#One day we will all read a chuck tingle book

[quotingtheboys]

Quote #114

One day I'm gonna find a Chuck Tingle book and you bet your ass I'm gonna read it.

#quoting the boys #quotes #warehouse life #humour #humor #boys saying shit #shit boys say #chuck tingle #Another figure we bring up a lot #One day we will all read a chuck tingle book

[drchucktingle]

THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY

just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.

(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)

i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.

the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.

i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.

PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE

a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)

ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.

months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’

turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes

at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)

as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.

fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.

when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM

SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:

CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:

well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.

PART TWO: RESCINDED

a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask

right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.

of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered

there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA

first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.

second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.

in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.

TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.

i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.

but here we are.

PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?

this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:

when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.

it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?

i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not

my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.

at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense

PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES

it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say

BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?

is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.

if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.

and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?

(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)

i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.

you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.

if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.

so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.

THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.

as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING

AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?

let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.

when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.

if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?

or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.

PART FIVE: GENDERED

this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.

if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned

PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY

there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?

i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'

putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.

i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY

another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions

PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL

i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.

i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)

which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.

if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME

KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck

UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:

true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo

to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love

please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it

MOST RECENT UPDATE:

here is more

#love is real #chuck tingle #tingleverse #texas library association #actually autistic #lgtbqia #Youtube

[duckprintspress]

Let’s Go Lesbians! 32 Books for Lesbian Visibility Day

TODAY! is Lesbian Visibility Day, the first day of Lesbian Visibility Week – April 26, 2024. We are, I’m sure you’re shocked to discover, celebrating with LOTS of lesbian books! 15 people contributed to making this list, all of us sharing our absolute faves, from graphic novels to epic novels, from memoirs to horror fiction, with explicit rep and implied. With this many awesome books to share, we’re prepared to guarantee that everyone who loves wlw lit can find something new to them on this amazing list!

Interesting Facts About Space by Emily Austin

The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel

Belle of the Ball by Mari Costa

Kiss Number 8 by Colleen AF Venable & Ellen T. Crenshaw

She Wears the Midnight Crown Anthology

Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake

The Scapegracers & The Scratch Daughters by H.A. Clarke

Spinning by Tillie Walden

The Girl from the Sea by Molly Knox Ostertag

The Ruin of Angels by Max Gladstone

The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson

The Red Scholar’s Wake by Aliette de Bodard

Siren Queen by Nghi Vo

She Gets the Girl by Rachael Lippincott & Alyson Derrick

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston

Those Who Wait by Haley Cass

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree

Into the Bloodred Woods by Martha Brockenbrough

From Here by Luma Mufleh

Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel

Are You My Mother? A Comic Drama by Alison Bechdel

A Memory Called Empire & A Desolation Called Peace by Arkady Martine

Female General, Eldest Princess by Please Don’t Laugh

Clear And Muddy Loss of Love by Please Don’t Laugh

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Max Gladstone & Amal El-Mohtar

Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire

A Restless Truth by Freya Marske

The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich by Deya Muniz

Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin

Can’t get enough books with lesbians? Yeah, us neither – this new list for 2024 is on top of THREE rec lists of titles featuring lesbians that we posted last year.

Lesbian Visibility Week Recs Part 1

Lesbian Visibility Week Recs Part 2

Duck Prints Press Short Stories with Lesbian Characters

You can also view this list (along with all our other wlw faves!) as a shelf on Goodreads!

See a book you want to buy? You can grab it through the Duck Prints Press Bookshop.org affiliate shop!

What are YOUR favorite reads with lesbian characters?

#duck prints press #wlw characters #lesbian characters #queer books #queer fiction #queer non-fiction #lesbian visibility day #lesbian visibility week

[loudrats]

Loud Rats Book Club 2023

This year the rats became literate!

We suggested a number of books each month and then voted on one to read (somehow Fish managed to read all 12 of them… wild!). The ones in red are the winners, but there are some other really good books in there.

Hopefully you can find your next favourite read below! :)

January

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Hangsaman by Shirley Jackson

The Butchering Art by Lindsay Fitzharris

Earthlings by Sayaka Murata

Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk

Why Fish Don't Exist by Lulu Miller

The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Tolstoy

Fledgling by Octavia Butler

Pirates and Prejudice by Kara Louise

If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin

February

Adua by Igiaba Scego

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K Le Guin

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters

The Passion by Jeanette Winterson

Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey

March

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

The Humans by Matt Haig

Cane by Jean Toomer

Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa

The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa

The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisin (#1 Broken Earth Trilogy)

Young Mungo by Douglas Stewart

April

Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrel

Dubliners by James Joyce

The Tiger's Wife by Téa Obreht

My Cousin Rachel by Daphne du Maurier

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake

May

Mary: An Awakening of Terror by Nat Cassidy

No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield

Where You Come From by Saša Stanišić

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

Gwen and Art Are Not in Love by Lex Croucher

June

Death in Her Hands by Ottessa Moshfegh

Our Hideous Progeny by C. E. McGill

Swimming in the dark by Tomasz Jędrowski

Girls like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko

Diary of a Wimpy Kid 17 by Jeff Kinney

Zami: A New Spelling of my Name by Audre Lorde

Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century by Kim Fu

The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

July

Kid Youtuber 9: Everything is Fine by Marcus Emerson, Noah Child

Bored Gay Werewolf by Tony Santorella

Hit Parade Of Tears by Izumi Suzuki

When Death Takes Something from You Give It Back: Carl's Book by Naja Marie Aidt

Pandora's Jar by Natalie Haynes

The Decagon House Murders by Yukito Ayatsuji

The Summer Book by Tove Jansson

Mapping the Interior by Stephan Graham Jones

August

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Small Game by Blair Braverman

Free: Coming of Age at the End of History by Lea Ypi

September

Hag-Seed by Margaret Atwood

The Employees: A workplace novel of the 22nd century by Olga Ravn

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

October

Linghun by Ai Jiang

Eyes Guts Throat Bones by Moira Fowley-Doyle

The City of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers

The Half Life of Valery K by Natasha Pulley

Catch the Rabbit by Lana Bastašić

Kindred by Octavia Butler

November

Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

Life For Sale by Yukio Mishima

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

Liberation Day by George Saunders

Ripe by Sarah Rose Etter

Eugene Onegin by Alexander Pushkin

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

December

Arsène Lupin versus Herlock Sholmes by Maurice Leblanc

The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien

Minor Detail by Adania Shibli

Prophet Song by Paul Lynch

Migrations by Charlotte McConaghy

#loud rats #book club #to be clear the ones who won weren’t the BEST choice we just love democracy here

[marchtothefuckingsea]

Nerve Pains - Lucifer

My Masterlist.

Word count: 2.2k Warnings:  Fibromyalgia flare-up. Symptoms can vary from person to person, this was just a little comfort fic for myself since i’ve been feeling really shitty lately lol

Summary:  Reader suffers from a bad Fibromyalgia flare-up. Usually, Castiel is there to help relieve their pain, but this time there's only one other angel in the bunker.

I sat at the library table in the bunker, letting out a strained sigh while flexing my hands and straightening my back. It did little, if anything, to ease the constant pain I had. My back and shoulders ached horribly, no matter what I did or what I took. Especially on days when it decided to flare up.

I shifted in my seat as a particularly sharp pain ran into my shoulder, holding back a groan.

I hated being forced to stay back on hunts like this. Sam and Dean knew that, but they also knew me well enough by now that I wouldn't admit it. They could tell when I was experiencing a flare up, and they usually told me that they needed someone to do research and report back to them while they went on the scene. I knew they were just making excuses, but it made me feel a little less guilty about it and I appreciated them for it.

Oftentimes though, it was frustrating more than anything else. Especially simple cases like the salt and burn they were on right now. They didn't need someone to 'stay back and do research' on something as common as a ghost, and I just had to admit defeat. Even they couldn't come up with an excuse this time.

With Sam and Dean gone, and Chuck off doing only Chuck knows what, Lucifer was the only other one in the bunker, but he was off sulking in another part of the bunker. No one had heard from Cas for over a week now, so we figured he was wrapped up in something heaven related; which was unfortunate for me because he was usually around to help relieve the pain on especially bad days like this.

Nobody knew why, not even Cas, but my chronic pain was something he couldn't heal. He could relieve the pain almost completely for an hour, sometimes several if it wasn't really bad, but never get rid of it completely. It even seemed sometimes that it was working less and less every time.

Even with a literal angel helping me, it was still just something I had to deal with.

All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed under a heated blanket and not come out until it was all over. This was one of my worst flare ups in months. Since Sam and Dean had left a day ago, I had already tried praying to Castiel several times. I usually didn't want to bother him, but I was desperate.

I slumped over the table with my head on my tingling arms. My entire body tensed up as another pain ran through me. I eyed the bottle of painkillers next to the lamp, but I knew I had probably already taken way more than I should have. Instead, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing.

I managed to relax until I heard undisguised footsteps enter the library. I raised my head to glare at the archangel in the doorway. "What do you want?"

"Just passing through, no need to be so hostile." He made a face and held his hands up in defense. He beelined for a certain shelf, and so I allowed myself to let my guard down partially. I returned my eyes back to the pages of the book I was reading, but had a hard time focusing on anything other than the pain.

The thought of asking Lucifer to heal me flitted into my mind but I immediately dismissed it. Maybe he would or maybe he wouldn't, but my pride wouldn't allow me that, even on my worst day.

I glanced up at him when he sat across from me, arching a brow. "What?"

"What?" Lucifer responded defensively. He flipped the book open and crossed his legs. I pinched the bridge of my nose briefly before returning back to my book. My leg bounced to distract me from the numb yet burning sensation that intensified in my feet and calves. I had found that keeping my limbs moving helped either distract me from the pain, or maybe it kept the blood flowing through them. I didn't know.

I sighed after I finished a chapter, releasing some tension from my muscles I didn't even know I had. I flexed my hand again before turning the page, watching Lucifer do the same out of the corner of my eye. Glancing at him curiously, I wondered why he seemed to want to just be in the room with someone else. Usually, it was him that left whenever one of the Winchesters or Chuck came into the room. On the other hand, now that I thought about it, that never seemed to apply to me. But he had never actively seeked my presence before. I averted my gaze back to the book.

Now that I knew he wasn't here just to cause trouble, I finally let myself relax. Unclenching my jaw, I took a deep breath that turned into a hiss when a feeling akin to being stabbed burned through my arm. I jerked, instinctively pulling my arm to my chest and cradling it. I tried to focus on my breathing as the after effects still burned through my nerves.

"What's wrong?" Lucifer asked, looking up from his book. I had completely forgotten about the angel's presence.

"Nothing." I replied through gritted teeth. I let go of my arm and tried my best to shake it off, but my hand still gripped the edge of my sleeve so hard that I could feel my fingernails through the fabric.

He straightened up in his chair, suddenly not so interested in his book anymore; which I realized was written in Enochian. Where did he even find that?

"You've been clenching and unclenching your hands for the past half hour." He began to count on his fingers.

"Bouncing your legs, flinching randomly, now this." He swept his hand towards me, making me self-consciously loosen my grip on my sleeve. "I could sense your misery as soon as I entered the room."

"I'm sure you've noticed me doing that before." I shrugged it off but frowned. I felt exposed. I didn't like feeling like that ever, let alone to the devil.

"Not constantly." He argued. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." I growled. "Why do you care so much anyway?"

"I don't. I'm just tired of this whole," He made a disgusted face. "Aura around you. It's a real downer, y'know?"

"Then leave." I muttered. He pursed his lips, staring at me silently before he picked his book back up. I let out a sigh of relief and reached for mine. I stopped dead in my tracks when another sharp pain was triggered by the movement, this one even worse than the last. I uttered a low groan, practically panting as it traveled all the way from my fingertips to my shoulder. Everything seemed to ramp it up a notch at that moment.

"Tell me what's wrong." Lucifer demanded.

"It's nothing you can fix." I grunted, beginning to squeeze and massage my forearm with my other hand. It only helped a little.

"Let me." He reached for my arm and before I could pull away, his cool hands began to massage my arm. Against my will, my whole body almost instantly relaxed. Cold usually made the pain worse, but I had a feeling he was using his grace as well. For the first time ever, my pain was entirely gone .

When he released my arm, I was greeted back with open arms by the deep ache in my back and shoulders, a migraine, and the painfully familiar tingling sensation in my limbs. My body immediately tensed up again. I saw something flicker across his face when I cringed.

"Just a taste of what I can do. Though…" He trailed off, frowning. "You're right. I can't heal it."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Cas already tried that."

"What is wrong with you?" His question wasn't meant to sound accusing; it was genuine.

"Fibromyalgia." I answered, massaging my own arm. He leaned across the table now, crossing his arms. He hummed in acknowledgement, looking down at the table and drumming his fingers.

His eyes darted back up to me when I unconsciously clenched my fist at another jab.

"May I?" He asked. I nodded wordlessly, holding my hand out to him. Instead, he stood from his chair and rounded the table to sit in a chair beside me. I unconsciously leaned away from him and his closeness. He placed his palm on my forehead and immediately the pain lessened.

"Thank you."

He hummed before asking, "How long does this usually last?"

I frowned and looked away. "A while." I didn't want to tell him that it only lasted a few hours at most, and that was on much better days. On days as painful as today it might last a couple of hours, if I was lucky.

"You've got to tell me so I know how long before we have to do this again."

"Don't worry about it." I mumbled. "The pills will kick in by the time this wears off."

He snatched the bottle before I could get to it. "I think you've had enough of those."

"Give it back."

"They're obviously not working. You're going to overdose."

"What do you care?"

"I helped you, didn't I?"

"So?"

"So? I care ." He pursed his lips after that, crossing his arms in front of his chest defensively and looking away.

"...A couple hours." I said in defeat. He glanced back at me. "On a good day it would probably last four, maybe five. On a bad day it would last a couple, if I'm lucky."

"And today's a bad day." It wasn't a question.

I shook my head. "Yes- No..I don't know. It's the worst I've had in a long time, if ever." I admitted.

"You're still bouncing your leg." He pointed out.

"It still kind of hurts."

Before I could react, he pressed his palm to my forehead again. This time, he kept it there until I began to pull away in confusion. "Wait."

Suddenly, the pain was completely gone again. When he pulled his hand away after several moments, his piercing eyes studied my face. I immediately felt it return, but it wasn't nearly as bad as before he had helped at all.

"As long as I'm touching you…" He muttered.

"Yeah, it was gone completely." I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in. "I think I'm going to try and get some sleep before this wears off."

Lucifer nodded, standing up and mirroring my actions. I stumbled a little bit, the room spinning. Probably from all the painkillers I had taken. "I'll check back in a couple hours."

"I'll come find you if I need to."

He frowned. "I promise?" I offered.

"Don't wait too long." He turned away. He sat back at the table in the same position as before, with his legs crossed and his thumb and index finger holding the book open. I gave him a final glance before I left the room and ventured down the hallway to my bedroom.

I was lucky I had another bottle of painkillers in my bedside drawer, and I downed a couple of them before collapsing onto the bed. I didn't plan on asking him for help again, no matter how bad it got. I had toughed it out before, and I could do it again.

Curling up under my heated blanket, I let out a small sigh of relief. What little bit of discomfort that remained was just about bearable.

-

I was woken up by a sharp pain between my shoulder blades and the middle of my back. I curled up on my side with a low whine. Even the light pressure of my sheets began to feel painful against my skin, and I started to kick them off. Every nerve ending in my body was nearly on fire.

"Lucifer." I groaned in a daze. I hoped it resembled a prayer enough for him to hear. My breath hitched in my throat at another agonizing jab. "Luci-"

I felt a cool hand on my forehead and the pain immediately stopped. I forced my eyes open and the archangel was sitting on the edge of my bed with unmasked concern on his face. "It hasn't even been two hours."

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"That's not what I meant." He said. "You shouldn't be alone."

"'m fine." Lucifer pulled his hand away. Even though he had used his grace to relieve my pain, without his constant touch it immediately came back, though it wasn't nearly as bad. He quickly made contact again, this time holding my hand gently in both of his, as if I would break.

"I think this is the worst it's ever been."

I felt the bed dip next to me, and then I felt him up against my side. I opened my eyes. "What are you-"

"You know what happens if I let go." He muttered. I did.

I leaned against him with a sigh. When I began to drift off, I felt Lucifer drape his arm across my middle.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to." I told him tiredly.

"I want to."

#supernatural #spn #lucifer #lucifer supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural fanfic #spn x reader #crowley spn fanfiction #lucifer x reader #lucifer supernatural x reader #lucifer fluff #supernatural fluff #spn fluff #supernatural hurt/comfort #spn hurt/comfort #comfort fic #fibromyalgia comfort fic #chronic pain comfort fic #spn angels x reader #lucifer supernatural fluff #lucifer spn fluff #lucifer spn x reader

[aurumacadicus]

Can you believe it's time to choose our book for March already? And every single choice an absolute banger! If you'd like to join the book club, feel free to send me a message and I'll drop you the link to our Discord! Book summaries are under the cut!

Unseelie by Ivelisse Housman

Twin sisters, both on the run, but different as day and night. One, a professional rogue, searches for a fabled treasure; the other, a changeling, searches for the truth behind her origins, trying to find a place to fit in with the realm of fae who made her and the humans who shun her. Iselia “Seelie” Graygrove looks just like her twin, Isolde… but as an autistic changeling trying to navigate her unpredictable magic, Seelie finds it more difficult to fit in with the humans around her. When Seelie and Isolde are caught up in a heist gone wrong and make some unexpected allies, they find themselves unraveling a larger mystery that has its roots in the history of humans and fae alike.

Both sisters soon discover that the secrets of the faeries may be more valuable than any pile of gold and jewels. But can Seelie harness her magic in time to protect her sister, and herself?

Bindle Punk Bruja by Desideria Mesa

A part-time reporter and club owner takes on crooked city councilmen, mysterious and deadly mobsters, and society’s deeply rooted sexism and racism, all while keeping her true identity and magical abilities hidden – inspired by an ancient Mexican folktale.

Yo soy quien soy. I am who I am.

Luna—or depending on who’s asking, Rose—is the white-passing daughter of an immigrant mother who has seen what happens to people from her culture. This world is prejudicial, and she must hide her identity in pursuit of owning an illegal jazz club. Using her cunning powers, Rose negotiates with dangerous criminals as she climbs up Kansas City’s bootlegging ladder. Luna, however, runs the risk of losing everything if the crooked city councilmen and ruthless mobsters discover her ties to an immigrant boxcar community that secretly houses witches. Last thing she wants is to put her entire family in danger.

But this bruja with ever-growing magical abilities can never resist a good fight. With her new identity, Rose, an unabashed flapper, defies societal expectations all while struggling to keep her true self and witchcraft in check. However, the harder she tries to avoid scrutiny, the more her efforts eventually capture unwanted attention. Soon, she finds herself surrounded by greed and every brand of bigotry—from local gangsters who want a piece of the action and businessmen who hate her diverse staff to the Ku Klux Klan and Al Capone. Will her earth magic be enough to save her friends and family? As much as she hates to admit it, she may need to learn to have faith in others—and learning to trust may prove to be her biggest ambition yet.

Scorched Grace by Margo Douaihy

Sister Holiday, a chain-smoking, heavily tattooed, queer nun, puts her amateur sleuthing skills to the test in this debut crime novel.

When Saint Sebastian’s School becomes the target of a shocking arson spree, the Sisters of the Sublime Blood and their surrounding community are thrust into chaos. Unsatisfied with the officials’ response, sardonic and headstrong Sister Holiday becomes determined to unveil the mysterious attacker herself and return her home and sanctuary to its former peace. Her investigation leads down a twisty path of suspicion and secrets in the sticky, oppressive New Orleans heat, turning her against colleagues, students, and even fellow Sisters along the way.

Sister Holiday is more faithful than most, but she’s no saint. To piece together the clues of this high-stakes mystery, she must first reckon with the sins of her checkered past—and neither task will be easy.

An exciting start to Margo Douaihy’s bold series for Gillian Flynn Books that breathes new life into the hard-boiled genre, Scorched Grace is a fast-paced and punchy whodunnit that will keep readers guessing until the very end.

The Shadow in the Glass by J.J.A. Harwood

Once upon a time Ella had wished for more than her life as a lowly maid.

Now forced to work hard under the unforgiving, lecherous gaze of the man she once called stepfather, Ella’s only refuge is in the books she reads by candlelight, secreted away in the library she isn’t permitted to enter.

One night, among her beloved books of far-off lands, Ella’s wishes are answered. At the stroke of midnight, a fairy godmother makes her an offer that will change her life: seven wishes, hers to make as she pleases. But each wish comes at a price and Ella must decide whether it’s one she’s willing pay.

A smoldering, terrifying new spin on Cinderella – perfect for fans of Laura Purcell and Erin Morgenstern.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

In this exhilarating novel, two friends—often in love, but never lovers—come together as creative partners in the world of video game design, where success brings them fame, joy, tragedy, duplicity, and, ultimately, a kind of immortality.

On a bitter-cold day, in the December of his junior year at Harvard, Sam Masur exits a subway car and sees, amid the hordes of people waiting on the platform, Sadie Green. He calls her name. For a moment, she pretends she hasn’t heard him, but then, she turns, and a game begins: a legendary collaboration that will launch them to stardom. These friends, intimates since childhood, borrow money, beg favors, and, before even graduating college, they have created their first blockbuster, Ichigo. Overnight, the world is theirs. Not even twenty-five years old, Sam and Sadie are brilliant, successful, and rich, but these qualities won’t protect them from their own creative ambitions of the betrayals of their hearts.

Spanning thirty years, from Cambridge, Massachusetts, to Venice Beach, California, and lands in between and far beyond, Gabrielle Zevin’s Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow is a dazzling and intricately imagined novel that examines the multifarious nature of identity, disability, failure, the redemptive possibilities in play, and above all, our need to connect: to be loved and to love. Yes, it is a love story, but it is not one you have read before.

Black Beauty by Anna Sewell

As a young horse, Black Beauty is well-loved and happy. But when his owner is forced to sell him, his life changes drastically. He has many new owners—some of them cruel and some of them kind. All he needs is someone to love him again…

Whether pulling and elegant carriage or a ramshackle cab, Black Beauty tries to live as best he can. This is his amazing story, told as only he could tell it.

Inferno by Dan Brown

Harvard professor of symbology Robert Langdon awakens in an Italian hospital, disoriented and with no recollection of the past thirty-six hours, including the origin of the macabre object hidden in his belongings. With a relentless female assassin trailing them through Florence, he and his resourceful doctor, Sienna Brooks, are forced to flee. Embarking on a harrowing journey, they must unravel a series of codes, which are the work of a brilliant scientist whose obsession with the end of the world is matched only by his passion for one of the most influential masterpieces ever written, Dante Alighieri’s The Inferno.

Dan Brown has raised the bar yet again, combining classical Italian art, history, and literature with cutting-edge science in this sumptuously entertaining thriller.

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

A searing and earnest horror debut about the demons the queer community faces in America, the price of keeping secrets, and finding the courage to burn it all down.

They’ll scare you straight to hell.

Welcome to Neverton, Montana: home to a God-fearing community with a heart of gold. Nestled high up in the mountains is Camp Damascus, the self-proclaimed “most effective” gay conversion camp in the country. Here, a life free from sin awaits. But the secret behind that success is anything but holy.

#book club #polls #you can vote even if you're not in book club #i know you guys like having opinions and pressing buttons lol

[spookfished]

media roundup jan 2024

hey whats up!!! its me again!!! happy valentines day :3 finally caught up to patch. and by patch i mean "talking about things that i remember reading." finally got around to reading/playing a bunch of things that were really hyped up!! that ive been really looking forward to :3 yippee also, one of my new years resolutions was to play all of umineko? which according to most people ive seen, does in fact take An Entire Year due to being 1. fully voice acted 2. a little over 1 million words. so uh, please look forward to that.

books:

camp damascus by chuck tingle: horror ya. a girl on the cusp of adulthood belongs to a strict and isolated christian sect, living in the town with the us' most famous conversion camp. things get weird quickly.um ok i was really hyped about this! its the first chuck tingle thing that ive actually read (lol) but ive been following his stuff for a while. its an interesting look into what its like to be uh, really christian and also (SPOILERS) gay, but the whole time i was like man i wish i was playing [we know the devil]. which is a really good game please play wktd :3 there were some really cool and chilling body horror parts!! which i liked a lot!! but overall it was more inspiring (?) than scary, which wasnt really what i was looking for personally

the way spring arrives and other stories: translated chinese scifi/fantasy anthology, written and translated by a team of women + nb writers. really solid!!! took me a while to get through, but theres such a wonderful variety of stories here--some are creepy, some are heartwarming, some are silly, some are elegant. i particularly enjoyed some of the essays about translation itself, as well as the titular stories and A Brief History of Beinakan Disasters as Told in a Sinitic Language. definitely check it out!!

spark joy by marie kondo: an appendix of sorts to marie kondos super big book the life changing magic of tidying up, with a couple more practical tips and some anecdotes. ok to get kinda personal, konmari stuff appeals to me bc i grew up surrounded by detritus. from where i sit in my childhood bedroom, i can see a stack of floppy disks, old checkbooks, and a copy of The Lost Treasures of Infocom--a game from 1991. almost none of it is ever touched. so the idea of having a space full of only joyful things is really appealing.. honestly i think the best bit of advice from the book was that if you have things that are necessary but dont necessarily elicit joy (eg screwdrivers, coffee makers, whatever) that you try and take a bit to appreciate/praise those items and what they do for you? and they may become more beloved :3 anyways probably not worth reading unless youre already into the whole konmari thing

ninefox gambit by yoon ha lee: space opera. kel cheris, a freshly promoted general, has been sent to suppress a rebellion lodged in a fortress. but her greatest enemy is also her greatest asset: the implanted consciousness of the prodigy traitor-general, shuos jedao. famous for winning impossible battles--and infamous for killing his entire fleet. its kind of in a trio of "lesbian sff about empires and stuff" with machineries of empire and traitor baru cormorant. well for one i really liked it. i do have a lot of hours in um games like civ 5 and starcraft but i usually dont like Reading books about military stuff. this is obstacle number 1. obstacle number 2 is that ninefox gambit has some really intricate worldbuilding, and unlike some other lesbian bodysharing scifi novels out there, our protagonist is not a newcomer. you dont get the assist of getting to learn about the world as the same time as her. but the thing is that ninefox gambit makes you Want to pick apart everything thats going on and get into it, and once you have a good idea of all the factions and stereotypes and tensions, etc it feels really rewarding :3 and the world is grounded in how you get to see what feels like every single level of this one infiltration/siege, from the general at the top to the infantry at the bottom even to the servant robots who clean! yay robots :3 when youre jumping to someone completely different, doing something totally unrelated, its pretty easy for that to be… super jarring? (hi sanderson) but it was not that <3 although it took a bit for me to get it, i also liked the intermittent correspondence that we get to see from the enemy side as well. how humanizing! it also balances a large cast of characters very well. characters with bit parts still feel memorable to the extent they need to be? idk how to say that correctly. obviously between cheris and jedao, jedao has the upper hand conversationally pretty much always but they have a good dynamic and its cool to see her strengths come through in other ways i think one of its strengths/weaknesses is that its very focused on this One siege in One point in time. i would love to hear about the anden in the sequels for example. also like does everyone have to be in a section or are there real (non conquered) civilians. how do yall grow food. also yeah sorry democracy beign the ultimate heresy made me laugh ninefox gambit is kind of a tricky read; its probably not a good idea to try reading without a stretch of uninterrupted time + brain energy but i liked it 👍 i thought it was good 👍

raven strategem by yoon ha lee: sequel to ninefox gambit! yoon ha lees ability to balance lots of different povs works really well for this book :3 it really ratchets up the tension! i also really liked seeing all of the exotics lol (magic wepaons that do crazy stuff). unfortunately the tension didnt pay off in a way that was really satisfying to me personally, however.. it didnt really help that i didnt like one of the main pov characters (brezan.) the first book is still worth reading though as a standalone!

comics/manga:

mitsuya sensei no keikakuteiki na edzuke: m/m series about a cooking writer (older man) and his editor. ok i talked about this last time but im a big fan of romance with older people in it. the baggage comes preattached!! also the protag in this kinda looks really similar to shinji from kamen rider ryuki?? has some Extremely Delicious looking food art, as well as some really nice like. food + desire + eroticism type thing going on. (i started reading it bc tumblr user stella obstinaterixatrix was talking about it as an example of non explicit eroticism!) yay i love food manga :]

sonna me de mitekure: aka look at me with those eyes. m/m romcom that parodies a lot of common BL tropes (overbearing prince of the school falls in love with some rando!) but also has a lot of heart :3 definitely only worth reading if youre like. already sort of in the soup of romance manga though lol

ouji-chan no sukina hito: suuuper cute f/f oneshot about baby prince idolization

catch you catch me: another cute f/f oneshot :3

botticelli drawings exhibit: ok i just thought this was neat. it was an exhibit about some of the preliminary sketches that were made for some of botticellis famous pieces (he was a famous painter during the florentine renaissance in italy) i like how you got to learn more about how the Workshop Style worked like how a lot of paintings were actually made by lots and lots of apprentices.. also how botticelli apparently got really into this one super duper intense monk type guy and started making some kinda weird shit

movies/tv shows:

pokemon concierge: lighthearted family show about a stressed office lady who quits her job to work at a pokemon hotel. super cute!! very short!! you can watch it with your parents or kids or whatever its really not that deep but the stop motion was just soooo cute. slightly concerning in like idk the level of 'escapism from office culture' but you know how it is

dear ex: slice of life/drama? taiwanese movie. after his father's sudden death, song chengxi and his mother meet his fathers hidden male lover. dudee this movie is so fucking pretty and so sad. i almost cried and blew up and died. all 3 main parts of the cast are such good actors and the way it does grief and like the seamless sliding between memory and the present AUGH. so good

sousou no frieren anime: also known as frieren of the funerals! a slice of life/fantasy anime about what happens after you save the world. frieren is a long-lived elf who saved the world with her companions--but many decades afterwards, she still wanders the world the same as ever. bro this show is so freaking gorgeous and well made. it really makes me wish going outside was real. has a really nice sense of melancholy too.. its just a really solid adaptation :3

dungeon meshi/delicious in dungeon anime: cooking/slice of life/adventure anime set in a dnd-like setting that digs into a lot of fantasy worldbuilding. mainly about: can you eat the monsters!!!! i finished the manga a couple months ago so i was really hyped (and a little bit nervous) about this anime but studio trigger is doing a really good job!! its just a really good show ok please watch it

marry my dead body: straight police guy gets ghost-married to a dead man, and then is tasked with solving his murder. um ok so i watched this bc i misread neils text and thought it was by the same director as dear ex. spoilers this is very much not true lmfao its more lighthearted with a side of feelings about death and stuff. very silly! i think the gulf of expectation was so wide that i couldnt enjoy it that much.. also cops. why. some of the jokes didnt really hit for me esp the whole like ahhhh slag straight guy doesnt understand anything type thing? but its like not a bad light movie

percy jackson and the olympians: remake of the first percy jackson book. yeah this was fine i watched it with my mom while playing solitaire the whole time. the actors are very charming and the show is solid, but i think it really deserved to be like. a 20-episode series with 20 minute episodes, or something like that. like its oestensibly for kids but its Really trying to make that nostalgia cash grab so it exists in a slightly uncomfortable middle (writing is very basic and friendship-y which isnt necessarily bad but its not like That Deep, but also who is making a kids show 40 MINUTES LONG). anyways i think a longer pacing like that would have given more time for filler and replicating the road-trippy vibe that the original books had. its still solid though!

games:

umineko episode 1: its the classic murder mystery setup: a wealthy man on his deathbed still hasnt resolved the issue of his inheritance. he, his hateful children, and their own children are cut off from the world on a remote island. but the man still has unsettled debts….and something is deeply wrong on the island of rokkenjima 🤯ok umineko is infamous for 1. having fans who wont shut up about it 2. something something metatextual? 3. a very high bar for entry, featuring near-required modding, several hours of expository setup, and the fact that. well. its a visual novel. that aside, i enjoyed the first episode way more than i thought i would :3 the uroshimiya family is so rich and alive and shitty it felt like i was watching succession again lmfao. battler is a very endearing (if slightly stupid) main character, and there are some really strong characters laid down that make you excited to get into All That in the future. plus, once i got to the murder part it was genuinely so hair-raising? theres some phenomenal voice acting.. the scene with maria was so memorable i thought i was going to dream about it. also i loooove beatrice <3 anyways i would recommend but its not for the faint of heart. 99% of umineko-ers stop reading right before the love lets them see it, and so on.

off game: wow im so happy to have finally beat off. i mean. hey whats up. off is a weird, abstract game about a 4th-wall breaking "Batter" whos self proclaimed goal is to purify the world. its often viewed as a spiritual predecessor to games like undertale :3 …actually, i played off a long time ago and then got stuck/intimidated by the very last set of puzzles so i Just Now gave up on actually finishing and just watched a letsplay lol. honestly one thing that ive figured out over time is that actually?? im really not that much of a fan of pokemon-style rpgs like this 0_0 i mean, the gameplay is just. not that fun? and the typical random encounter type thing is just not that nice. i think this is something that a lot of jrpgs/rpgs have figured out recently, but off is an older game without those QOL improvements lol. (also random encounter is easier to code probably) anyways!! the writing in off is so compelling…its so weird in a way that invites you to pick apart that weirdness, but also makes you feel like some mysteries might remain unresolved forever. its a video game that actually Has Writing In It. its one of those (free!) indie classics thats definitely worth checking out. also i love drawing the judge and valerie. weird cats for the win ok now im just going to talk about my theories about the game. so we know that the only real humans in the world are sugar, zacharie and the baby. however, the queen and the batter are parental figures for the baby. the wardens of each of the levels were created for the baby as it (in the absence of its parents?) longed for companionship, but they warped over time. whats healthy becomes sick and whats sickening becomes necessary etc. possibly mimicking how the baby, sick and alone in the hospital, also warped over time? becoming warped caricaturizes the babys creations and makes them cruel and so the batter becomes the ultimate heroic figure, who purges whats evil and rotten. but if it lives where i live then i guess the whole world has to go?? well idk

music:

take my hand by zerobaseone: ok whenever i listen to this imlike this is one of gods perfect songs. the production is like chefs kiss and theres just some really beautiful sounds in here? its so warmly dreamy and delicate feeling.. just like first loves… or whatever lmfao the fluttering hook-y thing at the beginning is just too good i ended up looking up a bunch of the producers. also big pop is nice bc you can tell they mixed it so it sounds good in a car OR in headphones lmfao

1,000,000 by nine inch nails: i forgot what genre nin is supposed to be ok this song came up when i was playing hifi rush (rhythm based action game!! so cool so stylish) and me and neil were like NINE INCH NAILS?! it was like that one comic you know. anyways i like this song its very adrenaline feeling. i looked up the real lyrics recently but to ME its about trying to escape emptiness thru adrenaline and danger and sex and stuff :P not that i do that but its still a fun song!! yippee

dark red by steve lacy: ok i found this song bc of a tumblr post i did not know he was the "i wish i knew" guy lmfao. honestly if people only knew like a 5 second songbite from my works id be so mad. but anyways its progressive rnb apparently? i just like this song :3 when you are kind of pathetic but basically chill with it but what if.

anyways if youre reading this: hi!!! ive been spending a lot of time recently doing the hard fisher quests in final fantasy 14. guys never do beast of brewers beacon ok the school year is just starting up but having to wake up early is kind of doing a number on me…… other than that i actually totally have my shit together! yay :3 if you read to the end (or even skimmed) thanks <3

#txt #yippee!

[theveriest]

A couple of weeks ago I asked about people’s favorite book or books they read this year. Between Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and discord, I have a list of 123 books in no particular order that my friends and family loved this year. If it was a series then I listed the first book. Each star is an additional recommendation. I haven’t read all of these, they may or may not reflect my personal opinions, though my favorite books are on the list too. The most recommended books were How Far The Light Reaches by Sabrina Imbler, one or all of the Murderbot books by Martha Wells, and Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki, because if there’s one thing my friends have in common across platforms, it’s that you’re all nerds (affectionate). Enjoy, and I hope you find your new favorite book!

Reformatory by Tananarive Due

Not My Father’s Son by Alan Cumming

Jesus and John Wayne by Kristen Kobes de Mez

The Soul Of An Octopus by Sy Montgomery

Rough Sleepers by Tracy Kidder

The Going To Bed Book by Sandra Boynton

My Hijacking by Martha Hodes

Longhand by Andy Hamilton

Babel by RF Kuang*

The Vaster Wilds by Lauren Groff*

Lies We Sing To The Sea by Sarah Underwood

The Remarkable Journey of Coyote Sunrise by Dan Gemeinhart

Dress Coded by Carrie Firestone

I Lost My Tooth! by Mo Willems

The Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros

Spirits Abroad by Zen Cho

How Far The Light Reaches by Sabrina Imbler**

Radiant Fugitives by Nawaaz Ahmed

Solito: A Memoir by Javier Zamora

The Making of Another Motion Picture Masterpiece by Tom Hanks

These Precious Days by Ann Patchett*

I’m Stuck by Julia Mills

Entangled Life by Martin Sheldrake

Iris by Eden Finley

Hot Vampire Next Door by Nikki St. Crowe

Devil of Dublin by BB Easton

Tied by Carian Cole

Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld*

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

From Blood And Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Where I End by Sophie White

Wool by Hugh Howey

The Six Deaths of the Saint by Alix E. Harrow

Yellowface by RF Kuang

Idlewild by James Frankie Thomas

North Woods by Daniel Mason

After Sappho by Selby Wynn Schwartz

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin*

The Fragile Threads of Power by VE Schwab

My Heart is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones

Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari

The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

The Book of the Unnamed Midwife by Meg Elison

Call Your Daughter Home by Deb Spera

The English Understand Wool by Helen Dewitt

Preserving Food Without Freezing or Canning by The Gardeners & Farmers of Terre Vivante

How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water by Angie Cruz

Blood Like Magic by Liselle Sambury

Firekeeper’s Daughter by Angeline Boulley

Love In The Time of Serial Killers by Alicia Thompson

Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli

The Wicked Bargain by Gabe Cole Novoa*

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Welcome to Night Vale by Jeffrey Cranor and Joseph Fink

The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas

The Last Mapmaker by Christina Soontornvat

Funny You Should Ask by Elissa Sussman

Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Prophet by Sin Blache and Helen MacDonald*

Light From Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki**

System Collapse by Martha Wells***

The Brutish Museums by Dan Hicks

A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine*

A Desolation Called Peace by Arkady Martine

A Psalm For The Wild Built by Becky Chambers*

Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke

The Lazarus Heist by Geoff White

The September House by Carissa Orlando*

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White

Mistletoe and Mishigas by MA Wardell

A Restless Truth by Freya Marske

The Last Smile In Sunder City by Luke Arnold

The Hidden Case of Ewan Forbes by Zoe Playden

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Manywhere by Morgan Thomas

Shit Cassandra Saw by Gwen E. Kirby

Loot by Tania James

The Art Thief by Michael Finkel

Grave Expectations by Alice Bell

Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail by Ashley Herring Blake

A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske

Kiss Her Once For Me by Alison Cochrun

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

All Systems Read by Martha Wells

The Once and Future Sex by Eleanor Janega

Mort by Terry Pratchett

Into The Drowning Deep by Mira Grant

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner*

The Door by Magda Szabo

Fluids by May Leitz

The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend by Katarina Bivald

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Lieut. John Irving, R.N. of H.M.S. "Terror" in Sir John Franklin's last expedition to the Arctic regions a memorial sketch with letters

In Five Years by Rebecca Serle

Raven the Pirate Princess by Jeremy Whitley

Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune

The Fiancée Farce by Alexandria Bellefleur

Assassin's Apprentice by Robin Hobb

Slewfoot by Brom

The Secret Life of Groceries by Benjamin Lorr

500 Miles From You by Jenny Colgan

O Caledonia by Elspeth Barker

The Hand That First Held Mine by Maggie O’Farrell

The Secret Lives of Country Gentleman by KJ Charles

A Line In The World by Dorthe Nors

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

Glitter and Concrete by Elyssa Maxx Goodman

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez

Tender Is The Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica

The Tragic Menagerie by Lydia Zinovieva-Annibal (translated by Jane Costlow)

The 100 Years Of Lenni and Margot by Marianne Cronin

Beartown by Fredrik Backman

I Have Some Questions For You by Rebecca Makkai

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver

Tom Lake by Ann Patchett

Starling House by Alix E. Harrow

Twisted Love by Ana Huang

Precise Oaths by Paige E. Ewing

Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots

A Dead Djinn In Cairo by P. Djeli Clark

#favorite books #favorite books of 2023 #books #books and reading #what we read this year other than fanfic

[sing-you-fools]

I think we fucked up when we stopped letting authors be weird little freaks in living cabins and never talking to anyone.

I want to write my book. I want to tell this story. Ideally, I'd like to tell a lot more after this one, too. I want people to read them and like them.

But I don't want to be a celebrity. I don't want to be a public figure at all. I want people to love my books, but I don't want to have Fans.

I'm good with words, I think - I wouldn't write if I didn't, right? But I need time to think about how to say what I mean. The idea of ever having to do a live interview is kind of terrifying. The idea of sitting on a panel of authors at a convention or something and an audience question attacks me using the worst-faith interpretation I've ever heard of something I said scares the crap out of me - I'm awful at keeping my cool in the moment, and I don't want to ruin my life because I snapped at someone who was being an asshole.

Everything is political. But I understand the famous people who insist they aren't. I have beliefs, of course, but I really suck at talking about them. My writing is definitely political, but I'm no Ursula Le Guin, and put on the spot, my answer to an excellent thought-provoking question would be more like "capitalism bad." Given more time, maybe I could say, "here's some stuff you should read if you're interested," but I don't want to be shoved into the "political educator" role. It's not one I would be good at.

My processing is slow. When I'm listening to someone talk, or reading something they wrote, in the moment, I always feel like they're making a lot of sense and plenty of good points (well, not always; word salad is word salad). Sometimes I will realize a day later that, wait a minute, that guy didn't actually make sense! Or worse - that did make sense, but it didn't mean what I understood it to mean at the time, and I agreed with him. This is very much not something I want to do on a public scale.

Philosophically, I don't really want to explain my work. I don't want to tell people what I was thinking, why I made this choice, and so on. I want to let it stand for itself. I also don't want to accidentally spoil anything. But I also have an extremely hard time shutting up, and unlike Tom Holland, there's no way to keep me in the dark. Not when it's my own work.

Sometimes I think World's Greatest Author Chuck Tingle has the right idea. Cover my face, use a pen name, play a character, don't let anyone perceive me. But that wouldn't actually solve most of the reasons I don't want to be perceived. I'm not sure what options there are for me, though. Can I just be a recluse? Can a reclusive author succeed these days? Probably. But can I manage to both be a recluse professionally and continue being very online personally? Would I be able to keep it separate? Would I be able to see a shitty take about something I wrote and scroll past it?

I realize and take comfort in the fact that the likelihood of achieving that level of success is vanishingly small. I remind myself that Neil Gaiman is not the average published author. He is not even the average very successful published author. These are worst-case-scenario worries for a situation that will never happen. I'm still not done with Step 1 (Write a First Draft). I just wish I could work on Step 1 without my brain saying, hey, what if someday someone's mean to you because you wrote this?

#musings #writeblr #sing-you-fools

[bookishardor]

A Last Journey to Lorien~

Or, A Dream Comes True Again.

In October 2019 I wrote a short blog entry about a course of events that I could owe to a book I pulled from a box in eleven years earlier.

The Ape Who Guards the Balance by Elizabeth Peters set the trajectory of my life on that otherwise unremarkable day, and the knowledge that I simply skipped home none the wiser of how deeply it and its author would affect my life still gives me goosebumps.

I have looked back at that moment countless, and at all the moments that stemmed from it, with elated and sometimes stupefied astonishment. Moments that include choosing to attend Hood College because I read MPM lived in Frederick and had an honorary degree from that institution, pursuing my budding interest in archaeology/art history and Egyptology, and even traveling to Egypt.

After graduating college, I discovered and helped cultivate the most amazing community of fans on Twitter, and through that channel TeamRamses and Beth Mertz, MPM’s daughter. The two of them have been such joys to get to know and talk to on social media, the main forum for the MPM fans I know. It’s not often I run across people who know the books in real life, so being able to talk to fans from around the world online is important to me.

Funnily enough, it is rarer for me to find casual fans of MPM’s work than it is for me to find people who actually knew her.

In 2017 with the launch of The Painted Queen, I met the owner of Wonder Book, Chuck, who had been dear friends with MPM, as well as Ray and Jay, Egyptologists who not only knew MPM, but also purchased and moved into her Frederick home a few years after her death.

Eventually I would come to work at Wonder Book, and in that fateful October of 2019, I was invited to see the house and gardens, MPM’s Lorien.

One might suppose with that jewel in my proverbial crown, that this would be the end of a superbly lovely and incredible tale.

Oh, Dear Reader, it was not the end.

At the end of April of this year, I had the privilege to attend Malice Domestic—an annual conference of mystery writers and readers. TeamRamses and myself were kindly invited by Beth to be a part of the fun in honoring her mother, and while I was only able to be there for that Saturday’s events, I had the most wonderful time.  

I brought along my mother and one of my best friends—my roommate from college actually, so you could say I kind of owe MPM even more for the push that had me attending Hood—and we had a blast listening to the panels and walking the book room. You all likely know how hard it was for me to not snatch up a million books to buy in that room…

And then it was time for the panel. And here is where I met TeamRamses for the first time in person. There is something so special about meeting someone who loves a book series and author just as much as you do, even if online, and then to finally be able to hug and talk face to face. And TeamRamses is so easy to talk to, and so insightful about books and fandom. Chatting with her on the balcony outside later in the evening while we waited for the banquet was delightful. We talked books and television, and brought up all of our favorite topic: Who is your dream Amelia Peabody cast? Maybe we can run a panel on that someday. Or better yet, a panel about a show itself! Wishful thinking, I know.

The authors gathered on the panel for MPM discussed her amazing characters and her lasting influence over their own works. As soon as Gigi Pandian opened the discussion on Amelia, with an introduction along the lines of, “Peters’ most famous and beloved heroine” I felt a suspicious tingling in my eyes. As Amelia might say, just a bit of dust, nothing more!

But truthfully, I felt briefly overwhelmed. It’s been nearly 10 years since MPM’s passing, but being in a roomful of people celebrating her and thinking of Amelia and seeing her so vividly in my mind as I have for 15 years, sort squeezed the breath from me for a second. All of this culminated when we all realized that Barbara Rosenblatt, the voice of Amelia, was in the crowd and graciously answered a fan’s question, and illuminated us all on MPM’s more mischievous side.

When it was time for the banquet later that evening, I was seated at the same table as Gigi Pandian and some of MPM’s old friends; her veterinarian and her husband and son. It definitely still hits me in hindsight, how incredibly lucky I was to have gotten that seat. To be able to talk to an author so influenced by MPM. To hear first-hand accounts from the friends that knew her so well, including a riveting tale involving a treed raccoon and some rather presumptuous hunters. I have added each little detail I’ve picked up from her friends to my ever-increasing regard for the woman. In hearing these stories, I know I am beyond fortunate.

At the next table, Beth and TeamRamses sat with Beth’s family and Chuck. Barbara Rosenblatt was also in their set, and when I turned suddenly to find Chuck standing with her at my side…Reader, you should have seen how wide my eyes got. I could feel them become starry saucers. I shook her hand and thanked her—in my mind for all of the beautiful narration she has done for the Amelia books and beyond—though in reality it probably looked like I was just thanking her for standing next to me. Let’s be honest, I kind of was. Chalk one up for me being completely calm and smooth, certainly. If you ever read this, Barbara, I promise I’m more eloquent when I’m not star-struck!

Unfortunately, I was unable to stay for the entire award ceremony that night, but I took with me so much from that dinner and the people I shared it with. To them I also wish to say, “Thank you.”

The drive home gave me time to reflect. What a wonderful day. What a wonderful gathering of people. What a wonderful woman MPM had been. I turned to my friend, not for the first time that day mind you, and asked, “So when are you gonna read Amelia?”

On the following Sunday I was invited, along with my mother and TeamRamses, to visit Lorien again once more before Ray and Jay move.

Now, as I said before, I’d been to Lorien once, in the fall of 2019. But coming around that corner and seeing the house on that little rise again…

At this rate, I feel most everyone has seen photos of the house and gardens. I don’t know if I could paint that same scene with words that can’t be gleaned from those images. If you have not seen the photos, you can likely Google the real-estate listing, or find it on the Facebook fan page: Another Shirt Ruined. I recommend it; they’re a feast for the eyes.

Nothing I say could do it justice, but there are a few things that can’t be extricated from photos, and I’ll do my best to explain here.

Once the visual beauty and appeal of the home has settled around you the next thing you notice is the scent. In fact, you may notice it as soon as you enter the solarium, but the architecture and bright glass walls of the room dazzle, where the smell calms. It permeates the air until you can’t help but pay attention, until it ensconces itself in your memory. Weeks later and I can still recall it; I think I always will be able to.

I’m not exactly sure what it was entirely. Lavender, undoubtedly, as Jay had it hanging in the kitchen, but also the earthy smells of the garden and trees outside. And perhaps, the stone itself imparted a lingering trace of aroma. The overall effect was dreamy and sweet and I could only imagine many a quiet, rainy day in that room, sipping coffee and dozing while the rain ran down the windows and accentuated the smell of the air.  

The next thing you notice is the love.

It’s in the very bones of that house. It’s in MPM’s desk and chair that were still in situ. It’s in the bookshelves and artwork and posters that were still hanging in the rooms and up the stair case. It’s in the custom Egyptian murals of the bathroom and the tiles on the kitchen floor and backsplash. And of course, it’s in the gardens; where beloved pets were buried and where so much time and care was given to creating a paradise. It’s in the stories I heard about gatherings and exploits her friends and family recalled.

And that’s where the love was most. In the people that gathered at the open house that day.

As we all walked the rooms of the home, listening to Beth and asking questions, I know we all fell into pockets of personal reverie. Where we could just imagine the life of the woman who’d lived there, who’d filled each room with her blazing personality. It felt like that I had actually met her before, in a sense. And it felt like I could turn a corner and find her there, petting a cat or tending a plant, or writing away at her desk.

After a tour of the house, TeamRamses, my mother, and I took a turn through the garden, ruminating on all the reasons why it would be so easy to never leave the property. It’s simply idyllic, even in the misty weather of that day.

And love was to be found lastly in the performance given by Barbara Rosenblatt.

As a delightful treat for all of us, before she had to drive back up to NYC, Barbara read an except from The Curse of the Pharaohs, the second book in the Amelia Peabody series. Fans will know the scene well—where Amelia and Emerson return to Evelyn’s to collect their progeny…little baby Walter Peabody Emerson.

Ramses, to those of us who know him best.

It was surreal to stand there in MPM’s home and listen to Barbara read. I’m still in a daze thinking about it. A little teary, too. I never gave audio books the time of day until I thought to try the Amelia recordings as a reread method. And to hear her voice come alive in the home where so many of the stories were written? To hear Emerson bellow and Evelyn laugh, to hear baby Ramses proclaim in somber, serious tones, “it is a femuw. A femuw of a winocowus…”

I have said before that somewhere in my mind and heart, I am always in the desert of Amarna with Amelia and Emerson. The first book in the series is my favorite for so many reasons, least of which is the nostalgia and peace it brings me. My original copy is well loved, and I know pieces of it by heart. Part of me is sitting with them at the fire, looking at the stars and listening to the jackals, chiding Walter and Evelyn’s young love, and scoffing at Lucas. Part of me is always snickering at the feelings brewing between Amelia and Emerson, even as he sets his own pocket on fire and she bosses him around.

In the same vein, I know part of me will always be standing in that solarium with MPM’s nearest and dearest, listening to Barbara read. The smell of lavender, rain, and stone in the air, the sound of all our laughter, and the sense of MPM just out of eyeshot, chuckling with us all.

I write my own story, from time to time. I’m not very disciplined with it, at least, not as much as I used to be. I have varying feelings about it, and I don’t imagine it will ever be much more than a tale of my own whimsy. But I do feel like every time I add even a little bit to it, that I’m adding to a love letter to MPM. And I do think I could add endlessly to a love letter to MPM. Writing my story, reading her books, talking to fans and friends on Twitter—it’s my way of saying thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over to an author I owe so much to.

So does the story end with the last visit to Lorien, the last glimpse into the sanctuary of a woman I can only wish to have met? Maybe. But so many things have happened these last 15 years that can find threads trailing back to my decision to read that book.

I can’t wait to see where she leads me next.

#amelia peabody #elizabeth peters #mpm #barbara mertz #barbara michaels #mine #blog post #essay

[jasper-book-stash]

May 2024 Reading Wrap-Up

Alright, I can finally work on this, after being a full week into June. I read 11 books in May - one religious text, one occult/witchcraft book, two romances, two nonfiction books, and five poetry books.

Religious Text

Los Agvinaldos del Infante: Gloda de Epifania // The Child’s Gifts: A Twelfth Night Tale | Tomas Blanco

I found this book on the free books table of the library I work at, and I yoinked it immediately. I'm utterly fascinated by translated works, so being able to look at both the Spanish and English versions of this story was really neat. It's a story about the Three Wise Men heading to Jesus's birth and it talks about the gifts they brought from each of their kingdoms. It was neat.

1/10 - Why Did They Publish This?

None applicable.

2/10 - Trash

None applicable.

3/10 - Meh

None applicable.

4 to 6/10 - Mid-Tier

Echoes from the Orient: Wisdom of Lao-Tse With Parallels in Western Thought | Robert Wood

This is a book I found in a secondhand book store for dirt cheap, and my main complaint with it was that the comparisons were usually weak and drew from too many places. Not bad, but not good either.

Confessions of a Reluctant Optimist | Phyllis McGinley

Remember this post? This author is who that was about. This compilation of poems was a fascinating look back into the author's time and place.

7 to 8/10 - Good With Caveats

Bending the Binary: Polarity Magic in a Nonbinary World | Deborah Lipp

I went back and forth so much on this book, but ultimately landed at 8 out of 10 with the caveat being that you're going to go back and forth on if the book is worth reading for quite a few chapters. There are a lot of places where it was like "Bestie, what the FUCK does this mean?" but most of those instances were explained in more detail. We love seeing elaboration on wild claims, at least. It delivered exactly on what was promised. AN IMPORTANT NOTE: The author is cisgender, and this is very apparent in many places, and not just in the places that the author outright says it.

Love For All Seasons | Kitty Clevenger, Fred Klemushim, Rick Cusick

This anthology was put together by Kitty Clevenger, and honestly, my main complaint is that they could have done better. Sure, the artwork is gorgeous, but not every poem felt attached to that central theme - it just felt like the compiler just grabbed whatever poems mentioned one of the seasons in them. And the font (by Rick Cusick, apparently) is difficult to read at times - some of the letters are hard to decipher/identify.

Yesterday I Saw The Sun: Poems | Ally Sheedy

Apparently this author is known for other things. This is my first instance of hearing of her. And I enjoyed the book. Not much to say, other than giving a warning that it gets heavy. Which is a good thing tbh.

Swimming Shelter: 100 Days of Coronavirus: An Exercise in the American Crawl | Al Ortolani

Nothing like reliving the coronavirus (and, in some of the later poems, murder and police brutality) through poetry. My main complaint about this one was formatting. I feel like I could have done better. Let me edit your book and fix your formatting, PLEASE.

9/10 - Very Very Good

February Poems | John Mooney

This was gearing up to be a deeply middling zine of poetry until the fucking clown poem hit me. 9 out of 10, no notes.

Pounded By The Classics: Seven Literary Tales Of The Tingleverse | Chuck Tingle The Lesbian Classics Get Me Off: Seven Ladybuck Tales Of The Tingleverse | Chuck Tingle

Chuck Tingle's tinglers literally never miss.

Ancient Egyptian Literature, volume II: The New Kingdom | Miriam Lichtheim

I didn't get volume two read in time for the May book club meeting, much less volume three, but this was still a damn fine read. I love analyzing old literature told through a modern lens.

10/10 - Unironically Recommend To Everyone

None applicable.

#jasper post #books #bookblr #authors #reading wrap up #2024 #may 2024

[drchucktingle]

Where is the best place to preorder Bury Your Gays? What is of most benefit to you?

i know other types of media have given the trot of preorders a bad way, but for publishing books i cannot even begin to tell you buckaroos HOW IMPORTANT PREORDERS ARE WHEN SUPPORTING AUTHORS YOU CARE ABOUT. i mean HECK preorders are so important i even wrote three dang tinglers about it

basically preorders are what publishers use to determine how much financial backing they will give a book for advertising and book tours and all that, but that is only PART of this way. BOOK STORES also use a preorder equation to determine how much shelf space to give a book. your preorder does not just mean YOU get a book for yourself, but basically means you are making room for someone ELSE to get the book in a store by putting another copy on a shelf

that is why it is better to put in a preorder instead of just saying 'oh i will just remember to buy myself a copy on the day it comes out'

LASTLY preorders are how books get onto bestseller lists because all the orders leading up to your book release date COUNT AS FIRST WEEK SALES. something like new york times bestseller list is close to impossible trot without preorders

think of it like a handsome surfing bigfoot trying to ride a wave. it is one thing to actually ride on the wave, but what matters most is that initial moment when you GET UP THERE and actually have the strength to pull yourself up when the wave starts. PREORDERS are the climbing up part

NOW LETS GET DOWN TO YOUR SPECIFIC QUESTION

first of all ANY preorder is great. what matters most as far as bestseller lists is actually FORMAT. the best thing you can order for an author is not ebook or audiobook, it is HARDCOVER. personally i am an audiobook buckaroo myself so please understand you should order whatever format you want, but technically speaking the answer is HARDCOVER

next is WHERE do you order. this answer is pretty dang cool actually. the best place to order for the sake of author is your LOCAL INDIE BOOKSTORE. if you MUST order at a big timer website that is fine, but many bestseller lists are weighted towards indie bookstores

so to sum it up. the technical BEST WAY to support chuck with 'bury your gays' is to PREORDER a HARDCOVER from an INDIE BOOKSTORE.

thank you for your question but before you go trotting along i would like to add one more thing

all art is important. when we create things they serve as stepping stones for us to move along our journey as artists and creators on this timeline. i have so much love for every book i have made, from POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY MY OWN BUTT to CAMP DAMASCUS

but i have to say with deep sincerity in my way, BURY YOUR GAYS is something special. i absolutely believe that if you care about fandom, or creation, or love, or fanfiction, or supernatural, or the future of media, or asexual buckaroos, or gay buckaroos, or bi buckaroos or any queer buckaroos, you will love this book. i promise buckaroo

it is the best thing i have ever written, and i think it is going to bend this timeline in incredible ways. i would like you to trot with me into the future, since we have already trotted this far together. i cannot say this enough: this one is special, and the timelines we create from here are going to make the whole dang world look up in surprise and say 'where the heck did that come from?'

so if you are even CONSIDERING preordering, take a moment a do it.

if you are one of those buckaroos who says 'chuck tingle is my favorite author ive never read' then now is your moment

lets trot buckaroos. thank you for reading and thank you for constantly proving to me that love is real

preorder BURY YOUR GAYS here

#love is real #bury your gays #buckaroo lifestyle

[bookclub4m]

Episode 184 - Horror

This episode we’re discussing the fiction genre of Horror! We talk about fear, control, Goosebumps, bad dogs, horror-comedy, creepypasta, the apocalypse, lizard romance, and more! 

You can download the podcast directly, find it on Libsyn, or get it through Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or your favourite podcast delivery system.

In this episode

Anna Ferri | Meghan Whyte | Matthew Murray | Jam Edwards

Things We Read (or tried to…)

Straight by Chuck Tingle

Mister Magic by Kiersten White, narrated by Rebecca Lowman

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me by Jamison Shea

The Wicked Unseen by Gigi Griffis

Mapping the Interior by Stephen Graham Jones

Leech by Hiron Ennes

The Best Horror of the Year, Volume Fourteen edited by Ellen Datlow

House of Hunger by Alexis Henderson

Five Nights at Freddy’s: Into the Pit: Fazbear Frights #1 by Scott Cawthon and Elley Cooper

Sadako at the End of the World by Koma Natsumi

The Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service Omnibus, Book 3 by Eiji Otsuka and Yamazaki Housui

Things We Read (but didn’t talk about in this episode)

Be Very Afraid of Kanako Inuki! by Kanako Inuki

Résumé With Monsters by William Browning Spencer

Dead Silence by S.A. Barnes

Carmilla: The First Vampire by Amy Chu and Soo Lee

Hammers on Bone by Cassandra Khaw

A Song for the Quiet by Cassandra Khaw

The Helios Syndrome by Vivian Shaw

Helpmeet by Naben Ruthnum

Other Media (& Authors) We Mentioned

Captain Britain And MI13, Volume 3: Vampire State by Paul Cornell, Leonard Kirk, and Mike Collins

Stephen King

Misery

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon

Cujo

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

Alien: Isolation (Wikipedia)

Dead Space (2008 video game) (Wikipedia)

R.L. Stine

Goosebumps

Fear Street

Junji Ito

The Enigma of Amigara Fault - “T-this is my hole! It was made for me!”

Junji Ito’s Cat Diary: Yon & Mu

Emily Carroll

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Smart Podcast Trashy Books: 579. Punk Rock Writing with Chuck Tingle

Candle Cove by Kris Straub

Candle Cove (Wikipedia)

SCP Foundation 

SCP-087

The SCP Foundation: Declassified (YouTube)

The Ring (2002 film) (Wikipedia)

We talked more about the novel The Ring in Episode 078 - Supernatural Thrillers

Crapshots Ep608 - The Old Ones (YouTube) 

Links, Articles, Etc.

Episode 176: Fantasy

Episode 123: Psychological Horror

Does the Dog Die?

Matthew’s spooky phone case is a variant of this one

Matthew did a “31 Spooky Manga” challenge a few years ago and read a different spooky manga every day in October.

The Midnight Library: Episode 001 - Halloween Poetry

Sound Effects

Big Thunder And Distant Thunder Rain Birds by morvei01

Dramatic Organ, A by InspectorJ

bats1 by sofie

Pigeons (St Stephens Green, Dublin) by iainmccurdy

31 Recent Horror Books by BIPOC Authors

Every month Book Club for Masochists: A Readers’ Advisory Podcasts chooses a genre at random and we read and discuss books from that genre. We also put together book lists for each episode/genre that feature works by BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, & People of Colour) authors. All of the lists can be found here.

This list features horror fiction by BIPOC authors published within the last 3 years.

Jackal by Erin E. Adams

Vampires of El Norte by Isabel Cañas

The Haunting of Alejandra by V. Castro

The Spite House by Johnny Compton

The Reformatory by Tananarive Due

And Then She Fell by Alicia Elliott

Our Share of Night by Mariana Enríquez, translated by Megan McDowell

Piñata by Leopoldo Gout

Never Whistle at Night: An Indigenous Dark Fiction Anthology edited by Shane Hawk and Theodore C. Van Alst Jr.

Natural Beauty by Ling Ling Huang

The Weight of Blood by Tiffany D. Jackson

Bad Cree by Jessica Johns

My Heart is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones

The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw

Woman, Eating by Claire Kohda

Lone Women by Victor LaValle

Sisters of the Lost Nation by Nick Medina

Silver Nitrate by Silvia Morena-Garcia 

This Thing Between Us by Gus Moreno

Green Fuse Burning by Tiffany Morris

Out There Screaming: An Anthology of New Black Horror edited by Jordan Peele

Flowers for the Sea by Zin E. Rocklyn

Manmade Monsters by Andrea L. Rogers

Monstrilio by Gerardo Sámano Córdova

I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me by Jamison Shea

Chlorine by Jade Song

Midnight Storm Moonless Sky: Indigenous Horror Stories by Alex Soop

There's No Way I'd Die First by Lisa Springer

She Is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran

Tell Me Pleasant Things about Immortality: Stories by Lindsay Wong

White Horse by Erika T. Wurth 

Give us feedback!

Fill out the form to ask for a recommendation or suggest a genre or title for us to read!

Check out our Tumblr, follow us on Instagram, join our Facebook Group, or send us an email!

Join us again on Tuesday, November 7th when we’ll be discussing the non-fiction genre of Crafts and Crafting!

Then on Tuesday, December 5th we’ll be talking about the genre of Suspense Fiction!

#episodes #horror #genres #fiction

[wyrdsistergoldenhair]

Books Read in 2023

Road of Bones by Christopher Golden (2022)

Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates (1995)

Night of the Mannequins by Stephen Graham Jones (2020)

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (1962)

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin (1978)

Dr. Mütter's Marvel's: A True Tale of Intrigue and Innovation at the Dawn of Modern Medicine by Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz (2014)

Devil House: A Novel by John Darnielle (2022)

The Shadows by Alex North (2020)

Lucky Girl: How I Became A Horror Writer: A Krampus Story by M. Rickert (2022)

The Hunger by Alma Katsu (2018)

Bloodchild and Other Stories by Octavia E. Butler (1995)

The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle (2016)

The Troop by Nick Cutter (2014)

The Deep by Nick Cutter (2015)

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher (2022)*

Audition by Ryū Murakami (2010)

To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway (1937)

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes by Suzanne Collins (2020)

The Hunger Games #1: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (2008)*

The Hunger Games #2: Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (2009)*

The Hunger Games #3: Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (2010)*

The Mist by Stephen King (1980)*

Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica (2017)

Sour Candy by Kealan Patrick Burke (2015)

The Castle of Otranto by Horace Walpole (1764)

I Have No Mouth & I Must Scream: Stories by Harlan Ellison (1967)

Sphere: A Novel by Michael Crichton (1987)

Heart, Haunt, Havoc by Freydís Moon (2023)

Nimona by N.D. Stevenson (2015)

All the Blood We Share by Camilla Bruce (2022)

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman*

Skeleton Crew by Stephen King (1985)

Stardust by Neil Gaiman (1997)*

Coraline by Neil Gaiman (2002)*

Babel: Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators' Revolution by R.F. Kuang (2022)

Kill Creek by Scott Thomas (2017)

Simon Snow #1: Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (2015)*

Simon Snow #2: Wayward Son by Rainbow Rowell (2019)*

Simon Snow #3: Any Way the Wind Blows by Rainbow Rowell (2021)*

In Deeper Waters by F.T. Lukens (2021)

Nothing But Blackened Teeth by Cassandra Khaw (2021)*

The Case Against Satan by Ray Russell (1962)

The Victorians: A Very Short Introduction by Martin Hewitt (2023)

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle (2023)

The Truth Is a Cave in the Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman (2010)

Magic: An Anthology of the Esoteric and Arcane edited by Jonathan Oliver (2012)

#christopher golden #joyce carol oates #stephen graham jones #john darnielle #octavia e butler #victor lavalle #nick cutter #t kingfisher #ernest hemingway #the hunger games #suzanne collins #stephen king #harlan ellison #michael crichton #neil gaiman #nimona #rf kuang #simon snow trilogy #rainbow rowell #cassandra khaw #chuck tingle

[teddyniffler]

Chapter 7

“God…I don’t know where you are. I don’t know if you can hear me. But please, Sam, Dean – We need you. Please” Chuck’s eyes snapped open. Castiel’s voice echoed in his head. He looked around him, he was in Reno, people packed the paths, cars moved slowly across the road and all around him tall buildings with bright flashing lights advertised high payment slot machines. He knew which year this was, 2019. He had jumped almost one hundred years back in time, to the point in time he identified as a mistake that had placed him on the path he had just lived. Chuck swallowed and looked up at the tall buildings. In one of the biggest hotels, Amara was up there, yet he had just left her in the future. She knew all about him jumping back to this time and she would be watching him carefully, he could just imagine a pair of brown eyes looking down at him. Chuck knew what he needed to do.

Jack was running, he stopped as he reached the outskirts of the town just in time to watch a police car rush past him, heading in the direction of his ex-friendship group, the lights flashing and the siren screaming out. He had done this. What if those teenagers told Sam and Dean? Would Sam and Dean believe them? Would they be angry? No. No. Sam and Dean would believe him. Not them. It was an accident. It was her fault; she had run out into the knife. It was her fault. Sam and Dean didn’t have to know. He could just lie. Lying was bad. But lying would mean Sam and Dean won’t be angry with him. Jack stumbled down behind a low wall. He had hurt that girl. He didn’t mean to hurt her, why did he hurt that girl? Why does he always hurt people. He drew his legs up and held himself, rocking slightly back and forwards. Sam and Dean may not be back for days, they were on a hunt, this would all calm down before they got back. Stacy couldn’t say anything to the police, they wouldn’t believe her about an angel knife flying in the air, there was no wound, he had healed her. Nobody would come looking for him? Maybe she wouldn’t approach Sam and Dean. It’s all fine. It’s fine. Jack was still rocking and staring ahead, it was dark now and nobody really knew him here. Nobody had seen what he did… “Hey Jack” Came a man’s voice above him. Jack looked up fast and scrambled to his feet, adrenaline pumping through him. Was this a demon? An Angel? He didn’t hear wings so it must be demon, but the man radiated power, Jack felt his skin tingling from the moment this man appeared. Jack raised his hand, ready to use his powers if he needed to protect himself. “Easy Jack” The man said. He looked calm, but uneasy. Was that fear in the man’s eyes? Was he afraid of Jack too? “Who are you?” Jack asked, his voice shaking. The man looked at Jack for a second, and then he smiled, and Jack seen his face was kind and warm. “I’m your grandfather”

Dean pulled open the bunker’s door, he was worn out and needed to crash, that hunt had been a weird one, tree monster goop still lingered in his noise. He needed a shower, so did Sam next to him. They both came down the stairs and down into the control room. Dean dropped his bag onto the table as Sam walked up into the library, no doubt looking to catch up with Jack, things happened been so good for the kid lately and Dean was sure he was hiding a lot from them. He didn’t want to go to deep into it with Jack, but he and Sam had promised they would do better by the kids from now on. The kid had been reading his zombie book when they left him, and Dean knew from experience could be there for days when he got into a really good book. “Hey kid. We’re back. You still at it?” Dean called as he walked up the stairs himself and then stopped, for leaning against one of the tables, raising a hand in a wave, was none other than Chuck Shurley. “Chuck?” Sam said, looking from God to Jack, who wasn’t meeting his eyes, but looking away. “Is everything ok... Jack?” There was no doubt about it, Jack was not meeting their eyes, he was rubbing his elbow in a subconscious way.

“Jack?” Dean asked, he moved closer to Jack. “What’s wrong with him?” Dean looked at Chuck for answers. Chuck glanced over at Jack and then back to Dean “Oh he’s just readjusting. Having a soul put back in a body takes time” Chuck shrugged, slightly unconcerned. “His soul is back?” Sam asked, he walked over to Jack who still averted his gaze. He was now fidgeting with his fingers “Don’t lose it again” Chuck advised, he looked pale, almost sick. “Souls aren’t easy to put back. I helped myself to your health shakes, there was no beer in” Chuck confessed. Dean looked at Jack “You forgot the beer?” Sam glared at Dean and shock his head, mouthing ‘Not the time’ “I don’t have ID” Came Jack’s voice quietly “You have plenty of ID” Dean reminded him “They’re all fake” Jack replied. “I would get you some beer, but I don’t feel good” Chuck said. Sam went right to Chuck. He had always felt a connection to Chuck, helping him feel better just a few years ago when Amara almost killed him.

“I will get you some water. Thanks Chuck, for Jack” Sam made little praying hands for a moment that made Chuck smile. “It’s fine. He’s family Afterall” Oh. If only they knew how the other timeline played out. Once Chuck had recovered a little and Dean got his beer, Chuck explained why he was here. With a click of his fingers, Castiel was standing right in front of him, looking shocked at first by the sudden chance of senary and then he eyed his father carefully before him “God?” He asked, he looked hopeful at Jack for a moment “Hi Castiel. I heard your prayer” Castiel looked at Jack for confirmation, he rushed over to Jack and looked into his face. The small smile on Jack’s face and his eyebrows all scrunched up told him everything he needed to know. “Thank you” Castiel told his father, who shrugged as if it wasn’t any big deal “It’s nothing really, we can’t have a nephilm running around with no soul” Chuck laughed lightly “He may change the natural order of things or become God himself”

Oh if only they knew. Dean snored. “Jack as God? That’s not a good idea. He’ll form nougat cults” “I am actually here to for reasons other than Jack” That sobered up the room “What’s wrong?” Asked Dean “Is it Amara?” “No no” Chuck shook his head “Dear sis is fine, she’s in Reno, she loves the spas and the slots. No this is something else. It’s Billie. Watch out for her. She’s bad news. If she comes looking for you again in the future, grab her scythe and just cut her down. Trust me” Sam, Dean and Cas exchanged looks, Chuck didn’t seem to be joking. “There’s another thing” Chuck walked closer to Castiel “As a father I’ve been rubbish. Let me make it up to you. Your arrangement with the Empty is null and void, and for me sake Cas, be honest with yourself. If you already know his answer, just tell him how you feel” Castiel went pale. He opened his mouth. Closed it and then blinked. “What? What does he mean Cas?” Dean asked, as Castiel looked like he was going to be sick “It’s…Dean I need to speak with you” Castiel looked horrified. “I need to speak with you alone” Chuck now approached Sam, he was looking at Sam’s shoulder for a second. Sam didn’t realise it, but Chuck was looking at where the wound once connected them was. He had handled all that wrong too.

He handed Sam a phone and Sam took it into his hand, looking confused “When it rings, pick it up” Was all Chuck said to him. A few hours later. Dean sat in the kitchen in shock. He drank the extra strong coffee and put it on the table. Castiel was in love with him. Cas, his best friend, was in love with him. He smiled. That stupid child couldn’t raise himself from hell without falling in love with him. Dean didn’t know where this would go. He loved Cas too, but as a brother, as a best friend, as a - Just what was Cas to him? His own angel? His guardian? His family. He had time to sort out his thoughts. Castiel wasn’t expecting an answer any time soon, the angel just seemed happy telling Dean his feelings and Dean had hugged him. He couldn’t find the words to say anything back to the angel, shock kept his words from coming, so Dean showed the angel he cared by hugging him. How were you meant to react when your best friend tells you such big news about them they had kept to themselves for years. No matter, it was Cas and Dean would always be there for him.

Chuck was singing in the shower. Dean had groaned when he heard him, remembering the last time Chuck had stayed over. Sometimes Dean wished he could shoot him. Dean considered if it was even possible to shoot God, probably not. The silence was broken by Sam screaming Dean’s name. Dean shot up and ran to where Sam was leaning against the wall. “SAM?” He shouted back. Jack had rushed out of his room, now dressed in pyjamas, haven fully recovered from regaining his soul. Sam was clutching a phone in his hand, Dean looked at him and then down at the screen.

It was Eileen. “Eileen!” Dean shouted, without thinking she couldn’t hear him “Hello Dean” Eileen spoke, having lipread. “Eileen. How are you alive?” Sam asked, trying to sign the words. Dean quickly took the phone from Sam and held it up so his brother and Eileen could sign to each other. “She said she was suddenly in the woods again… She was in hell and then she was back….Dean is this Chuck’s doing?” “Eileen, stay where you are” Sam signed to her and spoke “I’m coming to pick you up, okay?” “Okay” She replied. Dean knocked on the shower room door “Chuck” He called Chuck ignored him and carried on singing. He knew they had received his ‘peace offerings’, he thought for a moment Sam and Dean would never know what he had put them through, so maybe they wanted answers. He wouldn’t give them, best they part friends, none the wiser to the things he had seen playing out.

Sam arrived home with Eileen a few hours later and Dean and Castiel smiled normally at each other when Cas re-entered the liberty later, he had wanted space after telling Dean his feelings. Chuck was feeding Jack pancakes at one of the tables, he then provided them all with pancakes as there were quite a few hungry people there.

“Remember when I made these the first time around, I think I’m even better at making them now. I created all these ingredients too. Hello Eileen” He loaded more on top of Jack’s overflowing plate “Gosh kid, you can eat” Dean looked suspiciously over at Chuck, something seemed off here. Since when did anything play out so well for them? What was Chuck up too “We need to talk about that” Chuck said, as if reading Dean’s mind. Dean looked up. “Lately, it came to my attention I’ve sort of screwed up. Things have happened since we last met. I’ve discovered things about myself, places I’ve gone wrong during creation. There’s things I am ashamed off, but I’ve since came to terms with all that and as Amara would say, I’m becoming my better self. She has helped me a lot to see where I’ve been wrong in the past” Chuck paused “I need to correct some things, I’ve already corrected things, but I need to tell you that I’m opening the cage later today and letting Michael and Adam out. Then I’m bringing Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel back. All the angels in the empty. Don’t worry -” He said, after seeing their horror. “- I will keep them all away from you guys. I’ve seen a better heaven, we’re going to be busy restoring heaven to something better, for angels and souls. None of my children will bother you down here.”

After that, Chuck got ready to leave the bunker, he looked around at the place and then looked one last time at Sam and Dean. This would be the last time he seen them, but if things stayed on the same path, they would be fine. They would never need to recall him. He would never kill Jack. Sam would never shoot him. They wouldn’t depart as enemies and he would never lose his powers. Behind him the door opened as Mary Winchester walked in from a hunt, looking confused at Chuck “Hello?” She asked. “Hello Mary” He said and smiled. The Winchesters would never know what would have happened had Jack continued soulless, he had taken them off that path. “Oh Mom…This is um…Chuck. He is God” Mary turned white. Chuck smiled in an embarrassed way. Why did Sam have to add in the god part? “I’m off now. Oh Dean, don’t get big-headed. Vampires are dangerous and should be taken serious no matter how many nests you have taken down before and avoid rebar, it’s terrible for buildings. Sam, be happy in your life, marry for love and don’t name your kid after your family members, its real cringe”

He looked over at Jack now. “You’re a kid, so stay as one. You don’t need the whole weight of the world upon your shoulders. Throw a moderate tantrum once in a while, slam your bedroom door, sneak sweets into your room, hell take Dean’s car for a test run, just be a kid alright” Lastly, he looked at Castiel and smiled. “You have always been the one who never does as I asked… Never change that Castiel. It’s what I most respect you for”. With one last smile at Sam and Dean, Chuck left their lives for good. They would never see him again until they both died at an old age. As he left, Sam looked confused, which matched all of their feelings “Was he drunk?” Asked Castiel.

Chuck looked up at the cage. His son was in there. The one he had killed with his own hands. Chuck didn’t know how he would even be able to look Michael in the eye, but this Michael was still alive and Chuck was determined he will stay like that. Chuck lifted his hand and clicked his fingers and watched as bar after bar fell down, freeing Michael and the human boy inside of him “Hello son. I’ve come back for you” Michael eyed the figure with suspicion. Adam in his head was asking questions but Michael had no idea what was happening “Father?” His voice was shaken with emotion. He always imagined what he would say should his father come back to him. He would be angry. He would rage. He would demand answers. He would - He stood and with unstable legs he stumbled over to his father, trying not to fall on the bars, and placed his arms around him, clutching his father to hold himself up. Chuck stroked Michael’s hair trying to soothe him. “Let’s go get your brothers” The empty had once told Castiel that God had no power in the empty. It was true, he didn’t, but while he was on earth he could pull beings back, if he had originally made them. Being creator of all he did. He couldn’t go physically into the empty himself, it was off limits to him, but if he had once made something, he could easy get it back.

If the effort of giving Jack his soul back had made Chuck vomited horrifically into the Winchester’s bathroom for an hour, bringing all his children back from the empty would make him faint, so this would be a team effort. Amara was right by his side. Michael sat on a tree stump close by, he was shielding his eyes from the light and touching everything, including the tree he was sitting on. He was sniffing the air and fluttering his wings, he was a little disorientated from being in the cage for so long, but he would recover soon enough. “Ready?” Amara asked him. Chuck nodded. He took Amara’s hand and merged into her, becoming one with her. She was always more powerful than him. He showed her how to recall all his creation, all the heavenly host and three quite familiar condemned souls. They began.

The news readers said it was an earthquake. The bunker’s lights all flashed red as angelic presences entered earth. Over in England the British Men of Letters all scrabbled around in panic as alarm after alarm went off in their offices. Chuck and Amara unmerged just in time for Chuck to notice a familiar ex king of hell fleeing, thinking he had been let out by mistake, followed by Ruby and Meg who had similar ideas. They would be fine, Chuck knew, they were not a threat. The heavenly host were sent to heaven, Chuck knew they would be great confusion up there when dead siblings went to re-join their living siblings, but Chuck would go address heaven himself soon. First however… “Hello boys” Chuck smiled. Raphael looked from his brothers to his father. His dark hair all messy. His wings in a sorry state. “I thought you were dead?” He said to his father. Chuck shook his head sadly. “Whoa that is Amara” Gabriel observed, he hadn’t seen her since they locked her up, how awkward indeed. Was she going to attack them?

Lucifer said nothing, he was glaring at Chuck and Chuck knew he had a lot of apologising to do – again. “We need talk” Chuck told them “Things are going to be different now” Michael stood, he wobbled over to stand by his father, compared to how bashed up the younger siblings looked, the fact Michael looked slightly worse made them feel slightly better. “Ok I suppose” Said Gabriel “But how? We all know it dad, you don’t hang around. You can’t say things are going to be better if we aren’t a family. We’ll just fight again. Michael and Lucifer can’t be in the same room as each other without trying to kill the other. Half of heaven hates Raphy, sorry bro, but it’s true, and I- I ran away. I’m not welcome back in heaven” Gabriel looked at Michael quickly. Michael just continued to look doleful and didn’t reply.

“That’s why things will be different now” Chuck said. It seemed he had grown in the moment, or maybe he had been growing for years without knowing it “This time it’s for real. I am God and it’s time I acted like it. I created all of this and I used everything for my own entertainment. That ends now. I am more than God, I am also your father and you are my sons, my beautiful sons” He looked at each one of them, Lucifer almost avoided his eyes but met them like his brothers did “This time. I will be there for you. There will be no fighting between you. Michael and Lucifer will not kill each other. Raphael will not be forgotten, and Gabriel will never feel the need to run away again” Chuck held out his hand to his sons. “Let’s go home together” The four of them for a second looked at each other for confirmation, they looked over at Amara slightly hesitant, before slowly reaching out to their father. They were transported to heaven’s throne room which had expanded for miles in all directions. All the angels were in here, and voices shouted over each other. Angels questioning what was going on. Angels rejoicing as their friends appeared again before them. Shouts that Balthazar was stealing things. Castiel landed in next, looking confused as to why he was here. He was followed by Jack who turned his head, surprised to be among so many angels.

“Cas?” He said Castiel held his hand onto Jack’s back. The voices went quite when the archangels flew in, now in their true forms. There was shock as the younger angels seen their older brothers take their normal places standing by the throne of God. Just what was going on? “You are improving at speeches brother” Amara observed “Give me strength” Chuck said “I have to address them all now. You are so coming with me” “Want me to hold your hand?” Amara teased “NO! Eww” Chuck said. Then he laughed with her. “Seriously though, what do I even say to them?” Up in heaven, a bright light started glowing and it got whiter and whiter until the angels had to look away. The talk and shouting that had calmed when the archangels arrived went into total silence. The angels quickly parted and made a walkway, and bowed their heads and kneeled on the ground, angels behind them quickly caught on as a sea of angelic beings bowed. Castiel tapped Jack’s back and they both got down on their knees too, Jack trying to peek up over other angels to see better.

Chuck had reached the Archangels who bowed their heads but did not kneel. They were never asked to kneel to their father who loved them as actual children, heightening their class as archangels. Chuck looked at his throne. There was one for Amara there too. From now they would jointly run heaven. A God and a Goddess. He looked at the millions of angels all in this room. He knew every single one of them. He had run so many times from this throne, pretending he was not God, not the creator. He had run from his responsibility, but just as Gabriel had done, he had to stop running and come home. He sat on the throne. All around the earth, lightning flashed across the sky. Then it stopped as fast as it started. It was time to address the angels, four archangels and one nephilm in there somewhere. A new era had arrived, one where God was back.

He was home.

#Divinity No More

[ryttu3k]

End-of-the-year book asks! Check out 2022's and 2021's, too.

1. How many books did you read this year?

Okay let's break this down by length! Novels: 26. Non-fiction: 3. Novellas: 3. Novelettes: 3. Zines: 10. Not including novelettes and zines in that, a total of 32!

2. Did you reread anything? What?

Nope, all new stuff.

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Top three is easy - Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White, Space Opera by Catherynne M Valente, and Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle. For the last two, let's go with Jeff VanderMeer's Wonderbook, which is a wonderful craft book especially for SFF writers, and the incredibly bonkers My Volcano by John Elizabeth Stintzi.

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

See the first three above! I already have Bury Your Gays by Chuck Tingle on preorder, and I've just bought The Spirit Bears Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White!

5. What genre did you read the most of?

Comfortably in my SFF hole, tyvm.

6. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

*laughs in excessively long TBR*

7. What was your average Goodreads Storygraph rating? Does it seem accurate?

4.24, or approximately 8.5. Yeah, that works!

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

Read more novels, which I did! I also managed a nice little nonfiction month.

9. Did you get into any new genres?

Nnnnnot really, haha.

10. What was your favourite new release of the year?

Camp Damascus my beloved. (The other two faves were 2022 and 2018).

11. What was your favourite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Wonderbook came out in 2013.

12. Any books that disappointed you? 13. What were your least favourite books of the year?

✌️

14. What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

There's only two and a half days left I'm good.

15. Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women's Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

I read NK Jemisin's Broken Earth Trilogy (which would have been higher up in my listings but I'm kinda salty over her stance over the library thing and that tarnished them retrospectively) and they won. Everything. Three consecutive Nebulas, and The Stone Sky also won the Locus for Best Fantasy (as did The City We Became by the same writer), and the Hugo, with The Fifth Season and Obelisk Gate also nominated for the Hugo, and The City We Became for Nebula. Jeff VanderMeer's Annihilation won a Nebula, Space Opera was nominated for a Hugo.

I'm gonna throw hands if Camp Damascus doesn't win something next year, by the way.

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

Mmm, maybe Annihilation? I enjoyed it! I actually have a copy now because I spotted an uncorrected proof at a second-hand store for $3! But also I just thought it was 'cool, really interesting' and not like. The greatest in existence.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

Honestly, not really! Most seemed appropriately hyped?

18. How many books did you buy?

24 ebooks, 12 physical.

19. Did you use your library?

Yup, both for physical and ebook.

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

Camp Damascus, and absolutely. Go read it.

21. Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

No, because I value my sanity <3

22. What's the longest book you read?

The Fifth Season, at 498 pages.

23. What's the fastest time it took you to read a book?

I mean the novelettes didn't take long XD

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

Nope!

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

Keep reading. Try not to lose mind too much over Alecto the Ninth. Fail to not lose mind too much over Alecto the Ninth.

For some extra fun, statistics! I worked out each month by page count, so I can work out when I read most and when I… didn't. It works out to:

January: 2,105 pages (5 novels, 1 zine)

February: 463 pages (1 anthology, 2 zines)

March: 1,342 pages (3 novels, 1 anthology, 1 novella)

April: 1,034 pages (2 novels, 1 anthology, 1 zine)

May: 834 pages (1 novel, 1 collection, 1 anthology)

June: 688 pages (2 novels, 1 zine)

July: 1,155 pages (1 novel, 3 nonfiction books, 1 zine)

August: 652 pages (2 novels, 1 novella, 1 zine)

September: 712 pages (2 novels, 1 zine)

October: 911 pages (3 novels, 1 zine)

November: 192 pages (1 novel)

December: 408 pages (1 novella, 3 novelettes, 1 zine - note that this is inflated, the novella is shorter in wordcount but the layout means it's more 'spread out')

Month with most pages read: January, with over two thousand pages over five novels and a zine.

Month with least pages read: November, with one (shortish!) novel.

Month with most out-of-the-ordinary content: July, the month where I focused largely on nonfiction. It also had Camp Damascus <3

Months with the shortest reads: Aside from November, February only had one (novel-length) anthology and two zines, and December had a novella, three novelettes, and a zine.

Most condensed reading month: Aside from November again, October, with all four reads over the course of the one-week cruise.

#year in review #books