#That I found it to stupid to be upset by

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Today something inconsequential happened. My instinct was to cry about it in the bathroom, but I said "No! this is a stupid thing you aren't even upset about! Why would you cry over that?" and I was like "you are absolutely right. It's not worth crying over!"

I then proceeded to cry for half an hour about being so emotional.

#kazzy's diary #this is literally how my brain works. #i cry about things that don't matter and then feel stupid for getting so upset about them #so then i cry over getting so upset #story time though: #i was praying about the fact that i was crying in church #a lot of Christians wish they could hear God talk to them but I've found He usually doesn't do that unless He's rebuking me. otherwise I #just read his word #anyways this time I started talking to God in my head and I was like 'you said somewhere in your word that you keep all my tears in a bottle #'even the stupid ones?' and I'm pretty sure i heard God say 'yes even the stupid ones.' #i mean really now that i think about it what have any of us ever gone through on earth and cried over that an eternal God WOULDN'T be right #to look at and go 'this was a stupid one.' #and brothers and sisters. God treasures ALL the stupid tears. #kazzy teaches in the tags

[meowydoe]

Had a nightmare for like the first time in soo long & I forgot how genuinely terrifying they were I’m like actually shaken up

#i can barely remember anything but it was one of those dangerous-man-in-the-school dreams but they already- #-found him and. took him into the library with my class (who ig he killed a girl from) for whatever reason?? #and then he kept jumping out & attacking someone which made a weird video game ‘restart’ screen appear #& then it. kept happening like around seven times? idk i didnt count #i know it sounds really stupid here but when you’re in a dream you think ‘thats a dangerous man and he’s in the- #-same room as me and now he’s jumping out & attacking my classmates oh no’ thats pretty scary when your- #-brain is convinced it’s real #ginger.txt #also the man kinda looked like wolf which upset me because wolf would never do that to me

[nightfallsystem]

u guys ever think about killing urself for everyone elses sake.

just so people wont have to go thru the annoyance of talking to me or the disgust of seeing my face so they can be happier by talking to their other friends instead of me so they dont have to deal with my actual fucking stupidity

#tw vent #tw suicide #ingnore this. btw. or dont i cant stop you lol #imsso close to cutitng off everyone i know so they can be happier i alreadyblocked a few people i knewnow ionly know one person irl #imf so glad she found other people so she'll be completely fine if i disappear out of her life her life sounds like its going great actuall #ruining my life ^_^ #i dont want to talk to people but for their sake #IM GENUINELY SO FUCKING STUPID AND UPSETTING TO TALK TO . #does anyone even love me anymore #im probably doign this for my own selfish reasons #i dont go outside anymore for everyone else sake. so they dont have to see my ugly face. or deal with my awful speech #at least i can still draw.... only way i can mkae people happy.. #im mean to myself more than anyone else is mean to me at htis point. why #im not even capable of becoming mentally well at hthis point. im a lost cause #tell me what you rlly think . just tell me to shut the fuck up. just call me annoying. whatever u say cant be worse than what i do to mysel #pleasee im just dragging u down and making u feel worse whenever u tlak to me DO YOU NOT REALISE IT #i dont want to feel better for myself i want to feel better so i can be useful to others #i fucking hate people but i love them a lot . i gues i just hate how i affect others. social outcast i guess

[battle-subway-ghost]

I’m going to fucking bite this white boy so help me I will actually do it this time

#I just got back and I’m being held HOSTAGE #Not actually. rival is pissed off at me fror not treating my burn wounds before getting on the plane #they’re not even that bad a darumaka can’t hurt me too much #he also got upset when he found out I prioritized getting sand oit of my shit before my own burns. fucking whatever #look man cinccino will resort to violence if they’re not clean (me too) and sand isn’t good for Bisharp at all #so at some point you might as well just get it through with in one go y’know #(I wouldn’t have even brought out Cash or Gil at the resort if it weren’t for this stupid motherfucker who taught their stoutland howl #pkmn irl #pokemon irl #rotumblr #pokemon rp #pokeblogging #pokeblog rp #rotomblr #rival tag

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Oh god I just finished Book 2 and it was so bad… I went into this with an open mind just like I did with Book 1 and god did I hate this. Clem just annoyed the hell out of me for the entire book. I liked everyone BUT her, Ricca and Morro. And I don’t even hate Morro she just showed up randomly to say weird ominous shit and then went to do her walker autopsies. Idk… it just sucked so hard. I miss Amos.

I've reread it and I'm working on my review so I won't go into a whole spiel but yeah. I mean, I still think I like Book Two over Book One... until we get to chapter 7. It has the same problem as Book One where the ending is just bad.

Clementine still feels out of character when you compare her to game Clementine, but she's consistent with Book One Clementine. I get what her character's supposed to be and why she's going through these things, why she approaches things the way she does but it makes it hard to enjoy when you have context from the games. I've already seen Clementine grow up and face hardships in the apocalypse, and the games have the advantage of showing all that across four games whereas this series only gets three books, so we don't have time to waste, y'know?

But Morro was the biggest wasted opportunity, like... what a disappointment. When I read it the first time, I was giving my first reactions in chat with Pi and we were both like, "So it's gonna be revealed that Morro's actually doing science experiments on walkers, right?" but no.... she's literally just doing autopsies like c'mon, walker science experiments and abominations would've been amazing!

And Ricca... honestly, I like the idea of Ricca because let's be real, a lot of us wear glasses or contacts or have some sort of vision impairment, myself included, and a zombie apocalypse would suck! If my glasses broke and I had no means of getting a new pair and it's the zombie apocalypse, I'm dead. And Book One set up this interesting story where Ricca's brother was an abuser who purposely broke her glasses so that she had no choice but to rely on him, then when she finally found pair that worked, she left him. But now her eyesight is worsening, and that's scary, that's something I could sympathize with...... but it's almost treated like an inconvenience? Because her and Clementine's relationship is the emotional drama that takes stage and frankly, I don't like clemricca. Not just because it's not clouis. I went into it with an open mind wanting to ship it but... meh.

I don't like how Ricca's like, "I'll wait for you," and then later she gets butthurt because Clementine won't get on the same level as her fast enough. Clementine doesn't owe Ricca anything, y'know? But Ricca is like "I love you, and I know you love me too, but I need you to love me always, not start and stop. It's not fair, you want me to wait for the impossible!?" Stop trying to guilt her when she's clearly not ready for a relationship? I get the frustration but c'mon.

And then there's chapter 9 which... I'm honestly this close to losing my shit with people. I don't think I've ever been as disappointed or disgusted of the fandom than I have seeing people send threats to Tillie on her instagram over chapter 9. She posted about how Book Two released AND she gave birth to her son on Oct 4th, and you go to the comments and there are just people calling her a pedophile and writing threats-

On a post. From Tillie. About the birth of her son. What the hell is wrong with you???

And then there are people just straight up LYING about shit.

I read a comment on reddit where someone compared Clementine Book Two to 50 Shades of Grey because there's an explicit sex scene and uhm NO??? There's absolutely nothing explicit, Ricca is not like Christian Grey like?? What the fuck is wrong with you? It's like these people read the summaries on the wiki- WHICH BY THE WAY if any of you happen to see this screenshot circulating anywhere-

^this is not a real quote, this is obviously fake.

Please don't mindlessly believe people on the internet about shit, especially when they themselves haven't actually read it.

Anyway, it's like people read the wiki summaries and decided to spread false and exaggerated information about the comic because they want to paint it in the worst light possible to trick people and it's working and I'm so...UGH.

Sorry to nosedive into this but it pisses me off. There's a lot to discuss about chapter 9- shit, there's a lot of criticism to be had with Book Two, and I will go over everything in my review, but for right now I'll just say yep, Book Two isn't very good.

I miss Amos, too.

#asks #twdg clementine #clementine book two #i'm so upset with the fandom on reddit and instagram #which is stupid because they're not worth it but my brain can't comprehend it like why are all of you like this? who hurt you? #also when i would going through reddit i found someone misquoting *me* which was the wildest thing? i don't have a reddit account sksksk #but then i happen to find a comment like 'she said this' and that's not what i said?? unreal i can't #i knew book two's release would bring a shit storm but oh my god at this point i hope tillie just kills clementine off in book three #as a final fuck you #i know she won't because clem's no use to skybound dead but it would be so fucking funny #i don't think anyone but me would find it funny though i think people would rage and ruin my fun #anyway in-depth review to come but feel free to send in asks about it

[shopcat]

honestly just think that like people metaphorically plugging their ears about a character's literal characterisation at least in most cases ends up just being cyclical and corrosive to your own analytical thinking and ability to be critical in that sense like MAYBE I'M too autistic for this for real but for Me like yes there's character moments that frustrate me and i feel its out of character so to speak and yes i do think like steve was abandoned by the narrative just as much as many other characters were i think the duffers cannot and never have been able to juggle an ensemble cast and the casting itself are their only saving grace in that but like. to me we can examine choices and speculate possible... variations or future options/choices/whatever for the most satisfying narrative TIL WE DIE and it IS fun and i love doing it but also the facts have already been PRESENTED you can't change what has actually happened you can only like accept it and move on or not accept it and realise you don't love that character you love the idea of them in your head 😭 does that make sense. like there are moments in s4 that make me want to rip my hair out sure. but i physically cannot hate any of the characters for it i find that. .. silly. like i've seen people say they hate steve for the 6 kids speech like HELLO!!! that scene is so INTERESTING all his scenes with nancy in s4 are so interesting to think about and potentially engaging WHILST acknowledging that from a real world perspective it is tired writing of the same old story where both characters are being treated with just like literally disrespect. you know what i meannnnnn.

#like to keep using that example you already know he DID say that you can't just canon divergence your way out of this one !!!! he did say #those things. and for a reason too. and now u get to think OF THOSE REASONS!!! and there's so many.... and multiple can be true.... but it #HAPPENED that IS steve now that IS his characterisation because he DID say that. so #if you Are frustrated by it for some reason which i personally never was i just found it like a bit silly sometimes maybe but i love him so #i was like aw. you weirdo. but if you ARE frustrated u get to apply what you do know about his character to see all sides of the .. story.. #use what u know to filter through what you think is going on there........... stop thinking of it in terms of the duffers murdering them #bc that will just make everyone upset. the duffers are stupid and also freaks <3 #sts

[constantvariations]

Lady's line "I'm just gonna double check" while walking off after everyone's finally in one place always confused me, but what if that's her cover for going someplace quiet to have a complete breakdown? Hell, it could be code for Trish, Lady, and Dante. Lord knows they all need a good cry now and then

#devil may cry #i get this is family drama: the game series but im still upset that lady and trish get glossed over so horrendously #theyre family too dammit!! #let them have more presence in the story!! #their stories are just as compelling and interesting but theyre barely allowed to be anything more than eye candy #tho i will say that trish not bullshitting V and Lady being a big sister to Nero are amazing scenes and i want the boys to return the favor #nero commissions a gun for lady w some stupid meme and it instantly becomes her favorite weapon #vergil is ofc awkward abt everything but the moment he finds out she enjoys smth he leaves gifts wherever she will find them #whether its chocolates or phone charms or special ammo he'll get it for her and they never speak abt it ever #give me awkward complex and highly traumatized found family or give me death

[succliberation]

Logging back in for one post cuz holy fucking shit.

I absolutely fucking despise vegans with every bone in my fucking body. These mother-fuckers literally compare their moral inability to cope with animal suffering to the civil right’s movement and women’s suffrage. These fucking retards think that campaigning against factory farms is just as important as campaigning for my right to vote. I am infinitely more valuable than every single cow that has ever existed, and I am one woman who has a vote. Stuff every broomstick up your ass if you think that women’s suffrage and animal ‘rights’ are comparable. No fucking braindead retard would ever say that men’s suffrage is the same as animal rights, it’s only women that ever have to deal with this shit.

These low-IQ wastes of oxygen compare speciesism to actual racism and think they’re doing something. I hate fucking ‘moral vegans’ to the goddamn core. Go end child slavery or spend all this time and money ending human suffering instead of comparing factory farming to the actual holocaust on the internet. I would torture 1000 animals to improve the quality of life for one fucking human being, and I don’t give a shit. If you’re really committed to ending animal suffering, then go feed yourself to a starving carnivore. I’m sure they’ll care lots about how much suffering their food goes through as they eat you alive.

99% of vegan documentaries are just grossing people out with animal gore to try to get them to feel so squeamish that they don’t want to eat meat anymore. Cry about it more, losers, I’d watch a thousand cows bleed out and still eat as many burgers as I want. Get an argument that actually makes sense instead of comparing un-sentient experiences and some moaning when animals die to actual real thinking people who experience actual bigotry and/or low quality of life and/or unjust death.

#the only arguments for veganism i have ever seen that are even remotely convincing #are the ones that actually focus on the human health benefits #everything else is just getting upset at animals being in pain #which is stupid to try to shame other humans for #because they dont get as upset as you do #im just trying to find one atheist community that is actually normal #and i thought i found one... nope! #full of fanatical vegans who actually unironically believe in speciesism #they unironically compare tortured cows to women campaigning for votes #and think thats a normal and humanizing line of thought

[echoesofadream]

IM GONNA KILL MYSELF I DIDNT KNOW JUNGKOOK CHNAGED IT INTO HER FOR THE RAP PARTS I MAKE HER NEVER THINK ABOUT CHAEATING. I really thought he sang him. changing pronouns of a lyric is all the bad things about civilization and society and heteronormative and homophobic (bc if youre that fucking scared of being perceived as gay that you have to change the song) and like kind of praxis of affirming your gender so strongly like you have to sing from a “males/females” perspective (which is homophobic too that the male perspective sings about woman and vice versa) so disappointed in you jungkook !!!!!!! you made a girl so happy when I thought you sang I make him never think about cheating! it fit you so well boy 

besides men are the ones who cheat so it doesnt even make sense

#I thought he just didnt pronounce it so well.... #but now I realize hes singing her... #very clearly.. #I know his pronunciation is so good for this song but I thought since it wasnt his part that he didnt pronounce the rap part that well #im so sad! and upset! about this! #its ok hes living into the character of the music video where the love interest is a girl its ok im okay affirmaiton #actually the only reason I found out about this is bc apparently on inkigayo he sang him but not the other stages #this is os sad! #he really went out his way to change pronoun #I thought he was one of those people who would never care about that #and #like this isnt about singing her in the first place its about changing pronouns of original lyrics #he can sing about her thats different #like I think changing pronouns to make it gay is equally stupud #stupid #im just gonna sing the song as it is

[tonyzilla]

holy shit so much has gone bad today rant in tags

#not even js today #this past idk #I do cheer and oh my god #my mom was so fucking upset when I said that I don't have a skirt uniform #like????? I have a boys uniform????????? #screaming into the tag void #js found out the man I've looked up to for 8 fucking years of my life is having the ROUGHEST rough patch #and it's affecting his family my family etc etc #I wanna quit everything #I'm losing hope in people #why is everyone bad everyone used to be good #ughghhghghghhghhhhhhhhhghgh #it's been a hard few weeks #fuck that it's been a hard few years #I'm so tired of literally everything I feel unmotivated I feel gross I feel like a loser and I feel stupid #I don't have a bright side this time guys I'm sorry lol #I usually have a bright side #but everything is bad like really #a teacher died #no one will listen #I wish I could stop being the positive friend #it's so tiring being so fucking bubbly all the time #and when I talk no one listens but when I don't talk they say I look like I feel awful and I usually do but it's not anything they can #control so I need to be positive so they're not worried because that's bad for them and if something's not normal then it's bad and it's al #my fault #sorry guys lol I'll get back to normal posting and art stuff soon I promise

[kosmicfeelings]

I wait for you

;Alex G

#alex’s diary #I knew there would be a day where we wouldn't be together anymore.. I just didn't think it would be that soon. #I'll never understand the ending of us. I'll never understand how it came to be. I'll never understand any of it #I wish they'd understand why I'm upset at them. The ending of us left me confused and lost. Wondering why did you go quiet on me #quiet on me without saying anything before closing the door? #I reread our text messages and I don't understand. How can I ever understand when you said these certain things to me? #To make me feel so loved and cared for and understood only for you to leave in a way. #While I'm trying to trick myself into believing that you still love me - I know you don't. not anymore. #You said you'd always love me.. but oh what a sweet lie that was you gave to me. I was stupid enough to fall for it. #I foolishly still hope that some small part of you still loves and misses me. #But incase you find yourself wanting to come back.. know I'll still be here.. waiting for you. #I meant it that day when I said I'll wait for you. #There will be a day where I've moved on.. but I'll still love you nonetheless.. I'll still find bits and pieces of me missing you #How can I move on after the things we've been through? I mean.. I know I will one day but today is not that day #I'm still lost and confused and upset. #I know I wasn't the best for the last few months we talked... but all I needed was help.. not from you obviously.. I just needed a therapis #Which I have found and she's helping me. but I wish you didn't have to walk away. I wish you didn't have to call me draining. #I'm sorry I was.. I wish I wasn't like that. Maybe if I was someone different you'd still be here. #I want to stop loving you so bad but I can't. it feels impossible to stop loving you. I hate it. Do you want the same but can't get it? #I know you once loved me so that should be enough. #I wish it was just me and you again. I wish it was just us. I miss when it was. #I hope wherever you go you find happiness and love. I hope you forever chase your dreams and that you catch them one day #I thank you for everything that you have given me. #I'm sorry we ended the way we did. I wish we didn't have to come to end. #But sometimes things must end for the world to become bigger. For us to follow a new path. For us to grow and blossom bigger than before #Just know. even though I'm upset and confused. I'll always love and miss you. and I'll wait for you.. I'll wait for you till we meet again #no matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you. #im sorry for everything. #I think I'll always miss you forever like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

[innocentimouto]

Was Levi justified in assaulting Historia in attempt to frighten her into submission when she didn't immediately agree to become the queen?

Justified isn't the word I would use. I think the problem with this is that people see this and use it to say Levi abused her, or that Levi resorts to violence at every turn.

Both are false. Many times throughout the series, Levi doesn't resort to violence or even anger at times where you would expect it. When Mikasa disobeys him and he gets injured, she not only endangered herself, he got injured saving her. That later prevented him from fighting Annie later on and in the manga you see him frustrated by that.

At the very least, you could expect some anger for disobeying orders. He just lectures her. The same thing happens later with Jean. For one, Levi doesn't even bring it up. There's the even more obvious one of when that soldier Dieter disobeyed orders, called them heartless, got his friend killed, and made them dump the bodies. To this day, I'm shocked Levi offers comfort, not scorn, anger, or criticism---comfort.

He's seen so many comrades die. To have more die over something so easily avoidable, a death so pointless, which he hates, and to not resort to anger? The healthier reaction would be to become angry.

So he doesn't resort to violence at every turn, but yes, he does resort to it at times. It's one of the main reasons I'm fascinated by Levi. It's so easy to say he isn't complex, that he's just an op character. But it's things like this that make it hard to understand him at first glance.

Someone who resorts to violence should have punched Dieter. No one would have said anything. Someone who resorts to violence should have gotten in Mikasa's face after she blamed him for Eren's capture right after he passed his squad's dead bodies, after she disobeyed orders and got him injured (not saying this to demonize her; she didn't know what happened to his squad presumably).

To choose to be understanding and take the role of a captain, of someone strong enough to offer advice and stability in dire situations---that is who Levi is.

So with that being said, did he have to do that to Historia? Maybe, maybe not. What I think would have happened had he not would be she would spend a long time resisting the role of being queen until someone made her understand forcefully. I can't see her warming up to the idea instantly. She probably would too late, when more people have died, when she's forced to see the start of what would happen if she weren't queen.

Some people criticize her for not being willing, but that's a huge thing to ask a teenager. I completely understand her hesitance. Levi did too. But they didn't exist in a world where one was allowed the luxury to avoid a role bigger than what they're prepared for.

The reason Levi so desperately wanted her to accept is because it would save them from a civil war. It would save so many lives. It would be bloodless. All the sacrifices up to that point would have been meaningless because they would be too caught up in fighting each other. Not to mention Reiner and Bertholdt could have returned at any point while this was happening.

Levi just returned from torturing someone. A person within the walls, his own people, the people he fought for every time he left the walls. How invalidating it must have felt. Who exactly was he fighting for if he had to continue torture people like that?

I imagine Levi joined the Survey Corps with hopes that his strength could be used for good. That he could escape the death and misery of the Underground where his strength was used for survival, where he witnessed violence and death that never seemed to end. That he could be more than that type of person. He could use that strength and experience to help people for a change, instead of harming people to survive.

All this, plus learning titans were really humans, it's almost like Levi would never actually stop being the person he was Underground. Someone who hurt others for his right to live. More pointless deaths. More violence that no one really wanted.

If Historia didn't become queen, this would continue.

Levi is compassionate. Levi fights for humanity. Levi hates pointless deaths. Historia becoming queen would be one of the first choices they would make that would have almost no sacrifices. I imagine Levi or anyone in the Survey Corps for years would lose it if such a chance wasn't taken.

One weird thing I did notice is that Jean takes out for Historia, saying she finally got to be her own person but now she would be forced into another role. While this is incredibly sweet of him, and great storytelling to recognize how a character suffers, this is only ever applied to her.

And well, later Annie, but I dislike almost everything about season 4 anyway.

Armin never wanted to join the Survey Corps. Majority of the kids didn't. They were terrified. I doubt even the adult soldiers enjoy fighting a losing battle against the titans for years. So many characters have to take on rolls that they shouldn't, that burdens them.

Yet everyone acts like this only applies to Historia, that Levi forced her into this role when the alternative was probably being on the run for the rest of her life anyway.

So technically yes, Levi was justified because so much was at stake, but I do feel bad for Historia. But I'll be honest, I find it very interesting that this is brought up more than him kicking Eren like 20 times. He didn't even hurt Historia. I'm still upset this was removed from the anime. If they wanted to remove anything, they should have removed kicking Eren or at least reduce it because that was so brutal.

#Levi Ackerman #Snk #Shingeki no Kyojin #Historia Reiss #I'm still confused why Isayama seems to like Levi hurting Eren and only Eren #kick the kid in the face that many times but then nope this man actually has an immense amount of patience around people doing stupid thing #yes yes I know it was the plan #that he had to wait until the MPs spoke #but still #didn't like it #the only reason I'm not more upset that isayama dropped Levi being a mentor to Eren #is because he may have found another excuse for Eren to get brutalized #Eren gets thrown by Mikasa #by Hannes #by Annie #seriously Isayama why #all in one season too this isn't talked about enough

[actual-corpse]

I just realized that it's been too long since I got engulfed in soft fandom...

Might fuck around and find some Porter Gage x Male Sole Survivor soft porn shit or something Idfk

#porter gage #i havent really felt emotionally healed enough to play video games #the night that I fucked everything up with my now ex I was playing Skyrim #and I was upset that he never took me out to dinner anymore so I got upset and went for a drive #I came back and the house was full of noise that I didnt want #i wasnt asked if anyone could come over so i wasnt prepared #i got heated and acted really stupid #and then I yelled at him #and that was it #and now I really dont feel comfortable trying to play video games #especially since he threw it in my face one time bc I didnt take care of a task that he couldve done #... i havent really thought much about it since it happened #it hurts #a lot #i actually tried to hang myself the day it happened #drove out to the lake and found a secluded trail #i didnt do it right and had too many chances to change my mind #the last time I freed myself I managed to rip my helix piercing (not out... I just restarted a year of healing) #called my mom and drove home with blood pouring down my ear #until very recently I had regretted every day I lived... especially after I went off on a couple of stupid boys who wouldnt stfu in class #then had to deal with all that #so I went to the doctor and got liquid tests #on citalopram and vitamin D3 #i feel a little better now #still have to contend with hormonal shifts making me irritable #so i try to handle that to keep from fucking up again #i dont like that it still hurts #and i havent done one of the things i love (play videogames aside from Sims 4) #i just want to feel important to someone you know? #and I kind of had it for a while

[chaosandthe-deadblog]

aaahhhh. i never learn

#vent #yersonal #one of my friends i sorta kinda was starting to have romantic feelings for is dating another one of my friends and i found out just now #and it is a STUPID amatonormative thing to be upset about and i am not in the right here #but man. #why am i always left out of everything #why is everyone else so much better at life than i am #i missed my chance and thats fine but i really liked her. it feels like everyone else just knows things i dont or does things i can never do #im not in the right here i just wish for once just One Time my feelings were reciprocated by someone

[arthur-r]

tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed. possibly for the rest of my life. and my last time in my room possibly for the rest of my life. and i want to just get a good night’s sleep to be ready for a long day tomorrow but it’s really not working out like that.

#my family is still up in the air maybe selling this house within the next month #in which case i will never be in this room ever again. otherwise i will be back for the holidays so there’s still a month of this bedroom #if we sell the house in the spring instead (only rational option there’s no way we can empty it in time) #especially since i will not be in this house whatsoever until after that sell date. my mom all by herself can’t empty it all #anyway i’m struggling a bit. saying goodbye to my home of 14 years???? #i’ve been through a lot in this place and most of it is bad memories but like. every good memory i have is from here too…. #and everyone i know irl is staying local i’m the only one who’s leaving. one irl friend is going to the same school as me but we had a fight #within the past month and i don’t think we’re ever going to recover because she just kind of never treated me like a person #so i’m starting from scratch and it’s really.. like fuck i want to get out of here but i’m also not at all ready to actually leave #i’m just going to miss all the stupid little things so much. even my online memories are tied to this place #like the woods down the street where my deer friends live and the ditch i fell into back in the day and all the places i’ve gotten lost #and they’ll be right here waiting for me and i’m SO excited for college i am but why does it have to feel so sudden???? #i dont know how anyone does it.. and all my friends are going to colleges in their hometown so i don’t even have anyone to compare with #i found out today that if we keep the house through the winter my mom is planning on using my room as a guest room and office. and of course #that makes sense and everything but now i have the most crushing guilt for not cleaning it up well enough. i thought it would be okay and #i’d just have to deal with it when i come back and i didn’t know she wanted to use it and she’s going to box up all of my things without me #and i feel guilty that i didn’t do that and i feel scared and upset because it’s my things and my room i don’t want it to change #i’m just really anxious and sad and scared and i don’t know what to do. school is going to be good but none of this feels real or normal #and i just feel sick and scared and i don’t know what to do. waking up at 8am and leaving at 9am and moving in at 2pm and that will be it #my mom and sister are staying for a couple days and that will be good i hope. i dont know i feel so conflicted about everything #and i’m tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed and i just want to take a week off and come back alive again #and i guess that’s what i’m about to do.. after i move in there’s eight days before college starts and all i’ll be doing is moving in #(and welcome week activities. and a lot of sleeping. but hopefully i’m gonna get a rollator through a loan program and that will help a lot) #anyway here’s what’s going on. i’m going to maybe try to sleep i guess. but if anyone has advice or encouragement about moving to college.. #now is the time i really need it. it’s just so strange and conflicted and everyone i know has been telling me i just need to get out of here #and myself included i really want to get out of here. but how can i start anew when everyone i’ve loved is shattered. and what have you #think i have to listen to that song for long enough to remember how badly i want to leave…. #i’m just really not feeling well. i’m angry that i never got to have the childhood i deserved #because now i’m leaving and that means it’s officially over…. i’m just really not feeling well. i think i’m running out of tags…. #i hope you all are well. i’ll be around in the morning maybe.. i’m not sure. hope everyone has a good night

[theskyexists]

remember rewatching the part in strikers a couple years ago in which nanoha goes to save vivio, her adopted daughter, who is a girl of FIVE forced to become a magical super weapon no longer in control of her body and nanoha has to beam her so incredibly powerfully that nanoha becomes permanently disabled to a small degree and nanoha KNEW of that risk (could easily have been worse) and i was literally CRYING even with completely forgotten context because SOMEHOW this is just this series’ specialty where the most emotional moment is when Nanoha pulls it ALL OUT to stop somebody and in doing so saving them andhere it is extra powerful because vivio is calling out for nanoha to save her and nanoha can only do that by hurting her

SHES FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#im gonna rewatch that now #also thepart where nanoha is CRYING because vivio was kidnapped and Fate comforts her on the roof #just - this anime got it - dont do stupid fanservice high school SHIT #get out the whips! the child abuse! the clone experiments!!! the ancient weaponry that takes over your body and mind! #makes people into weapons against their will! #get out the kids fighting desperately!! the self-sacrifice!!! the fucking tragedy!!! the love!!!! #get yourself some cool fucking ai sci fi weapons get yourself actually good fucking action with sky high stakes get yourself characters tha #man #but really - dont watch nanoha lol #i just wish gundam had followed up on its promise........... #my stuff #personal #GOD I JUST REWATCHED THE CLIP WHERE NANOHA FINDS FATE AND VIVIO IN HER BED AND GOES TO GET UP AND VIVIO IS UPSET IN HER SLEEP THAT SHES NOT #THERE SO SHE PICKS HER UP AND PUTS HER NEXT TO FATE AND THEY INSTANTLY CUDDLE AND NANOHA IS LIKE :O :D #shut uppppp #and the one where vivio falls which was removed from youtube -_- but i found it and nanoha is like no you can get up yourself and then fate #in her adorable soft voice and military black shirts is like No you can't nanoha she's too small!!!! and goes to pick her up and hug her an #Nanoha is like Fate-mama you're spoiling her and Fate is like Nanoha-mama is just too strict #MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! #this is WHAT #20 years old????? #ok #im calm let me look at the devastating scene