#I'm starting to be down bad for him

[cozymodeonpoint]

senshi fans: learning how to make nutritious meals for themselves

laios fans: down bad

marcille fans: lesbianism

chilchuck fans: putting that man in situations

#this is what I've observed over the past few weeks #it's great #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #senshi #laois touden #marcille donato #chilchuck #2000+ notes later and I'm starting to think i read y'all to filth #with exception to senshi fans also being down for him #update at 9000 notes: you can like laois for autism reasons and still be down bad #some of y'all in the tags and fics are down bad for laois in mental way #like you want him to be real so you can do brain crazy with him do you understand

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

This was home.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #blood #Good bye Jiang Disciples. May you live on in the Lan Wangji in lotus pier AU. #This is going to be the start of a bunch of sad scenes I desperately try to undercut with humour. #You may ask where Elle Woods is considering her help was requested. #The canon answer is that she didn't make it there in time. This is the reason why WWX has the pink phone in present day. #It is a favour she owes him out of apology. #I am also making it canon that Jiang Cheng hates Elle Woods for not being there. His two Nemeses in PD-MDZS are Elle and WWX. #This is why Jiang Cheng doesn't have the phone. He would hunt her down but Bruiser bit him really bad last time he tried. #His pride is too hurt to try again. #I don't think I've done a wordless comic in a while - what a fun challenge! #I'm getting lots of practice with backgrounds in the last few comics - I really feel like I'm getting more comfortable with it! #Obviously I still have a long way to go but this is a journey B*)

[bakudekublogblog]

the way katsuki just IS izuku's first love drives me nutty. like he just had a big ole crush on him with his huge-ass heart eyes and he chased him around with maximum puppy-love smitten energy

#bkdk #bakudeku #izuku chasing after katsuki with the biggest wettest heartiest heart eyes ever and katsuki is like FUCKER IS LOOKING DOWN ON ME HOW DARE YO #like no bby so close he's down BAD for you i can see where there could be some confusion #it just drives me nutty!!! that's his pookie bear bitty baby boy #it just makes every other ship feel so irrelevant bc katsuki is izuku's first love and fiercest #like fr do we think izuku is getting over katsuki especially now #especially after all bakugou has done for him #how many times has bakugou saved him and in so many ways #my headcanon is that izuku's baby puppy love crush faded but never really died #it was always there #and then they're thrust into each other's lives and katsuki starts growing and training with him and izuku is like fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK #and he just keeps falling for him over and over again #izuku sees him standing on the UA island and is like yeah ok i'm never getting over him he's it for me #he's always been it he's always been the one

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[mattodore]

he's waiting on a call he's planning to send straight to voicemail

#sorry matthias </3 maybe he'll pick up the next time you try calling............ <- me when i lie #river dipping #ts4 #ts4 edit #gifs #theodore doe #echthroi #hi friends and lovers hope everyone's doing well <3 #i got my old laptop to work so i have a laptop again even if the battery on it is messed up #but still #i haven't been online much bc i've started getting dizzy from staring at computer/phone screens for too long #and in particular the act of scrolling either on mobile or desktop makes my head spin and my eyes hurt :/ #but i powered through it yesterday so i could get in game with theo (and matthias) since i missed him really bad... oc plague be upon ye #i took... well. like five hundred screenshots and forty videos... i was in the soup. the mattodore soup. what can i say? #i don't like posting too much on here bc. i'm crazy (<- has avpd) so i probably won't post much from yesterday's fun here #but i'll post whatever i want on pillowfort <3 pic of jerma holding out his hand captioned let's take mattodore together #what else should i say before leaving... right my inbox... well i'll get to it eventually <- have been saying this since october sorry #but okay i've been staring at my screen too long so i need to go lay down for a bit #enjoy theo in motion!! if you’re a theo-head like myself #theodite à la jermamite? hm. its in the works. i’m workshopping. #mentioning jerma twice in these tags… busting a cyanide pill onto my tongue i’ve said too much #i have to go now mwah mwah mwah bye warmth and love to you mwah

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

I've been reading Exodus lately and I've just gotten to the portions where God gives the first commands to the people via Moses (twice), and then goes on to give detailed instructions about the tabernacle and how it should be built, and I'm just... we think art is unimportant?? we think things only mean as much as their functionality?? we so easily fall into the trap of believing that beauty means nothing, that it's cheap and only worth whatever mindless distraction it brings, that it's barely more than a cheap sensual thrill, that buildings should just be practical and plain and cheap, that everything should be functional but ultimately disposable, that paintings and dresses and mugs and curtains and carpets are just pretty but have no real value, that beauty is fleeting and vain and therefore shouldn't be thought about too much, if even looked for at all... we fall into these traps so easily, and we forget that there are chapters upon chapters of painstakingly detailed plans to build one portable worship tent, and those plans have been handed down through thousands of years of human history, because beauty and art and skill in craft is important

#I have to go get ready for work now but I will come back to this #and don't even get me started on the parts about God calling specific craftsmen *by name* #he called them!! by name!!! he said 'this man is good at his job. he creates beautiful work. he will build my temple and make it beautiful' #and even more--God inspired him!!!! it was a calling of GOD for him to create beautiful carvings and tapestries and candlesticks!!! #look even if you're not jewish or christian or religious at all you have GOT to see what it means that all these incredibly detailed plans #for building this tent-temple are extremely important #because even if you don't believe in God and don't think that this is all significant bc he personally gave the instructions #and then helped preserve this record of them so we could still read them today #you do have to see how important they were to the people of that time who first wrote them down #and the extreme care that was taken to record all of those detail #AND the fact that it's been preserved for so long and we can still read all the care that was put into creating this incredible piece #of artwork and worship they made #gurt says stuff #I just. gahhfhhfj. I'm feeling emotional about chapters of the Bible that I can't even fully force myself to pay attention to #bc there's so MUCH and I'm bad at visualizing this stuff and I tend to zone out while listening to it #but the fact that it IS that much!!! that there SO MUCH DETAIL and it goes on for SO LONG that I even struggle to pay attention!!! #that this was THAT IMPORTANT to the people who wrote it and to God!!! as an artist and someone who has always cared about art #this means so much to me ok #christianity #bible verse #bible thoughts #exodus #art #theology

[themisterhip]

(SPOILERS RECENT OPM CHAPTER)

Look-

LISTEN I.

I am NOT ok rn...

I'm going feral people is just-

HE. IS. MAKING. ME. FERAL. AAAAAAAAAAAA

#opm #opm saitama #GRRRRR #I'M SO DOWN BAD I'M PROBABLY GONNA START BARKING #HOLY FUCK #THANK U MURATA AND ONE THANK U SO MUCH #THIS IS THE INSPO I NEEDED #THANK U FOR THE FOOD #MHHHHHH #LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT HOLY FUC- #i want to apologize for my rambling #gonna post hot saitama art later if i finish today #oh man the chapter was incredible but my just ZOOOOOM at him hsjsvsh #hope i wasn't the only one :“D #thanks and bye #saitama

[opalsiren]

quinton reviews dropping a thoughtful, sensitive, nuanced take on the dan schneider of it all, possibly the first of its kind. spare hand in marriage sir

#i feel like i don't fancy him. and then i hear him talk for a split second and i'm like. oh i'm down BAD #don't even get me STARTED on him interacting with his cat. if i see anyone interacting with a cat in a cute way there's a 99% chance i'll #fall in love with them #never thought i'd be thirsting over youtube video essay guys but life comes at you fast!!! #.txt #quinton reviews

[ex0rin]

Hughie Campbell | The Boys S02E02

#cara gifs #hughie campbell #butchie #the boys #i made so many versions of this set #but this is my fave version tbh #just how THREATENING butcher is by not being shown #all my faves are toxic babee #AND HUGHIE STAYS #butcher nearly knocks him out and he fucking BARELY makes it back up to his feet and he stays HE STAYS WITH BUTCHER #yeah babygirl you just keep on going back to him #take a few more hits #get roughed up #start using tempV #ruin your whole life #just for one fucking man #who manipulates the fuck out of you #i'm sure nothing bad will happen in the long run #to you or to anyone you care about #god i love how he stays the fuck down until butcher is gone #it's just #[chef's kiss] #anyone who thinks butchie isn't a toxic and abusive relationship didn't watch the same show as me #separate post with extra gifs incoming btw #see what it takes to make him leave you huh butcher #c'mon and hit him harder

[thatsparrow]

giving psych another go after having watched the first season and a bit a couple years ago before stopping because I hadn't really been feeling it

only like six or seven eps in this time, and I am enjoying it, and I would like to stick with it this time, but god, now I do remember why I gave up on it in the first place. for all the show has going for it (which is a lot!) so much of the tone (and shawn is usually the biggest offender) falls back on those really insufferable attitudes from the mid ’00s of like. hit on every woman you see, getting laid is always the biggest priority. kneejerk disdain for anything nerdy or "uncool." I'm a guy and that means I care about porn and sports and that's it

#like yeah it's fun when shawn gets blindsided by a woman (bc she's hot ofc) only to get a reveal later that she was the bad guy #but also I'd rather he just. treated women like people in the first place lmao #and I'm sure he does later! like everything I've seen of late series him and juliet looks good and intriguing #but we're starting from such a rough place. and like. is the show aware? #bc then you've got gus who doesn't conform to those same masculine behaviors (often to set up a punchline for shawn) #but gus himself doesn't feel like a punchline or stereotype. he feels well-rounded and is often validated by the circumstances #it's just bizarre. wondering if this is one of those cases where s1 of a show feels least tonally accurate #e.g. how it's initially pitched or what it plays up for viewership or attention vs. how it settles into itself down the line #but man I'm over s1 shawn. like I'm watching the convention ep and he's being so unnecessarily dickish and dismissive to gus and everyone #because it's nerd shit? it's uncool? this just feels like such an outdated sensibility #(which it is. it's 18 years old at this point. these sensibilities are now legal adults) #but I'm glad we as a culture moved past this energy and I'm ready for the show to do the same #psych #kayla posts

[spiked-mall-goth]

i need to fight somebody. like a real fight no holding back. i need to punch someone hard in the stomach. i need to be kicked in the guts. i need to be repeatedly slapped in the face. i need to bite someone really really hard. i need to scratch and to be scratched. i need to be knocked over on my ass. i need to kick someones legs out. i need to pin someone down and start punching them repeatedly. i need to do all of this and then fuck nasty. i think that would fix me. even just for a minute

#spikes rambles #but like... no one likes being beat up :< #its just me whose a little fucking freak. #its at times likes these i think of that guy with the clown kink and everybody made fun of him until a stranger got up in a clown getup #and they went down on each other and had such a good time they started dating. #but i dont want to beat up just anybody #i want it to be someone so very special that i love very much :P #too bad the only person i'm even interested in is abt 130lb (if THAT) and literally 5'1. i'd kill her on accident me thinks #anyways im so tired can iu guys tell how tired i am??? openly talking abt like Personal stuff?? wow

[hajihiko]

I interpret Kaz's relationship with his dad a little differently from that one convo. He says something like 'he knew better than anyone that we didn't have the money' and I took that as his dad wanted him to go and have fun like a normal kid and not worry about the money. Of course, I don't justify physical discipline and it is abuse, even if the parent is well intentioned. I think that Kaz does love his dad and they're relationship might be more complicated. But you know that's just one of the many things he needs to work out in therapy.

(Again this is just my interpretation and I'm not saying yours is wrong. I do love the art.)

Just gonna use this as a little jumping point to talk about this bc why not, warnings for obviously sensitive topics

I dont think you're wrong, I actually probably agree, but one thing;

It's not uncommon for public perception to weigh more than actual actions or intent. In the example given, I see it like so; yeah, Souda sr. wanted his son to go on a field trip that they couldn't really afford. Yeah, Kaz wanted to help the household by not going on the trip and saving the money. Both have good intent here. It's not about that, though, because in Souda sr.'s eyes, refusing to go on the trip is like admitting that they're poor, which is like saying the father can't provide for his family, which is like public humiliation- in his eyes. In a fit of rage (and insecurity, if it's something that's already weighing on his mind, as these things often go) the assumption isnt that his son was trying to help, just that he did something that makes the father look bad. Which is a bigger trigger than most things, often, for patriarchal authority figures.

And it not an excuse for physical harm, no, nothing is. Probably, Souda sr. knows that, and didn't mean to snap- doesnt think he committed an act of child abuse- but he's been under a lot of stress, and his son was talking back, and, well.

I think they do usually get along alright, and Souda sr. does his best to provide for himself and his son and keep their relationship good, and Kazuichi is genuinely grateful for everything his dad's done for him? But in the end, it's another person Kazuichi trusted teaching him the lesson that people will let him down and hurt him, in some way at some point. If your parent whom you trust has made you genuinely afraid of them, it's hard to come back from it, and someone as anxious and emotionally sensitive as Kazuichi will hold onto that forever, probably, even as he might internalized some of it as his own fault.

It's a lot more complicated than just "bad father, sad son" (but again, not excusable, you don't hit your kids period). It's father and son who love each other and might be the only family they both have, but they clash horribly on occasion, make up (or don't talk about it at all), things die down, stay good for a while, then there's another clash- so it goes, even if the bad times are only occasional. The biggest Thing about these kind of relationships, to me, is that it's so easy to fall into a routine and let things stagnate, and before you know it, it's just How Things Are and it's easier to just deal than start rocking the boat.

#Not an art #Talky talky #Dysfunctional relationships and toxic family is always something I have Thoughts on #cw child abuse #This is also just me blabbing with little evidence so dont come for my throat ok I'm just pondering #I could talk about the kuzuryu family too I think there's a lot more context stuff there #But that's a diff post #I also hc that Kaz started thinking about the death machines before Junko #Not in a serious manner but as a malcontent kid who felt bitter and insecure and wanted to let it out somehow #Who hasnt fantasised about pushing someone down the stairs or sth right? That's where it started for him #Blah blah the 'anyone is capable of evil' theme #But also the 'that entire class was full of kids at risk and no one noticed or helped them and that sure didnt stop them from seeking- #-release and control and company from bad people who in turn affected them'

[riacte]

how it started:

one ren peeing twaddle conversation later:

#ria.txt #💀💀💀 #this isn't even including the 'blimey ren i'm worried for you' #me at the start of the stream: funny how ren calls him unlucky with the ladies when 70% of his fans are down bad for him #me in tears in the middle of the stream: with all respect i understand now. #false's chats are environmental storytelling #also the way she came back and was like 'what happened' and then the pee convo and she left 💀 #and ren said he scared her away 💀 #its so funny how it started out as like :) yeah i'll help you with vh. lets discuss british biscuits. whats a rusk. #and then: its vulnerable when i eat with someone. and then the pee convo #normal ren stream trajectory but its stillllllllll so fucking funny #false at the start 'don't leave me alone 🥺' #false at the end 'bye im never seeing you again' #false and doc next time they meet up with ren irl: 🧍🧍 #nooooooo bc why did he have to talk abt All Of That with two ppl he met irl and has prob ate with #ren's mods are the real heroes of the story #AT LEAST THE RUSK DESCRIPTION WAS NORMAL. #fuck it. im tagging ren #rendog #the rd difference #pogsupremacy

[gale-force-storm]

To Gale

Take your time with me, sweetheart As much as you need I'll still be waiting right here I know what I want So while you decide I will wait for you my dear

Take your time with me, honey Kiss me slow and soft We don't need to rush tonight I know how the world Looms heavy o'erhead But I swear I'll keep us alright

Take your time with me, lover Each kiss and caress While I savor these moments with you I've long dreamed of this Of having you here Loving the way mortals do

Take your time with me, dearest Don't leave me too soon There's so much I still want to do I ask for your trust In me and in us To find a way to save you too

Take your time with me, darling We're safe and we're sound And finally free now to rest Free now to seek out That dearest of dreams Of a life with the one I love best

Take your time with me, sweetheart There's no need to rush As we walk along life's winding shore Each moment with you Is a gift and a wonder To have this day and thousands more

#gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale x tav #bg3 #bg3 fan art #my writing #poetry #whelp. i guess i'm officially down bad for the pixel wizard because i've started writing cheesy love poems about him #cheesy enough that i debated posting it but ''kill the part of you that cringes'' etc etc lol #mostly inspired by the fact that i like to imagine gale and my tav morrigan sharing poems back and forth so this is from her perspective

[talentforlying]

priest: i don't, ah, quite know what to say to you. if you are in such terrible danger, why are you taking it all so calmly? constantine: hmh! i dunno, father. i had a bloke beaten to a pulp earlier this evening. that sound calm to you? priest: you did what...? constantine: i must've been off me bleedin' rocker. i've never done anything like it before in me life, y'know?

constantine: but there's header gets his guts blown out, and george is stickin' his head in the noose, and helen gets ... jesus, then friggin' sarah bites me head off — ! everything's coming to bits in me hands and it's so easy to just see red and now, shit, they could've killed the tosser for all i know! and now i'm just like the bastards i've hated all me life! kill him! fire him! close them down! piss all over him! screw you, i can do whatever i want! i so much as blink and you're dead, pal! i'm in charge!! ...

constantine: 'scuse me, father. i'm always like this when i don't get me own way. — hellblazer #81, "rake at the gates of hell pt. 4"

babygirl you are just....so, sooooo offputting. (and grieving, and guilty, and terrified, but yeah: offputting.)

anyway, it's issues like this one that remind me why i kind of hesitate over some of the retcons in the recent spurrier runs, like the one with him now having opened dream's pouch of sand and stolen some before they even met. because like, it's easy enough to look at john constantine now — with 70 years of worst possible choices and unresolved trauma crystallizing underneath his skin to cover up all the soft, hopeful bits where he's used to getting hit — and assign him arbiter of ill intentions, magus of wasted potential, saint of shit choices, but man . . . he was new to this, once. he was still new to this 80 issues in.

80 issues in, and he's not used to losing friends yet; he even has time enough between catastrophes to grieve each individual one. still has enough left to live for at this stage to necessitate running and hiding, instead of bodily throwing himself at the problem like he learns to later, or sitting apathetically by to do nothing except smoke and watch the world fall apart when he finally gives up. fuck, he still apologizes.

and you're telling me this guy, this soppy wet cat motherfucker hiding from the devil in a church basement, so guilty over not knowing what happened to the guy that he paid people (paid chas, so chas could pay people) to attack that the bottle he's holding in this scene isn't even his second or third........this guy's past, more innocent self lied right to the face of DREAM OF THE ENDLESS and got away with it?

hm. i just don't know about all that.

#also this is where my headcanons tag is from <3 #( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #( visage. ) AND I'M A BASTARD. #( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN. #sometimes i just think that. people really like to reduce constantine down to one or two things #and somehow. after 250 issues of putting his life on the line bc he could never really make himself look away from people suffering #the soft sullen guilty person who wants so fucking desperately to be a better man? is never one of those two things #idk man. i think about this issue all the time #if i put these pages side-by-side with his grief in hellblazer 2? with his grief in hellblazer 213? 215? during the empathy virus arc? #it becomes CRYSTAL clear that the guy we know at the end of hellblazer isn't someone the guy who sat vigil for gary lester would recognize #in fact i think he's someone that hellblazer 81 constantine would fucking Hate #ANYway yeah. i don't think he lied to dream about the pouch. i don't think he ever got it open. i don't think that's canon for me #i want him to fucking Earn his asshole nature. the hard way. by making All The Wrong Choices that it took to get him there #he paved that road with good intentions himself but. he also used to remember the ones he started with #idk if i'm making sense but i have had this panel open on my laptop for Two Months now #bc i can never stop thinking about how fucking crushed he is here to realize that he might be exactly as bad a man as sarah said he was #and how little it will surprise him later on to learn that he is Easily capable of So Much Fuckin Worse #and with that your honor the defense rests. our evidence? just. just Look at this fuckin guy #scopophobia / #scopophobia #eye contact / #eye contact tw