#I've been TRYING hard okay

[kowabungadoodles]

dumping some thoughts in the tags

#I've been TRYING hard okay #I've been trying to buy better clothes from smaller shops #but when they arrive it turns out they're cheap polyester drop ship crap #I've been trying to get more involved in the queer community and be more of a person #but the online zoom meetings were uncomfortable #the discord transmasc voice class went badly because I didn't understand how to use the bot #I booked a queer film night for me and my partner but it turned out to be creepy and churchy so we dropped out #I've signed up to steward pride we'll see how that goes #I went to a protest but it rained a lot so I only stayed for half #I've been trying to use amazon less but every time I go around my small local stores they don't have any of the stuff I'm looking for #I'm trying to be more myself and be more brave but my binders don't fit and I can't use a sewing machine #and every time I speak to a stranger or a colleague my voice goes up #I'm trying to work out more and eat less but I'm so tired #I'm trying to boycott and buy slave-free and say no to Ai and to genocide and to tiktok and disney and nestle and spotify #Telling myself I have food at home and to stop scrolling reddit and got get more sleep and to call my friends #All this therapy all these good choices all this work and so little to show for it some days #I am going back to fucking bed

[triaelf9]

Yeah yeah, I know she sat down in a super cool/hot way way back when & I took too long on this, and we STILL don't know how she is and yes I'm STILL worried about her but *slams hands on table* 

 I 📢MISS 📢RYN📢 😭😭💔💔

#planerider ryn #Critical Role #Critical Role Art #Critical Role Fanart #Tria Critter Stuff #look she is just TOO COOL #and I've been trying to finish this but it's been HARD OKAY #and yes belts are sexy

[zivaninja]

the thing that hit me the hardest on ted lasso this week is colin's reaction from when isaac walks in at half-time to when he stands up and says isaac isn't gay.

the shifty eyes, the breathing, not saying anything when Sam asks if he knows whats up because he can't speak. Billy Harris fucking nailed it

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #colin hughes #the special kind of panic when people are talking about a secret they don't know you have #and you just don't want anyone to look too closely at you #but you have to act like this isn't bothering you at all so you try so hard to act okay #man alive that scene floored me #I was caught between panic and recognising that panic in colin #I can't fully explain why it hit me so hard but man... bh where do you want your award #truly gonna be stuck on this episode for a long while #ruined me because I've been in that state of panic #I just love colin and this team so much #thank you bh and js for causing me absolute emotional fucking damage 💕 #oh and the look trent gives to colin when van damme asks what the fuck it was all about #absolute damage

[youareinacomawakeup]

Sora and Riku are SO...

Soriku is an emotion all its own for me. I can't describe it. Like shipping something is a feeling, yeah? Like it's dopamine, it's serotonin, it's "I like this. Looking at them together makes me feel the Good Feeling."

But I can't describe the way Sora and Riku are...unique to that for me. It's this unique concoction of brain chemicals I can't put a name to. Nothing else feels like them. When they're in my brain, when they curl up and make a home there, it's just...completely indescribable. It just... I don't know, guys, I don't KNOW.

It's like-- Okay, as a writer, inspiration is also a unique emotion. It's not just "oh i had an idea" it's just this sudden flooding of "Oh, I can do anything." A passion, but different.

Soriku is also a unique emotion, something I struggle to articulate. It's like trying to describe the flavor of something in a way that other people can taste it in their mouths just by hearing it.

It's secondhand love, it's home, it's adoration, it's safety, and I know how fucking insane this is coming across, like true obsession, but even saying "I'm addicted, it's a drug," seems too goddamn shallow for what this feeling is. It's not enough.

It's just...them.

#soriku #complete insane rambling #i just have feelings okay #god i wanna write a soriku fanfic now #but i have this huge list of unfinished works i've been trying so hard for the last year to file down #i'm almost finished with two of them #and i want to go back to working on noah after they're done #but i love these boys so much and i think maybe i should change the fact that i've never published any of my fics for them #and the last time i wrote one was like seven years ago minimum #so like no you're not getting any of my old stuff #that's staying in the trunk where it belongs #if i'm gonna write a soriku fic it's gonna be the one i came up with an idea for like a month ago

[gideonisms]

No don't make every basic life task nearly impossible to accomplish yuor so sexy aha

#am i going crazy or is everything way too hard all the time #it's so dumb it's like. i've been trying to do my laundry for 2 days washers full every day #i can't keep my apartment from smelling no matter how much room spray i buy because my neighbors smoke like. #i have to hassle people into completing the hiring process THEY initiated???? like???? #look getting up the brainpower to accomplish anything through my whole. deal is difficult already but #i am struggling for basic hygeine here!!!!!! why!!!! !!!!!! #guess i'll go die in a ditch smelly and stinky then!!!!!!!! #clean underwear?? that is for people who are really on that grind (washing it in their bathtubs) i fucking guess!!!!!!!!! #okay mercymorn moment over but i'm on my period and i want to throw a massive fit!!!! #anyway #jesus

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Lincoln and Grant eventually having a very emotional and much needed talk over the speaking stones do you see my vision?

Lincoln who is so hurt and betrayed that he can't even bear to look at his dad right now, who *needs* space, but who loves his dad (the fucking poeticism of that nat 20 babeeey) and keeps the stone with him as a compromise, for when he's ready, as a show of love in and of itself, that he's still his dad's baby, eventually choosing to give him another chance.

Grant who loves his son more than anything in the world, but who can no longer avert his gaze and speak in half-truths and jump off of (cat)buses. Grant who *needs* to prove that he can confront himself and talk about his pain and his shame and his mistakes and try for his son's sake if not for his own to love himself and see himself as something other than broken and beyond repair. Grant who's last chance is stripped of all possibilities of escape and now he can only talk. But maybe it's easier this way for him too. To not have to look at the child he tried so painfully hard but ultimately failed to protect as his heart unravels, to pretend that he is alone with his thoughts rather than speaking to someone, to let the tears fall down his face without having to be seen.

#well at the very least I see my vision lol #it's sad Wilson hours what can I say I'm so worried about them #lincoln li wilson #grant wilson #dndads #dndads spoilers #dungeons and daddies #dndads s2 ep 38 #spoilers #are you okay baba you haven't touched your speaking stone #I'M FINE I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM #no I've been a bit frustrated cause I have a big thing I've been trying to write about Lincoln and to a slightly lesser degree Grant #and perhaps the Wilsons more generally #but it's been hard to get to for some reason #but all that is on the past and the present #I really don't know what's going to happen with them #I've felt for a long while that their relationship would be the most difficult one to repair #definitely still feel that way oh yes all the more so now #but fuck I want so badly for them to get through it

[mooodyblue]

so sorry for disappearing :( i miss yall lots. i open tumblr every day and think ill finally reply to people and reply to asks but then i just don't do it. i feel bad that i always have to come here and apologize (even though i know i shouldn't have to or feel the need to) and i always feel like im being down 24/7 /:

truthfully i stepped away because my depression has been at it's worst and everything is beginning to feel like a chore and i don't want to bring that energy here at all :(

i miss you guys and i'm going to try and get my shit together soon and reply to everyone. hope everyone is well ❤️

#ive been mostly on twt tbh #but yea #im sorry guys #im just like #not okay #this has been a very bad month #and life is very overwhelming and im overwhelmed and tired and just #im trying so hard #everything fr just crashed all at once tonight and i felt like i should come say smth tonight lol #i really need to come back and write but it's not making me feel better #i've also been busy trying to find online work because i have no money and nobody is taking me #there's just #so much going on #between money issues and me being soooooooo lonely that it's eating away at me i'm just dusbsjsshxjsj #anyway #idk if im gonna post again after this for a hot min i kinda wanna wait till march #we'll see

[moonchild-in-blue]

Someone yell at me to pick up my cameras and start shooting again. I miss it so much.

#i've got the Big Sad okay? i want to go out there but it's harddd #i have a few rolls i need to get to the lab - will try to organise myself to go there by the end of the month #maybe once i get the scans i'll feel motivated enough #also i should just revamp my old blog. thinking of a hard reset and just reupload my stuff again #good thing the weather is starting to get a little bit better. cus i've been dying to get some nice light shots but the rain :/ #darya talks to herself

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

you can still be physically nonhuman if you were awakened to your identity through the internet (like me!)

You can still be physically nonhuman if it takes you a long time to shift

You can still be physically nonhuman if you always knew since you were young

You can still be physically nonhuman if you don't know why you shift or how it works

You can still be physically nonhuman if you believe that there is no way to logically explain your shifts

You can still be physically nonhuman if you believe you cannot change your form from human

You can still be physically nonhuman if you are growing limbs of your creature

You can still be physically nonhuman if you want to look like a hybrid between nonhuman and human

You can still be physically nonhuman if you figure out you are clinical/delusional. (I don't know too much about being clinical so sorry!)

You can still be physically nonhuman if you believe in p-shifting

You can STILL be physically nonhuman if you have multiple different creatures/species

You can still be physically nonhuman if you are a therian, or otherkin

Do what you want forever people!! They are just labels!! There is no set guidelines to be physically nonhuman, do what feels right to you and embrace it!

#physically nonhuman #nonhuman #p-shift #obviously I'm not saying be an asshole online about it #this is a positivity post #because I know being physically nonhuman can feel like everyone wants to invalidate you and your experiences #especially if you came from the shapeshifting community into a larger place on the internet where nobody believes it at all #I've also been mourning slightly how the shapeshifting community is dying off #I feel like less and less people understand what I mean and I feel alone lol #and if they do #most of the time they are complete assholes and give zero fucks about your opinion #I'm so tired lol #of the hatred and trying to make guidelines on how to be physically nonhuman #just saw someone recently who accepts p-shifters #BUT they have to be this and that and whatever #ugh #mountain lion.txt #nonhuman community #non human #like it's not that hard to go “okay you believe that and went through that” #“that's pretty cool tell me more” #maybe I'm being a hypocrite idk #I know the shapeshifting community has such a horrible reputation #wish it didn't though #but I understand why #I've seen enough to know the manipulation and abuse people went through because of p-shifting #okay enough rambling in the tags

[ratthumbsup]

in many ways starting a new job is the it's so over/we're so back meme.

#it was the scariest thing in the entire world. and then i was like ohhh okay i get it. #and now it's SCARY again 😧 #i'm doing things by myself and talking in meetings now but what if i'm doing a terrible awful job and everyone thinks i'm stupid.... #i have to talk in meetings with really high level scary people who are IMPOSSIBLE to read 😭 #and i definitely could've done a BETTER job today. augh #trying hard not to stress about it but :( #i'm a month and one day in #and i think i'm just experiencing what it is to have a new job. but i don't like it. ESPECIALLY because i've been burned so many times 😭 #but it's so fucked i'm not as competent and comfortable one month into this job as i was 2 years into my last job. you know. #like i'm sure it'll get easier in many ways. but 👎 #personal

[copper-skulls]

hold your skeleton gently

#been really hard to focus today bcs Body Hurts so I've been aimlessly doodling #finished the sketchbook. this is like the only one from that I like hfaskj #grillster #grillby #gaster #rough #undertale #fanart #traditional art #okay it wasn't completely aimless. i was trying to figure out stuff I'll be drawing in september. but it devolved into my usual nonsense

[sophieswundergarten]

So. Everyone who yelled at me yesterday for making a ramble on Reynie going blank and then not resolving it, this is for you: (@lemondropletters, you have been tagged)

Also, it's in a Google Doc because it was definitely too long for a Tumblr post, and ~~I don't know how AO3 works~~

The (vague) premise is that, instead of Constance seeing Curtain's broadcast, they all get to the compound mentally sound, but once there, they split up to look for Mr. Benedict, and instead Reynie finds Curtain. This is the wrap up of what would have happened in the last episode.

#I'm sorry if it's also garbage #My brain hasn't been letting me sleep the last two days so I've just been working on this #And also I've never tried writing fic before so it is highly likely to be bad #But it was certainly a fun experience! #I was like “Oh I'll just rewrite that first post in this new format and then add the notes I had in my drafts” #And from there it somehow spiraled into a five and a half thousand word mess #But I think I learned some things! #And I'm sorry Miss Perumal isn't more help I got caught up in the emotion and I just really wanted the kids to work it out themselves #Especially since Reynie is normally the driving force for those kinds of solutions #But without him it took a lot longer than I expected #Also be warned I use a lot more em dashes then I think I'm supposed to #And I was trying the technique of mostly using the adult's formal names since the main perspective is the kids' #But the point is that I did it. I tried. #And if it's terrible then I will just never do it again #I'm sorry I didn't know how to end it so it's kind of vague and abrupt #I hope it's fairly in-character I tried really hard but messing up character voices terrifies me which is why I've never tried this before #I am genuinely so sorry if this is hot garbage it certainly feels like garbage #Okay shutting up now. Again my apologies #the mysterious benedict society #mbs #reynie muldoon #kate wetherall #sticky washington #constance contraire #miss perumal

[bunnyb34r]

I wish my brain would let me play video games again without a care

Now I'm like "no I can't bc I'm wasting my precious free time. I can't reason using my day off to play video games when I could be using that time to do literally anything else" like fucking come on

#marquilla #and i work part time! so i theoretically have a shitload of time to do this but i dont think I've even turned on any of my games since i #started working like i used to spend my nights playing animal crossing until the early morning hours and now im like noo i cant sorry #same with watching tv series like no sorry i have to watch the same two channels every day bc they keep me on track time wise #like oh medium is on? it's 11am. oh bbc world news tonight is on? it's 7:30pm LIKE BITCH YOU CAN ENJOY THINGS YOU DONT NEED TO BE #ON A SCHEDULE ALL THE TIME #one time my mom changed the channel on the living room tv (it's been on one channel 24/7 for years bc it's the one channel we can agree on #and we need the background noise) and when i was getting ready for work i was thrown off so bad bc the good wife wasnt on and thats whats on #when i put my shoes on for work and i was like ????? as soon as i got home i changed the channel back ahhdhdgd i was like nope i need it #but yknow def not autistic. nope not me. gotta be something else #im trying so hard to break my routine hence going to The movies and shit bc hey im watching something new! i AM somewhere different. i am #DOING something else. but it's so hard to get my head to be okay with even this minor change #AUGH

[dandyshucks]

everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;･∀･)

#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE #it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it #and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl #but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum #I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked #alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray #i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not #im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired #i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on #i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well #im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps #i do not have high hopes fjfkdl #MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭 #im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!! #if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl #i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit #augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl #dandy.cmd #vent //

[softpine]

whoever the anon is that constantly finds a way to hate on elaine, please stop 😭 you’re entitled to dislike whoever you want, but it’s getting tiring to hear. i don’t want to block you because the other things you say are perfectly reasonable and i would be happy to answer them, but it’s clear at this point that nothing elaine does will satisfy you so i see no point in hashing it out

#i've been getting some messages that make me uncomfortable lately (not all from the same person i don't think) #and i feel really bad putting my foot down because i never want to alienate someone who's taking the time to read my story #so i just want to repeat again that everyone is entitled to their own opinion #and i love hearing all varieties of opinions but please please keep it respectful!! #this isn't a tv show forum where you can rant and rave without the creator ever seeing it #unfortunately i see it all 😅 #and i try not to take it to heart but i do put a lot of myself and my loved ones into these characters #so it's hard to hear such strong hatred for a personality trait that i have or my best friend has. etc #PLEASE continue to discuss each character's flaws and decisions though!! all i ask is that you keep it respectful #and remember that while these characters are not real.. many real people might relate to them #okay sorry for this ramble i feel like i repeated myself 10 times here lmao

[cowcowwow]

Hey y'all. So, you guys might have noticed that I've been kinda inactive/not responding to messages quickly. I wanted to apologize, but also warn that this might not get better soon?

The main reasons I haven't been responding is because either, my wrists are hurting so bad that I can't type for long (or my other chronic pain is acting up), I'm so tired that I can't think of interacting, I'm helping out my family, or I'm having a bad episode(?) (Not entirely what's going on on those days, to be real)

I'm sorry, but I do have a happier note!! I want to say, thank you all so much if you have messaged me, interacted with me, reblogged from me, anything, recently. It makes these days so much lighter, makes me so much happier, even if I can't respond.

And to my friends who message me frequently: thank you. I love you all so, so much. I really really want to reply soon hopefully, but in the meantime know that you guys are so sweet, so fun, so awesome, and I love you 💙💙

(And to my friends who I haven't talked with in a bit, love you guys too <333)

#I've been in a bit of a sad rut because the doctors keep saying they can't help me #meanwhile the pain is getting worse #and it scares me. the idea that I might not get better... #but at the very least #my dad has been trying so hard to help #and recently got me wrist braces which are a LIFESAVER #so I actually might be able to type or draw more soon?? we'll see #but yeah. we're gonna keep moving forward #my dad says he's confident that we'll find something to help me #so we're going to do just that :) #I promise #usually I don't like apologizing for not responding because I think it's incredibly fine and valid and okay if someone doesn't respond to me #but I guess I just wanted to let y'all know what's going on? #wanted to be understood methinks #fgdvdbb sorry if this was. a bit of a downer #thank you though. if you've read this far :) <3333 #love you all #also also #love you so much Owl and Strawber :] 💙💙💖💕 thank you guys for messaging me <333 #cow talks #tw vent #kinda #vent