#One thing is saying that britain is the greatest fucking country on earth

[profetessa]

I'm currently studying a bunch of english textbooks for an exam on english culture and let me tell you, the way the british talk about themselves really is fucked up

#I hate them #God I hate them #'some say that the English empire was evil :(' #Oh??? #They've always been fucking evil since the dawn of time #Now.. One thing is saying things as they are #The pure and objective truth about historical events (ex in 1776 the 13 British colonies rose up against the mother country) #One thing is saying that britain is the greatest fucking country on earth #I HATE THEM #And the fact that they think what they write is creepy #Like I'm not even joking #It's scary

[comradekatara]

sexism in the fire nation?? I want more examples!!

Okay, I’m not sure exactly to which post you’re referring, but you should know I have made a post expounding on this topic in the past. I do wish to speak on it further, though, because there seems to be this widespread belief among the fandom that the Fire Nation is the least sexist of all four nations during Aang’s time—and this bothers me for a number of reasons…

7 more paragraphs under the cut because it seems I have no self control???

The Fire Nation is an imperialist state that profits off of its colonialism, to the detriments of the territories it colonizes (obviously). Therefore, it makes sense that the FN seems more modernized than the rest of the world. But do not mistake their technological advancement for social progress. It is common propaganda that social progress moves with technological progress, in the same direction, and at the same pace. (For one thing, define “social progress.”) Colonialist states such as Israel will try to justify their occupation of Palestinian territory and oppression of Palestinians with, “Okay, yeah, maybe we’re doing those things, but we’re also the only country in the Middle East with LGBT rights!” And um, sure, Tel Aviv has a pride parade, but the Israeli gov’t also directly oppresses LGBT Palestinians. Or how when India decriminalized homosexuality and a lot of dumb liberals were like, “Good for India for finally catching up to the West!” when it was Western (British) influence that fucked India up in the first place. 

And even so, these are not the best examples I could give, because the FN can’t even boast gay rights. Now, you all know I tend to see the comics as a buffet of canon; I pick and choose what feels right, and if I doubt its plausibility, I have no problem ignoring it. At first, I was dubious to the claim that Firelord Sozin criminalized homosexuality. Apparently, being gay was all fine and dandy in the Fire Nation before Sozin (which I highly doubt, but still) and then all of a sudden he’s rounding up his subjects and sending them off to… well, it never exactly specifies, but you can guess. Again, not many specifics are given. But, it would make sense for an autocrat boasting the glory of his nation to need a scapegoat, and “the homosexuals” seem a pretty decent target. I mean, it’s not like this doesn’t have historical precedent. So while I initially marked it as kind of immature writing, just the idea that Bad Man is Homophobe because Bad, the more I examined the Fire Nation royal family of ATLA, the more it made sense that the Fire Nation has a history of egregious homophobia. 

Instead of looking to Sozin, who we truly know nothing about other than the fact that he liked to throw grass in people’s faces as a kid (which, uh, same—okay tangent, but why is ripping grass out of the ground and then throwing it like confetti so satisfying? Anyway), we need to look at the interplay among Ozai, Zuko, Iroh, Azula, and Ursa. Now, it’s really not hard to apply a queer reading to Zuko’s arc. I mean, the fact that it plays out like a 1:1 of a coming-out narrative wasn’t intentional on the part of the head writers is, frankly, staggering. And saying this isn’t to diminish the importance of his moral growth—one of understanding his own complicity in the war, and taking on the responsibility to mitigate his family’s legacy of violence and terror—but it is actually impossible to ignore the role Gender plays in all of this. If the Fire Nation was truly free of sexism, which, by the way, is impossible because its culture is too steeped in real-world influences to be able to separate imperialist values from upholding patriarchy, Zuko’s story would have played out much differently. For the record, you could switch out the word “Honor” for masculinity in not just ATLA, but a lot of other texts as well (especially those involving duels) and I bet we’d all come to understand just how silly and deluded the entire concept is. Of course, honor does not necessarily equate to masculinity. Acting honorably is whatever the culture defines it to be. For the Fire Nation, their culturally is militaristically-inclined, and so Zuko tries desperately to be a good soldier. Of course, Zuko is terrible at War, and thus is considered a failure. Being nurturing, compassionate, sensitive, or gentle is seen as weakness, and thus Zuko is forced to suppress these inherent traits if he does not want to be deemed weak. To be clear, Zuko does not learn how to be good; he learns that he is good. That he’s okay as he is, and that he should trust to act on his instincts, because they were right all along. 

Concurrently, while Azula’s arc is certainly less Gender than Zuko’s is (Toph proves the closest parallel to Zuko in that regard), misogyny is a pervasive element in understanding why she is the way she is. Unlike Zuko, who is, frankly, encouraged to yell (as it is pretty much the only form of emotional expression men are permitted to display) Azula must remain poised at all times if she wants to stay in her parents’ good graces. She clearly had better discipline than Zuko did as a child—and that is partially due to raw talent, but talent can only get you so far. Her flames weren’t always blue. While, yes, Azula is valued for typically masculine traits, such as her physical prowess, cunning, and “stoicism,” she is the Crown Princess. It is expected of her to follow in her father’s footsteps and promote military dominance during her inevitable reign. And surely you must be saying, “Well, if there are female Firelords, case closed, right? If a woman can be supreme ruler, then clearly the country cannot be sexist.” Riiiiiiight. Because Ancient Egypt wasn’t sexist. Because Britain. Etc.

I also see people saying that there were female guards at the Boiling Rock. Other than the fact that the Boiling Rock seems like it’s a bit short on guards and will take what they can get at the moment (Sokka and Zuko are both children who do not fit into those uniforms and no one questions it. No one even says, “Hey, aren’t you a little too young to work here?” …which is a shame, because the response, “I’m an intern..?” would’ve floored me) working-class women have always participated in labor. The Boiling Rock is not a gender-segregated prison. The only thing they care about is whether or not you’re a threat to the Fire Nation. They don’t even care if you’re an actual child (see: Suki). Seeing as the Fire Nation is deeply concerned with the containment of rebel forces, and the prison is fucking huge, it makes sense that they would hire a handful of women along with the male guards. It doesn’t seem like a job many would want (although with the Fire Nation’s brainwashing it’s hard to say), and they could use all hands on deck. But do we see any female high-ranking military officials? Any female soldiers in their military at all? The worst jobs cannot afford not to hire women. The Firelord cannot afford not to turn his daughter into a weapon simply because she is female. (His dumb gay son is clearly inept and a lost cause.) Azula’s greatest advantage is that people underestimate her. She enlists the help of Mai and Ty Lee, two teenage girl non-benders, because she knows that agility is key. She would rather blend in, be able to move through crowds unnoticed, than to show off (not to say she doesn’t like showing off, but she is distinctly subtler than Zuko, not to mention Ozai). In this way, her cunning and prowess are feminine qualities. Her swallowing of her emotional outbursts is a distinctly female trait. Under patriarchy, men are, in fact, encouraged to display their emotions more than women are, because at least men get to be angry. Azula is hyperaware of how misogyny operates in society, and she uses that as yet another tool in her arsenal. 

Now, I cannot go without mentioning Iroh’s treatment of Azula. We’re clearly all thinking it. Pre-Lu Ten’s-Death-Inspired-Epiphany-Iroh sends his niece and nephew some gifts from the Earth Kingdom: a doll and a knife, respectively. He sends the wrong toy to the wrong kid. First of all, he sends a ten-year-old Zuko a knife, which is decidedly not a toy (though he still manages to use it like one), and he sends a doll to Azula, which she immediately burns out of spite. Azula rejects gender roles in the same way Zuko does, but there is another layer to it, because femininity and women are so devalued; masculinity and association to it is a way of gaining power. Thus, Azula must perform femininity (physical perfection, “One hair out of place”) to gain approval and can never be caught slipping if she wants to be taken seriously. Unlike Zuko, who never once acts dignified, and is never taken seriously, Azula has learned to utilize these roles to her advantage in every possible way. And yet, Iroh does not care about how well she presents herself. She is a woman, and she wields too much power. Of course, the latter part is true. She is far too powerful considering her agenda, and she does need to be stopped (and helped). But when Iroh says, “No, she is crazy and needs to go down,” there are some heavily gendered implications at play here. To put it outright: Iroh is a sexist. He may have critically reexamined his views on war and peace after the death of his son, but that clearly did not extend to gender. Even a subtle thing, like constantly trying to set Zuko up with random girls in Ba Sing Se (it’s implied it’s not a one-off occurrence) (also, why would he be so rude to those poor girls as to force them to go on a date with Zuko, the actual worst person you could ever go on a date with except for perhaps a serial killer) seems a bit…. presumptuous. Not that I’m necessarily faulting him for his heteronormativity. Suki never had the chance to introduce him to Judith Butler after all, seeing as they had a war to win under intense time pressure and all that when they met. Maybe afterward, though. It’s the least he could do to better connect with his #Wells4Boys nephew (and #MyLittleStepchildren niece—though they truly have their work cut out for them). 

So yeah, assuming that sexism does not exist in the Fire Nation ignores the real-world implication of those claims. The Fire Nation is largely modeled after imperialist Japan, among other cultural influences. To then claim that an imperialist, militaristic society can exist without patriarchy in a cultural landscape so similar to our own is heavily reductive and downright ignorant. Not to mention, there’s pretty clear evidence throughout the entire show that the Fire Nation is sexist, among every class, and on a systemic, structural level.

So when people say, “Sexism is bad for men, as they are taught to repress their emotions, and they hurt themselves and others in the process,” they are, in fact, talking about Zuko. QED.

#analysis #zuko #azula #iroh #yeah this is two thousand words... #hope its adequate!!! lol #anon #asks

[bailesu]

July 4, 1776, 1863, and 2018

Warning:  I hate Trump with a burning atomic fury and what follows is a mixture of my family’s history, America’s history and me damning Trump to burn in Hell for eternity.  If you don’t want to read that, skip the read more and go on.  I totally understand.

This is the America’s day, for good and for ill, for America has been both a great country and a terrible one.  We sent men to the moon and set high ideals of equality and freedom... then failed to live up to them again and again.  I love my country, but sometimes it drives me crazy.  Its past is full of glory and horror, good deeds and terrible deeds, and above all greatness, but greatness can be wonderful or horrible.

On this day in 1776, the Continental Congress issued a document which declared American Independence.  But not just Independence.  It laid out the idea that all men are created equal by God, with inalienable rights of life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.  This high ideal thus became one of the foundation stones of America.

It was written by a man who owned dozens of slaves and had children by one of them, who he continued to own.  Thomas Jefferson managed to embody both our highest ideals and our greatest depravities.  

One in four Americans were slaves in 1776.  Women could not vote and neither could White Men who lacked Property.  Child abuse was the normal way you raised your kids.  Threatening to murder your political rivals was basically normal.  One of our great leaders of the Revolution, Sam Adams, was basically a man who organized riots and lynching.  (Lynching of people who served Britain, rather than Blacks, but lynching is murder, whoever the victim.)

By any modern standard, America in 1776 was a terrible place, a land carved out by killing Native Americans directly to take their land and indirectly by disease.  (Mind you, every nation, including the ones we killed off, has a history of killing neighbors and taking their land; the nations without that history died.)  

But it was also the seedbed of modernity; it became a democracy, if not a very good one, and its ideals still ring across the ages and have provided leverage to every group trying to get fair treatment instead of stomping.  We helped inspire the French Revolution and the rise of Nationalism.  In 1945, when Vietnam declared Independence from France, the first lines of their declaration read:

All men are created equal; they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights; among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. This immortal statement was made in the Declaration of Independence of the United States of America in 1776. In a broader sense, this means: All the peoples on the earth are equal from birth, all the peoples have a right to live, to be happy and free.

America has always struggled with the tension between this high ideal and the deeds our country has done which are not high or noble.  We often fail, but on this day, we have to look again to this ideal and work to make it real.  

My own ancestors were all tangled up in this mess.  Three Quaker Brothers fled to America to escape persecution and the loss of their family’s lands due to the British Civil Wars, settling in Pennsylvania.  One of the brothers, Thomas, eventually went South to North Carolina.  He is my ancestor, and his family soon came to own slaves.  They were never top-tier slaveowners but they prospered.

If you are a White Southerner, your ancestors either owned slaves, supported the slave system without owning slaves, or both, unless they came South very recently.  We all have to deal with that legacy.  Many in the South don’t want to, but if this country is ever to heal the wounds inflicted by over 250 years of slavery, then we have to.

During the Revolution, Thomas’s son, also named Thomas, fought in the Revolution.  By killing Cherokees; they allied with the British to save their lands and they found out the hard way that Britain couldn’t help them.  On this day, 1776, he was sitting in a military camp, but soon they would return and drive the Cherokee out of part of North Carolina and all of South Carolina.  (Ironically, many years later, a member of the Richardson family would marry a Cherokee woman and their later descendant would marry one of Thomas’ descendants.)  He may eventually have fought the British, but we have no record of it.

Thomas’ grandson, William Alexander Christopher Biles, was born on the plantation.  His family made him go pick cotton with the slaves a lot but we don’t know why exactly; it would serve him well later when his family lost everything but we have to assume that he probably hated it at the time.  William’s father was too old to fight (In his 70s!) but William was not.  He fought in a North Carolina regiment and was shot and stabbed repeatedly, including having his skull cut open and a gut wound.  This happened during Pickett’s Charge, so he was left behind in Union hands; a doctor, his name lost, operated and saved his life after initial triage had said he wasn’t worth trying to save.  Whoever he was, he was a miracle worker, because somehow he saved WAC’s life, though he had a plate in his head for the rest of his life.  In fact, he *escaped* from the hospital and returned to duty until the final surrender at Appomatox!  We don’t know his motives for fighting, but it was probably a mixture of wanting to save slavery and loyalty to his state.  It would be nice if I could say he was anti-slavery, but he wasn’t even the Jeffersonian kind of anti-slavery, where you still own slaves, but you do limit slavery’s growth somewhat.  By 1860, your choices were basically either to say ‘SLAVERY IS AWESOME’ or flee to the North, that far South.  (In the border states, you could say ‘I hate black people, so I want to end slavery so I can get rid of them’.  This is not a huge moral step forward.)

His family’s estates unravelled; the Biles clan did not know how to get by without slaves.  He went west to Missouri and worked with his brother a while, then became a farmer; he was not good at either, but his cotton-picking skills enabled him to get by; I can only imagine he found it rather humiliating.  And as a slaveowner, he deserved humiliating.

To be White in America carries the shame of having ancestors who did terrible stuff.  Some of it was so accepted you can’t blame them too much but others *could* have done better and didn’t.  The essential problem of being descended of the winners is that they probably did terrible things to win.  (And the problem of being descended of those who lost is that your ancestors got thrown down the stairs and lost it all.)

I don’t feel guilt for my ancestors, but I do feel responsibility.  I cannot control what they did, but I do benefit from it and part of my response to that has to be to try and make a better America, to help overcome our worst impulses.  And I do that by teaching, so that those coming up will understand our past, why we did terrible things, and how we can do better.  (And how we did awesome things too, because the hardest part of history is that the same people can do wonders and horrors at once.)

Which brings us to the now.  I was describing 1920s and 30s fascism to my students and one said, “So, basically, Trump.”

And it’s certainly way too close.  I am lucky; as a White Man, I am automatically spared much of the worst of Trump and his idiot followers.  This country has always been tilted in my favor.  

Trump embodies pretty much all of America’s past sins, but also is basically the biggest drooling idiot who has ever sat in the White House, making even Harding look like a supergenius.  He knows how to work his audience, but he’s utterly incompetent at governing, to the extent you can call it governing.  He embodies sexism, racism, egomania, and cruelty.  He is a man who instinctively degrades and bullies everyone around him, who has cheated on all of his wives and abused his mistresses, a rapist, a thug, and a cheat.  He is a horrible human being in almost every possible way.  Many people who claim to be Christian flock to him because they have flushed Christ down the toilet long ago, but unfortunately, flushing Christ down the toilet has a long history in American religion.  

If there is a hell, Trump is going to roast in it and if there is not, we’ll have to make one just for him.  I want to see him fall like Lucifer from Heaven, if Lucifer fell into a mixture of broken glass, shards of metal, and lava.  But it’s important to remember, Trump is not some alien aberration; he incarnates real American flaws, mixed with his personal flaws of being a pig-ignorant, aggressively anti-thinking man-baby molester of women with vast wealth he has always abused to shield himself from consequences.  Racism, sexism, greed, and so on all have a long history in this country.  And his supporters voted for him with their eyes wide open.  We cannot expect any better from them.

America has a huge cancer and that cancer often has been driving the national bus, so to speak.  And getting rid of it is going to be a long fight.  But bringing change to this country is always a long, hard fight.

So on this Fourth of July, fuck Trump to hell, along with all his shitty supporters.  We have nearly two more years of this shithole before we can toss him on his ass.  (Impeachment takes 2/3rds in the Senate, so it’s not happening even if we take both houses, I fear).  May we sweep the Republican party, which has devolved from the people who ended slavery to a resting place for all of America’s sins, into the garbage pile in November and again in two years.  Growing up in America means I’ve watched the Republican party gradually mutate into a degenerate, feral hate society run by a mixture of greed, racism, and fake Christianity.  

Fuck the Republican party and all the morons who vote for it, whichever one of the Seven Deadly Sins drives them to spew hatred, abuse immigrants, rob the poor to make the rich richer, and to destroy all our alliances and trade relations.  They chose a feral animal as President, a molester and a bully, and I hope he destroys them all.

May they all eat shit and die.

#In Short #Our President is a pile of shit #But he represents America's Shit #So We have to deal with that #History

[stylinsonlibrary]

Hello, sweetheart(s). Could you please list some enemies to lovers aus that are sort of underrated? Just, generally undiscovered. Thank yiu very much

UNDERRATED ENEMIES TO LOVERS FIC REC

(Enemies to lovers fics that have under 10k hits!)

I’ll Be There (5k)

Louis is less than thrilled to find out his roommate has coerced his nemesis to check on him whilst he’s sick in bed. However, Harry seems to take great pleasure in taking care of Louis. Maybe this green smoothie drinking, hot yoga instructing, hair in a bun wearing, pretentious art history studying wanker isn’t so bad after all.

On Monday, Louis thinks Harry’s a twat. By Friday, he’s thinking of reasons for him to stay.

Let’s Go Get Away (6k)

When Louis had moved to the island a year ago, he only wanted two things: to serve good food to good people, and to live on the beach.

Was that too much to ask for?

Apparently the universe thought so, because Louis had only gotten three months of blissful, uninterrupted beach living before Harry Styles moved in to the empty shop next door. Louis was hoping whoever took over the space might be a tour guide, or even another restaurant (with non-competing menu options, of course), but no – he had gotten Harry Styles. The guy who wore Hawaiian dad-shirts unironically. The guy who spent his time making soap by hand out of goat’s milk.

Or, a fluffy AU in which Louis owns a restaurant that’s next door to Harry’s shop, and Louis is completely unaware how smitten he really is.

Vanity and Pride (9k)

“And you have more important faces to remember than the one who helps you get all pretty for the people you actually care about impressing, yeah I get it.” Louis says, raising an eyebrow and shaking his head. Unbelievable.

“No, it’s just-” Harry tries to explain.

“Look, it’s fine. You’re definitely not the first conceited model to inadvertently snub me, don’t you worry.” Louis tells him, and a part of him wants to go full-on Made in Chelsea and throw what’s left of his vodka tonic in Harry’s stupid pretty face.

One Taste And He Want It (9k)

Stan: Yeah, dude. Listen to Steve and Oli, as much as I hate to say it.

Perrie: Well I’m supportive. If you two actually got together, it would be super cute. Perrie: Jesy says she stans you and supports your marriage

Stan: Shut up, Perrie. He doesn’t need more fuel for this. Stan: For real, Louis, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

Louis: Too late. I’m captain, which means my vote counts more than yours, and my mind’s already made up. I’m gonna woo him and learn about his team and we’re gonna kick their asses.

Or the one where Harry and Louis are the captains of the two Frisbee Battles teams in the finals, and Louis has to find a way for his team to win. Seduction is, naturally, the only option.

Same White Shirt (10k)

“Oh my God. What are you holding?”

Harry was startled to hear an English voice coming from behind him that he didn’t know. He’d thought he knew all the English employees around here. When he turned around there was a man with the most stunning eyes and incredible cheekbones known to man in the doorway looking with absolute distaste at the suit Harry had just been thinking of so fondly.

“It’s my suit for the show,” Harry said firmly. This guy was obviously an assistant if the badge and plate of fruit he was holding were anything to go by, but as he began walking to where the table was in the room, Harry noticed he was walking with a slight limp. Oh shit.

Or the one where Harry’s on the Late Late Show for a week and several misunderstandings with a certain mouthy assistant James recently hired make things that much more interesting.

feel my heart beating (12k)

‘90s AU where Louis’ addicted to matchmaking and Harry’s just playing along.

Rush Hour (14k)

“You know,” Harry says,leaning against the wall of the tube. “I could do a photoshoot of you and your calculator. I’d give you a generous discount.”

They stop at Oxford Circus and Louis scoots closer to Harry in order to make room for those exiting. “Well there’s an idea I’ve never thought of before.”

“I’d be very tasteful,” Harry nods his head. “It could be a nude shoot! Nothing but your calculator to cover your, um, your Piccadilly.”

“Oh my God!” Louis exclaims, laughter coming out in between words. “You did not just call my dick "my Piccadilly.”

or the one where Louis is an accountant in the City who hates his job and Harry is a photographer with bad jokes. They have the same commute on the tube.

Cuffed (15k)

What would you do if you were handcuffed to your enemy for 48 hours?

You’re So Square (Baby I Don’t Care) (15k)

“So does it say who my new co-counsellor is?”

“Yeah, it does.” Zayn doesn’t even try to hide his smirk and Louis just knows.

He sucks in a breath. “It’s that bloody Styles kid, isn’t it?”

Zayn starts cackling, and Louis takes a moment to rethink every life decision he’s ever made, figure out where he went wrong and why karma hates him so much.

“I’m stuck with Britain’s Biggest Boy Scout for the rest of the summer, aren’t I?”

Or a summer camp au where Louis tries to sort out whether he wants to murder or snog his perky co-counsellor.

You’ve got me running from the daylight (15k)

If there was one thing that Louis had never, ever wanted in his whole vampire life, it was having to protect a bratty newborn from five fucking vampire clans. Too bad he got stuck with the assignment anyway.

Or the one where Harry and Louis are both vampires and acting like assholes towards each other until at some point they can’t anymore.

The Man I Love (15k)

It’s the Roaring Twenties, a time of blissful prosperity, overflowing champagne flutes, adrenaline-filled dancing, and the rise of the Jazz Age—and Louis Tomlinson absolutely abhors it all. A stickler for modest classics, jazz is the bane of Louis’ existence.

Coincidentally, Harry Styles is the bass player for an underground jazz band.

Or The 1920s AU where Louis is a hardworking, no nonsense paralegal, Harry is in love with the greatest city on earth, Zayn is the enigmatic leader of the band, Niall’s just there to make sure everyone’s having a good time, and Liam is the barber who started it all.

hope your heart is strong enough (19k)

Doctors AU. Louis and Harry were taught in medical school that you will not be able to save everyone but that’s just life, it happens. That doesn’t mean they’re not going to try.

Can’t Start A Fire Without A Spark (22k)

Louis Tomlinson is the pop sensation with his first new single out since taking a personal hiatus from the spotlight. Harry is a paparazzi hired to photograph him during promo. Louis hates paparazzi with a passion, but there’s just something about the pretty young pap with wide green eyes and chocolate curls that Louis can’t shake from his head.

Dust to Dust (23k)

“There’s no way it’s true.” Harry shrugged, letting out a small laugh. “Louis can’t be… dead.”

Dead. The force of the word hit Harry like a ton of bricks. There were actually rumours that his Louis was dead. His heart rate picked up. It wasn’t true. No way.Harry, an active participant in the One Direction Tumblr fandom, comes across a rumour that Louis died and has been replaced with a lookalike.

On The Open Road (24k)

Harry and Louis grew up together, they shared childhood and teenage memories, but they never really got along.

What happens when they reunite after four years of not seeing each other, and they find out that the person they hated so much is not the same person anymore?

Or a short roadtrip!au in which Harry and Louis have to travel together across the US, deal with the past and of course, share a bed.

Gold Running Through My Veins (24k)

Harry can’t help himself when he leers. No one ever said you had to be unaffected by your own teammate’s body. Louis has a great one. He’s compact with muscle, curves in places Harry could only dream to touch one day. They hate each other, on the surface. It’s always been this way. Some ribbing here, some eyebrow raises there. But Harry would be lying if he was forced to admit he’s never thought of Louis in a different way.

“Take a picture, Styles. It’ll last longer,” Louis says as he ambles past with Zayn. His board shorts brush Harry’s shoulder, water droplets cool to the touch.

“Fuck off,” Harry responds. He’s got his part to play.

Or, an Olympic gymnastics AU that finds sworn enemies Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson on the same Olympic team, battling it out for gold medals in Belgium while they fall, quite stubbornly, in love. Featuring a steamy striptease in an empty gym, Harry canoodling with a gymnast from another country, a bit of sight-seeing in gorgeous Belgium and some really delicious waffles.

As Good As It Gets (27k)

Louis’s arms fling out, almost hitting Harry in the face. “Of course you did! You constantly made me feel small, insignificant, Harry. It wasn’t until that last day that you really made me feel worthless though.”

“I had no idea…” He says in wonder. Did he really?

“You had no idea? Why is it so hard for me to believe that? You knew Harry, and you enjoyed it. Because when you made me feel small, you made yourself feel big. But I decided I wasn’t going to be around to prop you up anymore. And I’m not going to be around to do it now, so just, please, leave me alone.“

Or the enemies to lovers/roommates AU where Louis and Harry really don’t get along until they just kind of… do.

Sail into the Sun (31k)

Prince Louis Tomlinson is sick of the closet. Harry Styles is a con man with a hatred of rich people. Louis needed a way out, Harry needed a husband. It was a mutual agreement. Doesn’t mean they have to like each other.

How Far We’ve Come (32k)

“This is Harry Styles,” Chiron offers.

He’s beautiful. His eyes are a stunning green, the color of new foliage. The new kid’s limbs are long and lanky—he looks extremely uncomfortable and uncoordinated. Louis internally smirks to himself, guessing the kid probably won’t be too skilled with a sword, or a bow, or anything sharp, most likely. His hair falls to his shoulders in sets of loose, brown curls. The color is rich and luscious, resembling soil so much that it looks like flowers could sprout from his hairline at any moment. But Louis’ eyes are stuck on his soft looking lips, pink as flower petals and slightly parted as his eyes scan the horizon of the camp.

“Welcome to Camp Half-Blood, Harry.”

Before We Evaporate (37k)

Louis Tomlinson; executive chef and owner of his own five star restaurant, been voted one of the top chefs in London, and has won several awards for his work in the kitchen. He’s always dreamed of being on Chopped, but never believed it would actually happen. Until it does. Now that he’s officially made it onto the show, there’s one tall, curly haired distraction that might just ruin everything for him.

Or the kinda sorta enemies to lovers Chopped AU with far more smut than necessary.

Move On Back To Me (41k)

Louis Tomlinson had moved on, made a new life for himself in London as a successful solicitor, so why now did his past have to resurface after all this time. Despite the years that have gone by, a ridiculous growth spurt and an obnoxious man bun, he would still be able to recognise Harry Styles anywhere, even if it just so happened to be in his office’s kitchen making tea.

A lawyer AU, featuring reluctant case partners, hurt feelings, a footie team that can’t seem to catch a break and a misunderstanding, but ultimately a plan for love to win out, along with the help of some good friends.

Crying lightning (42k)

Louis doesn’t remember the accident, and when he wakes up he finds that he doesn’t remember any of the last ten years of his life either. All he knows is there’s some curly-haired bloke by his bed claiming to be the husband he shares a house, a dog, and a life with, two siblings he’s never met before waiting for him in the waiting room, and more niggling questions at the back of his head than anyone can physically answer.

This really isn’t how he planned to spend his Wednesday.

Here (In Your Arms) (42k)

College AU where Louis is the upperclassman frat boy with problems too deep for alcohol to drown out, and Harry is the stereotypical freshman with plans to figure out who he is.

OR Louis has a lot more issues than not letting anyone into his room, and Harry can’t help but help the needy.

You Took My Soul And Wiped it Clean (Our Love Was Made for Movie Screens) (48k)

His world began to grow back. He graduated with his three best mates, went off to uni, was majoring in education, managed to get decent grades. He was doing fine without Harry Styles in his life. One boy who he knew for five weeks five years ago was nothing. Harry Styles was nothing.

Except he wasn’t. Except that whenever something happened, Louis wanted to call up Harry and tell him. Except that whenever Louis ate a pastry, he told himself that it’d never be as good as the ones Harry could make. Except that coffee no longer tasted as good as it had when he’d been sitting across from a pretty boy with pretty curls and pretty lips and pretty green eyes. Except that in spite of everything, Harry Styles was still everything.

Louis was doing a pretty good job at pretending Harry Styles didn’t exist in the world - up until one of his housemates moves out, and he and his three best mates are in search of a fifth person to split the bills with and Harry Styles shows up on their doorstep.

Galileo (63k)

“Dangerous? Not haute?” Harry mused. “Why not haute?”

“‘Course you’re haute, babe,” Louis smiled. He reached out to fix a stray curl that had dropped down onto Harry’s forehead. Harry stared at him with a dimpled smile, and Louis reared his head back to laugh. Harry craned his head back in parallel with Louis’s, watching him. He couldn’t peel his eyes away. Louis Tomlinson laughing was the most beautiful thing in the world.

“You’re a whole other level of charming, you know that?” Louis said. Harry leaned forward to kiss Louis. They both closed their eyes, savoring the moment. It was a kiss that should have happened ages ago.

Louis was captain of the state championship high school soccer team. Harry was that gorgeous, scarf-wearing, long-limbed British kid in his art class. They weren’t supposed to be friends.

But somewhere along the line, Louis Tomlinson opened the locked mystery that was Harry Styles.

Tastes like Gold (73k)

AU. A lot of musicians dream about making it big and Harry is no exception. He has all the pieces to build a rocket ship to the music industry, but he’s missing the key. The songwriter. Ft. overbearing mangers, stunts, and a grumpy Louis Tomlinson.

you’re cold and I burn (77k)

Louis’ love for pretty colors and aesthetics, paired with his immense passion for painting beautiful flowers has stars in his eyes and thoughts of a successful career.

unfortunately, budding artists will struggle at first, so, cue the unwanted roommate. it only gets worse when the new addition is a sarcastic, flirty, and style-ignorant annoyance. all complete with a dingy leather jacket and a vast array of tattoos.

Bullet in the Dark (93k)

Louis hates college. But he hates Harry more. Well, sometimes hate can turn to love though… right?

#masterpost #asks #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends to lovers #Anonymous

[the-desolated-quill]

Victory Of The Daleks - Doctor Who blog (Matt Smith And The Amazing Technicolor Pepper Pots)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

When did Mark Gatiss lose his bollocks? Back when he worked as part of the dark comedy quartet the League of Gentlemen, he wrote some truly great stuff. Even his first Who story, The Unquiet Dead, was pretty good, although he was somewhat hindered because he was having to write for children as well as adults and so had to dampen his dark material down a bit. But since then his work has slipped further and further downhill. The Idiot’s Lantern was rubbish. The less said about his work on the god awful Sherlock, the better. Now we’ve got Victory Of The Daleks.

The Doctor and Amy arrive in WW2 to meet up with Winston Churchill, who has a new secret weapon that could help turn the tide of the war in Britain’s favour. But these so called Ironsides may have a more sinister goal in mind...

First let’s quickly talk about the WW2 setting. Not exactly original, I know, considering we’ve already explored it in The Empty Child two parter, but to be fair that story was told more from the perspective of the civilians. We haven’t seen the soldiers and higher up’s perspective yet, so there could still be some gold in this mine yet. Pity they don’t bother digging for it.

Yes this is WW2, but it’s the stereotypical WW2. Pilots and generals shouting ‘tally-ho’ in OTT Received Pronunciation British accents. People saluting the Union flag while composer Murray Gold gives himself a patriotic boner with his constant fanfares crashing and banging in the background of every scene. Even Winston Churchill (who is portrayed exceptionally well by Ian McNeice) is little more than a caricature (did he have to smoke a cigar in every scene?). There’s no effort to really explore the grim reality of fighting in a war like this. There is an effort to get us to form an emotional connection with that woman whose boyfriend gets shot down whilst flying over the Channel, but it just felt a bit half-arsed. This is a romanticised version of war. Heroic men and women doing their bit for Queen and country, and back home in time for tea. Compared to the likes of, say, Genesis Of The Daleks where they don’t shy away from the morbid and tragic misery of battle, Victory Of The Daleks feels a bit pathetic by comparison.

While I’m not too fond of the romanticised WW2 setting, and this episode in general, I must confess I do love the first 15 minutes. The Daleks feel right at home here, which is not surprising considering that they’re supposed to be an allegory for the Nazis. And a shiny gold star has to go Matt Smith’s performance. His frustration toward Churchill and his pure rage toward the Daleks, culminating in him hitting one of them repeatedly with an oversized wrench, was incredibly powerful. After centuries of fighting these pepper pots, the Doctor has just about had enough of this shit, and Smith conveys that perfectly. He’s no slouch at the comedy neither. I love how he uses a Jammy Dodger to trick the Daleks into standing down. That feels so utterly Doctorly.

Ideally Victory Of The Daleks should have been a two part story, I feel. The first 15 minutes has some legitimately good ideas, but they’re not given the time to fully develop. Gatiss is clearly taking a lot of inspiration from the Patrick Troughton era story The Power Of The Daleks, with the Daleks operating from a position of weakness and tricking a bunch of humans into thinking they’re harmless (they even substitute the line ‘I am your servant’ with ‘I am your soldier’). But the reason why The Power Of The Daleks works so well is because it takes its time. We really get to know the characters and get drawn into their deception, making the final reveal that much more tragic and horrifying. It would have been really nice if the first 15 minutes could have been extended to a full episode. That way we could have explored Churchill’s desperation to win the war a bit more, we would get a chance to properly get to know Professor Bracewell, the supposed creator of the ‘Ironsides’, and perhaps draw out the mystery as to whether or not Bracewell is being genuine or not, with the reveal that he’s actually a robot making a great cliffhanger ending. It would also give us a chance to see just how cunning the Daleks are. That’s the reason why they’ve endured for so long after all. They’re not mindless killing machines. They’re scheming, malevolent killing machines, which The Power Of The Daleks managed to demonstrate so effectively.

So having rushed through quite possibly the most interesting part of the story, the Doctor takes the TARDIS to the Dalek spaceship. And this is where things go horribly wrong.

What are the Daleks most famous for? Killing. Russell T Davies understood that, hence why we got Dalek and The Parting Of The Ways. Two stories that demonstrated how merciless and unstoppable the Daleks were (before they were reduced to toothless stand up comedians during the David Tennant era). What are the Daleks not doing in this episode? Killing.

That’s really my main problem with Victory Of The Daleks. Outside of the Jammy Dodger scene, it feels like the majority of this episode consists of nothing but the Doctor and the Daleks just talking each other’s ears off, and nothing they have to say to each other is particularly interesting. As it goes on, you realise that the purpose of this story is not to entertain us, but rather to establish a new status quo for the Daleks. A new and improved Paradigm of Daleks that were no longer constantly fighting for survival. From this episode onward, they would be back in full force and would come in a variety of colours.

Yeah. You all knew this was coming. I’m sure you’re all excited to know what I thought of the Mighty Morphin Dalek Rangers. Take a random guess what I thought.

Seriously, whoever came up with this design, I hope they got sacked. They look fucking hideous. It’s not just the awful colour scheme. It’s everything. The plastic look. The over-sized midsection. The weird eyeball on a stalk. Their MASSIVE arses (which is apparently supposed to hold a secondary weapon that we will never get to see). And they’re so ridiculously tall to the point where the white Dalek Supreme’s domed head was inches from hitting a light fixture on the ceiling. The new design is just laughably bad. Even with a khaki paint job, the older Daleks look a squillion times better and I’m relieved that in the series to come, the BBC would eventually come to their senses and slowly phase out these new Daleks and subtly return to the old ones. So we’ll never know what was the mysterious purpose behind the yellow ‘Eternal’ Daleks. Never mind. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been very interesting.

But how did this new Paradigm come about? Well the Daleks have got their hands on this Progenitor thing that can create all these shiny new Daleks, except the Progenitor doesn’t recognise these Daleks as pure (oh the irony). They’re going to need a character reference. How about their greatest enemy? But they can’t just ask him obviously. They’ll have to lure him there and trick him into giving a reference. So how do they do that? Do they start attacking the Earth and killing people, knowing it will draw the Doctor’s attention eventually? Oh no. That’s far too sensible. Instead they invent a robot to pretend to invent them, even going to the trouble of implanting human memories and feelings into him, before becoming war machines for Winston Churchill. Then Churchill will call the Doctor because... despite coming across as obedient servants, they’re still suspicious enough to warrant calling a Time Lord for advice? Wait... so they want to look like allies, but their whole plan hinges on not looking like allies.

That makes no sodding sense.

So having been bored senseless with the Doctor and the Daleks’ constant monologuing about what they’re going to do to each other like kids in a school playground arguing over whose dad could beat up whose, the Daleks then reveal their trump card. Bracewell is actually a bomb. But don’t worry. Amy can solve that by making him horny. Um... I mean... reminding him of his humanity.

Putting aside the whole disarming a bomb through the power of love crap, since when did the Doctor turn into Mr. Spock? The same thing happened in The Beast Below where Amy figures out the solution using her humany goodness as though the Doctor is completely out of touch with human emotion. But we know that’s not the case. He’s alien, but he’s not that alien. Also Amy’s reaction to the Daleks escaping annoyed me. Yes they saved the Earth, but a bunch of multi-coloured space Nazis are now free to rain death and destruction across time and space. This is not what I call a win. Mind you, the Doctor annoyed me too at that point. He feels so powerless when the Daleks escape. If only he had a time machine. That way he could go back in time and stop the Daleks before they escape.

...

Oh wait. He does have a time machine. WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP THE DALEKS BEFORE THEY ESCAPE?

So that was Victory Of The Daleks. It had some potential in the first 15 minutes, but it all turned to shit the moment the plot reared its ugly head. Better luck next time.

#victory of the daleks #mark gatiss #doctor who #eleventh doctor #matt smith #amy pond #karen gillan #daleks #steven moffat #bbc #review #spoilers

[fanny-cornforth]

we get a lot of american comedians over here who have made their careers in the uk. often their entire spiel is ‘america is crazy’. in particular ‘americans are so stupid’. implicit in this is ‘except me’. also implicit in this is ‘but brits are clever’. ‘america is crazy’ therefore ‘britain is sane’. we always laugh at these jokes and think ‘haha yeah, thank god we’re british’. we always cringe at the americans who proclaim that their country is the greatest on earth but every time one of these comedians pulls their ‘america is crazy, americans are stupid’ crap, we essentially are saying the same things to ourselves. we even say them. ‘at least we’re not racist like america’. aren’t we??? ‘but america voted for donald trump’ well for a start that’s not true, seeing as trump had almost three million fewer votes than clinton. we DID vote for brexit, as much as it fucking pains me.

ever since i was a kid, basically, i’ve been spun this lie that britain is better because it’s more tolerant, because we have better living wages, we have the national health service, etc. etc. but time and time again i’ve seen the people in this country vote for governments that want to get rid of these things, are already getting rid of these things, just because they’re offered a lower tax or because they read newspapers owned by these politicians and are taken in by their racism and classism.

honestly it’s just so exhausting? 

#american antifas are doing more to fight racism than i see brits doing most of the time #the british left just feels so tired

[clubofinfo]

Expert: Fadi Hassan Abu Salah, killed by Israeli sniper on May 14, 2018 in Gaza Psychopathic: (Adjective) Suffering from or constituting a chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent behavior. This is Oxford’s best shot at describing a condition I feel quite comfortable framing within its succinct parameters the State of Israel, the vast majority of its population – if the analysis of Max Blumenthal and Norman Finkelstein mean anything – the disease of Zionism, a highly virulent form of theocratic nationalism, as well as that country’s primary enabler – the greatest purveyor of terror on earth – the United States. The instantly iconic photograph of Fadi Hassan Abu Salah, a double amputee who lost his legs during an Israeli carpet bombing of the Gaza called Operation Cast Lead in 2008 was murdered by a sniper Monday, May 14th in the context of an Israel now completely unfettered.  From the Nakba or catastrophe of 1948 – the forced displacement of Palestinians numbering in the many hundreds of thousands from their homes and homeland marking the genesis of Israel’s blood soaked breech birth – to the present moment, there have been, to be sure, many, many worse slaughters by the Israeli Defense Force (IDF) and its various precursors, but the non-violent nature of this particular act of Palestinian resistance, The Right of Return, has placed Israel in the untenable absurdity of ascribing kites as lethal weapons of Hamas. Not that Israel has the least concern for world opinion.  Their psychopathic horrors are salvific in the writ of impunity granted by the United States, an American propaganda machine of stunning homogeneity and the abysmal, ahistoric ignorance of its citizenry – what Henry A. Giroux aptly refers to as a culture of manufactured illiteracy.  Genocide plays well here as it mirrors the white, western European, Christian bedrock of America’s own DNA.  Forget about the living wake of Reaganomics. America is still sheep dipped in the tragic misery of 15th century papal bulls. How else to explain the spectacle of an indeed feckless heiress cum garmento Ivanka Trump and her ne’er-do-well moron of a husband Jared Kushner partying in Jerusalem on the site of our new embassy at the very moment 60-plus unarmed Palestinian men, women and children were being gassed and mowed down by bunkered IDF snipers less than 40 miles from the festivities.  It would be bad fiction were it not true. And where in aggregate, exactly, is the hue and cry of the progressive Jewish diaspora outside the confines of Pacifica Radio?  Nowhere.  While I’m of the mind that all organized religion is poison, to the extent there is anything redemptive in the tenets of Judaism I would think gaggles of observant American Jewry would be falling over themselves to point out in ear splitting decibels and in the most public of ways the malign injury beyond reckoning or repair perpetrated by Zionism on one of the earth’s greatest and venerable faiths.  But no.  Fucking crickets.  Jewish Voice for Peace?  Well, bless Rebecca Vilkomerson, the organization’s Executive Director.  She gets high grades for effort but in the end her message strikes me as tepid, like an AA member telling a raging alcoholic they’ll be there when they’re ready.  Where is the bottom for American Jews? All I do hear is fearful malevolence and psychopathy from the oxygen starved brains of barking chows Nikki Haley at the U.N. and Fox News host turned State Department spokesperson Heather Nauert – a clone of her Obama era predecessors Jen Psaki and Marie Harf.  John Kelly, John Bolton, Fred Fleitz, Mike Pompeo, Gina Haspel, US ambassador to Israel David Friedman . . . . where do we grow psychopaths of such timeless uniformity, I wonder?  At the finest colleges to be sure.  Only the best and the brightest have brought us to this moment. When Guatemala and Paraguay are the only countries in a “coalition of the willing” to join the United States in opening embassies in Jerusalem, you know America is alone in the world and absolutely collapsing as a global empire.  All we have left are tech companies that have made the inane ubiquitous, the closely related export of death and an increasingly shaky petro-dollar. When all one hears is the ceaseless din of an utterly seamless merger of media on the left and the right bloviating preposterous Russophobic bullshit amidst a welter of false flag chemical attacks from Syria to Britain that are debunked as fast as they occur – but not by the voices on the left who should know better – then the writing, as they say, is on the wall. In the meantime, every day, clearly identified Palestinian healthcare workers armed with cotton balls and saline are targeted like 21 year old paramedic Razan al-Najjar who had her heart blown out through her back 100 yards from an IDF rampart Friday, June 1st, followed by her cousin Ramzi al-Najjar on Monday. Canadian Palestinian Dr. Tarek Loubani, journalists like Ahmed Abu Hussein and Yaser Murtaja continue to be scoped and then murdered or crippled in the largest open air prison on earth with a reckless abandonment by psychotic Zionists at a level of carnage approaching what Hindu nationalists have been perpetrating on Muslims, dalits, tribals and women in general throughout India for decades.  Yet another predominant genocidal theocracy with roots in Nazism and caste given to rape, hacking and immolation that make death by a clean bullet in the Gazan dirt seem like a blessing.  But then, no one but Arundhati Roy is talking about that and it is, admittedly, bad form to compare atrocities.  Most especially when the bullets aren’t clean. IDF snipers are using what used to be referred to in 1980’s as “cop killers” or “dum-dum” bullets.  These iterations on a grisly theme mushroom and fragment upon impact to maximize the internal carnage, exiting the body through a hole the size of a fist. They’re now referred to as “butterfly bullets”.  Splendid marketing largely under-appreciated by the 123 dead and the amputees among 13,700 injured since March 30th. The 70 year genocide of Palestinians by the State of Israel is psychopathic.  It is not a conflict.  It is genocide. The 11 year Israeli blockade of Gaza by air, sea and land is psychopathic. America’s support of the apartheid State of Israel through our media, billions in military hardware and United Nations obstruction is psychopathic. Indifference is complicity and, yes, psychopathic. As language becomes a weaponized virus unhinged from historical precedence and critical thought, precision becomes imperative to call things by their proper name.  We are all of us in the cold embrace of psychopaths.  The prisoners of Gaza and the West Bank know this.  So should we. http://clubof.info/

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week thirty-seven

Complaining about songs I didn’t have to listen to, specifically the songs which debuted on the Billboard charts the week of 20 September 1997, 22 September 2007, and 23 September 2007

9.20.1997

50) "On My Own," by Peach Union

The whole song, I was thinking, "You know, this is pretty Eurotrashy, but it's not as awful as most of what I've had to endure. There's a lot of awful elements, don't get me wrong, but on the whole, I don't mind it!" And then it turned out that this group is British! That makes sense. I, an American, would of course find the music of Britain more accessible than the music from other European countries. British dance music is basically Sarah McLachlan with record scratches.

60) "Me and My Crazy World," by Lost Boyz

I was promised a fun "day in the life" song, something in the vein of "It Was a Good Day." What I got was some dude or group of dudes saying they somehow brought two dates to the same dance -- oh no! Their attempts to make it our of the night with neither girl wise to his schemes will surely make for some grand comedy! "She thought that I'm some clown nigga she can scream on and talk to/I had to run her down the line this ain't no walk through/Now who the fuck you think you talkin to chick/Your complaining's makin' me sick." YOU CHEATED ON HER, YOU AWFUL AWFUL MAN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. THIS IS NO WAY TO THINK. Shit. I mean, shit! Just a light-hearted song, and suddenly you're tryna yell at her because you want a side piece. Absolute fuck is wrong with you.

68) "Avenues," by Refugee Camp All-Stars ft./Pras (w/Ky-mani)

Enh. I like the sample, but it's hard to imagine anything about this song sticking with me longerthan it takes to finish this sentence. Something about avenues? Yeah this is kinda nothing.

90) "The Way That You Talk," by Jagged Edge ft./Da Brat & JD

'90s R&B where the group of dudes wanna fuck me >>>>>>>>>>>> '90s R&B where dudes pledge their devotion and vow to protect me so that they can fuck me later.

9.22.2007

71) "No One," Alicia Keys

I remember being a little put off by this song, just because I had watched "You Don't Know My Name" and "If I Ain't Got You" hella times on vh1 (I used to throw vh1 and MTV on in the morning before school because that's when they played music videos) and this was so different from those songs, but listening to this song now, I'm very angry that young Bob! robbed me of at least a few months of enjoying this song. This is amazing. It's still a weird song, I have no actual musicwords to back this I just always associate Alicia Keys with "intricate piano balladry" and it's my fault for never letting that bias go, but just the way the chorus escalates each time, the way she's proclaiming every single time that her love is undying is SO GOOD. Alicia Keys, man, she's a phenomenal songwriter. I can't think of anything she's made which I find disagreeable. I even stand with "Another Way to Die."

79) "Don't Blink," Kenny Chesney

"it is sad when old so young before you're old!" ~kennald chsenald

85) "Gimme More," Britney Spears

...You're right. When I thought this week was a clinch to win, I forgot that mid-aughts Britney was the least interesting Britney. I don't have a lot of love for dance-pop Britney. Or, if I'm being real, non-"Hit Me Baby (One More Time)" Britney. I don't know why I was excited for this song. It's not good! It's as bad, if not worse, than the average '90s Eurotrash song, it just has that brand name attached that made me forget for a second it was grating and repetitive and needlessly dark and Timbalandly over-the-top. What even is that interlude with all the dude voices just going "oh" for ten seconds. The track ends with the producer saying, "The unstoppable Danja. You gon' have to remove me 'cuz I ain't goin' nowhere." Danja hasn't had a major hit since 2009 and was last heard producing a universally panned DJ Khaled song. Congratulations, Danja, you played yourself? Is that, am I saying that right? Eh, fuck it, I'm about to admit I enjoyed a Good Charlotte song again.

88) "I Don't Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)," Good Charlotte

My headcanon is that Panic! At the Disco heard this song, considered what ill they had wrought, and decided to drop the ! and pretend they were the Beatles until they could be sure they couldn't influence something like this. I mean, you isolate it from the brand name, this is a solid dance-punk jam. It's over-the-top in all the right ways, I was shouting along with the chorus even in the peak "GOOD CHARLOTTE AREN'T REAL PUNKERS" days, and it's a sad song without trying to be profound about it. "You feel like shit, so dance it out!" this song says, and that's an agreeable message! But also Good Charlotte yelps the line "He was dedicated/By most suckas hated/That girl was fine but she didn't appreciate him" and if you're not embarrassed by that you need to think about the person you are in this moment. “By most suckas hated.” I’m being charitable by transcribing the line as if Joel Madden didn’t say ‘sucker.’ Criminy.

93) "Shawty Is a 10," The-Dream ft./Fabolous

this song is a 6 OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...Is what I was GOING to say before I heard this song, which is refreshing! I found the way he pronounced "ten" unacceptable until I saw that the song was originally called "Shawty is Da Shit!" and now I only find it irksome, the lyrics are kinda enh, but that is a breezy summer day of a beat if I've ever heard one, Fabolous drops his best verse of 2007 so far, and The-Dream isn't nearly as nothing as I remember him being. Just a nice song about hot girls. Nothing to complain about, no sir.

94) "Fall," Clay Walker

"Doin' this and doin' that/Always puttin' yourself last/A whole lotta give and not enough take" ...I know there's no way for this song to be about what I just wanted it to be about and I'm angry that I let myself hope for better. "Fall/Go on and fall apart/Fall into these arms of mine/I'll catch you every time you/Fall" I'm so angry I thought this would be the song about a country dude agreeing to be an unselfish lover and eat out his girlfriend. Nope. He just wants her to cry in his arms so he can have her at his lowest moment and help build her back up so she'll continue associating "feeling better" with "being with him" and continue to blow him. I DARE one of these country dudes to make a song bragging about how good they are at eating pussy. I will buy a Brantley Gilbert record if he makes that song.

97) "How 'Bout Them Cowgirls," George Strait

et tu, possum?

9.23.2017

4) "...Ready for It?" by Tay Tay

There is entirely too much punctuation in this song title, this song begins with Tay Tay clearing her throat, and she is rapping. No. Absolutely not. How are people defending this? How come Tay Tay fired the person in charge of telling her "no?" This song is excessive and I hated listening to this and don't think it's gonna come around. This is bad and I hate it.

77) "These Heaux," by Bhad Bhabie

1) No 2) Fuck anyone expressing an actual opinion about this song 3) This country is broken 4) How dare they 5) No 6) No 7) No 8) Please don't 9) At least it wasn't a third Jake Paul song! 10) But legit life's too short to waste on things you know you're gonna hate. Maybe next time a meme drops a track, don't listen? This song only exists because it wants you to hate it. Listen to something you like next time. 11) #77. Fuck's sake.

81) "Bad at Love," by Halsey

This song could use a sense of humor. The phrase "bad at love" is inherently comical; how can you be bad at a noun, silly, what a playful use of language! But to call Halsey extra is to imply that this isn't standard Halsey. This could be a playful song about a girl who's been fucking around (in more ways than one! /slaps knee) too long and wishes she could settle down, but instead it's a song about a girl who needs to be fixed, and what it actually is doesn't captivate me at all. Halsey: Almost being something I'm into since 2015!

86) "Greatest Love Story," by LANCO

A three-act play: "Hey! I haven't heard of this band/artist before! Yippee, new music!" /sees country videos in the 'up next' sidebar "At this point, I’m refusing to learn." "They said I was nothing but a troublemaker never up to no good/You were the perfect all-American girl, wouldn't touch me even if you could." Oh wow, apparently the greatest love story is the story literally every other country artist has told, well no wonder so many of them have told story! Because it's the greatest! MYSTERY UNLOCKED.

97) "Sky Walker," by Miguel ft./Travis Scott

That falsetto Miguel does when he sings "but don't wait to jump in too long" that only like maybe five people on earth can do is unreal. I brought up Miguel when I complained about having to listen to Bryson Tiller, but LEGIT why are we bothering with Bryson Tiller when Miguel can do that thing with his voice. This song isn't really that great, it goes about the same places as the average Bryson Tiller song did, but just knowing I would hear Miguel sing that line in that way kept me engaged enough with the song.

99) "Reminder (Remix)," by The Weeknd ft./A$AP Rocky & Young Thug

"Ain't no more Hanes on my balls, these are Kenneth Cole" is a fucking outsanding boast from Young Thug and why I think he's one of the greatest artists of his generation. The Weeknd's verse is hilarious, as well -- "I just won a new award for a kids show/Talkin' 'bout a face numbing off a bag of blow." It takes a special track to render A$AP Rocky the bronze medalist, but man, this song is just a good time and a half. 2017 isn't all bad! It's had more downs than ups in recent days, but this is some quality 2017 music right here.

100) "No Fear," be DeJ Loaf

I thought #AndSeeThatsTheThing was dope, and I was looking forward to hearing more from DeJ Loaf, and then I forgot she existed for /checks watch/ nearly two years!, and now here's this song which is kinda basic but also so good, just an uncomplicated, nice song about being a love, which, y'know, if you're gonna give me something uncomplicated, I'd rather hear something simple about love than any of the thousands of simple songs about darkness and evil. Also, apparently DeJ and that Jacuqees fellow from a couple weeks back released a joint album called Fuck a Friend Zone. Fuck a Friend Zone is, as you likely expected, a bunch of songs about fuckin'. I'll repeat a point I've made: '90s R&B never died, it just lost all subtlety.

Who won the week?

In a lot of ways, I feel “No One” is the only Actually Good song I listened to this week. “Reminder” puts up one hell of a fight, but “No One” is pretty much all 2007 needed.

Current standings: 1997: 13 2007: 12 2017: 12 Next week, 1997 throws us Boyz II Men and Mary J. Blige, 2007 throws us a heck of a lot of random junk (Kanye! Khaled! Feist! Backstreet Boys?), and maybe Kelly Clarkson for 2017? Maybe? Or will it be a thousand country artists, each more broey than the last? please just give me a good week, please, just, please