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iluvmatt · 1 year

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new plans, m.s

chapter nine, i think i love you synopsis: coming home for the holidays has its perks; you get to see your childhood best friends again, you get to spend the holidays with the people you’ve always loved, and the list goes on. of course, it also had its cons— you have to face your best friend, matt, the one that you’re madly in love with and have been in love with since you were merely thirteen. little do you know, though, that he’s dealing with the same mixed emotions of you and the holidays; biting his nails as he waits for you to knock on his front door.

you clicked off your phone and continued walking home, ignoring the fear that you felt at the bottom of your stomach as you walked away from the party. you were by yourself and when you walked in the dark when you were home, you always had one of the boys with you. usually, it was chris, mainly due to the fact that he wanted to make sure you were safe and because he knew you guys would go into the convenience store to get snacks before heading home. college was a different story, though, as you always had something to protect you, yet now— you didn’t.

you were always paranoid about these situations, but the anger towards matt seemed to distract you from completely flipping out. your heart couldn’t handle the pain, in a sense. you had never left a boy so close, let alone the boy being one of your best friends, and you couldn’t stand yourself for putting you in this position.

matt was your person; he helped you when things felt like they were crashing down; he made things stable. he made it feel like things were going to get better, with time, at least. he always reminded you how it was okay to make mistakes and that no matter what, you're human. no amount of failures could make you less of a human; they only make you stronger. there was no doubt on how much you love him, but your heart was thumping within your chest— a simple beg, a plea to get you to let him go.

your brain was full of him— from the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs and the way he looks at the things he loves to the way he makes your heart ache and break, and the way that you would let him over and over again just to have him.

you were snapped out of your thoughts by the sound of wheels and a voice yelling: “y/n! y/n! it’s me chris!” followed by a “please don’t turn around and beat my ass.”

you turned around and looked at him, a sigh escaping your lips as the tousle-haired boy looked at you with a small smile. you should have known that telling him and nick not to worry would only make them worry more, which would make one of them chase after you. they loved you, dearly, and they would do anything to make sure you were happy.

“i’m going to be so for real though,” chris began, a small chuckle coming from him before he spoke up once more, “i did steal this bike from the front yard, and i have no idea who owns it.”

you look at him, trying to keep a straight face that expressed your upset toward the situation with matt, yet, you couldn’t help but laugh at the boy in front of you. his hair was all over the place and his cheeks were flushed pink from the wind. you wondered how you were so lucky to have such beautiful friends.

“you didn’t have to come looking for me, you know,” you said, making eye contact with chris with a small smile on your face. you were still thinking about the bike, and your eyes darted down towards it before chris could reply.

“i know,” said chris, smiling with his eyes, “but i found matt and i talked to him.”

there it was. your heart was in your throat and you couldn’t breathe; you knew there would be a catch, and that catch would be matthew. you wanted to yell at him, to explain that he hurt you immensely because of the situation you were now in. at the same time, though, you wanted to hug him— to never let go and to forget about this rough moment, to enjoy the time you get to spend at home happily without pain.

yet, she was on your mind as well. matt’s smile, the hands— oh, you felt as if you were going to be sick at the thought of seeing matt like that when he was supposed to be with you. the girl was so beautiful, too, and you couldn’t help but feel inferior; to look at her in those few seconds and wish you were like her in some way or another.

you kept blankly staring at chris, unable to find the words to say to him, “i really think it’ll be good for you, y/n. you both need to talk this shit out, and i want you to see it from his perspective, the same way that he wants to see it from yours.”

“you’re so lucky that i love you and nick,” you said softly, walking behind chris to get on the bike. he took the helmet off and gave it to you, as he wanted you to be the safe one as he peddled through the quiet streets.

“you know it’s not for us,” chris said, turning to look at you as he got a glimmer of the love in your eyes— the love for matt. the love for the boy who you have been in love with since the beginning of everything. although you might not express it; your eyes told more than your lips. he knew you wanted to talk to matt, to talk things out and to clear the air— to get the explanation, the closure in some way or another, that you needed to move on.

“it’s for you. only you.” he finished, before putting his feet on the pedals and pushing you back to the house party. you enjoyed the scenery as you held onto chris, looking up occasionally to the moon as it followed you through the streets. you and chris didn’t talk much, but you two never had to, it was always comfortable in any environment.

soon, you were hopping off the bike and waiting for chris to throw it in the yard for the owner to come back to it later. will they find their bike nowhere close to where they put it? absolutely, but to chris, that wasn’t even slightly important. the only thing important to him was you getting inside and talking things out with matt.

grabbing you by the hand, chris pulled you into the house and past the sofas, into the back inclosed porch where nick, matt, and a few other friends sat on an old set of furniture. you saw the light in nick’s eyes as he looked up at you and immense guilt overwhelmed you, thinking of those text conversations between the two of you.

your heart was pounding when you looked to the corner and saw matt, shyly looking at you, as if he knew that he messed up. you hadn’t been on your phone since you last texted chris and nick, as you turned it off. you didn’t want to be bothered; you didn’t want to feel the pain that was erupting within your heart. with that, you never gave matt an explanation. that was to nick, mostly, as chris ran to go and find you. you talked to everyone except matt.

it didn’t take long until you got courage to talk to him, as soon as you walked entirely through the door, you made your way over to him. you held your hand out, in hopes that he would grab it and the two of you would walk out of the room and talk about whatever just happened.

yes, you were upset; your heart ached so badly at the thought of earlier, at the thought of the other girl, at the entire situation that was at hand. yet, chris came back for you, to tell you that you can fix whatever happened, that it was entirely a misunderstanding. deep down, no matter how upset you were with him, you knew that matt would have come after you, he was just too confused to know what was going on.

matt took your hand and stood up, slowly walking behind you as you dragged him out of the room. his friends smiled at him widely, as did chris and nick, hoping that things would be explained— hoping that at the end of the day, you two would be together.

matt couldn’t think about anything except how warm your hands were, about how soft your skin was, and how pretty you were with your hair tousled by the wind. he also couldn’t stop thinking about how you smelled like strawberry perfume, and just how beautiful you looked under the party lights.

you dragged matt around the house until you found an empty room, after walking into four odd situations in the process. once you opened the door, you pulled matt in and closed the door softly behind you.

finally, you looked up at him to see his soft ocean blue eyes staring down at you,— full of confusion, full of admiration, and a part of you thought that there was a small sparkle of love mixed within his orbs as well. you shrugged your shoulders at the quick thought, although it never left your mind. not at all.

matt was the very first one to speak after you spent a second or two staring back at one another: “what happened earlier?” he questioned.

“that girl—,” you began, trembling a little, only at the mere thought of talking to matt since the situation earlier. he’s the only person in the world who could make you forget how to speak just by being in his presence.

“she came up to you, and she grabbed your hand and you—, well, you held her hand back.” you continued, “and i know that sounds absolutely crazy that i got upset with that, and i know that, matt. it’s just hard to see the person you love holding hands with someone else, as soon as you walk back into the room. i didn’t know who she was, hell, i didn’t even know what was happening. instead of standing there and waiting for an explanation, i left. i couldn’t handle all of those feelings at once.”

matt looked at you, softly smiling before he leaned in closer and reached up to caress your cheeks. you couldn’t breathe at the closeness; even when wrestling with him as a kid, your faces had never been this close to one another. you felt your stomach spinning, your heart at your feet, and you didn’t know what to do except look at him in awe.

“that was a friend from my old job,” he laughed as he move to press his forehead against yours, “i only grabbed her hand back because we used to be close. nothing like a relationship, though. she’s been with the same guy for over five years. plus, i wouldn’t want to be with anyone who isn’t you.”

oh, did your heart fall further to the ground. you never gave him time to explain earlier, and maybe if you did, you wouldn’t have been in such a position to where you would have been so upset. you couldn’t help but think that things could have been completely different had you stayed and asked him later on throughout the night. yet, you always thought of the worst first in any situation because that’s how life was previously, before matt was something more than your best friend. but matt isn’t like the past. matt is the present, and to you, matt is the future.

“now that the air is clear,” said matt, a goofy smile now plastered across his face and still holding onto yours, “can i kiss you?”

you whispered a soft ‘yes,’ and as soon as that one special word was spoken, his lips were connected to yours, a soft kiss that you felt as if you waited your entire life for. his thumb caressed your cheek, still, as he kissed you, a reassurance; a soft ‘i’m never leaving you, not now, not ever.’

he waited for you just as long as you waited for him—maybe even more— and a simple misunderstanding wasn’t going to keep him from you. he wanted to be with you more than anything, and he waited for this moment forever. he waited to be this close to you; to show you in a different way just how much he liked you, how much he wanted to be with you, because he believed that there weren’t enough words in the english dictionary to describe what he felt for you.

what he felt for you was beyond like; the boy loved you, more than anything within the world. he knew, too, that you loved him just the same. he knew that you have loved him forever, and his heart promised to love you for even longer.

“i’m absolutely crazy about you, matt.” you spoke, “i’ve been crazy about you for years, and i’ve only ever wanted you to look at me the same.”

you moved to intertwine your hands with his, a small blush creeping across your face to which he smiled widely. he loved listening to you talk, and there you were, talking to him about how much you liked him; how you truly felt and have held in forever. just the thought of you feeling the same way about him made his heart erupt into a rapid beat. oh god, he was in love.

“i’m in love with you too, y/n,” he spoke, a giggle escaping both of your lips at his confession, “and i don’t just want to be your friend anymore.”

your heart skipped a beat at his words, “then, what do you want to be?” you questioned, looking at him with a small smirk, knowing exactly what you wanted him to say.

“i want to be your boy—,” he stopped himself as he felt his own face heat up. after all of the confidence he got tonight, he was a flustered mess at the thought of asking you to be his girlfriend. he cleared his throat, trying to distract himself from how flustered he was, and spoke up once more, “i want to be your boyfriend.”

you could feel your cheeks heat up more; you wanted more than anything to be his girlfriend, ever since you were thirteen and playing video games together with nick and chris. you wanted to be his girlfriend since he pushed you on swings at the playground, and since he held your hand in terror mazes so you weren’t scared. there has never been a moment where you didn’t want to be his.

“good, matthew, because i want to be your girlfriend.”

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