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peterspideyy · 4 years

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epilogue | never look back

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“darling.”

you smiled, extending your hand out to reach the body of the person who spoke, trying to cuddle into their side more. you expect to feel warmth. you expect to feel a person. because, it’s something you’re used too. so, when you feel the cold material of the bed next to you, which hasn’t been slept in, your eyes shoot open. you hope. pray. that it’s just a terrible dream. you want to see his brown eyes looking back at you, with so much love in them. you want to see, him.

but, you don’t. because peter is dead.

it’s been a month now since...he left, and each morning you can hear him. you can feel his presence. but, when you act upon it, the feeling goes. it’s like he was never here in the first place. well, he was never here.

wiping your eyes, from any signs of sleep as well as sadness, you stood up walking out of the tent, immediately smiling at the smell of fresh food, being cooked by fry. walking over, you couldn’t help but freeze, as you caught a glimpse of peter’s name carved in the rock.

“morning, y/n. sleep well?” brenda ran up to you. everyone’s been trying to keep you busy. keep you happy. try and stop you from thinking about peter. but, even though you try, you can’t help but let the thoughts rush back.

“yeah, i did thanks,” you mumbled, smiling slightly, “did you?”

“yeah.” she smiled, looking behind you. turning around, you followed her line of vision to thomas, glancing back at her, chuckling slightly.

“is he treating you well?”

she looked back at you, suddenly, cheeks blushing slightly, “yeah. so well. but, i can tell he thinks about her though.”

her. teresa. you nodded, “he will think about her for a while, brenda. but, i know he cares about you. and he loves you a lot.”

“yeah, i know,” she beamed, but her smile fell, “he’s not sleeping though.”

“why?” you inquired.

“he’s worried.”

“about what?”

“you,” she replied, simply, “y/n, we can hear you crying, every night. of course he’s going to be worried about his younger sister.”

tears started to well up in your eyes, as she spoke. you didn’t mean to make people worried about you. but, sometimes the nightmares get too much. they become...too real.

“he shouldn’t be worried though,” you scoffed, “i’m fine.”

you think.

“your not alone in this. if you just talk to us, we can help-“

“brenda,” you snapped, “i’m fine. i promise.”

her eyes went wide, at your sudden anger, before she nodded.

“i’m sorry,” you whispered, guilt flooding you, “i’m okay.”

“okay.” she grinned, but you could tell she wasn’t fully convinced.

you were about to help yourself to some breakfast, but brenda stopped you, “newt got you breakfast. it’s over there with him.”

she nodded her head towards to fire pit, where your friends were sat, eating and laughing with each other. smiling at her slightly, you left, walking towards them all, before sitting in between newt and minho.

“here. get this down ya shank.” newt spoke, handing you a plate of food.

“god, i haven’t heard you say that in a while, newt,” you laughed, shaking your head slightly at the glade slang, “makes me think about the maze.”

“do you ever think about it?” newt inquired, as you took a bite out of your bacon. even though he looked at you, he was aiming the question at everyone.

minho shrugged, “we never thought we would get out. now look as us. we’re finally free...from everything.”

“yeah, that’s all thanks to thomas!” fry laughed, nodding at him.

thomas looked up at the sound of his name, frowning slightly.

“hey! i helped!” minho screeched.

“so did newt! and y/n!” gally shouted, pointing at you both, while you and newt rolled your eyes.

“everyone helped!” you laughed, shaking your head at the boy’s uproar.

“gotta say y/n, you being the only girl in the maze, caused way more disagreements than this.” fry commented.

“why?”

“we all tried to get your attention, 24/7!” gally chuckled.

“even you gally? thought you hated me.” you spoke, eyes wide in surprise.

he shook his head, “nah.”

“we all wanted to be super close with you,” minho teased, laughing.

“yeah, but no one could be as close to y/n as peter.”

you know fry was just trying to add things into the conversation. you know he wasn’t trying to make you upset. it’s not like everyone is banned from every saying peter’s name. however, peter hasn’t crossed your mind for the first time, in a month. you were finally...happy. so, you couldn’t help but freeze at the sound of his name, as your throat started to close up, before your friends around you, fell silent.

“fry!” newt gritted, anger all over his face. he hasn’t seen you laugh like that, in a while. and it made him so happy to see it. but, now, all he saw was heartache, written across your face.

“shit, i’m so sorry, y/n. i didn’t mean to make you upset.” fry panicked, as his heart dropped at the sight of fresh tears, welling up in your eyes.

“no, fry, it’s okay. i’m okay.”

“liar.” you thought.

you saw thomas glance at brenda quickly, who only walked over a few minutes ago, before looking back at you, leaning over to press his hand on yours, “y/n.”

you stood up abruptly at his action. the last time someone did that to you, with the same place they put their hand, to the way they spoke your name, was peter.

“i’ve just remembered that erm harriet, wanted me to help her with something. so i’m going to go. t-thanks for breakfast.” you croaked, and without another glance you turned away, walking towards your tent to calm your breathing. harriet didn’t really need you. you just needed to get away.

“y/n!”

you sighed, as you heard your brother shout your name, getting closer to you, before his arm landed on your shoulder; he turned you around to face him. he pouted, as he saw your bloodshot eyes, “are you okay?”

“i-i’m fine.”

your not fine. you never will be.

“p-people aren’t banned from saying-“

you were cut off by a heavy sob, as you completely broke down into harsh tears in-front of your brother. you felt his wrap his arms around you, as you weeped into his chest.

“i-i don’t know what to do,” you croaked, between tears, “i-i can’t do a-anything without him.”

“i know.” thomas hushed, stroking your hair.

“i l-love him.”

you felt thomas nod above you, “and he loves you. so much. but, y/n, you can’t live like this. he wouldn’t want you to do this.”

you leant back, looking down at the floor while thomas wiped away a few fresh tears from your cheek.

“what do i do then?” you questioned.

“live.”

you looked up, tears falling at his words.

“i know it sounds harsh, but he would want you to live. live the life you were supposed to have, even if he was here or not. after, teresa died, i thought i would never be able to do anything. but, when brenda helped me, through everything, i found something which made life worth living. it doesn’t mean i’ve forgot about teresa, or moved on from her. i’ve just done, what i know she would want me to do. live.” thomas spoke, as he rubbed your arms gently.

“but, there’s no one else.”

“there’s one person.” he shrugged.

“who?”

“newt.”

your eyes went wide at his words. you would of never expected him to say your bestfriend.

“w-what if i don’t love him, in that way?”

“that’s fine.” he smiled.

“what if, i never love him?”

“that’s also fine. you just need someone. to help you live. why don’t you go to the beach and i’ll get newt to come over, to talk. yeah?”

you nodded, about to turn away before you placed a hand on your brothers chest, “thank you, thomas. for everything.”

“i don’t want you to be sad anymore, y/n.” he smiled, before he walked away to newt.

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“hey,” newt spoke, sitting next to you on the sand, “tommy said you wanted to speak to me. what’s up?”

turning away from the ocean, you glanced at newt, “how long?”

his brows furrowed, “how long what?”

“have you loved me?”

your saw his eyes widen, as he was taken aback by your question. he glanced at the sand, before looking back at you, “since you came up in the box.”

that was...years ago. but, as you thought about it, it all made perfect sense.

in the maze, he was helping you with everything. whether that be from if you were stressed about being a second commander, to helping you with your feelings with peter. he was there.

in the scorch. he always made sure you were okay. giving you enough water. keep on asking if you were fine. saying how happy he was for you and peter, despite his feelings towards you.

and now, in the safe haven, newt is always there. he constantly makes you smile. or try’s to anyway. whatever time of the day it is, or if he’s busy or not, he will stop and wrap his arms around you, as you sob into his chest. he doesn’t care though.

because, he loves you.

“i don’t want to force you into anything though, y/n. i know it will take you a while. i understand that. but, i’m always here for you. as a best friend or more.” he spoke, brining you out of your thoughts.

“i’m scared that i will never be able to love you, the same way you love me.”

he smiled, “i know i’m not peter. i’ll never be peter. but, i just hope i can finally make you happy. which is what you deserve.”

you placed your hand on his, making him gasp slightly, as you looked at the ocean.

“he would want you to be happy, y/n. always.”

looking back, you were about to reply, but behind newt you saw a glowing figure stood, watching you. glancing to look at the figure, your heart dropped, at the sight of peter, who was beaming widely at you.

“it’s okay,” peter whispered, nodding his head, “i want you to be happy.”

then you blinked and...he was gone.

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a/n- so this is it! officially this is the end of ‘never look back’! a proper thank you will be going out later today, but i love you all so much <3

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and for the last time :(

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