#Sam is the best little brother

[sittingbesideyoulikeasilhouette]

Desolate

There is no heterosexual explanation for the many stolen glances between Dean and Cas over the course of 11 seasons, so this piece is me dipping my toes into Destiel territory. This is a season 15 fix-it. This is angsty with mentions of death and mourning. I'm thinking of having this be the set-up for an actual story but I want to see if people are interested!

Pairing: Dean x Cas

TW: death, loss, violence (Dean punches Sammy), grief

If you would like me to continue this please let me know in the comments!!

It happened 7 days after they’d defeated Chuck and Jack was assimilating into his new role. God. Capital G-O-D. His surrogate son was God and even though Dean knew that Jack would make a better god than Chuck ever had, he’d miss him. It seemed like that’s all he was going to be doing for the rest of his life, missing Jack.

Missing Cas.

He fucking hates himself for not saying it back. It would have been so easy; it’s been weighing heavy on his heart for years. I love you too. But what he’d said instead was “Don’t do this, Cas” and he will never be able to forgive himself. The first time he’d almost told Cas he loved him had been years ago, at the crypt, when Naomi was controlling Cas and he’d nearly killed Dean. Beaten, bloodied and on his knees, he’d almost said it. I love you, Cas. But instead, he said “I need you, Cas.” Both were true but Cas didn’t truly understand just how much Dean needed him. He can’t blame anyone but himself, honestly, because how in the hell would Cas know he loved him? He buried his feeling under cheap booze and women, and he always made it clear that he wasn’t gay. Which, truly, Dean didn’t think of himself as gay; sure, he thought some men were attractive, but he’d never had the desire to be with a man the way he did with Cas, he didn’t gravitate around them and let himself be consumed by their orbit. Cas had been it; he was the one that made Dean feel like maybe love didn’t have a gender or an expiration date, but he was too fucking stubborn to let himself have it. He was too scared to love and to be loved. And now it’s too late. He’s alone. Cas is dead.

Sam knew but he didn’t, tried to help you he couldn’t. Sam saw the bags under his eyes and the number of empty, scattered bottles in Dean’s room was excessive, even for him. Sam knew Cas was his best friend and he knew he was mourning him in a way he never had when he died before. His death seemed so final this team that Dean didn’t dare hope that he might be able to come back. Sam tried cheering him up, he really did, hey you want to go for a drive? We can listen to Metallica’s entire discography or hey Meat Man, how about some burgers? had been the last two attempts made by Sammy, one this morning and the other at lunch. Sounds like fun, maybe some other time okay, Sammy? and I’m not hungry, maybe tomorrow? Had been his replies and Sam smiled, nodded, and let him be. So, there he was, wallowing in his bed, when Sam walked in a couple of hours later.

“Hey man, I’m heading out to get some groceries. We’re making burgers tonight.”

Dean was tired, so bone-achingly tired, so he didn’t argue.

“Sounds good, Sammy.”

As Sam was turning to leave Dean called out.

“Don’t forget the beer. Grab 2 packs.”

“No, I’m not grabbing any beer,” Sam said, turning back to look at him.

“Sam, stop, we always drink beer. This is no different.” Dean said sitting up in bed and looking his brother in the eyes.

“This is entirely different, Dean. This situation could not be further from anything we have ever experienced before. You are drinking yourself to death, man. You need to stop.”

“You don’t know what I need, Sam. Go and get the damn groceries and some fucking beer!” Dean yelled and Sam looked hurt, but he wouldn’t budge. Dean got up and walked slowly over to him until he was standing right in front of him.

“Do it or I’ll go myself, Sam.”

“Dean, stop,” Sam pleaded, looking down at him with tears in his eyes, “I know you miss him bu-“ the rest of Sam’s sentence went unfinished as Dean’s right fist connected with Sam’s jaw and he fell backwards out into the hallway.

Dean looks down at his brother and knows he should apologize. Help him get up and apologize, he told himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything except tower over him. The rage felt warranted, and it made him feel alive for a second. Sam got to his feet and stared at his brother; there was no anger in his eyes and that made Dean want to punch him again.

“If punching me makes you feel better, then keep taking swings, Dean,” Sam’s voice didn’t waver, and it held no trace of resentment. Dean was sure Sam would let him beat him bloody if it meant he’d stop drinking and feel anything other than sadness over Cas. Dean considered it, he fucking considered continuing to beat the crap out his brother for no other reason other than he could, Sam told him he could, but there was a deafeningly loud boom and a subsequent clatter coming from the foyer than made them both immediately look down the hallway. Other than the noise, the red lights hadn’t come on and the alarm hadn’t gone off. What the hell was strong enough to break into the bunker without setting any of the warding off? Dean ran into his room, grabbed two guns and knives, and handed a pair to his brother. They walked side by side, eerily quiet, down to the foyer. Sam put a hand on Dean’s chest to stop him just before they turned the corner. Sam pointed to himself then signaled to the foyer in two quick motions. I’ll go first. Dean nodded and mouthed, I’ll cover you. As soon as Sam turned the corner, Dean saw a look of fear written all over his face, but he lowered his weapons anyway. What the hell was Sam looking at? Dean turned the corner behind Sam, gun pointed and knife ready, but the second he laid eyes on him, he felt like all the air had been punched out of his lungs.

“Cas?” Sam whispered and Dean dropped his weapons in a clatter at his feet.

There he was, just as Dean remembered him from a week ago. The only differences were that this Cas wasn’t scared, he wasn’t crying, or making deathbed love declarations. He was standing in front of him and Sam, wearing his trademark trench coat and a slight ever-confused look in his eyes. Dean knew that they should check, throw salt, holy water, silver, and a battery of other tests but what he did instead was shove Sam out of the way and head straight to Cas. Dean threw his arms around Cas’ neck and buried his hands in his hair. He felt Cas hug him back, almost instinctively, but instead of the usual arms around the torso, he placed his hands at Dean’s waist and pulled him closer. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, he could hear Sam sniffling from behind them and it suddenly made him realize he was crying.

“Shh I’m here, Dean, it’s okay. I’m here” he heard Cas whisper in his ear and felt his hands rubbing circles into the small of his back and he wanted nothing more than to stay like this forever.

After a few seconds Dean pulled back slightly, finally looking into Cas’ blues and for a second he thought of all the things hidden in the color – sapphires, the ocean after tempest, the sky after a rainy day, Dean’s favorite toy car that his mom and dad had gifted him on his third birthday and that he still had hidden away in his nightstand – he kept his arms around Cas’ neck but asked the question he knew was also on Sam’s mind.

“How?” he breathed, and Cas smiled. He removed his left hand from Dean’s waist and plunged it into one of the many pockets of his trench coat. He pulled out a small, neatly folded piece of paper. Fighting against the part of his brain urging him to keep holding onto Cas because the universe was cruel and he might disappear if he let go, Dean dropped his arms from Cas’ neck, took the piece of paper, and walked back over to Sam who was looking at him expectantly. Once he was next to him, he held the note in front of them and opened it:

I’m hands off starting now.

- Love, Jack.

#dean winchester x castiel #destiel #dean winchester fanfiction #castiel fanfiction #dean winchester smut #castiel smut #dean winchester fluff #castiel fluff #supernatural #supernatural fic #dean winchester fic #dean x castiel #sam winchester #Sam is the best little brother #jack kline

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Dean Winchester of Supernatural fame is NOT reading parenting books he is putting on Cheaper By The Dozen, Daddy Daycare and Honey I Shrunk The Kids taking notes.

#i woulda said full house but dean's more a movie guy than a tv guy #it doesn't help. btw. lol. #if dean read a gentle parenting guide he would scoff and roll his eyes and throw it across the room #and eventually start silently weeping if he was convinced to keep going bc HE was a kid and HE didn't get treated with respect or gentlenes #dean in an argument with those mommy bloggers he follows saying something like 'please. i was left in a motel room with my brother #from like age 7 upwards I think little Timmy will be okay in the car by himself for 3 minutes 🙄“ #and someone hits him with 'I'm so sorry that happened to you' and he tries to brush it off all day and complain about it to Sam #and Sam's like. yeah it was kinda fucked up though. and Dean's like WELL I KNOW THAT BUT HE WAS DOING HIS BEST #(not fully believing it bc he certainly can't picture leaving a 7 year old alone in the world they live in no matter what) #(and Dean's never fully actually agreed with their dad but he feels attacked by Sam's agreeing) #(but old habits run deep) #cawis creates

[13x02]

throwaway lines in supernatural implying the saddest shit like dean going out and hiding easter eggs at a shitty roadside motel and telling sam that the easter bunny visited up until sam was eleven and a half and naturally stopped believing in it.

#dean winchester #sam winchester #sam and dean #Sorry i saw that line today and it gave me damage #dean really did try his best as a child raising another child #i know sam probably didnt believe in the tooth fairy long #but i can picture dean saving change he finds and all and waiting for sams first tooth to fall out so He can do that for sam. #he loves his little brother more than anything man he would live out whatever kid ideas sam had just to make sure he was watching over him #tag this as w/nc/st and i immediately block

[t00muchheart]

Thinking about the differences between how Dean raised Sam and how he handled Jack being born and how much John Winchester is at the heart of that difference. Dean believes that John raised Sam, and always saw John in the father position (since it was technically true), and so he focused on taking care of Sam, providing for him and keeping him safe—all the things that made him far more of a father to Sam than John ever was. But in filling the role of father for Jack, Dean falls back on the example he had, which is John’s parenting, not recognizing that he already knows how to be a good father because he already had to be one.

Additionally, I think that’s why Sam does a little better with Jack (not that he was perfect, especially at the beginning when he was trying to use Jack to get Mary back): because his example of a good father figure is Dean, who provided for him and taught him to survive.

#anyway yeah #fuck john winchester #all my homies hate john winchester #‘he did his best’ #stfu dean you got arrested as a child trying to steal peanut butter and bread to feed your little brother and then he left you behind #spn #supernatural #spn meta #dean winchester #sam winchester #sam winchester meta #supernatural meta #supernatural dean #dean studies #john winchester sucks #john winchester

[quietwingsinthesky]

Irks me a little bit whenever Dean torturing in Hell is positioned as his own fault, or even really his choice to do. We get given the solid number, 30 years of torture for him and 10 inflicting it on other people (which was also more torture for him because it’s Hell, the torture evolves, it doesn’t stop), and we get told that wasn’t long enough. That John held out longer. That angels were going to pull Dean out of Hell and if he’d just held on a few years more, the seal wouldn’t have been broken.

But that isn’t true, right? We know Heaven wanted the seal broken, ergo Dean wasn’t getting saved until it was. Until it, and he, we’re thoroughly broken and usable by Heaven to achieve their own ends (ie to make him into a good (obedient) Michael sword.) So, it wouldn’t have mattered how long he held out in Apocalyptic terms because the game (that he didn’t know he was playing) was rigged against him.

But more importantly for Dean, the amount of time he managed not to break literally does not matter. Because it was never going to be long enough. Thirty years, forty, a hundred, a thousand, it does not matter how long he held out because the breaking itself is the unforgivable part to him and the breaking was always inevitable.

Anyway. There’s my Dean meta for the year. Eat up, I guess.

#despite this being brought out by that prev post I’m not like. actually annoyed or anything. #we’re all free to interpret the show however. I just think this way brings out the tragedy of it best is all. #you know it’s like. did Dean & Sam technically both have choices in s4? did they technically make the wrong ones? yes. #but at the same time. there was never a choice. there was never an option to avoid the apocalypse. especially with how little they knew #of what was actually going on over their heads. like. it really is insane to go rewatch s4 and realize how much they don’t understand about #what’s happening around and to them. and that’s the part I like best! it was unavoidable! they will still blame themselves forever! #what’s the thing called where you like both brothers. bibro? that’s me. #samgirl with bibro tendencies. #if you ever see me speak negatively about dean know that it’s because I love those things about him actually. #I like when he’s possessive and self-destructive and terrible. I just think. in this particular instance. this was not him embodying #a character flaw. so much as it was him being forced into his role in the story in a very like. visceral literal sense. #I could go into the Michael-Dean ‘what does it mean that of the two vessels it’s not Lucifer’s sent to hell but Michael’s’ thing but #maybe save that for another day. I have thoughts I’m just tired. #spn #dean winchester

[pbpsbff]

have become weirdly attached to sam wilson & peter parker centered fics. hmmmmm

#like peter is an annoying little brother #right #but best believe sam will have a problem if someone bullies him or smth #hmmm #i am thinkinngk

[amphiptere-art]

Ravenous and his not dad.

Infero belongs to @digimonlover09

#Yes this is what I've kind of been working on for my break between simply plugging in information. #Lord's brother #desolate hunger #traditional art #sams #tsams #tsams au #sams au #also little side note. I way more enjoy drawing ravenous than any of the other DCAs. #mostly because their whole design is more animalistic based #as much as I want to change the main design of the others to follow in a similar suit. I know it would be best if I did not. #I have to learn how to draw humanoids somehow. and this is my best option

[feelslikegold]

not for jake!!! 😌🫶🏻

#bc jake is the best do u understand 😌🩷💕❤️💕🩷 #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #sam is so little brother :(

[spnnps]

like okay i HAVE to say it I think Dean and Sam probably both have mommy kinks that are so embarrassing they literally cant talk about them unless they’re in the middle of having (a very specific kind of) sex

cause sam fucks hard and fast, and dean usually can’t get a word out when sam is dragging him back by the hair or shoving him up against walls to pound some whines out of his big brother

but when they manage, by some miracle, to find a fraction of a second to slow down dean is all soft kisses and low encouragement and pleased hums when Sam’s fucking him like maybe hes not trying to force more than just his cock inside dean’s body

its when sam starts making noises, choked off gasps around shapeless words he slots against dean’s neck, his hand braced at deans stomach where they’re kind of spooning but mostly having sex, that dean will start to feel that creeping similarity. sam’s noises get more desperate and he gets more grabby, presses all against dean and sends hot shocks zinging to his dick and dean knows why, its just so goddamn embarrassing

still, dean keeps rasping, “Good boy, fuck, that’s it sammy” and when sam gruls him a little tighter, presses a little deeper, its when that first breathless, “Mommy…” comes out

for the most part they’ll ignore it but sometimes dean feels a little indulgent, and sam seems a little more desperate than usual, so dean’ll cover his hand and whisper, like sam can pretend he didn’t really say it out loud, “you’re so good for mommy. That’s it, baby.”

they pretend like it doesn’t do anything for each other but they’re LYING cause dean loves being sammy’s mommy, loves taking care of him and sam loves how sweet dean gets when Sam is willing to be a little needy, a little pushy

and really they’re already so fucked up. whats a little more?

#this brought to you by the line i saw in a fic about dean being sams mom brother and best friend #i think you mean thats his mommy your honor #oh my god nobody look at this #archie.txt #supernatural #samdean #wincest #weirdcest #is it a little ooc? yeah but who cares

[earl-grey-crow]

so. coyle.

#that's the best I can do right now I can't think of anything clever #I'm just sorta. WHAT is going on. what is kat not telling alice. what did jacob do. what is anything. #and kat being so close to seeing jacob?? only for the british to take him away?? #I think that's why I'm just staring dumbly at my screen right now I can't believe it she was so close #chyler leigh you are amazing at communicating kat's emotions in the most devastating way #that last expression it looked like kat felt she could tear the british to pieces for taking her brother away #anyway. in other news #the way home hallmark #wouldn't be a hallmark series without a founder's day celebration #I'm a little wary of where they're taking del and what's his name? sam? if they're taking them anywhere #I hope they don't end up together partly because I don't like the idea of anyone replacing colton #partly because I don't really like him and partly because I don't think we need it #also have I missed something?? or have they not said that guy's name?? the one always at the coffee shop talking to alice #I still don't know if I like him or not he reminds me too much of brady (except for the fact he most definitely doesn't #have a five year plan) which is weird but he seems mildly interesting? #hmm parallels between the augustines and the town and the augustines and the time travelers? like always observing always something I don't #know I don't have coherent thoughts #elliot's father is. intense. to say the least. I have concerns #also not rita always trying to rip off tourists lol #and best for last: I like coyle tbh I'm so excited for the next episode because it looks like he'll be in a lot of it #I just really really hope they maintain his weird complexity and not be like oh you thought he was pond scum but he's not really it was jus #bad first impressions or whatever #I really hope they let him keep his paradox of sorta bad sorta good it's part of his charm #I was dying over that scene between him and kat like wow go off then #okay I think I've exhausted the tags enough #earl crow ramblings

[bisexualmultifandommess]

I absolutely love it when any form of media has an older protective brother type of character like whether they’re protecting a younger brother or a younger sister I don’t care I love it either way

#just love it when they show an older brother willing to risk everything for their little siblings #any show or movie that has siblings in it I’m instantly like how can I make them the best duo #supernatural was the first one I saw with it I loved sam and dean’s relationship #and I’ve loved the trope ever since #brothers #older brothers #protective brother #tropes #tv tropes #movies #tv shows #books #media

[lakemichigans]

i haven’t been following any news about the supernatural prequel but i’m not going to watch it because i know they’ll be sucking john’s cock, balls and all as if we didn’t get enough of that in the show already

#i get so crazy about dean and sam's childhood #the cognitive dissonance between what the show tells us about john vs. what they show us.... it's maddening #john left the kids alone when dean was like 5 and sam was an INFANT and got violent with dean whenever something happened under his watch #he never left them enough money for food and when dean gets caught stealing food john leaves him in jail & group homes as punishment #he held a grudge FOREVER about 12 year old dean going to the arcade instead of watching sam sleep that one night #he forced the kids to abandon every friend or partner they ever met and never felt sorry about it even for a second #constantly put the kids in dangerous and traumatizing positions and berated them if they got emotional about it #he cut off contact with sam permanently when sam dared to go to college instead of being john's killing machine the rest of his life #he told dean someday he would have to kill his own little brother #HE IS NOT A GOOD MAN!!!! #and yet in the later seasons everyone kisses his ass CONSTANTLY #like 'oh he was such a good hunter he tried his best he really loved his boys he just didn't know how to show it' #wahhhhh wahhhh poor john :(((((((( #i would understand why sam and dean say positive things about him #he's their dad and he fucked them up in insane ways so i get it #but everyone else??? inexcusable #i do enjoy mary's character but not enough to watch this show lol

[sameteeth]

rewatching the lost boys and its so gay

#michael having a vamp episode and sams reaction.... same as coming out to a homophobic little sibling #'my own brother! a shit sucking vampire!' #bro im so. wow #canis speaks #also lucy best mother ever 👍

[killmonk]

hate the military hate being like the 4th generation of 17 year old kid to be like "I really hope today my friend doesn't lose his leg in the middle east somewhere". like girl he needs to take his ACTs put him back in iowa please for the love of GOD dishonorable discharge for something stupid and then hes home 🙂. but alas things will never be like My Freshman Year Of Highschool Again Because I Am Not 14 Anymore And Nothing Will Go Back To The Way It Was.

#sam joining the military is and was a.. point of contention in our friendship. #unfortunately im still gonna spend the next four years chewing at my nails waiting between calls. #the air force keeps sending me recruitment pamphlets thank god every math grade #on my hs transcript is a D or i would probably. i cant let my best friend go to war alone. my way i to abandoning all my morals and my spine #like jesus h christ i really do despise the military and ive seen ptsd and the va make a monster out of my father but the #whole like. well ur going im going i camt let my brother go to war alone. thing i understand it i really do #keeping my sanity by sending sam videos of me reading chomsky out loud alone in my truck for him to open #and call me a fag over. god. #this is so nonsensical. thinking a lot of things. #if i could change anything i probably would have. not just Watched the stagnating highschooler military recruitment pipeline happen. #maybe i worry so much more than I really should bc if anything happens to him i know ill feel guilty. hes his own person he's 18 but what if #i had been a little meaner when he brought it up gave him that much more shit talked that much more about politics. #delete later

[fictionadventurer]

Pop culture reduces It's a Wonderful Life to that last half hour, and thinks the whole thing is about this guy traveling to an alternate universe where he doesn't exist and a little girl saying, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." A hokey, sugary fantasy. A light and fluffy story fit for Hallmark movies.

But this reading completely glosses over the fact that George Bailey is actively suicidal. He's not just standing there moping about, "My friends don't like me," like some characters do in shows that try to adapt this conceit to other settings. George's life has been destroyed. He's bankrupt and facing prison. The lifetime of struggle we've been watching for the last two hours has accomplished nothing but this crushing defeat, and he honestly believes that the best thing he can do is kill himself because he's worth more dead than alive. He would have thrown himself from a bridge had an actual angel from heaven not intervened at the last possible moment.

That's dark. The banker villain that pop culture reduces to a cartoon purposely drove a man to the brink of suicide, which only a miracle pulled him back from. And then George Bailey goes even deeper into despair. He not only believes that his future's not worth living, but that his past wasn't worth living. He thinks that every suffering he endured, every piece of good that he tried to do was not only pointless, but actively harmful, and he and the world would be better off if he had never existed at all.

This is the context that leads to the famed alternate universe of a million pastiches, and it's absolutely vital to understanding the world that George finds. It's there to specifically show him that his despondent views about his effect on the universe are wrong. His bum ear kept him from serving his country in the war--but the act that gave him that injury was what allowed his brother to grow up to become a war hero. His fight against Potter's domination of the town felt like useless tiny battles in a war that could never be won--but it turns out that even the act of fighting was enough to save the town from falling into hopeless slavery. He thought that if it weren't for him, his wife would have married Sam Wainwright and had a life of ease and luxury as a millionaire's wife, instead of suffering a painful life of penny-pinching with him. Finding out that she'd have been a spinster isn't, "Ha ha, she'd have been pathetic without you." It's showing him that she never loved Wainwright enough to marry him, and that George's existence didn't stop her from having a happier life, but saved her from having a sadder one. Everywhere he turns, he finds out that his existence wasn't a mistake, that his struggles and sufferings did accomplish something, that his painful existence wasn't a tragedy but a gift to the people around him.

Only when he realizes this does he get to come back home in wild joy over the gift of his existence. The scenes of hope and joy and love only exist because of the two hours of struggle and despair that came before. Even Zuzu's saccharine line about bells and angel wings exists, not as a sugary proverb, but as a climax to Clarence's story--showing that even George's despair had good effect, and that his newfound thankfulness for life causes not only earthly, but heavenly joy.

If this movie has light and hope, it's not because it exists in some fantasy world where everything is sunshine and rainbows, but because it fights tooth and nail to scrape every bit of hope it can from our all too dark and painful world. The light here exists, not because it ignores the dark, but because the dark makes light more precious and meaningful. The light exists in defiance of the dark, the hope in defiance of despair, and there is nothing saccharine about that. It's just about as realistic as it gets.

#it's a wonderful life #i know i've probably reached my quota of long posts about this movie #but i kept thinking about it and wanted to organize my thoughts into something a bit more refined #even though i'm mostly just restating what i said yesterday

[quietwingsinthesky]

there’s actual good fights you could point out where Dean does put his foot down and it’s completely justified, even if only from his point of view. why would you bring up the amy thing instead of literally anything else.

#idk man if you’re gonna make that argument go with something in s4 #Dean telling Sam to stop demon blood. one of those times. #not only are those fights p much like totally him in the right. he even thinks he’s in the right. #(compared to Amy where even dean knows he did something wrong. that’s WHY he lies about it.) #but also. outside of just Dean’s pov. he is right. Sam IS hurting himself. Sam is making a terrible choice #seeking a vengeance for his brother who isn’t even dead anymore and wants Sam to stop. #like Sam’s still doing his best to do the right thing. he’s after Lilith which is also Dean’s ultimate goal. #but he’s hurting himself to do it. he’s hurting their relationship to kill her. #and then heaven is also there meddling making everything worse. #actually the real lesson here is everyone go rewatch s4 god it’s so good #and it’s one of the times in the show where objectively? both of them have a point. both of them are right to get angry and fight each other #the show kind of falters with that a lot of the rest of the time #early seasons sam & dean fights my beloveds #HELL YOU COULD REACH BACK TO S1 #DEAN GOING NO. WE ARE GOING TO SAVE PEOPLE. WE CANNOT CHASE DAD ALL THE TIME. #(combined a little with ‘that’s what he’s telling us to do so we’ll do it.’ of course my tramautized good son <3) #but that’s!!! Dean’s right!!! hey Sam!! hey Sam!! maybe don’t just try to ditch hunts right in the middle of them!!! #(and Sam is also right. they need to find their dad. what if they don’t get to him in time. god early seasons sam & dean dynamic GETS IT) #spn #dean winchester