sign up knowing they must kill at certain times. They have a different view of death. They accept it and understand it.

A nurse or Doctor they fight it, that is their job. That is their souls and every hope they have in the world is to save lives.

Military, their job, is to make the world better.

Right now, military is just a better fit.

It's different types of brains. It is just different.

And I am sorry. And unfortunately I do know. I have killed a lot of people by hand, kidnappers caught in the act. I killed Pablo Escobar. Then I got amnesia. And I loaned my friend $500 to bail her boyfriend out of jail. It ended up in a suicide of someone he ratted on. I never got over that. It took a very long time. He was a criminal, yes. But I just never got over that loss of life. If I had never bailed him out... That one guy would still be alive.

So I am very sensitive and very understanding of these healthcare crying and not handling their jobs and killing themselves.

I fully understand it. So yes I will sue on behalf of staff that cannot get relief. I will fight and punch until those hospital executives come up black and blue saying "ok im sorry im sorry we can have substitutes and pay full prices for our staff to stay home and rest"

I may have forgot myself... Prior to age 15... But I remember since then. I know how I have suffered and why.

So I am extremely complex to know and understand.

It doesn't matter if you understand or trust me.

You must care and take a leap of FAITH and not one of suicidal consequences, hospital executives.

Because I understand being buried under dead bodies that I feel responsible for. Hating myself. For something that was never my fault and something I did to be nice. Naïve. I fully understand.

And its revolting, now looking back all I put myself through.

And I swore one day... I swore and I swore. I promised myself. One day im gonna use this all for good. That I can forgive myself.

I already did. I realized I'm not the one that needed to be forgiven. And I'm okay. I'm doing great.

But I remember and I will never forget those sleepless nights... The intense fear I had of myself and of doing anything for any reason. I was terrified. What if I go to the store and I effect someone?

What if I get in a car wreck and hurt some one?

I was terrified. Had I not healed thanks to JJFU. Some one I knew and trusted making guns and I said to him everyday for weeks "how can you make guns knowing someone could be hurt? Don't you think you will feel responsible if someone wrote to you and said a kid was killed with one of your guns? An innocent child playing by accident?"

He said "let me get back to you"

And one day he simply said "i can't control what other people do. If they don't lock up their guns or weapons and ammunition seperate. I can't control what a kid does. I hope no one ever gets hurt wrongly and unjustifiable with a gun i produce and make by hand. But, Sabrina, i can not control what other people do. And it isn't my fault what happens after the guns leave my hands and enter another's"

And this air i had been holding in since I was 18 years old just went out of my chest. And i started crying. And crying and i cried for days.

And he said "why are you keep crying? Who are you crying for?"

And I said "i am crying for ME"

"But why?! What did you do to someone so bad?!"

"Cause I hated myself for something I couldn't control.I hated ME. I refused to Love Me. I refused to Trust ME. And now I can cry for me because of what I Lost because I was an ignorant fool, to care too much beyond my control."

3 years later my friend was murdered. I could had prevented that, too. But I didn't get PTSD. Instead i chose to love him and be proud of him. And love us both for doing what was best for us.

I have both the obituary of David Galloway and Justin hanging in my kitchen. One gave me PTSD. One could have. I look at them both. And I say "I love me. But I can love you two and you can love me because I never wanted either one of you to be hurt"

Or I'll walk by "I can imagine you two are fine where you are today. Sorry I'm busy. But I hope you're happy and okay"

One is Zulululu and one is Human. The Zulululu, I got PTSD. He was a selfish drug addict that killed himself leaving behind two kids and a wife just because he didn't want to go to jail. The other was murdered and the last time I saw him, he asked to live with me. The latter should caused my PTSD. HE DESERVED MY PTSD.

But I didn't.

So military is better equipped to handle what is occurring in hospitals. Nurses do need time off even if the military does just set up new temporary hospital

Healthcare workers NEED treatment for what they have seen and gone through.

And I will fight for every single one to get the help they deserve and the time off they need.

Because I know they deserve it. I know they need It. I know how dangerous it is to overlook a simple day in the life of what they have had in the last few weeks.

Throwing them parties. Its kind, and it's sweet.

But it doesn't help anything, it doesn't help anything when the anguish and the PTSD has already set in. Sometimes it makes it worse..

So yeah I get pissed off they're not being helped and it comes out wrong.

So now its time to do it right.

This nurse asks y'all to stay home.

So y'all tell her you will if you will, tell her you can't because you got to go to work and you tell her where (like Gas Station, not the whole address) and y'all be responsible for you and your actions..

We can't control the world. But we can work together to make it better.... Right...?

I think so.

Or we're all gonna die trying.

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chloemill · 5 years

Text

On jury duty, a Tinder date and what’s in my coat pocket

GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM/BALTIMORE/AMERICA depending on your taste in entertainment!

It has been, honestly, a fucking eternity since I last wrote and by that I mean about two years maybe? I don’t know how any of us POSSIBLY carried on that long without hearing my bullshit thoughts in a long-form medium. I did okay because lucky for me, I get to hear said thoughts running through my head 24 fucking 7, which is why I have emotional problems best addressed with a mental health professional - BUT! We beat on, blogs against the current

Seeing as I just rolled back into town, I’ll give a brief State of the Union: I work in fitness now, which is, as you might’ve guessed, an absolutely thrilling environment for someone extremely fraught with body image issues! Just kidding.* It’s going rather well, I think. I waited tables for three plus years, and those of you who have ever interacted with me for more than 30 seconds are probably aware that I am... shall we say... not the right fit for the profession. I’m pretty good at turning it on and pretending like I give a shit (I have a very expensive degree in the theatrical arts to prove it) up to a point. But then people start acting like assholes and my tolerance level for that tomfoolery is subzero, so I really can’t be messing around in in the restaurant industry anymore. I’m pretty sure they don’t miss me, either, though.

More life updates - I am single now which, of course, means I have been on Tinder and as the prophet Troye Sivan once said, My My My! do I have thoughts on that. I’m thinking actually that maybe I should do a full post on it? Yes? Later? Tell me if I should so I actually do it because we all know I can’t motivate myself to type anything longer than 280 characters. Names and pictures will be blocked out to protect the innocent BUT, as a teaser, I will tell you briefly about one date I went on a few months ago. We had a perfectly lovely time getting drinks and chatting and I was like wow what a grand old time that was! The next day I went back to his profile to stalk him a little more and saw that, in the twelve hours since last we saw each other, HE ADDED “Still looking for someone that meets my high standards!” TO HIS BIO and proceeded to (unsuccessfully) hit me up for sex three (3) nights in a row. Naturally, I ghosted him because 1. k and 2. ……..k? He is currently a law student at a very Prestigious™ school so hopefully he can meet a maiden fair in those hallowed halls that meets these elevated standards. Apparently the bar was set a little lower for after-hours activities, but everyone’s gotta compromise somewhere I guess

NOW THAT THE UPDATES ARE OVER, it’s only fair that I tell you about my day. Those of you who are following along on Twitter (colloquially known as The Hellsite) might already know that I am currently being a beacon of truth, power and JUSTICE at jury duty. This, somewhat embarrassingly, was my fourth, count ‘em FOURTH summons. My first, which I think was in 2017?, I postponed because I was out of town. The second - which honestly I was planning to not mention until about thirty seconds ago when I decided, fuck it - I straight up forgot about until I found the paper a few months after the date and was like “hm, surely this isn’t bad enough to warrant jail?” and forgot about it again. The third I postponed yet again because my parents were in town and didn’t they deserve the pleasure of their eldest daughter’s company for a few goddamned days, after all they’ve done for me? And then the great city of New York sent me a letter in the mail saying “get your negligent ass down here and schedule a time in person or we are going to smack you down HARD with the hand of the law” (I have loosely paraphrased but this was the gist).

So in maybe November-ish, I went downtown, straight up terrified I was going to get fined or in trouble somehow or something, but they just politely let me pick a day to serve and were like ok, see you then, loser! Frankly, the most significant thing about that day was going through the metal detector on my way in. They don’t make you take your coat off (nice!) but you do have to empty your coat pockets (boo!) but I didn’t have anything in my pockets (nice!) so I started walking through. Just before I did, though, the security guard asked me to check my pockets one more time, and as I am a Woman Of The Law now, I obliged. Turns out there was something small in my pocket, felt kinda like paper but I figured hey, may as well take it out just in case! Reader, I wish I was joking when I tell you I pulled a goddamn (unused) at-home UTI testing strip out of my pocket in front of God and everyone. I don’t know why I had it in my pocket and I don’t know how long it had been there, but there it was, plain as fucking day and marked in BIG OL’ LETTERS for the world to read. To make matters worse, they’d already sent my bag through the x-ray, so I had nowhere to stash it. With what I can only assume was primal, animalistic terror in my eyes, I scanned the area for a trash can, but found nothing. So I was forced to gingerly place my UTI testing strip in this poor security guard’s hand - a man just trying to make an honest living, who asked for none of this - and the eye contact we made was some I won’t soon forget.

Needless to say, today I TRIPLE checked my coat pockets (one check for every jury duty summons I rebuffed, how apropos!) before walking through the x-ray and we thankfully, we suffered no similar surprises. I have been in this room for about five hours, plus an unnecessarily long lunch break. Highlights include, but are not limited to:

1. The EXTREMELY early 2000s video they make you watch explaining how a courtroom works, featuring many actors saying things like “No further questions, your honor.” and “The jury has reached a verdict!” and “We are showing you this because you are all idiots and you can do absolutely fucking nothing about it”

2. The man next to me who is snoring loudly. I hope wherever he is right now, it’s peaceful

3. The minor lap dance I recently gave said sleeping man next to me whilst trying to climb over him to walk to the water fountain without waking him up (fortunately or, depending how you feel about me, unfortunately for him he didn’t wake up)

4. An elder several rows in front of me who keeps hacking so loudly I want to escort him to the nearest urgent care :(

5. The first hour of waiting, when I, scrolling Twitter, clicked a video of those stupid fucking Covington Catholic school boys without realizing my volume was all fucking way up and a muffled “IT’S NOT RAPE IF YOU LIKE IT” played from my phone in this silent ass room for all my fellow Americans to hear. Sorry guys

6. Had a nice salad a little bit ago

7. Wrote this

8. Only a couple hours left!

9. But they haven’t called a SINGLE name which probably means I’ll have to come back tomorrow :(

10. I’ve forgotten what the original premise of this list was so it’s time to stop

If I’m stuck here again tomorrow all day in this dry ass dusty ass room that makes my eyes hurt, I will surely post again. If they have mercy and release me, well, let’s hope I’ll post again because honestly it took two years to get to this point and it took being trapped in the same room for six hours for me to crank this out. Till next time - take care of yourselves, fuck those MAGA kids and please remember to check your pockets before you approach a metal detector

*I am not kidding

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