#Need to call the clinic

[belzrgr]

Big day tmrw and I don't know if I can sleep :')

#✎ babbling #So much to do so much happening #Need to call the clinic #Then work to say I won't be coming in #Take a shower #Finish packing #Walk doggo #Leave for the clinic #Then deal with the fact somehow that I'm finally there and our plan for this stay is to try and actually get me #To talk about my trauma I remember #Imma throw up T-T and cry

[inkskinned]

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this'' #and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion'' #so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop! #and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

[houseswife]

I love how they set taub’s biggest issue up to be the fact that he cheats on his wife. like that’s the only thing wrong with him really. and everybody dunks on him for it. meanwhile wilson has been causally dropping the fact that he’s a serial philanderer since season 1 and nobody bats an eye because there’s just so much else to unpack that it might be the most normal aspect of his personality

#house md #chris taub #love that clinically insane manwhore #james wilson #like yes he is proudly unfaithful and prone to affairs but the emotional cheating he be puttin those poor women through with house is much #much worse #I could tolerate my husband saying he’s slept with other women. like obviously horrible thing to do and I’d be mad. but it’s not outlandish. #if my husband called me up like ‘yeah I need to go take care of my manchild boybestie. he’s having legal issues and I need to #sacrafice my career for him. see ya later!’ #I would kill him with my bare hands

[milkweedman]

Finally dyeing this hat. I premordanted a little with copper, and then put it in a dyebath made of coffee ( from a bag I got last year that was just... undrinkably bad) and Ceylon tea leaves (from an old box that I need to use a lot faster than I have been). If the color stays orange I'll add more mordant, I just didn't want to overdo it and I never dye finished objects, so I'm being a little cautious.

#drove all the way to the wheelchair clinic only to find theres actually a whole Process before i can even go in #which i didnt realize and i guess i need to wait for someones call which is an aggravating way to spend 2 hours #now i am gonna try and do some sock surgery or something #natural dyeing #(kinda ?) #handspun yarn #knit hat

[wantbytaemin]

🍀☀️🌿🦋🌳✨🍃

#cardio appt went well!!! looks the same as last time so we’re not getting worse 🫀🫶🏻 good job miss muscle i knew you had it in you (<- a girl #who was bitching and nervous as fawk) #and alsooo the doctor was so nice to me she called me beautiful girl like 5 times and when i smiled when she told me there were no changes #she said ‘oh you should be on television’ LMFAOOO i love her bc i really needed a little pick up #and also as i got into the building there was a man getting into the elevator w me and he was like you’re the lucky charm bc this elevator #usually never comes. i had to wait the last 7 or 8 times and here you are and suddenly it’s here immediately #and i was like 😇 MEEEE the lucky charm hehehehehe #anyway posting this from the park near the clinic bc i didn’t wanna drive in rush hour so i could speed home as a treat #and 🫶🏻 it’s so beautiful i feel so much better!

[eclecticopposition]

seeing personality disorder discussion on the dashboard. the impulse to share all the self-therapy books and tools we have has never been stronger

#our files are so disorganized but we have a bunch of them saved to a dropbox file #the clinical model is letting you all down. if we had our shit together we would welcome you into the warm embrace of our radical ideology #but in the meantime if you all are interested in free books to start managing your own recovery with or without a therapist #let us know #call it an interest check #we love piracy and we especially love doing it for our friends #we have podcast recs and links to some really foundational CPTSD recovery pieces too #we can maybe tell you what approaches to check out depending on what you need because that's hard to know without a lot of research #personality disorders aren't actually clearcut definitions so much as they are expressions of trauma that have been unnecessarily categoriz #they are prescriptive and serve power rather than the person who has them and fail to take the actual mechanics of trauma into account #the DSM-V would shrink to thirty pages if it reflected the growing understanding of CPTSD and maybe therapy would actually work #but in the meantime we have ourselves and we have each other #and we have free books #idk just let us know

[willowser]

willow!! u can write exclusively assistant reader fics and I would read every. single. one.

u can keyboard smash and I would be like yesss 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 they deserve whatever the Oscar equivalent is to writing 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

excited for all ur wips!!! I hope ur week just gets better and better 💖

WAAAAHHH tysm 🥺 what a blessing from you 🥺 i just love the angle, you know ?? bc it puts you directly in his path just about every single day. it's like. you're holding a piece of him together and it's not about whether he's allowing you to or wants you to; that's your job. and somewhere along the way 🥺 i think it could be easy for those lines to blur 🥺

another agency wants to talk with you about coverage and emergency patrol shifts, so you're going to have a sit-down meeting with them thursday. don't forget. you have late patrol that evening, so you'll have to come in a little early, unfortunately, i'm sorry. i'll have all the paperwork made up when you come in and we can go over there together. i'll bring water or tea. maybe we can get lunch afterwards, and then we can talk about the schedule for next week. how is your arm, by the way, from when you hurt it? do you need me to call the clinic and get you a refill on your pain meds? what about your inhaler or your heart med? are you feeling okay lately? your dad called about next tuesday but that's your only day off so maybe you should just rest. i don't mind coming in saturday to help you catch up with paperwork, it's no problem. don't stress about it, we'll get it done. you can walk me home if it makes you feel better.

LIKE IT'S EVERYTHING TO ME THE SHIFT CAN BE SO SUBTLE BUT SUDDENLY YOU WAKE UP AND YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT YOUR DAYS WITHOUT EACH OTHER WAAAHHH

#i think personally i'm a very 'what can i do for you ??' kind of person so this is just like. IT for me. #you call me at three am bc you got in a bad scuffle and need me to pick you up from the clinic ?? i'm on the way #no makeup hair a mess in my chanclas #but i'll come bc you need me to #alcjdiskakql assistant reader is everything to meeeeeeeeee #also tysm !!!!! i hope that the rest of your week is great !!!! you're so sweet i'm buzzing 🥺🥺🥺🥺 #✿ ask willow

[detentiontrack]

Wisdom teeth update. They gotta come out

#the dentist called them ‘horribly impacted’ #and said they need to come out ASAP or my pain will get worse #one of them is still semi in the gum so they’re referring me to a speciality clinic #that knows how to cut open the gum and get the teeth out #I wonder if they’ll let me keep them……

[aropride]

i need to listen to some voicemails but i am scared :(

#text #i know itll be better to just know but . :{ #its from my psych/therapy clinic i need to schedule an appt and sign paperwork and ive not gone for like a month #missed my last psych appt bc i was busy having a panic attack. so. #thats great #i feel so bad i dont want them to be mad at me But also if theyre not mad at me like. thats bad too bc they Should be mad at me #i dont know im like working myself into a bigger and bigger hole with this whole thing every time i ignore a call #neg

[hajihiko]

yo i saw your instagram story, you good?? if not i hope the hospital trip goes well?

Emergency line lady said I'm probably okay for the night 🤙 I might go to the hospital tomorrow we'll see

#Im gonna take the wrap off before bed and if it's still gushing then I guess I'll. Call a cab to the ER. Eugh #I would like to avoid that bc its expensive and the weather is bad and the wait will be very long bc this isnt really an emergency #Unfortunately of COURSE its Easter so my local clinic is closed. #Not an art #It's just a cut to the finger it's not my drawing hand so at worst I'll need some stitches its chill

[prismatoxic]

i gotta call my mom and thank her for the teeth of steel i was apparently born with

#they are in SURPRISINGLY GOOD SHAPE for what i've put them through #i have 2 cavities and no other major concerns and will be going back on the 8th to get them filled #everyone at the clinic was so fucking nice like they earned that 4.9 on google reviews #also i uh. yeah i just became resistant to ibuprofen #i have acetaminophen now and will alternate as needed #also they called in xanax for the day of for my anxious ass \m/ #tox.txt

[bunnihearted]

🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders.... #it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them) #the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!! #my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

[bbreaddog]

.

#personal #finally got an appt with my psych this morn and FINALLY got her to write a support letter for my disability support pension claim #GOD #only took like 3 emails in the past week and a friend to call them up on my behalf to pester them about it #just submitted my claim #I was told I’d be exempt from my mutual obligations to meet my benchmark work hours while the claim processes #so hopefully means I can catch a whole break instead of the half I’ve been given the past month #I hope this works #I really hope this works #I don’t wanna have to rely financially on my parents when I already rely on them so much for everything else #also health update: currently wearing a 28-day heart monitor and it is so itchyyyyy #I have follow up appts with the cardiology clinic for other tests in the next month #seeing rheumatologist in march #yet to book with audiologist bc the clinic I’d contacted said they don’t offer the services I’m after and referred me to their other clinic #which is on the other side of the city #and I’m trying to find a different clinic that’s closer and offers the services I need #god but for now #I think I’m just gonna fuckin #not think about health and appts for a while #at least for the week #I’ve been invited to work dinner tomorrow and it’s gonna be my first time seeing everyone in like 1.5 months #they’re all around or younger than my age so like #I know they’re not gonna comment negatively about my appearance #but god do I have such anxiety about it #I’m so used to brown parents commenting on weight loss and acne and complexion whenever I’m ill #but that’s a different generation #these colleagues are alright #I just hope I have enough energy to last the night

[stiltonbasket]

modern au with wetlands biologist jiang cheng and country doctor wen qing? They're very cute together. Jiang Cheng has a lot of froggy swag that he shares with his wife and tiny nephew a-yuan.

!!!

#asks #i want to write a oneshot omgggg #jc with tall rubber boots and jars for collecting specimens #and little traps for small animals that need to be rehabilitated #country doctor wen qing rescues an endangered frog in the nick of time and calls jc in to help #it's love at first sight (for jiang cheng) #but wq is a little 😐 because he tracked mud all over the front room of her clinic #chengqing

[roachemoji]

.

#bo posting #vent #man i need to put this somewhere im #i feel sick im so anxious #4 years ago i got a bullseye rash on my leg #and i went to a clinic bc i didnt know what it was #and all i was given were some steroids for inflammation #and now im!!!!!! freaking out bc that was defenitely a fucking tick bite #lyme disease was never mentioned once. hell i dont even think ticks were??? #i think i need to ask my dr for a test at least??? #i dont know if im overreacting or if this is like. something i should defenitely do #i dont have any symptoms #maybe fatigue but frankly that could be due to my mental health #ik it can lay dormant for years #im trying so hard not to freak the fuck out right now but im so fucking scared #im gonna call my dr yomorrow i think???? #i judt!!!! i just needed to say this outloud somewhere

[tafadhali]

Got hit by a car today

I'm totally fine (if sore) but having someone accelerate into your fragile human body feels really personal

Also having a ton of lawyers and like everyone you're doing jury duty with see and hear you get hit by a car (crying "Why did you do that to me???") as you head into jury duty is a real way to start a day

#i did not call the cops right away #but then all the lawyers and my parents convinced me to #and of course they were like ''uhhhhhh why did you call us it's kind of too late now'' #and i was like ''I KNOW but everyone TOLD ME TO anyway here's her info if i die in my sleep or whatever'' #i didn't really need or want them for anything but #in my experience calling the cops is exactly like going to a walk in clinic #they stare at you and then grudgingly acknowledge there MIGHT have been a reason you called and then say there's nothing they can do #(i don't make a habit of calling the cops) #(i am trying to make a habit of going to the doctor but it's hard when you feel like an idiot every time)