#MARKED ME LIKE A BLOODSTAIN 🥹🫠 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mooncleaver · 2 years

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it is my greatest honor, loving you

ღ life may not be eternal, but your love for him surely is

ღ pairing: percy jackson x gn! reader

ღ warnings: very much angst, unrequited love obviously, major character death, graphic descriptions of wounds/blood

now playing ⇝ cardigan by taylor swift

my masterlist ♡

"why are you so reckless? you could've hurt yourself out there!" his voice sounded hoarse and tired, as if grains of sand ran through his throat as he attempted to calmly reprimand you. huh, that was ironic coming from percy. coming from a boy who'd sacrifice his own self for the sake of saving the people he loved.

now one might wonder how exactly you got into this situation, barely holding up while you clutched yourself, staring at the boy you came to love, arguing with him.

the battle of the labyrinth had been a tough and devastating one, annihilating a large number of demigods in the camp. it seemed that no one left the battle unscarred, whether physically or mentally.

perhaps one of the biggest losses was dionysus' son, castor, your fellow campmate. he was your friend,—a kind and fiercely loving one—often laughing and joking around together with him and pollux in the pavilion whenever you got the chance to. the earth had cried for him the moment he fell limp to the ground, soul whisked away in the arms of thanatos while the wine god's rage casted a mass of serpentine vines where he lay, the oblique, verdant greeneries prodding at his cold figure.

there were too many precious souls who were lost—among them being the ever-bright lee fletcher, who's light died when a giant brought his cruel demise—and the list only seemed to get longer the more you thought about it. you too, would be lining up for judgment soon enough, you predicted.

it was all too fast for you to fully remember, but one moment you were fighting off a giant and the next you had thrown yourself at a demigod from kronos' army intending to hurt an unaware percy. suddenly you were gripped so tightly on the shoulders, eyes widening with a quivering gasp while you looked down, only to see scarlet liquor leaking out of an obtrusive hole in your stomach, the twisted grin of your enemy patronizing your defenseless figure as you staggered back and clutched the liquid that flowed relentlessly. maybe if they didn't shuck it out as fast as it came in, maybe you would've lasted a lot longer. all you could do was choke out an amalgamation of incoherent sounds, knotting the flannel outer you wore around your midriff; the coil only flared the excruciating agony you were in.

you heard him crying out for you somewhere in the middle of it all, rough-hewn and distinctive among the clashing ores and shouts of rage and defeat. your stubborn head proved itself defiant when you'd ignored his pleas, his voice already fading away as he was dragged into another fight in the chaos. percy didn't see the folk puncturing you, only the aftermath when you stumbled back, your aghast reaction unmistakable to him. and maybe it was a good thing that he didn't know the severity of your condition. that only meant that he would bear much less of a burden than what he was already dealing with.

as dumb as it was, you kept fighting even after being heavily injured. your stab wound wasn't that bad, was it? if you could still stand—barely, that is—then you could still fight. the ringing in your ears only grew worse as adrenaline slowly numbed the pain, your vision turning into dizzy kaleidoscopes with every movement of your weapon.

you hoped your effort contributed something in the battle. somewhere in your mind you knew you'd end up at death's door sooner or later; there was no way you'd reach help in time before the immense blood loss took you away. but if there was one thing you knew, you wanted to be a hero before you died. you wanted to be able to leave a legacy behind, imagining an echoing battle cry before you fell with your dear sword beside you, or to die by protecting someone else so they could live a life fuller than yours. and you wanted to love someone completely, love someone so much that it leaves a searing inferno in your heart, to have a love that makes you go mad, a love that makes you feel alive. even if the one person you gave yourself to didn't want you.

it was something you'd never regret: being percy jackson's friend; loving him along the way, too. it has been your greatest adventure and your greatest honor to know him in this life, from the moment you stumbled upon his lonely figure near the muted docks of the traversing lake to the second you knew you cared for him in a way that transcended your own being. it was one of the most shattering experiences in your life: finding out that he didn't feel the same way about you. that intimate moment when he confessed his feelings about someone else right in front of your eyes; that would haunt you forever. if you could, you would erase that recollection from the depths of your mind, but you cared for him too much to forget that rare vulnerability shared between the two of you. you don't even think you have the will to erase any memory of percy jackson.

you'd cried yourself to sleep that night, wishing that it was all a dream when you woke up the next dawn. but fate has a funny way of working. each passing of her name on his lips chipped your heart away bit by bit, till it turned into a dilapidated mess that barely resembled what it looked like when the youth of discovering your first love coursed through its veins.

but no matter how much heartbreak hurt, loving someone is never a waste.

the two of you would never happen, no, not in a million years you thought. he had already given his heart away to someone else a long time ago, someone who you knew couldn't accept his love right now. it was just agonizing too see the way he would continue to pine after her and end up in the dust when reality came crushing in. still, he never gave up on her. because you simply don't give up on love.

that undying loyalty of his—the one you grew to despise and admire at the same time. you watched the way he chose her over you. every, single, time.

you understood it to a certain degree; you can't choose who you fall in love with. but that didn't make it hurt any less. so here you were now, left with a barren heart while you helped him pick up the pieces of his own.

percy's cry broke you out of your miserable thoughts, befuddled at how you were so accepting of your predicament. of course he would be. he didn't know you did it for him. "σκατά, y/n, you can't just- you can't risk your life for someone else!"

"but i did it for you." the silence became a little too loud, ringing in your ears like a haunted pendulum.

"what?" was his breathless response. his jaw was slowly opening, moving without a sound as if he didn't know what to say. you saw the way his brows scrunched up together, the way his jaw clenched and unclenched.

you repeated it again. "i did it for you."

your face looked soulless, blotches of crimson blooming in petalled coteries on the ivory ribbons wrapped around your body. you had a cut on the vermillion border of your lips, blood slowly seeping back out the more you talked. it was becoming more difficult to open your eyes. your body was screaming at you to lay down, aching with a heaviness in your bones that could not be salvaged. you just wanted to rest, but you wouldn't leave him hanging like that. even if the closure was a painful one, it would be cruel to leave percy without telling him the truth of your heart. at least, that's what you thought. if you were going to die, then you were going to take one last chance of happiness than conceal it and close your eyes with only the memory of sorrow long lasting.

it was almost pitiful, really, the way you were still willing to entertain him even in your detrimental state. your eyes were sunken in deep exhaustion, still laden with mist that glinted as it caught the effulgent flicker lighting up the back of a cabin you could not bother to recognize.

he raised his voice at first, utter confusion and frustration unfurling in his tone until it dimmed out to something much softer, like the barely contained hurt was still lingering. "why?!.. why me?" his timbre earned a softer edge to it, fading into a sotto voce and if you let your hopes get a little too high you might've thought there was a hint of care in it.

you knew if you tilted your gaze the slightest bit at his direction you'd cave into the look in his eyes. it was too easy, too easy for percy to worm his way into your heart no matter how much he hurt you.

..why him?

why not him. it was the easiest thing in the world to do anything for percy jackson. you didn't understand why it was so hard for him to acknowledge the fact that you would actually walk to the ends of the earth for him and retrieve the stars from the sky if he wished. it was him who taught you that love was just as fragile and destructive as it was wonderful and invaluable, him who helped you open your eyes to a world much beautiful than what you'd made of it. and that in itself was worth far more than any materialistic attainment you've ever received. was it because he was questioning his place in your heart? how much you cherished him?

anger and sadness were a dangerous pair, and the pain you felt turned into something that blazed the walls of your heart, burning a path through your line of thought until frustration marred each corner of your mind. why couldn't he understand what your heart was trying to say? was it not obvious the way you were so painfully enamored by him? how dare he question his worth to you?

they say the eyes are the windows to the soul, bearing the deepest and obscure feelings one could have.

if percy wanted to know and wanted to see what you felt so badly, then you would show him exactly that. you looked up to him, arms clenched around your midriff with eyes carrying the heaviest spectacle of sorrow and longing; eyes that bared the weight of a burden held far too long and at that moment he finally understood. understood the utter pain and hopelessness you had repressed, understood why you were so willing to give your own life for him.

"because i love you, goddamit! i love you.."

the tension was more than palpable after your passion-filled declaration. you saw the way he faltered, staggering back almost with the brunt of what you just said. his breaths grew ragged and his eyes moved wildly as if he was searching for any bit of a lie in you.

"take that back.. please we can't- i can't-"

and then finally the words you've dreaded were spoken out of his mouth. a defeated breathe was knocked out of you the second he finished that sentence, burning through your nostrils while it flared the fountain threatening to cascade from your heavy waterline. no amount of mental preparation could've supported you in this moment. you already knew what he was going to say, unfortunately. you saw it in the way he refused let go of her despite the tribulations he faced. it just hurt knowing that your heart thought if the uncertainty of tomorrow was looming above, there might have been hope somewhere in there.

"cant what, percy? accept the love someone has for you when the person you're chasing after so clearly does not give one shit about you!" for a moment you watched the pain morph onto his face, and you knew you'd hit a nerve when you said that. it felt wrong.. so wrong to hurt him, but your anger and desperation got the best of you this time.

"i love you so much that it hurts," you pointed at your chest, borderline hurting yourself as your fists bunched up and tugged on the bloodied orange shirt that sheathed your wounded skin. "it hurts to see you in pain, to see your heart breaking apart when i can't even do anything about it. and i would.. i would do anything for you, but you-.. you don't want me.. and that's okay!" you laughed humorlessly, the sound so harrowingly hollow that it almost made him flinch.

"i'm okay.." you whispered and it sounded as if you were trying to convince yourself that you were not already crumbling.

"but that will never stop making me care about you. that's what love does to a person, percy, and i cant just take it back.." you wiped away the defiant tears that managed to flow down the planes of your face, sniffing the waver in your voice away and trying to look strong so he wouldn't feel so guilty over something he couldn't control.

"no, i wont take it back. because for me.. for me it's enough to know that i've made a change in your life—big or small. i could never regret loving you, percy."

and for the first time percy jackson truly felt like a coward. a coward to walk away, a coward to leave you with a broken heart, only shattering it more when he stepped out of that damn balcony. he felt like a coward for pushing away the unimaginable.

he didn't know that a few minutes later you'd collapsed from excessive blood loss, clutching that untreated wound on your stomach in a last attempt to get to the infirmary. he didn't know that this would be the last words he would hear from you—words that were so incredibly impassioned and sincere. he didn't know the exhaustion the apollo kids felt the minute you were carried in,—battered, mangled and barely pulling through—knowing there was yet another valiant soul they could not save. he did not know that till your last tattered breath you'd thought of him, a serene smile soothing your face as you surrendered to the familiar arms of reclamation that cradled your weightless body while the light slowly faded away.

percy jackson didn't know many things that night. he didn't understand how something so important to one could be snatched away so easily like that, didn't understand why everything always happened the way fate planned it to be. but he knew he'd just lost the one constant love he's ever known; the one that was right in front of him the whole time, offering their heart on a silver platter only to be left decaying the moment you finally decided to choose your own happiness over the resolute of resignation.

FINALLY going back to my roots and writing unrequited love my beloved 🥰

imagine the disbelief and elation i was in when i found this in my wip files.. i don't know why i suddenly abandoned it??

σκατά : shit

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