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kurooskorner · 4 years

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among us w/ the bakusquad boys!

i love this game SO much that's literally why I wrote this hehe! this includes bakugou, kiri, and denki!!

bakugou

he hosts the game like 99.9% of the time because the others are just so "incapable" of hosting so they force him to do it

absolutely HATES not getting imposter like he wants to kill and sabotage same cause it's pretty fun

however if he isn't an imposter he will call emergency meetings to tell others to DO THEIR TASKS! so that they can win the game

always plays as black idc what anyone says thats HIS color don't even think about taking it from him!

umm when I think about what hates he would choose nothing pops into my mind so I'll let y'all decide!

here's where it gets ✨fun✨ hehe

when bakugou IS an impostor this dude will be so suave about it, kills sero then blames denki and everyone is like yes vote out denki

and denki is just like ?? I LITERALLY SAW HIM KILL SERO GUYS PLEASE- and everyone is like you're lying

he kills off people randomly and he will do it with others around too and like NO ONE will notice

will kill you then vent away like nothing happened

when people suspect him he gets super defensive and it always leads him to rage

back to him NOT being the imposter, if he's killed omfg be ready to fight because he will be very angry rip denki

overall 7/10 player

Kirishima

sticks with bakugou all the time, even when he is the impostor

doesn't kill mina or jirou cause it's not "manly"

if he's NOT the impostor he won't throw a fit like someone 👁👁 baku nvm

does all his tasks because he's a good boy!

always plays as red and has the cute little leaves on his player

reports dead bodies whenever he sees them because ouch my fallen brother

HOWEVER if he IS an impostor whew you're in for a wild ride

the only one who isn't afraid to kill bakugou besides denki

likes to sabotage the most random shit

won't kill everyone cause he just wants to have fun

organized dance parties with the squad B)

like I said he follows bakugou around so if he does end up killing him people automatically suspect him because 1) you're with him 24/7 and 2) no one else would kill him tf

i can see him talking his way out of being voted out

"you killed bakugou when the lights went out!"

"no no!! sero was near us it was definitely him! I wouldn't kill bakugou that's not manly!"

overall 8.5/10 player :)

Denki

now ik I've made it seem like he's bad at the game but truly he isn't

honestly fools everyone all the time

"i saw bakugou vent guys" but he really didn't and it was actually denki

answers in the WEIRDEST way when accused of things

"oi i think the stupid spark is the impostor" - bakuhoe

"hmm interesting" - denki

does his tasks but always forgets to at least do one

calls emergency meetings because he misses his friends and feels lonely

when he finds a dead body he waits to report it cause "gotta pay respects for his fallen bro"

probably kills jirou and goes into the chat like "who killed my gf :(" yes they're dating shush

he's lowkey super slick with killing lmaooo

if he isn't the impostor he will 99.9% of the time figure out who it is

im telling y'all he's a big brain when he needs to be!

plays as yellow ofc w/ a cute devil horns and most definitely has a smaller yellow him with him hehe

overall he is a 9/10

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unravelling-the-world · 3 years

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random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie. back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time. i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

#long post #hinatalks #we live in a society #fr fr #when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it #i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to

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cocona · 4 years

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anyway im back here again cos apparently idk what a diary is nor what a private acc is n i dnt want a character limit to say whats on my chest so.

i feel guilty for trying to take my life bcos dealing with the aftermath is a hassle n now my parents have to pay disgusting amounts of money bcos i decided to get shitfaced w porto n xanax at 8am before class n fainted on the bus n almost smashed my skull here n there. n bcos im gross like that the dizziness made me feel so good it was enjoyable to sit on the floor waiting for an ambulance. when they asked me what had happened to me, i was so dazed i started crying n then said i had taken a lot of pills ! which i had. but i didnt mention the alcohol cos i hadnt taken enough for it to be noticeable. barely three gulps. im not even a heavy drinker or whatever n at that point i rlly just wanted to faint or die or sth in between n i didnt achieve any of those. i just rlly . existed n floated until i got admitted in the hospital n put on these robes and started crying a lot cos it all fell on my head. i’d be living monitored. i’d be living. and also, now my parents had to deal with me going to the hospital for the second time in less than a week cos i cant keep my hands off prescription pills. the therapists there kept saying i was banalising it too much n that trying to kill yourself isnt light. but ik that and it’s not because they tell me that i’ll feel any less numb. idc ! hm . idk why im writing this. because im idealising abt passing away again and i feel the need to say it somewhere. the semester is starting in three weeks and id like to be positive about it n hope for the best n start living like a normal college student but already i feel waves of heat all over n my palms are sweating n im starting to feel what i see and see what i feel. it’s so bad . weird ass symptoms i cant explain but that are due to anxiety n dissociation n their weird crossovers. it’s seven in the morning and i havent slept all day. i could easily stay awake until i complete a 24h shift and then clock out for five days. the only reason why i dont try anything dangerous is because i dont want my parents to feel like i cant be trusted just bcos i have wild tendencies. lately ive been afraid of becoming addicted to things because i keep watching things abt them. id never smoke to the point where id be a stoner and id never become an mdma addict but it seems that any form of escape would soothe me greatly. i take engagements that lead nowhere. the director of uni said that he felt like i wasnt there seriously. i am not indeed. i am but a soul trying to leave bcos it’s too much. im tired as hell and i dnt even want to wait for a walk in to take over, i just want to end it all. but at the same time i accepted to go back this semester so my parents wouldnt worry, so i wouldnt be bored, and so tht if i was supposed to meet my soulmate @ uni i dnt miss them. these are laughable reasons but theyre reasons nonetheless. everyone has their ways of coping and finding motivation i suppose. i feel embarrassed to write things for everyone to see but i think only i will be reading this later. listening to sad songs does help to get in a certain headspace. i dont want to sleep because then i wont have these songs. im scared of losing everything else but what i want to lose. i wish i had a valid reason to take time off without having to pay back my scholarship and without feeling like im wasting the resources of medical institutions and professionals. bcos what is there about me. what even is wrong with me. why do i feel so bad ! why do i feel so bad, nothing has ever happened to me and yet i feel stressed and sad n like trash and i want to die but also i have massive ego boosts n im embarrassed n blush a lot . why am i like this. these days ive been asking myself if it’s normal to be still single when ure a wlw n ure 17 but i suppose that since we’re repressed it’s normal. i suppose that since the first girls i ever kissed were my sister then my best friend it’s normal id feel gross about my sexuality. i suppose that after men liberally rubbing their hands on my thighs n boys making fun of my misshaped body through all of my school years it’s only normal that id hate my body. disgust is a common theme, alongside disease and vomiting. things like that. i wish i had a clear image of my duty and role here. all i feel is pain. what am i even here for. i feel like i broke so many rules and that in a sense i cant be saved anyway. i just want to feel loved and useful and like i fit in for once. im tired of saying i like being alone because im too anxious to open up and too timid and used to being talked to first that idk when to stop talking and when i reveal information abt me thats not normal to be revealed in regular human interactions. i want to keep living so that there will be a book with my name with hundreds of unsent letters. perhaps ppl will relate to this later as well. heartache is normal. but why dont i get any precise diagnosis and why am i still doing so bad even after all this time... im tired of being angry and embarrassed and sad and aggressive and disgusted n feeling worthless and useless... give me a purpose.... or give me the tools to leave calmly and quietly... with no loud movements !

#general tw ig #dnt rb #uhm tw suicide anxiety depression hospitals medication drugs alcohol school assault #ig #idk i forgot how to tag tws

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crisshowell · 6 years

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Noah fence but I'll stop treating Dan as a joke the moment he stops treating Phil and us as a joke. He brings this to himself tbh. He jokingly brings Phil down all the time, he teases our feelings and will gladly call us trash. Idc as long as i can joke back and say i hate him even though deep down ik he loves phil, us and we love him. I'm not gonna be the one to be like "yes yes daniel im trash indeed and i cried when you made me anxious af, ik, but ilysm you're the best person in the world1

i don’t think i have any saying in the way dan interacts with phil because they’ve been best friends for years and they know their own limits and how far they can go with each other, they have years of friendship behind that i’m sure taught them how much the other person can take and when to stop, so i personally could say that i wouldn’t like if my best friend joked a certain way with me, which i don’t and which is why personally i have a different relationship with my best friend, but not everyone is like that, a lot of best friends genuinely just joke around each other more like dan and phil do and, if they are both comfortable with it, then they can do whatever they want, phil probably perceives dan’s joking differently and not as offensive as we may do, and again, they are best friends of years so they know each other well enough and know each other’s limits. you can’t compare a personal relationship like that to the one of dan and his millions of viewers, because it’s literally 1 man and tons of people who watch him and comment the things he says and does. the dynamics change in that case. it’s literally one person reading a stream of comments sent his way, not from his best friend but from strangers on the internet. i’m not saying that we shouldn’t joke with him, of course joking is normal and obviously we shouldn’t just say i love you to dan all the time and never make jokes and stuff, i do that too tbh, i often tag posts about dan jokingly, i love that we can be like that with him. i’m not saying NEVER JOKE WITH DAN EVER HE’S A SMOL BEAN THAT CAN’T BE TOUCHED UWU!!1 what i’m saying is that i’m tired of people taking it too far, to the point that their only interaction with dan is to be fake mean, or just sarcastically lowkey (or highkey) insulting him with the excuse that “im just joking lmao” all the time, to the point where dan reads 1 positive comment in the chat of his liveshow and he smiles so big because to him is almost a new experience being told nice things, instead of the usual comments of people joking at him 24/7… and i just find it tiring? like? do you not find it tiring the idea of constantly joke like that? yes, it’s fun to joke, but to a certain extent, not all the fucking time, i mean, dan enjoys joking with his audience like as if he’d do between friends and that’s great!! but all im saying is to not take it too far, or taking it as an OK sign that you can say whatever you want to him since he is in on the joke. and if dan jokes the way he does with us, is because his audience jokes the same way at him, so the only way to escape this loop of being constantly sarcastic joking lowkey mean to one another is to maybe start doing it less yourself, that way dan will also maybe do it less back at us. i can’t control what dan says, and i can’t control what his viewers say at him, im just really done with this whole concept that’s been going on for way too long, it’s tiring

#anon #message #long post

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