#If you've never been harassed on this website

[museaway]

There are better posts about this floating around, but if you've missed them, tumblr has changed anonymous asks. They have to be sent from logged in accounts. If you receive an anon, you still won't know who has sent it, but tumblr does! This will help them deal with abuse reports. I'm sorry this change is coming so late, but I'm thrilled for people who will benefit from it

#tumblr #you still can't pay me enough to turn anon back on #but I'm glad for everyone else #If you've never been harassed on this website #by people making socks and abusing anon #I'm glad for you #this post is not for you #people can create Tumblr accounts #If they're not willing to do that #They shouldn't be able to use all of the features #That's absolutely fair #If they can't make an account for some reason #I really am sorry for them #but for me the safety of the user base is still paramount

[findingoblivion]

@photomatt

Since you turned your messages off, replies off, and asks. I guess you're getting pretty tired of feeling the same way a lot of trans women on this site do huh? Starting to feel like Avery did?

You say that you don't think Tumblr and yourself are transphobic. You say that you personally donate to LGBT orgs and that you believe in all of our rights.

If you really believe that, then why are you silencing the trans women on this website? Why was nebula, a minor, banned, when she never harassed someone or posted anything sexual at all?

Why was Avery's most recent account banned? An account that existed for all of a few days and had said nothing about you or posted anything harassing or sexual. Why did you terminate her account without even telling her why?

Why is it that a large contingent of TERFS and radfems can be IN YOUR REPLIES, ASKS, and MENTIONS, telling you proudly how they mass reported this user and saying "this is what you get for messing with radblr!" and still exist? If Avery harassed and sent death threats to you and others, why are there still so many blogs that openly do this and aren't banned?

If you support LGBT rights and donate to organizations so much, why can I go on the #radblr tag but not #tgirl? Why is it that Predstogen no longer has a tag? Why is it that for years there were tags that were filtered just like #tgirl is that had to do with trans people, and yet that's never been a problem for Terfs, or often even Nazis.

Why is it that for years trans peoples content has been flagged as NSFW when it isn't, you've lost a lawsuit about this, and yet it's still happening?

I don't even know if you're aware of all of this. Maybe you aren't. Maybe you just put your head in the sand and accept whatever your T&S team says to you.

But there are still many issues that Tumblr has. And your moderators are silencing more and more people every day. For talking out. For criticizing you.

And yet there are hundreds and thousands of posts in the radblr tag.

I hope you enjoy your sabbatical. Meanwhile all of the trans people on this website will be exposed even more to your mods. More of them will be deleted and silenced. More of them will leave this site. I hope, sincerely, that when you come back you take a long hard look at what the people in power on your platform do. I hope that you put effort into fixing this situation. It doesn't seem like you have any interest in doing that. I mean, you yourself have silenced people, and even writing this post means there's a chance I'm going to be next, right? I've seen so many posts about this topic get deleted.

I can tell you that if you want to monetize tumblr and keep the site afloat and invest in it, that you're going to not want to alienate a large portion of your userbase. It's not that hard to do. And you can come back from it even now. Apologize, promise to do better, and follow up. Change the culture at Tumblr and work towards making it a better place.

Or don't.

Have a nice day. I'm sure you'll be a lot happier than a lot of the trans people on this site!

#photomatt #tumblr #staff #predstogen

[animentality]

Can I also point out the irony of terfs insisting I don't "understand" them?

Why would I try? They literally call me a pedophile if I disagree with them and insist I should kill myself and that I'm a misogynist.

The irony of terfs insisting that no one will have an honest dialogue with them...as they accuse everyone but themselves of being pedophiles.

You can't have a fucking dialogue with people who are absolutely insane. It's like trying to talk sense to a Trumper or a Qanon conspiracy theorist.

What's the old adage, that you can't win a fight with a moron because he'll drag you to his level and beat you with experience?

No terf on this website or any other website has ever wanted to actually discuss gender and sex, and was open to debate that could change their mind.

I won't give you a chance because you aren't giving me a chance either. You and I aren't going to change each other's minds, so why should I even engage with you?

I also understand you just fine. You think biology is destiny and you can't accept that gender is a human construct that has changed every single day that human beings have been alive.

You side with white supremacists and patriarchal conservative men whenever you can.

So you'll never convince me to hate trans women. Or trans men. You'll never convince me that nonbinary people don't exist.

You don't deserve my time or my attention.

So go cry about it in your circles and go live the rest of your life in perpetual fear, anger, and loneliness.

I won't argue with neo Nazis who think that non white people are inferior to them, and I won't argue with patriarchal men who think women are inferior to them.

I won't argue with terfs who think trans women are all pedophiles.

Especially not here.

This is where I come to mess around.

You've really got nothing good in your life if all you do here is harass trans people. Like go get a hobby, dude. Any hobby.

#lgbt #transgender

[valentinekau]

A Moderneopets Lament, and my last request.

Hiya, the name's Velu, I was recently removed without warning from Moderneopet's art panel for what they called "targeted harassment". I was kept in the dark about what this harassment was but was allowed to think I was offering concise critique with the purpose of keeping things on model as per the artist rules. (there is a post here on tumblr that i will reblog in a moment that succinctly explains) If you've played modneo maybe you've seen, and enjoyed my pets! And if you have, thank you from the bottom of my heart! This was my first attempt at pet art and it was cathartic getting to be a part of a panel of likeminded folks who were open to critique and discussion!

and one that i was excited to debut, finished, and uploaded ready for release as my apparent harassment and infractions were happening unbeknownst to me!

I have been extremely silent after the removal, outside of contacting Hazer, and, after leaving the server and closing connection to anyone who hadn't friend requested me, contacting the only mod I'd had the pleasure of speaking to privately outside of the art director at the time. I do not speak up online about most anything due to being a quiet person, but I'm burned at the turn of events POST being kicked off, and i would like it to be made public the requests I made, and the promises given to me about my artwork.

Since I did not know why I was being kicked off, Hazer was open to my request, so my pets will hopefully be replaced sooner, rather than later, because due to this clause I cannot ask him to remove them because of an issue that was never communicated with me.

I, perhaps out of the want of having even an inkling of what i'd done, contacted a mod to see if i could get info. I had my guesses, and i felt defeated. Hazer specified "Your suspension from the team was brought due to the multiple threads that have been in made in staff channel over the months for you and wrens behaviour", so since none of it had been brought up to me, i went and asked, and was told they could likely do something for me.

I waited 24 hours, i asked for an update. I went onto moderneopets to find this.

I asked the mod for clarification, and i was blocked. So! That's that, i lost access to a community i was enthusiastic about, was told i was targeting and harassing, was offered clarification, not given any, then blocked! Communication is so important, and the last bitterness i'll feel is that while i attempted to discuss and compromise and work with the rest of the team, no one felt the need to tell me something was wrong. So i want to hold them accountable, please get my pets off your website, thank you.

#moderneopets #mod neo #modneo #modern neopets #neopets #moderneo

[mrmallard]

The thing about Avery being banned right now is that people have been pushing back against the site's moderation for well over a year by now citing overzealous moderation - specifically, flagging trans selfies as sexual content even when the user is fully clothed - while dragging their feet on accounts that explicitly break the TOS.

We've seen users arguing between buying the checkmarks and the crabs to make the website profitable for the reason that this may be the first avenue of monetization to actually sustain the website, ever - and users who don't want to reinforce the haphazard standard that the website is being run by. We've even seen staff try to push users towards mass-buying the Tumblr crabs on a specific date, calling it "Crab Day", using the same rhetoric, only to be rebuked by users who are unhappy with the way the website is being run.

The issues that led to Avery being targeted by TUMBLR'S FUCKING CORPORATE BOSS have existed for well over a year by now. This is simply a progression in a direction that Tumblr has been criticized about before. What makes it notable is how explicitly targeted this has been towards a single user of the website, and how gormless and petty it reflects on a figurehead who singlehandedly reflects the management of Tumblr - the captain of the ship.

The core issues that led us to this point have existed for longer than this blowup, this is just the most public, unbelievably immature way that it could have crossed from "plausible deniability" to "explicit, textual confirmation".

And I just want to say: Tumblr users have never been beholden to the administration of the website. Historically, Tumblr users have rejected changes to the site whether it be the visual design, changes in TOS or whenever the website has changed hands. I remember when Tumblr was bought out by Yahoo for over a billion dollars, everyone was melting down over "yumblr" and fearmongering about a massive corporate entity forcing sterile corporate values onto our vibrant community.

That certainly did come to pass with the porn ban, but for most of the time it was just Yahoo flailing around trying to monetize the site and getting pushback at every turn, before ostensibly admitting defeat by selling the website for just over a million bucks. The porn ban sucked and we feel its effects to this day, and frankly it's probably the harbinger of this exact scenario - where again, the CEO of the website is beefing with a user after that user was harassed for years, WITH EVIDENCE, only for the administration to ban her for life and dismiss her concerns entirely on the way out.

But the sheer majority of the naysaying didn't come to pass, and the stuff we didn't want that Yahoo did try to push? Users fought back. People weren't afraid to say to management "this isn't why I use Tumblr, it sucks ass and we're going to bug the fuck out of you for it". People complained when post editing was taken away. People complained about ask limits and fanmail. Tumblr users have been complaining about Tumblr for longer than any other userbase on the internet. We have never been beholden to the administration of the website.

Are we bound by TOS? Sure, but look at all the cowards who flag users en-masse and send them death threats, who somehow come out the other side unscathed. Fuckfaces break TOS all the time. Being noticed by staff obviously puts a lot of pressure on you to follow the TOS, but think of every bastard on this website you've ever seen break the rules and go unpunished. Secondly, think about the raw, hyperbolic nature of Tumblr's comedy. This website has always had leaner guidelines than other social media sites. Short of making terroristic threats - and Christ, can't that be exploited by the world's most thin-skinned CEO - Tumblr users are known for taking a joke way further than it probably needs to go.

I'm getting off track, so here's my point.

Tumblr's culture, its norms and community, come from us. And that has always come at the expense of the reigning power over the website - whether it be David Karp or Yahoo before Automattic. Tumblr users have been enjoying the website at the expense of the website for years, but it might be time to become more vocal about it. Go back to your roots as Tumblr users. Complain. Make memes. Make sure this shit goes down just as noticeably as shit like Do You Like The Color Of The Sky. That has always been what we do.

This was not an isolated incident. It was the most visible instance of this happening, and given that once again, the CEO OF THE WEBSITE - THE CAPTAIN OF THE WORLD'S STUPIDEST SHIP - is the one going after this one disgruntled user in front of the entire userbase, this is arguably the most notable case of transphobic moderation happening since Automattic bought Tumblr.

It's not transphobic solely because the user is transgender - it's transphobic in the way that her posts were mass-marked by bad faith actors, those posts were slapped with sexual content disclaimers, the user disputed these claims (successfully, until the team reversed that decision later) and she was personally banned while nothing happened to the people whose harassment of her and admittance to abusing the moderation tools to make her a target were catalogued and submitted to Tumblr staff. As if to add insult to injury, they followed up as they banned her a second time, saying that they found nothing wrong with the evidence of harassment she submitted.

Trans users have been reporting unfair treatment ever since Automattic bought the site Avery is just one of multiple trans women who've had to deal with this treatment, and she arguably got banned for being the most vocal about it. A bit hyperbolic in what she said, but nothing that other users haven't said before and perfectly in the spirit of the Tumblr community openly and brazenly taking the administration to task for their fuck-ups.

I do feel sorry for the staff who chafe under Matt Mullenweg. A former staff member has come forward to answer questions and talk about their time working at Automattic, and there are people working there who are employed around the world, who are always putting out fires, who need the steady paycheck for the work that they do. This isn't a call to harass or single out staff.

But I do think that Tumblr users have rested on their laurels in regards to criticizing and challenging Tumblr's administration. The institution of Tumblr. And given that the foremost authority over this entire fucking website is singling out and personally banning users, and threatening to report them to the police and the FBI, I think that has to change.

I think Tumblr users have to rediscover their sense of civil disobedience and challenge this horseshit as far as it will go.

All that Matt Mullenweg can do is shut down the website. That's bad for sure, but WE are Tumblr. WE give this website its value ("value" as in the content of its character, its beating heart. Revenue-wise, we suck the place dry lmao). And I would rather take Tumblr down in a blaze of glory than let this malignant cunt fail his users and personally go after them when they get too loud in criticizing how he runs the site.

So do what Tumblr users do best, and complain. It's all we really can do imo. The worst case scenario is that Matt Mullenweg goes full meltdown, drops an orbital nuke on some tags and/or decides to ax the entire website. And that would genuinely fucking suck - I would lose a lot of longtime internet friends who have shaped my life for the better over the course of a decade.

But if the CEO of Tumblr got so ass-blasted he wiped out a bunch of tags, that's a point where we can point at him and go "that's wrong, you fucked up and broke your own terms of service, you literally cannot justify that outside of sheer petty anger". And if he nukes the website? That would genuinely be hilarious. There's no coming back from that. Dude would go down as the most high-profile ragequitter in the history of the entire tech industry.

I've lost my original point in the mix. Point is, Tumblr users have never taken this corporate dogshit lying down. Make memes. Bake this horseshit into the history of the site, and never let Matt forget the day he lost the trust of Tumblr's entire userbase. There's no way for Matt, or Automattic, to win this. So make it as hard as possible to justify what happened to Avery, and shitpost as hard as you can.

#long post #photomatt #matt Mullenweg #Automattic

[damazcuz]

I've only had this account for about 5 years now. But I've been on tumblr for 13 years, since I was 16 and just starting to learn who I was, what transgender meant, what the world looked like at the time for a group I was swiftly realizing included me.

And for 13 years I have consistently used this site and stayed on, occasionally blog hopping when things felt stale or if things got bad. And things got bad sometimes. You'd get people calling you nasty things in your ask or replies or reblogs or tagging your username to sic their followers on you. And tumblr has always treated targeted harassment as a "Sorry you feel that way. That's not against tos though! Was this answer helpful?" issue whenever it's reported. They've never cared against abuse on their website, IN THE EXCEPTION of cases in which radfems and nazis have maliciously mass reported users for MAYBE hitting their breaking points and MAYBE snapping and saying something stupid that could be used as an excuse. Could be something today or four years ago in your archive but at some point, you had a bad day and posted something that could make tumblr say finally, we can get rid of a pest! or you were just transgender and said as much. A little too loudly in front of the wrong mod.

And this sounds so silly to say. But when you live in a website for 13 years and it's where you have your primary interactions with so many people and where you've met so many of your friends! It starts to feel like your community. Like an apartment building we all live in and visit each other's apartments and talk and decorate and laugh and play. And it's a bit of a dump and we all laugh about the crumbling peeling wallpaper and the slumlord that runs the place. We know the landlord isn't our friend, they just want us to pay rent until we're no good for it anymore. Produce the posts that make this site anything more than a hate forum, make the memes and the art and the posts that end up everywhere from your little sister's pinterest to your mom's Facebook to your uncle's meme subreddit. Keep up the garden and don't pile trash on the curb or you're out. This is "the queerest place on the net" only because queer people live here and hung on with our fingernails to stay here because if you have to leave, what's your fallback? You like your neighbors. They can't all come with you. They won't. Even the kind of crumbly parts feel like home after a while.

Like I want to clarify that Tumblr's reputation as a funny place to chill and scroll and meet people and see new things is not from the transphobes working on staff. Their job is to turn a profit or at least keep it LOOKING profitable, so the site can sell to the next moron to buy it out. The fun and joy of Tumblr is us. WE made this place. When you tear down our decorations and rip out our furnishings and toss us out on the street and look at what's left to show the next prospective tenant, it's a fucking dump. There is nothing left but the shittiest people in our neighborhood who are allowed to stay and make hate posts about us. There's the framework for "someone could make pretty posts here! It's a fixer upper!" But it's shit. It sucks.

I've been spiraling since yesterday over a couple of things I'm not taking well. One is work. "They can't fire us all!" I always joke. And people laugh. Last night my boss and I spent an hour and a half in this miserable fucking meeting, talking about the pressure pushing down on our load bearing team. We fantasized over all 8 of us being able to say "that's enough. I'm better than this. We are all walking out today and we will not come back. Don't text." And we can't. None of us can lose the stability of a full time job that pays kind of okay even though it's killing you. None of us can face that uncerainty. I left with chest pain. It was my first day back after major surgery. I went home and sat in one spot for over six hours almost unmoving, crying and just in disbelief of how unfair it is. We can't leave. But something has to give before my team dissolves and one of us puts a gun in their mouth. And then we all still have to make our shift. Who else will do all that? Who's going to cover, huh? Clock in.

And I spent the rest of my day, which ran to 4 am before I was able to sleep, wishing I could quit and hating what's happening on tumblr just as much. On a fucking blogging platform. Because this has been my fun sandbox for over a decade and it's always kind of sucked, it's full of cat shit and people throw sand at you and you're getting sunburned but it's fun here. You find your people to play with. And then it's like you remember oh yeah, other people here want me dead. The owner of this place wants me to die. He wants everyone that makes this place cool and fun to die. And he'll turn around and say "yeeeah well you shouldn't have joked about being mean to me." And it's like why am I here! Why am I making posts for YOU?

I can't leave employment. I'm only a couple of weeks, maybe a couple months away from homelessness at any given time, with how tight finances are. "Shoestring budget" would be generous. We're making it through sheer force of will. But I can't quit my job, and neither can anyone else.

But I can leave this place that I've hated and loved for so, so long. The other massive drain on my life that wants to see me shrivel and die. I can get up and go. We could all just go. Mass exodus. And I know it won't happen. Give it a week, ten days. People move along. Yeah, that sucked. Well, here we all still are. Still posting. Still tumbling. Still complaining about the landlord. But most people won't leave. How can you walk on your friends and community, knowing they won't all follow? But how do you continue to stay here watching this happen? I'm already listening to people tell me "so? that doesn't affect me. it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. and of course this happened, duhhhh." It's like, feel stupid for getting comfortable here. You should feel stupid for settling in and making it a home and thinking it would be fun here. If you are transgender you are not safe and you are not wanted. Not in the queerest place on the web, either.

It's not about the funny hammer car explosion """threat.""" It was never about the hammer car explosion. That was a dogwhistle through a megaphone to transphobes. Tumblr's darlings. Don't worry. I'll take care of this one that thinks she can speak up against me. And against you. And now there's a defined "REASON" for the ban. Why, Matt hardly knew he was banning a trans woman. All he knew was fear! He had no choice! And you can ignore the ACLU and the claims of systemic transphobia, that's something else. We fixed that!

I want this place to die because it is already rotting. We are scraping at the bones at this point. Walls are crumbling and there's a hole in the floor to the room below and the windows have long been knocked out and the boiler hasn't worked in years. They aren't going to fix it. It has never been the intention to fix it. They want you to leave or die. Whichever. Don't matter. Just get lost. I will find another tenant. I will find another person who will give me more ad revenue. You are replaceable in that sense. Someone else will join tumblr tomorrow. And tumblr will make a buck off them instead.

But they cannot replace the ways in which you and I have made this site livable and bearable and fun. And I want us to leave so that the husk of this place can collapse and blow away in the wind. I want tumblr to take a major hit and I want the loss of ad revenue to HURT THEM. I want a mad scramble to figure out how to fix it all. They can't. They won't. The fix has always been there and it's always been refused. Terfs will never be turned away from tumblr. Neither will nazis. "Sorry you feel that way, but that's not against our tos. Was this answer helpful?"

You know how they say, "it there are ten people at a table and one is a nazi and no one stands up, you have ten nazis"? This feels like that to me. If 20,000 of us wait a week, shrug, and resume joking and playing and say, well, yeah, it's sad that another dozen trans fems were banned last night. But I like it here...

It feels like that. Why are my trans sisters' archives of 5, 10+ years of life and joy being wiped clean? I can't even tell you how many posts I've seen from an op whose url I recognize from last week, but whose username is grey and icon default, because she posted something less than a day ago to say "yo this sucks. Fuck this place and fuck this guy." They've never ever found the terfs and nazis to ban them because they DON'T CARE. Those are the ones they prefer. That they cater to. Post about the ceo being a dumbfuck and in 12 hours, risk losing your community and the ability to look back at your life online. Clean slate. As if you never lived there. Oh, but tumblr isn't a transphobic place. We fired the one and only naughty transphobe on staff who was taking bribes to send out bans. Pay to win moderation. That person's gone. So it's okay and you don't need to worry. It's okay, I promise. It's the queerest place on the web. Get comfortable.

I love my job and I love this place. One of them is going to push me to the edge. But I can choose to leave one. You can choose to leave with me. They can't fire us all.

#and i know that i am preaching halfway to the choir and halfway to deaf ears. #you either already care or you don't. #this either affects you a lot or not at all. #you'll either walk out or you'll clock back in and get back to it. #fuck though man. something has to give or it's going to snap. you know? #and frankly i just don't want to play here right now. it sucks a lot. #and it sounds like it's going to start sucking a whole lot more very quickly. #i hope the hellsite explodes. i hope the hammers go everywhere. #have a good night and all. #see you tomorrow or whatever.

[rokhal]

Recently, a writer that I admire and respect has been harassed into deleting their fic, by fans who purport to be objecting to a reference to incest. (I guess the cold-blooded murder by the minor protagonist, with the cooperation of his guardians, was not a problem.)

These fans need a fucking wakeup call. 1. Game of Thrones is a multimillion dollar media empire. 2. MURDER. MURDER IS WORSE 3 and most important Three: even if Writer had included explicit incest erotica scene between characters who were actually blood brothers, Writer would be the one using ArchiveOfOurOwn for its explicitly designed purpose.

AO3 was created as a safe haven to post gay incest porn. It is the gay incest porn site.

People like me, who do not write erotica (at least not with our name attached), let alone gay incest erotica, are like that dude on PornHub who posts ASMR of Tucking You In and Giving You A Glass of Water After You've Cum. We're toodling around in our little sweater vests acting comically surprised at all the depravity happening around is. Comically surprised, because this is the Depravity Website.

If you log on to AO3 and are Shocked and Appalled to find sexual implications you find distasteful, you are doing the equivalent of logging on to PornHub and acting shocked and appalled to see a cumshot.

[Important qualification: I in no way believe that consensual queer sex between adults is depraved. I do believe that people who want to shut down websites believe that.]

Please maintain a sense of perspective.

The characters we write about are not real. We care about them, and they feel real to us, but still: knock on every door in Queens and you will not find Peter Parker. Check the FBI Most Wanted list of every year and you will not find Dean Winchester. Scour East LA and you will never find Robbie Reyes.

Fictional characters are pieces in a game we are playing together. They are variables we each get to use in our own thought experiments, whose results we can share for each-other's amusement, joy, titillation, or horror.

If reading about fictional sex crimes angers you (and that is often the point of writing them) channel that anger into a donation to an organization that works for the benefit of real living breathing feeling child abuse or domestic violence survivors who need help. If you are too young to have a bank account with which to donate to real life abuse victims who actually exist, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON AO3, THE INCEST PORN HOSTING WEBSITE. Jesus fuck.

#fandom

[anti-endo-haven]

(tw for stalking (being stalked), threats of violence, manipulation (gaslighting, lovebombing, guilt tripping), attempted IP grabbing, being told to kill ourselves) (cw for a lot of swearing) I'm very very sorry for what is going to be a very lengthy vent, if we don't get this off our chest we will fucking explode. In December of 2022 we had a falling out with a fellow system who we considered a friend, they had a huge mental breakdown and said a lot of horrible shit to us and our ps. We told them to take a break so all parties involved could make an informed decision and they just didn't, they kept apologising and trying to guilt trip us and our ps, when that didn't work they acted like they were fine again when they clearly weren't and tried lovebombing us. The next day they sent us a DM blaming everything that they did on one alter and completely ignoring us saying to take a complete break from Discord and not to contact anyone until the break was over. A few hours later our host had had enough and put their foot down, saying their behaviour was appalling and that they should never contact us again. We blocked them on everything and thought that was that. In January 2023 they reached out again and asked us to block from from an alternate account. They made a new discord account and DMed us asking us to block them, we told them no, it's not our responsibility to block every new alt they make, and they immediately got shitty at us. Back in December they had indirectly threatened us by 'reminding' us that we both attended the same school and then very directly threatened us by saying that they weren't scared to throw punches and they 'knew Moon (one of our persecutors) wouldn't hesitate'. After a while we just stopped entertaining their shit so they had two of their friends DM us as well, one of which sent us a link to clayparty (horrible fucking website, it steals your IP and sends it to a forum so people can send you nasty shit) while the other just called us a bunch of names. We muted both people who DMed us and reported their accounts. This person spent all of 2023 harassing and stalking us, sending more people after us to insult or make fun of us, threatening us in their discord status, or staring at us creepily around school. They got expelled from our school in the middle of the year (we had been reporting everything they did as they were genuinely becoming a threat to our safety) and changed to one further away from us. In September they reached out to our ps and began to try and harass them, our mother reached out to our ex-friend's guardian and reported their behaviour. Their response was to go onto Twitter and tell us to kill ourselves, they then screenshotted our ENTIRE Twitter account and called us a stalker because we blocked them ages ago. Yesterday they reached out again on a different alt (alt account 6) and sent us this whole paragraph about how they were 'so sorry' and 'they didn't want to be in our life anymore they just wanted to genuinely apologise' (they admitted in this message that none of the previous apologies were real), they also added 'I hope this doesn't lead to you reporting us'. They fucking WANT us to reach out so they can throw away the 'we don't want to be in your life' shit and act all buddy buddy with us again, we just know it. We don't know what to do anymore. If we report them then they get the attention they want but if they don't then they'll keep trying to reach out. They have our fucking address and they're becoming more and more dangerous. We're scared to leave the house, to be online on discord or to post anything on Twitter. We can't deal with this for another six months. -✨

If you are able to file for a restraining order, please do so. I know that it can be extremely difficult but if you've exhausted everything else you can do, please try and get some sort of authority involved.

Stalking is a serious crime and they can be punished for it. Especially with the threats made on top of that.

I don't know what all I can say, but please do everything you can to stay safe and away from that person and their group of friends.

It's better to be safe than sorry, always. Please stay safe.

#tw stalking #tw stalking mention #tw being stalked #tw threats of violence #tw violent threats #tw manipulative behavior #tw manipulation #tw gaslighting #tw lovebombing #tw guilt tripping #tw attempted IP grabbing #tw being told to commit suicide #tw sui mention #tw suicide mention #tw swearing #anti-endo-haven-vent #anti-endo-haven-vents #PLEASE be safe anon #✨

[aliusworld]

REL:LY / Magic Words / LSG ✶

Aqua Hoshino x Reader

This is PART THREE, check out other parts in the link below!

REQUIEM: Sixth New Genesis!

What's to come: [Reader likes both genders], [Aqua x Reader], [Akane x Reader]

[Songs of the chapter: "MANNEQUIN" by Deco*27, "Parasol Cider" by Nanahoshi Orchestra, "Nonsense Bungaku" by Eve]

[7,531 words]

It's been a few days since the video was posted. Multiple news websites were talking about it, people online were harassing others about it, even people in real life were talking about it. Even though Akane doesn't want to be the face of the news so soon, it's shining a better light on her. She is a victim of the internet and she'll never have that innocence back, but she's a lot better now.

Akane has been showing up on set more often now, you cling onto her like there's no tomorrow when she stays. Honestly, when she first came back, you swear you could feel your eyes watering, but that isn't important. What is: is that Aqua gave Akane an important suggestion. "Try acting, be someone who you aren't to protect yourself. Separate this show from your real self." It really wasn't something you agreed with, but if it would keep Akane happy and safe, you'd be okay with it.

"It's really all your choice, Akane." You perked up, leaning against Akane's shoulder glaring at Aqua, "Don't think about the audience when you make this decision. I know they're important or whatever, but you are too!"

"I think it's a pretty good idea and I am good at acting, but... what— who should I act as?" Akane asked, tilting her head to the side you were opposite to. Aqua stared out, not giving her a response. "Ahem. [name], what do you think?" Akane shifted her head to face you as you stopped leaning on her shoulder, before you could respond, Akane kept going. "What's your type?"

Your face turned red as your eyes widened under your mask. All eyes were on you, including the people filming. You choke on your words before letting them slip, "M-My ty-t... type..?" You bit your lip, did you even have a type? The only person you've ever fallen for was... Hanae. You caught yourself before you accidentally said her name. Roaming around your mind, you realized how similar Akane and Hanae really were. What differences did they even really have? Hanae was more conservative and less obsessive, then again, people had more of a life outside social media, didn't they? You shake your head after another minute of pondering, "This isn't helpful at all but... *I think you being yourself in all of your 'Akane-ness' is my type."

"You're lying..." Akane blushed, jolting her head to look at the floor, "How could you say that? Even after all I've put you through..— Hm! N-Nevermind..!" Akane took a deep breath in and put her arm around your shoulder, "A-Aqua! What about you? You did save me too after all, I think I can do this for you. As a thanks." You stared at Aqua, is Akane just going to ignore your super-extra-cute confession? You pout under your mask and lean closer into her. Aqua better have a good answer. "So... What's your type, Aqua?"

"Hm..? You're really serious with that question?" Aqua looked a little shocked, he sighed and looked out the window, "I never really thought of that, I guess." He rested his cheek to the palm of his hand and started thinking. "My type... I guess my type is someone who's pretty."

"Go to hell!" You mutter half jokingly.

"Keep going Aqua!" Akane said, pulling out her notepad and pen. Staring at him with her pretty blue eyes.

"Someone who can smile as bright as the sun, and performs without a fault. Assertive behavior and speech... Captivating eyes that can draw you in with one glance..."

"You're telling me you've never thought of your type before? Hah, what a stupid lie." You half-heartedly joke as you shake your head back and forth, "Come to think of it, a pretty girl who works hard... kind of sounds like Ai from B-Komachi, doesn't it?" Aqua's eyes widened for a split second before calming down quickly, his lips forming words, but you couldn't hear it at all.

"Ai? I've heard of her... I'll research her the best I can: I'll be your girl, Aqua!" Akane said with glee, writing down the name in her notepad while putting it back down on the table next to her. She turned back to you and smiled, "And what you said [name]... I.. Mm, thank you."

You leaned onto her shoulder as Aqua stared at the two of you. His eyes were dark. Did no one else notice that at all?

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

You were back on set today, another week passed by without any progress on finding Hanae. You were inside a classroom, the sun was bright, Aqua sat directly next to you. Couldn't he have found another chair? You'd been sitting next to him the entire school week, your head plopped down into your arms as time passed by slower than usual.

Aqua didn't say anything when he sat next to you, the camera's were on, glaring onto your face. Still, you didn't feel the urge to act or put on a show. This was just life, for you at least.

...

When's Akane getting here?

Just as you thought that, footsteps could be heard from behind the doorway. You got excited, getting back up and impatiently staring in anticipation for Akane to enter.

It was just Mem and Yuki. Ah, well that's fine. Maybe you should go hang out with them? Before you could get up from your seat, the two girls had already come over. Not to you specifically, but towards your general direction. Their real target was Aqua.

"How's it going, Aqu-tan?" Memcho slyly asks, sitting on the desk in front of him, "I overheard that... you have a type??!"

"Yah, and I heard it was pretty basic too! All you care about is looks, am I right? All boys are the same! It's about time you morph into a man!" Yuki says, bursting out laughing after.

"Who told you that?" Aqua asks, deadpanned, he doesn't seem mad or concerned.

"How silly of you, Aqu-tan! I said we overheard!" Mem laughed, you forgot you told her about the 'conversation' you and Akane had with him. "I also heard that Akane was acting for you? That's so totally weird! Why would you do that to that poor girl?"

"Yeah Aqua! You totally suck! All you care about is looks!!" Yuki adds in, you nod your head to their conversation... When is Akane going to come back?

Begrudgingly you continue to watch everything unfold before you as you lean on your arm. All you could think about was Akane.

...When did the two of you get so close?

That's when the door slid open again: It was Akane!

The door was wide open, she didn't enter though. She patiently waited for the cameras to pan to her. Akane I bailed deeply before closing her eyes, when her eyes opened back up she was a completely different person. Her 'aura' changed.

She reminded you exactly of Ai.

You guessed that Aqua noticed too because he was just as shocked as you were, maybe even more. Akane's eyes were different, they looked just like Ai's too— no, they looked just like yours. Just a different color. Was this seriously all just acting? How could someone just change their entire vibe like that?

"What's wrong you all?" Akane asked, looking at everyone present, "It's almost like you've seen a ghost!"

"A-Akane? Is that really you?" Yuki asks, understandably a bit taken back, "You seem so... different...?"

"Do you dislike this part of me, Yuki?" Akane asked, tilting her head to the left. Yuki shook her head while she waddled back towards the two boys who just walked in. "So, how about we hang out all on our own today, Aqua?"

You felt a pang of sadness when Akane said that. Why Aqua? Why not you? You don't blame her though, Aqua is quite handsome, isn't he?

You shove your head back into your arms as the room fell silent. Aqua and Akane left the room together with a group of camera people following them. Was all your hard work for nothing? Did Akane not like you? Did she really like Aqua more than you? Aqua is just so... off putting. But she's never been under his stares for days on end has she?

Aqua totally likes her now, doesn't he?

Why does that make you a little sad?

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

For the next few days of shooting, Aqua was all over Akane. Though, you weren't out of it the entire time. You and Akane still had moments together, and it was really enjoyable. It felt really familiar, but you couldn't really put your finger on it.

Then it came to the last day on set. Everyone knew that the last episode was all about the cast members confessing to each other. You didn't plan on doing anything, there was an uneven amount so it was bound to happen, a fail on the casting director honestly, but you aren't going to complain. You'd rather not have manic fans asking about your love life while streaming, and if you were going to confess to anyone: It'd be Akane, and she's currently preoccupied with Aqua.

The sky turned dark and the sun started to set, you sat down on a bench as the crew started to gather around. The contestants lined themselves up and discreetly discussed with each other on who picks who. It's usually the boys going for the ladies, isn't it? You could guess who would go with who.

"Alright, is everyone set?" The director asks, casting a glance towards the people working with the lights and cameras.

"Yes sir!" The higher up yelled back.

"Action!"

The air seemed tense, somehow. No one was up to the challenge of going first. You kept to yourself, watching through your mask. Was it figurative or real because it was getting a little harder to breathe as each minute went past.

Noboyuki bit the bullet and went over to Yuki. He got on his knee and poured out his feelings to her, it was honestly kind of cute. She said no though. You didn't actually understand it at all, Yuki said she liked him, so why'd she reject him?

Then it was Kenji, who knew he'd go next— not like there were a lot of options, but still. He went up to Memcho of all people, didn't expect that either. They were so different, so it was kind of a shock to no one when Mem rejected him.

Lastly, it was Aqua's turn. He was standing between you and Akane, his eyes glanced towards you for a split second before he slowly walked towards Akane. She was sitting underneath a tree on one of the other benches, his hand traveled up to her face and brushed a lock of her blue hair out of the way.

Their faces drew closer and closer together, lips barely an inch apart.

Aqua's eyes shut and Akane brought her hand up.

Right before their lips connected, Akane brought a hand up between the two of them.

"I'm sorry, Aqua. I just can't do... that." Her eyes didn't have stars in them, "We can still be boy-girl friends, my heart just... it's for someone else."

She quickly got up from her seat. Everyone seemed shocked, you and Aqua were no exception. What was she up to? Akane excused herself and bowed as an apology to Aqua, and also probably the camera, and marched towards you.

"[name]! Will you accept my confession of love?" Akane shouted out, her face was red and her hands were on her thighs.

"H-Huh? What?? Why me?- I mean I would love to and everything but I seriously don't uhm!!" You stutter, your face turned red. Everything was a blur in that moment, you don't really remember too well as to what happened but, Akane slipped your mask away and kissed you underneath it. Her eyes were shut with passion while your eyes were wide open, stars gleaming. You didn't stop it, a kiss takes two people after all.

You were definitely flustered, your eyes wandered to the people in the crowd watching the two of you. Aqua looked shocked, his mouth was wide open, a real sight to behold. The rest of the crew looked almost exactly as surprised as Aqua, was it really that bad?

Or in other words: Would it give this season of Lovenow higher ratings than the rest?

-End of Re_Love:Love_You

Lovenow was a hit with everyone, there weren't as many controversies surrounding you and Akane that you thought they'd be. Which is a good thing, but mildly strange. The two of you decided to make your relationship private, mostly for your sake, not stating whether the two of you were dating or not. On the inside though, Akane decided to stick to just being friends— Just kidding! The two of you are full on dating!

Just kissing again... it was more of a situationship.

On the other hand, a few days after Lovenow ended, it was released to the public that Akane and Aqua were dating! Which made you... jealous. Though honestly you couldn't really place why.

To your dismay, they didn't air the episode of you and Akane sharing a kiss. Instead, they begged Akane and Aqua to re-record the part and act like they were in love. The two agreed reluctantly while you threw a tantrum in your head.

...

Fuck.

You bite your lip as you throw your head onto your pillow, why was Akane so important to you? Not that it matters right now, you have a party to get to. What would look good on you?

It was the Lovenow after-celebration, not something you've ever been to before. You asked Aqua about it since he had one for a past drama he was in, apparently this one is supposed to be less fancy. Just a casual hangout with the cast, an unofficial party! How cute!

You tossed something on and went to meet your friends at the barbeque place you went to last time. It was the same old, same old, even the seating. You were squished in between both Akane and Aqua, even though the two of them were dating. It was awkward to say the least.

"So I heard that Akane and Aqua were dating!" Memcho stated, poking at the freshly cooked meat in front of her, "What made you change your mind, Akane? I thought that you and [alias] really had something special!"

"Huh? Oh! We do! We do, just for [alias]'s sake. They told me that their fans would freak out or something... and that it was for my safety? I don't really understand it all, but if [alias] wants it then I thought I'd do that."

"Oh I see... then what about you Aqua? What did you think?" Memcho asked, turning to look at him.

"I think that it's fine, me and Akane only started dating because so many people were betting on it on social media."

"Ah, so you're no fun. I see." Mem sighed, collecting some bell peppers from the plate in between her and Yuki, "Then what about you, [alias]?"

"...Akane can choose for herself, that's what I think." You were deadpan with your answer, you didn't want to come off as rude though. Is it too late for that? "☆Oh! But seriously, it's all for Akane's safety that we don't get together. As an internet celebrity, I expected you to understand." You said jokingly.

"Ahh! I do! I do! I'm professional in every aspect- not that I'd expect you to understand either! I am your senior after all, aha!" Memcho defensively shouted, laughing with you.

Kenji and *the other guy entered the room with a few more drinks, this hangout session was a lot less fun than the one you all had last time, for you at least. How could you change that though?

The night was coming to an end, everyone said their goodbyes and you tried your best to cling onto Akane as best as you could. She didn't seem any distant than she was in the beginning, but it still felt as if there was a barrier between the two of you. This is Aqua's fault. You groaned as thoughts wandered in and out of your head, you were surrounded by the two blonde's. You never knew Mem lived in your direction.

The walk was really peaceful, you didn't expect that much from Mem. However, the person to break the peace was Aqua.

"Memcho, what's your dream?" Aqua asked, his head poked out from your side to look at the girl beside you.

"My dream? My dream is to be somewhere, be someone. It was really fun being on stage with all you real celebrities. It was almost like being on a stage." Memcho sighed, she twirled her finger in her blonde locks. "I saw how you reacted when Akane acted like Ai, she really captivated you huh? I really miss that about her..."

"You know about B-Komachi?" Aqua asked

"How could people not know about B-Komachi?" You laugh as you put your arms on the back of your head, "Especially after the tragedy, it's a lesson well learned. Ai didn't deserve that at all, she was going to make it to the top of the world."

"Exactly, right? After that I couldn't believe what horrendous thoughts I had! Even after what happened and what was yet to come, I still wanted to become an idol." Mem looked at the ground before rising up with a smile, "That's all behind me now, I believe in myself, and I'm sure that I'm someone's idol— at least, I'm sure there are hundreds of people looking up to me."

"The two of you really like B-Komachi?" Aqua asked, putting a hand to his chin, "What about you [alias]? Have you ever thought about being an idol?"

"An idol?" You thought about your second life, you weren't even an idol yet. And in this life, you already had a plan set for yourself. You didn't need to go down that path, but you never were an idol before.. What are you even on about? "Oh? I guess I have, but who hasn't in this day and age?"

"Then what would you think about joining the second coming of B-Komachi? Strawberry Productions is trying out the whole idol thing again." Aqua said, putting on a soft smile. It looked weird. "We're friends, aren't we? I think that I know you two well enough to trust that you'll be great idols and won't tarnish the name of Ai." He's acting so strange.

"What?! Oh em gee! It would be an honor!!" Mem agreed happily, "Though, I would need to speak with someone who actually knows what they're doing, make sure it isn't too shady."

"Yeah, if the contract is okay I'll think about it."

"Right, you've been to my home before. Just follow me."

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

You've been in Aqua's home before, but never this up close. You got to see his mother and sister again, they're really cute. Another thing to add was that his 'house' is a lot larger than yours. What was the word for it? It was a studio apartment while yours was a small crummy apartment your mom left you when she moved back to her home country. You really never realized how big it was.

"Ah, so you've brought another one for me. You're really good at this whole recruiting thing, aren't you?" The pink haired woman grumbled, "How'd you manage to snag this one? A YouTuber and full-time influencer?" She shifted her gaze to look at you, "And a faceless internet celebrity and singer. I'm surprised that either of you were interested in becoming idols."

"It was a dream of mine ever since I was a child, ma'am." A drop of sweat rolled off of Mem's face as she spoke to the director.

"Well the two of you are independent streamers so there aren't any managers I need to talk to?"

"I am independent in it of itself, but I do have a team working for me in the background surrounding legal advice and finances, so I believe that I would have to check in with them before I make any hasty decisions." You say, gripping at your lower forearm, you really didn't want to experience another death so soon. You haven't met Hanae yet... and everything regarding the industry is much more safe, isn't it? So no falling lights.

"Once you get a concrete answer, there won't be any problem regarding Internet personalities, we at Strawberry Productions work with them on a daily basis, but you Memcho. You look like you have something to say."

Memcho was lying about her age. By 7 whole years. You tried your best to suppress a few giggles to slip out from your mouth, but then she poured her heart out about what inspired her, made her keep pushing, and what blocked her from getting any farther. At that point, you felt bad for almost laughing.

"So by the time I was financially stable, I was already over the prime age from any idol to debut..." Mem sighed as she looked down at the ground, fiddling with her fingers. Before anyone else could and then Aqua's sister barged into the room.

"No one is too old to be an idol!" She shouted, jumping on top of Mem with a hug, "Every age is idol age, that's what Ai would say!! Are you really going to join me in B-Komachi?!!" She looked over to you and smiled as bright as the sun, "And you! The one that Aqua totally def-likes-because-why-else-would-he-invite-someone-as-cool-as-you to our house, are you going to join us too!?"

"I'm thinking about it, but I'm sure that you'd all do well without me!" You say, ignoring the parts that she said too quickly for you to understand.

"But you're just so talented!! You can sing so well and you'd be such an amazing addition to B-Komachi!" She shouted out, "Oh! My name is Ruby Hoshino, please remember my name even though you are so ultra-amazingly-famous-celebrity!"

"Th-Thank you, ☆I'm sure you'll be a great idol...!" You feel awkward saying that, did you even really mean it? Probably.

They talked more about it for a few minutes, but it came to an end. You texted your team about joining B-Komachi and they texted back in a meer seconds, it would affect your stream schedule greatly, but you'd still be able to live off of it for a while. You had enough money to sustain yourself and maybe one more person for at least a few years. It was really all up to you, did you want to try to become an idol again?

That was all you could think about, you tried to get sleep but the scene of getting crushed played over and over again. You even searched for any new articles about it, but not a lot showed up. At least, not on the internet. It was over 40 years ago, wasn't it?

God you sound old.

It's a lot safer now, so you wouldn't die from being an idol. With another bonus of being a part of the famed B-Komachi! That would most definitely get Hanae's attention, wouldn't it? It'd help you find her— or maybe Hanae will find you? You'd have to tell Aqua tomorrow at school. Yes.

Anything for Hanae.

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

The sun rises and so do you, thinking about being an idol made you feel tense all of a sudden. Ruby goes to the same school as you, so it shouldn't be hard to tell her you accept her invitation, right? You could always just ask Aqua. You continue on with your daily routine as you shrug, your uniform looks as plain as it did the day before. Maybe you should add something on to it?

Eruru calls you over and Matsuyo over to her table and yaps on and on about how her weekend was. Being a loved daughter of an amusement park owner would be fun, wouldn't it? She shoves you and Matsuyo in her arms and suggests that you three should go out for fun, you agree with her. Matsuyo hisses at her touch, but doesn't move further.

"Ohh! Let's all take a photo together, it would look really cute for my Instagram!" Eruru says, pulling out her candy colored phone, "Say 'Cheese'!~♡' or how about 'Happy Third Month of School!!' That looks so so cyuute!~ Ah you guys are the best!"

"How does she have this much energy...?" Matsuyo grumbles, taking out his own phone, "But going to the park with the two of you doesn't sound that bad."

"It sounds amazing!☆ We could go on so many of those roller coasters until we vomit our guts out together!⭑" You say clinging onto his back, shaking him back and forth. You felt embarrassed, but he didn't flinch.

"Not you too" He complains, "But that sounds good too, maybe not the vomiting."

"Alright!! What about this Saturday? Or Sunday?" Eruru chimes in, "I posted it and it already has a few likes! We are totally going to be super duper famous!"

"Saturday is fine, we have to study on Sunday though. We have a test, remember?"

"Arghh!! No tests! Those are so boring." She whines.

Aqua walks into the classroom and sees you leaning on Matsuyo, he seems a little disappointed. You brush it off and roughhouse with your newly made friends. Though he was back at it again, staring at you from a distance. It didn't creep you out as much as it did before you officially got to know.

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆

"Aqua, take me to your sister."

He couldn't take your nerves sometimes, yet he found himself agreeing anyway, as you now walked next to him, hands on your hips. The way to the courtyard felt neither fast-paced or slow, you didn't say anything as you two made it to the destination of where Ruby Hoshino sat.

Neither of you noticed the red haired girl lurking close by.

When Ruby's magenta eyes spotted the two of you, she perked up expectantly.It was as if gears turned in her head until her face lit up and she proudly exclaimed "Oh, Aqua! Are you showing me your first friend?"

Aqua only looked at her with a deadpan expression, but you felt the need to squint your eyes together, the female twins' energy being way too bright. It was somehow higher than Eruru.

"Your sister is too bright, can you tell her that for me?",you stood behind Aqua, only daring to look at the personified sun over his shoulder. He ignored your comment though and gave a court 'No' to his sister, who immediately had the gears turning in her head, again until...

"Ah! Is she your girlfriend?"

Your jaw dropped to the floor. There was a shocked aura coming from one of the bushes nearby, as well as the sound of someone falling back a little, yet nobody bothered to notice. As your eyes went wide, Ruby continued on a rant, completely unbothered though, as she made fun of her brother.

"I can't believe you tried to get with that Akane girl, because like-"

"She is not", Aqua cut his sister off. He put his hand on the small of your back and you tried to not react, but you couldn't tell, was your face heating up? He pushed you forward towards Ruby and then pulled his hand away. "This is [alias]."

...

"Oh!" Ruby really needed to work on her volume control.

The aura coming from the bush changed, you couldn't tell if it was in a positive way or not, but the redhead used it as a hiding spot to claw at her hat.

Eyes blessed with one starry glow gazed into the ones holding two and the blonde girl stepped forward grabbing and holding your hands together. The serious look on her face surprised you, there were so many emotions in her eyes, like a deep galaxy and suddenly you saw an energy in Ruby that you've only ever seen in an idol long passed.

"So you've decided?", there was hope in her voice.

The close proximity was still startling you, as well as her suddenly turning serious, but you quickly tried to gather yourself. Small flashbacks of the long lost time where you've spoken similar words flood your mind, hands unconsciously gripping hers a bit tighter.

"Yeah, I've made up my mind. I'll take up your offer, I'll join B-Komachi as an idol."

-End of Magic Words

Even before you joined B-Komachi, you knew that training to be an idol would be hard work. However, you didn't expect it to be this hard. Maybe it's a lot more different in this body than your old one. You aren't an energetic 12 year old anymore. Was all this cardio really worth it?

You stop to catch your breath with your hand on the stone wall next to you. 'Why did I accept her offer' kept running in and out of your brain as your face turned red with adrenalin. Pieyon shouted for you to keep going as you were way behind the other three girls. Biting your tongue, you made it on top of the hill before flopping to the floor in front of Kana and Ruby. All this running puts way too much pressure on your little deformed rotten heart.

"Are you okay, [name- [alias]?" Ruby asked, putting a hand out for you to grab.

"Ruby! Why are you saying that? You're the one with asthma!!" Kana sighed, helping Ruby lift you back up from the ground. Ruby comments with a 'But I'm not the one dying!' as you stare at the sky above.

"Keep it up, [alias]! It's only been 30 minutes-ish!" Memcho laughed, patting your back and handing you a sticker covered water bottle. "Well actually it's closer to 25, but y'know~"

"What do you mean it's only been 30 minutes??!" You whine, pulling your mask off to the side of your head to breathe in fresh air for the first time. "I feel like I'm dying!! There's no fucking way I'm going to be able to do this on a stage.."

"Language!" Ruby shouted, "No idol would ever drop an f-bomb without getting criticized, we really need to work on that." She took a sip from her water bottle, it was glittery and pink. An Ai charm was attached to the lid. "And put your mask back on!!"

You groaned as you slapped the mask back on your face. *You had to go to the amusement park later with your friends... would they even let you go? You weren't even that good at dancing either. Idol work just isn't meant for you. You fall butt first onto the floor as you shut your eyes. B-Komachi II is already going downhill. Speaking of downhill, that was your next goal. Running downhill back to the studio with your new friends and Pieyon. Again, you were behind them, but it wasn't as bad as the run up.

When the apartment was reached, you felt the cool breeze of sweet air conditioning on your skin. You sat down on one of the brightly colored sofas Strawberry Studios owned.

"No sitting down just yet! We have to work on our muscles! And also learn choreography, some marketing stuff using videos, probably some more cardio, oh wait, not to mention editing the videos–" Ruby continued to go on for a few more minutes as you caught your breath, again.

The dancing sucked, especially learning it all from a not so high quality video. There wasn't anyone to train you besides Pieyon and the Ai fanatic: Ruby. She was a lot better than you were, so was Kana. Memcho was also better than you, but the gap between the two of you was a lot smaller than your gap with the two self proclaimed idols.

You wonder where Aqua is.

As hours went by, your training for day one was finished. You were with the girls, sitting in a room with walls made of mirrors as they packed up their stuff and made some small talk with each other.

"Here's what's funny: we did this whole work out thing with Pieyon to promote B-Komachi! It was sooo hard, we had to do, like, actual punches and stuff for a whole hour!" Ruby burst out laughing, but quickly stopped to think, "I just don't understand kids these days, why do they find buff guys working out so entertaining? Whatever, we'll have to make them fall in love with us!~"

"If they're all going to fall for us, then we're going to have to make a name for ourselves as idols. For example: Who's going to be the face of the new B-Komachi?!" Memcho says, putting her pointer finger to her lip.

"So a leader?" Kana asked, shifting her eyes to look at Mem.

"Yeah! A leader! I say that I should be the leader because I'm the one with the most experience using social media and with uh– nevermind that part. That's totally [alias]."

"No thanks, I'm not up for being the face of this whole group thing, I can't be the face. I don't even have one." You joke, "But I'm being serious, I don't think it would do us any good by having me be the leader. Plus, I don't think I'm really... marketable."

"I totally understand that." Ruby says, putting a hand on your shoulder and smiling, "We won't pressure you any further– but since we're on this topic... I nominate myself to be the leader of B-Komachi because I resemble Ai the most. Plus, I was the reason we made this whole group in the first place, y'know? So I think that the title should go to me."

"Well you aren't going down without a fight!" Memcho shouts, pouncing towards Ruby. They got in a cat fight as you look over to Kana.

"What about you? You haven't said anything yet. Any thoughts on who the leader should be?"

"Hm? Oh well... no comment." Kana sighs, "This is dumb, why don't we just get a random number generator online and just like... I don't know. Ruby is even and Memcho is odds, and whatever number gets chosen the person gets the win?"

"No Kana! That's a horrible idea!" Ruby shouts, "Being an idol is all about talent! Memcho, I challenge you to a singing contest in the karaoke bar down the street! Whoever gets the better score gets to becomes leader!"

"Oho, child? You dare challenge me? Respect your elders, Rubytan!" Mem laughs, you can't tell if it's at her self deprecating joke or at Ruby for challenging her. Mem pointed her finger at Ruby with a silly looking grin plastered across her lips.

"Yeah? You wanna go? Let's go!! C'mon!" Ruby runs out the door with Mem closely behind her.

"What about you Kana, are you gonna go with them?" You ask.

"No, probably not. I'm going to head home now. It's getting dark anyway. Bye [alias]." Kana left before you could say bye to her. From a distance you could hear her saying bye to Pieyon as well.

You're alone in the room as you sit in a corner and scroll through the apps on your phone. It's always the same thing again and again, art of you, food, videos of babies, art of the newest anime, true crime, the latest controversies, paparazzi photos of Akane, and school stuff on your separate account. It's all so much, maybe you should post something soon...

*Shit.

You run down stairs quickly only to find Pieyon taking his mask off. A pretty blonde head of hair popped out of the mask as he set it down. It was Aqua under there the whole time!

Oh.

Oh???

"Oh. Hi [name]." Aqua said, his face was sweaty and gross. That's what a mask does to someone, doesn't it? "I forgot you were still here."

"Eww!! I hate that, put your mask back on." You whine, covering Aqua's face with your hand from a distance, "I can't believe you did that stupid voice! You're such a loser!!" You laugh, "And I can't believe that you were the one to make me run all of that stupid shit!!!" You groan, flicking his forehead.

"You said you wanted to become an idol, this is how you do it." Aqua says softly, looking over at you. His hand was over his forehead. "Can I take your mask off?"

"Well if it's you then it's whatever." You sigh, his hand slipped your mask off carefully, grazing his fingers– barely touching your actual face before setting it down onto the table before you. You flinch at his touch and make a face before reverting back to your normal self. "I don't think I like this whole idol thing right now."

"Really? Why?"

"I want to say that I'm loving this whole setup, but I like it when group activities are like... how do I say this, I wish that I could be friends with all of them. And I know that the time will come, but as of now it just feels really uncomfortable. Like Ruby is obsessed with me for some reason, Kana just doesn't seem to like me that much, and Mem is– well actually nothing is wrong with Mem, she's cool."

"That's a lot." Aqua sighs, "Do you want me to talk to them about it or something?"

"No. That'll make me sound like a loser. Instead, I'll just... I'll just chill out or something, I'm sure that it'll be fine. Idol work is hard work, so I'll push through like the rest of them☆"

"Make sure that you take breaks though, you know it isn't going to be good for you if you don't." Aqua says, he puts his hand on your right arm in a gentle way. You backup a little with a smile across your lips.

"And how would you know that? ☆It's not like my heart's going to explode or something." You take your arm back from him as you say, giving him a look.

"Do you really know that?" Aqua asks, "It doesn't have a high chance of happening, but I'm sure someone like you with a genetic heart defect would take precautions, no?"

"..." You were taken aback that he remembered something so invaluable in everyday life about you, but you were grateful to some extent that he did, "What does it mean to you anyway? You aren't some sort of doctor or something! You're just a kid you like idols– and it's not like you're gonna give me a break from any exercises!!"

"True, maybe I'll need to train your heart more than the others, yeah? You and Ruby."

"That is so... stupid!! Aqua you aren't going to make me do anything."

"But that's how you can be a good idol, don't you want to make your fans happy?" He said menacingly, it's almost as if he was trying to test you.

"I already make my fans happy! In fact, just because I joined this group means that I can't stream or– or make any content for them all to consume!! [alias] is falling off right now!"

"Chill out, it's only been like one day." Aqua murmurs.

"One day is a lot!! But like... I guess it's fine. I can still try to make music and they'll eat it up..."

"I'm sure Matsuyo would be upset. He's a real big [alias] fan." He states sarcastically.

"And you aren't? Your sister seems to like me a lot!" You reply sarcastically to his comment as you cross your arms.

"I'm more of a [name] fan."

"..." Your face turned red as you bit your lip to not say anything else that he could counter and make you even more flustered- embarrassed. Yeah, embarrassed.

"...Weren't you supposed to go to the amusement park with Eruru today?"

"Oh shit! I totally forgot!! Okay, yeah. Thanks Aqua!!" You yell, running off to meet your friends. So that's why you came down here, you can't believe that you forgot about it so quickly. The time is 7:39 you're already 19 minutes late. You mentally beat yourself up as you call an uber your way to ride over to Wonderland, Eruru's place. You hurriedly type up a text to both Matsuyo and Eruru filled with apologies and lies on what you were doing before this.

You cover your face with your hands in the car ride as you think about what just happened. Did Aqua really need to say that? Did he even mean it or was he just trying to get high ground? Or was he just trying to catch your off guard? His words kept repeating in your head. That's it: you'll never let your guard drop around him. Hopefully.

˚⋆୨ ✶ ୧⋆˚

On Sunday, you and the girls met back at the studio. The silence was somewhat awkward. Kana was on her phone, trying her best to not think of anything related to B-Komachi it seems, Ruby and Memcho were looking back and forth at each other, whispering in each others ears every now and then while giggling, and you were staring at all three of them with an awkward smile plastered across your face. At some point, you started staring out at space.

Thankfully it wasn't for long because Ruby quickly broke the silence with Memcho at her side. "Okay! We decided who the leader should be." She smiled while Mem gave her the thumbs up. "It's going to be..."

"Kana Arima!" Mem and Ruby both shout out, pointing their fingers at the surprised girl. Her jaw was dropped, and so was the phone she was previously holding.

"WHAT??" Kana shouted, "There is NO way I'm going to be a leader for this... rookie group! It would make me look bad! And it's not like I'm like Mem and [alias], they all have a backup plan! I'm just some... erm... I don't have an agency or- or a fanbase that I could crawl back to if this whole plan falls backwards! This is just totally not going to work out in my favor! There's no way! Nononono, everythingisgoingtofailandand... What happened to you wanting to be the leader, Ruby?!"

"Well while we were out at karaoke, we saw some songs that had your name in it!" Ruby said, pointing to a picture on her phone.

"And then we searched it up on YouTube! And we saw such cute videos of your singing songs and some of them were actually pretty recent. Kana, you have such a great voice! So much better than me and Ruby!" Memcho says, clicking on one of the videos on Ruby's phone. The song started playing and before it got to a part where you could get a good listen to Kana's voice, Kana jumped and slapped the phone off of Ruby's hand.

"No! D-Don't listen to crap like that!!!" Kana screamed, "I- I thought I told you guys that I didn't want to be the leader!! Didn't I?"

"You did? I don't remember you saying anything like that~~"

"Noo!! I can't be the leader, I know nothing about being an idol! I never even liked idols to begin with, I think they're all phony and fake for keeping up an act all the time!"

"Hey! Don't disrespect other idols, we could get canceled for that you know! And you put on acts all the time, you're an actor. That's your job!" Ruby shouted back, picking up her phone from the floor and dusting it off.

"If it means anything, I think you're the most experienced out of all of us, Kana." You say, putting your hand on Kana's shoulder, "And I know this is all unexpected, but we all believe in you. You can do this!☆ You've been on a stage before, we haven't! If anyone, I think that it should go to you. We're all learning how to be idols after all." Kana looks at you with a smile as she takes a deep breath.

"And if you mess up, we'll be right behind you to pick you back up!" Ruby said, her left eye shined brightly, it almost outshined you!

"That's so totally right!" Mem agreed, nodding her head back and forth, "You'll be a terrific leader, and if anyone disagrees they'll have to answer to my fists!"

"I... I guess I could try being a leader. If I'm good enough, I'll be able to push the spotlight on you guys. Th-Thanks." Kana's smile drops as she closes her eyes. She said something that only you could hear, "If I'm good enough, or... if I'm the best leader then he'll be cheering for me. I'll be a bright star that he can look up to."

Kana likes someone? You didn't expect that, but you internally agree with her. Even if you do hate most things about being an idol, you wouldn't let B-Komachi crumble down. Hanae wouldn't like that, so neither would you.

-End of Looking So Gentle

Check out the other parts here! {CLICK ME}

#aliusworld #aqua x reader #aquamarine hoshino x reader #aqua x you #aqua x y/n #oshi no ko x reader #onk x reader #oshi no ko #aquamarine hoshino #akane kurokawa #aqua hoshino #akane kurokawa x reader #akane x reader

[mathyfurret]

>be me >pokemon showdown moderator, online but tabbed out watching yt >permalocked user pms me >"I find it funny how there are different rules for different people on this website. Back when I could chat if i said anything like that I got chat restricted etc. Yet yall will let people talk any kinda way to me. I will defend myself if people want to start drama with me." >check what he was permalocked for >repeatedly harassing battle opponents, last message was "You are nothing and will never be anything other than the big pile of steaming shit you've alwasy been. No one loves you and no one needs you in their life" >check what he reported >a guy said "U suck"

#pokemon showdown

[astraltrickster]

Less appreciated fact about smaller internet, though? Starting your own forum, or group on a website that does communities? making your own clone of any given open-source site or your own original project?

Major social media in the modern day demands Growth(TM). The aim is to appeal to as many people as possible, and alienate as few as possible. This ends up meaning that what kinds of rules can be set is...kinda bound by the Overton window, if you haven't hit some kind of too-big-to-fail escape velocity, and the sites that have (i.e., Twitter, Facebook, and the other mainstream behemoths)...don't, uh, don't tend to be run by people with the best interests of the public at heart.

Major social media also demands semi-automated moderation - it's the only way to keep up with the sheer volume being posted. Automated moderation shares all the same biases as the society that created its datasets, as well as usually being exploitable via report-spamming.

But if you're running a site where you just don't fucking care if your userbase never exceeds ~5,000? Hell, if even 200 sounds amazing to you? If you're running a site where you WANT it to stay small because you can't afford the hosting anymore, let alone potential legal expenses, if it expands too much?

Well, guess what! You don't have that pressure! You can set whatever rules you want! You can declare self-identifying with any given terf label or openly supporting the US Republican party to be an inherent violation of hate speech policy instead of just waiting for them to actively harass another user, and people can handwring and cry about it all they want - but unlike someone trying to Compete in the Market, it won't hurt your ability to keep running! It won't be all over the news and the papers that you've ~gone rogue~ and are ~silencing people~ and ~closing your doors to meaningful debate~ because the news doesn't care!

Of course, this is a mixed bag, as many such freedoms are. Have there been small webmasters who have abused this kind of power? Many! Have there been ones who have used it for good? Yep! Have there been sites whose collapses taught us a lot about what kinds of rules are stupid and unenforceable? You bet! Regardless, this is A Thing. You may enjoy taking advantage of it.

#internet culture #tech #serious tag #ish

[stackslip]

anyhow anon (i mean the first one, the vice video one, though for all i know i've been getting the same anon talking to me about this subject in the past weeks/months and if so good lord please just dm i cannot do anon messages i barely receive them half the time) sorry if my tone is so mean tonight, i've had a bad day and also i'm genuinely tired of a lot of these arguments bc as you've said yourself they're sourced from soundbites on twitter and don't actually want to delve deep into the subject bar a couple of videos and bad studies, often from the University of Jesus Christ Our Lord TM, and it's getting tiring. i am not doing all of this in the name of jacking off in peace, i *want* sexual violence rates to be greatly reduced and i *want* survivors of csa to be helped. it's part of why i'm so angry about this! for years i've seen friends and loved ones actively retraumatized by people for not being Good Victims, and i have never seen this attitude ever actually do anything for survivors--sometimes it would flat out make it worse, people harassing current victims of csa who would be writing dark stuff on their blog to process *ongoing abuse* and patting themselves on the back bc they chased them off the website and thus saved the children from the real problem--bad fanfiction. it is at most useless, at worst actively fucking harmful to survivors of sexual violence.

#rape tw #csa tw #eli talks

[headspace-hotel]

Tbf. Not saying that some vegans don’t get extremely gung-ho abt their choice to be vegan for no reason, but a large portion of defensiveness in a lot of vegans/vegetarians has to do with what appears to be a counter culture of people dedicated to ‘dunking’ on vegans, I.e by consuming all-meat diets, tricking them into eating meat, harassing them abt being vegan even if only stating ‘I’m vegan’ and not bothering anyone about it, etc. I mean, I myself am a vegetarian (autistic and cant stand the texture of meat) and I get a lot of unwarranted shit for it from people who think they have the right to like. Question me or bully me about it or try to engage me in debate about it. And I’ve never in my life preached abt the benefits of vegetarianism, just stating “I’m a vegetarian.” And nothing else is enough to warrant any of the above. Plus the shocking amount of assholes who try to sneak meat into my food lmfao- which has included waiters on occasion. So yea idk not to say that some vegans can’t be weirdly obsessed with their own choice to go vegan but it’s not like the defensiveness comes out of nowhere :P

No yeah people are absolute shit about respecting others' personal boundaries with food. It's like they don't even get that people can Actually Die if you make them eat something they shouldn't be, or at least get super sick.

I think if you've been vegan or vegetarian for a while eating meat again all of a sudden can make you super ill? That's a thing, right?

I've encountered a "carnivore" diet weirdo in the wild internets, and it was. Something. He invited people on his website to email him questions and I wanted so badly to just ask him "hey. how often do you poop"

There's also this...very weird thing where people see meat as associated with masculinity and plant-based substitutes as being emasculating? Which is so bizarre to me that I don't even know how I would start to talk someone down from that.

But, yeah. I think some of it is just like culturally we're horrible about consent and respecting boundaries about literally anything people do with their bodies

[gothicprep]

another thing related to my gripes about internet reporting from people who aren't all that committed to understanding this stuff: something can be morally repugnant and still mischaracterized. both things can be true, and as a journalist, you have a responsibility to be faithful to the truth, even when it's messy.

reporting on the kiwi farms is a good example of this. i won't deny that this website is purely degenerate – not in the maga way, in the way that normal people off the street would likely find the content there to be immorally cruel. but, as someone who's lurked it heavily over the past 6 odd years, the bulk of it is just extremely mean gossip. and i don't really understand where the "it targets trans people, especially trans poc" thing came from, given that most of the kiwi's lolcows are white, and the prevalence of transgender thread-havers rose relatively proportionally to more people coming out broadly. not all of the threads have dox info, and things get even more complicated when you look into the suicides that are allegedly connected to the forum.

julie terryberry is probably the strongest case you could make for kiwis playing a role in her suicide, given that she was aware of her thread and occasionally monitored it. but julie was already exhibiting a lot of suicidal actions and behaviors before she had a thread made about her. her family was incredibly negligent, she had a history of sexual abuse and was violent towards her peers in high school, she was in an abusive, turbulent relationship with a gambling addict ten years older than her, and she hung herself after it fell apart. i don't think the kiwis gawking at her proclivity to share all of this, publicly, on facebook of all places, helped. but having read through the thread, the bulk of the posts are something to the effect of "she really shouldn't be disclosing all of these gory details about her personal life online" and urging her against doing that. it's tragic beyond words for someone to be dead at 19. but, at least in my opinion, she was in a situation where everyone around her was opposed to intervening in a way that would have made a difference for her. when her grandmother threatened to kick her out, she looked for housing on fetlife of all places. some was really, really wrong from the beginning. if you've listened to the "last days of august" podcast, this interplay likely sounds familiar.

but because the website is down and has been wiped from internet archives, you can't look and see this for yourself, which is a bit concerning in its own right. there's a lot of revisionist history online, and wiping the archive of an alleged "terrorist website" (it's a shitty place, but it was never that) isn't helpful.

harassment is also baked into the infrastructure of the entire internet, which is a fact that people don't seem to want to acknowledge. the "main character of the day" on twitter applies neatly this. twitter doesn't have a lot of user growth, and its model is contingent on the existing base using the service as much as possible. trending topics facilitate incalculable harassment on a scale much larger than the kiwi farms were ever capable of. to me, this is much worse. it's also a problem without an easy solution. should the internet have more of a barrier of entry? should it be less centralized? if so, how would that be accomplished? the reality of all of this is that these questions are very difficult to answer, and a superficial understanding of the digital world doesn't make us more equipped to figure it out. if anything, it just neuters our ability to do so. "get rid of the Website Whom Is Bad, certainly this will solve all our problems."

[moosekateer13]

Chapter 9: Dear Reader

7 months later…

Nervous as hell is normal when you are in the throes of labour. Even more so with us since the photographer who shot our engagement shoot has been harassing us. From sending weird messages to where our friends work and to ours as well. We have filed a restraining order, but that has done little to deter him. What’s even worse is that he's gone off the grid. His website and social media have all disappeared.

Another contraction interrupts my thoughts. Finally, after hours of labour. It's time to push. Hearing him cry fills me with such relief.

 It's a sense of comfort to have him in my arms.

“He's finally here Y/N good job darling. He's handsome You've picked a bunch of names. Which ones have you decided on?.” Jared said.

“Thanks and I couldn't have done it without all your support. I've decided on Ciaran King Padalecki.” I replied with a smile.

Jared lights up with a smile as soon as hears I've given him his last name. We aren't married yet but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jared can sense my tiredness and leaves to grab some food while I get some rest. 

The sound of footsteps wakes me up from my slumber.

I already know it's not Jared because of the sound of them.

I'm greeted by a sinister pair of gray eyes. It's Zaros. He somehow slipped past security and was dressed in scrubs.

“Don't bother trying to call the nurse or doctor I disabled the button. You should have hired better security. I slipped in here so easily. Come with me or I'll hurt your kids.” Zaros said He is naturally calm.

I take a few breaths. We've been training in case something like this happens. I quickly press the button on my bracelet. 

Clif comes in a flash, easily pulling Zaros away from me. Jared was right behind Cliff and quickly came to my side and wrapped his arms around me. Tears of relief streamed down my cheek.  Finally, it's over.

I know we’ll never truly be free of drama since we are in the public eye but at least this one is over.

Chapter 10:

#Electric Touch #Jared Padalecki x reader #Former Jensen Ackles x reader #Former! Jeffery Dean Morgan x reader #supernatural fanfiction #moosekateer13 #Warnings: Angst #Smut #Mention of Breakup #Unrequited Love #Fluff #Shaming #Cyberbullying #Harrassment

[lilac-5ky]

To my dearest friend Mallory, aka @sugisyakult

enjoy the gifs and pics of your husband before I get soppy, teehee.

TW: SO CHEESY YOU CAN DIP NACHOS IN ME

I'm notoriously bad with showing my affection for others, but considering it's your birthday and birthdays are to be celebrated as the day a favorite person came into this world, I felt the need to share a few of my thoughts.

We met on this godforsaken website close-ish to a year ago. You were the first person I probably approached in my entire life, and I can hardly believe it was due to me breaking down about my obsession on our then (WE DON'T TALK ABOUT MY BETRAYAL) shared husband.

We might have gotten together because of Shinsuke, but the reason we stuck together was due to all the things we shared, trauma-bonded over, and loved together. It's a shame that there are limitations to the amount of memories we can share, but I appreciate our bond and friendship all the same, because to me you are more than a girl I happened to meet online and fangirl with.

You are someone who told me I was normal, even if my normal was a different kind from others. You helped me feel at peace with myself, and my feelings, and my irrational obsessions, and you've been more of a friend to me than people I've known my entire life. You are more than an internet friend. You are a comrade, a partner in crime, a shoulder to lean on, a therapist, an attorney, and a warm hug all in one.

For a long while I felt like I'd never say those words about another person again, but truly, you are my best friend, and I love you for it.

I'm sorry for leaning heavily on me and my feelings for this post, but you know me, selfish conceited bastard alert hah. And I was hoping to write you a small Shinsuke thing, but I failed since swamped ;-; YOU ARE THE BETTER FRIEND HERE SOMEHOW OKAY.

Still, I hope your birthday is wonderful, and the days that come after are even more wonderful, and that one day, you can find your own Shinsuke who will love you as much as you love our fictional husband. (he'd better or else remind him i can kick ass)

That'd be all! Let's pretend like the following picture is Gin blowing the candles on Shinsuke's cake and not harassing him like he always does.

#yayyyy bestie's bday #woooo idk how to tag this #haaaaaah i tried my best