#Me? projecting and writing again? never

[n3onstarss]

From Eden

Relationship: Raphael x Otherkin!Reader

Romantic or Platonic?: Romantic

Reader type: I'm projecting okay?, shut up.

Potential TW for species dysphoria? might as well bring it up for anybody who needs it! ♡

It was relaxing, peaceful almost. My giant mutant turtle boyfriend and I laid sprawled on our bed in our apartment. My back to the headboard and his head in my lap. It was late at night, rain pittering weakly against the window and roof, reflecting the dim glow of the moon and the bright city lights around the room. We were both on our phones, 'parallel play' as I called it and 'together alone time' as he did.

One earbud sat within my too-human ear at the moment, playing my favorite Hozier album (Hozier (Deluxe Edition) 2014) while a drone filmed scenic video was playing in the upper right hand corner of my screen. The rest of the screen was occupied by whatever website I was on at the moment to help with the feeling or distract me from it. Meditation instructions, animal or movie facts about my kintypes, even Tumblr possessed the space from time to time.

After what felt like days but was only about two hours i let out a defeated groan before finally dropping my phone to the side, resting my head against the wall behind me and putting my spine in a weird position when it molded around the headboard. my body feels too human, i need to go swim or sprint or just.. fuck, i don't know!

At the disturbance of the peace Raph raises his head from my lap, moving to rest his weight on one elbow and pause his music with the other.

"You good dear?" The concern in his voice only makes it worse as i sink into what i wish was a graceful puddle, but was really a mess of limbs.

".. Yeah, all good!" I respond hesitantly, a thumbs up emerging from the tangle before deflating again.

"You're a damn awful liar, love. What's wrong?"

His large hands gently cup my face as he looms over me. It would seem intimidating to anybody else, a giant, spiky, mutant turtle looming over you like the grim reaper, but his gentle words and touch were actually gonna make me cry.

"Oughhhh.... dysphoria." I finally spit out the word, sinking further down. I don't notice the confusion on Raph's face, but I don't need to when he speaks again.

"What kind?"

He sits up some, forcing him to move his hands so he doesn't squish me to death. I gladly take the opportunity to cover my face with my forearms and squeeze my eyes closed. asking for help was always deemed pathetic to me, either through action or words. this feels stupid. too vulnerable. vulnerability gets you killed out there. but.. we're not out there. i never will be. not in the way i need to deep in my soul.

".. species."

"Eugh. that one's the worst, huh?"

a muffled 'mhm' was the most i could manage. Everything felt wrong and i didn't wanna bring Raph into this. this isn't his problem, it's mine.

I don't get much of a choice though before he stands and scoops me up in a bridal style carry. I groan in protest and before i can say a word he's unceremoniously dropped me on the couch and moved to the TV.

I take a moment to get myself together some. Between the exhaustion and species dysphoria and the literally being dropped on a couch from, like, at least 2 feet up, I'm still a mess. Gods i need a fucking Tylenol-

"What are ya up to, genius?" I finally ask, both wanting to know what he's doing and poking the bear at the same time.

"Well, genius, if you must know-" "god you sound like Donnie right now, where's my boyfriend?" "- I'm turning on Rio and making us popcorn and sodas."

I'm kinda shell shocked by that. for, i think, at least 3 reasons. 1, That's actually super sweet what the fuck- 2, I'm not being told to suck it up? weird. and 3, he remembers my comfort movies.

I start to cry a little at that. for once, vulnerability isn't a death sentence. I'm safe with him.

I accidentally let a little tearful hiccup slip and he turns around to see what's up. Now I know for a fact I'm an ugly crier, but the ways his eyes soften when he notices and the way he stops to check breaks my heart even more, in the best possible ways.

"You okay dear? We don't have to do movies if you're not up for it. We can go to bed or cook or I can leave if that's what you need."

almost immediately i latch onto the hand that has unknowingly settled to cup my face, my head gives a little shake and for a second we know each other so well it's like we read minds or something.

"Okay, not leaving. it's okay love, you're good."

It isn't long before my tears slow and he gets up calmly. i appreciate him trying not to spook me, but after the too much of being vulnerable i want normalcy. In an instant I'm up and helping set up, padding silently on my toes into the kitchen and gathering the popcorn bucket from Christmas and the sodas. The popcorn isn't that old anyways, Draxum gifted some to everyone pretty late. He actually forgot until Splints got onto him for Mikey's sake.

Anyways, i reentered the living room with the bucket under my arm and a can in each hand. The commercials were still playing and making me feel old. apparently that was affecting us both as i watched Raph cringe when certain commercials came on. Even whispering a 'I saw that in theaters!' once or twice while I set everything down.

The movie finally begins to play as we snuggle into the other, molding nicely to each other and settling in. What is Love begins to play and I think back to all the times I've made poor Raph dance with me to it. While cooking dinner a week or two ago, at a party when it came on and i totally didn't request it, during the movie itself after we finally got together almost a year ago now. Apparently he catches me lost in thought.

"You okay?"

"Never better"

"I was joking when I said you sounded like Donnie earlier, by the way."

"I know, love, don't worry bout it"

#Me? projecting and writing again? never #anyways soecies dysphoria and school stress and kinsidering is getting to me so here's this #rise raph x reader #raphael x reader #rottmnt raph #rise raph #raph x reader #raph rottmnt #raph tmnt #raphael hamato #tmnt x reader #gender neutral s/o #but heavily implied not cis/trans #my writing #rottmnt #therianthropy mention #therianthropic reader #otherkin mention #otherkin reader #species dysphoria mention

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[uruwashi-no-nightingale]

Wow this was just like The Wings (1936) by Korean author and poet Yi Sang

#limbus company #lcb #yi sang #dongrang #textpost #this canto fucked me up extremely!!!!!! i will never be the same!!!!!! #once again project moon's writing came into my house and killed my family. love it

[dantoru]

sorcevalier kissy

#guys you’ll never guess what i’m drawing next. You’ll never guess. Maybe it’s ruikasa idk though🙄 #all i fucking post. please save me. please free me. #i’m TRYING to write smth again idk when i’ll finish it if ever #but i’ll draw them again. i might draw mizuan or mizunene next actually idk though #i say i will and then i just draw fucking ruikasa again #they got me hook line and sinker man #project sekai #wonderlands x showtime #rui kamishiro #tsukasa tenma #ruikasa #my art

[writeouswriter]

Comedy is not inherently a lesser form than tragedy; why are you pitting two bad bitches against each other?? They're equals! They're besties! They're lovers!

#tragicomedy #ignore me i'm just feeling feelings over things (again) #i made a similar post already but aaaahhhhhh #tragedy #comedy #writing #writer things #genuinely some people have no appreciation for the work or detail put into comedic projects #as if they can have no meaning or skill involved #like an actor's only seen for their talent once they've done a big drama for example... but that same talent's been shining through #for years in a comedy to anyone that's bothered to notice #or comedy never getting recognized for the levels of detail they put in because they're seen as inferior or pointless by default #i'm thinking of very specific scenarios i won't name but like it's so prevalent everywhere

[aplusod]

I did a piece for the @siinamotazine Dream Inside a Dream! The song is From 7 to 8 (７から８へ)!

I'm not sure the gif will display at original size, or if it's stuck at max width, but here's a progress gif since working on this made me actually export various steps of my progress:

#sod's art #pixel art #pixelart #siinamota #powapowap #vocaloid #from 7 to 8 #7 kara 8 e #7から8へ #dream inside a dream #limited color palette #siinamotazine #i was lying in bed in a position very similar to this when i had the idea for this pose of pointing at the 7 and 8 lol #anyway i kinda fell in love with the original illustration for this song first and then came to love the song itself a while back #i made a base 3d model at first just to make sure the cubes had consistent perspective so that's what that is in the first pic #anyway i love you zine projects that make me export progress shots regularly 'cause i never remember to on my own haha #this one was great to work on thank you again mods for organizing it!! #i've been meaning to write some translyrics for this song but reading the lyrics just kinda makes me sad... one day...

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

>falling asleep

>the usual parade of shitposts are going through my head in the incoherent three minutes before i actually fall asleep

>a pretty good meme idea surfaces

>”oh i should write that one down”

>opens notes app to the last opened note and starts writing

>falls asleep

>wakes up the next morning

>apparently i opened it to the same note i always do when I write random shit down and then never delete it

>help

#mads posts #to clarify #1-13 is me counting rows of my knitting pattern #fuck the American pharmaceutical industry is the meme idea i had #and the writing is for a post I made a month ago that i never deleted from my notes app #whenever i start a new knitting project i just delete the previous numbers and start again in the same doc btw

[djosephqueery]

We talk a lot about Steve getting into Eddie's interests- playing D&D, listening to metal, having Eddie read LotR to him- and some people have written about Eddie getting into Steve's interests, but there's still quite an imbalance. So here are my thoughts on what aspects of Steve's life Eddie gets excited about.

Eddie really enjoys listening to music with Steve. While he may be a metalhead, that doesn't mean that's the only genre he listens to, and to limit him to that would be an injustice to his character. First and foremost Eddie likes music. He likes music that pushes boundaries and experiments with sound and makes people think. What a hypocrite he'd be if he refused to listen to anything outside his preferred genre.

One of his favorite things to do with Steve is swap music. They'll sit and alternate playing Slayer and Electric Light Orchestra, Dio and Billy Joel. They'll pick up new tapes from artists neither have heard of and talk about what they do and don't like about them. They like discovering tapes they have in common in their collections- Fleetwood Mac, Queen, and Led Zeppelin, to name a few.

They go to concerts together regularly as dates. Mostly local groups neither has heard of before, but always enjoyable.

Eddie figures out early on in their relationship that Steve likes to sing. That he's good at it. That he thought about a musical theatre career but decided he didn't want to deal with all the rejection that comes with auditioning. Eddie decides to learn all of Steve's favorite songs- pop and otherwise- on guitar so Steve can sing along when he plays. So that when Eddie is mindlessly strumming while trying to get out restless energy, Steve will know some of the songs. He even gets Steve onstage a couple times for some slower songs after they've been together a while.

Eddie listens to Top 40 hits with Steve (though he'd never admit that to the kids. Not because he's ashamed, but because they would never stop teasing him about how gone he is for Steve if they knew), and learns Steve's favorite tracks so he can play them for him.

It took a very long time, but after seeing how legitimately excited Steve gets over sports, Eddie decided to give that a try too. He watches games with Steve, tapes them for him when Steve has a long shift and can't watch it live. He still doesn't quite understand the rules and mixes up terms, but he can admit that it's fun to try and follow along and predict strategies and bemoan bad ref calls.

Steve has even gotten Eddie to go to a few games in person with him. It didn't take much convincing, Eddie talks a big talk, but he's a sucker for spending time with Steve and seeing him happy. He's come to the conclusion that being in a crowd at a sports game isn't all that different from being in a crowd at a concert (as far as people gathering to watch a common interest goes), and energy is infectious. He ends up liking the first game he attends much more than he anticipated.

It helps that he likes trying to get the Kiss Cam to show him and Steve.

#this is obviously in an 80s without homophobia with the kiss cam thing #Eddie still refuses to actually play sports #but he loves watching Steve play with the kids #the music thing is more of a mutual interest than Eddie getting into one of Steve's #but I'm counting it because it's something they both get excited about #and Eddie gets really into Steve's tastes #as well as introducing his own #I want to write more about Steve's interests but we get so little about him in canon other than Jock TM #so to me he's a singer #is this projection again? #I'll never tell #it may also be a little influenced by the fact that Joe Keery can in fact sing #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things 4 #stranger things

[worldsquietestjojosfan]

Mingjue's gaze softens.

"Didi. You are confused. You are misinterpreting brotherly love for romantic interest."

Huaisang clenches his firsts and stares down at the floorboards. His expression morphs into one of pain. He draws in a deep breath.

"Da-ge, please sleep with me." Mingjue's body jerks back at his little brother's words. "If I sleep with you, then I'll know for sure what I'm feeling."

#bro doing anything but organizing her code #my brother says i write like i wasnt allowed to go to school #recently my brother had to do a project for school where he had to pick up a new hobby #he didnt do the assignment and at the last day he was like brother im so fucked help me #so i let him use one of my fanfics for the before and told him to use his own fanfic as an after and present that #his professor told him his improvement was incredible #thats all i have to say #theres something so cringe about when i write #ill write it and be like yeah. and then i read over it and die #unironically i actually run away from my fics. i have never once read them again after finishing #like when i draw. i look at it. im like yeah that part is good that part is bad. pretty mid but its ok. #writing? i turn red and hide from the monster i have created #i think my writing could be lethal. like if i read all my fics one after the other id die from cringe poisoning #i regularly look at my old drawings and cry how much ive regressed. but i can look at them. #one time my friend wanted to torture me so he called me to read my fics out loud. i endorse this as an execution method #shit gets me sweating. i have to get normal about this #some words #wip #the second wip actually #the first one is the saber spirit takes over nmj and he fucks nhs on the training grounds infront of everyone. #second one is nmj is like brother you have to stop being a freak this is getting out of hand and nhs is like nuh-uh. but also how'd you kno #on a side note remember my former student that confessed? yeah well #he proposed marriage

[ghostwise]

may writing challenge 3 - 264 words AU: skipping straight to the part where they are kissing 🤷🏽‍♀️

Zevran has never been on a ship before. It sways gently up and down, making his footsteps feel uneven, but Hamal leads him sure-footed down the stairs and into his cabin. Zevran is quite sure he looks like a fool, gripping Hamal’s hand for balance, but he hurries after him, because he has done far more foolish things for a pretty face before.

It’s a comfortable room. Small, but cozy, and entirely windowless, lit by some sort of enchantment. Tapestries line the ceiling and a few more instruments rest against the bed, which is built into the wall.

Hamal wastes no time.

He tastes like the sea air, and tea. He kisses him like the tide coming in. His fingertips have calluses from the strings of his jarana, and when they slip under his shirt and rub against Zevran’s ribs, a full-body shiver runs through him—earning a surprised laugh from the other man.

“Ticklish?”

“One of my many weaknesses,” Zevran says.

Hamal presses up against him, pinning him. he seems to note Zevran’s discomfort with the ship’s motion, holding him up so he is steady between all that’s going on.

“Ah! What other weaknesses do you have?”

“A weakness for handsome musicians with strong hands, for one.”

“You think I'm handsome!” Hamal laughs at that, delighted.

“Why wouldn’t I? Am I not currently in your bed? Be serious!”

“And here I thought crowds gathered around my playing solely for my talent. Though today I was blessed with particularly attractive audience,” he says, and bats his eyes.

Zevran’s smile widens. He does remember him!

A/N: Good Parenting AU is a fluffy setting where Hamal was raised with his mother's clan in Antiva, and Zevran was raised with his parents alive and well. You can read the previously posted chapters here, and expect an update soon.

#dragon age #dao #zevran arainai #zevran x warden #oc: hamal mahariel #i love writing exercises like this bc you never know what'll come out; i did not plan to suddenly pick up this au again that's for sure #rinnywrites #writing every day reminds me of the microprompts ont the wayfarer server which was another writing project i really loved #ugh community writing projects beloved #let's start a tag y'all show me your 200 words today!! tag me in them! <3

[cozmicclown]

HOLY SH*T

I JUST LISTENED TO THE NEW SECRET AUDIO TAPE IN MY BACKYARD IN THE DARK AND MY NEIGHBORS MOTION SENSOR LIGHT CAME ON RIGHT AS THE AUDIO STARTED WARPING. I STOOD STOCK STILL FOR THE SPOOKY EFFECT BUT TOWARDS THE END THE MOTION LIGHT TURNED OFF THE VERY MOMENT THE AUDIO ENDED AT THE WARPED “WALLY?” OH MY GOD WHAT A MOMENT TO HAVE

#Pardon my caps #Good lord it occurred to me #That listening to the new audio tape while walking in #My backyard could be spooky #But I couldn’t have expected that #That was so cool #ih my god I’ll never have a moment like that again #welcome home project #welcome home #welcome home wally #welcome home puppet show #wally darling #welcome home storytime #Wh halloween #The O and the I are too close on my keyboard #I keep writing home as hime #Welcome home audio tapes #Welcome home secrets #Wh bugs

[bonetrousledbones]

juist submitted my last final project for the semester

#trousled dumb #its only now hitting me that this image is probably more widely used for expressions of anguish and despair #idc tho. to me this is an image of rabid freedom. like sometimes you just gotta rip that shit off and yell really loud and its good #anyway . can somebody tell me who decided final projects are Less Stressful than normal ass exams so that i can kill them with hammers #if i have to write one more essay its all over i will drop out im so . look fellas i wrote 7 essays this semester and i missed four #thats more than my roommate had assigned as a fucking creative writing major. i never want to see words again #just give me a fucking bubble sheet man im begging you i dont want to write 20000 more words about whastever the hell #sigh. im glad to be done with this semester can you tell #anyway im gonna rest a bit still andd hopefully get back to ebonyposting soon 😌 since i have TIME NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!

[drewsaturday]

it is always kind of funny, albeit frustrating, to spend years of my life rotating particular characters and ships in my head and still worry that i'm exploring them in ooc ways. lol.

#txt #part of it is reasonable because i do worry projection gets in the way (while at the same time it can also add dimension) #and so i feel like... other people just Get those characters/ships better bc they can look at it more clearly #i also just generally don't know how people work on account of barely interacting with anyone irl and being so inexperienced at life #the other part is just... that it is such a fucking crime to write ooc these days that it's really annoying to have to worry about #obviously i want my faves to feel in-character i want my creations to be enjoyable but also... i don't think it should matter #as much as people make it matter sometimes #and so then all of the above all wrapped together then creates another issue of: people know me as a person who is #obsessed with this character/ship #how embarrassing is it to be known as that person but still write them that badly jl;sldjfklskd #AGAIN IT SHOULDN'T MATTER I SHOULD BE ABLE TO JUST HAVE FUN WITH IT but ough i really... #hate that piece regarding writing #with drawing i can visibly see when a character doesn't look like themselves #but with writing it's so mental and hard to put myself outside of i feel like i'm just reaching around in the dark at all times #and i kinda hate that :| #if it is that much of an issue for me i should rly open myself up to concrit and so forth but y'know #two wolves inside you: wanting to be good at this thing i do for fun vs. also... doing it for fun.... #i guess fandom being so social is what underlines it all as so dire for me #maybe if it were just a piece of writing i flung out into the void rather than attaching it to myself and my personality and fandom presence #it wouldn't feel so life or death lol #oh to be the kind of person that is never active bc they put all their time into creating #they drop one creation a month and say nothing until they drop the next one

[ecstarry]

the amount of stuff from my relationship that i projected to my fics is actually insane

#i literally think that if i hadn't started writing #i wouldn't have realized so many things #about myself #and what i actually wanted #forever grateful to aimee for supporting me in the start #the fact that i unhide the fic where i project exactly what i hoped would happen if i broke up with my bf the day we are seeing each other #to figure out the next step as exes #is insane #asjdbasjhdasd #but damn my fics have always been so personal and that one in particular is from a version of me that was afraid that letting him go #would mean that i would never find love again #and needed to read a reality where letting go #of the partener who you grew up with and has given you so much love #isn't a bad thing for either of you #when other situations pass #i might reveal what other stuff inspired my fics or microfics #ajshbdahjsd

[ragnarlothcat]

Fic writer ask game: 9 and 10 please!

Thank you!!! (also I feel goofy giving these answers because you're so great at not leaving WIPs hanging for years on end 💙) (for this fic writer ask game)

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

Hmm this would be for finished fics rather than one of my eternal WIPs I suppose 🤔 In which case I'm discussing civic duty, which I half wrote in September and finished off in December, so about three months. But I did write and post two other fics in that time and worked on a couple others!

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

What percent of the fic has to be written for it to count as a draft I wonder? My guess would be my baseball fic The Bottom of the Ninth because I wrote three or four scenes for it in like August of 2021. And then I came back and finished it (aka wrote like 35k more words) in the summer of 2023.

If the fic has to be mostly finished? A week, maybe, unless I'm allowed to count my zine fic since that went to another person for editing which is not part of my usual process (as my wanton comma abuse would suggest). I tend to knuckle down if i'm close and then fling whatever the results are onto ao3 and hope for the best. I try to come back later to fix the errors but I will be the first to admit this is not the most efficient use of my time!

#ask game #grapenehi #i'm such a wreck at finishing projects #i am never starting another multichapter fic again #i can work on a wip or i can write a one-shot #those are the only options available to me!!!

[lucy-ghoul]

................. not to rain down on anyone's parade but barely characterized 14 year old lucerys could never have the swag eleanor or henry had

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #again you do you per carità i'm not here to judge anyone's taste because then i'd be a fucking hypocrite #but this still made me laugh #maybe because i never really understood the hype around luke/aemond. i mean i get it on a intellectual level #but there are so many juicier pairs in hotd that while i understand why people would ship it i'm not sure why it's so popular #no hate to the pairing or anything of course. you can ship whatever you want! #but this reeks of the usual inflated m/m ship with one (or two) fictional men with weak or barely acknowledged characterizations #while incredibly complex female characters (at least in comparison) are JUST THERE #again this is not a hate post about the ship or slash pairings (OBVIOUSLY!!) #but still. in any case the eleanor/henry dynamic fits better with rhaenicent or maybe daemyra tbh #like... even when i love a ship with all my heart i wouldn't assign *every* possible au to them but only those who fit their characters bes #if my otp is a etl ship i wouldn't want to read or write a childhood friends to lovers au because what i like about them #is that they fucking hate each other's guts and perpetually try to kill the other (before falling in love... and sometimes even after) #if a pairing is more p&p like i really couldn't get into a wuthering heights au even if i'd recognize it's magnificently written #because that's not what these characters and their dynamic are. it would be projection #at this point i would prefer to read/write about two ocs ngl #again in fandom you can do whatever you want i'm no one and i could never tell you what you can or can't like. that'd be ridiculous #and idw the op of that post to feel bad about it. it's just my personal preference/opinion on fanworks that's all #val speaks #val rambles in the tags #txt