#PERSONALLY I BELIEVE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING ASEXUAL AND BEING AN INCEL BUT THAT’S JUST ME | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ltleflrt · 1 month

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Figuring out I'm on the ace spectrum was so difficult because I have always been a horny bitch. I knew what sex was at a fairly young age, because I'd asked my mom and she's one of those good parents who'll answer questions like those, and as I grew older and would ask more complex questions, her answers would evolve along with my curiosity and understanding of the world. And I remember having fantasies as young as 9 or 10 years old, even if they were hella vague and nothing close to what sex actually is lol

So as I became a teenager, and all my friends' focus turned from playing with dolls to flirting with boys, I automatically thought I was attracted to boys. And I paid more attention to Cute Boys than I did to Cute Girls, because girls were just nice to look at while boys were People To Have Crushes On. Because of heteronormativity. Looking back on it now, I know there were girls I liked to stare at just as intently as boys, although less often because I wasn't trying to pay attention. And I certainly didn't fantasize about girls because I started reading romance novels in 5th grade, so I was fantasizing about male romantic partners because that was the fiction I was consuming. I didn't even realize fantasizing about girls was possible until I was 17, and I had a few "am I a lesbian" internal crises for years because of it.

So when I did start having sex, I had A LOT OF IT with SO MANY different guys, and eventually a couple of women once I started accepting that bisexuality was real. But it was never really fulfilling. Not like my fantasies were. Not like my books were. I was slutty because sex was fun, I was horny, there were plenty of options so I kept searching for that satisfaction I was craving.

Getting married was a relief (even though it turns out I'm aro-spec too lol) because I was tired of hunting, and even if sex with my husband was meh, at least I had someone around to scratch that itch if I had it, and he didn't mind if I occasionally took care of things on my own because I'd read an especially hot scene in a romance.

I learned about asexuality in my early 20s, but I brushed it off. Couldn't be me, I'm far too horny for that. But I think that comes from the fact that everything you hear about Aces is attached to sex-repulsion or sex-indifference. I wasn't either of those things. I was horny all the dang time. I was fantasizing about sex all the dang time. I figured actual sex was meh because my imagination was so vivid that real life could never match up. Which could be true to an extent, but I think not as much as popular opinion would have us believe. If fantasy was really that much better for everyone, then I think we'd have less incels and unplanned pregnancies than we do.

In my 30s I finally saw people talking about The Spectrum, and I started examining my past, and I figured out I wasn't really attracted to anyone I had sex with. I do occasionally find someone attractive; there are men and women and enbies who make my skin feel tight and give me a little wave of lightheadedness lol... but it's always always the fantasy that gets me really going. If given the opportunity I wouldn't have sex with any of those people. Thank you, but no thank you, I'd rather just imagine it than physically participate in the act with them.

(Ok I might go down on them, but that's less about wanting sex, and more about being able to add them to my Tally. Hell yeah I want to brag about making *insert hot person* have an orgasm. There's PRIDE in that kind of accomplishment lol)

I have a lot of respect for aces that are not horny. I understand it even if I don't share the sentiment. And I feel like most of them understand me even if they don't share the sentiment. There's a solidarity between us.

Until I go into a fandom tag for a character that the aces have glommed onto because they're canonically ace or headcanoned as ace. Good lord, the non-horny aces can turn into downright vicious bastards if a horny ace sexualizes their blorbo.

This post is for them.

Horny aces exist. Please look up "autochorissexual, lithosexual, and aegosexual."

Refer to those definitions in regards to romantic attraction as well as sexual attraction.

Some aces may not fall into one of those definitions, because asexuality is a spectrum, but they may still be horny.

Horny aces are not disrespecting you by enjoying being horny on main. We promise we'll wash the stickiness off our hands before we hold your hands in queer solidarity.

And most importantly: Your blorbo is fictional and does not need to be defended from icky sexuality. They exist in an infinite multiverse, so your blorbo and my blorbo are not the same, even if they appear to be on the surface.

AND:

This post is also for the people who are confused about themselves because they're horny but don't actually feel attraction. You're not crazy, you're not wishy washy, you're not "waiting for the right person to come along" (unless you are, in which case I hope you find them). You're just a thin strip of color on a massive rainbow that holds more unique shades than anyone can perceive at a glance.

You're valid. You're one of us too.

And don't be mean to the non-horny aces. Tag your smut so they can avoid it. (But actually so I can find it lol)

#ltleramblings #queer stuff #seriously the fandom fights are so exhausting #thank goodness for the block button #asexuality

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tallysgreatestfan · 3 years

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3, 4, 5, 14?

3) are your ships usually more “problematic” or “unproblematic”?

Not really sure if necessarily more problematic, but definitely never the ones the larger fandom likes. Though, since I chose ships for feeling real, and real just often means complex, messy and sad, yeah, I would probably say problematic.

You see, if the story says two generic pretty people love each other deeper than anything and they end up together but they never bond and have nothing in common and their love is never shown it just does not work for me. But most of the fandom favorites are like this.

Also I love enemies to lovers between women, (or well, well written and respectful enemies to lovers between women) so I naturally have some ships deemed problematic: CornRell, CastaWeaver

4) a ship you think is fairly healthy and unproblematic but the fandom has decided to hate?

Entrapdak. The only darker thing about them is that they are both villains, and maybe how ableist the writing for them is. They’re nothing but respectful and loving with each other, they understand each other, they would do anything for each other. Sure, Hordak is a bit grumpy with her sometimes and she shoves him with her hair a bit sometimes, but its really just that, being grumpy and a bit of shoving. There is literally nothing else, everything else is completely fabricated. And it’s so obvious that it’s fabricated.

I can understand not liking this ship, because both of them are weird people and they are weird looking, not everybody is into that. But the level of harassment... Even if it is not directly in the “argument”, it is quite visible just from the tone and “tint” of it that it comes from a revolting mix of ableism, biphobia, them not being super generic looking teenagers, this radfem believe that all men are evil and impure and all women are completely innocent and have to be protected, and just being butthurt that not everybody caters to the antis specific own interests and not everything is about them for one second.

5) a ship you like but can’t find content for because it’s a fanpol fave?

Delenn/Lennier (Babylon 5)

I mean there are quite some fics from a time where the fandom aparently was not as toxic, but I know only like four different art pieces or so. In the entire fandom. And its impossible to search the names or shipname without finding hate rants.

And yeah, Delenn and Lenniers relationship is not entirely healthy, with him being so loyal to her that he rather ruins his mental health than leaving her and her never clarifying how she feels about him and keeping him around and using him because she needs it so much but also pushing him away at the same time, and also the gentle femdom dynamic they have can lead to power imbalance... but it is not nearly enough to warrent the intense hate and harassment about that ship, and especially not for the reason the antis do it.

In canon, Lennier just isn’t this selfish Incel who does not care how Delenn feels and just wants her sexually at any cost (hell, I am pretty sure he is canonically demisexual or asexual). But there are just so many people ranting how he reminds them at their stalker and how he could not take no, and I was once literally threatened physical violence just because I like him.

Clear case of: Deep relationship between ship part A and other character threatens our oh so perfect OTP so we have to harass everybody who ships it.

There is a reason I don’t really participate in Babylon 5 fandom anymore, only upload art sporadically but never more.

14) favorite “unproblematic” ship?

The tragedy. The AI themes. The contrast in their personalities

Sadly there seem to be a hell lot of biphobes and ableists shipping it, so I don’t feel comfortable anymore creating content for it, because I fear to cater to them.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #ask meme #ship meme #Entrapta/Hordak #Delenn/Lennier #Mara/Light Hope #fandom problems #anti bullshit #She-Ra #Babylon 5

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queers-for-true-equality · 6 years

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Okay so, we're done here.

I'm Mod Robbie, but you can call me David if you want. This blog was originally intended to be an inside joke between friends, but obviously you can tell it got a little bit more than out of hand.

I expected the post to not get very many notes, and maybe a few messages trying to educate us, but sadly that didn't happen. Most messages (aside from the only positive ones I've published) were rude or disgusting.

Sometimes it's kind of hard for us to see it, me being an actual liberal aligned person specifically, (My persona was a more dramatic, kind of uwu softboy version of myself and I stand by what I said.) but from the other side here I've noticed something.

Once you have a target, like a perceived blog full of 'anti-sjws' (Even though all of our characters had different opinions...), your empathy dies. And that's not a fault of yours obviously, because it's the result of a perceived threat, but it's something you really do need to think about.

Genocide jokes referencing the AIDS crisis (from a non gay man no less!), suicide baiting, rape threats, outright homophobia... It's obvious you don't actually care about "Social Justice" or whatever, you just want the moral high ground. It's a metaphorical dick measuring contest trying to see who can be the most right, and all of you pushed aside any morals and just killed the purpose. We tried to elicit a reaction, but the way people acted over a single obvious satire post is kind of disgusting.

For instance, this anonymous ask that upset me, a PTSD diagnosed CSA survivor who frequently gets real, severe panic attacks.

I don't believe that this is true, and if a post satirizing asexual discourse makes you feel that way, you probably shouldn't be on Tumblr. Not to even mention sending mentions of graphic CSA to a bunch of kids (all or most of which I believe are victims of this kind of thing too) is kind of gross. As in, it makes me feel ill that you'd share this. Either way, I sincerely doubt you got a panic attack from that, and you should get a better friend if you actually did.

Also we talked about how we were gay (We all are.) Lmfao. So like, homophobia references aren't really appreciated. Nice move though! (This is sarcasm, since most of you don't understand facetiousness apparently.)

I'm David, I'm an autistic, nineteen year old, gay, Black, gender-nonconforming (non-cis non-trans/nb fuck White western gender concepts), Amerindian/Latino, who is a survivor of various kinds of sexual assault, csa, abuse, and even disfigurement. All with a side of professionally diagnosed severe chronic PTSD. (P.S. Thanks anon for that vivid flashback!) You guys really showed your true colors this past week. I definitely learned a lot about ace Tumblr, that's for damn sure. Thank you, even though it was a hellish experience.

== Mod Robbie

Hello, I’m Mod Yuno, but you can call me Isa. I was the one who created this blog and the notorious incel post.

As David said, this blog was started as part inside joke and part “what would happen if we-“.

My expectations TOTALLY did not meet what actually happened.

I expected, like David did, for half of the people who saw our blog to treat it like a joke, and for the other half to brush it off as something silly. While we did get people from both sides, we also got some very extreme and hurtful responses.

A trend I’ve noticed on this website is that people will jump at an opportunity to send people r*pe and murder threats as long as it is “justified”. I did not expect this to happen, but it did, just the same.

We made a point by not going out and attacking others. We made a point by spreading extremely silly ideas that nobody would buy into. We made a point by not calling names and to give off this “stupid, confused tumblr kids” vibe, rather than an actively hostile and hurtful one.

What resulted was a big, horrible, hairy mess. I don’t personally mind what people added to our post, because that’s not MY opinions. But how people reacted to it was troubling, to say the least.

We got r*pe threats. We were told to kill ourselves, in many varying, graphic ways. We had genocide and AIDS jokes in our reblogs from non-gay men. As a r*pe and sexual assault survivor, I was appalled at how eager these people were to jump at an opportunity to wish these kinds of things on us, especially when they had the option to make themselves anonymous. Seriously- it feels like all humanity and morals are erased as soon as someone can say whatever they want to whoever they want with absolutely no consequences for them to face.

My name is Isa. I’m a 15 year old ethnically Jewish lesbian, a stalking survivor, and a csa/cocsa survivor. This blog taught us a lot- I hope it taught you something too.

-Mod “Yuno”

#mod robbie #text post #mod yuno #i (david/robbie) am editing here to add that the other mods aren't online right now but we decided to post anyways

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aphris · 3 years

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I need an answer to the men v woman autism question

So if you’ve been on Twitter in the past few days, you’ve probably seen this video of a young woman going around professing her belief that the economy is “made up” or a “social construct”. There is not a hint of irony to her video, not a speck. She made a response video today where the professes to know “all about” economics but to believe that it’s “stupid” and “unneeded” and “made up” (again). In this video she complains about being “mansplained to by cishet incel white males”. She again, said this with no detectable sense of irony.

Normally, this woman makes videos about autism acceptance and other autism related things, and I guess those videos are fine. They’re nothing exactly special but I suppose if they keep “autism mommies” from abusing their autistic kids, then they serve a purpose.

But this brings me to something I’ve noticed for a long time. There is a clear split between autistic people that is generally sex segregated to such a degree that I (1) and one good friend of mine are the only two women I’ve ever met who fall on the male-typical side. On the female-typical side of autism I have yet to meet, hear of, or witness even one man who lies there.

I will lay out the principals of the two archetypes below.

Male Typical:

These men are the reason for the 4chan autism stereotype. They’re very typically or obviously autistic. More likely to “stim” violently or self destructively. Less likely to be familiar with the discourse surrounding autism. Either incredibly adept at irony, or totally stunted. Overtly socially maladjusted, may even be extroverted but mysteriously bad at parties. Negative rather than positive expressions. Flat affect. Adept in visual art or the maths and sciences, inept in language based activities. Genuinely unfiltered. Offensive or unintentionally mean. If political, radical (likely right wing); if apolitical, entirely detached. Unfashionable. Poorly or specifically groomed. (There are probably more but that’s all I can add right now)

Female Typical:

Unlikely to be able to spot their autism, likely come across as differently mentally ill. Very up on current autism discourse. Socially capable, yet probably still introverted. Socially anxious due to being adept in social situations. Bisexual or asexual. Has a unique sense of humor to an average degree of irony detection. More likely to positively “stim”. More positive overall. Average Affect. Likely to talk about “masking”. Desperate to not offend. Kind intentionally. Adept in the sciences and in places of language or particularly acting. Inept in math. “Gifted kid burnout”. Almost always political; progressive, centrist, liberal. (Emma ACAB is probably autistic). Fashionable. Well or averagely groomed.

I NEED to know why this is. I know why I am the way I am, I have a severe hormone imbalance that basically makes me 1/4 a man, but my one girl friend I mentioned above has no such imbalance, at least to my knowing. I must know, someone has to know.

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1) I should clarify that despite several trips to psychiatrists, no doctor has been able to decide if I have autism or STPD. The closest diagnosis I’ve received is schizotypal-autism which is not a valid diagnosis in in the US. So, I will be diverting from my own experiences to my observations of others as my personal experience is probably skewed.

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