#LIKE GIRL BE THE LITTLEST BIT SUPPORTIVE OF ME INSTEAD OF SAYING YOURE MAD AT ME BC I HAD A PANIC ATTACK SO BAD I COULDNT HANDLE A FIVE HOUR | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

akaashigiri · 3 years

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Sleepy Jaegers

summary: eren and y/n are at a gathering at armin’s place, and their 2 year old is exhausted. eren is equally as exhausted.

pairing: dad!eren jaeger x fem!reader

word count: 1.69k

warnings: none, fluffff

a/n: sigh my baby fever possessed me to write this 💔 might make armin a father as well if people end up liking this one (i will anyway) 😋

These gatherings were almost like a ritual to the group.

There wasn’t ever a specific place they met, they would always gather in different places, wether it’d be the beach, a park, or at one of their homes. It didn’t matter where it took place, just as long as everyone was there. Everyone was obligated to come.

So of course that includes the littlest Jaeger.

It was mid September, and although the weather wasn’t bad at all, some didn’t really feel like going out to public places like the local park, so the group decided on Armin’s new place, since Sasha and Annie still have yet to see it (their homes are farther from the rest)

They were all gathered in the spacious living room; Jean and Sasha on the long couch, while Mikasa and Armin sat on the smaller one. Historia and Ymir shared the beige-colored chair in the corner of the room, while Annie sat on one of the kitchen stools as she watched Y/N and Connie do the dishes (Armin insisted, but the two almost threatened him if he were to touch a dish).

As soon as Eren walked in, he all but restricted anyone from sitting on the big beige reclining sofa, claiming that he deserved it for helping Armin pick it out. Eren was grateful for going to Ikea that day with Armin to pick out the sofa he was now slouched on, recliner out and all. It was now his favorite spot in the whole house (besides the kitchen, since he loved playing around with the smart refrigerator).

As Y/N passed another dish for Connie to rinse and dry, she suddenly felt a tug on her pants, looking down to meet the tired eyes of her daughter.

She was quick to rinse and dry her hands to pick her up, giving all of her attention to the little girl. “Aw, what’s wrong Mimi? Everything alright?” She asked, already noticing the fatigue on her face.

She only snuggled into her mother’s neck, giving her the simple response of, “Tired.” Her vocabulary was fairly short, due to the fact that she was only 2 and learned her words from the ones around her (Eren got in big trouble the day Y/N heard the word ‘shit’ come out of her daughter’s mouth).

Y/N wasn’t surprised she got tired easily today, since Jean gave her more candy then Y/N would usually allow. And with the way her, Ymir, and Mikasa were running around in the yard earlier today, Y/N already saw this coming.

“You’re tired?” she asked again, earning a nod from the crook of her neck. “Okay, mommy’s almost done. Go sit next to daddy until I finish, okay?” She tells her, moving her head back to face her daughter again. Myra nodded, allowing her mother to put her down.

Walking tiredly, Myra slowly moved through the kitchen and made her way to the living room, spotting her father laidback in the corner of the room, limbs sprawled out on the sofa.

Eren wasn’t sure if it was the father instincts, but he was the first to notice her presence in the room, stopping the ghost story Jean swears is real to bring his full attention to his daughter.

“Mimi’s come to save us, everyone!” Eren exclaims, throwing jazz hands up as everyone joined and cheered her on for simply walking in. Jean didn’t like what Eren was implying, but clapped nonetheless.

“You’re not funny. Aren’t dads supposed to tell good jokes?” He questioned, attempting to steal a fry from Sasha’s plate, but failing miserably as she only swats his hand away.

“No Jean, I think it’s the other way around, they’re supposed to be corny.” Armin butts in, watching with a smile as Myra finally starts walking towards her father.

Eren could already see the fatigue on her face, holding his arms out for her once she got a little closer. “What’s up Mimi, you tired?” Eren questioned, laughing as she instead of answering, simply lifted her arms up for him to take her.

She responds with a nod, her hair falling over her face as she was lifted onto his lap. As soon as she was situated, she wasted no time in making herself comfortable, wiggling out of her dad’s grasp and laying her stomach down on his, her head right above where his heart was.

“Nevermind.” he sighs, making the whole room burst out into laughter. This only made Myra whine, the loudness distrupting her attempt at sleeping. “Sorry Myra!” Sasha whispered, finally giving a fry to Jean afterwards.

“I wonder what got her so tired.” Annie questions, making Jean sink into the couch out of guilt as Eren sends him an irritated glance.

“Jean went and gave her a sugar rush before we got here. It was absolute hell.” Eren’s eyes furrow in frustration as he remembers earlier today and how hard it was for him to catch a nap without his energetic 2 year old jumping all over him. All while Jean was happily eating lunch with his wife.

“Okay, but I didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to have that much candy! Kids eat candy like crazy, right?” He attempts to defend himself, looking around the room for support, only to be met with silence.

“Yeah, thing is she’s not a kid! She’s a toddler! Dumbass.” he mumbles the last part, hoping that Y/N somehow wouldn’t hear. But she always found a way how.

“Can someone please slap Eren for me?” She yells from the kitchen. “Stop cursing in front of Myra!”

Eren has no time to defend himself as volunteers step up to do what their friend asked, but Mikasa was the quickest, and Eren was even quicker. He swiftly grabs Myra’s frog blanket from the bag sat beside him and hids his face in it, saving it from the harsh blow of Mikasa’s hand.

“You’re lucky I didn’t miss completely, I just don’t wanna wake Myra.” she confesses, walking back to her seat.

“God, I cant believe we almost named her after you.” Eren groaned, blanket still clutched in hand.

“Mimi’s close enough for me.” She smiles, noticing the way Myra starts to squirm a bit. “Throw the blanket over her, I think she’s cold.” She suggests, bringing Eren’s attention back to the little girl on his chest.

Eren is quick to unravel the rather big blanket from his grasp and take it in both hands to bring it in the air, watching it fall perfectly onto her small figure. The blanket basically covered his whole torso, the end tickling his neck a bit.

“Thanks again for the blanket, Historia. She loves it so much, a little too much.” he says, feeling his daughter move under the blanket so that her little arms were wrapped around his torso as far as she could go. “She won’t use the one I got her anymore.” he says with a slight frown.

The group laughs again, but quietly this time, not wanting the little girl to possibly wake up in a fit.

“I wouldn’t blame her, to be honest.” Jean shrugs, giving Eren a knowing glance, as well as a sly smirk. He knows how mad Y/N would get if he were to disobey her, especially a few minutes after she scolded him. Since Y/N was only a few feet away, Eren aggresively sticks his middle finger up to the man. It’s not like Myra could see through the blanket anyway.

“Are you gonna finish your ghost story, Jean?” Annie asked, although she didn’t believe a word. She just wants to see him make a fool out of himself.

Jeans eyes light up, snapping his fingers together as he sits upstraight again, ready to go into full detail once again. “Right! Okay, okay, so right when I went to shave my beard...”

Eren let’s Jean’s apparent ghost encounter story fade in the background, focusing on the shallow breaths coming from his daughter. He felt himself getting a little drowsy himself, as if her sleepiness was seeping into him.

He doesn’t waste time lifting the blanket a bit to wrap a protective arm around her small figure under it, adjusting his posture on the sofa and crossing his ankles over one another. His let his neck sink into the back of the couch, letting his head go as well so he facing the ceiling. With the warmth of the blanket and the little girl under it, he couldn’t help but close his drowsy eyes as well, finally giving in.

A few minutes pass and Jean is done telling his story, but of course, no one believes him. All except Historia. “Thank you, Historia! See I’m telling the truth. Morons.” Jean rolls his eyes at the way Armin and Sasha curl up as they laughed, Mikasa and Annie trying their best to hold in theirs.

Jean soon notices the person who would’ve regurlarly had the most to say was being awfully quiet. Getting ready to scold him for not listening, Jean is met with a site he has to admit, is the cutest thing he’s seen all year.

Eren was deep in slumber, soft snores coming from him and the little girl that rested as peacefully as he did on top of him. The print of his arm around her could be seen through the green blanket, as well as both of their steady breaths. They looked so comfortable, it would be a pain for them to get up soon, which they would have to eventually.

“Awww, they’re adorable!!” Historia exclaims from the other side of the room, which seemed to catch Y/N’s attention all the way from the kitchen.

“What’s happening? Is something cute happening? Someone take pictures!” She exclaimed, wanting to abandon the plates and take them herself, but thinks that would be rather rude to leave poor connie alone.

“On it!” Sasha and Jean say in unison. Both are quick to pull out their phones, Jean getting the more unappealing angles, while Sasha actually put some effort into it and snapped a few photos.

These were being sent to every single person on her contact list.

this was written at like 2 am sorry if there are typos i swear i reread 💔

also i’m currently working on a mob fic idk if ppl still like those but i most definitely do so watch out for that one :p

hope y’all liked this one lol

-aysha <3

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breakingsomething · 4 years

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missing

basic summary: marvin's returned from anti, and has decided to return to his old favourite flower shop.

trigger warnings: mentions of past abuse, mentions of self harm

it had been over a year since he'd seen her.

of course, it was his own fault. he'd chosen to go with anti a little bit after christmas, and he'd been with him all that time, far away from everything he knew, memories being wiped and meddled with on the daily. but even through all that, he'd remembered her. part of her, at least. there'd always been just the littlest bit of him that could recall a girl with a short bob of light brown hair and a birthmark on her cheek, dark eyes that looked red in certain lights, a smile that made him feel warmer no matter what the weather was, a fashion sense terrible enough to rival marvin's own. remembering that there were people like her outside of anti had helped keep him strong when he thought his mind would go entirely. she had always felt safe, like home, if that wasn't fucking cliche to say.

marvin hadn't been at her store in so long. nai's blomma magi - just seeing the dark red words curling on the sign, bright as ever, made him want to burst right in and also turn and run. still time to back out, he reminded himself. he didn't have to do or say anything. he could just go. he didn't want to, he knew he didn't, but maybe it was for the best. he was clearly a different man than he had been twelve months ago. maybe she would hate him. maybe marvin would deserve that.

the street was cold and empty. winter was ending, but the air was still giving marvin chills, making him shudder. the store was closed. what was even the time? he thought he'd just checked, but his mind was so muddled and confused lately that he didn't know. eight am. not a person in sight, but he knew the store would open at eight fifteen exactly. of course, out of everything he didn't remember, that was what stuck in his mind.

so he waited. fifteen minutes. standing on the step with the wind ruffling his newly short hair, the tiny strands that fell in his face held back by clips. face and body splattered in scars. hands red with burns that were hidden under bandages. he even barely had any jewelry on. who even was he? not marvin the magnificent anymore, that was for sure.

and then - oh. he could feel her at the door. feel her looking through the glass at his shivering form hugging himself on the front step. he didn't dare to turn. he thought if he looked at her face, he'd start crying instantly.

the familiar tinkle of a bell startled him. the same bell as the first day he'd come here, running from everything. he didn't look. fuck, he couldn't even move, he was suddenly so scared.

"pyro," came a voice. marvin squeezed his eyes shut and clamped his hand over his mouth. her voice was the same. what had he expected? "my favourite firestarting magical bastard."

oh, but he was already crying and he hadn't even seen her yet. the door swung shut, and he felt her move in front of him. warmth practically radiated off of her, as always. "marvin. herregud, marvin, it's really you."

he opened his eyes. and there she was.

her hair was shorter too. almost as short as marvin's own. it fell over her forehead in a spiky wave, and her face looked so much clearer now without anything covering it. a dark brown jacket, a pink turtleneck, white jeans and tall boots. he sobbed through his hand, his vision clearing as fat tears spilled down his cheeks like a child. "naomi," he managed. "it's you, it's you."

and then their arms were around each other, holding each other so tightly they were almost one person for a moment, crying onto each other's shaking shoulders. "it's you, fuck, it's you!" marvin cried, and she smelled like roses and dirt, a specific smell that he'd never thought could be so comforting. his knees buckled and he leaned against the wall for support so he wouldn't fall. fuck, but she was really here and anti couldn't take this away from him.

"where were you?" naomi giggled into his chest through her tears. "your brothers said you were staying with - with someone else, but you never told me, you never even said goodbye!"

marvin felt himself crumpling, sinking further into himself. "i'm so sorry," he sobbed, shaking so hard he could barely breath. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, please don't hate me, please!"

naomi pulled away slightly, much to marvin's immense disappointment. he flinched, waiting for her to hit him or something, anything, because he'd fucked up and left behind everyone he loved, why wouldn't she hit him? he would deserve it and he would let her do it. he was hurting so badly and just needed something to make him feel again.

instead, soft lips brushed against his cheek. he practically melted into the warm touch. "i couldn't ever hate you," naomi murmured, hair tickling his skin. he almost wished she had hit him. he was used to pain. he couldn't take this fucking gentleness.

"you should," he spat, and he suddenly wrenched himself away, holding himself again for support, shoulders almost at his ears. he didn't deserve her, he shouldn't have come here - "why don't you? i left without a word, i should've at least said something! i should have… i could have called or something, i - i - you have every right to…"

he was just so tired and crying so hard it hurt his chest and he was hungry and sad and just wanted to - what did he want? part of him wanted naomi to kiss him again and hold him and tell him he was ok. another part wanted her to slap him and tell him the truth, that he was an asshole and she despised him. god, it hurt, it hurt, not knowing. it was pathetic that he couldn't handle how sweet she was anymore.

"maybe you should have," she said quietly. he looked her in the eyes, watching. her brown eyes actually looked more purple in this light. she had chapped lips and a small scratch across her nose. silently, he tried to memorize all the small details of her face. "maybe you should have, but you're here now and i've missed you so badly, marvin, i've missed you."

and when she hugged him this time, it was too much. his legs gave out and she was suddenly holding him up until the both of them sank to the ground, a tangled mess of sadness and missing and a year's worth of unspoken words.

"hey, hey, you're ok," she said soothingly. she ran her fingers through his hair, which was something he'd always used to love, something that would always feel nice and calm him. now it was just anti touching his hair, making his skin crawl and bile rise in his throat at the thought of his manipulative, sickeningly sweet smile.

"don't - don't touch my hair, pl-please," he choked out, unable to look at her, just clinging to her jacket tightly as self hatred boiled in his stomach. "i'm sorry."

"that's ok. hey, marvin, that's ok," she consoled. she moved her hands away, and he sighed with embarrassing relief. "is it ok if i touch your face then? you can say no, of course."

he couldn't take it. "stop being so nice to me," he sobbed. he scrubbed at his cheeks, but the tears kept flowing and he couldn't do much of anything. his face burned with humiliation. "why are you so - you're always so nice! you should - you should be demanding to know where i was, why i didn't contact you, you shouldn't be - being sweet! i don't d-deserve it!"

she paused before speaking again. "of course you do," she told him. her fingers gently touched his cheek, and he shivered. "fuck, you've always deserved the very best because you're my best friend and i love you so much it hurts, marvin. and i don't need to know where you were if you can't tell me." her eyes glittered, and she was crying too. "i missed you, yes. every day. but you - i know you must have had your reasons. and fuck, marvin, i'm just so unbelievably glad to see you again."

she really wasn't mad.

he'd come here with the full, genuine intention to let her yell at him and then go back home to wallow in his self pity. but she - she really wasn't -

"you don't hate me?" he asked, amazed. a shocked laugh escaped his mouth. "like - seriously? you don't -"

"marvin," she said firmly. her face was so solid and real in front of him. he almost couldn't believe it. "i love you with all my goddamn heart. i don't hate you."

marvin had accustomed himself to pain. to hurting. to slaps and bruises and knives to the skin and rough hands slamming him against walls, to ropes on his wrists and fingers grabbing handfuls of his hair to yank back. a sick part of him wanted for that again. jackie told him it was trauma, part of the ptsd. marvin thought he was just pathetic. he wished he could be enough of an asshole that everyone would hate him and then he could go start fights and get drunk and run hot lighters along his arm. he missed pain and it was honestly fucking pitiful.

"you love me?" he asked, one more time. he touched her face with trembling fingers, making sure she felt real as well as looked it.

"i do," she confirmed, sniffling and smiling widely. "fucking hell, of course i love you!"

there was no way this was actually happening. marvin was still with anti and dapper, sick in the head and completely out of his mind. he knew it. but he knocked their foreheads together regardless and revelled in the spark of warmth in his chest. naomi, naomi. what a cruel trick this was.

"we both got haircuts," naomi said suddenly. she went to ruffle marvin's hair again, but pulled back. which marvin was grateful for but also slightly disappointed by; he kind of wanted to feel terrible again before he got used to feeling so warm. naomi grinned at him, showing crooked teeth. "haircut gang."

he wondered how naomi had gotten hers done. had she gone to a hairdressers, paid a tenner or so for a chatty employee to gently snip at her hair until it looked nice? or had she cut it all off herself in a fit of rage and terrified confusion, cutting into her skin with blunt scissors again and again, partially on accident but also slightly not, until her brother came in and held her through a half hour long panic attack like marvin had?

he suddenly wanted to hear everything. everything he'd missed at the magical organization, hecate, everything that had gone on in the city, all the weird customers naomi had had and what she'd done in the year without him. even if this wasn't real. all he needed was her, just her. let me have this, anti, please, i'll be so good if you just let me have this.

the cold wind reminded them that they were still sitting out the front of the shop, huddled together with faces an inch apart. "come inside," she said, lips slightly parted in her smile. marvin almost wanted to kiss her. "i want to show you the shop. it looks a bit different now."

no. if he went inside and saw what had changed, he thought he'd fucking shatter right then and there. "can we walk about the city instead?" he asked, almost shyly, like he was afraid she'd say no. instead, she nodded, eyes crinkling.

"hell yes," she beamed. "have you been practicing your swedish while you were away? you better, you've had a year!"

she was only joking, but marvin's chest still tightened with sudden fear. anti hadn't let him speak any language other than english and british sign for fear he'd use magic without realizing. "i - i'm sorry," he stammered, shoulders tensing. "i haven't - i didn't get to -"

"that's ok!" she reassured. she suddenly untangled herself from marvin properly and stood up, helping marvin to his feet too. "we can work on that while we walk."

they could work on that while they walked.

because - because - because who was going to stop him? anti? dapper? jack? henrik? no. he was marvin mcloughlin and he was going to walk into town and learn swedish with the girl he was in love with while she caught him up on the past year he'd missed. he was going to do that and no one could stop him. no one.

and no one could stop him from doing this, either.

"can i kiss you?" he blurted out.

her eyes widened slightly, and for a moment he thought she was going to yell at him for even suggesting such a thing. but then she gave a breathy laugh, lips upturning, and marvin's heart raced.

"can we maybe save that for later?" she asked. "i haven't seen you in a year. and as much as i'd love to kiss the breath out of you right now, i want to talk to you first."

that was something he was ok with.

"absolutely," he said, and that was that.

the day passed in a warm, comfortable blur of feeling safe and good and happy. marvin hadn't felt so in love with being alive in… a long time. take that, anti. you can't control marvin the magnificent for long.

naomi's lips tasted like chocolate chapstick. and that was something he knew was definitely real.

#boop writes #marvin the magnificent #naomi gudmundson #arc three: righting wrongs

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Joe & Ronnie

Joe: how much you got on you rn Ronnie: enough for me Ronnie: you aint piggybacking Joe: enough for me then Joe: not suggesting you send it first class Joe: 'less you know how to do that Ronnie: I do but in what world mckenna Joe: however much you reckon you'd need to do it Joe: i'll double it Ronnie: use that ingenuity for your own score Joe: yeah whatever Joe: all chat Ronnie: like ive got anything to prove to you Ronnie: least of all how well i can be your bitch when you holler at me Ronnie: cry is more accurate Joe: fuck sake Joe: forget about it Joe: it's a stupid idea Joe: you gonna give me a better one Ronnie: not one for the scrapbook was it cunt Ronnie: dry your eyes & do your own running Ronnie: you need me to hold your hand everytime now Ronnie: big enough to take it go find it Joe: ha ha Joe: like I'm running anywhere Ronnie: this where we play doctor yeah Ronnie: you tell me how bad it hurts & I make it better for you Joe: exactly Joe: now we're on the same page Ronnie: nah you think you can tear out some pages & spit ball em at me to get my attention but why should I give a shit bout these playground games boy just 'cause you heading back home to your mammy Ronnie: im sound Ronnie: dont care how loud you're crying she's the one who's gotta show up for that Joe: i don't want yor attention Joe: i want some heroin Ronnie: maybe she's still got old school connections Ronnie: find her little black book son Joe: maybe Joe: one of you could be useful like Ronnie: wounded & bleeding Ronnie: shit junkie you are house full of people to shake up & shit to steal but you coming to me Joe: just looking for that big sisterly advice Joe: obviously Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: you sound like the littlest one what is he 4 like Joe: feel it Ronnie: trying to make my heart bleed now yeah Ronnie: grow a fucking pair before it really hurts Joe: if you wanted to scare me you shouldn't have given me the gear Joe: realistically too late anyway but who wants to hear or think about my idyllic childhood yeah Ronnie: if you couldnt hack it you shouldve cried off then Ronnie: save the tears now Joe: and i thought i was the only one with obsessive thought spirals Joe: when i get some i'll remember to feel good about how much you miss me Ronnie: like youre special baby Ronnie: please Ronnie: weve all got mad minds hows that not clicked in yours Ronnie: how many kids shes squeezed out & you reckon were the only self medicating Ronnie: hit up another sibling to fix you Joe: am though Joe: she's always told me Joe: ⭐ boy Ronnie: talk her up with that foreplay Ronnie: be good for £££s Joe: no tah Joe: not my type Joe: and it's only ever worked on you Joe: but you've given me another idea so cheers Ronnie: i dunno whats funnier that youre trying to tell me you dont wanna slip your mum one or you reckon you know what works on me Joe: lemme know when you work it out Joe: 👍 Ronnie: let me know when youve stopped playing happy families Joe: you reckon i wanna be here Ronnie: didnt see no fingernail marks on my floor or walls Ronnie: still reckon you were dragged though yeah Joe: check your thighs Joe: ain't all perks being the favourite 💔 Ronnie: [sends him pics cos that bitch haha] Ronnie: grow a pair whipping boy Ronnie: before she says jump youre on the ledge Ronnie: its pathetic mckenna Joe: see Joe: ain't been that long Joe: only feels it, babe Ronnie: you'll need all that sweet talk for the local dope dealer Ronnie: but if you wanna think of me when you're turning tricks for them it'll go easier Joe: lovely as that'd be Joe: not in progressive london now Joe: gonna have to pay like the rest, worst luck Ronnie: go beg for your pocket money then kidda Ronnie: before she picks a new fave Ronnie: younger & prettier like Joe: nah Joe: we want her to Joe: remember Joe: then me and more importantly my student loans can come back Ronnie: bullshit if you wanted her to you wouldn't have gone Ronnie: you love it Joe: can't just go way uni and never come back Joe: send out a search party Ronnie: use your ⭐ as a beacon cant they Joe: let's hope not Joe: i come here Joe: keeps 'em away rest of the time Joe: yeah Ronnie: if you want em to fuck off commit to it Ronnie: stop being such a pussy Joe: ain't that easy Ronnie: find a ditch to lie down in Ronnie: it ain't hard Ronnie: youre a junkie motherfuckers don't support that Joe: far as they know Joe: i ain't Joe: let 'em catch up Ronnie: do it yourself if you wanna slam the door Joe: see how this goes Joe: not really thinking about them right now Joe: you know Ronnie: youre on one about that lot constantly Joe: just on one constantly full stop Joe: why else would i need the shit Ronnie: dont need to go that hard playing doctor baby Joe: 💘 Joe: you always know just what to say Ronnie: not used to you talking Joe: i know i know Joe: in an ideal world neither of us would be here Ronnie: like not born yeah Ronnie: but she cant keep her legs closed Joe: such a dreamer, you Ronnie: not the one who cant get high without their hand held Joe: n'awh Joe: that's the dream Joe: so romantic too Ronnie: yeah im living it loads of gear close & you far as Ronnie: greedy prick Joe: miss you too baby Joe: in a bit tho, gotta go pick up Ronnie: fuck off soft lad Ronnie: you miss me spoon feeding you Ronnie: you cant talk to me with a dealers cock in your mouth I know Ronnie: multitasking hard enough pretending not to be junkie scum yeah Joe: sure the whole mummy kink ain't your thing Joe: i'll try and get involved but kinda a mood killer Joe: which is kinda rude, know you don't want me to score Ronnie: thats all yours but I'll try anything once Ronnie: 'cause a whinging dope sick baby is really a turn on for me like Ronnie: just gotta keep that going Joe: no judgment here Joe: gotta do what you gotta do Ronnie: you gotta Ronnie: im sound Joe: and i'm happy for you Ronnie: lie to them don't lie to me Joe: alright Joe: will be a bit when I get mine but still Joe: you don't have to be here so Ronnie: you dont Ronnie: grow up & cut the fucking apron strings Joe: you've stopped being helpful for the day? Joe: right then Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: not flying over to fuck you cos your ma aint in the mood & thats as helpful as it gets Joe: why not Ronnie: youve got another sister Ronnie: see if shes into it Joe: but you're so special yeah Ronnie: but shes a good grooming age Joe: leave it out Ronnie: or what Joe: or what Ronnie: asked you first joseph Joe: alright veronica Ronnie: alright weak cunt Joe: probably Ronnie: pick up before you make me sick Ronnie: jesus Joe: waiting on the man Joe: as per Ronnie: if id known rattling had made you shit out your whole spine id have sucked his dick for you & sped things along Joe: so sweet Joe: one of the many things I like about you Ronnie: list just gets longer the longer youre away yeah Ronnie: dont come back & maybe you'll fall in love Joe: i know you want that less than you want me back Joe: don't lie Ronnie: you care what I want now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: only when it benefits me too, darling Joe: junkie scum 101 Joe: was on my timetable like Ronnie: theyve really done a number on you if youre on your knees for my truth Joe: who Joe: mummy dearest or my school Ronnie: take your pick Joe: ain't tryna hide it Joe: just doing my bit to be the whiny baby you want rn Ronnie: cheers then Ronnie: nailed that Ronnie: tell your ma i finally get how she feels 'cause its too late to get you scraped out Joe: 😂 Joe: on it Joe: assuming i ain't 'bout to get kneecapped Joe: or worse Joe: stood up 💔 Ronnie: i'll cross my fingers for raped & robbed Ronnie: standard Joe: you know i ain't gonna have that much of a good time without you 💘 Ronnie: stop trying to make me say I hate you so you can rub one out Ronnie: i dont do sexting Joe: worth a shot Joe: just killing time here Joe: trying not to puke Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: like that attempt at enthusiasm Ronnie: you really know how to make a girl wet what can I say Ronnie: gotta romance my dealer out of want instead of need now Joe: thought I'd return the favour Joe: just how I roll Ronnie: course you do golden boy Joe: you ain't that mad about it Joe: i know Ronnie: i aint as fucking thick as you so again course Joe: true Joe: [time for drew to show and not deliver] Ronnie: made up about all these compliments Ronnie: who knew you could be this much on my tits from this distance Joe: just that good Joe: obviously Ronnie: you aint shit Ronnie: don't lie Joe: whatever Joe: can't touch me now Ronnie: only your ma is turned on at the sight of you Ronnie: but she will Joe: alright Joe: cba rn Ronnie: how are you still crying Ronnie: did he not show Joe: he did Joe: but he was about 12 and had no gear Joe: got enough tranqs to knock out an elephant but still Ronnie: when i told you to hit up your siblings i meant the freckled one not one of the toddlers Joe: yeah right Joe: like he knows a great smack dealer, even if we did talk Ronnie: hes a coke head Ronnie: give him 5 Joe: nah Joe: opposite direction Joe: only way is up Ronnie: whatever just get on a plane Joe: yeah Joe: i'm gonna Joe: fuck this Ronnie: ill be waiting with shit that aint a fucking joke Ronnie: you can owe me Joe: yeah? Joe: good Ronnie: don't talk me out of it Ronnie: christ you're annoying Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: only want you back on your feet so I can kick em out from under you myself Joe: hot Ronnie: like you said, it ain't been that long Ronnie: you know I am Joe: yeah Joe: where was this distraction when I really really needed it tho Ronnie: baby when have I ever been good for you Ronnie: selfish to my core Ronnie: we're here for me Joe: works for me Ronnie: just get to the airport & stop fannying about Joe: I've already taken 'em so hold on Joe: no packing now never mind going through customs Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: i had to Ronnie: when then Joe: still today Joe: just later Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: call me Ronnie: maybe i'll answer if it ain't too late Joe: can i call you now too Joe: i gotta stay awake Ronnie: I'm good but no guarantees I'm that good Joe: they ain't kicked in that good yet either Joe: just keep my eyes on the road yeah Ronnie: how much did you pay for baby aspirin mckenna Joe: was cheap as fuck at least Joe: just a kid Joe: barely broke a 50 for all of these so Joe: [photo] Ronnie: not as green as you feel yeah Joe: want me to bring some back Ronnie: too late to rob the boy now Ronnie: & you'll take em yourself before you see me I know you Joe: yeah Joe: i will Joe: but had good intentions, babe Ronnie: take em to church Ronnie: what use is that shit to me Ronnie: gimme bad ideas or don't come around Joe: got plenty of those come on Ronnie: like what Ronnie: come on Joe: what Joe: tryna focus here Ronnie: you wanna stay awake Ronnie: play the game Joe: alright Joe: yeah Joe: you gonna come back to mine Joe: flatmate's gone home Ronnie: are you gonna make it worth it if she's not there to kick in the teeth Joe: won't need to miss her once I'm back Ronnie: fucked her yet? Ronnie: we could do it together Ronnie: I dont normally slip one to virgins but I already made the exception for you Joe: no and funny Joe: keep me as the only exception Joe: how else will i feel special Ronnie: keep hitting up preteen dealers that'll help Joe: he was pretty Ronnie: if im ever in the area like Joe: i wish Ronnie: you & your ma both Ronnie: my turn to feel special Joe: weird ain't it Ronnie: for me Ronnie: you love it Joe: nah Ronnie: not a question Ronnie: you do Joe: don't Ronnie: liar Joe: maybe from you Joe: I'll allow it Ronnie: those pills better be kicking in Ronnie: if youre chatting this much shit sober you can stay in ireland Joe: 😂 Joe: they are Ronnie: book a flight Ronnie: i ain't your ma im not doing it Joe: lemme get home, like Joe: be more obvious you're tryna kill me Ronnie: what im trying to do Ronnie: you gonna call that your home now Joe: you know what i mean Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i know youre full of shit, mckenna Joe: nah Joe: just bars Joe: make it up to you Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: x it as many times as fits Joe: k Joe: prove it when i see you Ronnie: you reckon Joe: not a question Ronnie: nah just bold claims for someone who still fucks like a virgin & has to check in with his ma Ronnie: can you without her permission Joe: get the slip signed if you're so worried Joe: chill out Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: couple of chewable vitamins & you're chill yeah Joe: you said you got loads Ronnie: I said enough Ronnie: & that was before babysitting you Ronnie: you make me need to spike every vein Joe: need Joe: want Joe: same diff we both know it Ronnie: not trying to make it matter baby Ronnie: put any words in my mouth you want Ronnie: or need Joe: here Joe: wish me luck on telling 'em i'm off Joe: or don't Ronnie: i'll do it for you Ronnie: point me at the relevant mckennas Joe: even stoned Joe: know that ain't a good idea Ronnie: pussy Joe: love u 2 Ronnie: 💋 Joe: [suitable amount of hours for the shit to wear off to a manageable level, avoid the parents and get out on the sly] Joe: [airport photo] Joe: tada Ronnie: we reckoned you'd bottled it Joe: taken a poll like Ronnie: yeah know you like to feel special Joe: warms my cold dead 💘 Joe: honest Ronnie: walk your corpse to me then Joe: and she says she don't sext Ronnie: you wanna be the only exception so bad or what Joe: you know how bad i want it Ronnie: dont leave again & maybe I'll buy it Joe: being dopesick was almost a nice distraction from thinking about you Ronnie: that warms my 🖤 Joe: thought so Joe: nothing does it quite like me being near-death yeah Ronnie: i do like you pathetic Ronnie: but don't think that any of it comes close to me yeah Joe: you saying you're better than heroin Ronnie: im saying you think you were hurting earlier Ronnie: ill show you pain Ronnie: all you have to do is fuck off again Joe: i won't Joe: i need to be there Joe: with you Ronnie: leave me & I will fucking break you Ronnie: i mean it Joe: i know Joe: i'm not gonna Ronnie: how did you get out Joe: parents weren't in but i said a uni friend was in a car accident and they couldn't get hold of his parents Joe: going hell anyway Joe: and someone on my course was hit by a car so if any of them are that concerned to go snooping Ronnie: thats beautiful Ronnie: you're not as much of a useless waster as youve sounded for most of the day like Joe: steady Joe: was almost not an insult Ronnie: who isn't turned on by a good lie Joe: only when I lie to you Joe: got it Ronnie: don't you fucking dare lie to me Joe: couldn't if i wanted to Ronnie: think about what kind of welcome back you want Ronnie: 'cause I can be nice or not nice Ronnie: its on you & what you say to me Joe: baby Joe: already told you I basically missed you more than heroin, how nice can one boy be Ronnie: you wont be saying that when I hand the gear over Joe: yeah i will Joe: been on you longer Ronnie: its fucking good though Joe: yeah Joe: ain't gonna say otherwise Ronnie: paid more & got better so you won't wanna leave Ronnie: dont have to rely on pretty preteens around here Joe: you know i didn't wanna leave in the first place Ronnie: i know you keep saying it like it makes a difference Joe: tell me what will and i'll do it Ronnie: i'll burn your passport that will Joe: burn my passport Joe: that's what you want? Ronnie: what do you have to go running to them for Ronnie: that's what I wanna know Ronnie: what the fuck is there for you Ronnie: cant even get a fix Joe: nothing, never has been Joe: it's obligation though Joe: you get it, i know you've done some shit just 'cos charlie wants to Joe: or 'cos bronson need it Ronnie: that's different Joe: why Ronnie: I ain't going round bullshitting how much i hate 'em on the one breath & in the other dropping everything for the pair of 'em Ronnie: ride or die is that Joe: okay so it is different Joe: it's more complicated Ronnie: fuck complicated its black & white Joe: nah like Joe: whatever i reckon about them Joe: i still owe 'em Joe: for now Joe: debts to pay like Ronnie: how ain't it been paid Ronnie: they ain't done you right since you were a kid Ronnie: if ever Ronnie: a roof & food that's easily totalled Joe: i dunno Joe: shit ton of interest Joe: learnt from the best debt collectors in liverpool, like Ronnie: write it off Ronnie: is when youre dead Joe: tell 'em that's my payment plan Ronnie: talking it out is your first mistake Ronnie: when the fuck has that worked on anyone who comes to collect Ronnie: dont even buy you time just makes you look a doss cunt more than you are Joe: maybe i can convince my da but you know she's biased Joe: all i have to do is get uni done and they can tick it off as a success Ronnie: i dont know jack about her Ronnie: how i want it Ronnie: if i aint read it off a file as a kid i don't need to hear it Joe: yeah Joe: but i ain't telling you i'm golden boy 'cos it seems cool am i Joe: whatever i'm gone now Ronnie: you're telling me 'cause you wanna trade wounds since I won't have your stories off you Ronnie: burn it into your arm deeper & maybe I'll pay attention Joe: you know it ain't about you, babe Joe: anyway, if we were still being nice I'd tell you none of the usual shit works to get you outta my head so thanks for that one Ronnie: ive been saying all day it's about her & I ain't competing with your fucking ma alright Ronnie: she smothered you poor baby Ronnie: you wanna try neglect its real easy Ronnie: feels better too Joe: you're the one who keeps bringing her up, yeah Joe: you want me to be that cunt Joe: easy Joe: I bet it was better, lucky you Ronnie: youre the one who ran home to have her tuck you in again Ronnie: youre that cunt Ronnie: mama's boy Joe: fuck's sake Joe: yeah alright Ronnie: you're the cunt who has the nerve to come crying to me when your mommy would shoot you up if you asked her to Joe: you reckon Joe: considering her dad was and she don't even hate yours as much i'll go with a no on that one Joe: plenty of sad stories I've heard and you ain't need to Ronnie: I reckon golden boy Ronnie: loves you as much as I love gear yeah Ronnie: & not trying to throw another baby away so you're welcome for the free pass Joe: cheers Joe: feels great Ronnie: you gonna cry again mckenna Joe: if i do i'll send you photos, don't worry Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: send me some either way Joe: you're a headfuck you know Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: dealer said it last time I fucked him Joe: you want fresh line Joe: 👌 Ronnie: give it to me then Joe: give me the flight to think of something you ain't heard before Ronnie: it ain't long enough Joe: fair there's plenty of shit i can say that you ain't heard for real before Joe: but it'd be a copout so i'll keep trying Ronnie: like what Joe: how many of your brothers you fucked lik4 Ronnie: don't reckon freckles is interested Ronnie: leaves me the gay & the kid Ronnie: what about your sister that'd be hot like Joe: they're all kids, just so you know Ronnie: no they ain't Ronnie: i know you lost your virginity to me but don't reckon they're waiting Joe: you wish Joe: hopefully just on the first count Ronnie: you're a sick boy Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you too baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: thats not some shit I ain't heard before Joe: just truth though Joe: no lying Ronnie: feels like one Ronnie: I'm good Joe: what you want me to say to that Ronnie: say what you wanna say Ronnie: again not your ma Joe: i'm good then Ronnie: truth or lie Joe: lie but not a big one Joe: true once i'm off this plane Ronnie: you out of sweeties or they're just that sugar free Joe: i'm trying to time it just right Joe: then i can actually just a decent amount and not be in a coma for you Ronnie: alright fuck Ronnie: you win Ronnie: nobody's said that to me before Joe: i mean it Joe: i want you first Ronnie: don't say this shit when you're on the wrong side of a plane ride Ronnie: jesus mckenna Joe: gotta make sure you miss me too Ronnie: you're such a cunt Joe: yeah Joe: you still want me though Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: why Ronnie: what do you want me to say Joe: you don't have to say anything Joe: but I ain't gonna shut up about how I ain't been able to get you out of my head this whole time Ronnie: yeah you said im a headfuck Ronnie: more than your family & the gear Ronnie: I'll take it Joe: better though Joe: you know Joe: so I'll take it and all Ronnie: you're a headfuck Ronnie: what are you being nice to me for Joe: you said it could go one of two ways Joe: you want me to be mean Ronnie: I want you to be here Ronnie: but you ain't Joe: I'm coming Ronnie: & I'm waiting on you Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I know Ronnie: I hate you Ronnie: I'm losing it, do you know that Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: what am I gonna do with that Joe: I don't know Joe: what do you want me to do Ronnie: what can you do Ronnie: can't even score by yourself Ronnie: worse than a fucking kid Joe: was desperate Joe: and it was your idea Ronnie: thats how it is every time Ronnie: you don't have any fucking idea 'cause I'm here cupping your balls & wiping your arse for you Joe: you've been giving me an easy ride of it yeah Joe: alright Ronnie: youre gonna try & call bullshit on that yeah Joe: nah i just had no idea you were being so generous Joe: would've got you a keychain at least Ronnie: fuck you Joe: you too Ronnie: get one with sharp edges we can make a blood oath or some shit Ronnie: maybe after you'll grow the hell up Joe: sure Joe: it's my speciality yeah Ronnie: cutting's more mine but you can have it Ronnie: same old shit gets boring yeah Joe: we can share Joe: she'd be proud Ronnie: my aspiration in life Ronnie: cheers Joe: obvs mine too Ronnie: you brought her up then not me Joe: reckon you owed me that one so Joe: even Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you're cute Ronnie: say that again & you'll be swallowing teeth Joe: don't worry, that was hot Joe: you won it back Ronnie: go to hell mckenna Joe: you wanna be with me forever Joe: 💘 Ronnie: just reckoning you'll get there quicker than you will this fucking airport Joe: just be glad I didn't try to get back in at rush hour Ronnie: be glad im still waiting Joe: ain't gonna waste words on it Joe: show you Ronnie: 💘

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idorkish · 7 years

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Fly Away - Chapter 1

Hello everyone and welcome to Book 3 of The Reaper’s Angel! Thank you for all the support and kind words given as the story has progressed!

Warnings: Implied underage drinking, implied smut, lots of cursing.

If you want to search for this book of the series, the main tag will be “fly away munson”

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Angel spent the next few months doing her best to keep distracted. Donna had announced that she and Opie were expecting their first baby and soon. Angel did her best to be happy for them. It seemed for the first time in a long time, things had calmed down for SAMCRO. Angel spent the rest of her summer helping Donna and Opie move into their new house. They worked hard to get it ready for the littlest Winston to make her appearance to the world.

Angel's remaining free time was spent with Luanne, either working at CaraCara or visiting Otto in prison. Angel planned to save as much as she could and this was a good enough job and something that she was good at. Angel threw herself into work and helping Luanne build the studio. She had ideas that could improve their sales and she convinced Luanne that the studio could do with a makeover and to get better equipment.

Luanne was thankful to have Angel as her right hand but she worried about her. “When was the last time you went out and enjoyed yourself, Angel?” The two were sitting at the local diner having their morning coffee before heading in for the day. Angel was preoccupied with scribbling in her notebook that it took Luanne a few tries to get her attention. “Hmmm?”

The older woman smiled and peered over to see what Angel was writing, “What are you writing?”

“Recipes, ideas, plans for the future. My head’s been full lately so I’ve taken to writing whatever pops into my head down before I forget it. As for the last time? The party at the club. I’ve been busy, I’m helping you. I’m looking after Tiki a lot since Mom is working more and Dad is away. Which reminds me! I won’t be in on Wednesday. Tiki has a doctor’s appointment and Mom couldn’t get off work.”

Luanne smiled and nodded. It amused and worried her about how much of a mother hen that Angel was. She and Gemma had talked about the day Angel would become a mother of her own. They joked how those kids were going to be the most blessed in the world to have a doting mother. “No worries baby. Wednesdays are slow. You’re ahead on your work anyway, thank you very much for that. Anytime you need a day off, just let me know either way. We always work it out.”

______________________________

Later that week, Angel had met up with her friend Jessica to reconnect. In elementary and middle school, the two had never got along and would be arguing or fighting. High school changed them both and they quickly became friends. Jessica was throwing a party that weekend as one last hurrah before everyone went their own ways. She begged Angel to come and have fun. Angel knew she was right, she couldn’t mope forever so she agreed.

With some convincing Angel was finally able Jax to go with her to Jessica’s party. It had been a while since she had seen any of her friends and this was going to be a big party before most of them went away to college. Angel smoothed the wrinkles from the dress she was wearing and pulled her hair into a high ponytail. She checked her makeup in the mirror and smiled to herself. Fuck it she thought to herself I will make the best of this and have fun! Angel was tired of moping around.

The mixture of the pounding music and loud conversations were giving Angel a headache. She had already been at the party for an hour and had lost sight of Jax soon after arriving. She was sure he was in one of the rooms with a girl or two or had made his way back to the clubhouse with someone on the back of his bike. Angel wanted to be mad but couldn’t blame him. She knew she would be able to find a ride home later on. She looked around and noticed many people she had classes with before. It took her a while but she soon found Jessica once again and let her know that Angel would be leaving soon. Jessica refused to let her leave and instead dragged her over to a couch and introduced her to a slender, curly hair blonde by the name of Edward.

Angel couldn’t believe how much fun she was having with Edward. He was easy to talk to and Angel wondered how she had not run into him when they were in school together. “I don’t think we had any classes together, but I saw you in the hall a lot...well at least when I was at school.”

Angel bit her lip as she watched him smile. Angel hadn’t laughed this much in the past months. She vaguely remembered that the last time she laughed this much was before David went off to basic. Pushing those thoughts out of her head, she turned her attention back to the guy sitting next to her. He was the complete opposite of David. Whereas David was muscular and stocky with thick dark hair, Edward was lean and skinny. His blonde hair was short but curly and he had an innocence to his face. The two sat on the couch, their feet propped on the table in front of them as they passed a drink back and forth.

“I’m glad we’re talking now though. I never had the nerve to go up to you. You were always with that other kid, Hale.” Edward took a swig of their shared drink and nudged Angel’s shoulder softly. Angel laughed again and shrugged. “Yeah, we were always together. Oh well, he’s off on his own now.”

Their conversation continued on and Angel and Edward were soon joined by a few other people they went to school with. Angel remembered seeing them all in passing. Edward has his arm around Angel and the two snuggled close to make room for more people to join them. They each talked about what their plans were. “I’m thinking of the Army, but I’m not sure. I want to help out my mom first, so maybe next year.”

When they turned to Angel, she shrugged and took a drink. “Not sure. I’m already working, saving up and shit.”

Edward smiled down at her and took the cup from her, “Where are you working at?” It was such an innocent question and for a second Angel was going to answer truthfully before it occurred to her that telling people she worked at the porn studio wouldn’t be the best.

“Oh, I work for one of my aunts. She has me doing a lot of filing for her business and paperwork. Though I’ve been helping her with some ideas on advertising.” Satisfied with her answers, the conversation continued forward.

“Shit!” Angel hissed as her eyes landed on people she hoped to not see in a long time. Edward followed her line of sight to two people near the stairs.

“You ok?”

“No, my step-siblings are here!”

Edward looked between Angel and the two near the stairs.

“Do you want me to sneak you out of here?”

Before she could respond, there were two familiar voices, “ANGEL! OH, my! It’s been so long sis!” Angel froze as Erica leaned over and threw her arms around the other.

“We haven’t seen you in so long little sis! It’s like you don’t love us anymore” Angel glared up at Geo, who was the spitting image of his father.

“Yea Junior. So LONG! It’s only been 10 years right?” Angel did her best to keep her voice light and attempted to shrug out of Erica’s grasp. Instead, Erica ended up sitting on Angel’s lap and keeping her arm around her shoulder.

“So rude! Just like always, are you going to introduce us to your friends here?”

Edward looked between the three and noticed Angel’s discomfort. “Actually no time. We were about to leave. I’m starving and Angel here has decided to make sure I make it to the diner safely. So if you excuse us, we’re leaving before I gnaw my arm off!” With that, he gently grabbed Angel’s arm and quickly pulled her to her feet. They both stifled a laugh as Erica found herself hitting the floor and staring up at both of them.

“What the hell! Just like your dad, no fucking manners!”

Angel spun and stared at her stepbrother. He was at least a good foot taller than her but he was soft and cocky with nothing to back up his attitude, just like his father. “What did you say about my dad, you self-righteous, mooching, needle-dick? You know nothing about my father aside from what that whore you call a mother, and that pedophillic asshole of a father decide to make up! I ever hear you talking ‘bout my family, I promise your ass will pay.”

Geo stared at her, his mouth wide open at what she had told him. “How dare YOU say that shit about our mother! You ungrateful little bitch. I’m glad your spoiled, little ass didn’t have a chance to ruin our family even more than you did. All those stories and lies you told in court and to your father. Disgusting little bitch.”

Edward pushed Angel behind him and before she could stop him, Edward had pulled his arm back and connected his fist with the side of Geo’s face.

“Don’t you ever talk about her like that you pretentious prick.” Edward knelt down and got close to the other man’s face, speaking softly, “You try to pin this on me, and you will regret this. Remember where you are Richie Rich, these ain’t your friends here.” He grabbed Angel’s hand and gave a wink before pulling her out of the house. “Now, I’m actually really hungry. Let’s grab some food and if you’re up for it, we can go back to my place and watch some movies. I got Return of the Living Dead and popcorn.”

______________________________

Angel squeezed her eyes shut as the sun seemed to shine through the blinds and directly find her eyes. Barely opening her eyes, Angel noticed that she wasn’t in her room and felt movement behind her. An arm draped over her side and pulled her back. The warm chest against her bare back forced her eyes wide open. This was not her room. What the hell happened? Angel tried to glance behind her and noticed blonde curls. Edward. She remembered him getting her away from the party and they had gone to the diner like he said.

“Good morning,” his voice was rough and Angel couldn’t help but smile as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

“Good morning yourself.” Angel pressed her bare back against his chest and pulled the blankets around them more. She was way too comfortable at this moment to get out of bed. Edward pressed more kisses to her shoulders and her neck. “How you feeling?”

Angel glanced back at him and shrugged. “I don’t know yet. Pretty good I think. I am in a super comfortable bed with a hot guy. Oh, and I’m pretty sure last night was fucking fantastic...or would it be fantastic fucking?.”

Grinning, Edward propped himself on his elbow, “Dang, lucky guy. And lucky bed. I’m 100% jealous of this dude now. As for your question, pretty sure the answer is both.”

“Oh I’m sure if he plays his cards right, he’ll get lucky again too.”

“Oh yea, well damn. Guess I’ll have to try harder then.” Edward smiled as he moved Angel onto her back and slid between her legs to hover over her. Angel licked her lips and returned his smile before wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Hard isn’t an issue at this point, but trying is always good.”

He chuckled and leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. The two spent the rest of the morning in bed. Angel loved the feeling of Edward inside of her. Just when she thought it couldn’t feel any better, Edward lifted her leg higher and Angel dug her nails into his back.

______________________________

Angel wouldn’t return home until much later that evening. After a good hot shower and a homemade lunch, Edward checked Angel for any markings that might be visible. Much to his protest, Angel refused to let Edward take her all the way home. Instead, she insisted that he drop her off a few block away. They promised to see each other soon and made a date for the following week.

Edward and Angel met up many times after that. They weren’t dating but had a beneficial friendship. Angel often found herself at his apartment most evenings. They’d either cook food together or order in and watch cheesy movies. By the end of the movie, the duo often found themselves in Edward’s bed. Angel loved the feeling of his body against hers. She sometimes wondered what sex with David would have been like.

Would he have been sweet and gentle like Edward had been the first couple of times? Would David grunt or moan as he climaxed? She tried not to think of these things and as she felt Edward suckle her nipple, she was brought back to the moment and squirming for more.

______________________________

Bobby had noticed the change in Angel. He tried not to question where she was most nights. She was 18 and could go where she wanted now, but he still worried. He knew that the breakup with David had been bad, he was there to witness it after all. But as the months went on and Angel was coming home later and later, or not at all, Bobby was becoming more worried. Precious had tried to tell him not to worry. Angel deserved to be having fun. It all started after the party that Angel and Jax had gone to. Bobby remembered finding Jax and some chic in the dorms the morning after and Angel was nowhere to be found.

Jax shrugged it off claiming he wasn’t a babysitter. Bobby wanted to deck him right there. Had it not been for Gemma slapping him upside the head and grilling into him, Bobby might have. Angel had surfaced that afternoon back at the house. She had told him that she spent the night with her friend Jessica and that nothing happened. Bobby knew she was lying to him but let it go. The girl deserved some secrets.

When Angel started spending multiple nights away from the house, Bobby and Precious assumed she was staying with Luanne again. Bobby had called Luanne a few times and found this to be untrue as well. When he confronted Angel about where she had been staying, Angel rolled her eyes and just said “a friend’s”.

Once Donna and Opie had little Ellie, Angel seemed to be staying around more often. Bobby smiled as his daughter doted on that little girl and was reminded of when little Tiki was born, and before that when Bambi and Thomas were born. There were nights that Angel would disappear. Bobby had just given in. He figured she was seeing someone when he could see the many hickies scattered across her throat. Again, Angel was an adult now. She had a job and was giving them money from each check to pay for her part of the household. If anything, aside from the lying, Bobby was proud of his daughter. For now, he would let her lie to him about where she was going and with who, but he would eventually ask her about it.

Angel dropped herself in a dining room chair in the Winston household. She had gone to visit Donna and the baby and Bambi was there helping Donna clean the house. “Hey Donna, can I talk to you?”

Donna stopped what she was doing and raised her brow. The two had always been close but not as close as Angel and Tara had once been. Things had changed since that day and Donna and Angel had grown closer. “Yeah. Hey Bambi, can you watch Ellie for me, sweetie? Then when we’re done, I’ll come get you to help me plan dinner.”

Angel hated seeing Bambi leave the room but this was not something she wanted to talk about in front of her little sister.

“Yard?”

“Yard.” The two made their way to the back porch and sat at the little patio set. “So, what’s going on?”

“A few things. Haven’t really talked to anyone about it. I lost my virginity. I think I’m seeing someone, not quite sure on the status of that. I saw the step-terrors a while back. And, I got a call from Susan.”

Donna stared at her sister-in-law, her mouth open. “What the hell have I been missing?! When, who, where, Why?!”

They both looked at each other and started laughing. “Ugh, that party I had Jax go with me too? Well, he ditched me a while into it and I was going to leave but Jessica introduced me to someone, his name is Edward, and we hit it off. He’s who I’ve been hanging out with. The step-terrors were at that party. They started talking shit and Edward knocked out Junior. Was so awesome to see! AH! I wish I could have recorded that moment to watch it over and over again!”

“And Susan?”

Angel stopped laughing and clenched her jaw. “Little prick told her what happened and what I said. She wants to sit down and ‘Talk’ about the - in her words - “vile words you spewed about my character! I did not raise you to speak like that!” LIke, RAISE ME? Where does she get off and claiming to have ever raised me?!”

“Have you told your dad or anyone else about this? Don’t tell me you’re going to meet with that bitch.”

Angel shook her head and sighed. “I want to tell my dad, but we barely talk anymore. Shit is stressful right now. I want to tell him though just so he knows. I don’t plan to meet with her but I have this feeling like if I don’t, she’s going to make things difficult for us. That’s how she is. I haven’t seen this woman in almost 10 years. It’s been me and dad, then me, dad, mom, and Tiki. I don’t want her in my life, Donna. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Donna grabbed her hand and gave a small squeeze. “Talk to Bobby and Precious. Let everyone know what’s going on. And no, not about your mystery man. Tell them about the wonder-douches and their parents trying to step back into your life. You’re an adult now Angel, she can’t force herself back in your life.I know you can handle it and I know you know that we will be there for you. If they’re coming into town more, the guys need to know. You know you have their support.”

______________________________

Angel knew she had to tell Bobby but she just didn’t know when. She had asked Luanne for another day off as Donna asked Angel to watch Ellie for the day so she could go visit some friends. Angel was more than willing to watch her baby niece for the whole day. She pulled into the driveway at 7am that morning and Donna thanked her over and over again. Ellie would be staying with Angel at the Munson house for the night and Donna would pick her up in the morning. They loaded the baby and her things into the car and then went their separate ways. Angel went straight home to drop everything off.

“Angel, oh thank God you’re here. I am so sorry to do this because I know you’re watching Ellie today but I was just called into work. Gerry was in a car accident so won’t be in and I’m the only other one right now who can do this shift. Is it possible for you to watch Robbie today?” The look on Precious’ face was conflicted. Angel often wondered why she was so hesitant to ask for more help lately. Angel knew she hadn’t been around much the past year but she always made time for her little brother.

“Of course I’ll watch him! I get my little Tiki monster for a whole day AND my favorite niece? Heck yea! We’re going to have a Disney day then!”

“Are you sure sweetie? A baby and toddler is a lot, I just don’t want to overwhelm you.”

Angel placed her free hand on Precious’ shoulder and squeezed. “I got this Mom. I will watch him today. I was heading over to the clubhouse for a bit just to check on everyone. Tiki is never a problem for me. Go get ready for work before you’re late. I’ll make the monsters some breakfast and get you some coffee ready. Now go.”

Precious smiled and wrapped her arms around Angel, careful of the baby between them. “You really are an angel sweetheart. I’d be lost without you right now.” Angel held onto her tightly. Things had started roughly between them when Precious first came into the Munson life but that had completely changed. This was the one person who she never felt weird calling “mom” or introducing as her mother.

By the time Precious was stepping out of her room and heading to the kitchen, Angel had both Ellie and Robbie strapped into their respective seats and was helping each to eat their breakfast. “Coffee is in the to-go mug. Brown bag has a small lunch for you and the container is your breakfast.” Precious stopped and stared at Angel, who seemed oblivious. “Thank you, sweetie. You are a godsend. I’ll see you guys later!”

“Alright monsters, it’s only us today! Let’s get you cleaned up and off on an adventure we will go!”

It didn’t take Angel long to get the two babes safely buckled into the car and to arrive at the clubhouse. She parked in her normal spot across from the bikes and smiled when she saw her dad’s bike there. First grabbing Ellie from her car seat, Angel made her way to the other side to get Robbie out and grab the two diaper bags. As she struggled to get both bags, she felt someone grab them both. Looking up, she saw a smiling Kozik swinging the bags over his shoulder. “Saw you struggling there. You seem to have your hands full with these two.”

Angel laughed and thanked him. “Yea, Ellie was a planned day with. Mom had to work last minute so she asked if I’d take my little Tiki monster. How could I say no to this little monster!” Angel unbuckled Robbie and helped him down to the ground. Grabbing his little hand, they made their way over to the clubhouse.

Kozik nodded and chuckled when Tiki grabbed his hand and demanded to be swung. “Such a tyrant. You want to be swung, then don’t let go!” Kozik and Angel laughed as they swung Tiki back and forth and he squealed in excitement. “Up pwease, up high!” Tiki had let go of Angel and pulled at Kozik’s arm. Kozik lifted the boy with one hand and held him up in the air. “High enough kiddo?”

Tiki squealed in excitement and nodded. “Alright not too much. He ate recently, so I don’t want him puking!”

Just then the clubhouse opened and the guys started filing out, “Who’s puking? Hey, my pretty ladies are here!” Tig saw Angel first and made his way over, wrapping his arms around her and pressing kisses to the top of Ellie’s little head and Angel’s forehead. “Hi, Uncle Tiggy. You guys heading out already?”

Tig shook his head, “Nah, just coming outside. Your dad is inside and asked for some privacy. ‘Though he did say if we saw you, to send you in.”

Angel nodded and grabbed Tiki’s hand again, guiding the three of them toward the clubhouse. “Cmon Tiki monster, Daddy is inside!” Angel held the door open as Robbie made his way in first, looking for their dad.

It didn't take much to find them. Bobby was sitting at one of the tables and across from him sat a woman Angel hadn't seen in years. “Hi Daddy,” Angel called over sweetly and guided the kids closer. She refused to acknowledge the woman just yet. Bobby smiled and stood, picking up Robbie and kissing his head. “Have both today? Thought it was only you and Ellie.”

“Yea Mom got called into work. Someone had an emergency And called out last minute. He's paying Mom extra though for the last minute work so Mom asked if I could watch him today.”

Bobby smirked when he realized what Angel was doing. Giving Susan a quick glance, he could see her jaw clenched. Angel followed his sight and gave a bigger smile. “Susan! So nice to see you! How's pedo...I mean, George?”

“So nice to see you too. George is well. Geo is too, despite what your friend did to him. Which is one of the reasons I'm here. We had to take Geo to the hospital after that heathen attacked him! Bobby, I know you hang with these criminals, but to let our daughter fall into that same lifestyle! How could they have ever let you raise my baby I will never know!”

Bobby glanced between the two and raised his brow at Angel, who was standing with a smug look on her face as she adjusted the baby on her hip.

“Oh, I’m sorry Susan. Your son should have kept his mouth shut about my father and my family. He should have kept his hands to himself instead of grabbing me. Then, my heathen of a friend wouldn’t have had to smash his face in. ‘Though I think it is a major improvement to that snort-nose pencil dick face he got from his father. As for being your daughter? Listen here lady, you were never my mother. You were an incubator that housed me for a couple months, then I was a paycheck for a couple years. You are not my mother. You have never been my mother. My mother is the woman married to my father; the one who has spent the past few years supporting my dreams and making sure I know I am loved and have a safe home. My mother is the woman who helps keep this club in order and runs that garage, who also checks in on me and taught me not to take shit from anyone. My mother is the woman who has watched me when Daddy was out of town. The one who has helped me get a job and save money, the one who has taught me to be confident and how to get ahead in life. I have three mothers, and none of them are named Susan. Now excuse me. I have a baby and a toddler who need their diapers changed and I would rather deal with their shit than yours.”

Angel held out her free arm and Robbie let go of Bobby and held onto his older sister. Angel held both the children close to her and turned on her heel to make her way toward the dorms. She had not expected Susan to be here today and she wanted out of that room.

Bobby crossed his arms over his chest and watched his daughter walk away. He had a smile on his face that seemed to anger his ex. He was proud of Angel, granted he was always proud of her, but the way she stood up to the woman made him even prouder. Angel was a true child of SAMCRO and no matter what anyone said or thought, that would never change.

“Well, I guess that settles whether my daughter wants you in her life. You can see yourself out Susan. I wish I could say it was pleasant to see you again but I would rather gouge my eyes out then stay in the same room with you anymore.”

Susan pushed the chair back and stood up quickly. “It was wrong for them to ever have granted you custody of my daughter. Look at what she’s turned into! Look at who she’s hanging out with and a baby! She’s not even fully an adult and she has a child already! You are the most incompetent parent I have ever met. If she had just stayed with me, she would have grown up to be like her brother and sister, who are fine, upstanding people. Both going to college this fall on full-ride scholarships!”

Bobby stepped closer to Susan and grabbed her arm. “Don’t you ever talk about my little girl like that you bitch. You know why she got to stay with me. You decided your new husband and his children were a better suit for you. YOU neglected my daughter for years. YOU let her get hurt under your watch. You let that motherfucker lay his hands on my baby and you did nothing but excuse him. If it was up to me at the time, I would have killed that motherfucker. That baby is her niece. She has no siblings that come from your rotten pussy. Her siblings are the ones who have stuck by her side since she was a baby,” Bobby let go of her arm and took a step back, trying to calm his breathing, “This is her family. Incompetent parenting is how you lost the chance to see that girl grow up. Almost 10 years. That’s how long it’s been since you last came around, the last spoke to us, and the last saw her. Hopefully, it won’t be that soon the next time we see you. Now get your ass off our property. You’re not welcome here.”

#the reaper's angel #fly away munson #sons of anarchy au #bobby munson x OC!daughter #angel munson #soa au

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dasspacegoat · 7 years

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It’s nights like these when I need to be reminded of who I am and where I came from. Somewhere inside of me, there’s hope, like a child whose bully decided to play with them one day. He went to school on the next day, waiting for him to approach, for them to play together.. again. But he never came back to play. The truth is, we never played well together, and it’s not my fault.

From the very beginning, he tells me, “all of my exes are crazy”. I remember my first reaction was to want to hear both sides. Every story has two sides.. and I decided to ignore my better judgment and trust him regardless of this clear indication of someone who is unable to see the plank in their eye. I remember finding his overgenralization and avoidance endearing of all things! I saw the he was playing victim and was asking for my sympathy and I chose to give it to him, hoping that in time, he would grow and learn to give an honest assessment of his past and take ownership for his shortcomings. I actually believed that if I loved him enough, he would see how much better he could be, and that was my mistake. I chose to ignore the value of putting effort into real-time communication, authenticity, and self evaluation, as well as partner evaluation, to see if there is compatibility beyond his physical attraction to me and my desire to love broken people. I ignored this warning sign and set myself up for more “crazy” in the end.

I viewed his insecurity about me hanging out with my friends as endearing as well. I actually found it flattering to think that someone wanted me all to themselves so much that they couldn’t contain their fears in the presence of my friends. I made a point to let him know when I hung out with my friends until I felt like he understood my routine and socialization schedule.. big mistake. After being accused of cheating for half of the relationship, I wish he had the mental capacity to comprehend that if I was going to cheat, I wouldn’t tell him who I’m with.

Kind of like how he didn’t tell me who he was with all those times he was “working late” but was actually picking up one of his old flings. I’d expect anyone I’m dating to comprehend this dynamic and I hold myself personally responsible for not sticking to my principles and ending it as soon as his IQ became apparent.

RED FLAG: I of all people should not have ignored the age gap. He was the youngest person I’d ever been with and every girl he had been with was younger than him. A chunk of his friends turned out to still be in high school, including the fling he snuck around to spend time with. Again, I chose to view this all as endearing and warned him to be careful because of statutory rape laws.

The reality: this was a red sign that we were at conflicting stages in our lives and our maturity levels. If he can connect with a girl in high school, how the fuck could I expect him to connect with me? I expect equal caliber or better.

And then there was the sex. Never in my life have I met someone who made nearly as big of a deal about it. From the very beginning, he got upset with me for calling it “fucking” and wanted to make it clear to me that we were “making love”. We had been hanging out for only two weeks when he decides to pop the “what are we?” question, during sex. It was like he wanted to build our relationship on sex. I can’t count how many times he came over or had me come over just to “make love” and then leave.

He also had a thing for squirting and talked down to me for not being able to do it like his exes. He implied several times that my orgasms were weak and sure enough, he slowly started spending more time going home early to masturbate and less time actually hanging out with me. Not to mention he was so secretive about porn and masturbation. I offered to watch porn with him so many times and he would try to kink shame me and tell me that nobody watches porn with their significant other. He got his friends to support him by twisting the story to say that I wasn’t okay with him watching it in the first place. I was definitely the one in the relationship that was more sex positive and he fought me as if I wasn’t. It was maddening.

I’m so much more accepting and open than he ever was, I can’t imagine what he could have been trying to hide from me.

Everything was my fault, nothing was his fault. He was always right and I was always wrong. There was the sex stuff. If the sex wasn’t great one time, my fault. If I couldn’t get wet, my fault. Nevermind more foreplay, changing positions, or taking breaks. Nope, my fault. He never had these problems with his ex and definitely wouldn’t have these problems if he just masturbated. I’m a worthless bitch. Traffic’s bad? He’d yell at me. I was worthless, as were my opinions. I suggest don’t push your transmission so hard, it’s getting enough wear and tear with two delivery jobs. He’d tell me I was an idiot who didn’t know how to drive and continued to drive his little stock 4banger like it’s a racecar and sure enough, his transmission craps out. All my fault for not being able to tell that that’s what was happening by the sounds his car was making.

Whether it was a big thing or a little thing, my fault, I was wrong.

One of the first things that caught my attention about him was his apparent interest in reading research journals. After dating him for a little while, I realized he’d just read all this ridiculous shit online and got all these crazy and incorrect ideas from it. I’d disagree with one of his statements and not only was I wrong but oooooooh would that set him off, which brings us to…

The temper! Holy shit. The littlest things set him off. And I mean SET HIM OFF. I remember walking into a restaurant once and it was pretty crowded. We were meeting with some friends later and running short on time. There were no seats and a 45 minute wait. I suggested waiting until a couple people left, going somewhere else to eat, or just waiting to eat afterwards and maybe grabbing a snack to tide us over while we were with his friends. Oh boy was I wrong and those were stupid ideas. He paced around the bar, infuriated, swearing and shouting, looking for empty seats. I was mortified. He grabbed my arm and we left. All over not being able to grab some food before hanging out with friends who would probably like to go eat later anyway. Even smaller things set him off, like dropping a fucking potato chip on the floor would be followed by him throwing a tantrum and shouting. I’m pretty sure I lost some of my hearing from his road rage. He’d get so mad over the littlest things and if something big happened….fuck.

Needless to say, his anger made it impossible for him to be there for me when I went through some shit. To put it plainly, he yelled at me while I was in the hospital because I called him out on sneaking around with his old fling while I was away. He denied all of it, screamed at me until I was shaking and in tears, and then hung up. Oh and this was on Christmas Eve. I’d like to point out that I later found out that she was with him that night and that they had made plans for her to spend the night in our apartment.

He took jokes too far. Again, this was one of those constant things. It’s one thing to tease people about things, but there are just lines you don’t cross unless you’re being abusive. I understood his insecurity so well because I was insecure too (my own fault), but he’d tease me about stuff relentlessly and would get to saying actual mean things instead of funny, teasing things. I have a great sense of humor and can take a joke. Though insecure, I have a thick skin. I speak fluent sarcasm and smart-assery. He took it like 50 times too far, daily. That and shit talking strangers. He went as far as to imply that I enjoyed the sexual abuse I endured as a child, in front of his family and a bunch of people at a bar. It wasn’t that he lacked social filters, it was that he chose to ignore them because he found it funny. He’d openly admit he was mean, and said he enjoyed it.

I could never have a day to myself or with my friends without him holding it against me down the line. The first time I asked to have the day to myself, one of my male friends stopped by to pick up something. He never let me live that one down and swears that’s when things went downhill for us because I was “probably cheating.” I don’t recall a single time when I hung out with my friends without a negative repercussion. He made it very clear that he thought all of my friends were stupid, vapid and worthless, while obsessed about his look and being overly-concerned about how I felt about the looks of other people, including my friends. Go figure, these are the same friends he desperately tried to pick up, using the same lines he used on me about going on an adventure and building a sheet fort.

Spoiler Alert: he doesn’t know how to build a sheet fort and would rather have sex, complain about your body and either spew bullshit that he read online or talk shit about other people.

Something important to talk about? Text only. Yeah. And it wasn’t because he expressed himself better via writing than orally. No, he just didn’t want to see me cry or be upset by something he’d say. It was so he didn’t have to deal with any consequences. Thankfully and regrettably I had my family and friends around to pick up the pieces after our conversations. Some things are better said in person, but he never had the decency to do this. I at first assumed that he just felt more comfortable talking this way because he was a bit of an introvert. So when I needed to tell him about my pregnancy via text… shit, that was the wrong thing to do because “why the fuck would you tell me something like this over text???” Yeah, double standards.

This motherfucker had god-awful communication skills.

I had a hard time understanding the way he complimented me. He spent the first 4 months complimenting me non-stop. I appreciated it but at the same time, none of the compliments actually fit me as a person. It was almost as if he was just reading a script of things you could say to flatter a girl but not a particular individual. He ultimately tried using those same compliments to woo my friends. I felt so bad for being suspicious of his authenticity but now I know my instincts were right.

I could think of a thousand more red flags but this is long enough. A lot of them are huge in retrospect but at the time, they were so subtle and happened so slowly. They were little things that piled up. These sorts of little things could have been cleared up with communication, which he sorely lacked. I asked him why he invited his fling to spend the night when I was in hospice and he took offense and said I was accusing him of stuff. A normal person would say “I’m not ready to share that information with you because I’m afraid that you won’t allow me to see her again or other xyz reason. I’ll check back in with you in 1-2 months when I’ve found the best way to communicate this to you.” Not him, no honesty or accountability, providing no way to successfully plan for the future, and no regard for my feelings or my well-being. It all seems so glaringly obvious now, but he was very manipulative and would have me question my feelings of uncertainty when things didn’t add up. He would rather I feel guilty and ashamed about my suspicions; doubting my instincts, than be forthcoming.

I am guilty of ignoring these signs and continuing to fight for him when he had checked out of the relationship long ago. I am responsible for the collateral damage to my ability to trust myself but I will no longer hate myself for trying because I fell in love with this boy who had yet to be at peace with his body, his mind, his weaknesses. I tried to build him, to find the parts of him that are missing in me. I ended up with a hole in my chest and a deeper understanding of my limits and who I am.

If being with someone leads you to disregard your feelings, ideas and experience.. disregard that person. Your instincts exist to protect you. Anyone who discredits them is an enemy.

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cmaradigs · 7 years

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For the girl,

I’m not really sure what to feel anymore, I’m feeling a little lost and confused. Since coming back home, my perspective on life has changed drastically, and I’ve grown to love myself more, but I feel incredibly stupid and lonely at the moment. Days aren’t easy to get through when you’re constantly thinking about the love of your life being with someone else, even when there’s a ton of other things going on at the time. It’s difficult having to transition from being with this incredible, sophisticated, and beautiful woman on days like Christmas Eve, Christmas, my birthday, NYE/NYD, to being single and lonely - thinking about how you’re kissing Tim and sleeping with him on those days.

To be quite honest, it’s fucking brutal having to suddenly start thinking about how you’ll possibly lose interest in me within a month from now. As someone who’s heard quite a bit about you two, and I’m being brutally honest, the relationship doesn’t sound very good at the moment. Knowing that you guys have been getting into fights, arguments, and putting up with his alcoholism (along with his annoying roommates), is leading me to believe that you guys may not make it. However, at the same time, it sounds like you’re really trying to make it work with him, but damn is that hard to think about. It’s been almost five years, and I’m still working my ass off to get you to work hard for us, for our future. Of course, I’m going to keep trying my best to get your attention, to earn your love, to finally have you appreciate me and really notice how much effort I’m putting in.

Unfortunately, the last few days have been extremely difficult, mainly due to your recent profile picture update, along with the photos I’ve seen of you two. I’m seriously very, very sorry for getting upset about the profile picture, it just seemed like you were making a statement. As if you were saying, “Christian, I know you love me, but I want to be with this guy instead.” It felt like someone cut me open, it felt terrible. Like, I’m sure there are many, many photos of yourself that could’ve made it as your profile picture instead, especially since you take a TON of selfies (for real though you’re very pretty), so that’s why I felt like you were trying to say something? I may be wrong, but either way, it’s a reminder that my chances are slim, especially since you’re living with him and wanting to work it out with him, rather than my lovely butt.

We both know this, but Emma, we seriously do have a connection so strong it’s still bringing us together despite the distance between us, the ocean between us. It may not mean anything to you, but to me, I feel like it truly means something if we’re stealing telling each other we want to marry each other, even though you’re in a relationship and on a completely different continent. My time as your boyfriend did have several rough moments, but if you truly think about it, the only thing that really hurt us was the bad stuff. We never really fought, we never hated each other’s guts, we both knew how fucking brilliant we are as a couple. Being with you feels right, it feels perfect. Often I’ll look at you in awe, in disbelief at how fascinating it is being with someone so intelligent, so creative, so adorable especially when I tell her how even the littlest details and qualities about her are precious. Laying next to each other feels comfortable and right, we fit so well together. Having your head on my chest with my arm around you, listening to you ask questions, voice your opinions, or even talk about the silliest things.

I understand that you do love someone else, your love is growing for that person, and that you’re also staying with him for convenience, but I promise you I will not stop working hard. Despite my relaxed nature, I’m always there supporting you fully, waiting to help you with anything, wanting to hear about your day, love you more than anything, and just be the best boyfriend and best friend possible. In all honesty, you do deserve better than Timothy, even if it isn’t me. Knowing that you’re disappointed with him was hard to hear. Mainly because throughout our time together, everyone mentioned how fucking stellar of a boyfriend I was, and I worked every single day to make you happy, but got left behind so suddenly. I’d do anything to be with you, I mean I booked a flight to London to see you, and I’m not afraid to do it again. The feeling may not be mutual, and it’s fine if your love for me isn’t as strong as it was when you saw me in December, but the love that I have for you now has grown significantly.

You are the love of my fucking life, you are my home, you are my best friend. Love is a powerful thing, it’s something people still don’t even fully understand, and sometimes I’m left wondering how I can have this strong urge to drop everything here and be with you in London. I’ll move from country to country for you, I’ll live in the worst apartments with you, I’ll grab five guys every single day with you, or put up with your crankiness during whole thirty. You’re the most important person in my life, you mean the world to me. If I do miss my opportunity with you, if you end up staying with Timothy (or beginning something new with someone else), I won’t get mad at you, nor will I ever, ever hate you for it. I’m always wanting the very best for you, always wanting you to do whatever makes you the happiest because I’ve seen you at your lowest, I’ve had to live through some of the darkest days of my life in Victoria, or whenever your anxiety/depression was acting up severely. However, although we’ve dealt with several dark days, I wouldn’t take a single second back, I’m so fucking happy that I was there supporting you, holding you when you wanted to be held. Love is crazy, it’s batshit crazy, and I won’t ever understand what love is, but what I know for fucking sure is that the love that I’ve got for you is something that’ll last forever. This feeling is so strong, so fucking powerful. My body literally aches now that I’m no longer holding you, kissing you, showering you, and fucking you exactly how you fucking like it. It’s crazy, but it’s a fantastic feeling. Our situation is an obstacle so large, people have called me crazy for loving you still, especially after everything I’ve had to go through (the guys). But they know why I’m doing this, they can’t believe how fucking in love I am with you, but they know that this is something special, and that I should definitely move there to be with you.

I love you.

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