#THAT WAS ALSO WHEN I STARTED MY MEDS

[actualbird]

i swear to god the next time i think "oh i feel and function much better now, maybe i dont need my meds anymore" i NEED to remember that that is the DEVIL SPEAKING and that the REASON i feel and function better is BECAUSE the meds are IN my system and that the NEXT COURSE OF ACTION is NOT to REMOVE the from my system but to KEEP THEM THERE good god

#I AM SO SHARP AND PRODUCTIVE THESE DAYS IT IS INSANE I #I FEEL LIKE HOW I FELT WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO TOT SO SHARP AND CREATIVE AND WRITING AND ONLY NOW DO I RMEMBER THAT #THAT WAS ALSO WHEN I STARTED MY MEDS #THEN I WENT OFF THEM IN FEB-MARCH 2022 #IMMEDIATE DIP IN PRODUCTIVITY AND MOOD. AS IF. MAYHAPS. THE MEDS BEING IN ME H E L P E D #AND THEM NOT BEING IN ME DID NOT HELP #I CRACKED THE CODE. THE ANSWER IS THAT I WAS AN IDIOT #dootdootdoot #sorry for the capitalized yelling but this felt like the expanding brain meme for me. guys. guys ive Written #i /wrote and finished a fic/ #it's for a zine so i cant post it yet yall have to get the tot olympians zine (@olympianszine) to read this one #and then i sTARTED A NEW FIC AND I HAVE 1.5K WORDS oN THAT #and thats on top of everythng ive been working on for the nxx comp vol 2 and work and life #damn. what a good set of meds can do to a mfer. why was i so angsty about going on meds again i need this shit tf

[puppyeared]

i like him

#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him #i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form #it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again #if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat #or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour #idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed #i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny #if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive #never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny #im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory #i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that #i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit #myart #my art #doodles #stardew valley #stardew #sdv #sdv harvey #kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat

[front-facing-pokemon]

#surskit #now THIS guy. very underrated pokémon. the little blush? cute. the blue? cute. the spike on their head? cute. the whole concept of surskit #is cute. and there's this one video of like serena tossing out a surskit and then they just go “a” and it zooms out #and plays gen 8 encounter music and it's a very good video. if y'all've seen it before you know what i mean. for the rest of you #well i don't know what to tell you. i don't know much about this pokémon outside of that because i kinda started liking it when i saw that #video to be QUITE honest. i don't even know what type it is for sure—bug/water? and i sure as hell don't remember what they evolve into #yeah ok i was right. and they evolve into masquerain. not a ton of continuity colors and design wise but i like Get it. the whole bug thing #i suppose i just prefer pokémon that are visually traceable #but my paws are very cold typing this so i'm gonna wrap this up and take my meds. happy surskit day #and also happy pride month! i'm queueing this up on june 2nd. my power went completely out last night #which was awesome for pride month (lie). it was a very good time (lie)

[bbcphile]

WIP Wednesday (MLC longfic again!)

Now that my amnesia fic is posted, it's time for more of my MLC longfic! At long last, LLH is awake again . . . and not doing that well.

(You can find earlier excerpts here.)

CW/TW: Panic attack, bicha flare, suicidal ideation

Something was different. The pain was there as always, waiting to devour him whole once he acknowledged it, but there was something else, something blanketing it, muting it somehow.

Li Lianhua stretched out his senses like a limb and tried to make sense of it.

Ah. Warmth. That was the strange sensation. Warmth–heat, even–all around him–his back, his chest, his legs, even his fingers, which had been more like blocks of ice than flesh and blood these last few months.

He leaned back, pushing into the banked heat behind him. The solid core of warmth tucked against his front from navel to neck twitched, then pressed against him more securely, as though it could make a home for itself inside his sternum, ribs, and spine and heat him from within.

He felt warm everywhere.

Well, almost everywhere.

He rolled forward slightly, wiggled further down on the bed, and tugged the core of warmth up higher. He curled his arms and shoulders around it and nestled the bit in his hand between his face and the pillow until it cradled his cheek. 

Much better.

He smiled into his new, warmer pillow and let himself start to relax back into sleep.

“Xiangyi?”

The warmth against his face gradually took shape as his skin and mind began to wake. That was a finger–no, several fingers. A hand. A large hand. And those calluses–how could he not know them when they had clashed steel with him, choked him, clinked brimming cups of wedding wine with him, even been inside him, taking him apart with a gentleness he hadn’t known they could profess.

He let his awareness spread throughout his body, setting aside the pain, and yes, that was a-Fei’s chest he had pressed himself against, like Huli Jing requesting head scritches, and those were a-Fei’s legs, tangled with his, and that was a-Fei’s breath rustling his hair–less now than it had been a moment ago–and that was indeed a-Fei’s arm he was clutching like a child would a favorite toy. 

But a-Fei had been holding him first.

Why was a-Fei holding him? It was one thing to wake up in each others’ arms in the newly wed room, after their  . . . exertions. Before a-Fei knew that any real dream of a future was doomed to fail.

But to hold him now? After he’d given away the wangchuan flower and left a-Fei behind, left their promise behind? To hold him like he still mattered. Like he wasn’t a curse who killed everyone he’d ever cared about. Like he was some sort of treasure . . .

Treasure . . . 

Cabinets stained in blood, Xiaobao’s blood–

“Xiaobao,” he gasped, flinging himself free and to his feet. Where was Xiaobao? He had to find him, had to heal him, before it was too late–

“Xiangyi! Sit down!” A-Fei caught him as his legs buckled and lowered him back onto the bed. 

Why wasn’t Xiaobao here? Had he killed him, too, just like he killed everyone he cared about? 

“Duobing,” a-Fei roared. “Get in here. Now!” Callused fingers cupped both sides of his face, turning it gently but firmly toward him. “Xiangyi, look at me. He’s alright. He’s on his way.” 

“How could he be alright?” Li Lianhua gasped, clutching at his shoulders, the already blurry world turning more hazy. “I saw the blood!”

“I healed him. He’s safe,” a-Fei said, cradling his head as though he could hold the shattering pieces of his mind together. “Now breathe.” 

Li Lianhua choked on an inhale, his lungs spasming, only managing to draw in a desperate wheeze.

A-Fei cursed and dropped to his knees by the bed, pressing one hand to Li Lianhua’s back and the other to his chest, filling both with a familiar warmth that began to break apart the iron bands strangling his throat and lungs. “Try again. Feel my hands. Press against them when you inhale.”

The next breath shook and spluttered like a dying candle but some air squeaked through nonetheless.

“Good.” A-Fei gave his back a short supportive pat. “Again.”

Lotus Tower shook as footsteps pounded toward the bed. “What’s wrong?” panted a beautifully familiar, impossible voice. “Xiaohua’er?”

“Bicha,” a-Fei growled, rising from the floor to kneel on the bed at his side, his hands still bracketing him on either side. “He thinks you’re dead. Show him the scab.”

“Shit,” the Xiaobao-shaped hallucination cursed. It seemed especially cruel of hallucinations to now match the blurriness of their surroundings. It made them seem far too real.

The hallucination knelt at his feet and took his hands. “It’s me, Xiaohua’er,” it said, tears in its eyes and voice. “I’m alright. A-Fei healed me. See?” It brought his hand up to a spot on the back of his skull and pressed his fingers to a crusted, raised line on its scalp. “I’m right here and I’m alright. Do you believe me?”

He could feel it. Why could he feel it? His fingers had always passed through hallucinations before. And even when he’d dreamt of Xiaobao, or of a-Fei, of holding them again, it hadn’t felt as real as this. His fingers traced the ridges of the scab–a perfectly neat seam–then the silk curtain of hair that covered it. 

This was Xiaobao’s hair. The texture, the thickness, what he could see of the color–no hallucination could do justice to this. 

This was his Xiaobao.

He was alive.

“Xiaobao,” he cried, turning his head this way and that to make sure it was the only injury. “You’re alright!”

Xiaobao’s bright smile shone through despite the haze his eyes imposed on everything. “Told you. No harm done. So focus on taking care of yourself, ok, lao huli?”

Li Lianhua huffed out a wet attempt at a scoff and bopped the side of his head. “No harm? What do you call this?”

Xiaobao captured his hands with his and brought them down from his head to rest between them. “Less serious than a Bicha attack. How are you feeling?”

Li Lianhua blinked. A Bicha attack? He turned his attention inward to his qi, and–

Ah. There was a-Fei’s Beifeng Baiyang, somehow wrapped around his Yangzhouman and pushing the last of the poison back into the recesses where it would lie in wait, coiled and ready for the next attack. The black tinge was almost gone from his veins.

He had been so worried about Xiaobao that he hadn’t even realized.

A-Fei had probably saved his life. Again. 

He shouldn’t have bothered.

#mysterious lotus casebook #lhl #WIP Wednesday #lianhua lou #my fic #Di Feisheng #Li Lianhua #Fang Duobing #Difanghua #Things will get much better for LLH #starting in the next chapter #If tumblr blocks this excerpt from the MLC tag bc of my tws like it's done on previous weeks I will be so mad #I literally just finished writing this 5 minutes ago #this is the shortest turnaround time ever btwn when I've written something and posted it #cue internal screaming #also I am trying a new narcolepsy med which means thinking feels weird and consequently writing is a massive struggle #so I really hope this lives up to expectation

[deoidesign]

.

#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without' #I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk. #can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work... #for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well! #it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to. #but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end... #I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too. #but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk. #anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better. #but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much. #and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so... #I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better. #and I'm just crying because of all this combined. #I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

[batfossil-fr]

I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art

#my mental health is starting to improve a bit #took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me #ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while #like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit #so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected #diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier #i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome #just learning how to enjoy things again overall #one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post #and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on #even when I wasn’t actively practicing #just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles #i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors #i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao #i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again #for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments #i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all #that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully #starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing #so who knooowwwsss #rambles #funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL #i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first #anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over

[buddiebitch]

opinions on Tommy

sorry i just like posting polls

#sorry i just like knowing peoples opinions #tumblr shouldn’t have given me a poll option #also my vote is for neutral #mostly #don’t love his character in the flashbacks and wish we got a bit more redemption #he’s a fine character i just personally think he’s a plot device and probs won’t be around for long #idc if he does stay around but i def don’t think he should be endgame for buck #buddie #911 #911 on abc #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 abc #911 poll #tommy kinard #most of my issue with BT is the shippers honestly #not even all of them #mostly just the super intense ones that think we should stop shipping/hoping for buddie #as if all hope for buddie is gone because tommy’s been here for what? 1 1/2 dates and two kisses? #and the ones who want eddie dead so buck and tommy can have christopher #y’all are crazy #probs the majority of BT shippers are nothing like that but i’ve seen way too much to ignore it #nothing against the rest of y’all that act normal #certainly not getting endgame vibes from the way their relationship is being written and framed #it always makes me happy when i can predict the results of the polls #like i try and tag them as neutrally as possible and then guess how the results will go #and it’s fun but sometimes it scares me #like i get anxious when they aren’t going. the ‘right’ way #i have to start taking my ocd meds again this is becoming a problem #bucktommy

[butchdykekondraki]

this is So specific but kondraki reminds me of this one fucking customer i had like 2 years ago at my old job who used to fucking come in every single day at 4 in the fucking morning in the same outfit until one day after like 3 weeks he comes in in a different outfit and naturally i was like "? why the sudden change" and he looked me dead in the eyes and went "husband left me." and so because i didnt know how to respond i just went "OH. im. so sorry." and he FUCKING CUT ME OFF to go "no its okay i stole his truck". im not elaborating on that i just think hes the type to steal someones truck for breaking up with him and also wear the same fucking clothes for 3 weeks straight

#[ren] #i like how you can tell when my mania meds where off cause i start saying the most like. insane shit ever. #who thinks like this. like moment of clarity who fucking Talks Like This. #alright. anyway. moment of clarity over. this guy also never fucking tipped me on account of him being the tip. which. okay. slay. i guess. #<- which. really is also soo kondraki. to me.

[tj-crochets]

Once again no crafts to update, but here’s those fish I drew yesterday!

#the person behind the yarn #fish #sometimes I draw a new thing and it feels like I’ve unlocked a new skill #like I’ll get a pop up that says unlocked: you can now draw billowing and spots. congratulations! #or something? idk I don’t play many video games so idk how the achievements are worded lol #I am on new meds for my Symptoms Disease and they are helping a lot but there’s always an adjustment period #because when my body starts functioning better than usual my executive function kinda spins out for a while? #it’s getting better! but crafting has been slow #I also got some blood test results back! I test positive for autoimmune antibodies #which is one of the first quantitative blood test results I’ve had EVER in over a decade #I’m trying not to get too excited before I talk to a doc #but it’s actually four different blood test results that are abnormal this time and all four point toward autoimmune #…plus several more that point to me being a little bit anemic

[alangdorf]

Sorryyyy for dropping off the face of the earth; got kinda shy after that last post but mostly I’ve just been writing though I cannot guarantee that any of that will ever be finished (also I’m very insecure about my writing AAAH). Figure I might as well post the valentines I had done (like two months late lol); interestingly this turned into more of a hand lettering exercise than I was expecting lol

#len’en #yabusame houlen #suzumi kuzu #tsubakura enraku #haiji senri #art #digital #there was one more but I’m not confident it’s like. funny? and I have stuff I’d eant to change abt it #and these four have pretty good comedic timing as a set so I’ll just leave well enough alone #also had plans for a Kuroji and uhhh Xeno a but those haven’t panned out #you’ll have to excuse me I’ve been going off the rails and also have not fixed the meds situation (I’m completely out atm) #started like four fics; yes they are all suzutsuba and there is. so much sex (not described/on screen but STILL) #didn’t manage to stay away from Hamal Cine Bad End either jfhshsjfb #too nervous abt talking yo pol rn to leave comments but zaranthropy if you’re reading this I owe you my life #also I think I said I was inspired on something by dissociation constant and then when chapter 2 came out I relized it was something I had #completely misinterpreted but I’m too embarrassed to actually go and check lol…… #*talking to ppl sorry I had to turn off my autocorrect cause it was being compeltely unreasonable #OH YEAH also this Haiji design was a little bit inspired by a redesign of them from uhhhhhhh who was it. idk most of their blog is gone but #I’ll go check my likes #anyway I like how they tuned out also that joke came to me several days after valentine’s and gave me the idea for this whole thing #edit: can’t find the post anymore for some reason but I think yhe name was like chiosu or something? #did somebody go delete their blog while I wasn’t looking

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: MARS (PART 2)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Maj. Kaidan Alenko, Lt. James Vega, and Dr. Liara T'Soni With: The Illusive Man and Dr. Eva Coré Your vision is pathetically limited. You were a tool- an agent with a singular purpose. And despite our differences? You were relatively successful. But like the rest of the relics in this place, your time is over. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #shenko #james vega #kaidan alenko #sophie shepard #liara t’soni #the illusive man #eva core #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #ITS PART 2 BABY! I COULDNT GIF PEAK SHENKO CONTENT AND NOT MAKE HER A 2-PARTER YALL #these are my favorite bisexuals on the citadel i had to give mars a double feature ✨ #‘the person i followed to hell and back the person i loved- are you in there somewhere?’ we cried. for real like this line THIS LINE #the first time i played ME3 it crushed me into a thousand pieces and it still does tbf #but like i also forgot how many good lines TIM has in this first mission until i was collecting footage while i was playing #like his lines go HARD (not javik ashes of a trillion dead souls hard but still) #also i may hate him but he looks fine as fuck in those new PV suits i will not lie #also im ngl the way femshep carries kaidan after he gets his head smashed against the side of the cruiser sends me every time i cannot #like sometimes you just have to carry your boyfriend like he's a sack of potatoes over your shoulder when he's bleeding to death! #like come on girl CARRY HIM BRIDAL STYLE or DONT CARRY HIM AT ALL #but on a serious note the way shep looks at kaidan back on the normandy? when he's in the med bay? #the way they just are so lost in him being injured?? in the possibility of him dying?? the panic in their eyes?? #the way they only get brought back to reality when liara starts shouting?? chef's kiss tbh #bioware VS canon may be poo but the end of priority mars will always be famous to me #thanks for reading two gif sets worth of rants if you stayed for both!!! #i hope you have a good day!! 🥹✨

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i can never understand all the people going “covid’s just a cold” “it’s just like the flu”. it’s not influenza or a rhinovirus. covid sars-cov-2: severe accute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2. scientifically, it can never be a cold or flu, and it will cause severe accute respiratory syndrome. that’s not posturing or dramatics, it’s science

#also looking at long term symptoms of sars1. i think in 5-10 years we’re going to start seeing a barrage of horrible long term symptoms and #find out a lot of people never fully recovered #that’s what gets me is like. when i talk about covid my backing is from scientific journals and studies and then my own personal experience #watching someone die of covid. meanwhile people are like ‘well i read in an article’ or ‘well the cdc says’. also y’all the cdc is not forth #coming about covid info. they definitely don’t publicise things. but they still have information on their website that’s concerning that i #think if they publicised would make a lot more people concerned about the pandemic again #for example. Covid causes sepsis. this is something you can find on pub med and on the cdc website #if you’re curious: https://www.cdc.gov/sepsis/what-is-sepsis.html #it’s under ‘what causes sepsis’ #also once again. all the studies about long term symptoms coming out and the damage covid does to the body are horrifying #coronavirus #imagine if people said ‘yeah I just tested positive for severe accute respiratory syndrome’

[deadmomjokes]

Idk how me, a broad and chubby woman from a long line of broad and chubby women, and my husband, an average-height man from long lines of very tiny women and very average men, managed to produce a child so exceptionally tall, long, & lean that she can't wear store-bought clothes anymore without alteration. Yet here I am, dusting off a sewing machine I barely know how to operate....

#personal #this kid put on 2 inches in less than 3 months y'all #which is about how much she's supposed to grow in a YEAR at this age #while also somehow gaining no weight #i mean literally NONE #she even dropped an ounce overall #so no it wasn't my imagination that all her pants suddenly became too short #while simultaneously getting looser around the waist #and yes we're on top of the weight thing; she has a whole med team helping us out #it's cuz we finally found one of her EOE triggers so now she's eating more diversely and the inflammation is reducing #so her body is getting excited to go for all that growth it was putting off due to lack of nutrients and calories #same thing happened as an infant when she started PPIs for the first time #on my mama's grave she went from 50th percentile to 90th in less than a month #she also has a documented history of massive growth spurts every time her dosage gets upped to match her current size #the lack of weight gain is a bit worrisome tho so we're working on upping her calories as much as possible #but anyway #if anyone has tutorials on Learning To Make Kids Clothes for complete noobs let me know #cuz clothes cost too much for how much they DON'T fit her

[rowenabean]

.

#just saw a post that was like 'if you have religious or moral objections that stop you from providing certain types of medical care maybe #you shouldn't work in healthcare' (paraphrased) and... #what a way to look at the world tbh #like. they're talking about me i think - i am a conscientious objector when it comes to euthanasia #(which granted has come up exactly twice and both cases in a theoretical capacity only this is not a frequent request to me) #and... i am also a good doctor #last week i told someone that her weight doesn't matter to her health with receipts to prove it and she cried #no one had ever told her that before #and that was something that came from me specifically. that was something i would not trust all of the GPs in my practice - a practice of #excellent and compassionate GPs! - to say #i am verifiably doing good in my job that is coming from specifically who i am as a person #i cannot put that down when it comes to issues i care deeply about #fundamentally the fact that i cannot put it down is what makes me a good doctor #i think that's what i'm trying to get at #the reason that i do well by my patients is that i practice out of my values and my ethics #if i did not stand on that core i would not stand at all #so you can't have it both ways. you can't have engaged and active and compassionate healthcare providers without sometimes those engaged an #active providers having things they do not feel comfortable doing #and it is to everyone's service if they are up front about it and do not try to hide (i am suspicious of people who try to hide this) #i am literally figuring this all out as i type hence the v long tag ramble and also being nowhere near the post that started this train #(honestly in med school we talked so much about ethics as like. abortion! euthanasia! trans rights! and the ethics in practice is the littl #things. do you apologise when you mess up. how do you manage a consult with your patient with paranoid dementia and her child in the same #room at one time - or one by one bc that's fraught too. (that one's on top i had one of those today.) how do you act with grace when #you're a bit stressed and your patient is a bit stressed and the nurse wants to add five more things to your book. the day to day ethics is #SUCH a bigger thing when you come to actual practice.) #this is obviously entirely about me and leans on the fact that i largely do think i am doing a good job i am really feeling my own way #to a Thought. but i think to a certain extent it is generalisable

[aropride]

sometimes when my body is uncomfortable or in pain instead of just sending me like pain signals or discomfort signals it starts telling me to kill myself and making me really depressed and i have to sit there and go "okay. am i hungry? am i cold? does my tummy hurt?" to figure out if i am actually depressed out of nowhere or if my brain just doesnt know how to tell me to go get a little snack

#text #i think i need a little snack. i didnt eat much other than fruit today bc the coffee cake was coffee flavoured :( #dinner starts at 4 today ill go down then but uuuugh #fuck my gay life #also WHEN will my father respond to my fucking text -___- i need 2 know if he can bring my meds 2day or not

[todayisafridaynight]

getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend

#snap chats #a weekend is generous im only going to the con on saturday #i like how im making it sound like anime nyc is this weekend when its at the end of august LMAO BUT NO LISTEN #unfortunately beauty influencers have finally done their job right and this one guy was reviewing an eyebrow pencil #but the twist is that this pencil was like. SUPPPER STUPID FINE im talkin .08mm and he demonstrated how it could imitate stubble #SO OF COURSE. my ass wanted to see for myself cause as much as i like my sponge-stippling method its not super precise #and that shit gets annoying when most of it looks fine but then i press too hard or i angle the sponge wrong and now i gotta start over #In Any Case the pencil i got did exactly as i hoped and its actually p fun putting on LMAO. i prefer how it looks too #anyway how this all relates to this post. im probably gonna go as y2 daigo again for anime nyc in august #and I Repeat im not cutting my hair for that LMAO so. Wig 😩 #i like it when i cosplay him cause i just go by his actual design cause if i even breathe near skinny jeans ill wanna kms #also i just like to be as accurate as i can be yk. plus the leather pants i have are cozy and theyre one of my fave pairs of pants 🤤 #in any case. whenever that wig comes in ermmmmm i dont trust myself to take pictures 😞 my selfie game is dick #maybe ill stream yk2 LMAO but anyway. good night i think im gonna force myself to sleep now #i got back to my dorm like four hours ago or whatever and i am not looking forward to doing school shit again. alongside comm shit #OH WELL we ball good night #wait before i Good Night cackling as i have my meds next to my aoki tablet and plush #great reminder honestly. Take Your Meds Or You'l Convince Yourself To Be A Republican #ok goodnight fr now im gonna giggle and kick my feet thinking of cosplay